Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
I'm fully awake.
We are the Knights of Entertainment podcast covering your favorite and unknown movies,
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Let's go ahead and get started.
All right.
So we're going to do a quick little review of a movie I watched earlier a couple of weeks
ago.
I watched a movie earlier called The Breed, which starred Michelle Rodriguez.
And the only reason I watched it was because on the screenshot or the thumbnail or whatever
it is that's on streaming services before you like, when you click on it, when you like
zoom over a movie, there's like a whole screen of like the actual movie and like the description
and everything.
The only reason I watched it was because Michelle Rodriguez was in a bikini and I'm like, I'm
sold.
I'll be there right now.
So I came out like 2006 and I just like, instead of trying to be like a mysterious storyteller,
I just, I just tell you with the whole thing off the bat spoilers 2006 movie.
Basically these rich kids, it's two rich brothers.
The older brother, the younger brother, the younger brother's girlfriend, Michelle Rodriguez,
their longtime female friend and their college friend are all going to spring break or some
sort of vacation after for college.
And they're, they're all taking the plane to the, there's their, the risk guys, uncle's
cabin on a private Island.
And on this Island, I don't know if the uncle sold some of it to the military, but the army
had a military base there where they trained attack dogs.
Sorry, I had to sneeze.
But I killed half of the stuff over here.
I can't put my nose.
I only put my, I see some put their shirt over their nose when they sneeze.
Oh, you nasty mother.
It's not all in the shirt.
Yeah.
I didn't have a towel or a tissue either.
So no, it was too late now.
It's all over the fucking ozone by points to hole in reality.
So they're training attack dogs and they're also like genetically experimenting on them
to make them more intelligent.
And so they get there, they're having a nice little party.
The older brother is really good archer.
Like they want to show off that he's a good archer with a bow and arrow.
So yeah, I'm like I'm amazed he let me hit this fucking a dead shot.
Like the centers every time.
And then eventually the dogs attack them.
And how do I explain this fucking movie?
So it makes sense.
So earlier in the movie, there was a cold open between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
They're on a boat and they're just having fun and they see the Island and they docked
there cause they want to explore.
While the boyfriend is tethering the boat to the dock, the girlfriend goes out and gets
just killed.
Like it's one of those like mystery kills where like something attacks them.
You don't know what it is.
She dies.
The roll credits movie starts and they get there on the plane and they're having fun.
And then the dogs start attacking them.
And the boyfriend from earlier is just covered in blood and he bumps into the guys cause Michelle
Rodriguez and the other girl were swimming by the dock.
And the three guys went out to explore and he's just fucking like enough blood that he
should be dead.
And he's like, they don't want you here.
Like who doesn't want to hear the dogs, the dogs.
And that does a plot point there because okay, you had a boat and you never left.
So are the dogs keeping you from leaving?
You just said the dogs don't want you there.
So they wouldn't let you leave.
So it brought up a plot point to me anyway.
So that the dogs kill the guy.
He was basically just fucking filler to give them exposition.
Like the dogs, they don't want you here.
Then they fucking dogs maul them to death.
The dogs started attacking everybody.
And so they try to skip to the boat, but there's too many dogs there.
So they go back to the cabin and they're all trying to get inside and the dogs are fucking
swarming the hell out of them.
And the older brother, he gets a fucking, cause they're all running up the stairs and
Michelle Rodriguez gets her leg captured by one of the dogs.
Like grabbed by like the, her little, not her full leg, her leg, but like the, the pants
sleeve.
And so the older brother's like, I got this.
He fucking pulls his bow out.
He pulls his arrow and it does the, the movie does this fucking one 80.
It has the camera on the guy facing us.
Like he's pointing the arrow at us.
It spins on all the way.
Like it doesn't cut all it spins all the way behind him.
So now we're behind him, right?
For this like awesome action shot.
He shoots the arrow and it's like, oh yeah, the dog's like a drip in her pants leg.
And then the fucking arrow misses.
It goes to where Michelle Rodriguez leg.
I'm like, wow, you're a fucking phenomenal shot.
Here's the weird part that sometimes you don't realize what it looks like in a movie, but
you can, the way you interpret things or the way they try to portray something, it makes
it seem like because the guy shoots the bow, the arrow, it hits Michelle Rodriguez.
He put it, so he's in slow motion.
He's like, he puts the bow, the bow down.
He looks the dog dead in the eyes.
The dog looks back at him like they're fucking bitter rivals and they're going to have a
fucking showdown later in the movie.
That's a hundred percent what it looks like.
Like it, like if they could talk to like, uh, the dogs that you missed and the guys
like, yeah, I won't, I won't next time.
That's that's that's how they portrayed it, which I'm pretty sure they were not planning
that this dog was the fucking alpha leader of the fucking pack.
And it's like, you miss human.
It's like next time I won't dog.
And by the way, he never has a fucking reaction of him shooting Michelle Rodriguez, but he
just has this bad ass there.
Like, yeah, I did that shit.
During that scene, right?
Yeah.
During that little sequence, they get back to the, uh, the cabin.
Michelle Rodriguez is all fucked up.
Uh, her boyfriend's a vet, so he's not even a doctor doctor.
And he's like, I gotta, I gotta take this arrow out.
So she, he tried to pass her up.
Uh, I don't even remember the boyfriend, the, the brother, cause the brother used to date
Michelle Rodriguez.
And then I guess the younger brother snatched her away.
So they're, they never fully get in, they didn't know.
They never like get into it about it.
Like it's never like a, like a contention point.
It's like they, like they have a little argument, him and the brother one time and that's it.
Like, it's not like you stole her from me or like, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And uh, so they're all fucked up or she's fucked up.
The brother's like, damn, I shot you my bad.
Next time I will miss that dog though.
Uh, so they, they fix her up and they're all freaking out cause they can't escape.
And uh, the black guy, there's like, that's the, that's the older, the older friend, I
just called the black guy, not to be racist, but he's like, it's a two of the older brothers
are white.
Uh, the, the, their old school friend is a white, the girl, and then Michelle Rodriguez
is Hispanic and then he's the black guy, I guess for diversity.
And so, uh, uh, he has, he does this moment where they're all panicking, right?
Where he tries to bring them together.
He tried to give them the speech, right?
And it reminded me of the scene from the deep blue sea.
If everyone remembers the scene, Samuel L. Jackson, you know, the scene.
Yeah.
And I'm like, like, is this man about to get fucking devoured?
Some dogs and no shit.
When I thought that this dog bust through the window with it's bronze, motherfuck.
So bronze, but it doesn't kill them.
They end up killing the dog.
Yeah.
But I was like, oh no.
You see the comedy.
There's a bronze, motherfuck.
So they kill the dog.
They start boarding up the whole place and they're like, well, now we're screwed because
we're trapped here.
And these dogs are like actually really smart because earlier when they tried to escape,
they tried to get a little bit later.
I don't know if it was after this or before this, but at one point they're like, well,
the boat's still out there, so we'll be fine.
And then like the minute they cut to the boat, the boat's drifting away.
Not the boat, but the ship, the plane, because they came out on one of those seaplanes.
So they're like, well, at least the plane's still out there, so we're good.
We'll just wait till the dogs leave.
They look out the window, the fucking plane's floating away down the river.
I'm like, oh.
And they're like, oh fuck.
So they try to go get it because there's no dogs in the vicinity.
And I'm starting to think that the dogs were trying to lure in the one that can fly the
plane so they could kill that one first.
So then they had no real escape because the older brother is the pilot.
He dives in, goes after the plane, and when he gets close to the plane, these two fucking
dogs up on the wing pop out like, surprise, motherfucker.
We laid a trap on you.
And they fucking dive into the water.
And this is the scariest shit because like dogs diving in the water, like, you know,
dogs are fast.
Yeah.
So they dive in the water and like, get this motherfucker.
And they're like, oh my God.
The brother fucking hauls ass back to the shore.
So it was a pretty ingenious plan.
They waited on the dock.
They cut the rope to tether the ship to the dock and they hid behind the wing until he
popped out.
They just fucking, guess what?
Guess what?
These two big ass fucking German shepherds.
And so early in the movie, they're a female friend, Michelle's friend, the platonic friend,
I guess.
She gets bitten by one of the dogs and she starts having like dog powers.
Yeah, it's the weirdest thing.
Like, she can like, I can sense what they're thinking now.
And I'm like, what?
Like she gets, like they attack her, right?
And it's almost like she starts genetically identifying with them.
Like the dogs are like starting to acknowledge her as part of the pack or something at one
point because she sacrifices herself for the whole group, right?
I'm holding this dog in place with my telekinetic powers is what it seemed like to me because
her and the dog were having to stare off.
And when she broke contact, like eye contact with the dog, the dog mauled her to death.
And I'm like, what?
So these dogs bite you and now you gain a bit of their, that's what I'm thinking, like
you gain what?
Yeah.
What?
Do you become a fucking werewolf?
Because the two brothers get bitten too.
And they start having the same thing with the dog, that is mental link.
Where like the dog's like, are these becoming our allies?
And the humans are like, I'm starting to feel like a dog.
I'm like, what?
What?
So the movie ends with the two brothers and then Michelle Rodriguez are the only survivors.
And they realize that they find that there's a boat.
It's the boat from earlier.
It's still tethered to the dog at the other side of the island.
So after they go to the military base and they try to use a radar that didn't work,
they just dip, go to the boat, roll credits.
And the movie just had to have one of those endings where they open this part of this
cabinet in the boat and this fucking dog pops out and then it fades to black.
I'm like, well, kind of like they did with Michael Myers all the time.
Yeah.
Just fucking pops out of nowhere.
I hope that they can make a sequel.
Yeah.
But no.
That movie was random as hell.
The angle of them getting bitten by dogs and then gaining their genetic likeness or like
they bit them so the dogs imprinted onto them.
So they thought they were part of the pack.
I'm like, it never explained what the fuck they were talking about.
Right.
It was so weird.
Michelle was like, what the fuck are you guys talking about?
She was the audience voice of like, what the fuck are you talking about?
That's what they should have done.
Plus it also showed me that if you're not careful with how you portray something on
film, they're going to think that that's what you were trying to do.
So him having that face off with the dog made it seem like him and that dog were going to
be the ones that were going to fit on the rooftop of fucking Gotham Plaza in their fucking
bat suit.
And I'm like, you guys just made it seem like rivals.
Yeah.
That's what I saw in the movie.
And that was just a random dog.
And that dog, like they probably killed that dog earlier or later in the movie.
They're not even noticing.
Yeah.
And that dog, like, like if they wanted to distinguish a dog, they could have like a
scar over its eye or like one eye closed.
Right.
Or make it like the actual pack leader, like the really mischievous dog that keeps fucking
with them.
They won't die.
Or you can always have it like, like even when you first meet it, it has a unique first
light design to it or something like that.
Let you know, like every time you try to kill this dog, it's the one that survives.
Yeah.
And then him and the brother, him and the older brother have a showdown, like on the
boat or something.
Like, you know, like the younger brother goes with Michelle.
They go to one side of the boat to rest.
The older brother's like, all right, I'm gonna look around real quick.
Or like they go up to like the little steering wheel and they're, you know, him and her are
chilling, right?
Yeah.
The older brother goes down and like the dog comes out, I found you, bro.
He's got the bow again.
Like the dog's got the bow now.
Look at the tables, it's turned.
He's got the bow and arrow.
He's got the crossbow on his back.
The tables are turned.
They have like some battle at the, like at the bottom, like in the, like the, I guess
it's like not underwater, but like the lower levels of the boat.
Below deck.
You know, that Michelle and the older brother, the younger brother can't hear.
He comes out like, and then they hear at the end, like what happened?
Like I finished it.
Like he stabs a knife in the table.
I'm like, what the?
The bow just starts sinking.
Yeah.
Like he killed the dog, right?
The dog's like, guess what?
I got C4 on my chest.
He can blow this.
That would be priceless.
There's also a weird scene that made no fucking sense.
The black guy, cause it's late at night and they can't escape so that the whole house
is boarded up, but they need to rest.
He's drinking cause he's got nothing else to do.
He goes downstairs to the, the basement and there's this fucking little puppet show, like
stage in the basement, right?
And there's a black puppet and it's got a noose around his neck and it's hanging on
the stage.
And I'm like, are the dogs racist?
That's what I kept thinking.
Like who hung this up there?
It never explained it.
It's like, is the uncle a racist old man?
Cause like, it's just, it's like the most stereotypical racist portrayal of a black
person.
