Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
Let's go ahead and get started.
All right.
So time for the next half of The Wise Kid You Know, episode six through 10, which I
discussed my favorite skit or skits of that particular episode.
And with that, we'll finish up season one.
So we start with episode fucking six and off the bat, it gets fucking crazy.
So Darren's, I forgot their fucking last names.
I didn't write them down, but you guys remember from the last episode.
So Darren's chilling in like this little office space, little like break room.
He's drinking coffee and Trevor comes around the corner and he's like, yo, Darren, what's
up?
And Darren starts telling me about this, how he got this new car wax that's so amazing
on his car.
And he's like trying to get into like deep into it, right?
And Trevor's like, fuck that.
And he starts doing the fake jerk off thing.
Like how it's stupid.
Like, ah, that's shit stupid.
I don't give a fuck.
And he's like, oh, and Darren like just gets disappointed.
And so it's like, listen, you want to go to this party after work?
It's like, oh, a party?
Who's it for?
Like it's for this woman.
It's her housewarming party.
A bill from my county is going to be there.
You know, that chick from the seventh floor.
And then Darren tries to get back at him by doing the jerk off thing, right?
But he does it slow.
Like he does it real fucking slow with like true, like, like he's the first one he holds
like he's holding a fucking like a two liter of cola.
Like that's how wide he's got his hand.
And he's just stroking himself up and down real fucking slow.
And of course, Trevor's like, yay, that's not how you do that shit.
You need, you need, it's supposed to be doing really fast in the stop.
You got to do it really fast in the stop.
What the fuck are you doing?
You're doing it wrong.
Like he just, he starts having a nervous breakdown.
And so then Sam comes around the corner and he's like, oh, what are you doing?
Oh, you're not supposed to do that.
He's supposed to do it really fast to stop.
So he knows the fucking etiquette on it too, right?
So then Darren starts getting real fucking weird.
Like he starts stroking Trevor's fake penis, right?
He's like, well, that's, that's completely like Trevor starts flipping.
That's completely all a lie.
You can't be doing that.
And then he fucking touches Tim's, right?
It's like, no, you can't touch Tim's.
You never touch Tim's.
What are you doing?
And then he fucking finishes and Trevor's like, you can't finish.
You're not supposed to finish.
But you finish it all over his own fucking face.
And like, bear in mind, all of it is fake, like miming, jacking off.
Nothing's actually happening, but they're fucking flipping out.
And Trevor runs to the boss to tell him, Darren.
And so that's, so then on the same episode, there was another good one that I liked.
And the reason I like it is the way that Sam does this weird thing during the skit.
So Sam plays this guy named Bob, AKA Bigfoot.
Trevor plays this guy named Gravedigger.
Zach is Bob's girlfriend, Charlotte.
And then Timmy is Barbara, Zach's friend.
So it's Bob.
So I'm just gonna say that real name.
So Zach and Sam go to Timmy's house for a party.
And Bob is a fucking monster truck driver by the name of Bigfoot.
And so they're just there to, by the way, they're like, oh Timmy, you got an Asian.
Yeah, I found them at the home depot the other day.
But just some random Asian that they invited.
That's like a centerpiece to the party.
Like the weirdest shit.
So at the other end of the fucking room, Bob notices that Gravedigger's there.
Trevor, who plays Gravedigger, is rival monster truck driver.
And so they-
And in real life, they really are.
What?
Gravedigger and Bigfoot.
They're real?
Yeah, they're real.
Goofy.
And so I guess they must have seen one of them.
And so they start doing this thing where they try to up each other.
You know like monster trucks destroy things, right?
So they walk around the room fucking just destroying all the shit.
Like at first, when they confront each other, Gravedigger like, oh, I need myself a little
punch of a little cup of punch.
So he goes across the room and fucking just smashes all these fucking tables.
And he's like, oh, fuck all this shit.
And he gets to the fucking punch wall and he takes a sip.
That's some good punch.
So then Bigfoot's like, oh, I wonder if there's a bookshelf over there.
I wonder if there's that book that I was looking up.
Let me go check.
And the fucking Timmy's like, no, Bigfoot, please, no.
And he fucking goes across the fucking room, smashes more tables and fucking gets to the
fucking bookshelf and looks through the book.
No, it's not here.
And fucking knocks over the Asian.
Timmy's like, no, I'm Asian.
So then to fucking trot atop him, Gravedigger's like, he's going to jump the fucking bookshelf.
And, by the way, he jumps the bookshelf, right?
There was no stunt double.
And he like, Trevor legit fucking falls onto a fucking upturned table, like stomach first.
You could just see him fucking tumble into the corner.
And he fucking gets up first.
He's like, oh, fuck.
And he gets up and he's like back in his fucking scene, right?
Yeah.
And so Bob's like, well, there's only one thing left to do.
He's trying to fucking jump out that fucking five story window onto the ground below.
And at that point, they were all doing that goofy acting thing, like where they're all
there like overacting, like, no, please, my table.
We're smashing the table, right?
Charlotte drops the act and she's like, no, Bob, you'll fucking die.
And then Gravedigger's like, you better listen.
Yeah, your girlfriend's right.
You will fucking die.
And then Sam does this thing where he does this rev thing with his arms.
He's like, I'm getting ready.
And he started running in place.
And he fucking jumps out the window.
And then the next fucking cut scene is a fucking just a gravestone with Bigfoot, like 1975
to 2006 when he fucking killed himself.
So what?
Oh, they're actual people?
Actual trucks, monster trucks.
Weird.
I guess they must have known about it or watched it when they were kids.
That's hilarious.
Because it's basically everything that a monster truck would do, destroy shit, then jump shit.
Well, he tried to jump five stories and died, so the skit ends with him die.
It's just a fucking, it's just a tombstone that says Gravedigger or no, Bigfoot, 1975
to 2006 or some shit like that.
I can't remember the actual date.
All right, so episode seven.
It's a simple episode.
It just has Trevor and an actual woman.
I say that because a lot of them just play women themselves.
And he's the only one of the whitest kids in the skit.
There's an actual, because they always play the characters, right?
But sometimes it's weird when they don't, and it's interesting.
And it's an actual older couple, a man and woman and their daughter.
And Trevor is meeting them for the first time having dinner at this nice little swanky restaurant,
right?
And the dad finds out that Trevor used to go to Columbia.
He's like, oh, a graduate of Bastars.
And he's like, oh, just to Bastars.
I don't know if I can handle another two years of eating ramen every night.
You know what I mean?
And he does that thing where he sticks his hand in his throat, not far right to present
his vomiting right.
But he sticks his hand too far and he starts fucking throwing up all over the fucking table.
The parents are just watching because there's nothing they can do.
He finishes throwing up and he's like, I didn't mean to do that.
I was doing that.
I didn't mean to do that.
So just like the funniest first impression of a boyfriend meeting his girlfriend's parents
for the first time and he just fucking vomits all over the fucking table.
All right, let's see.
Episode eight.
This is fucking wild.
So it's Zach, Darren, and Timmy.
Zach is playing a drama school teacher or a drama class teacher.
And he's real, he's got the whole fucking get the hair, the glasses.
He looks like a drama teacher.
He looks like a hipster?
No, he looks like a fucking brown jacket.
He looks so fucking pretend professional.
And so he wants Timmy and Darren to do this thing they call like, I forgot what it's called,
the exercise.
But basically one does one thing and the other one, they stand apart from each other.
One does one thing and the other one reacts to the thing that they're doing to them.
So at first they're doing a high five, a handshake, and then Zach's like, no, it's not a mirror
exercise.
So then they start doing like, he'll pretend to blow air and then Timmy will pretend like
he's falling from the wind, right?
And he does all this regular stuff.
Darren does all the regular stuff.
Then it's a 30 second chunks.
Is it like improv?
Yeah, it's like an improv little thing.
So Darren's doing his stuff for 30 seconds and then it has to switch over to Timmy.
And once Darren's done, it goes over to Timmy.
Timmy immediately starts fucking making out with him.
Not like making, he does the mirror thing, right?
He's like, hands around.
And then Darren's like, he's pretending like he doesn't like it, right?
But then for some reason Zach's like, no, you have to enjoy it.
You have to kiss him back.
They start making out a distance from each other, right?
So they're not actually physically touching.
So they're making out.
And then it cuts back to Darren after 30 seconds and he starts slapping the shit out of him,
hitting him, stabbing him, right?
And Zach's like, ooh, a lot of violence.
Everything's okay here.
It's fine.
And then it cuts right back to Timmy and they go straight back to making out.
And then they start making out.
Like Darren doesn't like it.
You have to enjoy this.
Yes and, you have to follow.
Yes and.
And Timmy's like, oh, Timmy's starting to explore.
He's grabbing his ass.
And then Darren's trying to fucking plate him off, right?
So then it gets fucking wild.
Timmy drops to his knees, right?
And he does that thing where he rubs his nose with his hand, right?
He's like, you're about to get this shit.
You know what I mean?
He's about to put in some serious fucking work and he starts giving him a blow job.
And Darren flips the fuck and leaves the fucking class.
And Zach's like, Darren, you failed my class.
And he looks over at Timmy and he's just like, Timmy, keep going.
And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
So Timmy fucking mime and blowing him off.
It's weird as fuck.
But what gets me to this fucking day is the way he wipes his nose.
Like, you about to get this shit.
Because he's looking up, like he's looking in your eyes, right?
Yeah.
But he's just looking straight up and he fucking wipes it.
Yeah.
But to put in some serious work on this guy.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Just a little nuances in acting that I love so much.
Like a little bit of thing.
Like it just resonates with you forever.
Yeah.
Like that note, he's like, oh, I'm about to do some serious work.
All right.
So now we move on to episode nine.
So not so much a funny skit, but just the fucking absurdity of it.
So it's said like the old timey 1940s, black and white.
They got their fucking mafia suits on with the fucking like black trench coats, the ties,
the fucking hats, right?
They look like mobsters.
And the straight man is Zach.
Everyone else is the comedy one.
And they're going to rob the Johnson Bergstein Witz, Witz, Iser, Bankburg.
And the funniest thing about that skit, because it goes off the rails every single time they
try to rob the bank.
They meet every Saturday.
They have no phone, the connection with each other, no phone numbers.
So there's anonymity sake, right?
Right.
So they could only meet on Saturdays.
And so he's got these blueprints, right?
One is for the first floor.
One is for the basement.
And all they had to do was get from this stairwell to that stairwell.
And you take the stairwell down to the basement room and then you can rob the bank.
He sends Trevor and Darren, right?
And he's like, all right, so you take this staircase here, get down to the basement,
go to this room and you can get into the bank from here, right?
And Trevor's like, so how do you get from this building to that building?
And Zach's like, what do you mean?
Like how do you get from this stairwell here, right?
To that stairwell there.
And he's like, well, this is the same building.
Like you see, this is the first floor right here.
This map here is the first floor.
This map over here is the second floor.
So that building is this building.
It's just like one on top of the other.
Yeah, but like is there a secret tunnel?
How do you get from this stairwell here to that stairwell to the basement?
And Zach's like, it's the same building.
Like it's just two separate maps because you can't put a map on the same, you know what
I mean?
And he's like, so this building is that building.
Once you take this staircase, it's the same as the staircase in this picture, just going
down.
So like there's secret tunnels here or over here.
So he fucking ruins the fucking, like, so they basically, they're waiting for the security
guard to take a bathroom break because he never takes a bathroom break except for this
one time like eight in the morning.
That's the only window they have to break into the bank.
And so they get there and Zach and Sam are on the staircase as lookouts and then Darren
and Trevor are supposed to rob the bank, right?
So they go there, right?
And once they rob the bank, they're supposed to meet up the next Saturday to discuss what
happened.
And they meet up next Saturday and he's like, all right, so tell me what happened exactly.
And Trevor's like, well, we spend all the time because they had spent like 45 minutes
and they never robbed the bank.
So he wanted Trevor to explain what happened.
So we were looking for that secret tunnel, but there was the, this map's all wrong, by
the way.
And he's like, that is the same fucking building.
It was so funny.
Like just having a nap fucking henchman is fucking hilarious.
Which is sometimes I do wonder that whenever you're reading like comic books or playing
video games, it's like, how are they supposed to do it?
