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We are now on part two of season four of the White-Eyes Kitchen Now.
But after this, we only got two episodes left.
But when we finished, the White-Eyes Kitchen Now, a show that was, I guess, just disappeared
into the annals of time.
And people forgot about the selection of Tubi.
There's just so much.
Well, Tubi has everything.
They got something called Black Scorpion, some 90s show about a superheroine in some
made up city and she fights crime.
And I'm like, where did this show come from?
To tell you how Tubi is, they have Dark Shadows, a soap opera, I think from Australia or England.
I can't remember where.
I think it was England about this vampire that if you've seen that movie with Johnny
Depp where he plays a vampire.
That's the movie that they based off of the soap opera.
And it was a long soap opera for it was years and years, right?
Until the character came in and that's when it hit big.
It became popular with the vampire character.
Then it kept going on for years after that.
Oh really?
They started adding supernatural elements to it.
So it didn't have originally any supernatural elements?
I know of.
I don't think so.
And then it eventually did.
I could be wrong.
Yeah, but that's what happened.
But you have the Dark Shadows the early years.
So all the years without the vampire guy.
And then you have when his serial started, his storyline.
And just like a thousand episodes after that.
And they have all of them.
Oh my God.
I'm like, oh Lord.
They have every single episode from the very beginning.
Because at first it was just the vampire one, right?
Yeah.
And I guess Toby thought, oh well they like this one.
So let's drop the originals.
And so you can watch the whole thing from beginning to end.
Maybe I should do a little episode.
Are they like an hour long?
Yeah, but I could do a little story bit for like five minutes.
And then I move into something more like the main storyline.
Or my main theme or my main subject.
No, no, I mean like you'd be watching a...
Oh, well yeah.
Like not the podcast time taking out.
I'm talking about like just watching.
Watch it.
Watch it so far.
Yeah, because they have it every single day.
Yeah.
Monday through Friday.
Yes.
It's not like I can watch One Piece as weekly.
I can catch up.
If I watch one episode of One Piece, I catch up eventually.
One a day, right?
Right.
But if it's you, you're watching one a day.
I'm watching like it really came out and oh my God, it'd be real hot.
I'd be aging like Judge Dredd in the conference.
Even if you spent five hours one day watching it, that's only five...
Five hours.
One week worth of episodes?
Yes.
Am I strong enough for that?
I handle all that?
I can't handle soap operas at all.
I just think there's some soap operas still coming on.
Yeah, to this day.
Ever since we were kids.
And they'll still be going on.
You used to watch it as a kid, right?
That you come back as an adult.
Yeah.
Is Trevor still on there?
He's married?
Don't rub back.
They used to hate each other when I was eight years old and now I'm 45.
Still going on?
They're still in love.
Isn't that when George R.R. Martin first started writing on?
It was a soap opera.
Did he?
Yeah, I think so.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Is that why it's taking him so long?
Is he trying to make an actual soap opera of his God dang books?
Imagine if The Game of Thrones was a soap opera.
Five episodes a week for the last five years.
Super shitty budget, but at least the human element will be there.
I guess it's a good way to learn the human element of the stories.
Yeah.
That's all they talk about.
They don't have a budget for anything else.
I really know.
But yeah, I think he really started off doing...
Soap operas, huh?
Yeah.
Which is crazy.
It'd be a weird way to start.
Most of them started making erotica under pseudonyms.
It's the only way you can make any money at first.
I think he might have.
They all have.
I think.
This is James Patterson.
And this is my short story about a penis.
But he had to do a different name.
But instead of just naming himself something else right, he just said something super obvious.
This is James Patterspiel.
Patterspiel?
Yeah.
Where they always change their name to something really just like on the nose, like you know
who it is.
This is Greg B.B. Barton.
This is Trevor Prince.
Not Stephen King, Trevor Prince.
Yeah, he worked on a thing called Beauty and the Beast from 1987 to 1990.
He had to make them bills.
He wrote 13 episodes.
Gotta pay them bills.
Only 13?
And he played the restaurant patron.
Of course he did.
Yeah.
Wait, was it a sub-up or just a show?
I think it may have been just a show.
I feel like I got the right 13 episodes in three years.
They have like fucking 800 episodes a year.
Beauty and the Beast is an American fantasy drama television show that aired on CBS from
September of 1987 to August of 1990.
And it had 56 episodes, three seasons.
He got 13.
Got a good chunk.
Yeah.
It must have not been a sub-up or that.
No, but I'm sure he had.
Like fucking 300 episodes.
Minus weekends.
Yeah.
Damn, you don't get a lot of time off either to sub-up or this.
You get the weekends off and you gotta come right back to work.
And start working for the next episode for the day.
I know.
And they might have to work the day before to get it up for the next day.
Geez.
Yeah.
Geez.
The soap operas are brutal.
We don't know anything about them, but all of a sudden they're the most brutal fucking
programming in history.
Yeah.
Got like late night talk shows.
They would go.
That's why they have a team of writers though, I'll tell you.
It's not like the hosts don't write half of those fucking jokes.
Of course not.
It's a team of writers.
But having to be up there every single day, every weekday, I'd be like, man.
Yeah.
Must be getting me grueling after a while.
We're having like the worst guests you could possibly have and you're trying to like enliven
up the crowd.
And then, well, that was fucking sucks.
You're not Johnny.
You're not, what was the name?
The original?
You're not Johnny Carson.
Yeah.
You son of a bitch.
It's kind of like whenever somebody goes under the prices right now, it's like, you're not
fucking Bob Barker.
Fuck you.
He's like, he grabs you by the fucking collar.
No, bitch.
I'm Drew fucking Gary.
You better spit that fucking will you?
It'd be funny if somebody said who?
If I could pick some of his spotty stuff.
He had one of the oddest rises to fame I've ever seen.
One day he just had the show, the Drew Carey show.
Yes.
Which was funny.
And that show is like, I've never seen it since.
Really?
I've never seen it anywhere.
You can't find it anywhere?
There's no, you can't like, what would I look for?
Tubi?
Maybe.
The only fucking place it would have would be fucking Tubi.
It's like we got everything.
We even had a Drew Carey show.
Mimi was one of the funniest characters.
Yeah.
With the makeup where she looked like a clown.
But like, you have that show, right?
And you barely see it anywhere.
No one talks about it.
Nothing.
Yeah.
It's no longer part of the pop culture, I guess, like pool?
I don't know.
Maybe like, after a while.
It's not part of the zeitgeist anymore?
I guess not.
I guess stuff, like certain stuff just kind of disappears.
Like that, there was Frasier, there was Cheers.
There was Becker.
I don't know if you remember that show over.
I have no idea.
You know the guy that plays The Good Place?
Ted Danson?
Yeah.
He was in Becker?
Yeah.
What the fuck is Becker?
It was like a comedy fiction.
It was where I think he was the original character from Cheers.
Well, like I know those, like those are like classics, right?
They just like, over time of just, you know.
Kind of favored a little.
Because you know, more people haven't seen them, more of our generation.
Yeah.
But that's something like shows that were like huge at a time.
And like, they just drop off and you never hear from them again.
Like The Drew Carey.
Like it's just no one talks about it at all.
That is true.
The same with like, like The Ways Kids You Know.
I watched that consistently.
IFC, it was always on there.
Like they would always fill up spots for it.
And it was on there for five long years.
And then like it just disappeared.
What else?
What's another show that's like massive?
Like Hannah, no, Lizzie McGuire.
Remember that show as a kid?
Yeah.
Where is it?
Nobody knows.
No one even talks about it.
Nobody even talks about That's So Raven anymore.
And I didn't even watch it.
See what I mean?
Like these.
But like it was one of those kind of shows that even if you didn't watch it, you knew
about it.
Because it was massive.
Yeah.
And now you don't even hear about it anymore.
Like, we always, we see, hear about Game of Thrones because of the new show.
Yeah.
And like the old ones like slowly fading.
It's not really fading, fading.
Cause you'll always have like people on my like, you know, Khaleesi or like the Dothraki
and you know, the language and all that.
So it's always going to be, but some certain stuff stays forever.
And other stuff.
Like you don't hear about Khal Drogo.
Right.
But like, for me, it's like, it's that FOMO, like Fear of Missing Out.
Yeah.
I wonder if there's like a gem out there, like some perfect fucking movie or show that
you've never seen or you've seen a long time ago.
And you're like, you're missing out on that.
Like you're missing that part of your soul.
You gotta go find it.
I'll have to search and see if I can find one for you.
What?
Just on random show?
It's like, oh yeah.
Oh my God.
Like that fucking, you remember the, the, the Thornberrys?
Where there was a little girl and their parents were in the safari all the time with the talking
monkey and like Nigel was like the dad, but it was like the voice of like that one guy
that played it back in the nineties.
See what I mean?
There was that one show about those kids that were like in Hawaii and they love to surf.
It was like on Nickelodeon.
Oh, I didn't have Nickelodeon.
So like, there's just like, there's so much shit.
The fucking that one show about those land sharks, uh, that, uh, that there were people.
Oh, and they turned into the street sharks.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's like, I know that fucking gargoyles.
Gargoyles like what's really weird though is you still find action figures for it.
The collectibles like they're still like, they're still making new collectibles for
gargoyles, but you've never heard.
No, like some people it's like, I don't know what that is.
It's cool.
But it's like a cool, you know, little.
Like, uh, what's in the, the wildcats or thunder cats or not thunder cats, but yes, I'm a swat
cats.
You remember swat cats?
They were those two kinds that were cops and then, but they were there for some reason
they were cops, but they had a fucking fighter jet.
Oh yeah.
They got fired, they got fired.
So they became like, if I was the fucking commissioner, right.
And I saw two vigilantes, the same two looking motherfuckers flying, doing the exact same
thing as vigilante.
Like who the fuck are these guys?
I would fire them if I was, you don't know who they are.
You literally fired them.
The two just like them who do the exact same thing.
Yeah.
And they're not doing it as vigilante.
They didn't fucking disappear, bro.
You know, God dang well.
And like you didn't question as a kid now does it all like, why the fuck did they have
a fighter jet?
Bro, they were fucking cops.
Why did they need it?
And 90% of the fucking problems had to involve the fighter jet because it was necessary.
Well, it's kind of like the thing people don't remember.
Oh yeah.
When you saw them without it, right.
Doing stuff outside, you were like, what's going on?
They're fighting like on foot and you know, I'm like, you would like, I'm set the hell
out of you.
They kind of be in their fighters yet.
You know what I mean?
Like it changed the, like the dynamic didn't work if they were not in though.
If there was that, that big motherfucking Tomcat in the front and that skinny cat in the back
didn't work apparently.
Well, do you remember the, oh, what was the name of it?
I cannot remember the fucking name of this.
It's a old cartoon, but where they had the, the five different cat, like Megazords.
Yeah.
I cannot remember the damn name.
Was it Zoids?
No, I don't know.
You know what I'm talking about though?
Uh, where they lived on another world.
Yeah, I know.
Like it was spacey.
I think robot chicken made fun of them in their first episode.
I think they did.
They did a rap battle.
No, they did a break dance battle.
Yeah, it was a break dance battle.
It was like almost like a Gundam type thing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, they were five cats.
Yeah.
They would all turn into one fucking dude.
Yes.
I don't remember.
I don't remember the name though.
But people forget about him though.
Man, there's a lot of good cartoons and anime.
There's just so much content.
Like a lot of it just gets...
Nowadays if you don't specialize, you're lost in the void.
Yeah.
See, that's why I like doing this podcast though, because we can actually talk about
some of the things that existed a long time ago.
Not to the, I'm not going to go back to the mid eighties.
Like I wasn't even born, but...
What was that show called?
Hmm.
It'll be in my head for a while.
But it wasn't in the void though, because that's something else.
Yeah.
Do you remember, and this is going to be a wild one, it was a Cartoon Network show.
I think it was, they got it from, it was an anime for sure.
And they would travel around this deserted fucking landscape, a wasteland, and they would
battle each other in animal shaped, or animal themed robots.
And one guy had a tiger, and he would have either a big muscular tiger, a cheetah tiger,
or a cheetah tiger, or like a blue balanced tiger, or like a lion, like a cat, like a
giant cat.
Right.
And he would fight other groups, like they would all be wearing these big ass tankers,
and they would be like, they're like roving like RVs basically.
But also like the inside of it was for like maintenance of the specific droid, or specific
robot, and there would be a person inside, it's kind of like a Gundam.
And they would battle each other for the entertainment of the masses.
And it would be like tournaments, and like there was a really dark one that was after
a T-Rex that was like the main villain.
You ever seen that?
Sadly I can picture it.
You got it?
I don't know the name of it though.
So basically he would have three different forms of his own.
Yeah.
Like the normal one, like the most balanced one was the, I think the center one, right?
Then he had a heavy duty one, and then he had a really thin one that was like really
fast.
And he would like, sometimes, one time he fought an elephant that was a super heavy
tank, and so he had to use I think speed to beat it, I can't remember what he used.
And then other times it was like his regular Velociraptor robots, and like they were always
having fights with different tournaments, they were always, they earned money every
time they won.
Yeah.
I can picture the anime in my head, I cannot remember the fucking name.
It's like how you can remember the damn little lion tiger fucking things where they turn
into a Megasaur.
I can't remember what they're called, yeah.
I can't even hear their voices, which is annoying.
And like it was like, it was always that goofy kid, like, and I guess it was a big, like
an arching story to it.
Yeah.
But I don't remember what it was.
But I remember that show because it was so entertaining, I guess.
Yeah.
It was like, oh cool, like there's no like heist, and no one's gonna die.
You know, you lose and you know, you get defeated.
Your robot gets broken, maybe you're out of the tournament for it, out of the competition
forever.
Yeah.
Until you get another one.
But like, it was like, you know, just like daily life, like slice of life, just with
robots.
Well, like, do you remember Metabots?
There was.
Metabots?
Yeah.
Sounds familiar.
You see, you know the name though.
What is that?
It's the one where they had that like dude in yellow armor, I think, but it's like not
a giant droid, it's a small android.
Then you had Astro Boy.
Astro Boy, yeah.
Well, I don't know what that is.
But that's, you know, more commonly known.
That's one of those like...
Do you remember Beast Morphers though?
Sounds familiar.
It was a knockoff of Transformers.
I thought it was Transformers.
Like a spin-off of it.
It might be where it takes place where they took on the shape of animals.
Wait, if I remember, they landed on the planet, right?
Yeah.
And like Optimus Prime was a gorilla.
I know that for sure.
Yes.
And then you had like Bumblebee.
Then you had the cheetah.
Then you hit them.
Was it Bumblebee a cheetah, but they still called him Bumblebee?
Probably.
Yeah, like that show actually didn't make any fucking sense.
No.
Because it was just like them.
Those two sides always on the little...
There was no one to help.
And I think Megatron was a T-Rex or something stupid like that.
Something big and dangerous, yeah.
It made no sense.
Cool.
I think that show made absolutely no sense because there was no real stakes.
It was just two warring factions on a deserted fucking planet.
Where were the animals at that they turned into from?
Nobody ever know.
And I remember they sold the toys at like McDonald's and shit.
Yeah, I remember I took that toy to Target.
I returned it three times to trade it for a different one.
And I settled on the gorilla on Optimus Prime because he was the only one I could turn or
transform.
They got fucking stuck.
And I couldn't go back from the gorilla to the regular robot or some shit.
Weird.
Man, there's been a lot of stuff out there.
Yeah.
Like I said, I'll find a list of things and just send them to you.
It's like, here you go.
Just opens up a fucking Pandora's box.
Because you have the main stuff, right?
Like Lion King, Little Mermaid.
The things that almost everybody has seen.
Like Timeless.
Right.
And Universal.
You have...
Like Aladdin and stuff.
Any of the big Disney ones.
I remember some dude came into the store today dressed up as Aladdin.
Like six foot nine.
I'm Aladdin.
I know you're not, bro.
You're that one guy with the fat fucking turban on his head.
The guy that he fought.
The cop.
Jafar?
No, not Jafar.
There was a guy that he fought, Aladdin did, that was like this big bully that was a security
guard or like a city guard.
That's who you should have dressed up as.
He's always bully Aladdin.
Yeah, I know who you're talking about there.
And they always had him for it too.
He had that guy he fought in the first one.
