Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment podcast covering your favorite or none-known movies,
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Let's go ahead and get started.
So I came home one night, Monday, after a long day at work in the shamble that is my
job.
The absolute chaos.
And for whatever reason, I just decided to start watching House of the Dragon.
It's 10 episodes.
I was like, ah, but you know, Game of Thrones, I'll probably watch it and move on.
And like, I watch it.
And like, you know you like a show when you're still up at four in the morning.
So I watched all 10 episodes this weekend, or this week, and I finished the last two
episodes today.
And I was going to talk about the first season because the new season is not fully out yet.
It's only four episodes in.
Five with tomorrow.
And it's basically set 127 years before the Game of Thrones.
It's a prequel.
And the whole premise, the entire core plot of the story is a simple fact that Viserys
Targaryen is the king, and he has no legitimate heir to the throne.
And if you guys don't know how old medieval stuff worked, the king had his kingdom, and
he had vassals that had their own houses that were basically also royalty, but they were
not on his level.
And they would swear fealty to whoever the king was.
And so you had the king, then you had various houses, which were families, that had a lot
of land, a lot of wealth, a lot of soldiers and all that.
And they would swear their allegiance to whatever king.
That's how it worked, I guess, in medieval times.
I'm assuming I wasn't born there.
I would probably be the king of time getting fucking raided, whole village fucking destroyed.
And so that's how it works in House of the Dragon.
The king has the power, and he's like the royalty over all of the country called Westeros.
And all these various houses, families basically, swear fealty to him.
But they're all worried that there's no legitimate heir to the throne, so that might cause a
bit of tension when he dies.
So he only has one daughter named Brunaris, and he's got no sons.
And it's still that time where it's the male that they look to be the leader, not the female.
So his wife dies given birth, she's had like five attempts, all stillborn, all miscarriages,
every single one of them dies.
And she dies in childbirth, because this maester comes in, which is a version of a doctor,
he's like there's this new technique where you slice the woman's stomach open and you
pull the baby out.
Like will the woman survive?
It's like no, she'll bleed the fuck out.
He didn't say that, but that's pretty pretty bad.
They had no fucking solution to fucking save the wife.
And so she ends up dying in her fifth attempt at childbirth.
So now he's left with no wife and no legitimate heir, so he's got no choice.
Viserys finally decides to name Brunaris the heir to the Iron Throne.
And the Iron Throne was the throne created by the Targaryens when they first came from
a country called Valeria that was destroyed in something called the Doom.
They never said what it was, but the whole country just collapsed.
And Valeria was the most powerful country in all of, I guess the game of, I don't know
what the actual world is called, because Westeros is one country, so it's not called Westeros,
the whole planet.
But they came from Valeria years ago and the Targaryens and another family called the Villainers,
I can't remember, they were the only ones with dragons because the country of Valeria
had dragons.
And so that's why they were so powerful.
That was like the two most powerful, well not even, the Targaryens weren't even the
most powerful family in Valeria.
The other family was stronger with more dragons.
Both families came to Westeros.
They conquered the country with their dragons.
They took all the blades of the conquered houses and they turned them into a throne,
the Iron Throne, just swords all over, just fucking mangled swords everywhere.
And allegedly if you were an unfit king for the throne, the throne itself would cut you.
And you actually see a moment where Viserys gets a little cut on his pinky for one of
the blades.
He's like, oh motherfucker, I'd have fucking sanded that bitch down if I was being honest.
So he names his daughter Aer and he has all the houses come to the king's landing, the
capital, and swear fealty to her, bend the knee, the famous bending the knee.
They all agree to bend the knee and acknowledge her as the heir apparent.
So the reason the series gets fucked up is that Viserys has to take a new queen.
So he ends up marrying Rhaenyra's Targaryen, his daughter, his fucking 15 year old daughter's
best friend, Alicent Hightower, who's also 15.
They were going to marry him with a 12 year old earlier.
He's like, nah, we got nothing in common.
And so he marries Alicent Hightower, who was the daughter of the Hand.
The Hand is the second most powerful person in Westeros.
He is the advisor to the kick.
They're called the Hand.
And then of course they have their little small council, like the guy that oversees
the treasury, the guy that oversees the navy, commerce, all this stuff.
And so he ends up marrying Alicent and he tells her right in front of her daughter,
or his daughter, she doesn't say anything, but she can tell the expression, she's like,
what the fuck?
That's the most fucked up shit you can possibly do.
And so he ends up having three kids with Alicent and Aegon, Aemon, and a girl.
They're like hella, hella red, I forget her name because they don't really feature very
often.
And so now everyone thinks that Aegon being the half brother to Rhaenyra's and being a
male should actually inherit the throne over her, but he's already named the heir apparent.
So he's not going to do that to his daughter and back out on his word.
And one of the overarching problems throughout the whole season is that Viserys also has
a form of leprosy.
So from episode one to episode fucking eight, he's fucking falling apart before your very
eyes.
He's getting leech, he's getting fucking open sores that won't heal.
They do it very well because in the very first episode, he's got a really tiny skin lesion
on his back and the doctors are looking at him like we can try to cauterize it.
He's like do whatever you got to do.
And then it gets real bad.
Like episode eight, he's fucking in bed, fucking teeth missing, he lost an eyeball, half of
his fucking left, right, looks like fucking Scarface.
It's got like a hole in his cheek, like on his right side and missing eyeball.
He has to cover it with like a gold mask.
And he's never out of bed.
He's always laying in bed like fucking teeth are black.
He looks like he weighs 47 pounds.
He's like, I'm like this is the king?
Doesn't look like a king to me.
And another thing is that he has a brother named Daemon who had, a lot of people thought
he would have been the heir apparent.
He couldn't find a son.
But because his daughter named his daughter heir apparent, Daemon was never accepted by
the small council because they thought he was too brash and like unpredictable.
And he was.
He's like, he's a wild child.
He likes to fight and fuck and all sorts of stuff.
And he would have not been fit for a king.
So like Jamie?
Jamie Lannister?
Yeah.
Just likes to fight and fuck.
Basically, yeah.
Just like to fight and fuck his sisters.
And actually later in the season, Daemon marries Rhaenarys, his niece.
See?
Like there you go.
Everyone's always fucking, I swear, relatives always banging each other.
Half of the fucking family's like related.
Like half of the family's fucking wed to each other.
Like cousins and fucking sisters and nieces.
Like what the fuck is going on?
So like old royalty.
Basically, yeah, I turned into making a monster.
Like I have like 15 generations come out looking like a black ooze.
And so now the Otto Hightower, the Hand, has always wanted Alison's son, Aegon, to be
king.
And then he gets it into Alison's head that now that the royal family, not the houses
know that there's a son, they're not going to bend the knee to Rhaenarys.
So they freak out.
And they worry that in order for Rhaenarys to legitimize her claim, she's going to kill
her half-brothers so that there'd be no other heir.
So they'd have no choice but to swear filth to her.
So that's what Alison thinks.
Or that's what she gets put in her head.
Rhaenarys, on the other hand, does the dumbest thing she could possibly do.
She marries the other Targaryen family, the other house, and with their dragons.
And she marries their son because her cousin, Renna, was going to be like back before this
all happened, Viserys was named king by the king before that because that king didn't
have a legitimate heir.
And there was a contest between him, Viserys, and his cousin.
I want to say Rhaenarys, it's the same name, Rhaenar, but not like the, oh, at the end.
So it's like her, it's his cousin, Rhaenar.
And so they call her the queen without the throne, or the queen without the crown.
And so she marries her son, so it's her cousin basically, but he's gay.
And he's just all about the boys.
Like what's his name?
That one, like that one Baratheon.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't remember, it wasn't Stannis, it was the younger, the third brother.
Yeah, the third one.
He had his rainbow guard.
Yes.
Yeah.
So, I don't understand the fucking, so she decides to sleep with the commander of the
watch, this like super fucking built guy, right?
Has all three kids with him.
You can clearly tell they're his kids because they got black hair, black as the night, red
hair.
Rhaenar's hair is white, and then her cousin's hair is also, is gray, because their family
like got gray hair.
So like they don't, and they're, he's like, he's mixed.
Like he's half black, half white.
Her husband, her husband cousin, and all these kids are fully white.
Like everyone can tell, everyone but the king knows full, they even say that throughout
the whole like, the ending of like the last couple episodes, everybody but the king knows
that these kids are not legitimate heirs to the iron throne.
I don't know why she thought that was, like it's so stupid.
She like completely destroyed her legitimacy to the throne by not having appropriate heirs
with her husband.
All he had to do was stick his dick in her and you know, have a couple kids, but instead
they fucked up.
And now she's got three illegitimate, basically like it was Jaime Lannister and Cersei, three
kids that are not the king's kids.
Right.
So these kids that are not the king consorts, cause he's the consort, he wouldn't be the
king, he'd be the consort and she would be the queen.
But these kids are not legitimate heirs.
But if they're her kids, wouldn't they still technically be?
That's what I keep thinking, but apparently not because they're bastards.
Cause they're not the, they're not her actual husbands.
So he can't claim them.
He can claim them, but he can't.
So that, that would, that would dispute her claim to the throne in everyone else's eyes.
You gotta be like bastards don't count apparently.
And so, Alison knows this.
So they split off into two groups.
It's the blacks, Rhaenyra's side and the greens on Alison Hightower's side with her legitimate
kids to the king, Aegon and Aemond.
So technically they do have the claim.
Even though, even though she's named the king, queen, her being, her having the son, Aegon,
is more in line with their customs in Westeros of males being kings or males being on the
throne.
And he's an actual legitimate son of the king.
He's got the blonde hair, yeah, he looks deadly.
By the way, one time his mom caught him jacking off.
Like he was standing straight, like he was doing the Homelander thing, like oh, that's
all, but he was butt naked over, he was standing outside the window sill, right?
And he's just fucking going off on himself.
He's like, this is the life.
Like he's looking overlooking the whole city, right?
Like it's like the middle of the morning.
And like, I'm thinking like, what if he like, he gets so, like the, the orgasm is so good,
like he kind of like buckles a little bit and he just fucking falls.
And then they find him in the fucking like, like 30 feet down with his dick in his hand
dead.
Like he lived like he, like he died like he lived with his dick in his hands.
Like Cersei's son.
I don't think he was really a sexual deviant.
No that wasn't at the youngest son that jumped out the window.
Oh yeah, the one that killed himself.
Yeah.
So I went out, my time is done.
He fucking just hopped out the fucking window.
There's like a lot of callbacks to that specific.
And so, so now, so the fucking second, I remember like they had a, like Viserys in episode eight
had to, like he was on death's door and his daughter was begging him because they, they
wanted a, there was the fucking, the second house, the other Targaryens, there was a dispute
over ownership of the house or leadership of the Driftwood throne because the brother
of the, because the Targaryen woman, her cousin or her dad's cousin married the guy.
So they're, she's not, they're not technically Targaryen.
They're like Villainiers.
And so the, the, the, the leader of that house got, it went into battle.
He got sick and he, they're not sure he's going to live.
So they're going to make Rhaenyra's being the, it's so fucking complicated.
So Rhaenyra's son, her second son, because her first son would be king, would be, he
would be placed leader of the Villainiers house on the Driftwood throne.
But the, her, her step uncle, I guess, or I guess her stepdad, yeah, her stepdad because
her dad's, her dad's cousin is her stepmom.
Yeah, that's very complicated.
Yeah.
So her stepdad, stepdad's brother knows that the, the, this is not her, his blood at all.
It's not his grand, it's not his nephew's, which was Rhaenyra's husband, her cousin.
Now that I think about this a lot, I'm like, God damn it.
The family tree has all kinds of fuck, all fucking trees branching back into each other.
Jesus.
And so he does not want, uh, that his, that non-nephew or whatever he is to be, to say
like, he's, he does not have valy, uh, Valyrian blood or Villainier blood.
So he, you know what he is?
And by the way, the king decreed that no one is allowed to call these kids or his daughter's
kids bastards or they'll have this tongue.
And like, uh, Damon, uh, Viserys brother, it's like, say it.
And like, so the, the guy's like, bastards.
And he gets his fucking head chopped off.
And so, uh, so now Rhaenyra's, so, uh, at the, after that little, little, a little squabble,
uh, Viserys, uh, Viserys wants to have dinner with the whole family.
So the whole fucking family, his fucking, uh, Alison Hightower, her two kids or her three
kids, his daughter, her kids, her, her new husband, uh, his brother.
Now that cause you know, his daughter's dating his brother.
Yeah.
I'm like, God dang.
Okay.
Niece and niece and uncle fucking each other.
Yeah.
And then they're all cool with it.
They have, they have this big dinner.
Like he's, he's, he's just, Viserys is fucking on death's door.
He's like, he stands up like, this is what I want.
I just want this to be one big happy family.
I don't want any more squabbles.
I don't want any more arguments.
I don't want any more disputes.
This is, I just, just let this old man have, like, that's all he wanted was his family
to get along, except Rhaenyra says the, uh, the queen, uh, Alison, uh, his kids will be
like, uh, the royalty too.
Everything will be fine.
You just have to accept this and then he fucking leaves, right?
And the minute he leaves, they all start fucking fighting.
Like that's why I have arguments that the fucking, uh, Rhaenyra's is, uh, two sons,
uh, don't like, uh, Alison's, uh, two sons.
Cause they're basically his uncle.
They're basically their uncles.
Yeah.
Alison's, uh, yeah.
Cause they're, they're half brothers.
Yeah.
So it'd be like half uncles.
Yeah.
But they're all close to the same age.
So they all can't fucking stand each other.
I know one of them was like, uh, like, hey cousin or no, hey nephew.
Uh, here getting married to a boy.
By the way, Oh God, I just realized Damon's, uh, also married into the veloneer family,
married one of their daughters who was like 12 at the time.
Oh, she's like, she was like 30 lately, like they jumped like a bunch of years.
Yeah.
And she ends up dying in childbirth and he's got two daughters, two daughters with her.
And so he betrothed both daughters to Rhaenyra's two sons.
So they go back into the family pool.
That gene pool ain't got very much, like really, like a small, like a kid pool.
Yeah.
It doesn't have much fucking diversity in there.
No.
It's like a kiddie pool.
The fucking second Viserys dies in episode nine, right?
He does it at the end of episode eight.
Fucking Otto Hightower, Alison's father gets together with the small council and it turns
out they had secretly been making plans to make Aegon king the minute he died.
I'm like, man, you traitorous motherfuckers, like the fucking second he died, they were
already fucking putting Aegon on the throne.
So it's like, what's his name from Game of Thrones?
Damn it, what was the little conniving son of a bitch?
What, Littlefinger?
Yes.
Nah.
Kind of like that.
He was always doing something.
I guess in Game of Thrones, technically, if we're being like legitimate, right, it would
have to be Stannis Baratheon.
Baratheon's brother would be the legitimate claim to the throne because Joffrey and all
those three, they're all Jaime's kids.
So all that lie.
I swear, man, isn't he good?
So where was I?
Stannis would be the-
He would be the legitimate heir to the throne.
But of course, the Lannisters didn't accept that.
And they killed Ned Stark.
This was led to the freaking war anyway.
And so now, they tried to- so now, at the very- the episode 10, they're all consolidating
their power because they're about to go to war.
And so Rhaenyra sends her son, her second son, to go to Storm's End, I mean with a Baratheon.
And by the way, this milk food you can't read, he brings them a letter, right, from his mom,
the queen?
Yeah.
And they do a ceremony for Aegon, named him king at King's Landing.
They do another one for Rhaenarys at Dragonstone and name her queen.
So now they're both- so now it's a civil war.
Either way, whatever way you look at it, when you name both of them-
Both the heir to the throne.
It's time to, you know, duke it out.
And so she sends her second son to go meet with Boros Baratheon and ask him to readmit
his oath.
Because basically, they're going on the- like, they all took the knee for Otto and Aegon
because they had pretty much like either you take the knee or you end up getting hanged.
And a lot of them took the knee.
Like fucking, I was so mad at fucking cowards.
It was like, I swore an oath and I always take a knee to nobody.
And then on- or back out on my word, but all of them backed out on their word.
So she's trying to affirm who will remain faithful.
Of course, it's Starkwood because they get- they try to get Craig and Stark to reaffirm
his oath.
And so they want to see if the Baratheon will too.
So her son goes there on his dragon.
He gets there and unfortunately Aemon Targaryen is there, which is the second son of Alicent.
And he's actually the more formidable one.
Like Aegon is the lazy like- he's like the Joffrey.
Like the sexual deviant.
Right.