Like big lips, the puppet, right?
And it's just hanging from a noose.
And I'm like, I fucking went back to right to relook it.
Like this is what I'm actually seeing.
Like, yes, it's a fucking black puppet hanging from a noose.
And I'm like, and then the dog kills the guy.
So I guess the dog would did like, I've got you now.
It's like, this is what's going to happen to you.
I was like, I couldn't, I didn't understand the scene at all.
Yeah.
The dogs fucking use a psychological warfare.
That's probably what it would be.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm like, they was so random.
That is very random though.
It makes me want to make sure that I, the scripts that I write are logically sound.
That's what overthinkers are probably really good at writing.
Yeah.
Also really bad at writing because they never fucking, you know, right.
There's always another angle to fix.
Right.
But it was just a weird, like the news, the whole dog thing imprinting from who get attacked
by them.
Yeah.
But it was a fun movie to watch while it was, it's one of those like, you'll watch it once
and like, well, time to move on.
It wasn't like a fucking groundbreaking, groundbreaking masterpiece.
You wouldn't watch it three more times.
For Michelle Rodriguez, I watch it four more times.
Of course you would.
You're having this dog have a showdown.
They just got that death stare towards each other.
Those sequels, like the dog had the dog's kids and then his kids show back.
The puppies.
A family rivalry.
The fourth generation puppies to his one kid.
Yeah, basically.
It's like, Dan, why are we coming back to this?
Like he brings, he goes back with his kids.
Like we're going back to the island.
We got to finish it.
Because he's got a psychic link with the dog.
So he haven't forgotten about you.
He's still alive.
It is a weird, like it was weird because like that's what they were, that's what it made
it look like that him and this one dog were going to have it out.
I was like, you got to be careful with your, you know, portrayal of what you put on screen
because that's what it looked like a hundred percent like him and this one dog.
There's one particular dog.
Because if you would have hit it, that's different.
The dog's like, oh shit, I'm hit.
But yeah, it was like, it was a slow motion.
And then it cuts to him, right?
Looking badass.
Cuts back to the dog, be like, fuck you, bro.
And then it goes back to him like it looks like they're going to have a fucking feud
for the rest of the movie.
Him and this particular dog.
And the dog just runs off.
The dog just fucking disappears into the rest of the herd or like the pack that you never
see again.
Because like you said, there's no distinguishing feature to know if it's the same one maybe.
Random dogs.
No, it's just the same one that pops out at the very end.
That could be funny.
Yeah.
But other than that, it was an okay movie.
Decent, decent.
Next week, I got to go back to The Wise Kid You Know, season five.
I can't forget about that.
Season three.
Yeah, yeah.
Season three.
So you jumped real fast.
Episode one, episode one through five next week.
I was going to say, did you go back and do some episodes I didn't know about?
I was like, damn.
Also, I got to talk about Bucky Larson, born to be a star written by Adam Sandler.
Adam Sandler, Nick Sforcin.
It's about this guy named Bucky Larson who finds out his parents used to be porn stars.
So he goes to Hollywood to be a porn star.
And it does the reverse of like, you know, like in a regular movie, the person goes to
do an acting, to go to acting in Hollywood and they get, they see an audition and it
turns out to be a porn audition.
He sees an audition, it turns out to be a regular Mac and Cheese commercial.
So he's thinking like, you know, like he's coming into a porn scene.
Yeah.
Like they did the reverse of what it would be.
You go into the, you think you're doing an actual acting scene and it's like, you know,
right with your dick and you're like, what with my dick?
For them it was like, all right, so it's what you got.
Like, okay, pull this dick out and he starts fucking jerking.
Like, what the fuck are you doing?
Which reminds me of the Jibber-Job where you go see Long Legs.
No, my cousin fucking flaked on me.
Did he?
Yeah.
Wasn't he the one that wanted you to go?
Yeah.
Well, he wanted to go see Deadpool, but we'd already seen that then.
I was dead asleep.
If you've listened to the last podcast, you know, it no way was out.
I was fucking gone.
Talking about random shit.
Yeah.
Really weird stuff.
You're questioning yourself.
Man, that scene with Wolverine where he fucking just cuts to Deadpool, there's no fucking
action within that specific scene.
But it's like, I've been watching stuff on TikTok saying like, if you put Hugh Jackman
in a car, he'll act his heart out or he'll act like the rents do.
You keep putting him in a car.
Because that refers to the prisoners where like in the movie, his daughter gets kidnapped
and then they never find her until the very end of the movie, I think.
And he's fucking yelling at Jack Jiloha in a car, if you're not found, motherfucker,
die.
And so it's also in a car.
The trouble being that Hugh Jackman in a car, he'll act his heart out.
Yeah.
Well, on top of that, I think it was a movie that I actually liked doing.
Because if I remember, during one of the interviews, he's talking about how it was one of the funnest
movies that he's done.
How could it not be?
Yeah, it'd probably be fun to do a...
Like you're not taking the X-Men side too seriously?
Like you would in the actual X-Men movie?
I know the director of Logan wasn't too happy with how they did the dead body.
But you can't really blame him for that.
But they make sure it has no effect on that timeline.
It really doesn't.
I mean, he's dead.
Yeah.
He's just a skeleton.
And it's a good weapon.
I wonder, come to think of it, I wonder how he took apart the skeleton.
You didn't watch him do it?
Well, yeah, but like it's adamantium.
Yeah.
How do you break it?
You break the joints.
The joints aren't adamantium.
Aren't they?
Like it's still all adamantium bone.
No, bone, yeah, but like the cartilage in between.
You're just peeling the bones away from the...
Is that what holds it together, cartilage?
Yeah.
Cartilage, ligaments, and stuff like that.
That's why whenever he brought those claws out, it had the sinew still on it.
It wasn't like the Wolverine skeleton was completely decomposed.
There was still a little bit of tissue on the face and stuff when he got hit.
That was pretty bad.
Like, oh man.
So there was still things that he could use to...
Somebody didn't keep the fucking skull and the spine as a weapon.
That's a powerful little mallet.
Yeah.
An unbreakable mallet, no less.
And then he shoved the claws into the one dude's ass.
Man, he fucked up everybody.
That was a good movie, though.
Yeah.
It's already made $600 million.
Yeah, thank goodness, mine.
See, it just shows that superhero movies are not dead as long as you have fun with them
instead of...
Oh, he told a good story.
Yeah.
At the end of the day, it's all good storytelling.
Which reminds me, the Robert Downey Jr.'s Doom, what do you think?
So I guess we're moving on.
I don't know what to think.
What am I supposed to think?
It's Robert Downey Jr., now he's a bad guy.
Yeah.
I hate you, 3000.
Okay, deep down, being the person that I am, I'm like, all right, so what's the real play?
What are you really doing?
Is he going to be the big bad for one episode where he's a variant of Tony Stark?
Right.
Or is he...
Because I keep hearing rumors that he's actually Doctor Doom in a different world.
I keep hearing stories that...
There's an actual else world, basically, or the equivalent of an else world from DC with
the Marvel where Tony Stark is Doctor Doom.
Right.
And no, he's actually...
No, RDJ isn't Tony Stark at all, but he's actually Doctor Doom.
He's actually Victor Von Doom, and that him and Reed, because of their experiments in
time and space and technology, they both get pulled into the regular MCU.
Reed gets pulled into the MCU at our current time that it is now.
He gets pulled into it 10 years before, and he has to hide from the other superheroes
throughout the...
And he got snapped too.
So he's been hiding in secret this whole time.
Victor Von Doom is one of the storylines I heard.
And I'm like...
And then he's somehow...
As other ones are saying, he ends up absorbing story Loki.
So he gains his powers of reality bending, I guess, or he controls the entire fucking
existence, if that's what Loki is.
And other stories are saying that...
I guess that's the only two that I know of.
Well, the one that I've seen is that in the comic books, there was an Elseworld-like thing
with Tony Stark, where it was one of the other multiverses, where instead of Victor Von Doom,
you know, with Reed in the college, he swapped minds with Tony Stark during that time and
became Doctor Doom instead of Iron Man.
I remember what the rest of the thing...
Also, along the same timeline that I was just saying about him being like 10 years earlier,
he conquers all of reality.
He destroys everything and makes the one perfect Doom world, like Doom timeline.
And only the heroes that were in this little pocket, like...
We call it like a little spaceship.
They survive and everyone else...
And then they started resistance because they end up going back to the current time that's
now Doom controlled.
And he has this whole secret wars type thing, where it's like a war worlds type thing, where
they all fight for him.
One of them was his second in command.
Doctor Strange was his second in command.
And so now these disparate heroes that are the only ones that remember the original timeline
that they lived in or their timeline, they now have to save the world or save all of
reality.
Because that's supposed to be...
What's the one that's called?
Doomsday or just Doom?
Doom.
Doom?
And then this one's called Secret Wars or something?
Secret Wars, yeah.
That's going to be that one following that one.
So it's going to be Doom conquering...
So it's basically like Empire Strikes Back.
He wins.
Secret Wars, they fight again and he loses.
So they just completely did away with Kang, 100%.
Yeah, they completely got rid of Kang.
Like dang.
The Kang dynasty is gone.
They didn't even have one apparently.
Oh, also I remember you asked...
I don't know if you were out of it at the time, whenever we were talking about the Spartan
Deadpool, but you were saying you didn't know the timeline of when they're supposed to be,
like what year or anything like that?
2018?
2024.
2024?
Yeah.
So it was just basically right after.
Because it was...2018 is whenever he put himself back to the main timeline, the secret timeline,
to try to join the Avengers.
And then it said six years later.
Oh, okay, okay.
So we're back at current time.
Okay.
Oh yeah, because the Wolverine Logan died in 2029, right?
Mm-hmm.
But I wonder what happened to Deadpool and them during that timeline.
I don't know.
Because like if it's still his timeline, but in the future, did he also die from the corn
sewer?
Probably.
I mean, look at the stuff that he does to himself.
He has a fucking cancer.
Well, he's indestructible, so without the healing factor, he'd probably be like, I've
got cancer again.
Or just completely die.
Yeah.
You couldn't even keep a relationship with a stripper.
He fucking...I was like, man, I've rewatched that particular fucking monologue like 50
times.
It's a good monologue, though.
Motherfucker, I wish I could say you die alone, but it's because we're going to God's
greatest jokes and you can't die, except it's on all of us.
Well, you got nothing to say, mouth?
I know, not even like the merc with the mouth.
Mouth.
Oh, man, that was beautiful.
I'm fucking...it's going to be my fucking like my acting class.
Like, no way, get up there.
Just do the whole scene?
I got a full Wolverine suit with the mud chops, like actual accurate height.
I cracked my dad up, too.
Remember he hopped off of the bar stool?
Pretty sure he's shorter than five foot three, though.
He looked like he was four or two.
No, he was about five three in that.
I'm five three.
I don't know, God damn it.
He was sitting at like one of those bars with the bar stools there, like where they sit
up a good amount.
So if you were to jump off, it'd be hopping down, too.
If I were to jump off, I'd have to be coming off the step of my dick.
Just trip over yourself.
And then there's one...
Which one I forgot about was the one that was on the...that was fucking hanging from
the...the axe.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The fucking pile of skulls.
What timeline is that from, though?
I can't remember.
There was a X-Men book.
And fucking left him there like, well, thank you.
We have other options.
I got raining.
And then they're saying that Henry Cavell probably is going to play Wolverine since he
came out on it.
He is the only one that's played another Wolverine.
Yeah.
And then the whole run.
Yeah.
I can see it there.
Only with those thick ass mutton chops.
They got to like...I think they did that on purpose just to make it more feral looking,
but they're going to have to trim them up a little bit.
I think he did that arm thing.
Did his little arm with the shotguns.
I think it was the claws coming out with each of those.
I wonder if that's going to be his signature move.
Where the Hugh Jackman one where he gets down real low.
Yeah.
That's the difference.
I guess it would make sense to make Henry Cavell.
A body type, they're like really similar.
They really are.
They look like fucking brothers.
If you like put them close together and you took away Hugh Jackman's tan.
It's Aussie tan.
Yeah.
He's been getting a tan lately.
Yeah.
He used to be pale as hell.
If you look at him from the original X-Men where he had no muscle mass at all, he was
just like a hairy chest and that's it.
To him like in freaking what's the best one?
Probably X-Men origins.
He had the thickest fucking abs.
Like a man.
He came a long way from Wolverine.
The fourth wall breaks were great.
He's like, he's kind of lost a little bit.
You know, the divorce.