He had that big bulky thief he fought in the second one.
They always could put him against a stronger, bigger opponent.
Because the mystical opponent was not his forte.
Right.
He needed a physical combatant.
Yeah, because Jafar was just...
Jafar was just a magician.
Yeah.
He got to throw fucking sand in his face.
Like...
Would that be a fucking way to lose?
He got to throw sand in his face and take the knife to the jaw.
Like, he's like, I'm going to kill you.
Like, I'm going to kill you.
Like, he goes to the chest.
See, I was the hero.
I'm an Aladdin.
And he fucking passes out.
Ha ha ha.
Man, what else?
What else is Perennial?
I mean, basically all the Disney movies.
Yeah.
At least the, like, 90s Disney movies, and then there's the ones that have always existed,
like Cinderella and...
I mean, also got Star Wars.
You know, you got Jedi light sabers.
What I find hilarious is now people are not hating the prequels.
And they hate them.
What?
The sequel sequels?
Well, like we've talked about before they got rid of the the expanded universe that was created in like chapter books and stuff like that
It's probably too like over
You'll find too much content to condense into a specific
You didn't have to condense all of it though. You could have kept it at least the story walk
Maybe yeah, like the way they killed off Luke. Oh
Skywalker. Yeah, I'm passed out from him a little bitch. He passed out from a solid shit
It's what it looked like he's like, yeah
From like a billion miles away. He used the force. He extended himself a hundred billion miles
He should have self. We'll have it. Yeah, like the minute he died he shit his pants
And then you have like the Power Rangers stuff has been perennial pretty good like they're still making Power Rangers shit
Hmm, that's never gonna end. Yeah, I don't know if it's in the same same like
a
Mindset as it used to be though. I back in the early 2000 fucking powering was everywhere
I would say within the last five years is probably knocked off a little bit
Mm-hmm before that but yeah huge everybody knows what Power Rangers is every kid on planet Earth
During the early late 90s was said just as their first stressful moment
They're watching the Green Ranger fuck them all put in work on all the
For three straight episode
No
Fucking them off left and right like when they first brought the Megazord out to fight him he fucked up the Megazord
No, my god
And then it's like the most iconic part with him is whatever he calls the Dragonzord
The only person that can have a fucking flute in the dagger. Oh, yeah that famous fucking that shit
But it probably sold millions the little fucking toy of it. You can still buy them too. Of course, you got a hundred bucks
But yeah, only now you can buy like a real version where it's a flute and a sword
Oh god, or dagger anyway, yeah, but he also had the the long like Chinese kung fu sword with him and shit
Anyway, he was putting in the work on all of them. He got he would jumped into he jumped. Oh, yeah
Yeah, that's what's your big moment. That's jumping jumped into the fucking ship of theirs
They're fucking robot and you just fucked them up inside like somebody said that was like a
50 story building that he jumped into
Just jumped up onto it and got in there and fucked him all you can do that
So by the other guys never did that just invaded inside apparently didn't know how they didn't know where the fuck door at
Yeah, man, I said those three episodes really put a fucking
Like yeah, you go to school trying to trying to learn like I don't have time to study man
Oh, then it's episode two and the power to get in their asses be like with the first episode, right? Yeah
Okay, then then second episode you're hoping that everything could go back to them, right? Yeah, any fucks them up on the second thing
Oh my god
It's just too much. Well, did you ever remember seeing the episode where the white Ranger fights the green Ranger?
I think so that was interesting thing
We've all seen I remember I've seen on the whole series all the way up to when they for some reason
Lost their powers because I remember seeing the Victor Victor rules
Oh, yeah, I have a news. Oh, yeah, I is it Ivan is Ivan is
Fucking Freddy Krueger
So I know Freddy Krueger where I see some of the worst CGI ever man, I love that movie
That's a good movie. They go to a different planet and they get the animal morphs and all that
Yeah, and then there was that weird one where it was like a clockwork
Enemy there was like a oh, yeah the machine. Yeah, yeah the machine ones
Yeah, and like something they they send Rita and Lord Zed to live in an RV
on the moon
When they live in a man down by the fucking river what the
In space
They're gonna get back
It's the entire thing of like it's the comedy stick of that entire
But if I remember correctly like they fucked up the Power Rangers in the first couple episodes
Yeah, they had to like read Ryu configured their whole fucking like a battle plan
Like yes, and after that and then there was the one in space. Well, there's two in space
There was space in galaxy. There was one with like the different rainbow colors around their like clothes and stuff. You remember that one?
Pam that was like right after the the clockwork one, I think
I think it was like galaxy force or something
Yeah, I think it was galaxy and then it was space after that and like there was PD
PD or the police department. Yeah, oh god, they had fire trucks
Okay, you can tell I dropped off at a certain point
Yeah, the one with the one in space was the last one I really I didn't even watch it consistently though
No, well, they had one character I think in galaxy those kind of like from the old that like the antihero
Almost where you have a sword and stuff like that. Hmm, but like he was the character that was like an enemy but not an enemy type
Like it had a little bit of depth to it. Not a lot. I'm an antihero
Yeah, I don't like you guys but I won't hurt innocent people and then you had Tommy become the the Red Ranger where he had the
store did he
Not in galaxy or anything
But that was if I remember correctly in there cuz they had like the the black like the huge black hole on the top of their
Head that was like the hell space that was space. Yeah, what am I thinking about then? I think I
Remember if I remember to wait come to wait, holy shit. Wait, I
Just made an odd connection to my head
Did they take you know those the Saiyan suits they have the fucking shoulder blades
Did they take that for the white Ranger and add in the green range added to him?
Like I said, no as like a homage
No, because the Power Rangers that they used the footage from that existed before
Dragon Ball see pretty sure. Yeah
That would be awesome. If it was an easter inspired like an Easter egg. Anyway, yeah, I've had to see whoa
Let me see
I guess today is not the way is because you know today is nostalgia
Just sentiment
I'll see whenever they first release that for Power Rangers real quick little see. Yeah, let me see
Okay, so the main morphin power is a percent I this was based off of super sentai, uh-huh
Oh
Yeah, I see that super sentai here, yeah, so that was in
Holy shit, it can't be that old can it?
1975 yeah 1975 to present
It's still like
Super senpai still going the first two super sentai zero created by
Shou tora is she my she no morey then known for the 1997 97 as the common rider TV series
Yeah, common rider. So when did he do this he developed?
Home spider-boy
What did you meet the damn Power Rangers?
Well, it wasn't called Power Rangers at first. I know that I'm just saying like in general
I like actual Power Rangers not like his actual like the actual like the inspiration for Power Rangers, right?
Well, I don't have a different name but like I'm pretty sure even in Japan now if I call Power Rangers at this point
America has to own
It's have something something like that's why it's Godzilla and not right here anymore, right?
Let's see
But yeah, it's funny cuz they all the stock footage up to a certain point was all super sentai and they had to dub over it
Had to dub over it. I never noticed it as a kid. Yeah, very blatant now
Well, you never saw the kids in their actual helmets and stuff
You like take the helmets off, you know
At least not that I remember
When they all was super sentai
Hmm, I see a lot of shows here
Mmm 1992 92. Yep. So that's the very first step. That is well, that's the the super sentai that
Mighty morph and Power Rangers was based off of okay. So 1992 is whenever that first came out
Which is a long time ago to be honest in 1992
And Power Rangers has been around since
93, you know, so if you're out start jacking that shit at you
You're out Japan, man. They know how to make them
That's so fucked up though
So like we'll just take it
So you'd have to basically see when did the Saiyans first appear in?
Dragon Ball trying to figure out
the freak of manga
Yeah, cuz it would be probably the manga first
although I don't know if super sentai was a
Since it's been around since the 70s. Did they draw the like it as a manga first?
Those suits and stuff? Yeah, like I don't know
so Dragon Ball
Is 84 right Dragon Ball Z unless the anime then the anime television was at 1989
Yeah, I don't know was that old so it might be in Easter egg then that'd be cool
It does it now look at the magnet now. It looks familiar. It looks similar
the shoulder blades and both of them
although
Green Ranger didn't really have shoulder blades though
Could have sworn he didn't like those like the the gold
Overlaying his cuz they all had like their regular
Shoulders, right? Mm-hmm. Well, but his was covered by some like type of like armor over it
Right now in my head looking at it look reminds me of the Saiyan suit. I think so in my head it does
But then I got my head is not normal. I know what people's
Yeah that well kind of but yeah
Similar remind me of the Saiyan thing
But there's sticks off fucking
My high heavens. Yeah, I used to love that and then when he had the room with just the shoulder straps
I'm about busted at night when I saw Vegeta and the shoulder strap arm
The just the straps, yeah, I was like that looks even cooler than the fucking blade the shoulder the shoulder blade pads
Yeah, fucking football pads you got on
football pads
the football pads kind of look like football pads look
Did this way I got inspiration from
It's like it looks like shoulder pads. It's good. They all football cool. Let me do school football with you know superpowers
What I find funny is that all the people that did act in
Power Rangers they actually had to have some kind of
martial art ability
At least a black ranger needn't seem like he knew he was doing outside of the suit
Yeah, well sort of like the Red Ranger. I can't remember
Yeah, I think he actually fought in a few fights, but he was actually in my slides. Yeah, and then I
Jason Frank, what is this?
What the fuck is his name? Hmm. That is his name, right? Oh the green ranger the green
Oh, isn't his real name like Jason Frank? That was Jason Lee or something
I thought it was Jason cuz it was funny because I thought it like
his name
Jason David Frank, I was close. Okay, so
Jason Frank is I was right. I'm surprised
Me remembering names is not very very common. So yeah, Jason David Frank though. He's a into martial arts though
He did MMA too
for a little while I don't know like what division or anything, but it seems like a
Might be a welterweight. I think so. I don't see him at 185 doesn't seem that big
No, I don't think he was. 185s are fucking huge
Like a 170 maybe a 155. Yeah
Cuz he was 5'11
He'd probably be 170
He doesn't see he wasn't that bulky either
No
Like if you see one of those 185s now, they're like they look like heavyweights at this fucking point
you know that one guy told you about the fucking
The middleweight champion
The one from the other fucking the the saga about a Sonya now. I forgot his fucking name
Says he was 214
214 yeah, no way he fought a fucking heavyweight. I think so
a martial arts record a total he actually fought and
He had one win and it was by submission
What weight class?
I'm looking right now
Unless it was catch weight just whatever weight you have
Which is a bad. He fought as an amateur. Yeah
Yeah
Yeah, yeah professionally he won one against Jose Roberto Vasquez
Lasted for 46 seconds. So somebody said Clive
46 seconds, I'm done
They call that a marathon run
Yeah, it doesn't say what weight or anything or what class he was in. Let me see
I'd say he's got a lot of fights. Yeah. Let's see here
So you fought him him. No, they don't have any names. Okay, that doesn't help me
We got a career
power Rangers
We all know he did power Rangers. Here we go
Mmm, so he's monofun. Okay. Here we go. I
Begin to train with the OSU and which
if he
right
It's not saying his weight class, which is annoying. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't showing anything Frank
Fighting Herschel, okay, I'm just he fight Herschel. Okay, so he was gonna fight as president
I'm saying, okay, so if he fought first Herschel Walker
six foot one, holy shit
He did fight a heavyweight. I think so
His Herschel Walker fucking 220. Yeah, he was a heavyweight. He wanted to fight Herschel Walker
This is a big moment
There we go Frank announced on his Facebook fan page that he was pretty sure to make his professional debut on August 4th 2010 in
Houston at puro come
combate
Number one he fought a heavyweight. Damn anyway, and 511. Yeah, you can turn on
Rangers actually trying to fight every way fighting grown-ass man
Weighing 200 pounds 200 300 pounds. Yeah, so he actually tried
But my point was undefeated at least yeah
Oh, he didn't fight that many but yeah, it's still though going undefeated undefeated and they were all quick rounds, too
It's like a minute 46 seconds. I got my goals right now. See I become a
triple-a movie star
Because you join the semi-pro football team and go to the NFL
Become a boxer and fight your Canelo
Retire in what I'm 80 and become a porn star
And then you they just die
Never tell him what football team you want to join. Oh, yeah, the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes in college
Stay up to the fucking natties. I
I
Like the fact that they moved on to a playoff bracket. Yeah, it's not just picking two teams
Yeah, because I hated the top
The like the rankings anyway, because they're so like politically biased anyway
Yeah, but they didn't get rid of the fucking super the bowl games
Yeah, so you still have lesser teams get they still get more exposure at a bowl game
You know what they have in the college football 20 to 25
But they have all these like they were shown all the ball games you could go to yeah fucking the pop tarts bowl. I
Shit you not the fucking Kellogg's ball with fucking Tony the tiger
Like they they pay for these bowls, right? Yeah, because you I mean you make a lot of money on these fucking football games
Yeah, and the most famous obviously is gonna be the orange bowl or the Rose Bowl
But orange bowl Rose Bowl fiesta bowl. Yeah. Yeah cotton bowl. Those are the four main ones aren't they?
Because I know the four teams play those four main main bowls, right in the in the in the finals
I think so. Yeah
Don't they I think
And then like they they move on to the Natty the two winners, right?
But I don't know if they go to what it's not. I don't know if it's called a bowl game anymore
I think it's just called the championship right I think I could be wrong, but I need to get PS 5 and get in college football
Yeah, there's a quite a few bowls it looks like there's 32 of them 32 then in the game that I've seen I
Think you have the cotton bowl is one of them. The sugar bowl is the other the sugar bowl. Okay. Yeah
So which are the main ones
Which one is a championship bowl or they just called the fucking Natty Bowl?
The Natty Bowl. We all call it the Natty. You gotta go for the Natty
When the hell did all you drop off so bad? I don't know they're getting fucking massacred in the SEC
Yeah, oh, yeah. Sorry guys. We're not just nerds. We also enjoy sports
Because we also enjoy sports
Yeah, but in the Texas wasn't doing bad at all
Fucking then they lost one game right? I think I dropped a fifth place which is like you really one game Alabama lost
That's how it goes. I guess the one game it destroys your whole fucking career pretty much back when I played old five in CAA
I got the I would get the the army undefeated right 13 and oh
If I remember how many games I were it could be less could be 11 or 12
But it would be that and zero right and then the next time for the pretty the preseason polling, right?
I would I'd still be ranked under the 25th the top 25
For two straight years and then if I lost to any game, I would just get I wouldn't even make the top 25
I'm really hard to find the name of these shit. Yeah
There's the the famous Idaho potato bowl, yes
It's only it's on 25. Yeah, the book of a tone bolt. Yep
The Armed Forces Bowl, huh?
the Camellia Bowl, yep
I don't know if it's on there though.
Do what?
I don't know if that one's on there yet.
The Camellia?
Let me see.
Is that what it's called?
Or Kamaliah?
I don't know if that's in the game.
Uh...
Who the fuck is racing outside my damn house?
There's the Celebration Bowl.
Yep.
The New Orleans Bowl.
The Birmingham Bowl.
I think so, yeah.
The Cotton Bowl.
Yep.
The Cure Bowl.
That one I don't know.
The LA Bowl.
The Sugar Bowl.
There might be more bowls in real life than there are in the game.
God damn.
The Sugar Bowl.
Of course, the Sugar Bowl.
The 68 Ventures Bowl.
That one...
Some of them could just be one time bowl.
Okay, type this in.
How many bowl games total are going to be in the 2025 football?
That'll narrow it down.
Like 270 bowls.
But it's nice because it means that some of the lesser teams, right?
They get a playoff type environment.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Like you go like maybe you go...
What's the records right now?
36 bowl games.
Oh.
And four of them are the major ones, right?
I believe so, yes.
I'm looking at the schedule right here.
Fuck, 36 of them?
Yeah.
Jesus, that's a lot of games.
That's now times...
Okay, so here's what it's going to be, right?
So do 36 times two.
That's 72.
So that's 72 teams out of like 130?
120?
I think so.
How many college teams are there?
I have no idea.
That's like half of the fucking sports.
They're all going to a bowl?
Yeah, they're all going to a bowl.
They're not that amazing then.
So here's the bowls that are going to be played, okay?
Okay.
The first one will be December 14th.
It's going to be the Cricket Celebration Bowl.
December 14th?
Yeah.
Already?
Yeah.
Wait, when is college over?
