Hello and welcome back to another Movies, Games, Comic Books, Anime and more Weekly.
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All right, so I was on Macs and cycling through and I found an interesting new DC animated
movie called Justice League Crisis on Infinite Earths Part 1.
Now I thought it was brand brand new, but they actually dropped back in January 9th
of this year.
So I'm like, damn, I'm late to the game because of part two and three already out on Amazon
Prime, but you got to buy them.
I'm like, I can't wait.
So is it based off of the original comic book?
I'm assuming not, because it doesn't seem like it.
No.
Like it just bounces like it.
It has the trippiest like a scene change I've seen in a long time, because like I'm going
to tell you the story from plot line to plot line instead of like how it was sequentially,
because if I do it sequentially, I'd be like, what is fucking happening?
Because this is what I was thinking the whole movie through.
So it starts off at the very beginning with Barry Allen waking up in his laboratory after
the accident that gave him his powers.
He wakes up just like, what's going on?
I don't understand what's happening.
And some random old guys in the shadows saying like, the beginning, this is the beginning.
And like Barry Allen has that thing where he did like you shake your head like you think
you, you see something in the distance and you're a little bit groggy.
So you clear your mind, your mind, and you look back up and it's gone.
That's what the old man, they just dipped.
So then you follow Barry Allen as he meets Iris West.
That's her name, right?
The chick that he starts dating.
And you see their relationship progress little by little.
Like first they meet at this diner she works at, then they're dating, then they're getting
talking about their wedding and then they're getting married.
So you follow them throughout that.
And along with that, he followed him in one of his first adventures where he ends up fighting
the robot Amazo.
And he gets rocked by Amazo bad and Superman jumps in to save him and Superman gets rocked
by Amazo bad.
So the green arrow comes in and saves him and they all just escape instead of saving
him because this Amazo drained the powers of a little bit of the Flash, but a lot of
Superman and Superman is just knocked cold.
And so he's so beat up that they need to take him to a hospital somewhere, but he doesn't
want to go to Star Labs, which is what their first suggestion was because they tend to
dissect alien species.
So they go to Wayne Manor and Barry Allen, the Flash and Oliver West's green arrow are
confused.
Like why are we at Bruce Wayne's house?
And they come to find out that he's Batman.
This is like the very formation of the Justice League.
And they're all like, Superman's like, hey Bruce, it's like, get him inside, I'm Batman.
And so they're talking about what they should do about Amazo and Barry Allen suggested they
should start a super team because he saw it on a different Earth, a parallel Earth, because
his designated Earth is Earth One and he had been to another place called Earth Two that
had a super team.
So he wants to do that for this one.
So they're all like bet, so they get another group of superheroes to like flesh out the
team.
They get Vixen, that one chick that could like get like the powers of an animal and
Martian Manhunter.
And they try to recruit Hal Jordan and he's like, fuck you, fuck the Justice League, fuck
your stupid cow, fuck your stupid face.
And he just fucking dips.
I'm like, God damn it.
And like, Oliver's like, what a dick.
And Oliver's usually like, yeah, what a fucking asshole.
So they end up at a press conference at this, you know, like that one show, Justice Friends
or whatever it was, long time ago.
Oh, the Super Friends.
Yeah, where it was that one like building, like some random city.
That's the building that they, that Batman bought for the team.
The one that they always make fun of on Family Guy.
And he's like, I bought it for a song.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
But I was still, he never explained what that meant.
Like he bought the building for a song.
And I don't know what the fuck that means to this day.
So during the press conference, everything's going all great.
And then a truck comes out of the horizon and just starts about to smash into them.
And Amazo ends up attacking them with Lex Luthor behind them.
And they're fighting the Amazo and they're getting their ass beat because he can just
drain their power like a proximity effect.
So the minute they get into proximity, anyone with superpowers is getting wrecked.
So for Oliver and Batman and the Flash is like, I got an idea.
Because earlier this guy named Professor Ivo, who created Amazo, had tried to stop him during
the earlier confrontation with the three of them.
Green Arrow, the Flash and Superman.
And he thinks that if he can get Ivo to come talk to the robot, that maybe he could convince
it to stop because he notices, the Flash noticed that he was not trying to kill anybody.
Amazo was.
And then you come to find out that he is programmed to heal or extend human life perpetually.
That's his program because Professor Ivo contracted a disease, especially Benjamin Button.
He ages faster than normal.
Or I guess he ages in reverse.
So it's not really Benjamin Button because Benjamin Button ages in reverse.
He's a crippled old man.
He became a young little kid.
So he just aged faster.
He's like 36 and he looks like 93.
And so Amazo, Lex Luthor had tricked Amazo into thinking that by draining the superheroes
of their abilities and their meta energy basically, that he could heal people indefinitely.
And so he's just lying to him.
Just being Lex Luthor.
So eventually he finds that Amazo tries to use the meta powers of the heroes because
he's winning.
Like they're all drained as hell.
Superman is like, I don't know how much more I got.
And like Martian Manhatchers all fucked up too.
And so I guess it was only three in there.
There should be four with powers.
The flesh wasn't there because he ran away to find Professor Ivo.
And he gives his energy, his meta energy to Professor Ivo and Professor Ivo dies and Amazo
loses his fucking shit.
And he destroys Lex Luthor because he was in a power suit.
And he comes to find out that Professor Ivo was actually given the disease by Lex Luthor
to force him to use his intelligence to build the robot that would...
He tricked him into thinking that he made this robot to fix all human diseases.
But he was circumventing it to take all meta powers because he wanted the powers for himself
because that loser is just being insane.
The funny part is when they take Lex Luthor away, they put him in a Hannibal Lecter type
fucking suit where he's got a muzzle around his mouth and I'm like, what the fuck?
He's not a fucking animal.
You just start taking bites out of people.
Yeah, like going by...
It's all changed.
It's one of those things where you chain them up and you take them on a dolly away.
You could just put them in handcuffs and throw them to the back of the car.
It's not a bad human.
Yeah, it was the most overdone way to arrest Lex Luthor I've ever seen.
The Hannibal Lecter treatment.
They shouldn't have made it where like...
They had Professor Ivo in the hospital, the ambulance, and they were reeling him in and
then in the background you see Lex Luthor getting reeled away.
So I'm like, what the fuck?
This doesn't make much sense.
The juxtaposition was hilarious.
You see the sad old man dead and Ivo's all upset and you see fucking Lex Luthor dragged
across the screen.
I'm like, what the fuck?
So Amazel, I guess he kills himself.
He actually dies of a broken heart because Professor Ivo died.
He's like, no.
And he just powers down forever.
Oh my God.
So then the story jumps to the wedding of the Flash and Iris West and all of a sudden
this woman called the Harbinger comes in and says, we need your help Barry Allen.
And so he gets sent to this like, I guess this center of the universe of all creation
where they meet the monitor and the monitor looks like Vandal Savage, fuck Thanos, and
had a son because he looks like the combination of Thanos and Vandal Savage.
I kid you not.
He's purple with fucking the mutton chops.
Purple?
Yeah.
He's purple with mutton chops.
Looks like Thanos and Vandal Savage put together.
Even in the comic books, I think he's what pink or like a light colored pink.
I don't remember, but he's purple as fuck.
Purple?
Yeah.
And so they all get up there and he gathers heroes from every planet in existence.
And you start seeing these weird things that have changed.
The Batman from Earth One that we know from the Amazel storyline meets Robin, no meets
Nightwing from a different, no he meets Robin from a different universe.
He's like, oh Bruce, it's been so long.
How you been?
Because in his universe, Batman's dead.
He's been dead.
And then he meets, I need you to meet the Huntress and you turn out the Huntress is his daughter.
Like something, like I forgot her name is, but it's something Wayne and she became the
Huntress in that universe.
Like you've been dead for so long Batman, it's nice to see you again.
Batman's like, what the fey, a kid?
I always use a condom.
Like mad as hell.
Until the God damn him.
Yeah.
Still, if you guys ever know, he still wore his helmet, his head when he fucked, he still
bad man.
That's so goofy.
Like he didn't even take his helmet off.
Like his whole cowl on top of it.
Like he just, that and his butt ass naked.
With the cowl still.
Which is the funniest shit.
She said like, keep the mask on.
I'm Batman.
Or she was the one that wanted him to keep the mask on.
I don't know.
Okay.
So you see, you start seeing like, I was like, I just a bunch of random like characters,
some of them I don't even know who they were.
Yeah.
And of course the question pops up, right?
And as the monitor is talking, the question, like I got some questions for you first.
How the hold on.
And he, he does give you some, he does ask some like actually pertinent questions because
they come to find out that there's this company called the, like the, I forgot what it's called
in the movie, but it's like, it's like an anti-matter wave that just disintegrates.
It is like a massive wave that goes through every single universe and just destroys the
earth.
And apparently the earth is the, the center of the, cause he asked like, why is the earth
so important out of every planet in the universe?
And he's like, whenever earth falls, every other universe falls.
Cause wasn't it, uh, Oa is the center of the universe, but earth is the center of the multiverse.
If I'm cause I'm trying to remember DC lore at this point, cause Oa is where the, the
green lanterns are and that's the center of the universe.
But then the center of the multiverse itself is earth.
That's why everything always happens fucking on earth and not on Oa.
It's like the Florida of the ages.
Everything happens in Florida.
So he asked, so he's asking like, so yeah, the monitor says like, earth is the, like
the, the first, like if it falls, everything else falls.
And I had a question too.
I'm like, okay, so why do you need superheroes?
If it's an antimatter wave, why'd you have a bunch of scientists?
Like the smartest scientists that ever lived, like I've, Albert Einstein and stuff.
Right.
And then he answered my question cause I had it in my head right after that.
He's like, uh, now some of you are some of the greatest scientific minds to ever live.
So I need, so basically what he does is he separates two teams.
He has all the smartest superheroes ever, the smartest scientific minds of all time,
like Mr. Terrific and Batman and, uh, uh, Wonder Woman from Themyscira and, uh, Ted
Korg, the blue beetle.
They're trying to come up with a solution to stop the, the antimatter wave.
Everyone else is on construction duty that whatever they decide to do, they have to build
it.
So I'm like, they should have just got a bunch of Mexicans.
It would have been a simpler plan.
Cause they took a forever to build the device that they needed.
Yeah.
Even with Superman, I'm like, you guys are taking way too long.
If you had Miguel on this team, it would have been fucking done.
What is y'all doing?
The new blue beetle?
Like where's all the super?
Yeah.
Jaime would have had that shit done today.
So they come up with this plan after, cause they're all arguing, right?
And uh, uh, uh, fucking the flash comes in.
He's like, here's some coffee for everybody.
And apparently he can phase through his mind through different points of re of, uh, time
that he's been to.
So he can phase in and out to different places.
And so they're like, my God, brilliant.
Cause he, he found this coffee that was amazing on this different planet.
And uh, he just faced back there, remembered the recipe and came back and they're all like,
this is the greatest coffee we've had in my fucking life.
And uh, they're like, oh, that's perfect.
So what they plan to do is they plan to do these huge devices that would cause a vibrational
like a humming thing, like a vibration that would phase.
They would basically the flash phase where like he phases through walls and stuff that
would phase every earth from getting hit with the anti-matter wave.
And so it would just go past the, the, the built the, uh, the earth and not damage it
at all.
So they're like, we just need to build it in time.
And then like once, cause once the first one's built, the rest of them will be like, it'll
cause their own shock wave that will reverberate throughout the rest of the earth.
But then for some reason, the anti-matter wave starts going faster.
So we didn't calculate for this.
What the fuck?
So it's about to hit the first earth like that.
And then the flash is like, no, this can't happen.
So he goes and runs to, uh, to Iris West and he says, I'm so sorry.
He's like, oh, as long as we had each other, blah, blah, blah.
He's like, no, fuck this shit.
