1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,840 Hello and welcome to Reddit Insanity. 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:13,840 I am Michael. 3 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:14,840 I'm Noe. 4 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,000 And we are the Knights of Entertainment. 5 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,920 We have a couple of Reddit stories for you guys here today. 6 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,880 Number one is by RGBow. 7 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,280 This is posted nine years ago. 8 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,280 I think. 9 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,720 And they put, we were camping, two girls, two guys, and we all slept in one big tent. 10 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:33,720 At some point, one of the girls wanted to pee and was too scared to go out into the 11 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:34,720 dark alone. 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,720 So, I went with her and the other guy and the other girl followed us for some reason. 13 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,780 Anyway, all is good and well. 14 00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:42,780 We get back to the tent. 15 00:00:42,780 --> 00:00:48,280 A raccoon jumps out with a big bag of chips and runs into the bush. 16 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,720 No big deal, I guess. 17 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,480 We check the tent to make sure there isn't another one running around in there. 18 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:54,480 Nada. 19 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,280 We get back inside and play cards. 20 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,360 Sometime later, we start hearing noises outside of the tent. 21 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,960 We had a window flaps on both sides. 22 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,960 We open them and we see 10 pairs of eyes just watching our tent. 23 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:06,960 Jesus. 24 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:11,760 While some of them were probably fighting over the remains of the bag of chips. 25 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,400 Luckily, one of the girls had a lock on her, so we decided to put it on the entrance. 26 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,160 As soon as we put it on, one of those suckers tried to break in. 27 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,160 Fuck. 28 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,560 Friends couldn't sleep the rest of the night. 29 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,560 Raccoons just stayed and stared. 30 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:24,560 I slept like a baby. 31 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:25,560 What? 32 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:26,560 Raccoons just watching them? 33 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:27,560 Fucking perverts. 34 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,960 They thought there was going to be something else going on. 35 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:32,960 Probably. 36 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,960 That wasn't a fucking start, yo. 37 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:40,160 Alrighty, next one is by Alien Cricket, eight years ago. 38 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,360 Alright, this is the first time I ejaculated. 39 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,960 We're starting hot as fuck on this. 40 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:52,240 Out the gate, the first fucking time I jerked off for the first time. 41 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,600 I was 13, I was at summer camp. 42 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,280 I was wearing jorts. 43 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,600 We went over what jorts are before, those are jean shorts. 44 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,040 We sure have, once someone shit threw them. 45 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,240 As was the style at the time. 46 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:08,440 We were doing the indoor rock climbing wall, and I was about halfway up when my partner, 47 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:13,400 who was belaying me, asked if she could tie me off so she could go to the bathroom. 48 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:20,400 So I'm swinging back and forth up there in those really tight rock climbing harnesses 49 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,400 over jorts. 50 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,240 He wants to be like, God dang this fucking feels amazing. 51 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,640 And then there was friction. 52 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,800 Yeah, you know what this is going. 53 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:35,280 Barely had time to process what was happening before my balls felt like they were sneezing 54 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,800 and then it was over. 55 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,240 The harness never returned my phone calls though. 56 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,240 Jesus. 57 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,880 It's a weird way to have your first time. 58 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,640 It's just, ahhh, while you're hanging in the middle here. 59 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:51,000 And you're trying to replicate it and it's never the same. 60 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,480 Alrighty, next one. 61 00:02:54,480 --> 00:03:01,840 More random thoughts posted by you wise carrot four or five one. 62 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,800 Okay. 63 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:04,800 They put on here. 64 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:09,840 I can't tell you how many times I've been trying to make my way down an aisle and someone 65 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:14,680 will put their cart on one side and themselves adjacent to the cart, blankly staring at the 66 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,760 shelves for minutes on end, blocking the entire aisle. 67 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:23,120 Then as soon as you get directly next to them, they seem completely unaware that you're 68 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,680 right next to them and trying to get past them. 69 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,880 Then you have to ask them to move or when two people are having a conversation and we'll 70 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,760 sit side by side blocking the whole aisle. 71 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,280 Then look at you like you have eight heads. 72 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,280 Fucking can't stand that. 73 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,040 Do that shit at the end caps. 74 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,040 It's just fucking annoying. 75 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,560 Blocking the whole God dang way. 76 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:49,920 I'll tell you one of the places that has the worst people to get in your way like that 77 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:50,920 five below. 78 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:51,920 Really? 