How many games are there?
The Mercedes-Benz Stadium.
Mercedes-Benz Stadium.
In Atlanta, Georgia.
Atlanta, Georgia.
December 14th is going to be the Salute to Veterans Bowl.
Okay, I respect it.
December 17th is going to be Scooters Coffee Frisco Bowl.
Do you know that they're both ranked?
Navy and Army?
Oh, are they really?
Top 25?
Oh.
23 and 24.
Oh, it's going to be a vicious game.
They're going to fucking massacre each other.
Then December 18th is going to be the Boca Raton Bowl.
It's going to be in Boca Raton, Florida.
Oh, baby.
Imagine getting to going from Alaska to Boca Raton.
Then December 18th is going to be the LA Bowl, hosted by Gronk.
I don't know, Gronkowski?
I hope so.
Which would be funny.
Or it's going to be Gronk from X, the AI.
Then we have December 19th.
It's going to be the New Orleans Bowl.
Okay.
December 20th is going to be the Staff DNA Cure Bowl.
What the fuck, bowl?
That's what they should call it.
December 20th is the Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl.
So it is just sponsored fucking balls by companies.
They could at least be getting a bit of a classy name.
Because I'm skipping over the first round games of different things, the playoff rounds.
December 23rd is going to be...
Wait, the first round, they're also part of the bowl?
Well, it just says CPF first round game of the first round playoffs.
It's December 20th and the 21st and the 21st and 21st.
Okay, okay.
So it's going to be the first...
The first set?
You know, like the first seeded game.
The final seed?
But it's not listed as an actual bowl.
Okay, so they're just regular games.
Right, until you get to the bowl game at the end.
The good old bowl games.
The 23rd is going to be the Myrtle Beach Bowl.
That one I knew it was the Myrtle Beach Bowl.
December 23rd is going to be the famous Idaho Potato Bowl.
I like to say the famous Idaho Potato Bowl.
Like everyone knows what it is.
December 24th is going to be the Hawaii Bowl.
Imagine your school having to go to Hawaii, right?
To play the bowl?
How expensive is it going to be?
December 26th is going to be the Game Above Sports Bowl.
Game Above Sports Bowl?
26th is going to be the Rate Bowl.
Rate Bowl?
December 26th.
Be careful with that word.
I have the T.
December 26th that evening is going to be the 68 Adventures Bowl.
Okay.
27th is going to be the Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl.
There's a lot of random bowls now.
You know what Lockheed Martin though is, right?
No.
They're the ones that make those jets.
Oh.
Like an actual fighter jet.
Oh Lord.
Yeah, the Lockheed Martin.
So they're paying for them.
Lockheed Martin, if I remember right, they're the one that makes the stealth bomber.
So they're paying for a bowl game?
Yes.
Okay.
Because it's a private company.
So they're paying for them.
I mean they have government contracts, but yeah.
Instead of jets fly overhead.
Yeah.
And it's going to be the Armed Forces Bowl.
Oh, there you go.
So is the Armed Forces Bowl only played by the three teams or is it by any team?
Is it only Army, Navy, and Air Force?
I think so.
So there's just always the one loser out?
That's some.
Which everyone's ranked police.
Yeah.
With the worst record.
December 27th is going to be the Birmingham Bowl.
The Birmingham Bowl.
Here's one.
Also December 27th at night is going to be the AutoZone Liberty Bowl.
Oh God.
So every year is going to be a different bowl name.
Unless you have the main ones.
Yeah.
Because these are all just whatever that want to be titled by the company paying for them.
Imagine this one though, the DirectTV Holiday Bowl.
Wow.
They're not even playing with these random names.
Or the next one is the SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl.
Wow.
The 28th is going to be the Wasabi Fenway Bowl.
The Wasabi Fenway Bowl?
Mm-hmm.
28th is going to be the Bad Boy Moers Pinstripe Bowl.
Damn.
They don't really care about these names at all.
The Bad Boy Moers?
The Bad Boy Moers Hit Bowl Bowl.
It'd be like naming it the Briggs & Stratton Bowl.
The 28th is going to be the Escalada New Mexico Bowl.
Gotta go to Mexico.
The 28th Pop Tarts Bowl.
There you go.
There's the Pop Tarts Bowl.
That means when the game comes out next year, there's going to be different bowl names,
but there's going to be 36 of them.
Yeah.
No matter what.
Yeah.
And some of them will be the same.
Some of them will be weird as fuck named.
December 28th also that afternoon is going to be the Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl presented
by Jen and Juice by Dr. Dre.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
He's paying for a bowl game?
By Jen and Juice by Dre and Juice?
Jesus.
Also, you're going to have the Gold Bowling Military Bowl.
Another military one?
How many military?
So they have to be other.
That's the Navy and Marine Corps Memorial Stadium though.
So I don't know if it's going to be only the Navy and the Marines playing each other
at that one or what.
Wait, the Marines don't have a football team, do they?
I thought they did.
No, it's the Air Force, Navy and Army.
Yeah, the Marines are just never good.
Well, because they have schools.
They have those schools.
Yeah.
Like West Point.
Yeah, Marines do too.
They have a college?
Yeah.
As far as I know.
I could be wrong.
Well, they better get themselves a football team.
Then you have the 28th also.
You have the Valero Alamo Bowl.
The Valero Alamo Bowl.
Like the Alamo Bowl I think is the actual name of it.
Oh, they just added the extra Valero.
Valero is a guest that you should...
Oh, because they're the one paying for it.
Oh, now I get it.
Okay.
So some of them have regular names, but they have the advertiser attached to it.
The sponsor.
Yeah.
Okay, I get you now.
Then the next one is the Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl.
That one does not sound like it's named.
Then you have the next one after that.
That's the TransPerfect Music City Bowl.
Music City sounds like it's an actual bowl name.
Music City Bowl.
Yeah, but the TransPerfect?
Now it sounds like the sponsor.
Then you have the Reliaquest Bowl.
The Reliaquest Bowl.
Then you have the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl.
There it is.
The Sun Bowl.
The Sun Bowl is the actual name.
Yeah.
Tony.
Tony the Tiger.
They're great.
What about this one?
The Cheez-Its Citrus Bowl.
Cheez-Its has a fucking bowl game?
Then you have the Texas Bowl.
There you go.
Then you have the Fiesta Bowl, but it's the VRBO Fiesta Bowl.
So the other one's paying for it.
Yeah.
The Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl.
Oh, God.
So it's a Peach Bowl, but it's Chick-fil-A.
Chick-fil-A, yeah.
Chick-fil-A.
Yeah, because they can't pay for a Sunday game.
It's got to be Saturday because they're closed on Sundays.
Then you have the Rose Bowl.
There you go.
Presented by Prudential.
So they are.
But it makes more sense to say presented by.
They're making it.
Oh yeah, you can't be like, what's it called?
The Rose Bowl.
No, the other one, like who's sponsoring?
Oh, the Prudential.
So you can't be like Prudential Rose Bowl.
Right.
Yeah.
It's Rose Bowl presented by.
That one's a classy bowl.
Exactly.
And the same thing goes with, well, I guess not.
I was going to say, the All-State Sugar Bowl.
The All-State Sugar Bowl.
Then you have the Tax Slayer Gator Bowl.
The Gator Bowl.
Yep.
Then you have the Serve Pro First Responder Bowl.
Damn, really?
Then you have Duke's Mayo Bowl.
The Mayo Bowl?
I wonder if Mayo is the actual name of it.
I don't know.
That's a sponsor.
Then you have the Bahamas Bowl.
The Bahamas Bowl.
I'm going to play that one.
Then you have the Capital One Orange Bowl.
The Goodyear Classic, the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic.
Then you have the College Football Playoff National Championship.
That one's just a championship.
There's two more though.
There's two?
Back for that?
Oh my God.
There's so much football.
There's the East West Shrine Bowl.
East West?
Yep.
And then the last one is the Reese's Senior Bowl.
Senior Bowl.
So I guess just for senior players maybe?
Maybe.
Or just old people playing football.
Like Dan Moreno, 102 years old.
Duck.
Wait, so there's two games after the championship?
Yeah.
That's stupid.
Maybe like it was two games after the Super Bowl.
That makes no sense.
Right.
Oh, they must be the All-Star games.
Could be.
They have to be.
Like the Pro Bowl.
But that was the Pro Bowl before the Super Bowl, didn't they?
Or did they do it after?
They did it before, I thought, Dunbar.
I don't remember.
They took it off a long time ago.
They don't play the Pro Bowl anymore.
Right.
That I know of.
It has to be the All-Star games.
The last two.
It would have to be.
But no one's gonna watch those?
No.
Nobody cares about those.
Yeah, like they don't want mixed teams.
Well, you know, like the players from different teams playing together, because it's not gonna matter.
It's not like you're gonna see like a glimpse of what teams are gonna be good next year.
Right.
And watching all players play on one team.
And the National Championship, it looks like, is gonna be played at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia this year.
Man.
When the what day is that one?
January 20th.
January.
At 730.
Oh, baby.
Let's watch them.
Let's watch them football.
See who gets the nanny this year.
What channel is it gonna be on?
I think it actually might say.
Because NBC and ABC and CBS, they own the fucking football.
They do.
Like I know like there's there's a branch that's streaming like that Thursday game between Thunder and between the Giants and the Cowboys.
They got 18 million views, viewers.
Right.
And like, or they had like 16 million, right?
And like 18 million concurrent.
It's like it broke records of the most watched football game of all time that I know of.
Yeah.
So I watched, I was watching that shit too.
I was trying to hope my Giants could do anything this year.
It doesn't say.
Oh, well, we'll find out.
They'll let us know.
Oh, you'll know about it.
Don't worry.
Yeah.
There's a lot of bowl games though.
Do they start college before or after high school, the NFL?
About the same time.
I thought they start after.
Like in like in a normal season, right?
Yeah.
That way like, cause you don't want them to like cause they're not going to fucking overshadow the Super Bowl.
You don't want to plan during the Super Bowl.
Right.
You don't want anything planned during the Super Bowl.
If you guys want to understand the difference between the two, the three main sports in America.
Well, college football starts before NFL.
Okay.
So it has to end in a year.
Yeah.
So it ends for a little bit before the Super Bowl.
The Super Bowl is in February, right?
Yeah.
February 9th.
Hell yeah.
So yeah, it'll be after.
So if anyone wants to know the difference between the three main sports in America, baseball, basketball and football.
If you put the revenue of baseball and basketball together, you'll get the revenue of the NFL.
Almost.
NBA and MLB is 10 million a piece.
The NFL is 20 billion.
Yeah.
So there.
So you could actually incorporate probably NHL, WNBA, NBA.
Fucking football is just a whole different animal around.
20 billion dollars.
And what's really sad is I think college football has even more investment than actual NFL.
Because it's like, there's so much more unpredictability.
I think like you just never know what's going to happen.
Yeah.
But you never, who knew that army and Navy would go undefeated this year?
Yeah, nobody expected that one.
And then to be ranked, I haven't seen them ranked in years.
I couldn't get ranked and I was playing them in 05.
Goddamn Black Knights, I couldn't get them ranked.
To say we would go undefeated and they would never rank us top 25 the next year in the preseason bowl.
The preseason poll.
But we get a bowl game.
You got a bunch of bowl games.
They had 36 of them.
I thought they were going to be done with that.
Which is why I wasn't, because I always liked the bowl games, right?
Yeah.
I thought like you didn't know what teams would face off each other that would never normally play each other.
Right.
So it could be anybody in the bowl games.
Yeah.
And like you had lesser teams that would get a chance to show off on a national scale.
Or if they got teamed up against somebody like usually like a Texas or an OU.
And then they would just get slaughtered so badly it's like, oh.
Uh oh.
I think that was one of the games that OU won by like 70 something and nothing.
The Massacre Bowl.
Yeah.
There's blood everywhere.
And so, but now realizing like there's no way they would ever discontinue the bowl games.
Yeah, no.
There's too much profit being made.
Too much revenue, yeah.
And there's 36 of them.
And like 32 of them are just normal regular teams.
The four ones are the main ones.
That with the main like championship teams.
And they have the playoffs.
And then you have all the sponsor names in the front.
So I can get College Football 25 and take a shitty team and get a bowl game.
And I did that in 2010 on the 360, right?
Because I had 2010 before I got 2014.
And I took the San Diego, no the San Jose State Spartans.
And our first, we were ranked 109 I think in the preseason pool.
Right.
And our first game, I was a halfback because I was playing Road to Glory.
So I only played as one player.
And I was a running back.
And the first game was against number four USC.
Oh, I was like, fuck.
And I kid you not, we actually beat them.
Oh really?
So we went, we beat them so bad they went from number four to number 19 in the next week's polls.
I was like, I was laughing my ass off ever since.
Because then they lost the sex game and they got knocked up to top 25.
So I was laughing.
Every time I saw the USC anywhere I was laughing.
Because I'm the one that broke you.
I felt like Penguin when he thought he beat Batman in the car chase.
I got you.
And then the very next game, right, after number four USC was fucking number 24 Utah.
I was like, fuck, another fucking top 25 team?
And we fucking beat them too.
So we went fucking 2-0.
We actually knocked them off the top 25 in the next week's rankings.
That's how bad they were.
We knocked USC to 19 and Utah to 25 or out of the 24.
And then the very third game, right, because we were fucking on fucking cloud nine.
We fucking played Stanford and they fucking destroyed us.
And then we lost the conference game at the Boise fucking State and fucking Hawaii.
So we ended up with a record of nine and three for the season.
We lost the team we didn't think we would lose to.
And then you beat the ones that you were worried about?
Yeah, they should have destroyed us, right?
Yeah.
We played USC in fucking their home stadium.
The Trojans?
Which is like one of the hardest.
Yeah, that's actually iconic because it was Spartans versus Trojans.
And we ended up going to a, we got a bowl game that year against Air Force.
Something, I forgot what it was called, the New Mexico Bowl.
And they fucking destroyed us.
So we ended up, we ended up, we ended up nine and four that season.
So then the next year, right, I'm thinking like, great, we're fucking actually good.
You know what my record was the next year?
Fucking four and eight.
Oh, that's pretty epic.
I was actually losing my fucking mind.
Son of a bitch.
What the fuck happened?
We were losing the teams that we would not have lost to.
Like if we beat USC, right, in my head I'm thinking like, okay, we can beat this fucking A-plus team.
We're a C-plus team, right?
Why the fuck can't we beat these other fucking C-plus teams?
You know what I mean?
So yeah, we ended up four and eight.
We didn't get a bowl bid.
Fuck my life.
And then the next year I'm a junior in college.
College football, man, drive me crazy.
I mean, look at OU and OSU.
They're doing terrible this year.
Yeah.
They were right.
OU's doing better I think than OSU though, which is good.
They were tied, weren't they?
No, they were ranked before the season started.
Yeah, they both were.
And now they're both unranked.
Are they completely both unranked?
Yeah.
That's not good.
Entirely.
Oh.
Yeah, it looks like.
Always next year.
It looks like the AP poll right now for this week is Oregon number one.
Yep, seven and 0.
And Georgia.
The Ducks.
The Penn State.
Yeah.
They have not been number three in God knows how long.
You want to see something, you want to know something funny?
What's that?
They were the number ranked team in my campaign over San Jose State.
Oh really?
They were undefeated that year.
They were like number one the whole time, the whole way through.
Then you have the Ohio State Buckeyes.
They've been number.
The whole way through ranked, yeah.
Yeah, and then Texas.
Good old Texas.
I'll tell you Texas.
They're one loss.
They dropped four fucking spots for that one loss.
You lose a lot in these games.
Yeah, but they beat a lot of good people this year.
They beat a lot of good teams.
You know what?
I'll take Salas.
Alabama's number 15, so that's cool.
You don't like Alabama?
They get a lot of preference.
We'll say that.
Like Crimson Wave or what do they call it?
Them and then I'll take LSU being number eight because I can't stand LSU either.
LSU?
LSU's number eight?
Yeah.
Okay.
I work with a dude that loves LSU and I can't stand him.
Louisiana State University.
Yep.
I guess that's it for this video actually because that's all we need is nostalgia.
Nostalgia.
Yeah, no, we'll do Quietest Kid next time.
Works for me.
We can segue onto your topics.
Or else we'll never stop talking about football and sports and going back to Power Rangers.