Is that what you think I do?
Bitch, is that what you think I do?
His fourth wall breaks, it's like.
I think the best one for me was when he fucking looked over the donut shit.
The donut car?
They're practically hospitals.
Oh, the hot dog stand.
I thought it was a donut stand.
No, it was a hot dog stand.
He's like, they're practically hospitals.
And then he's like, what?
That's what I get in my head.
Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
And he just holds him up and carries him.
And they stopped halfway through.
I'm tired.
He's like, oh, okay.
He was never going to make it.
You think that shit would be dead.
It would be bulletproof at least.
His shinier fucking suit.
Yeah.
Because he had more of an armored looking suit than Deadpool's leather.
Yeah.
Didn't fucking matter.
You're going to make it.
I'm going to make it.
Where he just pulls it out of his face.
God.
Also, he could get dog pool.
Yeah.
But I knew he was going to kill him when he said like, he asked him for those 50 cows
to go over my dead body.
And Deadpool does this like little turn in his face.
Yeah.
Like he's already trying to figure out a murder.
How to get him.
Yeah.
Like I saw like the sudden turn.
Like he's thinking like his fucking brain.
I can see the gears turning.
It's hilarious.
Just like the subtle facial movements and like the eye twitching.
Like you can just like, actors are amazing.
Yeah.
Like I said before, Ryan Reynolds said this is perfect role.
Perfect role.
Hugh Jackman is a really good Wolverine.
You know.
So the only Wolverine so far.
Yeah.
I mean, he played it very well.
I would retire.
No.
It was.
Sorry.
Wrong bike.
I rise with it.
Super-senile out.
That's it for cinema lounge.
Hey, bub.
Did you ever think about it, bub?
Yeah.
Oh, pulling out all the cards.
Huh?
What are you looking at, bub?
What about the make up and name of my.
I can't do occasion accent.
I have to make a name for myself.
The camera was bad.
I'm about to make a name or whatever.
They said they forgot about us.
Our world.
Some of our world never knew.
They don't even know me.
I love the little fourth wall break without being a fourth wall break.
Yeah.
It's like a meta joke.
Yeah.
And then you had Blade.
What an only blade.
There would never be another blade.
And then you got.
Like the other guy trying to make a Blade movie.
They kick it up the ground.
You had Deadpool look at the camera like, sure.
There will never be another blade movie.
That's weird.
Like he finished his, uh, his legacy.
Yeah.
He had three movies.
Yeah, he did.
So it made it seem like he was like, I am not done yet.
Electrolyte had one or one and a half.
That was funny though.
It's like your dare.
Daredevil's dead.
It's like, that's okay.
Just a complete.
That's okay.
We're good with that.
Oh, that's a good movie.
Yeah.
I've already seen it again.
I like to read the scripts of these movies, but you get a hold of them.
I probably could.
I mean, I know they're like online, right?
But I'm so fucking, I'm like a fucking cave man.
Like if I just started printing movies out, I have like a thousand of them to study.
But I just buy them on Amazon.
Yeah.
It takes a little longer to get here, but, uh, I read them eventually.
All right.
Ready to move on?
Yeah.
Let's make a name for myself.
I shot it on my daddy's dick ready.
Yeah.
It's like a little too much information.
Even for Deadpool.
All right.
Today on our spotlight, we're going to be talking about the emotional spectrum of the
DC universe.
So that's mostly the Greenland in course.
Okay.
Love them.
I love that whole series.
It was such an, uh, just a phenomenal leap in their mythos for the Green Lanterns to
have a whole spectrum.
They're like Willpower.
It's always that one writer that's like a fucking genius comes in.
He's like, he's taking a fucking hit of cocaine.
You know what would be an awesome thing?
You got green, right?
Green is Willpower.
You got yellow because, you know, Sinestro's always been yellow with fear.
What if you had more like rage?
Fucking Dan Deter is like, I fucking love that shit.
Wasn't it?
Yeah.
Jeff Jones.
Yeah.
He was the one that did all of it.
He was just fucking, he was pumping out some shit.
Fucking knocking those motherfuckers out.
And then Dan DiDio came in and ruined it all.
He was just fucking just pumping out script after script.
Yeah.
He's probably writing like, it was like eight fucking issues or for eight different comic
books, like eight, like every fucking week or every month.
He expanded the mythos of Green Lanterns by a long shot though.
Like compared to everybody else.
Yeah, it's a bunch of it.
The Green Lantern animated show, that 3D one, had all the mythos characters already on there,
like all the different spectrums.
Yep.
Like out the gate.
And then you had one where you could control two different kinds of light at the same time.
Was there?
Yeah.
I can't, I don't remember.
Like I didn't see all the episodes to the animated.
They had the white ranger too.
Call Rainer.
Yeah.
Say, my God, it's the white ranger.
It's Tommy.
I know that's every color.
Tommy, the helmet comes up and it's just Tommy from the Power Rangers.
Tommy Oliver.
Tommy, you're back.
Yeah, cause he lost the power of the green ranger.
Came back as a white ranger.
Yep.
Same thing.
He lost his ability as a green lantern and he came back as a white ranger.
Jeff Johns.
He got some ideas from Power Rangers there with all the colors there.
It is crazy how storytelling kind of just like, like it's not direct stealing.
Right.
But it's a huge inspiration.
Like it just grows from, you know, yeah.
Yeah.
Well believe me, I know.
All right.
So the emotional spectrum of the DC universe.
Inadvertently, sentient beings created seven unique forms of energy based on their emotions
with a color unique to that emotion.
It was previously believed that the Malthusians, the oldest known race in existence, were the
first to discover and harness this field.
However, it was actually originally discovered by Volthum and his mother from earth 15, sometime
shortly before 3079 AD when their world was destroyed.
Well damn.
The guardians of the universe and their successor races eventually chose to harness the emotions
of several different colors.
They discovered that the farther one is away from the center of the spectrum, the more
control the energy has on this wielder.
Okay.
So that's like the farther away from green you go in either direction towards red or
towards purple, the farther ends have more of an influence on your actual thoughts.
So wait, is green light supposed to be like the baseline?
Yeah, kind of.
Like it's sort of like it's willpower.
So like if you have willpower, no emotions take control over you as much.
Okay.
But then you have rage and then you have love on the two ends.
Deep in love.
That would be the actual center battery of a fucking goon to the ends of the earth.
Ultra purple.
His purple is so strong.
Additionally, they discovered that each of these fields of energy has a sentient embodiment
which could induce the correlating emotion.
According to a prophecy in the Book of Voa, the seven colors of the emotional spectrum
would be harnessed by seven different lantern core, which would go to war with each other
in a conflict called the War of Light.
Each of these fundamental emotions is represented by a living entity who feeds on these emotions.
So we have the list of the actual emotions here.
Do you have all the things for everyone?
Brightest day and brightest night.
That's the one thing I don't have.
Damn.
Probably fight it pretty quickly.
Next time.
So we have red, which is rage.
Red is one of the energies far from the center and represents the emotion of rage or anger.
Using a person's rage, they are able to tap into the red light.
However, controlling the red light also renders the heart useless and spoils the blood of the wielder.
The red light was first harnessed by Atrocious of the five inversions,
using blood rituals to form red lantern rings and batteries to be used by his red lantern core.
The entity for anger and rage is the butcher.
That's the sentient being that is...
Was there a cat that was red?
A red lantern?
Yeah.
Because someone killed her owner?
Yeah.
I'm going to find him, I'll fuck him up for you.
Yep.
So butcher, the sentient being...
Not Billy Butcher, is it?
Not Billy.
I bet you he wouldn't be a red lantern, yeah?
He would be a red lantern, though.
I was like, oi, mate.
Oi.
I found his ring.
Oi, Huey.
You know, after a while, I get to hold him.
I think, like, I don't know, like, just oi, Huey is like his cat.
Oi, Huey.
I think he does it, like, half smile every single time.
Don't you worry, daddy's home.
So butcher's powers, and not the butcher from the boys.
Rage, energy control, and manipulation.
So the butcher has the embodiment of rage, is capable of generating and manipulating vast amounts of energy.
The butcher is capable of all the abilities and powers demonstrated by the red lantern power ring.
The butcher is also capable of creating solid energy constructs.
His energy projection abilities are colored red.
Rage projection, so the butcher has immense rage inducing powers, which can affect people who are feeling rage or instigate feelings of rage through red flames.
So if you come in contact with them.
Unlike Parallax or Ophidian, the butcher goads his host rather than controls him.
His influence, his influences on his host with mental suggestions, like making them hear the voices of the one they hate or the ones they have lost.
Jesus.
Like, that's fucked up.
It can also take possession of someone's body whenever they feel overwhelming rage.
The good old, all I see was red.
Yes, basically.
Also has the ability of reality alteration, flight and immortality.
They just do some random ones in there.
Yeah.
I would understand the other ones, right?
But he's always random, like he could also fly and he's super fast.
Yeah, pretty much.
Why face games?
Next we have orange or avarice.
Yeah, Lafriese was the only one.
Yep.
Orange is another energy away from the center and represents the emotion of avarice or greed.
The entity for this emotion is Ophidian, which is this like this snake looking being right here.
This one?
Yep.
Technically it's orange, but you know, printers don't always print.
Wielders of the orange light have been shown to become twisted by their greed and obsessively guard their property and still possessions from others.
The orange light was harnessed somehow and the orange entity encased within an orange lantern ring or an orange lantern.
Eventually a group of thieves managed to gain control of the lantern and fought over it until the guardians agreed to let them keep the lantern as long as there was only one.
The survivor, Larf Lies, took the lantern and became known as Orange Agent or Agent Orange.
Yeah.
Was a really good one show on that I read was amazing.
Yeah.
Owner of the orange lantern core.
He is the only one.
His orange lanterns were comprised of identities of individuals killed by the orange light.
The controllers, a Malthusian offshoot, desiring to create an orderly universe by controlling it, tried to harness the orange light to form their own core.
They were killed by Agent Orange, awakening him.
Ophidian, which is the sentient being for the orange light, for the majority of its existence, the avarice entity has been sealed within the orange lantern central power battery.
It entices and lures its wielders into coveting the battery more than anything else in existence.
So it's basically it becomes the precious.
That's basically what it is.
It needs the precious.
He wants to precious.
Even life itself. So you want the battery more than life itself. Basically, the orange lantern core wields the power of avarice and is led by Agent Orange, aka, Laflee's the only living member of the orange.
And your core, other than Lex Luther, all of the other members of the orange lantern core are orange energy constructs.
Got the tongue twister.
Oh, yeah, I saw that. He does do that.
Of those slain by the orange light and reborn as orange lanterns whose former selves have been perverted by the avarice light.
Those who wield the orange light are infected by the light's insatiable appetite for anything and everything.
One must want it all to wield the orange light.
So that would be an orange lantern.
You want it all.
I need it all.
What do you got coming to you? The world, Chico, and everything in it.
And basically the power of Ophidian is it's basically greed incarnate with all of avarice's power at its disposal.
So it's like one of the seven deadly sins.
Basically, it'll make you want stuff.
Next up, we have the yellow lantern or the yellow, which is fear.
Yellow is a color close to the center and represents the emotion of fear.
A being capable of instilling great fear in others is capable of wielding this power.
The entity for this emotion is Parallax.
The yellow light was finally harnessed by Sinestro of Korungar and the anti-monitor of Qward to form the Sinestro core.
An organization that would bring order to the universe by instilling those who would defil or who would defy authority with fear.
So the entity Parallax, it actually has a long history in DC Universe.
Parallax is a demonic parasite entity dating back to the dawn of time.
This parasite was the sentient embodiment of fear, traveling from world to world and causing the entire civilizations to destroy themselves out of paranoia.
I can see that. Yeah.
According to the Agent Orange storyline in the Green Lantern series, before the Blackest Night event,
I would say Blackest Night, Parallax was sealed inside of a box on Maltus,
the homeworld of the beings that eventually evolved into the Guardians of the Universe.
Larflees and other aliens planned to make the biggest heist the universe had ever seen and raided Maltus.
From the planet, they grabbed the box, which was worth an entire star system, and an old map that led them to the orange light.
How much does a star system worth? What's the price tag?
What is the price tag of it?
I imagine like, you remember the Ocean 11 series? Yeah.
I imagine like Danny Ocean, like I gotta heist it.
If we get this heist done, we can all plant our own plants.
And then Brad Pitt's like, you son of a bitch, I'm in.
And an old map that led them to the orange light, which was the orange power battery fueled by Avarice.
