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Hello and welcome back to the podcast.

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I'm Michael.

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I'm Noe.

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And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and end of

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movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.

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We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.

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Let's go ahead and get started.

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Oh, we got it.

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Alrighty.

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We're going to talk about from last week where we talked about Dr. Light destroying Sue

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Dibney's life.

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Destroying fucking any level of escapism for people reading.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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So we're going to talk about the messed up, fucked up things that both Marvel and DC have

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done.

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And we'll start to have allowed to be written and drawn.

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Yes.

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Now some of these are not as fucked up as you would think, but some of them are.

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They're kind of like the moments in comic books when you're reading it's like, huh.

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You remember the three?

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Well, it was because it's a trinity between Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman.

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And two of those of the trinity had that really bad situation back in the 90s where Superman

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got killed by Doomsday and Batman got his back broken.

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You know, that was going to be a third story for Wonder Woman.

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You've heard it, right?

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Yeah.

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Written by Mark Miller.

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Yeah.

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Real fucking bad that they never wrote, thankfully.

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Yeah, they never wrote it though.

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All right.

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Is that on there?

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No.

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I guess because they didn't do it, it wouldn't be.

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It wasn't actually in the comics.

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It would have been fucking terrible.

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Go ahead and describe it to everybody.

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No.

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You think it would go to themselves.

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Look up Wonder Woman, Mark Miller.

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And you'll find it.

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Get demonetized.

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That man has a fucking storytelling choice that he makes and he makes in every fucking

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choice, every story.

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And that's one of them.

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Yeah.

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That situation constantly happens in his books.

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It's hard to be like it's a fetish for him.

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I think it is.

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Fucking freak.

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All right.

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He said, we'll start with Marvel first.

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The first one's not too bad, but it's kind of instead of like, what the fuck moment,

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more of like a, oh wow, I don't think they'd do that.

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Maynardo.

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I don't know.

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I didn't know they had fucking balls.

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Oh, did the Wolverine and his fucking whole skeleton ripped out?

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Yeah.

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You know, they did that on the show now.

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Yeah.

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I haven't watched it.

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The new like.

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I heard.

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I heard about it.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So Maynardo ripped out the adamantine off of Wolverine skeleton and X-Men number 25.

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How would that, how would, how though?

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Like, okay.

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So he tries, he rips the skeleton off of his like, no, off of his bones.

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Yes.

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Oh, okay.

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Okay.

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He pulled the adamantine.

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Adamantium out.

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Off of his bones itself.

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I thought like, like in my head, I thought like he just like somehow got the skin and

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then he ripped up the whole skeleton.

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No, no, no, no.

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So basically Maynardo previously thought dead after the X-Men's fight with him on asteroid

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M had returned, this time with a group of zealous mutant followers called the Acolytes.

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When Maynardo disrupts the earth's electrical systems with a powerful magnetic blast, Professor

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X leads a group of X-Men to Maynardo's orbital base known as Avalon to defeat him.

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This strike team engages the master of magnetism in a brutal bout, which is nearly finished

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by Wolverine whenever he stabs Maynardo in the stomach.

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However, Magneto manages to survive Wolverine's vicious attack and enraged rips the adamantium

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from Wolverine's skeleton.

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Damn.

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Just pulls the adamantium off of his bones.

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See, Megan will basketball what he did with it.

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This act drives Professor X to his breaking point and he wipes Magneto's mind clean, leaving

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him in a catatonic state.

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Oh yeah, I forgot about that part.

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Yeah.

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Like you give them a fucking lobotomy.

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Pretty much, yes.

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Because it's something that it's shown.

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Apparently they've done it now on the X-Men show that is out.

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But before that, they never touched that specifically and nobody understood why.

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It's like, huh.

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That's why it's kind of like one of those, fuck, they did that?

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I guess because like they knew, well, in character, Magneto wouldn't be that violent toward a

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fellow mutant, I guess.

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And I guess I just pushed him to the limit.

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Hey, will getting stabbed in your stomach?

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I guess so.

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I don't know.

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He must have just been pissed.

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I don't know.

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I mean, they fought before.

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And that's why we got bung claw Wolverine again right after that.

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Yeah.

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Right when we became feral Wolverine for a little bit.

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Yeah.

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Going out in the woods eating deer raw.

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I know.

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Or leersh.

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I don't know what he was doing out in the woods.

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Because apparently without the adamantium.

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Butt ass naked.

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He goes feral, which is weird.

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Oh, well.

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So the adamantium poisons him over time like in the Logan movie.

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Yeah.

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But if he doesn't have it, he goes feral.

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But it wasn't feral before he had the adamantium.

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It was James Cowlick.

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True.

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But I'm saying like this is like apparently progressive as time goes on.

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He becomes more and more feral.

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He's one like a fucking tub of dementia.

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Probably.

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So either dies from poisoning or dies like a fucking beast.

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When does the healing factor heal that though?

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I think it changes over time.

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I can't remember how he became feral Wolverine.

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I know that.

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Well, they said because the pain was so intense he fucking lost his mind.

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Yeah.

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I mean, I would imagine so.

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I mean, like for all we know, he pulled it out.

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Like he pulled all the adamant out of his dick for all he just straight out of his fucking

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asshole.

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He's like ahhhh.

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Like a kidney phone?

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Jesus, you never know how he pulled it out.

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Pulled it out of his fucking ears.

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All his pores.

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Oh, that shit.

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I know that drove him insane.

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He just ended up in the fucking woods until he healed.

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Second thing, Bruce Banner's abusive father beat him and his mother.

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Yeah, we gotta remember that.

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Like I beat him like a stepchild.

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Yeah.

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So in this issue we see a flashback of whenever Bruce Banner was a young boy before he became

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the hawk.

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One Christmas morning when Bruce was still a toddler, he wanders over to the tree and

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begins opening one of his presents, which turns out to be a mechanic set.

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Yay.

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So even at a young age, Bruce is brilliant and is able to put it all together himself.

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However, when Bruce's father, Brian, comes down the stairs and sees his son's extreme

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intellect, he flies into a rage and destroys the finished model.

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What is this?

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Fucking father stupid or something?

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Like he's a man.

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What did he beat him?

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You're not smart.

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Why are you smart?

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He's a beastish gem.

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So Brian believed that his years working in nuclear physics meant that Bruce was a latent

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monster and seeing his advanced smarts proved his suspicions correct.

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In his own mind.

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And then hearing the ruckus, Bruce's mother, Rebecca, dashes into the room and tries to

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defend her son, but Brian slaps her in front of him.

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He just gives us a fucking double hand.

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What if it wasn't as violent as all that?

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What if it was like the South Park episode where like, I'm a slap you.

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And he just does those little dainty slaps.

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Or like whatever Cartman messed with that short midget guy.

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Fucking fist fight.

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Just laughing at him the whole time like he thinks it's the game.

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That was the only time Cartman was not afraid for a fight.

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Exactly.

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He's been getting his ass beat his whole fucking life.

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He knew he could handle that guy.

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I had his little feelings.

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He turned red like a strawberry.

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Oh, Cartman.

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Alrighty next one.

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Nick Fury kills a prostitute Jean Grey.

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Oh, was that the Knorr?

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Ruins number one.

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Ruins number one.

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So in this bleak alternate universe, Phil Sheldon, a former reporter for the Daily Bugle,

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interviews many figures who were main heroes in the main Marvel comics.

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Oh yeah, like weird accidents happened to him instead of actual powers.

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Yeah.

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But are deformed and demented in this one.

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Phil is working on a book to share with the world where precisely it is in history things

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took a turn for the worst.

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After meeting such heroes as Wolverine and Captain Mar-Vell, not Marvel, but Mar-Vell,

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Phil interviews government agent Nick Fury, who's now a cannibal.

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That's what the what there's never been any president that in the in the actual series

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that you just didn't have a cannibal.

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So the conversation is interrupted whenever Jean Grey wearing her classic green suit approaches

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them and offers them a good time for $20 to fucking kills her.

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Fury then casually guns her down, then state that he's going to take a nap and proceeds

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to shoot himself in the head.

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Hmm.

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What a dark.

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It's a real dark series.

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I know.

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I know the Spider-Man had a real messed up one too.

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Like he was like an actual mutant spider.

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Oh yeah, yeah.

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Where it was Spiders Man.

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Yeah, something weird about him.

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Yeah.

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And then like Thor was like some like homeless guy with dementia and he like actually got

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hit by lightning or something and killed him.

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And then like I think Bruce was the worst one because it was actually like what would

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happen if he had real gamma radiation.

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It's just the answer patients.

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Yeah, just a just tumors all over his body.

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Yeah.

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Uh, the next one we have from Marvel is a Thanos dissects his mother while she is still

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alive.

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Damn.

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That one was seven and Thanos rising.

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So Thanos rising tells the story of Thanos, his early life before becoming one of the

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most dangerous villains in the Marvel universe.

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Whenever he is first born, his mother, uh, Sui-san was so disturbed by his unusual appearance

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that she tried to kill him and it was ultimately sent into an sent to an institution.

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Oh yeah.

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I know about that part.

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Yeah.

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Young Thanos was a pacifist, but after a traumatic incident left in his friends, uh, that an

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incident that left his friends dead, a girl had feelings for convinced him to get revenge.

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Before long, he had become a serial killer who justified his tennis actions as scientific

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quests.

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My name is Dexter Morgan.

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Eventually, Thanos reunited with his mother by strapping her to a table and dissecting

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her while she was still alive.

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No less to discover what made him a monster killing her in the process.

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He's like, I think it's a little like a horror film.

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Yeah.

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Like a fun act, like a straight actual like a crime movie.

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Yeah.

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He's not even close.

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Not even close to a fucking actual superhero epic.

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Uh, next one we have is professor X's crush on a 16 year old, a Jean Grey.

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Professor X, you nasty old man.

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This is X-Men number three.

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It's not a sin if, if you don't commit to it or if I have some rationale.

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00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:32,240
So the first team of X-Men, uh, Jean Grey, uh, Marvel, uh, sorry, Jean Grey, Scott Summers,

259
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:36,840
Hank McCoy, uh, Warren Worthington, the third, which is Angel.

260
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:37,840
Yeah.

261
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,320
And then we have Louis Drake are in the middle of a training session.

262
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:45,160
Whenever professor X interrupts them with an update about a new mutant, he has telepathically

263
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,200
detected and how to meet this person.

264
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:52,200
At that time, all the male members had a crush on Jean, but she only had feelings for Scott

265
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,240
and chose him to accompany her, accompany her on her, on this mission.

266
00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,920
Professor X warns them to be careful, but Jean reassures him that they'll be fine and

267
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,720
that they shouldn't have to worry.

268
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:07,240
This prompts professor X to think to himself, don't worry as though I could help worrying

269
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,400
about her, but I can never tell her now while I'm the leader of the X.

270
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,400
Not if I don't want to go straight to a fucking jail.

271
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,440
Now while I'm the leader of the X-Men and confined to this wheelchair.

272
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,440
Oh my God.

273
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,920
So man, if he hadn't been in the wheelchair, he'd be fucking laying, laying pipe right

274
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,480
now with a 60 year old girl is what we're being told here.

275
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,880
Like this is legit what we're being told.

276
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:28,880
Yes.

277
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,640
Professor X, you nasty old motherfucker.

278
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:38,720
This one for anybody thought of do you think about it was you read Lolita way before that

279
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,720
fuck was he doing?

280
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:47,440
And the justification for marvelous Stanley previously wrote a lot of romance comics.

281
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,000
Stanley is not a pedophile.

282
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,480
He would never write such filth.

283
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,480
All right.

284
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,200
Should at least be a hard 18.

285
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,200
Yeah.

286
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,400
Next one is the Punisher parks a steamroller on Wolverine.

287
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,360
Oh yeah, that's not that bad.

288
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,360
That's why I said it.

289
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,360
Not at all.

290
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,960
Not even like Dave with a skeleton.

291
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,880
He wouldn't even crush his skeleton at all.

292
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,080
No, it's too strong.

293
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,080
He didn't roll over him.

294
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,800
It'd be like a fucking bumpy speed.

295
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,160
So basically after the Punisher Wolverine reluctantly team up to take down a mob of

296
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,360
little gangsters dedicated to removing the legs of criminals.

297
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,360
Little gangsters?

298
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,360
Yeah.

299
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,360
What, in midgets?

300
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,360
What?

301
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,360
I don't understand.

302
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,360
I'm confused.

303
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,360
It's the way it was described.

304
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,360
These children?

305
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,960
It's a group of delinquents, like 12 year olds.

306
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:38,000
It would be so funny, like Frank's like, with like justice, no age.

307
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:42,120
And they start fucking blasting off some kids.

308
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,120
That would be funny.

309
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,480
Just like Batman, like justice is equal rights.

310
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:46,680
What is Batman?

311
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,480
The hammer of justice knows no gender.

312
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:52,560
He fucking sucks a little lady in the face.

313
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,560
With play face?

314
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,560
Yeah.

315
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,560
Yeah, I remember that.

316
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,040
He just punches this little old lady, cleaning the mouth.

317
00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:02,120
He's like, equal opportunity.

318
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,040
It's basically.

319
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,320
So the two anti-heroes get into a fight themselves.

320
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,920
First, the Punisher shoots Wolverine in the face, leaving him to spend the rest of the

321
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:17,600
storyline with his adamantium skull revealed as his skin slowly heals back over it.

322
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,000
How long does it take to heal?

323
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,000
Apparently back there.

324
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,000
It always does a weird fight.

325
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,000
It's either like instantaneously.

326
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,000
Instantaneously, yeah.

327
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,000
Like it is now or like, because it's like, it's like.

328
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,000
Back then, right?

329
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,440
Like it was a slower aging cool.

330
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:34,320
Like he used to age faster than normal, but now like that's not good enough.

331
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,960
So like they always have to up the actual abilities of characters.

332
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:42,440
Like back then Captain America was like peak human, right?

333
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,680
Like he was like the top level of human, what a human could be was capable of.

334
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,280
But in the MCU, he was well above that.

335
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,880
And because, you know, just peak human is not enough.

336
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,440
So you know, the Wolverines are now instantaneous.

337
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,720
But back then it would take like a couple days for like a gunshot wound.

338
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:58,720
I think so.

339
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,480
Like a couple hours for a knife wound.

340
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:07,080
It depends on like if your body part, like a knife wound, it only separates part of your

341
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,600
body that you already have.

342
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,220
Whereas like a gunshot actually knocks away part of your body.

343
00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:12,220
So it had to regrow.

344
00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:13,760
Kind of like how Deadpool's is now.

345
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,680
Like whenever he gets his legs chopped off, they grow back.

346
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:16,680
They take forever.

347
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,840
Like when he had the little baby legs and hands.

348
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,120
And his fucking dick and balls.

349
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,520
I don't know what a child's dick and balls look like on a crone ass man.

350
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,720
Or whatever the hell fucking Cable said.

351
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,760
He's like, oh, oh.

352
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:33,240
But yeah, like I was never like, I just like consistency.

353
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,200
I understand evolution in storytelling.

354
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,400
Because like for a film.

355
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,120
Now it's almost instant.

356
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,120
Because it's too cool.

357
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,880
It would be worthless without it being, you know.

358
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:41,880
Yeah.

359
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,400
Like Wolverine gets fucking shot in the heart and they're gonna give me a couple days.

360
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,320
Gotta slow the story down.

361
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:52,000
Where they have to skip to the couple, yeah, a couple fucking bus ladies.

362
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,120
Like, oh, finally.

363
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,760
He's back and they're working out because he can't again.

364
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,180
So after he shoots him in the face, the Punisher then shoots Wolverine in the groin knowing

365
00:15:02,180 --> 00:15:06,280
full well that his parts will grow back with his regenerative abilities.

366
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,280
Hopefully bigger.

367
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,480
Now watch his smile.

368
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,840
I would be, I would be fucking living.

369
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,720
However, the Punisher needs to finish his mission without Wolverine getting in his way.

370
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:20,240
Wolverine decides to park a steamroller on his face and he yells mum-fold empty threats

371
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,240
back at him after that.

372
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,320
How do you get out?

373
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,760
I guess the police would like, you know.

374
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:26,760
Unroll the steamroller.

375
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,240
Yeah, like, oh my God, there's a body under there.

376
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,440
He gets rolled, they can roll him off of you.

377
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,520
But he fucking just gets looped away.

378
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,520
He'll port it back.

379
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,520
Yeah.

380
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,000
Well, on top of that, since Wolverine doesn't have super strength.

381
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,040
Right, like, he can't move it.

382
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,520
He's like, I think, well, he's pretty strong actually.

383
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,520
He is, but he's not.

384
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,160
I know like he can move around, like, I remember one time he fought Captain America and he

385
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,800
got kicked off of this fucking airliner.

386
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:49,800
Yeah.

387
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,520
They were flying in because they were trying to decide what to do with it.

388
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:56,960
It was like that A versus X storyline about what to do with Jean Grey, the Phoenix Force.

389
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,880
And like, it was cold as fuck and he killed a bear and he was just fucking having that

390
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,360
bear on the shoulder like a backpack.

391
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,580
The bear's like fucking 800 pounds.

392
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:11,200
But then again, there's a dude from Italy that I can't remember.

393
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:16,120
I think it was back in the like ancient, like, like the stories that come out from like ancient

394
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,720
Rome and stuff like that.

395
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,360
But where he started carrying a calf.

396
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,800
Oh, that's Hercules.

397
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,720
There was another like a person that actually did it though.

398
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,560
Carrying a calf from whenever it was real small and then carried it when it was bigger

399
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,560
and bigger and bigger.

400
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,560
And lying his ass off.

401
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,200
Be like, somebody if I post that on Instagram, that lying motherfucker.

