Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite or none of
them, movies, games, cartoon books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
Let's go ahead and get started.
All right.
So we are now on the second part of season two of the YSQJ Now.
And for episode six of this show, I couldn't really find one skit that I liked overall.
So I just picked one of the ones that was just random was Zach meeting Trevor at the
park.
And when they meet up, he's like, Hey, what's up, Trevor?
And Trevor's like, Oh my God.
Hi.
And like he's he starts doing all these like weird like acting weird around Zach, right?
And Zach, what the fuck is wrong with you?
And eventually throw with this whole thing like, you were great in that one movie like
he and all this and that.
It turns out that Trevor had just recently came back from the doctor and he was diagnosed
with this disease that makes him think that everyone looks like or everyone is Forrest
Whitaker, the actor.
And Zach is like, so you just came back from the doctor and were diagnosed with this and
you just assume when you first saw me that I was going to be Forrest Whitaker.
And he's like, well, you know, chances you never know.
Instead of like, you know, using some logic and saying like, I just, you know, I just
got diagnosed.
It can't be Forrest Whitaker.
And so he just assumed it was Forrest Whitaker off the bat.
So then Timmy comes in, right.
And then Trevor turns toward him.
He's like, Oh my God.
He thinks it's Forrest Whitaker again.
Such a goofy little skit, but I liked it because I just said, just like Zach's like, like he's
just like, I'm over this shit.
None of us is Forrest Whitaker.
You need to stop.
And you're talking to both of us, we can't both be Forrest Whitaker.
And he's like, well, that's so you have to be Forrest Whitaker.
He just, he just picks one as Forrest Whitaker.
All right.
So episode seven of season two, it's in the skit is Sam as the wife, Trevor's the husband,
Timmy's the son and Darren is the daughter.
And so basically, Trevor's, he's got the whole beard.
And it's funny because he makes the beard gray, but his hair is still black.
And so, you know, he's older, I guess he's supposed to be older and he's sitting at the
coffee table or at the kitchen table.
He's pulling out a typewriter and then he's like, he's like writing something.
Sam, the wife comes in and he's like, Oh, what'd you do with husband?
And he's like, Oh, well, I got up this morning and I figured I'll start writing that novel
I've been talking about writing or that book I've been talking about.
I've been talking about writing and she's like, Oh, what's it about?
He's like, Oh, it's the 10 chapters or 10 steps on how to have a successful relationship.
And Sam, I can't convey how well he did this line.
He's like, Oh, 10 steps on how to have a successful relationship.
Like the way he does successful, like he, like he, it's like, it's hard to explain.
Like he takes it a tone lower and then like a halting stop for a second successful relationship
that you know, when he said that there was going to be conflict.
And like, I, it was just like, I don't know what, like lately I've been loving like the
way actors like they, they do a lot more than you think they do.
Like that was a perfect, at least a good one.
So at least a good one.
Right.
Like that was just like a perfect way to convey like that, that she didn't believe that he
had a good, enough understanding of relationships to make a good book.
And it was all spoken in one simple line.
Yeah.
10, 10 steps on how to have a successful relationship.
I can't even do it because you have to watch it.
It's so beautifully spoken.
And then Trevor flips out.
So what the fuck is the problem?
And they start having this massive fucking argument.
Trevor says like, you're lucky I'm me.
Like I'm about to hit you and like, I wish you would you fucking puss.
So they start cussing each other out, having this huge argument.
And that's basically the whole skit is like him trying to keep her like chapter one, come
in, accepting your partner's flaws, one in all.
And then she's in the back talking shit to her friend on the phone and he gets up and
he throws a chair and then Timmy comes in and he starts crying because they're arguing.
Then Darren comes in and she's about to pepper spray both of them.
Like if you want to do one of your fucking hits, it touches me.
I'm calling the child protective services.
And she runs out with a fucking pepper sprayer in hand.
I'm like, what the fuck kind of relationship marriage family is this?
They're just having this fucking random ass argument one morning as Trevor tries to finish
his fucking book.
It was so, but just that line from Sam, the way he delivered it, sold me on the whole
fucking skit.
It's an actual relationship.
Just like, I'm like, wow, that was spoken so fucking well.
Chapter eight or not chapter eight, episode eight, season two, we have Trevor who's a,
he just got done, I guess from a busy day.
He's all happy.
So he decided he's going to have himself a little wank, little, you know, a little jerket.
Oh, I don't blame him.
I love the salami.
I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Whatever the fuck I want.
Imagine being that person that lands on.
Imagine being that guy watching out the window like what the fuck is that?
And so, so he's like, awesome.
So, but his way to jack off, right, is auto erotic asphyxiation.
He's got a noose just, just, just high enough.
So like if he, if he like bucks it, buckles his knees, he'll, he'll be like, eh.
So he fucking pulls his pants down and gets on the noose, right?
And he just starts going off.
He's like, he just starts fucking, like, this is the greatest day of my fucking life.
And then right as he climaxes, his fucking spirit, I guess, or his soul comes out of
his body and his body just lays there and fucking hanging there.
And he realized that he's fucking dead.
And so he's freaking out.
He's trying to figure out any way that he can come back to his body.
So he thinks that he can't touch it.
He wants to at least die with dignity.
He doesn't want to find him hanging there with his cock in his hand, fucking noose around
his neck.
So, he's like, he's, he's got this like, he's like, oh, I can move stuff with my ghost abilities,
right?
So he starts moving his left hand, but instead of doing anything useful, he ends up putting
that left hand up his asshole.
So he's like, oh no, this is way worse than it was before.
So then I think like he, he puts his thumb up his ass before he jacks off.
Before auto erotic asphyxiation.
So Timmy finds him and starts taking pictures of him instead of putting him in a dignified
position.
This male, this Timmy came to pick him up because they were basically like themselves
in the skits.
It's Trevor and Timmy and Timmy is supposed to pick him up for a show.
Like, oh, what is he doing?
He just starts taking pictures on his phone.
The newspaper comes in and played by Zach and he's like, can I have some, a couple of
pictures of you guys before the show?
When he catches, you know, Trevor, he takes a bunch of pictures.
Same as Trevor's mom comes in and I knew he was a gay.
I don't know why that has to be.
I just knew it.
That's somehow just solidified with her thoughts about him.
She already knew.
Apparently if you're an erotic asphyxia, you're a homosexual.
I had no idea.
It reminds me of that Robin Williams movie.
The greatest dad.
Robin Williams?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
The one you told me, the one we talked about.
Yeah.
Trying to fuck himself up.
Jesus.
Same way.
Yeah.
So he's a dangerous high.
The one was a quiet mire.
He said where it's like when he's getting strangled, I do that to myself every night.
I guess like because you, you like toughen up on the, right?
Like you get used to it.
That's why it gets harder and harder and eventually you just go over the line.
Yeah.
And then you just feel you're just fucking dead.
Always have self control people.
And don't strangle yourself.
Or do it's your choice.
It ain't my business.
So Trevor's freaking out because he's in ghost form and a God comes in out of nowhere,
like just the voice, right?
And he gives him one, like, are you like, do you feel repentant?
He's like, yes.
Like if I give you another chance at life, will you do better?
He's like, yes.
But instead of going back in time to like give him like another chance.
He's gotta go from right there?
From right that moment he comes back to life.
I'm like, man, that's cold as fuck.
It's cold as ice.
Having to start from that fucking position.
Literally.
Like if they found me face down ass up with a lollipop in my ass and I just come back
to life, just leave me dead.
You don't want to come back to that with that embarrassment?
Hell no.
All right.
So there was an extra skit on episode eight that I wanted because it was so fucking random.
So Sam is just, I guess he's the dad.
Yeah, Sam's the dad and Trevor's the son and Sam's getting ready for work in the morning.
He's getting his coffee.
Like he goes to the kitchen counter, picks up his coffee, turns around and there's like
one of those little islands, island counters, you know, like in between the kitchen that
some have and he notices there's a little VHS tape and a TV with like one of those little
mini TVs that had its own like built in VHS.
Those shit were fucking bonked.
I missed that.
You kids have no idea.
The VHS built into a TV.
Oh, portable.
Yeah, the VHS players, man.
And so he, there's a tape in there that says, dad play me.
So he throws it, he puts the tape in, he's like, what is this shit?
And he took his coffee and it's Trevor and he's saying how he has this great adventure
for his dad on how to find his car keys.
It's like a scavenger hunt to find his car keys.
So like first dad, what you need to do is go through those strings over there, pull out
the right one and then turn this tape off.
So he looks over, right?
And there is just like fucking like hundreds of strings just strewn out all over the kitchen
table, like all over all these weird fucking angles, like just everywhere, right?
Like it's fucking like just chaotic.
And Sam just like, I don't have fucking time for this.
That's all he's like, I don't have fucking time for that.
I gotta get to work.
So he, without even stopping the tape and the camera stays on the tape and the jokes,
like the comedies in the background, you're supposed to imagine it.
Like, cause you hear Sam going up to Trevor's room.
Trevor's still talking on the tape, right?
All this and that, like, oh, now you gotta get the map that I wrote down on my body and
then you gotta do this, you gotta do that.
And in the back you hear like, where the fuck are my fucking keys?
And you can hear him just beating the shit out of Trevor.
Give me my motherfucking keys, I ain't got time for this shit.
And in the tape, Trevor says like, the reason I did this, dad, was like, cause I just felt
like we've been growing apart and I wanted us to spend more time together.
So I decided to make this little scavenger hunt so that you'd come and talk to me and
hang out.
Like that was the, that's the line of the thing, but in the background, you gave me
my motherfucking keys, beating the shit out of him.
You can hear the bell whipping.
It's like, give me my keys.
It's such a weird juxtaposition.
And wholesome, like a son trying to get, spend time with his dad.
And then in the background, his dad beating the fucking dog shit out of him.
And they always make Sam that violent father for some reason.
He plays this so well.
Like at the very end, like the very last, so the, right before the skit ends, you can
just hear like, give me my keys.
And you hear like fucking, my god, he's beating the hell out of him.
This is the same kid from the other skit?
Trevor?
Yeah.
No, Trevor is the kid this time.
Oh, okay.
Instead of Trevor being the dad and then Sam being the wife.
Yeah.
He beat the hell out of him.
All right, so episode nine has my second all time favorite skit.
It would be number one if it wasn't for the Abraham Lincoln skit in season one, episode
one, where, you know, Abraham Lincoln gets hammered in the ass so hard he dies.
So Jenkins, played by Zach, comes into this office of their, the owner of the, this corporation,
the CEO, whatever.
And he notices his boss, played by Trevor, who's also the same mustache with the hair.
He plays the old office man really well.
And he notices he's like sitting in the corner, like he's not in the corner, but he's sitting,
I guess it is a corner, because he's in the corner underneath this little spot where you
can't see from the window, because there's like huge windows in this, like he's in a
skyscraper, like one of the top, I guess one of the, probably the top building or the top
floor because he's the CEO.
And he, Jenkins, Zach, notices him there and like Trevor's like, Jenkins, get down, get
down, Jenkins.
And Jenkins gets down and then he makes him, then he crawls all the way to the desk, that's
up against the window.
He's like, Jenkins, you almost had your head blown off.
Apparently there was a sniper in the building across the street trying to get at the CEO.
And Jenkins, of course he's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Because like Jenkins came in to ask him something, right?
He was completely superseded by the situation.
He's like, Jenkins, there's a merger happening between the three companies and the company
next door doesn't want it to happen.
So they said, I woke up this morning, go into my office and what do I see?
A goddamn sniper across the street trying to take a beeline on me.
So Jenkins is like, what?
He's like, here's what I need you to do, Jenkins, I need you to pop up real quick because he's
got a bead on me.
He won't have time to readjust and get you.
Tell me which floor he is.
I know he's on the 37th floor, but I don't know if he's on the third window from the
left or the third window from the right or the fourth window from the right.
And like, he's like, go ahead, Jenkins.
And Jenkins pops up right here and he pops with that real quick, oh, fuck, oh, shit,
there is a fucking sniper.
Like now he's like, now he realizes some real shit.
So he started freaking out.
And then Trevor goes into this weird spiel about how he dedicated his whole life to make
his company number one.
It's a weird way to do it while he like, because he has Jenkins like, Jenkins, give me that
box behind the couch.
And he pulls out this fucking box and he opens up the box.
And then he's telling him like, what he had to sacrifice, like two marriages, a heart
attack, missing, losing every single weekend of his life.
He's fucking putting a sniper rifle together.
Just like, God, just like the weird way they did it, right?
Doing something like, real estate, like, you know, how you will, how would you, how to
succeed in a business by sacrificing a lot of your life.
At the same time, doing something surreal or unconventional by putting a sniper rifle
together.
Like he's going, so all right, Jenkins.
So he puts the sniper rifle together, fucking pops in the fucking, like, and then he puts
it together too.
It's really cool.
He puts the whole fucking sniper gun together.
And then he's like, he pulls up the intercom from his desk and he's like, Francine, I don't
know her secretary's name, but I'm just like, Francine, could you send one of the interns
in please?
And fucking Timmy walks in like, you more coffee, sir?
And boom, gets his fucking shit blown the fuck up.
Like gets his head blown clean the fuck off his butt.
But he's like a hole in his left eye when he got, or right where he got fucking shot.
And the fucking, with the sniper taking a shot on him, Trevor pops up and fucking kills
the sniper.
He pulls out a piece of glass and looks at it like, that is a kill.
And he's like, ah, good thing, good job, Jenkins.
Jenkins is, by the way, he's like, what the fuck is going on?
So he gets a phone call from the opposite company, right?
And they're like, hey, how's it going, Harold?
Nice try with that sniper.
Now, you know, this mergers going in and like, they actually go into like real like a business
thing.
I'm like, I have no idea what the fuck is going on.
But it, but all of a sudden they, the opposing office, cause they're like across the street,
they throw a fucking flashbang into the fucking office.
And like, he just looks down and it pointed and looks at Jenkins flashbang and he fucking
covers his face and that shit blows up, right?
And then like when Jenkins like gets back to being oriented, cause he's like, oh, you
got this one I do with the flashbang.
You see Trevor trying to level a mortar thing.
The ones with the mortar ones?
Then he like, he snaps at Jenkins and he points to the opposite end of the couch.
Jenkins goes to the opposite side and he pulls out these fucking mortar little bombs.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
And he fucking, he's like, come on, give it here.
Like he doesn't say anything, but he starts like, you know, snapping his fingers.
He throws it to him.
He fucking pops into the thing, little the pipe and he fucking blows out.
You hear an explosion next door and you hear a bunch of people screaming and like, you
still there Harold?
And then like, apparently wouldn't the, after that, they agreed to the, his terms and he's
like, all right, I'll see you.
I'll see you on the, on the, uh, on the Wall Street floor or some shit and he fucking hangs
up.
It's like, ah, another day of business Jenkins.
So what can I do for you Jenkins?
And he's like, uh, my brother's having a wedding in two weeks.
I was wondering if I can get that Friday off as a vacation day in terms of, no, like get
out.
I'm like, wow.
But it's basically taking like the, uh, the metaphor of war between companies to an actual
like an actual, like a physical confrontation.
Like he just fucking wake up one morning, you get a sniper beeline on you, a flashbang
toss back a fucking mortar strike.
I'm like, God, hey, maybe one day in the future we'll be like that.
But for now it's not Boeing and Northrop Grumman.
The day we have standing armies for the companies, that's the day, you know, we're getting close
to the army.
Like, hey, you're going to join the army?
Which one?
You know, McDonald's is having a good benefits.
Have you seen all those stories coming out about McDonald's?
All the headlines are says McFucked.
McSquare.
I haven't liked McDonald's.
I mean, I like the food.
It's fine.
But I haven't, I haven't, I lost a lot of respect for McDonald's when I found out the
monopoly shit was fake.
That the people that were in control of it were keeping all the actual prizes.
And I was like, cause I was, every fucking year that that monopoly shit came out, never
won.
And I kept wondering, what the fuck?
No one ever wins this.
That's why.
And it turns out these motherfuckers were hedging the funds or hedging the bets on their side.
Yeah.
Assholes.
Let's see.
There is another bonus one for episode nine.
So Trevor, there's this homeless woman played by an actual woman and not one of the main
cast like Sam or somebody.
And she's just been, it's cold.
It's like New York.
Like she's got a big jacket, like one of those like snow caps on.
You can tell it's fucking freezing.
And Trevor walks up from down the street and he goes in his pocket and give her some change
and they make eye contact.
Like, did you feel that?
He's like, yeah.
And like, it was like love at first sight.
So they go on this long extended date throughout the night, right?
And they go out to eat, they go to a movie, all this stuff happens, right?
And they go back to his place and he's like, I never thought this stuff actually happens.
And they're going on like an actual like romantic comedy.
And he's like, but I want to take it slow.
I don't want to just, you know, jump into anything and all this and that.
And so he's like, well, I'll see you later.
And she's like, yeah.
So he goes inside and she just kind of sleeps because she's homeless.
She sleeps on the, on the steps of his apartment complex.
He comes back out and he's like, could you, you know, leave?
So he's like, you know, you gotta go.
So she just wanders away.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
It's so random.
Like I said, you know, letting her come to his, you know, like he wanted to take it slow.
So I'll see you around.
And he's like, you know, well, bye.
And he just, you just like, the way she just like just looks around, right.
And then just sits on the steps.
I'm like, where else is she going to go?
Away from there?
That's what he wanted.
Like, well, can you, you know, like he nudges her like, episode 10 season two was a little
different than the original ones because they had, they, they were filming one of their
live shows that they would do like for like college campuses and stuff.
Which we, we, they would be packed when they went to go do them.
I guess after season one, they got really popular with the college crowd.
So they were doing a bunch of live, like live stuff at a college campuses and they were
filming one of them.
And so a lot of their skits were just like, they were actually just all improv and no
like gimmicks or makeup or anything.
And I guess the funniest one to me was like, to Derek just come down like, here's Sonic
getting mugged.
And it's just, it's just Trevor skipping hands closed, right?
Someone stabs him and he just fucking throws all these fucking coins in the air and fucking
dies.
So yeah, I guess that's how when Sonic got mugged, all the coins would fucking fly out.
But it was a nice little look at the group in their real personality without like in
the, like, cause you know, they have to act in the-
Without it being scripted.
Yeah.
Like that.
Like it's just them like, like the behind the scenes stuff.
So it was cool.
And I forgot that cause I thought that was its own special episode that came out like
a couple of years after, but I got to know it was season two.
Yeah.
Like it was actually an episode of the series.
Of the series.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, well that's surprising.
That's kind of cool though.
So that is it for the Why Does Kid You Know?
Season two.
It's so short now that I think when I do the full season, like season, so season three,
four and five will be episode one through 10.
Yeah.
So next week it'll be season one, season three, one through 10.
Then the week after that.
That way-
Four through 10.
That way-
Four, one through 10.
Yeah.
That way it'll be more, more little skits cause their skits are pretty quick.
So now I want to do this new thing called the, where I just cover random cinema stuff.
Maybe not like, I want to call it like the cinema center or something.
Like where we cover everything cinema, short of like reality TV shows, which I don't like.