79 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,520 Like a motherfucker. 80 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:54,520 God dang. 81 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,520 Get the hell out the damn way. 82 00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,560 They just fucking stare at you like I can't understand English. 83 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,160 I don't understand what the fuck you're saying. 84 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,160 Jesus. 85 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,600 It's like but it's all middle aged mom. 86 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,600 Oh yeah. 87 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,320 It's like 99% of like Dollar Tree. 88 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,560 Yeah. 89 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,360 And a dollar store customers. 90 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,360 Yeah. 91 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,360 It's like women. 92 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:21,600 To be fair, Dollar Tree, Dollar Store has their carts lined up because they never put 93 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,600 anything up. 94 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:23,600 Yeah. 95 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,600 They don't give a damn. 96 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:29,080 There's been some dollar stores where like it looks like a fucking hurricane. 97 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,120 There's just shit everywhere. 98 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,840 You're just walking in like God. 99 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,960 You gotta squeeze around the U-boats and stuff. 100 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:43,360 Like a fucking the kids that looks like a fucking catastrophe. 101 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,680 All righty. 102 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:52,640 The next one is by Boris the Adventurer from five years ago. 103 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,320 I put, I don't give a shit if this gets buried. 104 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:01,520 I hesitate to call it embarrassing because it was funny then and it's funny now. 105 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,680 Anyway, I was having sex with my ex in the shower. 106 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,680 Okay. 107 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:06,680 When I- 108 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,040 Were they exes at the time or was when they were together? 109 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,040 This is when they were together. 110 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,040 Okay. 111 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,040 He didn't specify that. 112 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,280 Like we were fucking one last time. 113 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,280 No. 114 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,280 Me and my ex. 115 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:22,280 When I decided to use a little trick I had learned from Reddit, apparently pinching the 116 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,400 tip of your dong while you're edging can help you prevent ejaculation. 117 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:31,800 Allowing you to continue or some bullshit. 118 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,800 I was getting close so I pulled out and I pinched that fucker instead of preventing 119 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,200 me from letting loose. 120 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:43,400 It built up high pressure and blasted my ass in the chin. 121 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:49,640 Why would you listen to anything Reddit tells you to do? 122 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,640 For the lulz? 123 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,640 For the lulz, baby. 124 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,200 I would take advice from these people. 125 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,400 We've already read so many, we've had people shit in their jorts. 126 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:03,560 We've had people cum in their jorts. 127 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,840 I wouldn't listen to any advice. 128 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,600 One advice I do give is don't buy jorts. 129 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,560 Pretty much, yeah, because you're always going to cum into some kind of issue. 130 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,560 Apparently, yeah. 131 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,760 Any fecal or fluid. 132 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,720 Any bodily fluid? 133 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,680 Yeah, in jorts just multiplies it by ten. 134 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,280 Next you're going to have somebody that pissed themselves in the home. 135 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,200 Good God. 136 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:31,800 I once went to the bathroom and I blew the shit out of my zipper. 137 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,400 Trying to zip it back up and just fucking, like, I can't anymore. 138 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,800 I had those pets for like two years. 139 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,040 So then I always got work too. 140 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,680 So I was like, manager, I need to stay at the register for the rest of the day. 141 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,480 I can't do anything else. 142 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:52,240 And I just stuck, pretty much just shoved it up against the counter so no one could 143 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,240 see. 144 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:59,400 But I had a female friend, close friend, one would say too close, who kept, once she found 145 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,160 out she kept staring at it, at the fucking burst. 146 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,240 I don't know what happened. 147 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,240 My G just exploded. 148 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,240 Say? 149 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:11,160 My fucking, fucking, my khaki pants and the fucking zipper just blew out. 150 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:15,080 This dog was too much apparently. 151 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,040 All righty. 152 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:21,120 Next one is from 11 years ago by Mitt Romney's platform. 153 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,240 How the fuck, how long have we been around? 154 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,240 Jesus Christ. 155 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,240 For a while. 156 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,240 This is from 1993. 157 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,240 This is from 1962. 158 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,800 Already back when it was a book format. 159 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,800 All righty. 160 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:36,440 They put, I finished early and dozed off at my desk with my head resting on my arms. 161 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,920 That sounded way different. 