Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite internet,
and movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
Let's go ahead and get started.
All righty, so this is a continuation of last week's artifacts that are within the DC universe.
We will start off with the next one, which is The Last Note of Truth.
It exists in every universe for the DC universe, so like Earth 2, Earth 1, all of them.
The dimensions of it, it's potentially infinite in length, so it can actually...
It's still just like five years.
That was too easy of a layup.
Yes, it was.
The owners, the current one is Wonder Woman, previous owners are Hippolyta, Artemis, Batman
on Prime Earth, Cheetah, and Steve Trevor.
Batman had one?
Yes.
Tell me, tell me, what the jokers do.
The Last Note of Truth compels you?
It also was first seen in June of 1942 in Sensation Comics number six.
Yeah, because that motherfucker loved bondage.
I mean, the guy that created Wonder Woman loved him some bondage, unlike any motherfucker
I've ever known.
So, originally on Earth 2, the lasso was created from Aphrodite's magical girdle by the Amazon's
craft woman, Metalia, at the behest of Queen Hippolyta.
And its magical properties were granted by the goddess herself and by Athena.
The lasso forced whoever was bound within it to obey the commands of the user.
This effect could also be used on groups of people, although this basically reduces its
efficacy so you could control an entire group of people, but the more potent, the less potent
it would be, which is a weird, like you wouldn't expect that.
But I guess-
Ready for like a hundred people to tell the truth at once, might be a little overwhelming.
Yeah, and I think it's probably kind of like, you know, like everybody's willpower kind
of fights back against, like, depending on, who was it?
Was it Batman that actually resisted it at one point?
I can't remember.
I don't know.
In addition to being physically unbreakable, the lasso is also infinitely elastic.
Infinity elastic.
Elastic.
Eventually, Diana expanded the lasso's powers by coating it with a special Amazon chemicals.
This allowed the weapon to transform her civilian clothes into Wonder Woman garb.
What?
Yeah.
I thought you were just spinning in a circle.
And sling lasso around.
What the fuck?
What the lasso have to do with her changing her clothes?
A weird fucking choice by the writer.
Yes.
However, another slightly different.
Teddy's pop out.
She got two piercings, one on her nipple.
This is some weird shit in his fucking notes.
He was a freak though, you know.
I'm a freak.
I'm at a whole different level.
That's another thing about writers.
They have like the just copious notes and the randomest shit.
You should see my fucking notebook.
It looks like a fucking serial killer's journal.
It's just my writing idea.
However, another slightly different Earth 2 origin story tells that the lasso was designed
by the goddess Aphrodite herself from the magical girdle along with Wonder Woman's uniform.
Diana has demonstrated a remarkable level of skill with the lasso performing such feats
as twirling it into create air currents, which upon she could float and spinning to emit
certain frequencies that disrupt Felix Faust's spells.
He's like, you bitch.
Like you're a master sorcerer.
Yeah, like you bitch.
You're just fucking spinning the fucking rum.
You're like your whole fucking shit just like evaporated.
It's like you fucking bitch.
Like the most complex spell.
It took me 17 hours to conjure.
And he was one of the ones that it took like his spells were forever.
Like he had all this setup and shit and ritualistic shit.
Like 72 incantations wrapped up into 15 fucking sorcerer circles.
And you ruin it with your spinning fucking the rope.
How dare you with a lasso.
During post crisis, the lasso was forged by Hephaestus, the god of metalworking from the
golden girdle of Gaia.
The lasso is completely unbreakable, immutable and indestructible.
It also is capable of altering its length based on the wielder's needs.
Improving its powers are the ability to restore lost memories, cast hypnosis, dispel illusions
and protect those within its circumference from magical attacks.
And also ruin Felix's house.
It's like specifically his stuff.
Like motherfuckers.
And it's not even her villain.
That's the most fucked up part.
Because it's Dr. Fate's.
Like god dang it.
This fucking lasso.
Empowered by the fires of Hestia, the lasso forces anyone held within its tail then under
uh tail and understand the absolute truth.
This power in particular can be very dangerous as not everyone is capable of facing the truth
of their actions stripped bare of its use.
She should be a fucking lawyer.
I know.
Your honor, can I use the lasso of truth?
Isn't she like a historian there?
Yeah, she should be a fucking lawyer.
Just put that shit in their seat before they fucking take to stand.
It's like tell the truth.
And nothing but the truth.
And he's like I did kill him.
The Amazon Artemis, inexperienced with the use of the lasso, inadvertently drove a man
to suicide after trying it on him.
The lasso reduced both Captain Nazi and Ares, god of war, to tearful surrender by revealing
to them the truth of their violent actions.
Damn.
Captain Nazi.
You remember him?
Yeah, quite quite the hero.
Recently the lasso has been shown to actually transport Diana's mind into the mind of whoever
is tied within it.
What?
Yeah.
It's a weird overly complicated bullshit.
Yes.
When the villain Genocide gained control of the lasso and had it implanted into her body,
she used its powers to directly attack her victim's souls and was able to bring even
more powerful strong-willed opponents like Green Lantern John Stewart low with ease,
demonstrating the lasso's frightening potential as a weapon in the wrong hands.
With Wonder Woman's strength and speed, the lasso can be used as both an offensive and
defensive weapon.
And then we have the lasso of truth within the New 52 and DC Rebirth, which is god, I
will never let them let this shit down because it was horrible.
So the lasso in the New 52, also called the Golden Perfect, is a long-cherished divine
relic of the Amazons, handed down by the patron gods to their chosen people's champion as
a symbol of trust.
When Steve Trevor first came to Themyscira, Diana had earned the Perfect after winning
the championship game to decide who would return him and his fallen brethren to man's
world.
The lasso also requires the purest of hearts in order to wield it, meaning between the
two users, the Perfect lasso chooses the wielder it has judged most worthy.
So basically, there comes wielder.
That's why I said the New 52 is fucking stupid.
Over the following years, Diana and various others would discover some of its unique powers
and properties, such as tethering hearts and minds together in various individuals could
become better understanding of one another, creating a telepathic rapport between them
and everyone holding onto it, and enabling language translation and memory and emotional
sharing.
The lasso also boasts a powerful binding and sealing ability, seeming to pulsate with an
innate energy that can entrap and tame the souls of gods and demigods alike.
It can also be used as a lifeline in order to seek out those who are lost to the user,
but this requires an emotional connection to someone for this to actually work.
It also forces those entrapped with the Perfect to face their own falsehoods.
Those who have been altered in a metaphysical manner are forced to undergo a biophysical
reset when ensnared by the Lariat, making the enhanced revert back to their base self.
This can relieve an individual from the effects of toxins or poisons as well as seize the
effects of mind control.
So that's got a bunch more abilities from the New 52.
And also ruins Felix Faust's suppose.
He's like he's taking on the entire justly and she rolls up like is that the fucking
belt he just fucking gives up that that fucking whip God dang it I'm done I'm done.
The next one I have on the list is the cosmic treadmill.
The cosmic treadmill.
You lose you've heard of that too.
I've heard of it but I don't remember anything about it.
Oh really?
The lead designer of it was Barry Allen.
Place of creation was Central City.
The place of destruction was the Nexus in the Arrowverse only not within the actual
comic books.
Previous owners are Barry Allen, Flash Museum and Eobard Thawne.
It first appeared in December of 1961 in the Flash number 125.
Be something they would make back then.
Yeah.
It's a treadmill right but it's like it's like go backwards in time.
Yeah forwards in time.
Just fucking smoke and we and I'm like I'm like the faster you go the faster through
time you go and then like you can start going through different dimensions and it just passes
out.
All right so it was powered by cosmic rays and was coordinated with radioactive pulses
from a cosmic ray clock.
It released positive radiation when moving forwards and then it's used into the future
and negative radiation when moving backwards and then it's used into the past.
This will give you fucking cancer.
Yes it does.
Jesus radiation back and forth.
Near the end of its construction Barry only had one bug to fix.
The positive radiation which sent him into the future caused an electromagnetic reaction
in his body charging him with positive ions and making him a living magnet.
And gave him a tumor too.
All the radiation.
Like a ball of food like a fucking fist right in his gut.
Barry used the cosmic treadmill in many of his exploits.
He needed only to program what year he wanted to go to and jump on.
He had to keep an intent he had to keep an internal vibration while in the new time period.
As soon as he wanted to return to the 20th century he just released the internal vibration
as he went home.
I don't know why I thought about this like that vibration stuff.
Just imagine him in bed.
Like you ready girl?
He just started like.
Didn't they make fun of that in the flash TV show?
I don't know.
He was getting excited and he started vibrating.
I don't know but that's some freaky shit.
Imagine he's a freak.
Faces third.
Like oh baby I'm sorry.
He used to travel to the 21st century.
25th finger game must be immaculate though.
No girl is ever unhappy.
No butthole ever unfi.
It brings both fingers out.
He used it to travel to the 25th century and to save the future from an atomic clock that
had been sent there in a time capsule and was going to turn into an atomic bomb.
On his trip he had his first encounter with Professor Zune.
Before the crisis of infinite earths he could also be used to travel to other universes.
After Barry's disappearance during the crisis Jay Garrick and Wally West along with the Earth
One and Earth Two Superman used the treadmill to travel to Earth Two only to find a black
void.
Wally noted that it was destroyed beyond repair after the trip.
However that must not have been the case since it appeared in later stories.
Guess he was wrong.
The cosmic treadmill eventually became into the possession of the Flash Museum.
It was an instrumental in Wally West's defeat of Professor Zune in the museum.
Wally threatened to use it to visit Zune as a young man in the future and torment him
or just kill him in a scribe.
That's kind of fucked up.
How funny that would be like the darkest like some superman just gets that right.
Like all you see in the panel is like it's a dark fucking baby room right.
And like there's nothing in the first panel.
Then like the next panel is Zune in the shadows of the room right.
The next panel is you see him walking up to the crib.
The next panel is the baby in the crib.
The next panel is Zune right.
Then the next panel is him fucking punching in the crib.
You never see him punch the baby.
You just hear like baa baa baa.
How fucked up.
That is fucked up.
And this is Wally threatening him.
Well damn that's the fuck.
That's why something more fucked up.
Yeah that's why something more fucked up.
