Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noé.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment.
We've got some funny Reddit posts for you guys here.
Get ready for it.
It's going to be hard to top some of the other ones that we've had recently.
First one we got today is Not No, but it's posted by Not No Potato.
I like that.
Do you like the username?
Yeah.
Let me get my mic up to my face.
Okay, go ahead.
Alrighty.
So we have, it says, let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend, who let me tell you is only my second girlfriend of all time, that I am
invited to dinner with her and her parents.
I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation, but I knew
it must be done.
I met with them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way.
The idea slapped in my mind that I should do a comedic bit to make a good impression.
No.
Don't do anything out of the ordinary.
I promise it's not that crazy.
And became known as the person who is amusing.
When I saw the baked potatoes were served, I got the idea that it would be a very good
idea to pretend that I did not know what potatoes were.
That would be funny.
That would be random as fuck.
Well, let me tell you.
Backfired on my face.
I'll tell you how.
So first, when the potato came on my plate, I acted very interested.
I showed an expression on my face as to seem that I was confused, astounded by, but in
a restrained way, curious and interested.
They did notice and seemed confused, but did not remark.
So I asked, this looks very interesting.
What is this?
They stared at me and the mother said, it's a baked potato.
And I was like, oh, interesting.
A baked, what is it again?
Potato?
She was like, a potato.
And I was like, a potato.
Oh, interesting.
It is similar to a potato.
Never heard of a potato.
Looks pretty good.
And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what a potato
was.
So I knew I would be very ashamed, humiliated, depressed and disgusted if I admitted to making
a bad joke.
So what I did was to act as if it was not a joke, but I committed to the act of pretending
I did not know what a potato was.
Oh wow.
Their whole relationship, he has to get, oh, now I know that this is a potato, right?
They asked me, it was very incredulous.
Did I really not know what a potato is?
That I had never heard of a potato.
I went with it and told them, yes, I did not even, I've never even heard of a potato.
Not only had I never eaten a potato.
Double down, I had never even heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit.
My girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my fucked up antics.
And then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is, when their parents
started thinking I did know what one was.
Well, let me tell you, I had to commit a hundred percent at this point.
When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed.
At one point he said something like, enough is enough.
You're fucking with us.
Admit it.
That's not more and more.
Jesus.
Then I said, sir, before today, I have never heard of a potato.
I still don't know what a potato is other than some kind of food.
I don't know what to tell you.
What?
Why don't you just admit, like I fucked up, yo.
I tried to impress you guys by being funny and pretend I don't know.
Now I'm lost.
I don't know what to do.
Let me tell you, he got very annoyed.
I decided to take a bite of the potato.
And whenever I did, I made a high pitched noise and said, it tastes very strange.
That is when the father started yelling at me and the mother kept saying, what are you
doing?
Oh, wow.
And my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally, the father said, I should get the fuck out of his eye hole.
There you go.
And I said, it was irrational to treat me like this just because I've never heard of
what a potato was.
So he just kept going with it.
Let me tell you, he didn't take too kindly to that.
Now in text messages, I have to I have been telling my girlfriend, I don't really know
what a potato is.
I don't know the only way I will ever get out of this.
Is to get them to buy that I have never figured out what a potato was.
I wish I never started it, but I can't go back.
I think she'll break up with me anyway at this point.
Yeah.
I mean, Jesus Christ, how do you?
That's man.
Why would you get so mad?
You fucking with me?
You know what one is.
What would it be like?
It would be like, like, you don't know what water is.
You lion son of a bitch.
There's no way you everyone's no one knows what a potato is.
It's a it's a basic staple of human food for the most part.
Yeah.
But God dang Irish lived off of potatoes when they were starving.
What was it?
The Scottish?
One of them lived off of potatoes.
Irish.
Yeah.
Again, don't basically the moral of the story.
Don't don't try to be funny.
Yeah.
Just just be your natural self and maybe they'll like you.
All righty.
Next one we have is an Italian werewolf is the name of the poster.
Oh, all righty.
The story is, well, you can guess from the title that this was not today, but many moons
ago when I was a wee little lad doubled out of the many moons ago, my teacher was teaching
us about geography the whole week and I wanted to start a rock collection after my grandma
gave me.
If you just start me off, I was excited to start collecting them.
After school, one fateful day, I and my friend will call him Jake.
We're looking through the pile of rocks in the car.
We call him Jake.
What is his name?
Is his name Jake or is that we're just calling him at this point.
At least let me know you're not using his real name for whatever reason.
We were looking through a pile of rocks in the school when we found quartz or what we
thought was quartz.
I remember it so well how Jake put it up to his nose and took a big sniff.
So then like piles of shit he found probably.
Then it was time for me to be picked up by my dad and Jake broke the rock in half so
I could have a piece and he could have a piece.
It split into these little splinters which I just fiddled with in my hands.
Then my dad looked over.