All right, well, I guess moving into the character spotlight that we have for this week, we have
Booster Gold.
Booster Gold?
Yeah.
He's semi well known, but not there yet.
Not mainstream.
No, no, no.
And he's always been kind of like that comedic relief character almost where nobody takes
him seriously ever.
Booster Gold.
He was, his first appearance was in 1986 in his own book.
Huh.
Which is surprising.
Out of the Gate came out was his own comic book.
Created by Dan Jergens.
Dan Jergens?
Not Jerkens, but Jergens.
All right, so basically Michael John Carter was born in the 25th century Gotham City.
Oh really?
Yeah.
He's a Gotham Knight.
Yep.
He and his young twin sister, Michelle, never knew their father because he left after game
a million away all their money.
Michael was a gifted athlete attending Gotham University on a football scholarship.
At Gotham U, Michael was a star quarterback until his father reentered his life and convinced
him to deliberately lose games for gambling purposes.
What sport was he playing?
Football.
Hey, uh.
That was the segue.
This was for LSU.
Hey, where's the colors almost?
Gold.
He was exposed, disgraced, and expelled.
Later, he was able to secure a job as a night watchman at the Metropolis Space Museum, where
he studied displays about superheroes and villains from the past, particularly the 20th
century.
Michael's sidekick is a robot named Skeets.
Not Skeets, but Skeets.
There's two different kinds of Skeets here.
Skeets, Skeets, Skeets.
Skeets is a 25th century security robot, sometimes a valet unit, with artificial intelligence.
He is capable of flight, cognition, and voice projection, which are all considered highly
advanced for 21st century Earth.
He also has historical records which give him a vast knowledge of what will happen between
the 21st and 25th centuries, though its reliability has become questionable.
He possesses numerous miniature tools and weapons kept within his shield, and is also
equipped with a powerful energy blaster.
He is apparently immune to reality and temporal manipulation, though.
So with the help of Skeets, Michael stole devices from the Museum of Flight, including
a Legion of Superheroes flight ring and Brainiac 5's force-filled belt.
I thought they were in the 31st century.
Nope.
So, 25th.
No, he is, right?
Oh, he is, yes.
I thought they were older than that.
I mean, that's all.
Well, didn't they give a Legion ring to Superman at one point?
I don't know anymore what the hell's going on.
I would hate to be a historian in this fucking world.
For DC.
But then Batman went back in time during the prehistoric age, and then he fought Vandal
Savage, who you may know as a caveman.
I'm just trying to write it down, I was like, what the fuck is he talking about?
And this time, history would be rewritten three times because Dr. Manhattan came from a different
universe, if you don't mind.
As you can see on the chart here, I would have fucking lost my shit.
Oh, don't worry, we're going to get into Dr. Manhattan later.
I would have lost my shit.
We're going to talk about him later with Booster Gold, so.
How is he?
Dr. Manhattan.
Interesting.
They have a little segue together?
Yeah.
A little, uh.
Once he got moved into the DC universe.
Cock and all?
Just swinging.
You got Superman where it's covered up.
He's like, my guy, bro, you don't think I want to be having my dick swing now?
I have some decorum.
I wear my red underwear on the outside.
Dick, from my massive dog.
He then used Rip Hunter's Time Sphere, also on display in the museum, to travel to the
20th century, intent on becoming a superhero and informing a corporation based around himself
to make a profitable living.
Geez.
He is a shameless self-promoter whose obsession with fame and wealth irritates other heroes.
You know what he sounds like?
He sounds like he would be perfect for our time doing an OnlyFans.
Booster Gold here.
Exactly.
What's up?
Carter's nickname as a football player was Booster, but his chosen 20th century superhero
name was Gold Star.
After saving Ronald Reagan, Carter mangled the two names, causing Reagan to introduce
him as Booster Gold.
Close enough.
The name stuck, and a running joke throughout the DC universe, people erroneously call him
Buster to his chagrin.
They call him Buddy Gold.
Buddy Gold.
Everything be Booster.
So Booster is originally based in Superman's home city of Metropolis.
He starts his hero career by preventing the shapeshifting assassin Chiller, an operative
in the 1000, from killing President of the United States for replacing him.
With the subsequent public exposure, Booster signs a multitude of commercial and movie
deals.
During his career, his sister Michelle Carter, powered by a magnetic suit, follows in his
footsteps as the superheroine Gold Star.
Wait, he took his fucking name.
Yes.
That bitch.
He wanted Gold Star, but he got Booster Gold.
Now he can't wait.
That would be fucking lit.
That's sibling rivalry right there.
Booster is devastated whenever she dies battling creatures from another dimension.
Amassing a small fortune, Booster founds Gold Star Incorporated, later Booster Gold International,
as a holding company and hires Dirk Davis to act as his agent.
During the Millennium event, which was in the 90s, Davis reveals that he is a manhunter
in disguise and that he siphoned money from Booster's accounts in hopes of leaving him
no choice but to do the manhunter's bidding.
Although the manhunters are ultimately defeated, Booster is left bankrupt.
Damn, make the flipping burgers, huh?
I know, all that time technology and he still lost it.
Why don't you just do a couple of sports bets or you know what I mean?
You could think, but no.
Booster Gold is a key character in the late 80s and early 90s Justice League revamp by
writers Keith Griffin and J.M.
DeMattis.
Booster Gold is frequently partnered with fellow Justice League member Blue Beetle,
and the two quickly become best friends.
The duo's notable appearances include a stint as the superhero Repo Men, and as their minds
behind the construction of the gaming resort Club J.L.I. on the living island Kui Kui Kui.
After one too many embarrassments and longing for his old reputation, Booster quits the
league to found the Conglomerate, a superhero team whose funding is derived from corporate
sponsors.
So yeah, he really would be an only fan.
Booster and his team are determined to behave as legitimate heroes.
Now I know I can fly, but I know some of you can't, right?
Those who can, always try a little Red Bull.
Exactly.
Give it your wings.
You can see it.
You can definitely see that.
And then at the bottom says, like, we'll not give you wings.
That would fit so perfectly with him.
Booster and his team are determined to behave as legitimate heroes, but often find their
sponsors compromise them far too often.
You know, so real, like, real live.
Real live, yeah.
You gotta do what they say.
The Conglomerate reforms several times after Booster rejoins the league, though without
much success.
When an alien comes to Earth on a rampage, Booster coins.
When an alien comes to Earth, it's like no one even takes notice anymore.
It'd be like on the eighth page of the newspaper, alien land in Kentucky.
It'd be like back in the day, it'd be front page news.
That's another alien.
Exactly.
Like, here's your card.
Welcome to Earth.
So now we got Superman, we got manhunter, we got?
We got nothing but aliens.
The whole world is just aliens.
We have the white Martians believing that they're humans because they've been mind
wiped into thinking that they are.
That's just life now, baby.
Now, you were a bit of white Martian and then you can't even say that anymore because it's
against the law.
That's discrimination, sir.
I may or may not be a white Martian because my brain was wiped, but I might, may or may
not be.
I just want a job, sir.
So, whenever an alien comes to Earth on a rampage, Booster coins the name Doomsday for
it.
While battling the entity-
That was Doomsday?
Mm-hmm.
So, well, that's a whole different story then.
I know.
The main event story.
It was still eight pages, then.
At first, that was front page.
I was thinking, I got his ass beat.
Yes.
While battling the entity, Booster's costume is destroyed.
Blue Beetle is able to design a new, bulkier costume to replace it, although his costume
often malfunctions.
Oh, because his suit was like streamlined future tech?
From the 25th century.
Yeah.
To content comparatively, his would be bulkier.
Yeah.
Because he couldn't have the level of technology to make it the same.
Exactly.
That fucking sucks.
During the late...
Like if someone broke your flat-screen TV, give you that bulky-ass fucking TV like that.
Remember his old projection TVs?
It was like, oh, I don't want this piece of garbage.
It would be like that.
You didn't want to hook up the HDM, HDM, nothing.
It would just be the old fuckers.
He probably wouldn't even be able to watch TV on it.
Yeah.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Do you remember those old projection TVs?
I remember all those horrible TVs.
Or what about the table, like TV set, where it was like wooden and it had the speakers
built into it?
My favorite one was the fucking TV-VCR combo.
Oh yeah?
Where's the little TV?
It was all connected together.
Yeah.
I used to be able to copy stuff off of that, because you could copy whatever we was watching
on top, at the bottom, and then it ate one of my fucking Blockbuster DVDs.
It's one of the Cat vs. Dog ones, or one of those old movies.
I just took it back to the Blockbuster.
They never said anything about it.
It's not the first time.
I fucked it up.
I fucking rolled it back up, closed it in, and I just kept sending back.
They didn't say jack shit.
It was the next person that I just like, oh, what the fuck?
I can't watch Cat vs. Dogs.
Or is it Dogs vs. Cats?
You know that weird with the white cat?
I think it was.
That's the supervillain?
Yeah.
The dogs are like secret agents?
Yeah.
More shit from the years on by.
It's almost like trying to remember Agent Cody Banks.
Oh god.
Fucking Frankie Muniz?
Yeah.
So, Blue Beetle is able to design a new bulkier costume to replace it, although it does often
malfunction.
During a later battle with Devastator, a servant of the Overmaster, Booster is nearly killed
and loses his arm.
Again, Blue Beetle comes to his aid, designing a suit that acts as a life support system
in addition to replicating the powers of Booster's previous costumes.
The suit also includes a cybernetic prosthetic for his lost arm.
Geez.
So he got fucked.
You can't even bulk your arm because you can't make one of the normal size.
It's like twice as long.
After the Justice League falls apart, Booster Gold then joins Extreme Justice, a team led
by Captain Adam.
While a member of this team, Booster makes a deal with the supervillain Monarch, who
fully heals Booster's wounds so that he can once again remove his battle suit.
Booster dons a new costume created by Blue Beetle.
Skeets acts as its own computer system controller, who aids Booster and is able to take control
of the costume if Booster is rendered unconscious.
Following the disbanding of Extreme Justice, the suit is destroyed.
Professor Hamilton subsequently creates a new one based on the designs of both the original
twenty-fifth century costume and the energy containment suit Superman was wearing at the
time.
This costume is apparently later tweaked to resemble Booster's original costume more
closely though.
After the events depicted in the limited series Identity Crisis, you remember, Identity Crisis,
in which Sue Dibney is murdered, Gold retires briefly, but then helps Blue Beetle discover
who is manipulating Quart Industries.
Booster is badly injured, again, in an explosion at Quart's home and it is revealed that his
companion Skeets has been dismantled for its twenty-fifth century technology by the Checkmate
Organization.
Shit.
Yep.
In the OMAX Project Limited Series, Booster Gold gathers the old Justice League International
heroes to investigate Blue Beetle's disappearance.
At the series' end, he is ruined physically and emotionally, having destroyed much of
his gear in the fight against the OMAX.
He has seen his friend Rocket Red die in battle, he discovered that another friend, Maxwell
Lord is responsible for killing Blue Beetle, and that in fact Lord always hated metahumans
and superheroes.
Damn.
In a moment of self-reflection, he realizes that only he had bothered to recall more of
his history in his native era.
He might have been able to warn his friends about it.
Giving a farewell kiss to the forehead of his wounded teammate Fire as she lay in a
hospital bed, he drops his trademark goggles to the floor and leaves, saying only that
he has decided to go home, implying his return to the 25th century.
So has he always been able to go back?
I think so, yeah.
He's always been able to time travel back.
That's good.
In Infinite Crisis, Gold resurfaces in the ruins of the Justice League watchtower on
the moon, alongside with Skeets.
Again, branded as a criminal in his time for hijacking historical records.
Well, you got fucking stolen.
You went back and just shipped?
You would think it would be more protected under more watchful eyes than these fucking
artifacts of the men's power.
He was just a one-night watchman.
Yeah.
And he just fucking injected it all.
Just took it all in love.
Not only that, but the roadmap program for law enforcement helped him out.
See, I want to check his programming.
So whenever Skeets fails to locate the absent Martian Manhunter, Booster searches for Jaime
Reyes, the new Blue Beetle, whom he promptly takes to the Batcave.
Booster tells Batman the subject of the stolen records.
Batman never finds Brother Eye, but Booster implies that with Jaime's aid, they can succeed
at this.
The mission is successful and Booster plays a pivotal role in the destruction of the satellite.
So Booster actually does help out a little bit.
Nice.
In the aftermath of Infinite Crisis, Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman temporarily retire
their costumed identities, and remaining heroes attend a memorial for Superboy and Metropolis.
Booster attends the memorial, but whenever Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman do not
arrive as he expects, he suspects his robot sidekick Skeets is malfunctioning and becomes
hysterical.
After Skeets reports other incorrect historical data, Booster searches fellow time traveler
Rip Hunter's desert bunker for answers, finding that littered with ignab...
Ehh...
Ignab...
If I could even talk, that'd be nice.
Enigmatic Scrawling Notes.
Booster finds photos of himself and Skeets surrounded by the words, His Fault, with arrows
pointing towards them.
Like hundreds of photos of him in the shower for some reason.
What the f...
Following the events of 52, Booster returns to his second solo series with the first ARC
52 pickup.
Booster puts in a request to the Justice League that they admit him and the group, and begrudgingly
decide to monitor him over the following week.
However, Rip Hunter informs Booster that history has become malleable after Mr. Mind's rampage
and earlier damage to the timeline.
Blackest Night.
So in the tie-in to the Blackest Night event, Booster faces Ted Kord, who has been reanimated
as a Black Lantern.
I thought I was dead.
Yeah.
At first, unavailable due to reliving Ted's funeral in the past, he returns to meet his
ancestor Daniel Carter, only to find the crash derelict bug at his house.
Then he finds the Black Lantern pummeling Jaime Reyes, Daniel and Skeets.
Attacked by him, he removes Daniel and Rose from the scene and heads to Kord Industries
to arm himself.
He uses a special light gun designed by Ted to blast the corpse and separate the ring
with light, simulating the emotional spectrum.
So apparently Ted Kord already had a weapon that could fight against the Lantern.
I wonder how he knew about the Black Lanterns.
I don't know if it was necessarily against Black Lanterns, but just like...
Lanterns in general?
Yeah.
I wonder why.
Maybe it's a parallax.
Probably, yeah.
Take care of this business quicker.
He'd just buy a fucking gun.
Fuck it.
Upon separating the corpse from the ring, he collects Ted's remains before the ring
can reanimate them again and takes them into the Time Sphere to Vanishing Point Fortress
to secure them.
He is somewhat relieved whenever Skeets uses the fortress's special chronal surveillance
equipment to display images of the days of Team Blue and Gold.
Where it's a piece of gold and Ted Kord.
Yay.
Jaime promises to live up to Kord's legacy and eventually form a new Blue and Gold team.
They find evidence at the warehouse of someone else entering, even though the doors were
genetically coded with only two people cleared for access, Ted and Booster.
Booster next finds his sister living in Co-City, mere hours before its destruction.
Though unable to save her boyfriend, Booster and Michelle patch up their relationship,
with her agreeing not to leave him.
This arc introduces an older Booster Gold, the man who trained Rip Hunter and was the
master of both Time, the Multiverse, and Hyper Time.
Rip reveals that this Booster is not only his father, but also has been watching Rip
training the younger Booster Gold, aiding him whenever he needed it.
Older Booster also reveals that he is still married to Rip's mother, and that Michelle
is with them in an unknown timeline.
In Justice League Generation Lost, Booster is part of a manhunt to bring the resurrected
Maxwell Lord to justice.
He finds Max, but is beaten badly.
Booster, Ice, and Captain Adam find him just as Lord uses his psychic powers to the utmost
to erase all memory of himself from the minds of the entire world.
For some reason, Booster, Fire, Ice, and Adam are the only ones who remember Lord and see
him in recorded images.
Trying to convince Batman, Dick Grayson at this point, Booster is horrified to learn
thanks to Maxwell Lord, the world believes Ted Kord committed suicide, Fire, Ice, and
Captain Adam are soon set up by Max to cut them off from allies, but ironically Booster
is left alone because his reputation is already poor.
So it doesn't matter anyway?
We don't need any advice from a gigolo.
Your OnlyFans account tells us everything we need to know.
Those are tasteful nudes.
That's all he says.
