Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite internet and
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Let's go ahead and get started.
Avengers vs Justice League.
Who wins?
None of them do.
They're fictional.
Anyway, so earlier this week I decided to have a look at the live action versions of
Josh Whedon's, well, his, because he wrote the scripts for both of them basically, or
at least half of one and the full one for the first one.
So the live action superhero movies, the team ups of the Avengers that came all the way
back in what, 2010?
Like fucking years ago.
And the Justice League.
And I wanted to look at what was the differences of why one succeeded and one failed.
And I'm not claiming to be a fucking script master that knows the intricacies of storytelling
so well that I can just pinpoint anything and make it into a fucking masterpiece.
But I'll do my best.
And so I watched, first I watched Justice League because I hated it.
Oh, by the way, like I'm not one of those people that's completely biased on anything.
I'm so objective I could probably be a judge.
Like even if I like something, I can make fun of it forever.
It's just not my nature to be so like obsessed, like fan boyish on anything.
You don't want to be like a stand, like an M&M stand.
It's not that I don't want to be, it's like I can be.
Like I can enjoy things, but I can also see, I can take it at like an arm's length sometimes
and critique it.
I'm like, that's fucking stupid.
That's why I'm not a sports fan, because I don't like anything.
They're all the same to me.
Because I just can't be diehard.
I'm too, you know, objective.
So I love the MCU.
It was interesting when it came up.
I haven't ever keep up with it.
I've got nothing wrong with it.
I have nothing against the new shows or anything.
I just, it's been so fucking, there's so much to watch that my brain's burnt out.
I think because of the end of Endgame, it was such a good ending that it was like, fuck,
it's kind of hard to, you know, rebuild the momentum of how I got from Iron Man to Avengers
Endgame, you know?
Right.
So like, I'm just like-
And then of course with the back shelving of like Robert Downey Jr.'s no longer Iron
Man, you have Thor taking a little bit of a backseat now.
Plus with his goofy last movie.
Yeah.
They went a little far with that, I think.
So yeah, so I'm not a fan.
I'm not like one over the other, like blind, I guess I should say.
Like a diehard?
Like I'm not blinded by the love of one that I just completely shit on the other.
Right.
So I'm watching Justice League and it starts of course with the alien invasion.
Batman just finds some random thief on a roof and uses him as bait.
And the guy's just like, what the fuck is happening?
Like imagine stealing something and first of all you get beat up by Batman, then he uses
you to catch something else even worse.
So it's funny because the guy, imagine in my head, I was like the little trope of knowing
something that the rest of the world doesn't know, that you're in on it before they figure
it out, right?
Yeah.
And this guy knew, what was that, an alien?
From our perspective, he knew there was going to be an alien invasion.
So he probably prepared.
He got like survival gear stuff.
He was going to be a prepper.
He went back to the bar, right, with all the other criminals.
He's like, I'm telling you, there's aliens coming.
We got to hide in our basement.
He's like, shut up, Stan.
Like you know what I mean?
Like he knew because Batman told him like he's an alien.
And he's like, so it was so funny to me that he was like, this little random thief had
more information about what was coming than anyone else.
And so there's basically the same thing.
Like they were going to use a large alien force to overcompensate for the fact that
it was going to be a team of very formidable superheroes, which is a perfect way to start
a movie.
You don't want the heroes to go up against another team of super powered beings because
it would take too long to build them up into like the thing, right?
So it works well in live action where you need a bigger force of enemies, generic enemies
against a smaller force of heroes that are fundamentally stronger than they are.
Right.
To kind of counterbalance like the many versus the few, but the few being much stronger than
the many, it makes it equal.
It worked well in the Avengers.
That was one of the things that did better than Justice League was when the Chitauri
attacked New York and the heroes were fighting, they were doing really well against them,
but then they started getting overwhelmed by numbers.
And it's like, well, yeah, this is like, there's a lot of Chitauri, like thousands of them.
Yeah.
It's like fucking seven superheroes, even Thor and Hulk were getting fucking, you know,
tired.
And they didn't do that well in Justice League.
Like the parademons were barely even a threat at all.
I was like, what are they there for then?
Like the very last fight scene with the Justice League and they, that's another thing, the
location.
There was a lot higher stakes in New York because the Avengers were trying to defend
all the citizens and keep the invasion contained to a small area.
So they didn't hurt more people.
And for whatever reason, Justice League, they decided to fucking go to Russia with like
three people live out there.
So I didn't understand why there was no stakes there.
Yeah.
It's like the second point of putting down the middle of fucking nowhere.
You had like one Russian family.
That's it.
Didn't they correct that though with Zack Snyder's version?
I don't know.
I haven't seen it.
I mean, I haven't, I didn't watch it because I had to watch the both Joshua and ones.
I was going to say, I think they fixed that by adding more people, like where there's
an actual stake of people being there.
Like that, like that's the whole reason to being a superhero is to save people.
Yeah.
You can't save a deserted fucking area.
And so, so that's one for Avengers is that their enemy, their villains were not that
lethal one-on-one, but there was so fucking many of them.
They were just getting worn out.
Like they even show like they got Iron Man suit all fucking tore up, right?
And like a whole bullet holes and fucking like scrapes and scratches and like, like discoloration.
You got fucking Captain America beat to shit.
You got Hawkeye losing all his arrows because he fucking wasted them all.
And that's another thing, by the way, Josh, we'd have the type of a, a little film shot
he likes to do, which he likes to do the booty shot.
Yeah.
You noticed that he did it with Gal Gadot in just as late and he did it with the Scarlett
Johansson.
Yeah.
That man loves him some booty.
Well, I guess it's better than a feet like the dude from Nickelodeon.
They like feet.
They like feet or less.
It's children feel that you're a fucking pervert or Quentin Tarantino where he likes to suck
on toes.
That's his thing.
I don't, I don't judge them.
That's not my thing.
He had the scene written and then a casting for it.
He got, he just, yeah.
Like I just do it.
Fuck it.
He's the one that put it in there.
I sucked him, Teddy.
You don't know that I'm sucking them toes.
But he put the scene in there himself.
He's like, that's for me.
I mean, why not?
If I had a fucking Teddy sucking team scene with like Scarlett Johansson, the Teddy sucking
team.
If I had it a Teddy sucking scene, I'm like, I just put myself in.
Fuck it.
A lot of people said like that's real.
He actually did it.
Well, yeah, I saw it.
Like she puts her fucking toe in her fucking mouth.
You can't get any realer than that.
When it wasn't deep CGI in 1994, when the fuck that movie came out.
So, so yeah, the, he, Josh Whedon, like you can tell his film.
It worked better with Scarlett Johansson than it did with Gal Gadot.
Yeah.
I mean, her ass was out there.
It was a scene where she interrogates Loki and like, yeah, I guess just a black on her
just her booty.
You can just see a lot of ass.
Well Gal Gadot, she also didn't she have that skirt like thing too?
Well she had, there was one scene where she was just in regular clothes.
So it was just like her pants.
But I don't know, like the storytelling wise, I'm like, it's no point to show a booty shot.
Right.
Pervert wise, I'm like, okay, I'm all there.
If I respect, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't like just objectify a woman just for the scene,
you know, like they're saying porn.
So there was no reason to do the booty shots at all.
Other than the, I could imagine him in the editing bay, right?
Just re fucking whining that shit.
There's some more booty.
And so, so there's that.
And well, the villain Steppenwolf was hilariously under managed or underdeveloped.
Like he was like, it was a hot mess.
Yeah.
He was just like, you will love me.
I don't know why.
And he did like, he had no, his motivations didn't make any fucking sense to me.
Yeah.
I get it.
You want to conquer earth for a defeat centuries ago, but like, there's not like enough, like,
like, you know, energy there for me.
Yeah.
Like he was just there as a placeholder.
Well, like on the other hand, you have Loki who had so much pent up rage from the first
Thor that the reason to come to earth was he wanted to conquer the planet that his brother
loved just to fucking move her, just to make his brother mad.
Like you like just watching, I guess it's the actor, Tom Hiddleston, if that's how I
said his name right.
But he just like, you can just feel the rage, the fucking like, there's a scene where he's
him and Thor are talking on that mountainside.
It's a beautiful shot too, cause they're just standing on this fucking mountain.
Like it's dark, but then you can see them because of their colorful clothing.
And like Thor's like, you need to come home.
And Loki's like, I don't have one.
And he's about to get, and then Thor about to smack him in the face with the yulet.
Right before he does, Iron Man, you know, smacks him out of the way.
And they have that epic fucking fight, which is a trope by the way.
There is a trope where the first time two heroes meet for whatever reason, they get
into a fucking fist fight.
I don't know why, but maybe it's because like they're so used to fighting villains in costumes.
They're not used to seeing another hero.
So they're like, I don't know if this guy, this guy can't be a good guy.
Cause I've fought a hundred enemies and they're all wearing costumes.
So they start fist fighting.
So there's another thing that went well with, I avenged that didn't go up just as well.
When Thor and Iron Man fought in the woods, it made sense.
Thor had just, the Iron Man and Captain America had just captured Loki.
Cause he had just captured the Tesseract and he was going to use it.
And he was causing all sorts of mayhem around the planet.
So they wanted him to get, they wanted to get the Tesseract back from Loki.
So they had him under arrest.
They were on one of those little jets.
Thor comes in, takes him, Iron Man follows them.
And so Thor's like, he's my brother, he's Asgardian.
So he needs to come to face Asgardian justice.
Iron Man is like, cool, you can have him when he gives us the Tesseract.
Until then hands off.
So then they get into a fight and they did power scaling well for the Avengers because
Thor hit him with lightning, right?
He hit Captain America, or Iron Man with lightning and he upgraded Iron Man's power capacity
to 400%.
A lot of people don't realize, didn't notice that until like the, like the, I think the
second viewing, right?
It's like, oh, he just powered up Iron Man's suit.
Like cause, cause Thor is beyond more powerful than Iron Man.
Even with the suit on.
And so that was a good power scaling like addition to make his suit stronger.
Even with it stronger, he was still no match.
Like he tried, like he was, he was using like his wits cause Thor was pure fucking power.
So they have that-
That battle experience.
Yeah.
So I have that, they have that fight and there's that great scene where fucking Thor picks
him up and flies with him and he just fucking grinds him against the mountainside.
And like, then they fall back into the woods.
They hit him fucking big red oak, right?
They're fucking fist fighting and in the background, the tree falls.
Nothing about it being so realistic made it so much more believable.
Yeah.
Like this is just huge fucking tree.
Like you can just feel the weight of it come down behind them as they're fighting.
It was, whoever wrote that, I guess it was Josh Whedon, but it was a beautiful fucking
scene with like, cause there's two different things happening and you, you, you kind of
like watching them fight and the tree fall.
It was a good like a counterbalance.
So they're fucking fist fighting.
Iron Man's losing and you know, Captain America gets there.
Like, and he, Thor tried to hit him with the hammer on, on his, on his fucking shield and
it causes a fucking concussive wave and blows up the whole fucking forest.
And they're like, are you done?
Are we done?
And like, I guess they were done.
By the way, that was a great shot where all three of them are standing in like a little
like a, kind of like a diamond or like a pyramid or a triangle.
Cause it's just one, two, three.
Yeah.
But the way they're angled, they're like kind of like a profile or like side profile.
So like none of them are like the, like the, the lead.
They're all like getting, you know, equal and like, like, oh, it's the fucking shot
of the big three.
Cause they were going to be the big three for the rest of the series.
They were the main movies.
So it was like a little foreshadowing.
They were going to be the main team, the main heroes.
So like, I'm almost blown away when I realized that.
And so I think you have on the flip side, you have the justice league when they fight
Superman and it made me mad because it's like, what, what was the setup?
The entire setup was Superman just came back to life.
