Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
Let's go ahead and get into it.
All right, guys.
Welcome back to Cozy Knights, episode 12.
Let's start with the new titled, The Odd News Report, which is now where I find the randomest,
weirdest, most bizarre news stories throughout the week.
Although I try to find.
Sometimes it's a real slow news week.
Yeah.
Sometimes, well, I don't want to cover any serious news.
There's a lot of weird stuff going on, like wars with Iraq, Iran, and Israel.
But we don't want to go into the World War III memes.
No, we just want to cover, you know, stuff to keep us, you know, happy and stuff that's
lighthearted.
Something to take your mind off of it.
Right.
Something to take your mind off of the troubles of the world.
If I can, I'll take all your sins for you is what I'm saying.
I'm a sin eater.
I thought you were going the other way.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm not delusional.
So we start The Odd News Report is the title for this segment with the only news story
I can find today because I've been racked my brain trying to figure out what stories
would be interesting.
And this involves this poor Japanese man.
That's every story started with a poor Japanese man.
Every sad story started with a poor Japanese man.
It truly is.
And so this, I read this today, but it was posted yesterday on IGN.
This 36 year old Japanese man was arrested April 9th for illegally modifying save data
for Pokemon Violet.
So they threw him in jail, they're going to throw him in jail because he just augmented
some save data to a video game, which is illegal in the end.
I guess I forgot what the actual crime is considered.
But basically what he was doing was he would take orders, custom orders for rare Pokemon,
and he would just change like their move set or unlock stuff for him or just random little
stuff.
Which would have no impact on anybody at all.
I guess it does.
He was making like $84 on something or like he was, he had a deal.
He had a little deal going on like a $30 for six Pokemon he would change for people, 30
bucks.
And they slapped him with five years in prison.
This is the charge he would get.
And or $32,000, 32 grand, 32, I can't even say it.
32, 600 in fine, which is like 5 million yen.
So he was just a little side hustle that he was trying to do.
It would be like if I went on like some internet site and I was like, hey, you want me to catch,
here's what I'll do for you guys.
I will play Pokemon Blue three times for you.
I will get Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle.
I will move them to a separate cartridge.
And then I would move them back to your original cartridge.
That means you get all three at the same time at the beginning of the game.
And then I charge like 30 bucks.
And then I go to jail for 50 years.
It's like what?
Nintendo.
I guess it's because of the modifying part where he actually goes in and changes game
data.
Yeah, but people do that with Skyrim.
People do that with...
I guess Nintendo does not like Mons.
They don't like anything.
They don't fucking play.
They don't even like their fans.
They don't want you playing our games anyway.
So you can leave today.
Well, have you ever seen that other game that has almost the same style as Pokemon?
It's like Monster Go or something like that.
Or that new one that came out?
The Pokemon Slayer, which is the Never R?
No, everybody...
Nintendo can't go after them.
I think Nintendo's going after them.
It's not going to go after everybody.
I'm surprised Nintendo didn't go after fucking Digimon.
No kidding, man.
They go after...
I mean, to be fair, the anime or the manga existed for Digimon before Pokemon.
There wasn't even Digimon or Pokemon manga because it was the game, I think, then the
show and then the manga.
Digimon is based off of a Tamagotchi.
Then freaking manga was dark as hell.
There was one issue where there was a very rare old haunter.
He had escaped or got out of somewhere and he was just going around town just killing
all sorts of people in Pokemon.
And I'm like, this is Pokemon?
I don't know if you guys know what the story is, if you guys could enlighten us in the
comments.
But yeah, there was this ancient haunter, a second Gastly, I guess, an evolved Gastly,
not a Gengar yet.
And he was just evil and he was just going around this town and just literally just killing
people in Pokemon.
Yeah.
And Ash Ketchum gets there and he's like, oh my God, Pikachu, I ain't going out there
fighting that...
It was so weird.
But in the anime, it's got that...
I think it's like the same part, like the same section, like with Sabrina, the gym for
Sabrina.
I think that's where it's...
What?
I'm confused.
You don't remember Sabrina the Psychic?
No.
The one where she had the Alakazam?
Goddamn Alakazam.
You know, I can never catch one of those God dang things.
Yeah.
Well, the Abras, right?
It was the first one.
They always fucking run.
They teleport immediately.
Oh, that dart.
I think it was just the same one.
I just hit my whole point.
Did we get bumped into the same one?
Pokemon was such a small yet really fun game.
Like Pokemon Blue, when it came out, man.
I remember the first day I got it, I played it so much and I got such motion too that I
threw up into a trash can.
I went back to playing.
I don't remember why I threw up.
I just did.
And after Pokemon Gold, Silver, and Crystal, I quit.
Gold, Silver, and Crystal?
Crystal's the one that had Suikun on the front.
That blue one?
Yeah.
I remember that.
You know what happened?
My Snorlax beat the shit out of it.
Because I had used Rage, or it was one of those attacks that if it keeps hitting, it
would just keep attacking without you being able to input him to do a different move.
So he just beat the hell out of Suikun.
I'm talking about beat it to death because I couldn't even capture it.
It had just gotten low enough, right?
And I was like, oh, fucking give me this Pokemon.
He's like, fuck that shit.
And he started stomping on him.
Or I don't know what Suikun was.
And I never captured it.
I killed it.
It's the story of my life.
Yeah.
And then Gold and Silver, you had Hello, or Lugia.
Yeah.
And after that, then they started going into some crazy shit.
I've even played Pokemon Go.
And they've started adding all the recent Pokemon to it.
So there's way too many.
Pokemon Go.
It still exists.
Yeah, I'm a seer.
Give me some exercise.
I play it once a week.
I play it once a week when I'm bored.
But they've started adding all these new, from the recent series, into it as well.
And it's like, what the fuck is that?
The fuck is that one?
It gets worse and worse.
It's like, you made a Pokemon out of trash.
It's just that it's, because at first it's like a general fan base, right?
And we're like, oh, this is a great game.
Oh, this is great.
All this.
And they all know the evolution stage.
They all know the base Pokemon.
They know everything.
I still know all the evolution.
Like 101 or whatever it was.
150.
It was 150?
And then...
I think Mew was 151.
Oh.
Was it Mew?
Mew was?
Or Mew 2?
Mew.
Interesting.
I'm pretty sure Mew was one number after.
You know, I had one of those cartridges that had Mew in it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, me and my friend called Mew.