402
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,440
No, somebody tried doing that recently too.

403
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,960
I don't know how far they got to where like.

404
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:41,960
I don't know, horse is heavy as fuck.

405
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,960
That's what I'm saying.

406
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,800
I don't think that he was able to lift it once it got to like the main size, but he

407
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,360
did it for a while though.

408
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:54,120
So I'm assuming at least he can bench upwards of like 800.

409
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,120
So like slightly.

410
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,200
Like not super superhuman, but like enhanced at least.

411
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,200
Enhanced, yeah.

412
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:04,120
Because of his adamantum, his muscle, like his like, I guess like you're only going to

413
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,400
lift as strong as your muscles hold.

414
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,880
So because of his metal, he can actually lift more than a normal person.

415
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,280
His skeleton actually can withstand.

416
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,040
Yeah, like the actual force of holding something that heavy.

417
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,040
Yeah.

418
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,400
But he's not like level of, he's not like fucking MCU Captain America.

419
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,400
No, no.

420
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,960
Or he can just jump out of a plane and.

421
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,720
Or fucking, you know, lift a fucking like rip a fucking hole out of it.

422
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,720
Or like when he was running through that fucking office building, ripping doors out the fucking

423
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:28,720
engine.

424
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,720
Yeah.

425
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,720
That shit looked weird to me.

426
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:31,720
That scene was the weirdest one.

427
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:32,720
Yeah, there was a lot of those.

428
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,160
He was running so fast he was like breaking the walls and shit.

429
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,720
When he was trying to catch the soldier.

430
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,000
That was a weird scene.

431
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Yeah.

432
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,880
He's way beyond what comic books base.

433
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:46,480
He's basically like, well, he's cause he's Marvel where he's the ultimate version.

434
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,040
The ultimate version was that strong.

435
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,720
Like he was like fucking benching a fucking Ford pickup.

436
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:52,920
Yeah.

437
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,400
Like they went with that one instead of the original Captain America.

438
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,400
Right.

439
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,400
It was not as strong as that.

440
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,960
Cause the original was just, I think it was, it was peak, right?

441
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:01,960
Yeah.

442
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,680
It was like the very like Batman level strength.

443
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,120
Maybe a little bit higher.

444
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,240
Which is still like, you know, fundamentally strong.

445
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:10,240
Yeah.

446
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,240
Like it's strong as fuck.

447
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,840
Feel like a fucking heavyweight lifter.

448
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,760
But it's not, it's not fucking MCU level.

449
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:17,760
Yeah.

450
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:18,760
MCU got crazy.

451
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,520
Like he, you can't, like he wouldn't be able to fight Iron Man full suit.

452
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,520
Like he did in MCU.

453
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:28,720
And it got so crazy that Falcon could get hit by a super powered person and still be

454
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:29,720
alive.

455
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,720
Oh yeah.

456
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,840
Like it's hard to do like, it's hard to do power scaling.

457
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,480
So you gotta like, let the fucking suspension disbelief stay holding.

458
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:37,480
A little bit.

459
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,480
Yeah.

460
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:39,480
Or be like, come on now.

461
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,280
Like have you ever seen that Family Guy thing where they're interviewing, like it's the

462
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,600
Avengers, but they're interviewing Black Widow where they're saying, so what do you

463
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,600
do?

464
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,600
I kick.

465
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,440
You can kick too, right?

466
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,440
Come on, Hawk.

467
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,440
You know you can.

468
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,440
I'm sorry.

469
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,440
I've seen you kick one time in the MCU.

470
00:18:55,440 --> 00:19:01,800
But you can't beat any of the main characters, like the big, like the big guns or anything

471
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:02,800
like that.

472
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:03,800
Yeah.

473
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,040
She's like, it's habitor, you know.

474
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,480
You got fucking, you got Thor and Incredible Hulk.

475
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,880
They're already beyond powerful.

476
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:11,880
Exactly.

477
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:16,520
And they're not even to the max level of comic book level of strength that they have.

478
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,280
All right.

479
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:22,000
Next one we have, this is the top 10 part now.

480
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,800
So there's 10 of them.

481
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:24,800
Okay.

482
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,120
Number 10, Carnage kills the dog with a drill.

483
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,120
Fuck.

484
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,120
When he was a kid.

485
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,120
How?

486
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,880
Oh yeah, I forgot that kid was a fucking psycho.

487
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:32,880
He does.

488
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,880
So before-

489
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:34,880
As he is Clay, whatever the name is.

490
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,880
Cletus Kasady.

491
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:36,880
Cletus Kasady.

492
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,880
Became Carnage.

493
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:38,880
He was a disturbed-

494
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,880
No, he looks a lot like Woody Harrison.

495
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,880
He does.

496
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,880
He does.

497
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,400
I'm joking because Woody Harrison actually played him in MFDS.

498
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,400
But he does.

499
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,400
Yes.

500
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:47,400
Yes, yes, yes.

501
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,400
Even in the comic books he looked like that.

502
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,400
Does?

503
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,400
How much is he making a joke?

504
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,400
He does?

505
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,400
Yeah, he really does in the comic books.

506
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,400
He's talking a while.

507
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,920
He was a disturbed young boy who committed all manners of disturbing acts.

508
00:19:55,920 --> 00:20:01,600
In Venom Carnage Unleashed, Cletus is having a session with a therapist, Dr. Camille Opazo,

509
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,880
who is trying to delve into what motivated him to dig up the graves of his mother and

510
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,320
his father.

511
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,360
Cletus dodges the question and starts talking about how he believes his mother loved the

512
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,920
family dog more than him.

513
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:17,880
The comic then cuts to a flashback to that incident when his mother catches him in the

514
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:22,120
basement with their dog dead on the floor in a bloody power drill in his hand.

515
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,120
Crazy kid.

516
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,400
Of course, Cletus simply tells the therapist that he was blamed for the dog's death and

517
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,480
then changes the subject with a devilish smirk.

518
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,480
So yeah.

519
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,800
That's kind of fucked.

520
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:37,360
I always had those like TikTok videos where like you'd see like a villain do something

521
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:41,920
right and then the comment's like, that's literally me.

522
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,160
Have you ever actually seen a conversation with a serial killer?

523
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,800
They are fucking beyond insane.

524
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:46,800
Yes.

525
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,600
None of us are literally them.

526
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,680
They are some truly vile human beings.

527
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:51,680
Yes, they are.

528
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,200
And people don't know.

529
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,560
People watch way too many of those.

530
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:55,560
They don't watch the show.

531
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,560
They don't watch the actual real people.

532
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:58,560
Yeah.

533
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,840
So people watch way too many of those like docudramas.

534
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:07,880
Or they watch like that scripted version of it, like the Dahmer stuff that people were

535
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:08,880
in love with Dahmer.

536
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:13,160
And then once you read the actual Dahmer stuff, you're like, God dang.

537
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,160
Yeah.

538
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:18,680
Like I work with a guy that, he's not that old, but he thinks he's a narco.

539
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,800
So he thinks he was this big time drug dealer.

540
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,320
Dude, you sold pot to a couple of your friends in high school.

541
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,560
What the fuck are you talking about?

542
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,680
They'll fucking throw you in a god dang barrel of oil and fucking light you on fire.

543
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,120
If like, yeah, you're going to mess up the cartels, go ahead.

544
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,000
Have fun.

545
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:40,680
Next one we have is Iron Man's armor becomes obsessed with him.

546
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,480
Like?

547
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,960
So Iron Man has frequently equipped his armor with cutting edge AI to help him control the

548
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,400
complex technology that powers his suit.

549
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,640
But sometimes that technology can backfire.

550
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,960
As fictional AIs do, standing regularity.

551
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,200
That is, yeah, dude, sure go fuck up all the time.

552
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:02,480
So after one of his suits was struck by lightning during a battle and gained full sentience,

553
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,920
it became obsessed with its wearer and even took the life of the villain Whiplash.

554
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,720
Wait, didn't it the one that left him a heart?

555
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:09,720
I think so, yeah.

556
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:10,720
Okay, yeah.

557
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:11,720
Yeah.

558
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,920
Whenever it started to act more like a crazed stalker.

559
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:19,120
Later on, it even tried to supplant Tony as Iron Man, leading to a climactic battle between

560
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,320
the hero and the iconic armor.

561
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,320
Yeah.

562
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,320
What?

563
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:24,320
What?

564
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,320
Oh, is that the rest of the story?

565
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,320
Yeah.

566
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:27,320
Okay.

567
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,320
You looked at me like there was more in the old way.

568
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,320
I was like, okay, you just stopped so suddenly.

569
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:32,320
Yes.

570
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,320
Next one.

571
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,320
Spider-Man is abused as a child.

572
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,320
What?

573
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,320
No, he wasn't.

574
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:40,320
By who?

575
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:44,600
So Marvel has often tried to address serious issues like drug addiction and child abuse

576
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,720
and the results have been rather mixed.

577
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,720
No kidding.

578
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,800
No one wants to see that in their comic books.

579
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:50,800
Absolutely not.

580
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:55,320
In one story intended to raise awareness for child abuse, the web had revealed to a young

581
00:22:55,320 --> 00:23:00,760
abuse victim that he himself was abused as a child when an old schoolmate named Skip

582
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,080
tried to touch Peter inappropriately.

583
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,080
Oh my God.

584
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,080
That's truthful.

585
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,080
We can't...

586
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,080
That's...

587
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,960
The story is well-meaning in its attempts to alert children to the dangers out there

588
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,160
and how to talk to your parents and friends about incidents like these.

589
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,120
But like a lot of these stories, it hasn't aged particularly well.

590
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:18,120
I doubt it did.

591
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:21,960
It's just that comic books are not the best place to meet your children.

592
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:27,520
And when you have the dude Skip saying, hey, why don't we do what's in the magazines?

593
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,280
And Peter's like, what magazines?

594
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,840
And that was in the picture.

595
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,240
Why don't we do what's in the magazines with each other?

596
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,240
Fucking weird.

597
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,240
Out of that room.

598
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,960
Comic books are just not the place for that stuff.

599
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:39,960
Absolutely not.

600
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,840
Have a fucking seminar at school.

601
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,240
Don't do it in a comic book.

602
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,240
Yeah.

603
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,240
Okay, now we're going to the next one.

604
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,240
It's almost close to that.

605
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,240
It's a...

606
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,240
Fuck.

607
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,240
Bruce Banner gets assaulted at a YMCA.

608
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,240
God dang it.

609
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,240
Why at the YMCA of all places?

610
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:57,240
What, did that beat his ass there too?

611
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:04,240
So, speaking of stories that have aged spectacularly poor lady, this unsavory scene from the 1980

612
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:09,240
issue of The Hulk saw Bruce Banner get assaulted by two stereotypically gay men.

613
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,240
Stereotypically?

614
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,240
What the fuck?

615
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:16,720
Unsurprisingly, for someone who spends a lot of time on the run, Bruce has spent a night

616
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,320
or two at a YMCA, right?

617
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:23,120
So during one such visit, he is confronted and nearly raped in the shower by two aggressive

618
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:27,600
men in a scene that positively reeks of the 80s gay pain.

619
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,040
Fucking Hulk no bottom.

620
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,040
Hulk no bottom.

621
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,040
He fucking just rips it out.

622
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,040
After he becomes a top?

623
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,040
Yeah, Hulk always top.

624
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,040
Hulk always top.

625
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,040
Good God.

626
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,040
That's what it's like.

627
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,040
All righty, number six.

628
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,040
Two, the deaths in Ultimatum.

629
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:47,760
Ultimatum?

630
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:48,760
Which was a...

631
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:49,760
Ultimatum?

632
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:50,760
Yeah.

633
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:51,760
That was the end of the Ultimate Universe wasn't it?

634
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:52,760
Yes.

635
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:53,760
Yeah.

636
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,560
So the first one is the blob eats wasp.

637
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:56,560
Fuck.

638
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:57,560
Yeah.

639
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:01,760
So following the death of his children, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, Magneto, Val, and Sparrow...

640
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,960
Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, the two siblings?

641
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:04,960
Yes.

642
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:05,960
The children?

643
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:06,960
Yes.

644
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,960
Okay, we just want to establish that they're brother and sister.

645
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:09,960
That's coming up.

646
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:10,960
Okay.

647
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:11,960
We go.

648
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:12,960
Yes.

649
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,440
So Magneto evals revenge against the entire human race and reverses the Earth's magnetic

650
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,360
poles causing massive destruction around the world.

651
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:23,040
The millions of deaths that ensue catch the heroes of the Ultimate Universe off guard

652
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,520
with many dying in the giant tidal wave that destroyed much of New York City while the

653
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,480
surviving heroes set out to rescue as many people as they can.

654
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:35,400
Hank Pym sets out among the devastation to make sure his wife, Janet, is still alive

655
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,880
with Hawkeye among... along to help.

656
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:43,120
However, not only do they discover that she's dead, but the blob is eating her.

657
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,120
Why?

658
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:47,640
Mid-mouthful, the blob remarks that she tastes like chicken.

659
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:48,640
That's a...

660
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,640
Why... why is the blob a cannibal?

661
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,040
That's no weird fucking choice.

662
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,040
Just chomping... he chopped her off her head first.

663
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:56,040
At least it was...

664
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,040
Just holding her...

665
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,040
Fucking... fucking painless.

666
00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,040
Yeah.

667
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,040
Oh.

668
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,040
Yeah.

669
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:05,480
And then Yellowjacket gets his revenge on the blob.

670
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,480
So...

671
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:07,480
He fucking eats him too?

672
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:08,480
Yeah.

673
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:13,040
So Hank Pym having a pretty unhealthy relationship with Janet in the Ultimate Universe after

674
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,560
hitting her and spraying her with bug spray while she was in her miniature form...

675
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,560
Jesus.

676
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:22,400
He spent much of his time obsessively winning her back in this.

677
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,760
So whenever Hank discovered the blob eating her... eating his estranged wife, he did what

678
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,760
any caring husband would do in that situation.

679
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:32,800
He grew to sixty feet tall, picked up the blob, bit off his head and spit it out onto

680
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,280
the pavement, was seeking indisgust.

681
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,280
Hmm.

682
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,880
He was like, it's fun to eat people, huh?

683
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:38,880
Quite the choice, huh?

684
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:39,880
Jesus.

685
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,880
So he did the same thing back.

686
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,520
Now imagine if they put that into him.

687
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:49,960
Alright, next one we have is Craven's Last Hunt.

688
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:50,960
Okay.

689
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:51,960
Yeah.

690
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:57,080
So in this Grimm story, Craven, one of Spider-Man's villains, I think most people know who he

691
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,920
is, hunts down the wall crawler, beats him in combat and seemingly kills him.

692
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,880
While Spider-Man survived Craven's attack, he's been incapacitated and buried alive leaving

693
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,600
Craven to put on his costume and take over his crime fighting duties.

694
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,520
However, Craven's violent nature compels him to beat up criminals more savagely than what

695
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,120
Spider-Man ever did.

696
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:18,980
Nonetheless, Craven believes that because he defeated Spider-Man in combat and is more

697
00:27:18,980 --> 00:27:24,280
effective in his own mind at stopping criminals, he is the superior Spider-Man of the two of

698
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,280
them.

699
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:26,280
Damn, superior Spider-Man before superior Spider-Man?

700
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,280
I know.

701
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,400
Little good old Otto Octavius?

702
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:34,040
Before it was Peter Parker began obsessing his own aunt with Otto.

703
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,840
His own aunt?

704
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:36,840
Aunt May?

705
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:37,840
Was he?

706
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,320
Otto was obsessed with her?

707
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:40,520
Oh, was he?

708
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,160
As Peter Parker, though?

709
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,160
I remember that.

710
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,320
Which was creepy as f- Weird.

711
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:49,600
So even when the real Spider-Man arrives for a final confrontation, Craven believes that

712
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,640
he's better than him and has achieved his ultimate goal.

713
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,400
Craven then reflects on his past lives and his greatest triumphs.

714
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,240
As a hunter, he places a rifle in his mouth and pulls the trigger.

715
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:00,240
Eesh.

716
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,760
Blows the back of his shit off, huh?

717
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:02,760
He co-mains it.

718
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,240
God dang.

719
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,080
What's the other guy's name?

720
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,520
Okay, Hemingway did.

721
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,520
Yeah.

722
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,720
So that's- I guess I win in the end, Spider-Man.

723
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:18,120
Yeah, because he thought he was better than Spider-Man.

724
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:20,120
I was like, what the fuck?

725
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,920
He's got the vomit in his suit.

726
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:22,920
In his mask.

727
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:23,920
He's okay.

728
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:24,920
He's okay.

729
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:25,920
He's okay.

730
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:26,920
He's okay.

731
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:27,920
To be fair, that's probably what Peter would say.

732
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:28,920
Fuck.

733
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:29,920
He's okay.

734
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:30,920
He's okay.

735
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:31,920
Flipping out, yeah.

736
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,080
The next one we have is Gwen Stacy's Affair with Norman Osborn.

737
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,800
Oh yeah, and those two weird ass kids that fucking grew up like fucking 15 years in one

738
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:40,800
day or some shit.

739
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,320
Yeah, you know exactly which ones I was talking about.

740
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,960
To this day, they're still trying to wreck on it.

741
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:45,960
Are they really?

742
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:46,960
That it didn't happen.

743
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:48,640
What, like it was a dream?

744
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,760
Or they never existed.

745
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,560
But like it's still part of the canon.

746
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:53,560
Fuck.

747
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,400
Oh, well the next one is gonna be fun.

748
00:28:56,400 --> 00:29:00,720
In the Ultimate Universe, Ultimate is Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch.

749
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,160
They did a good old fucking Cersei and Jaime Lannister.

750
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:04,640
Yeah, so an Ultron-

751
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:05,640
Also had children too.