I guess that's the only people you can find to be honest.
Anyway, any smarter than they'd probably be trying to lead to.
True.
That's the only problem.
You got to get the done.
Like he found them all on Craigslist.
He's like Craigslist, never again.
Cause they were all just at one time, right?
Cause they only met on Saturdays.
And at one time Sam was making a blog of all their fucking exploits.
And you make a blog about us robbing the bank and then have a link to the bank's website.
Maybe the police are going to end up finding out what the fuck we're doing.
Don't you think that Sam?
It was just a diary.
He's just like chronicling all their fucking conversations.
Yeah.
All the time that Sam was running to the bank, right?
From eight blocks away saying like, stick them up copper.
And he got winded halfway to the bank.
And it's like, when you, when you yell out, stick them up, they're going to assume you're
going to rob the bank.
Like you're going to draw attention to yourself, aren't you?
He's like, yeah, you're probably right.
Or the time that Zach got there Saturday and it was just him by himself.
And he's like, where the fuck is everybody?
And then they got there the next Saturday.
He's like, what were you guys?
Like we were playing soccer.
And so he had the worst fucking management.
At one time they even invited someone with Timmy who wasn't part of the gang.
Like, who the fuck is this guy?
That was Timmy.
He's like, no.
So he cuts to the next Saturday, Timmy's gone.
So he's just like, just trying to see Zach trying to fucking coordinate a bank robbery.
It's the funniest shit that is hilarious.
All right.
So last episode, episode 10, this one's fucking wild.
So Zach, Timmy, Sam and Trevor in it.
Sam is the wife.
Zach is the dad and Timmy is the son.
And apparently this dad is a fucking lunatic.
So him and his wife are going out to dinner and normally they have a babysitter for Timmy,
but because it's his birthday today, he's turning 13.
They're going to let him live by himself or they're going to let him stay at the home by
himself and he's like for his birthday, he's going to let Timmy shake his hand.
Like, oh, the first ever contact with his father ever, the physical contact ever.
So he shakes Timmy's hand like, thank you father.
It's like I've always dreamed of.
And the one, it's funny, like what I'm talking about, like the little nuances and what they
do.
You see Zach take his scarf that he's had and he wipes his hand with the one that Timmy
shook.
He's like, fuck that kid.
So he lets, like, you can tell he's a strict, strict father just by the early interaction.
So they leave.
It's Timmy's birthday.
He's 13, yay.
But, and Timmy, once they leave, he rips his shirt off, right?
And he says he's going to live on a mountain of chairs.
So he starts putting this fucking chair ladder up and he's going to stand on the very top
of the chairs and he's, I'm going to live on a mountain of chairs.
I'm going to live on a mountain of chairs.
So he's just singing that and putting these fucking chairs together.
And he said like, my birthday is like, today's my birthday.
It comes every two years.
So I'm like, are you 26 then?
Is what I'm, what I was first thinking.
Cause if his birthday comes every two years and he's just now 13, that makes him 26.
Yeah.
He's a fucking grown ass man.
Treated like a 13 year old boy.
Which is even funnier.
So horribly, the dad and mom get back.
Of course the mom, Sam, gets regularly beat.
He's got, she's got a black eye.
She's very timid and scary every time he yells at her.
So she, he's got no real, like, agency in the scene.
And so Zach gets there and he fucking flips out.
Timmy fucking falls off the chairs.
Zach throws the chairs out.
He's like, what the fuck have you been doing?
And he's like, did you go today?
So yes, father.
And did you save it?
Like I told you.
So basically he makes him save his fucking shits in a plastic bag and leave them in the
drawer.
So I bring me your seat.
I need to see it.
And he beats, depending on how the shit looks, that determines what he beats his son today
or not.
Like if it's extra dark and long, he beats the hell out of them.
So he brings the fucking shit there.
And it's like, this is especially long and dark today.
Have you been thinking of sitting in the sun?
He's like, yes, I thought of a girl.
And he fucking, Zach flips out and like, bring me the device and give me your hand.
And like, we never know what the device is or what he was going to do.
Because Trevor walks in, right?
And he says he's part of Child Protective Services.
And Zach flips out like, please don't tear my family apart.
And Timmy's like, please tear my family apart.
And Trevor gets bribed $100 for, funny, because he says something to the wife, like, I don't
know, like I see a timid son holding shit and I see a beaten wife.
And Zach says, like she fell down the stairs, but she says, I fell off my bike.
So they're already having no coordination.
His wife has a black eye.
So he gets, Trevor gets $100 as blinders.
Like how many, like how much for each blinder?
Like, well, I don't know, like to not see the kid and the wife, $100 each.
And so he pays him $100 for, or $200 for to go away.
And Trevor's like, all right, you stay classy Mormons.
And he just walks out the door.
Like, such a weird scene.
You have to watch it more because I can't really emphasize how fucking random it is.
Like, especially the part where Timmy just climbing on a fucking mountain of chairs and
how he fucking stacked it so well in that little cut, in that little scene there that
he was able to actually get to the very top of the, he doubles like four chairs.
Like stack on each other and like a different looking chairs too.
And he was able to climb to the very top without falling.
It was pretty structurally sound I had to say.
But yeah, it's a bag of shit he was holding.
Especially long and dark.
Especially long and dark today, Timmy.
If you've been doing anything sinful today, I've been thinking about a girl.
So you son of a bitch.
Out of all of them, I would have to say that Zach is the one that, like when he dresses
up as a character, like he's another character.
chompers.
Like the drama teacher or the dad.
He's like, you know, he had like a gray wig.
Like he just looked like a dad.
And with the other one, he looked like a drama teacher who liked watching kids mime blood
Like, keep going, Timmy.
You're supposed to enjoy it.
Yeah, I'm trying to make Darren enjoy the sexual assault.
It's like, you have to enjoy it, Darren.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
It reminds me of the teacher that we had for drama class.
Did we?
Oh, we did.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
He was all right.
But the character that you're describing is that one dude, the kid that was in our class
that was like way too into drama class.
I remember he had a beard already and everything.
No, was it me?
No.
I didn't even know I was five years old.
You had the cholo mustache.
That's different.
No, this dude looked like he was already like 27.
Maybe he was.
Maybe his birthday comes every two years.
All right, guys.
So I know I promised you guys some boys or the boys.
But I figured the boys.
The boys.
I promised you guys some boys.
Some little boys.
But I couldn't, I couldn't catch them.
No, so anyway, the Amazon Prime show, the boys.
I was going to talk about the new episodes, but then I realized there was so much content
that it would just be out of place unless I started from the very beginning.
And the thing is, we're not exactly the most timely of podcasts.
Why don't I just start with, I mean, we're talking about the whitest kids you know, it
was like 2010.
So I figured I'll start with episode one, describe it in summary, what happened, and
then we'll just keep going until we get to the episode, I guess, eight of season four.
Plus we'll cover Gen Z as well, or Gen V, and the animated show as well.
Then we'll move on to Invincible or something, or Amazon, or no, Fallout.
I don't know.
I'm fucking wasted.
I'm not actually.
I don't drink or drive.
You do both.
You don't drink or drive.
You drink or drive.
All right, so season one, episode one of The Boys, which I think came out in 2019, so it's
not that long ago.
Surprisingly, no.
But I'm into, I guess there's a new, it ended in season five, by the way, if anyone's wondering.
It was created by Eric Kripke, the guy that created Supernatural, which is why you see
so many actors from Supernatural.
You already had Dean, you had Bobby, you had their dad, John Winchester.
They needed him, didn't you?
He's in season four now.
All this stuff to Sam.
Like, come on, Sammy.
He's being Walker.
You even have God.
Oh, um.
Charlie, or whatever his name was.
The Prophet.
Or Chuck Shirley.
Yeah, you have Chuck.
He's in episode four.
And when we get to episode four, you stay away from the episodes.
And when I tell you what happened, you'd be like, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
If you're wondering, he's looking like naked, is what I'm saying.
You got no problem there, you can look it up right now.
Which was not what I was going to say.
Uncircumcised, by the way.
Too much info, huh?
On the Lord.
I am wondering if Sam's going to do it or not.
I hope he does.
He's too busy with his Walker Texas Ranger.
I thought they got canceled.
Did it?
Yeah.
I don't know what he's doing now, then.
He's waiting for that call out for the boys.
I mean, you had Dean as a soldier, but was a major component in season three.
Yeah.
So I mean, like, I guess you have to give something on par to him.
Moose.
I don't know what hero.
So I don't know.
We'll see if Sam does it or not.
Maybe he's not on good terms with Eric Kripke.
It's possible.
By the way, he loves to do that fucking, he's got his own like, every director apparently
has a trademark shot that they like to do.
And Kripke's is the trunk open.
When you open the trunk opens and you see the guy standing, you're basically in the
trunk.
Yeah.
That iconic scene, that's all over the boys.
The consistent trunk open.
All right, so the episode starts off with an armored bank robbery that's stopped by Queen
Maeve and the Homelander, two members of the Seven.
Queen Maeve is their version of Wonder Woman and Homelander is their version of Superman.
They easily stop the bank robbers and they save the day.
They have a bunch of selfies with the fans.
Like, Homelander, can I get a selfie?
Of course you can.
I'm Homelander.
I'm God dang, I'm America.
Apple pie.
And what does the other baseball?
Big fall in Apple pie.
I wear the America flag as a cape.
So he's American as it can be.
Blonde hair, blue eyes.
Maybe he's German.
It's possible.
So we cut to Huey, one of the main characters, Huey Campbell.
He works at this audio video store and just a regular guy.
Nothing special about him.
No superpowers.
He's just trying to make his way through the world and he's trying to sell this woman all
this electrical equipment and he's trying to sell her like on a higher priced HDMI cable
because this carbon is more conductive.
Little more expensive, but it's carbon and it's highly conductive.
You'll love this one.
He's trying to make some sales.
Trying to sell a little bit.
And he meets his girlfriend Robin.
They're going to go out to eat.
And so they go outside, they're talking and she takes a step off the curb, just one step
off the curb and moves over to, and they're looking right at each other.
He's on the curb, she's one step off the curb and she just fucking disintegrates.
She just turns into goo.
One second she's there and the other second there's just blood all over Huey's face and
the camera turns over and this superpowered guy, A-Train, the flash of this universe,
has just run out through his girlfriend Robin.
Run through her like she fucking liquefied.
The only thing about her left other than blood and guts is the two hands that Huey's holding.
He's just holding her two hands and he just fucking flips out, which I don't blame him.
He's like Robin, Robin.
And so we next go to Starlight, a superhero out of Des Moines, Iowa and she's training,
which is really inconsistent on their power scale here because she's 110 pounds, 5'6",
she's doing pushups, she's doing pull ups right, one handed, and she's struggling to
do a pull up, 110 pounds right.
Then the next scene she's fucking lifting the back of a fucking truck like a car.
She's like, like that.
So I'm like, okay, how did you struggle to do a pull up?
Right.
That still jars me to this day.
And she's fucking punching holes into bricks.
There's a brick wall of shit, their garage is separate from their house and so she's
punching through the fucking brick wall outside the garage, just making dance into it.
So she's super strong and her powers are basically, she takes electricity from the environment
and she generates energy attacks, like just energy flashes.
And they're not really electrical, it's light.
But she needs electricity or electronics to even do, her powers are confusing to me.
If they're electrical, there's no electricity, she's shooting bursts of light.
But she needs electrical devices to power up her abilities.
Without them, she's just super strong.
Well, I mean, she's still super strong and super durable, but her main ability is the
light attacks.
So her ability is kind of fucking always confusing me.
They're not electricity based, being that she uses electrical devices to power herself
up.
So we come back to Huey, he's at home and he just finished a memorial for Robin and
Huey's dad, by the way, Huey's dad, who's also named Hugh Campbell, they're both Hugh
Campbell, but Huey's called Huey and the dad's called Hugh.
The funny thing about Huey is he played by Simon Pegg.
Now the reason it's funny is that Simon Pegg is actually the likeness character that they
use for Huey in the comic book.
The writer used Simon Campbell as the physical representation of Huey in the comic book.
Like the likeness, he took the likeness.
Like how Alan Moore took the likeness of that one musician for Constantine, or whatever
he said, I don't remember who he was supposed to be.