It's basically like, fuck.
So he phases himself so fast that he creates a time bubble for him and Iris at the first
earth where the first device is.
And you find out that he spends the rest of his life like they end up there in this bubble
until they go and turn into really old man and wife and they build the machine by themselves
in that bubble bubble while everything else has pretty much stopped in time.
Yeah.
So he's been spending like fucking 60 years.
He's like a 92 year old man, so he has to the flesh.
Got to wake up in the morning.
Cause I saw them getting dressed right for work.
I'm like, they're still working at 60.
Like 92 years old.
Man, the economy must be the shit.
Cause they never told you why they were going to work.
Yeah.
Like Iris was getting ready.
Like she was a handy woman and he was like, well, better go to work.
And he's like, he went into the fucking basement and started running on a treadmill.
And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
They're still working at 97.
They had no savings.
That's what, cause they never show.
I didn't tell you why they were working.
Yeah.
They were in this bubble and they were trying to build a device themselves with the time
stopped just by themselves.
And they had a Maisel's head.
They had, they had woken a Maisel again to help them fix it, to power the machine or
like coordinate or like, he was like the mainframe to make the machine turn on.
So a Maisel was like, I'm back.
I got a purpose now, but just his head for some reason.
I don't know what the fuck the rest of his body was.
I don't remember.
That way you can't fight back.
Well, he wouldn't have fought back anyway.
He's a good guy.
He was just misguided.
But he just had his head for some reason.
So every day the flash would wake up and he would run on the treadmill to give a little
bit more power to the device.
It's like, cause he was the only power source.
And then him and Iris would be building the, cause it's a huge fucking like, it's one of
those like, you know, those like a forks that are like a vibration force.
Like a tinning fork.
Yeah.
It's like that, but on a giant scale.
So they built that by themselves for fucking years.
And he's like, well, and then Iris dies of all the edge.
Oh, fuck.
And so him and Amazer are like, it's going to work.
Amazer was like, I have no idea.
And he's like, bet.
And they go for it.
And it just happens to work.
And like they phase.
It works.
They phase through it.
Every planet phases through the antimatter wave.
The antimatter wave was like, fuck.
And cause they say like, it doesn't make any sense.
It's like a non like living thing.
So why would the antimatter wave go faster knowing that they have a plan now to fix the,
or to solve the problem.
So of course there's going to be someone behind it.
So then Barry Allen, like you come to find out that the reason Barry Allen kept phasing
cause in the movie he phases back and forth to different like points in his timeline because
he's phasing like mentally through every phase or every timeline.
And like, that's why the sequence is so fucking weird.
Like he'll phase like, the way I'm telling you the story is not how it happened.
He would phase from the point of phasing Amazer, then he would phase to the future.
Then he would phase back to a point talking to, during his wedding.
They would phase to a point of him and Iris at the, at the diner when they first meet.
Then he would phase to another point and they would be like the conference, the meeting,
the press conference for the Justice League formation.
They would phase back to like the antimatter thing.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
That's what the movie was like.
Him phasing like different points of his life.
And so he phases, like I guess he like, he caused some great time crime and like someone's
gonna come after him forever.
Like he talks to the Spectre cause the Spectre makes a cameo.
He's like, you committed a great crime.
And like, who the fuck, a bear's like, who the fuck are you?
Like I'm Spectre.
And then Spectre talks to the monitor too and he's like, they had like a better, I don't
know what the fuck was going on.
It's like a weird cameo with the Spectre.
And Barry Allen, so there was this old guy that kept bothering Barry Allen throughout
every phase of this timeline.
He would always come in like, Barry, you have to stop, the world's gonna be destroyed.
He's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
And this old man would show up constantly for whatever reason.
He would just constantly show up.
And Barry Allen as an old man was phasing through different timelines.
He ended up in this like prehistoric era, right?
With these weird fucking two guys, like they're in like super leather clothing, right?
Just like loincloths and like a helmet.
And like one has a fucking collar with a leash attached to the other guy.
Like the weirdest gay couple I've ever seen in prehistoric times, you know?
And Barry Allen's like, it's you.
And then Barry Allen just disappears.
Like the phantom snap, the dusting, and he's just gone.
And it's just so fucking weird.
Like there's a cliffhanger at the end where a bunch of people start phasing away.
Like something happened in a certain point in history that wasn't supposed to happen.
So future time or future things no longer exist.
Like you know that brainiac 3000 from like the 31st century?
Like he starts disappearing, some other chick disappears.
Supergirl from the 21st century is like, what the fuck's going on?
And I'm like, what is part one?
So there's actually three parts to this.
It seems to me like they're trying to combine Crestacean, Infinite Earths, and Zero Hour
together.
I mean.
One of the coolest parts of the story was when he ended up on Earth 3, or what he called
Earth 3 at the time, was the crime syndicate world where like an evil version of every
superhero took over the planet.
And they became the government.
And like you had like instead of Superman it's like Ultraman.
Ultraman.
And then Wonder Woman is Superwoman and then Batman's Alman.
And my favorite character was Johnny Quick, was the flash of their universe.
And you come to find out that if you kill other people with Speed Force, the Speed Force
opens up for you more.
So kind of like the one from Jet Li, he had killed every other speedster on their planet
with the help of the other team.
So he was the fastest like the fastest person ever in that universe.
And when Barry got there, his Speed Force got cut in half because now they were sharing
it.
I found that a pretty cool little like tidbit I never knew like.
So yeah, if the Flash were to kill all the other Flashes, he'd be the fastest Flash
to ever Flash.
The really messed up one though, because out of all the crimes syndicate, I don't know
if it's going to be that way in this Crisis on Infinite Earths one.
But in the comic books, there's a person named Power Ring, which is the Green Lantern equivalent.
And that ring just locks him up all the time where it's constantly causing him pain.
Because it never wants to.
It's almost like a parasite.
Really?
Yeah, for the crime syndicate.
It didn't show anything.
Like he well.
So on Earth three, Barry only gets caught by the super by the crime syndicate and they
get taken to their fucking headquarters, which is the same place basically.
And they're about to kill him because they put him on trial.
And they come to find out they're actually like 100% bored of this new world.
They had conquered everybody, beaten everything, and they're just bored.
They're super powerful and bored.
So when they find out that Barry's from a different universe, they want Johnny Quick
to find a way to get to that one and conquer that one as well.
And then like all of a sudden the old man shows up and he's like, that ain't happening.
And he like does some weird trick to everybody.
And they come to find out.
And they're like the anti matter the anti matter wave hits the earth first and they're like,
fuck.
And so Barry Allen and them try to help as many people as they can.
But it's there's nothing they could do.
Yeah, like Ultraman's fucking great plan was to slam into the fucking anti matter wave with
this little I can punch this shit and he fucking disintegrated.
Even the comics.
He also snores crew.
What do you call it?
Kryptonite.
Does he?
For his power.
Crazy.
Just snores the shit like cocaine.
All the all the villain.
It's funny because like they come off as real bad people.
Right.
And there's a point where one of the skyscrapers next to their headquarters is coming down
and you see Ultraman catch it and like he makes it like sit back up.
Right.
You're like, oh, so he's not that bad way.
And he tips it over to fall the other way because he didn't want to land on his headquarters.
Fuck this shit.
It looks like he's saving them.
Right.
Yeah.
And then he does.
He dips that bitch the other way.
And so it's funny because so they are they all so Ultraman like, fuck it, let's just
slam into this thing.
So they all try to attack the Antimatter Wave power ring gets stuck underneath this bridge
and he's like, and he gets fucking disintegrated.
Superwoman two just accepts her fate.
And then Barry Allen is talking to Alman.
He's like, Alman, you're a strategist.
Like there has to be a way.
Like sometimes the only way is to just go.
He basically says like, like there's no other option that it's too late for them.
So Alman just slams himself into the fucking building.
I'm like, OK.
So him and Johnny Quick are running, trying to get away from the the the Antimatter Wave.
And you sort of feel like Johnny Quick is not as bad as his contemporaries.
Like you get that feeling when he's talking to Barry Allen and like he just ends up sacrificing
himself to give Barry Allen enough speed force to get out of there and back to his world.
And so that's basically the whole movie.
I told you an easier way to understand it than I had to because he was not in this world
or at all.
Yeah.
Every scene was a different scene from a different era at a time.
That is very jarring.
It was.
Huh.
So that is it for the first one.
Once part two and three come out, I'll get those as well.
And next week I'll probably be covering the the the Whedon versus Snyder Justice League.
That or there's a documentary on the you ever heard about that guy in Japan back in the
late 90s that was trapped in a hotel.
No he was trapped in a room as a contestant and he was made to he was asked to fill out
sweepstakes entries and he could only have the items that he won sent to head sent to
the apartment so he could only survive on those things.
And so until he accumulated enough money's worth of sweepstakes like however much money
was he would be let go.
It was all part of like he was agreeing to it.
It was like against the rule of the law or anything.
But they strip him butt naked and he has to stay in that room forever until he get or
not forever or no yeah forever because the whole time he never got to leave.
But he never had anything that did not come from the sweepstakes winnings.
So he was butt naked never got any clothes food.
He ended up getting dog food that he would eat it first or rice or he would win a bike
or he won he won a PlayStation with no TV.
So he's like fuck.
So it's called the guy's name is Nabooie or something.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it but yeah I know what story you're talking about
but yeah they just did a new documentary on Hulu for that.
Really.
I kind of want to check that out because I've seen the story on YouTube.
I'd like to see a deeper dive on Hulu so I might do that if I can find it or do that
or I was watching the well I'm only going to do I don't want to do Good Morning Vietnam.
You already did that one.
Did you?
No.
Didn't we talk about it?
I haven't done it before because we were talking about different Robin Williams movies and
stuff like that.
Good Morning Vietnam.
I was watching it on Tubi yesterday.
You know Forrest Whitaker's in it?
Yeah.
I forgot he was in that movie.
It's actually a really decent movie.
Probably covering more like contemporary stuff for people.
Yeah.
Like I'm gonna do I'm gonna do Fallout again but only from the perspectives of a specific
character so it would be Lucy's perspective episode one through eight and then the next
episode would be Maximus one through eight.
It's like only their storylines from their point of view.
Yeah.
Then the ghoul one day and maybe like Norm and Thaddeus and from there then you know
the new boys is coming out soon so we'll cover that and what else more DC stuff like maybe
like the old animated series of Fun to Watch or the Batman stuff.
What else can we do?
I guess it's up to you guys but we'll try to cover more instead of doing like random
stuff I used to do more cinema.
For the YouTube viewers comment anything that you want us to kind of check out.
Or don't trust you.
Don't cause you never do.
Which is fine it is what it is.
No hard feelings.
See but my heart's broken.
Good morning Vietnam.
I guess yeah I'm trying to think about what should do next.
I might do that well I do really do want to look at the you do the documentary first because
the Justice League is not going anywhere it's already there.
Yeah.
It's old.
Yeah.
And it's just like really a comparison of one to the other but in the Amazon one will
take longer because it's three different point of views so I'll be watching the movie like
let's see hey what's it what's eight times three?
24.
We watch it 24 24 basically 24 episodes.
24 hours.
Of maybe more if I do the Norm and the Thaddeus walk storylines too.
Yeah.
That's fun.
That's fun for me.
So that is it for Justice League Crisis on Infinite Earths number part one.
Part two apparently Batman fights Robin and his daughter.
I saw a preview somewhere.
I'm just whipping his ass he's like what the fuck.
That was one of the few that I've seen that I could rent on Amazon and I never did.
It's like I don't want to see that.
Oh I could do that other one too the Doom that came to Goth.
The one that you didn't like very well.
The book that I didn't like.
Yeah the book.
I won't like the movie either I'm sure.
Where it's a kind of a noir type.
It's more like a Lovecraftian horror.
Yeah yeah.