When Larflees and his companions reached Okara and found the symbol of the orange light, they found a control on the battery.
The Guardians and their manhunter servants attacked the palace.
Many manhunters and guardians were killed in the battle, as well as one of the claimers of the orange light.
The battle ended with the Guardians making a deal that they give the box back to them,
and they will let one of them have the orange light and that will never enter the Vega system. Ever.
Apparently, after this, the Guardians imprisoned Parallax inside of the green central power battery, which is why...
Is that why it wasn't green when Hal Jordan broke it? He found Parallax?
Yes, and it's also why green lantern rings had the weakness to yellow.
Like that was the entire lore to why they actually...
The Guardians of the Universe imprisoned Parallax within the central power battery on Oa using fear's opposite energy, willpower.
Parallax had lain dormant for billions of years, its true nature hidden by the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Guardians of the Universe? Guardians of the Galaxy.
They call me Rocky.
The exact same raccoon. Only blue. It's short.
To prevent anyone from trying to free it.
Being yellow in color, Parallax eventually came to be referred to as simply the yellow impurity.
This was the reason why the rings were useless against the color yellow.
Parallax weakened its power over the corresponding spectrum, hence only someone with the willpower to overcome great fear could master the power ring.
Thus, when recruiting new green lanterns, the Guardians were careful to look for recruits that were largely fearless.
Like, Zordon.
That actually made them more efficient and powerful group.
Yeah.
If they could overcome their fear.
Exactly. So, like, if they could overcome that fear, their willpower was...
Parallax's power was like, damn it. Made them better, actually.
When the renegade Sinestro was later imprisoned in the power battery himself, his Qwertyan yellow lantern ring tapped at Parallax's power and awakened it.
Centuries later, after the death of Lantern Abansur, a human by the name of Hal Jordan became the Green Lantern of Sector 2-814 for the first time.
With great willpower and a dense defense against fear, Hal Jordan was the perfect selection for Green Lantern and it proved it on a number of occasions.
However, over the coming years, that being that at the time was trapped inside the central power battery, found a way to escape its imprisonment through Hal Jordan.
Since Sinestro hated Hal, he made Parallax choose Jordan as its tool to free itself.
Parallax spent years influencing Hal, causing him increased self-doubt, then fear, and notably his premature whitening at the temples.
And that's why he had those white marks on his hair.
Is he making it all this fun?
Yeah. Causing paranoia, basically.
Yeesh.
Parallax's control over Jordan became nearly complete when Jordan's grief over the destruction of Coast City during the reign of Superman's storyline.
And it was Parallax who was responsible for Jordan's subsequent murderous activity.
His apparent killing of Sinestro, which was later revealed to be an energy construct created by Parallax and Sinestro's manipulation, to the creature's creation with his own Quartian ring,
created at the final stage of Jordan's susceptibility to the impurity in order to break his will.
So basically Parallax and Sinestro.
I remember that. He was like the last guy holding back Hal Jordan, wasn't it?
Yeah.
They probably had a fist fight because they were running out of energy.
Yep.
And Jordan's destruction of the central power battery, which allowed Parallax to graft itself onto Jordan's soul.
However, Parallax didn't account for its host's amazing willpower, which caused Parallax's plan to take years.
Its plan took a major boast when the evil Mongol, which you don't really hear about him anymore, with the help of mad cyborg Superman, laid waste to Coast City.
It was that event that tripped Hal Jordan over the edge and allowed Parallax to take over finally, which is what led to Zero Hour and stuff like that.
Despite Parallax's seeming conquest of Jordan's soul, Jordan's heroic tendencies managed to manifest themselves enough for him to sacrifice his life in order to reignite Earth's sun.
Jordan's soul, with Parallax still grafted to it, subsequently became the new host of the specter, the spirit of God's vengeance.
Since Parallax was gone from the Owen power battery, the final power ring conferred to Kyle Rayner did not have the weakness against Yellow.
And that's why he never had that weakness that all the other lanterns did, since Parallax wasn't part of the battery anymore.
The specter eventually ejected Parallax from Jordan's soul.
That's what I was like, you just stood there like uh oh.
I had to double check the script.
What did matter is his cock.
I popped out of here.
That's what the specter did.
I gave you the two piece, pow pow.
Then departed in order to move onto the next recipient of the specter, with Gant that guiding Jordan's soul back to his own body, preserved after Jordan reignited the sun.
His soul and thoughts finally cleared for the first time in years, Jordan was resurrected, again taking place as a green lantern.
Even regaining some of his lost youth, evidenced by his hair becoming brown again, instead of having those grey temples like he'd had.
That's good, it's long term story telling that, he slowly was getting more and more.
More fuck.
Yeah, in the head and no one knew, not even him.
And you didn't notice it whatsoever.
Like it's at least a way to like uh, kind of softly retcon stuff.
Yeah, like he's not old anymore, he's young now.
Exactly.
Together Jordan and Kyle Rayner, along with the fellow green lanterns, John Stewart, Guy Gardner, and Killawog freed Gant that, whom Parallax had possessed after his expulsion from Jordan's soul, and imprisoned the parasite back in the central power battery of Oa.
The Sinestro Corps eventually captured Kyle Rayner with the intention of making him Parallax's new host.
Sinestro reveals to Kyle that Ion is actually an energy entity that needs a host, similar to Parallax.
Sinestro removes the Ion entity from Kyle, who is immediately taken over by Parallax.
Parallax then clothes himself in a new uniform, which appears as a combination of Kyle's original green lantern costume and the costume how Jordan wore as Parallax, and returns to Qord with the Sinestro Corps.
The new Parallax became a herald of the Anti-Monitor.
After the massacre of several green lanterns, Parallax leads an assault against Hal Jordan, John Stewart, and Guy Gardner, and brings them to Qord.
The lost lanterns arrived to rescue the captured lanterns.
During the battle, Parallax murders Jack T. Chance after making him experience his repressed fear of his abusive family.
Parallax has a long history here.
Kyle is currently trapped within his own mind.
He is able to witness all that Parallax does and says from a third-person view, but is unable to stop it.
Parallax confronts Kyle's personality inside a room constructed by Kyle's thoughts.
Kyle transforms into Ion, and the two battle.
After being blasted back by Parallax and losing his Ion form, Kyle forms a power ring, places it on his finger, and appears in his original costume.
Although putting up a valiant fight, Kyle loses.
Parallax reveals Kyle's fear is that he was to live without his mother.
Before he leaves, Kyle stabs Parallax in the eye with a pencil.
The creature, unnerved, comments that Kyle will always remain trapped.
And with that, leaves.
Kyle is about to smash a painting in frustration when he realizes that his mother secretly painted it years ago.
With renewed faith in himself, Kyle walks into the painting and ends up in a field walking towards a bright green star.
So Kyle, as Parallax at the time, is finally confronted by Jordan after threatening his brother and his family.
Hal actually manages to beat Parallax until his ring's power runs out.
Parallax then absorbs Hal as Jon Stewart looks on in horror.
Jon orders Guy to retrieve the real life painting seen in the one shot of Parallax.
As Guy returns and shows the painting to Parallax's eyesight, Hal tries to invade to help Kyle fight Parallax,
which has now begun sucking Kyle and Hal himself into the ground.
As Kyle and Jordan, while sucking him clean off,
Exactly, exactly, just, just, just, just bleeding dry.
Simply the near-refraction period.
Kyle finally breaks free and with Hal's, with Hal escapes Parallax.
Just as Parallax attacks the lanterns, Gampet and the other guardian, Sayid,
arrive and bring Parallax into four separate lanterns. Hal, Kyle, Jon, and Guy respectively.
The four then take their lanterns and, hearing the Sinestro Corp's oath, recite the classic Green Lantern Oath.
Which overrides Parallax basically.
During the events of the Blackest Night in Green Lantern number 50, Hal, Jordan, and the heads of the other lantern corbs,
and their duplicates, were attacked by the Black Lantern Spectre, who was after Hal to pass judgment over him
and try to bring him into being a Black Lantern.
Realizing that their power is no match for the Spirit of Vengeance, Hal asks Gampet if he can summon the four batteries of the Green Lanterns of Earth.
Gampet admits that to do that and he summons the four power rings along with it.
Hal tells the others that the only way that they can defeat the Black Lantern Spectre is if he becomes Parallax's host once again
with Sinestro's power ring being the only thing that can release Parallax from the four power batteries.
Sinestro releases Parallax, but feels that since he is the master of fear, he should be the one that Parallax bonds with.
But Hal stops him and succeeds in bonding with Parallax again.
Hal, and as Parallax, manages to free the real Spectre from the dead body of its former host Crispus Allen, but then tries to destroy the Spectre.
The other Lanters prevent that from happening, with the Spectre grabbing Parallax and Star Sapphire, separating Parallax from Hal.
Seeing his opportunity to bond with Parallax, Sinestro commands that he and Parallax bond with each other.
But some other force manages to pull Parallax away from the battle and disappears,
with a picture of Belle Reeve Prison and a plaque with Hector Hammond's name on it saying that he has Parallax, but it is unknown as who or what has Parallax.
Parallax is later revealed to have been transported to planet Rute,
where a cloaked villain trapped the fear entity in some kind of energy bubble and chained it to a monolith bearing the Sinestro core symbol.
Around Parallax are other monoliths bearing the symbols of the other Lantern core.
This is during the Brightest Day series.
Later, when Hal Jordan, the Flash and the rest of the Allies try to find the emotional entities they locate Parallax,
apparently under the command of the mysterious figure, and the Scarlet Speedster becomes the last host for the fear entity after it senses the hero's concerns for Jordan's safety.
By inhabiting the living generator of the Speed Force, Parallax is even more powerful by combining the extra-dimensional energy the Speedsters create with its own powers.
Despite this, the embodiment of fear still desires Hal Jordan as its host as they fight.
However, an intervention by the mysterious villain prevents Parallax's attempts and reveals that Jordan now has the skills to resist it anyway.
As the embodiment of compassion, Prostolate, began to free the Flash from Parallax's control by reigniting his emotion for compassion over his fear.
The embodiment of hope, Adara, began fighting the cloaked villain who reveals that it is actually a ruse so that they can capture them all, which it does, revealing himself to be the renegade guardian, Chrona.
When Chrona attacks Oa, he places Parallax inside of the central power battery, restoring the yellow impurity and giving him control over almost all green lanterns.
Fortunately, Hal, Jon, Guy, and Kyle are able to resist Parallax's influence due to their past experience with it,
using the rings of the other six core to fight off Chrona's forces long enough for Guy to use the rings of the red lantern core and the star sapphire simultaneously to tear the central power battery shell away and remove Parallax again.
So, basically the powers of Parallax are fear-inducing energy control and manipulation, energy projection, energy construct creation, fear projection.
Basically, he can cast immense fear on anybody that's around him and he can easily scare the likes of Superman and Wonder Woman, which is surprising for Superman.
Oh, shit.
Because he's hope.
Right.
So, mind control, which we've seen with Hal Jordan and everybody else.
Possession, so that's self-explanatory.
Reality alteration, time manipulation, which he did with Zero Hour.
Flight.
You kind of need flight because other than that, I guess I gotta walk there.
Imagine having to get a fucking Uber.
Oh, that would suck.
And then immortality.
Next one up is green or willpower.
Green is the color in the center of the spectrum and represents the emotion of will.
This color has the least amount of influence on the wielder and can only be controlled by one who has an inadomitable will that can overcome great fear.
The entity for this emotion is ion.
It was this energy that was harnessed by the Malthusians, which was later inherited by the Owens.
A dolphin looking thing?
Yeah.
Like a shark, kind of.
Yeah, kind of, yeah.
Or like a giant, like, whale-ish being.
The male Malthusians, seeking to make an orderly universe, following the departure of the controllers, those who remained on Oa became the guardians of the universe.
And used green light as the power source for the Green Lantern Corps, an organization that would battle evil wherever and whenever it rose to threaten the universe.
So ion, once thought to be merely an honorary title in the Green Lantern Corps, ion is in fact the symbiotic willpower entity birthed from the green end of the emotional spectrum.
Its existence was kept a secret from the Green Lantern Corps since their inception, and it resided in the central power battery to keep parallax in check.
So it was the entity basically stopping parallax from breaking free all the time.
Only after the destruction of the central power battery were both ion and parallax set free, ion wandered the cosmos for a time and eventually was rained in by what was then the only surviving Green Lantern ring in that of Kyle Rayner.
That's why he became ion.