Yeah.
I like documentaries.
Reality with a quotation mark.
With a quotation.
Like I'm not going to watch Jersey Shore.
I might watch The Girls Next Door.
You remember that story about the second season that screwed me over.
Stuff like that.
But documentaries, film, TV, like actual, you know, cinema.
Well, I guess documentaries aren't cinema, but they're still like, you know, storytelling
in a way.
Yeah.
A visual storytelling.
So I'll be watching random stuff and I'll talk about it.
Nothing in depth, but just like my thoughts, like when I did with like the, the, the Fast
and Furious earlier, stuff like that.
And so I didn't have a lot to talk about today, but I ran into some random show on Tubi and
I was like, what?
And you know what it was?
Animorphs.
Animorphs is on Tubi.
Really?
Yeah.
Two seasons.
The first season is 20 episodes, season two, six episodes.
And so when I watched something, like when I was watching the White is Kid, You Know,
it brought back memories of me watching it back.
Like I remember that.
I remember that.
Yeah.
When I was watching the Animorphs, right?
Cause I was so far, I've seen the first 10 episodes.
I don't remember one fucking thing from this show at all.
Really?
And it is fucking like, it is like jarring to me.
I can usually pick up from like years ago, something, some sliver of like a memory.
Yeah.
There is nothing I remember from this show whatsoever.
Not only that, but this is not the show that I remember at all.
And like there's not another Animorphs.
Yeah.
I don't know if I read the books.
I think you probably read the book cause I read the book.
And like I just, maybe I saw an episode or two and like I just like morphed them together.
Yeah.
Because there is nothing, I'm like what the fuck?
None of this makes any fucking sense to me.
What the fuck is going on?
Not to mention it being a kid's show, the plot lines are always like, uh, one of our,
one of our classmates, I guess, got captured and like, oh, we saved them.
Like, oh, one of our classmates got captured.
Oh, we saved them.
That's just the fucking off.
Yeah.
In 1998, I'm like, oh boy.
Because I don't think I really seen any of the shows either.
I think I read mostly the books.
Right.
I'm like, did I just fucking imagine them?
I think so.
They were so visually enriching that I just remember them as a TV show.
I think that's one fucking thing.
You know what?
I actually had kind of the same experience.
It wasn't on Tubi, but it was on YouTube.
I've seen some of those and more of clips and it's like, I don't remember this shit
at all.
Like at all.
I was like, did I get Mandela affected?
I don't understand.
I swear to God, I thought close to the same thing.
It's like, I don't remember this shit, but I guess the books were just so like detailed.
Right.
What was going on that you had like this own movie going on in your mind and then you had
the cover art.
Right.
And then you're like, I'm watching, I'm like, I know Iceman's on it, but what the fuck is
going on?
You know the weirdest thing about like, it's a kid's show, right?
So in episode 10, they get captured by the Yerkes, which is the bad guys, the guys that
go in the air.
And they get captured for like the 57th time.
In 10 episodes, they got caught like 82 times.
They get captured, right?
And this other entity from a different alien race beyond the Andalites and the Yerkes,
I'm so far above, I'm fucking boggled.
It's basically being a cocky asshole like they ain't shit to me.
That's exactly what he was basically what he was saying.
Andalite technology, Yerkes technology, fucking crayons.
And he says like, he wants to like preserve a little bit of the human race because he
likes the human race.
In like basically a zoo, one of the characters was like, so like a zoo?
He's like, well, yeah.
He didn't say anything like that's basically, oh well.
And he's like, he was a hologram pretty much the whole time.
He had an actual physical body because they got captured by this net.
And the main character, Jake, if I remember his name right, was like, I didn't understand
this.
So Jake's like, no, Marco, what are his, so it's Marco, Jake, and then two girls.
Marco, Jake, and Tobias.
Yeah, those are the three boys.
Axe is the Andralite alien.
Yes.
The two girls, I forget their names.
Wasn't one of them Sarah?
Yes.
The cousin to Jake, I think.
Yeah.
And I forget the other one.
But so they get captured in a net.
Marco's like, hey, let's transform and get out of here.
And Jake's like, no, then they'll find out we're not Andralites.
And like, what the fuck are you talking about?
They're stuck in there.
They could have turned into a fucking lion and a tiger or fucking cockroaches and escaped.
But Jake's like, no, they'll find out we're not Andralites because the jerks think that
they're Andralites in human form.
Yeah.
So he's thinking like if they turn into an animal, they'll realize they're human, which
I guess in a way I get it.
Like if they realize they're human, they have a more narrow search.
Like they realize they're human.
They realize they're kids.
So they'll start going after the schools.
I get that.
But at the same time, I'm like, what do you mean?
Who cares the fuck?
We got the fuck out of here.
I think that's probably why I preferred the books a little bit more too, because they
didn't have those kind of plot holes as bad.
Like where mostly whatever you got into like the Vizard series, which is like Vizard 3.
Yeah.
Like where he's actually then there's Vizard 1 and 2.
They're like you actually get to see them and they actually are kind of equal.
I think like I think this woman was fucking churning them out because I went to Wikipedia
and saw like bits of the plot from this story, bits of the plot from the from the she put
them out in 97, right?
And by 98 they had a show and she's got like 54 fucking books.
Yeah.
So she was fucking churning those motherfuckers out like God dang Stephen King on Cuphead.
Faster than Stephen King.
Like boom, boom, boom, boom.
Like God.
It's actually enough that the books were not that bad.
Overall, 54 books must have been doing something right?
And so yeah, so the entity, which I don't know what I don't know what he is.
He decided to give him a choice.
Like you can be part of the zoo because he thinks that the jokes are going to take over
regardless.
So he sent them to the future.
And like the future, like for whatever reason, I don't know why every time there's a future
scene it's all the earth is completely devastated.
But how would they make it better?
You don't know.
They've been making a better city, but the city just fucking wrecked.
And they find out that Sarah, Jake's cousin, an older version of her actually actually
betrayed the the group because she got, they call controllers if you have a yoke in their
ear, a human does their controllers.
And they picked the perfect actress to portray Sarah as an adult.
It looked just like her.
It must have been her older sister or something.
So that's right, Sarah.
It's me, you from the future.
You got here like what the fuck?
And they realized that and here's how, here's how this one, this actually will come by surprise.
Like it's a kid show.
I'm like, yeah, this and that.
This is what fucking dropped my jaw to the fucking floor.
So Tobias in one of the earlier episodes he had for, cause when you're when you you morph
in one animal, you only have two hours.
If you don't morph back, you stay in that form forever.
Well, not forever.
You'll probably die.
You'll die younger now cause how long is the hawks lifespan?
Longer than you'd think.
It's not a human, is it?
It's not a human.
That would be fucking terrible.
Yeah.
They had the life of a hamster or some shit.
You're like, damn it.
Three weeks.
Like, uh-oh.
And so he's stuck now.
So when that alien entity was there, he turned him back into a human.
That's how, how would have the highest, that's why his technology is so powerful.
Yeah.
Can turn him back into a human.
And it turns out in this future where they all lose a visor one, a visor three, or he
was like, it's visor one now actually.
Cause he got promoted, I guess.
Yeah.
And he's like, uh, oh yeah, Tobias, uh, I remember you, you tasted really good.
He apparently had ate him as a hog and I was like, God damn.
That shit dropped my jaw cause it made him say that he ate a child.
Even though he was in hog form.
Yeah.
I was like, this is dark as fuck for a fucking TV Y7.
I'm like, what the fuck?
A little stringy, but from, from my taste, but still delicious.
I was like, I was like, God dang.
That's why I liked the books.
Cause they were a lot more dark like that where it's like, oh shit.
I read the, I read the Wikipedia on it's like, uh, let me see if I can pull it up on its
themes.
Yeah.
Like, uh, the, the visor series was like dark.
Let me see if I remember right.
I still have the book somewhere.
Surprisingly, I have to bring it to you and let you read it.
I'll read them.
All right.
I still have a few of the Animorph books.
Here it is.
So the, uh, the themes of the series are horror, war, imperialism, dehumanization, sanity,
morality, innocence, leadership, freedom, family, and growing up are the core themes.
Yeah.
I'm like war, imperialism, dehumanization.
She had it dark as hell.
Yeah.
It got pretty damn dark.
Young adult, she put young adult to the limit on that one.
Yeah.
So I, you know, JK Rowling had nothing on her.
It's like, oh, she's Y7 super little kid stuff.
Yeah.
And you start getting.
So I'm watching, I was looking through that on, uh, on Amazon, right?
And then like, do you like, if you like that, you'll also love R.L.
Stein.
Fuck it's 673 Goosebumps books.
I'm like, God damn.
Forgot about Goosebumps.
There was a few dark episodes in that too.
Man.
It was really, really crazy, but there was a couple of them where it's like, eh, let's
pushing it for kids.
Cause it was Y7 too.
Oh man.
It used to come on as a Saturday morning cartoon.
I feel bad for the Tobias actor.
Cause he got, he looked like in the movie, like one of the show, like for three episodes,
he was a hunk.
He did the voice of the entire time.
I was like, I'd be mad as hell.
Yeah.
So I make half of what they do.
Cause I'm just a voice high, you bastards.
Yeah.
Playing the Hulk.
And then you have Axe, the, the Andalite.
So plus you have like, boy, he's technically a kid too.
Yeah.
He's like a teenager of their level of age, I guess.
What's really weird is that they eat with their hooves.
They do?
Yeah.
Like as they walk on the grass, they're eating grass.
To eat shit, huh?
Like Austin and dog shit again.
Delicious.
I like their, cause you know, the weirdest part is that the way they like, they, they
transform sometimes depending on the budget, right?
Sometimes they'll just do it, you'll hear a sound and then like the next, like they'll
be off camera and then an animal will appear, right?
Yeah.
But sometimes they do the actual like a CGI and then they fucking demorph like the face
and I'm like, as a kid I'd have fucking been horrified.
Well, I was going to say in the books too, it also explains how their bones crack and
stuff like that.
They were saying like their bones crunch and stuff.
Yeah.
At least they don't go as far as the clothing.
They don't talk about that.
Their clothes is forms with the body.
Yes.
And I'm like, I'm curious because I remember in the first episode when Jake first turned
into his dog, his pants were coming off.
I'm like, wait, what the fuck?
And then later on, like their clothes just to stay on.
Yeah.
Cause they probably realized that there's probably going to be like a bit of a, an issue
in the show if they're all butt naked.
Yeah.
In a fucking kid's show.
But man.
Well, in the, in the, uh, the books, it was that they had to wear a skin tight thing underneath
their clothes.
Smart.
Like where their clothes could transform.
That's why they could transform with them.
Okay.
And then the, uh, the alien act showed them like what material to use or something like
that.
That makes sense.
Or help develop it or something.
I can't remember exactly.
He will only, uh, but then again, there's no point in the show cause they don't, they,
their clothes transformed with the body.
They just took out the explanation of why.
Yeah.
But yeah.
And, uh, another thing is like there, it's almost like that's, that's basically the whole
series.
One of us gets captured.
The rest of them have to save them.
And this episode, I'm like, there's nothing, I don't know what they're doing to beat the
Yerkes, but it's something they, whatever they do, whatever they, they win it, the Yerkes
are exactly in the same position as they were before.
Yeah.
Like they did, they did all this weird, like if they found out that they, they would then
they, they need the Yerkes to go into this little pool and take like canda, candahar
rays every three days to eat, to reenergize.
Cause that's their, that's their new, their food source.
Then they go back in the ear.
So they found out that, uh, maple, uh, syrup oatmeal, uh, makes them like, uh, go haywire.
So they get these balloons full of maple syrup, oatmeal, and they throw them into the canda,
the pool underneath one of the, uh, cause the pool's underneath the whole city.
And after that, you don't hear anything about it.
You don't hear it like the Yerkes have, like there's no continuity.
The Yerkes are like, you know, they've been like set back because of that.
They lost a few of their members.
This is that it's just like, it's like status quo every episode.
Visit three is always pissed off.
Give me those fucking cats.
And the whole series, like open up this fucking desk.
Cause they found this disc from the Prince that gave them their powers to the kids.
And they've had the disc, the whole episode, the whole series now are the first 10 episodes,
uh, visit three and his scientist.
And he's like, I need to know what's on this fucking desk.
It's on the whole fucking series.
I got there.
He's always losing his fucking shit.
Yeah.
I've had to fail so often.
He's so confident.
Yeah.
So like I said, the, the books are a lot more graphic and they also go into a lot more detail
and that kind of stuff at least like you, they don't win every single book like they
do in the show.
Like they do lose a lot.
I did.
I never knew about the allergies either.
Apparently a, an animorph, uh, sometimes they don't agree with a specific DNA because they,
they take the DNA, right?
And then like they, once they have the DNA, it's now imprinted onto their body forever.
But if they have a certain animal that they don't agree with, like the, one of the girls
touched a crocodile, which for the budget, it was a small one, but people were freaking
like it was a fucking 18 foot crocodile.
They kept freaking out.
Now you can, you can fight like a small crocodile.
There's no problem.
Yeah.
Like it wasn't that fucking big.
I wouldn't fight a fucking behemoth.
Which reminds me of you see that dude in Florida where there was an alligator coming up and
he just smacked it with one of those cast iron.
Yeah.
I saw that guy take off running.
Oh shit.
That hurt.
But uh, it doesn't, the DNA doesn't agree with her.
So she's having trouble.
Like it's like, like forced her to morph and then un-morph.
And then she's like, and apparently Ax tells him that that happens for two and the lights
where, um, uh, if it's like an allergy.
So she eventually has to burp out the DNA.
Basically she, she releases a fully fleshed out animal of the, of that DNA.
So like another, like basically a clone of the original that she touched and she has
to go to the bathroom.
So I got to fucking go.
I got this, I got to, she fucking burps out.
I guess, I don't know if it's burps out or just like, I don't know how she fucking lets
it out.
Yeah.
It never show.
She shuts it.
I don't know what the fuck you have.
Like it throws it up, but she goes to the bathroom and then you see her crawling down
the stalls, right?
And then on the other side of the stall, another, the alligator comes out.
So she released it.
I'm like, she released it somehow.
Then like people like lose their shit.
Cause the alligator started running around the whole fucking, uh, uh, studio and they're
like, Oh my God, it's a fucking alligator or a crocodile.
I can't remember which one is which depending on the nose.
Yeah.
But, uh, that was a random episode.
They're all fucking random episodes.
And so one of the yurks freaked out so much that I passed out from the alligator.
So the alligator, the yurt left this guy's body.
So they're like pretty much slugs and the alligator ate them.
So like you just killed a fucking yurt and you're like, Oh, it's a murder.
I guess not murder, but actual death.
Yeah.
A casualty of war, but still, and her kids show my God dang, they just literally ate
this motherfucker.
See that was the nineties.
No kidding.
Now it's like, Oh my God, be so offensive to everybody.
You couldn't make the show.
It's like, time change.
I guess I know I missed the nineties.
Not me because a kid.
Well, let's dodge.
I guess, but man, I don't remember shit about this show.
I don't remember one fuck.
I don't remember a fucking thing about the show.
I just remember every one of those books used to be at the scholastic book fair every fucking
year.
I think I had like 10 of them.
Yeah.
I had a, I think I still have like probably 10.
Let me rate them.
I can find them.
What do you 10?
Oh, they're not in order.
I ain't reading them.
That fucking I was, he do it.
It skips over like five books.
Here's how you would fuck me up.
Like you got one, two, three, eight.
It'd be one nine 10, a prequel.
The Animorphs all grown up.
What the fuck?
Cause I think the visored one is a prequel.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's so weird how they get their powers to like the, with the antelite that crash lands.
By the way, if I saw a fucking alien come out of the fluid, look like a centaur, I'd
have thrown a rocket at its face with eyes on this like stalk.
I'm like, what the fuck?
And it's like a touchdowns kill, but you'll get me given great power.
And they're all like, no problem.
Like fuck that.
It's like, what the fuck is it?
So, so yeah, the antelite, the whole reason they have this something called like the somebody's
gift, like a specific antelite name.
And it's a law called this person's gift, meaning that it's against their law to bestow
technology to another race, the reason being that one time that person, the, I want to
say like Sarah, Sarah was gift or something, uh, helped out this race.
I was in trouble.
The racer had to be the Yerkes and we know how that happened.
So it's again, so that's why he was, so that's when, when X-verse met the Animorphs that
he was like, uh, like a mind, cause his brother was the one that gave him the powers before
he got killed.
By the way, they tell him that he had a great battle against a visor three, but if from
episode one, he fucking got picked up at eight.
I don't know how great of a fucking battle that was.
He didn't do a damn thing.
Are you seeing cause it's budget wise, right?
It's all that can show the shadow and visor tree is fucking massive compared to the antelite.
He just picks him up like, I'm like, what the fuck?
So when he's like, yeah, he fought bravely.
No, he didn't.
He got fucking eight.
Yeah.
And once we, uh, in the, if I, cause these are things coming from like the wizard series,
and uh, cause it's so much more interesting than the actual animal, cause it's all about
other alien races and stuff like that more so than the kids.
Right.
So it's like, uh, what happens whenever the, uh, when you got the jerk taken over an actual
and lights body and using that person that was a warrior as like a, a jerk that can transform
and stuff like that, which is really weird.
So it makes me wonder is visit three, an antelite is a yoke in an antelite body or is he something
else cause he keeps transforming into this massive fucking monster.
There's a specific, is it a visitor three or wizard one?
I can't remember which cause I spent so long since I've actually read the books, but there's
a yoke that took over an actual and lights body.
So the and light can transform into whatever, right?
Oh yeah.
Cause the antelite, so analyze can transform into anything.
Okay.
So he's basically an antelite and he just make it, he just keeps picking this big ass
fucking monster.
Yeah.
You know, you can always see them when the budget's a little higher, when you see a lion
or a tiger, I've only seen it like three times.
There's a, one of the girls that loves to transform into a bear like all the time in
the book.
Yeah.
They took that away.
I read in the Wikipedia that they, they changed that cause they couldn't afford a bear or
an elephant.
So they have a, they have a white tiger, a lion and a wolf, but you don't see them as
often as you see a fucking lizard or a cockroach.
Like the little animals.
Yeah.
Like the, like the hawk, the bias rabbit.
You can see all those, but you know, it's a little bit more for a lion.
I love one scene where these controllers are chasing after it.
Cause they had, was there a name Rachel?
What the other one?
I think the one that turns into a bear.
It was, it wasn't a Sarah.
Was that was that Sarah?
I think so.
But then again, I'm going from the show and I had, they don't have a lot of the
powerful animals.
Yeah.
I know one of the girls was built to turn into a wolf, but they gave it to Marco in
the show.
And so the last episode I watched episode 10, when they save Axe, cause for whatever
reason he's out in the woods, right?
He's waiting for all the kids to get there for a meeting and then the controller just
fucking capture him.
He's like, Oh shit.
They got me with a bunch of rope.
A bunch of cowboys got me.
And they, they throw them into the back of a truck and Marco can't drive cause there's
no keys in the car.
It's on a hill.