I mean Barry I checked you off at high speed when you were moving your first gun and I
killed you in your crib.
Oh man.
Wally sent the controls to Zune's era.
Began to run and jumped off so fast that Zune couldn't see him.
Thinking that Wally had really gone into the future Zune chased him.
They have super like like they have hyper awareness right because of their super speed.
He didn't see him jump off.
They can't see me jump to the he just jumped out of the side.
So that motherfucker's gone.
God dang Harry and the baby.
I better follow after him.
Zune chased after him only to be sent to his home century defeated.
After ginning they put the calculations perfectly for him to end up being right in jail.
Like just pass like pass go don't get $200 straight to jail.
Fuck.
After Ginny Ognatz excess of the legion of superheroes had been stranded in the 20th
century she was trying to find a way to return to her friends.
It just so happened that another time traveler John Fox flash of the 27th century was also
in town at the time.
He using technology from his own suit reconfigured the treadmill so that Ginny would not have
to keep internal vibrations to remain in the 30th century.
The treadmill eventually wound up in an antique shop in the 25th century.
With the fucking illustrious ending it was such a powerful device.
It looks like a treadmill.
It's an old guy's fucking attic.
There it was stolen by Yobar Thong who used it to travel back to the 20th century and
pose as Barry Allen.
He just torches Korea by being the worst flash ever.
That would suck so bad.
Next item that we have from the DC universe is the bracelets of submission.
Ah, so that I can get behind?
Wonder Woman's next item.
It's exactly.
They only work on Felix Vowles for stuff.
It's like son of a bitch.
Everything she's got.
It's not even her villain and everything that she's got works against her.
Why do you keep fucking with me?
So the current owner obviously is Wonder Woman and the Amazon.
By the way I didn't know it was actually Wonder Woman.
Yeah the bracelets of submission.
Wow.
I'm fucking hit that one on the nail or hit the nail on the head on that one.
First appeared in 1942 in January.
It was 1942.
I wonder who wrote it.
All Star Comics number 8.
Oh lord.
That man was like hurry.
The bracelet.
By the way I like the fact that you can like someone can portray their freak in such an
innocuous way.
Yes.
Like you can just put it right under the sensors.
That man was deep into bondage.
He could somehow put it into a kid's fucking comic book.
Or she loses her powers when she's in bondage.
Yeah but like somehow like it's just enough that it's not like censored.
Because you're not really paying that much attention.
It's like okay.
She always ends up bound up.
Yeah always ends up bound up.
Always somehow escapes or someone frees her.
Uh huh.
That she beats the villain.
Yeah.
Weird.
Because you wouldn't think about that as a kid.
But man it's like your dad walks in on what you're reading and he's like what the fuck
is this?
I need to see more of these.
Alright so the bracelets of submission are given to every Amazon at the age of 15.
At which time.
Damn at least wait until they're 18 you fucking freak.
At which time they pledge themselves to the service of Aphrodite.
One night with Aphrodite.
Yes.
At the age of 15.
Oh fuck.
Used primarily for defense.
They were also used in the trial game known as bullets and bracelets.
Bullets and bracelets.
In which in Amazon would deflect bullets using their bracelets.
Her silver bracelet?
Is that what they are?
Oh I.
They're called bracelets of submission.
Oh.
Good lord.
The bracelets had one serious disadvantage however.
As they were not bulletproof.
As they would remove the wearer's strength if any man willing chains on them.
Oh of course.
That's why they're called submission chains.
Oh lord.
On New Earth though.
Let's just imagine him sitting in his fucking office just smoking a cigar right.
Uh bracelets of submission.
Fucking writing a full fucking 22 page story.
Half an hour.
Fucking rock fucking hard.
Like any week fucking go.
You know how many different stories are probably on rule 34 about that.
They don't need rule 34.
That motherfucker did it himself within the actual continuity.
All right.
On New Earth though.
Despite having an increased durability.
Durability that allows them to withstand blunt force.
The Amazons are still vulnerable against smaller projectiles.
They use uh.
They're like Captain America.
Kind of yeah.
Like he was like he could take a beating.
But he still got shot.
He still got hurt.
Right.
Uh basically they wear the bracelets to deflect arrows and bullets.
That's their whole point.
It's good.
It's awesome yeah.
Wonder Woman has a special pair created by Hephaestus from the remains of Zeus's igus.
The shield that had been destroyed in battle against Cronus and Hera secreted the remains.
The silver bracelets with red stars were meant for the champion of the Amazons.
Which Diana became after winning the contest by bullets and bracelets.
Basically they're blindfolded and yeah they got uh they got black bullets yes.
On Prime Earth the bracelets are worn by all Amazons of Themyscira and are used for protection
in combat.
Created from the metal of Athena's Olympian Aegis shield.
They also double as potent restraining bolts and limited Amazons true power.
Enabling a massive strength boost whenever they are relinquished.
Diana had her own pair of bracelets modified by the blacksmith's god Hephaestus.
While these modifications she can still use any number of weapons created in his forger
wheel.
So it basically allows her to draw her sword.
However they weaken them that doesn't make any sense.
That's like the worst fucking trade-off.
Yeah.
Maybe like if I had boots that made me like super speed but they made me blind.
If you ever played Merrowind you know exactly what I mean.
Yeah.
You know these boots called boots of blinding speed?
But they made you blind.
Yeah.
And what's really weird in Prime Earth Wonder Woman's bracelets were forged from 8th metal.
Now there's an Nth metal.
Oh yeah.
Like the whole metals series.
That were like Nth.
Nth metal?
Yeah.
I hate that word.
Nth.
Nth metal.
So in Prime Earth it was like part after the new 52 it's just it's gotten weird.
So the weird part is the fucking feather they get weaker when they put them on.
Just like the trade-off is way like yeah I can block bullets but I can't lift a fucking
feather.
Yeah.
It is a weird trade-off.
But I guess like if they were in an actual fight and they knocked them off they'd get
a huge boot.
Like it just knocks someone's head off.
Yeah.
Fucking boom.
Just turn around and just a gun punch.
It's like their whole stomach is just knocked out of their body.
Yeah.
Spine just angling.
God.
Alright next one we have is the Mobius Chair.
The Mobius Chair number one now?
Two.
Number two?
Number two.
So Batman used that how many jokers are there?
Yes.
There's 273.
Yep.
It first appeared in New Gods number one in 1971.
Previous owners are Wally West, Thomas Wayne Jr., Bruce Wayne, Metatron, and Mobius.
Wally West?
Mm-hmm.
So on a new god artifact.
It was.
Okay.
It was.
Basically on New Earth, obsessed with his quest for knowledge, Metatron dedicated his
life to the creation of a device that could traverse time and space.
He called the device the Mobius Chair and empowered he needed element X, the same element
he used to create the boom tubes.
However, knowledge came with a cost and to get enough element X for the Mobius Chair,
he had to make a bargain with Darkseid, giving Apocalypse the technology of the boom tube.
Logically, Darkseid used the technology to make war with New Genesis.
Surprise.
Metatron used the chair.
Alright, here's the deal.
I'll give you this right for that.
You cannot invade us.
He's like, bad deal.
Like the next day, surprise.
Surprise, motherfucker.
You fucking promised me.
It's like at the store, you're not getting cash back, are you?
Of course not.
Oh, you liar.
You passed 40 back.
For like 200 back, I'm like, God dang.
So Metron used the chair to travel through time, space, and other dimensions at will.
Mobius Chair was equipped with the tractor beams powerful enough to pull a planet from
a Torbidon.
Jesus.
So it's a very powerful.
It just throws the fucking moon into the sun.
On Prime Earth, the chair was created by Mobius, also known as the Anti-Monitor, to assist
in his quest for knowledge.
He later gave it to Metron, but it was taken from him by Batman.
So I'm gonna take this chair, by the way.
How the fuck you take a whole fucking chair?
Did you see Batman walk out with it over his shoulder like I'm leaving with this?
Fuck you.
After the events of the Dark Side War, Alman took control of it for a short time, making
Grid with him inside of the chair.
However, when Alman, Grid, Metron, and the Mobius Chair arrived on the moon, they met
a mysterious force that killed them all, leaving the Mobius Chair vacant.
Yeah, it was lack of oxygen.
The chair reappeared during Wally West's travels across the multiverse.
It helped Wally understand how the events of Flashpoint ended up unmooring him and his
kids from reality.
Yeah, but it fucked up the entire continuity of reality.
Yes.
After spending one night with his kids, Wally willingly sat on the chair, allowing himself
to take possession of the knowledge it held.
After seeing his kids safely return, Wally realized that the chair was actually touched
by the mysterious force granting it its power.
So.
Some of the capabilities.
Wait, does it have a sentence?
Yes, someway, yeah.
So, capabilities.
The Mobius Chair is Metron's technological masterpiece and allows him to cross time,
space, and enter into dimensional barriers.
Its only known power source is Element X. Some of its functions resemble a mother box,
such as a two double A.
Oh, fuck it, really.
That would be so fucked up.
We got 9-Ball in the bag.
So it allows nigh omniscience.
The Mobius Chair gives its user near omniscience, sight, and understanding of the universe.
It contains all knowledge of the new gods, maps and history of all locations visited
by Metron.
It also later imbued the power with the Doctor of Manhattan.
This added Manhattan's atemporal vision to the chair.
Cutting along with his fucking blue dick swinging back and forth.
And ability to see the past, present, and future simultaneously.
Shit, that would be fucking jarring.
Especially for our type of limited perception.
Yes.
Having to see everything at once.
Like shit myself.
And then you'd not shit yourself.
And then you'd deal with the aftermath of shitting yourself.
All at once.
Like all at the same time.
I gave it the absolute incomprehensible reality of all of existence.
I shit myself and I've just finished shitting myself.
And you haven't yet?
It's a shame of shitting myself.
All at the same fucking time.
All points in time.
And also 40 years later when they made the like, what happened to you shit yourself?
All at once.
Demobius's chair main capability is to travel and teleport through space, time, and other
dimensions in a matter of mere seconds.
It can also fly.
Or hover on.
That would be the point.
Just fucking as it can teleport everywhere.
That would be the least of its abilities.
Due to Dr. Manhattan imbuing his anti-crisis energy into the chair, Wally West was able
to draw upon it this energy to also project energy.
Like as an energy projection.
