Hello and welcome to Reddit insanity I'm Michael I'm Noe and we are the Knights of Entertainment
and we got some more funny and crazy Reddit stories for you.
Yeah.
What was that last one?
I can't remember the funky I can't remember the rhythm.
The song that is notorious at this point.
Alright, first one we have is by Mr. Taku.
He sounds familiar.
This person puts, I live 27 kilometers away from my school.
Okay, we know he's not in America.
Every morning I wake up at 6 to take the train to the nearby town where I used to go to school.
Today I was particularly stressed because I had a lot of homework yesterday and went
to bed late.
Damn.
I had no test today I wanted to skip school just for one day.
In Italy you don't feel comfortable going to school you can skip it.
What?
It's a law for students that hardly anyone knows.
So I get off the train and go with my friends to the park.
The train stop is in the middle of nowhere and our school is a hundred meters away from
it.
However, while we were walking to the park I saw an upside down plastic bag and because
I was stressed I decided to kick it like fucking Cristiano Ronaldo on penalties.
Inside of it were three brick blocks.
God dang.
I broke my foot.
The closest medical office was the one at the school.
So my friends carried me there and the doctor laughed at me for like 30 minutes.
He said I'll cover it in about a month.
Jesus.
Rule, don't ever kick a bucket, a bag or anything that you don't know the content of.
You don't know what's underneath it.
I kicked that bag and turned out it was a landmine.
You don't know.
Why would you rule?
Don't ever go kick something.
Look at Aragorn.
He kicked that fucking helmet and Lord of the Rings he broke his foot.
The actor really broke his foot.
Don't kick shit.
There's all those memes going around too where people fill like basketballs and soccer balls
with like concrete and shit.
Why?
And then have somebody go kick it and then they break their shit.
Jesus.
Don't kick shit.
I saw two guys on YouTube.
They had a game where they were kicking a fucking bowling ball.
Oh my God.
So the guy drops the bowling ball in between both of them right?
The first guy, I don't know what the second guy did, but he caused the first guy to get
kicked by the ball, like on his fucking shin by the bowling ball.
And he's like, oh, he's out.
And then the guy slowly rolls it to the goal.
That's the second guy.
Because the first guy is already fucked over.
He's like, oh.
That's why you don't kick shit.
Don't kick hard shit that can break your bones.
And then you have to see, stop kicking.
How many knees, how many shins have been shattered?
That's the funny thing.
It's been the kicker that's shattered their chin.
Not the kicky?
Yeah.
Anderson Silva, Chris Weidman both shattered their fucking shins.
And don't go kick something like Cristiano Ronaldo.
I'm talking about, they kicked it.
Anderson Silva kicked Chris Weidman's knee because Chris Weidman was using his knee to
block the kick.
His foot went all the way around Chris's leg and touched his own foot.
So yeah, that's how far it wrapped around.
His own foot wrapped around and touched his own shin.
Yeah.
It was so fucking disgusting.
And just from growing up, you don't want to hit your shins.
No, that shit hurts.
All right.
The second one we have is by second illustrious236.
This person put, I was scrolling through discord with my friend, trying to find something funny
to send.
I was feeling a bit mischievous.
So I decided to search for something questionable and random.
Maybe a fish sucking on a needle.
What would represent a phallic object?
I thought it would be hilarious to send to my friend.
So I eagerly begin my search.
Without thinking, I clicked on the first link that popped up on Google.
To my shock, it was Pornhub that linked to fish pornography.
My heart dropped.
I immediately tried to delete it, hoping to erase the evidence, but it was too late.
My parents had an app that alerts them if I visit any adult websites and it gives them
all the information about the URL.
My mind raced as I imagined my parents getting the notification and thinking I was watching
fish pornography.
I'm not sure which would be worse, if they thought I was watching regular porn or fish
porn.
I haven't seen my parents since.
Either way, I knew I was in trouble.
I confided in my friend about what had happened, hoping they would give me some advice.
