Hello and welcome to episode 32 of the podcast.
I'm Michael.
They call me Reddy Teddy, but my name is Noe.
We are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown movies,
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This is what we are covering tonight.
Man, I'm so fucking tired.
So we're going to be covering episode one, season one of Blue Mountain State.
Cool.
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All right.
So Blue Mountain State.
This is old school TV.
This was back when Spike TV was on.
We first came out.
Oh, God.
And everybody was like, oh, it's a new man's channel.
It's just for men.
This is a...
I was like...
Looking back at it now, this is a dumb shit.
They're trying to promote.
Well, they had the name of the Lifetime channel for women, and then they wanted Spike TV for
men.
They had fucking Strip-O-Rella.
They had Ultimate Fighter, or Tough Enough, I forgot what it's called.
They had WWE.
It was either Raw or Smack.
I think it was Raw.
I think it was Raw, yeah.
Raw was on Spike TV.
That was their anchor episode or show.
But you need a good show to anchor your studio, I guess.
Well, see, now they have Grit TV.
They have...
And Spike didn't have anything after that, so they're gone.
There is no Spike TV.
Nobody wants to watch it anymore.
But I used to be like, man, Spike TV's so edgy.
I was like, it's fucking stupid now.
But I even saw that first Ultimate Fighter, the finals between Forrest Griffin and Stephen
Bonner live.
And when I was watching it, I knew this fight was special.
I didn't know how special it was.
It completely saved the ultimate, pretty much UFC, the fucking company.
That one fight saved that company.
So I was there live.
I'll always remember that.
Watching them beat the bricks off of each other.
They hit each other with everything they had, except for their mom's fucking sandals.
The chancla?
Yeah, they were fucking throwing everything.
So anyway, Blue Mountain State came out.
It sounds to me like a nice comedy show.
Set in a college, following the Goats, which is their football team.
Hey, man, it's the Goats.
The Goats.
I mean, you know, like the Goats?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now that I think, I didn't even think about that.
That's, yeah, the Goats.
That makes perfect sense.
The greatest of all time.
Yeah.
That's fucking beautiful.
When I first watched, I don't know if the Goat terminology was that cemented in culture
as it is now.
If they if they if they invented that, that's fucking brilliant.
What year did it come out?
1893.
I don't remember.
1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He was watching Blue Mountain State on his laptop.
The sad thing is, there's going to be some Gen Z kids that believe that.
Yeah, you can believe whatever you want.
Truth is the truth.
So it follows the Goats.
BMS.
Blue Mountain State.
The Goats.
They are the premier football team out there.
They're a dynasty.
This whole college is just for this football team.
Basically they were they're the Kings.
They've got 17 championships overall.
And six under the current coach.
So they are like the fucking people.
They're like royalty, basically.
And the coach gives him some fucking speech.
Like in the middle of the episode, he's like, like he's giving the 17 championship speech.
Six under my watch alone.
We don't just beat our enemies.
We crush their wills to live.
We suck on that.
We suck the milk out of their mom's tennis and use it as mouthwash.
We fucking cut their dicks off and invited to an orgy.
I'm like, God dang.
So they're like they're like that fucking they're fanatical about the football team.
And so in the first episode, they introduce you to four characters, not exclusively.
They introduce you to a lot.
But you remember four of them.
The first one's Alex Moran.
Freshman.
Backup quarterback.
He does not give a fuck about football.
He is just there for the next four years to party as much as he can and get laid as much
as he can.
He is completely happy to after those four years are done, to go back to his hometown
and become a high school or a middle school gym teacher like his dad.
All he wants to do is fucking just party.
So he's a frat boy.
Yeah.
But he's a good athlete.
But he's good enough to get a scholarship.
He's going to use it to get a free ride and bang pretty much everything he can for four
years.
There's a moment where he has to run a play during practice and he does a perfect pass,
right?
And the coach is like, Good job, Moran.
You keep.
I told you his name, right?
Alex Moran.
I always stumble over myself.
I'm getting better at it though.
He did a perfect pass to the wide receiver.
The coach said, Good job, Moran.
You keep doing that.
You'll be a starter soon.
