1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,960 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity. 2 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,920 I am Michael and I'm Noe and we are the Knights of Entertainment. 3 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:21,040 We got some Reddit stories for you guys today. 4 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,280 And a wild ride of Reddit. 5 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,280 Yeah. 6 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:30,680 Alrighty, starting off, the title of this one is called Potato Juice. 7 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,640 Oh god, what the fuck is potato juice? 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,640 Alrighty. 9 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:38,200 We had a very attractive gym teacher back when I was in high school. 10 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,400 For some reason, yoga had been added to the curriculum and it was the first day for that 11 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:43,400 class. 12 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:48,520 Well, our teacher decided to show us her flexibility, so she touched her toes to demonstrate. 13 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,200 All of a sudden, both of her tits fell right out of the top of her shirt. 14 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,840 She covered herself quickly, but that was enough for one kid in the back. 15 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,720 He sat down and started jerking it. 16 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,520 Jesus, man, control yourself. 17 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,280 It was obvious what he was doing. 18 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,720 Nobody was stopping him. 19 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:08,720 What so? 20 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:14,360 Being the good person I was in the high school, I went up to him and told him to stop. 21 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,320 I also didn't know this kid had special needs. 22 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,920 Oh, okay. 23 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,520 I'm standing there telling him to stop and then he drops his pants and blows his load 24 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,360 right there on my shoes. 25 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:31,000 The teacher flipped out, called the cops, had him taken out of the class. 26 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:35,680 For the rest of my time in high school, I was called potato juice. 27 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,680 Potato juice? 28 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,280 Who would ever, whatever, whatever. 29 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,080 A starchy white fluid. 30 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,080 Yeah. 31 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,080 Jesus. 32 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,440 Alrighty, next one is by Curly. 33 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,920 He didn't say that he fucking disinfected his shoes, threw them away, buried them in the 34 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,920 boughs of hell. 35 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,600 It's a short little story. 36 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:59,320 But also a fucking tremendous story. 37 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,280 Next one is from a Reddit user named Curly Jackson. 38 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:12,480 Alrighty, story is, this story reveals way too much of my social ineptitude. 39 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,720 Any normal person would have seen this coming. 40 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:21,800 So I had the school teacher's gym, excuse me, I'll restart this. 41 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,360 Any normal person would have seen this coming. 42 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:29,960 So I had the school's gym teacher as my homeroom teacher and I saw him often. 43 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:33,000 Sometime during the first week of school, I caught him singing this song, I got you 44 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,080 babe at the top of his lungs alone in the gym. 45 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,560 I laughed at him. 46 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:44,320 He was a big tough sort of guy who you wouldn't expect to be singing a Sonny and Cher song 47 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,280 basically. 48 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,720 But performed a little impromptu duet with him. 49 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,680 It became our inside joke that I had caught him singing that. 50 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,600 And so when we would pass each other in the hall or gym or whatever, we would hum that 51 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,680 song and we would both laugh. 52 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,160 Anyhow, around Valentine's day, those stupid singing animal dolls start showing up and 53 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:07,480 on sale and I run across the pair of frogs that sing, I got you babe. 54 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,880 When I was out shopping with my mom, she worked at the school. 55 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,560 Yeah, that's a whole nother level of embarrassing and knew the gym teacher and the story and 56 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,040 told me I should buy those as a joke. 57 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,000 So for some reason I thought this was a good idea. 58 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:25,400 I showed up to school on Valentine's day, walk up in front of my whole classroom and 59 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,320 give him those stupid singing frogs. 60 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,680 And he just stared at me. 61 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,680 Didn't laugh, didn't make any sort of joke. 62 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:39,160 He then gave me the super awkward embarrassed smile, says, thank you, sweetie, pityingly. 63 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:44,040 And I realized in that moment, standing in front of my home room of at least 30 other 64 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,680 students that it looks like I'm confessing my love to the gym teacher. 65 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,140 Yeah, you should have thought that one through. 66 00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:53,280 And those stupid frogs start singing. 67 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:59,040 And I just stood there mortified until they finished. 68 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,680 Not knowing what to do, I ran back to my seat. 69 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:06,240 Everyone stared at me, open mouth through the rest of them. 70 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,680 I ran straight to my mom's classroom and hid in there for a while. 71 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,840 She went and spoke to the teacher later and he told her that he had actually found it 72 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:17,280 quite funny and that he had totally gotten the joke. 73 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,800 Well then why didn't you say anything? 