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Oh, let's go ahead and get started.
Hellboy.
All right.
Let's start on the episode season four of you wise kids, you know,
it'd be like, what the hell does hellboy have to do with that?
It has to do everything with that.
Right.
So we're going to start.
We are now on season four.
Uh, the first five episodes, my favorite skits from every single episode.
This was a tough one because episode one had a lot of like, yeah, three bangers
and then I was right off the bat.
Yeah.
I was like, okay, this is the one.
And then the next one's like, oh, this is the one.
And then the third one was like, oh, fuck.
There's three of them.
I was almost going to include all three of them.
I was like, nah, yeah, maybe for a future, like a compilation of like, uh,
my favorite all time, you know what I mean?
But, uh, okay.
So episode one of the season four, uh, Sam, that she got to episode one and two
back to back because he just, he, sometimes he's gay when he gets him, he gets him.
I don't know why Sam, like remember season three, he had like a banger after banger.
Like three straight episodes.
Yeah.
I got another two straight.
I think we should go back and see who, who's the leader of my favorite ones.
Actually.
Yeah.
Okay. So he's, he's got, he's got answers to this, uh, just a regular, like, uh,
it's called homeware is what they call the little business there.
And he did, they just sell home stuff like, you know, uh, uh, vacuums and
microwaves and stuff like that.
Yeah.
And, uh, off the bat, he, he, he grabs the mat.
He's grabbed one of the fucking, uh, what's those things on the, on the, uh,
vacuums, the little suction things.
That's not part of the, the actual bottom, but like, you can suck up
stuff from like the corners.
Oh, like just the attachment end.
Yeah.
Like the attachment, uh, suction thing.
And he grabs it right.
And then you're like, he, he, he puts his hand around it, like he
mimics his penis, right?
Yeah.
And he's like, is it, and then he does, he puts it over the thing, see if it's,
it's small enough to fit into the, uh, suction thing.
Yeah.
And, uh, he's like, you cannot clearly tell he's trying to see which one
would fit in his dick so he can, you know, turn it on on it and, uh, or turn
it on as he puts his dick in it.
Right.
And Zach comes in cause he's the employee there and he's like,
it'll rip your dick off.
He's like, what?
And then Zach's like, what are you talking about?
What?
He's like, if you put your dick in that, it'll rip your dick off.
I don't know.
I got a really messy apartment.
Like he tries everything he can say to make it seem like that's
not what he's buying it for.
Right.
So he's like, uh, like, uh, is there, it'll rip your dick off.
So he tried the non-shin loli go into like, uh, so does it have
multiple power settings?
And so yes, there's high and low and both of them will rip your dick off.
It's like, oh, that's a weird way to describe the power settings.
I'm just looking for a vacuum to clean my apartment.
You got any other models here?
And like, yeah, this one over here, this one will suck your dick real good.
And he's like, oh, what?
And like, he, he grabs the display, right?
The display, uh, vacuum sets it down.
And he's still talking about how he just wants to clean the apartment,
how this employee is acting weird about this whole big sucky thing.
And he picks up the box and walks off, goes up to the counter.
There's a woman there, right.
With another employee and she's like, oh, hell no.
Got another one of these dick sucking vacuum buyers.
And he's like, what?
I just, I just have an apartment I want to clean.
And she, she hits the price tag on it.
Right.
And it's like, he's like $1,400.
And she's like, watch this nasty motherfucker still buy it.
And as he's pulling his fucking credit card off his wallet, that's a ridiculous price.
Here you go.
He's all that to buy a fucking dick sucking vacuum cleaner.
And the fact that there's one specifically for that is what's funny.
Cause they just know.
Yeah.
Like this is the one right that you want.
Because every guy has thought about it at least one time.
They thought about it, not a lot of them do it.
Right.
Because I heard a terrible story about one of them doing it and it did suck his dick off.
Like it ripped it off.
I'm like, ouch.
Cause you've, you've at least heard about it, like even in school and stuff.
Yeah.
Like you've heard of that one jackass that did do it.
And it's like, oh, the man, the power cities are high and low and they'll both rip your dick off.
All right.
So on episode two, uh, it's, it's, it's the cold open, uh, scene two.
It's really just insane how quick it was.
So, uh, Sam's coming out of the bathroom and Trevor's walking up like, oh, hey Sam.
And they, they go for a, they got like business suits with like a business type, uh, uh, workplace.
And they, they do like a fucking like a, like a slap, like hand grab.
Like when they go to the shake hand, things like almost like high five, but in a handshake motion.
They're like, boom.
And they started shaking their hands.
And they're like, oh, I'm gonna go for a shake hand.
Boom. And they started shaking and all this water comes off of their hands.
And Trevor's like, cause then he's got to the bathroom.
He's like, Trevor's like, I hope that's a clean wet.
And, uh, uh, Sam, like, like he goes into his head, right.
And then it cuts to him in the bathroom and he's at the urinal peeing, right.
But he's peeing on his own hand and he's like filling up his hand and then dumping it into the urinal.
Like he's playing.
So it cuts back to Sam and he's like, uh, yep, it's a clean wet.
And cause Trevor was like, you can see Trevor's face.
Like he was a little like, uh-oh and then Trevor's like, oh, he's like, cause he was like suspicious.
And then when he says it's a clean wet, he gives, he's like, oh, he's sated.
Yeah.
Then, oh, thank goodness.
So like Sam pats him on the back and he wipes his left hand on his, uh, on his right chest, right.
His, uh, right, uh, I guess chest, breast, I don't know.
Peck.
Yeah.
And like a bunch of fucking brown stuff wipes on it.
And he's like, I hope that's chocolate.
It's chocolate.
So you can tell he pretty much just wiped shit on his fucking shoulder.
So he was playing with his piss and his shit?
Basically.
Yeah.
Oh, oh.
Sometimes it makes me wonder what, uh, when they did those skits because of their hairstyles.
Cause like throughout that season he had a shorter hairstyle, but in this one he had a longer one.
So like, was this something they did a long time ago?
They just didn't, didn't have room for it.
They just added into the, from the archive.
It's possible.
Like one of those, like every time you see a different hair, like you see a consistent hairstyle.
Throughout the series, the season, but then you'll see like a different one,
like one skit and then it'll be gone.
So it makes me wonder how old some of these skits are.
Yeah, it could be older.
Or take some like, or, or they do it over, over they so excited.
They did us a quick one over like summer break or something or like season brown.
I don't know.
That's possible too.
Like where they do the majority of them at one point, like within a, a recording session.
Their production cycle.
And then they do that one that it's, we got to add this one to it.
Right.
Like we got to add it somewhere.
Yeah.
All right.
So episode, episode three, uh, so they're having, it's a, uh, uh, World War II, right?
And they're having a massive shootout.
It's a Sam, Trevor and Timmy, right?
And they're like, they're, they're like just, they're like having, they're struggling with
like they're, um, surrounded, they're losing, they're running out of ammo.
And Zach comes out of nowhere.
So here I got your ammo guys.
And he gets shot and he does this really dramatic, like, oh my God, got shot.
He dies, right?
Like a, like a really like dramatic movie scene.
Like he's got his hands up, like it almost like the, the Jesus Christ position, like,
oh, and he falls back and he dies.
Right.
And, uh, did they, uh, Trevor, no, not Trevor, uh, Sam and Timmy are still shooting back.
Right.
But Trevor's like, got this look on his face, like, did you see the way Zach died?
Like all like all dramatic and shit.
And he's like, what?
And then they started making fun of the way Zach died.
They're just like, like, like he's the main character or some shit, all this and that.
Right.
And then fucking Trevor gets shot and he's like, oh, oh, never forget.
And he dies too.
Right.
And then like, uh, uh, Timmy looks at Sam.
He's like, that's weird.
Cause he did just what Zach did all dramatic and shit.
So I started laughing at Trevor the way he died.
And so they're like, uh, they're, they're fucking joking around about him.
And then Tim, Timmy gets shot in the fucking head.
I'm talking about like, there is a fucking apple size gap in his fucking cranium.
And he's like, he's a bad, like it's real fucking bad.
So they talked for a few seconds, right.
And then Timmy just like, well, it's getting kind of dark now.
So I'm just going to lie down.
And so he tries to lie down right.
And then he, and he, he puts his head back and he just, he pops back and like, don't make fun of me.
It told me don't make fun of me.
Say, no, I'm not going to make, that was the most brutal shit I've ever seen.
Okay.
Just don't make fun of me.
Cause he doesn't want you to laugh at for the way he died.
Right.
Cause he died like really like nonchalantly.
They died over dramatically.
And he, but he's so embarrassed.
Like, please don't make fun of me when I die.
Then he got a fucking massive hole in his head and he just fucking ends up dying.
And then the war's over right after that.
And like, it's funny cause they say they make it sound like it's a fucking game.
Like war's over.
America, your bus is over here.
Germany, your bus is over here.
There's a free meal voucher for when you believe your gun at the, in the barrel outside the truck.
Like, okay.
All right.
So episode four, um, this was the, so basically it's Timmy in school, right?
And, uh, Trevor is a teacher and he's showing the Apollo 11 moon landing and how Neil Armstrong
was the first man to land on the moon.
So Timmy's like, so who shot the footage of Neil Armstrong landing on the moon?
And then like, uh, it stops Trevor and his children.
It stops Trevor and his tracks.
He can't think about who, cause if Neil was first on the moon, who has the camera?
Like who, who, who put it on the tripod?
Like, did Neil come down first, put it, set it up and they come back up and they come
right back down.
So he gets confused.
So he goes to Zach, who's the principal and he asks him and you find out that Trevor's
name in the, in the skin is Mr. Teacherson.
Cause they always do that.
They have the weirdest fucking names for, they had one where they were doing like an
alien autopsy and Trevor's name was a Dr. uh, something Pepper, like Dr. Peter Pepper.
Uh, Darren was Dr. Colin Pibb and then Sam was a general named General Mills.
General Mills.
Yeah.
So all the, so basically, yeah, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pibb and General Mills.
So, uh, the principal is that can't figure out who shot the moon landing either.