Kyle Rayner served as host briefly and noted that his power base was so greatly expanded he didn't even need a power battery or power ring to manifest the Emerald energy.
Unlike parallax, ion does not influence the user's action at all.
Because it's just willpower.
Let's see here.
Kyle Rayner had it for a long time.
It was eventually fighting parallax, stuff like that.
It's powers and ability.
So ion has practically infinite willpower casting abilities.
So if you have ion as like your actual source of power, you basically have unlimited willpower.
Which is kind of cool.
It can make a connection with somebody's body whenever they feel have incredible willpower and have distance themselves from more complex emotions.
So you can basically use your willpower to get out of any kind of anger, rage, anything like avarice, greed.
You can use that willpower to get outside of that.
Ability to control time, ability to control reality.
As the embodiment of willpower, ion can control, manipulate, and generate green energy derived from the emotional spectrum of the universe.
Which comprises all the willpower of all sentient beings in the universe.
All power is similar to the Green Lantern Corpse power ring and the Star Heart, which is what Alan Scott has.
Energy absorption, energy projection, and immortality.
So you can actually really live forever.
Exactly.
Well, it's like a celestial being.
It's kind of hard to get rid of it.
The next one is a little weird looking.
Looks almost like a bird, I think.
This one, yeah.
So blue or hope.
Blue is a color close to the center and represents the emotion of hope.
The blue light is capable of being wielded by a being who can bring hope to the future to the others.
When they have lost all of theirs.
The blue light is the most powerful wave on the spectrum.
But it is also the most difficult to wield and understand.
And requires the green light of willpower to fully work.
The Exiled Guardians, Ganthot and Seyed, were the first to harness the blue light.
Chlorine and the Blue Lantern Core. Remember, there were only two of them.
That were part of the Blue Lantern Core at the very beginning.
That white looking alien?
And like the little Owen, right?
Yeah, the Owen and the female, I think. Those were the two.
That was a guy.
Yeah, a guy. Was it two guys?
No, that was just one little... I thought it was like the...
They're called Owens, right?
Yeah.
The blue ones?
Yeah, like one dude that was like a preacher almost.
Yeah, and then he had a woman I think with him too at the same time.
Seyed?
Let's see here.
Forming the Blue Lantern Core.
A force which would resist, or would assist the Green Lantern Core and its coming trials during the War of Light.
The entity for this emotion is Adara.
So Adara has, as the embodiment of hope, is capable of generating and manipulating vast amounts of energy.
Adara is capable of all the immense abilities and powers of the Blue Lantern Ring,
but without the restrictions of the needing willpower to operate.
Adara is also capable of creating solid energy constructs,
like the loved ones of people feeling despair or rage to give them hope.
Its energy projection abilities are colored blue.
Adara has immense power for casting and instilling hope and others, and can bring hope to entire worlds.
It can possess a host.
While it is assumed that this would be a host who fills or inspires great hope,
it may also be capable of taking the host simply to spread hope,
reality alteration, flight, immortality, and revival of dead or dying stars.
So Adara has the ability to de-age dying or dead stars into blue stars.
I saw that, like the one that was like the first one that was the first Blue Lantern.
The ring came up and like, because their star was dying, their planet was dying,
and the little ring goes in, fixes it, and he gets the ring, and he's like, hell yeah.
Yeah, so you get a, like you can actually reignite everything.
Then we have Indigo or Compassion.
Indigo is a color further from the center and represents the emotion of compassion.
The Indigo Light can be wielded by one with great compassion for other beings,
and can manipulate the other energies on the emotional spectrum.
The Indigo Light is wielded by Indigo, leader of the Indigo Tribe.
I feel like the weirdest ones.
Yeah, they really are.
The entity for this emotion is Proselyth,
which I don't know if it's on that one, probably on this one.
Which one is it?
This little octopus looking thing?
Yeah, it's a very weird looking, weird looking being.
This being basically is, it's basically the entity of compassion incarnate,
so all the compassion abilities that you could think of, it gets.
Nothing like crazy on that.
As long as you have compassion, you're okay.
Alrighty, next one we have is Violet or Love.
Violet is the other color furthest from the center and represents the emotion of love.
Those who are capable of great love, even those who have lost their loves or been rejected,
are capable of wielding the Violet Light.
So if you're a simp...
An absolute fucking goon.
You'd be a shoo-in for the organization.
The name of this one.
The Predator? Is that the one?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
The entity for this emotion is the Predator.
It doesn't seem to sit well with love.
The Zamorons, the female Malthusians, believe that the male Malthusians' rejection of emotion was tantamount to blasphemy and leptoah.
Traveling across the universe, they found two crystallized corpses of a male and female embracing each other.
Between them was a crystal known as the Star Sapphire, and that's where Star Sapphire came from.
An object filled with the Violet Light.
Unfortunately, the Zamorons interpreted the best way to spread love through the universe and destroy hate and fear was to use the Star Sapphire to crystallize whole worlds and trap their inhabitants.
Pretty choice.
Worse, the Star Sapphire was a parasite that overrode the host free will and compelled them to attack the objects of their infection, as well as display an intense fear of men.
Fuck.
You don't need no man around here.
What are they, the Amazons?
Zamorons?
You're sure they're not the Amazons?
The Amazonians?
Exactly.
Following the realization that the Sapphires were unstable, the Zamorons tried to lessen their power by splitting the crystal into rings and power batteries for the Star Sapphire core.
An organization which would spread and protect love throughout the universe.
The love entity has inhabited several hosts over the last millennium.
You fucking hippie, get out of here.
You don't need your bullshit.
Most notably the Earth woman, Carol Ferris.
The entity emphasizes the aggressive nature in one's being, making the subject paranoid and highly obsessive.
The Predator...
So they actually love?
Yeah.
The Predator abuses hosts of the power to latch onto and manipulate people's minds and is able to change and affect them to the hosts will.
So it's a fucked up form of love, basically.
Let's see, a chair.
I love you baby, were you liking it or not?
The Predator basically is the entity of love incarnate, with all of love's power at its disposal.
So it can do...
You can goon to your heart's content.
I'm like gooning right now.
Exactly.
I'm like going in his brains out.
Next one we have is black, the black lantern core or death.
Outside of the emotional spectrum is black, the color of death.
Necron is the embodiment of death, like ion, parallax and predator.
Black represents the total absence of emotion and the life that creates it.
In sector 666, Necron used the...
I forgot about that.
Necron used the body of the anti-monitor to form the black lantern's central power battery, the power source of the black lantern core, a force which would destroy the other seven core in an event known as Blackest Night.
I read that whole issue, or the whole mini-series.
Yeah.
I didn't read the accompanying issues, like the different comic books.
The tie-ins.
Yeah, the tie-ins, because I was like, god damn, there's a lot of them.
There's a lot.
But man, it was entertaining.
Necron's past, before becoming the lord of the unliving, is shrouded in mystery, with rumors circulating that Necron is darkness itself, existing before life entirely, or that he was created by the darkness's protector.
Another claim is that the guardians of the universe clashed with Necron close to the beginning of the universe and were the ones to imprison him in the land of the unliving.
Which is a crazy setup.
Necron appears also in the Chrono War.
Let's see here.
Also appears in Blackest Night, which we've already known about.
Let's see here.
His powers and abilities.
So, Necron is a personification of the absence of life and existence, or the void before anything was.
This gives him tremendous power, as he is able to draw strength from the infinite abyss of darkness that predates existence, along with the energy released at the time of death, by beings he or his black lanterns kill.
He is so powerful, he is able to withstand an attack from the Anti-Monitor, while sending him back to the Anti-Matter universe.
Damn.
I bet you're rejected.
Just like an off badge.
It's like a reverse.
You can't attack me.
Since he is not alive, in the sense that we would understand it, Necron is technically incapable of being killed.
As such, defeating him is extremely difficult.
If defeated, he will simply return to the land of the unliving.
So the Dark Souls character.
Kind of, yeah.
The main characters are unkillable, so they just come back.
So Necron's possession of the Lord of the Unliving gave him a great number of abilities that relate to death itself, such as, he has the ability to fire bolts of a force called Dark Lightning from his hands.
Powerful enough to hurt-
You ever had that black lightning?
It is.
Powerful enough to hurt and even kill the Guardians of the Universe.
Despite being immensely powerful, it is not unstoppable.
Wonder Woman was able to block it with her bracelets, although the force still threw her across the room.
Her hands must have been ringing too.
Jekyllene.
Between her X-shaped bracelets. Her bracelets of subjugation.
Necron also gains physical strength from the deaths he causes.
So the more death he creates, the more powerful he becomes.
Down.
As the Lord of the Unliving, Necron can reanimate corpses into fully functioning zombies working entirely under his control and retaining semblance of their past personality.
Also, the sustained touch of Necron's hand can chill any mortal being to death through supernatural means.
Superman. He was pretty fucked.
But what's really weird is he also has a dependency.
So for all of his power, Necron holds one great weakness.
He cannot exist in this universe.
In order to properly interact with the living, Necron requires a link between New Earth and the land of the Unliving, such as a Terran space-time or a mortal link such as Black Hand.
I was wondering if that's it. That one guy?
Yeah.
That one creepy guy that licked Thomas Wayne.
Yeah.
Alright, next we have White or Life.
So the White Light of Life is where the emotional spectrum originated, according to Indigo 1 and the Guardian of the Universe, in the beginning of the universe where there was absolute darkness.
At an unspecified point in history, the White Light was introduced by an entity or entities unknown, and for 700 years the universe was nothing but a blinding white light.
The darkness, however, fought back against the light, eventually dividing it into seven colors of the spectrum that exists today.
Those who wield the White Light have the capability to resurrect the dead, teleport, and can create constructs that potentially last longer than those cast by the other lights of the emotional spectrum.
The White energy comes from all living beings, and all living things from it.
So far, Ring-Wielders seem to have no control over the Ring itself, the Ring's doing and bidding of the Life entity itself.
Unlike other Rings, which must be charged from a battery, with the exception of the Black Rings, White Rings are automatically charged whenever the Wielder performs actions that constitute Living.
So, as long as you're doing something for good, it recharges.
That's good.
So, the Life entity, which is what inhabits the White Lantern Ring, or the being that's sentient anyway, it originated on Earth where the Guardians of the Universe decided to keep it hidden, most likely to protect it from being discovered.
However, during the Blackest Night event, it was released by Necron, who began to viciously assault it in hopes of destroying all life as the entity is connected to all living things.
Hal Jordan and Sinestro realized that, like Parallax and Ion, the entity needed a host to pilot it.
Hal Jordan began to fly towards it in hopes of being its host, only to be stopped by Sinestro.
Sinestro, who told him he had his chance with Parallax.
Sinestro then joined with the entity as a voice proclaimed, Thal Sinestro of Korogar, destiny awaits.
Sinestro emerged as the first member of the White Lantern Corps.
Sinestro destroyed legions of Black Lanterns with the entity's power.
While being bonded with the entity, Sinestro was able to see its memories and witness the creation of life in the emotional spectrum.
Necron managed to kill Sinestro while he witnessed the entity's memories, however the entity's power revived Sinestro.
Together, Sinestro and the entity were able to gain the advantage over Necron, even managing to destroy Necron's body.
Necron, being Death itself, couldn't be killed in the same manner as a living creature, as he simply switched bodies.
The entity was taken out of Sinestro and was left vulnerable.
Hal Jordan bonded with the entity and together they restored the living heroes, transformed into Black Lanterns from Necron's influence.
Hal transformed them into White Lanterns and dubbed them the White Lantern Corps.
They defeated Necron by resurrecting Black Hand, cutting Necron's link to the living plane, allowing the heroes to finally destroy Necron.
The entity disappeared after the battle, but a White Lantern Corps power battery was found on Earth.
Basically, it is the manifested form of life and creation. It has limitless levels of energy and can alter and change reality.
Those who are empowered by the entity can also create White-like constructs.
So basically it is life. Or like we talked about last week with the presence, it's like a piece of the presence on the Lantern side.
It's like a piece of that divine energy.
And then we also have a weird one, which is the invisible spectrum.
Invisible?
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
That I've not heard of.
Yeah, beyond the known colors of the emotional spectrum, there is an invisible spectrum that includes the ultraviolet core, which feeds on buried primal emotions.
It is one of the seven hidden forces of the universe that were previously concealed by the Source Wall.
The invisible spectrum is the counter-energy to the emotional spectrum.
Ultraviolet core's entity is Unbrox, which is a weird... it's like that thing down there at the bottom on the picture.