Sadly, I could see those words leaving Booster Gold's mouth.
After the Time Master's vanishing point event, Rip Hunter informed them that someone snuck
into the JLI base leaving messages on a chalkboard about the Ultra Timeline.
Whenever Earth entered an alternate timeline due to the actions of the Flash, Booster
and Skeets awaken and are the only ones who remember the original timeline due to the
former suit protecting them.
Gold travels to Ghost City, but US soldiers attack him, mistaking him for an Atlantean
threat.
Skeets is damaged whenever Gold is attacked by the military's Project 6, which is revealed
to be Doomsday.
During the battle in Ghost City, he discovers that Doomsday is controlled by General Nathaniel
Adam.
He escapes from Doomsday and saves a woman named Alexandra Giannopoulos from Doomsday
attacks.
He learns the timeline has been changed, suspecting Professor Zune.
Alexandra and Booster split up, but she secretly has powers allowing her to take other powers
and follow him too.
Later, he flies to Gotham City whenever Doomsday attacks him.
General Adam's control link is destroyed by Alexandra in an attempt to rescue Booster.
Doomsday's true personality comes to the surface and he attacks Booster anyway.
During the fight, Doomsday beats him nearly to death, but is rescued by Alexandra.
He tries to prevent Doomsday from killing innocent people and manages to put Doomsday's
helmet back on.
Doomsday's control is restored to Adam, who grabs Booster again, hoping to kill him.
So regardless, he's gonna fucking die.
Regardless, he's gonna beat my ass.
Fortunately, Adam takes him back to the base for interrogation, allowing him to escape
whenever the sight of Project Superman causes Doomsday's true personality to resurface
again.
Alexandra defeats Doomsday by using the control helmet to make Doomsday tear himself apart,
subsequently asking Booster to take her with him whenever he restores history to normal.
Alexandra subsequently sacrifices herself to save Booster from an Atlantean attack,
leaving him to return to the vanishing point as history resets without any clear memory
of his time in the Flashpoint universe.
Before the Time Master's vanishing point event, Alexandra somehow appeared in the JLI base
and left the messages regarding the altered timeline on the chalkboard before vanishing.
So it was her that did it on the chalkboard, how he found this whenever he first appeared
in the JLI watchtower.
In the New 52, Booster Gold appears as part of the New Justice League International series.
In the post-Flashpoint continuity, Booster is portrayed with his original glory-seeking
personality and is chosen by the UN to lead the JLI due to his PR sense and naivety.
He takes his leadership role seriously and strives to become a better hero and role model.
However, despite his best efforts and support from Batman, who officially defers to Booster's
leadership after supporting Booster for leader, the JLI falls apart due to a string of attacks
against a group that leave members killed or wounded.
Despite his best attempts to bring in new members, Booster later watches in horror as
the hero, Omack, betrays the team and deflects more carnage, including teleporting Blue Beetle
to the homeworld of the villainous Reach species.
In the end, Booster is confronted with what appears to be an older version of him, an
agent of Argus, who warns his present self to prevent Superman and Wonder Woman from
dating.
He is cockblocked by Superman.
Failure to prevent it without explanation would cause Booster Gold to cease to exist.
As the JLI monitor reveals Superman and Wonder Woman kissing, the future Booster disappears.
The present-day Booster disappears moments later.
Argus director Amanda Waller orders Kronos to search for the contemporary Booster through
time, but Kronos is captured by the Secret Society before carrying out his mission.
The older Booster Gold mysteriously reappears in other timelines like 19th century Gotham
City.
The older Booster clarifies he is not an older version of the new 52 Booster, but an older
version of him from a universe which has ceased to exist.
The older Booster has sent Kareen in through the timeline, eventually meeting up with the
sister Gold Star, who is in a version of Metropolis which has been sealed in a bubble by a god-like
version of Brainiac from an alternate universe.
New 52 Booster is held captive by Brainiac.
Brainiac threatens to kill Michelle unless the younger Booster gives up the location
of Vanishing Point, which he concedes.
The older Booster knows this could lead to the end of the multiverse, setting up the
events of Convergence.
In the part 2 Convergence, Booster Gold, Booster is found by a pre-Flashpoint RIP Hunter on
Scartarus, where the older Booster and Gold Star are imprisoned on the planet Telos, where
Brainiac has gathered cities from across the history of the multiverse.
The New 52 Booster and RIP release them both.
Hunter tells the older Booster that he has not traveled through the timeline, but through
the cities in the planet, which were now chronological anomalies, that he was in conflict with and
his body absorbs so much time travel radiation that he was aging rapidly and dying.
The aged pre-Flashpoint Booster transports again and encounters the zero-hour Ted Kord.
So he's like traveling bouncing around for sure.
Booster explains to Kord that he has led a good life, married and had a son.
RIP, the New 52 Booster and Michelle find him and RIP forces the New 52 Booster to take
his father into the raw chronal field contained at the Vanishing Point to cure him.
Pre-Flashpoint Booster's body is destroyed, but he is reborn as Wave Rider, an all-knowing
cosmic time traveler.
We talked about Wave Rider during the zero-hour event.
Wave Rider then emerges on Telos in the final issue of Convergence, along with the New 52
Booster and Gold Star to bring back Brainiac and then convince him to save the multiverse
from its immediate destruction.
Brainiac then sends the zero-hour parallax and pre-Flashpoint Superman to the conclusion
of the Crisis on Infinite Earths to avert the original Crisis event which restores many
of the classic worlds in the multiverse.
I thought the Infinity or Crisis on Infinity Earths won that TV show or the three movie
thing was convoluted.
Apparently it ended with them just having one timeline.
They destroyed everything else.
They found a machine that was so powerful that it was able to, because the Antimatter
was winning no matter what they did, so they decided to sacrifice the immortal Wonder Woman
because in one universe she was completely immortal.
She would be alive beyond anybody.
She sacrificed her life for the machine to create a universe where every other multiverse
is a part of that one.
They're all pieces of the same.
One Batman has a little bit of every single Batman in every multiverse ever, even though
it's just one this time.
So they all just open this portal up and they all walk in.
So every other fucking storyline of the animated series, all those movies, shows, TV shows,
it's only one timeline now.
It's called a reboot, a soft reboot apparently.
And what else?
Basically, James Gunn is taking over the animated stuff too, though he wants to connect into
the live action stuff with the creature commandos being the first.
So I guess we'll see.
Well, last little bit on this.
Alternate versions of Booster Gold and Blue Beetle, as they were prior to Countdown to
Infinite Crisis, appear in the pages of Justice League 3000 number 14, where they're awakened
from a 1,000 year suspended animation by Takron Galtos in the 31st century.
According to Keith Griffin, they're J.M. Demantis and my Blue Beetle and Booster Gold, is what
he says, or his Blue Beetle and Booster Gold.
Then in 2016, DC Comics implemented another relaunch of his books called DC Rebirth after
the New 52, which restored its continuity to form much of what was prior to the New
52.
Booster Gold and his robot partner Skeets return in action comics number 992.
Now that's the last we've seen of him.
So he's got a long history, but well, I'd say long, but long for comic book.
Like not Batman long, but the 80s to now is pretty good.
But yeah.
Man, that's wild.
He's been in it for a bit, huh?
He has.
He really has.
His abilities include that his powers that are granted by a suit anyway, superhuman strength,
speed, endurance and durability, extended longevity, force field generation, energy
blast via his gauntlets, enhanced senses via his visor, time travel and the flight ring
via the flight ring.
He also is an expert athlete and a hand to hand combatant.
Expert athlete.
Since you're the football player.
I don't know why you...
Expert athlete.
That's kind of a...
I got one point when you knew well, because even he played in high school, a little bit
of college got fucking expelled.
Right.
Like ruined, dad ruined his life.
So I don't know if I'd consider that professional or like expert, but I got a compro.
If you're just to put like a, not expert athlete, but if you were to put like a professional
athlete.
Then I would know he was that good.
Yeah.
You would know he's okay, but he's not necessarily expert.
Like the word expert on there is a little...
Oh, like elite.
It's hanging a little bit of his career right there.
Elite athlete.
Could have been a running back for the Miami Dolphins.
That word expert's doing a lot of lifting there.
All right.
Are you ready to go into our Reddit?
Yeah.
This is Reddit number 70.
Yeah, dang.
We've done a lot of these.
We missed last week's number, sir.
Oh, we did?
Technically.
Oh, because of all the...
Yeah.
So we went from number 69 to number 70.
These are going to be retail hell.
Oh, God.
Why are you telling me my life?
I don't know.
I thought you might like these a little bit better.
So the first one is by Hungryad7120.
This person puts, anything that's $20 or higher, I immediately check.
Each register has a small machine beside it that we insert the money into.
It scans the bill.
If the light is green, we can take it.
If not, it is handed back to the customer and either we ask for a new bill or another
reformed payment.
Okay.
I know they're all fancy.
You take my money.
I had two gentlemen come through buying a lot of lumber.
One gives me a stack of 20s.
I thank him and inform him that I'll take it a minute since I have to scan all of his
bills.
Both guys acknowledge this.
Everything goes fine.
I hand the first guy his receipt and the change and wish him to have a good day.
His friend, co-worker, whatever, pushes the stuff outside and starts getting it loaded.
The first guy is staring back at me with an odd look on his face as I gaze back at him
wondering what he has a question about.
Look at him.
Yes.
The guy, you need to apologize.
Me for?
The guy checking my money.
Motions to my register.
Do you don't trust me?
Hell no.
I don't even know you.
Me, it's not about trust, sir.
It's part of my job.
I check all the bills.
The guy keeps staring at me with an odd look on his face.
You hurt my feelings.
Say sorry.
Is he serious?
Me, sir, it's nothing personal.
I know you.
I was going to scan them and you said, okay.
The guy, aren't you going to say sorry?
Me staring at it and starting to get annoyed.
No.
By this point, his partner came back in and told the guy that they needed to leave.
The guy kept insisting I apologize and which I point, I guess I'm supposed to say at which
point I snap at him to leave, leave me alone and act like a damn adult.
The guy's face turns red and he quickly hurried out.
Didn't hear a P from him after that though.
You're sorry.
How like, you can't even trust you.
You hurt my feelings.
You don't think I'm trustworthy?
You have a bag of cocaine fall out of his pocket.
It's like, oh shit.
I don't understand why people get offended about their bills getting checked.
It just went half the house.
I was like, I don't know who you are.
You could be an international jewel thief.
Exactly.
Next one is by Beautifullie69.
So when I tell myself in the mirror.
This is the Beautifullie every morning.
Last night I made the usual store closing in one hour announcement at eight o'clock.
Oh yeah.
I do that a lot.
But I do it in intervals of 10 at the end of half hour mark.
So then you got 20, you got 30 minutes, you got 20 minutes, you got 10 minutes, you got
five minutes.
Five minutes is like you the serious.
I you better eat your shit.
Then I announced again at 815 and 830 per usual procedure.
Right after the 830 announcement, a large group of giggling young people trooped in.
So instead of waiting until 840 to make the next announcement, I announced that 835 from
840 on it is usual to announce every five minutes.
You got 20 minutes, you got 15.
We had a guy once who the manager told him, Hey, we're going to be closing here in like
three, four minutes.
Uh, maybe, you know, just like, you know, not really hurry, but just letting them know
we're about to close soon.
And he got mad and he's like, uh, he basically intimated that he was going to shoot the place
up and I'm like, you're going to shoot the store up because you have, we have to close
at 10 o'clock.
Right.
And like, like it's our fault.
Like he, like, or like you do an inconvenience to him.
Okay.
Basically.
Yeah.
Like he got offended that it's our fault that we have to close on time.
Right.
It's not our fault that you couldn't get here on time.
He wanted to make it seem like it's our fault that he also couldn't get here because he
couldn't get a ride up here.
Like that's not my, I'm just telling you, we close at 10 o'clock.
Right.
Get your stuff and leave.
And then you wait.
So guys like that, I'm like, you need to fucking figure your life out.
If this is what's going to fucking drive you over the edge, having to leave a store and
then you need to really get through psychiatric health.
Yeah, I would say so.
You don't know what I could do.
I don't know.
I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding, bro.
It's like, I'm going to tell you what you need to do and what you're gonna do.
Fuck out of this store.
So whenever I announced a 40, a customer and a coworker's line turned to me and said, are
you really going to tell everyone to leave every five minutes?
Yes, ma'am.
I said, yes.
Yes, I am.
Like he actually said.
She then informed me that I was rude and asked why I was doing that.
I explained that it is normal procedure starting at 840 and that I added 835 to let the newcomers
know that we'd be closing soon.
She then told me that I was a very rude person and that it was a ridiculous policy and that
she was offended.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
When I implemented this policy at your last corporate meeting, I didn't think it would
be such a terrible thing.
That's what I would tell you.
Like if I have fucking control over the shit I have to do at this goddamn store.
As she walked out, she announced that she was never going to shop at our store again.
That's the one that everybody says.
I was really fucking devastated.
I waited until she got out the door before I said, is that a promise?
After closing, I told my manager about it and whenever I got to the are you going to
questions, she beat me to yes, yes I am.
Then whenever I got to the why question, she said because we don't want to be here all
fucking night.
No kidding, man.
We close when we close.
You had like half, you had the whole day to come into the store.
It's not our fault that you chose to come in two minutes before we close.
What do you want us to do?
Stay open later for me.
Like why?
That's not policy.
As if what would you do for another person in your shoes?
You know what I mean?
Right.
Like I'll put it this way.
One or two minutes.
Fine.
But past that, fuck no.
No.
Like if you're at that door at like, like say you close at 10, you're at that door at
1001.
Tough luck.
Just give him a thumbs up.
I'm walking out to my car at that point.
Next one is by Nacho Girl, 2003.
Nacho Girl?
Yep.
Or not your girl?
Like chips.
Okay.
I'm assuming that they wrote it as like Nacho.
Very cute.
I like it.
This person puts, me, your total is $12.20.
Cash or card?
The customer hands me a $100 bill.
Touching.
Me, oh I'm sorry I only have fives in my drawer.
Do you have anything smaller?
The customer just bluntly looks at me.
Doesn't say anything.
Pulls a gun and blasts it.
Me, okay.
List of their payments, hands them back in change, in fives and ones plus the change.
Here's your change.
$87.80.
Oh my lord.
Customer, what the hell?
Why did you give me all fives?
Me, I literally warned you.
You didn't say anything.
So now have a nice day, man.
The customer grumbles and counts her change, walks away.
Some people don't listen to me.
Man, I'm glad this one didn't make a big deal out of it and demand 20s or 50s like some
assholes do.
Which requires calling a manager over since they're the ones allowed to touch the safe
and I'm not.
I wish it was like a little button I could press so that pulls up a transcript.
Is it a far word I ask you and you don't respond?
I don't know why you get what you get.
Oh, another one by her.
Nacho Girl 2001.
This door's going through it.
She's got a war story.
She's got a fucking veteran in the battlefield.
She puts on this one.
Had my lights turned off, had my clothes sign on the belt, eight hour shift and I'm fucking
exhausted about radio.
I'm fucking exhausted after being on my feet all day.
A couple of that comes to my register as I'm serving my last customer.
I say, sorry, I'm closed.
Next register is open though.
They laugh and say, oh, we thought we could just sneak in.
And leave.
Fucking grabs a shotgun.
So you know I'm trying to go home and you're trying to make me wait longer to get to that?
Fuck you.
So she's already had two people.
Was it the same fucking day?
I didn't even realize it was the same person whenever I chugged.
It's like, oh damn.
We once had one of our cashiers, right?
Some guy brought all this stuff right on the basket.
They rang it all up and the guy was like, I'm just fucking around.
I don't want none of this.
And he walked away.
And I was thinking like, what the fuck does that, like they think that's some devastating
maneuver.
I'm just going to take this shit off the register, put your shit back where it goes and go by
my neck because I'm getting paid to do this.
You did absolutely nothing but waste your own time.
Right.
Like you came in here, wasted your own time.
Wrapped a bunch of shit.
You had him ring it all up and you were like, and then you said, no, I'm just joking around.
I don't want none of this shit.
And he walked out.
You know, that's the dumbest shit I've ever seen in my life.
I'm still going to have to be here.
So it's okay.
I'm still going to get paid regardless of whether you wanted this shit or not.
Right.