So they call Darren, who was an army general, they're like, Hey, who, uh, who
shut the Apollo 11 moon landing?
And Darren flips out and hits this big ass red button that puts the whole base on
lockdown and someone calls, uh, the president at the time during the, the, the run of the
show, I guess was Barack Obama.
So Barack Obama asked him to the phone and like, Mr. President, someone's asking about
the Apollo moon landing and who's asking what school?
And he tells him the school district and Obama sends a bomb and blows the school up.
And, uh, one of his advisors comes in like, uh, Mr. President, what, who did, uh, do the
moon landing?
Oh, there was some camera on the, one of the legs of the, the, uh, the landing craft.
It's like, Oh, so why did you bomb that school?
So that's why they call me Obama.
So it's like, Oh, and then bomb, uh, a bomber, a bomber.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay.
It was random as hell.
Because that was his nickname.
Apparently.
Yeah.
Cause he used to bomb all these places.
All right.
Last one, this is the first one in a while.
Like, uh, I enjoy all of them.
Right.
But I'm not going to say they all fucking, they, they all made me bust out laughing.
Right.
It's one of those things where I just enjoy watching.
You don't have to laugh to be, you just consider it extremely funny.
Right.
And, but this one actually had me bust out laughing.
So it's a jumbotron at a sports game.
I don't know what they didn't show what it was, but it was like, we're some random,
whatever sports game.
I'm mostly basketball and hockey, right?
Have a jumbotrons, maybe baseball, uh, jumbotron.
Uh, jumbotron is in the middle of the field or what?
Like just like a, like the big cameras for like the, the show, like the, uh, the fans.
Every sport does.
Oh, they all do.
Okay.
So it's a jumbotron and it's going, at first it could pick some random people.
Right.
Then it picks Zach and Sam, right.
It was also random rowdy fans, but fucking Zach grabs Sam's head and starts imitating
fellatio.
Right.
And Sam's like, ah.
So they cut away from him as quick as they can.
And it goes to Timmy and it stays on Timmy for a long time.
Like it does not go away.
So he starts getting like, at first he's happy.
Then he's like, he tried to, you know, compensate or what's the, uh, uh, what's the word I'm
looking for?
He tries to, um, appease them, right?
Like, oh, let me do something goofy.
Then the camera go away, but it never goes away.
It eventually only cuts off after Zach and Sam and pop in out of nowhere and start messing
with Timmy.
Right.
And get back on the jumbotron.
It cuts away.
Right.
And then it goes later.
It stays on a continuous shot, but it makes it makes you realize that it's a little bit
later.
The fucking jumbotron cameraman follows Timmy into the bathroom and just bust the fucking
door open.
He's taking a piss sitting down.
So he's like, what the fuck?
You I'm talking pissed.
And like, it's all real quiet.
Cause you see the fans cheering.
Yeah.
The fucking camera just fucking backs to me into the corner of the fucking journal or
this little bathroom.
Right.
He said, what the fuck?
You get the fuck away from me.
It's all like muffled.
Right.
And the fucking camera goes all the way down his fucking throat and comes out his peep
hole.
It comes out and he's like, wow.
And he's just laying there in the corner, a fucking handful of blood, right.
Holding his dick.
Yeah.
And then he just ripped out his peep hole.
So he's like, oh my God, what are you doing?
I'm fucking, cause it's how invasive it is.
Timmy's like back in the corner and he's like, get the fuck away from me.
What the fuck are you doing?
He's trying to get this fucking guy to get like, what the fuck are you doing?
That's something about the helplessness of Timmy.
I don't know why that made me laugh.
Maybe he's like a fucking serial killer.
But just how vulnerable he was.
Like he's in the fucking, he just pants around his ankles.
The camera just, imagine someone busted into the bathroom at a fucking sports camera.
You're like, what the fuck are you doing?
So the cameraman turns around, right.
And it sees Trevor at the urinal, right.
Trevor turns around like, well, what the hell?
Then he sees Timmy down like, oh my God.
And it zooms in on Trevor and it goes down Trevor's fucking throat and comes out his
pee hole.
So he's just like, oh, there's blood everywhere.
His fucking hole, his dick's blown open.
And then for some reason, there's a woman in the urinal too, in the men's bathroom.
And it goes down her mouth, but it comes out and it's just fine.
Cause apparently the whole moral of the skin was like, it's easier for it to get a camera
through a vagina than it is a pee hole.
Right.
That was the moral of the, that's what Timmy, that's like, that's the moral of the story.
And then it was like, Timmy, the more you know, my, what the fuck was that?
There's something about it that's fucked up.
They always have Timmy as like the, the, the one care, like, I don't know if it was like,
I guess it was intentional as a joke or an inside joke.
Cause he, the original, the four original cast was Trevor, Sam, Zach, and Darren.
They all met in school.
So they all ended up making the wise kid, you know, comedy troupe.
And then Timmy joined in later, but he joined in before
the show started.
So it wasn't like he changed over to like a season or two after.
But so he's always been like the outsider within the group.
And they always used to do that.
Like they make him like the bullied one, like as a joke in the skits, right?
Yeah.
But like, I'm like, God dang it.
He's always looked the bully one for some reason.
You can always tell too.
It's always, it's like Timmy, just always making fun of Timmy.
Like Timmy's always the odd man out, but I think like they, I'm sure they only do it
because he's fine with it as a bit.
It's not real.
Right.
Man, imagine always being the one getting the fucking shit on by the other four of your group.
That is funny though.
Always getting picked on.
Basically, yes.
It's always Timmy getting picked on because he's the odd one.
Well, at least they've also kept it throughout every season or he's always the one.
Yeah, he's the one.
He's always Timmy.
There's one time where like he was like, the skit he was having like a, he was making,
he's called it Timmy talk, his own little talk show.
It was a pilot, right?
And the other four guys found the tape and were fucking laughing their asses off at him.
He's like, guys, this is just a pilot.
This isn't funny.
And like they're all messing with him and they're fucking, they're all like pushing
him around and then on the couch, right?
And like, this is fucked up guys.
I'm leaving.
And he leaves with his tape, right?
And then he goes down, he goes downstairs, he comes outside and like they call up to
him, Hey Timmy, cause they're up on like the third or fourth floor.
And he turns around and they took it.
They smash it with a bunch of water bottles, water balloons.
Like you suck Timmy.
Fuck you Timmy.
Timmy turns around and he's a, he's around the corner and he gets mugged.
Right?
He's like, what are you going to give me all your money?
And Timmy's like, my dad has it all.
And now the mayor of Miami, he's a grown ass man.
Right.
So his dad having all his money.
So what was it?
What's all that tape?
Like, no, you don't want this.
You know, this tape means nothing to you.
And the guy takes the tape, right?
Of all things.
Yeah.
No, my pilot.
And then he remakes the Timmy talk and he sells it to a studio and they buy it.
Right.
So then the other cast members are watching the video of Timmy talk with this, the mugger
that robbed Timmy and they're like, this is amazing.
Shit.
Timmy's like, fuck it.
Bullshit.
Cause the very same thing that he was doing, he's this other guy's doing and they enjoy it,
but they didn't enjoy what Timmy did.
It's kind of like how they do it with the, for this, how it like the, the dynamic is.
Yeah.
In terms of the bit of that show of Timmy being the odd man out.
It's like, yeah, you didn't do it good enough because it's not you.
It's good.
And how, you know how bad this fucking Timmy talk was?
He would do a thing where it was him as the host and him as the guest.
And he would like superimpose.
So he would ask a question and then he would have the other one answer.
Right.
But he messed it up.
So the other guy says something first and then he asked the question.
Like, so it'd be like, uh, so Timmy was like, uh, and welcome my new guest Timmy.
So Timmy would come out.
Thank you, Timmy.
They would fake shame had to do the handshake.
So then Timmy would sit down.
The guest Timmy would sit down and be like, uh, uh, Thomas.
And I'm like, what?
And then like the other, the host to be like, so what's your cat's name?
I'm like, oh, wow.
Or it's really bad.
Like really bad.
And what's weird is the, the guy that stole his pilot and redid it and how
you got it sold into an actual show, it was doing the same thing.
And also it was off center too.
So what's your cat's name?
Or it'd be like, yeah, Thomas.
I go, so what's your cat's name?
So he didn't, he didn't really even change the, the, the, the, the exact same thing.
Just with a better set and like an actual suit.
He even kept it in the Timmy talk.
He kept the name.
Okay.
And leave you from the same name.
Basically.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
But, uh, uh, so that's it for this.
See, uh, five episodes of season four.
We'll, we'll go into the episode six to 10 on the next, uh, episode.
Uh, episode six has one of my funniest videos or one of my favorite
videos of the entire series.
And I don't want to get into it, but you guys, you guys will, uh, you'll understand why.
Sometimes I love complexity when it's like, uh, done right.
I hate convolution and storytelling if there's no point to it.
Right.
It's why I don't really like where you get a whole bunch of backstory for no reason.
I don't know.
That's why I don't really like inception.
Like it just like, it's just so convoluted for no reason.
Yeah.
And like, this was one of the things where like, it was like, uh, uh, I don't even know
if I want to say convoluted, but it was like, it was awesome.
The way they did it.
Like, I wish like, uh, the, the way, so whoever wrote it, the, the skit was like a genius.
And like, it also had to, it was also complex because you had to do it two things at the
same time, two different scenes at the same time, interlocked with each other.
It's crazy.
I'll tell you about it on the next one.
And again, as a PSA, as always, this is not the full episodes of the show.
They took complaining about it?
No, just say, I like to start that out there, you know, just, you know, as a heads up.
So that way if they, if anybody watches this till the end, which we hope you do, but
you can watch a new show, Timmy talk Timmy talk.
Timmy talk.
Where I just answer the question before you even ask the question.
We're French fries.
So what food do you hate?
Just start cutting stuff to where it makes no sense.
And he cut it so weird.
We also still have Hellboy to look forward to eventually.
I got the, I got the volume one omnibus of Hellboy plus the volume one and two of
complete, the complete store stories.
So let's I get into a good study of those, I'll be able to more articulate, I mean,
more authoritative discussion of them instead of me just like, yeah, I don't know.