Just a weird entity.
Sometime in the past, before his inauguration into the Green Lantern Corps, Sinestro spent his entire life looking into the sordid history of the ultraviolet core.
While what Sinestro found during his archaeological excursions terrified him to no end, and so he sought to make sure the unseen light stayed hidden forever.
After the cataclysmic battle with the Dark Knights and breaking into the Source Wall, a piece of the Wall known as the Totality broke free and unleashed exotic energies into the universe, including six hidden primal forces.
After this cosmic event, the first of the primal energies, used to keep the others in check, was unleashed and broke the seal that kept Unbrox at bay.
Unbrox unleashed its power over the ultraviolet aspect of the invisible spectrum, claiming a myriad of fringe worlds under its hold, and adding it to its Lantern Corps.
Sinestro initially opted to find and re-imprison Unbrox and its destructive, unlimited power before it became unstoppable.
Except by coaxing by Lex Luthor, instead of sealing it away against Sinestro, helped unleash Unbrox upon Earth.
Thanks, Sinestro.
Fucking Lex Luthor.
Goddamn Lex Luthor.
All you do...
He fucks up.
...requests someone being so smart, he's the dumbest motherfucker that's ever lived.
Now armed with the most powerful Lantern light to ever exist, Unbrox set out to recapture all of existence, with Sinestro at the helm of its army of worlds.
Unbrox and Sinestro, alongside the Legion of Doom, attacked Earth and converted nearly every inhabitant on the planet into a member of Unbrox's army.
However, the Justice League was able to tap into the Earth's inherent connection with the white light of life, break Unbrox's hold on the planet, and beat back Unbrox for now.
So it's not even...
Dunya?
Right.
Its abilities and powers.
So, as a living sun at the heart of its own island universe, Unbrox physically comprises of the natural fundamental energies that make up its being, along with a few abilities unique to itself.
So, electromagnetism, gravity manipulation, radiation production...
Unbrox is usually seen wrapped within a wreath of shadows and light, using both of these elements to reach out and grasp the various star clusters within its reach.
So it's almost like a...
Like ego?
A little bit.
But it's literally like a sun.
That's what it is.
Like, it's a ultraviolet light being.
Damn.
Unbrox can manipulate the coldest, darkest, most hateful, permeable elements within both the mind and the heart, tapping into and feeding off of the infinite annals of bloodless and self-hatred of anyone and everything it assimilates.
Unlike other emotional energies and its representative rings, Unbrox's invisible spectrum controls the host instead of the other way around, capable of psychologically linking with and controlling any and everything the living galaxy is currently simulated in.
Every planetary system that Unbrox absorbs into its galaxy becomes a living extension of Unbrox itself, effectively giving planets sentience as it cultivates them and their native species into its own lantern core.
So it's like literally like a parasite.
Geez.
It also has chlorokinesis, elemental control, weather manipulation, electromagnetism, gravity manipulation. Unbrox is able to move unseen and undetected by any and all known forms of tracking and allocation, making its ability to influence potential star systems and bringing them into its collective all the more terrifying.
Being the embodiment of the ultraviolet light, Unbrox can control, manipulate, and generate bright purple energy derived from the invisible spectrum, which comprises all of negative, primitive emotions deep inside all sentient and non-sentient life in the universe, powers of which are similar to the lantern core rings and their corresponding emotional entities.
Energy absorption, energy projection, Unbrox can also reach out and communicate as well as manipulate an infinite number of conscious and non-sentient psyches all at once.
Mind control, psychic link, it's immortal, faster than light flight, and interstellar trouble.
So it's a very, very powerful being.
And if you, that's what they're fighting apparently now.
Totality itself.
Kind of, yeah.
But also since ultraviolet is not being able to, you can't see it.
Right.
Just, surprise motherfucker.
Put these special glasses on, it's the only way to see it.
Yeah, pretty much, yeah.
Cats can see it.
Gee, I guess I won cat with the red lantern.
I can fight him.
I'll fight him by myself.
So yeah, a lot of, a lot of world building by Jeff Johns.
Yeah, he's a busy guy.
He watched too many episodes of Power Rangers.
They just went full on.
Here's where I make it my own thing.
Pretty much, yeah.
All right, ready to move into some Reddit for today?
Sure.
Let's see what we got here.
What can we destroy your mind with today?
My cat tried to fuck me.
He's a random ass reddant.
Would it be surprising?
Caught my brother fucking my dog.
No.
Caught my brother fucking the cat while the cat fucked the dog.
All right, first one is by Wacka Looley.
Wacka Looley.
This person puts, I got back from the movies last night after watching Deadpool and Wolverine.
I went by myself.
Did I write this?
No.
I went by myself since my wife isn't a huge Marvel fan and she plans with, she had plans
with her parents.
So whenever I got back, I had the damn song stuck in my head.
So as soon as I got home, I started blasting it on my speakers and singing and dancing
along.
It wasn't pretty.
Which was which song?
What I didn't know is that my wife was already home and she heard the commotion and went
out of the room and saw me going all out.
I turned and saw her looking hella upset and she just said, oh, I see and stormed back
out of the room.
What the fuck?
What did she see?
I must have spent an hour trying to convince her that it wasn't from the, that it's from
the movie and not my internal thoughts about our relationship.
We're going to see it again next weekend.
But the title was what gave it away.
So I couldn't tell her.
Today I fucked up.
I blasted the song bye bye bye to Nsync.
Not really to my wife was home.
Why would she think that that was the way she been?
Because she walked in and went bye bye bye.
And then we have an edit.
Y'all are taking this way too serious.
It's not a big deal.
And she admitted it was a dumb thing to think.
We're going to see the movie again for me this weekend.
Thank you for your concern, but she's not abusive and no, we don't need therapy.
I do sing along to the radio every now and then mostly to annoy her because I can't sing
worth a damn.
Y'all be spending too much time on am I the asshole and other subreddits.
Damn.
Am I an absolute piece of shit?
Yes, I am.
Somebody just, yes you are.
All right.
There was one where they were doing the top five jokers of all time and Jared Leto wasn't
on the list.
Or no, they were saying everyone that's ever portrayed joker on live action and Jared Leto
wasn't on the list at all.
So he's like, well fuck me I guess.
And so like the actual account from Jared Leto, I could be wrong, it could just be like
a troll account.
And then underneath that like, yeah, fuck you.
I mean, he was not a good joker.
I'm sorry.
A weird portrayal.
A very weird portrayal with a gold grill.
Kind of weird.
You don't like my grill?
My diamond encrusted teeth?
Just fucking weird as could be.
Next one is by King David.
This person puts, I recently changed my phone number and ended up with one previously owned
by a woman who changed her number to get away from her ex-girlfriend.
Uh oh.
To make this less confusing, let's call the ex-girlfriend Sarah and the other woman, Lisa.
One day I received a message from Lisa because she texted her previous number, which is now
mine and asked if I could provide a security code being sent to her the number so she could
log into her social media accounts and update them with her new number.
I provided her with the codes.
So far?
I provided her with the codes, which she requested them, or when she requested them.
I was also happy to help because I needed her to remove the number from her accounts
so I could link it to mine.
Note, I use a password manager for my two factor authentication codes aren't generated
within the manager so my two factor codes aren't sent via SMS.
I also have a passkey set up on all accounts which allow it.
Some of you believe that I shouldn't have given her the codes.
I can't argue with that, but in this particular case Lisa's intentions were honest, nothing
nefarious.
We chatted a bit about general stuff and decided to keep the lines of communication open in
case we needed to access an account or something like that between us.
Lisa had this number for a very long time because it was linked to everything.
When she went through an easy pass, I got an alert.
When her kid was absent from school, I got an alert.
Jesus Christ.
Changes to her credit score, I got an alert.
Doctor's appointment, doctor's office appointments, hospital visits.
I guess who knew first.
Pharmacy alerts, spa check ins, hair salon appointments.
I even knew when she got her cortisol oil changed along with the inspection report.
Jesus.
I texted Lisa one day asking her to remove her number from a social app so I could create
an account using my own number.
What I didn't know was that for at the time I texted her, she was around Sarah for reasons
I don't know.
Sarah saw my name pop up and assumed I was someone Lisa was involved with.
Lisa had spent a weekend at a hotel a few weeks prior before I knew her with someone
and Sarah thinks I'm that person.
Now Sarah somehow managed to get my number and called pretending to be a friend of Lisa.
I told her this is no longer her number, but I am in contact with Lisa.
I'll let her know to reach out to you.
She then started asking how I knew Lisa.
I explained the situation.
Then she started asking where I was from, saying I'm Jackie, what's your name?
What is this you live at?
What do you call out into your trash?
I was a bit nervous answering these questions because it seemed invasive for someone reaching
out to the wrong person, but I answered them.
I texted Lisa to let her know that someone named Jackie was looking for her.
Jackie looked at my phone number and Jackie found the phone first.
As it turned out, Lisa was with Jackie at the time.
So it was impossible for her to call.
That's when the drama really started because Sarah was pretending to be Jackie during that
call.
Now Sarah has called me from about 20 different numbers pretending to be various people in
an attempt to get information on me.
She has cussed me out and blown up my phone and hasn't stopped.
Since I got the number, I've also received calls from debt collectors looking for Sarah.
I usually tell them that I don't know who that is and that I got this number and they
say they'll remove it from the system.
Now when debt collectors calls looking for Sarah, I say I don't know her but I can't
stand that bitch and then I give them Sarah's main number.
Just to be clear, I don't know any of these women.
All I did was get a new number and it came with all of this bullshit.
Why wouldn't they cycle you an actual fresh number?
Why would they give you someone else's old number?
Yeah, well they try to answer this.
Okay.
It's like oh my god, I'm not reading all of this because this is a lot of shit and it
would be a very long episode otherwise with the update.
In 1963, it starts going on.
Oh you have no idea, like it's long on the update.
That's what I tell ladies.
On the update.
It's long on the updates.
I let you know girl, my dick's still buffering.
So this person finishes after that and says believe it or not, this is my third number
change in two months because I had to change the previous number because the previous owner
Tasha had men sending nude pictures and calling the phone with her sexy voice at 2-3 in the
morning.
Free nude pictures?
What are you talking about?
I couldn't take it anymore so I changed the number and ended up with this drama.
So it went from nude pictures to this drama.
I'd just be like nice cock.
Some company has cautioned me not to change the number for a few months and hope that
this will all go away before requesting another change because it could happen again because
numbers are only recycled for 60-90 days and then they're back online.
This is just a quick overview of what's happening but it gets crazier.
I just don't have the patience to type it all.
Edit.
Since some of these people are asking for more I will try to post a part 2 of this drama
if I get time this weekend.
And then there's a long ass update.
Oh lord.
I'm not reading all that though.
That's a long update.
You still don't understand what happened.
All my whole life is ruined.
Yeah it's him blocking her and all this.
It's like shouldn't that be in Will?
That's what I would have did.
Yeah just block the number.
Yeah.
Alright next one is by a traditional term 9593.
This person puts.
This story is somewhat sexual in nature.
If that's not your thing it might be best for you to click home.
That's how I started every story.
I went to church and this story is sexual in nature.
Oh that would be so fucked up.
No I guess I would say like this story is sexual in nature so I went to church this
morning.
And the priest.
And the priest was from DeRogar.
This person puts.
I have always went into the confession stand like Father I've sinned and he's like tell
me about it.
He'll tell me more than you tell me everything.
You hear the little divider slide.
Leave no details out.
I have always loved using hand held shower heads to masturbate.
Going all in huh?
And the hotel I'm staying at has a really fancy one with different settings.
I found a setting that I liked.
Set the temperature where I liked it slightly cooler than my normal wash temp.
I then proceeded on my journey to Pleasure Town.
It felt really good.
I found a setting called Splatter Shy.
Like a shotgun.
Like really good.
So so much that when someone in a nearby apartment turned their shower off causing the water
to get super hot almost instantly I didn't want to stop.
Cue the eff up.
I tried to push through it to hit my O. In that moment I forgot I could just turn it
down.
So now here I am lying in a bed with a scorched set of lady parts and I didn't even get to
my destination.
Damn.
And then an edit, for the lovely concerned people out there I can happily report that
there doesn't appear to be any lasting damage.
Like that was just a burnt coochie.
As of this morning the last of the pain is gone and I'm able to check to make sure that
everything still works thank god.
Damn.
Uh we'll skip over that one.
A keoki?
It was just a white chocolate mocha latte.
What?
That's all that says?
Wouldn't that what?