He's like, Fuck that.
And he's like, if he said like, No, thank you.
Right?
Yeah.
Under his breath as he's walking past the coach, the coach is like, What the fuck did
you say, Moran?
He's like, Oh, I said, Thank you.
Run that play again, Moran.
It's like right now.
Right fucking now.
Run that damn play again.
I'm like, God.
So he runs to play again, right?
And he you know what he does.
He's like, Let me see.
Let me see.
Ah, there it is.
And he throws it to the other side.
The interception.
Yeah.
Say, Oh, I'm sorry, Coach.
Damn.
I fucked up.
I'm so mad at myself.
I want to be a starter.
So on the opposite spectrum of Moran is Craig Shiloh, the number one high school player
of last year.
Number one prospect.
Fucking running back.
He's there to fucking grow pro.
He's like, like he's just like that good of an athlete.
Like he's got the actual drive.
Yeah, he's he's got the drive.
He's got the talent.
He's got it all.
And unfortunately, he has a girlfriend who says like until they get married, they can't
bang.
So I'm like, you dumb son of a bitch.
You're gonna go to college with a girlfriend that you're engaged to, but you can't bang.
So that's poor Craig Shiloh.
He's like the uptight one to Alex Moran's laid back.
Right.
He's like got so much fucking testosterone, he could get a blue whale.
And his girlfriend doesn't want to give any loyal, which is like you dumb son of a bitch.
How are you like you can't be in a relationship and not, you know, I know you guys are incompatible.
What if what if she's got some deep dish pussy that's like eight feet down?
You're like, God, there's no bottom.
Sorry.
That was a wave graphic as fuck.
Yeah.
So that's correct.
Complete opposites.
Then you got Alex Moran's his fucking best friend Sammy.
He's going to college to do what he's always wanted to do ever to be the Blue Mountain
State goat mascot.
He wants to be the mascot for the goats.
But he's on the team.
No, he just wants to be.
He wants to be the mascot.
He like he goes out there for Triats, right?
Right.
Like they know Dan Traz.
The only mascot is Chester Tam.
And fucking this six foot four giant comes out like I'm Chester Tam.
I'm the mascot.
And he's all fucking pissed that he can't be on the team.
Like that's all he's ever wanted to be the mascot of the Blue Mountain State goats.
And so he's not on the team.
So he's all fucking pissed.
There's a point where he's throwing up at a party and and Tam and the two cheerleaders
walk by and like, who the fuck is that?
Oh, it's you, you piece of shit.
And one of the girls said this perfect thing.
Sammy says while he's throwing up like, I think I ate something weird.
And she's like, yeah, probably dick.
I'm like, God dang girl, you just burned the fucking eight feet of area of effect attack
on everybody.
It was a super effective attack.
Like on every human being there.
I'm like, God dang.
Sure broke me.
I don't start denying, denying, denying.
And so that's Sammy's dilemma in the first episode.
So with Alex and Shila, Craig Shila and Alex Moran being freshmen, they got to go to the
freshman hell week.
Oh, yeah.
Episode one is called it's called hazing.
Look it up.
I was bad.
That's the title of the first episode.
So that there now you meet sad and he is to me the star of the show.
He is like the antagonist, but he's so fucking funny that you love him as a character.
He's supposed to be like the bad guy.
Yeah.
But he's just that good.
And he's like, all right, freshmen time to get hazed.
So what's his what's his first hazing ritual is to have them all shave each other's bodies
completely hairless in the shower.
Yeah.
Even Moran was like, this is stupid.
Why don't you just beat us up?
So it's not stupid, Moran.
It's called hazing.
Look it up.
That's the same title.
And the next.
OK, that's one.
Right.
So they're all they cut to a scene of them shaving each other.
Right.
Craig's up against a fucking shower wall and Moran's right in his butthole shaving his
butthole.
Hey, man, you got to be you got to be careful.
Something has both.
You got to do it right.
The next thing they have to do is they have to keep a notebook on them at all times with
all the secrets and every player on that team.
Yeah.
That's why we're able to do it's not stupid.
It's hazy.
Look at them.