And he wouldn't give it back to me, that dirty bastard.
And yeah, but then like it just evolves because it has to evolve.
They keep the fan base that's diehard interested.
If not, then you know, that's why Yu-Gi-Oh!
is so goddamn complicated now.
Yeah, it really is.
You need to know like a master's degree in trigonometry to even figure out what the hell
is going on.
And a bachelor's degree in English composition and reading comprehension, because I don't
know what the fuck they're talking about half the time.
Well, it's gotten to the point now where you can play like two cards at the beginning of
a game and you got the other person.
It's like almost playing chess at this point where it's like, oh, you win.
Pace it.
Oh yeah, like he opens with a certain card and the other guy just concedes.
Yeah.
Because they know, oh there it is.
I know he's going to play the Fibonacci Sequence 7.
He puts his hand over his, he does that famous, he puts his hand over his deck, meeting defeated.
Oh, it takes you the one card.
Yeah, he puts one card down and then the guy sits there for fucking 25 minutes and then
he pulls his hand up to shake his hand because he lost.
I'm like, what the fuck?
What happened?
I'm just stupid enough to keep going.
I bet you won't figure out what I'm going to do.
I'll do some shit that I didn't expect at all.
But you couldn't do that with the older sets, like the original, like the Legend of the
Blue Eyes all the way up through.
You can be strategic, but not like to the level now.
You could be strategic, but you didn't, playing one card at the beginning.
Oh yeah, it doesn't completely lock the whole game into one flow.
Or like it's like, like with now anyway, we're being hyperbolic obviously, but you know,
you play a couple of moves and it's like, oh, I can't beat that.
I don't have anything on the deck that can win.
I got these two fucking hands though.
He starts swinging on me.
What has never been a fist fight?
It probably has been a fist fight at Yu-Gi-Oh tournament.
I don't know, we are talking about nerds like ourselves and generally they're not going
to get into a big old fist fight.
It'd be funny to watch.
I'm the fastest gun in the West.
Guys, pull out my slingshot.
I remember one time I saw this video of this guy who was, he was actively protesting the
fact that there was no limit to Yu-Gi-Oh card deck number.
And he brought out like a thousand card deck that took like him and his friend to carry
air.
God dang.
Good luck finding whatever card you need to win.
Yeah.
Even the harder the cards can help you then.
Imagine just putting up a thousand card decks straight up.
Isn't there still no limit?
I guess not.
I mean, to be fair, you wouldn't want too big of a deck just due to the fact that trying
to get the card you want.
Right.
I think I always went with it because I think what 40 is the minimum that you're supposed
to have.
I went with 666 cards.
Maybe you lost one.
They're the devil's deck.
That would be funny to come in with that though.
All I ever got was traps and spells.
It's like shuffle that bitch.
I got traps and spells.
I couldn't find my monsters anywhere.
No, no.
In a 666 deck I had six monsters.
With six pieces of Exo?
Yeah.
I'm like, God dang.
Three pots of greed.
I have 52 pots of greed.
I stole my pot of greed.
Defense mode.
If it was a Yugi anime, you could.
You could do the randomest shit.
I never understood Yugi anime.
You know what finally sold me on the fact that it was bullshit?
Because at first I thought, okay, maybe you can do this stuff in the game, right?
There's like whatever's the actual limit or like a set of rules, but they're like ambiguous.
Right.
And when I knew that it was bullshit when he fucking destroyed the moon and it emptied
out the ocean and all the guys, water monsters were like on dry land and they all got zero
attack points.
I'm like, what the Yugi?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What about the Castle of Darkness?
Do you remember that episode?
No.
With what was his name?
Panic, I think?
Where he's got the launch turtle and he puts Curse of Dragon on the back of it and launches
the fucking Curse of Dragon at the Castle of Darkness and destroys the floating ring
that's around it and makes it fall.
Oh my God.
What the fuck bullshit are they making up?
It destroys all the fiend monsters that are on the field.
Well huh.
It's like I had a friend that tried doing that.
And he's like, what the hell are you talking about?
I won so many cards in that kid.
Oh, that's a good kid.
He didn't know the rules and he kept doing stupid shit.
It's like, okay, well I'll do this then.
I had a, they were a little younger than me, but they all, they never played with actual
rules.
So they had like fucking level sevens, like the stars, right?
And they didn't have any, they didn't have the Tributor and they just dropped them down
with a 4,000 attack points.
Like, well yeah, of course you're going to fucking win.
But then when you play them like an actual straight rule and force game, they were fucking
absolute trash.
That's the way it always was.
Everybody always used to go to the flea market and buy cards singly from the old lady instead
of selling them.
She's got all five of the Zodiac cards.
She had no idea they're five cents each.
Ten cents?
The son comes running out after he, cause he slept late to help her at the flea market.
Like, no.
Do you remember the bootleg cards?
No.
Um, I still have some of them just for the nostalgia of it.
What do they look like?
Bad.
Like you're getting a 10 on them?
Oh boy.
I'll have to show them to you sometime, but.
Good lord.
Oh my God.
Like I have a deck of like 50 where it's just, they're not like a deck to use or anything,
but like just a stack of them.
And it's like, they're, they're bad.
I just colored different or like drawn different.
Different names.
Fuck it.
Oh my God.
What like, like dark magicians are like David Copperfield?
Is that why his name is Shadow Magician?
Shadow Magician.
Holy shit.
And then you have Shadow Magician Girl.
Shadow Magician Girl?
Wait, what was her real name?
Dark Magician Girl.
Oh, that's even worse.
It's the same thing.
Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl.
You got a slightly tinted blue eyes white dragon.
Blue eyes off white dragon.
No, it's brilliant blue.
Brilliant blue dragon.
Holy shit.
And then what was it?
Red eyes black dragon was evil black dragon.
Each one.
It's looking black in it.
There were so many horrible names on there.
And then when you got into the really confusing ones like the traps and the spells.
Just a horrible name.
Just like you said a pot of green it's just barrel of gluttony.
No it did have gluttony in the name.
I don't remember what the part.
It's not even in Joker.
Like they changed it so that way they couldn't be sued.
Right.
And the borders on the cards were so fucking thick.
Oh God.
Because the pictures were shrunk.
Huh.
Oh just imagine some of them that had Chinese writing instead of Japanese.
What?
So I guess you know the origin then.