I'm just going to go and put it all back out.
And I'll go home and do my own stuff and not waste other people's time.
Waste my own time?
Right.
Like why would I waste my own time doing dumb shit that's not going to affect me at another
person at all?
You wouldn't even do enough content, which is sad.
It was the dumbest.
It was so funny to me when he told me the story.
I'm like, so he just rang his shit up.
He's like, no, I'm just playing.
I don't want none of this.
And he walked away.
What the?
That's the dumbest shit.
What a moron.
Yeah, there's people that are just stupid though.
It's like, I'm still getting paid.
I'm getting paid by the hour, bro.
And then like not only that, but you just gave me enough time to waste so I can get
going faster.
So I can actually keep moving.
You know, so it's not slowing my time down.
Wait, I don't understand their thought process for any of that.
They're just morons.
Like whenever I used to work at a part store years ago at this point, but you'd have those
kinds of people that come in.
Yeah, I'm just looking for this part specifically and you'd go get it, set it up.
Oh, it's that.
I don't want it.
All right then.
Okay.
But I only had to help one person.
So that's cool.
Having a day is walking, but it doesn't hurt me.
And he's like, okay, sure.
Whatever.
People are dumb.
Very much so.
And they're always there.
Always dumb at retail because they think they have this authority, this power over like,
I get you fired.
Like, no, you fucking can't.
It's gonna take a lot to get me fired.
Believe me, man.
The amount of people that don't work at this company, I guarantee you.
It's gonna take a lot.
Yeah, it's gonna take a shitload to get me fired.
It's like even if I shot your ass right now.
If I beat the absolute brace off of you, you can just tell them you attacked me.
Just be wide up and wouldn't it be a verbal warning?
All right.
Think I'll fuck a can of peas and cave your fucking skull in.
I just go back to, I get a fucking half day off.
It's like, go home and think about what you did for today.
All right.
Cool.
I'll put a can on the back of your fucking head.
Next one is by NoPantsBullMoose.
This person puts, work in retail long enough and you will eventually realize the rules
for dealing with customers are the exact same as dealing with the Fae.
I don't get what you're talking about with children.
Well, that's a given.
With the Fae.
You know what the Fae are, right?
The Fae?
Yeah.
Those, no.
I feel like I have an inkling of what they are.
A fairy?
That's what they, that's what I'm trying to say.
Like the, the, the, like the mythological.
Make believe ain't real.
You know, Fae?
You know, like the, the Fae people.
Okay.
Well, let's see what he's talking about.
Cause apparently this is not a, these are the same rules apparently though.
Okay.
Let's find out.
Avoid eye contact.
Okay.
Never reveal your full name.
All right.
Except nothing they offer to you.
Okay.
Never verbally agree or disagree with anything they might happen to say.
To apologize is to acknowledge a dead ode.
A dead ode?
I see what they're doing here.
Under no circumstances are you to ever thank them.
Remember that they are incapable of reading signs in human languages.
Ah, yeah.
That was the one, the truth.
The truth one I've never heard.
It's literally like dealing with the Fae from the old Irish legend.
I guess so.
Maybe that was, maybe that was the one, maybe they weren't really Fae.
That was just their version of a clients back.
Yeah.
They just masked it as the Fae.
They can't read signs in the language?
In any human language?
That's a good one though.
Cause they really can't.
It's like, like you're putting a thing up on there closing early, five o'clock.
I didn't know you were closing in early.
The signs like the billboard signs.
What are you talking about?
They will rip a door off.
It'll say closed due to computer problems, right?
And they will rip the door off the hinge.
They grunt as they read them.
They climb back up their tree.
They kind of do though.
Next one is by lamblemon39.
Lamblemon.
So this customer kept piling stuff.
My name is Lonnie Lemon.
Lonnie Lemon?
Family's always been into craft.
That's a good name though.
I just made up a character.
Yeah.
Redneck one.
Lonnie Lemon.
And all I've been wanting to do is get out of Burbank, Alabama.
They call him Lonnie Lemon.
Like first name's Lonnie, but Lemon because his face always looks like it's buckered.
So this customer keeps piling stuff beside the counter that she wanted to buy instead
of taking a cart like a normal person.
I told her to take a cart.
Hopefully they'll grab a fucking laundry basket.
I couldn't find the basket.
I don't want this.
I want the stuff inside.
I'm like you lazy.
See if I do that, at least I'm buying the basket too.
Exactly.
At least take the damn basket.
It's a dollar.
Like come on.
I found this empty box and I put all my shit in there.
Can I have the box?
Like if they claim it as it is.
It's true.
We don't care man.
Take the damn, take all the boxes.
Or you'll get the one because I remember this from working at a part store where they'll
come in.
Do you have any extra boxes?
I need a thousand.
I'm moving to fucking space and I need a thousand in a one box.
And it's like well how have they all been cut up and thrown away?
I'll take them.
I can reform them with my magic powers.
That's kind of how it is though.
I had this one old lady, right?
I had set a box aside for myself because I like to, when I'm done reading books, I put
them in there and then when it's full, I take it to Goodwill.
It's a perfect plan until I get a fucking library.
I can't fit anything in my fucking room.
It's a tiny ass space so I usually just write the book down that I read so that one day
I can rebuy it and then put it in a fucking massive bookshelf.
My dream is to have a massive fucking book library of all, I've read all these things.
And so I always try to remember the books I read to rebuy them one day.
So I had to set this box aside for me and this old bitch fucking rolled up, bought her
stuff, turned around and she like, she said, I sense a box.
I said, I think boxes, she turned around, saw it, grabbed it and put all her shit inside
and walked off with it.
She didn't ask for, didn't ask, can I have nothing?
She was fucking sensing it in her fucking old lady box sense and fucking smashed it
and walked off with it.
They just, they can't get enough boxes apparently.
I don't know what the fuck they're doing with this stuff.
I don't know.
It's like a hoarder.
They're just taking it.
Okay, 600 boxes.
She probably goes home and just jumps under a pile of boxes, breaks a couple bones when
she doesn't.
This one's from my cat Delilah.
She died yesterday.
She puts the cat in the box, puts her under the bed with the other seven cats that's died.
You walk in there and just fucking reeks of fucking death in her ass.
Death and ammonia?
I'm sorry.
She's going to be the one that goes and bites that cheap cat litter too.
Oh man.
Doesn't absorb no smells at all?
It just makes the scent stronger.
All right.
So I had to step on the ladder to get a frame down for another customer without my knowledge
while I was gone.
A different lady had gone through her pile of stuff and taken a sweater from it.
The no goer lady would have like, where did my sweater go?
You're supposed to be watching my stuff.
Sweater.
You're supposed to be watching my stuff.
I ain't watching shit.
Is that your stuff?
No I'm not.
I'm over here doing my job.
Your job is to hold onto your stuff that you want so that it doesn't happen.
Maybe if you had a type of fucking wheeled thing that could possibly move along with
you or you can push ahead of you that has a deep compartment where you can put all your
shit in.
But until that's invented, I guess you got no choice but to fucking hunch it on your
back.
Something with a handle that you can hold in one hand with maybe a deep enough space
that you can put items in but until that's invented as well.
I can't even think of what that would even possibly be.
So you gotta watch your stuff, ma'am.
It's Black Friday out here.
I offered a card and she didn't want it.
What the hell is even that?
So then no cart saw the other lady holding the sweater that she wanted and freaked out.
Can fist fart her.
She was like, that's my sweater.
Where's your name on it, bitch?
And they started fucking throwing purses at each other.
And the other lady was like, no it's not.
I found it in a pile up the front.
That's my fucking sweater.
Fucking invention.
My fucking sweater.
Over a fucking sweater.
I remember these two women about to get into a fist fight in the store, right?
They were arguing each other in one of the aisles.
The bigger woman was winning because she was standing over.
And then she walked away.
And then she's leaving the store.
The little old lady's like, get out of here, bitch.
That's right.
Get out of here, you fucker.
And then she started opening her mouth after she walked away.
That's right, you get out of here.
You get out of this store.
All right.
Okay, so no it's not.
I found them on the pile up the front.
The cart lady was like, that was my fucking sweater.
That's my fucking sweater.
You've done it long enough, you know what I mean?
Give it to me now.
And the other lady was like, oh, absolutely not.
You're not getting it back.
Oh shit.
The whole store was dead quiet.
I bet it was.
People love drama when it's not there.
It's like everybody just freezes.
I better watch the fucking fire start fucking kindling.
It was dead quiet while they were arguing.
Then no cart looks at me like she wants me to do something.
They always want you to do something about everything.
If there's a fucking car crash outside, you got to pull those people out and get them
out of there.
I'm like, what the fuck do you want me to do?
Why don't you?
I'm just as fucking well trained as you are in whatever situation.
They don't train me specially.
Like this one guy, right?
Yeah.
There was this homeless woman knocked out in front of the store.
She was laying there, not the front, but the edge.
This guy came up and he was like, I'm so worried about that woman.
I hope she's okay.
What are we getting into?
Basically he was intimating.
I wanted you to do something.
So I go out there and say, you all right?
She gets up, I'm fine.
She was like, she's a regular there.
She's always knocked out.
She's always acting loopier than she really is.
I started thinking like, okay.
She might do that kind of on purpose though.
Then I fucking go back to the register and the guy brings all his shit.
Like, oh man, I was so worried about that woman.
Of course I didn't say, but I was like, why the fuck didn't you ask her?
She was like, all right, what the fuck did you wait for?
You know what I mean?
You fucking walked over her basically.
Right.
Acting like you're the most caring motherfucker on planet earth.
But you're the first one to walk over her.
I'm the one that has to go check on her and then you don't do jack shit.
I swear, man.
People think retail.
Like if there's a fucking bomb today, they expect me to fucking defuse it.
I'm like, you guys have to be fucking kidding me.
I'm just as trained in anything as you are.
But you work here.
What the fuck does that matter, bitch?
See, my response is I fucking work here.
That's it.
I just work here.
I'm capable of this store.
Not a fucking knife fight in the fucking aisle.
I mean, they didn't ask me if I could finally do a waffle house.
Right.
You don't have to be like trained in combat or anything like that.
Waffle house?
Yeah, you do.
I don't be trained in first aid combat medical aid.
I'm just a fucking, you know, retail person.
It's like we didn't even have this in the handbook.
They want us to do everything.
Yeah, that's true.
They really do.
Like my job right now, they want us to look since we're out and about, they want us to
look for like trafficked women and stuff.
It's like, the fuck are you?
What the hell?
I'm not a goddamn detective.
What the hell are you talking about?
Like no joke, they really do.
I get fucking trafficked too, huh?
They fucking stabbed me.
Yeah.
It's like look for this sign.
When they do this sign, they're being trafficked.
It's like, I don't have fucking time to worry about this.
Like news flash to everybody.
We're not all superheroes.
All right.
We will.
We're too scared sometimes.
We're not going to fucking get murdered.
And sometimes we're worried about the job we're doing.
We're just trying to live our life.
Why do we have to, you know, save lives?
Like that's where they feel like I got a fucking, if there's a fire at the store, right?
Everyone get out and I got to sacrifice my life for a fucking customer.
Like you are your goddamn mind.
You're being like a stinger to be the first one out.
I be fucking knocking old ladies across the fucking hallway.
The hell am I?
Goddamn it.
Retail is nothing above anything.
It's just a fucking job.
Just because we're consistently in the scope of human interaction does not mean we're capable
or trained for anything beyond the retail job.
Right.
Like fist fights in a store, you know, a shooting, robberies.
We're not trained for that.
All I can do is call the cops like you go.
Exactly.
What the fuck am I going to do?
They're not going to see me do it.
They're not going to see you do it.
They just fucking turn to you like, what's going to go on?
That's annoying though.
The lady that fucking busted in one time saying that her daughter got flashed by some homeless
guy outside.
And then I had to call the cops and then turn into a whole fucking court case that I got
fucking called in on that when the day of my court appearance, they fucking called me
and said like he pleaded guilty.
So he's going to jail.
So you don't have to come in.
I'm like, yeah.
So I had that fucking detective found me at the house.
He's like, oh, your phone number got changed.
So I'm like, yeah, I changed my phone.
I still work at the store.
You don't have to come to my house to find me.
But we were going to be a detective and we were going to find you.
Basically, he found me.
He sent me the number to the lady for the prosecutors, had to talk to her, had to be
called in.
See, that shit, how that affected my life tremendously.
Not only did that affect my life in such a profound way, right?
Because it was insane.
I've never been in the process of anything like that.
But the lady that's daughter got flashed, when she was a semi-regular, when I gave her
the number to the detective to call him, she never called him.
She was never in the process at all.
They completely ignored the whole thing.
They wasted my fucking time.
But they were the first ones to come in and bitch.
And I'm like, your fucking granddaughter or daughter got fucking flashed by some homeless
guy.
And I went through the whole process to help you put him in jail.
And you didn't even fucking go to the court thing or anything.
What the fuck?
What the fuck, lady?
What was the point then?
What the fuck?
Why didn't you not go to...
To this day, I see him sometimes, right?
And I think in my head, why the fuck did you avoid it entirely?
Are you a criminal too?
You know what?
It's weird.
I got dragged into a fucking court case.
That wasn't even yours.
Right.
And for something that it was bad, yes.
And I'm glad he's in jail.
But for the fact that the lady that caused me to do it in the first place...
Didn't even care.
Didn't even care, yes.
I was fucking livid.
I'm livid to this fucking day.
It's an omen.
All right.
Then no cart looks at me like she wants me to do something.
And all I said was...
Here it goes.
I'm gonna do something.
Oh!
And all I said was, it's between you two.
Like, hey man, this ain't got nothing to do with me.
Oh boy, she was pissed.
I bet she was, but hey guys, what's not my problem?
I can...
I'm not even sorry.
That's what you did.
Why would he be?
That's what you get for not taking a cart.
I tell people that I can't watch their stuff if they choose to leave it somewhere.
If you want it so badly, hold it.
Or get a fucking cart.
Otherwise, it's fair game.
I had some people the other day come up to me to tell me that they left a scarf hanging
on the rack at the back of the store and they'll purchase whenever they're done shopping.
And do you expect me to keep an eye on that?
For fuck's sake, where is the common sense?
I swear man, they lose it when they enter the door.
Yes they do.
And next one is by Marble Man XX.
Okay.
Or Marble Minx?
I don't know.
I swear to bits, I had a customer come in with a sale that would literally make my day.
She was buying four phones on her best plan, three accessories for all the phones, and
protection plans.
I was eager to wrap up...
That's not retail.
That's specialty.
Specialty retail.
Retail is the real shit.
The real wars.
Yes.
This is it.
Like you don't get like...
Like if I worked at fucking like...
What's a specialty retail place like...
Like Apple store?
Like an Apple store, right?
Or a fucking like a gift card store.
Like a Hallmark or something.
Or just something like that.
You're not in the fucking war.
No.
You're not in a general retail.
Like Walmart, Target, and you know the dollar stores.
Oh man.
We're the war veterans.
That's why this is posted under the retail hill, but under the title of a funny thing
happened rather than customers suck.
So it's not like they're the end of the world for them.
Like it is for regular retail.
So, I was eager to wrap up the sale.
I'd be overqualified for a store like that.
You've been through the trenches.
Jesus.
This is like the medics in the back.
You see some of it, but you don't see.
I was eager to wrap up the sale because that would have hit my goal for the day.
One of my regulars, a Hispanic customer, came in to pay his bill and I immediately say,
seriously?
Why the heck are you coming back?
A tone was dripping with attitude and my customer got offended on his behalf.
So the customer he was helping got offended for the person that he said this to.
Because he was fucking with him.
Yes.
But he doesn't know that.
For context, the Hispanic customer and I mess around like that all the time.
He pretends to be difficult.
I pretend to be sick of him.
All is a good fun.
Every transaction ends in laughter and I tell him to have a good day and he's leaving.
I can see from the outside how it would look if people don't know.
What the fuck is that?
The customer buying the floor phone starts grabbing her things and saying she's going
to report me to corporate and that I need to start looking for another job now.
I'm like, man, there is no corporate.
I am corporate.
It's an empty fucking room with a phone ringing forever.
You know, the cat just sitting there.
You're doing nothing.
I was confused for a second before I realized why she was upset.
I quickly explained our dynamic and the customer confirmed it.