So he hits the neutral, the truck just backs up and lay into a fucking tree.
And the controls are chasing down the hill after right.
They ran the corner and it's a line that's a, I guess Sarah in a lion lion form.
The controls like, Oh shit.
It's a lion.
It doesn't say it's a lion.
And he does the most realistic thing I've seen.
Like, I guess it's a fuck out here.
Just fucking dips.
Just run.
I would fuck.
I would too.
Like it's a fucking lie.
It's fucking gone.
That's a good show.
I mean, it's not right.
It's low, but man, it's a plus.
The fucking music is always dark as fuck.
Like it's either no music at all.
Or it's the most like soap opera level, like music where you're just like, there's so much
drama or something.
Yeah.
Like my dad wants me to move out, move like Sarah's like, my dad wants me to move out
of town with him and, and, but how do I leave when I have an intergalactic war?
What the fuck?
It's the most, the epitome of 97, 98 TV shows, but I don't know.
Like if anybody that actually could watch or make it through the show, I'll watch it
all.
Like, I think they are beyond better.
Like yeah, they're, they're, uh, they're marketed more towards, uh, like young adult on the
lower end of the young adult spectrum, but then it'll, it'll have some like murder or
something.
I mean, it's like, Oh, I never had to spine out through his asshole.
Wait, what?
Like there was in one of the books, I can't remember.
I don't remember which one, but I think it was Marco was transforming and he transformed
accidentally into like a crab or something and didn't mean to, and he starts suffocating
to death.
Like, I thought the crabs can breathe.
It was either like a crab, a lot.
It was something like something I can't.
Yeah.
It was some type of, uh, shark and just dies.
Yep.
Just like he couldn't do it because they could, at this point they couldn't control like what
they were turning into as easy or something like that.
So they just start transforming randomly into weird shit.
Every time they transformed, like in the episode two, like this is getting easier, like all
right off the bat.
Totally different.
They have to, I guess they have to move a bit quicker.
And the transformation, like a pitchers for the books are so much better than the actual
show.
Yeah.
Cause they fucking stretch out the fucking faces.
They put a bunch of big ass eyeballs and they shrink eyeballs.
That's weird to look at.
There's a lot of people where it's like, Oh my God, this is my nightmare fuel.
It was pretty bad.
Why shouldn't one of the girls turn into an alligator and like fucking faint.
Cause they have a side profile, forget nose coming up, going back home.
Yeah.
Like, huh.
And then the books are a lot more graphic.
Like I said about the crackling noises that their bodies make and stuff.
And then like they feel their inside shifting and stuff.
It would have to, I guess, to reaccommodate for a new, uh, physical state.
Yeah.
Crazy.
I never thought you'd be watching that show though.
Hey man, I came on, I was like, are they animals?
I'm over here like, let me, let me, let me get a little bit of nostalgia.
And I'm like, I haven't seen a single fucking episode.
The episodes aren't very long either, are they?
No, 24 minutes.
Yeah.
Even with the commercials on Tubi, it's still a half hour.
It's a normal size.
And they're just like, they're just like, uh, it's always something random.
They got Marco.
Let's go save them.
And now we're going to get fucked.
Weird.
I guess I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to, I got 10 more episodes on season one.
I watched season two, which is only six episodes.
Oh, really?
There's a bigger budget in season six for six episodes.
They better have a goddamn wooly mammoth or something.
This is a funny little first episode of a cinema center.
It is funny though.
God, I haven't seen that show.
Like I don't know if I, now I'm questioning if I've seen any.
Yeah, that's what I'm like.
I haven't seen a single, I just keep watching.
I'm like, I don't remember any of this.
And you would have had like enough, uh, at that age, you would have had enough recollection
to remember.
Oh yeah.
Cause I remember like power Rangers from like when that first came out, rangers, Batman,
Dragon Ball.
Like I don't remember a damn thing about Animars.
Like the only thing that I ever remembered about Dragon Ball Z whenever I was growing
up, it's like, God, I don't know what show that was.
I could never remember, but I always remembered him running along that fucking dragon road.
Like in the afterlife, I always remembered that, like it was a scene that you can never
forget cause there was multiple episodes of him doing it.
I remember him saying like, or somebody saying something that like, be careful.
And I was so afraid of the edges of that dragon cause they were sharp as fuck.
And don't fall, Goku.
If you hit the edges, you'll fuck yourself up.
But I remember that because whenever it first aired in the U S they had it on a some, I
can't remember it like if it was like a country network.
Like to Nami.
To Nami in the afternoon.
Yeah.
Like when it very first came out though, I remembered I seen it somewhere.
I don't know where I was, but I seen like maybe four or five episodes and then I never
seen it again.
So whenever it came back, it's like, what is that anime?
I cannot remember it.
And all I could remember is that one fucking scene of him running down that fucking dragon
road.
You know, the worst about it being on Cartoon Network was the fact that it would start with
the Raditz saga from the beginning, right?
And you'd be like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
You watch it, right?
And then right when it got to the fight with Frieza and Goku goes Super Saiyan, it would
revert back to the first episode.
Yeah.
Oh, the reddit.
And they did that like 15 times.
I'm like, I just watched Dragon Ball Z from A to B. Like I'm talking about through the
whole thing and it would always like, why won't they show me the last episode?
Like it was driving me fucking crazy.
Cause they would never show me the conclusion of the Frieza and Goku fight.
Yeah.
It was just confusing my fucking mind.
And then when they finally did.
I was like, this is a, it was exciting, but I was like, you guys, you ruined it by taking
it away every fucking day.
Cause they would get like, cause it was basically every episode in order every day, Monday to
Friday on Toonami.
So every episode I'm going through it, bam, bam.
And then I would get to the very last episode.
Like here we go.
And then the next day we're right back to fucking Raditz.
And I'm like, God dang it.
Then they did the same thing with the Cell Saga too.
Did they?
Yeah.
Cause it was a not much, well, cause they had, I guess they were trying to either get
the rights for it or trying to get it dubbed or something.
Cause they were, I think it was trying to get it dubbed.
Ever.
I think it was the dubbing of it.
Cause it was never as, it wasn't dubbed as fast as it is now.
I was like, like now with their dubbing, like with a Fana-mation and stuff like that fucking
tweaking over here, licking your guns.
He's like, where the fuck is the, yeah.
One of the funniest thing is like when Goku cuts, when Frieza ends up losing his whole
fucking lower body and one of his left arm and Goku's like gives him some of his power,
like here you go, just enough to live.
And instead of Frieza being thankful or at least like consenting or like saying like,
all right, you beat me.
I concede at least conceding, right?
Yeah.
Goku's flying away and Frieza uses the power that Goku gave him to shoot a blast at him,
an energy blast.
And I'll never forget Goku, you fool, when he fucking lays into him.
Like this opportunity to live and you fucking throw it in my face.
He fucking, he like either he blocks it or he uses his energy to fucking go through Frieza's
and blow him up some more.
But he just turned around and said, you fool.
After all that, after all that, after letting you live, giving you enough power to actually
escape because Frieza can live outside of an open space without a breather.
He'd have been fine, like because they blew up Namek and he just decided like he just
could not let that monkey, get the better of these damn monkeys.
Frieza was the OG racist.
A bunch of monkeys.
There's a bunch of videos on YouTube about that too, where it's racist Frieza.
These monkeys.
Oh man, he was a great character.
He just got better written over time.
Like nowadays, like they really lean into his like fucking like elitist personality.
Yeah.
I love when they do that.
When they realize that the character has a personality that evolves from what you initially
wrote.
Like he's a fucking racist elitist.
Get your damn hands off me, you dirty monkey.
I can't, there's this black YouTuber and I can't remember his name for the life of me
right now, but he's been on Internet City, like where they've shown the videos and he's
been on In the Clutch, which is a different YouTube channel or whatever.
But where it's when Frieza comes back as the black Frieza, he's like, yeah, you fucking
monkey.
Like the most racist thing you could think of, because he's black Frieza at this point.
He comes back with a chain and shit.
Oh my God, y'all leaned into this shit.
But it was created by this one by a black creator and I cannot remember his name right
now.
Fucking hilarious, because they took the racist side of him, but then he comes back as black.
Where he doesn't know what to do.
Uncle Ruckus.
You kind of, yeah.
100 to 300% black with a 3% marginaire.
Well, I guess that's it for Cinema Center today.
Next week, I got three things I'll be talking about.
I was on Peacock just browsing.
Cocaine Bear, the movie.
Cocaine Bear, Cocaine Bear, the True Story, which is a documentary of the actual incident
and something called The Breed.
I don't know what The Breed is about.
I just saw Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini and I'm like, I'm there.
What's it be about, you being bred?
It's supposed to be about some dogs that like, some feral dogs that attack campers at some
like lake house.
I can attest, when you go out into the country, there's packs of roaming dogs out there.
So what you doing out here, city boy?
What you doing out here, city boy?
Uh oh.
What's funny is whatever it's all different breeds of dogs.
So you have like that little shit to dog.
All it comes out underneath the fucking pit bull, like the boss, like what's this boy
doing out here?
What you doing out there, tour boy?
It's the leader.
Oh yeah.
It's like, get Big Boss and Big Boss comes out, the tiny ass Chihuahua.
What you doing out here?
With his little bug eyes.
Just fucking tweaking, just raging.
He's been the one doing the cocaine.
So I'll do those three next week.
Cocaine Bear, Cocaine Bear, The True Story, and The Breed.
I was always watching Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini.
I was there.
All right.
Well, ready to go into our-
My ass all fucked up.
Your back's always fucked up, Poe.
It just never heals, so I never get a chance to.
I mean, if you're gonna spend so much time with your ass up, face down.
That would hurt my back.
Make it better.
All right.
Well, for our character breakdown today, we have two different ones.
Character spotlight.
We have Felix Faust and we have Plastic Man.
Plastic Man.
So the first one is Felix Faust.
That's what I call my condoms, Plastic Man.
Because I rip easy.
So Felix Faust's real name is Felix Faust.
His other aliases have been Deacon Drake.
He's got a daughter that's deceased and a son.
Oh, that sucks.
He's been associated with the Secret Society of Super-Villains and the Injustice League.
So both of them.
Not the best to have your full real name.
Yeah.
How do they keep finding me?
Wonder Woman with a rope?
Or is he that?
So what's your real name?
Felix Faust.
He's like, for real?
He's like, oh shit, I'm sorry.
His race is Homo Magi.
The race of the game edition.
Oh, damn, dude, you're really not lucky.
Like they just go, this is your own race.
He's widowed.
His occupation is a sorcerer.
He's 5'11".
How the fuck is that an occupation?
Like his tax force come in like a wizard.
172 pounds.
So kind of chunky for 5'11".
Really?
I'm fucking 5'30", like 280.
Brown hair, brown eyes.
Created by Gardner Fox and Mike Sikowitski.
It would have been funny if there were two different guys that made them, right?
One of these guys, his first name is Felix, the last name is Faust.
They just combined them together.
Felix Faust.
First appeared in Justice League of America number 10, March of 1962.
So this character has been around for a long time.
Again, his ass beat for years.
Yes.
And so the character himself, throughout the character's history, various stories showcase
or mention the early history of the character itself.
The earliest recorded accounts of the sorcerer known as Felix Faust date back to approximately
5,000 years before whenever he emerged in the legendary African empire of Kor.
Okay.
So that's already starting real far back.
During this time, Kor was ruled by King Nomo.
N-O-M-M-O.
Nomo.
King Nomo is Domo.
A prominent wizard and the guardian of the mystical power known as the Flame of Life,
Faust, driven by his malevolent ambitions, engaged in a fierce battle with Nomo, seeking
to harness the flame's power for his own corrupt purposes.
In a decisive move, Nomo absorbed the Flame of Life into himself, defeating Faust and
banishing him into another dimension.
And this is 5,000 years ago, 5,000 BC.
So 7,000 years ago.
In the mid-1920s, a deranged individual and aspiring magician named Deacon Drake inadvertently
stumbled upon the dimension where Faust strapped.
Drake upon opening a portal to the dimension inadvertently released Faust who promptly
destroyed Drake's soul and took possession of his body.
Okay.
So he's not in his own body?
No, technically.
Okay.
He's in Deacon Drake's body.
No.
However, upon returning to Earth, Faust discovered that his powers had been significantly diminished.
Consumed by an unrelenting desire to restore his once mighty mystic abilities, Faust came
across the tail of Faust, a man who had purportedly sold his soul to the devil in exchange for
supernatural powers.
So he, whose name Faust, came across the myth of a guy named Faust.
He's like, he's reading some comic, but it's all fucking slander and lies.
Drawing inspiration from the story's central character, the sorcerer assumed the name of
Felix Faust and had embarked on an eternal quest for mystical knowledge, driven by his
insatiable thirst for power.
In the modern era, the character Felix Faust would eventually have two children, named
Sebastian and Fauna Faust.
Seeking to amass greater power, Felix made a fateful decision to sacrifice the soul of
his eldest son.
Originally during Sebastian's adolescence, Felix intended to sacrifice his soul to the
demon Nibirios in exchange for magical abilities.
However, the ritual instead bestowed the magical powers onto Sebastian himself.
And Thomas had been fucking mad too.
Similarly, Felix attempted this similar ritual with his daughter, but Fauna also gained magical
powers instead of being given the physical powers.
In the other philings of Sebastian Faust's history though, it is recounted that his soul
was sacrificed as an infant, resulting in the acquisition of magical powers, particularly
in the realm of soul magic, where the Faust family is renowned for practicing.
Other stories depict Felix Faust as an abusive figure in his family, extending his mistreatment
to his unnamed British wife.
After giving birth to Fauna, she fell with acute myeloid leukema.
Felix manipulated her into practicing dark magic as a means to alleviate her suffering.
Felix intended to turn his entire family into practitioners for dark magic, but his plans
were thwarted by the combined efforts of Sebastian's rebellion and a car accident that occurred
years earlier, claiming the life of their mother and halting Felix's sinister intentions.
In DC Rebirth Onward, it is mentioned that the character is known to have been fathered
by an ancient sorcerer known as Magica the Magnificent.
Around the 1500s, Felix Faust was also an active dark practitioner and master sorcerer
who was both in an alliance with Vandal Savage and acquired a slave apprentice by the name
of Aurora.
During that time of his life, he encountered futureborn Damien Wayne and John Kent, robbing
a super boy.
Felix Faust first appeared in Justice League of America Vol. 1, No. 10, in March of 1962,
where he tried to regain some of his lost magical abilities by contacting the Demons
Three.
Three fictional demons in the DC universe, these three demons were brothers who ruled
the galaxy a billion years ago before being banished by beings known as the Timeless Ones.
The Demons Three have tried to return time and again.
Summoned by Felix Faust and others, their attempts always foiled by the Justice League.
Felix Faust tried to summon the power of the Demons Three by possessing three artifacts.
The Green Bell of Uthol, the Steel Wheel of Nyoloth, and the Red Jar of Kelthioth.
They tried to find the most magical sounding words they could find.
That had been created by the Demons, and which the Timeless Ones could not destroy or move
to Earth.
Pre-Crisis, they claimed a spell using the artifacts would free them in a hundred years,
but in that time the caster of the spell would be able to command them.
To do this, he takes control of the Justice League with the Demons' help, who are able
to defeat the artifacts guardians and bring them to Faust who begins the spell.
But Aquaman is able to break the spell by distracting him using his control of fish.
It's fucked up by Wonder Woman's lasso and Aquaman controlling fish.
Some of the weirdest ways to get defeated.
Like a pitiful.
The Sorcerer is then taken to prison and the JLA Sue find out about the Demons' escape
and re-imprison them.
So after all...
Welcome back to jail, bitch.
Pre-Crisis, he was a member of the Crime Champions, a trio of Earth-1 criminals who teamed up
with a trio of Earth-2 villains to commit crimes, then escaped to their other world
using a vibratory device accidentally discovered by the Fiddler.
Vibratory device?
Wait a minute.
A little funny part, it was discovered by the Fiddler.
The fuck is Fiddler?
Was it the Diddler?
With a vibratory device.
You don't even want to get caught by the Diddler with a vibratory device.
You want to hear something?
Wow, this woman, this sweet looking woman, right?
Like older, like probably like well older, I wouldn't say like 40s but more like 50s,
60s, with an older, like a really old looking husband.
She had her cards and stuff, right?
And she sent them down on the counter.
And the top one said Adam Neve.
You know the adult, I'm like oh, then the girl gets down.
She made me ill but she freaky.
She a freaky one.
That's why he looks the way he does.
He's been trained up.
He's like twice the age of her, he's like exhausted.
He's the same age but looks twice as older.
He's been trained so many times.
I ain't got nothing left, Clementine.
Fuck.
Alright, so Felix Fowles, he stole a million dollars from a sunken ship and escaped Aquaman,
the Martian Manhunter and the Atom.
Later, the Earth 2 crime champions in person.
How did that steal link?
And then he like, wasn't it just like buried treasure he found?
Now watch this fucking Aquaman is like, you motherfucker.
Small fucking piggy bank.
That's why it's in the ship, bitch.
I wonder about the various characters actual like net worth.
Yeah.
I mean, I've seen an episode like Batman, like eight billion.
The Flash is $43,000.
No, 20 bucks.
I'll do that.
I'll do that next week.
Where it's like we go over some of their net worths.
Because I know that there's going to be some very rich characters.
Now do you want a combination of Marvel and DC or just DC?
I mean, if you do Marvel, it's been like this broke ass Spider-Man.
Like $300 to his name for two weeks.
I'll pull up some of the more famous heroes.
Like I know like people like Ted cord, they're extremely rich.
We want to the broke ones too.
You want the brokeest of all of them like the Falcon like $83.
Spider-Man.
I'm playing negative 80 bucks.
He goes college.
He's down his fucking bank has overdrafts like, oh, Spider-Man's down 100 granny.
Because I remember in the first game for PS4 that Marvel Spider-Man, he had a fucking bunch
of jars with various things like various coins and dollars in it.
That was like brand new laptop like vacation and we used a bunch of change.
Yeah I'll do that next week though.
Let's see.
Let's see what some of these people are worth.
We know Bruce is probably the richest aside from Lex.
In DC?
Yeah.
And then you have Tony Stark that's up there.
Reed Richards.
I know those are some of the richest characters.
T'Challa.
I understand Tony Stark because he's he owns a tech company.
Yeah.
But what does Reed Richards own?
The other company.
He has his own company?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah he's the one that owns that entire building.
The Baxter building?
Yeah.
I just imagine he was just some random scientist who broke his, well not broke, but like barely
scraped him by.
Like daddy's money or something like my father gave me a fortune.
No.
He used it for the good of mankind.
Yeah because of all the technology that he's developed.
Okay.
Because he doesn't develop weapons the way Tony Stark does.
And then you have T'Challa.
T'Challa's rich.
From like that fucking country.
He's just making that fucking vibranium.
I know Magneto's probably pretty rich.
Hopefully.
That'd be surprising.
Magneto being rich.
I think.
Because he owned his own country.
Doom.
Doom I know is rich.
Yeah for sure.
Yeah.
The Hulk's got like fucking.
