1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,760 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity. 2 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:14,760 I'm Michael. 3 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:15,760 I'm Noe. 4 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:16,760 And we are the Knights of Entertainment. 5 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,560 We've got a couple of stories here for you from Reddit. 6 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,560 If you liked the last one, you'll probably love these two. 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,560 I don't know if we can top the last one. 8 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:27,040 I don't think we're going to burst out laughing, almost burst into flames. 9 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,520 I don't think I'm going to laugh that hard at these, but they're still funny. 10 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,520 Okay. 11 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:32,520 Like I couldn't make it through the last one. 12 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,600 So I couldn't read the last one either. 13 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,600 All right. 14 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,200 The first one is from Redditor Stop Fowling Jeff. 15 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,200 Okay. 16 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,160 So you got to stop selling Jeff. 17 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,160 The title of it is a wet, hot, embarrassing summer. 18 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,160 Okay. 19 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,160 All right. 20 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,200 He starts off when I was in sixth grade. 21 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,040 My parents talked me into going to a week long church camp. 22 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,040 Oh boy. 23 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,040 Here we go. 24 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,520 I'm feeling it coming. 25 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:04,040 I knew of, but didn't know personally any of the kids going, but they told me that everything 26 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,280 would be praising Jesus, riding horses and having a good time. 27 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,280 Praise the Lord. 28 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,280 I decided to go. 29 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:14,120 Uh, it was like a six hour drive in one of those big white fans quickly. 30 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,480 Everyone started whipping out their CD cases and exchanging music. 31 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,480 I'm sorry. 32 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:19,480 I'm childish. 33 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,480 I'm childish. 34 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,480 I'm sorry. 35 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:34,760 Um, and I instantly went like, fuck, I had two CDs, Britney Spears, baby one more time 36 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:38,600 hit me, baby one more time and ever clear. 37 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,720 Oh, ever clear. 38 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,520 I was a really weird kid. 39 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:43,520 Even admitted. 40 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,120 Hey man, if you like what you like, just like it. 41 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,680 Everyone was trying to talk to me about music and I had honestly never heard of any of the 42 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,160 bands they were talking about. 43 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,920 I just wanted to jam some Britney to myself. 44 00:01:54,920 --> 00:02:00,400 So naturally I went the elitist route said that I had all of that music and I was listening 45 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:04,520 to stuff I knew from the underground private shit they hadn't heard of. 46 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:05,520 Oh boy. 47 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,200 Stay in those holes. 48 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,200 Huh? 49 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:13,680 Uh, once we get to camp, uh, all I'm thinking about is let's find some friends quick because 50 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,480 I can't talk to these kids anymore. 51 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,000 I go to the pool and make friends with a few older kids. 52 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,160 There are three girls, two guys and me. 53 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,840 They were in eighth grade, so obviously they were really cool. 54 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,760 Plus I thought the girls were really hot. 55 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:32,200 I figured this would be the best time if any to get my first kiss. 56 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:36,520 Their windshield wipers were turned to maximum with all the sixth grade game I was spitting. 57 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:45,720 We decided to leave the pool and walk around the camp until we all had, uh, we all had 58 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,960 to meet up in a group meeting. 59 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,280 The cabins separated by grades. 60 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,800 So they said they would walk by the sixth grade cabin and pick me up. 61 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:54,800 Okay. 62 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,320 First thing I do is put on my freshest outfit. 63 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,920 I'm just drip it right now. 64 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:09,000 Great time to break out my fresh white t-shirt. 65 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,440 Can't forget my jeans shorts. 