The Mobius chair enables its user to survive the rigors of space and other environments.
Because otherwise it would be fucked up.
It can also has a powerful force field to protect itself from any attacks and can also
be used to contain enemies.
Even metahumans with the power to phase cannot cross this field.
So Wally West couldn't phase into it.
It can create holograms like it bumps into it and high speed and just fucking disintegrates.
Yeah.
Shit.
It can create holograms to distract his enemies or display information.
The Mobius chair chooses who is worthy and capable of using it.
If the person isn't worthy, its power will overwhelm and outright kill the individual
trying to use it.
And just like a whole bunch of spikes just come out of the bottom and rush straight up
in your ass?
Yeah.
Like oh shit.
The chair requested Tempus Fuganat to bring Wally West to be its host, determining him
to be worthy of wielding this power.
And the last artifact that we have is the Spear of Destiny.
Okay.
So it is a unique bottle.
That's like it's classified as unique.
Bottle.
Model.
Oh model.
A unique bottle.
A random bottle.
It is the only version of the Spear of Destiny.
So there's not a different one within any of the Earths.
There is one Spear of Destiny.
Just one universe?
Like it can be found within any of the universes, but there is one.
That's wild.
Like any others don't have its power to it.
It's reported to be the spear that pierced Christ's side on the cross.
The spear holds supernatural powers, which allows the possessor to control the minds
of superpowered beings.
Current owner is the Justice League.
So how we were wondering about that when we talked about Spectre.
Oh yeah, who had the Justice League is the one that has it.
Previous owners, the Signals of Magic, Gaius Cassius, Dragon King, Superman, Vandal Savage,
and the one and only Adolf Hitler.
So that's why the Spectre didn't fight during World War II.
First appearance was in 1977 in Weird War Tales number 50.
What a fucking great choice for a title.
Weird War Tale.
Yeah, Jesus.
So yeah, that's the Spear of Destiny.
Has many abilities.
One of them is to ruin Felix Fowl's spells.
But this too, huh?
It's like this too shall pass.
Like everything just fucks with his spells.
The Braceless, the Surrender, the fucking Mobius Chair.
Yeah.
So let's see here.
In World War II, the spear had many different owners throughout the years.
The spear's most pivotal role came in World War II as it fell into the hands of Adolf
Hitler.
The control of the spear by the Third Reich prevented American superheroes, particularly
those magic-based origins or powers, from intervening in the war, creating a sphere
of influence that would affect both heroes to fall, that would affect such heroes to
fall under Hitler's sway whenever they came into it.
That's dangerous.
Yeah.
The spear was used towards the end of the war by the cornered Captain Nazi who attacked
the specter with it, nearly killing him and precipitating the end of the war.
However, before his loss, Hitler used a magical ritual to taint the weapon, corrupting any
who wielded it with his greed and power lust.
So in the modern era, after the war, the spear came into the hands of the Allies and was
placed in storage in the United States.
It would emerge years later during a time when the specter was considered out of control,
having destroyed the entire nation of Vlata...
Vlatava.
...President Bill Clinton ordered the spear retrieved and asked Superman to confront the
specter with it.
Give me that spear.
I did not have sexual relations with that spear.
I did fuck her butt.
As it was widely accepted that the spear was perhaps the only weapon on Earth that could
actually harm him, Superman ticked the spear and headed for Japan, where the specter was
grappling with a water elemental sent on a rampage by night.
Please fuck it.
He was fighting Godzilla.
The specter just don't worth fighting Godzilla.
He was fighting Godzilla.
Let's see here.
The spear was also capable of injuring or slaying the elemental itself.
Unfortunately, it was not realized until after Superman was in the air how deep the taint
of the spear was.
Superman beheld the vision where he used the spear to take over the world, slaying all
of his allies and close friends before being confronted at last by Batman.
Superman was able to deny the vision and reject the spear.
The specter bound the spear inside of a rocky boulder with the ashes of Vlatova and casted
into Earth's orbit.
Geez, I'm just fucking floating out there.
Yeah, pretty much.
During the Day of Judgment, the rogue angel Asmoletl seized control of the vacant specter
force.
How badass would it have been if they had continued that storyline of Superman being
tainted by the spear?
Yeah, well they kind of did.
There's just like one panel where he's like on top of like maybe like he's outside of
a hollowed out White House sitting in the Oval Office.
The spear's on the table.
He's just like leaning back in the chair.
Like he didn't like shadow over his eyes, but his eyes are blood red.
Yeah.
The lasers.
Damn.
Where he basically becomes that one movie with a kid that has Superman's powers, Bright
Bird.
Yeah.
Basically the same thing.
Let's see.
During the Day of Judgment, the rogue angel Asmoletl seized control of the vacant specter
force and literally froze over hell.
Earth's heroes split.
Real cold today, huh?
Earth's heroes split into three groups.
One led by Superman went into hell to reignite the fires.
A second led by Wonder Woman attempted to retrieve Jim Corrigan from heaven and re-bond
him to the specter.
Imagine being on like the fucking A-Team.
Like can I go to heaven?
I gotta go to hell.
You know what I mean?
Like can we draw straws?
Imagine Superman just flying into hell.
You know by himself he'd be fine.
I gotta go.
I don't need to go with him.
I got a couple questions here.
Do I have to go to hell?
Yeah.
And the third led by Captain Marvel ventured into space to retrieve the spear.
Captain Marvel was able to withstand the taint long enough to deal a crippling blow to the
specter, weakening him long enough for Hal Jordan, who was retrieved from purgatory instead
of Corrigan, to become the new host for the specter.
Once joined, this new specter cast the spear back into space.
On another occasion, Felix Faust, he's like, guess who's back?
Wonder Woman gets her last.
You can't keep a good man down.
Felix Faust and Cersei both attempted to gain control of the spear and simultaneous yet separate
plots they both tried to get at the same time.
Taking advantage of circumstances to seize it with their magics.
That is a good story.
No one ever sees like two villains having like similar plots and they come to conflict
with each other.
So like they're not really like, they're not working together.
So they kind of foil each other's plans without the heroes knowing.
So they kind of save the world themselves.
And fuck it with each other.
We need to see a comic like that though.
I'm sure they've been done.
Gotta get Marble and DC to call me.
Let's see.
Only to be thwarted by the Justice League and the Justice League elite respectively.
Recently the spear fell into the hands of the Dragon King.
However, the spear is now thought to be lost thanks to intervention by Wildcat and the
Flash Jayaruk.
So according to like with their input, it's lost to randomness.
Since I'm some old man's addict.
Get the fuck off of my damn lawn.
Final Crisis.
During the event of Final Crisis, Renee Montoya on the question.
It's my girl right there.
Continue to call.
They can swap brands for me.
I'll be Renee Montoya.
The alternate version.
That's the guy.
Continue to her personal.
Oh, I did like Rosie Perez as Renee Montoya.
But then again, I also had a crush on Rosie Perez.
Cause in the Harley Quinn spinoff with the Birds of Prey, she was Renee Montoya in the
movie.
But the movie in general was horrible.
So nobody really watched it.
I watched it.
Of course.
We know why you watched it.
Let's see.
She was basically continuing her personal vendetta to hunt down the memories of the
religion of crime.
Who had sworn to kill her for denying her role as their leader after accidentally killing
their original leader?
The members.
Who's their chosen disciple?
Al Capone?
I don't understand.
What is it called?
The culture of crime?
Or what is it?
The culture of crime?
The religion of crime.
Religion of crime.
Wow.
Bambas number one enemy.
Crime.
It's like their god.
Antichrist to them is fucking Bambi.
Holy shit.
I'm so sorry.
Worshiping a religion.
That is so wild.
The religion of crime.
Yes.
The members were looking for the mythical rock which Cain used to kill Abel.
Renee tried to fight off the members, although they actually did find the rock.
Shortly afterwards, Crispus Allen showed up as the specter.
Some random disciple brings the rock.
It's Cain's rock.
You know, he put his name on it.
It's a mark, a sharpie of Cain.
But he spelled it wrong so it's C-A-N-E.
What?
What does he think?
Yeah.
I swear this is Cain's rock.
Look, he wrote his name on it.
But Crispus Allen showed up as the specter and informed her that it is her time to be
judged.
There was also a...
They were also in possession of the spear, using it as a rock in a ceremony on Vandal
Savage.
A rock?
That was the rock that Cain had used?
Oh, but they said using the spear as a rock or also as a rock.
Using it and the rock.
Ah, okay, okay.
Sorry if I misspoke.
Nah, you got it here, right?
Cain was then reborn in Savage's flesh.
He then led an army of followers to Gotham.
Baby likes a little bitch.
Before he managed to best the specter and plunge the weapon through him.
This separated the specter itself from the spirit and its host, rendering it a slave to
Cain.
Cain attempted to corrupt the Radiant.
I'm also a slave to Cain.
The Rays and Gains.
Cain attempted to corrupt the Radiant, God's spirit of mercy, tempting her by offering
the deaths of the killers of her human host.
When the Radiant refused, he had the specter utter the anti-life equation, unmaking creation
itself and rebuilding it in the name of Darkseid.
Say 2 plus 2 is 5.
It's just disintegrating reality.
Or if you're...
God, Terrence...
What the fuck is his last name?
The fucking crazy guy.
The black guy that played Iron Man.
The character in Iron Man.
Terrence Howard again?
Yes, yes, yes.
If it was him, it's 1 times 1 is 2.
One times one is two.
You didn't believe mine, huh?
However, the question and Huntress managed to reclaim the spear, though they incurred
serious injuries during doing it.
The Radiant healed Huntress, but cannot heal the question until the relic is purified of
its taint.
That wouldn't be like, oh, you heal her, but I'm all fucked up and you don't get to shit
for me, huh?
Pretty much.
I gotta be the question, please, give me a chance.
Something that can only be accomplished by using it to heal a soul rather than destroying
it.
The question did this by using the spear to resurrect Jake Allen, the son of the specter's
human host.
This brought hope and peace to the spirit of Crispus Allen, who managed to reclaim control
of the specter force.
He then used the spear's power to change the world to what it once was, dealing absolute
judgment upon Kane and his followers, except for the killers of Sister Clarence, the Radiant's
human host, so she could forgive them before they died.
That's the last that we've seen of the spear.