It'd be more Lovecraftian style.
Minus the racism.
Alright so what do we move on to?
What you got for Urban Dictionary today?
Urban Dictionary we got soggy biscuit.
Soggy biscuit.
Out the gate a boarding school masturbating game.
Students all jack off onto a Jacob's cream cracker.
Whoever shoots their load first into the biscuit is deemed the winner.
The loser eats the biscuit.
Have fun.
Next up we got the Dirty Emanuel.
Basically when you have a threesome and you get blowjobbed by one of the girls.
He's a terrible writer.
Yeah.
You get a blowjob by one of the girls.
Oh it's so dirty.
That's the tamey shit I've ever heard.
Mostly from Urban Dictionary.
That's nothing.
That's nowhere near the worst.
Next one is Danny.
It sounds so tame.
It says it's an anual discharge.
What do you call it by anual sex?
Oh oily.
Oh.
Yeah I don't know why it's called Danny.
They must have somebody named Danny that has an oily discharge.
Next one is called Says the King.
It's like a way of parting oneself immediately after a loud belch.
So basically they would.
Says the King.
They fucking vomit all over each other.
This is one of my favorites.
Sweater meat.
Extremely amazing looking boob especially under a sweater.
Maybe I find a better word than meat though.
It's still meat.
Yeah but it sounds too.
Meat packs.
Too uh.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Too uh.
Anatomical?
No it sounds too uh.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Looking for something to truly mean what I'm saying.
You know what I mean?
Is that it just throwing whatever words I can?
Too vulgar.
You?
I like to be refined in my dirty talk.
Sweater meat sounds just.
This is coming from no way.
Being vulgar.
So uncouth.
Uncouth.
I want something like uh.
Something elegant.
Anyway next Netflix is bill.
Words largely similar to Netflix and chill but with masturbation instead of sex.
Seems like a waste of time really.
On Netflix if anything.
This one's called swaffling.
This is a long one actually.
What the fuck did I pick this one for?
The act of slapping something with a semi erect penis is derived from the word swaffle-an-an.
Swaffle-an-an?
That's like a Swedish or some shit.
It's something yeah.
Next up is meat cookie.
A crispy, probably crunchy hamburger with the texture of two month old Samoan cookie
found between the crack of your couch.
Oh.
We just find a cookie that's just like so fucking.
You ever had a Cheeto that's so like old right?
Like maybe you found an empty, like a sort of empty bag in your disgusting room.
You're looking for food in the middle of the night.
You find an old bag of Cheetos.
Like oh there's still a bag of Cheetos.
And then you eat, you unroll it and you try to, or maybe it was left open right?
So they're stale.
And for whatever reason, the concentration of chili powder has just seeped into the very
core of this Cheeto.
You take a bite and it's like four times as hot as a regular hot Cheeto.
You ever try that?
I was going to say where it's got the texture of a packing peanut.
Kind of yeah.
It's got the texture of a packing peanut and it's like three to four times as hot as a
regular Cheeto.
I don't know what happens to the, like the longer it's out in air, the hotter a hot Cheeto
gets apparently.
It concentrates.
Yeah like it like it just seeps into it and it's just like, it just, this one's called
tube feed and the art of coming is almost throw while they're deep throating.
That seemed like, like what's the word I'm looking for here?
That seemed like I'm professional.
You know, I'll do that to a person as they're, you make them, you know, that's like go straight
down their gullet and they start coughing and throwing up.
Come on out people.
We're professionals here.
Next up is a dick sledge is a slamming your cock on the chest of your roommate's cat.
I don't know who's done that, but yeah, they call that bestiality.
Exactly.
Next was master max 888.
It's a YouTube Broner gamer known widely for his less plays of my little pony horror games.
His band base knows a great Legion and his subscribers are night.
So if you, we just give a shout out to some random guy named master max 888 master max
little plays of a lot of brony games.
Oh, go.
Next one is called the TA one alarm clock.
When you wake up in the morning with an erection and take a dump.
So it is satisfying.
You so satisfied that you come.
I don't think I've ever shit that well.
Yeah, I can't, I can't say that I've had that.
Next one is probably my favorite word I've found in a long time.
Can't delete this one.
There we go.
Twunk it is an overweight twink.
Cause it says here, the twink is a slender, often androgynous gay sprite.
Usually in the 20s who can be seen in a variety of venues, frequently by gay men.
The twunk is the twink was lost a Svelte figure.
I thought you were saying the common twunk.
So what do we classify as this then?
A gorgeous twunk.
Who's a gay person that they used to consider that?
Nicocado avocado, maybe.
So he's a twunk now.
Look how big he got.
Didn't he lose some weight though?
Did he?
I don't know.
Somebody's not sure.
I don't keep following him at all.
I'm just trying to think of like people that I've seen.
Like that used to be like just absolutely gorgeous.
Well that used to be fit.
Like I don't know that word younger, fit and gay.
Oh, I mean that's a tough one.
I know.
I was younger, fit and straight.
Exactly.
Maybe.
With gay overtones.
With highly gay overtones.
With flamboyant overtones.
He came francing out of the closet.
Hello.
Then that song comes out, hey, boom, boom, boom, a life, life, boom, boom, boom.
You know that song?
I thought it was the ha ha ha stayin' alive.
I thought it was the Bee Gees.
Brian Gosling maybe?
Just sayin' random names before Hugh Jackman?
Like I said, I can't think of any off the top of my head, but I'm sure they exist.
Yeah.
If the word exists.
Everything in this world exists at this point.
Very true.
I mean, look, it's been a week for us.
I've seen shit, you've seen shit, we don't want to see.
So I mean, look, last week in Oklahoma, we had tornadoes everywhere.
All day long.
For people on YouTube, that's why we miss.
Yeah.
You guys were wondering where the hell we were.
Watching the news for tornadoes.
Hold this bitch down.
I mean, I've seen some crazy shit this week too.
I've seen a guy get attacked by a goose.
A goose no less, huh?
Canadian goose.
Hey, those are some devious motherfuckers.
There was a guy, an older guy coming out of a women's health place.
So I guess maybe he took his daughter or his granddaughter there and he comes out and the
goose comes swooping at his head, flapping its wings and shit.
Damn.
Fucking pervert.
I've seen a lady piss herself in front of Starbucks.
She leaned up against a wall, stood back up and that shit was just drizzling down her
legs.
This bitch had the nerve to go into Starbucks and still get her drink and come back outside.
Damn.
It's like, okay, I think I'm done with this world right now.
I've seen a lady row down a hill in muddy grass, but like homeless.
Just rowed all the way down to the river.
So I'm like, I've seen a lot of shit this week.
So you must have taken my spot because I haven't seen anything thankfully.
I've seen a server computer inside of a shoe carnival catch on fire so the whole building
smelled like sulfur.
Damn.
It's been an interesting week.
Maybe they tried to hack through it and broke.
Versus bills on some shoes.
They just fixed all their bill problems.
Some guy couldn't afford to pay the monthly whatever.
They just burnt the fucking computer down.
Just burnt that shit out.
They just forgave everyone's debt.
Some employee quit.
So before he did, he burnt the computer.
So forgive all the people's debt.
We're done.
They don't really have it.
They don't have like a holding or anything.
If you can't afford the shoes at the time, you just gotta leave them there.
Yeah.
It's either you can afford them or you can't.
Yeah.
Where you can spin the wheel up at the front.
That's why I'm going to move to a nudist colony.
You butt ass take it all.
I can afford shoes.
No problem.
You don't have some fat guys behind you that are nudists.
Fucking twonks.
You just like, hey.
Hey, brother.
I'm homosexual too.
I can deal with you.
I guess another great story was that a WB Backlash was in France today and they had
Friday night Smackdown yesterday and apparently the venue was so loud that the company, WWE,
got a noise complaint from the city because them French people were going off.
You could just see them screaming and hooping and hollering.
You could smell them from three miles away.
I mean, WWE has to travel more overseas.
Here in America, they're used to these events.
Yeah.
They've been happening forever.
You take them internationally, these people are thirsty for a live event.
Backlash was wild in France.
So was Smackdown.
I know it's harder to coordinate overseas travel.
For wrestling, the wrestlers have to pay out of pocket for travel fare.
So a lot of them will do carpooling and they'll rent cars.
You can't really do all that overseas because different, I guess.
I guess you could try, but it might be harder to do all this stuff.
It'd be harder to organize everything.
Right.
Yeah.
But I mean, you take them to France, you take them to any country for a couple of months
and just for a year, overseas to different venues, man, they would make a killing.
Imagine if they had that at the Coliseum.
Exactly.
Imagine if they can somehow get the Coliseum to open up for a WWE event.
I mean, it was going to for the Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg fist fight.
I would have paid to see that, though.
That would have been funny.
Had I gone to see that.
Two nerds going at it like that.
Oh.
Watch how one knocked the other one out.
Yeah.
If they even have the power or strength to do that.
Well, supposedly Mark Zuckerberg does do MMA, which is fucking hilarious.
Well, BJJ.
BJJ.
He's like Brazilian, just who he does.
Yeah.
But those are the people that scoot around on their ass all the time.
So a lot of ground game.
But if you don't let yourself get a nine down.
The weakness there.
If you don't play along.
That's the funniest part there.
When somebody doesn't play along.
He's like, no, I'm good.
Don't.
Get your fucking hands off of me.
Or they pull on your clothes trying to knock you down.
All right.
Ready to move on?
Yes.
No more over written dictionary.
No more over written dictionary today.
We got enough twunks to fill us for a lifetime.
That's so wrong.
You got a twunk that's going to fill you for a lifetime.
I wonder if there's a phrase that says former twunk is now back to a twink.
A twink twunk twink?
Yeah.
What's a twink to twunk to twink?
It's a triple T.
What would it be?
Four T's.
Or no, five.
A twink to twunk to twink.
I guess if you have the twos, yeah.
Just five twos.
God, that's a lot of T's.
That's a lot of T's.
Mr. T would be proud.
Imagine somebody that's got a stutter.
Be fucking that shit up.
Like a Timmy.
Or no, Jimmy.
Jimmy.
He had a terrible.
I think one of his worst ones when he was trying to sing like the days at London the
first day of career and he was just fucking this shit up.
He spent the whole episode singing that song.
Continuing source of information.
After she had long gone.
After she fucking cussed him out and left.
He was still trying to finish the fucking thought.
What happened?
She said fuck you.
So she'd get over it, Stan.
It's over.
It's like a walks off because he doesn't even realize he didn't finish the sentence.
All right.
Well, for today's breakdown, we have an anime called The Cautious Hero.
The hero is overpowered, but overly cautious.
One punch man?
Not how he is kind of overly cautious, Amy.
Well, kind of.
He doesn't really hurt anybody.
No, it doesn't need hurting.
This is like one shot.
Everybody else.
One, one kill a thriller.
It's always normal punch.
And then serious punch.
Like weak punch.
Imagine if he started to open hand slapping him, he might actually not hurt him as much.
It's true.
It's actually true.
Instead of punching.
Yeah, like he should have some fun.
All right.
The characters that we got for this, we have Saya, which is voiced by Yuchiro in Japanese
and Anthony Bolding in English.
We have Restarte, voiced by Aki Toyosaki in Japanese, Jamie March.
Geron Aki Toyosaki.
Toyotomotors.
We have Mash, voiced by Kengo Kawanishi in Japanese.
Or Chris Thurman in English.
Most English name possible, Thurman.
We have Elulu, voiced by Ayo Koga in Japanese.
Sarah Weidenheft in English.
We have Eri Adoa, voiced by Hibikyu Yamamura in Japanese.
And Marissa Linty in English.
We have Circeus, voiced by Atsushi Ono in Japanese.
And Chris Ragger in English.
We have Ishtar, voiced by Keiko Han in Japanese.
And Jessica Kavanagh in English.