162 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,600 I finished early and I just knocked out. 163 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,480 Like damn, you jacked off that quick and passed out. 164 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:48,360 The position also forced my butt to be aimed outwards at the people behind me. 165 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,760 I in the midst of my slumber, I proceeded to let loose a fart that reverberated through 166 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:53,760 the classroom. 167 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:54,760 God dang. 168 00:07:54,760 --> 00:08:01,080 This startled myself quite a bit and I was instinctively jolted awake. 169 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:05,920 The next few seconds for spin pretending I was asleep and hoping no one knew it was me. 170 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,120 You wake up and the whole fucking classroom is looking dead at you. 171 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,520 That's like one of those like school nightmares. 172 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,520 Yeah. 173 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,480 That and then coming to school with no pants on or. 174 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:20,040 Man, one of the worst is like in my dream I was just sitting at a desk, right? 175 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,040 Yeah. 176 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,920 And I'm like, if I don't move around, no one will realize that I'm butt ass naked. 177 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:30,680 And that was like, in my head, I was having inner monologue of it myself in my dream. 178 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:36,080 Like in my dream in my dreams head, I was like, damn, I'm butt ass naked. 179 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,440 If I don't move, they won't know. 180 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,760 How the fuck do I get out of this situation? 181 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:44,040 And then I wake up, I kid you not wake up, I'm like, oh God, I'm not butt ass naked. 182 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,040 That's like just a nightmare. 183 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,040 Yeah. 184 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,040 So pretty much. 185 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,960 I think everybody has it, but for the most part. 186 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:50,960 It's so weird. 187 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:51,960 Like it's so surreal. 188 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:52,960 Yeah. 189 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,440 And this poor bastard thought it was how he was hoping it was a dream. 190 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,000 Like a blue cheeks. 191 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,000 Like no. 192 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,040 Fucking wakes up in half the class looking at you. 193 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,040 And once he used the word reverberating. 194 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:06,440 I mean, Jesus Christ, the fucking just, did the desk just start fucking rocking all the 195 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:07,440 way down like a wave? 196 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:14,040 It's like my, the teacher's like, my God, I haven't had a fart like that in 15 years. 197 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,400 Alrighty. 198 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,760 Next one is by um, Cloquetray. 199 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:18,760 Okay. 200 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,760 I believe that's how it's pronounced. 201 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,760 Close enough. 202 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:22,760 Four years ago. 203 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,040 They comment later. 204 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,040 It's actually this. 205 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,840 It's pronounced this way. 206 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:28,840 Okay. 207 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,080 This one is I worked at the entrance gate for a theme park. 208 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,880 Our season pass holders used a biometric scan on their right index finger. 209 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,440 So they're fancy. 210 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,600 I'm probably like Disney or something. 211 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:44,200 Ooh, Disney with their bullshit to verify their identity. 212 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,400 One day a little girl walks up with her family who only spoke Spanish scans her pass and 213 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,240 places her finger on the scanner. 214 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,160 I say, can you use your right? 215 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,400 Your right finger, sweetie. 216 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,920 Then her finger raises a girl's arm to show me she doesn't actually have a right hand. 217 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:05,680 How far probably quit that day. 218 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,120 Seem to be due to a birth defect rather than a horrific accident. 219 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,280 However, her left finger keeps getting rejected. 220 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,360 So I call the lead over to override the old scan and redo it. 221 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:20,160 He then proceeds to say the same thing to the girl followed by her mother raising the 222 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,160 arm again. 223 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,160 Oh God. 224 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:30,800 It was definitely more awkward for me than the family, but it got, it gets worse. 225 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,400 About three months later, it happened again. 226 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,400 The same girl. 227 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,400 Absolutely mortifying. 228 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:42,840 Three months later, Jesus, that would suck so bad. 229 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,520 So he was that little girl did not fix the left handed thing. 230 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:51,880 Apparently they might have, but I don't know. 231 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,640 Unless it's just like whenever they scan the pass, you know, instinctively they went to 232 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,120 go put the left finger. 233 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,120 So he's probably like, it needs to be your right hand. 234 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,480 And she's like, I ain't got no right hand. 235 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,920 We covered this three months ago. 236 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,920 That would suck so bad. 237 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:11,880 I should tell you this being in retail, I don't know, would that be considered retail 238 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:12,880 sorta? 