Now he was at the time, but that's a wildly different story, a cop and immediately noticed
that it was a drug.
Oh boy.
He calmly told me to put it down.
Then once we got home, he pulled out a drug test.
Sure enough, it was meth.
God dang.
That took a turn.
My dad called the school and everything was fine.
He safely disposed of the meth and the stories overnight.
What about the Jake?
He's got a piece of it too.
Well no, because the school called Jake's dad and he was furious.
Not that there was meth, but that they thought it was meth.
He came into the office with a lighter and lit the meth saying it wasn't burning so it's
not meth.
Wait, wait, wait.
The father came in and started burning the rock.
Yeah, I get that, but why?
He said that it's not meth?
So basically he lit crystal meth in the school office.
The administration then called my dad, a cop at the time, saying that he was wrong.
My dad called them out for lighting meth and that was the last of it until the next morning
when my principal pulled me aside and asked where I found it.
Then she told me to keep it a secret.
Oh wow.
So it's a crystal meth, huh?
Thanks a clip, yes.
Wait, okay, so I don't understand, why was the other father upset that it was not meth?
I think of it being accused of his son bringing meth home.
Oh.
It's not meth, it's a rock.
I'd be like, yo, if it's meth, it's meth.
He accidentally brought some meth home.
Right, it's not that big a deal.
I mean, it's a massive deal, but.
But as a kid, you don't know what it is.
Nah.
Okay.
Well, all righty.
Next one is from Southpaw as the user.
It goes.
What?
A Southpaw boxing thing.
That's probably why he created the name, yeah.
It says, once upon a time, me and my pal Zach were 12 years old.
It was a hot summer's day and we were bored with watching my dog mill about the yard.
Then Zach has an idea.
Zach suggests that we should go climb a tree.
Fun, right?
Wrong.
Okay.
Wrong.
Let's go climb a tree, bro.
I could not climb trees to save my life.
It was pretty embarrassing for a kid and I didn't want anyone to know about my climbing
deficiency.
So, in an effort to save my neighborhood image, I suggested that we climb the squat, grain
tree in the backyard.
Easy to get up into, easy to get out of, but Zach, oh, Zach.
Nah, that one's too small and the bark's scratchy anyway.
Let's climb the big one in the front yard.
Fuck.
Well, here we go.
Zach being a squirrel, darts up the tree and a comfortable branch near the trunk without
a care in the world.
I try in vain to scramble up the tree after him, but to no avail.
My legs were simply too long and gangly and my arms were too weak.
So being the clever little bastard I was, I scamper up, uh, scamper into the garage
and drag a bin of my brother, a big brother's baseball gear into the front yard so I can
get a leg up and it worked.
I clambered into the tree, huffing and puffing and settled myself on a branch a couple of
feet down from Zach.
Me and Zach have a grand old time in the tree.
I remember we played movie charades.
I also specifically remember that Zach couldn't identify my silent rendition of Titanic.
Come on, Zach.
Then my dad leans out the screen door and shouts at us damn kids to get out of his tree
and we comply.
Zach tells me to get down first since I'm lower down than him.
Shit.
Now, it wasn't too long or too big of a drop, but my brain set all the files on logic on
fire locked and take a leap of faith to the green grass, the soft green summer grass below.
But I never hit the grass.
My shorts, the pocket of my shorts caught the knob of a tree on the branch and now I'm
dangling upside down.
Half my ass showing to the world for the world to see screaming, laughing and crying.
In my front yard, people drove by.
People were walking their dogs.
Look at his ass.
My shiny white asses was witness to the goings on of the suburban neighborhood for 30 fucking
minutes.
Jesus, Zach.
Zach, how are you?
Before Zach pulled himself together enough to go get my dad for help.
It took him 30 minutes to get himself composed enough to get some help.
He laughed his ass off.
Jesus Christ, Zach.
Zach falls ungracefully out of the tree and runs home.
What?
See, what I didn't know is that Zach wasn't abandoning me.
Zach pissed himself laughing and was running home for more pants.
Oh, Jesus, Zach.
Presumably he didn't want to draft my old man's help smelling of piss and tears of laughter.
A good five minute goes by.
I've accepted my fate at this point.
I've stopped struggling.
My ass is still out.
Zach crests the hill, but divided our house and just let out a carol wall of surprise
and disbelief that he'd returned.
My knight in shining armor.
He knocked on the door and my mother, bless her heart, pokes her head out of the screen.
I hear Zach say from my perch, South Pole over here is stuck.
And out of the corner of her eye, my mother sees her son dangling by his cargo shorts
out of the tree, just dejectedly squirming at this point.
She was laughing so hard she could barely lift me off the branch when she got out.
And just help me without turning into our god damn comedic spectacle.
Imagine falling out of a tree and your passion getting.
Booty hole just straight out for the world to see.
For 30 minutes.
30 long ass minutes.
Jesus Christ.
And then you have to go wait after the 30 minutes for him to go get help.