66 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,080 This is pre-faded denim also. 67 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,080 Oh boy. 68 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,720 So this is the industrial bright blue jeans shorts. 69 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:17,720 Jesus. 70 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,240 Some bright blue shorts. 71 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:23,240 It's summertime in Texas, so might as well top the outfit off with knee high white socks. 72 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,720 Damn, he must've been fucking boiling. 73 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,920 And of course for the bitches, Doc Martens. 74 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:30,920 God dang. 75 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:36,000 I look like a weird red neck lumberjack. 76 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,680 So I walked out and they're like, what the fuck? 77 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:40,680 But whatever. 78 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,320 It's kiss time. 79 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:46,360 So we start walking and one of the older guys parts and all the girls laugh. 80 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,800 Boom, found my way in by farting. 81 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,080 My friend Travis and I had been making far jokes for quite some time. 82 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,080 So I'm up to speed on the area of humor. 83 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:57,080 Bam. 84 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,920 The other guy farts and all the girls laugh even harder. 85 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,280 Got him. 86 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:07,000 Now I'm thinking all I have to do is drop the biggest fattest fart in Lillie. 87 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,840 Oh no. 88 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:15,480 Let me shit my pants right now. 89 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:19,280 I got you. 90 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:30,080 I can already tell. 91 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,720 My brain just puts the pieces together. 92 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,440 Oh, sorry. 93 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,880 Oh no. 94 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:47,600 I can just tell where the story is going. 95 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,600 Oh shit. 96 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,600 All righty. 97 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,480 All righty. 98 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,480 Then I feel it. 99 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:58,840 I start squeezing my stomach as hard as I can. 100 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,840 I'm walking like a newborn deer. 101 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:01,840 Jesus Christ. 102 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:02,840 That's horrible. 103 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:03,840 Yeah. 104 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:13,520 Got one big one ready. 105 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:19,480 So instead of just just dropping it out and laughing, I wanted to make a big show of it. 106 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,480 Sorry. 107 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,480 This is hilarious. 108 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,480 It's okay. 109 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,640 It's the most childish humor, but it's hilarious. 110 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,640 I love it. 111 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:36,840 I run in front of the group squat down, turn my head around. 112 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:43,440 He runs up to him, fucking squashed down and just blows out his ass cheeks. 113 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:49,560 I haven't been the same since. 114 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,560 Forcefully shit himself. 115 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,560 Forcefully? 116 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:54,560 God damn. 117 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:59,040 She just blew out the back of his pants. 118 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,040 Unrepairable jeans. 119 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,040 Oh shit. 120 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:06,040 Yeah, exactly. 121 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,960 Literally. 122 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,040 This was all out diarrhea. 123 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,120 God dang. 124 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:19,200 If you don't know, this before early nineties denim is the least forgiving fabric in the 125 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,200 world. 126 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,440 Everyone knew I shit. 127 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:26,240 It started running down my leg being soaked up by my knee high socks. 128 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,240 Instantly, I just react and start running. 129 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:30,240 Yeah. 130 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,240 Kicking up shit like mud off a truck. 131 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,240 God dang. 132 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,240 Man. 133 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,560 I've never been to this camp before, so I'm just running for anything. 134 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,640 I'm never getting one back since. 135 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,840 I find a bathroom, toss the socks, boxer's shirts. 136 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:43,840 Excuse me. 137 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:44,840 Boxers, shirt. 138 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,840 But I can't drop the jorts. 