You know the sad thing is I think there might be more rich characters in Marvel than there
are in DC.
Clark is poor as fuck.
He lives on a farm.
I thought like they had six figures as reporters.
I don't know.
Like me making that shit up.
Like I guess because in the show like he just seemed like he was always well off.
In a big ass fucking apartment.
Like you know like good suits.
I mean a reporter now probably make like fucking pennies on the dollar.
It's 60 grand a year.
Something.
I think Bruce is like he's got all the money.
Nobody's got as much seen of.
What if you're like he was like.
What if they gave like a Scrooge like trait to him right where he's just like wait a minute
he's touching all my money.
But just like give him some flavor you know.
Yeah.
He's just like one day he's just sitting there just fucking around with his fucking money.
Well isn't he the one that donates to that doctor in Gotham where he gives her money
all the time like to keep that clinic open and stuff.
Probably.
You know who I'm talking about there?
Yeah the one that used to like patch up the family.
Until she betrayed him by letting some woman some girl die.
Yeah.
I don't know why the fuck she decided to do that.
She broke her hypocrite girl oath for sure.
Yeah I can't remember.
And he's like what the fuck is wrong with you.
You're a fucking criminal.
And then I know during the Batman Black Mirror series.
Which was around 2013 I think it was part of the new 52 stuff when Dick Grayson became
Batman.
But they used the Wayne fortune to open up a crime lab for the GCPD.
That'd be a good idea actually.
But nobody wanted to use it because they hated Wayne tech.
Well damn you assholes.
It's like okay.
What if they gave him just they gave him so much like tech.
Wayne get so much tech to the GCPD.
They were able to figure out that Batman's Bruce Wayne and he's like oh fine.
They gave him a little bit too much.
You know here's something fucked up about the boys.
There's a character named called Tech Knight who's the he's like a facsimile.
I don't know if I'm using the word right.
But he's not actually Batman.
But he's like supposed to be Batman in this world.
But he's also a soup.
Because they're always soups.
So he's got like hypersenses.
He's like the Sherlock Holmes on like crack or something.
Where like his level of like observation and perception like beyond a normal human.
And the team catches him and they try to like torture him to get information.
But he likes getting hurt because he's a masochist.
So he's like how do you hurt a masochist.
So they end up getting his bank accounts right.
And they're like a hundred like he's a billionaire.
Because he's got real money.
Like not entertainment money.
Right.
Real money.
It's like that old money.
And so they decide to give a hundred million dollars to Black Lives Matter.
And you know what he yells out.
Like no not those people.
He's like oh wow he's a fucking brutal racist.
No not those people.
I thought you were Damascus.
I know that they had the version of Daredevil on there too where he was an Asian blind guy.
But he has super senses.
And well he got fucked up.
The whole homeland of it.
Yeah.
Just smashed his fucking ear drums.
He's like what do you do if somebody does that to you?
He's like what do you do if I don't know.
And just does this and he's like.
And he's like.
And then I don't need a cripple at my table.
Man he's just a man.
Actually look at me.
I just thought of that.
I don't want a cripple.
Or that one where like he lasers one.
A villain right with wind powers.
So all these people are staring and one of them has a phone.
Didn't he say that?
Like all these people are staring and one of them has a phone.
And they're like wow.
Wow Homelander.
Some fucked up shit that they do.
Alright continuing on.
Later the Earth 2 crime champions impersonate the Earth 1 crime champions using the wizard's
magic in an attempt to trap the JLA.
The fiddler not the diddler.
Well who the fuck is the fiddler?
He uses a fiddle.
Wow.
He impersonated Felix Faust.
They robbed Casino Town.
Based on Las Vegas basically.
Casino Town.
Yeah.
Casino Town.
And Felix Faust in quotation marks.
All gambling is illegal here.
Casino Town.
There are no casinos.
What the fuck.
You're gonna have me mad as hell.
So the fiddler impersonating Felix Faust contacted the JLA.
The fiddler was oddly enough able to cast spells like Felix and battle Aquaman the Martian
Mantutter and the Atom.
The real Felix Faust while robbing a fair on Earth 2.
Wow he sure fucking stepped up in the world.
He's robbing a fucking fair.
One of those corn dogs.
Wow.
He was confronted by Green Arrow the Martian Mantutter and the Atom.
I just saw him running through the fucking crowd with like a fucking handful of fucking
coins.
Like out of my fucking way.
He fucking falls in the mud.
Just all pathetic.
Like a fucking loser just fucking falls in the mud in front of a kid.
What are you looking at.
You fucking robbing a fair.
Like so he's some kid's like he's just looking over like what are you looking at.
He fucking grabs his teddy bear and tries to fucking get all the coins together.
Absolutely put.
They're not even quarters of like the tokens.
He gets home and he fucking shoves that shit in the fucking sink and he looks in the mirror
like fuck what the fuck am I doing with my life.
Like.
Despite casting a spell that made him spin in midair he was knocked out by the Atom.
When the crime champions were fully defeated Dr. Fate, Batman and the Earth Ones Flash
defeat Faust.
Over the years Faust's hunger for magical power proved very costly for him.
He had bargained his soul away for knowledge on many occasions but to buy it back later
whenever his acquisitions failed to help him meet his goals.
How much can I get myself back.
Every time he would end up worse than before.
Jesus I'm just going through the fucking ringer.
Eventually he found it difficult to find any mystics willing to purchase his tarnished
soul.
He's like the fucking Spider-Man of villains.
Like he gets home right after he fucking loses to a fire-ite.
Yeah.
In some dingy ass fucking apartment.
He fucking sits down in his bed and right as he turns he flicks the lights and they
won't come on like.
You have to pay the electric bill like fuck.
We're talking about the artifacts or whatever from DC.
Remember how many you got fucked.
They all just had a fucking you just had it out for him.
Finally he tricked Neron the demon Neron into giving him power by offering him the pure
soul of an innocent girl he murdered in lieu of his own.
Oh Jimmy you got fucking dark as fuck now.
Unfortunately for him Neron saw through the ruse and punished Faust by setting the girl's
vengeful spirit upon him.
For a time Felix sorry Felix his damn soul languished in a hellish plane for magicians
who had abused or ignored the laws of magic.
So I got fucked again.
During the outsiders 1993 through 95 Felix would appear as one of the antagonists in
the second outsider series learning of the his son's activities in the outsiders team.
He attempts to track him by sending in mystic creatures tasked with bringing Sebastian to
him.
So his son is part of the outsiders team Sebastian Faust.
Initially fearing his son's sorry initially fearing his father's return Halo encourages
Sebastian to realize his father is not infallible leading him to counter his spell back to Felix.
So I got fucked.
Felix is like after everything I taught you this is how you start now.
Having now found him Felix began working the hunt down his son to manipulate the team.
With Fauna as his accomplice Felix hospitalized as Halo and kidnapped Sebastian.
Whenever the team manages to teleport to Felix's hideout using one of Sebastian's artifacts
escaping the team learns Sebastian survived the ordeal and Felix's plot includes gathering
the artifacts known as the green I guess the three the three artifacts to summon the demons
three yeah.
So he's gonna try to shit.
Let me do this one more time.
This time I got I swear.
So meanwhile Felix manipulates wild into working alongside him with promises to induce the
Sebastian's magic that makes him a bear like beast.
So the Sebastian turned this person into like a bear like fucking animal and earn Lookers
affection.
Whenever the team gathers the artifacts wild interferes and uses the artifacts resulting
in the creation of a dimension where Felix possesses godlike power.
The outsiders and Felix battle the sorcery using the sorcery using wild and fauna to
buy more time before the artifacts can gain fully grant him his power.
Finally the injured halo is used by Lookers telepathic abilities to destroy the artifacts
undoing Felix's entire plan.
He's just like what else is new.
He goes back to his apartment opens up the fridge and the fucking moldy ass cheese like
fuck during the main 52 series or the event known as the 52 a voice from within the helm
of Dr. Fade speaks to Ralph Dibny and promises to fulfill his desires if he makes certain
sacrifices.
Dibny journeys with the helm through the afterlives of several cultures where he is cautioned
about the use of magic and sees Felix Faust.
He is told about the deals by the voice the specter promises to resurrect his late wife
Sue in exchange for Dibny's taking vengeance on his own murder on the her murderer Jean
Loring but Dibny is unable to do so.
At Nanda Parbat Ramakrishna tell if you even know who that person is.
No idea what the fuck you just said.
I just fucking cursed me.
I spell.
Do you know who dead man is?
Yeah.
He's that the karma person that he worships.
Wow.
Like where he gets his abilities from Ramakrishna.
Okay.
This person Ramakrishna tells Dibny the end is already written in Dr. Fade's tower.
Did he begin to the spell to resurrect Sue puts on the helmet of fate and shoots it revealing
Felix Faust who is posing as an apple.
Surprise surprise I feel like he's always up to some bullshit.
Always backfires on him because Faust he planned to trade Dibny's soul to Neuron in exchange
for his own freedom at this point.
Jesus.
Ralph reveals that he was aware of Faust identity for some time and that the binding spell surrounding
the tower of fate is designed to imprison Faust not to counter any negative effects
of the spell.
So he already knew from the beginning.
Neuron appears and kills Dibny only to realize too late that the binding spell responds only
to Dibny's commands.
If I can bring it back to life.
I'm a bad bro.
Through his death Ralph has trashed both Faust and Neuron in the tower of fate.
How many years before?
Two hours before 30 minutes later they open it up like I'm gonna try me to hear from
fucking years like it's been 35 minutes.
Neuron's over there destroying it.
Eat each other's shit.
Like what the fuck kind of freaks.
During the one year later after infinite crisis when Neuron having already escaped from the
tower.
What about me?
He should fucking dims on Felix.
Felix escapes from the tower of fate with the help of Black Adam through the aid of
a revived Isis.
Black Adam huh?
Yep.
Faust contacted Red Tornado's soul which is still adrift after fighting Alexander Luther
alongside Donna Troy, the Green Lantern Corps and their allies.
Working with Dr. Impossible, Professor Ivo and Solomon Grundy Faust possessed a dead
uh possessed opposed as dead man and offered the android his heart's desire a human body.
The tornado accepted and Faust bound his soul to his new body.
Faust and his allies then stole the Red Tornado's original android body for their own purposes.
Yeah I'd rather have a fucking awesome android body.
Fucking fleshy meat sack.
After leading his concealment spells lending his concealment spells to Cheetah Faust joined
with Taliyah al Ghul in order to corrupt yet another hero Black Atlas.
Do you remember who Black Alice is?
She's the one during the day of vengeance that was able to absorb the specter's power.
Faust offered Alice his power he offered Alice power wealth and a place in the secret society
of supervillains.
He's offering a lot here.
It's all he's got.
And the resurrection of her mother but Alice refused sent Faust out of town and trapped
and tapped into his powers so that she could perform the resurrection herself.
She stole his powers to do what he said that he could do for it.
I would have done it for you.
I don't know why you had to take all I had.
I don't got anything in this life.
You took what little I have already.
She just left me with nothing.
Because she can use powers I think for like 30 minutes or an hour or something like that
when she takes them.
Oh yeah she did like for like a limited time.
So she's like oh you can bring my mom back huh?
Okay I'm part of your powers.
So he takes his powers away?
He's like he's all fucking sad and all.
After this Faust seemed to rejoin the society.
And then we have the post final crisis.
As a member of Cheetah's secret society of supervillains, Felix Faust played a part in
the creation of genocide whenever he used his magic to animate the collected soil samples
that it collected.
The soil sample?
Is he a fucking geologist with the collected soil samples?
Felix Faust has been shown also retaining his control over Isis even after he uses her
powers to free himself from the fate towers by creating a doorway.
Used to keep Isis under a powerful sedation spell at all times, still unable to communicate
Isis manages to signal her husband Black Adam to her aid via a trail of Isis flowers.
So he couldn't even keep that hidden under lock and key.
Once Black Adam discovers Isis he forces Faust to free his wife from his possession.
So he got Black Adam coming in here.
Anyway I'm cracking school open.
In the new 52 a new version of Felix Faust appeared because of course the new 52 redesigned
every fucking thing.
His powers haven't been expressed to have weakened significantly from the reality shift
in Flashpoint and other multiversal shifts.
Oh is that what caused the new 52?
The new 52 was a flashpoint isn't it?
Yeah.
Interesting.
At least that's what they used as the basis for it.
Cool.
Like his prior version the character's complete background remains unknown and has fathered
both Fauna and Sebastian Faust at some point in his life.
Unlike his prior version the character is expressed to be the son of a sorcerer named
Magica the Great and sold Sebastian's soul in an attempt to garner immortality unlike
the previous versions where he attempted to obtain the magical power himself.
In the Books of Magic storyline Felix Faust is sporting a more macabre or macabe I guess.
Oh macabre.
Yeah.
See I can read the word but I can't say it.
Maceated appearance he captures Dr. Mist after the hero attempts to infiltrate his cult leading
to the Justice League dark being sent in to rescue him after Faust is knocked out by Black
Orchid and the heroes find a map leading to the Books of Magic in his possession.
Then we have the forever evil and forever evil Blight that he appeared in.
In the events storyline spinoff forever Blight Felix Faust and Nick Necro.
Nick Necro.
Are seen torturing midwarp for Ultraman eventually killing him in an attempt to create rechargeable
specimens having previously done so with Sargon the sorcerer.
Rechargeable for what?
You gotta get these batteries.
When John Constantine's group arrives in the Nanda Parbat temple they eventually come across
the project that Nick Necro and Felix Faust have been working on.
They see Black Orchid, Cassandra Kraft, Shade, the changing man Enchantress, Blight Briar
Thorne, Blue Devil, Papa Midnight, Sargon the sorcerer and Zatanna being held for the
use of the crime syndicate's weapons program to use against the entity that destroyed their
world.
Constantine realizes that Nightmare Nurse is not herself.
Actually Necro in disguise.
The two fight and Constantine is able to stop Necro in order to try and freeze Zatanna.
Before he is able to he is captured by Felix Faust.
Constantine senses his team getting closer and hopes that it will help him not really
realizing that they have been captured to be used in the project to begin with.
Which is...
Felix Faust looks like it's one time that he kinda wins a little bit.
And then we have the last appearance is DC Rebirth.
The character appears as one of the villains refusing to be hired by Henry Bindrick to
kill Midnighter and Apollo during DC Rebirth.
His powers and abilities.
Commonly portrayed as a powerful sorcerer, Felix Faust has supernatural knowledge and
the ability to transmute organic matter through his mastery of the dark arts.
He is well versed in various forms of maleficent...
The same master with the air quotes?
His mastery of the dark arts?
Yes.
He's the fucking moron half the time.
Using soul magic, the latter in which Felix specializes alongside his son.
Those capabilities enabled him to perform nearly unlimited magical feats such as energy
manipulation and resurrection, spectral sight, advanced longevity, biokinesis, telepathy,
illusion projection, chronokinesis, and summoning of the demon three.
To utilize his own mystical powers he relies on spellbooks, scrolls, familiars, and sometimes
strikes bargains with demonic entities.
I got an idea for ya.
And his weaknesses.
Fuckin' everything apparently.
Felix Faust does possess a few limitations.
He is unable to achieve full mystic potential as a sorcerer since encountering Dr. Mist
and his spirit housed within the body of the occult dabbler Drekken Drake.
Additionally, he likes proficiency in unarmed combat.
He just...
He just tries to throw a pudgy and fucking rocked.
In the New 52 continuity, Felix was initially regarded as a third rate wizard who resorted
to making Faustian deals to boost his powers, although this had the unintended consequence
of giving him a ghastly appearance.
So he may look older and weaker?
Exactly.
Furthermore, he is also able to manipulate all forms of mysticism, especially pure magic,
with him being classified as a dark magician.
Any attempt in doing so poses a risk of killing him, requires a medium to channel it efficiently,
and he can't mess with it whatsoever.
So when it comes to pure magic, he's like, fuck, this is too pure for me.
And he's got two kids.
He's got Sebastian Faust.
Basically Sebastian's soul was bordered to the demon Neboros, but the power Felix asked
for was granted to Sebastian instead.
As a result, their father-son relationship ended as a son-and-son relationship.
Sebastian generally acted as a hero, working with the outsiders and the sentinels of magic.
And then his daughter, Fauna Faust, became a porn star.
Fauna followed a darker path than her brother.
She would become a member of Cobras Cult, elite stride force, the Stride Force Cobra,
and secretly worked alongside her father as an enemy of her brother and the second incarnation
of the outsider superhero team.
So she went to the porn side.
Alrighty, and our second character for our spotlight today is Mr. Patrick Eul O'Brien,
plastic man.
Plastic man.
Also known as Plastic Egg.
I don't think I've ever seen him without his glasses on.
I don't think anybody really has.
Although they did a horrible job in the Flash series with that.
Did they?
The Arrowverse version of him?
Oh my god.
The actor was fine, but god they fucked him over in the show.
He has been affiliated with the Terrifix, Heroes for You, formerly of Justice League
Reserves, Freedom Fighters, All-Star Squadron.
He's based out of Cole City.
Only fans.
Superhero only fans.
Like in the boys when that one dude got strangled by a dick.
Mother's milk.
Yeah.
He shows up again in season 3.
Okay, cocking off.
His identity, he has a public identity.
American citizenship, he's divorced.
Oh yeah, fucking, I don't know if it was him, but, because they're twins right, but one
of the fucking guys, Iceman or the other one, is in the boys too.
Oh really?
From the Animorphs.
Yeah, the Lamplighter.
Yeah.
I don't know which one it is, like, because he's got his twin brother.
Might not be him.
Might be his twin.
Who was not in Animorphs.
Isn't that fucking weird?
Like, what if you had a twin right who's a fucking world class A-list actor and you
work at McDonald's.
Like, yo, what, no, that's my brother, that's not me.
That's...
Like the Hemsworths?
They're kind of like similar?
A little bit, yeah.
If you were fucking Liam's like, or Chris is the most famous one, that Liam's behind him.
It's like, oh, you were Thor and all that.
That was my brother.
That would suck so much.
Plastic Man is 6'1", 178 pounds.
So tall motherfucker, skinny.
Skinny and tall.
Blue hair, or just blue hair.
Black hair, blue eyes.
And created by Jack Cole, which is funny because his base of operations is Cole City.
Say, if I got my name in there somewhere.
Yeah.
First appeared in Justice League International, Volume 3, November of 2011.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
2011?
Plastic Man seems so like ingrained in the...
I know.
Mythos of DC that he used to be like there forever.
I don't know if that's right.
That doesn't sound right to me.
It doesn't seem like it because I thought he was old as fuck.
Yeah, that, hey, look, we're going to double check that just to make sure.
That was the elongated A-Man?
I don't know, he seems older.
That doesn't sound right.
Let's see.
Now Plastic Man first appeared in Police Comics Number 1 in August of 1941.
Well damn, they skipped it quite a bit.
Yeah.
Yeah, that came...
Unless he's a different guy.
Unless that was like the Golden Age one, maybe.
They rebooted him?
Yeah.
Yeah, because the original one is like really fucking old.
Hmm.
Okay.
Weird.