But it's the same thing, like he took Simon Pegg and just made him Huey Campbell in the,
not like 100% likeness, but that was the base.
Well it's kind of like how Luther and DC Comics was modeled after David Bowie.
David Bowie.
That's why they look the exact same.
Yeah that's what I was trying to say.
Simon Pegg is the model for Huey, so they made him the dad because he'd be too old to
play Huey in the movie.
But it's a nice little homage, I guess, or a throwback.
So they're sitting, they just get home, they're watching TV, and A-Train comes on into a press
conference and he says like, I'm sorry, I ran over that woman.
My bad.
He says it more tactfully, but that's basically what he said, like shit happens, I'm sorry.
And then fucking Huey gets real mad.
Because he said like, she got, I was chasing some bank robbers, she walked out on the street,
he said, she was a half step off the fucking curve.
And you'll hear that a lot in this episode, half step off the fucking curve.
Which she basically was, she has one foot on the curve, the other one on the street.
So the doorbell rings, and one of the representatives for Vought, the company that funds The Seven,
which is the Super League, the Just League team in this universe, like they're all corporate
owned by the way, all the heroes.
And so A-Train is part of The Seven, so he's part of Vought's company, he's their representative,
or he's their hero, I guess mascot, yes, I don't know what to say.
And so they're offering Huey a check for $45,000 if he signs his NDA, not talking about what
happened to Robin.
Right.
Huey's like, can I think about this?
And the guy leaves.
So we go back to Starlight, and she gets invited to be part of The Seven.
She'd been getting interviewed, because one of the members of The Seven was retiring,
so they needed a new member, so they decided to go with Starlight.
So it goes back to Huey, and he's trying to build a lawsuit, a wrongful death lawsuit
against A-Train, because they can't be criminally charged, because they kind of work like police
when they're in the field.
They can't be criminal for damages that happen on the job.
While doing their job, yeah.
Yeah, so he's trying to figure out how to bring charges to A-Train, and he gets in an
argument with his dad, because his dad wants him to sign the check and get this fight at
$5,000.
And he's like, dad, I can't do that, what about Robin?
He's like, Huey, you're not a fighter.
You never happened.
You don't have it in you.
Neither do I.
And I was like, I would have been mad if my dad, like, you're not a fighter.
I'm not a fighter.
And I was like, you whip your dad's ass.
I'll show you who's not a fighter.
He just beats the hell out of his wimpy father.
His dad's a wimp, by the way.
Huey Campbell is just like the saddest man that's ever lived.
And so it goes back to Starlight, and she's at the red carpet event, and it's the annual
shareholders, what did I write down here?
The annual meeting of shareholders, and one of the members of The Seven, The Deep, who's
their aquaman, he's invited to speak at the meeting, and he acknowledges that Lamplighter,
their once part of The Seven, was retiring.
After a long and distinguished career, Lamplighter's retiring.
Now welcome the newest member of The Seven, Starlight.
Starlight comes out to the fucking stage, and they're all happy, like, yay, Starlight,
and The Deep's doing his fucking posing and shit.
And so that's, yeah, the Lamplighter's retiring.
I guess if you want to know what the members are at the time, it was Homelander, Queen
Maeve, The Deep, Black Noir, A-Train, Translucent, and Lamplighter.
Lamplighter retiring is now Starlight.
So let's see.
So The Deep takes Starlight to the very top of Vaught Tower, Floor 99, which is like their
fucking The Seven's edge L.A. conference room.
It's so cool.
It's just like the highest point of the building, probably the highest point of the entire city.
They have this whole little V-shaped conference room.
On one side you have three, on the other side you have three, and at the very bottom of
the V is Homelander's seat.
So it's like, you know, like Brandy said, like that.
It's the way I see it anyway.
They could have changed it.
And so she's all excited, The Deep's like, oh, you happy to be on the team?
All this and that, right?
And then they get talking, he gets to Homelander's seat and she's like, is that his seat?
Homelander's, yeah, this is his seat.
You want to sit down?
And she's like, no, I can't do that.
They start talking and he starts saying like, oh, if she had a crush on Homelander, she's
like, no.
He always felt like Jesus, you know, like something so religious and like, because like
he's supposed to be so pious that no one would think about them sexually.
And she's like, actually, I had a poster about you, The Deep.
And The Deep gets all like, oh, he's like a little bit embarrassed, right?
So she starts talking about this and that and she pans back over and The Deep had pulled
his pants out, was jacking his dick off.
She fucking flips and she tries to walk away.
He's like, oh, what's happening?
What's he doing?
And he fucking coerces her by threatening her to be kicked out of the seven if she doesn't
blow him right then and there.
And so the scene cuts from there, but he plays with sexual coercion, which is sexual assault
because The Deep was always, he was never going to be a redeemable character.
So for that, that was the point starting there that he's going to have a downward arc forever.
So it cuts back to Huey and he's at a convenience store and he's getting some food, just some
drink or whatever and or some beer actually.
And he closes the cooler and he sees a picture of A-Train because in this universe, the seven
are like the most fucking famous entity in fucking the world.
So they have just like endless amounts of merchandise.
Like he had fucking, so he sees this beer, it's like the bullet ale, like A-Train's bullet
ale and he starts having a panic attack because he sees A-Train.
He turns around and he's looking at frosted A-Train, this fucking sear, it looks like
camped, like it looks like frosted flakes.
And then he walks around, there's a fucking a cutout of A-Train holding a Red Bull and
like the guy at the fucking counter is reading a magazine and on the cover is A-Train.
So he's like, no, he's everywhere.
So he's like, he has a fucking full on fucking panic attack, seeing A-Train everywhere and
knowing he could never do anything about it.
And oh wait, I did that fucking wrong by the way.
The deep sea, the annual meeting of shareholders was first, the Huey panic attack was second
and then the incident with the deep end started like was third, my bad.
I mean, technically it would have all happened in the same order that you said it.
So we cut to translucent on Jimmy Fallon and he's saying how, is it Jimmy Fallon?
He's on a talk show with Jimmy Fallon, like actually Jimmy Fallon.
And he's asking him like, so you turn invisible?
He's like, no, actually my skin's a carbon metal material and it bends light and like
his hand disappears, but he has to be butt naked to be invisible.
Like he can't be clothed at all because they haven't figured out the invisible woman type
material.
They don't have Reed Richards.
And so Huey's at work, it's late at night and the little bell rings, someone walks in
like and it's fucking Billy Butcher.
You'll find a lot about Billy Butcher and Billy's like, he's going through the little
the bears, the nanny cam bears and he's like, oh, you're looking for a little nanny cam?
Those are really popular.
And Billy's like, how many nannies you think really shake a baby?
And he looks over at Huey and he's like, I'm sorry?
Like what, 1%, less than percent?
How many do you think really like ketchup out of a bottle and he starts shaking the shit
out of this bear?
He's like, how many do you think really shake a baby for real?
And he goes on to say like crazy that, million dollar business right there.
You'd be surprised what you can sell people if you get them scared enough.
So his philosophy is that if there could be like one woman, one nanny, it was like 20
years ago, sugar baby, right?
And ever since then, every parent's been freaked out.
They may never happen again.
It was just that one incident.
Right.
But you can sell like a billion fucking nanny cams.
That one incident forever.
So he knows the game.
So he talks to Huey and he tells him that he's an FBI agent and that he's trying to
figure out like, uh, he wants to help him with his A train problem.
So he takes him to this, uh, this club.
That's a secret, um, oh wait, let me not get too ahead of myself like last time.
Let me see.
Yeah.
So he talks to butcher for a little bit and he takes him to, um, this club that's fucking
what did I not write it down?
Hold on.
Everybody calm down.
I'm on it.
Don't you even worry about it.
Yeah, but I went too far again.
No, no, I didn't.
Here we go.
Yeah.
So, uh, he's talking to Huey for a little bit and, uh, he takes them to this club, uh,
where it's a secret club for soups where they can get away from, uh, the prying eyes of
the paparazzi because they're like, they're like mega celebrities in this world.
And there's this hero named Ezekiel who, uh, uh, he's like a religious character.
He's capes for Christ and he runs this whole fucking program and like, he's got the, the
powers of Mr. Fantastic.
So he's getting a blow job from one guy.
He stretches out across the room, swings over and starts making out with these two other
guys and Huey and, uh, butcher have to walk over his fucking body.
It's the weirdest fucking shit.
There's a fucking guy like, and man's ability to get small jumps into woman's vagina.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
So Huey's fucking just like, like imagine like, you know, something like, you know,
something at a face value your whole fucking life.
And then someone comes in and shows you the, the, the, the thing behind the value, the
face value, and it just destroys your whole conception or your whole perception of what
you thought was, you know, and so like, like he's like, so he takes them to the back of
the club to look at this camera where A-Train and this other superhero are laughing at the
fact that he ran over, he destroyed, he killed Robin, right?
Huey's growth and so he just really like puts it like, uh, just like a, like this darkness
over Huey, like he gets real mad and, uh, it cuts from there to Starlight back in, in,
in, at the ball tower.
She's throwing up in the bathroom and, uh, and she comes out of the bathroom, she cleans
herself up in the next, in the sink.
Queen Maeve's doing stuff too.
Like she just, uh, it's like one of those like touch up stuff.
And they got the stalls, they got, it's like a, like kind of like an office bathroom or
like a bathroom in any building, but like she's going to end up living at that tower.
So that's, that's a regular bathroom.
So that's kind of weird to me.
Yeah.
That she's having her own private room with a bathroom.
Right.
And so let's like her, her room is somewhere else and that's just the, the main bathroom
for that floor.
Yeah.
But, uh, Queen Maeve gets mad at, uh, Starlight.
Like don't you, don't, don't ever let them see you like this cause she's crying.
She's got her mascara all running and like, don't let them show you how weak, or like
don't let them, or don't show, don't ever show them any weakness or something like that.
Right.
And she leaves, she says she calls translucent a pervert and she walks out and translucent
just materializes.
He's butt ass naked and he's just been watching them in the bathroom and he's like, Oh, I
guess I better just walk away.
Just fucking dick just swinging.
By the way, his dick to his belly button is real fucking far.
And I don't know why, I don't know why that upsets me so much, but like his, like the
distance is I guess cause I'm so fat, my belly button is like close, right?
Like his dick like miles away from his belly button.
Some of the weird things you notice in people's bodies.
I don't know why.
Uh, so it cuts back to Hugh and Butcher.
They're in this bar just talking and uh, Hugh is just like, his whole world has been shattered.
So like, he's like, so all our superheroes like this, they're all just horrible people,
even Homelander and uh, Butcher's like, no, Homelander is the exception.
Man's a saint.
Uh, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke.
Uh, just the good is still good.
He's fucking lying by the way.
And uh, he tried to get Hughie to go to Vaught Tower, uh, sign the NDA, get the 45 grand,
meet A train at the, the floor 99 in the seventh conference room where he'll plant a bug so
they, a Butcher can listen on their conversations.
And Hughie freaks out.
He's like, I can't do that.
And he leaves.
So Butcher's like, well, fuck me.
But now we meet Madeline Stilwell, uh, we don't meet her.
We met her earlier, but uh, this is like her actual like, uh, main, uh, scene for the episode
and she's talking to the mayor of Baltimore and how he's in, in line for a new superhero.
And uh, yeah, cause like, there's like 200 plus superheroes in the Vaught family.
So like all the superheroes, all the main ones are like, uh, they're, they're under
Vaught's uh, uh, umbrella.
So every super hero's corporate or corporate affiliated is fucking weird.
It'd be like Superman being Daily Bugle.
Yeah.
Or like, uh, just fucking, or being part of like Lex Corp or something.
Or Wayne Corp.
Exactly.
Wild.
And so, uh, uh, she wants to give him new VMPrince, this superhero, but she wants $300
million a year for his services.
And he's like, ain't no goddamn way I'm paying $300 million for a superhero.
Uh, I'll go as low as 200 million.
And she's like, no, thank you.
In the background, uh, Homelander, actually you see him fly by and, uh, real quick, just
for like a second.
Cause there I go up on a, on the, in Vaught tower and really high up, just see him zoom
pie with one of the windows and, uh, Baltimore's like, uh, what would happen if people find
out about compound V and, uh, still, well, you could tell she, she doesn't put on a good
phase like she, for a second she cracks.