Yeah.
Probably the question's pocket, for all we know.
But maybe.
This isn't his trench coat.
But if you notice, the spear of destiny always has a connection with the specter.
So that's a way that it's now an evil artifact as opposed to being a good item.
Well, at this point, it is back to a normal good artifact.
Okay.
Like, at least at this point, I'm sure somebody's gonna rewrite it to where it changes.
For the moment, it's a good force.
As Satan licked the spear and became evil again.
See, what I got, though, from reading and researching that is that the specter can utterly
fucking anti-life equation.
What Darkseid has been looking for for God knows how long.
I just imagine Darkseid, like, in his room one day, like, late at night, it's like four
in the morning, right?
Yeah.
Like, the candles are low because he's been, you know, burning candles at both ends, that
whole little saying.
Yeah.
And he just fucking just, the desk is full of fucking paper, just fucking pushing it.
Like, ah, fucking.
Like, my life has no meaning.
One of those, like, despairing days where you're like, you try to get an idea to work
and it never works.
Yeah.
Do you fucking flip your desk over?
I've had plenty of those where you want to.
So I start flipping tables like, Jesus.
All right.
His wife comes in, his wife, just some random Ashley.
It's like a random white girl.
Ashley.
It's like, baby, are you okay?
No, I'm not okay.
Come back to bed, honey.
I know, I gotta find the anti-life equation.
You don't understand.
Oh, fuck.
All right.
And it's about your father again.
Don't you bring up my father.
Did he kill his father?
Oh, fuck it, no.
I'm pretty sure he did.
You know, I killed that man.
And he killed his brother.
I'm sure it was justified.
They're all evil.
Darkside's a good man.
He's a good man on hard.
Vote Darkside 2024.
All right.
Basically, for today in our character spotlight, we have a little bit of a
mystery, so the first one is the Phantom Stranger.
Basically, for today in our character spotlight, we have the Phantom Stranger.
So publication history for him, the Phantom Stranger first appeared in Eponymous.
He appeared in a prom.
He appeared in a porn first.
The Phantom Stranger.
No stranger than the Phantom.
In 1956, issued comic anthology published in 1952.
It was created by John Broom and Carmine.
John Broom sounds like a character name.
I know.
And Carmine Infantino.
That's a funny character.
After an appearance in Showcase number 80 in February 1969, he receives another series
beginning May through June of 1969 that lasted until February through March of 1976.
The Showcase appearance and his first three issues of Phantom Stranger consisted of reprints
from both the 1950s title and Dr. 13 Ghostbreaker feature from the last nine issues of the Star
Spangled Comics in the same time.
Then it must have been like a fucking whole thing where you get a comic book.
Yeah.
Because you couldn't just go out there and just grab a back issue.
No.
Which is like, because him appearing in 1969 and then again in 1976, that's a good time
frame.
It's like if you're like, so that one story you really liked and then you lost the comic
book and you can't find it anywhere.
One day you go into the fucking bin and like, oh shit.
He's back?
It's like, oh, the reprints and I've been looking for this story and I lost them.
Yeah.
These had Dr. 13 certain that the Phantom Stranger was an imposter determined to expose
him.
Beginning with issue number four, November through December of 1969, the series began
featuring all new material with stories produced by Robert Kanagay, Lynn Wayne, Jim Apparo,
Neil Adams, Tony Dzeniga.
You got to be careful about that.
And others.
In these stories, while the Strangers past remained a mystery, the writers added a semi-regular
cast of characters with him.
A demonic sorcerer named Tala would become his arch enemy.
An alchemist slash sorcerer named Tanarac was first an enemy and would later assist
him against the Dark Circle.
And a blind psychic named Cassandra Craft would assist him.
The stories hinted at a romantic retraction between the Stranger and Craft, but he eventually
left her, deciding she could not be a part of his life, convincing her that he had been
killed in their final battle against the Dark Circle.
I can't handle this strange.
I gotta go.
That's all the porn he has.
He just leaves her.
Just leaves?
With his hat, a trench coat, butt ass naked underneath.
She eventually learned differently and turned up occasionally.
Dr. Thirteen dropped along with reprints, was given a backup series, here as of number
12, 1971, was morphed into The Spawn of Frankenstein in number 23, 1973.
The second volume originally ended and was a 40 issue, with the 41st issue in November
of 1975, cover dated March 1976.
In January 2010, a 40 second issue was added to the second series during the Blackest Night
event, effectively a one shot.
The Blackest Night.
So there wasn't anything printed.
What did you see between them and...
75 and 2010.
God dang.
Yeah.
A backup series in the Saga of the Swamp Thing, number 1 through 13, featured the Phantom
Stranger.
Most of these were short stories written by Mike Barr.
One was written by Paul Levitz.
There were mostly morality tales in the style of the Phantom Stranger, number 2, without
connections to the character's Bronze Age continuity with Batman or the Justice League.
One two part story explicitly connected with the continuity of volume 2, continued in the
story of Tanarac.
After the backup series ended with number 13, the Stranger appeared in the main story
of Saga of the Swamp Thing, number 14.
After Saga of the Swamp Thing became Swamp Thing, volume 2, written by Alan Moore, the
Stranger became an occasionally reoccurring character, as Swamp Thing became more involved
with the afterlife and the mystical world.
Volume 3 series for him, the Stranger also starred in a mini-series in 1987.
The series portrayed him as an agent of the Lords of Order.
They temporarily stripped the Stranger of his powers due to his desire to continue to
battle against the Lords of Chaos.
This went against the wishes of the Lords of Order, who had believed a victory by the
darkness over light was necessary and preordained.
This series featured Eclipso as the agent of Chaos.
Action Weekly.
So during the period of 1988-89 when Action Comics became the anthology Action Comics
Weekly, one rotating strip featured the Phantom Stranger.
It explicitly continued the continuity of the Phantom Stranger from volume 2 to the
70s.
The story of volume 2 in the Action Weekly strip was resolved in Neil Gaiman's proposed
story concluding the whole of Action Comics.
This was published years later.
Neil Gaiman was active that long ago?
I don't know.
Fuck.
In the late 80s.
Jesus.
This was published years later as a non-canonical and Green Lantern Superman Legend of the Green
Flame.
In this story, the Stranger claims that he belongs to no group, including the servants
of the Lords of Order.
The Lords of Order threaten to strip him of his powers and he leaves, claiming that he
shall continue to wander.
We have volume 4.
These boots were made for walking.
That's what I'm about to do.
And he just fucking walks out and these boots will walk all over you, bitch.
In volume 4, the Phantom Stranger received a new ongoing series in September 2012 written
by Dan Didio.
So Dan Didio.
Dan Didio.
Fucked up all of them.
Dan Didio.
And drawn by Brent Anderson.
The series was retitled as Trinity of Sin, the Phantom Stranger, as an issue number 9
and canceled as of number 22.
And this happened from August of 2013 to October of 2014.
As a member of the Justice League membership, the Phantom Stranger is better known for his
role as a supernatural assistant to other heroes such as the Justice League.
His status was either a full reserve or honorary member of the Justice League is debatable
though.
As a vote of the majority of the team in the Justice League of America number 103, they
offered him membership with Superman declaring that the Stranger, a member without qualification,
though he left before accepting.
This issue was part of an unofficial meta-fictional crossover with Marvel Comics, spanning titles
from both of the major comics companies.
Beginning in Marvel's Amazing Adventures number 16, the story continued in DC's Justice League
of America number 103.
It was concluded in Thor number 207.
Which is?
Yeah.
So it went between the two.
Each comic featured writers Steve Englehart, Gary Conway, and Lynn Wayne, as well as Wayne's
first wife, Glenys, interacting with Marvel or DC characters as the Ruthlyn Halloween
Parade in Ruthlund, Vermont.
The Phantom Stranger has at least twice asserted his membership status when other leaguers
challenged his input.
During the vote on the League's readmission of Wonder Woman, and during the crossover
with the Avengers, he pulls out a laminated pass.
See that?
See bitch, I am.
JLA right there.
Pulls it out like Sheldon Cooper.
He's working and pulls it over his feet, pulls it over his neck, there you go.
In contrast, many in-story accounts of League membership fail to include the Stranger.
When Zatanna was admitted as a member, Superman and Hawkman clarified that the 12-member limit
of the Justice League's charter had been rewritten previously to admit Heart Girl as the 13th.
Writer Lynn Wayne commented on the Phantom Stranger's relationship with the JLA in a
2012 interview, stating that the character only sort of joined.
He was offered membership but vanished, as per usual, without actually accepting the
offer.
Over the years, other writers have just assumed he was a member, but in my world, he never
really was.
Damn.
Fuck.
So, in-story lore for him as the origin.
Unusual for comic book characters of such longevity, nothing in the way of personal
data about the Phantom Stranger, like his real name, his true nature, or his origins,
have ever been revealed.
In 1987, DC produced a special issue in Secret Origins that postulated four possible origins
for him.
Number one, in a variation of the Wandering Jew story, he has a man named Isaac with a
wife Rebecca and a young son in Bethlehem during the time of Jesus' childhood.
When King Herod heard that there was a child born that would become the king of the Jews,
he ordered the massacre of the innocents to kill the Christ child.
Among the people killed were Isaac's wife and son.
Damn.
Blind with anger, he spent the next thirty years raging against Jesus.
During the Passion of Jesus, Isaac bribes a guard to let him take place and participate
in the flagation of Christ.
Jesus condemns Isaac to,
Terry in this world until I come again.
Centuries after the crucification, Isaac repents.
He has spent his life helping mankind ever since, evidently finding the task so agreeably
fulfilling that to the present day, he politely declines an offer from God to release him
from his penance.
Every year he's like, we good yet, Jesus?
Are we good or not?
Are we good yet?
But he likes doing his job.
What about now?
Are we good?
But for real though, are we good or not?
I'm exhausted.
I'm tired of walking.
I'm tired boss, I'm tired.
The number two background that he had.
The stranger was a man in biblical times who was spared God's wrath by an angel.
Questioning God's actions, he commits suicide.
The angel forbids his spirit from entering the afterlife, reanimates his body and condemns
him to walk the world forever as part of humanity, but also forever separated from it.
The angel also erases all of the man's memories from his past life.
He then discovers his divine charge to turn humanity away from evil, once all at a time.