Here's some random shit that I learned.
And no, I guess one of the randomest things I've learned of Hellboy was that he's
actually immune to a holy relics.
And I, I don't know.
Cause he's a special kind of demon that's above that.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I don't know if that's true or not, but that was like the Wikipedia thing.
That was a Hellboy Wikipedia.
I hope I was, I have to look into it, but he's, he's, he's unaffected by crosses and
all that stuff.
Yeah, I guess I would think so.
Prayer and whatnot.
He's a special demon.
He takes a special bus.
He's not the Jimmy and Timmy style though.
That's a different kind of.
I don't think his dad's supposed to be like Satan or Luce Fraser.
Isn't it Belial?
I can't remember, but he did, it's, I think I, cause they, they wanted to build their
own mythology.
So they probably took stuff like names and stuff and just re reworked a different history
Cause you actually, cause Mike McNully even said, cause I was reading one of the books
that he wasn't intending on Hellboy's dad to be shown so early in the series, but he
just one day just popped up into a short story and he's in one of the short stories.
He actually sees the short story of him and his mom.
Or Hellboy goes to this place and he actually witnesses a vision of him and his mom.
Hmm.
I don't know what else to talk about.
I don't want to get too far into it.
It'd be weird to talk at the end of why did you know is a full discussion of Hellboy.
Nah, we won't do that to you.
I guess I'll say this.
Basically in the short story, Hellboy goes there.
He sees the vision.
His mom's on her deathbed and he's trying to repent cause she used to be a, a, so a
woman that would like, and that worshiped that specific demon and that's how they became
born, I guess, between their, their coupling.
And so she's trying to repent.
She can go to heaven and he somehow convinces her like, come on baby, hell's the way to go.
That's basically what it is.
It's this priest and this nun are trying to convince her to go to heaven to repent all
her sins.
And he comes out of nowhere and be like, nah, come on, nah.
And so I think tries to save her from going to hell, but she ends up going with his dad anyway.
So his mom, I'm surprised he didn't meet his mom.
I don't know if he did meet his mom.
I don't think she did, but it would have been interesting if he met his mom in hell.
Yeah.
Cause she was old, right?
She was dying all day.
It was like a natural death.
It wasn't.
Yeah.
Like they were, they were basically fighting for her soul.
And this, this demon was like, I can make you young again.
She's like bet.
But he fucking like turned the nun and the priest and the fucking skeleton with like a,
like a, like a Thanos snap.
So you have no power here.
Huh?
And they're like, they just fucking turn into skeletons.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Like his whole, his whole fucking form came, came under earth.
Hmm.
So yes, that's the short story.
I have to look, I have to read it again and get more detail on it, but that's what happened.
He may witness his mother at her deathbed trying to go to heaven and he's like, I guess he,
he really loved her.
He came all the way from hell to come get her.
That's crazy.
Hellboy was like, oh, they really did love each other.
Cause he never actually meets his dad.
His dad's dead when he goes, when hellboy goes to hell.
Oh really?
He was killed by somebody and ended up fighting his brothers, his half brothers.
Fuck it.
They fucking hate him cause he's, he's, he's a special one.
He's, he's rare cause he's half human, half demon.
And that's rare for the species.
They fucking hate him.
I might try.
Well, I guess his dad didn't love him the way that Trigon loved Raven.
He loved, or no, I guess his dad loved his sons.
Like he loves his, Trigon loves his sons.
Like a bunch of worthless.
Trigon hated all three of his sons?
Basically.
You worthless pieces of shit.
I should, I should have fucking.
Or I guess I should have work on them.
All right.
Well, moving on then.
First thing that we got going forward is 15 superhero names that are just stupid.
Okay.
First one, squirrel girl.
Really?
It's a very stupid name.
I like you.
These are all by screen rant, by the way.
So.
They put how could anyone take a superhero named squirrel girl seriously?
It doesn't roll off the tongue with squirrel girl.
Squirrel.
It doesn't roll off the tongue well either.
Squirrels aren't exactly ferocious creatures of doom unless they're rabid.
I had a fucking one jump at you.
It says unless they're rabid.
No, like even like a regular one gets mad at you.
You know those fucking big chumius ones?
The ones that like they have that extra nuts for winter.
They're like they're like building a fucking staghound.
Unbelievably, squirrel girl has defeated the likes of Thanos, Galactus and Dr. Doom with her squirrely powers.
Squirrely powers.
Yes.
Although.
He goes up to her asshole.
Although Iron Man rejected her as a sidekick, she did get to join the Great Lakes Avengers.
As a result, she recently starred in her own graphic novel, Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Beats Up the Marvel Universe.
You know, you know who needs a sidekick?
Who's that?
That makes actual sense in terms of like nature.
So Spider-Man, right?
Certain spiders in nature actually.
They like they capture a little frog.
They either capture it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The tarantula.
Yeah.
They keep it in their little hut as a companion to eat other bugs that they can't get to.
Yes.
I never understood why they didn't have a little frog type character for Spider-Man as a sidekick.
That would be kind of cool.
Right?
Don't you steal my damn idea.
They will.
Don't worry.
But yeah, because the spider eats anything that would attack the frog and then the frog eats all the little bugs that the spider can't get to.
That's like a.
That was the spider.
Hang on.
The frog eats the bugs that would eat the spider's eggs.
OK.
That would be like the.
That would be such a terrifying for the frog though, like a home man.
But it does.
It keeps the frog around basically.
For how long?
Does it ever like nudge?
It doesn't eat it.
At all?
No.
To see though, that would work then.
Yeah.
Fans of her wacky brand of humor.
Had to be better than Frog-Man though.
Yeah.
It had to be something more.
Could be Toad-Man either.
It could be Toad at all.
Or unless it was the actual Toad, it becomes a good guy.
That would be funny.
The mutant, yeah.
That would be hilarious.
That would be like the Toad following Spider-Man everywhere.
He's mulling him by his tongue.
Hey bud.
How you doing bud?
Next one up is X-Stream.
X-Stream?
Yes.
Fucking stupid.
It sounds like so many other things than a superhero name.
It's not a fucking porn website.
Well it says, is it the name of a workout DVD?
A WWE wrestler?
A porn star?
It's also such a painfully obvious 90s name.
The comic should have come up with a warning label.
Not only does it have retractable blades on his suit, so metal, but he can burn everyone
from the inside out by setting their electrolytes on fire.
Boring.
Exactly.
Also too power well.
Damn.
To add more fuel to the fire, his origins are pretty hazy.
When Martin Strong found him, he didn't know who he was or where he was from.
He temporarily joined the X-Force at some point, but was always somewhat of a rogue
agent, preferring his solitude.
It wasn't until he encountered Eric the Red that he found out something about who he was
and that he was an heir to the Shi'ar throne.
Geez.
Yeah.
Then we have number 13, which is Lady Cop.
Lady Cop?
I think that would probably work eventually.
Lady Cop.
You're under arrest.
Lady Cop was a highly underrated superhero created for DC Comics in the 1970s.
Despite her on the nose and slightly sexist name, she was actually a pretty amazing character
and she was good at what she did.
Been a lady in the cop.
What's most amazing about these comics is Lady Cop is that she encounters workplace
misogyny just like a real female cop does.
Jesus.
Number 12 is Matter Eater Lad.
Matter Eater Lad.
Wow, I didn't even try to name that one properly.
Matter Eater Lad.
Like Matter Eater, right?
I can get behind Matter Eater.
Then they gotta add the lad part for some fucking reason and just like sync the whole
name.
There's just something about pre-1970 superhero names that are so unimaginative.
So DC creates a superhero who can consume anything in his path and they chose the most
obvious name that comes to mind.
Matter Eater.
Matter Eater Lad has such a pizzazz as a pencil sharpener.
That has about as much pizzazz as a pencil sharpener.
Just imagine that they came up with him as a joke and then just decided to run with it.
They never know.
They might like, I dare you bro.
I dare you to write a story with him.
I will.
I will write a story with him.
Matter Eater Lad.
Super 11, Bird Brain.
Bird Brain.
That's more of usually an insult thing.
Yeah, like the writers like Darren, that's kinda like, cause Mike Manolo, you know he
originally thought of Hellboy as a super team character.
Yeah.
A member of a super team, like a cult super team group.
That was his original concept.
Yeah.
And like the original concept of Hellboy looks weird.
Like I'll show you the picture on the next one or when we started the Hellboy stuff.
But like that was his original concept of Hellboy was part of a superhero team.
Instead of just alone.
Yeah, he was gonna be the heavy hitter of that team.
And the only thing he kept from that is just Hellboy.
Maybe lives in Abe Sapien.
But like he was supposed to be part of a team.
Like that whole like, it's crazy how much gestation goes into a writer's process to
the final form.
And he just like fell on Matter Eater Lad.
Matter Eater Lad.
Like close enough.
And then he got Bird Brain.
Like where's my paycheck at?
See, Bird Brain is creation is a cautionary tale about why you shouldn't splice animal
and human genes together.
Sure, you might get an interesting hybrid of both animal and human traits.
But like this name suggests, the creature might just not be that bright.
Bird Brain.
The result of experiments by an evil scientist called the Anti-Mator.
Is this DC?
Or is this like a spoof series?
No, no, no.
It's Marvel.
Okay, so they're making fun of DC.
Animator made his creations go through a dangerous maze in order to test our abilities.
However, Bird Brain managed to escape and meet up with the new mutants.
So she was part of the new mutants.
Okay.
Then we have number 10.
3D man.
3D band or man?
3D man.
3D man?
Yeah.
Are we all 3D men?
We're in 3D space, are we not?
Not only is his name absolutely ridiculous, but so is the very concept behind this Marvel
character.
3D man made his debut whenever his first issue premiered in the 1970s, although his adventures
actually took place in the 1950s.
His powers really had nothing to do with 3D.
But he has a pretty trippy red and green costume complete in the 3D.
Sorry.
He has a pretty trippy red and green costume complete with 3D glasses.
Weird.
Because it's like, because they even put on her.
And how could he really since we're already in 3D?