She's like, uh-oh, he knows about compound V. And then the conversation ends there.
And it goes back.
So now, uh, Starlight's sitting, it's the next day, Starlight's sitting, uh, on a bench
in the park.
She's, she's super depressed after what happened with the deep.
And uh, she, and he was in the, on the, in the seat next to her and he just eating the
sandwich.
Like he's just eating, so I mean the sandwich is the weirdest thing on the scene.
Cause he's just fucking chowing down.
I've never seen someone sad before like that.
He's like, I'm so sad.
Can we eat this sandwich on this park bench?
I'm sad.
I'm a sad boy.
I'm a sad little boy.
I'm a sandwich.
I'm Keanu Reeves, I'm sad.
You ever seen that meme where he's eating the fucking food to the saddest fuck on the
bench?
And he notices that Starlight, the Starlight's crying and uh, they started talking and he
convinces her that regardless of what happened, right?
She's a strong person and she shouldn't let that thing keep her from doing what she loves
to do, which is to be part of the seven.
Like she doesn't, she doesn't tell him that she's a superhero because she's in her, she's
actually in her alter ego or like secret identity as Annie January.
So he just knows that she looks like she loves her job.
If that guy ever does anything and she's going to knock his head clean off, he's like, oh
shit.
And uh, him convincing her to, you know, pick yourself up and keep going, convinces him
to go back to butcher and say like, I'm in.
And so he agrees to help butcher.
And so the next scene is the seven meeting like officially for the first time and uh,
with Starlight meeting Homelander and everyone at Queen Maeve and Translucent and Black Noir,
they're all sitting and uh, she immediately gets disenfranchised by the fact that all
they talk about is their merchandise getting stolen.
Like Translucent's got a movie coming out three weeks called uh, Invisible Force 2 or
some shit.
They're all movie stars by the way.
And uh, he's like someone pirated my movie three weeks before release.
This is bullshit.
There, there's uh, unofficial Homelander t-shirts on Fifth Avenue.
What the fuck?
We're losing 1.2 billion dollars every year and they all have like four points of stock
in, in merchandising.
Except for Ray Tray.
Like you got four points?
What the fuck?
And then of course, Harmonize is like, like guys, what are we haggling about?
Nichols?
What's Starlight going to think?
Let's talk about what's really important.
Who did we save today?
And he looks over at Black Noir.
Black Noir, would you like to say first?
Would you like to start off?
Who did you save today?
Which is funny because Black Noir doesn't talk at all.
He's almost, he's silent.
Completely silent.
So the fact that he picked him first is funny.
All I'm saying is he's silent, which is there's something.
He does not talk for the first three seasons of uh, of the boys.
It's just the quiet ninja.
He's like the version of Batman I guess.
If Batman had Captain America's abilities.
Yeah.
Loves his knives though.
Afraid of Soldier Boy.
All right, so here we go as Dava.
And uh, Butcher gives him, like he takes off the covering for his cell phone.
He puts the listening device on the back and he covers it back up.
Very simple, I guess, way to carry a listening device.
And he tells him what he's got to do.
You get up to Dava Tower.
You go up to the seventh conference room.
You shake hands with A-Train.
You tell him to go to the, you tell him you need to go to the bathroom.
You take the sticky part off of the uh, the listening device.
If you flush it down the toilet, you go back to the thing.
You sign the deal.
You stick the thing underneath the thing and you get out.
He's like, you got it?
That's all you got to do.
That's it?
He was like, that's a lot.
Let me write this down.
He starts flipping out.
And he's like, and so Billy tried to calm down by saying like, look, you can either
do this.
You can either take the red pill, go up to Vod and you know, change your life forever.
Or you can take the blue pill.
Or where is it?
The red pill or you can, you know what?
Just stop being a cut and get out there.
And that's basically what he said.
Like I'm dead serious.
Just don't be a cut.
Get the fuck out of my car.
So he goes up there.
He meets A-Train and he starts having this little panic attack where A-Train, he sees
A-Train as he looked when he killed Robin.
He's covered in blood and he's just freaking out.
And then like something clicks in his head all of a sudden.
He's just like, I accept your apology.
Thank you.
You were out there saving the world, huh?
And then A-Train leaves and then he looks at the guy, the guy that offered him to check
at his house a while ago.
He's like, where's your bathroom at?
He goes to the bathroom that was on the floor that Starlight always goes to, that same bathroom.
And he's in the toilet.
He's trying to like take the thing off, take the plastic off.
And there's a big slam because someone slams the bathroom door and he drops the fucking
listening device outside the bathroom stall because he's hiding in the stall.
And he just still fucking stops like a fucking deer in headlights.
Starlight comes in and she touches herself up with some makeup by the window and she
leaves.
And once he realizes that that person is gone, because he doesn't see it, he doesn't know
Starlight.
And the Annie that he met a little bit ago is fucking wild.
How like, you know, it always like Easter eggs always coming together or I guess world
billing we should call it.
And so she leaves, he hears her leaving, never looks through the stall or anything, puts
his hand underneath, grabs the listening device, takes the plastic off, throws it down the
toilet, goes back.
And as he's leaving, translucent just appears, right?
And he's like, what the fuck?
Because he like, that was weird because he saw the listening device on the floor.
But he made sure not to do anything.
So he just goes invisible again, that's what I'm assuming, because he must have followed
him into the conference room.
So Q-I-G goes in, signs the NDA, slaps the thing underneath the table like a fucking
spy, bam!
And fucking leaves.
The butcher drops him off at his work.
And he's like, you ever seen an asshole rip up 45,000?
And he rips with a 45,000 dollar check.
Because to him it wasn't about the money, it was about justice for Robin.
And he goes to work.
And that little action he did was like really, for Butcher, was like, oh, you're a good kid,
Huey.
That really spoke to him, I guess.
You can see the minute facial change in Butcher's face when he saw him do that.
He's like, oh, this really is a good guy.
He didn't give a shit about 45.
If it was me 45 grand, I mean, did I really love my girlfriend?
But this 45 would go a long way.
This would be a douche, man.
You'd be surprised how quick people forgive the death of their family for some money.
Real fucked up.
Yeah.
I'd be like, man, take your money and shove it up your ass.
I'm going to bring all the vodka down.
I'm going to give the homeland to these hands.
Hit them twice and they get crushed like a melon.
He's like, I'm going to make a homeland and give the deeper blow job.
Oh, God.
And so Huey's just at work, right?
He's just like, though his boss leaves, you going to close up Huey?
Like, I got it, boss.
Just throw in little lug nuts into the little sorting tray.
And the door opens up again.
He doesn't look over.
He's like, I saw it were closed.
And he looks over and it's like fucking just there's no one there.
And then out of nowhere, someone says, who the fuck are you?
And Huey fucking flips the fuck out.
And the guy, it's translucent.
He drops the fucking listening device on the table.
I followed you from the tower, bitch.
And he fucking just starts beating the shit out of Huey.
Who was that guy in the car with you?
He's just an Uber.
Don't fucking lie to me.
And he's about to fucking kill Huey with a fucking TV, like a big ass screen TV.
Like with enough force, like one of these TVs, it fucking cracks on the skull open.
And right before he dies, this fucking, the angle is, the cinematographer was fucking
legendary for this.
Because it goes from like him, like it starts on like a top down.
So we're looking all like down, like the old GTA game, the very first one, which is horse
shit where everything is like on the top of their head.
And he's coming over to fucking crack his skull, right?
And a car fucking comes in the frame right to the fucking doors, like right to the fucking
front of the store, into the building and fucking hits translucent.
He's invisible, right?
But he goes through like four or five different fucking aisles, like shells, boom, boom, boom,
boom.
And then he opens the door like, get out of here Huey, I got this.
And so Butcher starts fighting translucent.
And by the way, this is a great example of the way to be a good fighter or soldier or
whatever you want to be in life is adaptability to the situation.
Like Butcher's fighting an invisible man and he does not know where to hit him.
So he's getting sucked in the face a lot.
And so he got hit enough that he's now he's bleeding out of his mouth, right?
So what does he do?
He spits on translucent and covers him in blood.
There you are, you cunt.
And he starts punching him, right?
And then he grabs a hold of his hand and spits on translucent hands.
So now translucent is covered in blood, but he's invisible.
Like adaptability to the situation will keep you alive.
Right.
Instead of being like if you follow a strict set of like skills that you have, you'll die
pretty quick.
Well, that's like the saying that you can know all the karate or martial arts that you
want, but it's only going to work if somebody follows along with you.
That's true.
Kick him in the nuts, I say.
Kick him in the nuts so hard they fucking go up in the street.
They just fall up in the street.
You better start coughing their nuts in their throat.
Like a nut stuck into like three Adam's apples.
Look like a frog trying to breathe.
So Butcher, of course, he loses because this guy's got his skin is like his hardest diamonds
and he's invisible.
So he's going to lose eventually.
He doesn't have super strength though, which if he did, it would have a whole different
story.
So he's about to kill him with the crowbar because Butcher pulled out a crowbar that
he only used, didn't even got to use because he missed when he tried to hit him.
He was invisible.
But he comes back after like he was thought about running away, but he decided not to.
He comes back and uh, oh did I fuck up again?
I did fuck up again.
There was a scene before that between the Stillwater and the Baltimore mayor where,
or Stillwell, where she called him up on the phone and he's driving to his car or he's
driving back home.
And they agreed to 30, 230 million a year, but that he doesn't talk about compound V
at all.
So he, if he doesn't talk about compound V, it's 230 million a year.
And he's like, I'm glad we could come to this arrangement.
And he fucking hangs up the phone.
Anyway, back to the fight.
So Huey comes back after thinking about running away.
He's like, I can't run away.
I gotta help Butcher.
And Butcher's about to get his fucking head caved in with the crowbar.
Huey grabs this, the TV that the transducer pulled out.
The cable is like still live.
So Huey grabs the cable and tried to shove it up translucent ass, but it doesn't go far
enough.
And uh, uh, translucent notices that he turns around and when he does, uh, Butcher kicks
him into the fucking wire.
Like you can see his butt cheeks like ample, like you can see a light up in the fucking
light, you know, out of all the invisible stuff that you see as an ass cheeks, like
it go like different colors, different shades of orange from getting electrified and translucent
just fucking passes out like clean out.
And they think he's dead because comelot or, uh, Butcher kicks him in the face.
Huey's like, is he dead?
Like, oh, he ain't moving, mate.
And uh, I was like, how'd you know that would work?
And here's the great thing about this show is that little stuff that you, uh, didn't
notice at first when you rewatch it, you do.
When Huey said earlier in the episode when he was trying to sell the HDMI cable that
was carbon was more conductive.
Yeah.
Then translucent said that, uh, his skin is carbon metamaterial.
And then so he was like, oh, carbon's highly conductive.
There you go.
And beautiful way to set it up.
Yeah.
He was always going to be vulnerable to electricity.
They just, we just didn't know it till he got hit.
And so, uh, Butcher's like, all right, help me get him into the boot.
And he's like, the boot, like the trunk, come on.
He's like, what do you mean?
Like you're a federal agent.
We just got assaulted.
You will be fine.
He's like, I won't be honest with you.
I'm not actually a fed.
So he was like, who the fuck are you?
And that's where that one cuts off.
Them trying to take a fucking superhero.
It'd be like them, uh, fucking knocking out the flash, right?
In that, in that universe.
And then try to hide it.
Like, dude, like, what do you do with the body?
We gotta get rid of this body.
Because once the rest of the Justice League find out he's dead.
So once the seven find out that a translucent out, plus they have tracking devices, all
the super heroes that I don't know how they get them into the skin by the way.
So they're like indestructible.
So go figure.
So the show, the episode ends with the Baltimore, the mayor of Baltimore on the, on his private
jet home with his son.
And it's like a little stormy day, the stormy night.
So, uh, where's the stormy Daniels and, and she should call her boost, uh, lightning and
thunder, but it would make sense.
That's all I'm saying.
Always follow the theme.
I like, I like when you follow the theme.
So it's, it's a lot of turbulence, right?
He's trying to make it by the way, his son got a, uh, an autographed, uh, photo of Homelander.