752
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:06,640
What do you know?

753
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:07,640
I know.

754
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:08,640
I know.

755
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:12,880
A bunch of disgusting inbreds.

756
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,520
So an Ultron robot has wrecked havoc and the Ultimates' lives to distract him in order

757
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:20,360
to kill Wanda as part of a larger scheme.

758
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,920
Wolverine meets with the Ultimates to tell them about his history with the Linshar family.

759
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:29,740
Some years earlier, Erik Mainito had recruited Wolverine to join his growing brotherhood

760
00:29:29,740 --> 00:29:35,240
and even tasked him with killing his son, Petro, who he thought was too weak.

761
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:41,080
Wolverine, planning to simply scare Petro, but caught him off guard by Wanda's hexpower

762
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,560
and sends him running.

763
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:49,160
However, whenever Wolverine returns, he finds the two siblings engaging in a loving embrace.

764
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,160
What the fuck you doing, bub?

765
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,160
I'm not sure.

766
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,040
Wolverine's like, what the fuck?

767
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,840
See, Wolverine's story cuts off here, but it's easy from the art and the dialogue to

768
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,600
understand what's really going on between Wanda and Petro.

769
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,360
It's fucking nice, bub.

770
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:07,800
It's made it even more disturbing when, even before the love scene, Petro remarks that

771
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,200
Wanda is looking more and more like their mother every day.

772
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,200
Like I wiped his memory.

773
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,800
I bet you wiped Wolverine's memory.

774
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:13,800
He became feral.

775
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,600
Instead of like in the Ultimates universe, this is what made him feral.

776
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,600
He's like, ahhh.

777
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:19,600
Bum, no, bub.

778
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,560
The fuck you got your sister, bub?

779
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,760
To top it all off, Wolverine tells of how he first met their mom decades earlier and

780
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:30,800
had a relationship heavily implying that he's their birth father.

781
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:31,800
My old fucking kids, bub.

782
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,800
It's even worse, he's just stood there and stared.

783
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:42,160
What the fuck, like a deer caught in a headlight.

784
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:47,040
Alright, number two from Wolverine.

785
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,840
Hank Pym hits the walls.

786
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:53,160
Oh yeah, he used to beat the hell out of her in the Ultimates universe.

787
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,880
So after nearly botching a recent mission with the Avengers, the team arranges for a

788
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:02,200
court martial hearing of Hank Pym, currently in his yellow jacket identity, to decide what

789
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,040
they should do with him.

790
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:10,040
Hank is bitter about this reaction to what he believes was justifiable behavior and decides

791
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:15,400
to get back into the good graces by constricting a robot inspired by his earlier creation Ultron.

792
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:21,280
Because normally Ultron was created by Hank Pym, not by Tony Stark.

793
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:22,800
Yeah, I remember.

794
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,080
In the Marvel universe though, it's...

795
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,520
Well, they didn't have Hank Pym until they had no choice.

796
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,280
His plan is to unleash the robot on the Avengers and make it look like it was a random attack,

797
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:35,540
only for him to step in to stop the robot and convince the team to let him rejoin based

798
00:31:35,540 --> 00:31:36,920
on his display of heroism.

799
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:37,920
You have no fear?

800
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:38,920
Oh, he was here.

801
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,920
The fucking Ant-Man is here.

802
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,560
Goddamn Premier Avenger.

803
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:49,680
However, whenever his wife Janet stumbles upon his scheme, she tries to get him to reconsider

804
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:54,080
but he angrily slaps her in a fit of rage, resulting in him being kicked out of the Avengers

805
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,080
family.

806
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,080
He's my fucking name, Ant-Man!

807
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,520
He just fucking slapped him in the face.

808
00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,000
But here's the funny part.

809
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,360
According to the issue's writer, Jim Shooter, the fateful slap was intended to be an accident

810
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:07,760
but a miscommunication between him and the artist led to it being depicted as an act

811
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,760
of domestic violence.

812
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:09,760
Jesus Christ.

813
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,880
So like, he slaps her but he's trying to get his hand out of her way and he smacks her

814
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:13,880
in the face.

815
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:14,880
He has no problem.

816
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:15,880
He gets fucking cold cocks.

817
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:16,880
Just cold cocks and blah!

818
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,080
So it wasn't even supposed to be intentional.

819
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,080
Exactly.

820
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,080
It's fucked up.

821
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,840
It was supposed to be an accident, like where he's like doing something and his hand is

822
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,120
like just catching it across the fucking face.

823
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,920
But they turned it into domestic violence.

824
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,440
Domestic violence is not one fun thing to talk about.

825
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:39,440
And the number one is Carol Danver gives birth to her own rapist.

826
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,440
What?

827
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:41,440
Yeah.

828
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,960
How the fuck did this happen?

829
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,040
Well, so what were they thinking?

830
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:51,120
Fucking weird ass Terminator type ass fucking movie.

831
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:56,360
So after the Avenger Ms. Marvel became suddenly and inexplicably pregnant, she gave birth

832
00:32:56,360 --> 00:33:00,120
to a baby boy who matured overnight into a man, Marcus.

833
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:05,000
Marcus then explained that he is from a timeless dimension called Limbo and gained access to

834
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:11,160
our world by impregnating Ms. Marvel with himself by briefly bringing her to Limbo and

835
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,800
using a machine to influence her mind, compelling her to sleep with him.

836
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:19,440
After this, even though this wasn't creepy enough, the Avengers even watched happily

837
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:24,480
as Carol and Marcus returned to Limbo together, even though he had just explained how he had

838
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,560
kidnapped and raped her.

839
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:27,560
Fucking weird.

840
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,600
When she finally returned, she let her supposed two mates have it.

841
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:31,600
Have it?

842
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,600
What, you beat the hell out of them?

843
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:35,600
You son of a bitch.

844
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,480
Just our fucking, just going in on everybody.

845
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:39,600
You let him take me there.

846
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,040
I wouldn't blame her.

847
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,720
Now we move into the mess of things from the DC universe.

848
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:45,720
Here we go.

849
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,400
It's a top 10, okay.

850
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,880
Number 10, the Joker wears his own severed face.

851
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:52,880
That's not that bad.

852
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:53,880
It's his own face.

853
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:54,880
Who else would wear?

854
00:33:54,880 --> 00:34:00,040
Where the fuck did my face go?

855
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:04,160
So you don't get to be the Crown Prince of Climb, if I can even talk, you don't get

856
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:10,640
to be the Crown Prince of Crying, fuck, the fucking tongue twister, by being stable and

857
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,000
well adjusted.

858
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:17,000
But the shocking new look is extreme even for Mr. J. After being captured by Batman

859
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,640
and sent to the Arkham for the millionth time, the Joker had a villain known as the Dollmaker

860
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,120
remove his face.

861
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:27,460
After escaping and vanishing for a year, the arch villain re-emerged, stealing his preserved

862
00:34:27,460 --> 00:34:32,000
face from the Gotham Police Department and crudely reattaching it to himself with staples.

863
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,760
Remember that scene?

864
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:34,760
Yeah.

865
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:40,320
Giving him a horrifying and grisly new look to reflect his more new aggressive and bloodthirsty

866
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:41,320
style.

867
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:45,480
Wasn't it like the sort of tagline was like, what if Joker stopped playing?

868
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:46,480
Yes.

869
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:50,080
And he just fucking went and he shit.

870
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,920
Yeah, becomes the extreme ass murderer that he could have been.

871
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,560
Yeah, or at least instead of playing the gimmicks and stuff.

872
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,120
Instead of like, chewing with Batman.

873
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,720
I'm gonna just kill this motherfucker.

874
00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:05,480
I know he's Bruce Wayne and he goes to his house and shoots him in the face.

875
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,160
Next one is Superman and Big Barda.

876
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:09,920
Almost make a porno.

877
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:15,640
Oh yeah, I saw that somewhere because they were getting mind control.

878
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:16,640
Yes.

879
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:22,560
So with a few exceptions, the denizens of Apocalypse are a nasty bunch and aptly named

880
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:27,920
Sleaze is bad even under their standards.

881
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:32,040
Revealing into Pravity, he eventually got to be too disturbing even for Darkseid.

882
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,120
This is like your origin.

883
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:36,120
He's a fucking pervert.

884
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,680
He just fucking finds some weird ass porno underneath his bed.

885
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,840
Get the fuck out of my house.

886
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,480
This is like your origin story.

887
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,480
Fucking free.

888
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:46,480
Darkseid exi-

889
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,000
Like fucking just photos of Darkseid taking his shit or something.

890
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,640
Get out of my fucking house.

891
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,040
Doing some unspeakable things while he sleeps.

892
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,760
What the fuck.

893
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,360
That's where all the fucking whipped cream went to.

894
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,960
God dang it.

895
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,880
So Darkseid exiled him to Earth.

896
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,520
He's like, yeah, you fucking freak.

897
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,880
Go to the fucking planet I know.

898
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,480
There he managed to trap and brainwash Superman and Big Barda.

899
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,640
Not on Earth, but straight to Las Vegas and my bad.

900
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:18,240
The most so squeezy fucking place in this side of the fucking universe.

901
00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:20,440
He does.

902
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:25,180
So he brainwashes Superman and Big Barda and nearly succeed in forcing them to make a sex

903
00:36:25,180 --> 00:36:26,920
tape that he can sell on the black market.

904
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,580
Is that a bird?

905
00:36:28,580 --> 00:36:29,780
It's a plane?

906
00:36:29,780 --> 00:36:30,780
It's a cock.

907
00:36:30,780 --> 00:36:34,040
Switching to a US cock comes in the frame.

908
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:38,360
Thankfully, Big Barda's husband, Mr. Miracle, intervened and stopped Sleaze before it was

909
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:39,360
all too late.

910
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,800
But he could have stopped Superman in time.

911
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,200
So Superman just fucking goes down.

912
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:45,200
Mr. Terrific.

913
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,040
Or what other the fuck his name is?

914
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,040
Mr. Incredible?

915
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,040
Mr. Incredible.

916
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,040
What's the other guy's name?

917
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,520
The hero?

918
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,520
Mr. Miracle.

919
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,520
Mr. Miracle.

920
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,520
He got a miracle, all right.

921
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:58,520
All right.

922
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:01,080
Next one is Hal Jordan and Erasea.

923
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:07,320
Okay, so Hal Jordan, one of Earth's Green Lanterns, is known for being a bit of a playboy,

924
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,840
at least in the older comic books.

925
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,760
And one relationship in particular is rather infamous.

926
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:18,460
Initially appearing as Hal's teenage sidekick, the young alien named Erasea developed a crush

927
00:37:18,460 --> 00:37:22,040
on the older hero as they shared adventure and excitement as members of the Green Lantern

928
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:23,400
Corps.

929
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,920
But whenever Erasea revealed her feelings, Hal turned her down because of her age.

930
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:27,920
He's like, you're too young.

931
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:28,920
Erasea is in subconscious.

932
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:29,920
You're too old for me.

933
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:30,920
You look like Leo.

934
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:31,920
God.

935
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:41,640
So Erasea then subconsciously used her power ring to cause her body to age, eventually

936
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,540
leading to her and Hal becoming a couple in spite of the fact that she was still under

937
00:37:45,540 --> 00:37:46,960
age.

938
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,680
So she had a 13 year old's mind with her.

939
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:53,600
Okay, Professor is like, I don't see anything wrong with this.

940
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,600
You can't stop love.

941
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,920
You should have made that shit weird as fuck.

942
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,920
That reminds me how bad love has no age requirement.

943
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,640
That reminds me though, have you seen that one movie?

944
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:05,640
I can't remember.

945
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:06,640
I don't know.

946
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,960
I can't not remember the name of it.

947
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:13,480
It came out recently though, but it's about a woman, right?

948
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:20,720
That has an infant's brain that has unspeakable sexual acts with a bunch of people.

949
00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:23,280
And they think that this is normal.

950
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,280
Infant's brain?

951
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:25,280
What?

952
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:26,280
A baby's brain.

953
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:33,600
That was put into an adult woman's head and then it fucks people.

954
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,240
The baby does it?

955
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:36,240
Yeah.

956
00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:37,240
The brain.

957
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:38,240
I have not heard that.

958
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,160
I'll have to pull it all out later and show you what I'm talking about.

959
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:46,680
Cause everybody was so happy because the actress, may have been Emily Blunt.

960
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:55,400
Oh, you're talking about that movie with, it wasn't, it's that movie with Emma Stone.

961
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:56,400
Emma Stone maybe.

962
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:57,400
Yeah.

963
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:01,080
And she's like, but it's about where they put an infant brain in her body.

964
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:06,120
I don't know if it was an infant brain, but it was a underdeveloped.

965
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,200
I don't remember because she was mature.

966
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,200
She was.

967
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:10,200
Yes.

968
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,080
No, like, I mean, like she mentally matured throughout the movie.

969
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,080
She wasn't like a child.

970
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:15,080
Yeah.

971
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,560
I swear to God though, it was about, it was like they took the brain out of a baby.

972
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,560
Let me look, let me see.

973
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:20,560
Yes.

974
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:21,560
We'll pause for this.

975
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,560
Well, I just fucking threw up.

976
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:29,560
I hate being so funny.

977
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:35,400
Apparently the character that Emma Stone plays, she leaps off of a fucking bridge and kills

978
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:36,400
herself.

979
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:42,160
So her doctor, husband or boyfriend, whatever takes her fetus's brain and puts it back into

980
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:43,240
her body.

981
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:46,080
And then the baby grows up into a different adult.

982
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,600
I don't know what the fuck, what is the dumbest fucking idea?

983
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:49,600
I don't know.

984
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,800
And then she fucking ends up working at a whorehouse.

985
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:54,800
She fucks like 50,000 people.

986
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:55,800
Weird.

987
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:56,800
All right.

988
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,000
Next one is a Nightwing is sexually assaulted.

989
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:02,920
God damn, why is everybody getting fucking assaulted?

990
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:07,800
The subject of male sexual assault is one that is very, very few pieces of media tied

991
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:08,800
to it, right?

992
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,360
And those attempts that have been made haven't tackled the issue very well.

993
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,880
Take, for example, the time that Nightwing, the former Robin, was sexually assaulted by

994
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,080
the vigilante Tarantula.

995
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,080
Hell.

996
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,080
After Nightwing's...

997
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,080
I hate Tarantulas.

998
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:26,960
After Nightwing suffered a nervous breakdown and entered a near catatonic state, Tarantula

999
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:27,960
forced herself on her.

1000
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,960
See, it's always girl on guy.

1001
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:30,960
That's...

1002
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,080
And then that's like, people are like, it ain't that bad.

1003
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:35,800
It was a woman.

1004
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,760
Should still be though, like if you're not...

1005
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:41,360
But then like, they don't show the actual guy on guy, which is the fucking traumatic

1006
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,360
one.

1007
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:43,360
Yes.

1008
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:44,360
I guess they're both traumatic actually.

1009
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,360
The details are...

1010
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,360
The fuck am I saying?

1011
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,360
They're both equally traumatic.

1012
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,120
One, one hulking.

1013
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,040
One hulking bottom.

1014
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,040
No bottom.

1015
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,400
The details are left to the imagination thankfully, but in theory, this scene could have been

1016
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,960
used to address the issue, but instead, the scene is most likely played for shock value

1017
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:07,960
and has rarely been...

1018
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:09,960
Wait till the episode of Invincible comes out.

1019
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,200
He gets assaulted by a woman.

1020
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:13,200
Yeah.

1021
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:14,200
That's in the books too, right?

1022
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:15,200
Yeah.

1023
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,200
Yeah, that's gonna divide a lot of people.

1024
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:18,200
Yeah.

1025
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,200
Yeah.

1026
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:24,120
Number six, Rorschach murders a child killer.

1027
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:25,480
That's not that bad.

1028
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:27,320
But it's something that you don't see in a lot of them.

1029
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,360
I remember when it happened in the movie.

1030
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,360
We were like, God dang.

1031
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,440
Well mostly because the fucking killer had fed the little girl's body to the dogs.

1032
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,000
So when Rorschach got there, he lost his fucking mind.

1033
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:39,000
Yeah.

1034
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,000
Yeah.

1035
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:44,080
Do you remember that Batman book that took on child abuse and everything?

1036
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,080
Try not to.

1037
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:46,080
But you remember.

1038
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:47,560
That was way too close to reality for me.

1039
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,160
Now see that book, nobody brings up.

1040
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,160
I don't blame them.

1041
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:53,160
It's just too real.

1042
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,160
Yeah.

1043
00:41:54,160 --> 00:42:00,600
Where there's child abuse and stuff and Batman has to figure it out with child services and

1044
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:01,600
stuff and...

1045
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,400
That fucking got dark real fast.

1046
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,400
That was a thinker for a while.

1047
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:08,400
Yeah.

1048
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:13,640
So Alan Moore's graphic novel isn't short on dark and disturbing moments like the infamous

1049
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:19,640
scene where a so-called superhero, the comedian, sexually assaults the original Silk Spectre.

1050
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,720
But even more graphic is the flashback scene in which the vigilante Rorschach recounts

1051
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:28,240
his brutal murder of a child killer, an event which ultimately turned him into a more merciless

1052
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:29,240
vigilante.

1053
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:30,240
That's funny.

1054
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:31,240
That's when he actually became Rorschach.

1055
00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:32,240
Yeah.

1056
00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:33,240
He was Rorschach in name, but not in...

1057
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:34,240
Like actual...

1058
00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:35,240
In persona, I guess.

1059
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:36,240
Yeah.

1060
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:38,440
Because he was like on the edge.

1061
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,960
He's like that good cop that has that dark edge that he never lets out.

1062
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:42,960
Yeah.

1063
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:46,000
And he realized that the only way to save the city is to get as dirty as the criminals

1064
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,000
that infested him.