239 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,880 Not really. 240 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,120 Well, customer service, I guess. 241 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,120 Yeah. 242 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,920 But being like retail customer service, the customers who just meet you. 243 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:21,920 Right. 244 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,440 And you know, then they go about their day. 245 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,600 They don't realize that you've meet hundreds. 246 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,600 Right. 247 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,600 On a weekly basis. 248 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,600 So they're always like, Oh, what's up? 249 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,600 How you been? 250 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,760 I'm like, I don't know who the fuck you are, but how you been, sir? 251 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:36,040 I mean, the only way that I just assume that you're going to remember them like for like 252 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,800 fucking minute, whatever interaction you have with them to the minute, minute is detail. 253 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,880 The only way that that makes any sense is if you're like daily and you see the same 254 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,120 person over and over and over. 255 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:48,920 But if it's like one person, like six months apart. 256 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:49,920 Yeah. 257 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,520 You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 258 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,480 It's like, I really don't remember you, dude. 259 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,120 There's this one guy, this older guy, he comes in like, are you doing me boy? 260 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,120 You been good? 261 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,480 I'm like, Oh, here we go. 262 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,200 He comes in regularly. 263 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,160 Let me shake your hand. 264 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,160 I have a good Christmas. 265 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,160 Like my ear. 266 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:10,280 Like I could a hundred percent tell he's trying to hit on me. 267 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,280 I'm like, I'm not, I'm the wrong. 268 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,280 I'm the wrong. 269 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:17,320 I'm not into dudes, which I apologize. 270 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:26,040 That's my premise is all the ladies, but he's so fucking just so one of these days of panel 271 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,320 for him to come up and get stuffed into probably. 272 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,000 I don't know. 273 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,080 Like you see so like, you can just tell the desperation. 274 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,080 Don't you? 275 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,640 It was like, you got a strong body on you. 276 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,640 It's gonna work out. 277 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,920 You're like, no, I'm just, I was just naturally strong. 278 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:40,920 Just like me. 279 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,320 Like a rips his shirt off. 280 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,080 Look at these fucking days. 281 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:51,440 Like I try to be nice, but what are you telling you? 282 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,440 What do I tell this guy? 283 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,480 Just don't take any food or anything offered by him. 284 00:12:55,480 --> 00:13:00,240 Have this, have this fucking Bill Cosby Kool-Aid I made or not. 285 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,240 What are you like? 286 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,240 He has me a drink. 287 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,520 Like I got this recipe, some milk Cosby fucking pass out. 288 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,440 I don't know. 289 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,000 It's just weird. 290 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,000 These are the joys of retail. 291 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:18,000 Or I have like the worst interaction like this lady's, her fucking, one of these, one 292 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,080 of these gallons of water was fucking smashed down the top, right? 293 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,960 So I'm yanking on him like, and I couldn't, I'm like, I'm sorry, man. 294 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,600 I couldn't get it up for you. 295 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,000 I said that word for word. 296 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,000 I'm sorry, ma'am. 297 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,000 I couldn't get it up for you. 298 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:36,080 And I'm like, oh, why did I say it like that? 299 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,080 I just couldn't get it up. 300 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,280 It's like you might need to see a doctor. 301 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:47,000 Another time this lady was like, I was, I was just standing there and she's like, Hey, 302 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,000 you, oh yeah. 303 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,000 Can you do me? 304 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,720 I'm like, I started looking around. 305 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,040 She meant to say, can you tell me? 306 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,040 Yeah. 307 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,040 She said, can you? 308 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:58,480 And she knew she fucked up. 309 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,800 Because she tried to start a conversation to kind of run. 310 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,160 Let me ask you a quick question. 311 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,040 It's too late, ma'am. 312 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:11,480 Should have steered in my memory. 313 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,320 That feels like creepy dude. 314 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,480 Hey, can you do me? 315 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,200 I don't know. 316 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,320 You know what the weirdest part is? 317 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,720 He asked because I had, I had switched shifts. 318 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,440 I was working on a different shift and he asked like, Oh, I've been asking around. 