It's like, thank you.
That's so cool.
Like you, you, of course, anything for your son.
And uh, they look at the sun, looks out the window and sees Homelander, uh, and he was
home on our way zone.
And uh, the son's like, dad, look, it's Homelander.
And the dad's like, what the fuck is Homelander by the way, this is fucked up on my part,
but the guy that plays the mayor, he has this vein on his forehead, right?
That looks like a V.
So when he kept saying compound V, his vein kept looking like a V to me that I can never
unseat anymore.
Now, nobody else can either.
No one else can either.
I promise you the minute he said compound V, you'll see a V on the forehead.
I'm like, oh, he's been taking compound V. And the Homelander is like, look at him, right?
And the image here, right?
Cause we're looking at him from the, uh, the glare of the glass.
Like we're looking at him outside the, like we're looking at the, the, the dad and the
son were outside the, uh, the plane and the glare.
You can see, uh, Homelander, like in the glare of the, of the window and you can see his
light, his eyes light up like with laser beams and he just fucking blows this fucking car
plane up.
Just like with laser beams.
Like he just goes to like goes up down and like the shit just fucking crashes into the
like, into the ocean.
He just stands there looking, trying for like, hell yeah, I just did that shit.
So that simple act of that, we know that he's, but that simple fact is the fact that he killed
a little boy, like it was nothing.
Just like, you know how anti-abalical he actually is.
Right.
And that's all, that's it.
That's it for episode one of the boys.
Next week we'll do episode two and we'll just keep going till we're done.
We'll see how far episode, uh, season four goes.
Shit gets wild.
Yeah.
It's one of those shows that Invincible kind of pushed that same envelope.
They pushed it further when a fucking Omni-Man killed the entire fucking team.
Aside from-
Guardians of the globe.
Aside from Immortal.
Yeah.
Since he's literally-
I would have thrown that bitch into the sun by the way.
Like I'm just saying, like I would have just thrown her some lava or something.
There's something that can destroy him.
If you can't destroy him, at least you got to contain him.
If I can contain him.
I want to just head, I would have kept his body.
I would have just chopped his body and thrown him throughout the galaxy.
I'll throw your leg here, your fucking foot here.
Here's your arm.
Your head over here.
I'm done.
I'm a diabolical human being is what I'm saying.
If you tell me that you're going to regenerate, then I'm going to figure out how not to.
Right.
If I have to dump continual lava onto Wolverine for the rest of his life, like a perpetual
state of lava pool, he'll never regenerate again.
I'm that diabolical.
I think Wonder Woman won that fight in, uh, what do you call it?
Wipter titties out, pah.
What breast size, never mind.
What breast size you think what, never mind.
D.
A D?
I thought she was an A cup.
Just super built like a tank.
No.
She got some D's.
You can't have D's being that fucking built for battle.
D's, huh?
They'd be all muscle.
And she got her titties fucking flexing right now.
You guys don't even know.
All right guys, well, we will be back for more Wise Kids You Know and more The Boys.
Cool.
Good night.
All right.
Well, you gave me an idea of what to go over this week.
Swordography.
No, not pornography.
Damn.
I'm sorry.
I've ruined it all for you.
It's the only thing I love.
And if I slur any of these words, it's because I've been out for a long time today.
We are going to be looking at some of the artifacts of the DC universe.
Where they come from, how they progress through the storylines, stuff like that.
We got 10 of them.
I might do five this week, five next week, depending on.
Let's do it.
Five, five.
All right.
So we'll start off number 10, the Helmet of Fate.
So the Helmet of Fate was created by the Lord of the Order Naboo, along with two other mystical
items, the Amulet of Anubis and the Cloak of Destiny.
The three items combined would grant the wearer the power of Dr. Fate, the primary agent of
the Lords of Order.
So on New Earth in the 1900s, Naboo passed on these three magical objects to Kent Nelson,
who became Dr. Fate, protector of the world from evil threats.
During the Infinite Crisis, Spectre killed Naboo and the Helmet of Fate was left to stray
as Hector Hull, the latest Dr. Fate, also died.
The helmet then started a journey across the entire DC universe in which it passed through
the hands of several people, including Detective Chimp, Black Alice, Ibis the Invincible, Sargon
the Sorcerer, and Zahreel.
There's a bunch of people that possessed it at one point.
Well, I've had it too.
After this journey, the helmet finally reached the hands of Captain Marble, who tossed it
across the universe in order to let Fate decide who would be chosen.
It blows up a fucking like random alien city like, oh my god.
Leaves a fucking crater.
Let Fate choose who's going to have the role of Dr. Fate.
As Fate would have it, the helmet landed on Earth.
As Fate would have it.
Is that in parentheses?
As Fate would have it.
The helmet landed on Earth again and it was picked up by Kent V. Nelson.
Kent V. Nelson?
Mm-hmm.
Who's that?
The great nephew of the original Dr. Fate, Kent Nelson.
Ain't that wild.
The helmet provided Nelson the powers of Dr. Fate without the need of the Amulet of Anubis
and the Cloak of Destiny.
However, due to Nelson's lack of magical knowledge, he didn't use the helmet properly.
Instead, he used it for personal gain until he was confronted by the demon Negol.
Who?
Real close.
I know.
N-E-G-A-L.
It's close.
It's so bad.
I've seen those lines a lot.
Shit.
Negol.
Not.
Who sought to destroy any mortal who could carry the legacy of Dr. Fate?
Nelson tried to get rid of the helmet to avoid Negol's wrath, but soon he learned that the
helmet would always return to him, no matter what he did.
It's Fate.
I'm like, damn.
And the light.
Herbies.
It always comes back.
There's always the flare-up.
In the last effort to be free of the curse, Nelson gave the helmet to a medium who tried
to use the helmet drawing the wrath of Negol upon her.
After a long struggle, Kent V. Nelson managed to recover the helmet and use it to become
Dr. Fate and defeat Negol, although the events are not entirely clear.
So we don't know exactly what had happened.
On Prime Earth, after a group of sorcerer kings ascended to their cosmic positions as
Lords of Order through Hecate, they would learn the immense magical powers that were
blessed with no loner could contain properly in human bodies.
Nabu, one of these sorcerer kings turned Lords of Order, created the Helm of Fate in order
to bind himself to it, containing his existence inside of the helmet.
Over the millennia, Nabu and his allies, the Egyptian gods, would choose brave champions
to act with the Egyptian gods intending for them to accept the sacred duty of protecting
the world, while Nabu himself intends for his bearers to act in his battle against Chaos.
Hopefully, those caused by the Lords of Chaos and their empowered agents.
Kent Nelson was chosen by the latter and acted as Dr. Fate for years.
In recent years, the surviving Egyptian gods would choose the champion Khalid Nasour to
act as the next Dr. Fate due to his Pharaoh bloodline.
He would eventually come to act as an apprenticeship with Kent Nelson, his great uncle, and preparation
for the role.
Nabu would betray his two hosts, having been faced with constant war to the point of breaking
and blaming magic itself for being the cause and plotted to allow the other kind to consume
all of the magic while summoning the other Lords of Order to destroy magical realms and
usurping Nelson's body and will.
Eventually Khalid, Nelson, and Justice League Dark took all three sets of these people to
stop him and his fellow Lords.
The resulting events strained their relationship with his hosts.
When Cersei has usurped the power of Hecate and her Injustice League Dark came into the
conflict with Justice League Dark.
Again, there's Injustice League and then there's the Injustice League Dark.
So there's a mirror image even in this concept.
See, we could have a better name.
Injustice League Dark.
Justice League Dark Injustice.
Dark Injustice.
That's even better.
I know that's what I would have done, Dark Injustice, but I guess that's a double negative.
So you're even darker than Injustice?
Yeah, darker Injustice.
Jesus.
Khalid would appeal to Nabu's better nature in one his favor, Nabu making him the permanent
acting Dr. Fate and conceding all control of his power to him.
Recently, Nabu's power spirit would abandon Khalid for reasons still yet unknown and in
his place the Egyptian goddess known as Halhet would reside in the Helmet of Fate attempting
to warn Khalid of the coming destruction of the Tower of Fate at the hands of Merlin and
his pawn and a bid to control all magic on Earth.
Unable to properly convey the urgency of the situation, she would instead send Wonder Woman
to tell Khalid on Earth.
So instead of at this point in DC's timeline, the helmet doesn't have Nabu on the inside
of it anymore.
Makes this other Egyptian goddess now.
So they switched it around a little bit.
How are you going to deal with that?
Powers that it will grant you if you have the Helmet of Fate.
A magical repository, the Helmet of Fate functions as a powerful receptacle of magical energies
within its own right carrying powers beyond gods and is considered one of the most powerful
artifacts ever created by a sorcerer's hand.
Those who bear the helmet are often considered to be among the most powerful sorcerers in
existence while in use of it.
Also the ability to eat ass like in pink eye.
Although your mouth is covered too.
You don't have to wear it.
You just have to hold it.
Magical energy manipulation.
The Helmet of Fate allows the bearer the ability to manipulate various energies.
Chiefly, the Helmet of Fate grants the bearer the power to manipulate and shape energy at
will from even other power sources such as those who bear Hecate's Witchmark.
The Helmet of Fate has also allowed the power to manipulate other energy forces such as
Firestorm's Matrix or like the Firestorm Matrix itself.
What allows Firestorm to transform into the what is it two souls becoming one.
Flame on!
Kinda ya.
Witch power brimstone as well.
Magical sight.
The helmet grants the bearer the ability of magical sight making them able to virtually
see all magic around them at all times.
Even if you don't want to.
Cosmic awareness.
The helmet still bestows its bearer a higher level of awareness and knowledge compared
to that of other gods.
And negation aura.
The helmet of Fate bestows an aura that grants immunity towards certain powers such as those
originating from probability manipulation and disallows those with precognitive powers
from discerning their next actions.
So since you're Doctor Fate you basically get to control Fate partially.
Kinda cool.
And then there's associated powers depending on who is helping Doctor Fate at that time.
Like different gods and stuff like that.
Number 9.
Cloak of Destiny.
Its origin was Earth 2 or New Earth.
The current owner on Prime Earth is Khalid Nasur.
Earth 2 is Khalid Bin Hassan.
Earth 16 is Khalid Nasur.
Post Earth is still Doctor Fate.
And previous owners are Hector Hall and Kent B. Nelson.
And it first appeared in More Fun Comics number 55 in May of 1940.
More Funny Comics.
Same one as Spectre.
Huh.
1940.
That's a long time ago.
Basically it was a cloak that allowed with one of the three items that became Doctor
Fate.
The helmet, the cloak, and then the amulet.
Basically it allows magical resistance.
Basically it's a powerful vestiment considered both fireproof and able to resist and even
suppress various strong magical forms such as those possessed by the Lords of Chaos.
Okay.
So kinda straightforward but still powerful nonetheless.
I dunno it was a separate thing from the helmet.
I thought the helmet was the whole ensemble.
No.
It made everything else.
No.
Cloak of Destiny and the amulet of Anubis.
So you get a couple of things.
So see even Doctor Fate he has a cloak like Doctor Strange.
Almost same concept.
Probably not a sassy.
Not a sassy.
No.
It doesn't have a mind of its own.
But it was also created a lot earlier.
1940.
Number eight we have the Heart of Darkness.
The official name for the item is the Heart of Darkness.
Its aliases are the Black Diamond of Eclipso.
So that's our thing.
Yep.
It exists in Earth One, New Earth, Prime Earth, the Arrowverse and Stargirl.
It's in the Arrowverse?
Yeah.
We're not going to cover that because I'm not going to cover the Arrowverse stuff.
That's just its own thing that we want to forget some of it.
So the lead designer of it was Darkseid.
The place of creation was Apocalypse.
Something that most people don't realize.
The current owner is Bruce Gordon.
And previous owners are Gene Lorne, Darkseid, Eclipso and Morpher.
Bruce Gordon?
Mm-hmm.
You're like Jim Cornel's relative?
Must be.
Oh.
It first appeared in House of Secrets, number 61, July of 1963.
So on New Earth, basically the story goes millennia ago, it was cut, shaped and used
as a tool to crush those who opposed Apocalypse's ruler Darkseid.