74 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,880 Anyway, yeah, people thought I had a creepy girlish crush on my gym teacher and it was 75 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,440 bad, but better than thinking that we were banging. 76 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,880 Yeah, well, there you go. 77 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:33,840 She at least figured it out. 78 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,840 Next one is from genuine gin. 79 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:36,840 Genuine gin. 80 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:37,840 Genuine. 81 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:38,840 There's a hard word. 82 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:39,840 A genuine gin. 83 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:46,680 Just started mumbling. 84 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:51,920 I'm on like four hours of sleep. 85 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,240 All right. 86 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,240 Story is first week at a new high school. 87 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:59,360 I've always been pretty awkward and I was really nervous, but my dad told me it was 88 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,600 a chance to reinvent myself and you don't get many of those in life. 89 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,440 My mom said if anything happened, just laugh it off. 90 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:26,400 So I bought a nice new shirt. 91 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,840 So I bought a nice new shirt, pinstripe with some metallic stripes running through it and 92 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:31,840 a pair of heels. 93 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,520 Got up early, ironed my new shirt and went to have breakfast in the cafeteria. 94 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:39,920 I must have ironed my shirt on too high of a heat and whatever the metallic strips were 95 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:46,040 made of, couldn't take it because I was making my way out down the center of the cafeteria 96 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,840 in front of everyone. 97 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:53,440 It ripped across almost my entire halfway down my back. 98 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,040 I was in such a hurry to get out. 99 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,720 I fell on my ass, ass over tits down the stairs. 100 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,120 Jesus. 101 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:06,440 Maybe some people might have not noticed, except in my panic, my mom's words were going 102 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,440 round in my head. 103 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,440 Just laugh it off. 104 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:21,440 So I made this really loud, snorting sound. 105 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,640 I don't think anyone missed that so much for reinventing myself. 106 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:26,640 Jesus. 107 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:27,640 All right. 108 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:28,640 Fuck yourself up. 109 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,640 Probably nobody would have even paid attention. 110 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,640 Right. 111 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,640 Laugh it off. 112 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:32,640 Laugh it off. 113 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:39,640 And then snort when you laugh. 114 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,280 All righty. 115 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:45,560 Next one is from Nixon on. 116 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,080 All right. 117 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:52,920 For this, I'll preface. 118 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,880 Do you know who the offspring are? 119 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:55,880 A band? 120 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:56,880 Close enough. 121 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:57,880 That's all I know. 122 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:01,600 They're the ones that sing that song, Pretty Fly for a White Guy. 123 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,880 Pretty fly for a white guy. 124 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:04,880 Yes. 125 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:05,880 I think so. 126 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:06,880 Yeah. 127 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:07,880 Okay. 128 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:08,880 That's the set up for this one. 129 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:09,880 Uh oh. 130 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,440 So this person says, I was sitting in geometry. 131 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,480 I had been listening to a lot of the offspring around that time. 132 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:19,080 Well, my teacher is rambling on about some prosculate or some shit. 133 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,040 I'm just sitting in the back. 134 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,720 Some dumb shit he's talking about. 135 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,360 I'm just sitting in the back twiddling my thumbs and wondering what it would be like 136 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:27,360 to have two penises. 137 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,360 Well, what the fuck? 138 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,360 That would be exhausting. 139 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:35,360 Which one do I have to pee out of this time? 140 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,360 Fuck. 141 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:41,080 Well, it's at this point that I hear my geometry teacher, old lady. 142 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:45,920 If you can go right and left, you can, you know, go both. 143 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:46,920 You rest on either side. 144 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,720 You don't have to worry about that. 145 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:53,200 Does that mean four balls or just still two? 146 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,200 Four would be too much. 147 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,400 Just a big old fucking meat sack of balls. 148 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,960 Imagine them getting twisted. 149 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:00,960 All four of them? 150 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:01,960 Shit. 151 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:02,960 Wouldn't be fun. 152 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,480 Uh, so she hears it. 153 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,480 So he hears it. 154 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:08,480 They're the same size, they're different sizes. 155 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,480 I can't let you go. 156 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,480 You're going to be something thinking like he was. 157 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,480 Now I'm thinking like he is. 158 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,480 He's driving me mad. 159 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,480 He's doing nicks. 