Yeah, that's what I was just saying.
As for his backstory, after getting caught in an explosion of an alien spaceship, Chuck
Handler, which is his name.
That's a pretty good name, Chuck Handler.
Chuck Handler's image became in 3D.
I think this is related to Chelsea Handler.
His image became imprinted on his brother's glasses by concentrating extra hard on the
images his brother Hal could make Chuck reappear as a
Hal Handler?
It was like a Hal Handler?
This fans are fucked up.
Notice the alliteration that it comes with Marvel.
Oh yeah, he was like a Stanley all over the place.
Yeah.
In the process, however, Hal would enter a comatose state, almost as if he had borderline
personality disorder.
Basically 3D man was a combination of the two brothers consciousnesses, with both of
their minds present in some form or another.
It's an interesting concept, but completely out there in terms of actual usefulness.
Yeah, like if the writer didn't have like the, it's like when you come up with a concept
and like you don't have the ability to like use it properly.
Yeah.
Sucks.
And that's one of them.
3D man.
Like he's going to implement his idea properly.
Number nine, Skate Man.
You ever seen that guy, that writer or that artist or whoever it was who like was obsessed
with having like pockets for his superheroes?
Like he was just like, like every iteration that would like slowly you realize like every
character he was making was having more and more pockets.
And so he finally just made a character that was nothing but fucking pockets.
Really?
Like he had pockets all over his fucking body.
Like I got a pocket here, I got a pocket here.
But he was like like utility belt type stuff.
Like this man was obsessed with having his characters have more like utility belts and
pockets.
So eventually like it finally culminated and he invented his own original superhero that
was like, I don't know what his name was, but he was just walking around with like pockets
on every fucking orifice of his body.
Or not orifice, but every like space of his fucking body.
Do you remember his name?
The writer?
Yeah.
No.
But like his final character is just like a full of like pockets everywhere.
The fucking like freaking utility belts, this man was just fucking ready for everything
on planet earth.
Huh.
But you have to find it.
Cause you'll see like somebody did a TikTok, they spliced the audio from the game grumps
where like they were saying and this and this and they was take this, take this, take this,
take and it would be the artist, it would be the writer or the artist's characters.
And like they were slowly realized like they're getting more and more pockets on these motherfuckers.
Like everyone, like he finally culminated with the final one, his old, his fucking magnum
opus, this super pocket character.
Like it's like Batman on fucking steroids, just fucking packed to the pocket, fucking
ripped with fucking gadgets and shit.
I'm like, God.
And then like if he was self-aware, right?
This writer, I would have the character dig through it like where the fuck are my keys?
You know what I mean, like you'll never find his keys like that one day or like you have
him never be able to find anything.
Cause he's got too many pockets.
Yeah, he's like, he looks at it like, oh, this is a fucking, oh, damn it.
Where's my fucking flash banks?
Oh, fuck.
This pocket's out the ass.
Weird.
Yeah, there's a, there's a, he's like, cause characters, like, so writers have certain
obsession, right?
Yes.
Like one of mine is like eyesight, cause I have bad eyesight.
So my characters have more like, it's always has to do with like super sensory like eyesight,
like seeing through walls, laser vision, super like telescope vision.
Like I don't know why, but I'm obsessed.
I know why, cause my eyes are bad.
I'm obsessed with having like superior eyesight.
Yeah.
So that's my obsession.
So if you see my kids, you wonder if they'll have eyesight at certain points, like cybernetic
eyeballs or enhanced eyesight, stuff like that.
It's always stuff about your life that, you know, or like if you're, usually it's like
what you would rather, not what you'd rather have, but what you'd like to have improved,
you go to the extreme and create different versions.
He just wanted to make sure he had enough pockets for all this stuff.
It's just obsessive pockets.
Those obsessions do come through though.
They really do.
They do.
You can't stop them.
Like you've always got those, you got the other writers where they have the, the habit
of like, where somehow their clothes always rip.
Like golly, that's why.
Yeah.
Like Goku's shirt always getting torn up at the final battle.
No reason.
It's like, it's my shirt, huh?
Fucking cock swinging in his fucking pants.
But he was always shirtless in the final battle during the Dragon Ball Z run.
He was always, always lost his shirt.
I don't think he was necessarily in Dragon Ball Super, but like they find like, you know,
you're not the knock his shirt off every time.
Like he gets hit one time and his shirt just explodes.
Rips off.
Like a barefoot fighting everybody.
I know it's always barefoot too.
Somehow always.
Like almost no pants left, no shirt, no nothing.
It's like, well damn.
It's like, I don't know how that is.
Now see, I know why they did it with Superman.
They did it with Superman because they wanted to show how fucked up he was.
Oh yeah.
But they only did it like against Doomsday that I've seen.
Yeah.
But it was to show how much of a threat Doomsday was.
Like cause they fucked him up.
For all you readers, look at your favorite writers and see any continuing themes and
you'll know and you'll be able to see it a little bit deeper.
Oh and with anime, you definitely know what they're into.
All you have to do is just take a little glance at the first couple of episodes.
You'll know what they're into.
What that secret fetish is.
Yeah, you'll find it.
It'll be there.
It's sometimes harder to find than normal like Western comics, but in manga, oh that
shit comes through.
Page two.
They embrace it.
They really like the upskirt shots.
That's the only way they can express, they're such a closed culture.
They have to release this somewhere.
It's more productive there than if it was some bathroom stall, like I got a shot of
the anaphyl.
They're not hurting anybody.
But there's a manga artist that loves to draw those upskirt pictures.
You don't see nothing usually, but it's like from down below.
What's another one that's always like...
It's always the one where it's a guy by himself for his whole life, and then he ends up in
some dormitory, some house, and it's just filled with women that love him.
That's another Japanese thing.
A harem.
Yeah.
Where somehow he always gets a harem.
Somehow he just ends up in a fucking harem immediately.
Where everyone wants to be with him.
Every girl always wants to be around him.
I had a female coworker, she's a writer too, she liked writing reverse harems.
I'm like, yeah, okay.
I've seen that in comics too.
Or in manga, I mean.
You do, you girl.
Yeah.
They exist.
They definitely exist.
Where every dude's obsessed with them.
That's what I liked about, what was it?
Fairy tale, the anime fairy tale.
Where there was a group from a different guild called Blue Pegasus.
But there were these three dudes that were constantly always trying to hit on every woman.
They were always like, they were like what you'd consider the stereotypically hot guys.
But always trying to hit on just random women all the time.
And the guy that leads over those three dudes specifically, he's like the most ugly motherfucker
in the world, but he thinks he's the hottest.
Shit is hilarious.
It was funny because fairy tale was one of those anime where they took those tropes that
everybody else had and just incorporated them all into that one show.
Like the girl where it's like, in the first episode you have Lucy where she's trying to
get a deal at a magic shop, right?
So she's sitting up there, it's like, how much is it now?
And it's like, it comes out to even more.
She's like, oh shit.
I think we covered that.
Yeah.
But it's one of those.
Like he adds for wasting his time.
Yeah.
It's getting even more now.
Oh shit.
It'd be funnier if more, I guess a lot of anime do that.
The comedy ones, they take those tropes and then just expand on it.
Comedy is a reflection on human nature.
So the comedy ones always reflected a little better than other ones.
That's why it's so hard to write comedy because you need to understand humanity at a very
fundamental level.
One anime that does it really well, and we haven't covered it yet, but I might, is Kana
Suba where it's a dude that he dies and is reborn.
So it's an Isekai, right?
So it's in another world after you die.
And Truck-kun is the one that kills him.
Like there's always that, they always die by truck.
Oh, okay.
There's actually a manga out there called Truck-kun where it's what happens to the truck
when that has sentience, how it kills everybody.
I'm such a murderer.
In this one, you have the warrior, they take this female warrior that's like she's into
pain.
So like she wants pain.
Like it makes her horny-ish.
Okay.
So they take that trope.
Then you take the main character, he's a pervert apparently.
Everybody looks at him, he's a pervert even though he's not trying to be.
So there's these people that'll come out there, it's like, what was it in the, I think it
was the first episode?
Somehow he ended up, he's like, his gift, like his special ability after he was, he
was reborn is called steel.
So he can, anything he can picture, he can just take and it's in his hand.
He's like, so he takes the panties.
The panty thief.
He's like, and then he starts doing this weird like, like a weird groping motion or whatever
towards him to get him to leave him alone.
He's like, I'll take more.
But they at least, you know, they don't take it so seriously with a lot of these anime.
They actually joke about stuff.
I wish we could do that more here.
I mean, I've just seen one of those, like they tried to do that with Teen Titans Go,
but it just didn't work.
It wasn't really our type of a comedy.
No, probably.
They fucked up Teen Titans.
So it's a different story though.
Alrighty.
You ready to move into some Reddit?
Bagman.
Bagman?
No.
Or Pocketman.
Oh yeah.
We're still not even through with these yet.
Oh yeah.
It's been a long evening already.
All right.
Number nine, Skateman.
Best friend of Pocketman.
Exactly.
Skateman was a gem of a superhero created by Neil Adams, who amazingly went on to do
a ton of work for both DC and Marvel, generally regarded as one of the worst comic books of
all time.
This man unsurprisingly lasted for just one issue.
Give me a chance.
Give me three.
As his name suggests, he fights crime on roller skates and unfortunately doesn't have any
real powers to speak of unless you count leaping, striking, slashing, thrusting, and...
Plays that bike guy from One Punch Man?
And striking again.
Jesus.
His name strikes fear into the hearts of absolutely no one.
Seriously no one.
Probably a security guard is like, damn, a skateboarder.
What, where Neil Adams?
His name is, it would have to be a security guard.
It had to be.
Yeah.
Well, this was by Pacific Comics.
You don't even hear about them, so you know.
I don't know who that is.
Exactly.
Just like Thanos, I don't even know who you are.
This skating disaster could only have come from the mind of a 40 year old in the 1980s
who intended on appealing to a younger audience he clearly did not understand.
Oh boy.
Yeah.
Why read Superman when you have Skateman?
Superman has x-ray vision and can fly.
Superman has skaterade.