We have Valkyrie, voiced by Pharaohs Eye in Japanese and Caitlin Barr in English.
Pharaohs Eye?
That sounds fucking dope as hell.
And it's spelled F-A-I-R-O-U-Z.
It's an actress' name or an actor?
Yeah.
Is that a character name?
My God, better than the character they're portraying.
They're portraying Ishtar.
That's nothing compared to Pharaohs Eye.
I know.
We have Hestiaka, voiced by Sayumi Watabe in Japanese and Kimberly Grace in English.
We have Adinella, voiced by Shiori Izawa in Japanese and Alexis Tipton in English.
And Mittis, voiced by Kotono Mitsumushi, or sorry, Mitsushi in Japanese and Samantha
Herrick in English.
Just so that way if you ever want to look up any of the voice actors, they do a lot
of different voices for different anime and stuff like that.
All righty, so we start off episode one.
That's called The Hero is Too Cautious.
That's literally the name of the anime versus the first title of it.
So Restarte, a novice goddess of healing, is tasked with summoning a hero to save the
world of a greya brand from a demon lord.
Right?
And then we have the trope of the goddess that summons somebody that just got killed
or is reincarnating into another world.
That's her job.
So she starts off as the stereotype.
She picks Seiya Ryujin, a Japanese hero who was unusually high in stats.
So she gets to see all their stats before she summons them, right?
She immediately summons him, and while he appears to be ideal for the situation, she
soon realizes that she forgot to check to see what Seiya's personality was before picking
him because she's seen all these high stats.
She's like, fucking, he's the one.
He's him.
I'm telling you, she didn't look at his personality at all.
So she gets him, which states that he is impossibly cautious.
That's the part she didn't read.
How cautious could he be?
I mean, he's cautious.
So after seeking advice from a fellow goddess, Eriadoa, Restarte decides to leave Seiya alone
to train because she's like, I want to fucking train before I go out here and kill myself.
So she's like, okay, here's a timer.
Not a timer, but like an alert.
There's a hyperbolic time chamber.
Kind of, yes.
Well, five minutes is 17 years.
It's kind of like that though.
It really is because their god world versus the regular world that this is on are different
times so they don't run at the same level.
So she gives him this little statue thing.
Like it looks like a little alarm clock, right?
Yeah.
She said, all you have to do is alert me through this because it's like a little version of
her.
So a week later, he manages to reach level 15 doing only basic exercises.
He goes from a level one to a level 15 by doing pushups and set up some chicks.
I wish I could get that fucking fit.
When they finally travel to a gay brandy, Seiya tries to buy multiple sets of armor
and other items because he's so cautious.
He wants multiple of everything.
Like backups?
Yeah, and a backup to the back.
How can a backup to the back does backup?
Outside of town, the first monster they encounter is a basic slime, right?
Just a standard old like MMORPG type thing of just a basic slime that you kill with a
level one spell.
Basically, you're a little rat.
Basically.
Seiya defeats, though he goes overboard, burning the entire area with explosions just in case
any fragments are still alive.
Well, that is like an extremely high level fireball just like this crater for just then
they are approached by chaos Machina, a level 66 demon who is one of the four heavenly,
one of the four heavenly kings of the demon lord.
Basically like his generals.
Basically, she reveals that she was sent out to scout the area in order to kill Seiya before
he can pose a threat.
So they flee back to the divine realm.
He's like, fuck this.
I'm not prepared for it.
Even though he just destroyed a slide with fucking high level fireballs and shit.
So we go into episode two, it's called too much for a no novice goddess to bear.
So when we're starting and say a fleet back to the divine realm chaos Machina decides
to attack Adona, which is one of the cities.
Say I learned a time moves different in the divine realm, which was talking about just
a minute ago, time moves slower on the planet than it does versus the divine realm.
So like their offset.
So like a week in the divine realm is only a couple of minutes.
Now, you know, like it's weird, but that like there's a time differentiation.
I guess that makes sense for them being gods and live forever.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
But they're not really living for well, no, they are.
Because it's longer time in heaven.
Yes, that Earth.
Okay.
So two days later, we're starting to receive a message from chaos Machina demanding that
they that they return or she'll execute one resident every 10 minutes.
Cool.
Yeah.
Because she like she looks into the portal of the the god realm because she knows that
the gods are watching basically and she's like, you bring your fucking asses back.
It's the same flew off and ran away.
Just a fucking blast and every 10 minutes.
Yeah.
So say is unconcerned as 10 minutes on gay bronde is approximately 16 hours in the divine
realm.
Okay.
So he's like, I got 16 hours.
I can figure this out.
We is finally ready.
We're starting a shock to learn that he has reached level 21.
So he just did that little bit of time he's already jumped to level 21.
It's not bad.
No, they return to Geo ronde where chaos Machina realizes all say a stats are higher than hers.
Which is weird, like his attack is defense, everything are higher than hers.
So she transforms into true form.
When say I survived, it is revealed that he's been using the using the fake out skill that
he possesses the entire time to hide his true lover from even restarting suppressing his
power level like dragon pussy.
Yes, which is actually at level 37.
God dang.
Not 21.
What a jump actually.
Yeah.
So say it then destroys chaos Machina, which earns him and restarted the town's admiration.
However, concern that chaos Machina might regenerate, say a blankets her charter remains
with explosions again.
Jesus.
We call it more cautious and to serve power mania.
In the process, I don't have also destroyed the town.
The town is devastated.
Then the formerly thankful mayor of Adona and now tearfully begs them just to please
look at you.
You burned all our stuff.
Just fuck out of my town.
So when we're starting and say, return to the divine realm again, we're starting to
wonder how the situation with say is going to work out at this point.
She's like, Oh my God, I didn't know he was like, but now he was just brings it just over
like the one cell might survive.
So he fucking jumps into space and drops a command man.
Gotta make sure nothing ever fucking lives again.
Pretty much.
Yes.
That's exactly the way it is.
Like he thinks that if there's one little Iota left, it might come back.
It might not be wrong.
So we go into episode three, it's called the hero is too self-serving.
Okay.
So say realizes that his level increase has started to slow down.
So regular exercises aren't doing it no more.
So area, Donna suggests he trained with a God.
There's the other guys up here, you know, why not train with one of them?
So we're starting to introduce a say it to the divine blade.
God, uh, the Circe is like this big muscular, kind of like think Hercules basically is the
type of character this is as the day goes by restarting notices, Circe is becoming more
depressed and even starting to lose weight.
He starts off like, I'll teach this little kid, this little brat one needs.
He needs to learn and all that kind of stuff.
But then every day he starts getting more and more depressed.
What's God was the point of living?
What was the point of anything?
So I'm a fourth day of training.
She finds Circe is hiding and saying has already surpassed him, but still refuses to let him
take a break.
She finds him hiding by this rack of like drying fish and shit.
He just hiding behind it.
Don't don't don't tell him about that.
Because if they keep as they keep training, he's getting more and more depressed because
the saying has already surpassed it completely.
He's like, I don't want to do this no more.
So Circe is, is now Circe is now so terrified that once I finally catches him, he throws
the sword and he throws his sword into the ocean.
But see, I simply drags him away with it.
He's like just pulling him by the collar and walking away with him.
He's like, we need to train more.
He's like, no, what more can he learn from him?
Honestly, pretty much.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, Restart, he learns that from Ishtar, another goddess, that in response to chaos
Machina's death, the demon lord plans to on sending the demon death Magla and an undead
army to the town of Simul where there are two warriors Ishtar has foreseen will be their
allies.
So she's like the foreseen type goddess and she kind of, she's portrayed as an older
woman so she kind of, she's like just weaving threads in the yarn because she knows the
future basically or what could happen, I guess.
So Restart takes Seiya to Simul, this town, where they meet Mash and Illulu, a dragon
kin descendants at a church.
So they have abilities like dragons kind of.
Man, is that like a trope in Japan?
That seems to happen a lot.
Yeah.
Well, there's people with dragon type abilities but aren't actually dragons.
Yes, dragon kin.
Yeah.
It is, it's a huge trope.
So Seiya reveals that Father Marth is an undead in disguise and defeats him without even drawing
his sword.
He then thoroughly destroys the body with explosions again.
Gotta make sure, gonna lights that bitch on fire.
He also destroys the church at this point though.
Yeah, I imagine he would destroy a lot of us, collateral damage seems to be his MO.
And then afterwards he bluntly tells both Mash and Illulu he does not need the...
He's like, yeah, you're too weak, I don't need you.
A weakness.
Yeah, cause they've been preparing to help the hero.
It's like, I don't need you.
He looks at his stats and notices negative impacts as they join him, like no thank you.
Basically, that's exactly what happens though, he looks at their stats, he's like, no, I'm
good, I pass.
And you got, you got restarted, she's like, but they're supposed to help you.
He's like, I don't need them.
Like he does not care whatsoever.
So I get to have a companion to take more and more of the hits for you.
And the best part too is I haven't really mentioned it yet, but it's funny cause she's
such like a, she's so thirsty.
Like she doesn't mean to, but like why he's working out and shit cause he's got no shirt
on.
Just over there on the corner snort and shit.
Jesus.
Cause you're like, no, I can't do it.
Cause she's, she gets pissed because of the way he acts, but then she likes the way he
looks.
That damn is a, that's the bane of all existence.
All right.
So episode four is, uh, I so don't need any outlets.
Right title.
So outside the destroyed church, Saida explains to both Mash and Alulu, the reason he does
not need them.
It like, he's like, you're too weak.
What do I need you to help me for?
I'm better than you.
He's like super cautious, but he's still like, your stats aren't high enough.
So just then, this was just then they were confronted by a group of knights who asked
for help.
Saida agrees under the condition that he receives payment for it.
Oh, $50.
When Saida and Restarte arrive in the area where the undead army is, Saida uses the meteor
strike skill twice to wipe them out.
It's destroyed every fucking thing.
And Simon Alulu tells Restarte that she has not seen Mash in two days.
Heading to Saida's room, Restarte learns that Saida used the synthesis skill to synthesize
a powerful sword.
So he doesn't even need anybody to make any swords for him.
He's just making them himself now because he's got that skill now after raising up his
levels.
So via a two way viewing mirror, Death Magla reveals that, uh, reveals to them that he
has kidnapped and he is torturing Mash.
Ouch.
So you got Mash tied to a chair and yeah, kind of like the, the, the trope of being
tortured and shit like that.
Where's that cuts on him and stuff.
There are a fucking hole underneath the chair and some guy with a fucking thick gas puma
rope like James Bond getting his fucking nuts cracked.
That would hurt.
You remember that scene?
I do.
Jesus, that shit was brutal.
So simple.
He has so brittle.
Yeah.
He just had that thick piece of fucking rope tied into a big fat knot.
Imagine that though.
And he is just fucking like swinging underneath the seat because the seat's been, the seat's
been cut at the bottom.
So his balls are just hanging down.
He's just like walking out.
Boom.
Although there's that dude that was on America's Got Talent at one point that it was shown
that he gets hitting the balls all the time and it's fine.
So you can imagine how mad that torturer would have been if it was that dude who was like,
well, just keep going.
Do it more.
Or you get those crazy fetish people that like it.
The funniest thing to me was that he got hit so much in the nuts that he had to be in a
wheelchair for like a week after that.
I'm like, God dang it.
They had to cut him off.
They just fucking wrecked his ballsack.
He's just fucking dragging himself in a wheelchair at the end of the movie.
All right.
So let's see here.
Just as he was about to kill him, Seiya uses the dimensional blade skill to cut off Dalmalga's
hand through the mirror.
Ouch.
Here's the reality slash type thing.
After receiving Deathmalga's physical location, they arrive there.
During the fight, Deathmalga summons Dark Fyrus, a confident Deathmalga then taunts
Seiya by revealing that he reveals what Dark Fyrus's weaknesses are, basically.