I don't know why they didn't put that as a...
Because that was from DC's website.
Like the actual first appearance date.
Wikipedia shows the right date.
The old one must be something else.
We got to banish this one from the archives.
Well, it looked like him too.
Like, same...
There must be something about it they didn't want.
It could be because of their reboot with 52 and stuff like that.
The cut of...
I'm not going to ask questions at this point.
It is what it is.
But I went and corrected it.
So he first appeared in the 1940s.
Long time ago.
Plastic Man was a crook named Patrick Yiel O'Brien,
orphaned at the age of 10 and forced to live in the streets.
He fell into a life of crime because of this.
As an adult, it became part of the burglary ring,
specializing in the Safecracker.
So he was good at opening safes.
Let's guess.
During a late night heist at the Crawford Chemical Works,
he and his fellow gang members were surprised by a night watchman.
During the gang's escape,
Yiel was shot in the shoulder and dazzled with a large drum of unidentified chemical liquids.
It's always an idea.
It has to be unidentified.
It's like hydrochloric acid.
He just...
He just melts it. That's why he melts.
It's AIDS juice.
No!
I know it's never really been chemical.
He escaped to the street, only to discover that his gang had driven off without him.
You know what's a good way to circumvent that for writers?
Is that the chemical is mysterious, sort of, right?
But the reason it gives that character his powers is because of his particular genetic makeup.
Like say if another person had that same splash of chemicals,
nothing would happen to them.
Just like the way his genetics were made,
he just had the perfect combination with the chemicals that splashed on him
to give him the superpowers.
Because that's what I would do.
I'd get some actual clauses.
There's a whole vat of this fucking chemical, but only he got superpowers.
Yeah.
His genetic makeup was susceptible to evolution, I guess.
It was fast-tracked with this chemical.
Right. Instead of, hey, he splashed with them.
He splashed them with fucking super juice.
He's got all kinds of powers.
What was it in?
You know, like if DC was more like the boys,
they'd be like a black market selling of Superman Seaman or something.
I got Superman Seaman right here.
Who wants to have a super baby?
You know what I mean?
And they were doing it too.
Trying to get condoms that way from Superman or something.
They kind of had a little bit of a boys-esque type moment at Flashpoint
where Flash was trying to get his powers back, right?
So he was explaining how he did it with the chemicals and all that kind of stuff.
And he had one of those lightning generator things coming up for the lightning to hit it.
Yeah.
It hit it and he got fried.
Again. Do it again.
Fucking fourth-degree burns.
You remember that scene at all?
Yeah.
He got really fucked up.
He was like, fucking Batman's like, I got a patellar tape all over you.
And he's like, let it do it again. Again.
I remember because in the movie with Ezra Miller, he got fucked up too.
But then that gorgeous super girl took him up into fucking space.
He got electrified some more.
I was watching her on Max the other day for the stop slide.
And he went to the stop slide.
Of course you weren't.
Stop slide.
So he got fucked up by the...
It was the same thing.
He got fucked up by the experiment.
But she took him up into the thunderstorm.
It was just enough combination of the chemicals finally fusing with his body
and the extra lightning that it gave him his powers back.
Yeah.
But I just like that in the Flashpoint series they did show normal people would get fucked.
Get fucking wrecked.
All right.
So fleeing on foot and suffering increasingly disorientation from the gunshot wound
and the exposure to the chemical,
Eel eventually passed out on the foothills of a mountain near the city.
He awoke to find himself at bed in a mountain retreat,
being tended to by a monk who had discovered him unconscious that morning.
To my close off, buttass naked.
Hmm.
Weird.
This monk, sensing a capacity for great good in O'Brien,
turned away police officers who had trailed Eel to the monastery.
This act of faith and kindness combined with the realization that his gang had left him to be captured
without a moment's hesitation,
fanned Eel's longstanding dissatisfaction with his criminal life and his desire to reform.
So at least on his own, it wasn't just like,
I remember the Batman, Brave and the Bold,
they said that Batman had put in a good word for the plastic man
to prove that he was actually like a reformed criminal.
Yeah.
And throughout the episode, like he was sort of failing in that aspect
because he kept running into money, like, oh, money!
And like he finally gave up the money to save Batman in the situation
and like he proved himself, you know, that Batman was right.
I mean, he's at least like a more human character.
Human being in quotes here.
During his short convalescence at the monastery,
he discovered that the chemical had entered his bloodstream and caused a radical physical change.
His body now had all the properties of rubber,
allowing him to stretch, bounce and mold himself into any shape he wanted.
He immediately determined to use his new abilities from the side of the wall.
And then he's going to start fighting.
Donning a red, black and yellow, later red and yellow, rubber costume
and capturing criminals as plastic man.
He concealed his true identity with a pair of white goggles and by remolding his face.
Smart.
That actually is pretty smart to kind of move your face around just a little bit.
As O'Brien, he maintained his career and connections with the underworld
as a means of gathering information on criminal activity.
It's actually pretty smart to like he's not as dumb as everybody thinks he is.
Plastic Man soon acquired comic relief sidekick, Woozy Winx.
Woozy Winx.
Who was originally enchanted so that nature itself would protect him from harm.
This power was eventually removed from the character and Woozy became simply a bumbling yet loyal friend to Plastic Man.
Cool.
In his original Golden Age quality comics incarnation,
Plastic Man eventually became a member of the city police force in the FBI.
By the time he became a federal officer, he had nearly completely abandoned his Eel O'Brien identity.
FBI.
After the 1985 crisis on Invinited Earths.
Why does he go back to the original?
He says 2011 but we're going all the way back to 85.
That's what I'm saying.
Like with the way they put the date they showed, it's wrong.
It's 1941.
I wonder if they meant to put 1941 and put 2011.
It's possible.
After the 1985 crisis on Invinited Earths.
A four issue Plastic Man miniseries by Phil Foglio.
Hey Foglio.
Foglio.
Introduce a new version of Plastic Man abandoned by his criminal gang after being shot and exposed to the unidentified chemical wandering the streets as a new power.
As his new powers developed.
Frightening others and bringing the police and National Guard down on him as a dangerous monster.
Eel was first oblivious to the changes in his body.
But after realizing that he was a monster at large, he used his new abilities to escape his pursuers.
Eel soon became so despotent over his new condition that he attempted suicide by jumping off of a bridge.
Jesus, I got dying.
I know.
Fortunately, he was interrupted by Woozy Winks, a former mental patient who had kicked out.
He was kicked out of an institution due to lack of funding.
That's even darker.
Jesus Christ.
That's horrible.
Who desired nothing more than to return to the warm safety of a straight jacket and padded room.
That's all Woozy Winks wanted.
Just my straight jacket.
Probably wanted to fuck in one of those padded rooms.
That'd be kind of cool.
Eel and Woozy decided to work together and capitalize on Eel's new powers to make their fortunes.
But couldn't decide whether there was any money in crime or crime fighting.
And was ordered to flip in a coin to choose serving the law.
Eel ended up with the name Plastic Man after a reporter misinterpreted his first choice of Elastic Man.
He's Elasti-Man. Okay, Plastic Man.
Eel and Woozy set up a detective agency in New York City and go on to have many various adventures together.
That must have been fun to read.
The Woozy Winks and Plastic Man.
The goofy adventures.
Pretty much.
Then we also have the JLA era.
So Plastic Man was made a prominent member of the Justice League during-
Prominent.
Yeah. He really was.
Weird. It's a weird choice.
I guess they were trying to make their own version of- well, they wouldn't be able to make Reed Richards.
Maybe the detective version of Reed Richards.
Kind of. But also comedy relief. A little bit.
It was during Grant Morrison's run on the title though.
So.
The story arc Rock of Ages shows Batman recruiting Eel to infiltrate Lex Luthor's Injustice League in the disguise of the Joker.
Which he does successfully.
He notably engages in combat with the goddess Cersei, proving immune to her magical ability to turn humans into animals.
Sorry baby, I'm all plastic.
It's like, oh can you turn into one of them?
He is later made a full-time member in the League and aids the League in several battles.
Including against Prometheus, Julian September, General Wade Elling, and an upgraded version of Amazo.
A white Martian who assumes the identity of Bruce Wayne and Queen Bee.
That reminds me, DC, you guys need to do a Beast Boy slash Animals crossover. You're welcome.
That would be funny. Although you'd always know the Beast Boy because he's great.
Yeah.
During this period, he becomes close friends with fellow new members Steel and Zoriel.
Basically because Eel, or O'Brien, is a Catholic.
So Zoriel being an angel and then Steel being Catholic too.
By no crippling Catholic guilt.
Yeah.
After the extended League dissolves at the end of World War III arc,
he is the only member other than the Big Seven heroes, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash, Martian Manhunter, and Green Lantern,
to retain full-time membership in the JLA.
Get them benefits for his dental work.
Plastic Man has also been instrumental in defeating several foes by himself,
such as a jokerized version of Dr. Polaris and the burning Martian persona of John Johns.
He has played substantial roles in nearly every major team-up and crossover featuring the League in this area,
including the Titans, Young Justice, the Justice Society of America, the Avengers.
So the JLA Avengers crossover, he took place in that too.
I think he actually worked alongside Reed Richards in that.
Reed Richards must have been like, fuck it.
Dovis motherfucker everywhere.
But what's funny is that Plastic Man has more abilities than Reed Richards.
Reed Richards can just stretch.
He's going to do weird shit, doesn't he?
No, it's Plastic Man. Plastic Man is one that can turn into any object he wants to.
In the Tower of Babel arc, Plastic Man is frozen and shattered into pieces by Ra's al Ghul's League of Assassins
as part of an attack against the Justice League.
Though he is put back together again, his experience traumatizes him.
He's made dumpsy dumpsy.
It traumatizes him severely and when it is discovered that the assassins were following methods devised by Batman,
Eel joins Wonder Woman and Aquaman in voting Batman out of the League.
The heroes reconcile in following issues.
The fact that Plastic Man was essentially in the superhero business for the money has had an effect on the character development,
notably in the storyline Divided We Fall by Mark Quaid,
where he, along with the other Justice League members, was separated into two people,
the normal civilian identity and his superhero persona by the manipulative wish-granting white Plastic Man.
That'd be great for Batman.
He can do Bruce Wayne stuff and Batman just be's Batman.
But then again, maybe not because then you end up being so much into that one persona of yourself that it starts affecting you.
You know, I think there has to be a counterbalance.
So it probably has an ill effect.
Yeah, well like Batman's too much Batman too much all the time and it's like start having a bad.
Although remember Batman has said Bruce Wayne is the mask.
Right, but he needs that mask as well.
He counterbalanced the other one.
So I'm assuming there was some flaw and then being split that made them go back together.
Right, so this manipulative wish-granting ID, while Plastic Man devolved from a person with a sense of humor
into a constantly wisecracking and almost ineffectual idiot, the now normal Eel O'Brien struggled with the criminal tendencies
he had suppressed as he was becoming more comfortable with his role as a superhero and wondered if he actually changed for the better at all
or this was just part of his superhero act.
Damn, it's funny.
Right, like having a fucking existential crisis.
Yeah.
And the superhero persona just being goofy.
Ha ha!
Ultimately, Eel was the driving force behind the other transformed Leaguers banding together to rejoin with the superhero selves.
Noting that Bruce Wayne in particular was approaching a mental breakdown.
Yeah, a thousand.
That he struggled with his rage over his parents murder, having lacked the ability to do anything about it
as Batman was the identity that he had inherited his skills with.
Eel demonstrates this on the other divided Leaguers by savagely beating Bruce Wayne with a gun in the disguise of a mugger to prove Wayne's ineffectiveness.
Dang!
Took a little bit too far there.
It demonstrates the degree of psychological damage he had suffered due to the split.
Later, Batman comments that it was a wise move under the circumstances.
So later Plastic Man approaches Batman for help whenever he learns that his estranged 10-year-old son Luke has fallen to a gang of criminals
and has inherited his father's shape-shifting abilities, possibly even to a greater degree than Plastic Man's own.
Plastic Man admits to Batman that he doesn't know if he ran away from being a father because he enjoyed his new life as a hero
or because he was afraid of becoming a parent for his son.
Ever seen that movie called The Great Sandhini with Robert Duvall?
He's an Air Force pilot and he's getting older and he has a basketball game with his son and his son beats him in the game.
And instead of like, you know, concealing, oh, my son's finally, you know, he just keeps dribbling the ball against his head like over and over again.
It's such a famous trope that it has been put in.
You know the movie Austin Powers where the bad guy, Dr. Evil, keeps spouting that ball on number two's face over and over again?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's from The Great Sandhini.
I just imagine, like, because it's basically the dad, you know, realizes that now his son's getting, you know, becoming the, I guess, like overtaking him physically.
And so I just imagine Plastic Man like, then playing basketball with him.
And smacking a ball against him.
And I'm like, oh, you're a big man, huh?
He's just a big man.
In Plastic Man's case, wouldn't it be that he just transforms into the ball?
And just starts hitting himself.
You're a big man, huh?
And then the son gets better and better with the powers.
I see.
You're a better hero than me, huh?
The Batman later intimidates Luke into returning home and informs Plastic Man, who's just better.
What did he say?
Go home.
He's just going to beat his hands.
It's like Plastic Man said or not, I'll fuck you up.
He beats him up because he beat up Bruce Wayne when he was fucking another priest the hell out of his kid.
That's why he got the one.
It's like, oh, we're going to get our payback now.
Imagining that Eel would have shown Luke fatherly love, in reality Plastic Man chose only to hide in Batman's utility bill during the whole encounter with Luke.
Wow.
Just in his fucking pocket.
Literally.
Literally in his pocket.
During the story arc, the Obsidian Age, Plastic Man and the other main members of the JLA were transported through time thousands of years earlier to the beginning days of Atlantis.
During a battle with the antagonist, Plastic Man was frozen and then shattered into pieces again.
Again?
God damn.
You can only traumatize a man one time with the same thing.
Every time I'm at PTSD, every time he eats an ice cream, hey, hey, hey.
Like, hey, Dan, you want some ice cream?
That shit on my fucking face.
Just any time he sees ice, there's no fucking, the fucking freezer is broken on the thing for purpose.
You know, Dan, well, we don't have ice in this fucking house.
Just refrigerator level.
He goes to McDonald's and they're like, would you like some, no, no ice, no ice.
No ice.
That is hilarious.
Much, let's see here.
Having no way to locate all the pieces, much less fix him with the technology of the day, the JLA returned to their own time.
There they were eventually.
Wait, were they there?
The Obsidian Age.
The Obsidian, oh Lord.
Obsidian Age, Obsidian.
It was the beginning days of Atlantis.
Obsidian Age.
Oh, so it made up, because I've never heard of the Obsidian Age.
I know the Iron Age.
Yeah.
So it basically thousands of years earlier to the beginning days of Atlantis.
Because Obsidian is like as sharp as a scalpel.
But brittle as fuck.
So my guess is probably I would, 5,000 years ago.
Because if we're going to Obsidian, it's like the Aztec time.
They had Obsidian weapons.
Yeah.
It was like the 1400s.
They were a lot closer to.
Well, it feels the founding of Atlantis that would at least be older than Egypt in the DC universe.
Yeah.
So.
They used an Obsidian?
That's weird.
Did they use like Atlantean metal or something?
It could have just been titled the Obsidian Age.
Atlantimite.
Because it feels like the beginning days of Atlantis, it's got to be super old.
And it did have to be like advanced as hell.
Well, that was like, yeah, look at all these fucking gadgets I can take.
So they couldn't find any way to get all his pieces back, much less fix him.
Make sure to fix my dick first.
So they went back to their own time first.
And what, then they came back?
There they were eventually successful in finding all the pieces and restoring plastic, man.
Jesus.
From wherever he was.
They just put him in a bag?
Just took him back home?
No, no, no.
They didn't even try to find all the pieces.
That's my point.
They went back to their.
So they waited.
Yeah.
Like 8,000 years.
Yeah.
So they found him buried in the fucking earth.
Yes.
There's a one right there.
Yeah.
You must've been fucking pissed.
Plastic Man had been conscious the entire time.
Yeah, that's exactly why he would be pissed.
But unable to move, which had a profoundly negative effect on him.
He admitted he had lost his nerve and quit the JLA, hoping to live a regular life.
This return to normalcy was made easier after a new encounter with his now teenage son,
which made Eel feel that the boy needed a father to basically have a normal life.
Eventually, Batman convinced Plastic Man to return to his life as a superhero again whenever
they needed his shape shifting skills and immunity to telepathy to defeat the Martian
Manhunter.
Isn't he just too fucking stupid or something?
Well it's because his mind's made out of plastic.
Or like the whatever he's become.
Like it's not affected by telepathy.
You know what?
Come to think of it, is that the reason why Re-Rich is so smart?
Because if Ryan's the elasticity is supposed to be what makes you smarter.
Yeah.
He must be just massaging his fucking brain through his ears.
Like yeah, let me be a fucking genius.
Didn't he say one time that when Tony Stark made everyone equal to his intelligence one
day with a device, that Reed Rich was like, I just for some reason feel dumber all of
a sudden.
Didn't he say that?
I think so.
Which is fucking hilarious.
It's like, I'm dumber.
Oh, shit.
I feel like I've lost a bit of my intelligence.
So Martian Manhunter, who had regressed to a racial memory of a long forgotten burning
Martian after overcoming his weakness to fire.
After a few more cases, Plastic Man is present at the memorial service, held after this incarnation
of the Justice League officially disbands after the Infinite Crisis storyline.
Like you had to disband, you need the Justice League.
So during the 52, one year later, Countdown and Blackest Night.
In the 2006, one year later DC Comics crossover to a storyline that followed the Infinite
Crisis crossover, a young man with similar appearance and powers as Plastic Man appears
briefly in the Super Team series Teen Titans.
The character wears a white costume with red goggles, similar to that of Ospring, Plastic
Man's son in the earlier 1999 DC mini series, The Kingdom, by Mark Waite.
It's supposed to be the kid?
I think so.
While the Teen Titans story itself does not identify the character, page two of a published
script supposedly written by Jeff Johns specifies it as Plastic Man's son, Ospring.
Plastic Man's son is also shown in costume and identified as Ospring in the 2006 weekly
series 52 written by Grant Morrison, Jeff Johns.
I remember that series like it was every fucking week a new issue.
I'm like, God dang.
It was week 35 that he appeared.
Eventually Plastic Man and Ospring come together as father and son and briefly even have an
idyllic family set up until Plastic Man was convinced that he couldn't deny his destiny
as a superhero anymore.
And countdown to mystery number one for 2007, Plastic Man is seduced by Eclipso.
Being made to believe he is a joke among his fellow heroes and the only way for him to
get respect is through Eclipso.
He is later freed of this corruption by Bruce Gordon.
Plastic Man makes his next appearance within the pages of Green Arrow slash Black Canary
number eight, having been freed from a stasis tube by Green Arrow.
His DNA is taken to Savannah and used to augment and amnesic Connor Hawk in a bid to turn the
young hero into a brainwashed slave with a strong healing factor.
A weird, weird set up.
What does that got to do with Plastic Man?
I don't know.