Some of them Chinese bootleggers.
Or there was some that had Japanese writing and then followed by Chinese character and
then an English word.
It's like what the fuck is this?
That is weird.
That is real weird.
I'll have to show them to you sometime.
Because some of them were just ridiculous.
It's like the hell is this?
Everyone bootlegs for everything.
Yeah.
I think I've seen some bootleg Pokemon games that are just absolutely offensive.
Well that is it for the news.
We kind of delved off into...
Dwelled off?
Dwelled.
I'm terrible with the...
I guess I got delved.
Yeah delved off.
That sounds, well, swerved.
Swerved into a canyon and died.
When did you go kill this?
When past that road barrier.
I wouldn't like...
Those roads are like say like the
Watch out for flying debris like boulders coming down.
I would be like I would be zooming through those roads as fast as I could.
You don't want to film it and leave it and just go over the edge and now...
That was a terrible ending or maybe not.
I haven't seen the movie.
Maybe it's a perfect ending for that movie.
Them killing each other.
And then as you're following they play the song Hello Dark Mist my old friend.
It does?
No I said this with a U.
Oh hello dark mist my old friend.
From Simon and Garfunkel.
Sound of silence or no is that sound of silence?
I don't know.
Yes.
Music man.
It is.
The music man.
The unknown.
Okay I haven't heard much about the Willy Wonka stuff after that.
You know.
It shut down.
No you don't hear anything else anymore.
Alright so that's it for the odd news report.
We move on to a new titled the nightly kitchen chronicle where we cover basically the history
and lore of food and drink.
Which is always a lot more fun than just recipes that we can't because it's a comedy podcast.
You can't really see us cook anything.
There's no reason for recipes.
Yet.
Yet yes.
We will be burning houses down.
Eventually.
Those are horrible cooking abilities especially mine.
Hey I got some ability.
They should just put me.
All we should do on the show is have me actually make something and then just watch how horrible
it goes.
Like I just come out with a brownie.
It's like a brick.
You're all in the back just pulling my hair out saying no.
So I found out.
By the way you know the most expensive coffee in the world?
Yes.
Kahlúa or something like that.
Yeah.
With goats eat it and then shit it out.
No these little creatures eat it.
Yeah.
They look like.
I kid you not.
They look like little.
They look like raccoons that are like in shape.
But you know how raccoons are really round.
Yeah.
These raccoons are like slimmer.
They look like they look like exactly like raccoons and they just eat them.
They eat them.
They shit them out and I never understood the origin of some food.
Yeah.
It's like okay you watch this animal shit this out.
Yeah.
Right.
And then you decided.
You decided to grind it up a little bit more.
Yeah.
And then make it into a coffee.
Yes.
And then you can't even believe coffee in the world for some fucking reason.
Like hey you want some shit to drink?
You got literal brown water.
And it's like it's.
That's why it's so fascinating about the origin of food.
Yeah.
It's like who decided.
My best guess is maybe someone found the creature.
They were hungry.
They hunted it and it was still in their system.
And maybe like when they made some soup or something with it, it tasted a little bit
you know like and that's how it like kind of.
But how it got to them having to actually watch them take a dump out of it.
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
You know how it builds into that.
So I know that those are not the only animals that they do that with.
They do it with goats and I think elephants.
It's a lot of coffee.
It's a healthy fucking mountain of coffee.
Well there's your money right there.
Good Lord.
Just a dump of coffee huh?
Yeah.
There's a tribe in I don't remember where.
It's somewhere in Africa where they have elephants.
But they get the shit and just drink the water.
It's like.
They drink the water?
From the shit.
Why?
They have water.
They can't purify it?
They can't take step two?
It's wrong.
Go from one to seven huh?
One to eleven.
I'm so fucking thirsty.
I don't care if it's full of shit.
Blah blah blah.
Yep.
Come on now.
You get dysentery.
You get.
Obviously it's not something that's done everywhere in this region.
But it's like.
Just one person.
It's like.
You look at that one person.
It's like.
Did you just fucking drink shit water?
He's like no.
It's like dribbling down his chin.
No.
By that one guy that everyone knows.
God dang it Daniel.
Oh God.
Here comes shit breath again.
Probably yeah.
I like you know like cultures are universal.
Like they might not seem like it sometimes.
But they are.
Every culture is going to look at somebody weird like that.
It's like.
The fuck did you drink that?
Amazing.
Yeah like what the fuck were you thinking?
Weird.
Anyway so.
That just what was fascinating about the.
That's the most expensive coffee.
It's not something that's made like in the hills of the Himalayas.
No.
It's something that gets shit out by an animal.
Do you know the only reason I even know about that coffee?
You trying?
M&M.
A rapper of the community?
Yeah.
The rapper.
Is one of the bars in one of his raps.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Cause I had to look it up.
I was like what the fuck did he say?
What is he?
What was the rap for?
What was the barb for?
I'd have to look it up.
Let's see here.
Cause it was off of that kamikaze album.
The one where he was going after everybody.
Another day I'm an old man riot and I know I'm going to die in the next few weeks.
I'm going to go after everybody and then I just die an old man.
Happy as hell.
Give it a second everybody.
We're doing some quick research.
Cause what's the name of the.
Like how do you spell that?
The coffee thing?
Yeah.
C-O-F-F-E.
C. You know what I mean.
I know exactly what you mean.
You know what I mean.
Is it K-A-H-L-U-A?
I don't know.
I have no idea.
I didn't write it down.
I think it's K-O-W at least.
Maybe.
Uh.
No luck.
We can come around for the next episode.
Oh, Venom.
Venom?
Yeah.
That's what it was for.
Well, Venom.
Got lemons.
Got lemons?
Uh, we'll see.
You can go ahead then.
All right.
So anyway.
Uh, as I stated a while back, there was, I thought 30,000 variations of apples.
Yes.
Uh, there probably still is.
Uh, but I was looking on Wikipedia for like a list of them, right?
Or anywhere really for a list of them.
And I came across something called the list of apple cultivars or cultivars on Wikipedia,
which has the listing of like 1500, I guess, variations of apple that have been cultivated.
Or like, I guess like the actual, like the, the genesis of it, the very beginning of it
that can be branched off and anything, if you like combine the seeds or whatever.
So I'm going to cover all 1500 today.
No, no, I'm not going to do all 1500.
He's like, let's begin.
I got, I got the first seven on here.