Some versions of this story imply that the angel was the incarnation of the specter in
that time period.
So basically the specter is the one that condemned him.
So they're all, well, they give me like the Joker type of origin where I can complete
like hundreds of different stories.
The number three possibility.
The phantom stranger is being caught in a time loop.
Near the end of the universe, the phantom stranger approaches a group of scientists
who are trying to transfer energy from the Big Bang to extend the life of the universe.
The phantom stranger realizes that one of the scientists is a reality of avatar, in
reality an avatar of the anti-life and that their efforts will prevent the universe from
ever existing.
The story concludes with phantom stranger passing a portion of himself to a scientist
who dives through the portal to the Big Bang, intercepts the beam that would have drained
the Big Bang and becomes the phantom stranger completing the cycle.
Which is a weird.
It's a weird one so far.
And the fourth origin that came up in the story.
I'm as Ted Danson.
He was the actor.
The phantom stranger was a fallen angel who sided with neither heaven or hell during Lucifer's
rebellion and thus condemned to walk the earth.
Nah, he's on both sides now.
Over and over.
Yeah, they're both sides now.
In the comic book mini series, The Trenchcoat Brigade, John Constantine sees the fourth
origin story is essentially correct.
Vertigo Visions Phantom Stranger Number One by Alyssa Quintney and Guy Davis builds upon
Alan Moore's fallen angel story from secret origins and adds a story of a woman called
Nama who was condemned to hell for loving an angel.
This angel is strongly hinted to have been the phantom stranger.
Another possible origin was hinted at in the kingdom come, sorry, the kingdom in which
it was implied that Jonathan Kent, the future son of Superman and Wonder Woman, might grow
up to be the phantom stranger.
Jesus.
Which is a weird.
They're storing all sorts of stuff at us.
Kind of, yeah.
They also tied some of his abilities into the hyper tine concept, giving him the innate
ability to enter alternate timelines and to exist in spaces between them.
The story ultimately revealed this to be a red herring.
The character in question has been deliberately drawn in shadows to suggest that he was the
stranger.
But whenever Wonder Woman finally saw his face, she said that she now realized that
it was not the stranger they knew.
You f- oh you f- ugly.
It was back in the day when you know COVID was going around.
They only had the mask on right?
Yeah.
And then you know when you started taking the mask off.
It's like ooh.
His appearances and titles featuring Dr. Faith reveal that the stranger was a servant of
the Lord of Order during the ninth age of magic at least.
This may be a later development unrelated to his actual origin though.
In Phantom Stranger numbers zero from 2012, the Phantom Stranger is Judas Iskarot.
He is judged by the Circle of Eternity who are implied to be proxies for a higher power.
The stranger is condemned to walk the earth forever as an agent of God.
He wears a necklace made of the 30 pieces of silver which he took as payment for betraying
Jesus.
So he's just walking with bling.
When the stranger facilitates the transformation of Jim Corrigan into the specter, one of the
coin falls from the necklace and crumbles bringing him one step closer to redemption.
Damn that helps years later.
He's got 29 to go.
And that's what I was talking about when we were talking about the specter how he fucked
up the specter's life basically.
That was one fucking coin?
Yeah.
One coin.
What the fuck's he gotta do?
Jesus Christ.
In his earliest appearances, the Phantom Stranger would prove supernatural events to be hoaxes
perpetrated by criminals.
He would directly confront the villains and display no supernatural abilities apart from
perhaps his uncanny ability to appear where and when he was needed and to disappear just
as mysteriously.
Wait, which version is this?
This is one of the original versions.
Like just a regular guy?
What he, like at least that's what he was portrayed as.
Would nobody have seen him coming or going?
In later stories, his supernatural events were real and the Phantom Stranger was given
unspecified supernatural powers of his own to defeat them.
For example, he was able to control a smoked base sedative with a gesture, claiming that
smoke itself is an ally.
Look at this ganja right here.
Look at that sticky icky.
He just sells weed on the side.
Chloroform smoke?
In his second comic book series, the Phantom Stranger became a truly supernatural hero.
The Phantom Stranger played a major part in Neil Gaiman's The Books of Magic, taking
protagonist Tim Hunter through time to show him the history and nature of magic.
He has assisted the Justice League on numerous occasions, even being formally elected to
the group, although he did not acknowledge his membership until Justice League number
143.
The Stranger also had his own limited series.
He needed dental work, so that's when he could...
He's a member all of a sudden, like he used to benefit.
He needed a little help.
One of the dentists off, he's like, I'm a JLA member, so all my dental work is free.
You know, Bruce pays for it.
I mean Batman.
I just dropped it randomly.
Bruce Wayne Batman?
Oh, never mind, mind wiped.
Instead of mind wiping, he burns his own place down.
And then you see you smoke better control.
The Stranger also had his own limited series where, lacking much of his power, he tries
to foil Eclipso's plan to cause a nuclear war.
During Kevin Smith's relaunch of the Green Arrow, he prevented Hal Jordan from uniting
with his resurrected body of Oliver Queen with his soul in heaven.
This earned him Jordan's wrath indeed.
The Spectre threatened to judge the Stranger to see whether God had punished him properly
for refusing him access to heaven itself.
What's the word?
Double jeopardy, you can't.
You think I'm going to be raised twice for the same crime?
Nonetheless, the Phantom Stranger assisted Hal Jordan during his tenure as the Spectre
on numerous occasions as well, most notably in a short stint babysitting Hal's niece,
Helen.
Well, another coin drops, finally.
What the heck, I can't hear a kid.
You don't understand how fucking brutal this kid was.
So fucking crayon marks all over his fucking jacket and shit.
Fucking vomit on his fucking shoes.
That's all in patterns.
Fucking silly putty in his fucking coat pocket like, God dang it.
This little bitch.
Fuck them kids.
I mean this lovely child.
This fucking kid gets coin back.
In 2005's Day of Vengeance, God I forgot that it was 2005.
The Phantom Stranger had been turned into a mouse by the Spectre.
Upon the Spectre's confrontation and battle with the Stranger, the Stranger states, you
can't kill me.
I doubt that the universe would allow it.
He was still able to advise Detective Chimp, however, who sheltered him in his hat while
he regained his powers.
Oh yeah, he was with him the whole fucking time.
I forgot about that.
He changed back using recovered energies in Day of Vengeance number 6 and aided the Shadow
Pact, allowing them to see the battle between the Spectre and Shazam.
And my boys, the Shadow Pact.
Yup.
I didn't buy the first issue, I lost it.
How did you?
Yeah, I had issue one of the Shadow Pact.
The series makes a point that the supernatural community generally regards the Phantom Stranger
as invincible.
The first reaction to some characters seeing that the Spectre's assault on magic is simply
to presume that the Stranger will take care of it.
Other stories have shown the Stranger to be nearly as powerful as the Spectre, which in
Day of Vengeance, kind of, but like he couldn't beat him, but and the Spectre couldn't kill
him, so.
Like a cool.
We're in an impasse, I see.
In Day of Vengeance, Infinite Christ Special number 1, the Phantom Stranger works with
Naboo, Dr. Occult, Zatanna, the Shadow Pact, and other mystics to reform the Rock of Eternity
and help defeat the Madden Spectre.
The Phantom Stranger's relationships with the other mystics heroes are usually a bit
tense.
The Stranger has no qualms gathering various forces to combat a certain evil, often invading
those people's personal lives.
However, he does not usually extend them the same courtesy.
The Phantom Stranger has resisted such people as Dr. Fate, although Dr. Fate is, in almost
any incarnation, an ally of the Stranger.
Despite this, he does get along well with Zatanna.
In Justice League of American number 6, he appeared by her side to help her remove the
influence of Faust.
His influence, though, on the Red Tornado and in the Justice series, he seems to have
a fatherly affection for her, calling her my dear.
Since he is ultimately an unpredictable force, others often meet the Phantom Stranger's
appearance with distrust.
Nonetheless, most heroes will follow him, seeing not only his immense power, but also
knowing that the Stranger is, in the end, a force for good.
He has generally shown two sides with humanity first in many supernatural based problems,
such as whenever he aided Superman in the confrontation with the magician Eryon, who
attempted to force Superman to retire in the belief that Superman and other alien heroes
would hold back the darkness that would make civilization, Eryon describing human history
and existence in a cycle that would allow humanity to develop to a certain point before
they collapsed and have to start again, for so long that it would destroy humanity whenever
it came.
Although the Stranger acknowledged that the future Eryon had foreseen, where Earth was
completely destroyed by the mysterious and powerful Kyber due to Superman delaying him
for so long that he only struck at his peak was possible, he also told Superman to keep
fighting to find another way, as the cost in souls and experience if Eryon succeeded
was too great.
A notable exception to the heroes who will work with the Stranger is Madame Xanadu, who
has refused to join the Stranger on a few occasions, although she is a member of the
Sentinels of Magic.
Eventually, it is revealed that Madame Xanadu's hatred for the Phantom Stranger stems from
his involvement in the events costing young Namu her powers and heritage and turning the
young Faye into the immortal yet powerless Clairvoyant.
The Stranger also holds a unique relationship with the Spectre, as the two forces often
come into conflict.
He was responsible for gathering a group of mystic heroes to combat the Spectre whenever
he lost his human host Jim Corrigan, seemingly losing control of the Spectre.
The Phantom Stranger participated in Jim Corrigan's funeral whenever Corrigan's soul finally
earned its rest and left the Spectre.
The Stranger subsequently became one of the forces that stood against the Spectre whenever
he went on the rampage without a human host until the soul of Hal Jordan bonded with him.
The Stranger occasionally took on an adversary role to the Spectre in Infinite Crisis number
6, aware that the Spectre has yet another new host, the Phantom Stranger gathered a
large group of magic wielders in an unsuccessful attempt to solicit the Spectre's assistance
in the crisis.
In the Madam Xanadu series, the first encounter between the then young and innocent Namu,
as Xanadu was known in the Arthurian age, the Phantom Stranger himself is told.
There, Namu acknowledges his unearthly nature, describing him as ageless and yet so uneasy,
claiming you're not human, nor are you of the ancient folk, nor Faye creature, nor demon.
Before Namu was able to grasp his nature, the Stranger goes away, claiming to be compelled
by council and yet forbidden to interfere in the course of history.
