Hello and welcome to Reddit Insanity number 10.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
We are the Knights of Entertainment.
We've got some more Reddit questions and a story for you.
Okay.
First thing we have up here, we have from USA Franklin.
This is a, am I the asshole?
If he's asking, I'm guessing he is.
Could be.
All right.
So they put, for context, I have intrusive thoughts that cannot go away.
Yep.
And I also have a few family members with genuine disabilities.
I didn't, I don't like what it says starting at all.
I'm used to telling jokes with the understanding that any excuse me.
I'm used to telling jokes with the understanding that everyone will see it as just a thought
and not some deep Harvard sentiment that I have about someone to me.
Jokes are just for the sake of breaking the norm.
I'm guessing he did something horrendous.
He said something truly offensive.
So I'm being introduced to one of my friends, friends who had a pretty bad motorcycle accident
and lost his right leg from the knee down and lost his left arm at the elbow.
We share an interest in tuning motors.
I work on electric and he works on combustion.
So we were interested in this and we were interested to see what we could do together.
He was now, he has now refused to talk to me anymore because my first comment was you
were riding a BMW S 1000.
I see.
He replied, no, I was on a Suzuki.
I don't think BMW made the S 1000 when I was riding.
Why do you say that?
I said, because I heard it cost an arm and a leg.
That's just poor taste.
Not a bad joke.
My friend about died laughing.
I was trying to break the ice, letting him know I was going to be a brutal, be as brutal
joking on him as I would anyone else.
Cause you know, we're just guys hanging out.
I left the pub and did not come back in.
He don't, he doesn't drink, but I do.
Excuse me.
Let me fix that.
I don't drink, but I do eat free peanuts while watching TV and hanging out with my friends
who do drink.
Anyways, he apparently is mad at me for my friend laughing at the joke and won't talk
to him either.
We literally joke on each other all the time.
I figured this guy was one of us.
Am I the asshole for this or is the guy overreacting to a friendly job?
I mean, you did lose an arm and a leg.
That would make me real sensitive about it, but you know, you're going to get that joke
a lot.
Yeah.
So it's going to take a time to get used to it.
You know what I mean?
Like, damn, if I lost an eye, I'd be pissed for fucking years.
Maybe somebody said, Hey, Patch Adams.
Yeah.
I'd be like, fuck you.
It's like this figment is not easily brushed over, you know?
True.
I get it.
I don't know.
A poor taste is what I would say.
Not necessarily asshole.
Especially like you barely know the guy.
But if you're supposed to be hanging out with him constantly on a regular basis, you're
still like on the, you're on the like, what's the way you're like on your.
So you want to say borderline asshole?
No, like, yeah, basically.
Like, what way like until you truly know the person before you can say something to my
cousin that I would never say to a stranger.
So, Hey, you have fat piece of shit.
You know, like he's, you know, overweight like I am, but he's like, Oh, you know, what
fuck you do you fat?
I'd be like, I called him a beached whale.
He'll call me a fat oompa loompa.
It's all the same, but it wouldn't be, it wouldn't work with someone I barely know.
So asshole or no?
He's an asshole.
Cool.
All righty.
So now we have a, there was a post that said, what are the stupidest questions you've ever
heard asked?
Some stupid ones.
Uh, first one that they put ask a kid asked by a kid in the seventh grade health class
when we were, when we were learning about meth as math, as sexually transmitted math
or math, math, math, especially transmitted is meth sexually transmitted.
No.
That's what they were asked about in a health class.
By the mid to kid.
He wouldn't know.
See that's a genuine grade.
I'm just saying they're not, sometimes they're not that the world's probably not.
No.
Uh, the next stupid question.
Did the Asians really get squinty eyes from the nuclear bomb?
Jesus Christ.
It's fucked up.
I know from what I'm just like, it's still, oh man.
That was a stupid question.
Uh, next stupid question.
All right.
We had a call, a Holocaust survivor speaking at our school at an assembly, a couple of
years ago, the sound of that.
And when the speaker opened up for questions at the end, someone legitimately asked, so
were the Germans mean to you?
No.
Next stupid question, why does the sun go away at night?
I mean, that's when you need it the most.
I'm actually fucking in shock.
There are some stupid people in this world.
The next one is, uh, somebody asked, I swallowed an ice cube hole and I haven't pooped it out
yet.
What do I do?
Wait till it turns into piss.
Maybe it's water ice.
You see the summer, bitch.
It's funny.
The stupidity levels.
Alrighty.
So this person put that happened to my class in high school.
Some kid asked, did the red coats really wear red coats?
He then proceeded to let out the loudest fart ever.
The poor kid hardly spoke in class and probably just wanted his voice to be heard to cover
up the fart.
He couldn't contain.
And I'm ultimately his time.
Timing was off and the decibels that sucker let out would have overshadowed, uh, shadowed
his quiet voice.
It wouldn't have mattered.
Then there was a comment below.
Yeah.
It just blows open.
It doesn't matter what sound you make on your mouth to cover it up.
There's a comment below that for this specific one.
They put reminds me of a second grade.
We were all gathered around at the front of the class sitting on the carpeted area in
the room while the teacher read a book to us.
So we were, well, uh, before I knew what was going on, I let rip the loudest fart I ever
had.
I swear my ass lifted off of the ground from the fear, the sheer force of it.
Uh, there was no denying who did it.
Everybody knew everybody looked right at me.
I tried to play it off like, well, it's just fart, but that wasn't cutting it.
One girl started crying.