He's reading all the fucking things people said about him in his little Memorial place.
And cyborg suit is like, I got to shoot Superman.
You remember that?
Like he's just like, my suit's taking over.
Like in like, it considers him under threat.
So cyborg suit like automatically shot in him.
And I'm like, what, why, why would his suit like, not his suit, but his, his like cybernetics
like for whatever reason, like just flipped out and like it created that like weapon to
his that sonic gun that he uses on his left hand.
Yeah.
And he shot Superman.
I think that changed that though, whenever Zack Snyder was able to finish it.
I fucking hoped they did.
Cause that was a dumb shit.
Well, they also gave cyborg an entire backstory, something that he did not have, I'm assuming.
Cause like it's been a long time since I've seen clips of the original.
I just, the fact that his dad used the mother box to bring it, like he was like fucking
in bits and pieces on a fucking wall.
And like his dad's like, I gotta bring you back.
And he fucking shoves the fucking mother box up his ass or something.
And he comes back, he's like, and like they have a fight, right?
And the suit just fucking beats the hell out of everybody.
And then you have that famous Gal Gadot, oh no, that terrible delivery.
And so Superman leaves and they just, they just got their asses beat.
And so there was another, like, I guess, cause it was Josh Wien, I guess he was trying to
do a little bit of the old one or of the Avengers in Justice League.
Because when they're on the helipad in the Avengers, they're, at first they're not like,
they're all like individual superheroes, right?
And they have their own interests and dislikes of each other and this and that.
They don't know each other very well.
And so they're kind of still like iffy on what the, how they should feel about each
other.
And so they have this big argument on, in the helipad after they find out that Fury
is using the Tesseract to make weapons.
So they have this, the entire team has this huge, except for Hawkeye, they have this huge
argument.
Well, cause he was, he was mind controlled by Loki at the time.
Yeah, I was gonna say, he's like the one that can't fight any of them anyway.
So like they're all having this big argument and like, you know, Captain Raker wants Iron
Man to put the suit on, so like a fist fight, Thor is laughing, like you humans are so
tiny.
Scarlet Witch, oh, Scarlet Witch, fucking Black Widow wants the Hulk to leave the room
and like, and the Hulk's like, fuck you bitch, I was fighting in fucking Calcutta.
And so they're all just arguing with Nick Fury.
Like it's like, they're all just like, it's, it fit perfectly within like the, the buildup
of the movie.
The tipping point, like we're like, they're not, they're not going to be a team at this
point cause they're fucking cussing each other out.
And they try to do that in the Justice League where they're all mad because like, oh, we
got Superman back, but it didn't work.
Fucking Aquaman is fucking destroying random shit.
And then like Bruce Wayne says something about Gal Gadot's ex lover and she fucking pushes
him and fucking breaks his ribs or some shit.
And I'm like, that's it?
Like they were like, they were like fucking verbally cussing each other out in the Avengers,
right?
Like it felt like real and authentic.
And over here they have a fuck a couple of remarks and it's over.
Right.
So it's like, it's not like that team breakup didn't work.
And plus when the Avengers had the argument, they got attacked by Hawkeye and the team
to spring Loki out of the helipad.
So they immediately had to go into hero mode.
So they had to like pretty much work at the sort of like a, like a, not a team, but like
to help save the, cause the helipad was fucking coming down.
And so that didn't work for the Justice League as much as it did for the Avengers.
And what else?
So I don't know, like it just feels like everything flowed well in the Avengers from beginning
to end, even like the hero introductions, like you get a rehash of Captain America,
Thor, Iron Man, and with Justice League, you kind of just, that's another thing.
I don't understand if Bruce Wayne knew what Aquaman looked like, why is it when he went
to that ice, that, that little town in Iceland, he was like, I'm looking for a man that comes
on the high tide and he's looking dead at fucking Arthur Curry.
And it looks like he doesn't even know who he is.
I'm like, I don't fucking understand.
He only noticed it, it's him after this little old lady starts coughing her lungs out and
her grandmother moves to help her.
She gets out of the way of this fucking mural in the back.
That's like a painting of like, of Aquaman.
It's like, Oh, Aquaman.
Like, so you're Arthur Curry.
I'm like, yeah, you have a fucking video of him.
And back at the Batcave, like he had a video of all of them.
Cause he had one of Gal Gadot, Flash, Cyborg and Aquaman.
So I'm like, how do you not recognize Batman?
Did he have fucking dementia when he got there?
That didn't make any sense to me why he was acting like he didn't know who he was.
Right.
Or he legitimately didn't know it was him.
Cause you have a video of him.
Cause in the end of Batman v Superman, they have a video of Aquaman destroying some like
submarine or something, some like probe underwater.
And it's a full video of his fucking face.
It was wasn't it?
Yeah.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Do you not know who the fuck he is?
Wait, it was weird to me.
Yeah, that is a little bit weird.
And I, uh, you can tell that Joss Whedon put in a lot of extra stuff that was like his
ideas.
Cause like you said, he was trying to bring the Avengers style.
Storytelling.
Storytelling and like, um, comedy and everything that worked for the Avengers, but it wasn't
going to work with what Zack Snyder had planned for Justice League.
Yeah.
That's another thing.
I think Zack Snyder wanted it too.
Like he, it was felt too disconnected to reality for me.
Like in the Avengers universe, right?
Like you meet all these people, these characters that aren't like part of the main storyline,
but they're like, they feel like real, like they really, they really live and they really
like exist.
But then you have the characters in like this world.
They're like just random fucking nobodies that you forget about except for one character
by Emma Howard.
He was a janitor.
The most realist character in the entire series of the that's the, of that, uh, run of, uh,
DC.
Look him up, Howard the janitor.
You'll see the scene when he talks to Silas.
That was the realist character ever seen in the whole series.
And he was like, had like, he'd like like two scenes.
Well they gave him a, uh, extended in Zack Snyder's.
Howard?
Cause everybody loved him.
Like, cause whenever they gave, what was it?
10 million extra dollars to Zack Snyder to finish his cut.
Give me 10 million dollars.
I'll do the greatest movie series of all time.
My storytelling skills are getting a lot better with my, now that I'm learning grammar too.
It'll be a formidable force by the end of the year.
That's always something to look forward to that, at least.
God dang.
The greatest screenwriter of my generation.
The William Shakespeare of America.
The Edgar Allen Poe.
Even without me dying mysteriously for some William fucking reason.
You don't want to be that person.
What dying mysteriously?
Drunk?
For some, did someone else close?
Weirdest shit I've ever heard.
The truth is usually stranger than fiction, sir.
That is true.
Incidentally.
Generally, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I'm just, I'm learning little by little.
And I guess the more I learn, the more I get mad at stuff.
There was a lot of stuff in The Avengers now that I was like, I wouldn't have done.
Makes me seem snobbish.
Such ass, let's make some people mad.
Well, I mean, like they had Captain America shoot a gun in that Avengers movie and then
the first Aven, in the first Captain America movie.
And then he wouldn't touch a gun, right?
That he never touched a gun again.
Like what happened?
They should have been blowing the fuck out of people.
Like he shot a gun two times in two instances that I know of and never since then they just
stopped having the music.
I don't know why.
I guess I wouldn't feel like Captain America shooting people.
But by the way, he killed a lot of fucking soldiers in that fucking movie.
Yeah.
Plus it had one of my great, my favorite action sequences of all time when he jumps the gap
and he smacks a grenade down and it fucking blows up below, underneath the, below the
helipad.
It's such a beautiful shot.
I can watch that shit forever.
He fucking jumps up, fucking PAH!
That shit blows up underneath them.
And then like he picks up a gun and like the way the angle works.
So he picks up the gun right after from a soldier.
Cause there were, there was an attack from Hawkeye and Loki's control people and they
were all dressed up like shield agents to camouflage or decoy themselves.
So at first he thought they were a shield, but they weren't.
And he grabs the gun and the way that they do the angle.
And he like the way Captain America shoots, he starts fucking spraying.
Like he's never shot a gun or he's never been trained in military technique ever.
Like he's like, and then like, then like when it cuts to a different scene, like he's doing
the soldier, like the soldier suppressor fire, like an actual soldier.
So it was kind of weird to me that he does a fucking spray and spray when he first picks
up the gun.
Like he's never shot a gun in his life.
And then he's doing a tactical suppression fire.
Two sides.
So like they should have shot it a little bit differently than that for me.
Yeah.
It like, it broke my little fucking train of concentration there.
I'm like, okay.
So he's like, well, he just picked up a gun and like, like if it was, if I was, if I was
to pick up a gun and like I've never shot a gun in my life, right.
And I just started fucking blasting like, like in the sweeping motion.
Yeah.
Like you would never do.
No.
That's what he was doing.
Like, I'm like, huh, Captain America, they didn't train you too well with the shoe.
Good thing you're super strong.
You never learned any of the tactics.
I guess not.
And so, uh, and of course kept, uh, you have Iron Man who carries the whole fucking movie
on his back.
Yeah.
Like just as he didn't have that, they didn't have a character that was stood out from everyone
else.
And like, by the way, they assume it ruins the fucking movie because I will always say
this.
The minute he got there to Russia, all the efforts of the justice league without him
were fucking pointless.
Okay.
They get there and they struggle to stop the, uh, the mother box from unity merging to defeat
the paradigm.
They're all fighting, right?
Superman gets there and he helps, by the way, Steppenwolf was fucking rocking both Aquaman
and Wonder Woman at the same time.
Like they were, they were having trouble with him.
He gets there, he beats the fuck out of Steppenwolf.
He helps Cyborg break apart the mother box and he saves way more civilians than the Flash
does.
And then they have a truck full of that family and Superman says it was a whole fucking building's
worth.
He gets there and there's no, they could have just fucking left and they're like, you got
it?
Okay, I'll see you later.
You know what I mean?
Like what the fuck was the point?
Like, and like, there was no gravity to what they were doing.
Right.
Once he got there, that was a fucking wrap.
I was like, wow.
There goes, when the Avengers were getting their fucking asses beat, they were losing
so bad that they fucking set a nuclear bomb to blow up Manhattan.
And then they're like, Iron Man took that bomb and put it through the portal that the
Chitauri went through and destroyed their mothership that was the connection to their
hive mine that disconnected all the Chitauri.
There was stakes there.
Like there was no one else that could come in and help.
Their fucking option was a real life option that would have destroyed the entire fucking
state of Manhattan.
Yeah.
Over here, you're assuming like, I'm here.
What are we doing?
And like, I'm like, well, okay.
Where I don't know if they did it with, did they on that justice league?
Because like I said, I haven't seen the full movie.
So you would know more than me.
Did they have the bomb go off?
What bomb?
Where Flash had to turn back time slightly?
No.
Zach Sanders, he does.
Where Flash actually has a role to play.
Other than just run around?
Yeah.
So basically he runs back in time to stop the bomb.
What bomb?
At the end of the movie.
There's a Palme de la movie?
For that, yeah.
Interesting.
Like where he actually, he starts running basically while everything around him is disappearing.
I'll be right back.
So he has to try to run super, super fast to go backwards.
Didn't it, didn't it snack and time?
I don't know if it was the same thing.
Superman and Gaster, right?
The symbol was trying to stab him with the axe and it doesn't even make a dent.
He's like, not impressed.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay, so it's the same fucking thing and it's going to happen again.
But the mother box actually creates an explosion.
It does?
Yeah.
And is it like, there's something extra at the end of Zack Snyder.
At least the black suit made sense in the Zack Snyder cause he was trying to get more
radiation from the front.
And the black clothing would have done that more than any regular clothes.
Yep.
Cause he took it from the comic book version of that.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Now you, now you got to compare the two.
What, just like in Justice League?
I'm probably still be mad as fuck either way.
Probably.