She laughed and continued on with the sale.
I didn't learn that I need to be mindful of everyone in the store, especially with him.
You never know.
That's why it wasn't under retail like a customer suck.
It was a funny thing kind of happened.
The fact that there was no misunderstanding is also not retail because they will misunderstand
for the rest of your life.
If it was a normal retail store, we'll still fuck you.
I still didn't like it.
Exactly.
You should be professional, sir, at all times.
All right, next one is by the SQ one.
SQ one.
Yeah.
It's the person that puts this happened yesterday.
The customer.
Hey, can you help me?
I'm looking for a famous brand of spicy ketchup.
Oh shit, I hate that shit.
The shelf label says it should be there, but it's not where it's supposed to be.
Oh, I hate that too.
Like it says on your on your Google, Google method, the thing that hardly ever updates
on our freaking store.
We don't have an army of fucking coders consistently upping every single item scanning through
the whole fucking store.
Every time you know, like real time updates.
Right.
It'll say like this is a stock and it'd be like three months ago.
Right.
But it should still be the same.
No.
Hmm.
Me.
Yes, of course.
Let me check that way.
Check with you.
It's a bit strange because the aisle has been restocked two hours ago.
Well, they'll try to give you the SQ number and like, wait, lady, where am I going to put
it in?
There's no directory.
Right.
Like I can put it into the computer, right?
That'll just tell me how many we have in the store, but they're not where they are.
They are.
They could be buried in the back hundreds of feet under the earth.
For all I know, they're down in the mine.
Basically.
Yeah.
But what do I know?
I walk up to the aisle with a customer and she starts gesturing towards the shelf.
See?
Now that's a shelf.
See?
It's a it's not where it should be and I can't find it.
Or it should be as long as it's on the shelf.
It's where it should give me anywhere.
I look and I see a dozen bottles of famous brand spicy tomato ketchup.
Exactly where they were supposed to be.
The first one in the row, though, is turned backwards and the label is facing out.
So she can't be that dumb, can she?
Turned backwards and the label faces the back of the shelf.
Probably someone took it and put it back the wrong way.
I turn it right.
Turn it the right way and show her the label.
But instead of thanking me, she goes on a rant.
The customer.
How was I supposed to know what it was?
Well, why did you turn it, you dummy?
I know you people turn bottles the wrong way on purpose to confuse people.
Yeah, that's our whole fucking goal to get you not to buy stuff.
That's the whole goal of stores.
All I can say in response with flabbergasted that was a flabbergasted look is sorry for
the inconvenience.
Can I help you with anything else?
How about the true veteran?
I mean, the first comment, though, turning the ketchup bottle around the check is incredibly
hard idea.
OK, thus it requires a store employee to do it.
We had eight hours of training on how to turn said products around just in the circumstances.
You know, sarcastic comment ever.
And then and finding me talk to me and walking back to the shelf took her so much longer
than just turning the bottle around to see what it was.
But if there was a bunch of them there, why don't you look at the other ones?
Because apparently it was all like I think he was saying that they were in a row.
Oh, like one or just one.
Yeah.
OK, like we're using like hundreds of the same thing.
I get a line because I think on that one, he said it was a dozen or something.
Yeah, I said a dozen bottles.
Yeah.
So it would be one row back.
Yeah, maybe two.
But like somebody like there's a lot of people in grocery stores that look at like the the
nutritional labels and stuff on the back of things to see what ingredients are and stuff.
Yeah.
And they'll just set it back up.
They're not thinking like most people.
If you see a backwards bottle, you turn it around to say like or if you're like in our
stores, you'll grab a frozen ice cream or something, right?
And I'd be like, I don't want it.
And then you set it somewhere and just leave it there to fucking slowly.
You know, the arts department.
And then when you find it three days later, it's freaking absolute liquid.
Or the fucking hot pocket is fucking just goo.
That's what a lot of people do, though.
And it's annoying.
Like if I go to always frozen food, always whenever I go to any kind of store and it's
like, you know what?
I really don't want this.
I'll walk it back to where it fucking goes.
Like what?
Like just too much work.
It's kind of like with shopping carts.
People don't put shopping carts back in the fucking corral fight.
I've had a lady today.
She bought her stuff, right?
Yeah.
She's like, thank you.
She walked out.
She walked out in front of my register where all the customers are watching her walk out
with her car blocking everyone else.
I was like, wow.
And then they were like, wow.
It's just the inconsideration of it.
Yeah.
It's like, lady, you can at least take your cart out of their way.
Well, you're walking into Walmart or Costco is a big one because I go to Costco regularly.
And I don't understand it, right?
They'll walk with their cart to their car, but then they'll like prop it up on the edge
of the curb.
The car, I was like two cars down.
Like they'll pick it up and throw it into the fucking bed of another truck and just
walk away instead of just putting it back.
Yes.
It's like damn y'all people are lazy.
Y'all walk through Costco.
Costco is gigantic on the inside.
It's that famous the cart dilemma.
Yeah.
It should look like.
And it shows you if you're at like your morals basically.
Right.
Like if you put a cart back just without anybody telling you to.
Broughting you.
Yeah.
Then normally you're just a normal good person.
Cause it's like, it's such a small trivial thing to do that it's not even hard.
Like literally you're not having to go all the way back up to the store.
Even at a Walmart.
I mean, yeah.
Walmart is like, they've had to put them out, corrals all over the place just so they, they
hold and they'll put them back.
And even then it's like, man, you know, it was that one store that had to have you take
it out with a quarter.
Oh, Aldi.
So you'd at least get your quarter back because they had some incentive to tailor.
Even in that case, then there's people that somehow find a way to get past that though
to where they still get the quarterback by shoving a little piece of metal or something
in there.
Ain't that something people.
People.
Next one is by rotten Mike.
This person puts pasta sauce went on sale.
And in this case, I'm going to think that he's bitching a little bit too much in my
opinion.
But he puts pasta sauce went on sale and this woman bought every jar we had on the day that
it went on sale.
I've since had countless customers asking me about the sauce and asking me when we're
getting more of it in and there's any or if there's any in the back.
It's really annoying since I saw a woman grab over 40 jars yesterday and that's there's
people who only want a couple of jars who can't get any.
Funny enough, a guy told me that woman was a piece of shit whenever she was checking
out.
It's like, come on bro, you work at a grocery store.
Like if somebody comes in and wants to buy a large amount of something, you can't stop
them.
Not unless you have as a store like a set limit.
Oh, like with toilet paper back in the day.
Yeah, they still have that.
They still try to kill you.
But like that'd be somebody like going into one of the like a dollar general or dollar
tree or even a family dollar and they buy like all like a chargers off of one or Hot
Wheels where they'll come in and they'll buy a set of Hot Wheels.
It's Red Hot Wheels, man.
You know what I mean?
I remember one guy apparently that my manager had did a favor for him that they would give
him a Hot Wheels when they got off the truck, right?
They basically threatened my coworker on the phone like, you know, those Hot Wheels better
be there because we got a standing deal.
And if I don't see them Hot Wheels, we got to have a problem.
And like he said he wanted to have me the phone, but he knows damn well if he handed
me the phone.
I'm like, who the fuck is this for what?
Like what the fuck are you talking about?
Hot Wheels, if you had a standing deal with the manager, well, that shit's done and gone.
Right?
I was like, you're not going to threaten us for some damn Hot Wheels.
You must have lost your fucking mind.
Right.
Like I'm saying, I'm like, so basically he wants first dibs on the Hot Wheels because
he's got a standing deal with the store manager.
He's trying to make money.
Yeah.
Trying to get the good ones before they hit the shelf.
But that'd be like somebody coming in and buying all the Hot Wheels.
You can't stop them from buying all the fucking Hot Wheels.
I don't think they would buy all the Hot Wheels.
That's what I'm saying.
Like most places I can think of like grocery stores and stuff like that.
And then if somebody came in, hey, do you have Hot Wheels?
No.
Like it's not a hard answer.
So I think what he's mad about, I can already tell at his mind frame is that he's had a
long day and I bet you like 18 people asked him like, so we got any more of that sauce?
So he's projecting his anger onto her, but not really.
It's like she was just doing what most people would do.
I mean, not necessarily that many, but like yesterday, right?
I had three people within one hour asked me if I had any spare boxes.
And I'm like, the third one was on the phone and I just started laughing like you were
actually the third person within one hour to ask me for spare, but like I've given them
all away.
Yeah.
And that was that.
But he's not where he's coming from, but.
He's blaming her for nothing.
He didn't do anything wrong.
Like I said.
He's blaming the guys like, I'd be like, I would drag someone to the back.
You see any goddamn sauce in that bag?
You son of a bitch.
See my whole thing would be is why did you wait till today?
Or you could like it since apparently they went on sale and that's why she bought a whole
40.
Yeah.
It's like, well, they're all they were on sale.
So they're gone.
I mean, what the hell was the sale like two for one?
I mean, God, maybe it was like barely 20 cents off of it.
Or if she was one of those kind of couponers where they come in for free.
Yeah.
And get like a dollar 45 back.
Yeah, I can see that.
But again, unless the store has like a set limit for stuff like where you can only or
if I think Wynko does it now where.
The first couple are at the sale price and then everything after that is at standard
normal price.
So it's a way to try to try to ease from like the poaching, I guess.
So like you could technically still use coupons to do it, but then you're still paying a little
more than.
But I'm just glad I think like, like, from a customer perspective, that PS five are back
in stock retail price.
Yes.
Instead of a thousand dollars.
I'm not buying a fucking PS five pro for $700.
Hell no.
If it does, if it plays the exact same level of games.
Right.
Unless that she can do something extra like the games only for PS five pro, but they know
they can't do that.
Right.
Or else they would completely destroy the fucking the foundation of PS five.
So there's no like, I know for people like they hear the pro.
Yeah.
And they think it's like a whole different so much so much better.
It's nice.
The same thing.
Basically, you play the exact same games.
It's probably the exact same speed.
There's no problem.
But there's usually on the PS, like the PS four pro, it was a bigger storage capacity.
And that's one thing like more storage is fine.
Right.
But you can always add external storage.
Yeah, like I got two goddamn terabytes I added from an external storage.
Yeah.
Like there's ways to upgrade your original and then I think maybe RAM or something is
a little bit faster, but it's not so much faster that I feel like it like my freaking
slim can't keep up with a pro.
Right.
Same game.
Right.
So it's not something you can do to yourself with it online.
Right.
I think it's more of a storage.
Yeah.
And Mike, and what I, yeah, to me, it's just like a, like a brand type of thing.
Yeah.
This is the pro.
Like they hear pro, right?
They think like, oh, this is the elite version of the right.
But it's just because if they had a third tier, the people would be go buy in that too.
Right.
It's like, it comes with 0.0001% upgrades to everything.
It's the pro elite, the pro elite, like the elite pro.
Yeah.
It'd have to be the elite pro.
Like, Oh my, the elite pro.
Holy shit.
That's even better than the pro.
Yeah.
Cause it's not much of a difference as far as I know.
No, if they played the same games, I'm getting the fucking cheapest one.
Unless it's something significant, like the fact that the really cheap one is discless.
Yes.
That's a different, yeah.
Yeah.
Cause if it's discless, I don't want it.
I gotta have at least a disc for some day, at least for DVDs.
Plus, if you want the physical copies of games, mostly now the way PlayStation is with their
removing things from catalogs.
Now I'm getting the disc regardless.
Where's my damn game?
Where's my movies are gone?
Oh yeah.
I lost all my movies a long time ago.
It's just crazy.
Tough.
Especially what if you had like a huge fucking library, like 700 movies.
And then like even half of them gone.
Wiped out of existence.
Oh, it sucks so bad.
And then it's like, eh, there's no response to what happened.
So PlayStation is like, and?
Fucking and?
You're still gonna play as ancient?
Yes.
Well then shut the fuck up.
Literally start playing ball in your eyes now.
Plus like PlayStation has what?
Like four levels of PlayStation Plus now.
Oh fuck yes.
Like fucking 18 levels of like, the version was $117 up to $1,019.
Right.
It's like, God damn PlayStation Plus.
Why do you get so fucking expensive?
But there are, there's like four levels to the shit now.
It's stupid.
I actually had the highest one for a while.
Did you?
But I was like, man, it's a lot for one year and the Christmas was rolling up.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know if I can afford this right now.
It's like, is it really worth it?
I mean, like you get the lowest level just for the online access.
Yes.
Like of everything.
Yes.
But if you want like the fucking creme de la creme.
But I don't even think they offer as much value for that.
They don't have the same lab value of games library as the Xbox live.
Right.
Their fucking Xbox game pass.
It's fucking phenomenal.
For PlayStation Plus game pass is nowhere near up to par.
Well, it's like, we'll give you these free games and all the free games are just shit.
Basically.
Yeah, that's the problem.
It's like, eh, cause I play for, I have a PlayStation Plus, but I don't pay for, I pay
for the base version just for the internet, which is stupid because you have your own
internet.
So why are you paying them to play internet games?
Like come on now.
Xbox don't even do that.
But you know how, you know how, you know how big Call of Duty is?
Yeah.
That their internet, theirs doesn't need the PlayStation Plus to play.
Yeah.
Like if you want to play Warzone, they're like, uh, they're colleges like, oh, they
get to play Warzone PlayStation Plus or not.
And PlayStation is like, okay.
Cause I've been playing Warzone with my cousins and I still don't have PlayStation Plus again.
Like that's how big Call of Duty is.
Yeah.
It's a game.
Fucking massive.
Yeah.
Uh, all right.
Next one is by I am the root of my evil.
This person puts, I know that this is going to probably be another, um, complainer, but,
uh, I know this is a tired rant, but Jesus, why does retail hate sitting so much?
I work open to close 12 hours a day.
I'm expected to stand the whole time.
Finally caved and brought the chair to the register because my back is killing me and
I don't want to keep eating ibuprofen.
Ouch.
Like, come on now that you're exaggerating just a little bit there.
I chew this shit like Tic Tacs.
Immediately I get texts.
Hey blank.
Who was just checking the cameras and saw you sitting.
You motherfucking watching me.
You need a medical accommodation for that.
So instead of a single day of resting my back and feet while the store is empty, I've got
doctor's appointments tomorrow to get set up to never have to stand again unless I'm
checking out a customer.
Sex to be them, I guess.
Like, come on now.
You know what you get into when you work for retail.
You stand.
It's a guy that wars on you.
Like unless you're on break or something.
Like I could see if they were forcing you to stand on your breaks, but come on now you
work in retail.
You have 12 hours is a long day, but.
That's a long fucking day to be dealing with people.
But you get to stand on the comfortable mats.
You get to.
Those are a lie by the way.
They're fucking brutal.
Did they do that?
Whatever Ergo, what's the word?
Ergonomics.
Whatever bullshit they put in them.
They make it worse than being fucking on sandpaper.
I'd really be on a fucking uneven rocks or pebbles than to be on those fucking mats.
I'd like built a beach at Al.
I don't know.
Like I've never like, I don't know why this woman one time, one of our old employees at
first, she was, she wasn't very long.
She's like, she works at this other place and she said she's on her feet all day and
she's fine with her.
Was her nice comfy shoes and her insoles and all that.
Yeah.
But like for some reason being at this register, like my back is because my feet are killing
me.
Like I'm like, oh shit, man, you're standing.
I'm just saying, you know, like, yeah, 12 hours a day.
That's, that's a long day, but I'm more worried about the human interaction.
Yeah.
Cause I'm almost a robot.
Like how many times could I keep functioning as a home human before I malfunction before
the sparks?
Yeah.
I say the wrong thing or something.
It's like the AI just takes over.
It's like, no, Karen, we're not going to do this.
Sorry, man.
I'll check the back for you and I come back and I'm just walking into a wall constantly
like a robot.
No, that would be hilarious.
Like a game village.
Next one is by affectionate owl for 42 person pits.
These two girls wanted to buy some mini cigars for context.
I'm a newer employee at a very corporate chain convenience store.
Now the thing is they looked about 14 and had no idea what they wanted.
They just pointed to the section that said one of those doesn't matter.
Now anyone in their right mind would card these people and legally I have to, but I
also went to the high school with them.
I was like two grades above them and I'm technically a minor.
I asked for ID and the girl started freaking out on me yelling and asked for my manager.