139 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,440 And jorts are jeans shorts. 140 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,680 I can't just walk across the church camp naked. 141 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,680 Might as well you shit yourself. 142 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,640 Plus at this point, I'm thinking maybe they didn't really see it. 143 00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,640 Oh no. 144 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,560 I was really confident in my speed at the time, so I was thinking I could say that's 145 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:04,560 my thing. 146 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,560 I drop giant farts and then run. 147 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,560 You did before the smell catches me. 148 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,040 Before the radioactivity kills us all. 149 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:16,960 Come to find out, not only were the five people I shit in front of outside the bathroom waiting 150 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,760 for me, but there were like 25 kids. 151 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:20,760 God dang. 152 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:21,760 Instantly. 153 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:26,760 I just ran in my docks and jorts combo back to the cabin. 154 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,400 I was staying in with the other kids chasing me, yelling shit pants. 155 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,400 Damn. 156 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:37,800 I run to my bed and where my bed is and find all the music nerds I rode up with going through 157 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,000 my CD case. 158 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,000 It only has two CDs. 159 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,000 They're like, what the fuck? 160 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,400 I thought you had tons of secret music, bro. 161 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,400 Damn. 162 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,400 Wait, did you shit your pants? 163 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:52,040 Wait, so not only did he shit himself from random people, the people that he initially 164 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,800 met with also fucking found his life. 165 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:55,800 Jesus. 166 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,600 Look at two hitter. 167 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,560 So yeah, that was about four hours into a week long trip. 168 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,560 Wow. 169 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,560 That was only four hours. 170 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,240 I lost my favorite pair of jorts and pride that day. 171 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,240 I bet he did. 172 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,800 Jesus. 173 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,320 Alrighty. 174 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:18,360 Next one does not have a user listed on here, but the name of it is Louisiana hot sauce. 175 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,360 Oh boy. 176 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,960 It's not, it's not as bad as you think. 177 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:23,960 All right. 178 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:28,480 I have a number of job interviews recently that went poorly and did not result in securing 179 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,920 employment. 180 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:35,360 I started to think I needed something to do during an interview that really made me stand 181 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,160 out, be impressive, unique and highly memorable. 182 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,200 I thought it could be risky, but it might work out. 183 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:47,640 I came up with the following idea after concluding the interview, after the handshake, et cetera, 184 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:48,640 and stuff like that. 185 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:49,920 I wouldn't leave in the room. 186 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,600 I'd turn around and say, there's one more thing you need to know about me. 187 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,680 Then I'd pull out a bottle of hot sauce down the entire bottle, slam it on the ground and 188 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,000 say I can handle the heat. 189 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,440 Don't do, don't do that. 190 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,000 Never do that. 191 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:09,360 Now confidently and then leave the room. 192 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:14,600 I imagine that they would be really impressed and wowed by such a performance. 193 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,280 Well, didn't pan out like I thought it would. 194 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,640 Like coughed that shit up or hit his eye or something. 195 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,440 It was only a small bottle of hot sauce. 196 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,840 I figured it would be no big deal to actually do it. 197 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,480 You know, just small bottle. 198 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,040 I should have tested it at home first, but I didn't. 199 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,120 I was nervous as a bitch ass during the interview. 200 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,160 Should have watered it down or something too. 201 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,560 But I had determined to follow through with this plan. 202 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:42,920 I pulled out the hot sauce bottle, almost dropped it and started to open the bottle. 