But you'll look at the Joss Whedon one and it's like, oh, oh God.
Dude, look at it already.
It's like, oh.
He's really doing what the Zack Snyder one is.
It's too long.
I wonder if I should even blame him that much.
Cause he was working with already finished material anyway.
I would blame him because he didn't have to go and change as much as he did.
Nah.
Like making people reshoot scenes.
Like I said, he tried to put a lot of the bright, like guardians of the galaxy type
humor.
He wanted a lot of booty shots too.
Yeah.
I think you wanted her without the, with her Wonder Woman suit too and I don't think God
did it was going for that.
No, no she was not.
What can I tell you Josh, if you want to shoot porn, shoot porn.
Exactly.
Don't force your actresses.
They're trying to be serious actresses.
To be fucking pulling ass out.
It's like if she could just take her pants off at the same time, he would have been perfectly
happy with that.
There was another thing in the Zack Snyder one that didn't do in the, uh, Josh Whedon
one was when Cyborg fucking gave that woman struggling to pay her bills like a million
dollar bonus.
Yeah.
One thousand customers.
She was like, oh, holy shit.
I like that.
Like, I don't know.
Like yeah, I think Zack Snyder's universe was way too gritty for a lot of things.
It wouldn't have fit.
Yeah.
And in our time, in our mindset right now, people want like escapism and levity.
Right.
But over the Josh Whedon one, a thousand percent.
Cause there was at least a unified vision of what Zack Snyder was going for.
Like where it fit in with the other movies that he had already had like the Man of Steel,
Batman v Superman, stuff like that.
What about his, uh, his choice for the, uh, uh, what about his decision with Wonder Woman
that her people were a descendant of Kryptonians?
That was going to be his, yeah, that was going to be the end.
That's what he was going to do.
Yeah.
And then he changed that for like old, uh, Kryptonian from years ago.
And then he changed that.
They just fucking broke a bunch of vaginas and made a bunch of kids.
Yeah.
He didn't end up changing that though.
Thank God.
I don't think he changed it.
Just didn't have a chance to do anything with it.
No, he, he like, he rescinded that idea.
Thank God.
So if he ever did finish any of that, it's not important.
It would be quite the contentious moment for sure.
Yeah.
There would have been a lot of people not too happy with that.
Another Josh Whedon.
There was people that boycotted seeing that movie.
I did.
Josh Whedon?
Yeah, that one.
I'll give everyone a chance.
I didn't-
You get one chance from me.
That's what I gave Cali- that's what I gave Green Arrow- Lantern, that's what I gave that
Fantastic Four shit show.
You only get one chance.
Uh, although to be fair, I don't know if anything could ever beat Fantastic Four.
The reboot one?
Lord, that was-
Oh, how fucking garbage.
It was bad.
To learn that clobbering time was a reference to when his older brother used to beat the
shit out of him.
So he decided to use that clobbering time.
Like, oh my god.
How is that even a good choice?
In one of his famous- his famous catchphrase, clobbering time, he got it from his brother
who used to say it right before he beat his ass.
Right.
Okay, that was- that was a terrible idea.
That's a horrible reason to keep that phrase.
Yeah.
Instead of changing it.
Imagine like little Ben Graham like playing with blocks and his brother comes in and says
clobbering time.
Socks him in the nose.
Be like how Bruce Banner got beat by his dad.
Quite the choice there.
I really liked the actor that they picked for Bruce Banner in The Avengers.
Like he just felt like he was a highly capable man trying real hard to suppress the monster
inside.
Mark Ruffalo?
Yeah, I felt better for him than Edward Norton.
Yeah.
Like he just felt like a better Bruce Banner.
Because Edward Norton was like a scrawny white guy.
And Mark Ruffalo was like he built like a tank underneath his fucking oversized clothes
trying to control, you know, the monster inside.
Where- That's my secret captain, I'm always angry.
I love that scene.
Even though I'm goofy.
That's my secret captain.
I'm always angry.
He's just fucking pissed off.
Always pinned to a brace.
Fucking stubs his toe on the door.
He starts turning green a little and he goes back.
He goes back to normal.
Oh god.
That was a good fucking choice.
Plus when that guy fucking finds him and he gives him all these clothes and he's like
uh, you an alien?
He's like no.
Well son, you got a condition.
You got a fucking medical problem you need to deal with.
That was another great shot in Avengers where Low-Key locks Thor in Bruce Banner's prison
in the helipad.
I remember.
And he drops it right and you see it come out.
And then you see it hit open air.
And I'm like that's a beautiful fucking scene.
Because like you just, you can see like the fucking weight of it when it fucking pops
out of the fucking bottom of the helipad and just open fucking air.
And that shit just fucking tumbles down.
You think it would have killed him?
Probably not.
It just really fucked him up?
Yeah.
See that's something I don't also get.
I'm assuming the real plan was if Thor, right, was ever gonna fucking drop it over open ocean
and have him fucking lay at the bottom of the sea was what they were gonna do.
I think that's probably what it was.
I don't think they were planning on it.
I think they were gonna fucking drop him to the Mariana Trench and lay him down there.
Yeah, because I was gonna say if they were just dropping him straight to ground where
he was gonna break eventually anyway.
He just got back out.
I think they were gonna fucking leave him in a volcano somewhere.
And mostly when you consider that Thor has been thrown into mountains, Hulk has jumped
out of like helicarriers and stuff.
That second fight was also fucking, it made sense because the Hulk was out of control.
And the only one that could have stopped him was Thor.
So when they had their little fight was fucking epic.
I tried to think better.
We're not your enemies.
But he was sucked in the face.
And then like he, Thor realized that this is a really strong opponent that he's not
used to.
Yeah.
Someone fighting on an unequal level.
So when he gets Mjolnir, he fucking uppercuts him with everything he's got.
And the Hulk's like, motherfuckin...
And that's what I'm saying.
Like being drawn from that little plane.
Yeah, it would have been fine.
I mean, they're hitting each other.
With like fucking like titanic fucking punches.
Like the gravitational force of the earth.
You falling from that height is gonna be nowhere near what they're actually hitting each other.
Wait didn't he fall from that height anyway when he fucking blew up out of the fucking
plane?
Yes.
Oh yeah he did.
Yeah.
It wouldn't have made no fucking sense then.
Exactly.
So they had to have had a contingency to just drop him at the bottom of the ocean.
They had to have.
Because there's no other reason to keep that fucking prison.
Now it may have hurt Loki.
It would have probably killed him.
Maybe not killed him, but it probably would have hurt him.
Because think about it, the Asgardians already have a higher tolerance of...
He's an ice giant.
Exactly.
But...
Yeah, if I fall on that little bit it ain't gonna kill him.
Yeah.
So I'm surprised he did.
He would have pissed off Hawk Moore.
I'm surprised that Thor was trying to struggle to get out anyway.
Now it may have been able to contain him.
Just leave him down there.
But like acceleration forces and him hitting, I really don't think it would have done all
that much to him.
Unless with my master's degree in physics if you jump right before it lands you don't
get hurt at all.
Do I get an O?
Did you actually have to put a PSA out to knock you there?
Is there enough science?
God, do people really believe that?
Yeah, people really...
You will get fucked up regardless.
They recommend that you lay flat on it to disperse your weight.
Jesus.
That way I think...
They fucking find me dead, face down, ass up.
That's the way you lost us.
Fucking plywood and fucking rebar of my ass.
I just died like a man.
Just standing?
Yeah, standing straight up.
It's bad though when they do really have to put PSAs on the doors.
I've been in so many elevators you do see a couple of them that actually have these
little drawings.
Yeah, you will still die.
Yeah, you're still gonna die, don't you?
We got that weird phenomenon when it goes down, like I feel a sudden rush from my lower
extremities to my upper.
I don't know why.
I guess so.
I'm like, oh, that feels weird.
Oh man.
So yeah, Avengers works just so he didn't...
It has nothing to do with the fact that, you know...
I mean, people have more than those Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman.
They just didn't write it right.
And so they were doing it in half, like it was half and half.
They have Josh Whedon, half Zack Snyder.
Of course it wasn't gonna work.
Well then they cut it down super far too.
They made the extra like...
They cut it down to the same time as fucking Avengers.
Come to think of it, like around that time.
Yeah, they were trying to compete with them.
I think they moved too fast to begin with.
They should have...
They should have slowly built their world like they did Avengers.
Well, stop trying to race Marvel and create your own shit.
Because if they would have waited like a year or two, it would have worked.
Maybe not with that story, but...
They should have done at least five movies.
Because they did Superman, Batman meets Superman, Wonder Woman.
That was it.
They should have...
They needed two more.
They had Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, and then they had Avengers.
Right.
Oh, Incredible Hulk 2, never mind.
Yeah, but nobody really counts that one.
It's still...
Well, in terms of contingency, I guess it does.
Because it was supposed to be the same Bruce Banner.
But nobody...
It's like nobody counts that movie.
I love that movie, man.
I find they broke Harlem.
So they had their five, so they just needed a little bit more.
They needed to set their big three like they did for Marvel.
They should have had Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman.
The Trinity.
Right.
You set the Trinity up.
It's literally called the Trinity.
And then you're fucked.
And then you get put like, you know, you're gonna put the Flash in one and kept the Cyborg
in another, you know, like as little side characters, they get bumped up to just league
level like Hawkeye and Wonder Woman.
Well, Flash has a repertoire with Batman.
Right.
You can have them in like, he can make a cameo for a couple of scenes in a Batman movie.
And then you can always have Cyborg come into like something to do with like Cadmus or something
for Superman.
So let's see, Superman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Cyborg, Flash, Batman, Six, right?
Yeah.
Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Incredible Hulk.
Hawkeye.
Hawkeye and Wonder Woman, or no, Six as well.
Yeah.
Even tried to do the Six, but it's a Super Six.
Yep.
And you still fucked it up.
And I still like, before Marvel came out with these movies, the, I think Justice League
was probably more well known by normal people.
By a lot, yeah.
Because Batman, Superman, that already tops everything.
Even like with the old like Justice League and Friends or shit, all the way back then.
But like the bat symbol, everybody knows the bat symbol.
Nobody knows a Hulk symbol because there is no Hulk symbol, just green.
Like there's no logo, like an actual, like an emblem for Hulk.
But Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman and Flash all have very distinct emblems.
The lightning bolt for Flash, the WW for Wonder Woman, Superman's symbol is iconic and so
is Batman's.
Like that's four right there.
It means hope.
It flows like a river.
Have you ever fought a hippo?
That opening scene from Justice League.
College humor did a thing with, where it's Superman tries to recruit Batman.
He's like, but why?
You can do everything, why would you recruit me?
He's like, you're right, and he fucking just leaves.
Well no, he's like, the S stands for hope.
In my language is, hope doesn't start with an S, dummy.
H-O-P-E.
Like it pulls out a chalkboard.
But no, like Justice League, they have some very heavy hitters, but they also left out
Green Lantern.
Maybe that was the problem.
They were thinking like, oh, brand recognition.
Everybody will know who it is.
It'll be alright.
Superman sells.
Yeah, but not whenever you fuck stuff.
Look how fucking, we got Khal Drogo here.
He doesn't even want to lose him.
And the thing is, is that they also left out, like they included Cyborg, which I think they
could have done without.
Like if you were going to do an original Justice League movie, you left out two heavy hitters,
but Cyborg is usually not included in the very beginning Justice League.
You would have taken out Cyborg, added Green Lantern, and Marsha Manhunter.
And they didn't do that till the end of Zack Snyder's movie with Marsha Manhunter.
The famous like, I've been watching this whole time, I don't help.
Exactly.
But I was here.
Are you lazy mother-sucker?
But yeah, you left out Green Lantern.
Green Lantern is like iconic, but I guess after that movie, you know, they didn't want to
reboot it yet.