The diamond was later mystically tethered to the demonic agent of vengeance known as
Eclipso.
So Eclipso originally didn't need the diamond to be Eclipso since Eclipso was the creation
that existed before the Spectre.
But Darkseid created this crystal itself.
At some point, the black diamond was brought to Earth where it eventually came in.
Must have been through a turn in his emo phase.
Probably.
I need my black crystal.
My black crystal diamond.
My heart.
Black is my heart.
If I get eyeliner running, leave me alone.
You still understand, I'm Darkseid.
His parents were super fucking supportive and upper middle class.
He started singing in there like, I wouldn't say- I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry, Mom!
Go back to the early 2000s.
Steven Pot, was it written by Steven Pot, man?
But his dark, his evil name is Darkseid.
All right, so at some point,
the Black Diamond was brought to Earth,
where it eventually became into the possession
of scientist Bruce Gordon.
Eclipso's essence, trapped within the diamond,
surged outward and used Gordon as a host
for his corruptive influence.
Gordon fought for years to free himself
from Eclipso's control, but invariably,
the Heart of Darkness always returned to his person.
Damn, say her face.
Exactly.
He fought so hard.
At one point, the Heart of Darkness
appeared to an insane gene, Lorraine,
and convinced her to become the new human host
for Eclipso's power.
This led to the Day of Vengeance issues
and stuff like that that we had with the Spectre.
As a willing recipient of Eclipso's power,
Lorraine wore the Heart of Darkness
as a broach upon her cowl.
She lost it during Countdown to Infinite Crisis,
and Bruce Gordon came back into possession of it
during Countdown to Misery.
Countdown to Misery?
Yes.
So like the minutes before I go to work?
Yeah.
On Prime Earth, when Kyla became an adult
in the gem world, he killed his parents
and received both of their blood powered
by means of the black diamond.
By virtue of his both having been born on an eclipse
and gaining his powers during one,
Kyla was tied to the darkness of a total solar eclipse.
He could not enslave those who were born
with the blood power of their houses,
so Lady Chandra of House Amethyst was able to defeat him
by opening a portal and dragging him to the first home
where he was trapped in the black diamond for centuries.
Chandra hoped to destroy him, but she failed
and the diamond survived with the essence of Kyla inside
until he could find a physical host.
The diamond ended up in hell.
In the early 11th century AD, it was taken to Earth
by the Amazon exorcistos, Amazon exorcistos.
That's a word I never thought I'd see.
It became more violent with it in her possession.
She eventually left in the Moorish city of Alwadi
where in 1043, Kyla's influence had turned a proud city
into a place of crime and corruption,
following the discovery of the Holy Grail
by the demon knights and a giant stronghold.
This is a whole totally different series
compared to the normal timeline for DC.
This is kind of like the before time.
It was used to balance the effects of the diamond.
Eventually the diamond was discovered by Dr. Henry Jekyll
who used it to create a formula
that transformed him into Mr. Hyde.
Yeah, I don't remember that in the book, but okay.
Yes, I did read it when I was younger.
Nearly a century later, the diamond had been housed
on Sitino Island where it was protected by the ghost
of all those who had died there.
It was discovered there by team seven
who used the black diamond's power in an effort
to counter a plan by Basilisk
against the metahumans and retrieve it.
During this death throw became possessed by Kyla.
After he was freed, the diamond was hidden
in the black room.
The booty hole somebody.
The black room, it was shoved up there.
It was hooped up there.
Just fucking fisted up that ass.
Years later, Catwoman was contracted
to infiltrate the black room and steal the diamond,
but she became possessed by it.
After retrieving it safely, it was delivered
to Alex Montez who after became possessed
by Eclipso himself.
Alex Montez, maybe it's Alex Montez.
Hey, Montez.
Number seven, the Sword of Night.
I'm losing my voice right now.
I can tell.
Have you ever heard of the Sword of Light?
Or Sword of Night, sorry.
Sword of Light, Sword of Night.
Sword of Mid-afternoon.
Yeah.
Basically it is in almost all the universes.
So Earth one, new Earth, Prime Earth, Future State,
and the Arrowverse two.
Damn.
Arrowverse got everything.
Yeah.
Except for good ratings.
Yes.
First appeared in Showcase number 82, May of 1969.
Its previous owner was Night Master.
Oh, so it's his sword?
Mm-hmm.
Is it still his sword?
I think he had that in the Shadow Pact comic book series.
Well, the current owner is Detective Chimp.
Wow.
So Detective Chimp has the sword.
That's wild because one of the latent abilities
was that if you kept it pristine,
because Night Master was an old man
during the Day of Vengeance,
and then the first issue of Shadow Pact,
the fact that he had,
because if he hadn't needed to get a chance
to really sharpen the sword or anything,
so he had just used it off the rack
because it was too late, it wasn't enough time.
But when the battle was over and everything,
he was cleaning it, and the more he cleaned it,
the younger he got.
It was back in his mid-30s.
Yeah.
By the time it was sharpened up again.
So that was pretty cool.
So with the sword, you can have an ability
called swordsmanship, where the sword
basically fights on its own.
Where you don't have to even know how to fight.
It just makes you fight.
Danger sense, the ability to warn him of danger.
Compelled truth, make someone speak the truth.
Like the last time you just gotta stab him with it.
Tell me the truth.
Ah!
Illusion negation, the sword will dissolve
any illusion it touches.
And the anti-aging aura.
Oh, there it is.
The longer he maintains control of the sword,
the vimaster will not age.
So there you go.
Basically, if he, whenever he wanted to retire, right?
Like let's say I wanted to live for a few hundred years
and be a hero, and then like I just got tired of it.
I just put it up in the attic, and I'll just die of old age.
And if I have second thoughts, I'll just be like,
oh, let me go clean my sword real quick.
You don't have that second thought,
like I got time to die.
You're on your deathbed.
Yeah.
I'm trying to get home real quick to fix my sword,
because I lost my wife, my kids are fine,
they're all grown up and you're there.
Like I gotta do something with my life.
And right before I get up to the attic,
I have a fucking stroke halfway up the staircase.
No!
Number six is the Starheart.
Its official name is Starheart,
but its aliases are the green flame of life
or the emerald flame of life.
It exists on Earth two, Earth one,
whatever it was like red.
Just fucking whatever if you like with people.
The lead designer was the guardians of the universe.
Originally more than four billion years ago,
the guardians of the universe
trapped all random magic energy
inside of Earth one's universe
and banished it to Earth two.
Duh nah.
And the additional designers,
which were Chang, Billings and Alan Scott.
The current owner is Alan Scott.
What is it?
It is the power battery.
Uh oh.
First appeared in July, 1940.
The power battery?
In all American comics.
So basically the history of it.
Oh wait that fight, that was just a battery?
I thought he had a ring.
It was, it's a different setup
than what green lanterns, normal green lanterns.
His weakness was wood?
Yes.
Jesus.
Yes.
So three and a half billion years ago,
a humanoid race from the world of Maltus
sought to bring order to the stars.
An offshoot of the race later became known
as the guardians of the universe.
They sought to remove magic from the universe
and laid siege to the necromantic forces of the cosmos.
Necromantic?
Yeah.
Just fucking dead bodies?
Mm-hmm.
We gotta stop these fucking freaks.
Yeah.
You see what they're doing out there?
Wouldn't blame them either.
Like if I later on the planet just saw people
with fucking dead bodies, I was burning this motherfucker down.
The war was costly on both sides.
The last time.
Yeah, every dead body was getting fucking ravaged.
After all we've changed.
That would be fucking psychologically debilitating
for your team, you know?
Yeah.
Like your fucking mates are just getting fucking,
fucking turned out.
Like the Horea?
It's like, oh my God.
They got Timmy.
The last to fall was the powerful Empire of Tears,
finally subdued by the guardians
on the tomb world of Yosmult.
The tomb world?
The tomb world.
They had a whole fucking world of just tombs
that they were fucking?
That's why it's necromantic.
Good God.
After the wars, all of the stray mystical energies
in the universe were gathered and bound
in an orb called the Star Heart.
This collective force was hidden in the heart of a star
and grew in power and eventually gained self-awareness
as the green flame of life.
So it actually gained sentience.
I don't know if that would be like, just like,
I, what, I, yeah, yeah, just for you screaming,
I'm in the sun.
Like, well, what would like, that'd be weird.
Like, what would just be like, just like,
but that's not the same way like for like us as human beings.
Like when did I first gain sentience, you know?
Yeah.
One day you're just like, you're just drifting through life
and you're just like, you're just like,
like a fucking ringing in your ears.
Like, what the fuck?
What, what is going on?
You know what I mean?
No, no.
Or if you're what's his name.
I want the blissful, blissful ignorance.
Or if you're what's his name, that the first,
the first roadie from Iron Man, Martin.
What, Terrence Howard?
Terrence Howard.
I was thinking Martin Lawrence.
But yes, Terrence, yeah, Terrence Howard,
where he remembers what it was like
when he was still in his mom's womb.
It's a damn lie.
He's full of shit.
He gained sentience way before.
He don't, I didn't, fully.
I was a sperm in my mouth.
I fought through, through the ovaries
and I made it to the eggs.
So I thought you lied to me.
You sack of shit.
I call bullshit on that 100%.
Oh yes.
Though the guardians,
that shit would be mentally taxing.
You'd lose your fucking mind in the womb.
Where he's like, remember this, remember this.
Like you're just trapped in there.
First of all, if you had sentience
as a fucking defenseless toddler,
you would lose, you'd go insane.
You can't pick yourself up.
You can't feed yourself.
You shit yourself constantly.
You're like fuck.
Your head's too fucking heavy.
Like you would fucking go insane.
It'd be a fucking biological prison.
That's why we don't get sentience until we're more capable.
Or at least self-awareness.
Probably yes, yes, true self-awareness.
Like if you were just like that fucking capable,
you'd lose your fucking mind.
You can't even articulate,
like you're going fucking insane.
Now you might remember like flashes and blips
from that time period,
but you're not gonna remember everything
from that time period.
Like self-awareness is like a fucking like,
just like a car crash.
Like one second you're like,
oh, then you're like, what the fuck?
What's my life even fucking mean?
And that usually hits around three or four.
Where it's like, huh?
My name when I was 22.
I'm like, huh?
No, I also.
All right, though the guardians were powerful,
the force of magic was something
that could not be contained forever.
In preparation for this day,
the Starheart wheeled a small portion of itself
to travel through the universe to fulfill its destiny.
As it traveled through space,
the piece of the Starheart gathered debris
over the centuries until it resembled a meteor,
which is what Alan Scott found.
Okay.
So 2000 years ago, the Starheart fragment
found its way to earth and after fusing
with the evil spirit of Yalan Guru,
crashed as a meteor in China.
A man named Chang eventually shaped
the meteor into a lantern.
His grandson gave it to 1940 named Manny Chang.
That's 1940, all right.
His grandson gave it to Kublai Khan,
who gifted it to Marco.
Marco?
Yes.
Not even a joke, yes.
Yeah.
Centuries later, an insane lamp maker named Billings
shaped it into a train lantern.
In 1940, this lamp was found by Alan Scott,
who used its incredible incomprehensible power
to become the first green lantern on earth for centuries,
or on earth in centuries.
Like if it was like real life basis,
he probably just died of radiation poisoning.
Yeah.
He's like, oh fuck.
He's like, am I a superhero, Doc?
Like, no, you have stage nine cancer.
Like, oh.
Oh.
Just like the news, oh.
Oh.
You literally have three minutes to live, sir.
Like, oh.
But all that crime I fought, like that was a hallucinations.
Those were all dudes.
The police found you in a park butt naked fighting an owl.
You were losing.
When it was an owl man.
All right.
So decades later, an alien named Zelaz stole the Star Heart
and raised its beloved Mala from the dead.
1940s already.
Mala, Mala, Mala.
Opposed by Alan Scott, Hal Jordan, and Green Arrow,
Zelaz retreated into the Star Heart
and awakened Mala inside of it.
Mala became the Star Heart's guardian.
The original consciousness of the Star Heart
later reawakened and destroyed her.
It grew in power and sought to control Alan Scott's life,
making him a young man again.
Scott and the Mystic Green Lantern,
God, I'm gonna fuck this up.
Torque Mata, Torque Mata.