1065
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,000
Rorschach.

1066
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,880
Just Batman with a different look.

1067
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,120
Because Batman's an alternate ego or an alter ego.

1068
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,960
I smell like shit all the time.

1069
00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,920
Because he's got matches Malone, he's got Rorschach.

1070
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:01,240
Oh yeah, he had matches Malone.

1071
00:43:01,240 --> 00:43:03,800
I forgot about him.

1072
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:09,200
So while investigating the young girl's disappearance, Rorschach discovers that the man had fed her

1073
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:10,200
to his dogs.

1074
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,200
Yeah.

1075
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,200
Which, yeah.

1076
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,200
That's a good scene.

1077
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,200
Rorschach then proceeds to kill the dogs.

1078
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,880
My friend was actually asleep because he didn't like the superhero movie.

1079
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:17,880
Yeah.

1080
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:18,880
Fuckin' woke up for that scene.

1081
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:19,880
Oh really?

1082
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:20,880
Yeah.

1083
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,120
Yeah, so that's a bad one.

1084
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,360
Number five, the death of Aqua Baby.

1085
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,360
Aqua Baby?

1086
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:27,360
Yeah.

1087
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,640
So most of the time the death of infants and young children is off limits, but considered

1088
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,720
too shocking into that boo for all but the darkest storylines.

1089
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:37,960
But that didn't stop DC writers from giving Aquaman's infant son, Arthur Jr., the axe

1090
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,320
in a story that forever changed the Aquatic Hero.

1091
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:46,960
After being kidnapped by Aquaman's archenemy, Black Manta, poor baby Arthur was killed by

1092
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:51,720
asphyxiation, drowning on dry land where his Atlantean biology left him vulnerable.

1093
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:52,720
That's fucked up.

1094
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:53,720
Yeah.

1095
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:57,120
This tragic event destroyed the marriage of Aquaman and his wife, Mira, and the setting

1096
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,500
the hero down a darker path.

1097
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:02,920
Even today, few stories have dared to go this dark again while it comes to children.

1098
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,240
He became a hardcore heroin addict.

1099
00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,360
So the poop in the bed didn't make Aquaman leaver.

1100
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:13,560
We'll find out.

1101
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,720
Number four, the assault of Sue Dibney.

1102
00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:16,720
This is what we covered last week.

1103
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:17,720
Well, then we can skip that.

1104
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:21,520
I want to do it again.

1105
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:22,520
We'll skip that one.

1106
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,280
Listen to the last episode if you haven't heard of that one yet.

1107
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,480
Sue Dibney's is pretty bad with the long gay did did did man.

1108
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,240
Long gay did did did man.

1109
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:32,560
Number three, Jason Todd's death.

1110
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:33,560
He's all right.

1111
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:38,280
Who hasn't been fucking beat all year near the death of Aqua Bar?

1112
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:42,440
Am I right?

1113
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,720
So it's still one of the darkest chapters in Batman's history.

1114
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:48,760
The tragic storyline is made even darker when you learn the story behind it.

1115
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,240
After being brutally beaten by the Joker and left to die, the fate of Jason Todd, the second

1116
00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:56,240
Robin, who's killed by the people he's sworn to protect, the second Robin was left up to

1117
00:44:56,240 --> 00:44:59,000
the readers to decide what happened to him.

1118
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,680
That's the darker part of it.

1119
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:02,680
Evil motherfuckers.

1120
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,080
Would the boy wonder parish or live to fight another day?

1121
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:09,360
I wish they had kept the information of who actually fucking agreed to the petition.

1122
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:15,000
They just fucking released it on one of the issues.

1123
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:22,320
Fans could vote via telephone hotline and the votes to end Todd's life nearly went out.

1124
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:23,320
That's really my ass.

1125
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:29,960
That's funny because in the article they put this one's on you comic book.

1126
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,600
Yeah, that's what I say.

1127
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:33,480
It's all your fault.

1128
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,480
You made the red hood.

1129
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:44,960
I don't need to be going off.

1130
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:46,360
Did it go off?

1131
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:47,360
No.

1132
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,480
Huh, I guess that's how there's some charge on it.

1133
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:50,480
Yeah.

1134
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:51,960
How the hell does that shit keep falling off?

1135
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:52,960
I don't...

1136
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:53,960
Weird.

1137
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,960
Number one, the fridgine.

1138
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,960
Sorry, no.

1139
00:45:58,960 --> 00:45:59,960
Fridgie?

1140
00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:00,960
Mr. Fridgie?

1141
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:01,960
It's a fridging.

1142
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:02,960
No.

1143
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,320
Number two, the killing joke.

1144
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,000
That's not that bad already.

1145
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,000
With the rape?

1146
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:15,880
Well, it was a line, but I don't think Alan Moore actually meant that.

1147
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:19,920
He was like, fuck, fuck me in a bit and I...

1148
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:20,920
It got perceived that way.

1149
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,360
Yeah, so he's like, fuck.

1150
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,800
Since we all know the killing joke, it's been around for a long time.

1151
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:28,360
That's a famous one.

1152
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,880
But number one, the fridging of Alexandra DeWitt.

1153
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:31,880
The fridging?

1154
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:32,880
Yeah.

1155
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:34,800
The one where she was fucking killed and stuffed in a refrigerator?

1156
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:35,800
Yep.

1157
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:40,640
And the fucking Cal Rainer's like, where the fuck's my ice cream?

1158
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:41,640
Yep.

1159
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:46,280
And apparently, it became known as women in fridges whenever the trope would happen

1160
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:47,280
now.

1161
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:48,280
Oh, fuck.

1162
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:49,280
All because of that one...

1163
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:50,280
It was a fucking...

1164
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:51,280
It was like a...

1165
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:56,280
I remember the scene, because I had that DC's collection of...

1166
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,480
It was that encyclopedia of superheroes?

1167
00:46:58,480 --> 00:46:59,480
Yeah.

1168
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:00,480
And that was one of his pivotal moments.

1169
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,720
So I saw that scene in the book.

1170
00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:03,720
He just like...

1171
00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:05,320
He's like, he's fucking throws back.

1172
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:06,320
He's all confused.

1173
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:10,960
Because women put them hurt in the fucking freezer, just fucking like squishes like a

1174
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:11,960
fucking pretzel.

1175
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:12,960
Yeah.

1176
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:13,960
Legs sticking out, arms sticking out.

1177
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:14,960
I'm like, what the fuck?

1178
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:15,960
Yeah.

1179
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:18,320
And apparently, it's a trope now.

1180
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:23,000
When you find a woman dead in a fridge just to promote the male protagonist, it's called

1181
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,000
fridging.

1182
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,000
Like the good old Yamcha crater?

1183
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:26,000
Kind of, yeah.

1184
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,160
There's so many Yamcha references now.

1185
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,640
I'm just getting fucking wrecked.

1186
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:36,080
That was the first time apparently there was a woman in a refrigerator for a male superhero.

1187
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:37,080
Really?

1188
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:41,120
And they call it reverse fridging when it's backwards.

1189
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:46,480
Where like the female character finds her boyfriend or love interest dead some way.

1190
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:53,720
I would subvert the whole trope and have like the killer in the fridge when he opens it.

1191
00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:54,720
He fridged himself.

1192
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:57,720
Oh my god, he fridged himself.

1193
00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:01,000
Imagine a Joker would do something like that though.

1194
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:02,000
Fridges himself.

1195
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:09,200
All right, ready to move on to some Reddit?

1196
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:10,440
I am.

1197
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:14,320
These are back to today I fucked ups.

1198
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,480
So the first one.

1199
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,120
This person messa17, right?

1200
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:23,560
He puts, I accidentally walked in on my dad going down on my mom.

1201
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:24,560
Tee-Tee-Loo-Sheek.

1202
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:29,880
Got you right on that one.

1203
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,560
That just happened like 15 minutes ago.

1204
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,560
I am now a homosexual.

1205
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:37,640
You did it so badly.

1206
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,520
I was playing Fallout 4 for several hours and had no clue where my parents were.

1207
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,160
I'm playing Fallout 4 right now.

1208
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:46,720
I better keep my fucking doors locked and stay in my room.

1209
00:48:46,720 --> 00:48:51,280
Keep in mind that I also have a hearing deficit and I was not wearing my hearing aids at the

1210
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:52,280
time.

1211
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:53,280
Damn.

1212
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,120
On top of that, it is currently very late where I live so I figured my parents were

1213
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:57,120
in bed or something.

1214
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:58,860
2.15 in the morning.

1215
00:48:58,860 --> 00:49:02,240
After playing Fallout 4 for several hours, I go into the hallway and see a small amount

1216
00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,240
of light coming from the gaming house.

1217
00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:04,960
Oh, here's some advice for you guys for Fallout 4.

1218
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,000
If you just want to fucking play it on normal, right?

1219
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:13,520
But still be OP, go to Vault 88, meet this woman outside named Cricket.

1220
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:17,800
She might not be there but you'll have to wait around like little, there's like beds

1221
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:21,000
or chairs you can sit in to wait for her to show up.

1222
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:25,000
She's a traveling merchant and she has a gun called the spray and pray.

1223
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,200
It is a fucking submachine gun.

1224
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:33,480
It looks like a Tommy gun and it shoots, it does about 41 damage but it does an extra

1225
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,400
15 points of explosive damage.

1226
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:41,480
I guarantee you, all I do is just walk around and just fucking blow people up.

1227
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:43,480
I'm damn near untouchable with this gun.

1228
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:48,760
I have 3,000 rounds, I have $11,000 which is caps in the game.

1229
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:51,200
I am just fucking living the life.

1230
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:55,360
Like I would literally like, I would be robbing, like I'll be like going through like desks

1231
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:59,640
and stuff for money while villains hit me in the back with their guns doing little damage

1232
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:05,040
because my health is so high and like my damage, I'm wearing something called the Mechanus

1233
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:12,640
suit so it has like 25, 30, like 72% damage or protection from projectiles.

1234
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:17,760
So I'm just like getting hit with like pings of like damage and I fucking turn around and

1235
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:21,480
they're fucking gone.

1236
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,600
And I never change the difficulty, I'm just that strong now.

1237
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,680
Level 30, I'm fucking killing Deathcrawl like it's nothing.

1238
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,800
Pray and pray baby.

1239
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:35,760
It's almost like the loophole with, well I wouldn't say it's a loophole but Elder Scrolls

1240
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:42,960
Skyrim, if you never level up the entire time, you just, you play like as level 1.

1241
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:48,320
Like if you don't go into the menu to choose anything on your, what is it, perks or anything

1242
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:49,960
like that, leave it at level 1.

1243
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:55,080
You can go to your main, like your item menu still but keep it at level 1.

1244
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,720
Your stats won't be great the entire time but it's going to be level 1 opponents equal

1245
00:50:58,720 --> 00:51:03,400
to you basically since everything levels up around you at the same time aside from giants.

1246
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,680
Oh yeah, like Bethesda is also Fallout 4 so yeah they do.

1247
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:08,320
So they just can't handle me though.

1248
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:12,140
So there's certain people though that will get all like the Dawnbreaker, they'll get

1249
00:51:12,140 --> 00:51:15,560
all that stuff at a really low level if you can.

1250
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:17,880
I can't remember if Dawnbreaker is one of them but whatever.

1251
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:19,280
Dawnbreaker should be.

1252
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:20,280
I think it's like level 30.

1253
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:21,280
Is it Sunder?

1254
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:22,280
No Dawnbreaker's not.

1255
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,840
No Dawnbreaker's I think at level 9, or not 90, level 30.

1256
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,640
You have the hammer that's Sunder.

1257
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:28,640
Yes.

1258
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,640
No I think it was called Keening.

1259
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:35,040
I think the other one's called Keening, the dagger.

1260
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,040
Dawnbreaker is the one at Skyrim.

1261
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,040
Yeah from Meridia.

1262
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:40,720
I don't remember.

1263
00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:42,600
The one that can go up against like Undead?

1264
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,560
Yeah but that's in Skyrim.

1265
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:45,560
Yeah it is, that's what I said.

1266
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,680
Oh I was thinking about Morrowind, sorry.

1267
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:48,680
Oh yeah.

1268
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,800
I was thinking about that in Skyrim.

1269
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:53,960
Because everything levels at the same pace as you because they keep it the same type

1270
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:55,400
of thing except for giants.

1271
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:56,720
Giants are always I think called Lady.

1272
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:59,920
They have that one attack where like if you're low level that's fucking bouncy off the fucking

1273
00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:00,920
ground.

1274
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:01,920
Yeah.

1275
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:04,240
So but if you, it's funny because there's a bunch of people that have done it now, but

1276
00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:09,760
if you stay level 1 and you go in to go fight what's his name, the dragon, Alduin.

1277
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:10,760
Yes, Alduin.

1278
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,340
But you go to go fight him right?

1279
00:52:13,340 --> 00:52:16,800
You start the battle and then you go into your perks menu.

1280
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,160
You level up right before you.

1281
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:19,160
Oh yeah.

1282
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:20,600
I think I've actually seen something like that.

1283
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,080
He just fucking wrecks Alduin.

1284
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:26,600
Alduin's like wait a minute man, he was high in his power level.

1285
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,200
Because what you do is you get up to what you would consider to be like level 70 or

1286
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:31,200
80.

1287
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:35,840
Alduin I think only goes up to like level 70 or somewhere in that vicinity.

1288
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:42,440
And if you upgrade all at once, so you get all your one-handed attacks up, all your two-handed

1289
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,360
attacks up, have all these weapons with you.

1290
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,000
He's just like no.

1291
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:51,320
You do it all at once and then it's like a couple of hits and Alduin's dead.

1292
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:53,560
Because he's still at level 1.

1293
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:54,880
To match your levels.

1294
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:55,880
That's wild.

1295
00:52:55,880 --> 00:53:01,800
Because you can't, like the AI for the system can't figure out how to catch up.

1296
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:02,800
Right.

1297
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,800
It's like ah.

1298
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,560
His scouter was reading 200.

1299
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,360
Like it blows up in his face.

1300
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:10,360
Ah fuck.

1301
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:14,560
I used to love that when it just blew up in your fucking face.

1302
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,560
That's a real bad design flaw.

1303
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:19,000
Instead of shutting off, they just blow up in your fucking eye.

1304
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,280
Because it basically means you're going to get fucked.

1305
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,040
Yeah, like it's so weird.

1306
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:28,280
I get it aesthetically it's fun for the shit, but like realistically you would hope it would

1307
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:31,080
shut off where it blows up and it's from the side of your fucking ear.

1308
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:32,800
It's a pop.

1309
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:38,280
Alright, so back to the guy that walked in on his parents.

1310
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:40,560
Playing good old Fallout 4.

1311
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:41,560
Yes.

1312
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:45,760
He got into the hallway to see a small outline coming from the gaming room.

1313
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:50,560
I thought maybe something left the TV, somebody left the TV on and I went to turn it off.

1314
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:52,880
I opened the door and lo and behold.

1315
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,840
My father's head is between my mom's legs.

1316
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,000
Where else?

1317
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,520
Like six feet away from me.

1318
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,840
I just shut the door and ran downstairs and outside.

1319
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:01,840
I'm having a stuff crisis.

1320
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:05,800
I became a little concerned about what would happen next.

1321
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:09,400
My father came outside and I asked, how are you?

1322
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:16,040
He said fine, but next time knock.

1323
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:17,840
He caught him.

1324
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:23,240
I explained that not only had I been unaware of where they were, but it was also late and

1325
00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:24,400
I thought maybe they were in bed.

1326
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:25,920
Are you sick son of a bitch?

1327
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:29,880
I also mentioned that I was not wearing my hearing aids and cannot hear anything behind

1328
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:30,880
the door very well.

1329
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,160
I also added on top of all that that I saw light coming from the gaming room and thought

1330
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:37,160
maybe someone left the TV on and intended to turn it off.

1331
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:40,360
Please try this.

1332
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,680
I also apologized and said that I just made an honest mistake.

1333
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:47,280
My father said everything was fine and I had absolutely nothing to worry about.

1334
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,680
He said that on Fridays and Saturdays are the only two days that he has time to spend

1335
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:51,680
with my mom.

1336
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:55,000
So I should be more vigilant about opening doors on those days.

1337
00:54:55,000 --> 00:55:00,920
It's like, I think it will stop.

1338
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:04,480
So, you know, just be more vigilant.

1339
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:10,520
Next one, uh, this is by ADHD absurdity.

1340
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:11,520
First and Pits.

1341
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:12,520
Hi, it's me again.

1342
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:13,520
Who is back?

1343
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:18,080
I posted nearly a year ago about my disgusting scalp.

1344
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:19,920
My comments were super helpful and positive.

1345
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,080
Others called me gross, a gross human being.

1346
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:24,120
Welcome to the internet.

1347
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:28,960
Anyhow, as it turns out, many of you were correct.

1348
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:30,240
I have psoriasis.

1349
00:55:30,240 --> 00:55:34,200
I wasn't washing my hair or scalp wrong like I thought I had.

1350
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:38,680
I thought I had to scrape it basically like many other commenters had.

1351
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:41,440
But I am not an unhygienic person.

1352
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:44,920
Those fucking horse brushes, fucking comb your hair until your fucking hair falls out and

1353
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:48,720
blunts starts fucking ripping up for your scalp.

1354
00:55:48,720 --> 00:55:52,680
After posting that, I started to develop dry patches behind one of my ears and around my

1355
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:53,680
eyebrows.

1356
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,700
No amount of washing or lotion would make them go away.

1357
00:55:56,700 --> 00:55:59,160
So yeah, turns out I wasn't washing myself incorrectly.

1358
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:00,600
I just had psoriasis.