So they couldn't get Ryan Reynolds again?
He was doing that.
Hell no.
Although I think he fits Deadpool much better.
Yeah, it just has personality.
Yeah, it fits him very, very well.
Might actually be Deadpool just in human form.
He's this multiverse.
Oh yeah, like that's our version of Deadpool.
He's the actor version.
Ryan Reynolds.
It is weird.
Some actors just portray the characters that they play so well.
Yeah.
I mean, like you can always see Chuck Norris as Texas Walker Ranger.
Yeah, Texas Walker Ranger.
Cowboy is using karate.
Yeah, Walker Texas Ranger.
Okay.
My granddad fucking loved that shit.
He watched that shit all the goddamn time.
Just watching fucking Chuck Norris kick people in the face.
And it was all his number one like signature move was the roundhouse kick.
Was it?
Yes.
It was like a spun around kick in the foot of his skull?
Yep.
Or the chest where they go flying backwards.
Do you ever do a gun or just kicking people in the face?
Just kicking people.
That's how you do it.
And it's like roadhouse.
The kick.
So he's an old cowboy getup.
Yes.
Using karate.
Yes.
That shit that much was like a thousand episodes, wasn't it?
How long did it last?
And then they tried to redo it with the guy that played Jason Padalacki, the guy that
played Sam Winchester.
Sam Winchester?
Eat Sammy.
What did he start to make?
Sam?
That's a six foot nine?
Yeah, they tried to, they did that Walker Texas Ranger.
Yeah.
But they didn't feel, well, it wouldn't really work because you don't know any martial arts.
I mean, not really.
Like I don't see him in a fucking cowboy fucking half fucking doing front kicks.
Ah!
The guy with the cast name is Walker.
That's another thing.
You can't reboot something that has a specific trope.
And an iconic person too.
And then not do the trope at all.
Right.
But like if I rebooted, let me think, what's the show if I reboot?
I mean, if I rebooted a monk, but he was like some nasty dirty garbage man instead of the
OCD person he was.
Right.
That can't get dirty.
Would make no sense.
I can still see Chuck Norris is Walker Texas, just like the older version.
Like, have you seen the dude?
He still looks jacked as fuck.
The same fucking red beard he's had for 55 years.
Oh no!
And that shit happened since he was born.
Nobody has a red beard but Chuck Norris.
He came out and he slapped the doctor on the ass and said the other way around.
He came out and started handing out cigars to his dad and everybody in the waiting room.
Walked his ass out there.
He goes, some cigars, man rolled them myself in the womb.
Well that's it for Avengers.
And I guess that's it for Avengers altogether.
I guess they're making another one, Secret Wars or Invasion or something.
I don't know what's going on.
Secret Invasion.
Secret Hidden Invasion 2.
With the scrolls.
Even more secret.
Did you see how they're also supposed to be to where Secret Invasion is, it follows the
comic book too, but where it makes a lot of the previous stories come into question.
If that was really the hero or the scroll.
Oh yeah, because they did that with Rhodey.
Rhodey's been apparently on a scroll the entire time.
Since he broke his fucking legs.
So he missed everything after that.
Iron Man's dead?
Yeah.
That's fucking wild.
I think that throws too much comic book lore into it.
And people that only follow the comic books that are going to understand it.
Like just a normal viewer is like, huh?
So you're telling me that Thor fought this person, but that wasn't Thor?
That was not, that was Skull Thor?
Right.
So it's like, so the scrolls are really hero.
But they're not though, I'm confused.
Right, it's going to create a lot of confusion.
I just go home and see their dick in the dune of the popcorn ball.
The dussy?
I don't know, that's weird.
I guess we'll see, they just have to find the good writers that can write.
They can explain a lot of complex Marvel lore in a way that is understood by those general
men.
And that's going to be something.
They did it well up until Avengers Endgame.
They explained the Infinity Gauntlets, the stones, what they were for, why they needed,
the tesseract.
They also had to retcon a little bit whenever they had Thor writing their rock.
They had the gauntlet in Ion Thor, but he hadn't made it yet until like, fine, I'll
do it myself.
And she knocks it over.
Fake, fake, fake like these days.
Guess we'll see.
It's something that's hard, like it's hard because you can't keep it all under one umbrella
because sometimes it's different studios or writers.
So they don't all have the same story Bible, all 100% of the time.
So stuff that was great in that movie kind of fucking made a plot hole in the fucking
future series.
Yeah, pretty badly too.
So they had to get rid of that fake gauntlet.
The site was way too big anyway, even for fucking Thanos.
I was like, God dang.
So her fucking dad wore it, how big is his fucking hand?
That made no sense either.
It was his.
Or like, yeah, like the rumor that he actually had some of the stones first.
Yeah.
It's like, okay, so Thanos somehow copied Odin's.
Made no sense.
Like he just looked over his shoulder one day at school.
That's a good fucking idea.
Yeah, because he only conquered nine worlds, the nine realms as they called it.
He wasn't like a fucking prolific conqueror like Thanos.
No, no.
But Thanos also didn't want to fight Asgard while they were still in their prime.
So he waited until the Ragnarok to really make his move.
Especially because he needed the dwarves to build the gauntlet anyway.
Right.
It's crazy.
He didn't want to fuck with Odin.
Yeah.
Even as old as Odin was.
He's like, I'll see you later, my son.
He's just like a puff of fucking flowers or some shit.
He's like, oh shit.
Glitter.
Yeah, he's just gone.
From that strip club?
Just fucking dipped.
It's all glitter he got from that strip club the night before.
He fucking dipped and then his daughter came out and started wrecking shit.
I was like, oh shit.
Yeah, that whole concept is lit.
I leave everything to my daughter and she fucking dies.
And Thor's like, who?
Oh man.
Well, I guess we'll see what the future holds for DC and Marvel.
Cool.
I'm pretty sure they're going to keep making films until people stop watching them.
Yeah, I think people are starting to reach that limit a little bit.
They never know.
Superhero burnout a little bit.
A little bit.
Or maybe just bad story burnout.
Bad story burnout is so consistent in nowadays.
DC can at least say, we haven't really made a movie in so many years.
We're still fresh.
I think the last one was what?
Aquaman 2?
Yeah.
That was the bookend on the Zack Snyder universe.
But there hasn't been another DC movie since then.
So they at least have a little bit of a chance to say, okay, let's go ahead and re-
Just see fucking James Gunn in the fucking basement just writing away.
Yeah.
Now I will say though, animated wise, they're killing it with a lot of their animated movies.
Yeah, I was watching that Infinity War one.
Most of it.
I haven't seen part two yet, but I think it's already out on Max Think.
Yeah, I think it is.
Like fucking part three, four, all of them are already out on fucking Amazon.
You want to buy?
No.
No, no.
It's been $100.
I'll just wait for it.
All right.
Well.
Damn, my fucking neck.
Well, let's go into some DC lore at this point then.
When you only move from the movies to the comic books.
We're going to talk about the endless today.
The endless.
The wonderful endless.
So basically we're going to start with the history.
Spoiler, some of them do end.
Not completely, but they may appear in different forms, but usually have light skin and black
hair because that's what Neil Gaiman or Gaiman wanted.
That's his style.
Yes.
But that's just wanting to be me.
Exactly.
They're all his black hair.
With the exception.
He looked like death sometimes.
Sometimes, yeah.
Like he had the same like crazy hair sticking around.
Oh, you mean Sandman?
Yeah, Sandman.
Yeah.
With the exception of the redheads destruction and delirium.
Destruction and delirium.
Yep.
Their appearance can change to fit the expectation of others.
When asked by Marco Polo, if dream is always so pale, the dream king replies that depends
on who's watching.
So this sounds kind of creepy.
Kind of fucking pervy shit.
Are you people into it?
I'll take whatever form you want.
The origin and exact nature of the endless is unknown and few hints are giving as the
exactly why the endless exists, which has kind of been talked about a little bit in
DC comics.
Basically, whenever a universe comes into creation, you get destiny, which is created
death because humans start to live.
Like every one of the endless is just innate to that universe.
Isn't it just a whole diamond theory like the American gods where the human belief or
like a collective human belief in a certain thing makes it real?
It's actually a little bit different than the American God series.
Maybe different.
And the fact that it's just intrinsic.
So like once life comes to exist, there's death.
Death comes knocking.
You know, like every one of the endless, there's always going to be delirium.
There's always going to be destruction.
There's always going to be death.
There's always going to be destiny because there's a destiny set out for every person.
Every living being dreams.
Like all the endless have like they just exist there.
Like nobody has to believe in them.
Nobody has to care about them.
They're just there.
It's kind of like eternity from Marvel, where eternity is just created once a universe is
created.
If you answer ever given as to exactly why the endless exists.
And like I said, there is a little bit of like reason for it.
It's more implied that there are natural processes.
While it is stated outright, they're the children of time and night.
This may be true only in the abstract sense.
So it's kind of like hinted at that that's their parents basically, but they were adopted.
Yeah, they were basically.
The endless are as old as the concepts that they represent.
And although exact ages for many of them is unavailable, only relative ones are.
They are known to have at least existed far longer than that of Earth has.
Because they're universal aspects, not like earthly aspects.
And let's be real busy.
Yeah, this is possible because of the existence of many advanced alien civilizations from
long before the creation of the earth, such as the Owens and a bunch of bunch of the others.
One example of this is whenever dream is recognized by Martian Manhunter as the dream God on ancient
Mars as well as in the endless nights chapter dream, the heart of the star, which takes
place before the sun's planets have awakened with life, death has claimed that she was
there when their first living being stirred when the first living thing stirred.
And destiny has said that dream had given the earth itself the fond dream of being able
to support life.
Like I said, they're abstract.
So they make one like the planets are also sentient.
Kind of.
Yeah.
Kind of like you ever heard of mogo?
Yeah.
I mean, living planet like ego from Marvel.
Yeah.
It's like a dream for a power battery, I believe.
He's got a battery.
Yeah, it's a it's a green lantern.
Yeah.
It is one of the green lanterns.
So their functions and domains, the endless spend most of their time fulfilling their
functions as embodiments of natural forces.
For example, death leads souls of the dead away from the realm of the living.
Well, dream oversees the realms of dream and imagination and regulates dreams and inspiration.
Well, then dream must love me.
I don't know, inspiration, god damn fountain of shit I can't keep.
You know what?
You know, my one my one story teller problem is if I could focus on one project, it'd be
funny like if I like if I really condense like if like somehow fucking hold on to it,
right?
Because like, OK, because I get you get I get an idea, right?
And I crunch it down so I can focus on it.
Right.
And then like out of one side, it'll sort of pop out like, you know, it'd be cool.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, it's like crack that form.
Yeah.
Like if I could just hold it in this fucking state and crystallize it until it's just in
its full form, I could make a good story without the walls breaking.
Yeah.
So the Japan's pretty cool.
You know, like it'd be like a different setting for no reason.
What about this fight scene that has nothing to do with the storyline at all?
I'm like, hold on to it.
If I could do that, it's like trying to hold in those gravitational forces of just energy
because it just it's like it's like on a fucking analyst fountain of just random ideas and
fucking dialogue and fucking scenes and stuff.
I'm just like, God, if I can just hold on to one from page one to page 200.
Yeah.
I'd be done.
I can have a hundred movie ideas by tomorrow and there's their fucking worthless if they're
not fucking completed.
Right.
So, so dream would love you then.
Some of the endless are more dedicated to their tasks than others.
The young endless, especially desire are known to play games with mortal lives.
Fucking pirates.
Your desires.
Destruction often called the prodigal abandoned his duties altogether.
It didn't care anymore about destruction.
If one of the endless are destroyed, then he or she will be replaced by another aspect
of their role.
So they don't take me.
Like I said, their natural forces are kind of, yeah.