He's like, you can't beat him.
His weaknesses are nothing you have.
Seiya explains that he created different magical bracelets allowing him to use magic attributes
that he has not trained with.
After he defeats Dark Fyrus, he turns his attention to a stunned Deathmalga.
He's like, what the fuck?
So you got a butt to the stuff that's weak.
He's weak to fuck.
Basically, yes.
So that's what so far this is how it's been going.
Chapter 5 is called The Goddess is Too Spooky.
So in simul, Seiya tells Mash and Alulu that they will be used as his baggage carriers.
Well, it's better than nothing.
You can't fight with me, but you can carry my stuff.
How about that?
You're being useful now.
Mash then offers to take Seiya to the Dragon's Den, but Seiya wants to head to the Divine
Realm first.
He goes back to the Divine Realm again.
So there, Seiya has Mash train with Cer- uh, Cerseus.
He's like, because Cerseus is like he's lost all his willpower to train anybody.
He's like scared of everything moving now and everything.
When he used to be like this Hercules type character.
He's like, you're demaculated.
He's like, here, train him.
He's like, oh, oh, I'm stronger than him.
No, thank you.
He can just beast the hell out of him.
Basically, that's the way he goes.
Now Restarte has Lulu train with Hesteaka, the goddess of fire.
Afterwards, Restarte accidentally bumps into the goddess named Valkyrie, the goddess of
destruction.
And it's just like, think of it like Amazonian person.
I'm there.
That's her though.
Like hot-headed and everything.
And also kind of like a BDSM type.
That's why she's dressed.
So noticing how powerful she is, Seiya tells Valkyrie to train him.
Valkyrie angrily confronts him until Eriadoa stops her.
She then arranges for him to train with Adinella, the goddess of war.
After three days of training, Mash has improved while Lulu's training has mostly failed due
to her having no affinity for flame magic.
As the party is about to leave, Adinella asks Seiya if she can come with him.
Seiya bluntly rejects her offer.
When they finally arrive at the dragon village, they are met by Lagos who confronts them to
see Levia, the great mother of dragons.
Levia shows Mash how to transform into a dragon.
When Lulu asks Levia to show her how to transform as well, Levia tells her that she is to become
the mighty weapon Exetion instead.
Exetion?
Basically she's gonna die to become the sword.
Ow.
Damn.
This mother of all dragons.
Jesus.
So, Levia explains to the party about the legend that states that the demon lord can
be defeated using Exetion, which can be only forged whenever a female dragonkin of human
appearance offers her life.
When Mash protests, Levia reveals that the demon lord's forces control 70% of the gay
brandy.
Levia then offers everyone a feast prior to conducting the sacred sword ceremony.
Later that night, Restarte, Seiya, and Mash are enjoying the feast.
When Lulu has second thoughts, Seiya saves her.
Levia reveals she anticipated that this might happen, so she laced their food with a paralytic.
To paralytic.
Make you paralyzed?
Ow.
Where you can't do nothing?
That would suck.
However, Seiya counters that he only pretended to eat, explaining that the droid did not
work on him.
Again, him being so overly cautious, he didn't even eat any of the food that was offered
to him.
So what does he eat?
Nothing.
Puts his own food?
Yeah, basically.
She is.
But one time that should actually make sense.
But he's so cautious, it's like, she's like, I put paralytic in your food.
He's like, that's too bad.
I didn't eat your food.
She's like, but I've seen you eat it.
He's like, you've seen me eat it?
You think you saw me eat it.
So Livia decides to confront Seiya.
When she refuses to lift the Ululu's curse, Seiya fights Livia head on.
It appears that she is winning until she notices that she is about to fall into the abyss.
Which is where they were going to throw this one girl Ululu.
They were going to throw her down into this pit to turn her into a sword.
So at that point, feigning her surrender, Livia attempts to kill Seiya.
However, he manages to defeat her.
Whose Exatian appears because she fell into this abyss.
So this mother of dragons fell into the abyss and she became the sword.
Well, someone's gotta do the sword.
Might as well be you, I guess.
Once the party leaves the village, Seiya admits to restarting the sword he acquires is not
the real Exatian.
He created it with his synthesis to make it look like the mother of dragons became the
sword, but she just died.
Oh, it's fucked up.
They are then confronted by a group of knights.
So episode 7 is called, This Lady Knight is Too Dog-like.
Cause got a dog face.
So the Roseguard Imperial Knight asks the party to help them fight the Demon Lord's
forces at Olgah Fortress.
Once they arrive in the area, they see Beelbubs, which is supposed to be like Beelzebub.
A horde has killed several knights.
Afterwards, the party meets up with the Rosali Roseguard.
They then head to the Olgah Fortress inside the council, holds a strategy meeting.
So trying to figure out how they're going to beat this demon basically that's in this
area in Fortress.
However, Seiya feels that the best course of action is for him to head back to the Divine
Realm again.
Go back to training?
His whole fucking plan of attack is always to go train first.
He loves his prep time.
He's like Batman on steroids.
Give me 17 days, I'll be right back.
So whenever he calls Rosali out for being too reckless, she angrily confronts him where
she is continuously slapped by him.
She comes up to him and she's like, and then she comes up to him and gives him back and
forth over and over and over where her face like pumps up.
Then she starts crying and shit even though she's supposed to be this like hot headed
female knight.
What's he slapping her for?
Because he called her, he basically said that she's too impulsive.
And like she comes at him like, well fight me then he just slaps the fuck out of him.
Then he doesn't attack her, he just slaps the shit out of her.
Back and forth over and over and over.
It's like every time she comes towards him, he slaps her.
So in the Divine Realm, Seiya asks Restarte to introduce him to a god who can help him.
She takes him to the Verdant Forest to meet Midas, the goddess of archery.
While Seiya is training Restarte Mashinolulu run into Cerseius who tells them that Adeline,
Adinella is still angry with Seiya since he said that she can't come with him from the
last time they were in the Divine Realm.
She's become like this dark goddess now where she's like just pure evil.
Well damn.
So let's see here.
At Eriadoa's house, Eriadoa agrees to unlock Mashinolulu's dormant powers.
Restarte then heads to Adinella's house.
The one that's the crazy one at the moment.
When she tries to warn Seiya, Adinella confronts him.
He is able to calm her down to the point where she is no longer angry with him by saying,
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
She becomes like that lovesick puppy again.
So she goes from being like dark goddess, the angry one to kill him and then, uh.
Afterwards it is revealed that Midas was watching the incident the entire time.
The god that was the goddess of archery.
Episode 8 is called Neat and Tidy but Overly Nymphomaniacal.
It's a long one.
Yeah it's a long...
That's right, Japanese titles are really...
Like they're to the point.
Yes but in a long way.
Unlike the one piece ones?
Those are worse too.
It's like on today's episode we travel to the forbidden zone, we meet up a new ally,
uh do we lose a superhero?
No he's still alive.
And I'm like what?
What?
These are at least title.
Yeah but they're also long as hell and they tell you immediately what it's going to be.
Neat and Tidy but Overly Nymphomaniacal.
So that's a freak.
It just seems like it's for Sarah or whatever.
Like he's neat and tidy and you know overly cautious but he's also a freak in the sheets
apparently is what it sounds like title wise.
So at Eriadoa's house, Eriadoa shows Restarte some of the dormant powers that Mash and Alulu
have unlocked.
When Restarte tells Eriadoa about Seiya's training with Midas, she is worried Eriadoa
reveals that Midas who was banished because she was a Nymphomaniacal goddess.
That's why she's in that forest to begin with.
The freak fucking trees huh?
Yeah she's a fucking freak.
It's like they pushed her as far away from this like divine little like community as
they could.
Like being in the forest.
She's a fucking freak.
Some bunch of broken branches everywhere.
She's been grinding on everybody.
Fucking wrecking shit.
So whenever Restarte attempts to warn Seiya, they see Midas tied up to a tree.
Instead of her tying Seiya up to a tree, she's tied up to a tree.
After she frees herself, she lustfully attacks Seiya and Mash.
However, Seiya is ultimately able to stop her.
Said lustfully.
Yes.
She's quit the word.
She's a freak.
The party then head out to Olga Fortress where they learn that Rosale left.
That night, that female night that he kept slapping over and over and over again.
Arriving at Beelbub's lair, they see him capture Rosale.
Just as he is about to drop her, Restarte distracts him long enough for Seiya to shoot
an arrow at him.
Once Rosale is rescued, Beelbub turns his attention to Seiya.
When he attempts to attack Seiya, he gets killed.
Lamped.
Pretty quickly.
After Beelbub's horde is dealt with, which is a whole horde of hornet bees and shit like
that that he has control over.
Rosale reluctantly tells Seiya about a legendary suit of armor in a shrine near the village
of Izale.
When the party arrives there, they find the village in ruins.
They are then confronted by Kilkupil, one of the four heavenly kings.
Kilkupil?
We've already defeated two or three of them.
This is the fourth.
We'll get you going down the list.
We're killing the big boob transforming, what's that statue of like Satan that goes around
all the time with the horns and the goat head, but the female breasts and stuff?
I don't know.
Baphomet.
She looks like that?
Baphomet?
Well the first one did.
Then the second one looks like a reaper.
Then we had the bee guy that's supposed to be Beelbub and now we have Kilkupil, one of
the four heavenly kings, who reveals that he destroyed the armor so Seiya cannot use
it.
Damn.
So episode 9.
The reaper is just too invincible.
So Kilkupil admits to the party that he knows that he is not powerful enough so he is going
to exchange his life to invoke the greatest of summoning magic.
Once he does, the reaper, Krosday Thanatos, is summoned.
Which was it, this is red, it's just they're all words together.
So Seiya has Restarte send the party back to the divine realm.
When they arrive there, that seems to be the go to move.
So we're back to the divine realm.
When they arrive there, Seiya reveals that he has a plan.
On the temple roof, Valkyrie is painting when Krosday Thanatos destroys her piece.
Damn.
So Valkyrie, this god that's like hot headed and she'll fucking fight anything, but she
still hasn't trained Seiya yet.
But she's supposed to be the most powerful god basically of any kind of like war or anything
like that in this divine realm.
So this reaper basically Krosday Thanatos destroys her painting that she was doing.
After a while, she uses her ultimate skill, Gate of Valhalla, to finally get rid of it.
Despite Valkyrie's warning about the skill, Seiya is impressed enough to ask her to train
him again.
Mash and Alulu then decide to head back to Eriadoa's house to get more training from
her.
And then meanwhile, Cersei tells Restarte that Ishtar wants to see her.
This guy that was scared of every fucking thing, he's got his confidence back after
training Mash so he's not all scared no more of Seiya.
Kill my man again.
Basically now he's like he's got that like base back in his voice again.
And he's not hiding, cowering in the corner no more.
So at Ishtar's house, the leader of this divine realm, Ishtar tells Restarte that the last
of the four heavenly kings is leaving an army.
The next day Restarte arrives at Eriadoa's house to see how far they advanced with Mash
and Alulu's training.
They then head to Valkyrie's house.
Afterwards they head to Geobrande where they see Wulk's roseguard easily defeat Eraser
Kaiser and his army.
When Restarte wonders why Wulk does not fight the demon lord, he turns into a child.
So this super powerful warrior, he turns back into a child at that point.
Like damn it, Puberty back again.
Which that would just be fucking horrible.
It's like you're super super powerful but you turn back into a kid.
It's like fuck it.
Well damn.
We have episode 9.5, it's called Omnibus.
It's just a recap of the first six episodes.
So I'm not gonna read back over those again.
Episode 10, it's called The Man is Too Strong for Being So Old.
That's like a gimmick in Japanese, like old guys being buff as fuck.
Yeah, pretty much.
Like Master Oshii.
They're super young, they're super strong.
Super old are super strong.
And the middle age is like nothing apparently.
Yeah.