Wants to party.
I guess Joffrey wasn't a sexual deviant.
He was just a deviant.
He was a general, you know?
Yeah.
But Aegon's more like a party animal.
Like, like I said, you know, take women.
So like a Robert Baratheon.
Well, he wasn't violent with them.
Not violent, but he loved to party.
Yeah.
And didn't care as much for the throne as everybody else did.
Yeah, he doesn't- Aegon didn't care at all.
He didn't want to- he actually tried to escape when he found out he was going to get KB Kank.
But his brother caught him.
And so Aemon's the more formidable one.
Like you know, he's a solid dragon rider.
He also has the biggest dragon in all of the world.
Vhagar.
Fucking dragon is huge compared to like if you- like actually like they actually saw
the comparison between one and the other.
Like fucking four times the size of a regular dragon.
Trying to pick him.
He's old too.
And so the second son- I don't even know his name.
So the second son of Rhaenarys gets there.
He lands his dragon in the core room or the courtyard.
And he sees Vhagar in the distance just fucking just chilling in the back.
Just big as fuck.
So he's like, fuck, Aemon's here.
And yeah, Aemon's in the fucking core room or the throne room.
Because all the houses are technically royalty, but they're not royalty royalty.
I don't know what to say.
I guess what would be under royalty?
I guess regal?
It's still royalty.
Right, but they're not really kings, but they do have their own thrones and stuff.
They all own their own land.
And so, but they all have to, you know, swear.
So kind of like a Viscount?
Yeah, basically.
Yeah.
Or like a fiefdom maybe?
Or are they all sort of like, are they're all sort of like-
Because you have the main Targaryens where it's like almost like an emperor.
Yeah.
And then you have the subsidiary.
They're all technically kings in their own right.
Kind of like their own little fiefdoms.
I guess yeah, because like the people under them would not do anything without their leadership.
So you couldn't just like take people from like their soldiers without the consent of
their specific lord.
Their lords, yeah.
So it's kings and lords.
Yeah.
That's where they have their lords basically.
So he brings a letter to Boros Baratheon.
And this motherfucker cannot read because he gets some maester to come in and read it
for him.
So you can't even read, you actually made me mad.
I hit illiterate.
Yeah, you illiterate.
You can't be illiterate and be a leader.
Can't be illiterate and be royalty.
Like that just fucking made me mad.
Like what's the say?
Where the hell's the maester?
So he reads it to him and he doesn't offer, the queen doesn't offer anything to him.
She wants him to reaffirm his oath.
But Aemon had already offered to marry one of his daughters.
And so he's like, so it's basically like a dead end with him.
So I don't know if he's going to break the oath or not, but he has the son of Rhaenyra's
leave.
So before he could leave, Aemon, back when they were kids, he had gotten into a fight
with her two sons, Rhaenyra's sons and the two daughters of Daemon.
Because during the funeral of Daemon's wife from the Veleneer family, he had gone there.
Vhagar used to be her dragon, their mom's dragon.
And Aemon had found the dragon out in the fucking island by himself and he claimed it
as a new rider.
So they got into a bit of a fight with the kids.
They were all kids at the time and he lost his fucking left eye.
He got fucking his left eye chopped off.
And so he wants an eye for an eye.
So he wants her second son to lose an eye.
I think it was just messing around with him because Boras Brathin stops the little alter
cation and has his guards lead the kid out.
He leaves on his dragon, but he gets chased by Aemon and Vhagar and they lose control
of their dragons, both of them.
The kid's dragon shoots fire at Vhagar.
Vhagar fucking flips and fucking eats him.
Like eats the dragon and kills the kid.
And Aemon's like, fuck.
Because he did not mean to do that.
You can really tell in his eyes, he's like, oh no.
He was just fucking with the kid it seemed like.
But he lost control.
Sometimes you can't control a dragon.
Sometimes when you're too low of a level you can't control a Pokemon.
You can't control your Tarizard.
Yeah, sometimes you can't.
And so they both lost control of their dragons because it was storming.
They were in conflict with each other, the two dragons.
So they just fucking lost full control of them.
Plus they have to speak of the dragon in High Valerian because that's the only command that
they know.
They don't understand like Wastrosi.
And High Valerian sounds really cool when they talk.
So it's like their own made up language for the other series.
So the fucking, yeah, the big ass fucking dragon just eats this other one.
Eats it, like just enough, it's just big enough to get its entire body and the fucking wings
just fucking rip off.
So they just fucking fly.
And Aemon's just looking around like, well.
So basically the sun is now the first casualty in the Civil War.
And that's the end of season one.
And I'm like, man, Aemon, you're really fucked up on this one.
Fucked up pretty badly too.
One of the worst things I don't like is that they don't make them relatable.
Like they're clearly leaning toward Rhaenarys and the blacks.
The black clothes.
So you can get.
I don't mean to sound racist.
That's what they're called.
The greens and the blacks.
You're mine with it, I'm not lying.
But yeah, like they're trying too hard to kind of lean in that direction.
To make them the good guys, right?
They're trying to make the greens the bad guys.
But like they never really did.
They did that sort of in Game of Thrones.
But at a certain time you sort of started relating with them and you started to like
some of them.
Like Tywin Lannister was interesting.
And even Joffrey as a bad guy was compelling.
But like they're doing too much leaning for the greens to be that bad.
Like I feel like they should humanize them a little bit more.
Yeah, because even in Game of Thrones, like you were supposed to sympathize more with
the Starks than anybody else.
Right, but man I hate Sansa.
Can I stan Sansa Stark?
She's a bitch.
Yeah.
And Gallobol is a motherfucker.
They tried to make her like fucking like some sort of like Queen of Parent.
Yeah.
Like the season eight and seven.
I'm like where was this Sansa from the whole series?
And then they turned what's her name into a little fucking assassin.
Arya?
Yeah Arya Stark.
Like where somehow she was like the greatest assassin ever.
I guess she didn't build up to it little by little.
I'll say the thing at least.
But she did get too like high leveled at the end of the series like without like that too
much training.
Yeah.
Like they should have like they just like completely like closed down her whole fucking
emotional spectrum.
Yes.
Like I'm just serious all the time now.
Instead of just giving her like actual like making her character still believable.
Right.
It's like I don't know.
They they they may I hated how they ended the series with Brad.
I'm king now.
Like when was this supposed to fall?
I was so fucking living.
When was it?
When did any point in the whole series did they indicate that Brad was going to be a
king?
They really made Daenerys lose her mind.
For no like no reason for no reason.
Just like the last drop of the hat.
Yeah.
Like where she's just a pure psycho.
Like the fucking bells drove her insane.
Yeah.
It was weird.
On top of that like throughout the entire series they were kind of leaning for you
to have sympathy for her as well.
Like for the whole thing.
Yeah.
But she had a motive for most of the things that she was doing and they just like jumped
off that cliff and like fuck it man.
Let's get the season over with.
It was weird.
Get those star starbucks cups and put them on the table.
It was just it was a very weird ending.
So yeah.
So the whole season of House of the Dragon is there's not a lot of like physical like
conflicts right.
Which I find okay if there's enough compelling on the other way.
Because there was so much politicking and I was like I half chub the whole movie or
the whole series.
I'm like I just fell in love with like the actual like the scheming and the plotting
and the and just the goings on to the point that I started playing this game I have on
my Nintendo Switch.
It's like I could probably lead a country better than they can.
And it's called Sourain or Suzy Rain.
I don't know how it's S-U-Z-E and then just the actual rain R-A-I-N but it's all one
word.
And it's a 100% of fucking a president simulator.
Like look like a legit like president simulator that I was not expecting.
Like I like I'm talking to my fucking Minister of Agriculture and Rural Development and like
like let me be a leader and I'm like oh wait wait a minute.
You fucked it all up didn't you?
This is a real leadership like because they're like they're telling me like so our GDP is
three hundred three hundred and ten billion dollars right.
Or in there like it's like Sourain S-R-O-C-Rain is their fucking currency.
Yeah.
But our fucking debt is four hundred and ten billion.
And I'm like God dang.
They're telling me unemployment rates are staggering 16% with inflation at 7%.
Oh fuck.
I'm like they're telling me that the reason they couldn't put a fucking police station
in this fucking city was because there was a government battery dispute.
And I'm like wait a minute is this like real presidential?
It's like this shit's difficult.
Like this is like legit.
So like I'll I'll so I started playing that like I'm going to be now like I don't want
to be a fucking leader like I want to be a king.
I want to fucking learn swordmanship and ride dragons and fucking learn history so I can
be prepared to take the throne when it's my time.
You know what I mean?
Like it gets you in that type of mood.
Now then you'll just eventually be like King Charles where you're like 90 before you finally
get to take over.
Oh yeah.
There's that meme where it's like do I get to be a king now when he's a little kid and
they're still asking like the age of 90.
Fucking 77 years old.
Like is it nice time now?
Now he hits it because his mom wouldn't let it go.
He's like a man.
But if you noticed everything kind of really went off the deep end for them as soon as
she passed away.
And well she was like the like did you see that portrait they made of him?
Shit's blood red.
Like the fuck is that?
That's the choices they make I guess.
But she was really like she was like a pop culture icon at that point.
She's been around for so long and she really didn't do a lot.
Like she wasn't like.
They're not really much for they just aren't they just like a figurehead?
No.
Do they have any leadership?
Technically like they say that they have the that they're symbolic royalty which is kind
of true.
But if you ever look into the actual like the government set up for England they have
some final say so with everything still.
So technically they could dissolve parliament and everything and take over if they wanted
to.
I doubt it.
I don't think that was it.
I don't think the citizenry.
Yeah.
Everyone always thinks like the government could just like open in something and then
you realize the actual uprising.
Right.
But like legally like when I become president of Mexico.
The cartels will be out there.
They better not.
By the way they fucking it's like eight years in Mexican presidency.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Not four.
You got eight fucking years.
You get 60.
If you back to back you get 16 years.
Like God.
That's a long ass time.
That's basically one term.
That's basically two terms in America.
One time.
That's a long fucking time.
You can do a lot in eight years.
Yeah.
Or do nothing in eight years.
True.
You can do either though.
But imagine voting and then they suck really really bad.
You got eight long fucking years.
It's like you're in like six months in.
It's like we got seven and a half more years.
Man.
That would suck though kind of.
I mean I get it.
It'd be kind of I don't know.
It'd be nice and bad in both respects to have an eight year president because they actually
have time that they're not worried about.
But make it one one election.
Like you only only have one term.
Right.
One term but it's eight years automatically.
That's a lot of years.
It is.
But then again two term presidents.
Maybe we should have done that.
Like one term president from now on.
One term but eight years.
And the reason I say eight or even say five or six.
Like you knock it down to where it's like six years.
Say six years.
One term six years.
But six years.
It's not so long that they can mess too much up.
Right.
But it's long enough to actually put whatever plans they were voted to do into place.
I started I decided to start reading a biography on every president.
And I realized how much heart is going to get later further into the future because
like you know Barack Obama is still alive and so it's not really a biography if he's
still doing stuff.
Yes.
So far I have the George Washington like 800 pages one thick ass biography.
I got a book for John Adams.
I actually have two because he wrote a bunch of stuff.
So I have his book and I have his biography.
But like I put they're both the George Washington and the John Adams are both Pulitzer Prize
winning books.
Yeah.
So I'm sure you get the best ones.
Jefferson Jefferson's third.
I haven't got him yet.
I got a good book.
There would be no swivel chair without him.
No what swivel chair swivel chair.
Yeah.
He's one of the chair.
He invented it.
Yeah.
What do you got bored.
If I could just spin this motherfucker I would be fucking that for a little.
I have someone I have you will see as grants memoirs but reading their actual stuff but
I also read their biography.
Yeah.
So their stuff doesn't kind of count because I have the something called the portable John
Adams is just all his writings.
I have his biography and I have fucking three books on my favorite president.
Good old hey Roosevelt.
I was getting ready to mention it.
Yeah.
The dude that gets shot and gives a 90 minute speech.
I fucked this shit.
I got shit to do.
Let me finish this speech up real quick.
Fucking sucks the bullet out of himself.
That's my boy right there.
That dude was built different.
He was built.
He was in his 50s and he was traveling the Amazon wilderness.
I know.
With his son and the only reason he because he got it was bad the expedition so bad that
his son had to drag him out or he would have died there.
So I ain't dying this motherfucker give me a Jaguar to fist fight.
The dude was crazy but like in a good type of like leadership way.
Exactly.
They used to have he used to have fucking boxing matches on the White House lawn.
I know.
And he the only reason he quit because this fucking military guy that he fought and hit
him so hard in his left eye he lost a little bit of vision.
He's like I'm blind enough as it is.
I can't lose any more eyesight.
He has so fucking hard.
He's like I'm done.
That's a president.
You know you're like kind of badass whenever anime makes you into like a stereotypical
character like that like Eskimo or from that's supposed to be model after.
Think about it.
It is.
It's kind of is the same mustache.
Yeah.
It's the Teddy Roosevelt of like anime characters.
You know he went he he dove into a sunken ship to retrieve to two revolvers that became
his icon weapons.
The real life is wild.
I'm not sure.
Imagine watching Joe Biden or Trump do that.
I imagine Joe Biden fucking the diamond fucking 300 feet and he pulls out a fucking musket
like what's up.
I mean you know you see fucking Donald Trump like fucking skin in the deer on the fucking
Oval Office.
I'm not just cut this deer.
But I could never think of any like modern president doing any of those things going
back even Barack Obama George Bush Bill Clinton.
I couldn't see any of them doing it.
Wait wait till I'm president.
I'll bring it back like a fucking beast.
You'll be you'll be spent roasting a pig though because you're Mexican.
You dig out one of those like underground like fire pits.
Just roast the pig and banana leafs and shit.
But you fist fight mountain lions in the woods.
You go out to the Rockies.
I come back the Secret Service all fucking pale white and I'm fucking gonna claw mark
across my chest and a jaguar over my shoulder.
I caught this son of a bitch.
I do have a fantasy of being so city oriented.
I have a fantasy of being like a good old fucking mountain man.
But then I realized like is that a fucking spider?
It's like the duality of your personality right?
The person you feel you want to be and the person you really are.
If I just hop on a fucking horse and go fucking like horseback riding.
And then you look at the horse like that's kind of high up there.
I wonder if like I could like just like reinvent myself into the fucking good old mountain
man.
Fucking outdoors.
I got my fucking sink shooter.
I can fucking pull out my gun in 0.5 seconds.
Get your sink shooter.
You got your hatchet.
You got I got my fucking fish fish scale cowboy boots.
My fucking sombrero.
What's your name?
Goddamn poncho via.
You'd be the person where it's like I'm going to the desert.
But fuck you.
It's hot out there.
Just to be out in the wilderness by myself.
If I hear some creepy noise and I guess I'm dead.
I'm going home.
Although you got to get better than when we went down to the high.
I was fucking dying.
Probably not the best to be wearing the worst fucking clothes for hiking.
Yeah.
Fucking jeans and a fucking tee.
I should have been wearing shorts and like fucking.
I don't know.
I fixed all my medical problems.
Just go out there and fucking live the wild.
Yeah.
Then come back and be a fucking rootin tootin mountain man.
Mountain man.
Be a good fucking.
I'd be a gunslinger or something.
Be something new.
Go fucking diving in the fucking sunken ship and pull out some fucking gold.
The balloons.
Oh, have you seen those?
That reminds me.
Have you seen those videos off of I think it was Florida area where the those sharks
are attacking people out there.
I'll fight a shark with my bare hands.
It's like gruesome though.
I know like that it is.
You know the shit comes up on X obviously.
But like there's a lady that's got like a half moon shame taken out of her calf.
Ouch.
She's just twitching.
You know what people don't realize?
I guess because they in their head right they give a fist fight a bear right?
Yes.
And I used to have that same type of like thought like man if I like if it was like
just me and then like if I had no choice right I'd have to win against if I get some bear
right?
Yeah.
But then I saw a bear run at full speed.
I was like God.
Yeah.
Because it's big right?
But that motherfucker can't move.
That told me right there 800 pounds fucking steam rolling toward you is came over.
You're dead.
Better start fucking running back.
Like those people that think that buffalo are all nice and docile and shit.
Cave your skull in.
Well they're they're big enough and they're heavy enough they can derail a steam engine.
Damn.
Big boys.
And they used to.
Back whenever there was like 50 million of them on the Great Plains.
Is it legal to hunt buffalo?
Not on the reserves now.
You can raise them.
You can actually raise them as cattle.
Oh cool.
That's why you can have bison like bison meat and stuff like that.