203 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:50,600 In my head, it had all been one quick confident motion, like an electric Indiana Jones film. 204 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,200 But instead I fumbled around and had a tough time getting it open. 205 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:59,560 It felt like a nightmarish eternity, but as probably it was only about 20 seconds, but 206 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,560 to him it felt like an eternity. 207 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,560 Yeah. 208 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,720 Enough time for one of the interviewers to ask, what are you doing? 209 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,360 Oh boy, there's more than one person there with him. 210 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,360 Fuck. 211 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,360 I didn't answer directly instead. 212 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:16,880 After I got the bottle open, I repeated, there's one more thing you need to know about me. 213 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:17,880 Stuttering it. 214 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,040 Then I guzzled down the entire bottle of hot sauce. 215 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,520 I instantly regretted that. 216 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:27,800 My mouth and throat felt like lava were swirling around inside me. 217 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,240 I immediately started to gag and cough loudly. 218 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,680 I was crying involuntarily. 219 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:34,680 Damn. 220 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,320 Tears hard-cored down my face. 221 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,600 I was sweating like a terrible fool. 222 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,600 I desperately tried to scream, I can handle the heat. 223 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,600 I can't handle the heat. 224 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:48,600 I just kept coughing before I could get anything out. 225 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:58,920 The interviewers were all standing up looking at me in horror and confusion. 226 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,520 A few seconds before, I threw up all over the floor. 227 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:02,520 Damn. 228 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,520 I knew it would happen. 229 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,520 But I tried to hold it back. 230 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:07,520 I couldn't. 231 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:08,880 I threw up all over the floor. 232 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,920 It hurt as much on the way out as it did on the way in. 233 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,680 If not more so. 234 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:19,360 The vomit felt like flaming barbed wire straight in its way through my neck. 235 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:24,680 I should mention, a disturbing amount of fiery mucus was also leaking out of my nose at this 236 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,680 point. 237 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,400 After I finished throwing up, I could not bear to look at the interviewers. 238 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:34,200 I hoarsely mumbled an apology and started to stumble my crying and mucus-faced ass. 239 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:38,600 Should have cleaned his face and be like, I can handle the heat and walked out the door. 240 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,520 I've never been more ashamed in my life. 241 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:42,520 I didn't get the job. 242 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,520 Did he get the job though? 243 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:46,520 Jesus. 244 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:47,520 Fucking dumb. 245 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,520 Don't chug hot sauce. 246 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,520 Yeah, don't chug hot sauce. 247 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:50,520 What the fuck? 248 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,520 Louisiana hot sauce? 249 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,520 Fuck. 250 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,520 Like it's not hot hot. 251 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,520 It ain't warm though. 252 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,520 It's not hot hot. 253 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:56,520 It's not hot hot. 254 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:57,520 It ain't warm though. 255 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:58,520 It's also mostly vinegar. 256 00:11:58,520 --> 00:11:59,520 Oh damn. 257 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:00,520 Vinegar, chilies. 258 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,520 Damn. 259 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:02,520 So yeah, it just fucking rolls in his stomach. 260 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:03,520 Oh, and it's coming back out. 261 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,520 Fucking snot coming out of his nose. 262 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:05,520 Just hot sauce out of your nose? 263 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:06,520 No thank you. 264 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,520 Alrighty. 265 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,520 And last one. 266 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:09,520 It's a little long as well. 267 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,520 This one is called Noah the Red is the user. 268 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:13,520 Noah. 269 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,520 And the title of it is called just Kevin. 