Plastic Man also appeared for a brief period in the 2009 Justice League of America volume
two series written by Lynn Wine.
After joining up with the team following the events of Final Crisis, Plastic Man has his
effectiveness questioned by his teammate Dr. Light.
And not that Dr. Light.
I hope not.
The girl Dr. Light that existed for a little while, which starts a fight between the two
which Vixen breaks up.
Vixen reassigns Plastic Man to a team up.
The unequal rights girl starts fucking swinging on her.
Vixen reassigns Plastic Man to team up with Dr. Light to stop the Royal Flush Gang's
robbery.
Ah, the Royal Flush Gang.
What an interesting group.
Yeah.
I knew them basically from Batman Beyond.
That's where I knew them from too.
Though they experienced some control issues between them, the Royal Flush Gang is defeated
and Plastic Man and Dr. Light finally stop arguing.
During a massive battle at the Justice League satellite in Justice League Cry for Justice,
Prometheus injected Plastic Man with a chemical that badly damages his plastic body.
The chemicals caused Eel to suffer from a condition where it took great concentration
to keep himself as usual.
Just ice again.
Make more icing.
No.
His usual semi-solid state and caused him pain whenever he even thought about changing
shape thus leaving him in an infirm state.
Ouch.
In the Blackest Night crossover, while still suffering from his disorientating state, Plastic
Man has his heart torn out by a Black Lantern vibe seemingly killing him.
However, due to his power of near invulnerability, he was able to survive such an attack, albeit
badly wounded.
Vixen states that Plastic Man was taken care of at Star Labs and that he would be unable
to return to the Justice League.
So Star Labs, of course you wouldn't want to go there?
Hell no.
I've been in the fucking experiment with you for years.
Plastic Man later appeared in Justice League Generation Loss helping a large coalition
of heroes on an unsuccessful mission to thwart Maxwell Lord.
He has been seemingly cured of his condition at this point and was shown retaining his
normal shape without issue or pain.
So apparently Star Labs maybe did help him.
Maybe.
Whatever.
Maybe he showed like 57 suppositories up his ass.
Oh no.
Just to see if he could have spammed.
Later he aids the JLA on his mission.
Just to see how wide his asshole could reach.
That's so fucked up.
That's so fucked up shit in there.
See if he can put his little dick in his ass.
Then he can't.
It comes out his fucking mouth.
The lead doctor comes in like what the fuck are you two doing?
Like he's the intern.
What the fuck are you two doing?
We just wanted to see if it would work okay.
I'm sorry boss.
He aids the JLA on their mission into hell where he helps Batman defeat Gryon.
The League learns Satanist plans to use Dante's mask to become powerful in this.
The League Satanist?
Their lead Satanist?
He learns Satanist or Satanist I guess.
The Satanist.
Satanist?
You remember Satanist at all?
A kind of thing.
I would put past the JLA to have their own Satanist if they ever have to go to hell.
That'd be hilarious.
That's John Constantine.
I get John Constantine over here.
See I've been to hell a few times in my day.
Fucked a few demons.
Whatever.
In this timeline Plastic Man grabs the mask which possesses him instead.
The League's combined forces to remove the mask which is incinerated seemingly killing
Plastic Man.
It is later revealed that Zariel transported him into another dimension before helping
the League escape hell.
During the New 52, in this timeline Plastic Man is considered as one of the candidates
for the United Nations sponsored Justice League International.
United States sponsored?
Yeah.
Batman like thank God.
United Nations sponsored yeah.
Batman like thank God.
Hey bro I'm just like.
He has denied a spot on the team for being too unpredictable.
This cameo appearance later retconned by Eel O'Brien's proper New 52 introduction and
Justice League number 25.
And then during DC Rebirth DC Comics implemented another relaunch on its books called DC Rebirth
which restored its continuity to the form that it had before the New 52.
Guess who's back.
Back again.
The guy that drives the line at 299.
That was the biggest fucking line.
That was such a good tagline but only that's like a couple of months like a year at most.
Yeah and then of course you had Marvel going up to 699.
Fucking ridiculous.
I loved Hellboy's comics for 350.
Yeah.
350.
Give me my 50 cents back.
In this though Plastic Man assists Mr. Terrific in thwarting Simon Stagg's plot to open the
portal to the dark multiverse.
Is it Mr. Terrific in the new Superman movie?
I think so yeah.
I've actually seen pictures of him.
He doesn't look that bad.
Like the costume for him is not horrible.
Now Hawkgirl on the other hand is like what kind of biker chick shit are they trying to
do?
Have you seen Hawkgirl?
Yeah look at her helmet.
It looks like a motorcycle helmet almost.
It's like ew.
Does she have like the leather jacket?
Yes.
Like it just covers her titties but no shirt underneath?
Yes.
Or is that just my fantasy?
No it is.
They wouldn't have her titties out.
Like in my head it would be like a really short leather jacket that just the tips of
the edge just cover both her nipples.
They never move somehow.
It just always stays where it is.
It's a red heart.
Hey well CGI that could do that.
Like a neck dude in my dreams.
Using Metamorpho who has been transmuted into Enth Metal.
I don't know how much you love Enth Metal.
Enth Metal.
The dwarven metal isn't it?
What metal is it?
Enth.
Where it's how they had all those different kind of metals and shit during the Dark Nights
Metal series where it had the Joker or the Batman who laughs and all that bullshit.
While trying to get Simon Stag to close the portal with the help of Plastic Man Mr. Terrific
is sucked into the portal with Plastic Man and Metamorpho.
Take first.
As Plastic Man shields them from the dark multiversal energy which he is immune to.
Upon arriving on a lifeless world they encounter Phantom Girl who has been trapped in her
intangible form and who has no knowledge of sending the signal.
Whenever the four of them find a computer in the gut of a giant dead creature they are
greeted by a hologram of Tom Strong who states that they are needed to save the universe.
Mr. Terrific, Plastic Man and Metamorpho learn from Phantom Girl that she was stuck in her
intangible form since she was a child.
After the four of them take her back to their world Mr. Terrific tries to leave the three
of them at Simon Stag's compound only to be drawn back to them.
Due to the effects of the dark multiverse energy Mr. Terrific includes that they can't
go their separate ways until they can't go their separate ways due to this inescapable
bond.
The team goes through several adventures while being attacked by a figure known as Dr. Dred
who is later revealed to be Jabba.
They were later revealed to be Dr. Dre.
Dr. Dre?
With a chronic.
I became a superman.
He's rich enough.
This revelation coupled with the team being cured of the condition causes everyone to
split up.
Plastic Man attempts to connect with his ex-angel and their son Luke.
So his ex-wife Angel apparently.
Oh yeah, so he's dated an angel.
What it sounded like.
He fucked Zario.
He's like what's up girl.
Who has inherited his stretching powers.
And what the powers this kid has.
Initially reluctant to two bond over a game of basketball.
And now it comes full circle huh.
You're a big man huh.
You're a big man ain't you.
You beat your father at basketball you're a big man.
As soon as I read that I knew.
Oh man sometimes the company writes so.
Oh shit that is hilarious.
And still in the Batmobile.
You have the highly bonded.
Maybe that's what they say.
They're then called upon by the rest of the team to band together and save Mr. Terrific
from the Terribles.
A team of their evil doppelgangers put together by Dr. Dredd.
Plastic Man and Luke now suited up in his offspring look.
Work together to take down a vampiric version of Plastic Man from another dimension.
Following the Terribles defeat and the imprisonment.
The Terrifics officially reunite as a team with Luke, Element Dog and Mr. Miss Terrifics
joining the roster.
Not just Mr. Terrifics.
Miss Terrific.
Plastic Man was later recruited by Obscura to help investigate a multi dimensional conspiracy.
This led them to find that being committed by a group of villains called the Cabal.
I don't know what's going on right now.
The Cabal.
Alright so Plastic Man's abilities and stuff like that.
Plastic Man's powers are derived from an accident which his body was bathed in an unknown industrial
chemical mixture that has also entered into his bloodstream through a gunshot wound.
This caused his body wide mutagenic process that transformed his physiology.
Eel exists in a fluid state.
Neither completely liquid nor solid.
He has complete control over his entire molecular structure.
He can stretch his limbs and his body to superhuman lengths and sizes.
There is no known limit to how far Plastic Man can stretch his body.
If he could just slap somebody for like 55 pounds away.
Cause I think it doesn't read Richards actually have like a set.
Like I think.
I know that he can lead Luke to Luffy apparently in a death battle.
Oh will he?
Apparently.
He can shrink himself down to a few inches tall.
Pose as one of Batman's utility belt pockets like this.
Or become a titan the size of skyscrapers.
He can contort his body into various positions and sizes impossible for humans.
Obviously if he can become super small.
Such as being entirely flat to slip underneath a door.
Using his fingers to pick conventional locks.
Compressing himself into a ball to ricochet off of things.
And inflating his body to do the same thing.
He can also use it for disguises by changing the shape of his face and body.
Contributory to his work as a sleuth due to his fluid state.
Batman can open holes in his body and turn himself into objects with mobile parts.
Which is kinda weird.
Huh.
Like he's got a lot of ability.
He thinks he's on machinery?
Like he's broken.
Weird.
In addition he can also alter his body's mass and physical construction at will.
Creating virtually no limit to the sizes and shapes that he can contort himself into.
There is nothing he cannot alter his body into.
Which includes basic shapes or dangerous weapons, avatars and other superheroes.
And functional automobiles.
Hmm.
Like he can turn himself into a car?
Yeah.
These stretching capabilities grant Plastic Man agility, flexibility and coordination
far beyond the natural limits of his human body.
I would assume so.
He becomes like an Uber service ride.
But when the woman gets in the car he always places his dick on the seat where she would
sit down in.
So she's always sitting on his dick without them knowing.
And then they end up in a lawsuit and he ends up all over the news.
Like a sexual assault from Plastic Man.
Like no, no.
I didn't do it.
I just had the damn life.
That was the shifter.
That was just you know, that was one of my heels.
He can also alter his strength by growing or adding more muscle.
So that actually augments his strength?
Yeah.
Plastic Man's powers extraordinarily augment his durability.
In some stories, perhaps in anecdotal quality, have shown him successful surprise attacks
by bullets.
In one case using a substance similar to liquid plastic.
His unique physiology makes him impervious to conventional means such as bullets, blasts,
and blunt force though.
He is also able to withstand corrosives, punctures, and concussions without sustaining any injuries.
Although he can be momentarily stunned.
Batman once mentioned that he could presumably even withstand a nuclear detonation.
He's extremely more powerful than what people think.
This is mainly due to the fact that he has full control over his density.
So he can willingly increase his durability as he wishes.
His body's mass or his bodily mass can be dispersed, but for all intents and purposes,
it is invulnerable.
Even for many forms of magic in the DC universe.
He is able to regenerate and or assimilate lost or damaged tissue.
Although he needs to be reasonably intact for the process to begin.
For example, Plastic Man was once reduced to individual separate molecules and scattered
across the Atlantic Ocean for centuries.
So that's what happened during that time thing.
He was dispersed among just molecules.
He was only able to capable of returning to his usual form after the rest of the league
were able to gather enough of his molecules and restore approximately 80% of his body
mass which had began to regenerate the remaining 20% of their own.
So he started regenerating on his own basically.
He's uh, I love it, 652,000 years.
Plastic Man has proven to be insusceptible to effects of telepathy.
As stated by Batman, Plastic Man's mind is no longer organic.
It's untouchable by telepathy.
Plastic Man does not appear to age.
If he does, it is at rates far slower than a normal human.
In the aftermath of the Justice League story arc Obsidian Age, Plastic Man was discovered
to have survived for 3,000 years, scattered into separate individual molecules at the
bottom of the Atlantic Ocean without decaying or being otherwise affected at all.
Does plastic don't break now?
Does it eat or anything?
No.
Don't worry.
He can automatically detect ultrasonic frequency because his body will start to ripple whenever
an ultrasonic frequency is triggered.
As stated by the Black Lantern Corpse Vibe, Plastic Man's internal organs could not be
removed.
Unlike many of the Black Lantern victims, basically the same thing happened to them.
When they got their hearts ripped out, they just died.
This perhaps implies that Plastic Man is himself more like one giant living organ, which makes
up a whole instead of individual parts.
Like he's just one entity.
His semi-liquid form remains stable at a relatively high or low temperature, providing that the
temperature changes gradually.
A sudden change induces a complete change of state, creating a truly solid or truly
liquid form.
Plastic Man was incapacitated in the JLA story Artaro Ababal, where mercenaries froze and
shattered his body.
Once thawed and reassembled, he was physically unharmed.
But in the JLA storyline Divided We Fall, Plastic Man has shown that he does have some
weaknesses to extreme heat, intense heat vision attack from Martian Manhunter for instance,
and was temporarily melted.
In some versions Plastic Man has also vulnerable to chemicals such as acetone, which melts
and destabilizes his malleable form, although he eventually regenerates whenever the chemicals
are gone.
A famous hindrance to Plastic Man's abilities is that only colors he can mimic are the colors
of his body and costume, i.e. red, black, yellow, white, and flesh tone, although he
can use these colors in various ways, once even managing to exactly duplicate the appearance
of Flash.
Whether this is an inherent flaw in his powers or a mental block has never been explained,
whereas his son, Offspring, also gained his father's powers but is able to willfully mimic
any color he chooses.
During Offspring's introduction, it was revealed that Plastic Man could change color, turning
his nose blue to prove to Batman that he could.
This color change however was possibly only with a great deal of Plastic Man's concentration,
even for such a small area size.
Plastic Man was once a very talented professional thief specializing as a safecracker, although
no longer a criminal, he has thorough insight into their mindset, enabling him to be an
effective sleuth.
He is also considered to be a lateral thinker and much smarter than he lets on.
Doesn't let off very much, no.
But apparently he's actually smarter than a lot of people think.
So see, the more you know about Plastic Man, a character nobody pays attention to anymore,
the more you get a spotlight eventually.
I know, he got one from us.
And if he got one from us, a bigger channel is obviously going to probably do it.
It's like, ah, that's a good idea.
We haven't covered Plastic Man.
It's always Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman.
That's why I'm trying to do characters that you don't see or hear about all the time.
The absolute crevices of DC lore?
Yeah.
Well, you know, the sad thing is, I was going through a list of different characters that
I could look at.
It's like, God, all these people are super famous.
It's like, fuck.
How about our band?
I was going to choose him.
Is he famous?
Somewhat, yeah.
But the downside of him is there's very little lore.
There's not really a lot of...
It's all right.
What about Wildcat?
Stuff.
I forgot about him though.
Because I was trying to not do all JSA members.
Come on, well.
It's all I've done so far.
Because Phantom Stranger, The Spectre, they're all...
Let me think.
JSA.
It's a weird checkmate organization.
Where every member is like a different chess piece.
Oh yeah, there is, isn't there?
Yeah.
I'll look at that probably, bro.
What about the Olmec project that Batman had?
Oh, that satellite thing that he had?
Those weird aliens that became sentient.
Or not sentient, but they started living out their programming.
It was a weird comic book.
Because there was a random guy, him and a woman, if I remember the comic right, and
those blue Olmecs were chasing them.
And then Superman comes in and the woman's like, we gotta run because the guy's got amnesia.
He thinks Superman's there to help him.
But the girl's like, no, he's also a problem or some shit.
I can't remember what the fuck the comic was about.
They were chasing some random guy who had amnesia.
The girl he met was helping him.
The Olmecs were blue, androids basically, like the Sentinels.
Like there's their old version of the Sentinels and Superman was fighting a couple of them.
But they were running away from Superman too.
I don't remember, because we had the comic book ones because we bought that one that
was like 100 issues, 100 pages.
It was like little short stories of every upcoming story, like the one with Martian
Manhunter, running back to his dominant Martian form, where he's like Arya with a cut out
of himself.
You remember that?
Yeah, I remember that.
Because he was in a fucking gift shop with superhero stuff.
He's like, I'm Martian Manhunter.
No, no, you're not.
I do remember that.
I'll look at that for next week.
Olmec Project.
That's one that I haven't even thought about in a while.
Yeah, because I wonder what happened to the guy, what his fucking deal was.
Yeah.
Why the Olmecs needed him specifically.
Yeah, I'll definitely look into that.
That's a good one.
One I didn't think of.
But like I was saying, all the rest of them are too famous.
It's like Green Lanterns, everybody knows every Green Lantern.
Which is sad.
Everybody knows, for the most part, Wonder Woman, Flash, Batman, Superman.
Most Green Lanterns, because there's been multiple iterations of that.
Everybody knows who they are, though.
It's kind of hard.
Cyborg, everybody knows who Cyborg is.
There's too much information about them already.
And God, it would be a three hour damn podcast if I went through everything about them.
All right, ready for some Reddit, though?
Yeah.
All right, the first one is by LittleYoungTaco.
This person puts, this happened like last year, but whatever.
One day, let's see, one day whenever I was 21, 20 at the time, was just working and thinking
about random shit, as one does.
I've always wondered this question, so I asked my coworker who's 56 about it.
I used to think that she was, I used to think to ask her the dumbest questions all the time,
not knowing how dumb they were.
That's the worst.
It's like, I asked dumb questions and didn't realize they were dumb questions.
I don't ask her many questions anymore.
They asked them though.
Do you think if when we are out in space and got cut, our blood would still be blue since
there's no oxygen in space?
Like pretend we wouldn't die immediately from it though, you know, being in space.
She just kindly stared at me and started to frown and confused.
What are you talking about?
She asked.
I'm like, dang, she doesn't know our blood is blue?
Because like, you know, our blood is blue till it hits oxygen and turns red.
So I was wondering what would happen if there wasn't, it was no oxygen around.
I reiterated.
Our blood isn't blue.
It's never blue, she said, still frowning.
Now I'm frowning and confused and rethink my whole life in this moment.
She can't be right.
I'm thinking, hmm, well, I thought it was blue, but I could be wrong.
I'll Google it real quick.
Yo, listen up.
I messed my whole story up, blue mangrove.
I suppose I could be wrong too.
So let me know what you find, she says.
She goes back to work and I whip out my cellular device and go to Google.
My cellular device.
What?
He's trying to be too smart or he's, I don't know, he's confusing the way he's using words.
Yeah.
Is our blood blue?
I typed into the search bar.
A few seconds later, my whole life fell apart in an instant.
It all fell down.
I erupted into laughter from realizing how ridiculous I had just sounded and tell her
she's right and that I can't believe my whole life is a lie.
I told her I think my mom told me this before I started school and just never thought to
ask anyone or look it up because how could my sweet mama ever be wrong?
My mama said that it isn't on me.
Can they count all those teeth and no toothbrush?
It doesn't remind me of this old guy the other day that flipped out on me.
It was that day that it was raining.
It was a Fourth of July.
I know.
It was fucking boring.
I was in the rain so I know.
I love it because I'm at work and no one comes in in the rain.
Sometimes I'm just out there watching the rain.
Yeah.
Once the rain secedes a little bit, this old man comes in and he's looking for ginger stamps.
My whole face.
Yeah.
The way he's talking, I can tell that he's trying to sound more intellectual than he
is.