Jesus.
Her eyes were water like tear gas.
Most of the class ran into the other side of the room.
I just kept sitting there acting like nothing happened.
The teacher asked me if I needed to go use the restroom and I replied, no, I'm empty
now.
The teacher then made me go to the bathroom, but since I didn't need to do anything, I
just kind of stood there for a few minutes.
Then I farted again and it made me laugh and the laughing made me fart and the farting
made me laugh and I got caught in a fart laugh loop.
I guess that was taking too long because the teacher sent a male teacher in there to check
on me only to find me simultaneously laughing, farting and crying.
The crying.
Okay.
When he asked me what was going on, when he asked me what was going on, all I could say
was I can't stop in between bouts of laughter and sobbing punctuated by intense flagellants.
And that's when I'm, that's why I'm not allowed to eat chili on the school night anymore.
Jesus Christ.
Next stupid question though asked by a former coworker of mine.
Why do you think they fired me?
Mind you, this girl has missed at least 15 to 20 days in a four month period and the
day she doesn't miss, she is anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours late every day.
It's like everyone I work with and because there's nobody that wants to work, they just
let them do it.
Yeah, just let them do it.
Next person put I heard it today.
I'm in a resort and say Martin and sitting at a table next to a little pizza place, there's
a big stone oven with a pizza in it cooking and the chef is standing at the counter cutting
another pizza.
A talk you brunette walks up to the counter and says, excuse me.
The chef turns around and proceeds to say is the pizza made fresh here?
The dude is obviously caught a little off guard and says, I'm sorry, what lady goes?
Oh, I mean, do you make the pizza here or is it ordered?
The chef looks at me because I spit out my drink a little bit.
They call me looks behind him at the giant pizza furnace.
Then back at the woman and says, no, no, I don't.
Seriously, you're going to go ask somebody when there's pizza oven right behind them
cooking people on right here.
People are very observant.
Apparently not.
Next one, a couple I knew I'm getting married soon.
He has the ugliest nose ever.
She says you're going to have to get a nose job before we have children because I don't
want your nose passed down to our kids.
Bitch, it's genetics, you dumb bitch.
It won't matter.
Sorry.
Well, when you're retarded, so you know, doesn't matter.
It's OK.
Next one is first of all, I would leave her to begin with.
First of all, you don't just tell a person they got to have surgery to fix a physical
feature of themselves.
You got a crooked nose, bitch.
You got to love them for them.
I've never told a woman to change anything about herself.
It's like I would expect the same treatment.
Well, if you were going out with somebody, it means that you didn't care to begin with.
And then so he must be fucking loaded.
Probably.
The next one is if our bodies are 70 percent water and we burn in a fire, it shouldn't
70 percent of us remain alive.
Next one, does looking at a picture of the sun hurt your eyes?
Jesus.
Next one.
Who decides the number of eggs in a dozen?
Is it the government?
No, it's called a dozen of eggs.
A dozen is 12.
That's what determines it.
Yeah.
Next one.
We were reading a book, The Good Earth in high school.
Suddenly one girl asked, Am I the only one who has a hard time picturing Asians farming?
What the fuck?
It's a stupid question.
Jesus, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
It doesn't make any sense.
You're trying to get onto their brain like a wavelength.
It's just not going to work.
What is she thinking about?
I don't understand.
All right.
The next one is, does sex during pregnancy actually cause the baby to have dimples?
If you get hard enough, sure.
You just go that hard.
Maybe it comes out the farm.
I'm so fucking sorry.
The baby's all fucking mangled.
It comes out like Timmy.
Look at that back, bro.
I'm so fucking sorry.
It comes out like Jimmy.
He just all fucks her crutches.
My god, this baby just got three ribs broken and skulls fractured.
It came in its head before I was even born.
I'm sorry, dog.
We just go that hard.
Stupid questions.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, God, will my kids see this in the future or hear about this?
Next one.
I want to say first off that she is a very, very brilliant woman who has earned a few
scholastic titles to her name, but my wife asks me some of the stupidest questions.
We were remodeling and she decides one day she wanted to help.
She ended up picking up a tape measure and wanted to measure something and asked, hey,
how long is this?
And pointed to the tape measure.
I was a bit taken aback.
Tape measures aren't that hard to read.
I tried to walk her through the basics of it and asked her how long she thought it was.
She counts a few of the dashes and comes back with four and 12 fourths inches, which doesn't
exist on a tape measure.
I don't even remember what it actually was.
I had to leave the room.
Another time during the fiasco, she wanted to put a facility fan in one of our rooms
where the light fixture was really close to the wall.
I tell her it won't work unless I move the light to the center of the room because it's
too close to the wall.
She tells me, oh, well, you don't have to do that.
Why don't you just cut the blade that's going to hit the wall?
OK, let me cut off four of them.
I had to walk out of out to our office and make sure her diploma wasn't on the back of
a Chinese takeout menu.
Jesus.
Why would she just cut the one blade?
I don't know.
There you go.
You're fixed.
You have the last one.
Am I an aunt or uncle?
I can't wait for the baby to be born to find out.
I seriously heard two people say that today behind me.
I don't know.
Whatever you want to be, I guess.
In the same age.
Yes, whatever.
You can be an aunt and an uncle.
It's fine with me, actually.
You do you and I'll do me.
But you don't have to wait for the baby to be born.
You don't have to just pick one now.
What am I going to be in the future?
I don't know.
But that is everything for Reddit and we will see you guys next week.
Adios.