160 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:26,480 Are they side by side or on top of each other? 161 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,480 Okay, that's the last one. 162 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,480 Well, it's this point that I hear my geometry teacher. 163 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,480 They're both working hard at the same time. 164 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:33,480 We're just one of them. 165 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,480 Okay, last one. 166 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,480 That's the last one. 167 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:42,480 And she says, I'm going to give, uh, give you the formula. 168 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,480 So instantly my mind switches to pretty fly for a white guy. 169 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,480 And I start singing, give it to me, baby. 170 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,480 Oh fuck. 171 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,480 You're fucked that up. 172 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,480 And it wasn't until it was out that I realized what I did. 173 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,480 Damn. 174 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:53,480 That would be so good. 175 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:54,480 A song playing in your head. 176 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,480 Yeah. 177 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,480 You sing it out at the worst possible moment with the song. 178 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:11,480 So for any other kids now that are singing WAP, I keep that to yourself. 179 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,480 Next story is by MTL Lucian. 180 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,480 All right. 181 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,480 A house full of ladies. 182 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,480 I have to go to the bathroom. 183 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,480 I'm going to go to the bathroom. 184 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,480 A house full of ladies. 185 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,480 I have to go to the loo. 186 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,480 I thought it would, I thought it'd be a silent job. 187 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,480 It was, it went loud pretty quick. 188 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,480 Shit. 189 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,480 A loud and abrupt blast. 190 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:42,480 It was so fucking loud, like firing off a broken tuba in the toilet pan. 191 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,480 Zero to 11 in under a second. 192 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,480 You know, it's startling. 193 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:51,480 There was no way they didn't hear it. 194 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,480 My wife was holding back tears of laughter as I descended back down the stairs. 195 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,480 But the other ladies were too polite to say anything. 196 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,480 Yeah. 197 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,480 It's nice to have a list. 198 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:01,480 I give him credit. 199 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,480 At least he was in his own house. 200 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:04,480 Oh, it's his house? 201 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:05,480 I believe so. 202 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,480 Yeah. 203 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,480 Fuck. 204 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,480 Just his wife had friends downstairs. 205 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,480 Blowing a bathroom up with Pew company. 206 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,480 Oh God, no. 207 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,480 No. 208 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:21,480 I remember the American Pie scene where one of the characters, Stifler, gives another 209 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,480 character laxatives. 210 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,480 Yeah. 211 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:28,480 And because he always goes, during lunch, this other character always goes home to take 212 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:29,480 a shit. 213 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,480 So he figures if he gets some laxatives, he'll have to take a shit at school. 214 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,480 He ends up in the girls bathroom. 215 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,480 Yeah, you remember that? 216 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:39,480 He's like trying to, and he's like, can't hold it. 217 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:44,480 Cause there was a bunch of women in there, he's like, I can't hold it. 218 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,480 God, that would suck so bad. 219 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,480 I'm the kind of person I avoid public restrooms. 220 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:51,480 I don't like them. 221 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:52,480 Me neither. 222 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,480 Unless I have to. 223 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,480 And then again, it's just a pee. 224 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,480 I'm not going to take. 225 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,480 Right. 226 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,480 I don't want to go out there and just drop a big, like. 227 00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,480 Drop a deuce. 228 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,480 Do you know how many times I have went into the restroom and you go in there, it's like 229 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,480 you turn right back around. 230 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,480 It's like, nope, I can hold it. 231 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,480 It's like, you hear the person and they're grunting. 232 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:13,480 So it sounds like they're going like a super second. 233 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,480 10. 234 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:22,480 Although I have walked into a bathroom where one person, I heard him. 235 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,480 Oh God, not now. 236 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,480 Yeah. 237 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,480 Taking the dump would be the worst sometimes. 238 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:28,480 Yeah. 239 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,480 But if not now, when? 240 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,480 Hey man at home. 241 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,480 But not yet. 242 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,480 Please. 