They suggested that I create a story saying that I was researching marine biology for
a school project and accidentally stumbled upon the content.
And lied, son of a bitch.
At first, I thought it was a terrible idea, but the more I thought about it, the more
I realized it was my only way out.
I spent the next several hours researching marine biology, trying to make it look like
that's what I was really doing.
I put together a convincing presentation, complete with graphs, charts, and images of
different fish species.
I did.
I've just finished the presentation.
What should I do?
Jesus.
I heard a cover.
He's trying to give me a great murderer.
He went all out.
Graphs and charts.
Geez.
Hey, man.
You gotta lie.
I mean, imagine having your parents with a notification though.
Shit.
Yeah, I'd be.
Yeah.
It's talking about phallic objects, right?
I saw this video earlier today on Twitter.
Like, I like to watch, I don't know why I like to watch people fist fight.
It's like if they're guilty pleasure, I was like, watch me fist fight.
Yeah, like it kind of is.
I mean, you don't want violence and all that.
Yeah.
But sometimes just watching two morons beat the shit out of each other.
And these guys, this one guy called this other guy gay.
So the second guy beat up the first guy, right?
Right.
Beat him up, knocked him to the ground, started sucking his dick.
What?
Yes.
That's exactly what happened.
For like a couple of seconds, he blew the first guy, he beat up.
The guy that was called, the guy that called him gay, he is so now, now he's arrested for
rape and a sexual assault.
Oh my God.
What the fuck?
So the guy that was called gay blew the other guy.
So he was gay?
I don't know what the fuck.
I can't even, how does the other guy?
You know what?
It pits me off, but I'm going to prove you right.
How does the other guy going to, how does he feel?
Yeah, I bet you he's, is that ruined his whole fucking life?
Yeah.
It reminds me of Roger from American dad, where everything turns into that.
Oh yeah.
It was such, it was such a graphic, like you don't see the actual action.
Right.
Cause the cameras behind the guy, he's going, oh, but it's like, I was so, I actually shut
the app off.
Well, I'm done for today on the internet.
It's like, I've seen enough.
Yeah.
Like it's like, that's enough internet for today because it was, it's so left field.
Right.
You're just like, what in the fuck are you doing?
And the other guy just kind of like, he was like, he gets up, pulls his fucking shorts
up and he fucking just walks away.
Like, I don't know what the fuck happened.
Well, I ruined that guy.
Now we can see the more you know, go over.
Basically, man, that video was wild.
I don't, but nobody, I wasn't looking for first.
That was God saying, you don't even get that shit.
Apparently I should watch actual professional boxing matches or like those videos where
the guys fight and the guy gets knocked.
This was like in Africa.
The guy gets knocked down and to wake the guy up, they started checking him.
You ever seen that?
I was like, what the fuck?
It's weird.
The internet is weird.
Very much so.
Next one by West Coast Ninja.
They put on here, well, there's no point in making this anonymous since most of my friends
and family already know I've been dealing with a case of painful hemorrhoids that have
tended to come and go over the years.
Ouch.
This time I wanted to do something about it because they have been affecting my quality
of life.
I travel for work anyway.
Oh, that was, oh man, that sucks.
Anyway, I went to my doctor and he gave me some cream, but it didn't help a ton.
They produced a lot of blood and I've even had to go home once because there was a tiny
blood stain that seeped through my pants, leaving a small blood stain where my anus
likely is.
Jesus Christ.
I tended to get a good look.
I needed to get a good look at it to see what I was dealing with.
So I went to the bathroom, stripped naked, propped my leg up on the bathroom stool, Amazon,
and took a few close up glamour shots of my anus with the flash on.
After looking at it, I cleaned up and went about my day.
Fast forward a week.
I finished doing dishes last night and apparently-
Hold on.
Is his shit connected to a cloud service?
Jesus.
Somewhat.
This is a week later.
I finished doing the dishes last night and apparently used my wet hands to put my phone
away.
While putting my phone away, I must have accidentally posted it in the photos.
I took a week ago.