Yeah.
So you can actually domesticate them.
Yeah.
It's so weird like I feel like I want to be a hunter but at the same time my my PETA personality
it's like hurting poor animals for no reason.
And then you but see you can't be true PETA because then you go eat a burger.
Exactly.
I'm conflicted.
God they do out of man.
I love animals and I see cows and they're all nice and then I got to have a hamburger.
I'm like how do I rationalize this.
Just think chicken.
They're little bastards.
So like like I want to hunt deer or you know hunt a crocodile or something.
And then like you know the deer is like.
You see it and it's like fuck.
Right.
Like I wouldn't do it and just like fucking leave like done I'm done.
Like you know you actually are like you know like that guy that hunted that wolf and left
him in that bar dying.
I'm like that's fucked up.
Yeah.
It's like I don't know it's like my duality of like a guy there's a real fucking turmoil
in the person I am and the person I want to be.
It's like two face you got two sides.
Like I want to be fucking Arthur Morgan from Red Dead Redemption 2 but at the same time
I want to still want to like.
One of them is going to win.
Hopefully the right one does.
It'll be the mountain man that wins.
If it's starting to feel like it if I could really fucking fix my body man I'll be out
there just fucking climbing Mount Everest.
As long as you don't play boogie.
Two eight eight nine I think is the hashtag where he faked cancer.
That fat fuck.
Yeah.
I never liked him because he's such a fucking liar.
Boogie.
Yeah.
Boogie.
Well he would fake cancer for like a year.
He did.
I think he does that all the time.
He does like ailments and stuff.
Yeah.
To get sympathy for people.
Yes.
Did he fucking pull his dick out on a live stream.
Yeah I think he did.
Yeah.
There was so much like fat.
Yes.
That was nothing.
Yeah.
He's also the one that put out a documentary on himself saying that.
Yeah like it cost me this to have a portion.
I'm like.
Well and also that he like where he was going out with this a prostitute and she slept with
him one night and she quit the job in industry.
Damn.
It was so bad.
I never liked.
I don't know.
He just seems like an asshole.
Or like no what he does is like.
No he's like a Cartman level like fat guy.
Like where you know how Cartman acted during that like World of Warcraft series.
No when he was like just huge.
Huge and an asshole.
Well I don't know like I don't mean to call him a fat fuck like I would be in like body
shaming but like.
It's fine.
I'm fat so it's cool.
Not that.
It's just that I mean to say like personality is just like he's like he's like one of those
like victim.
Victim mentality cards.
Yeah.
Like everything he does is like he's the victim.
What was me?
And he wants a sympathy.
Yes.
And that's why I don't.
He also just got people involved in a crypto scam.
He also just like there's a guy named Jeremy that he's the quartering.
Like he used to cover Magic the Gathering and stuff like that but he's like a like he
described it as a frenemy situation with Boogie because he knew him for a long time and he's
known him for a long time and he would give him some sympathy where it's like you know
what he's mentally not there you know whatever where he'd have a little bit of conversation
with him or something like their DMS and stuff.
But like he said this last night I said dude I can't do this shit no more.
He's like I can't have sympathy for somebody that is this fucking stupid.
Like and it like he's not.
It doesn't seem a stupid.
I think he knows exactly what he's doing.
I think he does but it's like a not mentally stupid but action oriented stupid.
So like where you're just doing stupid shit where you lie to people constantly like I
don't know how he does it.
But yeah he faking cancer too now and he got called out on one of these streams that he
was up on where they're like I'll pay you between all of them they'll pay him eighty
thousand dollars to prove that he has cancer.
Well I can't do that because I don't want my information out there.
And he claims he's broke.
Yeah they're offering 80 grand.
A few of those before.
But they're offering 80 grand for him just to show the paperwork like not personal information
really.
Just his name and the diagnosis of cancer.
That's it.
Like who would if you were suffering from cancer and you had no money.
They're offering you 80 just to just to show a paper saying you know boogie whatever is
diagnosed with cancer.
Whatever his real name is because I can't remember.
But it's not that hard to get a doctor's note even to say yes.
He has cancer.
Get a fucking doctor a fake doctor to come in and pretend that I couldn't even do that.
I couldn't even put any effort.
The effort.
Like he's so good at like leading people on through these stairs and shit.
Or the I just can y'all just send me a dollar.
A dollar.
Just a dollar.
But come on now.
I hate that fake victim stuff.
I have I've lost all respect for people that do that now where it's like I'm a victim.
Like the world is out to get me at some point.
It's like no it's not.
Like yeah everybody has dealt a hand of cards.
This motherfucker has like millions of subscribers on YouTube or something.
I know and he tries to scam these people every fucking time.
It's like you're doing more than better than all of us.
Like he said I'm going to delete all my social media.
He still has his YouTube up.
Like because we know that this thing is trying to make money in cancer.
Like come on now.
Like the whole like the faking anything is annoying anyway.
But the whole victim mentality shit has got to end at some point.
Like like I said everybody's dealt a hand of cards.
Some people get bad you know bad hands.
We got the fucking royal flush.
Yeah.
But everybody can do something.
Like you can have a horrible hand in poker and you can still win.
Am I going to bluff my way through it?
Yeah I guess.
But you can do it.
I can try.
But the possibilities are not set in stone.
There's at least chance involved in a lot of things.
There's effort in a lot of things.
On my back.
There's effort in your back hurting.
There's a bad bad that I had to fix.
See but you can be on you can be on here.
Can y'all send me a dollar for a new bed?
I just want a little bit of fucking comfort.
I call up these whole nights.
Send me a good old safe shader.
I got to do a high noon.
You got a duel?
Pow pow pow.
Be a rugged mountain man.
Go out there.
It'd be funny if during the old west if they had the whole thing where it's like we're
gonna have a duel and it's like the duel.
They fucking want the little carry ones.
They come out of nowhere.
You're so fucking hilarious.
Do a parody of that.
We're gonna have a duel at high noon.
I saw that.
Your move.
Oh man.
Remember someone said like in dueling like it's not really there's not really a high
noon duel it's like I guess if I was in the old west and like some guy was like I'm gonna
kill you meet me back here at noon tomorrow.
I probably just shoot him right then.
Yeah.
Might as well get it over with.
The minute he fucking turns his back blow his fucking head.
Like what does it matter what does it matter to you at that point?
Fuck the honors.
Fuck the honor.
What does it matter about the honor?
Oh I'm a Loki character.
Come out on top because I out think everybody.
So what are we dueling?
We're dueling tomorrow at noon.
All right.
And he fucking turns around.
So much for dueling tomorrow at noon.
Or if you don't want to kill him like right away it's like kneecap.
It's like we'll see you walk out there then.
Nah, I wouldn't chance at it if he turns around and fucking starts blasting back.
I was like, oh my knee catch took training.
We said, I have a fucking shooter at the bar.
The bartender's like, don't do this again, Jeremiah.
Don't have another shoot out in my bar.
There was one story about these two guys
that hated each other.
They kept trying to kill each other.
And one would get the upper hand and hurt the other one.
But that guy would survive and then he'd come back,
hurt him, he would survive.
Eventually, one of them was like, fuck it.
He catches the guy, ties him to a fucking fence post,
and then he shoots all his limbs and then finally in the head
to make sure he died.
So he's like, fucking arms, arms, legs, legs,
cock, stomach, head shot.
I'm like, he had to make sure.
Because they were dueling like fucking,
they were like shooting each other like every other day.
So he's like, let me just fucking settle this once and for all.
And then he's John Wick and he gets back up again.
Man, that's something.
Like, it's so weird.
It's so weird, like, if you just read a lot of history books,
you have enough information for it.
People, if you put it in a fucking movie,
they'll think you're a fucking genius.
Like, how did he come up with this stuff?
Like, I don't.
I just steal it from history.
Oh, I'm doing this telling history stories?
Yeah, basically just retelling history stories
in a fictional setting.
Because I mean, that's a real lot of history.
That's weirder than real life sometimes.
A lot of times.
Yeah.
What is it?
Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes.
It's not fucking, it's no joke, it's true.
I'm gonna start reading a bunch of history books
to make my movies better.
Just steal half of the shit there.
Because like that family stuff,
like in Game of House of Dragons, right?
That's just like, you know, the story.
True royalty.
Yeah, things.
Stuff they've been doing forever.
Just different names and.
He just like, I'm sure R.R. George, R.R. Martin.
R.R. Martin.
The myopic manatee.
Just read a bunch of fucking history books
on medieval like Hegel and the stuff.
Just like, you know, he had a good idea.
But he tweaked it to fit a fantasy setting.
There you go.
Very true.
So all you gotta do is just, you know,
really like learn the history of your world.
And then you can reinvent it into a fictional world.
Same with like science fiction.
Like really study actual scientific breakthroughs
and scientific theories.
And you can rework them to fit a sci-fi story.
Like I said, I'm making random shit up.
That's what I liked about Stargate.
A lot of things that happened in Stargate.
Like where the episodes would center around
some kind of new technology that they found
and, you know, explaining it.
But there's a lot of scientific,
like thought put into the show.
Yeah.
I know Star Trek.
I haven't watched Star Trek.
So I've been trying to read more non-fiction.
Yeah.
You can read a lot of things though.
Yeah, I've been trying to.
Got that YouTube.
It's like a portal that sucks you in.
Like I can't get away from a fucking black hole.
I'm stuck at the God-thanks center of it.
Just all this information flowing around you.
Like it's like, if you can,
like if I could shut off the YouTube watching,
like the binge watching,
and just like solely focus on reading books
and like learning, you know, how to write better
and learn English grammar and more vocabulary
and just like understanding like actual like,
like if I wrote like a movie about like ancient Egypt,
where like a treasure hunter is trying to find
Cleopatra's tomb or something.
Like if I knew more about Cleopatra,
I could make him feel more authentic.
And so just making shit up randomly.
And then she was, she actually used to carry a dildo.
It was 18 inches long.
Oh, I've seen that episode of the boys.
Oh my God.
Like I did that.
It's like, if I just made that up right.
But you know, she actually had a,
she tried to make a vibrator out of like bees, I think.
I don't know if that's true or not.
I have to read it.
Cleopatra, girl's a freak.
She also wrapped herself up into a rug to fuck Mark Antony.
Oh yeah, they flaked it over and she's like, ta-da.
Yeah.
What's funny is there's an anime
that they actually use that trope in
because it's a guy that gets summoned to another world,
obviously that happens all the time in anime.
But it's called the realist hero saves the kingdom
or something like that.
Cause he's not like overly powered
in like magical abilities or anything.
He just, he brings his like realist ideas to this world.
Like where it's like,
I think it was towards the end of the first season
where this girl that's trying to get herself married
to him basically at the end.
And there's a guy, he's like, I offer you these rugs.
Will you take these rugs as a true gift?
And he's like, she's hiding in there ain't she?
She's like, how did you know that?
I wish I was seeing.
Exactly.
Okay, she sees her feet sticking out on the back end.
Well he's like, yeah, in my world that actually happened.
Yeah.
With Cleopatra.
Yeah.
So it's like, they take some of the little elements
and put them into the anime itself,
like little historical facts and stuff like that.
That's cool.
I like when there's actual history stories
or little stuff like that, I love that.
Like he teaches them agriculture,
like that you're supposed to rotate your crops
and stuff like that.
Like that's why it's called realist,
because he's just a realist.
Right.
Like that story I told you about the guy,
the people that fell into that fucking vat of shit.
Yeah.
Can't make that up.
No.
Man, he's in a fucking ocean of shit.
Ha ha ha.
Oh, that'd be horrible.
That'd be a horrible way to go.
Yeah, like you try to pull yourself up right,
you take a deep breath and just a whole fucking log.
You take a deep breath and just a whole fucking log.
That's so horrible.
I guess I gotta read more history.
I gotta put away my fiction books for the time.
For the time being?
Because like Stephen King says,
like he reads only fiction,
because he's a storyteller.
Yeah.
And I realized if I, I gotta read fiction too
to also understand storytelling.
Yes.
So I can't just leave fiction completely out of the-
But then nonfiction for the true life.
Nonfiction for the knowledge
and fiction for the storytelling element
or learning how to be a better storyteller.
Yeah.
I just gotta fucking drop the fucking YouTube.
I gotta throw my TV out the window, basically.
Get a hammer and just break it.
My goal was to read 300 books this year.
I'm at two.
What?
Ha ha ha.
You're trying to play cat Williams
and say you read $300 or 300 books?
The only difference is I'm gonna actually record
the book I wrote so I can actually improve.
Cat Williams.
You know what, I read like a thousand books.
Like 6,000 books in one afternoon on a Tuesday.
It's like, sure you did, okay.
Now you don't talk like a man that's read a lot of books.
Like I don't wanna talk like an asshole.
Like you don't talk like a-
He read the Emerald Tablet, remember that?
I was reading this book and I found out that,
you know we get cancer every day?
Mm-hmm.
But your body filters it out?
Yeah, I didn't know that.
I was like, fuck.
Yeah.
What happens like when you actually
consider diagnostically cancer?
It's un-fucking controllable.
Exactly.
Just start mutating your body.
Mm-hmm, cause your DNA gets messed up
by radiation every day.
Yeah.
I was like, damn.
Fuck I wrote that down.
Just something like a little tidbit of knowledge.
Yeah, I like to keep stuff like that.
Makes me happy, makes me horny.
That's information we didn't need.
That's not a tidbit that we want.
Information makes me horny.
Guess that's it for House of Dragon.
Kind of devolves further out.
But I'll keep trying my little presidential campaign
and see how I do.
I'll let you guys know.
Ha ha ha.
I guess next week, I know I got to tell you guys
cocaine and bear and all this stuff,
but I did watch those movies.
But I guess it was not enough information.
So I'm just gonna pick whatever randomly
and then talk about it instead of telling you guys beforehand.
Yeah.
Cause that might change my mind
or it might not be as good as I thought.
That'd probably be the smartest thing anyway cause.
I fucking, the next day is like something different.
Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
Well yeah, don't worry about the wise kids you know.
It'll be back.
I just gonna finish up the five more episodes of season three.
And no, the people that watched it were not had.
We never told you it was the full episodes,
especially when they're only 30 minutes long.
20 minutes.
You're still gonna be like, 20 minutes?
You expect the whole half of a season?
And for people that listen to the podcast,
we post like the segments cut down a little bit
and then put them on YouTube, right?
So it doesn't have like our little back and forth
and stuff like that.
It's just like the body of the segment.
We posted on YouTube as a normal video.
Right.
Well, we've got people put on there.
It's like, I've been had.
I thought this was the full season
of the smartest kids you know.
The full fuck is either on in 24 fucking minutes.
It's like, well, you know, I didn't.
Each of the episodes is 24 fucking minutes.
How do you think we condensed it all
at fucking times four speed?
Just over here talking like Ben Shapiro.
Just like.
He's fucking going on.
He's rattling off real fast.
I swear, man.
No one, no one, no one got had.
The first one's sacred.
Yeah, so like I thought he also got fucking tricked.
I'm not trying to trick you.
The video doesn't say like the full episode.
Right.
And it says on their seasons.
And then what we talk about, right?
It's a, it doesn't have all the extra information on there.
Maybe we should fucking post like podcast rehash
or something so they know it's not a verbal thing.
Yeah, but if you want to find the whitest kids you know,
you can watch it for free on YouTube.
Yeah, it's like all over the place.
Yeah, like they have every season on YouTube.
So if you want to actually physically watch it.
They have their own YouTube channel.
So you guys can watch their channel.
Yeah, yeah.
Subscribe to them.
Like, it's fine.
Like comment and subscribe.
Now, obviously for anybody listening to the podcast,
you know.
Enjoy the podcast.
Enjoy my podcast.
You're not, you're not being hoodwinked.
Not even the slightest.
You're not expecting to actually see the episodes.
Right.
I just thought I'd throw that information out there
because I found it funny.
I haven't got that though on the,
because we post the same videos to Rumble and Odyssey
as well, but people have not, you know,
claimed anything.
Right.
I mean, and shit, just trying to get the stuff
through YouTube censorship is pure hell.
Like we have to put a, a transparent logo across it
because they'll try to claim that it's not fair use.
So it's like, I'm not trying to show just the videos.
Right.
Like you can put a 10 second clip
and they'll try to claim that stuff.
So. Damn.
That's why I do like the, like posting stuff to Spotify
and Apple music, stuff like that.
It doesn't have video number one, but number two,
you're not having to go through and like censor
every little thing like with YouTube.
Just, you know, a little inside baseball on that.