243 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,480 All righty, next one is by a Reddit user BKB. 244 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:44,480 They put, I was 13 and I was getting dressed as my friend in the room. 245 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,480 My pants were off and I realized I had to fart. 246 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,480 So I said, Hey, look at this. 247 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,480 And when I squatted, turns out fart never came. 248 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,480 But a nice little Hershey kiss. 249 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,480 What the fuck? 250 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,480 You're telling me your best friend's room. 251 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,480 Nice little Hershey kiss. 252 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,480 I'm a turkey. 253 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,480 We never hung out again. 254 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,480 I started crying and we're hitting my mom. 255 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,480 Oh, his room. 256 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,480 Well, either way, it's a good dump on the floor. 257 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,480 Hey, look at this. 258 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,480 Yeah. 259 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,480 Don't squat down to fart. 260 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:18,480 If you feel a full of rumbling in your stomach, don't squat. 261 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,480 Yeah. 262 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,480 At least not go slot over a toilet. 263 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,480 Not anything else. 264 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,480 Next one is by Emperor Card. 265 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,480 Card. 266 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:30,480 Yeah. 267 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,480 Card. 268 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,480 Damn. 269 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:33,480 It's a complicated name. 270 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:34,480 Jesus. 271 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:38,480 I'm trying to read whatever you're laughing at. 272 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,480 So, alrighty. 273 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,480 So this person puts, okay. 274 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,480 So this is, this is recent. 275 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,480 I lived in Panama City, ground zero for Hurricane Michael. 276 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,480 So this is whenever Hurricane Michael happened. 277 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,480 What? 278 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:51,480 What? 279 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,480 What? 280 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,480 What did you do? 281 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:54,480 What did you do the hurricane for? 282 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:55,480 What did they do to you? 283 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,480 I didn't like Panama City. 284 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,480 Jesus. 285 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,480 Wrecked that shit. 286 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:06,000 Naturally, for a while there, I lived on MREs or more specifically, their shitty low sodium 287 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 cousins, ERMs. 288 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,000 You know, MREs are horrible for constipation. 289 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,480 And these are the shitty cousins, the ERMs. 290 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,480 What the fuck are ERMs? 291 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:17,480 Holy shit. 292 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,480 Did you just reverse the wording? 293 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,480 I guess. 294 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:22,480 MRERMs. 295 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,480 Emergency ration meal. 296 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,480 Oh. 297 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:25,480 I did for civilians or something. 298 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:26,480 I don't understand. 299 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,480 It's just the low sodium versions. 300 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,480 So that's just the better or worse. 301 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,480 I thought sodium was okay. 302 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,480 It is. 303 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,480 I think anyway. 304 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,360 Well, let's find out what happened with low sodium. 305 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:44,440 They gave me what will, will understate as bad gas. 306 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:49,640 I was working on pulling what was recoverable out of a house with some of the FEMA, Red 307 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,120 Cross, linemen, road responders were patrolling. 308 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:57,680 Coating houses with severe damage, questioning residents if anyone or if everyone in their 309 00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,680 families were accounted for, et cetera. 310 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:00,680 Yeah. 311 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:03,400 I took a break on the porch to drink a bottle of water. 312 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:09,200 And while I was outside away from my family, I felt the telltale rumbly in my tumbling 313 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,140 and became a bit of a buildup. 314 00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:19,660 So I leaned to the side to open the vent for maximum airflow and let it rip. 315 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:25,400 No cheek impediment, it was an abrupt forceful and silent whoosh. 316 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,400 That's not bad, I guess. 317 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:30,280 In public, nothing better in public than a beautiful. 318 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:33,280 Yeah, it's part of just. 319 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,680 Now we came next. 320 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,440 At first, nothing happened. 321 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,440 Then all the first responders got quiet. 322 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:41,440 The hell? 323 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:42,440 I looked up. 324 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,440 What the fuck happened? 325 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:49,720 I just like to call the nuclear fallout. 326 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:54,720 What the fuck did you do? 327 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,720 What are you farting? 328 00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:00,360 What walkie talkie with the. 329 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,840 I looked at because beforehand they had been making quite a bit of a noise. 330 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:04,840 That's why I over. 331 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:09,400 That's whenever I overheard the new subject conversation, there were radians. 