They're all apple types.
And uh, I didn't know that apple is somewhere for cooking and somewhere for eating.
Just like Granny Smith's are for baking.
It reminded the time that I took a whole like spoonful of Coca.
And it was the bitterest thing.
Kind of like the mistake I made when I ate sour bread, sour dough bread with peanut butter
and jelly.
I told my dad about that.
He's like, what?
He's like sour, he loves his, he loves peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
He's like, yeah, I don't doubt it.
I was like, I was the dumbest ever reading adding a sour element.
It did not.
So sometimes like if you got a little salty, your chocolate milk is supposed to like heighten
the flavor.
They didn't do it for peanut butter and jelly.
All right.
So let's see.
We got seven apples here.
I have 1500.
Might as well get started.
It's probably a continual list from now on until we're done.
So number one is the Abodanza.
It was created in, cultivated in Italy in 1896.
These apples are old by the way.
And it's mostly for cooking or just really for cooking.
Number two is the Abram.
It was in the United States in the 1850s.
It's a small apple with red flush, white tangerine and subacetic.
It's for eating.
I also found out that they have the same type of explanation for apples as they do for us.
You got the skin is the outer shell and the inside is called flesh.
So they're saying flesh.
I'm like flesh for what?
What flesh?
So number three is the Acheson.
If I say I'm wrong, I apologize, but you know, I'm not a linguist expert.
This was created in Alberta, Canada in 1941.
Oh God, the Canadians created one?
Yeah.
Large greenish yellow and it's for eating.
Number four is the Acklem Russet in Yorkshire, created in Yorkshire, England in 1768.
It's a small dessert apple.
Dessert apple?
Yeah.
It's for eating.
I thought for it, if it was dessert, it'd be like an apple, like a cooking apple, you
know?
Yeah.
Number five is the Adams Permain.
It was either in Norfolk or here, here forshire, here forshire, England in 1826.
It is a dessert apple, pale yellow flesh.
So you bite into it, it's like a little pale yellow.
Yeah.
Very crisp and it's for eating.
Number six is the Adder's Leder Calvin in Saxony, Germany, 1830 to 1840, around that
time it was cultivated.
Green with red flush and it's for eating.
So it's like green and then like little red like stripes, I guess.
Yeah.
I think I've seen those sometimes.
Kind of Honeycrisp is kind of like that.
Yeah, it's probably, well, Honeycrisp is probably a variation, probably, yeah.
Mostly since he's been around for God knows how long.
Yeah, that's true.
Number seven is the Dina.
There's no origin for this one, but it was made in Queensland, Australia.
It's large and red and it's just for eating.
So kind of like a red delicious.
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
Like it must've been like one of the variations of red delicious.
Yeah, cause then you have the Honeycrisp, you have the-
I love Honeycrisp.
What's the Japanese one they have?
Honeycrisp.
I apologize.
That's why there's the meme where every time they use like a spell or something like that,
it's always in English.
What?
You never noticed that?
So they'd be like full Japanese.
I go, what a good time.
Yeah, yes.
Or whenever you get Asian voice actors that want to like say something in English, like
instead of saying rule the world and they say, rule the world.
Or like Frankie from One Piece, I was like, super.
There's a, I cannot remember the dude's name.
There's a Japanese guy on YouTube where he makes fun of the way they get these voice
actors where he's like, I know English.
You know that he does the whole skit cause he is from Japan and he was apparently, he's
an English teacher.
So he understands like how to say actual English words.
And he's like, they just get somebody in there.
It's like, can you speak English?
Yes.
I would lie my ass off too for a shot.
I'll find it while I'm talking.
I'll show you later.
But it's got like so many different words, words that don't sound the way they should.
Just completely off.
Speaking about Japan, like I didn't know, but they have like, they have like 300 flavors
of Kit Kat bar.
M?
Yeah.
For not just, uh, not.
Like not just, uh, like the, not just like, uh, for like, uh, just regular, like, oh,
this is dark chocolate.
This is, you know, strawberry.
Like they go by, also they go for seasonal and regional flavors that would only originate
in a certain like, uh, location.
And I'm like 300 of them.
So you know, we got to try them all eventually.
Every flavor of Kit Kat bar in Japan.
Yeah.
Uh, so yeah, like some of them, like they just come out once a season.
Some, some are just like in a specific region of Japan, like maybe like, uh, some small
little province.
And I'm like, Jesus, that's a lot of Kit Kat bars.
Yeah.
I don't know what happened, but Japan just fell in love with the Kit Kat.
They really did.
They have some really damn good ones though.
Uh, here's one example that this guy, his name's Sora the troll, Asian dude from Japan.
But, uh, like he's a Japanese anime voice actor pronounces bottle opener.
It's bottle opener.
Close enough.
But I feel like I will use my special ability, but whole open bottle opener.
You think anyone's ever patient says, you think, you think, well, well, well, you think
you never, you think, yeah.
Do you think anyone's ever opened a bottle with their assholes?
Yes.
It's not even a question.
I know it happened.
That shit would fucking hurt.
Or instead of a pushy destroyer, a pussy destroyer.
That's my nickname too.
I wish.
Oh man.
I wish we had more time because I was going to talk about WrestleMania.
The greatest WrestleMania, the greatest WrestleMania of all time.
What you got on it?
It was amazing.
I was rock hard the whole time.
For the rocker?
No, for everybody.
Something about big, growing strong men slapping me.
I can't get enough of you.
Were you having your fantasies done grabbing you again?
I was like, my God.
There was this little sleeper hit that I liked.
It was a triple threat match between Bobby Lashley and against these other groups that
I don't remember anything about them.
That the special guest referee was Bubba Ray Dudley, one of the originators of the tag
team Golden Age back in the late 90s, early 20s or 2000s.
They had him being the special guest referee.
It was a no holes barred, so you can use whatever weapons.
There's a scene where there's a moment where Bobby Lashley is getting pinned for the one,
two, three.
One of his teammates jumps in to break up the pin.
These other two guys immediately start hitting him with those kendo sticks, like in Japanese,
like martial arts.
Just the way it looks, they just start beating the shit out of him.
The minute he lands to break up the pin, and I'll never forget that image, because it was
such a good spot because it felt realistic.
You know what's good when it looks real?
They were just wailing on this one man.
The kendo sticks, they designed to hurt, not hurt that much.
But they're designed to pinch.