I'll go ahead and read it then.
The person is nr92 with a bunch of spaces in between so.
Yeah.
What?
That guy.
Went to the Starbucks kiosk at my job.
Told the barista I wanted a white chocolate mocha grande.
Why here?
Did I ever tell you a racist joke?
What's that?
Uh it's not really racist racist but it's it's not have I told this joke if I told someone
else?
Okay do you know that Dos Equis guy?
Yeah.
I don't always do this but when I do.
Yeah yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
I made this joke where I was like I don't always say the N word but when I do I use
a hard E-R.
Stay thirsty my friends.
I don't always do that with the Dos Equis.
I guess that's really like a fancy racist it's just dumb.
Right.
I use a Dos Equis stuff for everything.
I don't always miss this but then I understand it with stay thirsty my friends.
The only one I can think of that's not horrible is the one where it's uh there's a post on
X I think where it's uh name something that white people can do that black people can't
and the person underneath that it's like change a fire alarms battery.
Yeah.
Because it's always a beep beep beep beep and the person touche.
It's always like bleeee.
Like it'd be like a dead silence and bleeee.
Oh what is his name uh oh there's a YouTuber that he does tiktoks through though.
Uh damn I cannot remember his name for the life of me.
It's gonna bother me too.
But uh what do you call it?
That's his name.
Oh Trey Rags.
That's his name.
Suckerberry.
Trey Rags.
That's his name.
Uh he does like shorts and stuff like that but uh he did this one where he's calling
a uh a job.
It's like and they're asking him so so uh what are you eating?
He's like uh you know like he goes through the whole trying to be white thing over the
phone and they keep trying to catch him on everything and he makes it all the way to
the very end and then the fire alarm beeps.
And they're like yeah we don't want your fucking black ass and then hangs up on him.
He's like we're gonna go another way.
Just hang up.
But it's like we know you're black.
Dang.
Just because of the fire alarm chirping.
Just like a very stereotypical joke but still funny.
Alright uh alright so uh went to the Starbucks kiosk at my job.
Told the barista I wanted a white chocolate mocha grande with only two pumps of white
chocolate.
He slapped the shit out of me.
She said what?
I repeated that I wanted a white chocolate mocha latte.
She put in hot chocolate.
Did I stutter girl?
She put in hot chocolate.
I said white.
I noticed her error right before using Apple Pay.
Whenever I reiterated that I wanted a white chocolate mocha literally said I'm sorry
but I'm actually wanted a white chocolate mocha latte not a hot chocolate.
She said you said chocolate.
That's a hot chocolate.
I didn't ask for white chocolate.
Try to have enough fucking argument at Starbucks like a crazy person.
Try to make sure that I was saying my order right.
I repeated no I just want a white chocolate mocha latte while lightly tapping my hand
on the counter after each word in the order name slowly.
So you're just like wait.
Yes.
Mocha.
The tapping I was doing without thinking as I was very focused on making sure I said all
four words correctly in the right order.
So white tap chocolate tap mocha tap latte tap.
Grande tapety tap.
To avoid confusion.
I didn't really didn't raise my voice or did anything that would have been expressed as
aggression.
The barista immediately got offended by my tapping.
I would do a shoot you T tapping on my counter.
She quickly snapped at me.
Okay you want a white mocha and you don't need to do all that tapping to get what you
want.
Cut off card.
I tried to say that I wasn't tapping for her but for me but I'm sure that whatever I said
wasn't good enough and she left in a huff.
I haven't heard that word in a while.
Asking another barista to take her spot.
You handed this mother fuck.
The other one comes in right and gives him a hot chocolate mocha.
No God.
Oh hang on.
I ended up being served a mocha not white chocolate.
And they didn't even call out my order.
I would be like in this fucking roundhouse day I want a white chocolate mocha.
So you got just a mocha.
Here bitch here's your mocha.
And they're getting three drinks instead.
They're all hot chocolate.
Like damn.
And they didn't even call out his order.
What now?
Oh how am I supposed to know?
Later I looked up the drink on the Starbucks website to see if maybe I had said something
wrong which I doubted because I'd ordered the same thing for years now.
My god dang genius.
And I was wrong.
And say latte.
It was listed as white chocolate mocha on their menu.
Damn.
Now I'm too embarrassed to go back there again.
I believe you're a little out of two states away.
And then edit.
Some have brought to my attention that a mocha and a latte are different so updating to reflect
that saying mocha latte was incorrect it was listed as white chocolate mocha.
Fuck.
Ain't nothing worse than realizing your own mistake.
And it's like fuck I gotta burn that Starbucks down.
All of them saying oh hot chocolate.
I think this went to the most basic thing they could.
Here you go hot chocolate.
Like no god dang.
Alright.
I'm in the time prison like thank you.
Fuck it.
Fuck that.
Just give up.
No no the minute they give me the wrong order I'm like well this is my order.
Want your mini mac?
I'm just unconvertational as fuck.
Thank you.
I'll try my hot chocolate today.
Can I get a like if I was like deathly diabetic right like a sugar for they gave me a full
like thank you.
I can go into a fucking jock.
What's it almost like with your mini mac?
You order a big big pack.
That was a fucking half a mac.
They did me dirty than Elvis.
Yes they did.
At least he got to die on a toy like a mac.
It's like well I guess I got a half a mac now.
Man I was like what the fuck is this?
They still gave me the sauce and the lettuce on top of the top bun so I couldn't even hold
it.
The top was fucking wet.
Fucking hilarious there.
Motherfuckers man.
Alright next one is by specific active 9456.
Spurs and pids.
Although where the fuck did you need the 5?
We should have ended on the hot.
I can't remember me going to skip that one.
That shit wasn't going.
I didn't think it would be as good as it was.
Spurs and pids.
I need to tell someone this because honest I'm shocked and slightly disgusted at what
the human body can do.
You'd be surprised.
You'd be surprised on what some of the people will do to a human body.
You'd be surprised how black shit gets.
You eat enough brownies you'll find out.
They're not even the weenie ones.
Drey brownies.
Those like hard ass brownies that get stuck to the pan.
I used to eat them fucking without any milk to water it down like a brick.
They come back out the same shape they were.
I am currently five months pregnant and I've been constipated for a week now.
I think it was a mix of dehydration and the heat getting the best of me.
Getting a bit worse.
So not drinking as much as was required.
Sleeping has been nearly impossible because of pressure on my stomach and random stomach
pains.
And just the general gas and bloating has been so uncomfortable.
I want to feel semi-normal again.
So I did what any normal person would do.
I had prune juice.
The famous prune juice.
I've had prune juice for three days in a desperate plea to ease my pain.
And today, I've upped it a bit more for a glass.
I ate grapes and blueberries for breakfast to try to build up the fiber and drank about
a liter of water throughout the day to ease anything still in there.
Luckily, I've been steadily going to the loo all day, which is a massive relief.
Finally, I would be free of the bloat and the stabbing stomach pains until the last
bout.
I was naive, dear reader.
This is a warning.
Do not read if you're squeamish.
Wait, so she was shitting all day long?
Normally.
So, okay, so-
And then now there's pain.
Oh.
As the constipation eased-
What, that one brick that came out?
The stools became softer.
Some became diarrhea.
And then lots of liquid.
Prune juice.
The splash into the toilet seemed endless, my hand holding the towel rail, steadily
steadying myself as my bowels seemed to rupture and release everything I have consumed in
the last week.
I caught a whiff, immediately gagged, vomit already at the barrier between my throat and
mouth.
I'm not normally this bad, but I think the pregnancy hormones have made my nostrils so
sensitive that they informed my stomach to regurgitate anything in there.
The smell of my own constipated diarrhea made me projectile vomit three or four times, excreting
any remaining food left within me.
God dang.
I wonder if it's my body doing a heart reset, trying to rectify the previous constipation
I so desperately wish to relieve myself of.
And all because I had too much prune juice.
I'm not sure if it's safe to assume it's over yet.
I'm still shaking.
Either way, pregnancy is weird.
And I never want to experience this again.
A warning to all, do not overdo the prune juice.
No matter how uncomfortable you feel, you never know what end it will come out of.
Never know the fucking gout and the shit that'll drop out your ass.
By the way, you remember that Saturday we hung out?
Yeah, yeah.
The next day, so I don't know what I ate that Saturday, but the next day, Sunday morning,
I fucking woke up at like 7 a.m. and took a fucking massive dump.
And then I fell back asleep.
I woke up at 9 and I was like, you have been so fucking hungry that you're like, you can't
even sleep anymore because you're fucking starving.
I was still tired.
So I fucking ate a fucking orange.
I just peeled an orange and fucking downed that shit and went back to sleep.
And then I woke up again at like 11, right?
I fucking shit four more times.
Oh my God.
And like that orange blew out.
That fucking, like they were from 9.
I ate it at 9.
I blew it out at 11.
Oh, that shit went straight for you.
I don't know what happened, but between Saturday and Sunday, I shit five times.
The Monday the next day, I shit three times.
Fuckin' hell.
Two days I had three shits.
I was like, what's left?
That's what I kept saying.
Was it the pizza?
No, I hope not.
No?
I don't think so.
Cheese?
It could have been that fucking chicken wrap that was a week old in the fucking fridge.
That you ate before we hung out?
No, after we hung out.
Oh, you ate it after?
Yeah, I was like.
And then with everything else?
Must have just fucking blew out of me.
So I was gonna say, everything else was good that day.
Yeah, I was fine.
Yeah.
I was drinking a lot for some reason.
I know, you were super thirsty and parched.
I was like fucking drying, like drowning, like fucking my own sweat.
I need to fucking stay hydrated.
And then it all came out the next day.
And it all came out.
I've never fucking had a fucking two hour turnover.
That's quick.
That shit, when orange came out, like it's the same intact shape, it was wet.
Same color and all.
I'm like, where the fuck are the nutrients?
You got nothing.
And it came out like it was fucking dehydrated from getting so absorbed in my fucking bowels.
I took all the necessary nutrients and tossed the rest in like a husk.
We were fighting here if it was all right together.
Like if you took a fucking person, right?
Yeah.
And you fucking sucked out their fucking nutrients and left them a dry husk.
That's what the orange I have tossed to the side.
I got all I needed from you.
That's a quick turnover though.
That shit was fucking insane.
And I was worried to go to work on Monday.
I'm sorry, but I can't have anything.
I wasn't afraid to eat anything because I was literally shitted out an hour later.
I did that when I ate too much watermelon though.
That shit will come right through here.
That shit will fucking come out every hole you got.
So yeah, that was a good hangout.
And I was like exhausted Sunday for some reason.
With your bowels were on fire.
I was like, no, they were fine.
I was just like un-
Lephagic?
Yeah, abnormally tired.
I was like, am I dying?
I thought I was getting a flu.
That's what I thought.
Because I was getting those shivers.
I'm like, please God, no.
Not the flu again.
But I bounced back.
That guy must have not liked this at the theater because he must have licked my fucking pizza
or something.
He's like, fuck these guys.
No, Tim.
No, it's not about 18% gratuity.
So there you go.
See, what's he mad at me for?
Exactly.
All right, next one is by-
I had this funny scene for when I started making my movie series.
I know everyone says that, right?
But it's going to be a little comedy bit where my character and other character go to a restaurant
to eat and discuss their next plans, right?
And he has one of those canned sodas, takes it, opens it up, drinks it, right?
He looks at it for a second, like something's wrong, but sets it aside.
Set it for the actual really detail-oriented Easter egg loving fans.
So then later in the movie, maybe something's going on, like they were running from some
criminals or some action sequence.
We run past the restaurant and at the back, there's just some guy licking the fucking
tops of the lids and all of a sudden, ah, ah.
So my character sees, like what?
That's the little where I looked at the can like, that's the fucking way.
You know what I mean?
He's just licking it.
That's why.
I'm like, I'm licking it every time.
And my character can't do anything because it's already done.
The action sequence, no, like he's being pushed into the other action sequence.
So you can't confirm like that.
Just over the licking cans?
Just licking it to the fucking cans where you put your lips on it.
Just closed cans, just licking them for no fucking reason.
Maybe having his dog lick them too.
I don't know.
Like, I don't know why I thought it would be hilarious.
Like Deadpool's dog?
I don't know.
Hopefully no one steals my idea.
But if they do, I mean, you can't be afraid to lose the idea.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like, he'd make it more.
Like, I wanted to do the trooper.
You know when someone always gets mad, they fucking knock everything off a table?
Yeah.