In the pages of Shadow Pack, the Phantom Stranger has adopted the role of narrator.
He is shown to be aware of the mystical happenings not only to Earth but across several dimensions.
Once again, he is shown to be unable to interfere, no matter how dire the danger is that he's
watching.
In Blackest Night, Black Hand refers to the Phantom Stranger as neither dead nor alive,
meaning he cannot be killed, resurrected, or raised as a Black Lantern.
The Stranger watches as a Black Lantern ring attaches itself to Crispus Allen's body,
turning him into a Black Lantern and sealing the specter with an M. In the tie-in, one-shot
revival of Phantom Stranger number 42, the Stranger, with the help of Blue Devil attempts
to fight the Black Lantern specter, befails.
The two then travel to Nanda Parbat, where the Stranger helps Deadman remove the black
ring from his body.
The Stranger has the body brought into Nanda Parbat and placed under guard, stating that
it is of singular importance.
In the New 52, Special Edition 1 as part of the New 52 reboot, the Phantom Stranger was
implied to be Judas Iskarot and part of the Trinity of Sin with Pandora and the Question.
Those are all allegations and lies?
While not named explicitly, the necklace he wears is presumed to be made of the thirty
pieces of silver he received from the betrayal of Jesus Christ.
His hair and eyes became totally white from the experience.
Phantom Stranger number 0 confirmed that Phantom Stranger was once known as Judas Iskarot,
the man who betrayed Jesus.
In his origin tale, he is about to hang himself whenever with a suicide attempt, stopped by
a mysterious group of individuals.
He is subsequently judged along with a Pandora of Pandora's Box fame and another man who
was turned into the Question.
He's Narcissus or whatever the fuck he was.
Thousands of years later, he is guided to help desperate former detective Jim Corrigan
find his kidnapped girlfriend.
He leads him to the abandoned warehouse where she has been kept, but this turns out to be
a trap.
Corrigan is killed by the kidnappers, then transformed into the Spectre and accuses the
Stranger of betraying him.
That one was fucking dumped in a barrel and with the men dumped in a fucking pool or some
shit.
We said it was a pool somewhere, just someone's pool.
A pond.
As the Spectre is about to attack the Stranger, a mysterious voice sends him off to inflict
his wrath on the more deserving.
As payment for what occurred with Corrigan, one coin drops off of his necklace that he
was cursed with.
Done and done.
And the Stranger realizes he has more encounters ahead of him before he is forgiven.
Yeah, like fucking a thousand of them it looks like.
If it takes that grand of a turning Jim Corrigan into the Spectre.
That's such a grand gesture for him to just fucking lose a coin.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Pandora meets the Phantom Stranger and tells him that she needs his help to find the person
who can open her box.
He refuses.
He's like, oh, that's a first line to a porno.
Open my box open.
He's like, all right, but I gotta tell you, they don't call me that stranger for no reason.
And you won't remember what happened.
Get these gas.
He doesn't tell the room just fucking lights up with like a disco ball comes out of the
fucking ceiling.
Colonel, when I went to my home, I go to him and I hello.
I don't know the words of the song, but you know what the song is about.
He refuses, reminding her of the last time her box was open.
You can win the sense of the world.
Girl you will freak.
I got time for that bad to see.
Yeah, you're throwing sense.
He's like, no girl, not again.
That's the box.
My day just barely grew up.
He'll itself.
I lost one point.
I don't mean it.
I'm releasing all that sin into the world.
Use those coins as a fucking angel beats.
To this, she responds that she only wants to save everyone from what she had unleashed.
John Constantine tries to calm the Phantom stranger to join the Justice League dark by
promising to return one of the silver coins bound to him through his punishment.
You give my coin back.
He'll make the coin come back.
It's fucked up.
You have to team new Johnson.
Johnson.
So the faster you cause him.
The Phantom stranger rejects the offer, but Constantine feels he will eventually come
around to be on the Justice League dark side.
The question manipulates Doctor 13 to impale the Phantom stranger with the spear of destiny.
The Phantom stranger is left on the door of the house of mystery and the Justice League
dark attempt to revive him, summoning the nightmare nurse.
Jesus.
Once they do revive him, the Phantom stranger states that they are all in his debt and asks
the Justice League dark, specifically Zatanna, to help him enter hell and save his family.
Zario warns the Phantom stranger that he is never allowed to enter heaven again, having
gone to hell to try to save his family.
Zario also states to the Phantom stranger that if he tries, he will be erased from time
in history forever.
He's like, you promise?
He should be gone completely.
Yeah, basically.
That's what he's looking for.
So basically the powers and abilities of the Phantom stranger.
The natures of these are mysterious as the stranger himself, who seems to be effectively
immortal, never aging, which I don't know why during, you know, like research that,
you know, you have to use both of those.
But he doesn't age out.
He's immortal.
What if he just kept getting older forever, but he never died?
That would suck so bad.
I used to be a young man like you, a little wheelchair.
Professor X-style.
Good Lord.
That would be, that wouldn't be fucked up because, okay, so yeah, he can age.
Great.
But like if you were a vampire, right?
And you just keep getting older and older.
It would suck.
It would just like crap it all.
Crap it all.
Fuck it.
Skeleton.
The Phantom stranger has demonstrated enormous powers and capabilities, the exact origin
of which are undetermined.
He can travel enormous distances in a very short time, such as the JLA watchtower and
apocalypse as well as to mystical dimensions such as heaven, hell and the realm occupied
by the quintessence.
Which is basically right before heaven because you can't get into actual waiting room.
Right.
Number 17.
He can fire energy bolts of great force, travel through time, dispel magic, reveal illusions
and specifically feel magic.
Everything.
Wonder what affects it.
Phantom stranger messes with his spells.
I think everybody we've talked about in this podcast that affects it.
Naboo.
Dr. Fate.
Damn, I can't catch a break around here.
And survive in space without any type of life support system.
On one occasion, he created a mystical shield that protected Superman from any spells cast
against him directly in preparation for Superman's upcoming confrontation with Erion.
The limits of his power have not been defined.
In many cases, despite his obvious capabilities, he claims he is not allowed to end a crisis
directly only to guide others to take the necessary actions.
The Phantom Stranger's greatest and most well-known power is his mysterious omniscience.
He seems to know nearly everything about any character and situation he encounters in the
DC universe.
And with the JLA Avengers crossover, this extends to the Marvel universe as well.
Jesus.
Which is...
Hey Peter Parker, what the fuck?
So that means he knows more than Uatu.
And Uatu watches everything.
I'm afraid he watches everything.
With a bit of like his bulbous.
However, this is disproved in Swamp Thing Annual Number 2.
This allows him to provide helpful advice and assistance to others.
He claims that nothing remains hidden from him.
Is he a stranger just peeking through your window?
His knowledge has even allowed him to come to the aid of the DC universe characters trapped
out of their own times.
In Animal Man Number 19, Animal Man had found himself trapped in the 1960s in a ghost-like
state in between reality and non-reality.
He wandered listlessly until the Stranger met him and offered to help in hand.
The Stranger was already aware of Animal Man's current situation and even knew that he was
from the future.
In Swamp Thing Number 2, Annual Number 2, the Stranger was not completely aware of all
the details of Alex Holland's transformation into the Swamp Thing, though he knew enough
to be aware of the swamp creature's existence in life, but was still surprised whenever
he encountered the shade of Alex Holland in Heaven, as he had assumed the creature and
Holland were one and the same.
But apparently they're not.
So he's almost omnipotent.
But just not completely.
The Phantom Stranger is one of the few true immortals in the DC universe actually incapable
of being killed.
When attacked by the Spectre in the Day of Vengeance story, the Stranger expressed doubt
that even the Spectre could kill him, mysteriously adding, I doubt the universe would allow it.
The Spectre resorted to transforming the Stranger into a harmless mouse after killing the Phantom
Stranger as killing the Phantom Stranger was indeed beyond the Spectre's power.
Like the only one that would be able to kill the Phantom Stranger is God, basically.
Although the Phantom Stranger does not wear a mask, the shadow of his fedora almost constantly
cloaks his eyes.
It's about the blue mask over his eyeballs.
That doesn't mean my head.
It's just you and your head.
He never has worn a mask.
Damn.
But the perception is actually true.
When shown unhatted in the Madame Xanadu miniseries, set in the Arthurian age where the Stranger
disguised as a simple cloak, his eyes appear completely white, devoid of irises and pupils,
and sunk in a gaunt sad visage.
Like you still never get any true details out of it.
But yep, that is Phantom Stranger.
He hasn't lived quite the life.
Yeah.
Neither living nor dead.
And now we know that Pandora wanted him in her box.
Open my box, Phantom Stranger.
Come on, baby.
I ain't letting that sit into this shit.
That's bad.
Who don't want that sitting there?
Some bad juju right there.
Last time it happened, you created everything bad.
You taught these people what they shouldn't have known.
All righty.
Ready for some Reddit?
Yes, sir.
Let's end this on some hopefully decent ones.
First one is by boffybisted.
This person puts yesterday was a normal day, and as usual, my 14 year old son was having
his post school screen time.
He's a good kid, so I don't hover too much.
I went to check on him and noticed he quickly minimized whatever he was watching.
The hell you look at that boy.
He said it was just a game stream.
And I let it slide, but something fell off.
A bit later, I went back to offer him a drink and caught a glimpse of his screen before
he could close it.
He was watching one of those hot tub streams kick to the kick streamer, uh, amaranth.
Oh, amaranth.
Yeah.
For those who don't know, I do because I'm a pervert.
It's basically a streamer in swim, swimwear, sitting in hot dubs, chatting with viewers.
It's not explicit, but definitely more on the suggestive side.
I agree with that.
I tried to handle it calmly and asked him why he was watching it.
He got embarrassed and mumbled about being popular.
I gotta get him.
Get on girl.
I explained that while these streams aren't outright bad, they're not exactly suitable
for his age.
How old is he?
Six.
Fourteen.
Stop it.
It's a problem.
Well, well, let that boy, you know, blossom into his perverted self.
Let him turn into the next in a way.
Let him go.
I told him that he needs to be careful about what he watches online.
He seemed pretty embarrassed and I let I left him to think it over.
He just pulled that shit right back.
He probably now I'm second guessing myself.