They're fucking loud, though.
Yes.
They're loud and since the way the bamboo is stretched through them, they actually,
whenever you get hit by it, the pieces of bamboo come together and pinch you.
So imagine getting like just slap pinched the entire time.
Well, wrestlers can really take on actual, like they can take a lot of slapping.
Well, think about it, the old ones, they used to actually cut themselves with razor blades
and shit.
Yeah, they used to love doing that.
Like, got to get some color in this match.
It was like, all right, at this point, we just hit each other.
I haven't seen them do that, like where they need to bleed, but they want to make it look
more realistic.
So I remember once Chris, my head butted William Regal on the like, right on the dome and he
cut him right here on the side of his head.
He was like, you got to head butt me.
And he's like, bah, they're fucking, bah.
I mean, not for real though.
What's funny is whenever you see some of those backyard wrestle people where they actually
do hurt each other because they think that it's all real anyway.
So you got to get the chairs just smacking each other.
You know, wailing on each other.
I've seen so many people get joints dislocated.
I'll never forget the, such a beautiful ending.
Ten years.
All he, he was, you guys want to understand unless you're a pro wrestling fan, but he,
he gave it all away for revenge.
Like it cost, revenge cost him everything.
Ten years and he lost his title.
You'll know what I mean later.
I'll be talking about for the next 50 years.
I'll be sitting in this podcast.
All he had to do was hit him with the damn chair, but he hit the wrong person.
Oh, and again, red cost him everything.
Who lost the title?
Roman Reigns.
My tribal chief.
Had that shit for 1300 something days.
You guys not see what I'm doing on the, the, the, the finger thing for Roman Reigns.
I've always acknowledged him.
Well, next up is black backlash.
Backlash.
And it's called WrestleMania Backlash.
All what wasn't tied up in the WrestleMania gets re talked about and like re backlash.
I don't know how to say it.
You said it like one of those old night.
Backlash.
Fucking Summer Slam.
Yeah, brother.
Like the old school rage in the cage.
Old school rage in the cage.
Hello pro wrestling.
Big old strong man just gripping titties.
I started licking my lips.
I like having a fake homosexual attachment.
Undertone too.
I don't know why it's so funny to me.
It just makes people uncomfortable.
Maybe.
I don't know.
It's like you just start playing those, the cable people from South Park.
You just pulled out my.
Oh yeah.
Rubbing my nipples.
Oh man.
All right guys.
That's it for.
So for Cozy Nights number 12, I might have a new intro next week to trying to, I should
probably be watching the listening to these so I get better at articulating, but I don't.
I don't like hearing myself talk.
I do like watching myself fuck though.
Tune in next time.
And always remember, stay cozy.
All right, what you got from Urban Dictionary today?
All right.
Let's see what we got.
Um, let's go my 13.
I always had to look for him.
We start off with Maddie.
I think that's how you say Maddie.
Just M-A-D-D-E-I.
Yeah, Maddie.
He just says a real bitch at first, but when you get to know her, she's still a bitch.
Now I made that part up because I thought it was funny.
The actual definition is a real bitch at first, but when you get to know her, she's actually
kind of nice.
I'm not a bitch.
I'm a bitch.
Do you not?
Yes.
Then you're not asexual.
Asexual means that you're not attracted to anything.
But I'm not.
We all have heard the word, we've all heard.
We don't pay the system.
Have a, just a mound of evidence to the contrary.
It's like I'm starting to do playbacks of everything.
And next up is Carter at my fucking trial.
Like, oh, Danny.
He's a fucking judge.
I say aye.
Your honor, that's a damn lie, your honor.
Then he plays the next one.
Fuck.
Next up is Carpet Muncher.
Everyone knows what this is.
Someone usually female that likes to perform oral sex
on other women.
Although what about if it's like a, you know,
a hardwood floor?
There's no carpet to munch.
What would that be then?
A looking room sander?
Maybe.
Next up is called Dick Loaf.
This is made up.
I thought it was an actual food thing.
I was gonna talk about on the kitchen,
a nightly kitchen Chronicles.
But I think it's bullshit.
It's an Asian delicacy in which the scrotum
of a young deer is prepared in a light soy sauce
and ginger root mixture.
The pubes are removed violently via single instruction
messages prior to castration.
Like what the fuck?
I was like what the fuck?
That's like the most violent way to make food.
Then it is sauteed for 20 minutes.
Not 20, 20.
There's no N in here.
It's T-W-E-T-Y, 20.
And then steaming and asserting up the anus
for maximum pleasure in its consumption.
That's what I knew it was refaith.
You gotta shove it up your ass to enjoy it.
I hope it's fake anyway.
You're gonna watch it's real.
That'd be a nasty food.
I don't know, I understand we gotta eat animals, right?
At least not make them suffer in the actual.
No, I agree with that.
If you're gonna kill an animal,
you might as well make it quick.
No suffering for him.
Right.
Next up is assassination of Abraham Stinken.
When you're fucking your girl from behind
in front of the Abraham Stinken,
then shoot her in the back of the head with your cum.
What's an Abraham Stinken?
That's what I was looking for.
I couldn't find anything.
Really?
Yeah.
I clicked on the actual,
because like the Abraham is on here
and the Stinken's on here, but they're not connected.
So it's two separate words.
So what the fuck is an Abraham Stinken?
But the Abraham one where you just
bust it behind the back of her head
is an Abraham Lincoln type thing.
Sorry, Mr. President.
Next up is green bubble struggle.
When you are in a group chat
and are texting someone with an Android
and the text bubble turns green instead of the blue
that way it would be with an Apple user,
it limits you from doing things such as
removing people from the group chat.
I didn't know that.
No, it's just called people that have iPhones.
Like the people that are addicted to using iPhone,
it's like a marketing thing where it's like, that's green.
Yeah, it is like a little bit offsetting too
when it comes up with like a green.
They couldn't choose any other color.
They made sure to choose green as the eye method.
They probably had like a huge like focus group.
That was the color.
That was the most off putting color.
Yeah.
Damn you iPhone.
Yeah.
Cause you know that they can make them blue
anytime they want to.
Huh, weird.
They don't have to be green.
Why would they do that?
Cause they're trying to get people to say,
cause think about it, if you have a group of friends
and everybody has an iPhone but that one-
Cause that one guy goes that green.
Yeah.
He feels like a loser like, man.
But we can't.