The Japanese middle age is like the most non-existent.
Most depressing.
I don't know what it is about middle age in Japan.
It's just like completely overlooked consistently.
It's also funny whenever they call people old in animes like Black Clover where the
leader of the black wolves is 28 and like that old man is like fuck you I'm 28.
Jesus.
I got some fear about middle age for some reason.
Yeah.
So the party is stunned whenever they see Wulk's turn back into a child.
Later the party decides to head back into town.
Once they are done, they head to the castle inside where Zali tells him that her father
does not have long to live.
While the party is meeting with Wulk's, he receives a message that the demon lord's forces
are attacking the capital.
Seiya takes Mash and Alula with him while he has Restarte stay behind for the wolves.
When Wulk shows Restarte around the cathedral, he reveals that the demon lord created a magical
item called the chain of destruction, which is capable of destroying the real souls of
gods and heroes.
Ouch.
So not just the like a...
Their physical form.
Their fucking esoteric form as well.
Basically, yeah.
So like with Seiya whenever he was summoned, his real soul is back on his own earth because
he was summoned because he hadn't died in his own world.
Cyber helmet?
Kinda yeah.
Jesus.
Yeah.
He also reveals that he has joined forces with the demon lord.
Since he is about to kill her, Seiya returns.
During the fight, Wulk becomes a demon kin.
Instead of a dragon kin, a demon kin.
Wulk appears to have the fight won, however, Seiya uses the counter break skill to return
the same damage back to Wulk's.
Once Wulk is defeated, Seiya has Rosalia speak to her father before he dies.
Three days later, Seiya recovers and allows the party to have fun.
While Restarte, Mash, and Alulu are enjoying themselves, Seiya heads off on his own.
Back to the divide route to train.
To train some more.
This motherfucker trains so much it's not even funny.
Episode 11 is called The Truth is Too Much to Bear.
So Restarte, Mash, and Alulu spend the day enjoying themselves.
When they head back to their hotel room, they notice that Seiya is not there.
Heading to Ishtar's house, they find a distraught area Edoa who escorts them to Ishtar's location.
Ishtar reveals that Seiya went to the Demon Lord's castle alone.
So he didn't actually go to go train.
He went to the Demon Lord's castle.
He's like fucking listen to this.
She also reveals that despite his personality and demeanor, Seiya actually cares more about
them than he lets on.
She then shows Restarte footage from a hundred years ago when area Edoa previously summoned
Seiya to Exphoria.
He pulls out a VHS tape player and a fucking old disc.
Here's the footage.
Yeah, because apparently heroes can be summoned multiple times.
But when they get sent back to their realm again, they forget everything that happened
to them when they were summoned.
And that's where we learn this.
That's why we know that his soul is not technically in like this new world.
It's back in his previous world still.
So back then, Seiya would recklessly fight enemies while unprepared.
That's why he's so cautious now, because during this first round, he was just randomly going
into shit, fighting whatever he could and trying to win.
When the party fought the Demon Lord in this other world, it apparently they had they basically
killed him in the other world.
However, he revealed that he had two lives.
As a result, he was able to kill the party, including Seiya, Princess Tiana and their
unborn child.
And that's what the Demon Lord in the previous world did.
After watching the footage, Ishtar reveals to Restarte that she is the reincarnate of
Princess Tiana.
So the one that Seiya was with in the first world 100 years ago was actually her.
And she was reincarnated as a goddess.
And he went back to his own world after that first...
Planet Earth.
Planet flipping burgers at McDonald's.
And despite the warnings from Eri Ado and Ishtar, Restarte insists on finding Seiya and opens
a portal to the Demon Lord's castle directly, taking Mash and Alulu with her to save their
friend since he's fighting the Demon Lord at this point.
So last episode of the season and the series for as far as I know, episode 12, the hero
is overpowered but overly cautious.
That is the actual like the title of the show is the title of the episode.
So Restarte, Mash and Alulu arrive in the heart of the Demon Lord's castle before they
can help however, Seiya unleashes the Gate of Valhalla.
The same...
Gate of Valhalla.
Sounds so cool.
The same as the same attack that Valkyrie used against that like Reaper character.
Due to the skill's effects, Seiya's life force begins to crumble away.
Restarte demands the full use of her healing ability because she's been restricted while
being on this world.
In the divine realm she has her full abilities but whenever she's on this new world that
she summoned Seiya to, she's like diminished kind of like she can't use her full powers
without permission.
So with her full strength Restarte manages to heal Seiya's wounds in time before they
can celebrate the Demon Lord again burst through the doors.
Basically out of the...
Oh yeah.
Out of the gates of Valhalla basically.
So like a cool-headed man type that just busts out.
So suddenly Seiya stands back up and calls forth a second Gate of Valhalla.
God dang how many gates of Valhalla are there?
How many ways is to get to Valhalla?
I know.
There's like one just die.
So finally defeating the Demon Lord once and for all.
Seiya then says his goodbyes to his companions and disappears with a smile after he realizes
who Restarte really is.
Because he didn't know like there was no memories.
Everybody came back.
But like since that all happened a hundred years ago he was so overly exuberant during
his first round there and so like reckless that he ingrained his in his mind that's why
he's so overly cautious now.
She is informed that she will be sent to save Exforia once again but without any of her
divine healing powers and if she fails she will be stripped of her divinity.
This is her punishment for helping with her full powers on this new world.
Before Restarte can accept Ishtar reveals that the effects of the chain destruction
were lifted whenever the second Gate of Valhalla was used so Seiya is not permanently destroyed.
He just got sent back to his own world.
Restarte receives the note of her hero's information and she cries tears of joy whenever she sees
Seiya's name and impossibly cautious personality written on it so she can summon him again.
And that's how it ends.
With him finally figuring out who she is and then she figures out who he is.
Not much of a kid or anything?
They're like an unborn child?
No.
Well damn.
No.
Cause I fucked that kid.
Fucked them kids.
But it's a decent anime.
It's got a lot of comedy points and stuff like that in it.
There's a little bit of fan service but nowhere near as much as some of the other animes that
we've talked about before.
Okay.
Like Miss Kiritake.
Yeah.
There's a lot of fan service.
Enough to make Noa's head bounce up and down as he's watching the show.
My head stays fucking rock hard.
My eyes though.
Just bouncing up and down.
Alright, ready for some Reddit?
Yeah.
Alrighty.
First one is from OhNoConsequences.
This is the subreddit.
If this isn't the consequences of my own actions.
Well that's the subreddit.
There's only one from that subreddit but the rest of them are all from Today I Fucked Up
as normal.
Okay.
So this first one is from the subreddit OhNoConsequences.
Oh no.
By the person I feel gross and sad.
I might nomicate you right there.
Yeah.
So this person puts...
Let's see here.
Blah blah blah.
I don't care about the updates.
I don't know why people put updates at the beginning before they actually tell you the
story.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
I need to know the story first before they update to have any relevance to what I need
to know.
Right.
That doesn't make any damn sense to me.
But sure.
Alright so...
P.S.
Yeah.
I lived.
P.S.S.
I didn't live.
The person puts...
My ex and I have separated.
It's weird to say...
You finally called an ex.
Exactly.
You gotta just tell this is your ex.
Yeah.
That kinda makes sense.
Yeah.
You gotta say my girlfriend and I had separated so now she's my ex or something.
My ex and I...
But yeah.
In fact you called her an ex.
It's weird to say because I'm still confused about everything but it's simple as the title
says.
Which I'm not gonna say the title yet.
A week ago we were at my place whenever something changed in her demeanor.
She walked over and simply states, I'm leaving.
I was confused.
Confused and asked what she meant and she said something along the lines of me knowing
why.
Okay.
I'm confused.
I wouldn't ask bitch if I knew why.
What do you mean I don't know why?
I'm confused because a minute ago we were just happy watching shows and bullshitting.
Yeah.
That's a weird name.
Are you bipolar?
May I ask you?
That's what I would have asked.
Upon further pressing she says that it just seems like the right thing or something.
I get flustered and ask what is wrong and she sits there silently staring at her phone
and only speaking to me to give me updates when her driver will arrive.
Because apparently she's called an Uber or something.
I just stop pressing, sit down and just wait because I can't even explain this.
I'm not gonna yell, scream or cry.
The hell I'm not.
I just felt the same burning hot feeling and difficulty breathing in my chest whenever
my dog died.
Like just that burning pain.
Burning secession I feel when I take a shit.
After a big old stack of hot Cheetos.
That burning shit feeling.
That bluster feeling I feel.
From a fucking double deuce I gotta do.
You know when you take a dump and then like an hour later I didn't finish.
You gotta do that double deuce.
Like this is it.
And I have nothing to understand why it's happening.
All of a sudden she puts down her phone and exclaims that she changed her mind.
Like it's slapped her in the face.
We changed her mind bitch get out of my house.
I asked what she was about and she giggles almost playfully and says that she just wanted
an edge of break up.
A break up.
I'm like alright then I didn't walk away.
She gives me her answer and I just end things there.
She immediately regrets it asking me to reconsider.
It's like bitch you just told me you broke a I have a burning feeling in my chest.
And I had to take two shits before you left.
And now you want me to reconsider.
It's like bitch.
The thing is this happened before early in our relationship and she explained that she
has an impulsive habit of things.
I've only seen this once and it has been whenever she ghosted me.
Oh yeah shush this one guy.
She ghosted me after just starting to date her.
Maybe in her defense she was on her period or was experiencing mood swings but I sent
her home and haven't spoken to her in a week until now to get my stuff.
That's wild.
She's a crazy woman.
Yes.
Maybe like if you're like ready to get married and you're at the wedding right.
Yeah.
She's like I changed my mind and she walks out and she goes back I changed my mind again.
I lost my fucking mind.
Am I going too far.
She seems distraught and hurt and genuinely meant not to have meant to not have wanted
that.
I'm bullshit.
I want her back so badly but I don't know if I can trust her yet.
It's making me sick and I'm making me sick and I miss them so much am I wrong.
Can there be some something salvaged.
I know she genuinely loves me but I'm scared that she's just being abusive.
Kind of.
Yeah she's being abusive.
Are you emotionally abusive.
Like oh my god.
I'm manipulative.
Like don't why would you go back.
She just she called it edgy not break it.
The one when you said I'm like oh that's my new my new phrase to say.
Edgy not break it.
Yeah.
I'm like these people are taking the word edged too far now.
Yeah these words tend to do tend to creep up out of nowhere.
Yeah.
They just fucking they just permeate throughout the social media and then before you know
what it's that fucking word of the day.
It'll be on the next urban dish.
It's like that new fucking word that you have to hear for the next 15 fucking months.
Yeah I've never heard of that one though before ever.
Edging is yeah it's pretty new.
No I know what that is.
Like edging a breakup of like.
I think you just use the context of edging and added the word so you have to pretty much
follow it as like like not like a new phrase altogether.
Yeah.
But just using older phrases in a new way.
Still like why would you do that.
Maybe she wanted to see how he would react.
Fuck you.
Fucking throws himself with a two story Billy.
I was only playing.
He's like in the bushes with the thorns.
And breaks his fucking neck.
All right next one is by.
Aloha Achoo.
Yes.
This is by the today I fucked up subreddit.
It's got a long ass pre edit or prelude edit that I am not reading.
So prelude edit.
Yeah.
Before you know this story you have to know a lot of other things about my life.
So you would you want to hear it or you want to skip it.
No way.
Is there is a relevance to the story.
Some of it.
Fuck.
Well let's find out.
It's a long prelude too.
I'll be listening and watching the fucking fight for Camillo.
All right prelude edit.
As his gain traction I wanted to add a little more.
It seems I mischaracterized my kick as it was more sticking my foot out to put distance
between him and my son.
Nonetheless there was decent collision and he was knocked down.
Some people are struck are stuck on the smear campaign I mentioned.