319 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,440 Like, I thought you were gone. 320 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,800 I'm like, Oh, here we fucking go. 321 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:34,240 We might actually make an episode of just the retail experiences that we've both had 322 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,240 in our history. 323 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,560 Oh yeah, I mean a long ass fucking list. 324 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:38,560 Yeah. 325 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:39,560 I'm kind of. 326 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:44,000 I don't have dudes hitting on me. 327 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,640 Hey man, all I ever get home by old ladies and I had this old lady want me to take her 328 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:48,640 home. 329 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,960 You take my grocery back to my house with me. 330 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:51,960 I'm sorry. 331 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,560 I mean, she was like legit pissed that I couldn't. 332 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,360 I think I've said this story before. 333 00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:00,160 Like, no, I'm where I worked till I worked till 10 o'clock. 334 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,160 I can't. 335 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,160 I can't do it now. 336 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,160 I can't. 337 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,320 I can't do it. 338 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,320 That's the expression she gave. 339 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,320 Are you mother? 340 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,320 Sorry. 341 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:15,320 I'm just messing with this thing. 342 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,080 All right. 343 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,200 Last story that we have. 344 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,200 It's by Tyler life. 345 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,960 The only life I live is Tyler life. 346 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,640 And this was placed under the Reddit fuck up of the month. 347 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,600 Oh man, he must have fucked up something fierce. 348 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:36,280 And I'll leave a link in the description for that goes along with this. 349 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,280 Okay. 350 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,280 All right. 351 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,760 So they put a little backstory. 352 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,720 When I first started having sex, I researched into ways to be better at it. 353 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,720 That's a good man right there. 354 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,720 I always try to be better. 355 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:53,840 As though the little stiff pun intended and pretty much had no idea what I was doing. 356 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,600 I read online that you can play music and match the rhythm in order to make a better 357 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,600 performance. 358 00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,600 No, no, no, don't do that. 359 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,600 No. 360 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:06,360 You see this, that guy that's been all over fucking tick tock. 361 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:11,680 I searched lovemaking songs and started slowly creating a playlist in which I was comfortable 362 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:18,400 matching the rhythm. 363 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,880 There are a few songs in my playlist. 364 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:27,960 However, there is one song in particular, which I know exactly who they've written on 365 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,520 him all over tick tock across the fucking planet. 366 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,520 Yeah. 367 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:36,560 Which actually happens to be my favorite that my girlfriend hates and says, turn off in a 368 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,560 major way. 369 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,160 It turns her off in a major way. 370 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:43,440 I don't understand why it has taken her two years to tell me that she hates that song. 371 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,800 It's a good lovemaking song with good rhythm. 372 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,160 That's why she doesn't like it. 373 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:52,040 I feel the way I fucked up, I fucked up as I could have possibly asked her previously 374 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:56,600 if she likes to playlist or any song she'd like to add or change, but to leave it for 375 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:02,360 two years thinking our sex life is great, but in her eyes has been ruined by my music. 376 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,360 Oh yeah. 377 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,360 You should always communicate by the way. 378 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:10,200 Don't be lagging on for two years and then fucking blow up at a family kitchen. 379 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,680 You can fuck like a bitch. 380 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:16,560 Just ruin the whole family get together. 381 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,280 Ruined by my music has left the whole situation feeling awkward and I'm a bit annoyed. 382 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,640 I pretty much played this tune every time. 383 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:28,000 So the amount of time she must have not been enjoying it, but I thought the complete opposite 384 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:34,080 is annoying, but also embarrassing in ways not to mention my previous partners. 385 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,080 However, they never complained about the song. 386 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,960 So maybe it's just her. 387 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,080 It's fucked up. 388 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:43,480 It's fucked up the relationship to be honest because sex feels awkward now. 389 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,760 The other day we were having sex with no music, but I still kept the resting to the tune playing 390 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,760 in my head. 391 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:49,760 Oh boy. 392 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,000 I recognize this and asked me to stop. 393 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,000 Damn. 394 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,000 Damn. 395 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,880 Got a fucking muscle memory. 396 00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:01,200 I thought this song was perfect and I always stressed along with the tune and I feel like 397 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,760 gives me the perfect rhythm for doing the deed. 398 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,960 I usually busted this song, find it embarrassing. 