But because think about it, the guy that has the Android,
all his group messages look the same.
Huh, I didn't know that.
Like they're not blue.
They're not, when you send a message to him,
he just gives it as a normal message where,
like whatever customization he's done to his phone,
it's like, all looks the same to me.
That's why it's like, eh, fuck off.
It's cold blooded.
I'll get an, I'll get an Android again,
just so that way I can do it.
Oh yeah, Android, just so my batteries
didn't blow up in two years.
Or they start restricting your phone to where
it doesn't have any speed to it anymore.
Exactly, that's the worst part.
So the next one's called iPhone face, ironically.
The face of an actor who is playing a character
in a period piece, but has a modern looking face
that they wouldn't know what an iPhone is.
So just someone that doesn't look like
they would belong in that era.
Yeah.
By the way, there's a new show on Apple TV Plus
where that stars Michael Douglas as Abraham,
as Benjamin Franklin, and I've never seen
a more perfectly placed character.
He looks, he looks exactly what Abraham,
or Benjamin Franklin would look like.
Like the long gray hair.
Yeah.
Oh God, you gotta.
I've heard a lot of people saying that.
He'd like, he'd like, that was a perfect casting.
Perfect castings do exist.
Just make, you know, put him in the,
make him the perfect character,
make him butt naked in the mornings.
That's what Abraham, that's what Benjamin Franklin used to do.
He'd be butt naked and be writing letters in the morning.
He just wanted the reason to be butt naked all the time.
Me too.
It makes you think bad.
That's what's called chocolate abs.
I apologize for this one.
An Asian guy, man, who had defined muscular abdominal muscles
that looked like the subdivided parts of a chocolate bar.
Never heard of that, never seen that, but okay.
I apologize.
Wouldn't that be considered like washboard abs look?
At that point?
I guess, I never had abs.
I had these beard guts as long as I lived.
You got beard guts, you're fine.
Basically, yeah, I don't know what abs look like.
I got them somewhere.
Imagine the day if I was in shape.
Oh man, you wouldn't see me,
I'd be that guy with no shirt on,
and going into the supermarket like an asshole.
Say, I get it now.
In the middle of winter?
I'm just better than them, I get it now.
I get that horrible vanity they get.
I got a cousin that does that all the time on Facebook.
He posts those annoying like post pictures
in front of the camera at the gym like,
God, I'm so God dang sexy.
Fuck you.
Moving on.
Maybe I'm just jealous.
I'm probably doing the same thing.
No, there's a thing about it.
There's that whole trend where women are trying
to pose with their asses in front of the camera
for like TikTok and shit.
I'm all for that.
But they get mad whenever somebody is like,
he's looking at me.
It's like, no, he's not, he's walking by.
It's like, you got a fucking camera right there.
You got everything fucking light set up and shit.
He's probably rubber necking.
He's like, what the fuck?
You ever seen rubber necking?
Yeah.
From American dad.
There's a thing on TikTok, right,
where I'm going through feeds, right?
Because it's your regular feed.
Like it follows the algorithm, whatever you want.
For some reason, I have no idea why.
Sure.
It keeps showing me this woman named Laura just walking.
And like the way she walks, like her breasts
are like bouncing hard as fuck.
And then when she gets behind the camera, like the angle,
now her ass is like jiggling as hard as it can.
I'm like, dang.
How many more of these videos are there?
You just keep watching after another, after another,
after another?
There's some times where it'd be like AI
generated pictures of like, you want to see Jenna Ortega?
I'm like, no.
And I go over and it'd be like four of them in a row.
The same thing.
No, no, no, no.
You don't want to see Jenna Ortega?
Not really.
You've already said it before.
I know the answer to it, sir.
Yeah.
I'd like to bother you with it.
Yeah.
And I see her more as like a cool cousin
as an instead of like a crush, you know?
I don't know why.
Maybe because of the Wednesday show.
Yeah.
Could be.
Starting to feel like an uncle.
No one's saying like, you know, she's not attractive.
I'm just like, you know.
It's like, you see, you want to be called Teal.
That's all it is.
I don't want to be called nothing.
Teal Noe.
This one's called Trash Owl.
Someone who constantly ruins their sleep schedule
through no fault of their own.
That was me.
Me too.
It'd be about 4 AM.
Yeah.
So let me see some of these episodes of Courage
to Cally Dog.
Yeah.
That happened quite a bit there.
Like, you get into one of those things, it's like, ugh.
I just want to see one video.
And they're just like.
They're probably an 80 episodes in of something on YouTube.
You're like, fuck.
Yeah.
Yeah, basically.
That's usually how it goes, you know.
Or like, the one thing is whenever you're
trying to plan everything to be really fast
and then nothing goes according to plan.
Starting my life.
Or you have to get up early, which is just fun.
Those suck, Teal.
Yeah, like man.
Morning fucking chefs, man.
Yeah.
Why can't I be rich?
See, I have the downside of being a night owl, generally.
But then also I have to get up really early in the morning
for work.
That's quite the counter.
Yeah.
Man, that would suck.
So I usually end up with about four hours a day.
At least on days that I'm working anyway.
My two off days, no.
But see, here's the thing.
Once I'm up, I'm up.
I'm not tired or anything like that.
My brother on the other hand, oh my god.
Waking his ass up.
Hey, you awake?
Oh.
Yeah.
The same way I don't want to be up at all.
I want to be like in a hyperbolic time chamber,
just sleeping forever.
Like I call my brother and it's like, hey,
have you gotten up yet?
He's like, oh, you're already at work?
Fuck.
Yeah, nobody generally likes to get up early, though.
That's why the whole time shift and everything
like that for the daylight savings time,
then you get rid of it.
Just leave it at one time.
Yeah.
Yeah, we see all those videos like, if you
want to be a successful millionaire, you got to be 5 AM.
5 AM for what?
And then it'll do nothing.
5 AM for fucking what?
Or I'll see like Mark Wahlberg's like a whole day schedule.
I'm like, 3 AM shower.
Just 4 AM gym.
6 AM breakfast.
7 AM family time.
8 AM gym again.
9 AM.
And then you just crash it.
That's all a lie.
He just fucking falls asleep at like 2 in the afternoon.
And on top of that, the only reason
he can do that kind of a day is because he's rich.
Yeah, it's the luck of the rich people.
You don't have to get it.
See, I'll say this.
Acting is a job, but it's not a physical stressing job.