A restorative tonic containing herbs, roots, and the love of a roller-coil.
What the fuck?
It, what the, it had to be a parody.
Like, comic book.
Skateman.
Man.
Skateman.
Not skeet man, that's a different person.
But it's so funny, like on the first episode, the first issue, he gets fucking shot in
the leg.
He's like, oh, oh shit.
And he's like, actually like, oh my God.
Number eight, Color Kid.
Color Kid?
Color Kid sounds more like the name of a rapper than a superhero.
Just like a rapper either.
But believe it or not, he was a DC creation.
DC comics?
Like a few others on this list, he was, he was rejected from the Legion of Superheroes
for his less than useful powers, probably his lame name too.
Maybe it's his costume didn't have a giant rainbow on it.
They would have taken him a little bit more seriously.
Honestly, he looks more like a Care Bear than someone who kicks ass and takes names.
Look at that grown ass man though.
I know.
That was a kid.
Although he was rejected from the Legion, he became part of another Legion of Substitute
Heroes who apparently found more use for his color changing powers.
Since he's able to change the color of things via the electromagnetic spectrum, he can sometimes
alter their composition, which did prove useful during the Earth War invasion.
As a member, Color Kid was entitled to the Legion of, the Legion Flight Ring, which also
allowed him to fly among other things.
They always had that ring for everybody.
It made the Legion ring.
It made flying useless.
Useless.
If that was all your super power was, it's like, well.
We got this ring so we don't need to get it.
Number 7, Doorman.
Doorman?
Doorman.
What could possibly be so great about watching the door of a building and keeping out the
lowlifes?
Wait, that's not what Marvel's Doorman superhero does.
Then why is he named that?
There are certain words that have a particular connotation attached to them, and Doorman
is one of them.
If his super power allows for the transportation of people from place to place, why not call
him Teleport Man?
Or something more exciting sounding.
Believe it or not, Doorman actually has a pretty interesting storyline.
He's eventually tapped as a new Angel of Death after Deathurge is captured.
Although his father doesn't approve of his superhero lifestyle, he's overjoyed at his
son's Angel of Death appointment.
Doorman has to collect the soul of his own father after he dies while decorating for
Christmas.
Jeesh.
Yeah.
I'm fucking cracking his neck on the little stool he gets up on and he trips over.
Yep.
And breaks his neck on the coffee table.
Number 6, Maggot.
Maggot?
Briefly a member of the X-Men, Maggot is a unique type of mutant who possesses a sentient
digestive system.
That's right, he has two giant slug creatures living in his stomach named Eany and Meany.
Eany and Meany.
Eany, Meany, Mighty Moe.
These beings use the energy from the food that they aid to give Maggot his energy.
Thus, without them he suffers greatly and can actually die.
Aside from that, he really has no powers to speak of, although he did gain strength comparable
of how much the slugs have eaten.
Eany and Meany can consume pretty much anything including human flesh, just like actual Maggots
do.
That doesn't sound right at all.
In fact, they almost eat Psylocke.
Whatever she attacked him and the uncanny X-Men.
However, it was the consumption of a bomb implanted in Cyclops that gained him his favor
in a spot on the X-Men.
Still, despite his merits, Maggot got stuck with one of the most disgusting mutations
around and a matching name to boot.
The next one, number 5, the Gay Ghost.
The Gay Ghost.
What?
Just the look on your face is like, huh?
To matter if he's gay or not.
Well one of the oldest superheroes in terms of his creation and actual age, the Gay Ghost's
name doesn't quite mean what you think it might.
Is he happy?
So his origin tale tells of a strange adventure in one of the queerest in all of history.
The Casper?
He wasn't supposed to be portrayed in the contemporary meaning of the word gay.
Created in the 1940s for the first issue of Sensation Comics, the Gay Ghost's name was
supposed to be a hint to his amicable, cheerful leanings much like Casper was called the Friendly
Ghost.
Okay.
The name is pretty silly as, in his main super power, entering the bodies of men who he deemed
good and hard.
And he goes right after their asshole.
Their description doesn't make it.
Yeah, doesn't help at all.
Essentially he possesses people, but only men.
Oh, okay.
Alright.
Okay.
You know, the gay part doesn't mean gay though, okay.
The name still fits into what I'm trying to say.
So this guy knew exactly what he was writing?
Yes he did.
Made his character.
His name was changed to the Grim Ghost in the 1950s to avoid offending the general population
sensibilities of the time.
He had to marry a woman, even though he loves men.
The whole Ropeback Mountain situation he's having.
Now the Grim Ghost.
The Grim Ghost.
Now he's Grim.
Anyway, I had to quit you.
Now I'm not happy.
Number four, Fruit Boy.
Oh boy, what was it?
Gay man's gay ghost sidekick?
One of the many potential recruits rejected by the Legion of Superheroes.
I don't fucking reject him.
So you have Keller Kid and Fruit Boy.
What if he just carried around bowls of fruit to help you get healthy?
Fruit Boy's name is about as impressive as his power.
Essentially a guy who just carries around a bag of fruit.
Oh yeah, okay he does.
Ripping it with some sort of concentrated energy he didn't really stick around long.
Only appearing in three Legion of Superheroes issues, he was pretty much just a part of
a ploy at diplomacy by the President of the United States.
A few issues after he was introduced, the United Planets used him and the other Legion
rejects to form their own group.
They were supposed to observe the dissection of an alien destroyer carcass that turned
out not to be dead at all.
Maybe if Fruit Boy had used a bunch of his ripe fruits to choke the destroyer to death,
Legion wouldn't have to rescue them from it.
Number three, Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Really?
Just the name.
Not necessarily the powers, but that's a long ass name.
Just the length of it?
That's why Deadpool made fun of it, remember?
Yeah.
What is that name?
I thought he liked that name.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead because there's a whole mouth full of shit.
Of course, she was part of the new X-Men in the early 2000s.
Really that young huh?
Mm-hmm.
That was older than that.
Character wise anyway, I mean like publication wise.
Yeah, yeah.
I know it was all the way to the early 2000s.
When she's toward it, when she grows up she just drops a teenage party just Negasonic
Warhead?
Probably.
Yeah, she's a Negasonic Warhead.
Close enough, yeah.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead is one of those superhero names that you either think is absolutely
amazing or incredibly lame.
No middle ground, huh?
No middle grain.
Either way, you have to admit it's a pretty ridiculous name.
Even Kitty Pride remarks in the comic books, wow we really have to run out of names.
Hang on, wow we really have run out of names?
She doesn't even have a superhero name.
Kitty Pride?
Yeah, what the hell is she talking about?
Shadow Cat.
Shadow Cat is stupid.
But she had a name.
Oh yeah, I guess she did.
What is Shadow Cat?
Yeah, it's Shadow Cat.
I guess I'm thinking about Jean Grey.
She didn't really have a name.
Well that was the way of the panel.
Before that she didn't have any.
Just Jean Grey?
Yeah, basically.
She's just gonna fuck you up with her own name?
She's gonna fucking give you everyone's fucking description.
Like you have her name right, then you type it in the fucking computer and you find out
everyone else's name.
Jean Grey?
Oh she goes to the school of extraordinary students as Professor Xavier, hoping for their
secret identity.
You just find them all?
Yeah.
With a name like that, it's not surprising that Grant Morrison borrowed it from elsewhere.
Apparently, he was a big fan of the group Monster Magnet, who have a song called Negasonic
Teenage Warhead.
Oh really?
Morrison created the character during his time working on New X-Men in the early 2000s,
but her appearances were short-lived.
She mostly functioned as a student of Emma Frost's, and then later appeared as a member
of the Hellfire Club along with the Black King and Perfection.
Even her portrayal in Deadpool films was largely due to her name alone, which the filmmakers
chose out of 400 different X-Men characters that they could choose.
How many?
400 what?
There's been that many X-Men characters?
Jesus Christ.
Screenwriter Paul Wernick put it, I don't care what her powers are, she's gonna be in
the movie.
Number two, God this is such a stupid name.
Arm Fall Off Boy.
Oh that guy.
So you know this one.
Suicide Squad guy, wasn't it?
Let's see here.
Do you see character?
Yeah, it's DC.
Okay, that is the same one.
He's part of the Legion.
Nathan Fillion was playing, wasn't it?
Was there a different one?
Or did they change the name for him?
When your name sounds like a punk and emo band had a baby, it's easy to see why no one
takes you seriously.
Arm Fall Off Boy was one of the handful of superheroes who tried out for the Legion during
the Secret Origins comics in the 1980s.
In issue number 46, he demonstrated his powers to a bewildered Saturn girl, lightning lad,
and cosmic boy to which they responded with a polite no thank you.
Did he watch his hands fall off?
First of all, his arm doesn't even fall off.
He has to pull it off in order for it to be used as a weapon.
If it did fall off, that'd be even more stupid.
Imagine he's in battle running around.
His arm just falls off.
Then it wouldn't even be a superpower to work with.
We get disadvantaged.
Secondly, isn't it sort of redundant to have an arm you pull off into a weapon?
You grab your own arm?
Well no, because if we're being logical, you get more weight, right?
If you start swinging.
More leverage.
You just smash swinging your fist around.
Man, you'd be hurting your knuckles.
It's no wonder the guy's entire existence was wiped out following the events of Zero
Hour.
Jesus.
He's gone?
Doesn't even exist.
And the last one, number one of the stupidest names.
Looker.
L-O-K-E-R?
Looker.
Is this not the most ridiculously sexist name for a superhero you've ever heard?
As if this poor little self worth and identity are entirely wrapped up in her luck.
I see the context.
Never mind that she actually has some pretty impressive superpowers like telepathy, telekinesis,
and psychometry.
Couldn't they have just called her something like telepath?
Maybe?
Looker started off as Emily Briggs, a homely bank teller in Los Angeles.
They use the word homely.
Again though she's kidnapped by the Abyssians, it's revealed that she's not next in line
for their throne, but that Haley's Comet will make her beautiful and powerful.
After that she's transformed.
She ditches her bank job to become a model.
Because that's what all women really want to be, right?