270 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:17,520 Kevin the Red. 271 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:18,520 Kevin the Red. 272 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,520 Kevin the Red. 273 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,520 Kevin the Red. 274 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,520 Kevin the Red. 275 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,520 Kevin the Red. 276 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,520 Kevin the Red. 277 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:24,520 Kevin the Red. 278 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,520 Kevin the Red. 279 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,520 Kevin the Red. 280 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,520 Soka what you call it? 281 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:28,520 Just Kevin. 282 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,520 Oh boy. 283 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:30,520 Alrighty. 284 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:35,540 It starts it's no uncommon as a teacher to have students who are a bit behind the curve 285 00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:36,540 in certain aspects. 286 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:40,560 Dumb as we say. 287 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,560 Yes. 288 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:46,240 But proves 99.9999 percent of the time they're keen on something. 289 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:51,480 They may not understand how to identify a noun or what theme it is. 290 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,240 But they somehow know how to make a mean plate a nachos. 291 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,240 Okay. 292 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,240 You know they do not do something. 293 00:12:56,240 --> 00:13:00,160 I see what you mean. Yeah, you learn pretty quick to not judge a fish 294 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,440 For their climate their tree climbing ability, you know 295 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:10,260 I thought this was a rule when I was teaching until I met Kevin. Oh boy 296 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,800 Kevin must have been the dumbest 297 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,680 Kevin isn't his real name, but it doesn't matter because he can't spell it anyway 298 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,680 Oh boy 299 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,080 Kevin was a student of mine during my last year of teaching 300 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:31,180 He came to my classroom with a very little show for his academic past 301 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:38,200 He had moved a few times and this was missing a lot of typical test scores that would they would use to try to ballpark 302 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,200 Their ability don't worry. It was a ballpark 303 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,720 We didn't make decisions until we actually had a chance to talk and work with the student for a bit 304 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:50,120 So, you know, they're not just judging automatically and I based it on actual 305 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,320 What's the word study, right? 306 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,920 They put I thought 307 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:01,440 That's fine. I'll do a I'll do just do some one-on-one with Kevin and see what's up 308 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:05,720 One-on-one with Kevin was like conversing with someone who'd forgotten everything 309 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,920 Jesus in a freak if not impossible 310 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,680 amnesia incident 311 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:18,040 There was no evidence that he had learned anything past the second grade and now he was in the ninth grade 312 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,680 What happened for seven fucking years 313 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:29,320 Flabbergasted I figured we need to get more serious with this if I was going to if he was going to be in my class 314 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:35,080 I decided to meet with him his guidance counselor his parents and another teacher to see what was really going on 315 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,720 This is where it all became clear 316 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:43,440 It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn't been wiped off of the face of the earth years ago 317 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:49,520 Odds are his entire heritage was based on blind luck and some type of sick divine 318 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,640 Intervention that saves his family every time it represents itself 319 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:57,160 Kevin was the genetic pinnacle of that null achievement 320 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,800 even my 321 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:04,520 instructional lead a woman who could find a redeeming trait in a balrog 322 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:11,440 Failed to see any reason this kid or his family should be alive today, and it must be the dumbest motherfucker to several is 323 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,440 every single one of them 324 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:21,600 So here's a list of events that made it abundantly clear that God exists and he's laughing uncontrollably 325 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,440 All righty number one 326 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:30,040 Kevin frequently forgot when where class was on more than one occasion 327 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:35,560 I had to retrieve him from other classrooms, so we just randomly walk into a different class and say there 328 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,960 Do they just thought that was the class? 