1359
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:05,040
I guess even this update is basically another today I fucked up by thinking I am not washing

1360
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:08,520
myself correctly whenever I just have a skin condition.

1361
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:10,000
I know all about skin conditions.

1362
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,000
I got eczema.

1363
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:12,000
Fucking sucks.

1364
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:13,000
Yeah.

1365
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,000
And little things get clear.

1366
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,520
Itches like a fucking monster.

1367
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:22,520
Alright, next one is by Usualwater288.

1368
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:26,400
My wife is a third grade teacher and has only been for two years.

1369
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:30,000
This school year just ended for her and she has been talking about quitting because of

1370
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,080
one specific kid in her class.

1371
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:36,320
I'll refer to him as Cartman.

1372
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,480
Because that's literally what he is.

1373
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:43,600
I had obviously not met the kid but my wife would come home at least once a week and complain

1374
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:44,600
about him.

1375
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:47,600
I'll admit, from my side, this kid was hilarious.

1376
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:50,960
You can't tell your wife that though.

1377
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:51,960
No kidding.

1378
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:55,760
My wife said all the kids hated him but he genuinely could knock your lips.

1379
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,440
It's fucking Cartman for real.

1380
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,240
He only wanted to entertain himself.

1381
00:56:59,240 --> 00:57:03,720
He was notorious for tricking kids and even adults into doing things.

1382
00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:08,200
For example, he had pulled pranks on every substitute that he had.

1383
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:11,920
Once he even convinced the class that the fire alarm had rang while my wife was in the

1384
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:14,580
restroom even though no one heard it.

1385
00:57:14,580 --> 00:57:18,440
After a panic from my wife, they were found almost immediately at the playground with

1386
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,440
him on the swings.

1387
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:27,240
Anyway, last week we had an end of the year party that I was allowed to show up to and

1388
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:28,240
help with.

1389
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,040
I got to meet this little demon face to face.

1390
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:32,040
And he was funny.

1391
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:36,440
In fact, I couldn't stop laughing at this kid the entire hour.

1392
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:40,960
Geez, I imagine he was almost stalking your child.

1393
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:46,960
I think it was because not only was he a total nuisance, he would just do a little giggle

1394
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:50,840
every time one of the kids got mad at him.

1395
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:51,840
Like Cartman.

1396
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:57,520
He had zero people on his side and he just didn't care.

1397
00:57:57,520 --> 00:57:58,520
Weird.

1398
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:01,800
He should probably test him for actual antisocial behavior.

1399
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:02,800
Yeah.

1400
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:07,120
He's got no emotions to being shamed or anything.

1401
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:09,560
Here's where I fucked up.

1402
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:13,640
When handing out the sodas, I just said to him, maybe being nicer would make you more

1403
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:14,760
friends.

1404
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,560
He stopped dead in his move and just stared at me.

1405
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:18,560
Fuck.

1406
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,920
Then ignored me and continued like as if nothing had happened.

1407
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:26,160
The hour finished up pretty quickly and right as I was leaving, Cartman came up to me and

1408
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:32,720
asked if I was happy about my new car, which I now know my wife had mentioned it a few

1409
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:33,720
times.

1410
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:37,880
I said I loved it and he just said, good.

1411
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:40,360
It scattered off.

1412
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:45,320
I knew something was up, but I couldn't figure out what.

1413
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:49,320
My wife had tasked me with bringing home the leftover pizza boxes.

1414
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:53,080
I placed the pizza in my passenger seat and whenever I got home, noticed a large pool

1415
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,420
of grease on my seat.

1416
00:58:55,420 --> 00:58:59,520
This little menace had punched several holes in all the boxes.

1417
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,720
Why that little motherfucker.

1418
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:07,520
I was panicked at first, but I realized that I would have to get it cleaned anyways.

1419
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:09,920
No one noticed him fucking messing with the pizza?

1420
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:10,920
Yeah.

1421
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:15,960
And that little fucker shook up all leftover soda cans to.

1422
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:19,000
Aren't you a little smart motherfucker?

1423
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:20,400
You like your new car?

1424
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:21,400
Do you like a new enemy?

1425
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:22,400
That is diabolical.

1426
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:28,560
Cause there's nothing that's going to get the kid in like a tremendous amount of trouble,

1427
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:31,240
but it's just enough that it would piss off an adult.

1428
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:34,680
But it's just, it's like that level of like ingenuity to be like, let me shake up all

1429
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:35,680
these sodas.

1430
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:36,680
That wasn't a reason.

1431
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:37,680
That was normal, right?

1432
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:38,680
Like shaking up someone's soda.

1433
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:41,680
That's a basic move to fuck with somebody.

1434
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:42,680
Yes.

1435
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,480
But punching holes in soda for the grease to fucking pour out.

1436
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:46,480
Yeah.

1437
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:47,480
That's a diabolical fucking choice.

1438
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,280
And if you had cloth seats, not leather seats.

1439
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,320
Oh, that would suck.

1440
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:53,920
Cause you can't get that shit.

1441
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,200
Cloth being smart enough to punch them all.

1442
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:57,920
So that way any of them can just be at the bottom.

1443
00:59:57,920 --> 00:59:58,920
Exactly.

1444
00:59:58,920 --> 00:59:59,920
How greasy are those fucking pizzas?

1445
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:00,920
Jesus Christ.

1446
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:08,160
They just ooze in fucking grease, give them fucking kids cardiac arrest.

1447
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:09,160
Pizza, pizza, pizza.

1448
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:10,160
It's just greasy.

1449
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:11,160
Probably.

1450
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,160
All right.

1451
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,600
Next one is by your sister's ass.

1452
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:15,600
Gross.

1453
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:16,600
This person, I know.

1454
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:20,800
Just an automatic rejection of it.

1455
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:22,000
This person puts.

1456
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:23,360
This happened last Saturday night.

1457
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:25,080
I was out for dinner with my husband.

1458
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:29,200
We were in an area that has several tables and a long wooden bench against a wall with

1459
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:30,200
pillows.

1460
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:31,200
Pillows?

1461
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:35,560
To set the scene, this was a hipster fine dining sort of place.

1462
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:37,640
Being a Saturday night, it was pretty busy.

1463
01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:42,480
Towards the end of the meal, I felt a bit of an internal turbulence that needed to release.

1464
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,080
The restaurant is noisy.

1465
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:45,080
So I figured no one would be the wiser.

1466
01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:46,080
I'm fucking let out some farts, huh?

1467
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:47,080
She yes.

1468
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:48,080
That's even worse.

1469
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:49,080
That's the same.

1470
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:52,520
Everyone has the same bodily functions.

1471
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:55,280
Yes, but women are the ones that are embarrassed by it more.

1472
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:56,280
I don't know.

1473
01:00:56,280 --> 01:00:57,280
I don't want to fart in public.

1474
01:00:57,280 --> 01:01:01,880
Yeah, but if you do be, I know you will.

1475
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:02,880
I'd be fucking devastated.

1476
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:03,880
What do you mean?

1477
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:04,880
On the inside, but not on the outside.

1478
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:05,880
Who the fuck farted?

1479
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:08,880
I'd be the first one to blame someone else.

1480
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:11,000
Pointing first across the room.

1481
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,640
You nasty motherfucker.

1482
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:18,920
I eased out a slow rumbler reminiscent of a late evening thunderstorm.

1483
01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:21,440
Late evening thunderstorm, pray choice.

1484
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:22,440
Quite satisfying.

1485
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:26,520
Too late, I realized that the man sitting about a foot away from me on the bench as

1486
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:29,560
well must have felt the vibration.

1487
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,840
So we got a fucking earthquake.

1488
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:38,160
Now I know he had to have felt it because I'm guilty of doing this in the past.

1489
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:41,520
Years ago, I was sitting on a wooden bench next to my niece at a clamshack and decided

1490
01:01:41,520 --> 01:01:43,560
to get my bowels a good airing out.

1491
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:48,880
I thought I was being stealthy until my niece called me out on this misdeed.

1492
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:49,880
You farted?

1493
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:56,240
I suppose sitting next to your aunt and filling in the equivalent of a harlequin fire repeatedly

1494
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:59,680
isn't exactly discreet.

1495
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:02,080
You would think I would have learned my lesson.

1496
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:09,880
I felt eyes slowly turning towards me and knew I was busted.

1497
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:18,800
I could feel my face growing hotter as I attempted to arrange an expression of nonchalance.

1498
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:22,600
Well, I haven't had a conversation with my husband.

1499
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:26,040
Once we left the restaurant I shared with my husband when we went down, we had a hearty

1500
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:27,040
chuckle afterward.

1501
01:02:27,040 --> 01:02:33,160
She's like, I didn't hear shit.

1502
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:36,200
I didn't feel nothing either.

1503
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,200
Like a tsunami.

1504
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:38,200
Vibration.

1505
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:41,200
The guy's just like, ah!

1506
01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:42,960
That was 5.9 Richter.

1507
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:44,680
Like it knocks him off the bench.

1508
01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:50,920
Alright, next one is by LisaMJ514.

1509
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:59,000
This person puts, I told my husband that I don't think that I'll ever be happy.

1510
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:05,160
To go back a little bit, my dad died in November last year and it was an extremely difficult

1511
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:06,600
loss for me.

1512
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:10,400
Then when things sort of felt a little more normal, I got pregnant.

1513
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:15,160
So many emotions came up that happiness, sadness that my dad will never get to meet him, I

1514
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:17,760
ended up having a miscarriage about a week ago.

1515
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:18,760
Fuck.

1516
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:21,240
I'm still dealing with the symptoms and whatnot.

1517
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:25,200
I'll admit that I have not been the most pleasant person to be around.

1518
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:29,640
Now on top of this, my husband has an extremely stressful job and some other family issues

1519
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:30,640
that I won't get into.

1520
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:33,280
He's a spy.

1521
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,680
I've noticed that he's been more angry and frustrated with work.

1522
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:39,840
I try to just listen whenever he's upset but sometimes it's hard.

1523
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:43,560
Mostly because I don't really understand what he's going through.

1524
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:48,280
He has said multiple times that he feels alone, meaning he has no male figures left in his

1525
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:50,080
life to look up to.

1526
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:55,480
We were sitting and talking after he was done with work and he asked me if I was okay.

1527
01:03:55,480 --> 01:03:58,280
I gave my normal answer of saying I'm fine.

1528
01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:02,400
He launched into some story about work and how he's not happy with the company.

1529
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:05,760
I was already in a weird mood and felt really down.

1530
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:12,040
Not thinking and not even looking at him, I said, I don't think I'll ever be happy.

1531
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:16,920
There was silence after that and I looked up since I had been zoning out and the look

1532
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:19,760
of hurt on his face was something I haven't ever seen.

1533
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:23,120
He pointedly asked me if I still wanted to be with him.

1534
01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:24,120
I said of course.

1535
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:27,680
I tried explaining that it doesn't have to do with our marriage and that I felt like

1536
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:29,360
I like purpose in life.

1537
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:32,200
He knows I have a history of depression as well.

1538
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:35,400
I could tell he didn't know what to say.

1539
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:36,400
I felt awful.

1540
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:40,000
He said that he can't imagine feeling that way and got teary eyed.

1541
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:43,640
In all our years together, I haven't ever got to see him this emotional.

1542
01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:46,440
I wish I could explain better the look in his eyes.

1543
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:48,560
I feel like I destroyed a part of him.

1544
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:50,200
Oh damn.

1545
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:54,280
I feel like such a jerk and no matter how many times I apologize, it doesn't seem to

1546
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:55,280
matter.

1547
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:58,040
I feel like he's going to look at me differently at this point.

1548
01:04:58,040 --> 01:05:01,240
I'm such an asshole.

1549
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:05,600
You know, you're a little bit of...

1550
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:08,320
Never gonna be happy.

1551
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:09,320
Ever.

1552
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:10,320
Hmm.

1553
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:12,800
It's a depressing story.

1554
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:16,200
So we go from a depressing one to one that's a little funny.

1555
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:19,840
So this person, it's middle huckleberry23.

1556
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:20,840
I'm your huckleberry.

1557
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:24,760
Don't think I fucked up by pretending in a sign language.

1558
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:27,360
You mean like every person that fucking goes on God dang live TV?

1559
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:29,560
To be for a fucking hurricane disaster?

1560
01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:30,720
I know.

1561
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:31,720
So let me explain.

1562
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,720
I was at a local coffee shop trying to get some work done.

1563
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:38,080
The place was bustling and I walked into a group of people, one of whom was deaf.

1564
01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:41,720
I noticed them signing to each other and couldn't help but be intrigued.

1565
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:45,480
I've always found sign language fascinating and know a few basic signs from an online

1566
01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:47,760
course I took years ago.

1567
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:51,720
So as I stood in line for a second cup of coffee, the deaf person approached the counter.

1568
01:05:51,720 --> 01:05:54,800
The barista seemed a bit flustered, struggling to understand the order.

1569
01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:58,040
I thought it'd be a good Samaritan help out.

1570
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:01,920
I tapped the person on the shoulder and confidently sign, Hello, what do you want?

1571
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:03,680
At least I thought that's what I signed.

1572
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:08,600
His face lit up in relief and they began signing rapidly.

1573
01:06:08,600 --> 01:06:09,600
Here's the thing.

1574
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:11,720
I only know a few signs.

1575
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:15,000
They might as well have been casting spells.

1576
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:18,320
Why didn't they just, I mean, I don't know.

1577
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:19,320
Panic set in.

1578
01:06:19,320 --> 01:06:22,440
I nodded along with a bobble head desperately trying to piece together the few signs I did

1579
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:23,440
recognize.

1580
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:26,500
I managed to catch coffee and large.

1581
01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:28,760
So I turned to the barista and said, large coffee, please.

1582
01:06:28,760 --> 01:06:30,680
Why didn't they just write it down?

1583
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,760
The person looked back at me, clearly confused and signed again.

1584
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:35,040
This time more slowly.

1585
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:36,040
I was in too deep.

1586
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:37,040
I couldn't back out, man.

1587
01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:38,040
I tried to think it all.

1588
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:43,440
I tried to respond with a little that I knew, but I was obvious.

1589
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:44,440
I was floundering.

1590
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:49,120
Eventually, the deaf person smiled sympathetically and signed, Thank you, before turning to their

1591
01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:50,120
friend for help.

1592
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:53,000
I retreated to my table, my face burning with embarrassment.

1593
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:57,480
Later, I found out that instead of signing, Hello, what do you want?

1594
01:06:57,480 --> 01:07:01,080
I sign, Hello, what are you?

1595
01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:03,200
No wonder they were confused.

1596
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,280
I've had deaf people come to my store.

1597
01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:09,040
If I don't know what that is, give them a piece of paper and a pen.

1598
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:12,880
And usually at the end, they'll do the thank you sign.

1599
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:13,880
You think, but no.

1600
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:14,880
No?

1601
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:15,880
No.

1602
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:18,040
I don't know if I'm being rude or not, but I mean, like, it's just, it's easier to just

1603
01:07:18,040 --> 01:07:21,560
tell me right down what you want and I'm good to go.

1604
01:07:21,560 --> 01:07:23,880
All right.

1605
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:28,240
Next one is by solid us funk.

1606
01:07:28,240 --> 01:07:30,680
Solid is funk.

1607
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,440
Like solid is snake.

1608
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:34,440
Us us.

1609
01:07:34,440 --> 01:07:35,440
Solid us funk.

1610
01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:36,440
Yeah.

1611
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:41,200
That'd be like actual from Metal Gear Solid.

1612
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:45,080
This person puts this happened a while ago and my friends suggested I share it here.

1613
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:49,600
On the way to taking my younger daughter to her grandparents, I noticed a blind man who

1614
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:52,880
the support cane standing at the top of the flight of stairs.

1615
01:07:52,880 --> 01:07:53,880
Hello?

1616
01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:54,880
Hello?

1617
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:55,880
Hello?

1618
01:07:55,880 --> 01:07:56,880
I asked if he was okay.

1619
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:57,880
It's me.

1620
01:07:57,880 --> 01:07:58,880
Lotto Richie.

1621
01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:01,800
He's done a lot of that song.

1622
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:04,720
I can see it in your eyes.

1623
01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:05,880
I asked if he was okay.

1624
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:10,440
And he said there was a member of staff nearby, but I couldn't see anyone.

1625
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:12,560
He said that he was trying to reach another train line.

1626
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:16,760
I knew it was right down the stairs and offered to help get in there while him holding on

1627
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:20,600
my right arm and my daughter holding on my left, we made our way slowly down the stairs

1628
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:25,480
with lots of people who just exited the train were squeezing past us.

1629
01:08:25,480 --> 01:08:28,880
All my concentration was on my daughter who was walking slower than usual bumping into

1630
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:30,480
everyone around us.

1631
01:08:30,480 --> 01:08:34,760
That's whenever I frustratingly said, will you look where you're going and hurry up?

1632
01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:35,760
Good job.

1633
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:36,760
He said, I'm fine.

1634
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:37,760
He starts crying.

1635
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:42,720
But it was the guy I was helping who replied, sorry, excuse me.

1636
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:49,940
After dying inside, I explained that you're fucking being dragged to heaven and made account

1637
01:08:49,940 --> 01:08:50,940
of my sins.

1638
01:08:50,940 --> 01:08:53,080
I went back to life to talk to him.

1639
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:54,080
I'm so sorry.

1640
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:55,080
I didn't talk to you.

1641
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:58,600
I was talking to my daughter and he obviously had no idea.

1642
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:02,120
That must be just as bad because I mean, you can yell your daughter like that.

1643
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:05,400
Thankfully, he asked me how old she was and started laughing.

1644
01:09:05,400 --> 01:09:09,240
So at least you didn't take it personally.

1645
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:11,200
Won't you pay attention to where the fuck you're going?