What's worse is that she was married and presents her new self to her husband during Christmas
as if her body is a possession to be owned.
Not to get all feminist on you guys, but that's a whole women's studies paper begging to
be written about this unfortunately named DC heroine.
Never even heard of Looker.
I neither.
Man, just like the amount of history.
I could feel the venom coming from this writer though, from Screen Rant, because of it.
Venom.
Still stuck on the Eminem song?
Moment I don't know.
Diddy caught him.
I know the diddler.
They finally caught the diddler.
A thousand bottles of baby oil.
I wonder if it's true that, they say that Ben Affleck divorced JLo because the FBI
showed her a video of her hooking up with Pete Diddy.
Why the fuck would he have anything to do?
Like hey Ben Affleck, come here real quick.
Like in this investigation, why ruin his marriage?
And that makes no sense to me.
It might have been in the other stuff, you never know.
Like if it was the legal stuff, what's that got to do with the husband?
Unless he's in, he's in like.
Well that's where he's like, yeah I'm done.
Like it was weird to me, like why the FBI, like the story doesn't like pan out to me.
It'd be like if the cops found out that my wife was an international terrorist, right?
And like here she's having sex with another man.
Like what the fuck does it have to do with anything?
Why are you showing me that?
Like we got video of video of it.
Just arrest her, you got evidence of that?
That's why it doesn't make any, why would the FBI show Ben Affleck a video of him and
her and Pete Diddy banging?
I just feel like it's clickbait, it has to be clickbait.
That makes fucking sense to me.
Yeah there has to be other things involved with that.
Like they want him to what?
Like hey have you seen anything?
Like want him to be a witness in the trial?
To be?
Or I don't know like they, they were just like here, here like.
Did you see Meek Mill just came out as gay?
Who?
Meek Mill.
Who's that?
That rapper.
But everybody had been joking about him getting topped by Diddy multiple times and turns out
he did.
He came out crying like, Diddy it's all to me.
Damn that's crazy.
Oh the Diddler got you too huh?
He sure went to it, I mean with that amount of power he could do whatever he wanted.
That's crazy.
Do you remember that scene from Madagascar where it's got the lion, I can't remember
his name, but whenever he's having like the hallucination of meat falling around him at
every time, somebody said that's Diddy in prison.
Just in a place of just meat.
Just meat?
I think it's more of a power thing for him than actual.
No I think he was, I think he was the biggest goon of ever.
Impossible I am.
He beat you.
I'm the goon.
Capital T-H-E.
Somebody said a picture of him.
You ever seen the character of the goon?
There's a comic book character named the goon.
He had a crossover with Hellboy once.
It's a Dark Horse character.
He's called the goon.
Unfortunately when he was called the goon he had a different definition.
Now it's the goon is a whole other fucking thing.
It's weird how words just take on the oddest of forms.
I mean look in the 1940s the ghost was called Gatling.
He knew exactly what he meant.
He must have also been homosexual in terms of like definition because he made him go
only into men.
He can only possess men.
And only to their asshole.
I had to have that part of myself but that's what it sounded like.
And then he became the Grim Ghost.
He had to leave that life and marry a woman and he didn't want to but now he's living
the Brokeback Mountain lifestyle.
I can't quit you.
I should have watched that movie one time.
See what's going on.
I never seen it.
Never cared to.
What's going on?
Come on Break Bad Mountain.
What's going on?
You can tell I'm tired because I'm like what's going on?
With uh wasn't it Heath Ledger?
Heath Ledger and uh Jake Gyllenhaal.
It's my boy Jake Gyllenhaal.
Well you can be a country person.
You know it's a cowboy.
Mysterio and uh the Joker.
That's insane.
Well I mean look what happened to Joker recently in the new movie.
Oh yeah he got raped.
Yeah.
Damn that was wild.
That's a crazy choice as a writer.
Yeah just completely just f*** him over.
Now that I'm looking at it I'm like man how did these writers get through writing this?
Like they write so like you can write some of like the most truly gut turning type scenes
and you're like oh man how did you write this?
They'd be like I didn't write it.
It spoke to me.
Some shit like that you know what I mean.
They always say that inspiration talked to me.
I said okay whatever bro.
You just got done watching the uh.
Watched a freaking human centipede and they wrote a f***ing 15 page source story of feces.
I was going to say you just got to watch Spider-Man get his back blown out so let's do that for
Joker.
All right let's move into the Reddit real quick and this will be the last segment for
today.
Uh first one is by Empathetic Apathist.
Empathetic Apathist.
This person puts for context most of my students are seniors in high school.
We're working on a project that involves CNC milling out of words and then laser engraving
and laser cutting acrylic letters that are press fitted into the wood.
The acrylic pieces are the exact same size as the carved out letters so you need some
pressure to get them back in.
What the f*** am I laughing at?
I'm such a child sometimes.
You heard the word pressure to get them in.
We used a rubber mallet to hit the letters but if students aren't careful they can crack
the acrylic.
Whenever I make personal projects like this I push the letters in enough to get them stuck
then flip the board over with the letters facing down on the table and use the mallet
to hit the back of the board.
Smart.
This causes the acrylic letters to be pushed against the table and into their carved spots
on the board.
Well while busy talking and taking care of a thousand things around the lab at once I
quickly told the students who were mid process of pressing their letters in I'd like to
flip it over and hit it from the back.
Nice.
Quickly realized what I said and walked in another part of the lab hoping that no one
had heard that way I had said this.
Oh they heard.
I then glanced over to the students and they were laughing pretty hard.
I walked back over and said yep I heard it too.
They're good kids and knew it was an honest mistake but yeah.
The first comment you're now way up the list of favorite teachers.
Coogie likes to flip it over and hit it from the back.
Alrighty next one is by no dead people please.
Okay.
Oh that theory that everyone on Google is dead.
Yeah.
Everyone on the internet is dead.
Yeah the dead internet theory.
Yeah.
That's what he's talking about.
Alright this is a little bit of a long one.
So this person puts my girlfriend shared a role playing fantasy with me during the early
stages of our relationship but her own admission she never expected our relationship to grow
into something serious so she proposed.
So the purpose of her sharing this specific fantasy on one of our dates didn't feel like
anything she wanted to actually do.
It was a trivial topic between two people who didn't see a long term future with each
other and therefore felt comfortable discussing our absurd fantasies.
This is how my girlfriend explained her fantasy to me.
She catches her supposedly straight boyfriend fucking a male sex doll which turns her on
and prompts her to encourage him to continue fucking the doll.
While she watches the master rapes.
Yeah we gotta stop right there and move on to the next one.
We got all we needed.
Just look at your face.
I'm not gonna buy my own fucking business.
Cause you started going like huh?
No idea how to react at the time but I always remembered my girlfriend struggling to balance
her embarrassment with her enthusiasm which was wholesome as fucking it made me like her
even more.
Did he want to do the thing where like he just one day does the same thing and she just
walks in and he just like fucking going to town.
And they got a surprise thing and it just went off the rails from there.
She said what the fuck are you doing?
And blah blah blah.
I liked her so much that I wanted to keep seeing her and thankfully the feeling was
mutual.
We eventually became girlfriend and boyfriend and life continued.
My girlfriend never referenced the gay sex doll fantasy again even though we experimented
with a variety of other role playing fantasies in the bedroom.
I never forgot and I figured it would be kind of cool to celebrate her one year anniversary.
By exploring the fantasy my girlfriend shared with me whenever I was nothing more to her
than a guy that just she wanted to have fun with in her free time.
I decided to keep it a surprise and let my girlfriend believe that our anniversary never
was a surprise.
There it is.
The surprise part.
It was a special as things were gonna get that night but little did she.
Her and her parents came in for dinner.
Here I was going to town.
But little did she know that I secretly made all the necessary arrangements to bring her
home erotic fantasy to life.
The plan was simple.
Go out for dinner, come home, cuddle on the couch.
However mid cuddle I would go to the bathroom but that would be an act because I would not
be going to the bathroom at all.
I would instead be lying for the fucking plot twist.
But I wasn't going to the bathroom.
I would instead be lying for the bedroom where I would get undressed and proceed to get things
on with the male sex doll.
Which I ordered online weeks ago and managed to keep hidden until this moment.
The idea being that my girlfriend would begin to wonder where the fuck I was and then eventually
find me balls deep inside the rubber butt of a life like sex toy.
I was hoping that by the time my girlfriend opened the bedroom door I would have managed
to get it up, get it in and somehow make it look like I'm not just a fucking inanimate
object but the object of my deepest desires.
Needless to say I had to be hard to fuck the doll which proved to be hard to do because
you know it's a fucking doll.
Not exactly my type.
I never even heard my girlfriend approach the bedroom because I was too focused on forcing
my dick to cooperate.
As soon as the bedroom door swung open my girlfriend and I saw each other with fucking
frowns.
The gasp from both.
She's like he's like and then Jesus is like.
God's like and say like.
My girlfriend covered her mouth with her hand and asked if I was gonna walk up the fuck
was happening.
The fucking arm the gas and the hand gas.
My god.
Let me fucking serious.
Yeah.
I jokingly said that she wanted to be with a guy who was into fucking twink sex dolls
up the ass.
He's like he just fucking flexes his muscles yeah.
My girlfriend laughed and said that she had no idea what I was talking about but she was
keen to know more.
I never lost my shit.
What are you bitch?
What the fuck do you mean?
This was your idea.
I reminded her of the moment at the beginning of our relationship whenever she revealed
that she fantasized about a role playing situation where she catches her boyfriend fucking a
male sex doll and then she ends up enjoying the show.
My girlfriend gradually stopped laughing and said that she most definitely would have remembered
something as specific as that and yet she's trying to remember anything like that.
You got dementia?
You got Alzheimer's?
What do you mean you don't remember?
Ever being discussed between the two of us or anyone else.
I said I remembered though hence the fuckable mannequin.
I was failing to fuck.
My girlfriend stopped saying she didn't remember what I was talking about and low key switched
to disagreeing with me because she never shared a fantasy like that with anyone because she
refused to believe it was something she would think of let alone enjoy.
What the fuck?
How the fuck did this turn back on me?