I don't have an arrest record and I could find hundreds of character referrals for myself
both professional and personally.
The narrative that I am violent and unstable though without context it may seem certainly
so is without merit and I was designed to force the school to act.
These are not so these sound worse than that.
I have no idea.
I don't know the context.
I know.
How are these fucking preludes or what are the fucking.
These are like I'm not crazy.
OK.
Is that what he's trying to say.
I guess.
Maybe just go with the story because I have no context.
What the fuck he's talking about.
That's what I'm saying.
That's why I said I think I might skip the prelude.
OK.
It's pointless.
Want to get an Apple log at that point.
I know.
This is the body of it.
So OK.
A boy in my son's class has been a known bully to a few others in their class.
There have been incidents of the boy choking other kids with his hands around their necks
picking up picking up sand in the playground and rub it in the unsuspecting kids faces
pushing kids down the playground slide and just overall tormenting by random punches
to the arms and shoulders.
My son came home and told me about the choking incident and I was concerned.
Then I heard from other parents stories of how their children had been victims of this
as well.
Then one day my son's demeanor changed.
He was irritable angry and throwing tantrums at a very at every little thing.
We were shocked by this because he's usually pretty chill and goes with the flow through
some interrogation.
I found out that he had been the victim of this little tyrant and had been hitting him
randomly throughout the day.
I don't know if it's just a quick jab and it never gets noticed by the teacher or what
but I believe him because this is my child's known history.
I emailed the teacher about the situation and let her know that there were a few other
things that had happened surrounding this particular student.
She said that she hadn't seen anything yet but she would keep an eye out not confirming
or denying the other situations I referenced.
This boy's behavior didn't change and he has consistently been hitting my son.
At this point and after talking with the other parents some more I am extremely distraught
about this.
Now comes the fuck up.
At Pick Up Every Day there is a drive through pick up line and a place to grab your kid
where they are released on the side.
Just fucking walk up and choke slams this kid into a bench or something.
That's what I'm waiting for.
There is Big Lawn where they are released and there are lots of other parents who stand
and talk and pick up their kids as they come out.
I'm going to tell these fucking parents to grab my kid and go fuck them people.
I know.
I'm going to be a terrible.
Fuck them parents and them kids.
This allows the kids a little extra time to play and get some energy out.
While in there talking with a mom from my son's class I glance across the lawn and see
this little boy swap my son in the back of the head.
What the fuck?
It wasn't friendly and it certainly isn't a friendly talk.
Yeah friends do that.
It wasn't friendly.
Me and my cousin would probably fist fight each other.
How many times have I been drop kicked in the stomach?
It wasn't friendly and it certainly wasn't called for.
My son turns around with a pained look holding the back of his head and the boy pushes him
down.
I excuse myself from my conversation and walk over to my son.
As he walks he sees the bell come up.
It's like a samurai sword coming down.
Who at this point has gotten up and started running in my direction with the other boy
hot on his tail.
He's basically being hunted.
My son runs into me face first into my belly.
I wrap my arms around my son.
Look my son out of the way.
Time for some man work.
Look up at the boy and the boy is still running at him and I kicked.
I put the sole of my shoe right into his chest.
Heesh.
Fuck I cracked his fucking ribs.
Came to fucking chest plate it.
Not really hard.
Not this is Sparta style but enough to knock him back and on his ass.
Call it instinct and unconscious motion or whatever you want.
I honestly don't even know what I meant to do or not.
It just happened.
This was in front of about a hundred people.
Heesh.
Immediately I'm swarmed by parents asking what the fuck is wrong with me.
Why would I kick a child etc.
I look over and I kick him too.
And before I knew it I was kicking everybody.
You know that one old show that was supposed to be super serious where one parent slaps
the kid of another parent and then it all fucking spirals into this horrible like divided
camp of who was right and who was wrong.
Yeah.
And then someone made a parody of it where the guy slaps the kid and then he just ends
up slapping everybody at the barbecue at the back of the house.
So it's going to end up being right now.
Yeah.
Just kicking the shit out of everybody.
I only spent about 15 seconds trying to explain.
Before I realized that there was a futile effort I quickly get my son's bag and we walk
to the car.
By the time we get home the principal has called my wife and is on the phone whenever
I walk in.
Damn he tattled on me that dirty motherfucker.
My wife is disgusted and mortified.
Disgusted.
What a choice word.
Just the look of like oh my God.
And honestly so am I.
It wasn't an okay thing to do and it just happened.
It hasn't been an acceptable excuse.
He told him to arm it just like that.
He's lying his ass.
He didn't give a fuck.
I wish I kicked him harder.
Later that week we were called into administration and told that we had no choice but to expel
my son.
Admittedly through no fault of his own.
Damn thanks a lot man.
You fucked my life up.
There was a parent led petition to get this done.
God damn they fucking turned the fucking wagons on him.
In addition to a smear campaign against me for being violent and unstable.
God dang.
This is a private school so there isn't really due process or whatever you will find in a
public school system.
Due process?
What due process?
Public school system sure.
They fucking just drag him into the lawyers like a whole like in the cafeteria there's
a whole fucking like judicial system of lawyers and judges.
Like your honor that's a damn some like eight year olds representing him as his judge.
Like my client did nothing wrong.
I've also been attacked by this gentleman.
It's a money and politically driven system.
Though I don't know if even a even if building a new science building would get them get
me out of this one.
No kidding you have to rebuild the whole fucking library and then some.
If it wasn't bad enough this has affected lots of other things because because I'm
my son's baseball coach too and this has gotten around early.
Fuck.
My wife is beside herself and I don't even want to get into how that's going to play
out.
I would like the concept of the word beside yourself meaning like you're so fucking distraught.
Another part of yourself has stepped out of the way and looked you dead and you're like
by your head like they're seeing this shit.
Like you know you're in your head like you're so fucking in a state.
Another piece of you comes out of you.
It's like did you really do that?
Like can you believe this shit right now?
So this is where we are.
My son will need a new school for the fall.
My reputation in the community and the neighborhood is shot and my marriage is probably in major
trouble.
They say fucking tarnished.
My reputation is tarnished.
My job is gone.
My wife left me.
All for a bully.
All I have left is my son.
Now do you understand the prelude?
He tried to defend himself.
It wouldn't be a prelude it should be an epilogue.
So we'll do it as an epilogue then.
That works better yeah.
I'm not a madman.
So the epilogue to this I guess instead of a prelude because it's just stupid.
Since his gain traction I wanted to add a little more.
It seems like it mischaracterized my kick as it was more of sticking my foot out to
put distance between him and my son.
So it went from him and Mitty and it was a kick to I just put my foot out okay.
It's a damn door style what do you want from me?
Nonetheless there was a decent collision and he was knocked down.
Well yeah your fucking thick ass fucking adult foot.
Some people are stuck on the smear campaign I mentioned.
I don't have an arrest record and I could find hundreds of character referrals for myself
both professionally and personally.
The narrative that I am violent and unstable though without context it may seem certainly
so is without merit.
Violent and unstable.
It was designed to force the school to act which was the basis for my son's expulsion.
It would make sense to not want a dangerous man around children if that were actually
the case.
Others seem to think that I feel that what I did was okay.
It's not and I've seen so numerous times.
Sometimes things happen and I'm ready to accept whatever comes my way.
I'm not dodging accountability.
Yeah you are sounds like it.
That's why I put the prelude instead of this is an epilogue.
I'm not a mad man.
I got no criminal record.
I retained counsel after the incident for two reasons.
First of course if anything should come my way from this whether criminally or civilly
because he's already God damn it you just getting you've been put through the fucking
wringer but it seems unlikely as these people don't like involving outside entities in their
business.
Secondly he's already prepared for the not you know they've got a lawyer on standby.
Secondly to see if there is any recourse against the school.
For this reason I'm not going to name and shame as other people have been suggesting.
There is CCTV everywhere including the pickup area and playground.
My attorneys have requested it and we'll see how that plays out.
It's like oh my God.
I would love to see the attorney's face like they look at the fucking footage and look
back at him like God damn.
But they're paying for my kids fucking tuition.
Also we all do what we feel is best for our children so fuck the people making private
school comments and insinuating that somehow we all deserve to be in this situation because
we chose to put our son there.
As for the bullies family they have similar means to us and to my knowledge haven't donated
any more money than we have so they donated money to the school.
Because of the kid?
Well then likely.
I don't know the parents personally but something tells me I will eventually.
Something also tells me the parents are going to be much like their son.
An asshole?
Probably.
My wife is mad for several reasons obviously.
She's not wild about what I did but also that this is affecting other parts of our lives.
Since this has happened she's been side-eyed at the grocery store getting coffee basically
anywhere she runs into parents from the school.
God dang.
They fucked her life up didn't they?
Yeah.
It not just those.
She is embarrassed, mad at the school, mad at my reaction and mad at everyone else's
reaction as well.
I don't blame her a bit.
The fallout for this will most likely be far reaching.
Yeah it sounds fucking damn.
One little act she just fucking has such deep consequences.
Isn't it wild?
Oh and dropkick.
I didn't dropkick I barely put my foot out.
My wife and I had a talk with our son first about why he can't go back to his school.
I took all the responsibility and he was very upset about it.
I haven't told him that I probably can't be his baseball coach anymore either.
Shit.
He understands what I did and why I was in the wrong but he also thanked me a few days
later whenever we were talking about it.
We've turned this into a teaching moment for him about how he did everything he could by
talking to us and it was me who failed him.
I'm a failure son.
We also talked about the appropriate response to things like this and what I did wasn't
okay.
Don't put your foot out and kick a kid.
There is a contingent of parents rallying around us, some publicly others in private
but they are in the minority.
I feel like I'm learning who our friends really are which I guess is the silver lining to
the debacle.
Who are your friends or who are the bad parents?
You're finding out which parents are okay with you dropping a little kid.
You should have kicked harder.
God dang what a weird tournament that poor man is going through.
I agree.
I should have said that absolute martyr.
I don't know what side to be on.
Next one is by Slade797.
God dang Slade.
Happened a few days ago.
I was on my way to meet a guy I know just slightly to give him a few items for his business.
As I was leaving work I used talk to text to let him know I was on my way.
I was listening to the radio and my phone picked up a few other words that included
for sex.
I didn't realize this until Siri descended.
I read the message whenever I parked at the meeting spot and noticed the bad grammar as
well as the sexual proposition.
I immediately texted him and apologized.
Whenever the guy arrived he was red in the face from laughing and I joined him in this.
I'm not worried about you thinking I'm gay and attracted to you I said.
I'm concerned that you might think I have bad grammar skills.
He's a lovely person and it's turned into a great laugh for both of us so maybe it's
not a fuck up.
We've been married ever since.
We got married today.
Next one is by WithASunarisa.
WithASunarisa.
Yep.
This person pits.
My son asked for a ride to school after lunch.
I said no.
He could walk the 10 minutes and I'd go back to work.
He called me to say that a dog was following him to school.
I told him she does that sometimes but she'll walk home once he's inside.
A few minutes later he calls me panicking that some older kids let the dog into the
school and she was running all over and wouldn't listen to them.
By the time I got to the school the principal had the dog by the collar and was kicking
her out.
I've now learned that she took a shit in the hallway and the students did it.
Because there always has to be something extra.
Do you hear me clearly by the way?
Yeah.
I feel like my mic is not loud enough for my ears anymore or I'm going deaf.
Did your volume go down?
I died already.
It went to the highest.
I sound well.
There we go.
Okay.
Never mind.
I'm good.
Don't make yourself worry.
So the NA student stepped in it.
My son is having a full blown panic attack and I'm just waiting for an angry call from
the school.
We live in a super small town and my other kid who is abroad sent me a text because she
already heard about the whole thing.
It happened less than 20 minutes ago.