I woke up this morning expecting to have a relaxing day.
Instead, I woke up to dozens of messages, calls, and a Facebook ban.
Great.
They banned me on Facebook.
He apparently posted it to Facebook.
With a wet hand?
What the fuck did you do?
Why was it number one picture on the phone?
It's like post, post, post.
It sounds more like he's trying to find a reason of why it was posted now.
I would be like, yo, how is it that 15 pictures posted at once would be my fucking question?
I gotta delete some photos.
You know what?
Next one is by Mediocre Life Man.
Sounds like my life.
When I was younger, I really liked this girl.
We used to call on the phone and I'd often have a kebab and chat over FaceTime as she
went about her day.
He eats kebabs a long way.
He's just gagging himself right here.
She never had an issue with this.
She didn't eat at college or school, so I naturally assumed that she had the same views
as me.
I'm a meat eater who all honestly couldn't stand vegetables because of sensory issues.
One day we're out and about and I just say to her, hey, let's go to KFC.
As we're in there, I didn't notice how long she was looking at the menu, which should
have been a bit of a red flag, but just assumed she was unfamiliar.
I ordered a snack box and she got one too.
She picked out her food and took a bite of the chicken with a little hesitancy, leaving
half the meal but enjoying her chicken.
Once we went by, I take her to McDonald's restaurants their entire time and watching
her eat half her meals.
This man is amazingly quite the man to date.
Taking a McDonald's and killing all the fat people.
She was like, fuck.
I cut him off, man.
Put some effort into it.
And sometimes she literally vomits and I assume nothing and one day she says to me, remember
when we went to KFC?
No.
I'm vegetarian.
Oh.
I'm just anxious to tell you.
So she ate the chicken anyway?
And then threw it up.
I'm still mortified and feel guilty to this day.
I can't believe she was so genuinely anxious that she just failed to tell me that she doesn't
eat meat.
Yeah.
She literally ate meat because she didn't want to upset me.
Damn, that's a keeper.
Now does that include all meat in her, Jeff?
That's what I was about to...
That is weird.
Like I mean, if that's your lifestyle choice, how the fuck do you...
Like, oh wow, I'll just eat it anyway.
Yeah.
And for the people that do it just for like, because of animals, like they don't want to
eat an actual animal.
How would you go and then eat an animal?
Okay.
That's weird.
You got to speak up.
Next one is by Overdoughnut4955.
This person puts, I, a male 65 year old Indian guy, am recently retired and have started
going to the beach in the morning.
Where I go, there aren't many people, so it's a very relaxing time.
Hell yeah.
When two days ago and there was no one in sight.
Something I always wanted to try was burying myself naked under the sand.
How about we don't do that while you're by yourself and the fucking hide tie comes and
you're drowning, Dad.
So I quickly dug a hole and got buried, my plan was to be there for five minutes and
get out.
I think I dozed off because while I was there, these two very attractive girls in red bikinis
came up to me, one holding a volleyball and kindly asked if I could move a bit.
Apparently I was in their volleyball space.
I looked over, I saw a bunch of girls sitting up in it.
This whole fucking beach, you go somewhere, I mean your space.
I'd be mad as fuck.
What do you mean this whole damn beach?
Just remember though, he's buried.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You guys see me here, I was here first.
Go find somewhere else to play volleyball.
I'm butt ass naked.
The two girls gave me their hand and I grabbed and they pulled me up.
Oh no.
And I just heard a scream followed by a laugh.
Oh my God.
I had forgotten I was naked.
I quickly covered myself with my hand as I grabbed the towel.
I wrapped myself with it, got my things and just ran to the car.
Actually they would probably think that it was pulled off as they were pulling them out.
That's what I would think.
Right.
I looked over and saw the girls laughing.
I wanted the world to swallow me.
That's why they're laughing because that's what they think happened.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Well that's not that bad.
I mean it sucks.
I'd be like, well I'll see you ladies later.
And just walk off triumphantly, ass naked.