No, those are the words of some kind.
I'm not against him, which is fine if he just stayed at that state.
I go back there to look at where the cookies are because he can't find them.
I'm looking around and he tries to stop me and back up.
He's like, look at all this water.
I'm like, yeah, there's a bunch of water in there.
We had a bunch of water in a bunch of stack outs.
You know that human body is also full of water?
I turned away like, yeah, like 70%.
It says you're like 50 to 70 depending on body height and age and all that and weight.
He fucking flipped out on me.
There's a ginger stamp you said you couldn't find.
I'm like, what?
I didn't piece the deal until afterward, but I think he got mad that I knew the answer
to his bullshit.
He was going to tell you some knowledge.
No, old man, you're not.
Unfortunately for you, I'm a lot smarter than you think.
He was like, your job's on the line.
I'm like, how so?
You expect me to have a photographic memory of every item in the store?
I'll tell you what, old man, how about you go home, get a notebook and write down every
object in your house without looking at where it is and you tell me if you can remember
every single object in there.
This is what I should have told him, but I was just like, are you all right?
I'm all right.
Then he started getting racist.
Finally, another black man here I could talk to instead of this guy.
I'm like, okay, you can talk to the black man.
I don't give a fuck.
Go ask the black dude where the ginger snaps are.
That motherfucker ain't going to find them.
You racist, old fuck.
Just a mean old man who is pretending to be something.
He showed me his real character in that split second.
Next time I see him, he starts with his bullshit.
I ain't got time for your bullshit, old man.
If you're racist, you can go fucking talk to a brick wall.
Exactly.
That's the way I look at it too.
All right.
I can't even explain the embarrassment I felt in that moment, but we will still bring
it up and laugh about it.
So I figured I'd share it here.
At least it's not the worst thing in the world.
That's not like a true today I fucked up.
I saw people like when I was a kid, I thought the babies came out of assholes.
Shit, you know, you never know.
You don't know.
You got to learn.
All right.
Next one is by alt simple seven, six, four, five, 16.
I just thought they came out of assholes.
The holes are close enough.
I didn't know.
All right.
So this person puts.
So today I was out on a date with a girl that I've liked for a long time.
So I finally took her out and we were having a great time until I took her to dinner.
We went to a nice Mexican place and I ordered chicken fajitas fajitas fajitas because they
came out steaming hot.
Now they don't.
They water.
They hit the splash station with some water.
That's just fucking steaming.
And this is whenever it all went wrong.
Like a little harmless presentation.
It's not like they fucking do something horrific to it.
Well, you had steakhouse as they keep the plates in the oven.
So that way it feels hot.
Yeah.
See, it's just a little harmless.
Like they little little president.
She comes out fucking piping is what you think.
It's like, let's just been sitting on the counter for an hour.
It's like, oh damn, that's got cold fat.
Yeah.
But you wait for a second for the eat it right.
He's like, oh, this is really damn.
I let it get cold too fast.
I was like, well, shit, it's only been 55 minutes.
It's like, oh, it's still bloody on the inside.
All right.
I noticed that the side, let's see.
I noticed that on the side there was a pepper.
I asked and it was a serrano pepper.
And while trying to impress her, I ate almost entirely the entire thing.
The spiciest thing I can handle is all of them.
Why is it always some bullshit guy?
Let me jump over this fucking truck and I will impress this girl.
Who burned both lettuce?
I break both your flags and get hit by a train on the other side.
The spiciest thing I can handle is jalapeno.
So I don't know why this was a good idea.
But anyway, I took a huge bite and tried to chew and swallow.
I swallowed a tiny bit of it almost before throwing up.
I spit it out and tears and snot started rolling down my face.
And I had to ask the waiter if they had milk that I could drink.
Go get some other tripe to let you get.
Fucking vomits, right?
Snot, crying.
He starts farting right.
And then like on the ride home, he stops like he drops from her house, right?
So he's like, so what you doing?
After he just did all that.
After he just fucking made a fool of himself.
I also asked for my date's water and I ordered a sorbet to help cool my mouth.
This is either something we will laugh about in five years or something she might not want
to go out with me again after crying from a pepper.
I'm typing this up while she runs to the restroom.
The next story is her talking about the worst state of her life.
So I imagine whenever she comes back, it'll be pretty awkward.
And they updated this.
She never came back?
I would like to say thanks for all the comments and I hope you guys got a good laugh over
my misfortune and here's the update.
So yes, she did eventually come back.
The rest of the day went surprisingly well.
She actually ended up laughing it off and started making jokes about it.
When she came back, I said, I think I handled that well.
And she started laughing hard.
So I might have clutched it.
Good for him.
I felt like I was the one of those.
It was one of those times where laughter was the best medicine, you know, she was in the
bathroom for a long enough time for me to think about.
You probably called her fucking friend or some shit.
Exactly.
Uh, after that, I think she's a keeper.
So I'm going to ask her out again tomorrow.
So wish me luck.
She's like, she's lost your number.
Update update update to the update.
She never did.
All right.
Next one is by IRCSI.
I don't know what that's supposed to mean or if it's supposed to mean anything.
This person puts, Hey everyone.
So yesterday I woke up with some sore with a sore back.
This wasn't unusual.
And I casually mentioned it to my sister, which is a weird thing to casually mention.
What he mentioned?
My back is hurt.
Without asking for permission whatsoever, she jumped into action and started to massage
my back.
What the fuck is going on here?
Wait a minute.
What fucking Appalachia fucking porno are we about to watch?
At first, this felt nice, but she kept increasing the pressure and I started to feel a little
uncomfortable.
I said, Hey, that hurts a little.
Could you do it more gently?
Her reaction basically was a no.
A no?
It continued on.
I was like, all right, it's not like it hurts so bad.
So I'll let her continue.
Big mistake.
It cracks his back.
I woke up today feeling like I got hit by a car.
Jesus.
If I move my back cries out in protest in a language called pain.
Yeah, I know that pain.
I know that language well.
If I move, it hurts so much.
I want to cry.
And believe me, I don't cry from pain ever, but this is the worst pain I've ever felt.
Please don't say that, man.
You didn't.
Yeah, I don't cry from pain ever.
So you got hit by a fucking car.
You won't be like...
Just laugh it off.
Fuck, now I'm gonna laugh it off.
I had to take a painkiller to get up.
And now I'm thinking, is it possible that she caused a serious problem in my back?
Probably.
Did she majorly fuck up?
Probably.
And then the edit.
For all you, the funny dudes out there, I'm a gender fluid asexual person, so please don't
fantasize about me and my sister.
What?
Now I'm confused again.
That doesn't make no sense.
What's really weird is that he 21 and his sister 42.
21, 42.
Hey, they have their kid 21 years apart?
That doesn't make no damn sense.
That family's baggy.
It actually makes actual perfect sense.
Let me save.
What's her name?
Hold up.
There's two actresses.
Sisters.
Yeah.
Let me see.
Nope.
No history.
What's her fucking name?
Here's one.
Nope.
Wrong one.
Okay, you tell the story.
I'll look for...
Well, that was the end of it.
Oh, well, next one.
Next one is by DevilRudeBoy.
DevilRudeBoy.
Spurs and Pits.
Today, me and my sister, we're gonna be friends.
We're gonna be friends.
Today, me and some close family members went to the local lake.
Namely, an older cousin, two younger cousins, and two younger sisters.
Now, I cannot swim, so I was using a floatie so I didn't drown.
After we had been swimming for a while, I was feeling pretty confident, so I let my
youngest cousin take my floatie while me and my older, younger sister went to the deep
part of the lake.
We were still holding onto her floatie and I was starting to get a little nervous.
So I said, hey, this is way deeper than I thought.
Maybe we should turn around and back.
Apparently, she didn't hear me because no more than two seconds after I lost my grip,
plummeted into the water and started drowning.
I remember the first thing to do was to not panic, so I started to grab anything to pull
myself up on.
After about 15 to 30 seconds, I pulled myself up onto my cousin's floatie and started coughing.
I couldn't breathe for a couple of seconds, but it was fine.
Maybe a little traumatized though.
Yeah, I ended up drowning.
Yeah, so this actor's name, Tessa Formiga and her sister Vera Formiga, they're 21 years
apart in age.
Oh, really?
To such a degree that they started a movie together where the older one played the young
one's mother and she played the daughter.
Yeah.
So what happens in real life?
Parents just begin fucking banging.
God, 21 years apart, that's shit.
That's a big gap.
Yeah.
She was born in 73 and the other one was born in 94.
Fuck.
Yeah.
That is fucked up.
Not really.
I mean, parents, you know, it's their fucking family.
I know, but that's too big of an age gap.
Yeah.
Imagine raising a kid at 50.
But it's not her kid, is it?
I mean, she's 50 now.
So Formiga's 50, her sister is like 21 years younger.
No, I'm saying, but they're parents.
Oh, they're parents?
Yeah, imagine raising that baby at that large of an age.
I'm going to have a kid when I'm 75.
I'm going to go to the Robert De Niro Al Pacino site.
You know, they recently had children.
Which is, oh my God.
I'm going to do the same day.
Those kids are going to be born with defects.
I don't think so.
It's got that Vero Robert De Niro jeans.
That man was a boxer.
He was a middleweight level or a champion, not champion, but like elite caliber boxer.
The guy that trained him said so.
That Robert De Niro was actually like capable of boxing in real matches.
Very good boxing skills.
Maybe his son or daughter will inherit those.
Imagine, imagine fucking like, how old are they?
Like in their eighties?
They're fucking old.
I mean, I'm going to be a porn star when I'm 77.
So who's going to be ashamed of me at 77?
My aunts, my uncles, my...
I'm the oldest member of my family.
Time to get some dick down.
That's actually the perfect way to do it.
Like if you're worried about your family finding out you're a porn star, just wait until you're
92 years old.
It's not embarrassing.
Now they're all dead.
Not embarrassing.
Like only my kids are ashamed of me.
They've been ashamed since they were born, so.
It's fine.
I was dead whenever they were born.
Just fucking the one time killed me.
There's one guy, uh, he was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was
a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was
a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was human.
And uh, People who develops control over me is basically my cage artists.
This is my partner.
Pull him in as I kill him in the paper.
And he's fighting right now.
That's how much I hate porn.
Generally remove the
gangsters right now,
really.
Probably.
popularized as the women. Yeah. They're just like nobody like faith. They're just cocks basically.
I mean that's like no no blurred images. They're blurred images. That's what they are. But he
because of his age he gained such a popularity worldwide that like he's just like a fucking
megastar with his own series. Like he's 84 years old. I mean he did start at the perfect like
literally the age. That's what I'm thinking too like straight 69. 69. And uh so you can basically
do everything. You could be like a world-class uh like uh author or uh something like uh whatever
right and then when you retire just what's the matter now. That's hilarious. That's the way I
see it. Like when you're older like instead of retiring you know just be more sorry. I don't know
why. If you can still get it out. Yeah apparently he can. He could do it like uh without any uh
additives like because apparently when he all he all he eats for breakfast is uh rice covered in
like uh eggs. So he he just covers a uh the rice with like a uh raw egg. Yeah. That's a good idea.
But what kind of rice does he eat? White rice. Yeah they don't even brown rice there. In Japan?
No. Except for him. It's mostly white rice. So like which is funny because they always say white
rice is bad for you but then that's all Japanese people really eat. And they fucking live to be a
thousand. Exactly. There's another woman in Japan. I don't know or not Japan but she actually started
when she was 84 as a porn star. Do you want to be the one to bang that? Okay never mind I take that
back as you would. I don't know if that's the question. I know the answer to that already.
What can I say man? You keep yourself nice and disciplined in life right. Uh you don't have any
like uh you won't get canceled by doing something like obscene like all these people are being.
And then when you're old enough you need to be a porn star. You got problem solved. Why worry about
the retirement or the the pension? Exactly when you're just fucking needy. That and like uh you
know you gotta you gotta tell your wife like oh right honey like this is how it's gonna be.
While she gets a bunch of dick. If she wants to I guess. That or uh she can film everything that I
do. Perfect life. I got it all planned out. I'm gonna be an Abba. Be like that one. A AAA celebrity
world famous and then at 79. What was that uh character's name from uh uh uh was his name
Frey? Where you had the two tower things that where they killed Rob Stark. What was the old man's name
in that? Oh Walter Frey? Yeah yeah you've been Walter Frey. Yeah where you have like 600 kids
that dirty mother. I thought it would be you at the age of 70. That wasn't Walter Frey. Well he did
have that was that old guy outside of the uh the white walls. Like uh. No not him. I'm not thinking
of him. Oh not him? No I was thinking of the other one because he had the young uh. Oh the young wife?
Yeah. Because that guy the whatever his name was. I can't remember. The other one was where he was
fucking his own daughters. Yeah I was like wait a minute. That's why I didn't choose him. You
what you're old damn old man Walter Frey. Uh next one is by uh Maiden's Man. Maiden's Man? Yeah
because we put an eight in their name. Oh this person puts last night my wife wanted to watch
fireworks from our neighborhood pool party since the trees in the houses on the street obscured
our view. We ended up being the last ones there and when we decided to leave we couldn't get out
since the pool gate automatically locks at 9 p.m. And it was just a couple of minutes after. We
swiped our pass card multiple times and since I'm a board member on the HOA I have a key to the club
house or so I thought. The HOA. I know. Uh. You deserve to be locked in there. The door knob was
unlocked but the keys wouldn't work on the deadbolt so I called my neighbor to have them go through
the front door and let us in but eventually the locks had been changed or evidently sorry.
I ended up climbing over the seven foot tall fence and going home to get a ladder to get my
wife over the gate. Fortunately I didn't aggravate my arthritic knee going over the fence but it
has been several years since we've been in the pool and I didn't know a nine o'clock gate
automatically locking. Got you like uh fix the rules like from now on the gates have to be open
for all staff. It'll be something stupid. Yeah like they always try to fix stuff for their
fucking problems. Make your life fucking harder. Yep. Next one is by yeah boy.
Six seven seven. Wow. I know with the old scream mask and stuff remember that. You gotta grab my
little hand. That's my strong one. This person puts. So this happened back a while back while
I was outside. I was on the walk back home and I saw what I thought was a dog and the woman's lap
on a bench as she looked like she was petting it. I usually am very friendly with dogs. I know I'm
weird but I never touch people's dogs without their permission and I came up to the dog. I had to walk
by that bench anyways. As I walked by I said oh you're such a cutie and such a sweet voice people
usually talk to pets right? Yeah. The woman looked at me like I was insane. Excuse me the woman asked.
I looked closer and realized that the dog that she had on her was just a brown purse.
Huh. He said you're such a cutie. He just like knocks her out out of sheer embarrassment and runs away.
I profusely apologized and I was horrified and just walked by going home. She's like excuse me
that's my pubic hair sir and he's like what? My mother is right I guess I should wear my glasses
more often. It's like oh dude. Next one is by Mr. Youngston. This person puts. This actually happened
about three hours ago. Earlier this week there was a wasp in the house that just happened to land on
a cup on the windowsill. My husband used some Lysol disinfectant cleaner spray to kill it in the cup.
This cup is habitually my water cup for many morning meds. Needless to say we left it there
for a few days with intentions to take care of it and I used a different cup to take my meds. This
morning in my haze I filled my usual cup with water and immediately swallowed down my pills.
Immediately my mouth and stomach were burning. At the moment my soul left my body. I realized that
I just took a shot of Lysol cleaner with a wasp in it. Damn. I tried to make myself puke but I
couldn't. When you're trying to drink it when you drink this scorpion at the end of the bottle.
The kicker is that less than two weeks ago I got that esphagal dilation resulting in a small tear
in my esophagus. Jesus that fucking stinger just cut her all the way down huh? Gagging on the damn
stinger. Let's see here. Next one. That shot like a champ though. I know. I thought it was pills
going down. It's like oh it's a lumpy ass pill. Those horse pills that people take. Yeah.
Next one is by AnyTask7788. Let's see here. It happened in 2008. I don't know. I'm sorry.
I think about being a poor star in 77. The pizza man's here. Don't speak. I got you.
Like imagine like in the context of the movie the show the whatever video you're watching right?
Yeah. The poor man the pizza guy's usually like a young teenager. Like I said you
might have to retire because the crippling debt the economy has forced it to keep up.
I thought you were gonna go with the 88 part. I think 88 years old. Yeah. Whatever age but
imagine putting an older man in the context of like those like imagine him being a cashier.
80. The order would be really funny as if he was delivering it to an old person's home.
You got your piece. Got your piece around here baby. Fucking dick just fucking flaying.
She just falls over. Oh man. That's fine to me. Like having an older person in a porno do the
task that would have been for the teenager or the teenage boy I guess in the video. Like the
MILF is like 45. You're like 88 years old. It's called the wrong place. And like they but they
still like in the context of the series they still act like it's like it's like hey young man like
you doing man? It's alright. Fucking hilarious. You got a fucking baseball cap sideways. Banging
pants. Just all this. Pizza right. You got a fucking t-shirt with like a wah.
Wah. Looking about that is fucking just driving me crazy in my head right now.
Do that as a skit where you get an old person to play it. Oh man or I'll just play it when I
go and become an old man. You just want to do the full actual video. Hell yeah. It's like
I'm here to work your plumbing man. And she's like 22.
Uh alright uh let's see here. I didn't know uh where else to put it but my family constantly
brings it up at family gatherings and I think it's hilarious so enjoy the ride. Oh god. Nothing
like the biting of your soul. You can be like the president of the United States but if you go to
your family they just fucking tear you to fucking pieces. Worse than anybody. Look who it is. It
ain't the fuck. Remember that time you fucking pants dropped in front of the whole class? Your
dick whipped out. It's like the Secret Service like. Okay giggling in the back. So whenever I
was about. Remember that time your dad caught you sticking your dick in them doughnuts.
But you keep that shit to yourself you ass. So whatever I was about for my family had gotten
together for my grandma's birthday. It was my family my uncle and his family and my aunt and
her family. We were at a restaurant and I decided to go to the bathroom. My dad told my cousin who
wasn't more than eight at the time to take me. We got to the bathroom. I forget how old is he.
Four. Like 45. Four. Eight. 45 years old. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Forty-four. Five year old
cousin of the bathroom. I can go my own dad. 45 years old. When we got to the bathroom my cousin
decided to stand outside and wait for me. At the time I thought I had to pee but I was very wrong.
I had to take a fucking sleep and shit. So I walked up to the urinal and pulled my pants down around
my ankles as most four-year-olds would do and started peeing. What are you butters? What the fuck
are you talking about? Turns out I pushed a little too hard and pooped onto the floor. I didn't think
anything of it so I decided to move it to the next move to the next urinal. What I didn't expect was
that I still was pooping as I was walking leaving bread crumbs and shit to leave back to my home.
Whenever I realized this I decided I needed to go to a stall. So with my pants still around my ankles
still pooping as I walked I made my way to the first stall. Whenever I got in the stall I decided
I should go to the second stall for some reason so I walked out of that stall and walked into the
second stall. How much shit does this kid have left? Continuing to shit everywhere. How much shit does this kid have left?