They got to shave each other's bodies and they got to keep this fucking notebook on
them at all times with all their secrets.
If you lose it, it's there'll be hell to pay.
I don't know.
You maybe got to wear a dress or something.
Yeah.
Which is not that bad, actually, compared to the dumb.
Shaving each other.
Yeah.
I shave this man's ballsack.
Beat my ass.
Just beat the shit out of me.
I'm good with that.
I wear a tutu to practice before I shave a man's balls.
Yeah.
So they have a party at the goat house, which is like the fraternity or whatever school
or whatever facilities they have for the goats.
It's just like a big mansion.
Right.
And fucking sad.
Here's what he does when you see him at the party.
He does a line of cocaine off a woman's belly, does a bong hit.
You know, the big old basting syringes?
Yeah.
He does two shots out of those at the same time.
Then he takes a tap of acid.
Good Lord.
Then he fucking died.
No, he didn't.
But that would have been fucking hilarious.
A hundred percent.
Okay.
Those I was like, man, after the fucking bong hit, I'd have passed out like cocaine.
I can do all day all day night.
Well, it's the upper.
Yeah.
And then what's the down?
I guess the acid.
No, no, that's the that's the far out one.
That's where you go trip.
Jesus.
So, yeah, he the downers weed.
So he did an upper downer alcohol and then the acid man.
He went he would have been fucked up.
Tell Charlie Sheen that he did get fucked up.
He's done all those things.
I play have all at once.
I play.
Well, did he have a goat or something in his closet or something like that to do what with
remember, you know, go in your closet for you, make your milk and cheese.
What the fuck do you need to come for?
Of course, you're back.
It's good.
I'm not.
Hey, man, did you make cheese out of?
So at the party, Alex is drunk and he gets hit on by his milk.
Now this milk likes sleeping with.
She's like a staple of Blue Mountain State.
Everybody knows her.
No, every every full player is banged.
Yeah, like all of them.
My God, dang.
It's like the chief of the police of South Park.
Oh, yeah, I guess he did bang everybody at South Park.
Freeze.
You can't tell him that you can arrest him before you fucking but whatever.
So Alex is drunk and he gets taken advantage of by this older woman.
They go back to his place.
He wakes up the next morning and the bed just covered in piss.
This piss.
I love Alex's reaction.
This piss, this piss.
Did she piss?
Did I piss?
Who pissed?
He was so fucking like, jarred by it.
Like, I would hate to wake up at like, you know, just wake up in a fucking pool of urine
like man, what the fuck?
Not again.
So he's like, I'm just gonna leave.
He leaves for practice, but he leaves his notebook there.
So he calls Sammy and like, Sammy, go get my notebook.
I left it under my bed.
And so Sammy's like, I got you.
Don't worry.
So Sammy goes into the bedroom and he grabs the notebook.
The milk is sitting there on the bed, right?
And she's like, I know what you did.
And he's like, huh?
I know you came in here last night while we were asleep.
You pissed all over us.
And she was excited.
Like, finally someone to put me in my plate.
He's over here taking his fucking robe off.
Like, no one's ever gonna believe this.
He takes a picture of himself pissing on this woman's face.
And he feels Moran later in the episode.
So oh my god, so fucking weird.
So Sammy and the girl, the woman, are after they've completed coitus or whatever weird
urine fucking sports they had.
They're going through Moran's notebook and he finds that Chester Tam being the mascot
for the team has a secret in that notebook that he can exploit to take that position.
He finds out that Tam likes to go in his full goat uniform to the trophy room and jack off
in there.
So he's going to record him, blackmail him and make him resign from the team.
And so he does.
So he's a furry.
No, he just likes to fuck trophies in a goat uniform.
I don't know what the fuck he is.
He's just dead.
I don't know.
That's his business, man.
He's not hurting anybody.
Leave that poor goat alone.
He's hurting those trophies.
Fucking getting the fuck out of these trophies.
So he gets Chester to fucking quit.
He's like, he blackmails Chester.
Chester says he's going to blackmail him for blackmailing him.
But he's like, I got you saying that on camera.
He's like, you're blackmailing me.
I'm going to erase that part.