332 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,600 They're a coroner, they're a what? 333 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,800 They're a radio for a coroner and a canine unit to find a body. 334 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,760 Oh, as I detected what they believed to be the synonym decomposition. 335 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,760 Oh God. 336 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:27,480 They didn't find anything and I never told them what they were smelling. 337 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,480 Jesus. 338 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:33,320 So bad that when you're working for FEMA, they thought it was a rotting corpse. 339 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,560 Fucking you gotta go to a doctor, bro. 340 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:41,240 Look, the bars are so bad, they're knocking dogs out. 341 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,840 They call it the canine unit. 342 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:44,840 Yeah, Jesus. 343 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,080 And then a coroner to get the dead body. 344 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,320 And they're not even joking about it. 345 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,080 They're really serious. 346 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:57,200 So he farted that and the wind just lifted and they're just like, my God, smell a dead 347 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,200 body in here. 348 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,200 Oh, that would be so damn embarrassing. 349 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,200 All right. 350 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,480 You got two more stories. 351 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,480 OK. 352 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,800 From Big Puppa Pump. 353 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,120 Oh, God fucking Scott Steiner. 354 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,480 Holla, if you hit me. 355 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:16,520 Every Friday morning, I have to take my daughter to school, which is about a 45 minute each 356 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,520 way. 357 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,040 Usually by the time I drop her off. 358 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,040 I'm looking here, right? 359 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:24,720 That school better be two fucking minutes away when I'm a dead father. 360 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,200 There ain't no damn way. 361 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,720 Drop her off. 362 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,540 I have to go like clockwork. 363 00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:36,720 For some reason, it hit me particularly hard one morning, so I'm driving and clenching. 364 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,120 I drop her off and dash to the gas station right down the street. 365 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,480 I ran in and started buckling my belt on the way to the bathroom only to find that they 366 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,920 are remodeling the men's room. 367 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,760 And the attendant told me that there's a porta potty out back. 368 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:55,000 OK, mind you, this isn't the dead of winter and probably somewhere between 15 and 20 degrees 369 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,000 outside. 370 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,000 Alaska or just here. 371 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:05,320 At this point, I do not care where I unload. 372 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:09,320 So so I make a mad dash to the Johnny on the spot. 373 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,200 By the time I get there, my pants are unzipped and ready to drop. 374 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:16,960 I closed the door and quite honestly didn't think I had time to even wipe the seat down 375 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,000 or I was going to blow. 376 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:24,200 It was early in the morning and there was very little light and thought to myself that 377 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,600 sitting in a few drops of pee would be much better than shitting myself around 45 minutes 378 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,600 from home. 379 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,920 I'm not sitting some man's pain. 380 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,320 I blow those ass cheeks all over the floor standing straight up. 381 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,440 As I sat down, I felt something squishy. 382 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,040 Upon instinct, I put my hand on my back side to see what it was. 383 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:46,880 It was shit. 384 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,280 Someone dropped a half runny deuce on the toilet seat that he said. 385 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,280 So he just sat on someone else's shit. 386 00:17:53,280 --> 00:18:01,600 As soon as I realized what it was, I jumped up and started to drive as I turned around 387 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,640 the entire contents of my stomach unloaded into the port of John, which also caused an 388 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,640 explosion at the other end, which was pointed at the door. 389 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,640 It was 20 degrees out. 390 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:16,800 I had someone else's shit on my hand, just puked and shit down the back of my underwear 391 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,800 and leg. 392 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:22,000 Jesus, I was pissed and shit. 393 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:27,400 If you have ever been in one of these things, you realize that there's not much room to 394 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,400 move. 395 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,400 I wiped it. 396 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,400 I wash your hands either. 397 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,400 Is there this? 398 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,520 You should make one. 399 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:39,280 I wiped off the seat, took off my pants and underwear, tossed my underwear in the John, 400 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,480 cleaned up as much as I could and got the hell out of there. 401 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,400 The most miserable experience of my life. 402 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,400 Damn. 403 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,000 And the last one, shit, fisting potato. 404 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,000 Okay. 405 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000 Now it has a title. 406 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,280 Yeah, that makes it way worse. 407 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,360 It doesn't have the person's name, though. 408 00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,680 Okay, that's odd. 409 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:06,440 And they also put on here, here's a backup in case you get this in case this gets deleted. 