So it's kind of like, it's kind of like the way dark side is with his avatars.
The endless are avatars of these natural phenomena.
So if one of like, say for instance, if Morpheus had been destroyed completely from Sandman,
then another aspect would have created itself.
Where's Neo?
How did he figure it all out?
He's the chosen one.
He flies like Superman, but he doesn't block the bullets.
He just stopped them.
I know.
You're not ruining this fucking jacket.
It is leather jacket.
But there does.
But this does not occur if they are simply absent or inactive, which is one of the reasons
why Morpheus was never replaced by another aspect of dream.
Just retired.
Basically.
And his domain fell into shambles.
So in such cases, like at rest, it wants to sunrise on a glorious universe.
Like Thanos go to a fucking farm to retire after he fucked up half the universe.
Well, you remember what happened to Morpheus though, right?
Where he got caught and was stuck in like a, he was trapped in a ceiling circle.
Was he butt ass naked to you for some reason?
Yeah.
They took all my clothes away.
They did.
They took away his important stuff.
It's like, no, we didn't.
You fucking took them off and you didn't.
You took them off when he walked in.
I gave him a butt ass.
In such cases, the aspect of existence supervised by that member of the endless becomes more
random and chaotic.
Nothing more, nothing more unsettling than this really skinny guy with a fucking massive
dick.
It's like, how does the fucking, does that shit not weigh him down?
How did he not topple it over?
Like 94 pounds and 14 inches of, that's what I imagine Morpheus walking around with a fucking
steel mallet.
Fucking all ribs and dick.
He's got no muscle.
Yeah, I just fuck.
Enjoy that imagery people.
He's given somebody the dream that they wanted.
Each of the endless has a realm in which they are the absolute sovereign of.
Within their realm, each member of the endless has a gallery containing symbols or sigils
of the other endless.
The endless may contact each other by holding the appropriate sigil and calling for that
member of the endless.
Destiny is also able to call his siblings using his gallery of portraits that he has
like aspects of their pictures.
I had to draw my cousins and brothers.
Morpheus just stand over here.
It's my butt ass now.
The symbols I take.
The endless are generally uncomfortable in each other's realms.
They do not travel into the realms of their siblings except whenever absolutely necessary.
Death is the exception as her role requires that she have the ability to freely travel
wherever she needs to go.
Isn't that her final destiny to put them all to rest or something?
Yes and the universe.
Yeah, I remember that.
And lock the universe as key.
That she eats it.
Kinda, yeah.
She's gotta chill at the end of existence by herself?
Yeah.
Or does she also fade?
And then she basically gets rid of herself.
Fucking wild.
At the end of existence.
God dang, that's some trippy shit.
Yeah.
In addition to overseeing-
What do you think I hit a weed?
Who the fuck did this?
She just fucking disappears, man.
Hey, bro.
And then they're like, fuck, man.
They start freaking out.
Hey, as long as we don't start sounding like Terrence, we're good.
We're good.
Terrence?
Yeah, Terrence Howard, I think, isn't that his name?
Oh yeah, the original Iron Man or a war machine.
God, that dude.
Jesus Christ.
In addition to overseeing their own sphere of influence, the endless also help to define
their own opposites.
So like for Sandman, it's dream and also nightmare.
Death it's life and death.
The dualistic aspect of the endless have been confirmed in the case of death, who not only
ends lives, but also begins them.
So she ushers in new life whenever she takes out.
Destruction has an interest in creative pastimes, including art, poetry, and even cooking, even
though he is really good at them.
So he will create even though he's a destroyer.
Dream seems to have some shape over reality.
A dream of a thousand cats in which a large number of entities dreaming of an alternate
reality create a new reality and make it so that the reality was only one that existed
since the beginning of times.
Inception.
Yeah, kind of.
Have you ever seen that?
In a dream of a dream, also dreaming about a dream in a dream.
Three layers of dreams.
Have you ever seen that episode?
A dream of a thousand cats.
I think it's I think they adapted it to that Sandman show that's on Netflix.
I think it's the very last episode.
Something that you should watch.
So it's pretty good.
We're going to go over each of the endless at this point.
The endless are not known to have proper names, although dream has a habit of collecting different
names for himself.
His name is Gary.
They're each known by their respective function.
Like I said, they're aspects of nature rather than like entities that do whatever they want
any time they want without them.
They're not like the new gods or something like that.
They're literally just aspects of nature that have like some autonomy.
So we have destiny.
The oldest of the endless destiny appears as a blind man dressed in gray or brown robes
carrying a large book.
The book is chained to him or he is chained to the book.
He's blind.
Yeah, he's blind and braille.
I'm just, I'm genuinely curious.
He's blind.
What the hell is he reading?
Or he is chained to the book.
Neither of them have existence separate from one another though.
Damn.
So the book and him are literally one entity.
And within the book is written the entire sum of existence, past, present and future.
Everything.
That he can't read.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Destiny seems the most possessed by his function and responsibilities of any of the endless.
He rarely demonstrates his personality.
His symbol is a book.
That's literally what his symbol is.
His speech appears as a regular word balloon though with letters and italics in the comic
books.
Okay.
But then we have death.
Death appears as a spunky, attractive, level headed young goth girl.
I wouldn't do it.
You're a gay man for sure.
She wears an ankh, one of those Egyptian symbols.
And representing the afterlife and usually has an eye of Horus painted under one of her
eyes.
She prefers to dress and act casually and is on better terms with a dream than any of
the other endless.
Her symbol is the ankh itself.
So whenever they want to talk to her, they pick that up.
Her speech is presented in regular letters, like a regular word balloon in the comic books.
Unlike her siblings, she has no predisposition to follow the rules that the rest of the endless
follow.
She doesn't really follow.
She's a goth.
Yeah.
She's a goth.
She's not really like a goth.
Death takes on different forms than DC universe.
Death is often portrayed as a result of a result or consequence of the primordial crisis
energies acting on the universe.
The death force and the void wind are two of the seven hidden forces of reality that
allows for death to occur, even to gods.
Cause she reaps to gods as well, basically.
Kind of like in the supernatural where death said that he'll even reap God one day.
Did he though?
Did he?
Yeah.
Didn't, uh, what's his name?
Uh, their brother, uh, take care of God?
Uh, Dean and when Sam's younger brother, didn't he get so much power that he defeated God?
No, it was, uh, Jack was the character.
Yeah.
But he wasn't related to him.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Who was he?
It was Lucifer and a presidential, uh, assistant son.
Presidential assistant?
Yeah, like the president of the United States.
It was a weird, weird.
Damn, Superdash or you should fucking run out the rails sometimes.
Yeah, but it was Lucifer's son.
So he was powerful enough to finally defeat God?
Yeah.
Didn't he like reshape heaven and everything?
Yeah.
At the end.
Wild.
And they should have ended the entire series one episode sooner than they did.
And that was one perfect.
So Lucifer, Dean and Sam went back on their hunt.
Quite an interesting end for sure.
Yeah.
I don't know why they ended it that way to be fair.
But yeah, death even in that show, death actually in that show was kind of similar to the death
and the endless.
It was like a natural force.
It exists, exists rather they want it to or not.
Death is death.
Yeah.
Cause he wasn't really much of a horseman.
No, no.
He more just like a natural aspect.
The death that we've seen in supernatural was like the avatar of death basically that had
like its own conscious.
But even if that death like character in quotes was killed, which he was, death still happens
because death is brand natural.
Yeah.
And that's kind of how the endless work as well.
If like Morpheus was killed, dreams still exist.
It's not like it's just going to go away at some point.
Let's see here.
Death is often portrayed as a primordial entity or force of the universe.
The black is a force, the black force, the black force energy.
It reminds me of Nike's, like the air force.
Jesus Christ.
But the way it's, yeah, the black air forces.
The black air forces.
Which is strongly associated with death and acts as an enemy of all life forces such as
the green or the red Necron is the Lord of the unliving and representative of death on
the emotional electromagnetic spectrum who acts as leader of the black lantern core.
Oh yeah.
Necron death.
Yeah.
Man, that wasn't Necron though.
What was the one that that fucking licked Thomas Wayne's skull or Bruce Wayne's skull?
Was it the black glove or something?
Yeah.
They fucking drew that in such fucking detail like anything else that I've ever seen.
He just, he just like held right through the eye socket.
And I'm like, what the fuck is the point of this?
DC, what the fuck are y'all doing?
Well, they have a golf girl do his death.
So, you know, it was such a weird scene.
Many gods that hold responsibility for death or locations of afterlife are often placed
here through association.
As Azurias is the apocalyptic and God of death and a member of the four horsemen.
The black racer represents the death of the new gods.
Uh, Hronmir is the Martian God of death and then gods that originate from many of Earth's
cultures that also are present.
Black flash is an entity created by the speed force that represents death to speedsters
and acts as an antagonist to the flash family.
Basically they're all subsidiary to the actual death, the golf girl.
They're just representations of her basically.
Like I said, it's a natural force.
Then we have Dream.
Dream has taken on at least two different forms in the DC comics.
One was Morpheus.
Dream's usual appearance is a tall pale man.
Why are you talking like Neil Gaiman?
Talk about self-insert.
He dresses in a shapeless cloak of night with flames dancing in its folds.
19 inch penis.
Much like Neil Gaiman.
Even if it's pretend or not.
It's like this is what it's supposed to be.
His eyes are pools of shadows with glimmers of light within.
He is known by many names, most commonly Morpheus.
He has a long history of insensitivity towards others and throughout the Sandman series he
must come to deal with his past cruelties throughout the entire thing.
Much like Neil Gaiman.
Okay.
I don't know what he's up to.
He's not much of a...
I'm sure he's just a chill dude.
He is very concerned with fulfilling his responsibilities.
His symbol is his dream helm made from the spine and skull of a long dead god.
Some random person?
Like just a random god.
The Hatchie Ego.
It's one of the new gods.
Fuck a Thor's fucking neck and skull.
His word balloons usually have wavy edges and a black background outlined with white
lettering.
Then we have Daniel Hall.
The second aspect of Dream of the Endless appears as a tall, pale young man with white
hair and a white costume.
With a green ruby collar around his neck like Morpheus, his eyes are formed by shadows with
the glimmer of light in their center.
Before becoming the new Dream at the end of the Sandman, he was a young boy named Daniel.
Daniel was born in dreams to Leta Trevor Hall and the ghost of Hector Hall.
Hector Hall.
Doctor Fate.
Damn.
Yeah.
He is generally softer in his approach than Morpheus was.
Daniel carries an emerald green stone along with a symbol, although his symbol remains
the same, that of the dream helm.
The difference being that he has white backgrounds with black lettering.
So reverse of Morpheus.
So we had Morpheus and then he gave up the aspect of dream to Daniel.
He should have made an anagram of Morpheus.
I know.
That would have made more sense.
It would have made a lot more sense.
But it's Daniel Hall.
Is that or like reverse letters?
Whatever Morpheus is reversed by terrible.
Hang on.
What would that be?
That would be Sueheprom.
Never mind.
Do an anagram instead.
But Daniel Hall was, like I said, he was the son of Hector Hall.
So it ties in with the DC universe being Dr. Fate at one point.
Then we have Destruction, a very large robust man with red hair who sometimes appears bearded
and sometimes shaven.
Destruction abandoned his responsibilities one of the endless 300 years ago, causing
much conflict between him and his siblings.
He has a passion for creative and constructive endeavors, but little talent in doing them.
His symbol is the sword, obviously for destruction.
Once abandoned in his realm, he is often referred to as a prodigal or brother rather than destruction
by his siblings.
Basically, it's like you're not fucking real Destruction.
Because Destruction still exists.
Fucking disowning you.
Basically yes.