Close enough.
Managed to contain some of the Star Heart's evil energy,
but the Star Heart itself escaped.
After the events known as Zero Hour,
the ring and the lantern were depowered
and the green flame dwell within Scott's body.
More recently, the Star Heart resurfaced in another realm
from which it took control over Scott's son, Obsidian,
in an effort to steal back the power from Alan.
By sacrificing his own Star Heart's powers,
Alan's daughter, Jade, defeated the entity.
The green flame now makes up Alan Scott's entire body
and uses the power to battle evil as a signal.
Wood is his only weakness.
How the fuck is wood the weakness of fucking fire?
Someone explain that to me.
My God, a forest, I'll never win.
What the fuck do you mean?
Are you talking about your fucking matches
or a bunch of fucking like toothpicks?
I said no.
Yes.
All right, so on Prime Earth,
which is what the world that we're on in DC comics now,
the story is a little different.
So millennia ago, in an attempt to become,
to bring order to the universe,
the guardians of the galaxy gathered all of ancient
wild magic of the cosmos and battle the evil.
They gathered ancient wild magic of the cosmos
and bound it within the heart of a star,
instead of into a, just a one little bundle of something.
Now it's literally just the heart of a star.
Though they believed it contained,
though they believed it contained within the star,
the cosmic heart of magic grew
and develops in dance and loneliness.
Because you know.
Play shit out here.
If energy's-
You can only jack off for so long.
Hehehehehe.
Uh, which is very,
if its energies became aligned with willpower,
it just, raw.
Like a carpal tunnel from just fucking jacking.
Basically to the emerald portion of the emotional
electromagnetic spectrum,
seeking to end its isolation,
the star heart willed a portion of itself
out of its fiery prison.
Mads.com.
Mm-hmm.
He's on Tinder.
Just fucking swathing.
It's on EBRD.
It's on Grindr.
And then he swathe across on Alan Moore,
like, he's like,
he swathe across on Alan Moore, like,
oh, hello.
Hehehehehehe.
Oh, it's you, sir.
What's his name, Alan what?
Alan Scott.
Alan Scott, he's like, well, hello there.
However, over time,
the sentience of the star heart had potentially,
partially leeched into the star's corona.
Where separated from the rest of itself,
its isolation turned into bitterness and rage.
Whenever the star heart's fragment escaped
in the star's gravity on its trajectory towards Earth,
a portion of the corona followed,
becoming the crimson flame.
Hmm.
In July of the year nine, sorry.
In July of the year 960,
I was gonna say 1960,
the Song dynasty was born in China.
In October of the same year,
the star heart fell to Earth as a ball of metal,
where it was discovered by a Chinese mystic.
The heart told this mystic,
three times shall I flame green.
The first one, big English.
The first to bring death,
the second to bring life,
the third to bring power.
The same night, call me on number three, I'll be back.
The same night the mystic forged
the strange metal into a lamp.
Two hours after this villagers killed him.
What the fuck is that?
That would have made it into a weapon, not a fucking lamp.
I need a lamp.
You know what I mean?
Like what the fuck?
It was glowing so he needed a fucking see, okay?
I can't believe that.
Yeah.
The same night the mystic forged the strange metal
into a lamp.
Two hours after this,
the villagers killed the mystic with the lamp.
And I'll die of a plague.
Like I'm beat.
He just beat him across the face with it.
It's just like 80 pounds.
The lamp would then be passed from civilization
to civilization,
neither staying in the same place for very long.
Around a millennium later in April, 1940,
the lamp was given a second,
given a scrap to a mental patient
in Arkham Asylum named Billy,
who forged the lamp into a lantern
and in turn gifted it to his fellow
deviancy wing inmate, Alan Scott.
Wait, Alan Scott was in a mental institution?
That's why I said this is a totally different,
this is prime earth.
That night Alan heard the voice of the lantern
out of the words, we bring life.
He's like, is this the voices of my head
or is this into their voice?
Though he mistook it for a dream.
Subsequently, Billy was taken by a hospital staff
and subjected to a neurological procedure
that left him cheered but broken and incoherent.
That old lobotomy.
Afterwards, Alan's journals were confiscated
by the asylum staff and Alan forced to undergo
electroshock therapy.
That night with the aid of sympathetic staff members,
the entire deviancy wing of Arkham Asylum escaped
and Scott fled out west taking employment
as a railway engineer.
Okay, that was like, thanks a lot.
I really appreciate you got him all good.
Thank you.
Taking the lantern with him.
Two years later, Alan brought the lantern onboard
a train trip with lover, Jimmy Hinton.
So now he's gay.
I assumed he was.
That's where it began.
As a result of sabotage by a competitor,
man's outgrinder.
After all.
Sabotage by a competitor aiming to win out
over Scott in a bidding war for a contract.
The train was derailed resulting in the deaths
of everybody on board, including Alan and Jimmy.
Damn, not Jimmy.
Due to Dr. Manhattan's influence,
in a previous iteration of the timeline,
Alan died, unable to reach the lantern.
It was later pulled from the wreckage.
In December of 2017, the lamp goes on a scrap pile
and is eventually found by the present day Johnny Thunder.
And an abandoned factory.
That's a good name right there.
That's my poor name right there, Johnny Thunder.
You know who Johnny Thunder is, right?
I have no idea.
In front part of the JSA.
He's a porn star.
Johnny Thunder.
Without the green lantern,
the Justice Society never formed.
Eventually, however, the timeline was corrected
and as Alan died, a green light emerged
from the lantern, returning him to life,
healing his wounds and gaining him the ability
of the green lanterns.
Yeah, so happy ending.
Where's Jimmy at?
Yeah.
I'm listening, Jimmy.
So some of the powers that the Starhart grants.
Basically, it allows phasing.
The ring permits its wielder to walk through obstacles
as if they were a ghost.
Metal manipulation, the wielder will gain the mastery
about all metals and be immune to it.
Except for wood, apparently.
Eternal youth.
The artifacts mystical properties also imbue one
with the seemingly vastness in the extended lifespan,
decelerating the aging process.
Flight allows one to fly.
Electric constructs, or energy constructs, sorry.
So basically what a green lantern normally would do.
Protective force fields.
He basically seemed to have a relatively permanent
personal force field that protected him from bullets
and the like, described as an invernability to metal.
Hmm.
Matter and energy manipulation.
Energy projection.
Reality alteration.
So basically it can change reality to a limited degree.
Teleportation.
Hypnosis.
Time travel.
Once the Starhart opened a time portal by 24 hours,
the ring needed the combined power of Alan Scott
and all of the Infinity and Corporation members
to return the latter ones to their own time.
Illusion casting.
Invisibility.
Antelepathy.
It's one weakness.
Wood.
The ring is ineffective against wood and plants.
So poison ivy.
Weird.
Yeah.
The ring must be recharged in the Starhart
every 24 hours to keep its potency.
And the abilities of the ring are powered
by the willpower of its wielder.
So technically it's like three weaknesses,
but the biggest, yeah, you can't fight off a tree.
Or what was it, somebody said that you could kill
every green lantern with the number two pencil?
It's yellow and wood.
Oh yeah.
And we'll do the last five next week.
Otherwise it'll take way too long.
Goodnight, Rek.
Alrighty, and last thing we got for today is some Reddit.
You ready to be disappointed and flabbergasted?
Absolutely fucking aghast to hear the absolute depths
of human depravity.
The things of like, oh my God,
I can't believe that these people are so stupid.
Alrighty, first one is by speeches and experiment.
Person boots.
I started, I 37, started getting white hair
whenever I was a teenager.
I started growing my hair out about two years ago.
So now I have nearly shoulder length curly hair
with white curls through it.
I love it, my wife loves it.
Life is good until last night whenever I flew
too close to the sun.
My wife was dying a couple tips
of our daughter's hair pink and blue.
My wife said to her, we should dye dad's hair next.
My daughter replied, boys can't dye their hair.
So after showing her some of her favorite musicians,
and I don't care about any of these people,
but we're gonna go ahead and skip that.
Billy Joel.
Because he just lists off a whole bunch of like dudes
and like groups that have dyed their hair.
Oh.
So basically she picked blue.
My hair is otherwise very dark.
So I figured it would only show up on my white hair.
My wife has claimed in the past
that dye doesn't adhere to white hair very well.
So figured no harm in cutting my whole head.
So how much it was going to show up anyway, you know,
my hair's already dark, so whatever.
So I wait to 30 minutes.
My wife takes my daughter upstairs to rinse her hair out.
And I hop into the shower downstairs.
A lot of dye comes out in the shower
and I think I'm pretty clever.
I never dyed my hair before
and having a couple of blue streaks and mists to curls
is going to look pretty cool.
I get out of the shower and dry my hair off
and look in the mirror.
My head's completely blue.
Okay, good, like it cuts to like,
cuts to three weeks later,
talks to stage four cancer.
Like, God damn it, what happened?
I wish there was a subreddit of that where like,
is something benign, right?
Yeah.
And like, so today I went to the convenience store
and then there was a cut to I'm now seven years in prison.
Wait a minute, where's the rest of the stuff?
Just get my head on everything?
Yeah, like it just, it says something really like,
innocent and then the last couple of sentences
is fucking outlandish.
All right, let's see here.
Like, like the one like,
like at the bar, we just said that,
so you can't shit upside down.
I'm like, wait a minute, what?
It's like, what?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
You just said you went to the park and jog.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I go upstairs where my wife is bathing my kid.
Um, so two things.
One, I think I have more white hair than I first thought.
My wife, yeah, I could have told you that.
And second, you may have been wrong about the whole,
white hair doesn't die very well thing.
They have a good life about this.
Now, I have nothing against dyed hair
and I work in a job where it doesn't really matter.
People don't care, wouldn't think twice about it.
Unemployed is a job.
So I'm unemployed, so what do I care?
However, I'm a 37 year old dad
who has never dyed their hair before.
Nevermind, nearly shoulder length blue hair.
I look foolish.
You look foolish with shoulder length blue hair.
Shoulder length hair at all.
All right.
Should be a cut off of long hair, to be honest.
You know what?
I agree.
That could just be me being like, being like a cumball.
Like fuck them with their hair.
You don't want those locks?
What locks?
I'm bald as fuck.
Fucking George Costanza.
Can't stand you?
Can't stand you.
This one is by add outrageous 2674.
Day five, the pipes are clogged,
not even gas is able to escape.
The doctor on day four said to take some laxatives,
but they had no effect.
My urge is great, the pressure is extreme.
Edema, edema, edema.
Just hear it back now.
The pain, my God, the pain.
But then she said, whatever you do, let it come naturally.
No bitch, blow this shit out my ass.
And don't force it.
You don't want 100%-
I think I'm a force.
She also said to get to the ER if nothing,
after morning attempt.
So here I am, morning after taking a ton of laxatives
the doctor gave me the day before, still nothing,
except the laxatives.
The next day, things felt way worse.
I swear to God, my stomach was twice its size
and I felt like it was going to explode.
Jesus.
So I'm sitting on the toilet,
approaching hour three and a half.
I felt a bit of movement and decided to finally push.
Lo and behold, after 15 minutes of pushing,
I get this huge relief.
I finally had a crap.
Then came the spine chilling feeling,
my innards feeling like ice, my spine went numb,
my legs go numb.
What, he just gummed like his fucking organs
fell out his ass?
What the fuck happened?
Thinking I was just sitting there too long,
I go to wipe and I hit something.
I stand up a bit and see something dangling from me.
It was my own colon.
Wow, it was some fucking guts come out.
A lot of shit.
What the fuck happened?
I forced my asshole right out of my body.
Freaked out by having a one and a half foot piece of asshole
hanging out of me.
I called an ambulance.
I fucking passed out.
Then off to the hospital I went.
I was in the hospital for a week.
I saw my doctor who told me not to force.
I told her what happened and she said.
Did you force?
Like what if, okay, let's be sitcom level here.
What if he gets to the ambulance, the doctor, right?
He gets rolled in, the doctor does, I did, you forced.
She sees his asshole sticking out of her ass.
She's sticking out, did you force?
No.
That's all she did, you forced.
Well, she says, she says,
that's why I didn't want you to force it.
You didn't bet you didn't tell me my asshole would fall out.