1646
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:15,240
If I get smacked in the face with a cane.

1647
01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:18,560
Next one is by Tasty Side Bob.

1648
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:19,840
So the side boobs side bob.

1649
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:20,840
It's person puts.

1650
01:09:20,840 --> 01:09:25,280
So my girlfriend and I were making out on bed and it was clear that we were going to

1651
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:26,280
have sex.

1652
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:29,840
I excused myself to go to the restroom to wash my hands and brush my teeth.

1653
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:31,080
And my cock.

1654
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:34,960
Because she gets frequent UTIs and I want to minimize risk.

1655
01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:38,720
However, I went into the bathroom to discover that there was no soap.

1656
01:09:38,720 --> 01:09:42,200
Now I'm not incredibly smart.

1657
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:46,640
Now I am not incredibly smart to begin with, even less so whenever I'm horny.

1658
01:09:46,640 --> 01:09:50,240
So I remember that there is hand sanitizer in the kitchen cupboard and my brain does

1659
01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:55,360
not make the next logical connection that putting hand sanitizer and someone's hoo-ha

1660
01:09:55,360 --> 01:09:57,280
is a bad idea.

1661
01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:59,580
So I go back and we start having sex.

1662
01:09:59,580 --> 01:10:03,080
As my fingers are in her, she is like, did you cut jalapenos?

1663
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:05,760
It's burning down there.

1664
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:08,200
And still did not make the connection.

1665
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:11,960
It wasn't until about half an hour later whenever I realized my mistake.

1666
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:16,200
She still loves my dumb ass, but was not impressed with it.

1667
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:17,200
Me no smart.

1668
01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:18,200
Me horny.

1669
01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:29,040
I have trouble articulating feelings in words to communicate with loved ones.

1670
01:10:29,040 --> 01:10:30,920
Next one is by Massive Process 5124.

1671
01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:32,960
It's person puts.

1672
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:35,600
I'm currently on the toilet while I'm writing this.

1673
01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:37,960
I usually have regular bowel movements every morning.

1674
01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:40,360
The past few days I've been eating a lot of sweets.

1675
01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:43,400
It's my birthday weekend and I haven't been drinking as much water as usual.

1676
01:10:43,400 --> 01:10:44,480
Happy birthday.

1677
01:10:44,480 --> 01:10:48,940
This morning, whenever I had my bowel movement, my poop was larger and drier than normal.

1678
01:10:48,940 --> 01:10:50,720
And whenever I wiped, there was blood.

1679
01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:54,480
What if like it was so dry like when he opened, when he looked out, it was just an empty fucking

1680
01:10:54,480 --> 01:10:55,480
bottle with no water.

1681
01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:56,480
He absorbed it all.

1682
01:10:56,480 --> 01:10:57,480
He took it all.

1683
01:10:57,480 --> 01:10:58,480
He like fucking splashed it all.

1684
01:10:58,480 --> 01:10:59,480
He was drinking water.

1685
01:10:59,480 --> 01:11:00,480
Solidest.

1686
01:11:00,480 --> 01:11:01,480
How hot that would be fucking wild.

1687
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,480
I've never seen an empty bottle.

1688
01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:03,480
I'm like, I'm gonna go get some water.

1689
01:11:03,480 --> 01:11:04,480
I'm like, I'm gonna go get some water.

1690
01:11:04,480 --> 01:11:05,480
I'm like, I'm gonna go get some water.

1691
01:11:05,480 --> 01:11:06,480
I'm like, I'm gonna go get some water.

1692
01:11:06,480 --> 01:11:08,200
I've never seen an empty bottle.

1693
01:11:08,200 --> 01:11:10,880
I'd be like, God damn it.

1694
01:11:10,880 --> 01:11:14,840
I decided to pop three stool softeners to help make sure I didn't bleed next time I

1695
01:11:14,840 --> 01:11:15,840
poop.

1696
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:16,840
Eesh.

1697
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:20,360
I've been taking these before, but I usually take them at night so I can poop normally

1698
01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:21,360
in the morning.

1699
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,840
After I took these, I went out with my brother to the store.

1700
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:28,240
I blew the back of my ass out.

1701
01:11:28,240 --> 01:11:30,720
After I took these, I went out with my brother.

1702
01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:34,840
As soon as we got there, I felt my tummy start rumbling and I basically had to run around

1703
01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:35,840
and start rumbling.

1704
01:11:35,840 --> 01:11:36,840
That's a weird.

1705
01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:37,840
Yeah.

1706
01:11:37,840 --> 01:11:40,840
I had the worst diarrhea in that stall.

1707
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:48,720
There was no person beside you that had even the worst diarrhea.

1708
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:51,120
The kind that has you sweating and shaking.

1709
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:52,120
Jesus.

1710
01:11:52,120 --> 01:11:56,440
Apologies to the poor old woman who was also in the bathroom with me.

1711
01:11:56,440 --> 01:11:57,440
Oh, it's a woman.

1712
01:11:57,440 --> 01:11:58,440
Yeah.

1713
01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:00,920
That's why it seemed like a woman expression to say my tummy was rumbling.

1714
01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:01,920
Yeah.

1715
01:12:01,920 --> 01:12:04,320
It would be something like, my tummy was rumbling.

1716
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:06,400
I thought it might find like an MMA fighter.

1717
01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:08,920
That'd be funny though.

1718
01:12:08,920 --> 01:12:12,280
I thought that would be the only time, but boy was I wrong.

1719
01:12:12,280 --> 01:12:15,560
We went to the gym after the store and I was fine the first 10 minutes.

1720
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:19,880
Then the poop gods called me again and had me go to the bathroom mid exercise.

1721
01:12:19,880 --> 01:12:23,240
Again, it was the worst shit that I've ever had.

1722
01:12:23,240 --> 01:12:24,680
I felt like I was dying.

1723
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:26,120
My butthole feels so raw.

1724
01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:29,080
In my butthole, in my butthole.

1725
01:12:29,080 --> 01:12:32,880
Oh, there's a song I have to show you later.

1726
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:37,080
It reminds me, which is sad, but yes.

1727
01:12:37,080 --> 01:12:39,920
Next one is by Voltage Wolf.

1728
01:12:39,920 --> 01:12:40,920
Voltage Wolf.

1729
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:41,920
I'm trying to be dumb.

1730
01:12:41,920 --> 01:12:42,920
Sorry.

1731
01:12:42,920 --> 01:12:43,920
I'm so fucking cool.

1732
01:12:43,920 --> 01:12:44,920
I'm voltage.

1733
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:45,920
Voltage Wolf.

1734
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:46,920
Shut up bitch.

1735
01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:47,920
You ain't no goddamn superhero.

1736
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:48,920
First and fifths.

1737
01:12:48,920 --> 01:12:50,640
The past few days I have been experiencing a nasty cold.

1738
01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:53,440
I've been taking Dayquil during the day and Nightquil at night.

1739
01:12:53,440 --> 01:12:57,920
I ran out of Dayquil and decided to take Nightquil and drink my morning Red Bull.

1740
01:12:57,920 --> 01:12:58,920
I thought this would be okay.

1741
01:12:58,920 --> 01:12:59,920
Wait, did it start over?

1742
01:12:59,920 --> 01:13:06,120
I heard something that was the worst idea he could possibly have.

1743
01:13:06,120 --> 01:13:07,120
Restart from the beginning?

1744
01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:08,120
Yeah.

1745
01:13:08,120 --> 01:13:09,120
All right.

1746
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:11,000
The past few days I have been experiencing a nasty cold.

1747
01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:14,560
I've been taking Dayquil in the day and Nightquil at night.

1748
01:13:14,560 --> 01:13:18,960
I ran out of Dayquil and decided to just take the Nightquil and drink my morning Red Bull

1749
01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:19,960
instead.

1750
01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:20,960
All right.

1751
01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:21,960
That's what I heard.

1752
01:13:21,960 --> 01:13:22,960
That's what I heard.

1753
01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:26,040
So now, off the bat, we know he's fucked up beyond recognition.

1754
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:30,200
You don't take Nightwil in the daytime that's designed to fucking make you drowsy.

1755
01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:32,560
Yes, but the Red Bull's supposed to perk you up.

1756
01:13:32,560 --> 01:13:39,640
So he must have been in a state of fucking limbo between fucking tired and awake.

1757
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:41,640
I'm so tired, but I can't sleep.

1758
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:45,360
I thought this would be okay and it would cancel out the drowsiness effect of the Nightquil.

1759
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:46,720
I bet you were fucking wrong.

1760
01:13:46,720 --> 01:13:47,720
It did not.

1761
01:13:47,720 --> 01:13:50,440
Bet you were fucking exhausted, but you couldn't close your eyes.

1762
01:13:50,440 --> 01:13:54,360
What I did instead was make myself feel like I was slightly drunk.

1763
01:13:54,360 --> 01:13:58,200
I couldn't stand up without leaning over and I could barely form a sentence.

1764
01:13:58,200 --> 01:14:02,560
I had to cancel my plans today because I did not feel comfortable driving in this state.

1765
01:14:02,560 --> 01:14:05,720
My grandmother thought I was high and I had to strongly convince her that I was not.

1766
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,720
Get out of my fucking house, you pothead.

1767
01:14:07,720 --> 01:14:11,960
She didn't believe me, but she still gave me the benefit of the doubt, which I'm grateful

1768
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:12,960
for.

1769
01:14:12,960 --> 01:14:17,000
I was in a fully conscious state, so it's not like I was being crazy or things like

1770
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:18,000
that.

1771
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:21,960
However, I felt that I had a very little control over my body and generally felt wacky.

1772
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:26,240
I looked it up and apparently doing this often can damage your liver.

1773
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:27,680
So now I'm scared.

1774
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:32,640
It's mostly worn off now, but I feel weird and now my friends are mad at me.

1775
01:14:32,640 --> 01:14:33,640
Mad at you?

1776
01:14:33,640 --> 01:14:34,640
Fuck those people.

1777
01:14:34,640 --> 01:14:35,640
Because you had to cancel all his plans?

1778
01:14:35,640 --> 01:14:36,640
Fuck those plans.

1779
01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:39,560
All right, last two here.

1780
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:46,120
This person is hyena trick 3956, this person puts.

1781
01:14:46,120 --> 01:14:49,280
I gained some weight over the last year and I'm trying to get back into shape.

1782
01:14:49,280 --> 01:14:50,280
I hear you.

1783
01:14:50,280 --> 01:14:51,280
I hear you, brother.

1784
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:52,280
I hear you.

1785
01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:54,160
It's been pretty good so far.

1786
01:14:54,160 --> 01:14:57,360
The number on the scale hasn't been moving much, but I swear my clothes are getting a

1787
01:14:57,360 --> 01:14:58,360
smidge looser.

1788
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:02,720
So maybe I'm exchanging small amounts of fat or small amounts of muscle before small amounts

1789
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:06,720
of muscle because muscle obviously is denser than fat.

1790
01:15:06,720 --> 01:15:10,960
So sure, I've been physically feeling better since starting to work out and need better

1791
01:15:10,960 --> 01:15:15,440
at least, which is something anyways, moving on to how I fucked up today.

1792
01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:17,080
I went on a run.

1793
01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:24,960
It's a weekend morning and I woke up early so I wanted to try out a 5k, about 3.11 miles

1794
01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:26,840
since I had the day off and that's more time.

1795
01:15:26,840 --> 01:15:30,560
I used the bathroom before I left my house, figured that I was sufficient and I'd be fine

1796
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:32,000
in that regard.

1797
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:36,620
At mile one, I was feeling good, slow pace, but I was not going for speed here, just working

1798
01:15:36,620 --> 01:15:38,200
on endurance.

1799
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:43,640
Around mile two, I started to feel discomfort and I needed to go number two.

1800
01:15:43,640 --> 01:15:46,640
What is this about jogging that always makes me want to take a shit?

1801
01:15:46,640 --> 01:15:51,000
I still have over a mile left.

1802
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:52,480
I give myself a pep talk.

1803
01:15:52,480 --> 01:15:53,640
I got this.

1804
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:57,560
I can contain everything until I get home.

1805
01:15:57,560 --> 01:16:00,360
The discomfort and pressure got worse.

1806
01:16:00,360 --> 01:16:06,380
By the time I was within direct eyesight of my home, I was outright sprinting and my rectum

1807
01:16:06,380 --> 01:16:13,200
clenched as tight as physically possible and I felt it begin to happen.

1808
01:16:13,200 --> 01:16:16,760
I cursed the choice of pants I had selected on this morning, being gray instead of the

1809
01:16:16,760 --> 01:16:18,720
black that I usually favor.

1810
01:16:18,720 --> 01:16:23,000
I bound up the three steps to my frontage porch hoping the elderly woman who was across

1811
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:27,280
the street sweeping her stoop wouldn't notice that I had a big brown spot on my backside.

1812
01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:28,280
He didn't make it?

1813
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:29,280
He should have so.

1814
01:16:29,280 --> 01:16:33,960
I made it inside the bathroom where I finished the evacuation on Bob Ells and more comfort

1815
01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:35,280
that I had on the road.

1816
01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:41,920
Relieved to be home on the bright side, my run time this morning was a personal record.

1817
01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:44,080
The last mile was like, oh, fuck.

1818
01:16:44,080 --> 01:16:47,120
What if you had just started walking?

1819
01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,120
I would think so.

1820
01:16:49,120 --> 01:16:52,080
Had not had so much pressure?

1821
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:53,080
I would think so.

1822
01:16:53,080 --> 01:16:55,760
It had to do with the running and the gravity and the bow's moving.

1823
01:16:55,760 --> 01:16:58,280
It could have just pushed down on your shit.

1824
01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:01,400
If you just started walking, maybe you wouldn't feel so bad.

1825
01:17:01,400 --> 01:17:03,520
Remember, it was just that bad.

1826
01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:04,520
Don't get me wrong.

1827
01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:09,200
I've had those days where it's like, oh.

1828
01:17:09,200 --> 01:17:14,840
For me personally, when you're out in public, there's something in you that can just, it

1829
01:17:14,840 --> 01:17:16,520
will force you to hold it in.

1830
01:17:16,520 --> 01:17:21,840
Now, once your ass hits that toilet, there'll be a goddamn seatbelt there for you so you

1831
01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:22,840
don't fucking fly off.

1832
01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:26,160
There's no stopping it once it starts.

1833
01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:27,160
I don't know.

1834
01:17:27,160 --> 01:17:28,160
I could not love myself.

1835
01:17:28,160 --> 01:17:31,640
I have too much dignity to allow myself to shit myself.

1836
01:17:31,640 --> 01:17:33,600
No, no, no.

1837
01:17:33,600 --> 01:17:34,600
All right.

1838
01:17:34,600 --> 01:17:38,760
And last of the reddits today, we have this one is by dayofdingus.

1839
01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:40,520
Dayofdingus, person votes.

1840
01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:45,600
I was doing some yard work today and I noticed that I had some poison ivy on my hands, legs,

1841
01:17:45,600 --> 01:17:48,040
so I took a shower whenever I went outside.

1842
01:17:48,040 --> 01:17:50,160
I scrubbed my arms and legs to remove the oils.

1843
01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:54,240
I even used a little pack of poison ivy removing stuff I had lying around.

1844
01:17:54,240 --> 01:17:57,320
After I thought I had scrubbed it all away, I decided to have a classy shower wank.

1845
01:17:57,320 --> 01:18:00,520
Fuck, I'm gonna ruin my genitals.

1846
01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:03,680
Selection come attached for a tablet for viewing a pretty good investment if you're one who

1847
01:18:03,680 --> 01:18:05,200
enjoys soapy nuts.

1848
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:12,440
Anyways, it's a few hours later and I decided to rub the poison ivy oils deep into my dick

1849
01:18:12,440 --> 01:18:14,960
skin as it feels like it's on fire.

1850
01:18:14,960 --> 01:18:15,960
Damn.

1851
01:18:15,960 --> 01:18:18,120
I'm not sure where to go from here.

1852
01:18:18,120 --> 01:18:19,880
I'll probably apply some cream.

1853
01:18:19,880 --> 01:18:24,080
I don't think I'm getting laid anytime soon, so I don't have to worry about explaining

1854
01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:27,640
why my dick's covered in pus bubbles and itchy.

1855
01:18:27,640 --> 01:18:28,640
Ouch.

1856
01:18:28,640 --> 01:18:32,280
Closet ivy's no joke.

1857
01:18:32,280 --> 01:18:34,440
You don't want it anywhere near your junk.

1858
01:18:34,440 --> 01:18:35,440
Ever.

1859
01:18:35,440 --> 01:18:36,440
That's like a...

1860
01:18:36,440 --> 01:18:39,680
You know those guys that wipe their ass with the fucking leaves and it turns out to be

1861
01:18:39,680 --> 01:18:40,680
poison ivy.

1862
01:18:40,680 --> 01:18:41,680
Oh.

1863
01:18:41,680 --> 01:18:42,680
Puckers their asshole up.

1864
01:18:42,680 --> 01:18:49,480
Look, I've seen a video recently where there's a dude messing with poison ivy, but apparently

1865
01:18:49,480 --> 01:18:53,560
whenever it's winter time, you don't really have to worry about it because the bark or

1866
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:59,000
whatever it is on the actual poison ivy is not enough to actually cause poison ivy to

1867
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:00,000
happen to you.

1868
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:01,640
Well, this div shit was so dumb.

1869
01:19:01,640 --> 01:19:06,480
He's like, see, I can rub my arm all over and it doesn't do anything and it didn't.

1870
01:19:06,480 --> 01:19:07,480
Right?

1871
01:19:07,480 --> 01:19:11,240
He decided to, you know, let's scrape some of the bark away to where it's fresh stuff

1872
01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:12,240
on the inside.