I made it clear to her that I would never have purchased a male sex doll.
Much less go as far to fuck the thing as it wasn't for the fact that I remembered her
talking about how hot that was for her.
Wait a minute.
My girlfriend asked.
Wait a minute.
This wasn't her was it?
I don't know.
He was like this was a different person he dated during the same time as her.
That would have been funny though.
My girlfriend asked if one of us was gaslighting the other or maybe one of us aka me was feeling
somewhat ashamed about what was going on in the room before she walked in.
Maybe.
I said I was feeling frustrated that she was refusing to even entertain the idea that she
might have had this fantasy and communicated with me.
My girlfriend said maybe I was confusing her with an ex-girlfriend who enjoyed watching
straight guys doing gay stuff.
I decided to shut up and get dressed because I didn't understand what was going on anymore.
My girlfriend inspected the sex doll and continued to question me about the so called fantasy
of hers and she was convinced that it was in fact my fantasy.
She wondered if it was just her that thought the sex doll kind of looked like my best friend.
I kissed her and said happy anniversary before I reiterated that this was all for her.
My girlfriend asked if that was meant that she could use the sex doll too.
I said since both my dick and my chick are not into me using the doll then I would have
no use for it so consider it an anniversary gift.
My girlfriend thanked me and said she appreciated how vulnerable I was willing to be in front
of her regardless of whose fantasies it was.
It's been a month.
I would have never let that slide.
You know, god dang well this was your idea.
It's been a month since the night of our anniversary and one thing has become apparent to me.
My girlfriend loves the sex doll.
In fact she's been fucking it more than she fucks me but she denies it which seems to
be something she does a lot whenever it comes to the sex doll.
I wish I could go back in time and tell my past me to avoid buying the sex doll and save
the money for a PS5 or some shit.
That'd be nice.
The first response is, anyone going to talk about how she said it looked like his best
friend and now she wants to fuck it all the time?
Oh yeah.
That's the fucked up part.
Alrighty next one is by Early Bathroom 9533.
Ready?
First and best.
So here's the story y'all.
Y'all.
That's how you know it's gonna be something is y'all.
I am in my first semester of college.
This guy is super nonchalant and we are only friends with benefits.
So I don't know him that well.
We basically just text whenever we need something at the night he texted me.
He texted me at 2.30 saying he couldn't sleep.
At that point in the night I had already taken my nightly pills and today's birth control
pill happened to be a placebo.
Normally whenever I take the placebo my period doesn't start for a couple of days so whenever
he texted I didn't think anything of it.
Anyways we go out and park and we start fucking in my car and he puts my legs over my head
and I feel gurgling and weird.
The gurgly and weird?
I had been having stomach problems all day from the shitty cafeteria food and I should
have taken a shit before we left because I felt like something was leaking out but I
didn't want to believe it so we kept fucking.
That's dark.
We can't tell whatsoever than the smell.
And I'm thinking oh shit I just totally shat myself.
And so he stops and looks down confused and I grab his dick.
And there's literally shit all over.
I grab a towel and open the doors and clean to move everything up.
Both of us silent in horror and what had just happened.
I'm so embarrassed because I feel like I'm totally reaching and I'm just like yeah that
is definitely the last time we're doing that like that anyway.
God the way these people write.
Doing that like there is no way he is going to want to fuck me ever again.
Anyways so we clean up and get dressed and I turn the car on which turns the lights on
and he looks in his boxers and he's like I think you're on your period too.
You're joking a double whammy?
So at some point I'm just like yeah I'm going to be single forever and start driving absolutely
horrified and he says hey look on the bright side at least you didn't shit yourself.
Very funny.
What Lamau he thinks it's all my period and no kaka?
I really hope whenever I dropped him off and he cleans up and he continues to think that.
He said in the car a couple of times that like don't worry about it.
It happens.
But I just have this gut feeling that this arrangement is coming to a close which sucks
because I actually like him but that story is for another day.
So there you have it laying in bed 4.30 in the morning having an exam at 11 cramps killing
hate myself.
Yeah so she shit herself and period that's a definite double whammy.
The rule of the day if you feel like you gots to shit before doing anything go shit.
Don't try to hold it.
We've heard so many people yeah I held it until I got to the dead the dental office and
the shit also blew my back out.
It's too many times.
Too many times.
Next one is by OPLoftage.
Too many letters at the end.
Might sound a bit weird but bear with me.
A few years ago I had to go to Japan for a project.
Our team were also treated to various dinners during the course of two weeks.
Some at pretty upmarket places like geishas and stuff like that.
The geishas had difficulty in pronouncing a colleagues Percy's name.
Percy.
It came out like pussy son.
I thought it was funny and changed its contact to that in my phone.
The day after we got back I forgot my phone at home.
I phoned my wife and asked her to tell anyone that phoned to contact me directly on my landline.
Guess who was the first to call.
My wife had no idea how to answer the call looking at the caller ID and even if she should
answer pussy son.
Weird.
Sometimes pronunciation is hard.
They can't say my name properly in here.
That's for sure.
No way.
Have I had any kind of every version they can possibly get?
No.
Noah.
They don't even try.
They just say no.
No.
They can say Jose even though there's a freaking E at the end of it.
That is true.
So why can't you take that in your brain and then assume like oh he's Hispanic too so the
A must be exactly the same.
You dumb sexist shit.
Even Jesus.
Hey.
It's got the.
Right.
It's an H.
No but it's got the A sound.
Jesus.
Hey.
Yeah.
Jesus.
If you're Spanish where you have the extra like little lip spathium.
All right.
Next one is by Yo 2023.
It's where some bits using using an alternative account because I don't really want to come
back on me.
I know it is a shit man.
Come on.
Like there's some fucking super spy.
You know what?
We can find man.
Find out where I'm at.
Also on mobile so please bear with if I misspell something and forget any capitalization.
I also included in the not safe for work in case discussing nipples or areolas is considered
bad.
This person is not a not safe for work.
I missed the fun ones of just like people shitting them.
I know they're hard to find.
Yeah.
Take me right.
I apologize in advance.
Today while at work I accidentally injured my right areola while stacking some totes at
work.
I was placing the totes on the fuck.
They weigh 50 pounds apiece.
I was placing the totes on a larger stack and I guess I was too close to the edge of
the totes and crushed my nipple cutting a small part of my areola.
Oh shit.
That would fucking kill.
Now I'm sitting at home.
I see my injury and shame.
I can't tell any of my family or my partner because it's so I'm so embarrassed but I had
to get this off of my chest.
What do you mean?
I can say that.
No problem.
Yeah.
I cut my titty.
Edit.
I am a woman and the injury is my areola and very close to on my nipple as well.
That shit would fucking be so god damn painful.
Edit two.
Please stop asking for photos of my injury and my messages in request.
You know you got to type.
People are people.
Yeah.
Let's see it.
I want to see it.
That shit would fucking sting.
More than anything it would sting.
Yeah.
Like oh man.
Like ah.
Especially because it would be rubbing up against her shirt all day long.
Well it would probably be her bra.
I'm just saying if it was a dude doing it it would be rubbing against your shirt all
day.
Yeah.
Man.
I'm looking at it as from both sexes and she wouldn't want that.
No.
You don't want to snap your nipple.
Yeah like if it pinches it she would be fucking.
People are like oh.
You may not have the areola but you got the nipple.
And it hurts.
Kind of like when your pants kind of like clip the.
Oh yeah.
Your little.
Either.
Either side of it.
Oh man.
You got the dangly bits or the other.
I've never clipped.
I've only clipped.
I've only done it once.
It was.
I immediately went straight back down.
Like ah.
Because it was like just like.
It's just like I got a couple of hairs.
Oh.
I was like no thanks.
All right.
Next one is by Gopsey.
This person puts.
So on the Rick and Morty subreddit yesterday I saw a post asking what people would do
granted a Mr. Meeseeks box.
Mr. Meeseeks.
Mm hmm.
I would probably.
What I do with a Mr. Meeseeks.
So what I do with a Mr. Meeseeks.
I probably send them to my job.
I put in my.
I do work my freaking.
Schedule and I'll focus on my writing.
It's like oh Mr. Meeseeks look at me.
And then you can't you can't poof away until I'm a fully finished screenplay.
Consult it.
And he's like my Mr. It'd be like 300 like sort of eight years later.
Mr. Meeseeks just going through it because apparently Mr. Meeseeks can exist for long
periods of time.
They're not like they're not meant to.
They're supposed to do a quick task for you and then they disappear.
Right.
So if I if it was forced to live eight years he would be falling apart mentally.
Yeah.
I've been a lot longer than anybody.
Mr. Meeseeks look at me.
They were trying to get one of the characters.
What the hell is the guy they can't stand.
Rick Morty Summer.
A wife's name I can't remember.
Is it Hope.
No.
Sounds stupid.
Beth.
So what the fuck's the husband's name.
I don't remember the husband's name but Rick can't stand him.
So they made him he his family was bothering him one day so he gave him all the Mr. Meeseeks
box.
They had a simple task for him.
And except for except for the husband he wanted to like shave a couple of like points off
his golf swing and it was impossible.
And so the so the me see Mr. Meeseeks was having so much trouble that he made another
Mr. Meeseeks to help him with his task.
And then they ended up in a freaking snowball effect of a bunch of Mr. Meeseeks.
So that was like 800 Mr. Meeseeks.
And then finally one had like the only way we could fix this is if we kill the husband.
That was the final solution.
If they kill him they got all cease to exist which was their ultimate goal.
Yeah Mr. Meeseeks.
Well for anybody who doesn't know or dwells under a couch or conch I don't know why you
spelled it wrong but whatever.
Sure whatever.
Meeseeks is a character in Rick and Morty who once summoned at a press of a button on
the bottom of a box will do anything you ask.
They are blue, non gendered and obviously cartoonist in design.
One of the comments mentioned the user's desire to receive blowjob from Mr. Meeseeks.
Fuck.
Does it always go into sexual terms?
The thought popped into my head therefore.
Has anybody had some mad reason to make Mr. Meeseeks porn?
Are people mad enough to watch it?