Should I have been stricter?
Should I trust him to make better choices?
I'm also thinking about whether I need to set more restrictions on his internet use.
I mean, he's going to find it.
I'm worried he can't find anything now on the internet.
It's not going to get any better.
He's going to go down that rabbit hole and then come back to reality eventually.
Like, no way, dude.
He looked at everything and now it's all in orals.
He went so far down the ladder.
I went so far down the rabbit hole to burn my fucking.
He gave me nine omnipotence.
Nine omnipotence of all sexual matters.
I can see the past, present, and future of sex.
Like talk to me in an ethnic.
So yeah, he's going to.
So I've seen it all.
You've seen it all and now you went back to plain bread.
And now, now my, well, I've seen everything.
So now, so that's why my stuff is so boring now.
I learned what I like.
And it ain't that darn deep.
Not really.
Like some new yoga.
I can watch that shit for three hours straight.
A woman do some naked yoga.
I'm very boring in my actual, real, like my actual, like you'll see something like you
got a curiosity, but like the stuff you really want to, you know, what's the word?
What's the tag for word for it?
Check off to is more like a boringly tame for the normal people's.
People now want to see some weird shit.
Like people fucking pumpkins or step, step parents shit.
You don't want the stepsister shit.
No, a simple man.
Alrighty.
Next one is by J2 Ho.
J2 Ho.
This person puts this is not satire.
I wish it was.
Let me start with that.
My partner is staying in my house for the week while my parents are away.
We're doing the typical boyfriend girlfriend stuff, you know, sleeping together, sex, cuddling,
kissing, showering together, et cetera.
My boyfriend takes significantly longer showers than I do.
He spends about 20 minutes in an hour.
Probably just washing his asshole.
He spends 20 minutes to an hour basically.
That's a long time for, damn that's a long fucking time.
I typically spend 10 to 15 minutes.
Exactly.
Like just clean yourself up and go.
20 minutes is still quite a bit though.
20 minutes, yeah.
Like anything faster.
That's a long shower.
Like yeah, like 13 max.
Like I can see like.
Unless like, I can see 20 minutes if like you've had a long day.
You're just standing there?
Yeah, just like, oh, I let that water just fucking, just like wipe this in a way.
But generally.
Wipe this in a way.
Generally though, 20 minutes is a long time.
That is too.
But then the hour is the longest.
Shit.
The water had been cold by that point.
Yeah.
We had a shower a few days ago and left to get dried, giving him some alone time.
He likes to spend some time by himself to meditate.
Little did I know, this meditation of the day was merely time for him to plot.
To plot?
Once I heard.
What a fucking murder.
Once I heard the water go off, I went to give him a towel.
I took it by accident and admired his naked body inside of the water mist, the water mist,
hazy mist.
Naturally, I got curious.
While he was air drying, waiting for me to hand him a towel, I went up to him and played
with the ding-a-ling.
You know, if you gotta say it like that, you should not be doing anything with anybody.
I was just hitting it off my hand while he was drying his hair.
Look, it's making the shit out of it.
It was limp, so it was hitting off of my hand quite easily.
And it felt good against my palm.
You know, those door stoppers that people play with.
That was the way I was hitting it.
Jesus girl.
Back and forth, up and down, not sexually.
Just curious about the male body as an assigned female at birth.
At one point, he told me, squeeze and pull.
Though this was the beginning of some, thinking that this was the beginning of some sort of
shower sex, I did.
This was a mistake.
After my gentle grip, then wrapped around his pee-pee, and I tugged a little, I heard
it rip the fattest, juiciest, earth-breaking fart I have ever heard in my whole life.
So that's his trigger point?
You pulling his dignity farts?
His little trick was the equivalent of the pull my finger trick.
Yeah, that's what I just assumed.
With a bit more spice.
He was laughing his head off while I retracted myself in disgust.
I left the bathroom raging at his stupid prank while the smell of the fart literally hurt
my eye.
The fart in behind him just fucking smeared with shit.
Liquid shit.
It just shot out.
He hit the liquid shit.
Yeah, basically.
That's how she ends the story.
I don't blame her.
Next one is by Anxious Donut 563.
This person put, it said that they had to put the 563.
That means there was 562 other anxious donuts.
I work as a server in a small restaurant and I'm pretty sure everyone knows that whenever
a customer doesn't finish their meal or asks for it to be boxed up, we obviously throw
it away.
But for the past few weeks or so, instead of throwing the food away after my customers
are done with their meal, I have been eating leftover remains on their plates.
Sam, why you, you're starving.
Yeah, I read that and it's like, oh my god.
I can already tell something weird happened, like they found some like fucking cigarette
butt or something off.
We are not allowed to do this, so I just quickly scarfed it down whenever I returned the place
to the back, whenever no one was looking.
I was going okay until suddenly got sick.
Turned out I had hepatitis A.
Jesus Christ.
It's been awful.
I couldn't help down food for days, not to mention that I've not looked at, that I've
been looking like a minion for a week now.
Hepatitis A. I had no choice but to report it at work and also decided that it was a
good idea to come clean about how I probably got it, which almost got me fired.
I'm lucky that I got away with only a warning, but I also can't work for the next two weeks.
I guess it's the consequences of my own actions.
At least I still have a job.
Yeah, and hepatitis A. Don't eat off of other people's fucking plate, you nasty bitch.
I just don't like licking the plates whenever they're taking them back.
I just imagine they're coming down the walkway to the kitchen, licking the plates clean.
You nasty motherfucker.
You're playing the role of a dog.
Basically, he's eating the scraps after that, but man, they don't get hepatitis A.
I know.
You don't get that even from a dog.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck?
What person was that?
What disease does this other person have that just gave him hepatitis A?
It's like Keith Richards has every disease known to man.
All right, next one is by YoGingo.
Yo-gringo, but Yo-gin-go.
This person put, I work as a customer service representative as a telephone operator, as
well as a handing email and queries.
I used to work in the office, but ever since the pandemic, I still work from home now.
The amount of inquiries, AKA job I have to handle, really depends on amount of customers
using my company's services and how the system is holding up.
Today was a very boring day.
Barely anybody was needing our help, and the number of inquiries was scarce.
So I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a short nap.
Maybe about 30 minutes.
I placed auto-click grid on a communication tool and used the notifications on, turned
the notifications on, and bumped up the volume so that whenever I received a loud ringing,
I would wake up, it would wake me up for sure.
Turned out, it was a bad idea.
Whenever I woke up about after 30 minutes, I got two messages from my boss asking me
what the hell I'm doing.
While I was asleep, I did not miss any calls because there was none.
However, I slipped on messages from my colleagues asking me about other email-based inquiries.
I answered their questions immediately and finished my job, leaving no inquiries unanswered
by the time shift is over.
However, my boss is still suspicious saying I haven't been able to focus on the job and
I was away for more than an hour, which is not the case, but it is true that I was sleeping
on the job.
The boss says that I still need to explain myself and what I was doing for an hour next
morning.
I was thinking to shit.
I guess I have to spill my guts and say, goodo, I swear that this will never happen again.
We all know that's a fucking lie.
Next day, just passing out again.
Fucking dead asleep in the back of your house.
Exactly.
Next one is by KitchenOpening4005.
This person puts, today I was walking my wonderful miniature dash hounds when I received and
whenever I reached a field.
He just turned two and he's full of energy, so I thought he could run around a bit.
He was having a blast sniffing things and playing chase with me.
It wasn't too hot, the clouds covering the blasting rays of the sun.
My dog was dashing like a headless chicken.
Energy I won't have to entertain later.
Life was good.
Interesting fucking word choice of headless chicken.
So random.
I don't know why I thought that was weird to me.
Yeah.
We walked a little bit and he was going ahead.
He's the parade leader.
Once in a while, he'd stop and lag to inspect something, but I called him back each time,
to which he paddled fast ahead again.
He trapsed.
What the fuck is trapsed?
Probably traipsed.
Traipsed.
Yeah.
He traipsed and traipsed.
Tail wagging.
Traipsed and traipsed.
That doesn't sound at all.
Well, traipsing is like just, you know, frolicking.
So traipsed and traipsed.
So frolicked and frolicked.
I guess that's what they're trying to say.
I don't know.
It's a word I haven't used very often, so you know.
He was behind again and I called him.
His little face almost looked like it was smiling as he ran to my feet.
I grabbed his face behind his ears and gave him a big smooch on his cheek.
Instantly I knew something was wrong.
Oh, so terribly wrong.
Some sort of horrible texture covered my lips, under my nose as well.
My eyes darted to his cheek.
Brown smudge covered his red fur.
He do the thing that my dog used to do is fucking lather themselves in some other dog's
shit.
Right, right.
I held my breath for I knew what was to come.
Alas, I was never the best in gym and couldn't hold my breath for long.
Inhale.
A lovely layer of putrid feces covered air violated my airways.
Felt it crawl deep inside so much so that my very soul ached.
I looked at my dog.
He looked at me, unknowing of what he had just done.
I spat on the ground and took notice of the long walk around the lake back to my home.
Gotta walk all the way back.
Don't kiss the dog.
You're gonna get sick, my mom always told me.
Well.
I raced my dog back home, covering my face from watchful neighbors.
It's just a fucking face full of shit.
I washed my face five times with dish soap and rinsed my mouth out with it too.
Dog was next.
I will always look before I kiss him now.
I don't know why dogs do that.
I'm so glad that mine never did.
So glad.
All right, next one is by world world.
God, I can't even read now.
World illness.
Quiet.
It's a weird word.
It hurt me.
World illness.
This happened yesterday.
We'll see.
This happened yesterday.
Bye I guess it's supposed to be but I'm feeling the effects today.
Let me preface by saying I don't really do weed.
Preface.
The only reason I had these gummies is that my my cousin had left them here after visiting
from out of out of state.
After mostly having forgotten about these gummies, I found them last week and decided
to take one.
I chewed it up and swallowed it immediately.
The effects were gradual and very mildly mild at first.
I don't know why you put mildly.
Yesterday I had routine cleaning at my dentist.
I haven't been flossing as regularly as I should but let's just say.
I don't floss at all.
Let's just say my gums were a bloody mess afterwards.
Anyway we're fucking dead.
I've been to the dentist when they fly like me was my like six months checkup.