What about Jackie Chan?
That man was going through his own career.
Jackie Chan's Asian, so he always overachieves.
That's different.
I want to overachieve.
You're not Asian, sir.
I'm part Asian.
I can't find what I want to.
I know exactly what you were going to go for.
Everybody's dead.
Don't it is one of those everybody understands the joke?
Yeah.
Well, that's it for the Urban Dictionary.
That's it?
That's it.
Forever.
I'll burn this house down now.
All righty.
Moving on to our breakdown, then.
This is one by request.
Like, god dang demand.
Demand.
The title's a picture of your house.
Like, oh, fuck.
The title is Miss Caretaker of a Sunahara House.
OK.
All righty, so 12 episodes, not very long.
Can't remember if there's a new season or not.
Made it through the first 12 episodes
and had a bunch of other things to watch, too.
So tried to watch a bunch of things with the full time job.
Oh my god.
But regardless, each episode has like three mini parts.
So it's broken into three little sections
for 20 minutes of an episode.
First one is titled Spring Breeze, Arrival in Tokyo,
and Miss Caretaker.
So we have Aki Shina, who is often
teased for his femininity, moves to Tokyo
to enroll in a new school and reaffirm his male identity.
Because he's a little guy.
Does look pretty effeminate.
Got to get that alpha training for 18 grand.
So on his way to the Sunahara So lodging house,
however, people he passes all mistake him for being a girl,
including the liquor store proprietor, Nishiki.
Because he's like, hey, I'm looking for the Sunahara House.
Where would that be?
And she's like, oh, down there.
What a cute little girl.
What does he look like?
I mean, Jesus.
We all assume that he's just a girl.
Everybody's expecting this.
He's on his way down there.
And he's like, yes, I'm finally going to be able to be a man.
And he goes down there, and it's all sunny and everything.
But right before he gets there, he just
starts pouring down right in.
Let's see here.
Try to show you a picture.
That's the little guy.
Huh.
It does kind of look like a woman.
Yeah, like a little girl.
Yeah.
How old is he?
Like 45?
Middle school, I think, is what he's almost.
But he's got the haircut of a little girl.
Yeah, but that might be not the best choices
if you're trying to look like a man.
So Sunahara So's proprietor, Ayaka Sunahara.
So it's a woman named Ayaka.
She also mistakes him for a girl, not really realizing
her mistake until taking him to the bath.
Right, to get changed.
I'm a boy.
His dick just flops out.
She's like, oh.
You get so embarrassed, he passes out.
Because she's got her big boobs all over his neck and shit.
What's the show called?
Miscare Ticker.
She takes it like he wakes up after he passes out.
He wakes up in his own bed after that.
And he's like, oh, how did I get in here?
Oh, fucking my dress.
It was like, she dressed him.
And she comes in there after.
She's like, oh, it's just the right size for your age.
Because you're already embarrassed and shit.
Aki develops a crush on her, though.
And wishes that she would treat him more like a man.
So during the second half of the episode,
he's trying to do all these different things to try to help
her out and fucks everyone up.
So they just chop a wood and shit.
Like laundry and shit.
Or he's like, oh, I'll wipe up the floor for you.
And he goes and runs towards her.
And he just slips on his ass.
She's like, oh, there's wax on the floors.
Just random little things.
Because if I didn't mention it already,
but this anime, Miss Caretaker of Sinohara,
it's a comedy slice of life anime.
So you're not going to have the big fights of any kind of not
radical or anything.
It's not that style.
It's mostly comedy.
There's no basement with an alien living
underneath the house or something?
No.
No, there's none of that.
Episode 2 is called Special Training, Snip Snip,
and Something Scary.
Snip Snip?
I didn't like the sound of that.
So a month after his arrival, Aki will do a three-legged race
with Ayaka at the upcoming sports day.
So they practice including teamwork exercises
like bathing together.
But being together so much makes Aki too exhausted for the race
the next day.
Because they've done everything together.
Bathe together?
Yes.
How is that team building?
They're trying to get their breathing together
according to Ayaka.
Kind of lying bullshit.
I think she's a little bit of a what?
I'll put it this way.
She's a ditz.
She's not very bright to begin with.
Everything that she does, she's like, ah.
Just gone.
The big boob ditz is what she is basically.
All right.
So later that day, Ayaka impresses Aki and Sameer
by removing a spider and asks Aki to go shopping with her.
Because they're in this room with this spider.
And of course, the girls are scared because he's
in an all-girls dormitory.
Or like, man, they're just living the life, huh?
Yeah, but they all assumed that he was a girl when
he first got there.
Oh, well, fuck.
Yeah.
So the spider, it's like on one of them,
he's like, this girl, she's like, I don't like spiders
or any kind of bugs, really.
He's like, well, do you think I like bugs?
Sure.
I hate spiders too.
So that's what he was saying.
He's like, then this one girl, she
tries to kill the spider because she's
got like an obsession with the little girl.
And it just lands on her face and makes her pass out.
It's like, the spider got her too.
Like, my god.
And then Hayaka comes in and she just dips,
walk it in, and it lands on her boobs.
And she looks like it just crazed it
and takes it outside.
Jesus.
So after that, she takes Aki shopping with her.
He's unsure what to wear, so the girls make him wear a dress.
How the hell you wait?
I don't know what to wear.
It's the first idea.
Weird.
Yuzu, impressed with Aki handling the spider,
tells Aki to figure out Ayaka's weakness
by watching her reactions at a horror movie.
But the film scares Aki instead.
Doesn't even scare the dits.
Ayaka reveals that she had concealed
being scared for Aki's sake.
She makes him sleep in her bed, saying
she cannot fall asleep alone.
And of course, because he's not like a, he's had a crush on her,
but he can't like bring himself to ever try anything
whether he just like, he just turns real red
and starts like getting real nervous.
Unrequited love.
Yes.
Episode 3 is called Senpai, Change of Clothes, and A Boy.
Senpai?
What does it say, like three episodes at a time?
That's what I was saying.
It's three parts to every episode.
Oh, OK, OK.
Every episode has three parts.
Why not just make every episode?
Because since it's a comedy anime,
they're not trying to.
It's not long enough to get the whole thing?
Yeah.
So Yuzu reads and advises Aki to read along with her
over her shoulder a manga, but eventually leaves embarrassed
over the body contact.
Because she's basically, she's like, come here.