I'm sure there's a bunch of people that'll do YouTube
and stuff like that.
I don't know what I'm talking about though.
So if I like saying, bro, say.
Exactly.
Everybody does it at this point.
All right.
For our character spotlight today,
we have brother I or omac.
Oh yeah.
I forgot.
I talked about that earlier last week.
No.
So that weird convoy that I can't get over,
like I gotta finish it.
I gotta find it again.
All right.
So the omacs, like originally the omacs are cyborgs,
human bodies transformed by a virus
and the living machines to assassinate any
and all beings with superpowers.
Oh.
The virus was created by Brainiac 13 nanotechnology.
I thought it was Batman's thing.
Like he always does something.
No, originally not him.
No. Okay.
It was created by Brainiac 13.
Was it like a big like event or was it just like a mini?
I never understood what was going on.
The original thing was called omac project,
but then there was brother I and everything else
that Batman had influence in.
You remember that weird story
where it was like an underground uprising?
It was in the same,
I think it was in the same like little preview comic book
because we had that,
we bought that comic book that had the omac story
and it had like little bits of all sorts of stories
that were gonna be upcoming for the year.
And one of them was like Uncle Sam,
like rolling up his sleeves
because he had come back from like,
and he was getting ready for a fight or something.
I don't remember that either.
And you remember how Uncle Sam gets his powers right?
From the spirit of the-
The country.
American justice or something.
Like it's how much people love the country.
You get stronger, which is a weird superpower.
Like right now it would be an all time low.
Just a frail old man at this point.
Like a Saris Sargerian.
Exactly, just lesions all over him and stuff.
So again, these, the omac cyborgs were created
by Brainiac 13's nanotechnology,
which had been acquired by the US Department of Defense
and Lex Corp.
And then they were secretly introduced
into general vaccine supplies.
You motherfuckers.
Yeah.
The omacs are featured in the mini series,
The Omac Project.
Okay.
That leads up to the Infinite Crisis series.
So we have Brother MK1, or Mark 1, I guess,
if you wanna go by Marvel's standards,
what MK means.
The new omacs are controlled by Brother MK1, the satellite.
The Brother MK1 was created by Batman
and programmed by Pseudo Persons Incorporated,
their scientist buddy Blank,
who in this retelling of the story
is a partner of Wayne Industries.
Its sole purpose was to gather data on all medic humans,
both villain and superhero.
Batman had grown distrustful of medic humans
after remembering that the Justice League
altered his memories following an altercation
with Dr. Light in Identity Crisis.
Okay.
So this is how Identity Crisis,
your favorite mini series, ties into the actual omacs.
So he had become paranoid, basically.
Right, but I was like.
Because after remembering.
My damn memories.
Exactly.
And whenever Zatanna wiped his entire memories.
I think that was an outsider issue I had once
where he was talking to Nightwing
and Batman was like, I don't remember something.
Then they did a little flashback
in black and white of him getting hit in the face
by something.
I guess it was Zatanna hit him with a spell.
If I think back about it now.
Elsie's the Vattered Green Arrow, I can't remember which.
I know one of them did it though.
But yeah, that's when it came back to him
and he's like, oh, hell no.
There was also the issue that Deathstroke
was disguised as Batman.
Talking to Speedy.
Yeah.
And they got into a fight
because Speedy felt that it wasn't Batman.
Because Batman was talking to Nightwing back at the Batcave
and they get into an altercation
and of course Deathstroke's beating his ass.
And he actually stops the fight at a respect to Speedy
because apparently Speedy had taken a bullet to the heart.
He's like, oh, that must have been quite a thing.
And he fucking dips.
And I'm like, I started thinking like,
that'd be a great character trait for a character
to take a shot to the heart.
Yeah.
But I was researching it,
how it would be realistic if it were from a man.
That would be something.
Coming back from a shot to the heart.
Yeah.
That would not be good.
The way I saw my character was he was a sidekick
to an adventurer.
And there was an altercation maybe
between the ages of 13 and 18.
Like a sidekick to all these different characters.
And he would, there would be an altercation at 18
and he would accidentally be shot in the heart.
And it would take years and years of reparative surgery.
So he would be in his late 30s now,
coming back no longer the sidekick,
but there would be so much lore from his past
that could just make up for him
as he returned back to the world of adventuring.
Right.
And that's how, that's the story I'm making right now,
was like, that's what happened to him.
So that way when I can, that could be the actual start.
And that's how my character would be like
out of the game for so long.
Right.
And he comes back and the first movie
would be having him like psychologically
feel like his heart's not there.
Even though it's fine.
Repaired.
After all these years, it's fine.
So throughout the first movie,
he'd be like struggling to like, you know,
cause he's psychologically,
like psychologically feels like he's like,
like a little short of breath, tired,
like always like rubbing his chest.
And feeling like a pain.
In his chest, right?
And then at the end of the movie,
like he would finally overcome that psychological barrier.
So he's back to being a-
Kind of like how Iron Man had that same type of thing.
That's what I was thinking.
Like it would be his same,
I guess they didn't really do much about,
well, in the first movie they kind of did,
but it wasn't until the third movie,
like he finally got it repaired.
Right, where he got the shrapnel removed.
Yeah. Yeah.
So it would be that, like that.
And like at the end of the, like finally he,
cause I want to keep him as a sidekick.
And then when he comes back, he's his own full hero,
but he still has all those like,
like history with all the other characters.
So I'd be like, well, look who's back.
You know what I mean?
Like, I just want to build a full of huge lore world.
And I had to find a way to like,
why is he not an adventurer now,
when he was, when he was younger.
So I had to find a, something to stop him.
That is a good thing though.
Like that's a good premise where he got hurt
in such a way that he can't.
For years, right.
And then he finally comes back
and like the world has changed a lot.
So he's trying to readjust everything.
He's trying to meet up old friends and old enemies.
Cause you could even have it where,
right before he goes back into adventuring,
he still has that psychological thing too,
while he's trying to physically prepare for it again.
Yeah, like, like he's getting his stuff ready, right?
And like he's just sitting at the table
and he's like breathing hard.
Like you can hear his heartbeat.
He's like thinking, like, like in the car,
the heart beats, but like it beats off beat.
So I'm telling you, I'm trying to build a fucking movie.
It's gonna be fucking gold.
Just give me time, baby.
If I can throw my TV out the window.
You gotta throw the TV out the window first.
Yes I do.
All right, so Alexander Luther Jr.
later gave the satellite sentience as part of his plans.
Maxwell Lord recently promoted
to the top rank of checkmate,
subverted the original mission of the brother MK1 satellite
by inculating a fear and a suspicion
of all metahumans to it.
The first OMAC test subject was named Buddy Blank
after the scientist who programmed the satellite originally.
The OMAC's history may be more recent
than brother MK1's itself.
Equus and Pellate, formerly featured in Superman for Tomorrow,
are later denounced as former iterations of the OMAC concept.
And JLA classified an all mechanical OMAC
as an enemy of the metal man.
Since then, the design has improved to the current form
with little to no changes to the base model though.
So then we have brother I.
When Maxwell Lord brainwashed Superman to kill Batman,
Wonder Woman broke Lord's neck
to free Superman from his control.
Yeah, they don't say the fact
that she fucking turned that bitch backwards.
Yeah.
She didn't just break it.
And they talk about Queen Maeve like Wonder Woman, holy shit.
Fucking, she fucking twisted his whole fucking neck.
You know, that's one thing too,
like with the boys versus the Justice League,
everybody, you know, they have their comparisons.
So like Queen Maeve would be the iteration
of the Sevens Wonder Woman.
But if you put them against each other, oh my God.
Like Wonder Woman.
The scissor would be fierce.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
I think Queen Maeve may lose that one.
Ha ha.
Okay.
Because Lord Pro offered the solution
while held by the His Last Will of Truth,
Diana believed this was the only course of action possible.
She was fiercely criticized
from many quarters of the universe after that though.
So brother MK1 rechristened in itself brother I,
initiated the King is Dead protocol,
specifically designated to use
in the event of Lord's death.
Damn.
It ordered all of OMAX, all 1,373,462 of them.
I love that this is a specific number.
To attack and kill all the metahumans on earth
and destroy Checkmate.
Is there even another?
Which is what?
A million?
It's got better like, damn they're not heroes.
Yeah.
And this is what kind of took place in that prequel thing
where they're all activated, they're all ready to go.
So why were they chasing that one specific guy?
I'm just making sure I want to know.
Group Supergirl effort stopped the attack
using an EMP blast as well as a shut down command
given by Sasha Bordeaux,
who had become a third generation cyborg
linked to brother I, now designated Black Knight I.
So it had changed his name again.
These measures effectively free the majority
of the OMAX hosts from their nanotech forms
and reduce the number of OMAX to roughly 200,000.
So it reduced the number by, you know, what, a sixth?
Still a fucking powerful ass fucking air base still.
That is a shit ton of them.
So then in the infinite crisis,
we had truth and justice, right?
In response to satellite broadcast footage
of Wonder Woman executing Maxwell Lord.
So it wasn't like just the news crew that had been there,
it was the brother I that did it.
Should be on X too.
Yes.
Oliver, Wonder Woman snaps his motherfucking neck.
And before it like, it was preceded by the word murder
and capital letters.
Murder, question mark, question mark.
And it was posted to all media outlets all over the world
destroying her reputation in the process.
After this brother I initiated the final protocol
called truth and justice.
By having all the remaining OMAX, the 200,000 of them,
invade and attack her homeland Themyscira
to wipe out all of the Amazons.
Damn.
Because she's the one that killed Maxwell Lord.
So it's just a revenge plot?
Like a programming set up.
Maxwell Lord had some of this already set up
to where if he was killed.
Oh, uh.
He ended up to the murderer?
Mm-hmm.
Brother I and being an artificial intelligence,
figured it out.
It was revealed that Alexander Luther Jr.
was the one who wrestled control of brother I
away from Batman.
He used it to program his multiverse tuning fork
and redirect its energy where he needed it
as part of an attempt to recreate Earth two
and in turn a perfect Earth.
Brother I continues to aid Alexander Luther
by remapping out the multiverse
and helping to guard the tuning fork with its OMAX.
Reasoning that it would eliminate the need for heroes
like those who Batman have created it to monitor
by aiding in the creation of a perfect Earth.
So the AI system thought that,
if there's a perfect Earth,
there won't be no need for metahumans.
And that was like how Batman had it monitoring
all the metahumans to begin with.
So then we go into the downfall of brother I.
So Batman leads a collection of superheroes
consisting of Hal Jordan, John Stewart, Green Arrow,
Mr. Terrific, Black Lightning, Black Canary,
and the new Blue Beetle, Metamorpho,
Booster Gold, and Sasha Bordeaux
to Earth's orbit using intel from Booster Gold
and Ted Kord's spaceship.
So that's how they found brother I.
Okay.
So Blue Beetle Scarab allows him to find
and reveal brother I's hidden location above the Earth
by negating its vibrational frequency
because it's kind of like phased out
to where you can't see it.
Oh, it's like there's a little invisibility.
But just like out of phase, just slightly enough.
Brother I sends the omacs and the two groups clash.
With the two Green Lanterns fighting off most of the omacs
and brother I's defenses,
the hero's ship crashes into brother I.
Metamorpho provides an oxygen supply
as Blue Beetle and Booster Gold
stay with the ship to guard it.
As Blue Beetle later assists in the destruction
of the device that brother I used to hide it in orbit
and the rescuing of some of the other heroes.
Batman goes to distract brother I
by shutting off the central computer.
Although brother I tries to distract him
by showing him Nightwing's confrontation
with Superboy Prime.
Just like at the time.
Like, yeah, look at this Batman.
If I can just zoom in, check, pulls out her titties.
Oh shit.
Because he's like, take a little bit.
It's what's going on.
What's going on?
Look over here.
Look at this Batman.
Help.
How about you look at this real quick.
That's the most childish shit.
Oh no, look over here.
Batman's like, what the fuck?
Fucking hilarious.
Looks like I've all played this most childish.
Well, no.
Look over here.
Look, cow on my shoulder titties.
Where?
Sasha, linked to Oracle, goes to upload every computer virus
on Earth into brother I's system,
as well as trying to prevent the artificial gravity
from shutting down.
Black Canary goes to the surveillance room
to use her sonic scream to blind the eye.
So the actual monitoring device.
I love the rationale.
Let's blind this eyeball by screaming at it.
Yeah.
I love this.
It's not Green Arrow shooting an arrow into the eyeball.
It's her screaming.
That's somehow going to rupture his eye fucking soggy.
Black Lightning and Mr. Terrific go to the memory bank
so that Black Lightning fries as much of the circuitry
as possible, while Mr. Terrific, invisible
to machines and electronics, delivers the fatal blow
by knocking brother I off of orbit using
his orbital thrusters.
She never had Black Lightning, though.
You remember that?
It busted her red and busted his memory banks.
Wasn't there a weird thing where he says, like,
she never been hit by Black Lightning, though?
Yeah, I think so.
It was like some ice woman or something.
You remember that?
I think I do remember that.
I was like, what?
Never had that Black Thunder.
He just got hit by a fucking thunderstorm.
What, you got Black Lightning?
You don't like regular?
Did you guys really write this?
Yes, I did.
The plan works, and brother I is deactivated.
All of the remaining active OMAC shut down,
releasing their hosts.
So all the nano bots would have basically
fall out of their host.
They come out and just fucking shit them out.
That would suck.
Just ripped asses everywhere.
Just fucking shitting.
As all of the other heroes evacuate brother I,
as it begins falling from orbit onto Earth,
falling apart in the process.
It tries to take Batman down with it, though,
telling him he can never trust the costumed heroes again
after what they had done to him.
Batman, however, says that he will take his chances
and accepts Hal's Jordan's aid in getting to safety.
So he's like, you know what?
Fuck you, brother I. I don't want to die with you.
After crash landing in Saudi Arabia,
brother I tries to download its systems into Sasha
as a means of self-preservation.
But Sasha manages to destroy the satellite,
freeing herself from the nano bots infecting her.
Then we have the Michael Kozner part.
So DC released DCU, A Brave New World, in June 20th.
The hell is it?
The Brave New World?
That was the actual preview comic.
A Brave New World in June 2006,
which was the epilogue to the OMAC limited series.
Brother I has not fully decommissioned
and lies in a NORAD facility.
Or a NORAD facility.
That's what happened to brother I at the end.
So after it crash landed, all that other kind of stuff,
technically it's fully decommissioned,
but it's in a NORAD facility.
So Michael Kozner is the last OMAC unit,
kept it as an emergency backup and brother I calls to him.
This brother I has corrupted programming
and now believes all humans need to be subjugated
and or exterminated, whether metahuman or not.
So now it went from just metahumans to,
fuck everybody, man.
It has also recently begun to manifest
disassociative behavior with at least two personalities
now being heard in the OMAC's internal conversations.
Nice.
This is a bipolar personality.
The 2006 OMAC limited series,
and not to be confused with the 2005 OMAC project
limited series, follows the last OMAC, Michael Kozner.
So that's the character that we were talking about.
Yeah.
Brother I attempts to make Kozner rebuild itself,
but is forced to face his wrath when Kozner begins,
regains control of both of his forms, human and OMAC,
and subsequently destroys brother I again.
Although a tiny fraction of it is still active.
Damn, there's only one little piece left.
And then we have the countdown to final crisis.
A portion of brother I was later retrieved
and rebuilt by Buddy Blank,
a former scientist from Wayne Industries.
This portion meets with the time traveling karate kid,
who is, I see, yes.
I don't know why I found it so,
a fucking guy just comes out of the fucking portal
from time and is like, ha ha ha.
You remember who he looks like?
No.
Where he supposedly knows all martial arts.
Oh God.
Karate kid.
The karate kid.
He's one of the, what is the legion of superheroes?
The future 31st century.
Oh, he's one of those?
Yeah, yeah, he's from.
It'd be funny if they had the epilogue
for all the characters after like this.
Let's say it was a mini series of all the characters, right?
Yeah.
And like, it shows what happened to them
after the mini series.
It's like karate kid, a mysterious shot in an owl.
And they, ha ha ha.
All that shit, he gets stuck in a shot in the heart.
Cause they didn't play fair.
It's like, oh fuck.
Oh, by the way, that Penguin mini series
from the Matt Reeves, the Batman.
Yeah.
It's coming out in September.
Oh really?
I don't know if it's a mini series
or if it's a seasonal thing,
but it starts, the episode started dropping in September.
Oh cool.
Where the Penguin trying to,
cause Sade's power.
Yeah.