Yeah.
They never fucked up my teeth that I'm bleeding.
What the fuck kind of floss are they doing to you?
Jesus.
Anyways, I decided I was going to have a chill afternoon and take a gummy.
This time without thinking about it I just sucked on it and let it dissolve in my mouth.
The effects came down strong and fast.
I was too high to function I was basically melting into my couch in the entire afternoon
until I went to bed.
This morning I wake up and I'm still feeling high although it is much milder now.
Even so I still have to call off work.
No way I was going to be able to function well at work today.
Hey man I can't come in man.
Yeah.
I'm fucking true.
Alright next one is by Rabid Stote.
It's person puts.
I bought myself some shrimp at a seafood counter and that night made a nice teriyaki stir fry
with some veggies and rice.
Since I made a few servings but live alone I put the leftovers in the fridge for the
next day.
That night I felt a little stomach sick.
It was just a mild nauseous feeling no vomiting nor diarrhea.
So it was uncomfortable but not a huge deal.
Finally I wasn't sure if it was the shrimp dish I ate or something I ate earlier in the
day or just some stomach bug or just my digestive system being fussy as it is sometimes for
no good reason.
But the scientific method sword being the scientifically minded sword I decided it was
best to investigate.
I had posted on social media about the meal and feeling slightly sick and how I was going
to eat the leftovers and my friends told me that I was dumb and that I should just throw
them away just to be safe.
Well my stomach's never lived.
Obviously these were not scientifically minded friends.
Where would civilization be if no one had the curiosity to pursue scientific investigation?
By the way scientists do experiments on other things other people.
Not yourself.
Not on your yeah.
So yeah it was the shrimp dish.
I was the sickest I had been after eating those leftovers out of both ends with crippling
stomach cramps.
I was supposed to fly out to Key West for the weekend too and had to cancel.
Great choice.
I was out on one night's hotel cost for the cancellation but got the rest refunded.
The flight credit for the flight I had to cancel.
I spent the entire weekend miserable and only barely recovered from Monday work.
Now I did have one last serving of the shrimp in the fridge.
Less curious but sure this was the actual thing that got me sick.
Let's try it again.
A less curious person would assume if you got sick twice after eating the same dish
there was something wrong with the dish and that you should definitely not eat it.
I being a more curious person knew you couldn't rule out coli.
I see and the dumbest motherfuckin' ever lived.
With 100% certainty and to be better verified that the shrimp was the culprit I should try
it again.
Wow fucking genius.
However my less curious friends who heard of my plans insisted that I was an idiot and
that eating four day old shrimp that was most likely food poisoned me twice already was
beyond moronic.
I reluctantly caved and threw it away.
Plus setting scientific progress back years probably.
It goes into the trash and you can just hear it sizzling in there.
Next one is by closeted.
Closeted?
Closeted.
Well this person puts.
This is super embarrassing and I seriously hope none of you make the mistake I made last
night.
I've loved psychedelics for years.
I've had my ups and downs during experiences but I've always managed to keep my mental
state together enough to differentiate between real issues and perceived ones.
Last night I attended a show.
Nothing I'd planned in advance but a group I've always enjoyed.
Nonetheless I got some of them boomers off a friend last night.
I ate a slice.
Boomers?
Holy shit I heard of that boomers my guy.
I don't either.
I don't do drugs so I don't know.
Damn.
Off of a friend last night I ate a slice on the ride up there.
Ate a slice?
I thought it was a pill.
Within about half an hour I started having very strange physical symptoms.
Tingling extremities, chest pain, not your typical mushroom sensations.
Oh they're shroomy.
I sat myself down and tried to collect myself.
After all I'd taken these rooms, sorry these booms before.
I wonder if he's meaning shrooms.
I don't know.
That's like a slip.
It's auto correcting to booms.
I don't know.
I just assume it's a slang term for shrooming boomers.
Could be.
Yeah because he started with boomers didn't he?
Yeah.
Yeah so it's probably just one of their words for it.
I'm not a drug addict so I don't know.
I only indulge in the drug that is sex.
I think from Pandora.
Release the sins.
Thinking you're going to die on high dose psychedelics isn't a common thing but it isn't
all that uncommon either.
I just don't think, didn't think it would ever happen to me.
If I'm a dose that heavily usually texting is out of the question.
I have very little recollection of this occurring but I texted everyone.
Mother, sister, best friends, ex-best friends who I wanted to make up with that I was going
to die 100%.
Wow good job.
I texted ex-girlfriends who I never really think about anymore wonderfully abstract poetry
saying goodnight and goodbye essentially.
I'm not all sure why I had these symptoms that I had but apparently they didn't manifest
any further.
I didn't come back to myself enough to realize what I had done and took the car right back.
Now self pity, an embarrassment beyond anything I know.
The only good thing I see coming from this actually ended up saying some things to people
that I only think I would have said had I honestly thought about it in my life and it's
to them.
Friends and I guess there's something that I had to say about that.
Hmm.
So.
It doesn't say like what they said back here.
No, no, no, no.
The worst is like no one responded at all.
Oh fuck.
I got no responses.
Next one is by Le Broffit.
Press the button.
I've been making and I've been moving and there's some random things in my car and I live in
Texas.
Most of the things in my car won't melt.
Clothes, bath mats, towels, etc.
But moving takes up a lot of space and there's small things that I missed.
I guess the toilet bowl cleaner, fresh under the sink wrapped in plastic, was left on the
passenger seat as I was intending to bring it in immediately.
You know those cleaners that hang on the side of the bowl with the metal hanger like aluminum?
Well, whenever I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat, I got caught on the hanger of the chemical
toilet seat cleaner wrapped in plastic at the bottom.
It was burning inside of my car all day.
Whenever I got to my car to drive home, my butt started burning.
I checked that it wasn't the seat belt and kept sitting on it and kept sitting in it
while my while I drenched through my pants and kept burning my butt.
I thought the seat was too hot and would cool down quickly.
Whenever I finally got up to check, the chemicals were splashed around the inside of the plastic
and had put a...
Let's see.
Whenever I finally got up to check, the chemicals were splashing around inside the plastic and
I had to put my shirt in my pants to hold off until I could drive to the quick trip
bathroom.
I still couldn't let my butt touch the seat even while the shirt blocking my butt.
Here I am washing the chemicals off my burning red behind.
He sat in chemicals?
I guess that's what he's saying.
Well, how would it end up from the passenger seat to the driver's side?
Don't know.
I don't understand.
I know I'm confused sometimes or I fuck up whenever I'm reading, but it's like, what?
Damn.
Then last one for today, push my limit.
Is the person that put this in here?
This person puts.
So technically last night, but still me and the missus decided to get down and do the
dirty.
Everything was going great.
New positions, newer sensations, taking our time with it all in a...
All in all fantastic.
Then as she so wants to do, she whispered, doggy, to my ear.
I love doggy position.
So did not hesitate in the slightest.
Let me roll the book back on.
Yeah.
Flipping her over and just rushing straight in.
Mistake number one was going too fast.
Mistake number two was not making sure I was going in correctly.
Number three, was not using enough lube.
I did hit the fucking wall.
As I went in, I felt a God awful snap and was immediately bent over, doubled in pain.
He broke his dick.
I pulled out and what I saw, I had snapped my philum and by snapped, I mean completely
snapped.
Jeez.
Not a tear or a cut, completely snapped in two.
Blood was going everywhere.
I immediately threw up and started crying.
The only fucking response to you.
I mean, that's the only reasonable response to that situation.
Started fucking crying.
So now I cannot masturbate or have sex for over a month.
God dang.
My wife is getting blue walls and blames me for going too fast, too furious.
Imagine that's a lot of blood up there.
Yeah.
Fucking shoots at you and fucking, oh man.
See how she's going to fucking lie down for a little bit.
Just not.
That was one guy that I was watching one of those, the ER sent me to the, or sex sent
me to the ER.
Yeah.
And this guy had just fucking just thrown him.
No, the woman, she had tossed him on the bed.
She had jumped on him, right?
And like, you know, like they, that's like a whole like, like feral fucking moment.
Right.
So she fucking lunges on him and I guess she lands right on his dick, his hard dick and
like she hits it in such a spot that when she fucking rolls over, the blood just shoots
out.
So did like a fucking fountain.
Oh.
Like a fucking Tarantino movie.
Oh God.
And he's just like, Oh, that would be terrible.
That would suck.
Yeah.
You guys gotta be careful.
Yeah.
Them girls, they'd be too rough sometimes.
A little bit too rough sometimes.
How can it only take so much?
It's not made of bone.
No.
At least then it would have some integrity.
It was made of fucking bone.
It should be like, it would be the same size all the time, wouldn't it?
They had to be fucking awkward to walk around with fucking hard ons all the time.
I guess like, like if you think about it, like, uh, uh, like, uh, the evolutionary, right?
Like if that was like, like if that was how it was, right?
It would just be a normal thing.
Yeah.
Like they'd always be hard and that was just be like how society would work and function.
Yeah.
Weird, huh?
Or if you're, uh, if you, uh, go by Robin Williams, it's the accordion style.
Yeah.
And he calls the other curtains.
That would be a whole change of our fucking society.
If the dicks were always hard, they were bone.
Like, come on now, get the beam up.
But if they were bone, it'd be a lot tougher too.
Yeah.
But at the same time, like if you broke one though, maybe they put some titanium on there
make it stronger.
How would that even fucking work a bone cock?
I don't know if it would.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, I don't think it, yeah.
Imagine that connected to your pelvis.
Like it had to be a muscle, but it's not a muscle either.
Is it?
Or is it just tissue?
Just tissue.
Damn.
I gotta read more.
I gotta read up more on biology.
I mean, you should know more about the human.
You should have been reading up more on biology after you learned about the new spots.
Oh yeah.
The A spot, the B spot, I was so fucking confused about.
Yeah, you're right.
I gotta keep studying.
Knowledge is power.
I want to be the most knowledge pervert on the planet.
All right.
Anything else to add before we head out today?
Just go easy, girls.
Please.
You don't want to see a fucking fountain of blood.
Imagine like it happened a certain way, right?
The blood just fucking hits her in the face.
Then they both be fucking traumatized.
It'd be like a fucking horror movie.
All right.
With that, we will see you guys on the next one.