Because like I said, natural forces, Destruction still exists, but the avatar of Destruction
is doing whatever he wants, creating stuff and cooking.
Sorry, the YouTube cooking channel.
Welcome back.
18 followers.
Then we have Desire.
Desire is a beautiful, slim, and truly androgynous, capable of appearing as a man, woman, or
neither.
Me too.
Desire has a cruel streak and a long-standing rivalry with Dream itself.
Their symbol is a heart-shaped like...
The cotton-tainer.
Probably.
It wouldn't surprise me at this point.
Although Desire is Despair's twin, in a sense they are older than Despair.
The current incarnation of Desire is the original one, while Despair is currently in her second
incarnation.
So the avatar has been destroyed already once.
We have Despair, the twin sister of Desire.
The second Despair was a short, obese woman with grayish skin and irregularly shaped teeth.
That's an odd choice, okay.
Because it's Despair.
Like Eeyore.
She is always naked.
Me too.
Are you the ass?
I'm naked right now.
No, no he's not.
No.
How butt-ass naked?
Despair has a cold, quiet, intelligent manner.
She has a habit of carving her flesh with a hooked ring that she always wears.
Damn girl, chill out.
This hooked ring is also her symbol.
The aspect of Desire we see throughout the comics is not the original manifestation.
Basically the first Despair in her first form.
Despair had many of the same physical qualities of her later form, but is taller and is tattooed
with intricate red lines.
She was also much more talkative than her later incarnation was.
So we get like a flashback of the old how cool she was.
Yeah.
Until she became a fat, obese, naked, naked lady.
I'm not gonna be mean.
Then we have Delirium.
The youngest of the endless, Delirium appears as a young girl whose form changes the most
frequently of any of the other endless.
Based on the random fluctuations of her temperament.
She has wild hair and eccentric mismatched clothes.
Basically think Cyndi Lauper.
And you get.
I know you don't know who, but people that listen, they know who Cyndi Lauper is.
Famous singer.
I'll show you a picture later and you'll say, oh, okay, that makes sense.
I think that's actually who he based the character on.
You never know.
Let's see here.
Her only permanent physical characteristic is that she has her eyes are green with silver
flecks and the other is blue.
But even though sometimes they switch from left to right.
So it's always the same colors.
Just sometimes they'll flip around because it's Delirium like craziness.
She was once known as Delight.
But some traumatic event caused her to change into her current role.
Her symbol is an abstract shapeless blob of colors.
And basically all of the.
Aside from the realms that the endless possess of their own.
So like I said, dream has a his entire dream realm.
They're all nigh omnipotent.
There are some of those powerful beings in the multiverse in their realms.
The power is virtually all powerful, nearly infinite power.
In fact, the only beings who are more powerful than them are the Demeric Archangels and the
Presidents.
You know how delusional I am.
I think I still catch these hands.
I bet they can still catch both these.
Would you know who the Demeric Archangels are?
No.
Lucifer and Michael.
Oh.
The two.
They can catch these hands.
That's how delusional.
The indomitable human spirit.
Everyone's going to start catching some hands.
You can catch hands regardless.
If I fist fight a polar bear, I'll fist fight an angel.
Although with Lucifer, he might fuck you.
You can get it then.
He's going to earn that shit.
It's like, he'll look at you like, buddy, was that only thing we had in Britain?
They find me in a Yamcha crater, face down, ass up.
After not falling through an elevator.
But yeah, the Endless are extremely powerful in DC comics.
Cool.
Ready for some Reddit?
I'm ready to be the question in the new DC universe.
Just give people hands.
I got a few questions I need to ask everybody.
Alrighty.
Let's get into some Today I Fucked Ups from Reddit.
I fucked up today by fucking up my pack.
You put your own entry on there.
I never get a fucking spring fucking bat.
Fucking metal springs are the devil.
The inner springs?
Yeah.
Christ.
Alrighty.
First one we have is Bento Cento.
I like that.
Those first inputs.
Back in 2017, I was in my final year of university and got the opportunity to spend five weeks
in Tokyo for an exchange observation ship.
One of the items on my bucket list was to visit a Cento, traditional indoor Japanese
bath house.
Okay.
I wanted to go to somewhere a little bit less touristy and luckily there was a place only
a few blocks from where I was staying, like 45 minutes out of the central city.
Not wanting to make an idiot of myself, I did some research beforehand regarding what
to expect and how to act.
So you put in a little bit of effort here.
I come out fucking butt ass naked.
Just like Hugh Jackman.
Exactly.
Because he did that.
Was he in a Japanese bath house?
Yeah.
He didn't wear it.
They gave him this tiny tie.
He wasn't wearing this shit.
Fucking dick just swinging.
Japanese bento.
Godzilla!
One thing mentioned was that you have to wash yourself before hopping into the pool.
That is true.
I didn't have a travel bottle of soap or body wash, but read that you can buy at most
places.
And if not, then it will often be supplied.
Whenever I got there, I quickly realized no one spoke English.
No shit Sherlock.
You're in Japan.
And not in the center part of Tokyo.
I can't expect everyone to speak the same language you do in a foreign country no less.
No, you're supposed to speak louder and slower and then they'll understand you.
And although I managed to pay for my entry, I couldn't communicate for soap.
Or could I see for it for purchase behind the counter?
I assumed there'd be some in the actual bathing area.
So stripped down naked into the changing room.
Put my clothes in the locker and proceeded into the actual bathing room.
On the left hand side of the room were like 15 or so washing stations.
To the right was a big pool.
There was a few old men sitting there.
More like squatting on tiny little things washing themselves.
I was the only non-Japanese person there and alas, there was no soap in sight.
Then I spied just to the left of the entrance on a table a small wooden woven basket with
like seven bars in it.
This was where I began my big fuck up.
It started at the very beginning when you first entered the building?
Kind of yeah, but still.
I assumed that this was a communal soap basket.
I grabbed a bar of soap and walked to one of the washing stations to get to business.
One of the old Japanese guys saw me doing this and said...
Gora de Samurai-sou.
It started glaring at me and muttering something under his breath.
This wouldn't have been the time to return the soap to the basket if I call it a day,
but I'm a fucking idiot so that didn't happen.
Shortly after, another old Japanese man gets out of the bath, walks over to the table,
picks up the basket of soap, exchanges words with the guy who glared at me and proceeds
to also start glaring at me and saying something in what seemed to be pretty angry tones.
This was when I realized with Gora that the basket was in fact his and I had stolen one
of his bars of soap.
You know what you need seven for?
You'll be fine.
Let me have one.
By this point I had already lathered myself up.
However, so handling the soap back to him clearly wasn't an option.
Julien now, you fucking balls of it on it.
Exactly.
I awkwardly tried to apologize, but I could see it wasn't well received.
I didn't see any other option except to finish washing myself.
But the next issue was that I had nowhere to put the soap.
I didn't have any toiletries bags with me and there was no rubbish bins anywhere, so
I just sat there red-faced, completely naked, dying a million deaths inside, continuously
rubbing soap on myself and breaking it up, disintegrating it into small even chunks just
like you wore out a whole bar of soap.
Yeah, so that it would go down the drain.
I'm sure the Japanese men continued glaring and cursing at me, but I didn't make any
further eye contact with them, so I couldn't be completely sure.
After this ordeal was over, I rinsed myself off, got up and entered the bath.
The water was incredibly hot, however, and this, alongside the shame of embarrassment
washing over me, made for some thoroughly unenjoyable experiences.
I only stayed in there like that for five minutes before slinking out back to the safety
of my touristy accommodation.
So yeah, don't grab soap if you don't know who it's for.
And just rub it all over your dick and balls.
Oh yeah, yeah.
You want it back?
First of all, why don't you get seven bars of soap for it in one fucking little stall?
That would have upset the hell out of me.
Well, I was thinking that it would make sense if you went there like Bailey.
And they're probably not big bars of soap.
They're probably like the little hotel-
I hope so.
He's just fucking chilling around, full-size bars of soap everywhere he goes.
Imagine this dude over there just scrubbing himself until a gigantic bar of soap is gone.
It makes for a funnier, funnier like image.
Just him fucking embarrassing like a full fucking bar of soap.
The big bar of Irish Spring.
And fucking rubbing himself for 45 minutes.
His skin's raw.
Alrighty, next one is by Competition Extreme36.
This person pits.
I have a six-year-old son.
I went to the fair a few months ago and that was where a display of livestock that the
public could pit.
Me trying to be jolly told him that he'd be eating them for dinner someday.
My son was shocked and asked how was that possible?
What the fuck are you talking about?
This ruins his whole fucking perspec-
perspec-
I gave him to say the word.
He had perception of life.
He knew the one of us can talk and we're not even fucked up.
I'm always fucked.
That's my secret captain.
I'm always fucked.
I told him that meat was made by killing animals and cooking them.
He then asked me what all the meats were.
I told him that it's chicken, beef, steak, sausage, salami, and mutton.
The meat of the fallows.
Later that night at home I noticed him separating his dinner.
He removed all the meat pieces from the rice and only ate the rice.
My wife asked him what was wrong and he said he doesn't want to eat animals.
In the morning I gave him a glass of milk but he refused to drink it.
I asked him why and he said that it's made from cows.
I explained to him that milk comes from squeezing a cow's chest and that no cows are hurt or
killed by that milk.
Don't you lie to him.
It's his chest coming out the fucking titties in the back.
I also told him that eggs come out of a chicken's mouth.
Wrong sign, Neto.
But I didn't want him to give up eggs too.
They come out their ass.
It's like a throw up.
Thankfully he's fine with milk and eggs.
However, he continues to refusing to eat meat.
A week passed and we went to the doctor.
The doctor said that it's probably just a temporary phase and we should feed him vegetarian
alternatives for the time being.
We now buy canned beans, lentils, Greek yogurt, olive oil, whey protein, soy nuggets, and
plant-based pastries and sausages.
We also order a cheese pizza for him instead of a pepperoni pizza.
So I can't have pepperoni because of you, you little fucker.
It's been a few months now and I've bought iron and B12 gummies for him.
Even my wife and I are starting to go more vegetarian.
Shit.
It's ruined our fucking life.
All because you're going to a sick show.
Yep, you're going to be eating them some day.
Like unless your kid's growing up on a farm and seeing it for themselves.
Yeah, they're not exactly used to the horrific nature of the food that they eat.
There's a story I've seen too not too long ago where they were asking this one family
where are you getting your chicken from?
From the store.
Yeah, but you know where it comes from though, right?
Like you know, the farm.
It doesn't come from the farm.
It comes from the store.
They kill them right in the bang.
Exactly.
They put them out to pasture.
Alrighty.
Next one is by Itsyaboytomtota.
Tomtota I missed you bro.
It's first in pits.
I'm a 17 year old student from the Netherlands and I am on a five day trip to Rome with school.
Everything was great.
I was playing in the city with my friends, eating out every day and just having a lot
of fun.
Yesterday me and my friends decided to play some drinking games and get a little fucked
up.
It was a fun night, but I was irresponsible and drank way too much.
Whenever I went back to our room, I felt like I had gotten quite sick.
I was drunk and had to throw up and I was dizzy and I could barely stand.
I decided to get into the shower to clean myself up and maybe sober up a little bit,
but I fell asleep for four hours in the shower.
Fuck, I must have been fucking freezing.
Nobody, well in a hotel it stays warm.
Really?
Yeah.
Everyone else must have been fucking freezing.
That motherfucker!
Nobody noticed that I was still in the shower until someone from a different room walked
under the hallway and noticed that the floor was flooded.
I got fucking prone in there.
They saw the water was coming from our room and quickly woke everyone up.
I got out of the shower still feeling awful and found that the bathroom floor was ankle
deep in water.
Ankle deep?
God dang.
That's a lot of water.
Wait did he keep?
Was he taking a bath or a shower?