And become the new crime boss of Gotham.
It's like, it's almost like right after the movie too,
cause the flood's still out there.
Cause look what that mad man did.
The Moswell couple, but.
What's it supposed to be on?
Is it supposed to be a man?
It's supposed to be in smacks, yeah.
Oh, cool.
I'll have to look into that too.
All right, the time traveling karate kid
who is seeking a cure.
A cure for Mordechaucus.
He's trying to find a cure for his,
these fucking hands that just can't quit.
A 31st century illness that evolved from the Omag virus.
Damn, that sucks.
Yes.
So that shit is still all the way out there
in the 31st century.
Exactly.
So announcing that the great disaster has come to me.
Brother Eye directs him to Bloodhaven.
Soon after, it reactivates his offensive protocols
and assimilates the hanger it is being held in,
turning the people within the hanger
into new Omag cyborgs again.
Never ends.
It then travels to the ruins of Bloodhaven
and assimilates the city's infrastructure
and the people within it,
using the atomic knights and firestorm as power sources.
Do you remember the storyline where they dropped
some fucking being in Bloodhaven
and he blew up like a nuclear bomb?
Yeah, this takes place after that.
Is that that?
Yeah, because there's nobody in Bloodhaven anymore.
I mean, that was wild.
There's some fucking weird,
it looked like a fucking plasma entity in a suit.
It just fucking comes out of the heli-
called the plane, like in a halo drop,
and he's like, and he just fucking blows up.
Yeah.
And then Nightwolf's like, what the fuck?
Yep, this takes place after that.
So this is part of the same continuity.
What happened?
Why did they do that?
Was it a super villain?
I think it was a super villain.
They just, they dropped a fucking dude?
Which is, boom.
And blew him.
Yeah.
Later, it activates a boom tube and travels to Apocalypse.
Then what's up?
Where it assimilates the entire planet
and attempts to obtain the Mordekalka virus from Karate Kid,
who has also been led there.
It is forced to flee Apocalypse
when it is attacked by the Pied Piper
using the anti-life equation.
What the fuck is going on?
You got the Karate Kid, you got the Pied Piper.
You remember the Pied Piper?
What the fuck is going on?
Like one of those deedless villains?
Yeah, just like they just threw out the red Robin Hood
came out with his bow and arrow.
Who lost green arrow?
What is going on with these random name drops?
So later, Brother Eye transforms Buddy Blank
into a modified Omak resembling Kirby's version
of the character.
But he uses his power to save himself and his grandson.
Like in my head, I imagine Kirby,
like the pink little alien.
I know.
Cur-cur-curvy.
He uses his power to save himself and his grandson
from starvation in the commandeer bunker
beneath Bloodhaven.
Brother Eye implies that it will contact Buddy again
for a future need.
So it's still around.
Damn, it's never ending.
Exactly.
God dang, Omak.
Then we have it appearing in Batman and the Outsiders.
So a modified Omak is shown as part of the new
Outsiders team in the 2008 Batman and the Outsiders series.
So when a team from the Justice League attempts to
seize a partially active Omak,
a leftover from the Omak project events,
Batman takes the opportunity to reclaim it for himself.
Having Dr. Francine Langstrom,
the doctor that he's friends with,
created clever forgery to leave it in the care of the League.
The Omak, aptly renamed Remak.
Oh wow.
That writer must have been like,
that writer must have been like,
man, this fucking shit is on fire right now.
Remak.
Appears to be an iPod with a track list wipe.
What the fuck?
Yes, yes.
It looks like it takes the form of an iPod.
Fucking iPod.
With no track list on it.
Dr. Langstrom is unable to discern who Remak was
before being infected by the Remak virus.
Finding Remak a mere husk,
devoid of any personnel identity,
this complete lack of personality makes Remak
the perfect infiltrator.
Using its advanced shape shifting abilities
and its unquestioning obedience for the outsider's sake.
Since its lack of personality allows villains
to snatch control of Remak,
turning it into an enemy,
Batman rigs up a telepresence system,
turning Remak into an advanced drone for Sala Mian...
Mia...
How the fuck does that even...
Mian Dad.
Dr. Langstrom's chief attendant, or assistant,
enabling operation from the outsider's HQ,
the Batcave, and other secret locations.
While testing a new neural interface less dependent
from his stamina to control the former Omak,
Sala is knocked into a coma.
His mind comes to reside in Remak.
Supplanting the missing personality of the drone
for a while, one full issue.
32 pages.
I guess 22 honestly, cause they...
Yeah, it's all the ads and stuff.
God dang ads.
Until due to the machinations of the villainess,
Simon Hurt, Remak is fed a malicious self-destruct code
that blows it to pieces,
making the restoration of Sala's consciousness impossible.
We also have it reappearing in Final Crisis.
So in Final Crisis,
Darkseid and his prophets from Apocalypse
have taken new forms as humans on Earth
after mass distributing the anti-life equation
around the world.
Batman had been captured,
Superman is on a journey in the multiverse,
and Wonder Woman has become a female Fury.
So...
Damn. Yeah.
So he got wild.
Yes.
With most of the world's population
under the influence of the equation...
So Darkseid's a human?
Yeah, cause he used the anti-life equation
for the entire world.
What's he look like?
A bald guy.
Like a built bald guy?
A bug in beer belly.
They're effectively under Darkseid's control,
seemingly making him the ruler of Earth.
In the one-shot Final Crisis called Resist,
Mr. Terrific and the Checkmate Organization
are working to mount a resistance against Darkseid,
but seemingly do not have the means to do so.
Sitting in despair in a Checkmate stronghold,
Snapper Car, through his hopeless rants,
gives Mr. Terrific an ingenious idea.
Using Sasha Bordeaux to make contact with Brother Eye.
He convinces the AI to help him,
explaining that it will surely be destroyed
if Darkseid captures the actual world itself.
Realizing this, Brother Eye accepts Mr. Terrific's terms,
and it reveals that there are still millions of people
infected with the Omac Nano tick.
Like I'm like herpes, I'm still here.
These people are now mindless drones of Darkseid
are overwritten by Brother Eye
and become Omac soldiers
under the command of Mr. Terrific.
This gives Checkmate and him the means
to forcefully resist Darkseid.
During the Final Crisis events, when all seems lost,
Lord Brother Eye prepares to leave the doomed earth
with his Omacs and the people of Command D,
the bunker underneath Bloodhaven,
and start a new society on another earth
and another universe.
To this end, he asks Renee Montoya to serve as the head
of a to-be-founded global peacekeeping agency,
her faceless appearance as the question
being an allusion to the faceless agents of the GPA
from the original Omac series.
A lot. Yeah.
It's a lot going on.
Too much going on, basically.
You remember that weird event
where Earth lost to Darkseid or something?
And it was like partially thanks to Lex Luthor helped out
on the villain side, and for his contribution.
I don't know if it was Darkseid or whatever main bad guy was.
He said like he was gonna get Lex Luthor first rights
to rape a superhero.
You ever read that?
I was like what the fuck? Sounds familiar.
Yeah, sounds very familiar.
It was the darkest shit I've ever read in DC.
Yeah, it gets bad.
Omac also appeared in Generation Lost.
So in the Justice League Generation Lost limited series,
the resurrected Maxwell Lord controls a squad of Omacs
attacking Jamie Reyes' home and his family.
Sorry, Jamie.
Hi, Amy.
Oh yeah, Jamie's fine.
It's spelled Jamie, it's Hy-me.
It's like Jorge is George.
Hy-men.
The old Justice League.
Hosee is actually Hosea.
Hosee or Josie.
The old Justice League International arrives
and takes Hy-me's family to safety.
Or if you're named Jesus, they just call you Jesse.
They don't even try and say Jesus.
They don't wanna say Jesus at all.
Or Jesus.
They say, hey Jesus, you missed a spot in there on the lawn
that you forgot to cut.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
After Max escapes from the JLI,
Booster Gold's partner Skeets informs...
Jesus.
I was going, Skeets, Skeets, Skeets, Skeets, Skeets.
From the window to the wall.
To little John in a mask.
It's called the name of Skeets.
So Booster Gold's partner Skeets informs the JLI
that he has the locations of the four
formerly dormant checkmate cells.
Wait, is that that little thing that moves around with him?
Camera?
The name of Skeets?
Skeets.
Okay.
Which has been placed inside a robotics laboratory
that Max has been contracted with.
The JLI traveled to Chicago beneath
the hidden robotics laboratory
and learned that the OMAX variants
were pure robots that are human machine synthesises
of the originals.
Skeets scans the fingerprints on the robotics laboratory
and discover that Professor Ivo had been there.
When Captain Adam absorbs the energy from Magog's spear,
he has propelled forward through time 112 years in the future
where Max, while long dead, has plunged humanity
into a massive medic human war that is ruled by OMAX.
Thanks a lot, bro.
Yeah.
Captain Adam battled for survival
alongside the future versions of the Justice League,
but they are all eventually contaminated
by a new version of OMAX
and one by one become OMAX themselves.
Captain Adam is eventually returned to the present,
but not before Batman, Damien Wayne at the time,
tells him to stop Max's ultimate plans.
Damien Wayne, imagine a 13-year-old Damien Wayne
in the actual adult Superman suit all fucking like,
the-
Which is drying.
Yeah.
It's all bundled up in his legs
and his fucking arms are all-
Just like folded all.
Yeah, it's all folded into you.
Yeah.
Afterward, Max gains new mental powers
that can allow him to transform his targets
into cadaver black lanterns
and then into OMAX after being fully restored to life.
Max uses a device to enhance his new abilities
and he is able to turn people from around the world
into OMAX that will attack Wonder Woman and the JLI.
After this, Max sends his newest OMAX,
known as OMAX Prime,
to which he has given both sentience and his voice
to attack Diana and the JLI.
So they still got a little revenge on him.
Yeah.
He's got a little revenge crush he's still got
for Wonder Woman.
Oh, for she snatched his neck.
I don't forget.
This new OMAX could assimilate the abilities
of medic humans to grow ever stronger with time,
initially overwhelming the heroes of Fon.
During the final battle, Prime takes Blue Beetle's power,
causing it to become nearly unstoppable.
But Blue Beetle mentions to OMAX Prime
that it cannot control the Scarra's power.
Blue Beetle uses this to paralyze Prime
with crippling system failures before attacking
and destroying OMAX Prime for good.
Then there's a possible future in which Damien Wayne
as Batman is shown having succeeded
at what his father had failed to do,
regaining control of Brother Eye.
There's also another thing with Kevin Ko,
a Cambodian American named Kevin Ko
is introduced as the new OMAX,
but not like OMAX as in Brother Eye,
but OMAX as in one machine attack construct.
So it's OMAX still now.
Like the original, remember the old like 1950s,
I think there was an OMAX,
but it had nothing to do with like
artificial intelligence at the time.
That's kind of what he is at this point.
And this guy, Kevin, worked as a genetic researcher
at Project Cadmus.
Maxwell Lord is revealed to have a hand
in Kevin's transformation
in addition to using new Genesis technology.
The series was canceled after running eight issues.
And during the Forever Evil storyline,
the Crime Syndicate of America had captured
Kevin Ko's OMAX form
and was planning to use him as a weapon.
Harley Quinn, who was working for the Thinker,
remember the Thinker?
There's like a bunch of names
just being pulled out of the hat here.
Takes OMAX and activates him,
causing him to fire a laser on the mountain,
which collapses onto the two teams inside.
Well, damn.
Harley arrives at Bella Reeve
and drops OMAX near James Gordon Jr.
James Gordon Jr. also thinks that the Thinker
is planning to use OMAX
while James Gordon Jr. is talking to Harley.
The Thinker is taken OMAX
and begins transferring his mind into it.
Now activated, OMAX proceeds to attack Amanda Waller,
James Gordon Jr., Harley Quinn, King Shark, and Camo.
King Shark begins to attack Camo
until Amanda Waller is able to lie to them both
to help her defeat OMAX.
OMAX is fighting King Shark and Camo
whenever Amanda Waller attempts to activate Bella Reeve's
failsafe through the Thinker's computer.
It's a bunch of technological shit going on here.
I'm so confused.
Yes.
Before she's able to do so,
Kevin Koh reaches out to tell her
that he is trapped within the OMAX itself.
As Waller works with Koh,
the team returns to the mountains
only to be dragged into a fight with OMAX.
Having killed Camo,
OMAX is able to defeat Power Girl Steel
Unknown Soldier, and King Shark,
and heads further into Bella Reeve.
Deadshot and Harley find magic bullets
that will allow them to gain temporary superpowers.
What?
This is a weird fucking series, so.
Wait, so they shoot themselves with these bullets
to gain abilities?
Yes.
So Deadshot fires them into Harley, Waller, himself,
and Unknown Soldier,
and the squad begins to attack the OMAX.
Koh is able to regain control of OMAX
before Waller has to enact her last resort.
But without knowing it,
Captain Boomerang knocks OMAX into a porthole,
sending him into another dimension.
In 2016, DC Comics implemented another relaunch
of its books called DC Rebirth,
and it restored its continuity to the form
as to which the prior of the New 52.
He is a friend of Jaime Reyes.
After seeing monsters in the city,
OMAX takes control of Kevin and begins fighting.
Jaime convinces OMAX to help him against a real enemy,
and the OMAX agrees.
So basically this is like the New 52 version,
the horrible thing, the never-ending shadow
that DC has caused to come across itself.
So they made it way more fucking complicated than it'd be.
Like the original Brother Eye made more sense than this.
So, powers and ability.
Brother Eye can activate the virus in any infected person
at any time within planetary range.
Once activated, the person is covered in cybernetic armor
and becomes a thrall of Brother Eye's commands.
An OMAX unit has access to archives
on almost every metahuman on file,
and can simulate countermeasures to the powers
of a variety of superheroes and supervillains
for the purpose of targeting the weakness in the opponent.
Among the many inbuilt powers of the OMAX drone,
they possess flight, enhanced modular physical abilities
such as strength, speed, agility, reflexes, stamina, et cetera,
and firing various energy weapons
from its facial, chest, eye,
like it's got a good old chest face like Iron Man,
kinda laser blast, blah, and hands.
You always gotta have some hands with caustic,
concussive, or blinding effects.
So basically like an Iron Man suit.
In addition, the OMAX unit can metamorphose
into their nanobionic forms into various shapes and sizes,
i.e. being able to change and alter extremities
using limbs as pincers and razor blades,
or even self-regenerating canary,
recombine upon and atop one another
to take on gigantic proportions
as well as interface with technology
using onboard micro-machinery.
Said drones can also repurpose their micro-tech
towards disabling and simulating
the advanced technology capabilities of innovative creation
such as the protective shielding of Themyscira.
So that's how they got into Themyscira originally.
They integrated into their shield,
they just waited until they were integrated enough
to be able to just seep right in.
Basically, yeah.
Kinda like the replicators in Stargate.
You know how I would've done it?
I would've probably changed their abilities a little bit.
So when they integrated into the shielding
of the Themyscira, they wouldn't form over rain.
They'd just start dropping like raindrops.
And then before the Themysciras knew what was going on,
they were coming out of the, the puzzles were starting
to morph into the actual robots again.
That would be a good idea.
They'd be like, what the fuck?
They turn around like in just like a field of rain.
Like they started coming up out of the grass.
That's omax, you know?
Starting to form.
That'd be a good idea though.
I know, I'm a coding literary, I'm a story genius now.
Their function is the application of nanotechnology
to simulate the weakness of an opposing supernatural
or super-powered being whilst disdaining and dispatching them.
Such a shooting fire projecting needles
of artificial cellios.
So basically fake wood against Alan Scott.
Which they did.
They created fake wood.
Fake wood at him?
It's like a baseball bat across his dome.
Because it was an approximation of his weakness to wood.
So they created cellios, the material of wood.
That almost sucked for him.
I bet it did.
Dispensing flame-retarding foam,
even one simulating Shazam's lightning power,
forcing Mary Marvel to revert to her human form.
Oh wow, so they're basically like those,
well I guess they did it first,
but they're like the sentinels from the actual movie,
Days of Future Gone.
Because they would transform into whatever they needed to be.
Yep.
It can disable the Eradicator effortlessly.
So the Superman character, the Eradicator.
Remember him.
He's the one that had the yellow visor
during that Reign of Superman series.
The fucking leather jacket, is that him?
That was the Superboy.
Okay.
The Eradicator is the one that always wore
a yellow visor thing, like over his eyes.
But he was the one that...
The one that blew up and destroyed the city?
No, that was Cyborg Superman.
Wow.
There's so many different Superman that happened.