And you have a chance to detach parts of your intestine
and you can come out with the poop.
Good Lord.
Well, shit.
So here I am three operations later,
sitting on a donut for the next six to eight weeks,
shitting in a bag for the next three,
all because I forced whenever I shouldn't.
Well, how else are you supposed to get this shit out?
Let it come naturally.
Naturally?
Everyone pushes.
Let's see here.
All right, next one is by El Hombre, El Hombre Muruto.
Her muerto, hek muerto, probably.
For Spitz granted, this was a little while back,
but I will never forget this exchange.
Our group had a weekly afterschool meetup
for Ultimate Frisbee that has a mix of high schoolers,
college kids, and some teachers.
We weren't half bad and took things pretty seriously
now and again.
In a particularly close game,
I made what would have been a game winning flick to Scott,
one of the better players who happened to be Vietnamese.
The disc curved sideways and wasn't the best pass,
but was still easily catchable, especially by him.
We weren't much more than 10 feet from each other.
He just let it get to the ground
and hit the ground as basically watched it go by him.
I guess he thought that he couldn't catch it.
Regardless, he turned to shout at me, what was that?
I don't know why or what possessed him.
You fucking raised your voice.
I don't know why or what possessed him to react like that,
but we were admittedly already fighting tooth and nail
for this win.
So I guess we were just lost in the sauce.
What were they playing?
What are you talking about?
Just grab it, is what I say.
You fucking hoe.
Learn how to flick the fucking disc.
Learn how to fuck it.
Can't just start going off on each other.
How about you open your fucking eyes?
That's why your fucking family left you.
And then he replied,
what the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Thankfully, our coach stepped in between us
and started to advance on me.
I was essentially frozen like a deer in the headlights
knowing that at this moment I had fucked up.
Coach told us both to sub out
and neither one of us played the rest of the day.
Coach, they need us, team needs us.
I texted him later that it was a poor choice of words
and he understood, but holy shit, I embarrassed as hell.
And you get why he was embarrassed, right?
Yeah.
I'm well aware.
All right, next one is by Dem Slug.
It's first in pits.
I was too embarrassed to post this
when it actually happened on June 6th
and still feel really dumb butt.
I'll save another idiot.
I went out for a cigarette break at work
and thought I turned my car all the way.
I thought I turned my car all the way on,
I guess is what he was meant to put.
It was 110 degrees outside
and I was trying to have a little AC going.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie.
And I was trying to have a little AC going.
110 degrees, God dang.
Yeah, I never turned the engine
and was running my car on accessory mode
through the battery.
That doesn't make any sense either though.
You can't run your AC with the car not running.
But maybe he's got special.
Like you can have the, like you can have.
Special Elon Musk car, I don't fucking know.
That would be the only thing I could think of
because a normal car, the engine has to run
for the AC compressor to work.
So I'm gonna question the validity of this.
Now yes, if you just turn on your air itself,
it won't be cold, but you'll be getting like just air.
It's hot ass air, you're fucking mad.
Pretty much, yes.
For some reason, it was a 270 degrees in my car.
Well, after 15 minutes, I went to turn off my car.
But before I could turn it off, it turned itself off.
So I immediately tried to start it,
but you know, dead battery.
No.
So now I have to call my fiance to come out
and jump my car in 110 degree Vegas heat
and the kind of gentle good soul he is
where they're within 30 minutes.
God, they're writing some of the,
they didn't even put within, they put within a g.
Within.
I then had to explain to management that I'm a moron
and everyone was laughing at me.
Then I get home and remember, I pay for AAA.
And never had to have my Santa, my fiance,
come out for that.
Y'all, I'm not gonna get out of,
he says like Santa, my fiance, but you can tell.
Like you stupid bitch, what the fuck are you thinking?
Like he just cusses around when he gets there.
He's a 110 fucking degrees out here
that'll start your goddamn car.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Well, now you can all get the belt.
You just don't get the balls in this whole 1940s.
I don't want to be fucked up.
Just all you hear is just a,
a pow bitch right to the moon.
That's hilarious.
They got to know I'm strong, boom.
Next one is by Randy the Pandy.
Randy the Pandy, I like that.
That's the best name I've ever heard in this fucking thing.
Randy the Pandy.
Yeah, it's for some pips.
On a department wide call for work today,
I joined the call and made sure my camera was off
because I was also dealing with my autistic six year old child.
My ex, who I unfortunately live with
and stays at home while at work,
was still asleep as I didn't have time to wake her
to grab my child on the call.
Pre-call, everyone is lightly chatting
and I had been getting climbed on
and pulled and grabbed by my kid.
And from across the room,
they jumped into the wall with a loud bang.
My frustration overflowed and I rolled my eyes at my desk
and sort of muttered loudly something to the effect of,
Jesus fucking Christ,
just calm the shit down for three minutes.
In an annoyed tone.
Within seconds, I have 14 messages from various people
both below and above me that I'm not muted.
Ba-bing, bing, bing.
Waiting to see if this is,
waiting to see if I get a discussion tomorrow.
Just like, yeah, make sure that those,
make sure the microphone's muted.
I mean, I fucked all those people too.
You just fucking whipped down all of them.
Next one is by Platypus Dream.
This person pats.
There was food in the bag after lunch
that I wanted to keep cold.
Summer day yesterday.
So the car got hot while parked at work.
So I left the bag in the break room fridge.
In order to be forced to remember it,
I put my keys in the lunch bag in the break room fridge.
Okay, so normal so far, normal.
We're in a fucking node or something, bro, okay.
We fucking put my car keys in my fucking lunch.
Where I messed up is that this is my first visit
to the site and I don't know,
I didn't know the staff leaves at 4 p.m.
When we returned to the company vehicle at 645,
the building was locked.
The senior person in our group was supposed to have
a working key card for the doors,
but it didn't work at this location for any door,
despite the neck level up
of being about the problem repeatedly.
We walked around the building and found one of the doors
that wasn't completely pulled too.
And that's all that saved me.
Not good for security though.
Okay.
So basically he fucked up by leaving his keys
in the lunch bag.
Yeah.
Next person, it's by Luna6696.
You removed that nine.
Happened last week and the week before that.
I've always loved tamarindo candy.
You know what tamarindo candy is?
Of course.
Always, always, always.
I have a problem, sorry.
I probably have lead poisoning from sucking down
so much of that sweet and sour spicy goodness
whenever I was in elementary school.
But now I work at a dust job
and the store across the street carries
some interesting Mexican candy.
It's tamarindo, tamarindo, is that how you pronounce it?
Tamarindo.
Chili, sugar coated.
Chili, sugar.
That's normal.
What's not usual here is that it's coated
with tamarind seed, cause.
No, it has those.
So I bought it back.
This sounds fucking dangerous.
I'm being dead inside there.
I don't know what to do.
That shit sounds like.
I'm sorry.
It's like, oh.
My man, Spidey says the tingling.
That shit sounds fucking dangerous.
The seed pod, that shit.
We even fucking eat powdered steak skin.
But when he said the seed,
that shit sounds fucking dangerous.
Oh shit.
So I bought it back.
They're expensive, but they last me all week.
You have the thick coating of deliciousness
over an edible sour wrapper and you spit out the seeds.
The issue is that I love them
and they're covered in that thick, coarse layer.
Imagine sucking on sweet and sour sandpaper for two weeks.
I don't have to imagine.
I've done it all the time.
Especially if you're holding down the pod with your teeth
and rubbing your tongue around to lick off the coglia
without swallowing one of the seeds.
Wait, is he talking about?
It's a lot of abrasion.
I know what he's talking about.
Fucking hate that shit.
It's got a fucking pit in the middle of it
that you suck on
because it's all covered in the fucking,
it's like a goo tamarindo juice.
So you know what he's saying?
It's not a bad decision.
Fucking disgusting.
It's not a bad decision.
It's just like, I don't want to be chewing on a fucking,
it's like a fucking rock in your mouth.
They're not that dangerous.
So they're not as bad as what you thought at first?
I thought like, in my head,
I thought like it was like a tamarindo candy
with like little seeds all around it.
I'm like, I have a lot of fucking seeds of,
but no, it's just a pit with like the actual,
it's like jelly around a pit,
like a plum pit or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's not that, I don't know what he did,
what did he fucking choke on it?
It's a lot of abrasion.
Yeah, it's just hard as a fucking rock.
It finally took a toll on me.
It finally took a toll on my tongue
and everything hurts to eat.
But I still have half a bag left
and I have some for today
after taking most of the week break
and I think taste blood amid all the sweet, sour and spicy.
By the way, when you start chewing on the tamarindo candy,
like it's like, it's smooth, right?
And then like it turns into sandpaper.
So that's why I know what he means.
Like they don't want me to eat like them every single day.
The same thing happened whenever I was a kid
with those fruit sour altoids.
I burned a circle on my tongue about a millimeter thick.
What the fuck?
I'm in pain with the sanded tongue and everything hurts.
Wish me luck, I'm gonna try ice cream tonight
and see if that helps.
Hey well.
And last one for today is by Max Wellington.
Just a randomness, just an elegant and just a normal name.
I worked the night shift, so I worked past midnight,
but it was this work night specifically.
I worked at a restaurant and I was making my lunch.
I was seasoning my chicken and I normally use seasoned salt
along with a couple of other things.
I opened up the seasoned salt and it looks a bit different.
I wonder if they changed the formula or something.
I don't know, but I figured I'd try to see
if it tastes different before I put it on my food.
We make some very spicy food that requires a waiver to eat.
Kind of a gimmick to get people in.
And apparently we keep a ghost pepper powder
in a seasoned salt container now.
Good idea.
Now I dumped a decent amount on my hand
and popped it in my mouth.
Really worked it around to try to see
if the flavor was different.
It was.
It was different.
I thought it was fucking hot as hell.
It was pure ghost pepper powder.
I spent the next half hour out back munching
on a big cup of ice, tears streaming down my face.
Obviously one try was-
It's not running down his nose.
I know.
Fucking, a pool of shit rolling down his fucking pants.
Like his piss, he pissed himself, he's going through it.
Vomit stains on his fucking front of his shirt.
He's just with every fucking phase of barley,
fucking earwax drooling out of his ears.
Just everything.
Blood coming out of that.
It's like a god damn, you just going through it.
Obviously, once I was able to explain,
we had a good laugh about it,
but holy shit, that was painful.
Don't think I'll ever live this one down though.
Yeah, putting ghost pepper powder on your-
Into the wrong fucking container.
This is a dumb idea.
It is.
Like somebody knew that was going to happen.
You can't just, you have to label it like what it is.
Especially in a fucking kitchen
where they're fucking throwing shit into everything.
Imagine if somebody just got that random ghost pepper.
Yeah, like some customer with like ulcers, right?
Like I need some real light food, please.
Nothing too spicy.
And they give him fucking,
they actually give him a ghost pepper-
Fist of the season salt.
Fuck, it just blows his asshole out.
Like it throws up his fucking heart.
He'll be with that other guy.
Brr, brr, brr.
He'll be with that other guy that shit out.
He's gonna have his fucking colon.
God, I swear, people will be insane.
Very much so.
We Mexicans do that a lot, by the way.
We just put random shit into random containers.
Well, it won't be labeled, or anything at least.
He's gotta hope for the best.
Hey, growing up, if there was a country crock container
in the fridge-
It was fucking full of-
A 50-50 shot, it was leftovers or butter.
You don't know which one of those.
Not until you open it.
If it had those fucking blue tins,
it was always gonna be fucking sewing.
Implement items.
Always.
Ain't no fucking cookie in this motherfucker.
Never.
When somebody even put it, I seen it on a post on-
I was so surprised that it was never in the kitchen.
It was in some fucking drawer.
But you just hoped it was cookies.
Yeah.
I seen a post on X-Four, it said,
oh my God, there's actually cookies that can be found-
I don't know what you're thinking.
Cause nobody's ever got cookies in them.
It's always a random amass of like-
Fucking sewing shit.
Fucking needles and bullshit.
And every grandma has one.
Yeah, my grandma sure did.
All right.
Anything else to add before we head out tonight?
Nah, I guess that's it.
Cool.
Stay frosty.
We'll see you.
I have a terrible outro.
We'll see you guys in the next one.
School Out.