A shower.
Why would he just keep going down and draining indefinitely?
Apparently he had the stopper in or something.
Geez.
The water also leaked down and flooded the bar downstairs and caused a lot of damage to
the cellar.
Me, my teachers, classmates, students from different classes were all mopping up the
floor with towels and emptying out-
I would have been fucking pissed if I had to clean up someone else's fucking mess.
And emptying them and everything that we could take, water, sinks, toilets, showers, etc.
After at least an hour of mopping the floor like that and the floors are dry but the damage
is done.
Door frames are curling, floors and ceiling are fucked and everyone knows about it.
My teachers are telling me not to worry and that the insurance will cover the damages
but my feeling of guilt is immeasurable.
My teachers and fellow students have cleaned up my mess at 4.30 in the morning.
My teacher is having to deal with insurance in the hotel and school and I'm terrified
of having to deal with my parents and my reputation at school.
I'm very lucky that we didn't get kicked out of the hotel and I hope that this will
just be forgotten.
It probably won't.
Not if you fucking remind everybody.
Exactly.
On Reddit.
Exactly.
You have to have that clout to get that to you.
Come on now.
Shit would be so embarrassing to be the one guy that causes the problems for everyone.
Waking everybody up at 4.30 in the fucking morning.
Fucking morning.
We mopping floors.
I get up at 4.30 in the morning to go to work.
Do you think I want to get up and clean some shit like that at 4.30 in the morning?
Hell no.
Next one is by impossiblebridge188.
I'm in my early 30s and have had symptoms of low testosterone for years.
I had low libido, low energy, and struggling to build muscle at the gym.
What do you know?
I don't have low testosterone because I'm fucking hard as a rock consistently.
I wish I could drop a few fucking notches down.
You're just thirsty right now.
It's okay.
Thirstiest man that's ever lived.
So about two months ago I decided to start TRT with my primary care physician.
However, I was also worried about my fertility and testicle shrinkage while on it.
I asked my doctor for medication to take with my TRT to keep my fertility called HCG.
Human known.
I'm just thinking of something else.
Unfortunately, she couldn't prescribe it because it was made harder to get a few years ago
and said it would most likely have to come from a urologist now.
A urologist.
How dare they?
So I did a quick Google search of nearby urologists and found one that popped up and asked if
I could just be referred to him.
Broke into his house and took his fucking prescription pack.
She agreed and I was set up for an appointment a month away.
I started taking the TRT while I waited on my urology appointment about four weeks and
my libido and erections got crazy good.
What?
My balls are the size of grapefruits.
Dropped out of the size of crepes.
I also felt like a horny teenager again.
It was awesome.
Finally, my urology appointment came up.
I noticed in the waiting room I was reading reviews for the urologist on Google and he
had a one and a half star rating for his reviews.
Fuck.
What?
One and a half stars out of what?
Five?
Fuck.
You didn't look at that before?
Damn dude.
I didn't think much about it.
He looked at the reviews and he was like, he'll fuck up your dick.
My dick hasn't been the same since I came to visit him.
I didn't think much about it and I just thought it was only there.
I thought I'm only there to see if I can get some fertility medicine and be on my way.
During the appointment I asked if I could get prescribed HCG and take my TRT for my
fertility and he just said he doesn't prescribe it either.
Motherfucker.
I'll throw that.
Not only because the problem with the talk to his appointments is they fucking make you
wait like six weeks before I got an opening now.
By the time you get there you're fucking dead.
Well this is a month away.
So.
If you wait like four weeks for a doctor's appointment you're not that fucking busy.
Yeah.
I thought well shoot I guess I'll just talk to him about my TRT then.
Just break his neck with all the TRT running through my veins.
I'll put it through this fucking wall.
I told him it was really helping my libido and erectile dysfunction.
He looked at me and said TRT doesn't help with erectile dysfunction.
I didn't really have ED but I said it had been helping with mine.
He said he wanted to do an exam to me since I thought I was having an erection issue to
begin with.
And pull your dick out.
I didn't expect a whole exam but I agreed.
So I got that one and a half star.
I laid on the table with my underwear down and he began his exam.
Face down ass up.
Yeah.
First he grabbed my dick and spread the opening to my ribcage.
Ow.
Next thing he did shocked me.
He fucking kissed me.
Tough little play.
I'm gonna go now doctor.
He pinched under the head of my dick and stretched it far, hard farther than I knew it could
go.
Hey man.
Then this started squeezing up and down my shank.
What the fuck is you doing?
I thought I would have lost my shit.
What the fuck.
It didn't really hurt but it was uncomfortable.
No kidding.
I would have liked to get a female hair please.
Then he checked for hernias and I was done.
He said I was all good.
Whenever I was putting my pants back on I noticed my dick felt sore and also numb.
I also noticed he didn't wear gloves when he did it.
I didn't think anything of it as I walked out.
As I walked to my truck I fell down there again and still felt numb and sore.
Like an asshole is all bleeding.
He lost like three fingers up his ass.
He lost that three seconds of time.
The doctor stopped the time and took him over.
I thought it was weird but I had to go back to work.
I checked the clock and it was three hours later.
What the fuck was going on?
Later that day I noticed that I was still feeling the same and also couldn't get an
erection no matter how hard I tried.
What the fuck did that doctor do?
Did he press your voice?
God damn yeah.
He hit the fucking thousand dollar fucking pressure points.
I felt disconnected from my penis.
Motherfucker.
I would have lost my shit.
It's been over a month since my appointment and my penis is still numb.
So he just fucking broke his dick.
With total erectile dysfunction with no sign of getting better.
I've talked to doctors and none of them seem to know what is wrong with my dick.
The only thing that happened was the stretch and squeeze from the urologist exam.
He must have broke a vein or something.
Apparently urologists do the test in a way to check for uh...
periodic disease.
I guess it's...
I've never heard of that disease.
My dick couldn't handle it apparently.
Wasn't strong enough.
My TRT is no longer helping with my libido or refraction.
Motherfucker.
I'm hoping I get better but I'm not sure.
Next time I'll make sure to read the reviews of the doctors before I go to them.
So that's why he's got that one and a half.
He broke my fucking dick.
He breaks dicks.
That is insane.
Yeah a little bit.
Alright next one is by no gas 8462.
This person fits.
Grandmother fell ill and I hid it from all of us.
When we found out she refused to have herself checked and this went on for months as her
condition got worse and worse.
Any attempts to urge her to get checked would be met by yelling and snapping back.
Even items being thrown at people.
It didn't matter if you were her son or grandson.
Eventually she ended up to the point where she couldn't even stand and she told me that
she just wanted to die already.
Now this grandmother of mine terrorized me my whole life.
She tried to...
What you waiting for there?
People always have that fucking fantasy of like the fucking movie TV show family life
right?
Where everyone's so nice and kind to each other.
The real shit's the real shit.
The grandma's like I just want to die my bitch hurry the fuck up.
She tried kicking my mother and I during childhood multiple times and she hated my mother.
She would instigate fights with me and lie that I hit her or yelled at her siblings and
my father.
But I felt like I just couldn't watch her and wither away.
Nor did I just want to stand idly and watch my father break down more and more as the
thought of losing his mother.
So now at her most vulnerable I cared for her.
Forgot to suck to clean the mountain.
I moved into her room to watch over her.
I urged her to keep living.
I told her the family wouldn't want her gone and that she's too strong and confined.
I lied to her and told her the family wouldn't want her gone.
Just opposite of everything you said.
Long story short after a month she agreed to go to the hospital finally.
It's cancer.
I'm the type of person like I'm really not but at the same time I feel like I wish I
could be.
That like if someone treats me that badly and like they're like don't you ever help
me understand me and then they hit by a car I'm like well you do something.
And watch them drag themselves across the street.
It's like come on you got it.
You can drag yourself out of the street.
All right it's cancer.
Oh fuck.
We're too late and it's terminal.
God dang it grandma all you had to do was go to the fucking hospital.
But they chose to operate anyway and it was a success.
They removed as much as they could but nothing could be done with the cancer that had reached
her head.
The doctors did everything they could and they believe that she'll have a few more years
to live with her live her life.
My dad dedicates the next year of his life to her being with her and taking care of her
along with hiring two personal nurses to attend to her other needs as she refuses to allow
me or my father bring her anything such as toilet paper.
Well just fucking shit's on the floor.
Take that you son of a bitch.
Take that you stupid mother fucker.
Just stand there and just shit herself.
They want to make this seem like a wholesome story but I can already tell that grandma
must be the fucking devil.
Fast forward a year later we find out that she's been taking talking shit behind my father's
back.
I told you see I told you.
Soon enough whenever he's around she badmouths his wife.
My parents are now divorced.
To his face and openly says that my half sister isn't her grandchild.
She's a badger.
You know what I would do again like I literally wouldn't but I wish I would right.
I would have a calendar and they're just one more day left.
Like just like I just pick a random day.
Just start it.
This is bye grandma.
This goes on for months more until my birthday she wakes up gets out of her room causes a
scene and badmouths my father's wife and daughter to her to their face.
This was the last straw.
My father no longer drove over every day to be with her.
He still pays for her medicines and nurses but he told me that he can't face her anymore.
It was too much after everything he's done for her the past year.
I try to mediate but my grandmother sees no issue.
After all according to her she only badmouth the wife and kid not my father.
Today her favorite nurse went home to take a one week vacation.
A temporary nurse came in to take her place.
She has yelled at both nurses to fuck off and leave the room.
I swear man some people just don't deserve anything.
If you want to be a bitch then you're going to be a bitch all by yourself.
Both are not allowed in.
She smells like shit because she refuses to let anyone change her diaper.
Nasty old bitch.
And whenever I try to convince her she just yells.
As with before she refuses anyone not female to clean her or take her to the bathroom.
That one I respect.
I understand that one.
More than $100,000 spent the last two years solely on her.
$100,000 on a cranky old bitch?
That amount of money in my country could have you living comfortable for years.
Two years of trying to give a dying old lady a last few good years ends up here.
With a smelly, angry, spoiled...
This story is your turn.
It seemed like it was going to be some redemption story for grandwives.
Didn't you say the most evil, cruel old lady you could possibly be?
I tell you man evil people don't fucking die.
Spoiled grandmother who refuses to listen to me once again.
One who has told my father he can fuck off if he wants to keep it if he wants as long
as he keeps paying for her nurses and medications.
I'm back on my anti-depressive meds now.
God damn grandma you ruined the whole fucking family.
I'm having thoughts worse than suicide.
What's worse than suicide?
Probably killing her.
It doesn't seem that bad if I'm being honest with you.
Who would really believe he killed her?
She fucking died in her sleep.
I'm regretting having convinced my grandmother to live.
I bet you if you tried to kill her she'd somehow fucking get the upper hand in the fucking
altercation.
She'd actually rubberdive her in his face.
Get up at a disadvantage and then they tumble down the stairs and he fucking breaks his
neck at the bottom of the stairs.
Fucked up.
Now he's fucking paralyzed and they decide to put her in the same room that she's staying
in so that she can just come up to him every night and whisper shit in his ears.
I told you I could come up with random shit.
But I can see it.
I can't picture that.
In the middle of the night she just gets up out of bed.
Look what we have here.
She fucking burns the...like she turns them all around when they can't see them and she
burns the bag with a cigarette.
I'm gonna take your diaper off.
I should have let her die like she wanted.
The greatest story I've ever heard.
She just cuts to the chase.
I should have let this old bitch die.
I should have shot her if I knew she would kill her with her fucking bulletproof.
She's a witch.
I tried to kill her and she fucking flew out the chimney.
I'll be back.
Turned out her turn on his grandma was the Baba Yaga.
The Baba Yaga scared us.
But she caused endless problems for her nurses, my siblings and I.
My parents, her own siblings and many others.