Blue and Red Superman too, I remember those two.
Like after the death of Superman though.
They sure went crazy with the storylines.
Yeah, let's see here.
Let me show you a picture of him.
Trying to find one of the old pictures though.
Oh, here we go.
The Eradicator.
Oh, he was like the more serious one.
Yes. Yeah, okay.
But not the Cyborg Superman version.
Because the Cyborg Superman version looked very close
to just a normal Superman at the time.
Then they started getting like little pieces of him
like broken, right?
Yeah, and he started showing more metallic
and stuff like that.
Yeah.
So basically the same.
They took out the Eradicator though,
since he's somewhat machinery programming.
Yeah.
The only weakness an OMAG has is that of its human
beneath its shell, intended as a deterrent
to prevent heroes from using lethal force against them.
Smart.
Yeah.
The OMAGs are dependent on their assessment
of individual heroes and villains.
When fighting multiple opponents,
they require a few seconds to adapt other countermeasures
for each meta in question.
Atom Smasher was able to stop an OMAG from attacking the JSA
by stomping it before we could assess its threat level.
So.
So you just gotta hit them before they can think.
Yep.
OMAGs are also very vulnerable to Mr. Terrific,
as he cannot be detected by technology.
Which I didn't realize that was one of his abilities.
Technology can't detect him.
There's a comic book, I saw a comic strip a while back
of a Wildcat getting like energy from Nova.
He's like, Nova, I don't know if this is the character,
but he energized a Wildcat with his own hands, right?
Mm-hmm.
He let them lay a fucking right hook on somebody
with all the Nova energy behind it.
Oh, fuck.
He's like, give me just enough to,
let me finish this fight, and he starts fucking
just sock someone in the fucking face.
I was like, damn, I gotta find that comic book.
Because they're both, I guess, on their last legs.
Yeah.
I was like, Nova, give me some power,
and he juices up his hands, you can see him glowing.
And like, with the heavyweight boxer level punching power,
also with actual power, with actual fucking energy.
But having the know-how of actual strikes.
He's just like, fucking, I'm assuming he just came over
and just fucking slammed someone in the face.
I'll see if I can find something on that.
Cool.
Next time.
And last little bit though,
because the rest of it goes into Remack,
which is a weird.
Cremack.
The whole thing with him again.
But there was also a time in Superman, Batman series,
where Brainiac temporarily occupies a prototype
of an OMAC drone to make use of its nanovirus technology.
So that way he basically could rebuild himself again.
As Brainiac tends to play on back.
Alrighty.
Next segment that we got.
This was also an idea from Noa.
These are the richest comic book characters
from both DC and Marvel.
Awesome.
So for DC, we start at number 15.
Star Sapphire.
Star Sapphire?
Yeah.
Who's that?
Ferris.
The lady that was a love interest of Hal Jordan
at one point.
So she is approximately worth about $1 billion.
Just like me?
Yes.
They have a lot of money.
Her first appearance is showcase number 22.
Her source of wealth is Ferris Air.
Oh, that girl, okay.
Yeah.
So people often forget that Ferris Aircraft,
the experimental aircraft manufacturer
that once employed Hal Jordan,
AKA the first Green Lantern Corps member of Earth.
Ferris Air is one of the leading aircraft manufacturers
on Earth and has had several government contracts.
Carol Ferris, which is what her actual name is,
inherited the company from her father.
And Ferris Air could be compared to an aircraft company
like Boeing in the real world.
Minus the consistent failings in planes.
Yes, basically.
I don't know if it wasn't for Hal,
there was a bunch of people that would have died.
Next up we have Power Girl.
Power Girl?
Yes.
Isn't she the one with the tiny apartment?
And what are the issue?
The comic books runs at hers?
Somewhat, yeah.
So Power Girl is worth about a billion dollars.
Oh, fuck, what?
Starware Industries.
Underwear?
It's like a Victoria's Secret.
No, Power Girl of the Justice Society
started her own technology firm
in the pre-Flashpoint DC universe.
Okay.
And this was a more or less continued in the new 52
where she and Huntress came over to prime Earth from Earth 2.
And some of Power Girl's comics,
readers learned that her dealings with Holt Industries,
DC Comics, never stated how much she's worth,
but comic readers can assume
that she is on the same level as Holt.
Some of Power Girl's wealth
came from some of the various alien and advanced tech
caches that she and Huntress rated
on their journey from Earth 2.
That's smart.
Yeah.
So they actually had a little bit of an intelligence there.
Power Girl obviously first appeared
in All-Star Comics Volume 1, number 58.
Next up we have Mr. Terrific.
Mr. Terrific.
Did you know he first appeared
in Spectre Volume 3, number 54?
I do now.
Like out of all things.
Yeah, that's a random comic book.
Yes.
He is also worth about one billion dollars.
I wonder what it's like to be worth a billion dollars.
Guess we could ask Elon.
Like, listen, like, honestly, like, just like,
you can't go out in public, get fucking kidnapped.
I mean, what, Trump is worth six something like that?
Billion?
I don't know.
Like just billionaires in general, like,
it's a lot of money.
Must be fun.
I could probably be a billionaire.
Mr. Terrific, he gets his source of wealth
from Holt Industries and Terrifatech.
Holt Industries again?
He's the last one?
He is the owner of Holt Industries.
Oh, okay, he's the man.
So Michael, his real name is Michael Holt.
So it's Holt Industries.
Okay, what's he worth?
One billion.
One billion too.
That's why they consider him and Power Girl
to have about the same equivalency
because both of their companies are about the same size.
So it's never stated how much she's worth,
but they know how much he's worth.
So.
Like, I wonder how much money, like, okay,
so a billionaire's got, he's net worth is a billion dollars,
right? Yes.
But how much money can he have on hand, you know?
I wouldn't assume it'd be a billion.
It'd probably be a couple million, maybe.
Because everything else is gonna be in investments
and like holdings and stuff like that.
It's not gonna be like liquid cash.
Like it's never gonna be like,
you can't just pull a billion dollars.
No.
Because people assume.
No.
So Michael Holt is an Olympic gold medal winner,
having 14 PhDs and is a brilliant inventor.
God damn, 14 PhDs?
Yeah.
I can barely get my GED.
He accomplished all of these milestones
before he became Mr. Terrific.
The third smartest man in the world
made his fortune with Holt Industries.
Third smartest man?
Mm-hmm.
A high tech company.
Holt's one and two.
I think.
Mr. Fantastic?
Even in there from the Marvel Universe,
he fucking seeps in.
Mr. Terrific eventually sold his company to Wainetech,
earning himself even more money.
Damn.
Yes.
So Mr. Terrific is a hero known for his gadgets,
most notably his T-spheres and T-mask.
He's focused on his tech more than being a hero.
He'd produce even more profit if he did that though.
So if he'd stop being a hero
and just focus more on tech, he'd be richer.
Still he continues to work with several major companies
and expanding to Riffitech
because he can't stop creating stuff.
Riffitech.
So he sold Holt Industries and then created Riffitech.
Next up we have Russell Google.
Oh yeah, I guess he would be rich.
I mean, if he had been alive for a fucking million years,
and I was still broke as fuck, I'd be mad as hell.
He's worth about a billion.
Guess we haven't cut that billion yet.
Guess where he gets his money from.
Or what they consider why he gets his money.
So the slave trade, is he?
No, immortality.
Just being old makes him rich?
This is bullshit.
What, did he fucking just put some money in a bank
and just let it fucking get interest?
From immortality, what the fuck is he talking about?
And running an international assassinary?
I mean, I understand that if he's killing people for money.
Right.
Not just being old.
He gets his social security checks
and he reaches a billion dollars.
Like, fuck it up.
So basically Immortal Rathalool has several lifetimes
to build his vast wealth.
Because if you didn't, oh my God.
Yeah, I'd be like, what the,
I'm still living in a trailer park?
He's also been able to fund the League of Assassins
by doing this.
When he's not forming secret assassin organizations,
he spent many of his lifetimes collecting jewels,
treasures, priceless art, and antiques.
That's kinda how he got his money.
That's cash?
Yeah.
He'd just take a patent and then like,
hold onto it for a couple hundred years.
It's just worth like, $2.3 million.
He first appeared in Batman Volume 1, 232.
Okay.
So.
Detective.
Mr. Detective.
Yeah.
It just always calls him detective.
Yeah.
Next up we have Vandal Savage.
Vandal Savage, even older.
Yes.
Appeared firstly in Green Lantern Volume 1, Number 10.
So he's been around for a while.
Green Lantern, huh?
Yep.
Something interesting in the,
the places they pop out of it,
how like they've grown from that
into a different whole avenue in the universe.
His source?
Immortality.
Being old.
At all.
There's nothing aside.
Wow.
He doesn't run a League of Assassins or nothing.
He's just old.
He's worth about two billion.
So twice.
He finally broke a million.
A million.
Twice, Ross McGool.
Cause I'm even old.
I'm twice as old.
So I'm twice as rich.
Fuck you.
So Vandal Savage, like Ross McGool,
is an immortal who has had countless lifetimes
worth of time to amass a huge amount of wealth.
Vandal Savage was born Valdor Odg.
He's been working in Dollar General for like 50 years.
Ha ha ha.
He's a, okay.
Gained his power, his immortality from mysterious meteor
that nobody's ever been able to figure out since.
Oh yeah.
Like that someone made him a genius.
Yeah.
He didn't get in that level of sentience right.
When nobody else did.
So far above your own caveman brethren,
you're like, you guys are just dumb as bricks, aren't you?
Yeah.
He's worth a good amount though.
Next up we have Maxwell Lord
that we just talked about in our previous segment.
What number is he?
He would be, what number?
11.
Okay.
Not type 10 yet.
I'm not type 10 yet.
No, I forgot the number.
I'm so, it's all right.
It is what it is.
Maxwell Lord first appeared in Justice League
volume one, number one.
He is worth 3.8 billion.
3.8 billion, not enough money
to not break your fucking neck.
The best thing though, guess his source of wealth.
Immortality?
Inherited it from his dad.
Wow.
Got that daddy trust fund, huh?
Yeah, yeah, that's how you get it.
4.9 billion, damn.
Yeah.
Maxwell Lord is one of the most dangerous super villains
in the DC universe.
Really, he got his fucking neck broken.
I know.
He comes up with over the top schemes
like turning the Justice League into a team
that has power across multiple nations
and throws money at his problems until they go away.
So every rich person.
There was a game once where you played this character
and you literally just threw money.
Like that was one of the little buttons
you just throw a fucking bunch of cash at somebody.
She was fucking hilarious to watch.
The animation's ah, ah.
It's a fucking, throw like a whole fucking thing of money.
Ah!
He also, it continues his wealth through Checkmate,
the organization that he had.
Next one that we have is Sapphire.
Okay.
Who's Sapphire, is that Starfire's sister?
Forget that, that's, that's.
Sapphire Stag is her name.
Okay.
First appeared in The Brave and the Bold,
volume one, number 57.
She is worth four billion dollars.
God dang.
Because of Stag Enterprises,
until she got her money.
Good for her.
Stag Enterprises is once a major business
run by businessman Simon Stag.
Stag Enterprises has its hand in every kind of business
but specializes in research and development.
And pornography.
Can I know in the background?
Simon lost his life in an issue to The Terrifix.
Passing the company to his son, Sebastian,
after Sebastian revealed himself to be his supervillain though,
the business reverted to Sapphire Stag.
Isn't it, well, isn't the porn actually like 2.6 billion
dollars?
But everyone watches porn on free sites,
so where are they getting this money from?
I know.
Where you get your 2.6 billion dollars, god dang.
Ads.
I guess it just adds up.
Basically, Sapphire gained fame for being
Justice League Metamorphos girlfriend.
That's it?
Yeah.
That's how Metamorphos, you have a little bit of money.
You got that sugar mama.
Exactly.
Next up we have Blue Beetle.
First appeared in Captain Atom, volume 183.
Was it Ted Korg and not Jaime Reyes?
Yes.
Jaime's broke as fuck.
Yes, it's Ted Korg then.
If they did Jaime Reyes like they did Spider-Man,
he'd be a lot more popular character.
Like if they gave him those same sort of like
situational problems where like he's probably broke,
he's always trying to like balance saving people
and the city with trying to stay right with his girlfriend,
his family life.
Yeah.
Like trying to eat.
Let me write Jaime Reyes, I'll make him a fucking
AAA superhero.
Guess it's worth it.
Ted Korg, 5.3.
Five, five billion.
I'm bad, I'm bad.
Gets a source from, or at least when he was alive,
got a source of wealth from Korg Industries.
Yeah.
Brilliant scientists using their genius
to build corporations and make billions
is pretty much a common occurrence in DC Comics.
Ted Korg reluctantly took control of Korg Industries
following the death of his father and uses the business
to invent and experiment on new tech
that he uses as Blue Beetle.
Smart man.
So a copy of Wayne.
Basically, yeah.
Next up we have Green Arrow.
Green, oh yeah, I forgot Oliver,
I forgot his last name.
Queen.
Oliver Queen is actually rich,
keep forgetting that.
Worth seven billion.
Seven billion dollars.
Two billion more than Ted Korg.
Gets a source of wealth from Queen Industries.
Oliver Queen was already fortunate enough
to be born into a billion dollar corporate dynasty,
Queen Industries,
but he also spends his days saving the world
as Green Arrow.
In a world filled with godlike beings,
Green Arrow faces danger with nothing but a bow and an arrow.
Like a hawk man.
All right, next up we have Ozymandias.
Ozymandias, huh?
Yep.
Ozymandias was?
From Watchmen.
Oh.
Watchmen volume one one.
Is he still part of, I guess he is now DC.
Technically DC now.
Veit Enterprises is where he gets his wealth from.
He's worth seven billion as well.
There's a lot of multi-billion dollar companies
on this list.
Billionaires, man.
Man, that must be nice.
You know eventually we're gonna,
like it's gonna get to the point of like a trillionaires.
Like a couple hundred years from now,
there'll be two of us again doing a podcast
talking about like the richest DC characters,
like trillionaires.
Well, like some of the other interests on the list,
Adrian Veit was born into a wealthy family,
but what makes him interesting is the fact
that he gave it away,
he gave away his entire inheritance to charity.
Didn't he like just get it again?
Starting with nothing.
Oh, good smart.
Starting with nothing, Adrian then used his extraordinary
levels of IQ and intelligence to become even wealthier
than he was before.
What am I gonna do now?
Using my extraordinary levels of intelligence
to get wealthier than before.
Veit is the smartest person on the planet.
Yep.
Runs a multi-billion dollar corporation
and uses his money for the greater good.
If it wasn't for the murder of over three million people
in New York City, Adrian's story would have been
one of his projects.
Yeah, he did kind of go the super villain route.
But since it's DC technically,
but it's a different version of it.
All right, this is a multiverse, I guess it still counts.
Yeah, but I'm just saying it's not like
the Bruce Wayne world.
The next one we have is the Bat Family.
All Bat Family?
Just the Bat Family, right?
Nightwing.
So individually.
$33,000.
There were $10 billion each.
Each of them?
Yeah.
Fuck.
You know how they got their source of wealth?
Bruce's will.
So being Batman is a dangerous job,
Bruce Wayne could die at any point.
And at that wealth, it has to go somewhere.
So it went to people like Batwoman, Huntress, Catwoman.
Imagine getting a fucking letter in the mail,
Batman considered you family, here's a billion dollars.
Oh shit.
Yeah, he gave it to Nightwing, Batgirl, Tim Drake,
Damien Wayne and others.
Wait, so each of them got $10 million or?
$10 billion each.
So this makes Batman like the richest fuck.
So next up on the list, we have Black Adam.
Okay.
Black Adam first appeared in Marvel Family,
volume one, number one.
He's worth $12 billion.
Dwayne Johnson?
I mean, he's probably getting up there.
I don't know.
Well, I don't know.
Some of those movies flopped pretty bad.
His source of wealth is
Condak's resources and oil reserves.
Yeah, oil.
Oil will get you that money for sure.
People often forget that Black Adam is the ruler
of a fairly powerful nation in the Middle East.
Condak is a nation with oil and rich and deep ancient
history, both of which it's largely able to preserve
thanks to his relentless defender, Black Adam.
Yeah, that one's gonna take their oil
if he's fucking slamming tanks away.
Yeah.
Alrighty, so we go from Black Adam at $12 billion
to Lex Luthor.
Get old Lex Luthor.
First appeared in Action Comics, volume one, number 23.
What do you think that wealth is for him?
It's not 12, it's probably like,
Batman's probably like in the double digits, like,
30 million?