But the question is were they laughing because it was funny that he lost his shorts or for
other reasons?
No, it's funny because it's something unexpected.
True.
It's a fucking random dick.
That would suck.
It would be worse if it actually happened that way.
I brushed myself off, right?
I brushed the sand off my dick.
I'm like, so what team am I on?
Next one is by Angry South American.
Oh boy.
The question is, do you know what an Edgar cut is?
A hairstyle.
I am thinking.
Where it's kind of like, it faded on the sides with the bow haircut on the front.
You mean the typical Mexican haircut that all my cousins have?
Yeah.
Where it's like lined up?
Yeah.
Like a fucking bow cut.
Faded on the side?
Every motherfucker had it.
Except for me.
Because I was not a fucking idiot.
Apparently it's still a thing.
Yeah, it is still a thing.
This person put, so I accidentally got an Edgar cut and my self-esteem is never going
to recover from that.
No, it won't.
You look dumb as hell.
I had a mid-length wavy hair with a low fade on the sides.
Basically a wavy modern mullet.
It went to the barber because it was getting too long and the fade was almost gone.
So I'm at the barber getting my haircut.
He's just finished fading the sides.
It's clean as fuck.
I'm not going to lie.
Fucking immaculate, sir.
And he asks, what do I do for the top?
I say take two fingers length off the front.
Thinking I had more hair than I actually had.
Oh shit.
He cuts it in.
Bam.
All the curls and texture are gone and I'm left with a straight Edgar ass fringe and
homicidal thoughts even though it's modern mitten ass.
He would kill himself.
It is a horrendous haircut.
Worst part, the back is still curly and long.
Wow.
It's going to be at least three months of hats now.
I can't get a bus cut because my head looks like a fucking egg and my hairline isn't as
strong as either.
I'm so glad that when I went bald, I had a nice shaped dome.
I don't get mad as hell.
It's like stuck with the egg or a cat or an egg, an egg hairline and even great.
Damn.
Well, oh shit, you can't get the buzz cut because this fucking dome fucking fucking.
What's his name?
Humpty Dumpty.
It's an egg.
Unless he wants to go full bald, I guess.
And then still an egg man.
How about the new razor?
Right.
I've got two round ones that are designed for the scalp.
It took me at least 40 minutes before with the normal one.
I was done in five.
All the way around.
Did you get a towel and squeaky clean?
I can do a wet.
If I use actual gel, what is it?
Shaving gel?
Yeah.
Because it works with shaving gel.
I haven't tried it yet, but man, I just slap some alcohol in it.
You're like, you're like, that's the freshness you need in the morning.
All right.
Next one is by snoo crickets.
Five seven eight one.
Jesus Christ.
People can be getting original context.
I sleep naked alone.
Done and done and get hot as shit during the night.
Jesus man.
I love to eat fruit roll ups.
Harry man.
If you're not familiar, it's the flat and sticky fruit snack that is rolled up into
a very sticky plastic wrap.
Yes, we all know what fruit roll ups are.
I was hungry before bed last night, so I snacked on one and just threw the wrapper to the side.
Not a total slob, just comfortable in my bed.
Here comes the fuck up.
When I woke up, I noticed I noted my dick feeling super strange, confused.
I threw open the covers to reveal that the plastic wrap that the fruit roller was in
had fused to my dick, making it the most eldritch horror fruit roll up imaginable.
The worst part was the pain of tearing it off.
It was similar to the sensation of waxing, but for your dick.
Lesson learned.
I'll throw my shit away next time.
I thought you threw it away.
How did you throw it in the edge of the bed?
Oh, that's even lazier.
I'm going to toss it on the floor.
That's how I ended up on him.
It's weird having to peel that shit.
Managing to pull hard.
First one's by GeminiTiger74.
This person writes, last night, actually, my wife and I have always showered with the
door open ever since we started living together.
Okay.
Recently, for reasons known only to them, our cats have become obsessed with the shower
and started to come through the shower curtain while we were showering to pat around on the
wet floor.