329 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,600 number two Kevin ate an entire pack of 330 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,600 24 crayons 331 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:49,560 Puked and did it again the next day. This is ninth grade. I have no idea where he got crayons wait wait 332 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,560 Let's be clear here. He's not mentally 333 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,520 disabled is he 334 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,520 So he's just really that dumb 335 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,720 Jesus Christ 336 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:03,120 Number three Kevin's dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me his English teacher 337 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,280 This was a public school 338 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,520 There's no tuition. Oh yeah 339 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:16,260 Yeah, public school when I gave it back to Kevin avoided to give to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is public school 340 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,640 Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at a 7-eleven after school 341 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,860 He's smart enough to do that then so 342 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,860 Number four 343 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:33,740 Kevin threw his lunch at the school resource officer tried to run away ran into a door and insisted it wasn't him 344 00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:37,740 Number five 345 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:42,620 Kevin stole my phone during class. I called it it rang he denied that it was ringing 346 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:47,980 Not that it wasn't his not that he didn't steal it. No he denied the phone was actually ringing 347 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:52,540 He tried three more times before the end of the year to steal her phone. Yeah 348 00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:54,540 He's just a 349 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:56,540 Damn, I don't know what the number six 350 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,100 Well number six out of 20 351 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:03,180 Number six Kevin called the basketball coach a motherfucking bitch during gym 352 00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:08,860 Basketball tryouts where that afternoon Kevin tried out. It didn't go well. I imagine that 353 00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:15,260 I don't imagine someone a fucking dumb level intellect has very good hand-eye coordination either 354 00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:21,660 With their brain just doesn't have enough energy to get down there and move. That's right. You fucking breathe 355 00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:25,820 All righty number seven 356 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:31,740 Kevin's mom could never remember which school he went to she missed several meetings 357 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:36,060 Because she drove to other schools Christ none of which he ever went to 358 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,500 Starting to hurt your head a little bit 359 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:46,220 Like no one could be that fucking stupid and still be you know functional in society number eight 360 00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:51,340 Kevin tased himself in the neck before a school a football game. What do you got taser from? 361 00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:53,980 What the fuck? 362 00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:56,460 number nine 363 00:17:56,460 --> 00:18:00,300 Kevin kept a bottle of orange Kool-Aid in his backpack for about four months 364 00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:05,180 He thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and threw up. Yeah 365 00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:08,860 Number 10 Kevin would say the n-word. Oh boy a lot 366 00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,220 Kevin was white 367 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,780 The high school was 84 black 368 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,900 Kevin got beat up a lot. Oh, I thought they let him go because he's just that fucking dumb 369 00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:21,900 number 11 370 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:27,580 Kevin stole another kid's iphone and then tried to tell it back to him. This is recent then if it's an iphone 371 00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:29,580 I think like some 1999 or something like that 372 00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:37,580 Jesus christ number 12 Kevin didn't understand that his grade was dependent on tests quizzes homeworks class works and every other thing that there is to do with school 373 00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:41,340 So what he just assumed he was gonna grade just by showing up. I guess so 374 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,820 number 13 375 00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:48,860 Kevin spit on a girl and said you should get out of those wet clothes. The girl was a spanish student teacher 376 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,460 Damn, he tried to get that riz going with it 377 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,100 He was trying to get that riz going with it 378 00:18:55,100 --> 00:19:00,220 I don't think he's just dumb. I think he's just an asshole. Number 14. Kevin didn't know that dogs and cats were different animals 379 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,540 No, he's dumb then. Yeah 380 00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:04,540 Never mind 381 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:06,540 You gave him too much credit. Yeah, I did 382 00:19:06,540 --> 00:19:12,780 Number 15 Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library at the circulation desks 383 00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:15,740 While he was logged in 384 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,740 God dang Kevin 385 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:22,140 Number 16 Kevin asked the teacher if he could download porn on the computer and he did 386 