1873
01:19:12,240 --> 01:19:16,720
Did it again and had all this poison ivy all over and it's like, dude, are you that stupid?

1874
01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:17,720
It's a fog.

1875
01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:18,720
I fucked up.

1876
01:19:18,720 --> 01:19:19,720
Pretty much.

1877
01:19:19,720 --> 01:19:21,080
He fucked up pretty badly on that one.

1878
01:19:21,080 --> 01:19:23,080
Walked into the woods and never came back.

1879
01:19:23,080 --> 01:19:26,160
Did an apple at you.

1880
01:19:26,160 --> 01:19:27,640
An apple at you.

1881
01:19:27,640 --> 01:19:28,880
Ah, fuck.

1882
01:19:28,880 --> 01:19:30,160
My back is killing me.

1883
01:19:30,160 --> 01:19:31,160
My back, my crack.

1884
01:19:31,160 --> 01:19:36,160
Everything that last week had.

1885
01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:39,400
Alrighty.

1886
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:45,240
And we will finish up with a couple of picker poisons.

1887
01:19:45,240 --> 01:19:46,680
It all went so well last week.

1888
01:19:46,680 --> 01:19:47,680
I thought we did them all.

1889
01:19:47,680 --> 01:19:48,680
No.

1890
01:19:48,680 --> 01:19:49,680
You got more?

1891
01:19:49,680 --> 01:19:50,680
Same.

1892
01:19:50,680 --> 01:19:51,680
I didn't do all the cards.

1893
01:19:51,680 --> 01:19:52,680
Okay, cool.

1894
01:19:52,680 --> 01:19:53,680
I saved some.

1895
01:19:53,680 --> 01:19:57,040
I ain't gonna sit here for three hours going through all...

1896
01:19:57,040 --> 01:19:58,720
God dang, how many are there?

1897
01:19:58,720 --> 01:19:59,720
Quite a few.

1898
01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:02,480
I'm not going through that many, so don't worry.

1899
01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,120
Alrighty, ready?

1900
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:05,120
Yes.

1901
01:20:05,120 --> 01:20:07,640
Alrighty, we're gonna go with pick your poison.

1902
01:20:07,640 --> 01:20:14,280
So drink a pint of someone else's vomit or instinctively know when everyone you know

1903
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:18,320
is going to die, but be unable to do anything about it.

1904
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:20,840
Kiss number two is five.

1905
01:20:20,840 --> 01:20:21,840
I can't do vomit either.

1906
01:20:21,840 --> 01:20:24,840
It's just like a fucking immortal.

1907
01:20:24,840 --> 01:20:27,240
Alrighty, next one.

1908
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:32,880
Get every partner from now on cheat on you or post a family photo on Facebook where everyone

1909
01:20:32,880 --> 01:20:33,880
is naked.

1910
01:20:33,880 --> 01:20:34,880
Easy.

1911
01:20:34,880 --> 01:20:36,320
I'll be a swinger on the first one.

1912
01:20:36,320 --> 01:20:37,320
Done and done.

1913
01:20:37,320 --> 01:20:38,320
You can't beat me.

1914
01:20:38,320 --> 01:20:41,840
You don't want to nude his family portrait?

1915
01:20:41,840 --> 01:20:42,840
No thanks.

1916
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:47,320
I think that'd be a nightmare for you.

1917
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:51,880
Alrighty, have someone snip your Achilles tendons with garden shears.

1918
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:52,880
Ouch.

1919
01:20:52,880 --> 01:20:55,600
Or chop off your pinky toe with a dull axe.

1920
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:58,440
Well the Achilles heel would heal eventually.

1921
01:20:58,440 --> 01:21:00,480
It would just fucking hurt.

1922
01:21:00,480 --> 01:21:01,480
The Achilles tendon?

1923
01:21:01,480 --> 01:21:02,480
I'll heal forever.

1924
01:21:02,480 --> 01:21:03,480
Yeah, I'll be fine.

1925
01:21:03,480 --> 01:21:07,960
That's the one that if you like it pops and you hear it pop like breaking, it's apparently

1926
01:21:07,960 --> 01:21:09,680
extremely horrible pain.

1927
01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:12,360
But my pinky.

1928
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:13,760
You can do without your pinky toe.

1929
01:21:13,760 --> 01:21:15,520
No, I need my pinkies.

1930
01:21:15,520 --> 01:21:16,520
Your pinky toe?

1931
01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:17,520
Take my Achilles.

1932
01:21:17,520 --> 01:21:19,520
Wait, you just don't walk?

1933
01:21:19,520 --> 01:21:20,520
I'll heal.

1934
01:21:20,520 --> 01:21:21,520
I'm Wolverine.

1935
01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:22,520
Alrighty.

1936
01:21:22,520 --> 01:21:23,520
Hey, bub.

1937
01:21:23,520 --> 01:21:29,760
Alrighty, cut off one of your ears with a pair of children's safety scissors.

1938
01:21:29,760 --> 01:21:30,760
No thanks.

1939
01:21:30,760 --> 01:21:34,320
Or have everyone be convinced that you've had sex with a family member even though you

1940
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:35,320
haven't.

1941
01:21:35,320 --> 01:21:36,320
Fuck.

1942
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:37,320
Take the ear then.

1943
01:21:37,320 --> 01:21:38,320
Then go in.

1944
01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:39,320
It's like no.

1945
01:21:39,320 --> 01:21:40,320
Vincent Van Coo.

1946
01:21:40,320 --> 01:21:43,320
See, that's why you should never say no to the first option.

1947
01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:50,600
Because the second one may be really bad.

1948
01:21:50,600 --> 01:21:51,600
But I didn't though.

1949
01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:52,600
No you didn't.

1950
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:57,120
But do you want everybody to think it?

1951
01:21:57,120 --> 01:21:58,120
But I didn't though.

1952
01:21:58,120 --> 01:21:59,800
So I can go with the first one.

1953
01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:01,480
The second one I'd be fine.

1954
01:22:01,480 --> 01:22:04,840
I'm morally justified.

1955
01:22:04,840 --> 01:22:05,840
But they're convinced.

1956
01:22:05,840 --> 01:22:06,840
But I didn't though.

1957
01:22:06,840 --> 01:22:09,320
Put me on the lie detector.

1958
01:22:09,320 --> 01:22:10,320
I didn't though.

1959
01:22:10,320 --> 01:22:11,320
You go with the second one.

1960
01:22:11,320 --> 01:22:12,320
Yeah.

1961
01:22:12,320 --> 01:22:13,320
But I didn't though.

1962
01:22:13,320 --> 01:22:14,320
But I didn't though.

1963
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:19,040
That'll be the most fancy thing.

1964
01:22:19,040 --> 01:22:20,600
But I didn't though.

1965
01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,840
You may think it but I didn't though.

1966
01:22:22,840 --> 01:22:23,840
Alrighty.

1967
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:27,200
Only be attracted to people who think you're ugly.

1968
01:22:27,200 --> 01:22:30,320
Or be required to sneeze the ass.

1969
01:22:30,320 --> 01:22:33,640
Be required to squeeze the ass of every person you hug.

1970
01:22:33,640 --> 01:22:39,000
You don't mind a handful of ass?

1971
01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:42,000
Male or female?

1972
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:45,360
I think two.

1973
01:22:45,360 --> 01:22:48,240
I'll squeeze it if I have to.

1974
01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:51,040
You don't want to be attracted to people who only think you're ugly?

1975
01:22:51,040 --> 01:22:53,840
Attracted to people that only think I'm ugly?

1976
01:22:53,840 --> 01:22:57,680
So that I never get hooked up with them because they think I'm fucking like trailer trash.

1977
01:22:57,680 --> 01:22:59,680
Like a dumpster fire.

1978
01:22:59,680 --> 01:23:03,880
So you're going with the second option.

1979
01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:04,880
The booty grab?

1980
01:23:04,880 --> 01:23:05,880
Yeah.

1981
01:23:05,880 --> 01:23:06,880
Shit why not.

1982
01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:09,880
I don't do hugs as dead as it is.

1983
01:23:09,880 --> 01:23:10,880
I just won't give hugs.

1984
01:23:10,880 --> 01:23:11,880
I'll be like Fizzbump.

1985
01:23:11,880 --> 01:23:12,880
Alright ready?

1986
01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:13,880
They don't understand loopholes.

1987
01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:14,880
Alright.

1988
01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:22,280
Have a condom fall out of your pocket immediately after anyone compliments you.

1989
01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:26,360
That never happens so nevermind.

1990
01:23:26,360 --> 01:23:29,000
I never get complimented.

1991
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,720
Shit I'll be iron clad in my pocket.

1992
01:23:30,720 --> 01:23:34,400
I have to hit a friend's leg without painkillers.

1993
01:23:34,400 --> 01:23:35,400
And be at a friend's leg?

1994
01:23:35,400 --> 01:23:36,400
Yeah.

1995
01:23:36,400 --> 01:23:37,400
That's not that bad.

1996
01:23:37,400 --> 01:23:38,400
It ain't my fucking problem.

1997
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:39,400
Exactly.

1998
01:23:39,400 --> 01:23:40,400
So get ready.

1999
01:23:40,400 --> 01:23:41,400
Todd I got you.

2000
01:23:41,400 --> 01:23:42,400
I can do both.

2001
01:23:42,400 --> 01:23:43,400
Oh.

2002
01:23:43,400 --> 01:23:45,000
Ready?

2003
01:23:45,000 --> 01:23:46,000
Yeah.

2004
01:23:46,000 --> 01:23:47,000
Eat a puppy.

2005
01:23:47,000 --> 01:23:48,000
Fuck.

2006
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:51,000
Or remove one of your eyeballs with a spoon.

2007
01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:52,000
How?

2008
01:23:52,000 --> 01:23:53,000
Well.

2009
01:23:53,000 --> 01:23:58,000
It's like well I went Chinese today.

2010
01:23:58,000 --> 01:23:59,000
Fuck.

2011
01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:01,000
I don't like my own body being emulated.

2012
01:24:01,000 --> 01:24:02,440
Man I gotta eat a dog?

2013
01:24:02,440 --> 01:24:03,440
A puppy too.

2014
01:24:03,440 --> 01:24:04,440
Not even a dog.

2015
01:24:04,440 --> 01:24:05,440
Fuck man.

2016
01:24:05,440 --> 01:24:07,800
Not an old dog that's getting ready to die but a puppy that was just born.

2017
01:24:07,800 --> 01:24:08,800
Probably tastes like chicken.

2018
01:24:08,800 --> 01:24:16,920
I don't know why they have to put pitbulls on this because it could be any other dog.

2019
01:24:16,920 --> 01:24:19,040
Get mauled by a pack of stray pitbulls.

2020
01:24:19,040 --> 01:24:22,200
Fuck cause they're the most vicious to people's minds.

2021
01:24:22,200 --> 01:24:25,800
Or get mauled by a pack of old grannies.

2022
01:24:25,800 --> 01:24:28,520
Blow a horse completion.

2023
01:24:28,520 --> 01:24:29,520
Get mauled by a pack of p...

2024
01:24:29,520 --> 01:24:34,320
I guess I gotta fight some pitbulls then.

2025
01:24:34,320 --> 01:24:37,920
At least the pitbulls are gonna die.

2026
01:24:37,920 --> 01:24:38,920
I'm Wolverine.

2027
01:24:38,920 --> 01:24:44,560
Alright next one.

2028
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:47,000
Only be able to orgasm whenever you're alone.

2029
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:54,440
Or train daily with the judge until you can put your whole fist in their anus.

2030
01:24:54,440 --> 01:24:55,440
With a judge?

2031
01:24:55,440 --> 01:24:56,440
What?

2032
01:24:56,440 --> 01:24:57,440
With the judge.

2033
01:24:57,440 --> 01:24:59,440
What the fuck is the judge?

2034
01:24:59,440 --> 01:25:02,440
What the fuck is that?

2035
01:25:02,440 --> 01:25:07,440
The judge is gonna be over that sexual assault case.

2036
01:25:07,440 --> 01:25:09,520
Number one it is.

2037
01:25:09,520 --> 01:25:11,760
Alright ready?

2038
01:25:11,760 --> 01:25:14,480
Be forced to remove your pants before sitting down.

2039
01:25:14,480 --> 01:25:17,360
Excuse me one second before I sit down.

2040
01:25:17,360 --> 01:25:18,760
I'm trying to get on the bus.

2041
01:25:18,760 --> 01:25:20,400
Hold on one second.

2042
01:25:20,400 --> 01:25:21,960
This could go either way for you though.

2043
01:25:21,960 --> 01:25:23,440
Only sleep with people twice your age.

2044
01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:25,240
I don't think I did the second one.

2045
01:25:25,240 --> 01:25:26,240
What's the matter?

2046
01:25:26,240 --> 01:25:27,240
That's what I'm saying.

2047
01:25:27,240 --> 01:25:28,240
Done and done.

2048
01:25:28,240 --> 01:25:29,240
I can do both.

2049
01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:30,240
I can do both.

2050
01:25:30,240 --> 01:25:31,240
It's fine.

2051
01:25:31,240 --> 01:25:34,800
I'll take my pants off while I come with a person twice my age.

2052
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:35,800
This is a weird one.

2053
01:25:35,800 --> 01:25:38,600
Poop a hundred gallons of Heinz ketchup.

2054
01:25:38,600 --> 01:25:42,040
That looks gross in the toilet.

2055
01:25:42,040 --> 01:25:43,040
Or die in 2035.

2056
01:25:43,040 --> 01:25:44,040
2035?

2057
01:25:44,040 --> 01:25:45,040
That's not that long.

2058
01:25:45,040 --> 01:25:48,040
They didn't say I'd say that.

2059
01:25:48,040 --> 01:25:50,920
They gave me resuscitated.

2060
01:25:50,920 --> 01:25:54,320
Number two.

2061
01:25:54,320 --> 01:25:56,760
Eat all the hair from a stranger's shower drain trap.

2062
01:25:56,760 --> 01:25:57,760
Oh thanks.

2063
01:25:57,760 --> 01:26:01,200
I don't know how you might like this other one then.

2064
01:26:01,200 --> 01:26:03,000
Time to sue a wrestler's ass.

2065
01:26:03,000 --> 01:26:07,200
Never said it was a male.

2066
01:26:07,200 --> 01:26:10,000
That's true.

2067
01:26:10,000 --> 01:26:12,600
I mean loopholes.

2068
01:26:12,600 --> 01:26:14,600
Loopholes it is.

2069
01:26:14,600 --> 01:26:15,600
Alright.

2070
01:26:15,600 --> 01:26:19,800
Give pedicures to an entire nursing home.

2071
01:26:19,800 --> 01:26:23,720
Or get three tattoos of your mother's face surrounding your genitals.

2072
01:26:23,720 --> 01:26:24,720
Number one it is.

2073
01:26:24,720 --> 01:26:26,920
Get ready to see them old lady feet.

2074
01:26:26,920 --> 01:26:29,920
I already have.

2075
01:26:29,920 --> 01:26:41,560
You say that but with contemplation.

2076
01:26:41,560 --> 01:26:44,000
Being hungover for the rest of your life.

2077
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:47,520
Or Google publishes your search history.

2078
01:26:47,520 --> 01:26:49,560
Number two I don't give a fuck.

2079
01:26:49,560 --> 01:26:51,880
I already knew the answer to that one though.

2080
01:26:51,880 --> 01:26:53,120
That's an easy one for you.

2081
01:26:53,120 --> 01:26:55,360
Make a look up Hannah Hilton.

2082
01:26:55,360 --> 01:26:57,640
The poor star.

2083
01:26:57,640 --> 01:27:08,040
Randomly find a dead body in your closet.

2084
01:27:08,040 --> 01:27:11,720
Or lose a week of your life every time you have sex.

2085
01:27:11,720 --> 01:27:14,640
First of all there's already been a dead body in my closet.

2086
01:27:14,640 --> 01:27:17,160
So number one.

2087
01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:19,240
What dead body you got in there.

2088
01:27:19,240 --> 01:27:22,960
How about we don't talk about that and the law doesn't get involved.

2089
01:27:22,960 --> 01:27:25,960
Alright participate in a nursing home orgy.

2090
01:27:25,960 --> 01:27:26,960
Done.

2091
01:27:26,960 --> 01:27:28,400
Been there done that.

2092
01:27:28,400 --> 01:27:30,960
Swallow a used condom you found on the sidewalk.

2093
01:27:30,960 --> 01:27:31,960
Number one what.

2094
01:27:31,960 --> 01:27:37,600
You would meet yourself in a pair of granny panties as a souvenir.

2095
01:27:37,600 --> 01:27:38,600
Depends.

2096
01:27:38,600 --> 01:27:39,600
Depends panties.

2097
01:27:39,600 --> 01:27:40,600
Depends.

2098
01:27:40,600 --> 01:27:46,600
I don't know which one of these you take.

2099
01:27:46,600 --> 01:27:50,160
Have sex with a dead person.

2100
01:27:50,160 --> 01:27:52,720
Or take five shots of tequila every morning at breakfast.

2101
01:27:52,720 --> 01:27:57,160
Damn I'm always gonna be fucking shot ruggling with the second one.

2102
01:27:57,160 --> 01:27:59,160
You'll be fucked up every morning.

2103
01:27:59,160 --> 01:28:02,960
I might build a tolerance.

2104
01:28:02,960 --> 01:28:04,640
I already know the answer to this one too.

2105
01:28:04,640 --> 01:28:10,680
Like some of these are just too easy because you are a freaks.

2106
01:28:10,680 --> 01:28:13,040
You're a goon so it's not a hard day.

2107
01:28:13,040 --> 01:28:15,960
I'm the goon.

2108
01:28:15,960 --> 01:28:18,040
Lose your sex organs.