Our apartment is adapted to accommodate a wheelchair user, so there's nothing to climb
over.
This wouldn't be so bad, but their paws get wet and then they go to the litter box and
they leave little white footprints all over the apartment.
Those bastards.
The other thing about our shower is that the water takes a long time to get hot.
Last night, I needed a shower, so I went to the bathroom, closed the door behind me, started
the shower, and got naked.
It was then that I realized that I had another pressing matter to attend to, and immediate
poop.
Now, to get personal, but generally, I prefer to poop before a shower, given the choice.
The door was already closed and the water wasn't hot yet, so why not take care of business?
So that's what I did.
The normal before shower shit.
Hey man, we all have those.
You don't want to shower.
You want to take a shit after you shower.
Then you want to go take another shower?
Then you smell like an old man.
I sat down and started the job.
It was about a minute into the proceedings.
What are you, having a court case?
What's your shit?
And not yet halfway done, when my wife, thinking the door was closed, the closed door and running
water meant that I was in the shower, entered the bathroom to tell me something.
We locked eyes, and she looked appalled.
At her intrusion, I think it's not like she doesn't poop too.
And to make it worse, while I was staring at her, things were still happening down below.
You're taking a dump that she's talking to a person?
In two and a half years of living together, we've seen each other in some compromising
positions, but this is a whole new level of embarrassment for both of us.
After what was probably a second and a half, but it felt like ten minutes, she disappeared
and closed the door behind her.
We haven't talked about it, but I think we'll be knocking more often now.
Oh, and to make matters worse, she forgot to close the door so the cat still got in.
That's got to stay.
I mean, you guys are married.
There's very little married couples do not see of each other.
True, but if he was sitting there grunting.
Hey, man, you still got to shit.
I don't want to see my girl shit.
I wouldn't care.
We'll blow that bathroom is what I'd be worried about.
Do I got to call a plumber?
That would be weird.
Like, I mean, you're married.
I mean, that's pretty much you see each other's shit, whatever.
Have her wipe your ass.
Oh, God.
I don't know.
That was like, it's like, it's like, that's not the worst I've ever heard.
Like a roommate thing, not a couple thing.
Yeah.
That's not the worst I've ever heard from Reddit.
Next one is no way that was hummus.
That's the user.
Oh, no.
So this person is, it says, so I, a 39 female, had a son, 15 year old male, and he brought
a friend around today.
They immediately went to their room.
She's 35 female, right?
Had a son.
39, 39.
39 female, had a son.
That's 15.
So, you're a male.
I would say, exactly.
You didn't have to add the male part.
I kind of got it.
It's a son.
Well, well, to be fair, today's day and age, you never know.
Hey, man, you tell me you're a son, you're a son.
They immediately went to their room and I assumed that they were just playing some video
games or whatever.
So I was totally fine leaving them.
Wait, who?
Her son brought a friend over.
Okay.
Another guy, a kid.
I'm assuming.
It was about 30 minutes in, whenever I was walking past, I heard sounds such as, oh my
God, that's so good.
And it's so good with that in it.
And various mmm sounds.
It really sounded like they were having gay sex.
I couldn't hold it in.
I was like, there's no fucking way.
I was super weirded out by it.
No kidding.
He literally went downstairs and waited for his friend to leave.
When his friend left for an hour or two later, I asked my son what they were doing in his
room because although I don't mind him being gay and I know it's normal for teenagers to
have sex, a condom really should be used.
So I planned to confront him about it.
However, the answer shocked me to my very core.
They weren't having sex.
They were eating hummus.
I was shocked.
That's a damn lie.
And initially I didn't believe it.
We were we have we had never had hummus before.
And I asked him to show me the hummus if it was true.
So we did.
And I had hummus for the first time.
And oh my God, it was good.
We experimented with different things in it like bread and carrots.
And it was great.
Apparently, his friend had heard how he had never had it before.
So he brought some over whenever they played video games.
First of all, the only thing you bring over for your friends is the first blunt of weed.