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:25,740 Number 16 Kevin asked a girl to prom 387 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:31,740 He was in ninth grade and freshmen don't go to prom by asking for her number and then texting her his address 388 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:36,620 Hmm, that's how he tried to invite her. He just come over to my house 389 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:39,580 Kevin got gum in his hair 390 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,940 constantly 391 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:42,940 What the fuck? 392 00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,620 number 18 393 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:51,020 Kevin regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over grabbing one of them off the ground before she could get them 394 00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:55,900 And then writing his name wherever he could on there. Oh my fucking god 395 00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,020 There's no fucking way 396 00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:03,180 Number 19 397 00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:07,260 Kevin had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember what they were 398 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:12,860 Oh wonderful. They were very concerned that the holiday party. It's high school. They don't have those 399 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,340 would have peanuts 400 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,540 When they finally got a doctor's note, he was allergic to a moxicillin 401 00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:20,540 moxicillin 402 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,120 Yeah, what the fuck is a moxicillin 403 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,360 Hey, uh, what do you call it? 404 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,360 Uh antibacterial 405 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,200 Like for if you're sick and stuff like that a moxicillin 406 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,600 It's like, you know what penicillin is, right? Okay 407 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:43,200 It's just like the another version not it isn't penicillin, but it's another type of pill 408 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:47,520 Just another type of a medication. Yes, so he's allergic to that. Yeah 409 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:54,400 Yeah, not peanut. Yeah, they wouldn't they don't have that they wouldn't just be giving him a moxie. Whatever a moxicillin. Yeah 410 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,960 What the fuck? 411 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,680 Yeah, and last number 20 412 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,600 Kevin and his parents took a trip to nassau 413 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,360 Uh, how the fuck they ever got an airline ticket. I will never know 414 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,880 Yeah, because they don't seem to be able to function and forgot all their luggage at home 415 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,520 I didn't believe him when he told me 416 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:19,280 Until his mom who had told me this the first time she had seen me during the next bi-weekly meeting 417 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,120 So they just they just went on a trip and just left all their shit at home 418 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:29,840 When did they realize it when they when they were on the trip probably like oh we're now in this where where'd they go? 419 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,400 To nassau where's that? 420 00:21:32,940 --> 00:21:35,680 N-a-s-s-a-u and that's i've never heard of that place 421 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,360 Let's assume it's a different country. It would be i'm assuming but then again if they go to a different country 422 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,880 They might not be able to come back. Yeah, because they were like no one speaks english here dad 423 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:52,000 So I know something but hey here. So basically this is a story of an entirely uh inbred retarded family 424 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,600 Is what this was inbred. Yes 425 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,960 But then he he's still physically normal 426 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,100 They usually start looking real weird after inbreeding 427 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,840 Man and the whole family is not very bright 428 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:12,100 I mean you got the dad mailing tuition checks to a public school to the english teacher. Yeah, this is the random woman 429 00:22:12,820 --> 00:22:16,420 She's just going to schools that he's never been to you got a fucking 430 00:22:16,820 --> 00:22:22,660 Student that's eating crayons two days in a fucking row in the ninth grade remember this yeah ninth grade 431 00:22:22,980 --> 00:22:29,220 This isn't kindergarten. So you're not a child. Well, you're not well, you're a teenager. They're trying to figure out where the fuck you got crayons 432 00:22:29,940 --> 00:22:31,940 It's ninth grade 433 00:22:31,940 --> 00:22:33,940 You don't have crayons in ninth grade 434 00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:36,660 You don't have crayons in ninth grade. I had crayons in ninth grade 435 00:22:38,340 --> 00:22:40,180 I'd have drawn something 436 00:22:40,180 --> 00:22:42,180 Get me through the menial bullshit of school 437 00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:49,780 But that uh, that is the last of the uh, the reddit story. She quit her job after that. She couldn't redeem kevin 438 00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:52,100 I would assume so see 439 00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:55,540 There's a problem with that though is if it was just dumb 440 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:57,620 right 441 00:22:57,620 --> 00:22:59,620 It's like okay. He's just a dumb kid, right? 442 00:22:59,620 --> 00:23:06,100 But the fact that he's also malicious like calling people motherfucking bitch and they're trying to steal phones, right? 