So he's going to erase the part where he's blackmailing Chester and only have the part
where he Chester is so fucking convoluted.
So he gets Chester Tam to fucking quit.
And now Sammy is the fucking mascot.
And finally, so Greg Shal is so good at practice, right?
He's like fucking too perfect, apparently.
And Moran is too fucking laid back with his football obligations that that night they
end up kidnapping both Craig and Moran.
And they're going to make him do the chocolate cookie race as punishment.
For Shiloh, it's because he's too perfect.
Like Mr. Perfect.
Like, well, let's see how good you are with a chocolate cookie race.
And that's because he thinks that it's because they have a Moran because he lost his notebook.
And like, wait, how do you know I lost my notebook?
And that's when you find out the woman told them all, she told me how.
So yeah, the the the milf, who's like the designated bang for all the football players
ratted out Moran that he forgot his notebook back at the house.
So now he's going to do the chocolate cookie race.
Shiloh doing the chocolate cookie race because he's too good and he needs to be brought down
a peg.
It's like, you think you're good.
Yeah.
Let's see how good you are with a chocolate cookie.
And then Sammy comes in, right?
Like, this is the middle of the night at the football field.
Sammy comes in.
He's all excited.
Like, guess what, Moran?
Like, first he shows him the picture of him pissing on the chick, which she's right there
too.
So whatever.
He's like, and he's at the resignation from Chester Tam.
And he's like, and then that's like, who are you?
Like, I'm the new mascot for the goats.
Oh, if you're the new mascot, where the hell's your notebook?
And he just became mad because he doesn't have a notebook.
Right.
So he's like, I don't have a notebook.
Well, get this man a jaw strap and a cookie.
So now Sammy has to run the race too.
So Sammy, Craig, and Moran, and then for some reason, Dad wants to run the race too to show
them how it's done.
So here's what the chocolate cookie race is.
You take an Oreo.
You start at the end of the football field.
You got to run all the way to the other end of the football field.
With the Oreo cookie, you shoved up your ass.
You can't let it fall out.
Yeah.
Between or in?
Between.
Well, between his end pretty much.
It's not all the way in though.
There's a difference.
You got to hold it in there.
Just stick it in your fucking sphincter.
Here's the fucked up part.
The losers have to eat the cookie after.
Ew.
So Moran's actually had it with all this fucking football religious bullshit, right?
This fucking zealous love for this.
He's like, I'm going to win this race then.
He's like, good luck, Moran.
He fucking shoves that cookie, clean up his asshole.
He's done it a hundred times.
So the fucking race starts.
And of course, they run like you would run if you had a cookie shoved up your ass.
Just fucking like you're holding it in a shit.
So they start fucking running.
And they're fucking hollering.
Fucking Sammy has the weirdest run I've ever seen.
Craig's practically crying.
And then Moran's like, he's got this perfect stride.
He's like power walking.
Like Hal from Malcolm in the Middle when he's going to have to power walk.
He's got a stride.
So they're all fucking hollering ass.
Every fucking football player is at the other end of the field just fucking watching.
The fucking coach is in the fucking rafters with his like assistant.
And he's like, why the hell's Moran?
Why the hell's Tad running?
That's dedication, boss.
So they're hollering ass and fucking bam.
Moran covers the finish line.
He's like he's all fucking elated.
He's like, you got to eat that cookie, Tad.
Get on that.
But he dropped his cookie at the ten yard.
Basically the race was Moran, Tad, Craig, and then Sammy.
So because Moran was disqualified for not having the cookie, he started checking his
asshole.
Like, where the hell's that cookie at?
So now he has to eat the cookie.
So does Shiloh.
So does Sammy.
So they're like, man, when they take these cookies out of their ass, right, it is just
like flat and like the fucking creams on the outside, like a fucking barrier, like a layer.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Like the flattest Oreo I've ever seen, just soggy and fucking flat.
But it's perfectly white.
You think it would be like little brown stains all over the side of the white cream.
I'm just, you know, for detail, just fucking brown.
I know we had chocolate Oreo.
So it's like a dark chocolate Oreo and then the fucking white cream is now tinted with
brown or whatever.