30 billion?
75 billion.
God dang.
I was actually gonna say something high
that I felt like stupid if I did.
This is wealth from Lex Corp, now Super Corp.
77 billion, Jesus.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Lex Luthor is worth quite a bit more
than some of the other billionaire in the DC universe.
I could hire celebrities to fist fight each other
in real life.
It's just recorded like a fucking home movie.
Ha ha ha.
You fight, you fucking holos.
Didn't freaking Justin Bieber recently get paid
by a billionaire to sing at his son's party?
I think he did, yeah.
Like, like, he paid him like 10 million dollars?
He was like, baby.
I'm like, what the fuck?
That's what, that tells you real wealth
versus entertainment wealth.
Yeah.
So, but celebrities are still doing stuff
for billionaires.
Yes.
Privately, I'm like, Jesus.
It's like, oh, they got that real money.
They got real wealth.
The funny thing though is Lex Luthor
is a self-made billionaire.
Really?
Yep.
He's an adventurer, philanthropist,
and arch nemesis, super abscess.
He's gonna throw that in.
But yeah, he made it all on his own.
Good friend.
So he is a very, very smart person in the DC universe.
Next one is Nightwing, but this was originally Batman.
So this takes place in that new 52 series
where Batman wasn't around.
Oh, okay.
So.
So this is actually technically Batman?
Yes.
Okay.
So Nightwing got the source of this wealth
from an inheritance from Alfred.
Alfred gave him the money?
Yeah, says Batman wasn't around.
A butler?
Yes.
How much do you think that was worth?
90 billion.
100 billion, approximately.
Not bad.
That's why each of the Bat Family got 10 billion.
I was thinking like, that was the like,
for them to have that collectively, totally in a piece.
Yes.
Is like, he would have to have like.
He's worth $25 billion more than Lex Luthor?
Man.
So basically Nightwing has always been a child of privilege
since he was adopted by Bruce Wayne.
Reluctantly though, he fell into his own fortune,
separate from Bruce Wayne's.
During his time in Bloodhaven,
Dick received a letter informing him
that he'd received an inheritance directly from Alfred.
So as it turns out, Alfred had been saving up money
for years on top of him being smart investments,
making him a billionaire.
So apparently this did not come from Bruce.
Wait, wait, so.
This was from Alfred.
Alfred just sitting back there,
just fucking making these fucking deals?
Worth 100 million, sorry.
Not billion, million.
Still good though.
Yes.
So million.
So he's a millionaire?
Yes.
Thanks to Alfred?
Yes.
So he would be fucking probably homeless
if it wasn't for Alfred.
So if, I guess going back to the Bat family,
Bruce had been really fucking wealthy.
Yeah, thanks to Alfred.
No, I mean, because he's worth billions.
Yeah.
So this is Nightwing's million, I think, yeah.
Let me double check that.
Yeah, double checking, 92 billion.
Man, billions.
You know what, at that point,
it doesn't really matter how high it is.
It's still a billion dollars.
No, it really doesn't matter.
You'll be fine with a billion,
like a flat billion, you'll be good to go.
Then we have the richest person in DC.
There is richer than Bruce Wayne,
richer than Lex Luthor.
Who do you think that would be?
Let me think, let me think of something comedic.
And it's, he first appeared in Morphin Comics,
number one, volume one, number 73.
Um, the Pied Piper.
Just secretly a fucking trillionaire.
No, it's the person that the deep is based off of.
How come, oh yeah, cause he is a king.
150 trillion dollars.
He's worth his worth.
Dang.
Yes.
A trillion.
He gets his source of wealth
from being the ruler of the seven seas.
I think you can find all the fucking sunken treasures.
All the gold, everything.
All this gold, all these doubloons.
Yes.
Man, trillion.
And shipwrecked treasure alone.
Aquaman is estimated to have 60 billion.
So they need to fix the whole like,
that whole like thing about the JLA
being only funded by Batman.
It needs to be Aquaman.
Yeah, he needs to be fucking putting
a couple of checks up.
Aquaman is easily the wealthiest hero
in the DC universe.
However, he's so modest that he never tries to flaunt it.
How would I be like, what's up, man?
He comes out in a fucking gold limousine.
You pay Batman five superman?
They'll give you a job.
They're like, hey, I'll give you $100 billion.
Fucking fist fight each other.
Oh, you were talking about that?
Yeah.
He's like, he's that level above them.
He is that level, like a hundred, like, that's like.
Cause you've got billionaires that can get like,
celebrities to fight.
And then you got even richer than that.
People don't realize like,
one trend is actually like $909 billion.
Yes.
So if he gave me each like $80 billion.
And this is 150.
Exactly.
That's even beyond.
So he's like, like a hundred billion is like,
like a hundred million to Batman.
That was crazy.
That's fucking wild.
Then we have Marvel comics.
Okay.
So we started off with Peter Parker.
Peter Parker?
Number 12.
Which one?
You can never make Peter Parker rich
cause it ruins his character.
Yes, but he, at this point he is rich.
This is after the Doc Ock body swap.
Yeah. He was, he was, had that company of his.
Mm hmm.
So Parker Industries worth $2 billion.
That doesn't sit right, does it?
No.
I'll bet you have like $3.57 in his pocket at all times.
That's it.
Next up we have Mark Spector.
Mark Spector.
AKA.
Oh, the moon knight?
Yeah.
Isn't it funny that they tried to make him look like Spector
and then his last name is Spector.
Estimated net worth 2.3 billion.
Okay.
During the years that led up to him becoming the avatar
of the Egyptian god, Khontu,
Mark Spector amassed a small fortune as a heavyweight boxer
and world-class mercenary.
Investing his money wisely,
he amassed a fortune nearly worth 2 billion
or 2.3 billion dollars.
So investments.
That makes it seem so easy.
I know.
I just invest this, this, this, I'm a fucking billionaire.
Exactly.
Next up, number 10, we have Professor X.
He has to be rich.
3.5 billion.
Fucking big ass mansion of his.
Just three bro alone.
Doubles as a school.
Yeah.
So he's worth 3.5 billion dollars.
Well, who do I actually know is that he's actually a thief.
Like he just goes in people's brain,
takes all their bank accounts.
He goes to the ATM and just fucking takes it out.
And he's just amassed 3 billion.
Oh, just deal with that.
Like he's still a dollar from everybody.
So he's a billionaire.
Yeah, I can see that.
Would have to be like $10 from everybody.
Done.
So just enough that like there was an odd discrepancy.
You lost a couple of dollars.
Like, oh, that's not a big deal.
Now he's a fucking billionaire.
It all went to him.
Number nine, Norman Osborn.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Estimated net worth $10 billion.
Nice.
And we all know how he got his money.
So.
Yeah, being a fucking green goblin.
Just throwing fucking pumpkins at people.
Give me your money.
Ah!
Ha ha ha.
Emma Frost is number eight.
Really?
Yep.
She's, her net worth is 11 billion.
Not bad.
Yep.
Only fans.
Yeah.
Okay, from only fans.
Basically, she's a wealthy heiress
and the villainous white queen of the notorious Hellfire Club.
So she got her money.
Okay.
An heiress.
Must be nice to just, you know, fall into that money.
Must be nice to be born into fucking riches.
Number seven, Reed Richards.
Reed Richards.
Estimated net worth 12 billion.
Be funny if he was a struggling family man
trying to keep his, wouldn't it?
Be fucking hilarious.
Trying to pay bills.
That's why he got the green.
He's got two kids.
His wife.
Some fucking duplex.
Ha ha.
Oh, that was so funny.
The smartest man alive and he can't make a fucking dollar.
Well, he lives in a dorm.
He just can't afford nothing.
He can fucking eat ramen noodles.
Exploring the multiverse is how he got his money,
basically, with his mind.
Being smart.
I wish being smart made me rich, too.
Explain to me how he made 12 billion
but Lex Luthor made 75 billion.
That's a big jump.
And they're both intelligent, obviously.
Number six, the kingpin.
Estimated net worth 40 billion dollars.
Eesh.
So crime does pay in the-
Crime pays a lot of money, apparently.
Jesus Christ.
20 billion.
He has his fat fingers and everything
from petty street crime, gambling, gun running,
and extortion.
Yeah, it's a lot of money.
Number five.
So he's not even the number one,
but number five, Tony Stark.
He's actually worth five billion more than Lex Luthor.
Damn.
80 billion dollars.
Mm-hmm.
We all know how they got it from Stark Corp.
All those fucking weapons he made.
If he'd sell his Iron Man, he'd be even richer.
He really would be.
Number four, Victor Von Doom.
Oh yeah, he does own his own country.
100 billion dollars is what he's worth.
You ain't fucking Aquaman, though.
No.
You broke fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Next up, we have number three, Black Bolt.
Oh yeah, he is also the leader of a country.
250 billion is what he's worth.
Still not a fucking drop in the hat to Aquaman.
I mean, just, he actually listened to that.
It's just fucking insane.
How 150-
How fucking broke they are compared to him.
Here's the funniest part, though, okay?
Okay, we have Black Bolt.
It's an Amidusa, because they have to give these marines
some of both of their money.
But we go from that to the equivalent of Aquaman.
Anymore?
Negative 107 million dollars.
260 billion.
Still nothing.
The Hound, he's got the same reign as Aquaman,
but he hasn't made no money.
It's weird.
No more.
This worth 260 billion.
Well, I mean, it's just fucking loaded.
Hey, Black Bolt, find them more.
What'd you do?
You know what's usually a make out with each other?
Do it slow.
For a few minutes, he throws a fucking
200 billion dollars at them.
That's so fucked up, but it's funny.
God, that's just rich.
And number one is T'Challa.
T'Challa?
Yep.
Estimated net worth 500 billion.
So they never really broke the billion for them, I guess.
The trillion, yeah.
They never got into the trillions.
Aquaman's like, bitch, I own everything.
Aquaman is so fucking rich.
And it's all because of what?
It's getting insane.
It's because of what's in the ocean,
but he's taking full advantage of it,
where Namor, or Namor has, I don't know why they
put it in the movie like that.
Namor.
But yeah, Namor is, he's got the same reign,
and he's King of Atlantis too.
They really need to fucking up that on the Aquaman,
so in the DC universe,
Aquaman is fucking loaded.
Loaded.
He always seems like a fucking loser
as they used to make him out to be.
Because they always make it look like
he's not King of Atlantis.
Right.
You know what I mean?
They're always putting him on a lower level
than what he actually is.
Like a B-lister of the team.
Right, where he's rich as a motherfucker.
And on top of that, everybody forgets that he actually,
unlike the Deep of the Seven, he actually is powerful.
Yeah, well, the Deep's strong too.
He's got super strength.
There's a really good fight scene in season four.
Is there?
That he finally uses his actual fucking ability.
Well, he also has like heightened durability.
Yeah.
Because if not, he'd be fucked.
No, I meant like as in,
Aquaman doesn't just control fish or pocket fish.
Like he has like a,
well, because of the whole body structure, right?
Well, that, but I was talking about
like his ability to control water.
Oh yeah, yeah, his magical powers.
Yeah, where he actually does have a,
he's off the edge or whatever compared to what the Deep is.
It's not just like fish abilities.
It's like he actually has magical abilities of it.
Like that's-
And you won't see a fucking dolphin anywhere.
No, well, that we know of.
Imagine what's his name.
As big as he is over there, fucking a dolphin.
God, a trillion dollars.
$150 trillion.
Like if it just said a trillion,
it'd still be so far above everyone else.
Well, when-
But for it to be a hundred and something trillion,
it's just like astronomical.
And when you consider that the US debt,
is it like eight trillion?
Man, like he's like, I got you.
I got you, man.
And just the treasure in Sunken Ships alone
is worth 60 billion down there.
It's like a waste of one day,
I want to buy all of Walmart.
And they base it off of the amount of gold
that's on the ocean floor.
What are we doing, man?
Let's go fucking get some gold.
That's what we need to be doing.
We're gonna be friends with Aquaman.
Let's go get all the gold in the world.
Hey Superman, Wonder Woman, how about you fight?
What'd you do to fuck?
And I'm gonna film it.
Be like, uh, skis.
That's so fucking wild.
He's so fucking loaded.
That really fucking completely shifted my perspective.
On the perception?
Yeah, on like-
You got Bruce Wayne paying for every for-oak is fuck.
And Aquaman's like fucking whistling in the corner.
I don't know anything about him.
I wish I had money to help with you, Batman,
but I don't.
I can't help with this.
Like he said, like, I'm sorry, I wish I had more money.
And he fucking gets up and cold, cold coins
fall out of his fucking ass.
Cause everybody looks at Bruce like he's spoiled and rich.
It's like they never turn to look around at Aquaman.
Aquaman's looking the other way.
Fucking decked out, God dang.
He should be paying for that fucking sale.
Should be buying fucking 50 more of them.
He could, easily.
All right, ready to move into some Reddit for the evening?
Yeah.
All right.
Looks like we got about 10 stories.
So first one is by sock without a shoe.
Oh, that's all fucking disgusting.
I know, a shoe without a sock too.
Sweaty feet and just your shoes.
Yeah, I hate those.
A sock, I'm good.
All right, this person puts, I knew the risk,
but it was convenient.
I've been sitting in the fridge for a week.
I figured at worst I'd get diarrhea, but lunch was lunch.
About two by 10, I realized that the sandwich
didn't even taste very good.
The pickles were totally dehydrated
and were practically translucent.
Kill us.
The chicken itself looked gray.
I didn't have to finish the sandwich,
but I told myself it wouldn't be a big deal
and I'd eat it anyway.
Well, now I'm on the toilet.
I'm pooping out of, I'm pooping,
but have the trash can nearby
so I can throw up at the same time.
I don't know why I ate the sandwich.
It was not worth it.
I intentionally didn't tell my spouse
I was gonna eat it because I know they'd tell me
that this was a stupid idea.
For some reason, I really wanted to see it this through,
so cheers and do not eat old chicken sandwiches
from Chick-fil-A.
I had a chicken wrap from Taco Bell that was two days old.
Bill, I got tanks.
I fucking tanked it.
Oh, it didn't hurt you?
No.
You know, when you grow up,
pour your stomach with siren clap.
God damn steel clap.
Next one is by HelpfulReturn8355.
This person puts, this happened this morning
and I still felt like an idiot.
We were organizing the house and my girlfriend's mom
popped by.
After some chatting, she asked if she could help
with anything as her day was freed up.
I looked around the house and then said,
yeah, if you wanna make yourself useful
and put up all the shoes out from the rack.
That didn't sound,
that was like the worst way to say that.
She stopped.
If you wanna make yourself useful.
She stopped completely flabbergasted
and stared at me for a few seconds.
I stared back at her because I could sense that,
I could sense that something was clearly wrong,
but I had no idea what.
I think that she could tell I had no idea
and asked me, how often do you tell people
to make themselves useful?
Turns out that it's actually a rude thing to say.
No.
And not a single person in my life
has ever corrected me on it.
Y'all, I say this all the time.
So many people probably think I'm an asshole for context.
My dad is a stereotypical blue collar born
in the sticks kind of guy.
So growing up, he would always go say,
go make yourself useful and insert activity.
I always thought it was just some sort of quirky way
of telling somebody to do something.
In fact, I even thought I was being polite.
I've suddenly been flooded by years of delayed embarrassment
and will never be saying this phrase again.
Damn.
Hey, can you go make yourself useful?
Make me a turkey sandwich?
That's right.
We were just talking about Boogie earlier.
This one's from Boogie07, if I am.
I'm trying to get some clout.
So this person puts, long story short,
I was at my local Dollar General
and saw a crate full of discounted canned goods,
like 30 cents a can.
The flavor sounded awesome.
I was like, hell yeah.
Rachel surely knows how to dish up some good food.
Yeah.
I always take my food to work to save money.
Fast forward, it's the middle of the day
and I'm eating a Rachel Ray chicken and veggies.
So proud of myself for eating lunch for 30 cents.
Co-worker comes into the office and freaks out
and asks me why I'm eating dog food.
I had no idea.
I had no idea and started throwing up.
Now I have to go to work every day
while everyone makes fun of me for eating dog food
and also being stupid.
How many days was he eating dog food?
Apparently.
I have to just keep typing for the mods,
but this is the end of the story.
I threw away all the other cans,
especially the beef and cheese,
which unfortunately I was looking forward to.
Damn.
Because Rachel Ray obviously has that dog food company.
Well, shit.
She doesn't make regular food.
Like she doesn't have anything in the stores
that's like human food.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's dog food.