443 00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:10,820 He also has a bad streak and dumb and bad streak are not a good combination 444 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:15,220 Leads to at least a murder real quick 445 00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:21,140 You don't have the faculties to realize that your consequences will be jail. Yeah 446 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,100 So most likely kevin's in jail right now 447 00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:28,900 I don't know how his parents aren't in jail. I'm I'm they probably go in and out of jail all the time 448 00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:32,500 I probably don't know what school he's at 449 00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:35,460 Fucking go find him a juvie. It's probably where he's at 450 00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:39,220 Man that's a dumb family 451 00:23:39,540 --> 00:23:45,700 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, i've talked to some dumb people before it's it's mentally taxing i'm gonna be honest with you 452 00:23:47,940 --> 00:23:49,220 I'm sorry 453 00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:50,180 I'm sorry. All right 454 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:54,020 But if you're done with some people if you're on a level of intelligence, i'm not saying i'm a genius 455 00:23:54,820 --> 00:23:59,060 But if you're just average, yeah, like if you if you met a person of just like that just 456 00:23:59,860 --> 00:24:01,040 real like 457 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,580 bogged down 458 00:24:02,580 --> 00:24:07,780 Like mental capacity. It's hard. It's hard like jeez. I'd be like are you fucking stupid? 459 00:24:09,220 --> 00:24:11,940 See i'm smart enough to know what I don't know 460 00:24:12,420 --> 00:24:18,500 Right, like there's plenty of things. I have no idea about anything and i'm more than happy to admit. I don't know them 461 00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:24,200 And don't know exactly at least I know what I don't know. At least you don't have to eat fucking crayons 462 00:24:25,620 --> 00:24:28,020 Two days in a row. Yeah two days in a row no less 463 00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:33,220 He's not even smart enough to realize like an animal if they touch fire in their hearts 464 00:24:33,220 --> 00:24:38,340 They will never touch fire again, right? This motherfucker ate crayons once and threw up and said maybe it was a bad bet 465 00:24:38,580 --> 00:24:41,860 Yeah, you fucking ate some more. He also drunk uh, four months 466 00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:46,020 Probably fucking uh 467 00:24:46,020 --> 00:24:47,220 it probably uh 468 00:24:47,220 --> 00:24:49,220 What's the word? Uh 469 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:55,780 I'm sure it had molded it. Yes, exactly. They probably molded over i've seen that before in the drink 470 00:24:56,580 --> 00:25:01,540 I had a friend that I never hung out with anymore who had dog food that he left out for weeks, right? 471 00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:05,780 What's fucking maggots inside? Oh god, never hung out at his house again 472 00:25:06,580 --> 00:25:08,580 Gave me bed bugs twice 473 00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:10,900 I had to throw my furniture twice 474 00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:16,180 That dirty son of a bitch make sure not to hang out with nasty ass people 475 00:25:16,180 --> 00:25:20,660 Yeah, is the the lesson of this and also don't eat crayons. Don't eat crayons 476 00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:23,540 Wash your ass too 477 00:25:23,780 --> 00:25:28,420 I don't know why I gave that one, but just wash your ass. Well, i'm assuming kevin didn't know how so god 478 00:25:28,420 --> 00:25:30,660 Can you imagine his fucking salty ass underwear? 479 00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:33,780 Jesus 480 00:25:33,780 --> 00:25:35,780 His teeth must have been fucking horrendous 481 00:25:36,420 --> 00:25:38,420 I would assume that he is pretty bad 482 00:25:38,740 --> 00:25:43,460 You know what the dentist for the first time just a couple of like last year was my first trip to the dentist 483 00:25:43,460 --> 00:25:45,460 Yeah, I only had two cavities 484 00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:48,580 I say that's not bad. Well, I always always brush my teeth regardless 485 00:25:49,220 --> 00:25:52,420 But I mean I was always uh, well, I didn't want to waste money on a dentist 486 00:25:53,380 --> 00:25:55,380 I'm fucking i'm borderline poor 487 00:25:56,340 --> 00:25:58,660 But I mean i'm getting older so I had to take care of my teeth 488 00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:03,220 So, you know I took a little last trip like no no cavities. I'm like hell yeah 489 00:26:04,580 --> 00:26:09,460 But people that are like they never think about that stuff, right? Yeah, their teeth just look horrendous 490 00:26:11,140 --> 00:26:12,420 Yeah, that's true 491 00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:14,420 What i'm saying is always have proper hygiene 492 00:26:14,420 --> 00:26:18,900 Yes, it doesn't it doesn't it won't kill you get a bar soap take a shower every day 493 00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:24,020 I mean brush your teeth. Look, we already had one story where he shit himself. Yeah, but that was an accident 494 00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:26,340 But he fucking blew his asshole out 495 00:26:27,780 --> 00:26:29,780 He wasn't because he was dumb it was just because 496 00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:36,020 He he miscalculated as one would say we've all miscalculated a fart before like oh fuck 497 00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:40,260 He trusted it a little too much yeah 498 00:26:40,260 --> 00:26:43,940 Yeah, if he hadn't squatted if he hadn't squatted down, maybe he wouldn't have been as bad 499 00:26:45,060 --> 00:26:47,060 He was like let me stand 500 00:26:47,140 --> 00:26:49,700 And fucking blew the back of his fucking jeans out 501 00:26:50,420 --> 00:26:54,260 His jorts his jorts jean shorts good old jean shorts 502 00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:59,940 But with that we are uh at the end of this episode and we will see you on the next one 503 00:26:59,940 --> 00:27:10,820 We will see you next week. Bye