Not hummus, not hummus, bro.
What the fuck kind of.
But now, oh my God, it's so good.
Oh my God, it's so good.
I just need it in my head.
So good with it.
Yeah, bro.
What the fuck?
You know, God damn it, they're probably putting hummus on their dicks.
That was a good excuse.
She bought it.
I mean, he had the evidence.
Just because you have the hummus doesn't mean you're using it for all around his mouth.
I'm missing the back of his underwear.
Next one is by I.S. 13799.
One three seven eight six seven eight six seven five three oh nine.
Yeah.
That was for his gums girlfriend.
Yeah.
Flat out.
All right.
This person put so this particular fuck up did not happen today.
It happened last week.
OK, I spent a week in Tokyo for some hard earned vacation.
Hell yeah.
It was fucking lit despite this fuck up.
If you haven't been to Tokyo, put it on your bucket list because it's one of the most unique
cities out there.
Trust me, it's worth there.
So night one of the trip.
I realize I realized I had yet to try the buttons on the Japanese toilet in my hotel
room.
If you are unfamiliar with the glory of the average Japanese toilet, you should feel bad.
Look at the days they are insane.
Heated seats, but cleaner and dryer, bowl cleaner.
It's a real throng.
Dryer.
You can try your asshole to.
I'm there.
That's my generic US toilet and it's fucking place.
Here's what I don't understand.
Here's what gets me right about the days.
How do you know it's clean, though?
I don't know.
I don't trust.
I get that it's wet and you can dry it.
Sure.
Right.
But unless I put paper to ask and see if there's any stains, how do I know?
Exactly.
You're you're you're hoping.
Right.
But you never see shit stains in those Japanese porn movies.
I hope not.
You haven't looked hard enough.
At least there's no shit stains on their butt cheeks.
So that means that it's clean.
Yeah, but so is every other porn.
Right.
But they use bidets.
In America, we use toilet paper and then you bleach your ass.
You dip the toilet paper in bleach.
I don't know.
That's why I don't.
Yeah, I wouldn't trust it either.
I would not trust it.
I'm sorry.
My ass cheeks are dry now.
Like you don't have to have the toilet paper to make sure to, you know, make sure the kill
has been made.
So this person puts I had to poo and went to the bathroom to see the wondrous invention
of the Japanese of the Japanese toilet.
Now I'm no chicken, so I was determined to try every button on that glorious machine.
This is where the fuck up really started.
Oh, God.
After the deed was done, I began playing with the buttons.
I pressed one that looked like water shooting into the butt.
And to my delight, it did exactly that.
Yeah, a soft stream of warm water graze my biscuits, washed away all the nasty.
So you think?
In hindsight, the machine was simply lulling me into a false sense of security before what
was to come next.
What kind of fire hose level stream of water?
I decided to try the Gucci cleaner, thinking it was going to provide my delicate flowers
with a nice rinse.
Good God, I was wrong.
Immediately after pressing the button, a boiling steam of high pressure hell water pummeled
my unsuspecting nuggets.
To say I was in a little pain would be a lie.
I was in fucking agony.
I have broken many bones and even snapped a few tendons and nothing has come close to
the sheer pain I felt from this absolute violation of my man muffins.
God dang.
It felt like tiny salt particles were sanding my soldiers.
My poor eggs were being scrambled and seasoned.
It was awful.
After the initial seconds of shock, I began to yelp like a toddler whose iPad had just
been revoked and I realized my best friends since puberty were being fondled by their
overly aggressive toilet wand.
I immediately slammed the toilet's button off, but the water demon simply did not want
to go down without a fight.
As the wand proceeded into the toilet, the wand let out a little puff of talcum powder,
and then it was a fiery anus in my twig and berries sort of blaze that simply killed over.
Then it charged me money.
As I fell to the ground, I grasped what was left of my manhood.
They were tender like never before, but it might have been a loving touch to reassure
them that it would all be alright, became sheer pain.