Don't bow. He's like you're leaving a fucking mile long fucking trail. Once I made it to the last stall I sat down
and didn't need to poop anymore. I bet you didn't. I shit it all out. My cousin walked in to see that
it was thinking so long. He walked into the fucking horror and was like uh uh.
I bet he was walking in on that. I saw the horror so I went uh.
He walked out to get my dad when he got my uh when he got my uh when he got my the table.
I guess when he got to the table it's like right I think this is what this is. That's why it's like
am I fucking hilarious or what? He was white as a ghost. He looked at my dad and with a scared face
he said uncle shit something bad. He's shitting everyone. My dad and uncle hear this and think I
died or something so they run up to the bathroom and when they opened the door they saw me and the
mess I had made. My dad turned to my uncle and told uh told him to tell my mom to go get the uh
to get the target down the road. Go to the target apparently. Down the road and buy all the clothes.
Buy everything. It's a fucking hat. My dad was trying to clean me up and my mom was a
was at Goodwill trying to figure out what happened because nobody had told her anything.
Goodwill or Target? She was at Goodwill and he told her to go to Target.
Oh well he just gets them clothes at Goodwill because they don't want to.
I know I'm just saying. She called my dad to see if they could save the shoes or anything.
It's all no we can't save nothing. My dad said no. God. Yeah we could throw everything away.
My mom wrote about the fucking shirt at least. My mom realized what had happened and busted out
laughing and couldn't stop for about five minutes. Back in the restaurant bathroom because this is
another rich child. Yeah I remember. My dad was trying to clean me up as uh as these uh two kids
walked in and looked around and with a shocked face they said who nuked you everywhere. Yeah okay. They fucking did.
My dad the hero that he was looked at them he said I did. They're like no that's a child's shit.
You ain't no child. They turned into a fucking detective. It turned out to be Sherlock Holmes.
So my mom got the clothes. We threw mine away and left and I never uh never have been back to that
restaurant or their chain. Who the fuck is the staff at? Oh my god. How how the nerd.
Oh hell no. You know that you know that's one of those lore stories from the restaurant because
they have every business has stored them has their own lore. So that's what remember that day that
was you remember the shit day. I won't say which part of the story that I worked at at one point but
there was a dude that was uh handicapped. He came in in a wheelchair and everything he's like where's
the bathroom man. One of those like mobile ones he goes to the restroom right.
The commercial manager goes back there and he's like because he just had to use the restroom.
He goes back there he's like there's shit everywhere.
The fucking calm stoic face of a man that has seen it all just calmly walks up to the counter
shit everywhere. He told the manager which was a woman he's like you're gonna have to clean that
up I can't go in there. I ain't cleaning up shit. Well apparently there was uh spots on the wall
where he had touched the wall with shit hands. What to get himself off the fucking toilet? What
the fuck did he not wipe his hands for? And the shit was on the underside. Okay you don't say that
story yeah. Like stuck to the bottom. Like how the fuck did he. And exploded with such force. Oh he just
fucking stuck to the bottom. Jesus man. There was nothing in the water it was on the underside of
the lid. Weird. Don't they have like uh colostomy bags and stuff like when they're handicapped or?
I don't think this dude was that kind of a handicap though. Oh was he just one of those like uh
weight handicap? I am probably yeah. Just walk around a little bitty baby all right. Yeah or he
may have lost his foot because of the weight and diabetes. Oh god it's depressing. Yeah one of them
though. Shit on the walls there and she walked in there she's like oh my god that's all you hear
from the back. She spent three hours cleaning that bathroom. Yeah two and a half of them were
just fucking getting the fucking. Like she walks to the back right and she goes back in a full
hazmat suit. I know I fucking would. Well we had them. I want like a full fucking hazmat suit. Dude
we'll come in there she comes back with a fucking thousand yard stare. Like the fucking world war
one soldiers after a mortar strike. Well she comes back up there when she after she got done she
asked him she said why couldn't you have done this? She's like you have more like experience cleaning
stuff and he's like yeah but you've cleaned multiple babies diapers and she looked at her
and she's like you got two kids what the fuck are you talking about? What a lazy motherfucker.
Apparently they were changing the diaper either. Well you have to you're a father. Barely not.
Pathetic motherfucker. Reminds me of a story of this guy. It was it's always a it was it's always
like a still on TikTok and it's this guy just standing there like he's just sitting there
talking in front of a camera and it turns out that he's telling the story of like the biggest
shit he's ever seen at Target and then when you when you you swipe the the the thing the comments
it says like I've seen I've seen less uh scared eyes uh of a person describing a murder so apparently
the shit this man saw at Target has scarred him for fucking life like just like I've seen less fear
from people talking about him. He's like PTSD. Yeah like that line is perfect I've seen less fear in the eyes of
people that have seen a murder opposed to this guy talking about I really want to find the video on
YouTube this guy describing the Target shit that ruined his fucking life or something. If you find
it send it to me and I'll add it into this video. I'll try but I don't think I get I don't know what
the name is under at all it never it never tells me under the comments but I'd love the light of
like I've seen less fear. I'll see if I can find it though because I'll definitely add it to this video
with the whole like speech that he gives. It was a it was a dark simple Saturday afternoon
you think the worst stuff happens on a dark cold night but actually happens on a sunny
bright day that's what makes him so dark.
All right next one is by strangebug4146 this person puts for some context my girlfriend
decided that she wants to become a nail stylist possibly as a career and me being the loving
boyfriend I decided sure you can paint my nails if you want. I beat the shit out of him.
Like you just turned them all into the worst fucking. She only did my thumb and that was
that let's see she only did my thumb and that was that of the fingernail painting.
Oh that was that like that was that of the fingernail painting we're done.
Well today I decided I wanted to get it off and decided hmm acetone does a really good job
and well it does do good for one thing I grabbed my I grabbed a little plastic cup in the bathroom
the ones for mouthwash and poured some in and went and sat down with my thumb to soak in the acetone.
Do you see where this is going so there I'm sitting on the couch cupping my lap with my
thumb in the cup playing on my phone waiting for the acetone to do its trick and then I feel it
a nice cool breeze on my manhood and then the fire from hell a pain that only the devil himself
could come up with thankfully it went away after five minutes but um yeah don't put acetone in
plastic and do and if you do don't put it near your junk. Jesus. Basically the acetone melted
through the cup. Ouch. Damn. Poor guy. Dipshit. That's stupid. You know what acetone can do
and you put it in a plastic one of the weakest walled plastic cups you can find. Oh my goodness.
Uh let's see try to find a decent one here.
Okay uh let's see this one is by Chris Thomas. This person puts uh we are now at hour 14. I can
say that this would have sucked in any situation. I am sick. Confirming cancer diagnosis by trying
to find the location of what is killing me. Drop 60 pounds in two weeks. I'm a myriad of other
symptoms that could be a new thing or my uh V VEDs or my POTS or what I apparently these are medical
conditions I don't know. Damn. So the next cancer location to rule out is my bowels.
I call an oscoby for those who have not enjoyed this treat. As it uh as it has been through this
whole experience I have to hurry the fuck up so I can't wait for any more testing. The lack of
urgency sound surrounding my condition is frightening but I digress. Last week my skeletal
frame was at 97 pounds. I ballooned up so badly that I looked more pregnant than uh
more pregnant than whenever I actually have been pregnant. I went with uh went from gaunt to delivery
room. A quick message to my doctor told me that this is not concerning and to try a gentle
stimulative laxative. Uh they were already calling in golatil a half gallon of pure
hell-inducing liquid you are expected to drain the day before colonoscopy to the pharmacy
and I still needed to do that but my procedure wasn't until the seventh of the july 28th. Uh
okay whatever. Uh so I should try uh docalax in the meantime. 15 milligrams full adult dose.
That asshole my asshole. Now the box says trust docalax tablets to relieve constipation in six
to 12 hours. I read this. 12 hours. I read that shit now. I read that as hey we are so sorry that
you're bloated and full of nauseous gases and unable to find any relief and no less than six
but no more than 12 hours you are going to have an obnoxious foul-smelling BM that will end this
tyranny. Like so she just shit the fucking miles of hell. I can cheerfully say that I have never
been more wrong in my life. I took those pills at 7 p.m. last night around 11 p.m. bedtime. I was a
little disappointed that I was still a grouchy and fit to birth swamp witch with a poop tumor.
Those were the glory days my friends. I should have known I was in the uh I was in the good days
and reveled in my innocence. Around midnight it hit. Around 4 a.m. I crawled out of the bathroom
to grab a drink because I was so dehydrated. My pots I don't know what that stands for. When the
fucking uh power went out of my house taking a shit. Oh it's a hot boy. Like a fucking hot box.
Just sweat like a soaked in sweat. As you know I take a shit butt ass naked so. Arms sticking
to every fuck. Oh man my tennies are fucking melted. It was so fucking. And then you stick to the toilet.
There's nothing worse than laying on down on a bed when you're covered in sweat and just like the
fucking just the the runginess of it. Your body just feels disgusting. I didn't even want to sleep
on my actual mattress. I put the the the comforter over it and I slept on that because I can watch
that easier than the mattress. Yeah you don't want to put five gallons of sweat into your mattress.
And I fucking woke up uh man I woke up at six. I felt like it was midnight after the power went out.
Well but woke up at six a.m. because I had to work at nine and I was just like fucking in just sweat.
I'm just like man it's a hot. And the fans know nothing. Know nothing. I hate that my co-workers
were like why don't you get a couple fans around your house. Like you're a fucking genius. And where
should I fucking plug these fans into. Where's the fucking location that they'll fucking work on. They're
battery operated. So yeah my power went out at 10 like 10 45 at night. I remember because I saw the
green light blow up. And then they came back at 5 p.m. Wednesday. So from 10 45 Tuesday to 5 p.m.
Wednesday. So when I got home at two o'clock I was like man it is still hot. I was trying to lay down
and take a nap because I didn't sleep all the night before. But like you're just fucking just
hot fucking wet. And like you're like you know when you breathe through a blanket. Yeah. You get that
hot fucking breath. That was like that in just regular air. I'm just like man I guess I just
died here today. But I tell you like when that fucking power came back on I turned on this
fucking wall fan back here. Oh lord. It's like. It's like there is a god. I took a shower. I did
everything. Didn't sweat when you got out. Nice. It's nice to have electricity. All right. Around
7 a.m. the dogs let me know that they needed to use the restroom and I needed to take them out at
post-ace. Hurricane Boraccio has finally passed. Well the full effects of the storm have petered
out and now just dealing with scattered storms. There's no moral. There's no life lesson. Just be
grateful for any sleep you got last night and thankful for your asshole. It does a lot for you
and deserves respect and gratitude. Jesus. So she's got cancer now. I think so. I can't tell.
Man that sucks. Just your body just keeps declining no matter what you do. Yeah. Oh man.
Yeah. I'm glad that ain't me. It's a rough way to go. Next one is by anonymous.
I'm not a moose. So like you say I'm not a moose. Yeah. Instead of anonymous. Anonymous. I'm not a
moose. First and first. Today I fucked up by trying to eat low calorie foods in order to lose weight.
Lately I have had a hankering for bean and cheese burritos. So I got some no fat beans and their
mission low carb tortillas that are like ridiculously low calorie. So since then I we are really low
calorie. I decided to have four of them since they're smaller. Made four mini burritos and they
were very tasty and I honestly didn't even notice any difference between these and the normal
tortillas. You want to hear something funny? If you go to a regular like Walmart like you'll find
the tortillas in the bread section. Yes. But there'll be like a small section and then a bunch of
bread. Yeah. You go to the Mexican restaurant or supermarket and you'll find like half of the
aisle would be tortillas and the other half would be. And it won't be regular bread either. It'd be
like milk bread. It'd be like fucking like butter bread like the or be like Bon Bimbo. It's always
the Bimbo brand. It's always Bimbo. We call it Bon Bimbo. Bon Bimbo. Did you know they took over
the bread company Rainbow? Did they? Yeah. The one that used to exist like 10 years ago. I'm trying
to learn how to make a chicken wrap so I can start eating healthy and I don't know how to cook
anything because I don't know. I don't know. Like I tried to make it once right and I made this
fucking fat disgusting ass like too much chicken too much too much. You know like the perfect
portion. Yeah. To make a healthy like they have chicken wraps at Walmart. Yeah. Like I want to
make my own because they're cheaper instead of paying like fucking six dollars. Like you know
I can put healthier stuff in it like more lettuce with some tomatoes because the chicken wraps at
Walmart are just basically like the wrap the chicken and like one slice of like it'll be like
the the seasoning be like you know spicy mustard and then like a little like a little like wrap of
lettuce. That's about it. Yeah. I want to make like you know lettuce tomato maybe thousand dollar
dressing would be my actual like flavor. I know it's not healthy but it's been like my actual
seasoning or my actual sauce. Yeah. Chicken and like you know just but like how do I fucking make
a damn chicken wrap without fucking making it fat in the middle or like the perfect proportion. That's
what I'm trying to figure out. I'll have to show you how to make one. That'd be great. Plus I gotta
learn how to cook a fucking chicken. That's easy. I can't do shit. I know I can tell. I fucking eat
eggs raw with the with the shell. Like a snake just dolphin down. Let it break in your stomach.
Just fucking it's just a lump in my fucking throat going down.
If I can cook the chicken and then get the right proportions of lettuce and tomatoes
on the on the right fucking wrap I'll be eating that every single day until I'm fucking 130 pounds
of fucking lean cock. Oh man if I was if I could do that if I could at least cook that every single
because I'm gonna I have like almost like a little bit of ADD where I could eat the same thing 999
times every day because like it's it's like it's be perfectly healthy. But if I can do that I just
cook something for myself every day because in the morning I have an egg sandwich healthy. At night I
can eat an apple with some peanut butter healthy. And then in the middle be my chicken wrap.
Like I lick the whole edge of it the whole length of it every before I eat it.
Eat that bitch whole. But if I start doing my own chicken wraps every day oh man I'd be 130 pounds.
My dick would be fucking massive. Like you get like an inch of like half an inch of every 10-20
pounds. So I'd be like 100 I'd be like 97 pounds. With 40 you just go to the skeleton. Just like all
car mall cock now. And I don't have the energy to move. Back when I was in shape right my my erection
could reach my belly button. I can't do it now. You barely reach outside of the fat.
Go back to that lean body. And now everybody has information. When your belly button when it goes
past your belly button that's some interesting shit to look at. And then you fucking let it go and
it's fucking just like a hammer dropping down. I can't even fucking find it in the fucking forest
of black hair. Oh shit. But if you teach me how to cook a chicken wrap I'd be fucking set for life.
I'll show you how to cook it's fine. Hell yeah. All right until a few hours later whenever I
unmistakably the unmistakable rumble began in my gut. Now I've always had a bit of a gurgly stomach
so I didn't think anything of it. It's so embarrassing like when you're talking to somebody
you just fucking like you just walk away. Like you just ignore right? Yeah. But I
kind of remember one time at the flea market I was helping some people find some cowboy boots right?
And mom was like. I had to like oh I guess I'm fucking hungry. I was so fucking embarrassed
because it was so fucking loud. And I wanted to just leave. Just fucking leave the stall
take whatever you want. And move to a different fucking state.
All right until another hour passes by and I'm releasing the most foul smelling gases known to
man. Like I am genuinely a biohazard at this point. I decided it's time to go to the bathroom
after gassing my girlfriend out of the living room. I said bathroom. I proceeded to release the most
ungodly shit known to man. I'm talking knees weak clothes off gripping anything possible for
stability as this monster came out of me. So me every time. Yep. And finally after 15 minutes
I had done it. I had given birth to my shit baby and it was glorious.
It was so much that it reached out of the water and it wouldn't flush. Oh I've had one of those.
Back when I was I couldn't go to the bathroom for a full month. The thing was it looked like I kid
you not like uh it was like an uh like it spiraled all the way to the tip. Like it was past the rim
and uh it looked like a snake. Like like a perfect like sort of like a sphere. Like an actual like
you know what I mean? I was like god dang. You didn't even feel it. No they didn't. I was like
you didn't even feel it. No that shit blew out of me. Because I had taken uh I had to take an
enema because it was so bad. And that shit was like the minute my ass sat down
in like a split second too. Like it was just gone. And I looked down I'm like god dang.
That's what broke the whole fucking swimming system into this whole fucking neighborhood.
I'm dead sick. I keep having to go back here and fix all the other stuff because of me.
I still had issues too though. Pretty sure it was me.
Uh let's see uh it turns out the tortillas had 17 grams of fiber per tortilla. Oh lord. I ate 64
grams of protein with the tortillas alone. Not to mention the beans. Anyways I hope y'all can learn
from my mistakes and avoiding these damn tortillas. Drink a lot of water. Yeah.
I know when I start getting gassy and like uncomfortable that means I don't have enough
water in my system to have a proper good old dump. Well speaking of this person uh Moisybox.
Moisybox? Today I fucked up by drinking too much water.
It's always too much of everything. Like you can never just do it. It's always too much of everything
damn it. Yes the night before I was completely fine. Usually during long sleeps after waking
my throat might get a little sore but uh well with water it goes away instantly so it really
never becomes a problem. This wasn't uh today but a while ago. Hey when I wake up you wake up like
you know like you've just been fucking living out in the fucking desert. Eat this mouth still
like wearing stuck clothes. Yeah like you wake up just like fucking dry like you don't even drink
water you just fucking use it as mouthwash to fucking un-dry your fucking cod mouth. Yeah I've
had that before. God I hate that. Uh let's see this wasn't today but a while ago. I had uh taken a
field trip of my class to Germany and had enjoyed uh there for about a week. This was the day whenever
we were heading off back to Norway. I had woken up with a sore throat and decided to drink a little
water. I got on the bus and drove off uh that pesky sore in my throat persisted. When stopping
near a store I bought those large bags of water bottles. This was at the border. Large bags of
water bottles? It's Germany Denmark area so. Maybe so it's like is it like a pack of water? Like I
think that might be what he means. This is at the border between Denmark and Germany. In that store
they sold everything in large bundles for cheap. So after about 16 bottles of water for almost nothing
in three hours I must have drunk seven or eight bottles and questioning why my throat was still
sore. Each bottle was a liter. Got a sore throat it's not gonna stop with water. With every sip I
was growing more and more sick and disgusted but I thought it would fix my throat for some reason.
In the end some classmate told me I should probably stop and after an hour the sore throat was gone.
Oh Jesus. Jackass. It's a lot of water. Yeah. But doesn't it sound like anything bad happened to
him other than a sore throat? He's gonna take the biggest massive piss ever though. Seven to eight
bottles of water? Fuck. The worst pisses are the ones where like you feel like it has to go
but when you go there it's like a weak stream and you held it in too long. Yeah. Those fucking suck.
Yeah. Until you're finally able to let go because your body like holds it it's like yeah can't piss
can't piss. Gotta piss gotta piss. But that's all I got for writing today. All right that was good.
Anything else? We learned a lot. Anything else? Maybe too much about my body. Probably probably.
A lean 135. Anything else before we head out? I guess that's it. Cool we will see you guys on the
next one. To this day I still say I didn't see a single episode of Nemours.