410 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,800 How horrific is it? 411 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,600 It's not the worst thing I've ever heard, but not great. 412 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:13,720 All righty. 413 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,960 So here goes. 414 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,960 I'm an IB student. 415 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:17,960 Was that? 416 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,760 I have no idea. 417 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,120 I think it was irritable bowels. 418 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:28,520 So I have to spend extra time back at school on most days till like five ish. 419 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:32,640 Last year I was having a history to and went to go get a drink of water. 420 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,680 I walked down the hallway to go outside where the water fountains are when I heard some 421 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,640 sus noise coming from an empty room. 422 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,640 Some sus noise. 423 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,120 You can tell this is a person now. 424 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:46,400 The school was moving departments around at the time. 425 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:52,560 This noise sounded like an angry luffaric nose stroking one out on helium. 426 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:57,160 I stood there in fear for two minutes before the school janitor walked over and listened 427 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,000 to the horrid sounds with me. 428 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,840 At this point, I could hear a second fainter noise. 429 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:07,000 Also, finally, one of us moved and the janitor knocked on the door and the noise stopped 430 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,560 a full minute of deadly silence. 431 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:09,560 I wouldn't even bother. 432 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,560 I'll just leave. 433 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:11,560 Apparently they were in growth. 434 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:12,560 I don't know what the fuck was going on. 435 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,560 I got a little mystery as much as the next guy. 436 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,560 They're like, I'm just mind my own business. 437 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,800 It sounds like luffaric nose stroking one out on helium. 438 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,800 Fuck that. 439 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,560 You can only pretty much tell someone's fucking somebody. 440 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,240 Yeah, exactly. 441 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:35,760 A full minute of deadly silence passed before I looked up at the janitor and then I let's 442 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,760 see here and then the door. 443 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:43,200 He nodded as I reached for the door handle, the jiggle it and the door was locked. 444 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,560 The janitor pulled out his keys and unlocked the door slowly. 445 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,800 What the fuck mind your fucking business. 446 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,560 That room stunk like the waterways of Mumbai. 447 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:52,560 Jesus. 448 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:58,400 It's at this point that I should point out that my school has a special program and in 449 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:04,600 the middle of the room was two Down syndrome students, one elbow deep, fisting the other. 450 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,560 Jesus Christ. 451 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:11,040 There was a pool of water consistency feces on the ground around. 452 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:15,720 Not a single word was said before the janitor and I walked out, closed the door, looked 453 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,960 at each other, locked the door, each making an agreement to never talk about this again 454 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:20,960 and walked off. 455 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,120 That's why I say mind your business. 456 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:27,560 I never saw either of the two again and neither of the janitors spoke about it. 457 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:28,560 Jesus. 458 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,080 We just nod to each other when passing in the halls now. 459 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,080 Like fucking war veterans. 460 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,080 Jesus Christ. 461 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:43,080 So if you ever want to know what to Down syndrome people sound like fucking like loofing, no 462 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,920 rubbing one out on my business. 463 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,920 I did my business. 464 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,640 This is why you should not open doors. 465 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,120 You don't know what's behind there. 466 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,120 Right. 467 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:55,120 Like why? 468 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,400 If you hear some weird, if it's something like someone getting murdered, it'd be a whole 469 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,400 different story. 470 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,080 But if you know, they're clearly banging. 471 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:05,080 But if you're just go, it's not a zombie. 472 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,480 Just keep going. 473 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,480 The whole fist. 474 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,240 Oh, smash. 475 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,480 Oh, smash. 476 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,480 And all right. 477 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:24,640 Oh, the worst story you could ever hear. 478 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,640 Weird. 479 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,200 But that is all for Reddit this week and we will see you guys on the next one. 480 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200 More one piece. 481 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,240 That makes no sense for this one, actually. 482 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,800 You're not going to find the one piece where he had his hand. 483 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,600 Maybe that's what he was looking for. 484 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,600 It's gotta be somewhere. 485 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,600 Digging for that trick. 486 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:43,600 Bye. 487 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,600 See you guys later. 488 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:58,760 Bye.