I'd be thinking like, man, I hope I wipe my ass well today.
Have you ever seen that video of that cop that tried to jump a fence and his pants came
down but he has a skid mark?
Oh no.
Jesus Christ, yo.
Please stop.
This is why you always only wear one.
You wear the pair of underwear once.
Then you put them in the laundry bin.
Regardless, you shouldn't have enough shit on your ass to leave them work.
Yeah, but that could be it could be accumulated.
Like sometimes guys keep wearing the same and like it just builds up like the farting
and the bodily functions are horrendous.
Don't wear white underwear.
That's what I stop wearing white underwear.
Actually, that's not really I just I just didn't like tighty whities.
You feel like a little kid?
Yeah, I mean, you can keep them clean.
I don't know what the hell the guy the cop was doing with his fucking shit.
I never had a shit mark the size of a fucking crayon.
Next one is from legendary bandaid.
Swipe your ass I'm saying.
All right, the legendary bandaid says, man, I've had so many it's hard to choose from
sophomore in high school in biology when I suddenly needed to use the restroom.
Somebody what?
Do I know?
You said he had so many what?
So many stories.
Oh, okay.
But sophomore in high school in biology, when he suddenly needs restroom, they always had
a sign out sheets.
So I was signing myself out right in front of my crush's desk.
I bent over and arched my back so he'd have a real nice view of my ass and my American
Eagle jeans.
Even wiggled it a bit.
I was a flirt.
Get to the bathroom and realize I was wagging around my period stained ass for a whole world
to see.
Oh, and it was really bad to like flag of Japan bad.
Jesus Christ.
It's a solid red dot on a white cloth.
Had to wear my friend sweatshirt around my waist the rest of the day.
And I definitely know my crush saw it because he was really, he was a really nice guy and
said something to my female teacher while I was gone.
So she could let me know.
Cringing all over again.
Damn.
Yeah.
So don't, don't wag your ass in front of people.
That's the moral of the story because you don't know what's back there.
Yeah.
To be a cop with a dirty asshole.
And last one for today.
This is from a nightesh to 410.
What was that?
Oh, you're fine.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Uh, this person says, I have so damn many stories.
Let me start with this.
Whenever I was about 17 or so I was in my, uh, I was at my wealthy girlfriend's house
on a lazy summer afternoon.
It's just me and her and their giant house.
And my girl decides to take a shower.
I'm in her room.
Pretty bored.
When I, whenever I decide to investigate, I raffle through her underwear.
He did.
Oh, man.
Sometimes you're curious and she is his girlfriend.
So hopefully she won't mind.
So he puts when I decide to investigate her underwear drawer, I find a tiny sequiny pink
thong and decided it would be funny if my 200 pound well belt at the time.
So surprised my girl by wearing them.
Oh no, bro.
No, don't do that.
It's like trying to stuff a sausage into a, well, into a pair of underwear.
I hear the shower turned off in a minute later.
You like what you see?
I hear someone coming down the hall.
I started strutting down the hallway.
Oh no.
Wait, wait.
No, no, no.
Who was it?
Who do you want me to?
No, no.
I can tell.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm him at this point.
No.
What do you actually put me to?
It's funny.
You know what's going to happen.
I can just, I always, I can always connect the dots quick.
Naked, but for this tiny shiny thong and my mediocre dick and giant balls hanging out
one side of it.
God.
And then she sees me.
She the South American housekeeper.
Oh man.
Yo, no.
It's good to meet you ma'am.
I'm going to leave now.
I hear a half, I hear half of her frightened gasp before I threw her back into the bedroom.
God dang.
Not even like scream.
She fucking died that day.
Oh yeah.
It's just a random white boy.
I'll get a deck whipped out.
He says he avoided this poor woman for the next two years of the relationship that he
had with the girl.
Fuck.
Yo, no.
He does stuff like this all the time.
Oh wow.
He didn't learn his lesson.
I would never, I would just be like, I'm going to have to not hang out with you anymore.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to break up with you.
It's like we're done with this.
We can't do it no more.
I'd be like, I would probably sit the family down like, dude, how much do you like your
house cleaner?
Is there any way?
But imagine if it was somebody like Consuela from Family Guy.
Like no, no, no, no.
Oh good.
Shit stains.
No, no.
I clean, I clean.
I'm Mexican, so don't worry.
Imagine if it was the dad could all get his ass whipped right there.
It's what people do in relationships.
You know, you put your dick through a donut, you send your girl a picture, whatever man.
It's whatever.
I'm just saying, you know, not from experience.
I'm just, I'm guessing, you know, you do stuff.
You put it on her thumb.
Nah, I don't wear women's clothing.
And then go strut down the hall.
Your dick and balls are hanging outside.
Fucking just ripping through the seam of her underwear, her Hello Kitty underwear.
That is all we got for Reddit today and we will talk to you guys next week.
If I give a raise, no doubt.
Bye.
Goodbye.
Bye.