I wanted to be like where one guy's sitting at one end of the table and he just knocks
it toward him.
Like you couldn't knock him the other way.
During your little temper tantrum, you just had to slam them all onto me.
A person that's got nothing to do with any of it.
Like he's not mad at you in general.
He's just mad at the situation.
So he slams it without thinking.
And you just, all the plates and the filled up fucking food are like, all on you're like
what the fuck, bro, really?
That is a good thing, man.
Don't you steal my damn ideas, god dangit people.
Don't worry.
Everybody's regurgitating old things.
They stole my gladiator idea.
No, they stole my fucking church in the wild idea.
No church in the wall with a gladiator movie too.
Yeah.
I thought it was going to be my trailer.
I was like, damn it, I should have done it first.
I guess you got to move quick in Hollywood.
Yeah.
That's true.
All right.
Next one is by No Potential 2A25.
Sound like me.
No Potential.
So this person put it.
So basically I got a new bike.
It's a road bike.
So it has thin tires and like this long thin seat.
When I got home, I adjusted the seat a little bit higher and went on a ride with my girlfriend.
After our ride, she wanted to grab coffee at the local shop right around the corner
of our apartment and walk our bikes home afterwards.
We go in and this guy's arguing about white mocha lot.
We made about a few minutes.
Exactly.
I love that type of world building.
That'd be great.
So we pulled in and had a bunch of cars pull in right beside us.
And my only option was to hop off the back of this bike.
So I quickly slid off and immediately realized I fucked up.
I can't see what is going on because I have loose gym shorts on, but my balls are caught
underneath the front of the seat and I have both feet planted over the back wheel of the
bike.
Uh oh.
That's like strength.
I was going, yeah.
I let out a screech and barely had the strength to go forward and unhook myself.
I then looked over at my girlfriend and barely muttered, help me you whore.
She skips right away into the coffee shop.
This should lead to a fight the war.
She didn't hear me or notice anything that happened.
At least that's what you think.
The next thing I know, I woke up and a couple telling me that they found me face down shaking
on the ground, busted up my knee and face good.
And now my girlfriend is traumatized.
What the hell is she traumatized for?
I'm the one who fucking beat the hell.
She convinced me to be seen and got an ultrasound down below the belt.
The boys lived to see another day.
To make things even better, the lady doing the ultrasound was on me, was a old coworker.
Huh.
So yeah.
Yep, yep, yep.
And the first comment, I ripped my underwear getting caught on a bike seat.
You win by miles though.
Yeah, that shit must have hurt.
I almost ripped his nutsack off.
Yeah.
All right.
Next one is by local boot 4A42.
This is another coffee one.
Not the white mocha latte.
I drink coffee every day.
I have a six month old baby and couldn't function without a bit of caffeine.
You also drink coffee every time.
Exactly.
Baby boss.
There was a bad storm in the area last night that left over 200,000 people without power.
Fuck.
So I had to go into work to make sure everything was back up after a power outage.
I'm a general manager at a restaurant.
On my way to work, I started to feel like I had to go to the bathroom.
I was on a fairly busy road and the traffic signals were out due to power outage.
All of the businesses around were also without power.
I tried to hold it for as long as I could, but I knew if I didn't figure out something
soon, I was going to shit my pants.
It's like it has stuff like poooey.
You start hearing like this saying stuff too.
It starts like those vicious grumbles.
No, I mean, no.
Just random shit too where you start hearing and talking.
You must hurry.
Sounds like a grimoire.
Demonic fuel reaper.
You're like what?
Oh shit.
I shit your shit in the...you're doomed.
I ended up pulling to the side of the road squandered behind another car and shitting
in a bag.
It's God.
You know, like no one understands.
Everyone's like that's ridiculous, but when you're like you have to shit, you're like
that's perfectly understandable.
You know what I mean?
Like it's only outlandish to people that have never had shit so fucking bad and they had
no options.
Yeah.
So I opened the middle compartment of my car and I see my shit in there.
I closed it too, another little slide compartment, you know, just fucking dump it.
The glove box.
You just shit in there.
I open that bitch up and just fucking dump it out.
That's why I saw the backseat.
The backseat has two couplers that slide out and slide back in closed.
I shit in both.
I fucking shit in both.
Thankfully, I also had some baby wipes on me.
Then only two or three cars drove by and maybe saw something.
You shit, you're a shitter.
I also have IBS.
So usually when I got to go, I got to go.
That's the fucking go.
All right.
Next one is by Mentes 50.
That's person puts.
For a bit of context, most normal houses here use propane house heating systems.
Thanks, Hank Hill.
Propane and propane accessories.
I need my slinky back.
My boy right.
They weren't just fine, but in order to work, they have to have an external system that
takes oxygen from the exterior and releases toxic fumes out of the house.
They're attached to the wall and are pretty low height.
Sounds fucking dangerous.
Since the air that they release is hot, the metal exhaust gets really hot.
That's why most houses in order to prevent people getting burned by it, install a small
metal cage that covers the exhaust and it doesn't really get that hot.
This story involves an unprotected outside metal exhaust in a wall outside at 50 centimeters.
I kind of give the solution to the problem.
We have all that shit.
My girlfriend and I walked down 10 blocks in our populated neighborhood.
It was a very cold day at 3 p.m.
I had the flu that day, so my sense of smell was nonexistent.
We had to see a lady that sells nice looking jewelry and lingerie.
Lingerie?
Yeah, lingerie for very cheap.
What the fuck?
This is something that my girlfriend was interested to buy.
So they're buying old lingerie?
Yeah, and old ass jewelry.
Crusty.
And I'm very bad at helping her choose those kinds of things.
I said I just wanted to stay outside the house.
No biggie.
She kind of took her time and even though I was wearing warm clothes, I had started
to get freezing.
Oh yeah, like let me stay outside with my fucking flu and the freezing cold temperature.
I started to get freeze outside, especially in my bottom cheeks.
That's whenever I saw the metal exhaust I was talking about.
I approached it and a sense from afar that it was warm.
So I had the brilliant idea of sending my butt there, not on it, but over it.
It felt really warm and cozy.
I stayed there for only three minutes when my girlfriend and the lady came outside with
products in hand saying their goodbyes.
She closes the door, but as soon as we were starting to leave, my girlfriend notices the
smell of something burnt.
And since she saw me earlier standing over the exhaust, my girlfriend told me to turn
around and that's whenever she found that my pants had burnt.
A pretty big burn hole in my pants.
They were 30% cotton, 70% polyester, so the plastic part of it melted easily.
Since I had nothing to cover it and we didn't want to bother the woman, well I had to walk
ten blocks in my crowded neighborhood with a big burn hole in my pants laughing all the
way back home.
We threw them as soon as we got home.
Yes don't underestimate the calorific power of apparently barely warm metal.
Good to know.
Don't lean on hot metal, it might burn your pants.
Gee I never thought of that.
And last one for today we have uh...
Let's see...
Dungeons and Data.
Oh, the set of dragons.
Yeah.
Short and sweet one.
And was actually last night.
However last night I fucked up, doesn't roll off the tongue as well.
So I hate mint.
I'm not going to explain it.
Funny thing is I used to like it.
But after having kids, one of the weird things that happened is I no longer like mint.
Pregnancy is weird.
The more the kids probably took the flavor away from them.
Now they absorbed it.
They loved mint.
You took it from me?
Problem is, toothpaste is, a majority of the time, mint.
Dear sis if you read this please tell me where you found your strawberry flavored stuff.
Oh please no.
I had a straw.
I had a watermelon flavored.
I thought it would be so cool.
Oh I get to brush with what?
This shit was so overpowering.
And they range from bitter to feck this is cloyingly sweet.
The irony of sweet toothpaste is not lost on me.
So last night I was brushing hard and fast to get it over with so I could spit the cold
burn of hell out of my mouth.
Whenever I shifted the top of my teeth a little too enthusiastically and somehow managed to
shove the entire head of my toothbrush up my nose.
Damn.
I have no words for the pain that lingered upon the sensitive membranes of my inner nose
which continued to linger for what felt like ages as my eyes flared up and the minty tear
gas literally permeated from my skull.
Even now nearly 24 hours later my nose still tingles.
Don't be like me.
Take your time.
Ow.
So she was brushing so hard she just went up and hit her nose.
Yep.
When the little brush came out of her mouth just missed the angle.
Bam!
That shit must have.
It's like when you actually bite your own tongue.
Yeah.
You don't realize that shit fucking hurts.
Yeah.
To say the least.
Like for such a tiny little bite like you assume it's a tiny bite but that shit really
pinches the hell out of you.
Yeah it doesn't feel great.
Not at all.
But that is all because the last one that I had was deleted from Reddit already.
Damn.
It must have been that bad.
It was.
Must have been some horrendous stuff.
It was pretty bad.
Fucking war crime.
Oh shit the police are gonna find us.
Or like you know like when you're turning your hand right?
Yeah.
Or you don't realize how fast you're turning until you knock over a whole bottle of water
or like I've done that yeah.
It's like god dang how fast was I moving?
Like well shit.
It's weird.
It's a weird sensation.
Or you're moving your hand to pick up something and you fucking just knock over a whole fucking
plate.
It's like damn I didn't mean to do that.
And I didn't mean to.
How fast was I moving honestly?
It's just a weird thing.
Yeah.
You realize how fast your body's actually moving until you knock into something?
Yeah mostly when you're tired.
It's like boom.
Like oh shit.
Knock over something that's like fuck now I gotta clean.
Fuck those legos.
Like fuck those legos and fuck that son of a bitch.
Give me a DNA test.
You're just rambling in your fucking sleep.
Or like our lives podcast.
Yeah that was pretty out of it.
I could hear myself like be a hundred percent out of it.
Yeah.
Like what the fuck was I talking about?
If you want to hear some funny stuff go back and listen to the last podcast.
But anything else to add before we head out today?
No.
I guess not.
Cool.
I even have some great news stories.
Those are always fun to listen to.
I got some Florida news.
Or pull out my fucking journal of news stories I've been collecting.
Well actually you're talking about that.
Have you seen that Florida story where there's a guy that kidnapped a bunch of people and
made them play a game?
Like he made them actually play like what was it?
What's the game with the dice?
How do you get that many people?
Like he kidnapped them.
How do you get that?
I need to know how to play gotsy.
I need to know the logistics of how he held these people hostage.
Hang on one second.
He just paced him back and forth in AK?
I might be able to find it.
He's like gotsy.
It's a weird story.
Let's see.
Florida man.
Kidnaps.
The 37 Florida man stories today.
Probably.
I can't wait to see GTA 6 with all the because it's set in you know my in Vice City which
is Miami.
I can't wait for the random Florida events.
Yeah it's uh.
Yeah Florida man 37 arrested for kidnapping 27 people and forcing them to play Yahtzee
for 36 hours straight.
How the fuck would he have 27 people?
How are they not fucking rise up and beat the brakes off of him?
The response.
I kind of get it dude loves Yahtzee but it's hard to get a game together.
What year?
Then he looks like a fast food mascot.
Oh I saw that picture.
He looks like the fucking Muppet.
It's even in Reuters.
Weird.
But it looks like it might be satire.
Hope so because there's no way someone gets 27 people kidnapped.
Yeah it looks like it.
Yeah it looks like it was satire.
It's so fucking hilarious though.
Yeah yeah.
We're not stopping playing Yahtzee till I win.
Yeah and Snopes they fact checked that was false but still it's a good story though because
you can see a Florida man really doing it.
Yeah.
I just happened to like glance through whatever looking through stuff earlier.
It's like huh wonder if that's real.
I never like actually went back and actually looked.
Yeah it's false but still a good headline.
Another one.
Man kidnapped 27 people to play Yahtzee.
Especially when it starts with Florida man.
Yeah.
You kind of believe it.
Yeah.
That's like weird shit you do.
And that big sturdier thermonuclear device in his backyard like that one.
I don't know if that's even true that the guy had that fucking warhead.
That nuclear warhead that was using to power his house.
They arrested him.
The sad thing is that even if the stories are fake it's plausible when it's Florida
man.
Especially when it's in Florida.
Anything is possible in Florida.
Bigfoot marries 70 year old grandma.
Florida man.
That hairy dude named Bigfoot.
The actual guy walking from that one famous video.
Just hairy as fuck.
Butt ass naked.
If I went to a notice call him in and be like this Bigfoot.
Bigfoot right.
They call me.
They call me the Wolverine.
Just hairy as fuck.
All my mud jobs are my ears.
Alright.
Well with that we will see you guys on the next one.