I said, I don't know if that's going to help girl.
He's going to ask for ID too.
I said, so you want to speak to my boss about not selling tobacco to a minor?
And the girl insisted.
My manager told her the same thing.
The girl proceeded to rant to rat out my coworker saying that the other lady always sells it
to her and she forgot her ID.
She continued to berate me until they left.
The other coworker comes out of the bathroom, she's like, I didn't do jack shit.
It's exactly what it would be.
She literally could have went to a tiny store around the corner down the street and gotten
them, but went to the giant corporate one.
The only upside to this is the lady behind her reassuring me and saying I handled it
well.
But my God, this happens all the time.
I just seen that the other day whenever I went into a convenience store, there was this
dude probably like maybe 15, 16.
He got, he went up there.
He's like, Hey, give me two of those Cigarellos.
Right?
No problem.
Well, the guy behind the counter, he's like, it's an old Asian dude.
He's like, how old are you?
And kid, he's like, man, motherfucker, you know how old I am.
He's like, no, no, no, I have to have ID.
The guy, man, fuck you.
So he guarded him?
Yeah.
Interesting.
And the guy behind the counter, he put the stuff back on the shelf.
He's like, I'm not losing my job.
Was it an actual corporate?
No, it was his own.
Like he'd lose his whole business if he sold it to kids.
Okay.
Just making sure.
Like he just wasn't doing it under the table like a lot of these people do.
Yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
Like he ain't got no problem.
He's like, no, no, no, there's always a little glitch in the camera.
Well, the guy, he told me, he said, he's tried this five times this month.
Jesus, man.
Cause he keeps supposedly forgetting his ID.
It's like, come on, dude.
Like if some, like even whenever, uh, at my job, uh, I'm saying what it is, but whenever
you have alcohol and stuff, you'd have to have an ID.
Even alcohol they deliver in my guy.
You never, you never have to leave your house.
You know how many winos are or there's a lot of white people out there where they have
it on a fucking schedule.
Oh, that shit comes weekly.
The freaking, uh, and not just one bottle of case.
Alexa's like, uh, it's about that time.
Your surprise getting low.
It knows the cycle.
It does.
These, these, these ladies, Jesus Christ.
Like, I don't know how much they drink.
It's like, you're not having parties every week.
Like they drinking that wine.
Damn, man.
Can't waste it.
You're considering their whole lifestyle.
I wonder they got nice houses.
So it's cool.
So you're not going to have to do that.
You're going to have to do that.
You're going to have to get a nice house and so it's cool.
So you're getting drunk.
Exactly.
What about the mutton, the monotony of it would get boring.
Like especially like those people that live in like this sort of like cookie cutter, like
almost like on eggshells type lifestyle.
Yeah.
Well, like even though you're married to this man or woman, you don't really know each other
in that type of intimate way.
That's like real.
Right.
So it's almost like they're living, they're each living, like they're, they're trying
to be their best version all the time.
Right.
Instead of being real with each other.
So sometimes they have some of the outlets are just getting fucking plastered while the
husband's away at work.
So you desperate housewives is a name for a reason.
Who's working?
They exist.
They pull that shit out and they don't make that shit up.
They pull out of reality.
Yes, they do.
Next one is by Sam 73020.
It's first in pits.
We'll know my word today.
15 minutes before we open.
I closed last night.
So basically I just had to put my stuff away, punch in, do a few quick things and I'm ready
to open.
I'm usually ready to go pretty quickly and open the door a little, open the store a little
early, but not today.
I just pulled into work and there's a guy in his truck waiting for us to open first.
First thing in the morning.
So sometimes they feel like embarrassed to come in right at the, at the, out the gate.
Right.
They see me open the door.
They're like, I'll wait a few minutes.
Yeah.
He's a regular customer and knows we open up at 10 a.m. but whatever.
I walk past his car, not making eye contact and get into the store, relocking the door
behind me.
This guy proceeds to get out of his truck, walk to the door and then stands in front
of the door and watch me through the glass as I get things ready.
Fucking psycho, man.
I went to the back, drink my coffee and waited until exactly 10 a.m. to open the door.
If he had just chilled in his car, gave me space, he could have gotten in five minutes
early because I usually open early if I'm ready.
Title customers trying to rush me usually makes me mysteriously go slower.
Whenever I unlocked the door and put out the open flag and a sign, I said a quick greeting
and asked if he knew we opened at 10 a.m.
Him, yeah, I know, but I don't have a watch or phone on me.
So I waited here to see when you'd open.
It's like, okay.
I pointed to the flag and the sign.
He just watched me put out.
And then me, those might let you know.
But let's go and find the flames.
Right.
Let him be.
And last one for today is by Beauty from Ashes.
I'm trying to try to be poetic here.
Huh?
First and first, today I was ringing up a customer at these customers.
I noticed their box of frozen egg rolls were open.
The plastic bag was sealed.
So technically the product wasn't damaged.
And it is, of course, safe to consume.
But I thought I'd still ask the customers if they'd like to grab another box.
They angrily said, they're all open like that.
I told them I was sorry for the inconvenience.
The woman asked for a discount.
Of course they did.
They ripped it to shreds, probably.
Exactly.
The woman asked for a discount on the item.
I'm still relatively new, so I called over my coworker to ask her opinion.
My coworker mentioned how that wasn't anything wrong with the item.
But because the box was opened, we'd probably add it to our donation box.
The customer rudely goes, so just donate them to me then.
My coworker and I stared at each other and then looked back at the couple.
I said, I'm really sorry, but I can't do that.
Karen goes, well, why not?
Yeah, she's just going for it, huh?
At this point, I paged for my manager because I wasn't in the mood for the shenanigans.
And of course my manager backs me up.
No, sorry, we can't donate this item to you.
Have a great night.
He gets on her broomstick and flies away.
You're hearing from me again?
And then the first comment, if you did donate it to them, they'd come back and open all
the boxes the next time and insist to be given them.
Yeah, that's a thousand percent what these people would do.
They'll rip it to rib-a-bagels.
Just rip the boxes all to hell.
All these bags are open.
All these boxes are fucking torn to shit.
Can't I have them?
Somebody's got shit stains on them.
You see their fingers are brown saying?
If you really just look slowly, everything she said, you slowly notice that something
about her, like someone cut these fucking bags to shit.
You see a fucking pocket knife coming out of her pocket with scratch marks all over
it.
They're covered in mud, it looks like, mud on her shoes.
There's everything she said.
You notice something about her that gives away that it was her.
I don't even really like oatmeal, but I'll take it in her shirt says I love oatmeal.
She's got oatmeal in the corner of her mouth.
Very true.
You don't ever, that's why that one guy, he's like, they're like, Faye, you don't look at
them, you don't apologize, you don't.
I think one of the worst, the worst offenders of retail are the ones that used to be retail.
Yes.
And they don't, they don't like remember.
What it's like?
Yeah.
It's like even worse than a normal person would.
It was like, well, whenever I was in a store doing this, I would do this.
Basically, yeah.
It's like, I don't give a fuck what you would do.
I don't see your name tag anywhere on you.
See, I get that too whenever I, for my job, where it'll be, well, whenever I was doing
that, what I would do, it's like, I'm gonna fuck what you would do motherfucker.
Do you do it now?
No, you don't, shut the fuck up.
It's always the-
Sign this package and shut the hell up.
It's always that one person too that worked there for like a year.
Like three months.
Right.
And then they just, they got, they phased out.
And it's like, I've been here for nine and a half, almost 10 years.
It's like, fuck yourself.
It's like, you didn't retire from the company.
What are you talking about?
Like if somebody had been at a company-
They hire you for smoking weed in the truck.
What the hell are you talking about?
Right.
Where it's different.
Like if somebody retired after 30 years of being at a company, it's like, well, back
whenever I was working there, that we still had this policy.
It's like, okay, we don't have that now.
You know, like you can at least have a conversation with them.
Right.
But it's always that person that was there for like less than a year where it's like,
well, you're supposed to, it's like, bitch, you ain't even here.
Same thing goes with like retail where whenever I worked for a parts company, where it's like,
but the warranty says, well, the warranty hasn't changed in the last four years I've
been here.
I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Yeah.
Over here making shit up.
Or like they always say like, I always get that item here.
So that you fucking lied to me.
It's like, I don't know when because it wasn't recently.
Yeah.
Like it'd be like an item that I haven't seen in like a year.
And like, I always get it here.
I got here yesterday.
No, you got danged in.
It makes it easier now because I also do the truck unloading the truck, right?
So I see every item rolling in.
Yeah.
Like, don't you lie to me.
You didn't see those two damn chips here.
It's like, well, I sure as shit didn't see them here.
And I'm the one unloading everything.
They'd be like, well, you can't see all the box.
Yes, you can see all the box.
Even if you're not unloading all of them.
You see everything rolling down the line.
Yep, you do.
And you grab a box and someone else grabs another box.
You still see them all.
Like where I work, you learn what boxes different companies have.
Like they have a specific look to them.
Like even out of your peripheral vision.
We can see the fucking Hot Wheels box coming down the line.
Oh, there it is.
There's the Hot Wheels box.
It's a Hot Wheels box.
Just big letters.
It's 72 pieces.
72 fucking Hot Wheels packed in a tiny fucking box.
And they're heavy too.
Huh?
Not really.
Not yours?
No.
See, I'm used to the other kind that we get.
Like made of actual metal?
No, we get the big boxes.
Oh, we got a tiny box of 72 pieces.
Just a tiny one?
Yeah.
It's only 72 items.
Oh, OK.
I didn't even think about that.
Yeah.
That wouldn't be too bad.
They compact it real fucking light.
Yeah.
And like you just put it in the corner somewhere.
And then you have a guy calling saying, that better fucking be there.
I'm about to fucking put a boot up someone's ass.
Like, all right, bro.
You go right ahead.
It's like, it's not worth it.
I've had fistfights before and I've had a fistfight with two cans of peas in my hands.
I guarantee I'll win.
Get those big old cans of gonzo beans.
Start fucking swinging.
Hey, y'all have cleaners too.
It's like starting to spray the shit.
I don't fight fair at all.
Hell no.
I'll grab a fucking knife and poke your eyes out.
Well, that's why I find it funny whenever it's like, there's always this kind of people
that you work with and stuff.
It's like, I know karate.
I know martial arts.
Bitch, I'll fight unfair.
I don't care.
It's like kick to the dick.
It's like, I ain't fighting fair.
Like, who the fuck?
I'm about to grab off one of these fucking beer mugs out of the fucking glass thing and
crack your dome open.
Hopefully the handle won't break in my hand and cut me too.
Even if it does.
Because those heavy pieces of glass, those heavy fucking beer mugs across someone's fucking
eyeballs.
Man.
It wouldn't even shatter either.
Hopefully it does.
Look all over his fucking face.
But it's always like, that's the one thing with martial arts.
Even like, you have to-
Shit, I'm probably going to spray you with the bottle Windex.
That's what I'm saying.
On stream.
Where you just turn into a stream.
On stream.
And why stop with the Windex?
Go get the bleach.
I don't want to light them on fire.
Bleach?
Is that flammable?
No.
Damn.
That was one of my plans.
No.
You just start a fire with bleach all of a sudden.
You're over here trying to light the bleach and it won't light.
Damn it.
You saw lighters too, sir.
You got all that.
Damn near everything.
Yeah.
But that's what I'm saying.
All I'm saying is I just want to go to work and be left alone.
Yes.
I don't want to have to have a fucking fight with somebody for nothing.
Or have to fucking stop a fire.
Or fucking pull a people out of a car and resuscitate it with mouth to mouth resuscitation.
I just want to go to work.
I'm not trained or qualified for that.
I just want to go to work and go home.
It's like I'm not emergency medical.
I can't help you.
I'm not a fucking police officer.
I'm not going to chase down a fucking... If a guy walks out with a pile of fucking shit
like, hey, don't come back in here.
I'll call the cops.
And be on his day.
We're not even allowed to fucking stop him anymore.
Which that's almost all retail now.
You're not allowed to stop the customer.
Have a good day.
Now, if a customer wants to stop a customer... Hey man, if they want to call this...
Go ahead.
I'm not going to get stabbed for fucking nothing.
Like I've seen that whenever I was still with retail, thank God I'm not anymore.
But where I've actually seen somebody clothesline somebody out.
That shit was funny.
Because the guy, this little dude, he got something.
He is at the parts store.
He grabbed a... It was something stupid but expensive.
Like something electronic.
What is that?
Grabbed it or started looking into that front door.
And there's a customer that was a regular.
He just put his hand out and just caught that little motherfucker in the neck.
You just could see his legs go out.
Damn.
He gets up after... But he hits so hard on one of those hard, tiled concrete surfaces.
Where it's, oh.
Man, did he crack his head open?
No, he landed on his back.
Oh, okay.
But the shit...
That fucking hurt.
Well, what he was carrying went flying.
Bet it did.
He got up, ran underneath that dude's arms.
It ran up the door like a little crack fiend.
Damn, man.
Imagine if you had kept it in his hand.
It was better hand than a half back.
He was still with the item in his hand.
It's like, oh damn.
You're going to be on a football team now.
I guess some people get offended because why does he get to steal?
I got to pay for this stuff.
Right.
So they feel like they got to fight.
Just let him go, man.
I just found it funny.
It's like that dude was not expecting to get clotheslined.
Bet not.
It's because the dude that stopped him was like... He was bigger than me.
He just put his arm around him.
Like, oh.
Because I caught him in the top part of his chest and then up by his Adam's apple.
It was like, oh.
That dude's arm didn't move at all, but he went flying.
I remember this one customer trying to... He was trying to have a fist fight.
I think I told you that story.
The guy was doing the boxing stand and he was like... Doing the boxer walk around.
Right.
Like, oh, you're kidding me.
I think we were fucking dancing in the damn parking lot like two fucking crazy people.
I'm like, man, just let it go.
Retail's crazy.
Hey, be glad you don't have Walmart.
Walmart's probably one of the craziest.
Yeah.
Well, now it's the holiday season, so now it's the end game.
Oh, yeah.
You know Infinity War?
Oh, no.
It's going to be like the episode of South Park.
Oh, like the actual fight at the mall?
That's all it's going to be.
It's time that we got to get ready.
We don't have enough employees for it either.
Yeah.
God forbid we start getting any kind of ice.
Oh, that's going to be bad.
If we get any ice, at least I can walk to work and no customers.
Yay.
Yeah.
Man, you know, in the morning it was cold, right?
So there was barely anyone there.
And then like 11, it heated up and it was freaking like, hold the fucking line.
I feel weird.
Get those arches up there, man.
Put out that fire.
We got to hold this fucking line.
Weather determines so much the hope.
Like in the morning when it's really cold, right?
No one will show up.
But man, when it goes up a couple of degrees, Jesus, man.
Yeah.
Like a winter is coming.
Be the white walkers running up the fucking field.
Every single time.
But that's all I got for red.
Anything else to add?
For us, we've had quite the talk today about everything.
Yeah, it's been expensive today.
We'll try to do that next time, but this was a spontaneous moment.
Didn't even go into why, because you know, we just delved into everything else.
Well, we'll get that next week.
Little sports, little film nostalgia, cinema nostalgia.
Yeah.
A little DC, a little retail, a little bit of little.
Little bit of little.
All right.
Well, with that, I will talk to you guys in the next week or in the next week, whatever
you want to call it.
I'm tired.
You said, I like you.
You got to kill me.
I said, I will talk to you guys the next week.
Well, I was thinking that I was going to say for Independence Reno, I'll have his standalone.
Oh, yeah.
But the man needs a he needs his fake.
Because he asked me to do a season two of Goblin Slayer, I believe.
Oh, man.
Good luck with that.
Yeah.
So that will be up this week.
And you don't have to worry if you listen into this Independence Reno, which I know
I just probably not.
But you know, it's just waiting for the video for anybody that wonders why these standalone
videos come out.
It's because of Independence Reno.
So if you do have any comments, please leave a comment and we will try to get to whatever
you're asking us to cover.
Unless you guys are all robots, which is probably possible.
But you know, even AI has a brain now.
So we have a lot of subscribers.
We never came from any of you.
For God's sake, leave a comment.
Something nice.
Just saying fuck you even.
Don't tell me you've been had.
All right, we'll talk to you guys next week.