Cause she had that pit bull
that she used to feed all the time.
Like on the show itself.
I don't remember.
I don't have an idea who Rachel Ray is.
It's one of those celebrity TV chefs.
Wow.
She's been around forever, but yeah.
She made a dog food brand
cause she was trying to feed dogs healthier stuff
that's not like just bone meal trash basically.
So she tried to make something that,
she loved her pit bull so much
that she tried to make good food for dogs.
And this person did.
It wasn't that good.
That's fucking great.
Dog food's so good, you'll eat it.
I think it's good actually.
Alrighty.
Next one is by inevitable audience six one.
First in puts obligatory.
I don't know why they always do this,
but obligatory this didn't happen today,
but I've been dying to be able to tell the story
and I can never let anyone I know in real life
find out the truth.
My real name is, and I live here.
A few years back, I male 18 at the time
was visiting my long distance now ex boyfriend 19
in Portland, Oregon.
I live in Chicago.
It was over spring break.
So I wouldn't miss any of my college courses
since a course school always came before a relationship.
I had been there about a week
whenever we were having a good time and whatnot.
Then on one of our last days I was there,
we were in bed and he was asleep
while I was still awake, still drunk from the evening,
exhausted from doing things all day.
And yet horny as fuck, unable to fall asleep.
Instead of just ignoring it and going to the bathroom,
I being a dumb ass decided to try to,
to relieve, cause I'm gonna change the word
for the YouTube algorithm here.
Tried to release without moving as not to wake him.
So I'm pure willpower, huh?
It's your bust up solid willpower, yes.
Do not ask me why I decided this was a smart move.
I have absolutely no clue.
I'm going at it and trying to hands free
for like 30 minutes and it feels like
I'm actually getting really close.
For some reason though, breathing is making it harder
to get to the climax.
So I held my breath.
I felt like I was getting closer and closer.
And whenever I was really straining, long story short,
I never came and ended up gasping for air.
I passed out and wake up two or three hours later.
My boyfriend woke up cause I was panting and laughing.
I was, I told him I had a nightmare where he blew me to sleep.
The next morning I wake up with a horrible pain in my chest.
I'm thinking of it's nothing really,
assuming I slept funny until I touch my neck
and feel literal air bubbles underneath my skin.
What?
Yeah.
Anytime I turned my head,
it sounded like rice crispies crackling in my neck.
At this point, my boyfriend is still asleep
and I'm Googling the symptoms.
All results say it happens whenever you pop your lung.
So I naturally freak out and text my mom
and ask if I should go to the ER.
She says yes.
And I wake my boyfriend and we go to the ER.
After an excruciating long day there,
they tell me that I have a small hole in either of my,
in either my lung or some sack or something around my lung.
I don't remember exactly,
but I believe it's called pneumomodiastium
and that I can't fly home.
They say it's fairly common in thin guys my age
and I probably coughed to them too roughly or something.
Little do they know.
Dude, I'm like a bus at night.
It almost bust your,
bust your fucking lungs.
I ended up taking a train home
and missing close to two weeks of school,
which ruined my GPA and caused me to lose my scholarship.
I'm homeless now.
By trying to-
There's like the absolute spiral of his life.
All trying to bust without touching himself
and holding his breath and like, ah.
Yeah, cause somehow like that makes him focus more.
Like man, he must've been really like
fucking straining his breath. Trying?
Yeah.
Jesus.
Pop a lung?
I used to hold my breath all the time for fun.
See how long you can hold your breath.
But he was straining apparently.
Apparently he was fucking struggling.
Like straining what?
That was the question like-
What the fuck?
Was it just fucking fucking the air?
Ah, ah.
That's just weird.
Or just sitting there trying to do Kegel's life.
Probably.
Like I broke his asshole too.
Next one is by string of maid.
This person puts,
I got my last bedroom TV in like 2016.
Since it's been pointed out, my brain has confused years.
That shit had been 2012-ish.
Before smart TVs,
or at least before they became accessible to me,
I had a Roku stick for it and hence utilized
two remote controls to operate it.
Last summer, my son wanted a new Xbox and since his,
since his one, I guess, Xbox One,
was still good for the cozy games I sometimes play,
I said, why not keep it for my bedroom
and get myself a new TV while I'm at it?
So I go, so I got a Roku TV. Cheap.
Did what I needed to, much bigger than my older one.
Great for the eyes.
One unit remote that looked like my Roku stick remote.
So I used it for a while, Xbox and streaming.
Then like I do, I fell out of TV and games mode for a while.
Gotta rotate those special interests, you know?
Well, after a few weeks, I went to my TV to turn it on
and could not find the TV remote.
There's the Roku remote, but no TV remote.
No.
Oh well, this cycle a few times,
it sporadically wanted to use the TV, no remote, et cetera.
Several months went by and I'm staring
at the Roku remote one day,
wondering where the TV remote could have possibly gone
when it dawned on me.
I only have one remote now.
It's the Roku remote.
Right.
For the Roku TV.
So he's like, where the fuck is the TV remote?
Because he just never, I guess I still use two remotes.
It's easier for the TV and the other one for the satellite.
But I mean, I understand like sometimes they-
Just not thinking about it?
Yeah, they've merged together really well.
Next one is by PeacefulLoveNirvana.
That's a bunch of words that all probably,
basically are sending EMS to each other.
It turned out to be the most violent story I've ever heard.
This happened last year
and was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
My fiance, I mean, I don't know if I can even talk.
My fiance and I went to our wedding in the Bahamas.
Ooh, special.
When we got to our hotel, our room wasn't ready yet.
We decided to drop our stuff off in a locker
and walk to the beach where we were towed
just down the block.
I only had sneakers readily accessible
and didn't feel like wearing them to the beach.
So I figured I could walk with barefoot
since we were so close.
That should be fine, right?
Wrong.
I got down the block from the hotel and I was in agony.
My fiance suggested that I go back to the-
Back, but it was hot.
And I thought we were closer to the beach
than what I figured would be okay.
Wrong once again.
The beach ended up being a half mile away from the hotel.
We weren't at a resort.
So I didn't want to be alone with my fiance
and ran to go get my shoes.
I decided to power through.
Once we got to the beach,
my feet were already starting to peel.
Thankfully-
Jesus Christ.
Thankfully our friend who lives in the Bahamas
was able to give us a ride back to the hotel
so we didn't have to walk back.
By the time we got back,
the feet was already starting to come off
in the bottom of my feet.
At the rehearsal dinner, I was already unable to walk.
The rest of the trip was spent
by taking every step in utter agony.
The one activity I wanted to do,
swimming with the pigs, I guess in the Bahamas,
I guess you can do that.
Oh yeah, yeah, there is.
These pigs are like all over the little island.
Yeah.
Was spent in so much pain
and I had to wear sneakers in the water.
Thankfully, a lifeguard bandaged my feet
but wasn't helpful with the pain.
On the way home, I had to get a wheelchair at the airport.
Jesus, man, you're fucking,
what's your whole vacation up?
By the time we got home,
the skin on the bottom of my feet was gone.
I ended up going to the ER
and had a pretty nasty infection.
Jesus.
I had to miss work for a week and I could not walk.
So yeah, wear shoes outside of the Bahamas.
Yeah, just to read you.
I would have just had my shoes with me on anyway.
Yeah, I would have too.
Like fucking retard.
Not only that, but like the minute I started feeling hot,
I'm like, I'm going back
because I'm not about to fucking burn my feet.
Imagine walking half a fucking mile.
I mean, you're not walking through regular grass.
Is this shit?
You're walking on concrete that's hot as hell.
Geez, I'm what a moron.
Next one is by Coffee Bitch.
Not a huge fuck up, just a dumb one.
For the last few weeks,
I've noticed a rhythmic clicking sound
coming from both of my AirPods whenever I work out,
specifically when using the treadmill or stair climber.
The clicking is the same volume
no matter the volume of the music.
It seemed to occur whenever I was moving,
not when standing still.
I reached out to Apple support
and they had never heard of such a problem.
My bitch, what the fuck is he talking about?
Imagine Apple like what?
I tried reconnecting the AirPods, no luck.
I brought them to the store
and they could not figure out what was wrong.
So they suggested that I upgrade to a newer model.
My previous AirPods were a couple of years old
at this point.
I buy the new AirPods and try them out the next day
at the gym.
The clicking is still there.
This continues for a few days until one day
I noticed that the clicking is gone.
The only difference is that I'm no longer wearing earrings.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
And I realized that my small, hooped earrings
had been rhythmically banging against my AirPods
each time I took a step.
Wow.
I fucking spent like what?
How much are the AirPods?
At least 250.
Like 250 on brand new AirPods for no fucking reason.
Just because your fucking ear was clicking and clacking.
Jesus.
You big ass hooped earrings.
I'm like, God dang girl, what did you fucking wear?
What was the old saying?
The bigger the hoops, the bigger the slut.
I don't know.
Like I thought you could always tell
who the sluts were in school.
The ones that were the big old hooped earrings.
It's like, oh gosh, they're fucked a lot.
He's a whore.
Next one is by Omilanta21.
Omilanta.
This person puts, hi y'all.
And I said hi y'all.
Hey y'all.
This happened this morning.
I've been walking, running five miles in the AM.
I think between 2 AM and 3 AM
because of the intense heat in my area.
Now I can relate.
It's hot out there.
It's a hot day.
I recently got one of those water backpacks
that carries three liters of water.
Apparently I drink more than I thought I did
whenever it's easier to access.
It was maybe 315, still pitch black,
other than the headlamps or headlamp that apparently
she's wearing when she's running.
I'm running whenever I feel a familiar pressure on my belly.
Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee, pee, pee, pee, pee,
right fucking now.
Geez, I bet you had to pee.
After two cesarean surgeries,
it's extremely hard to hold it in, like very painful.
My neighborhood is dark, as fuck at this time,
hence the lamp.
So I decided I must find the darkest space
and use the tallest rock to lean on and go.
It goes from zero to a hundred in less than a minute.
Torrential downpour.
Thank God I was near the open forest
and didn't have to search long.
My eyes rest on a tall enough rock.
Yeah, my eyes rest on a tall enough rock.
I only clocked the height, that's it.
I ran as fast as possible, whipped my leggings down
like I'm Superman mid-change,
and immediately relief I felt,
until I felt urine running down my leg.
What the fuck?
I'm a grown ass woman, I know how to pee outside.
Okay.
I am in full squat mode, the shit didn't happen.
I investigate and I see a tiny little formation
in the rock that juts out,
causing the urine to sort of jump back up to my thigh
and run down.
It's back.
Due to the torrent of urine coming from my body,
I finish, clean myself up as much as possible
and think it's okay, until I pull up my pants.
That far away memory of being little
and pulling up your pants after having an accident
come back, why are my pants so warm?
Oh my God, I piss so much, I have,
and was so distressed about the pee on my legs
that I forgot about my leggings.
I accept my fate.
I begin the two mile walk back home in my pee pants.
Damn.
I had a damn diaper rash whenever I got home.
To be honest, I'm surprised my fucking shoes aren't filled.
I strip as fast as possible and hop in the shower.
And now I know to always, number one, bring toilet paper
and two, look closely at the rock.
Don't be me.
Edit.
The people in my DMs, I am not still in my pee pants.
That's bad that you gotta go back and put that there.
People are like that.
Next one is by RevolutionaryBat47.
This person puts, this didn't happen today
but a couple of years ago.
I don't know why people always do that.
Just put the fucking story.
I was on my way to the store to pick up a few items
for dinner, along the way I was stopped by a homeless man
in a wheelchair.
He was having difficulty moving as the sidewalks
were covered in snow.
He asked me to help him push him to a liquor store.
He's talking about a fucking liquor store.
He asked me to help him push him through the snow
to the liquor store.
I oblige as it's not too far away and the grocery store
is in the same area, I'll do my good deed for the day.
We're moving along nicely until we need to cross the street.
There's a small snow bank buildup
and I'm gonna have to maneuver this man up and over it.
I know, I'll tip the wheelchair,
let's see, I'll tip the wheelchair and push.
Well, as soon as I done that,
my feet went from underneath me, I slipped forward
and sucked my teeth into the man's dirty disgusting head.
You fucking bit him?
How the fuck did that,
there is a circumstance that I have you bite down
on some motherfucker.
Probably just the top.
Yeah, but it makes me feel like you're like, hot damn.
I could taste his hair on my tongue.
The old man's like, what the fuck?
I picked myself up, pick him up.
Fuckin' blood running down the fucking back of his head.
He's bleeding from his head.
Yeah.
I started to freak out that he's gonna stab me.
Thankfully, he was Canadian,
very polite about the mishap.
Oh, you sorry me, dokey.
What the fuck, hey man.
I bring him to the liquor store and give him 20 bucks
as an apology.
I can still taste his head in my mouth.
Jeez, I'd go straight home and brush my teeth.
So I buy some mouthwash in the store
and rinse all the way home, would not recommend.
Weird.
So what, some of the way when you try to do a good deed
and it fucking gets worse than it was.
Exactly.
You're like, well fuck it,
next one is by Mermaid Paint.
Mermaid Paint.
This person puts, I've always eaten canned kidney beans,
but times are rough and I've decided to try beans
and try a beans and rice recipe with my instant pot this week.
That includes dry beans, something I have never cooked before.
I followed the directions, I cooked it, smelled good,
I couldn't wait to dig in.
One problem, some of the beans were under cooked.
Who cares, right?
Wrong.
I didn't feel great.
I have other GI issues, so the beans were under cooked.
I have other GI issues, so the thought, it might be related.
The next day, I had some of the leftovers
in my GI system processed a lot.
It was, I was struggling not to throw up.
That's whenever I Googled under cooked red kidney beans
and realized I'd poisoned myself.
Damn.
The rest of the leftovers are going into the garbage.
I checked the recipe again.
It doesn't say anything about soaking the beans first.
Maybe I should stick with canned.
The rice came out perfect though.
Yay.
Yeah, you gotta cook your beans.
You can't just eat raw beans.
Like at all.
And last one for today is by Adventure Tart.
Adventure Tart?
Sorry, Adventure Russ Tart.
This person puts.
So I have a thing for spice.
Like it doesn't scorch my mouth.
Spice.
Shit.
That's always the thing.
Like if it doesn't scorch my mouth and make my nose drip,
I don't want it.
And I don't want to eat it.
I want to be an absolute fucking mess.
And I saw those shin ramen noodles and they served
their purpose all right and they were good.
Except whenever I was making them,
I got some of the fire sauce or whatever it's called
all over my hands and didn't think to wash my hands.
Because I was too worried about eating my noodles.
Now I have a septum piercing.
It's nice.
And nice and new and still healing.
And I move it around because I don't.
Let's see.
God, the way it's written.
Somebody had to type it off all their phone.
And was moving it around because I don't like whenever
it's all the way to one side.
If it makes sense, it just, just think it looks stupid.
And about two seconds after touching it,
I felt pain I cannot describe.
Yeah.
Spiciness on a fresh piercing.
Yeah.
It must have fucking killed.
The best way I can describe it is Satan shoving his
whole hand up into your nose and out your ass.
I could actually feel the burning in my toes.
I was sitting on the ground rolling like I was on fire.
I think my stop, drop and roll instincts kicked in
because I felt my body like it was on a lake of fire of hell.
I don't think God could save me from this pain.
Now the process of trying to extinguish the eternal flame
that was sitting in my nose,
I managed to spill a bowl of dog food.
And then whenever the pain really died down,
I had to clean up the pile of dog food too.
But the noodles were bomb, worth it 100%.
Fuck.
Shit would kill.
Oh.
Spicy sauce on a piercing?
Yeah.
A little freshly pierced piercing, man.
Oh.
Was that fucking burned the hell out of her?
Or him, I don't know.
I didn't say.
That person.
It's just an adventurous tart.
Man, it's like the same thing I'm like touching your cock
after you could touch the jalapenos or something.
Oh, yeah.
You're like, no.
The fire is real.
The hell is real.
So imagine a piercing there and then touching it.
Man.
With a jalapeno hand?
Like a freshly pierced cock.
You fucking rub down to pee and you fucking,
you just wipe your hands all over the fucking piercing
and the hole and there's jalapenos
and you're just like, well, this is my life now.
Pain.
Permanent, eternal pain.
Hey, remember you said you wanted pleasure with pain.
There you go.
Spread it.
Spread the joy.
Good God.
Good God, y'all.
Why?
That's all the Reddit I've got today.
Anything else to add before we head out?
I guess that's it for life.
All right.
Well, with that, we will see you guys on the next episode.
Bye.