2109
01:28:18,040 --> 01:28:21,800
Or become a prostitute for a year.

2110
01:28:21,800 --> 01:28:25,600
And now blow jobs.

2111
01:28:25,600 --> 01:28:29,280
God I'm McDonald's.

2112
01:28:29,280 --> 01:28:32,080
Alright have triplets with someone you only met once.

2113
01:28:32,080 --> 01:28:33,080
No problem.

2114
01:28:33,080 --> 01:28:36,040
Or pretend you're a cat and give someone in the room a tongue bath.

2115
01:28:36,040 --> 01:28:37,040
Number one.

2116
01:28:37,040 --> 01:28:39,600
I can raise three kids.

2117
01:28:39,600 --> 01:28:42,600
I got it.

2118
01:28:42,600 --> 01:28:47,720
I already see what this one's gonna go to.

2119
01:28:47,720 --> 01:28:50,360
Die alone.

2120
01:28:50,360 --> 01:28:53,360
Or wear a ball gag for the next 72 hours.

2121
01:28:53,360 --> 01:28:54,360
Shit I can't do that.

2122
01:28:54,360 --> 01:28:57,840
You did that for five years.

2123
01:28:57,840 --> 01:28:59,320
For 75 hours.

2124
01:28:59,320 --> 01:29:04,000
You beat that record already by three hours.

2125
01:29:04,000 --> 01:29:09,280
Stare and salivate uncontrollably every time you smell a fart.

2126
01:29:09,280 --> 01:29:11,000
Doesn't happen that often.

2127
01:29:11,000 --> 01:29:13,280
Other than the bathroom.

2128
01:29:13,280 --> 01:29:15,480
Have a corkscrew twisted into your belly button.

2129
01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:18,760
That won't hurt that bad.

2130
01:29:18,760 --> 01:29:19,760
Number two probably.

2131
01:29:19,760 --> 01:29:21,040
I think I'll pull it out.

2132
01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:24,920
You don't want to stare and salivate every time you smell a fart.

2133
01:29:24,920 --> 01:29:25,920
Stare and salivate?

2134
01:29:25,920 --> 01:29:30,680
Stare and salivate like staring at the fucking aroma of it.

2135
01:29:30,680 --> 01:29:36,360
Stare and salivate uncontrollably every time you smell a fart.

2136
01:29:36,360 --> 01:29:38,040
Oh yeah.

2137
01:29:38,040 --> 01:29:41,320
Oh god.

2138
01:29:41,320 --> 01:29:45,360
Eat a Twinkie filled with Manspunk.

2139
01:29:45,360 --> 01:29:49,920
Or have a fat bald man appear out of nowhere and hit you every time you sneeze.

2140
01:29:49,920 --> 01:29:52,560
I might get used to number two.

2141
01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:58,480
Like actually, if I can start swabbing and weaving.

2142
01:29:58,480 --> 01:30:03,440
Alright, have a stranger wipe your butt every time you poop.

2143
01:30:03,440 --> 01:30:05,960
That makes my job easier actually.

2144
01:30:05,960 --> 01:30:08,240
What the fuck.

2145
01:30:08,240 --> 01:30:10,960
Have your significant other leave you for your best friend.

2146
01:30:10,960 --> 01:30:12,440
I don't have any friends.

2147
01:30:12,440 --> 01:30:13,440
I'm a loner.

2148
01:30:13,440 --> 01:30:19,280
What if my wife has my best friend?

2149
01:30:19,280 --> 01:30:22,880
She'll leave you for herself?

2150
01:30:22,880 --> 01:30:26,120
She's got to work on her.

2151
01:30:26,120 --> 01:30:28,880
Only be able to eat things you find in a public trash can.

2152
01:30:28,880 --> 01:30:32,080
I might find some good fucking delicious food.

2153
01:30:32,080 --> 01:30:34,360
Or drink a cup of your father's junk.

2154
01:30:34,360 --> 01:30:35,360
What the fuck.

2155
01:30:35,360 --> 01:30:36,360
It dumpster diving it is.

2156
01:30:36,360 --> 01:30:37,360
Exactly.

2157
01:30:37,360 --> 01:30:39,880
Well, I can only eat things out of here and that's the way it's going to be.

2158
01:30:39,880 --> 01:30:40,880
Use bananas.

2159
01:30:40,880 --> 01:30:43,600
Find a banana fucking rolled up into a condom.

2160
01:30:43,600 --> 01:30:45,640
I got that.

2161
01:30:45,640 --> 01:30:51,440
Alright have everyone in the room discover your darkest secret or vomit every time you

2162
01:30:51,440 --> 01:30:52,440
orgasm.

2163
01:30:52,440 --> 01:30:55,440
My darkest secret?

2164
01:30:55,440 --> 01:30:56,440
Everybody knows your secret.

2165
01:30:56,440 --> 01:30:59,960
You might not want to hide.

2166
01:30:59,960 --> 01:31:00,960
Vomit when I orgasm.

2167
01:31:00,960 --> 01:31:02,200
You know Will Smith had that problem?

2168
01:31:02,200 --> 01:31:03,200
Did he really?

2169
01:31:03,200 --> 01:31:07,320
He was apparently having so much sex during the shooting of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

2170
01:31:07,320 --> 01:31:11,880
He was so popular, he was young, he was handsome and tall and all that that he started having

2171
01:31:11,880 --> 01:31:14,600
like a gag reflex from like orgasming.

2172
01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:17,680
I thought it was whenever J.Va's hair came out.

2173
01:31:17,680 --> 01:31:21,480
I guess his body just couldn't take it anymore.

2174
01:31:21,480 --> 01:31:24,640
I just figured it would be whenever J.Va's hair fell out.

2175
01:31:24,640 --> 01:31:26,640
Maybe, I don't know.

2176
01:31:26,640 --> 01:31:29,880
How it feels about a bald woman.

2177
01:31:29,880 --> 01:31:33,520
Alright have sex with the first person you see after leaving the room or.

2178
01:31:33,520 --> 01:31:36,600
I have to keep my eyes closed.

2179
01:31:36,600 --> 01:31:39,880
Be forced to announce whenever you have to poop with everyone you will.

2180
01:31:39,880 --> 01:31:41,680
I can always do it.

2181
01:31:41,680 --> 01:31:42,680
Dude no problem.

2182
01:31:42,680 --> 01:31:44,360
I got shit on me right there.

2183
01:31:44,360 --> 01:31:45,360
Exactly.

2184
01:31:45,360 --> 01:31:46,360
It's not that bad.

2185
01:31:46,360 --> 01:31:47,360
No.

2186
01:31:47,360 --> 01:31:54,320
Fly in a field of puppies with a steamroller or develop a massive cold sore in your mouth

2187
01:31:54,320 --> 01:31:55,320
every Monday.

2188
01:31:55,320 --> 01:31:56,320
Only Mondays?

2189
01:31:56,320 --> 01:31:57,320
Yeah.

2190
01:31:57,320 --> 01:31:58,320
I can deal with that.

2191
01:31:58,320 --> 01:31:59,680
You don't want to roll over a field of puppies?

2192
01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:00,680
I had to eat one.

2193
01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:02,160
I don't want to fucking kill the rest of them.

2194
01:32:02,160 --> 01:32:05,160
You took one out of a creep and you ran over the rest.

2195
01:32:05,160 --> 01:32:06,160
Fuck.

2196
01:32:06,160 --> 01:32:07,760
I already know.

2197
01:32:07,760 --> 01:32:09,720
I know the answer to this.

2198
01:32:09,720 --> 01:32:12,920
It's hard whenever I know the freak that you are.

2199
01:32:12,920 --> 01:32:14,820
And you'll do these things.

2200
01:32:14,820 --> 01:32:18,080
Have a naked picture of you published on the front page of the New York Times.

2201
01:32:18,080 --> 01:32:19,080
Fuck you.

2202
01:32:19,080 --> 01:32:20,080
No problem.

2203
01:32:20,080 --> 01:32:22,840
Or get a tattoo of your most recent ex's face and initials.

2204
01:32:22,840 --> 01:32:23,840
I can do both.

2205
01:32:23,840 --> 01:32:28,400
While I'm taking a picture of it.

2206
01:32:28,400 --> 01:32:29,400
Alright.

2207
01:32:29,400 --> 01:32:36,400
Or being on a family member getting off to a family photo album.

2208
01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:38,720
Like an Adam Sandler scene.

2209
01:32:38,720 --> 01:32:40,200
Or cut off your nipples with a butter knife.

2210
01:32:40,200 --> 01:32:41,200
I guess number one it is.

2211
01:32:41,200 --> 01:32:44,200
Where it's like what the fuck are you doing?

2212
01:32:44,200 --> 01:32:45,760
What the fuck are you doing you fucking freak?

2213
01:32:45,760 --> 01:32:46,760
At least it isn't you.

2214
01:32:46,760 --> 01:32:48,440
At least it isn't me.

2215
01:32:48,440 --> 01:32:49,440
But it wasn't though.

2216
01:32:49,440 --> 01:32:52,160
But I didn't though.

2217
01:32:52,160 --> 01:32:54,600
Accidentally grab crazy glue instead of lube.

2218
01:32:54,600 --> 01:32:57,360
Oh fuck.

2219
01:32:57,360 --> 01:32:59,600
Or kill ten people and get away with it.

2220
01:32:59,600 --> 01:33:05,120
I've done that in the second one already.

2221
01:33:05,120 --> 01:33:07,960
Be unable to have sex without getting pregnant.

2222
01:33:07,960 --> 01:33:10,520
I'm a man so it's a lube pull right there.

2223
01:33:10,520 --> 01:33:11,520
Exactly.

2224
01:33:11,520 --> 01:33:13,240
Or pull your fingernails out one by one.

2225
01:33:13,240 --> 01:33:14,240
Number one it is.

2226
01:33:14,240 --> 01:33:18,680
It'd be like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger in that movie where he was pregnant.

2227
01:33:18,680 --> 01:33:22,360
What was the name of that movie?

2228
01:33:22,360 --> 01:33:24,080
Get to the nursery home.

2229
01:33:24,080 --> 01:33:26,680
Instead of the chopper.

2230
01:33:26,680 --> 01:33:29,320
Tell everyone you're a registered sex offender.

2231
01:33:29,320 --> 01:33:34,720
Or have your partner write a review on their public blog every time you have sex.

2232
01:33:34,720 --> 01:33:36,360
Number two I don't give a fuck.

2233
01:33:36,360 --> 01:33:37,720
I know the answer to these.

2234
01:33:37,720 --> 01:33:39,680
You don't care if I...

2235
01:33:39,680 --> 01:33:40,680
Yep.

2236
01:33:40,680 --> 01:33:42,000
Can you give me my dick size, my ball length?

2237
01:33:42,000 --> 01:33:45,000
I don't give a fuck.

2238
01:33:45,000 --> 01:33:47,320
Throw a temper tantrum the first time you meet your in-laws.

2239
01:33:47,320 --> 01:33:52,080
That'd be a great first impression.

2240
01:33:52,080 --> 01:33:55,160
Or find out that your parents pay for all your friends to like you.

2241
01:33:55,160 --> 01:33:56,920
I can do number two no problem.

2242
01:33:56,920 --> 01:34:00,080
It's like I got friends to leave.

2243
01:34:00,080 --> 01:34:01,080
They gotta be here now.

2244
01:34:01,080 --> 01:34:02,080
They got no choice.

2245
01:34:02,080 --> 01:34:08,080
Get caught with the terrorist training websites and your browsing history.

2246
01:34:08,080 --> 01:34:10,800
Or let a smelly fart every time you orgasm.

2247
01:34:10,800 --> 01:34:11,800
Damn.

2248
01:34:11,800 --> 01:34:14,640
Guess I'm getting put on that watch list.

2249
01:34:14,640 --> 01:34:15,640
You don't want to let one out?

2250
01:34:15,640 --> 01:34:17,120
Nah it'll ruin the mood.

2251
01:34:17,120 --> 01:34:20,360
It's already done though for you son.

2252
01:34:20,360 --> 01:34:23,440
But we're good.

2253
01:34:23,440 --> 01:34:28,720
Proceed your real name with the real every time you say it.

2254
01:34:28,720 --> 01:34:29,720
Oh fuck.

2255
01:34:29,720 --> 01:34:32,600
I'm either a fucking douchebag.

2256
01:34:32,600 --> 01:34:35,800
The real No Way.

2257
01:34:35,800 --> 01:34:38,400
Or have a Korean sex dream about your mother every night.

2258
01:34:38,400 --> 01:34:39,400
I don't know what it is.

2259
01:34:39,400 --> 01:34:42,400
I'm gonna be like fucking George Costanza.

2260
01:34:42,400 --> 01:34:43,400
Weird as fuck.

2261
01:34:43,400 --> 01:34:44,400
The George?

2262
01:34:44,400 --> 01:34:47,400
The No Way.

2263
01:34:47,400 --> 01:34:50,040
Sorry, the real No Way.

2264
01:34:50,040 --> 01:34:52,040
The real one.

2265
01:34:52,040 --> 01:34:53,560
Alright.

2266
01:34:53,560 --> 01:35:03,000
Be known as that person who had sex with a cow despite never having had sex with a cow.

2267
01:35:03,000 --> 01:35:05,840
But I didn't though.

2268
01:35:05,840 --> 01:35:06,840
But I didn't though.

2269
01:35:06,840 --> 01:35:13,720
Or swim in a pool of warm urine.

2270
01:35:13,720 --> 01:35:14,720
But I didn't though.

2271
01:35:14,720 --> 01:35:17,360
Go with the first one.

2272
01:35:17,360 --> 01:35:18,640
But I didn't though.

2273
01:35:18,640 --> 01:35:20,840
You show me a fucking camera and then I'll believe you.

2274
01:35:20,840 --> 01:35:23,800
This is when you were fucked up.

2275
01:35:23,800 --> 01:35:26,560
But I didn't though.

2276
01:35:26,560 --> 01:35:27,560
Eat cigars.

2277
01:35:27,560 --> 01:35:29,840
Eat cigarette butts out of a public ashtray.

2278
01:35:29,840 --> 01:35:30,840
Jesus.

2279
01:35:30,840 --> 01:35:33,280
Or pee through a catheter for the rest of your life.

2280
01:35:33,280 --> 01:35:34,280
Number one it is.

2281
01:35:34,280 --> 01:35:39,040
Let me have a taste here.

2282
01:35:39,040 --> 01:35:42,280
Start a one year sentence in solitary confinement tomorrow.

2283
01:35:42,280 --> 01:35:46,160
That sounds like a nice time.

2284
01:35:46,160 --> 01:35:48,560
Get walked in on every time you go to the bathroom.

2285
01:35:48,560 --> 01:35:51,000
I mean either one for you to smile on.

2286
01:35:51,000 --> 01:35:52,320
I mean mad as fuck actually.

2287
01:35:52,320 --> 01:35:54,520
Can't you see I'm fucking brushing my teeth?

2288
01:35:54,520 --> 01:35:55,520
Get the fuck out.

2289
01:35:55,520 --> 01:35:58,960
Can't you see I'm shit.

2290
01:35:58,960 --> 01:36:04,280
Alright I have ten nipples in random places on your body.

2291
01:36:04,280 --> 01:36:05,280
No.

2292
01:36:05,280 --> 01:36:09,280
Or die while being burned at the stake after living a full life.

2293
01:36:09,280 --> 01:36:10,280
Fuck.

2294
01:36:10,280 --> 01:36:11,280
It's quick though.

2295
01:36:11,280 --> 01:36:14,760
Hopefully I have that fucking X-58 for us to leave the smoke.

2296
01:36:14,760 --> 01:36:15,760
Maybe.

2297
01:36:15,760 --> 01:36:16,760
So you're going with the stake one?

2298
01:36:16,760 --> 01:36:17,760
Yeah I'll be a hundred and nine.

2299
01:36:17,760 --> 01:36:18,760
Alright.

2300
01:36:18,760 --> 01:36:22,200
A shower for two minutes with boiling hot water.

2301
01:36:22,200 --> 01:36:24,320
That might feel decent.

2302
01:36:24,320 --> 01:36:28,120
Or watch parents have sex.

2303
01:36:28,120 --> 01:36:31,120
How hot is it?

2304
01:36:31,120 --> 01:36:32,120
Number one it is.

2305
01:36:32,120 --> 01:36:34,280
We're going with number one then.

2306
01:36:34,280 --> 01:36:37,880
Alright and that is all the picture poison for today.

2307
01:36:37,880 --> 01:36:39,920
I think that's enough.

2308
01:36:39,920 --> 01:36:40,920
Yeah.

2309
01:36:40,920 --> 01:36:43,760
We got things for no way to contemplate for today.

2310
01:36:43,760 --> 01:36:47,120
Maybe or if I just forget about tomorrow.

2311
01:36:47,120 --> 01:36:48,120
Exactly.

2312
01:36:48,120 --> 01:36:51,160
You're going to be thinking about that Cal that everybody's going to assume.

2313
01:36:51,160 --> 01:36:53,760
But I didn't though.

2314
01:36:53,760 --> 01:36:55,600
Alright.

2315
01:36:55,600 --> 01:36:57,560
Anything else to add before we head out tonight?

2316
01:36:57,560 --> 01:37:00,440
That's it for now but don't you guys worry next week we're going to have a full good

2317
01:37:00,440 --> 01:37:01,440
episode.

2318
01:37:01,440 --> 01:37:06,520
I'll have my own stuff that I have because I've been lacking lately these last two weeks

2319
01:37:06,520 --> 01:37:09,440
with personal issues but we'll pick it up.

2320
01:37:09,440 --> 01:37:10,440
Alright.

2321
01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:20,120
With that we will see you guys on the next one.