399 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:10,960 She hates the song. 400 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:11,960 No kidding. 401 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:18,480 I'm gonna let no hate her with the song is and I'll leave a link in the description. 402 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,240 I think I know a hundred. 403 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,080 The fucking entirety of take time. 404 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,080 This man is a shit. 405 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,880 They probably haven't shown his face in 15 years and it's only been like two. 406 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:35,880 It sounds like a fucking clown song. 407 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:41,800 So shit that Joker listens to fight on his fucking ringtone. 408 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,680 The fact that he remembers the rhythm, right? 409 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:44,680 Right. 410 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:49,560 The fact that she remembers the rhythm even with no music is a horrendous fucking thing 411 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,560 as well. 412 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:59,680 The funniest part, there's comments on this relating to the Reddit story. 413 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:00,680 Yeah. 414 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:06,160 It's like a person, a moment of silence for the poor woman suffering two years. 415 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,920 Yeah, that is a legendary Reddit story. 416 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:17,120 See how certain songs just get thrusted into your life. 417 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:21,440 He quit the words, man. 418 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,880 And then the next one, the drop hit me like a sack of wet mice. 419 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:26,880 God. 420 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:31,200 Or my favorite thing about this song is that I always forgot how it goes. 421 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:38,920 So by the time I listened to it again, I must have laughed. 422 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:43,240 Or keep in mind, this is the song he decided to share with us. 423 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,240 This is his most favorite song. 424 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,840 That's a good point. 425 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:49,840 Yeah. 426 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:54,560 What was the rhythm to the other ones? 427 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,400 Why would you choose that song? 428 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,400 I don't fucking hear. 429 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:04,000 Oh, cause didn't he say, cause that was the one he knew he could thrust him. 430 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000 Yeah. 431 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:10,000 Like the weirdest rhythm. 432 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,000 Yeah there it is. 433 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,000 Oh boy. 434 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,000 Yeah. 435 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:17,000 You can, you can a hundred percent tell. 436 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000 Yeah. 437 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,000 No one's you got fucking. 438 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,000 Yeah. 439 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,000 You can a hundred percent notice that in any position. 440 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,000 It's bad though. 441 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,000 You're going to have to play the song and she knows what you're playing. 442 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,000 Oh fuck. 443 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,000 That is brutal. 444 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:40,000 And he got another comment that says, I played this for my boyfriend the other day before 445 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,600 we were going to do it. 446 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,000 We both broke into laughing and couldn't even breathe after. 447 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,000 Yeah. 448 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,000 Imagine that. 449 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,000 This song is like, whenever you feel like you're going to sneeze, but then you can't. 450 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000 Kind of disappointed. 451 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,000 That's how it feels like. 452 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:06,000 It's like, Oh, I thought about the sneeze. 453 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000 Yeah. 454 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,000 You can a hundred percent. 455 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000 There's no way bro is tearing up those cheeks. 456 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:20,000 What's the name of this song? 457 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,000 It's going to be famous now. 458 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000 The name is clapping cheeks. 459 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,000 It is a sea bass. 460 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,000 Sea bass. 461 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,000 What? 462 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,000 From 11 years ago. 463 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,000 Jesus Christ, bro. 464 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,000 Of all the songs in all the world. 465 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,000 This person, but there's no way bro is tearing the cheeks up to two singles. 466 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,000 Having an argument. 467 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,000 It's supposed to be. 468 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,000 Oh yeah. 469 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:51,000 It sounds like. 470 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000 I'm going to be a little bit of a 471 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,000 man. 472 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,000 What is going on in that man's head? 473 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,000 His music tastes. 474 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,000 His love making tastes suck. 475 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,000 He found a horrible rhythm. 476 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,000 And that is so embedded in his brain from two years that any chick that hooks up with 477 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,000 him. 478 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,000 And he started like, are you that guy? 479 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,000 That kind of be like, yeah. 480 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:19,000 As long as he's stuck into the rhythm. 481 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,000 And we will talk to you guys on the next one. 482 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,000 What the fuck, yo. 483 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:50,000 Adios.