In my research therefore I headed to work and proceeded to Google Meeseeks porn.
The research appeared promising as I opened a couple of tabs and look.
As this is content obviously non sexual as far as I'm concerned I didn't use incognito.
If my girlfriend saw it it's pretty explainable.
Onwards in the evening.
I'm currently doing bar work at a country pub on Kotzwolds.
Mr. Meeseeks look at me.
I was chatting away a couple of uh.
Jerry.
That's the husband's name Jerry.
Yeah.
Yeah this is Jerry ain't it?
Yeah.
Fucking Jerry.
See?
Popped into your head.
It's always there.
I just have to find it in the files.
I was chatting away to a couple visiting for a few days and they were speaking about bad
flooding we've had over here.
Hunched together I produced my phone and headed to Google to show a news story and oh my gosh
it slapped wide over the screen.
Curvy Sexy Cartoon Summer.
Mr. Meeseeks look at me.
Curvy Sexy Cartoon Summer drooling Mr. Meeseeks genitals.
Yeah.
It was horrible.
They didn't laugh.
They must have been Rick and Morty fans.
Still seem to me like a bottle of wine down them and only hope they don't remember after
being on the booze.
They are staying tonight as well whenever I start work.
First person.
That's Mr. Meeseeks look at him.
More like Mecheeks.
That's the face.
That's his catchphrase.
Mr. Meeseeks look at me.
The bottom of the box bro it's at the fucking top.
What the hell is he talking about?
Does he even watch the show?
There's a fucking button on the top.
Who would press a button on the bottom?
Look at that from an animation standpoint right?
The button has to be on the top for the animation to you know the visual of them popping the
button.
They wouldn't be able to see it on the bottom.
I think he meant at the bottom of a screen maybe.
I don't know.
He's full of shit.
Don't you ever discourage Rick and Morty or disbarge it in any way.
You know God dang well it's the top of the box.
Because logically it looks better on a movie.
Like if it wasn't a movie right would it look cool if the button was on the top or a secret
button on the bottom unless it was like a spy movie or something.
It's a good visual button press.
Next one is by Secret Name 7087.
This person puts.
Just for context I'm a 25 year old gay guy.
This morning at 7am I woke up feeling pretty frisky.
So I decided to start the day with a quick wink before work.
Guys here will know the score.
I put on a hot video and start to go to town on myself.
I was really in the heat of the moment when all of a sudden I heard a sponge on my face.
Or my window.
Which is directly behind me in bed so you can see into my whole room if you somehow
look in.
Now my house is a detached one that looks over a field.
And my room is on the third floor so I don't overly worry about being seen whenever I'm
doing my business.
My curtain is usually closed most of the time anyway but if it isn't for any sort of thing
I'm again on my third floor.
When I hear the sponge though I look behind me with my boner in hand.
And there is a middle aged guy just looking in scrubbing away at the window.
I felt intensely embarrassed and quickly close the curtain.
Having gone entirely soft again at this stage I was annoyed about it for a little bit and
was blaming the window cleaner.
Though I'm mostly over it now and I realize I should be more careful in the future whenever
I go to enjoy myself.
It's going to be awkward though whenever he comes back for the payment.
The other person puts, as a window cleaner I wish to disagree.
I do everything I can to not look inside these people's houses.
Yeah fuck you race.
Just an honest honest window cleaner and the filth I've seen all my days.
You wouldn't really believe how bad we feel when we accidentally stumble upon private
moments.
It's really horrible for us.
OP can rest assured that when he meets the window cleaner next time it will be the window
cleaner that is the most embarrassed about this.
Because the comment that required that one is that guy's job is literally looking inside
people's windows all day.
This is probably won't even qualify for the most embarrassing thing he's seen all week.
I guarantee you will.
Somebody below that that's the AMA we need.
Because you know there's freaks out there.
Next one is by mysteriousfinger2a2.
12 little bills out there.
Well I would fuck me with you.
Wow wow wow wow.
That's not even my name.
I was just playing over and over again.
This person puts, a little under a month ago I started a job at UPS here in my hometown.
It hasn't been an easy job by any means, a lot of heavy lifting and constant workout
while working there.
But even then I loved it so far.
The problem started this morning.
My mom had left some muscle relaxants in my room for any time I felt sore from work.
Like whose mom just leaves you fucking muscle relaxer.
Like I got your pills right here.
I try hard.
Got your uppers your downers.
Oh no.
Oh god dang.
Your mom's a drug pusher.
Exactly.
After working for a while I had gotten used to the burn of the job.
It's not that bad.
Like I know from personal experience multiple people that work at these places and it's
not that bad.
But for whatever reason.
Must be brutal for him.
He's like the only man that's working in the whole town.
Exactly.
Every person.
He's had 6,000 cases a day.
But for whatever reason I decided to take the muscle relaxants before work.
Whenever I got to work I started stacking boxes and doing the usual work you'd imagine
UPS workers do.
I guarantee you it's exactly what you think it is except the boxes are between 20 and
100 pounds each.
That's not true.
It's 150.
Not for UPS but for the competitor.
Goes up to 150.
Until I started feeling the strength of my arms weakening.
My legs were aching and my lower back was starting to feel like it was being squished
together.
It was a weird feeling.
For a bit I tried powering through assuming it was just me needing to fix my posture whenever
I had left and using my legs more.
But the feeling was growing more and more.
Then I remember taking the muscle relaxers and realizing that my body was relaxing itself
while I worked out.
So I take it easy bro.
Slowly going around.
To confirm my suspicions I looked up really quick on my phone and unfortunately my mistake
could have risked an injury and caused me to pull something a lot easier than usual.
Embarrassed I looked at my manager to tell him about my mistake.
Then they asked me a few questions to confirm that I wasn't BSing them until they decided
that I should go home.
Naturally I would be okay with going home but I felt stupid having to leave my job not
even 30 minutes before it even started because my lack of knowledge on the appropriate time
to take muscle relaxers.
The only reason I felt like sharing this is that this subreddit is because I'm afraid
of losing my job that I frankly fell in love with because of a stupid slip up.
I also think I have a greater chance of getting fired because I'm still in the probation
stage of my job.
Not that this has happened before but I think this might be plenty of the reason to let
me go.
At the same time I didn't want to risk an injury and making myself a liability to them
because of this.
Regardless I lost my hours for the day and feeling like a complete idiot.
This person puts what you did is literally a felony dude.
Like you can't work with heavy equipment on muscle relaxers.
I do it all the time.
I am a heavy equipment.
You just move yourself.
That counts.
Next one is IBM 5555.
Today I fucked up by taking a nap with an earbud in.
I did not mean to take a nap nor did I mean to leave an earbud in.
But I was exhausted from my closing shift to work last night.
I was watching last week tonight whenever I fell asleep.
Whenever I woke up my phone was off on the ground next to the couch and I was in horrible
pain in my left ear.
As I sat up I looked down to see my earbud fall into my lap.
The silicone part that sits in the ear was missing.
This was my first sign.
I stood up putting the earbud back in the charging case.
I looked around for the silicone part but I couldn't find it.
At the same time I stuck a pinky into my left ear.
I couldn't figure out why it hurt so much.
I couldn't feel anything at first.
Then my finger nudged something.
I froze.
I ran stumbling to the bathroom panicking about what I could do.
I couldn't see anything.
Of course I couldn't.
It's in my fucking ear.
I ran back to grab my phone hoping I could get a picture to see where it was for sure.
After a few attempts sure enough there's the fucking silicone tip lodged in my goddamn
ear.
I can't afford to go to the emergency room.
What the hell am I going to do?
I can't ask anyone for help.
That would be incredibly embarrassing.
I would rather light myself on fire.
I'd have to get it out myself.
I couldn't reach it with my fingers.
Next I tried using needle nose pliers.
That didn't work.
Finally I tried using a pair of tweezers.
I was able to get a hold of the damn thing and it was the most uncomfortable sensation
I ever felt.
I watched in the mirror as I slid it out of my ear covered in a fair amount of earwax.
I washed it off in the sink resolving to never think about it again and never fall asleep
with an earbud in again.
I will likely do this again though within the week.
I'm going to do the first comment for this.
What an overreaction to a nothing problem.
Like dude it's not going to kill you to take it out on the person below them.
OP almost died dude.
What?
OP?
The original poster.
He almost died with capital letters?
Died?
I don't know about dying but I mean like having something foreign on your ear and you can't
get it out is fucking insane.
It is but it's not like you're going to die from it.
Like you have time to.
Right but if.
Like it's not like a cockroach.
Like if the genom was like I guess I can't go to the hospital so I might as well kill
myself.
That's what he sounded like because he's like I can't ask anyone for help.
It's so embarrassing.
Like what do you tell me?
Just ask someone to pull your fucking shit out.
All you have to do is say hey can you use some tweezers and pull this out for me please.
What the fuck are you talking about?
If I'm being dead on the bike what do you mean?
But then if they say hey I lost a silicone tip in my ear it's like okay.
Get out of my house.
How do you get out of my house?
Get out of my house.
I think it just involves in a whole different thing.
Alright we got one more.
Alright this person is I'm under your bed xoxo.
Like that one?
This person puts.
This happened in college.
I was around 19th time.
My first time getting crossfaded and it was a time.
Crossfaded?
Yeah.
What is that?
He explains.
Oh.
For those of you.
Is there something common that I didn't know?
For those of you who don't know what crossfaded is it's when you're drunk and high at the
same time.
I don't know.
Are you really fucked up?
Jesus.
This requires some backstory basically.
I don't know why we were doing this.
It's a backstory.
I got drunk and then I got high at the end of the story.
Exactly.
I don't know why we were doing this.
My friends at the time and I were looking at animal shaped dildos on Amazon.
Something one does during their off time.
I guess we thought it was funny.
My crossfaded mind though thought that it would be hilarious to see the horse dildo
unrelated.
It's huge by the way.
One that I found on a gimp suit.
A horse one specifically.
Like from Family Guy.
Problem is I forgot the word for dildo.
But I remember the word cock.
And being the naive teenager I was.
I went to Google Images and was instantly sobered up from my shock.
Hey love.
Crazy person.