Jesus, he just fucked his testers up.
They were wounded and I feared I would never be able to save them.
In retaliation, I kicked my aggressor, pain shot through my pinky toe in the toilet glass.
He had another victim.
He broke his fucking pinky toe.
Well, he said, don't be kicking hard stuff.
We're not coming this way.
I hobbled to the bed and grabbed a mirror to see the damage.
After gently laying my pearls on the generous bed of hallow and ice, I angled the mirror
to take a look.
There was a fucking horror shot.
They were dark red and some of the hairs had been singed off.
God dang, how was that water?
They had shriveled.
It looked like they were the aftermath of a Satan blowjob.
It was not a pleasant sight in total.
The toilet definitely won.
It fucking decimated me.
I couldn't sit comfortably until today.
Thanks to the roasting of my sphincter, have a very broken toe and my gonads will probably
never be the same.
So that was for a vagina.
Anything fucking no rough on it.
Holy shit.
Must be great for them, but not too much for us.
A Satan blowjob.
Man, that must have hurt.
Yeah.
You don't want anything to aggressively spray.
No.
The acid right in my balls.
That's basically what he's saying.
And then he tried to get retaliation to broke his fucking foot.
He's going to toilet, that's smart.
You won't see one man break a toilet.
That's Joaquin Phoenix in the movie.
In a movie.
He's arrested, right?
And he's locked in the cell.
Philip Seymour Hoffman's in the other cell.
And this was unscripted.
He turns around and he just fucking kicks the shit out of my toilet.
Breaks all the porcelain and just fucking wrecks the toilet.
And Philip Seymour Hoffman, he's still trying to act, but he's like, God damn it.
So again, as you reiterated earlier, don't kick shit.
Yeah, don't kick hard shit.
Because it might hurt you.
Mostly if you're barefoot.
Yeah.
Plus you don't have the strength to your nuts are caved in.
You got the God damn Casino Royale James Bond treatment.
You ever seen that movie?
He's just in that chair and the guy's just like, boom, boom, hitting his nutsack.
And then he hit his nutsack so bad, that man was in a wheelchair toward the third half
of the movie.
I remember that.
I was like, I would have told that man everything he wanted to know.
There's a guy that makes YouTube videos where it's, if a person that, what's the name of
it again?
Where if a real person was in a torture chamber, it's like they said the guy gives a whole
speech and then at the end, he's at the speech.
The guy's like, yeah, I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
But I did the whole speech.
Like, I don't get to do anything.
It's like, no, why would I not tell you?
You're like, why the fuck would I get tortured?
I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
But come on, hold out for like a minute.
It's like, no, I'll tell you whatever I'll write it down to for you.
And I've seen some of those torture devices.
They are horrendous.
I'll tell you whatever you want to fucking know.
There's one that they put in your mouth right?
Yeah.
And as they turn it, it gets, it opens wider and widest opens your jaw wider and eventually
cracked your jaw.
And it cracks your fucking jaw.
Then they put it right up your butthole.
They crack your butthole too.
There's that one where it's like a, it's like a diamond.
Oh yeah.
Where you sit on it.
Yeah.
And then they put weights on either end.
Yeah.
And then it just fucking splits you in half.
Oh.
The long way.
See the worst that I can think of is a flame.
My nose is stuffy.
Yeah.
I would not want that.
Where they take your skin, pill it and then go under it and take your skin off.
They take your skin off.
So some salt on there too.
You used to be a dick.
Lemon juice.
There's one where they, they, they put you on a pole, right?
But but whole first.
Say, but it's, it's like a blunt.
It's not like a spike.
It's an actual blunt.
It's just a, I will in today's day and age, there's some people that probably might want
that.
Not, not with your body weight putting you down.
So it pretty much goes up your fucking stomach.
There's some freaks out there and they don't want freaks to death.
Well you can necrophilia.
So nevermind.
But that is everything for Reddit insanity this weekend.
We will see you guys next time.
God, I'll tell you everything.
Just don't torture me.