What's bad about this is the visible fact that earlier in our lives I had my son got
kicked out of school from me kicking a child so now with this dog incident he's getting
kicked out of school.
He went from that small town.
Damn it.
Alright, next one is by Double Mock.
Double Mock.
So this happened whenever I was 16 during summer break between sophomore and junior
year.
I was doing a tennis camp and we would do three hours in the morning, take an hour lunch
and do three hours in the afternoon.
Of tennis?
Fuck.
I had a camp.
Like that new movie Challengers?
Yeah.
That movie is all over TikTok about it being a throuple.
Apparently they almost went to town as a day but then she turned them down at the end of
the scene.
Oh did she?
Yeah, like they just made out and then she left.
After she made them make out with each other.
After uh...
She was like, are you now used to make out?
And I'd be like, no thing.
I'd step out the door.
Have fun.
You two have fun.
I'll see you later.
Go jack off in the shower.
After uh, what's his name, when he got his back blown out.
God dang.
And fucking Tom Holland's back is still fucking distorted.
Have you seen her having a bunch of shade for Tom Holland?
Who Zendaya?
Yeah.
Shade?
Yeah, like uh...
Good?
Yeah, like where she's like, yeah when we were filming Spider-Man, whenever we'd swing
he would land after me so I would kind of like carry him around.
I'm sure she's just joking.
I mean they are in a relationship.
I know.
Couples always have shade with each other.
Like she's been just putting his ass on black.
And what can you do?
He's like, well I'm sorry you're tall, okay?
So I'm sorry you're a giant.
Cause he's little.
Everybody's a giant to him.
Who was a giant to me?
Well not really.
I might be short but I sure have giant aura.
I step in a room like a fucking boss.
The hell you looking at?
Alright, so I had a can of chili for lunch each day.
A can of chili bro?
What the fuck is you eating?
A can of chili homie.
A can of chili?
Why does that sound so weird to me?
You don't want a can of chili?
Just a can of chili.
A can of wolf brand chili.
And then you go out and play tennis and your fucking bowels blow out.
I feel like taking the shit down just for him saying that.
It would be pretty sick in the afternoon.
Yeah cause you ate a fucking can of chili.
A couple of times I barely made it to the bathroom in time before pooping myself.
I am 100% correct.
You can't do extraneous exercise after eating any type of chili.
I just felt exhausted and weak and somewhat of an upset stomach.
Jesus.
I wonder what it was.
Exactly.
I for some reason thought I wasn't in good shape and the heat and the physical activity
was making me sick.
I never put two and two together that it was a can of chili.
That never crossed his mind.
He's like oh I just feel horrible.
He would eat a fucking phenomenal breakfast like yogurt, eggs, some oats.
Then he would eat a fucking can of chili.
He would be great after the fucking breakfast right?
Then he didn't know why he went downhill.
God this sun is just getting to me.
All this fucking working out and he's like just eating the chili.
It tasted fine.
It never gave me problems.
It never gave me problems before.
I toughed it out and made it through the week.
I did this every day.
You had a week of eating canned chili.
I was taking aspirin for the pain as well as basically just hanging out in the evening
and rested.
Jesus Christ.
He's just wearing his asshole out.
He's just fucking him over.
He said his shits were so vile that he had to lay down contemplating life after each
one.
That weekend my family went to a car show.
I was very into old muscle cars.
My mom noticed I wasn't acting normal.
I told her I wasn't feeling good and haven't been all week.
Monday morning we went to the urgent care, talked to a doctor and he gave me some Nexium
for acid reflux.
He also did a blood draw.
He didn't really think I had anything wrong with me at the time.
Next morning we got a call and the doctor wanted me to see a liver specialist.
God dang.
My enzymes were elevated ten times over normal.
Jesus Christ.
They said my liver was acting like an alcoholic at the end of their life.
From the chili?
The alcoholic at the end of his fucking life.
My God, man.
You know what gets me is how some people, a little change in their diet or their lifestyle
completely destroys the body, but then other people can take hardcore drugs, drink every
fucking day and then they fucking come out, like when they fucking quit all that stuff,
they come out just fine.
Why are their bodies so much more resilient than other people's bodies?
The doc thought I was on drugs.
She is.
I was asked so many times if I drank alcohol or used drugs.
Just chili.
I didn't, aside from the aspirin.
I had only one beer the previous summer but chickened out and ended up dumping the rest.
I was generally a good kid.
This is where it started getting worse.
Anytime I would eat, I would get violent pains.
This is not chili anymore.
This is just...
So is something else then?
Or did it just start because of the chili?
Did it just get exasperated by the chili?
It was because of the chili.
So it was because of the chili?
Originally, yes.
I don't want any more chili now.
It felt like someone was stabbing me halfway down my back and moving the knife around.
I could even have a dry piece of toast so that I'll be...
I couldn't even have a dry piece of toast without being in pain 15 minutes later.
I went to several doctors and had a ton of tests all while losing weight every day.
I had the bowel imaging done, two HIDA scans.
They inject you with radioactive dye and liver filters and they watch it for leaks.
Three endoscopies, a liver biopsy, one of the worst days of my life, and some other
stuff I can't remember.
I went from being 6'2 and 170 pounds down to about 5'3, 109 pounds, down to about 120
pounds.
Oh, fuck.
That's like super skinny.
That's way too skinny for someone who's 6'2.
I could grab around my skin.
I could grab around my skin bone.
There was so little left.
I bet you his dick was banging though.
His dick must have looked huge.
I could barely walk.
I wasn't pooping either.
They asked before the liver biopsy and I was like, I don't eat.
Why would I poop?
I got a suppository called the Silver Bullet.
Jesus.
I took a stool softener from the Anana.
I had a ton of blood draws too and would pass out almost every time.
I was miserable.
I had given up at one point and was just about, I wanted to die.
I didn't want to go to heaven.
I didn't want to be prayed over.
I just wanted to die and it'd be over.
Send me to hell so I can fist fight the devil.
I was on Urso, an experimental liver supplement made from the acid from bear stomachs or
something.
Fuck.
Jesus Christ.
I must have been going through it.
And a fentanyl patch for pain.
Jesus.
We ended up going to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.
What do you do mayonnaise for?
The Mayo Clinic, yep.
That's where I had a third endoscopy.
They were going to do a colonoscopy as well, but I started feeling better.
I had pooped a couple of little morsels before leaving before Minnesota and had a little
more bowel movement after getting there.
I remember smelling a pizza and wanted to have a slice.
My mom was just bawling.
I started getting better and better from that day on.
I left the Mayo Clinic and declined any more tests.
They diagnosed me as the most Western case of West Nile virus in the United States.
You got West Nile virus?
Oh.
It was completely BS.
A few months ago, I was watching the Netflix documentary Poisoned and about halfway through
it hit me.
I had poisoned myself with canned chili.
I was astounded looking back at all the doctors and how they had missed it.
They were so focused on the drugs and alcohol, they ignored the food that I was eating.
Did you even tell them that he was eating chili out of the fucking can?
Apparently not.
How would they have caught it?
Because they didn't say, hey, what have you eaten?
Like, why did he say it?
I don't know.
Apparently, you know, eating chili every day for a week.
What'd he get, like salmonella?
Or it wasn't packaged right?
Jesus Christ, man.
Yeah.
He was just eating coal out of the can, wasn't he?
That might be a problem too.
I think that's a major problem when you're eating cold chili.
Just fucking botulism.
All right.
Next one is by throw me a way, 011101.
Okay.
So a lot of people have used that name before.
That already means something in Braille or digital binary.
Yeah, binary.
That's the word I'm looking for.
Binary.
So you're attracted to both men and women?
Okay.
I don't know what that means, but I'm attracted to computers.
On binary sexual.
Attracted to every electrolyte.
Look at this fucking ice phone.
All right.
So this person fits.
Over the last two weeks, there has been a small crew preparing to move the trailer house
next door to my grandma's.
She noticed that the old neighbors had a large section of paving stones in front of the porch
and along the side path.
So she got permission to take them.
The crew guys absolutely trashed her yard with pieces of wood, metal, and junk, and
they left the ground completely unleveled.
Grandma was pissed.
So I got two of my nephews and we started cleaning it up and raking dirt.
The poor maintenance men in charge of the park were right there with us digging along.
There's no way I wanted to stay out here for another hour moving paving stones before going
to work, so I struck a deal.
I told my oldest nephew I would pay him a dollar for each stone he moved.
I did a rough count beforehand just to make sure I had enough loading cash.
I saw about 50 of them, so I figured $30 for the older one, 20 for the younger, and would
be a good compensation.
They worked for a couple of hours each.
$2,076 later.
I got them each a shovel and left the house.
What I didn't realize is that the stones were double stacked and half buried in the ground.
So now I was like, uh, so now I feel like I have to eat my words.
Those little assholes moved 120 stones.
That's what you get, you douchebag.
The oldest was very good about it and requested I take him out to dinner to his favorite burger
place and now I owe him popcorn money for school every Friday for at least a month.
But hey, Grandma has enough stones to redo her whole yard if she wants.
But next time I'm setting a flat rate for those kiddos.
Instead of buying stone.
Patter, just, you know, dig it up yourself.
I don't know why you left.
I gotta go to work, okay?
I got shit to do.
I'm a grown ass man.
He goes home and sits on the couch and starts eating canned chili.
He's eating canned chili.
He just cuts it like a little hole in the top and just fucking put it in.
Okay, see how strong that straw?
You want a little smoothie straw?
Yeah.
Uh, just, this is not the energy.
Yeah.
Some fucking delicious chili.
You know there's somebody out there that has done that.
Yeah?
If you can think about anything.
Any thought you've had more than likely to write it.
Yes.
That's why don't worry if your movie ideas are unoriginal because I mean they've all
been done.
It's just the way you write is going to be different.
So don't worry about it.
Just don't do a shot for a shot remake of anything.
Those are the worst.
I've seen a thing on 2B today where it's transmorphers.
So the transformers?
Robots on the sly instead of in disguise.
It's like, oh, there's a transformers movie on here.
Oh wow.
Oh no, it's transmorphers.
You're like 45 minutes in like when the fuck is Optimus Prime?
What the fuck is going on?
Is beta prime?
Beta prime.
Like some weird ass name.
Instead of bumblebee it's just fucking like, uh, like, uh, instead of bumblebee it's just
fucking just this hornet.
I'm hornet.
He speaks with a sudden accent.
He says the F word a lot.
Instead of star scream it's wind cry.
Instead of Megatron it's actually just Metatron.
Metatron?
Yeah.
Oh, there's so many of those movies on there.
There's a lot of weird fucking.
I was watching Good Morning Vietnam on TV.
Yeah.
I was like, I like 20 minutes into it.
It was late at night.
I was like, let me go back to.
I'll watch it later.
You need to see Mrs. Dalfire still.
It's a good movie when you go.
You want to dress up as Mrs. Dalfire for Halloween?
Hello.
Going to Kill a Spring.
Where there's just shit dropping, frosting dropping off of your face into somebody's
teeth.
The dark Mrs. Dalfire with the red eyes.
Hello.
You kids will all die.
If my wife won't have me, no one will.
Burn your house down.
I know.
All right.
That's all I got for Reddit.
Anything else to add before we head out today?
If I get something on my bed wrong, I'm all kinds of fucked up.
That left side is fucking killing me.
Oh.
Flows you don't even get in, Chile.
I do, but not fucking cold.
Burn that shit.
Every fucking bacteria dies.
All right.
We'll do a segment where we do Dollar Tree recipes for you guys at Dollar Tree 5.
We'll make some videos for that.
I don't have enough recipe ideas because I don't know how to cook.
A lot of chili there though.
I'll come up with something and we'll talk about it on the next episode.
Cool.
Turn in next time for We'll Find It About That Guy from Japan.
That was Butt Naked, Making We Sweep Steaks entries.
All right.
With that, we will see you guys on the next one.