And these last two years she's just waiting for the need.
At that point I swear if she fell or something and broke her hip they would just let her
lie there until she died.
She wouldn't even help.
She would fucking crawl to the fucking ambulance.
She would live just fine.
She would get to the fucking phone somehow.
Oh man that is a funny story.
Some people just can't help.
She's gonna live and outlive.
She's probably gonna outlive all of them.
She'll be just the one person at the fucking grave.
The anger.
Or the last fucking family member.
I told you son of a bitch.
That is hilarious.
Alright, to a little bit more light hearted one.
This person is uh, let's see, Alice Chong-Wesson.
It's a weird one.
I was listening to a podcast on my earbuds while crocheting and drinking tea.
Crochet huh?
She learned it from the old lady.
Crochet.
Then I felt the urge to use the bathroom.
I picked my phone so that the bluetooth connection won't be disrupted.
And went to business.
As I finished to turn and flush and slightly tilt my head, that was whenever it happened.
While flushing, one of my earbuds lost grip and fell into the stream.
It was gone before I could even process what had just happened.
My husband heard my scream in disbelief and asked if I was okay.
I felt quite embarrassed.
Whenever I told him what had happened, Wesson learned.
Don't wear wearables while taking a shit.
They might actually accompany your turds through the depths of the local canal system.
At least one is left and I can still use it without the other.
But noise cancelling may not work as well before.
There were some fucking rats in the sewers just collecting earbuds.
Like a hundred of them.
Alright, next one is by girlslug666.
Okay.
Today I fucked up by feeding animals behind my job.
I got my lunch break so I went to the outdoor smoking gazebo thing.
I work at Walmart.
I thought you were going to say that I work at Walmart.
To eat some chicken I had bought at the deli.
There's a feral cat who's been warming up to me because I feed her scraps.
So I was ripping chicken bits off and tossing them to her whenever I felt an insanely strong
bite on my leg.
I looked down and a scrawny, manly, ugly raccoon attached to my leg.
I kicked the shit out of the little fucker but it came back to fight me.
I had to climb up onto the table and call my coworkers to come rescue me.
I would love to see the video of her having a fist fight with a raccoon on the fucking
security feed.
Whole time the little bastard was snarling and speaking guttural raccoon language at
me.
I thought you were thinking of fucking feeding you.
I wonder, I think a cat would beat a raccoon.
Probably, but I don't know.
The cat's like, fuck you.
Like I've seen cats fight, right?
Like dogs and shit.
I've never seen a raccoon really fight anything.
So I think a cat would probably win no problem.
I guess it also depends on the cat and the raccoon.
I think it would be the most gangster raccoon that's ever fucking existed.
My coworker came over and hit it with a stick and it finally ran away.
God day.
Animal control was called and they told me to seek urgent care so I drove to the ER where
I received a very painful shot in the leg and another in the arm.
I have to go back Monday for another.
Well, you don't want rabies so there you go.
Exactly.
I hate shots but give me all the shots you can give me.
I don't need rabies.
Next one is by Live the Nightmare.
That's the title of it too.
I lived a nightmare.
Shit, what do you live with your grandma?
So I have a...
I don't know.
That's a horror story.
That's sure what it was.
So I have officially lived a nightmare.
This is our third time meeting each other.
The first date was amazing.
The second date was just great.
Now it's got to it last night.
The whole night was going so well.
We were both having so much fun enjoying each other's company.
At 1130 we just finished hanging out at one of the clubs.
I'm not much of a drinker but I have only had two drinks the whole night and I'm a big
guy so I wasn't feeling it at all.
We were about to head to another club whenever suddenly I got hit really hard by the need
to pee out of nowhere.
That shit is terrifying.
Because you would just be doing stuff right?
Yeah.
Because you're doing all this physical stuff and all of a sudden you really have to fucking
pee.
That shit just fucking comes out.
You might not even make it to the bathroom.
It's not like a slow build to our pain.
It's just like instant there.
You're like, whoa shit.
I got to piss.
I gots to fucking go.
I told her that I needed to pee first.
And she was like, no problem.
She opens her mouth.
Haven't spoken to her since.
So we started heading to a place that wasn't as busy.
We got in line and my god it felt like the bouncer knew I had to pee because he was literally
taking his wee time checking everyone's IDs.
Damn I fucked up.
It says shake before you drink.
Damn.
I was literally doing the potty dance.
A true classic.
Ah yes.
Everyone knows the famous potty dance.
We finally got in and I started dashing for the restroom.
But all of a sudden I couldn't hold on anymore and literally let everyone go as I was running
to the bathroom.
Let everything go.
Now let me tell you.
I usually am a very calm person and handle situations calmly.
This is the first time I experienced a panic attack.
Well yeah you fucking pissed yourself in public.
Shit is embarrassing.
It was not a good feeling.
I bet who the warm stuff was.
I stood there waiting for her to come out for what felt like an eternity eventually.
I ran out because I felt like it was a full blown panic.
He was in full blown panic.
The fucking bouncer.
He pissed.
I'm just like look at him.
Look at him.
Just a weird asshole.
I didn't even know where I had parked.
He just ran out in the night and I haven't seen him since.
I called her in total panic.
Telling her what had happened.
I'm at the work and I didn't think I could make up an excuse.
I just told her outright what happened.
I pissed myself.
I really messed up whenever I left.
I left my dad alone at night in a random bar.
It's the next morning now and I'm so embarrassed but I feel more ashamed that I left her like
that.
I am so disappointed in myself.
Fuck that man.
I pissed myself going home.
TLDR.
I pissed my pants at the bar and left my day.
Alright.
I got a couple more here.
Next one is by Plain Milk is Good.
In the past I was going through repeated burnout depression episodes that lasted quite a while.
The pattern was usually it would last a couple of weeks to a month.
However the last time it happened lasted around three months.
From late winter into spring.
I recently started feeling a whole lot better and thought about maybe turning my life around
a little bit.
I had stopped caring for myself and never changed the sheets that I slept on for a whole
time.
Like for three months.
Didn't wash the sheets ever.
Well at least take a shower every day.
You'll be alright.
By the way they're right and it was a nasty sheet.
You got fucking shit stains all over the fucking sheets.
Remember that one guy who was constantly fucking, he wouldn't wipe his ass?
Fat motherfucker.
His whole family couldn't deal with that anymore?
Yes.
It was probably him.
I woke up early this morning and started cleaning my room.
Around my room was mostly paper, clothes and clutter.
It wasn't too bad.
One thing I failed to notice was that one of my old duvets was wedged in between my
bed and the wall it lay next to.
I was dreading picking it up only because I dealt with a mold problem and was almost
100% sure that the crap ton, there would be a crap ton of it caked on this duvet.
I procrastinated picking it up for a while but a couple of minutes ago I thought I was
ready to get rid of the burden.
So I went to my room, threw on a glove and shimmy the duvet out of the wedge.
Bad, bad mistake.
I thought I saw something crawling on it as soon as the duvet was freed.
Yes, yes I did.
Spiders.
Tiny ones like babies.
Bigger ones, even bigger ones.
I was genuinely disgusted and dropped it, grabbed whatever was important and left my
room.
Hundreds of spiders were just crawling everywhere.
Jesus Christ.
I'm actually horrified.
Yeah, I would be too.
I'm curled up in another room with a blanket wrapped around me.
The thought of those skinny spider legs just gives me goosebumps.
Get a vacuum and just fucking suck them up.
Do something man.
Don't leave them there.
I genuinely felt like setting the room on fire.
This was definitely a huge fuck you for getting better or maybe just a lesson to take good
or care of myself.
I don't even know how to.
Take good or care of myself?
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
Just for that you don't deserve nothing in life.
Not being able to write.
We don't fucking do actual grammar.
Yeah.
Uh, next one is by.
To good or care of myself.
Good care.
Good or care.
Cheer us.
Chia or Chia.
Yeah, cheer us.
Where's the Chitara sister in the line of stuff?
You know, the Thundercats?
Alright, so this person puts, um, recently I've gotten into the habit of barking whatever
my dog does.
I don't know why I just do.
She barks at me.
I bark back.
That's just how it is.
This was, uh, this has bought cause I guess it's supposed to be this has not caused any
trouble until today.
They don't have spell not.
What they spell it like?
Bot.
B-O-T.
This has bot caused any trouble.
B-O-T.
Like a robot?
Yeah.
Instead of not.
N-O-T.
I guess it's just the wrong letter.
It's not that bad.
Yeah.
I'm just saying that's the reason.
I want to sound right.
I said it right in where.
W-E-A-R.
I wrote W-H-E-R-E.
Like the place?
Yeah.
Instead of the clothing, where?
So I was watching a show with my dog whenever I heard the doorbell ring.
I thought it was my brother since I was, uh, since I saw him leaving earlier and was expecting,
uh, wasn't expecting anyone else to call by.
My dog starts barking like crazy and runs to the door while I go to answer it.
I open the door and without thinking, I'm, a full on proper bark, I look up, the man
was not the sixteen year old I was expecting.
In fact, he was some random fifty year old man I had never met before in my life.
He stares at me for a few seconds in shock.
Behind him is a group of people in their suits laughing.
I do not know these people at all, nor do I recognize them.
He starts talking about elections and whatnot.
I don't know what, uh, wasn't listening at this point.
And each time I answered, I laughed.
Eventually I apologized and said that I was sorry for barking at him and thought that
he was my brother.
He starts laughing and I get my mom.
Nothing much happens from there except for me trying to not curl up and die.
The only reason I'm so bothered is because I keep thinking about it.
Like it's funny, but oh my God, I'll never live it down.
Yeah, it's usually it's gonna bother you.
Don't live it down, don't you worry.
Usually that's the way it goes though.
Usually it's more like there's times that you'll just be laying there in bed.
It's like, like here's, here's the crazy thing.
Like in life, everyone usually forgets other people's random bullshit they've done.
It's only yourself that you're like, fuck.
Like you'll think of that embarrassing thing that you did like 20 years ago, but they're
also laying in their own bed.
Exactly.
Worry about their own stuff.
So, you know, it's, it's a universal thing.
Alrighty.
And last one for today is unless you're on the fucking internet, you know, two girls,
one cub.
You don't ever gonna live that down.
They can't because it's been buried in other people's brains.
Well, going on that topic.
This is by chunky bloody queefs.
Gross.
Yeah.
So currently sitting on my couch contemplating my life after what had just occurred.
The last few days I had a really nasty cold and I've been surviving off of Dayquil.
The medicine usually makes my brain a little foggy, which I was, which I am chalking up
this incident to.
I was finishing up going number two in my bathroom and grab some TP wipe doing my business.
Whenever I feel a big glob of snot coming out of my nostril and roll down my upper lip
out of reflex or instinct.
He licked it.
I took the tip.
It took the TP in my hand that had already been used and wiped the snot off.
Damn.
I effectively wiped shit around my mouth and nose.
Gross.
I have spent the last 15 minutes using soap and hot water to scrub my face, but I still
feel absolutely disgusting.
Ollie, just now stop screaming.
Just to type this out.
That was like the shortest one.
He's like, yeah, I wiped my ass and then I wiped my nose with my ass.
Oh, imagine getting that smell out.
Imagine getting the taste.
You'll never get it out of your fucking brain.
Do you like that for the rest of your just every time you basically.
Yeah.
Well, that's all I got for red it's what shit tastes like.
Let's find out next time on the podcast and the way to be the one with all this shit sitting
here fucking insane.
That's only if you get tres less.
Okay.
It looks the same as you're going in as it does coming out.
No kidding.
But anything else that before we head out tonight?
No, that's it.
Cool.
We will see you guys on the next ideas.
Till next time for more bad time, more bad channel.
Sorry.
I don't know.
I can't do it now.
I can't do it.