You might, you could eat like a fucking fudge.
Jerry, what's that ice cream?
The big tub of ice cream they make now.
What's it fucking called?
Anyway, you eat a bunch of fudge chocolate and the next day you shit up like a dark brown.
Don't ask me how I know.
So they have to, they just eat the cookie, right?
The way they show them eating it is the way you think it would be like eat the fucking
shit Oreo cookie.
You're just like, they're like, give you flashbacks to Jackass.
No, they don't eat Oreo cookies.
No, but the drink is sweat out of his crack.
Yeah, so probably they didn't just start having an orgy.
That's what the practically what they were leading up to.
The final movie of Jackass is a porno.
So they're eating the cookie, right?
All the fucking football players are laughing their asses off.
Dad's like, yeah, I'm the man.
He fucking walks away.
He breaks away from the fucking crowd, right?
They're all reacting to Moran, Craig and Sammy eating, right?
He looks around, fucking pulls the cookie out of his ass and then he sniffs it really
hard.
Then he fucking eats it.
Like it's the most delicious shit.
It's so fucking good.
He ate it with, I almost ate his fucking fingers.
He was so hungry.
I'm like, oh my fucking God.
That's what that told you about that's character for the rest of the series and why he's so
beloved in this fucking series.
He's just like, wow.
It's like, he really went there.
Fucking eating this fucking cookie with such a such a happiness.
Like it like there was not enough cookie to fill his mouth.
Like it got to his fucking palm.
Like, oh, fuck.
I'm not gonna start licking his palm.
God, that man loves his ass cookies.
Probably licks his own ass if he could.
That's probably why he wanted the cookie.
All right.
So that's, that was it.
Episode one, season one of Blue Mountain State.
I'll let any, any episodes that pop out, I'll talk about, I won't talk about every single
episode.
Yeah.
Or at least good parts of every episode, but I'll try to cover the whole season.
It sounds good.
And if you want to watch, you can watch it for free on Tubi.
That's on Tubi?
Yeah.
One final thing.
Woods and Shiloh being the star freshmen, the boosters sent them a gift in the form
of a threesome with two college girls, two different college girls for each of them.
Moran being single.
He was like, hell yeah.
And he bangs both of them.
And for some reason Sammy's in the corner checking off to it.
Well, he also pissed on them.
So yeah, I was actually like, what you pissing on me for?
Craig having a girlfriend when the boosters got there that they were wearing these big
trench coats and they would rip it off and have lingerie.
She fucking broke one of their noses and scared them off.
But during the chocolate cookie race, the girlfriend invited those same booster chicks
back and she's like, all right, take off the, she banged both of them.
So Shiloh's girlfriend banged the chicks after she scared them off.
So she's not a virgin as she pretends to be.
Hey, it didn't count though, did it?
It counted as experimenting.
I guess.
It was just funny to me.
He didn't get too, but she does.
It was a juxtaposition because it was during the chocolate cookie race, right?
And there's that fucking ride of the Valkyrie song.
And then it would cut to her sitting on the bed, right?
And she's like doing this thing with her hands to make them hurry up.
The girls are like fucking stripping off the fucking trench coats, lingerie.
I'm like, this dirty bitch.
And first of all, she broke one of their noses.
I'm surprised that chick went back.
I guess she likes it rough.
I don't know.
Exactly.
I'll keep finding out.
I'm just trying to win this chocolate cookie race.
Because you don't want to eat the ass cookie.
I'm not eating a god dang ass cookie.
Not today.
Not ever.
I'd be doing a three second dash.
First one over there real quick.
Be hauling ass.
Learn how to fly.
I'm gonna show that shit so far up my ass so I can run normally.
Just shit that in and shit it out later.
I got all sorts of fucking ideas.
That way you know you won't drop it.
Yeah, basically.
If it's all the way up here, you can fucking taste it in your mouth from the back end.
So yeah, that's Blue Mountain State for you guys.
It's quite a treasure.
So watch it and enjoy it.
Or listen to me talk about it.
Cool.
Either way, whatever.
Anything else to add?
Man, those were some flat Oreo cookies.
Alright, we'll see you guys on the next one.