If you want to read the manga with me, sit beside me over here.
And he's like, OK.
And they're separating, like separating,
so far apart because he doesn't know what to do.
She's like, OK, fine.
I'll sit beside you then.
So she moves beside him.
He's like, that's not going to work either.
Because she's got like one of those like assertive
personalities for a little girl.
Yeah.
And she's like, I can't read this way either.
So she sits with him sitting behind her.
Right.
And then as they're reading the manga together,
the page comes up where there's the same scene in the manga
of a guy that's leaning over her.
He says something into it.
Aki says something into her ear.
And she's like, I can run out of the room
because she's embarrassed.
Because she's like, oh my god, now he's going to think that.
I was wanting him to sit this way because of the manga.
So later, Samir jealously tries to warn
why Yuzu talks about Aki so often
and then come closer while studying.
Later, Samir locks herself up in the room,
upset over having taken Yuzu onto a roller coaster
that she was too short to ride.
I'm too short to ride all the rides?
Yeah, that's true.
Hehehehehehe.
The girls want Aki to cheer up.
He hesitates over entering a girl's bedroom.
So they make him cross-race.
What the fuck?
You have like the cross-dressing elements of this show.
Because since he looks so much like a girl,
they're trying to always put him in a dress.
I was like, no, thank you.
Constantly tried to put him into a dress.
Later, Yuri makes Aki model women's clothes
she made for him under the pretense
that only he is the right size.
Because he's living in an all-girls space.
So he's like, because he told her,
she said, I need your help, Aki.
And he's like, I will do whatever.
I will prove I am a man.
And then the scene cuts to him wearing a dress?
Yes.
Because right before that, he's like,
and a man never goes back on their word.
Sometimes you gotta break a promise.
Reminds me of that one live action one
where it's like living in a, what is it?
A boy love universe.
That one's fucking hilarious.
I just haven't been able to see it.
It is funny though.
I wanna watch it.
Where he doesn't wanna be part of a boy's love.
Yeah, he's like the only straight guy
in the entire fucking universe.
That boy you love.
He's fucking into two words like, oh.
He's like 100% aware of that fact.
He's having to break eye contact and shit.
I wonder what was it called?
Fuck, I gotta find it.
I have to watch it.
I'll send it to you because I've got the app
that it's on, on my Fire TV.
So I'll send it to you later.
Fire TV, damn.
No Fire TV stick?
Oh.
$25.
Well, YouTube it is.
All right, so despite protesting,
he poses for pictures in the outfits
until Yuri demands a bikini picture
and he just barely avoids being seen cross-dressing
by Ayaka.
What would you care for?
At this point, they've seen him get dressed
and everyone's dressed in the whole goddamn house.
They didn't wanna be in a bikini though.
Oh, well that's where he draws the line, huh?
The bikini's where that's where.
He was in a bunny girl costume.
Jesus Christ.
So as a sign of togetherness,
Yuri puts one of the pictures next to a photo
with the other residents.
So that way, like on her desk, she's like,
now we can all be a family
after she made him take a picture in a maid outfit.
All right, episode four is called
Start of the Rainy Season, Weddings and Lap Pillow.
Lap Pillow, I don't know what the sound of that.
You know what a lap pillow is, all right?
No.
You know, whenever, it's always in like,
animes in Japanese where the woman's on their,
like sitting on their knees.
Underneath the pillow?
No, and they're laying the guy's head on their knees
or legs.
It's a lap pillow.
Be very uncomfortable position for a really long time
for a woman to sit like that, but.
They got muscles for days.
That's why they have the butts, huh?
Yeah.
Just sit on the pillow.
Basically.
So the Sunahara, so residents,
discuss how they want their marriages to be,
but Ayaka is happy with her current lifestyle.
Being a single woman.
I'm a single female lawyer.
I don't need no man.
Aki fantasizes about marrying her
and reading that men who cook are popular with women
helps with dinner.
Time to start cooking then.
Yuzu calls him a better girl than she is.
Later, she tells Aki that she is insecure
over her breast size,
because she's got small boobs.
I'm like, girl, it don't matter.
It's all good.
She feels better after seeing Ayaka's old swimsuit,
realizing that Ayaka's breasts were once smaller too.
Even though now she's got a fucking gigantic.
Later, Aki and Ayaki repair the roof
before the rainy season.
Aki and Ayaki?
Aki and Ayaka.
Sorry, how?
Ayaka.
I keep saying that.
The names are close, okay?
Yeah, that's what I was like, huh?
It sounds familiar.
Aki and Ayaka.
Ayaka is the woman.
But the latter falls and they're stuck
while it rains on the roof.
Until the girls come home and help them.
Jesus, just up there while it's raining?
Yeah.
Aki wants to bathe, but.
You know there was this commercial
that made no fucking sense.
And it was like all these Japanese men on a roof
with all these stuff happening,
like rain and hail.
And they were all just,
they would just hold onto each other,
like, hold on, we gotta just hold on.
And it turned out that they were all tiles
on the roof of this house.
Oh yeah, I know that one.
You see one of them go fly it off
and they're like, no!
Cause they're in the like, fire or something.
Yeah, I was like, God, they're going through it!
And then super, super cold and they're just freezing.
They're all freezing to death
and they're just, they all survive
and somehow together.
Yeah.
And it's like, cause you're trying to figure out,
what the fuck is this about?
Yeah, I was like, I was like, what is going on?
And then at the end it's like, oh, it's tile.
He hit roof tile.
I just love that they're just holding hands
and screaming like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
It's year after year.
They just like, something like,
they're like starting to like, have like a crisis.
Like, I can't do this anymore.
And like, it's okay, we're gonna make it.
Don't you worry.
Like, you're all trying to convince.
And they're all identical.
Oh God, that was a good one.
It was like a, a movie, yeah.
It's just a commercial though.
All right, so Aki wants to bathe,
but Yuzo, Yuri and Sumire do so first
after winning rock, paper, scissors against him.
So he doesn't even get to take a bath first.
Well, be all right.
Surprisingly, they didn't try to join him.
So episode five is called Watermelon Teacher and Drunk.
So Aki bathes with Ayaka.
Well, Yuri secretly photographs them.
Why?
Yeah, Yuri later tricks him into believing
that she is photographing spirits,
but turns out to secretly have been photographing Yuzu
and telling the picture,
and selling the pictures to Sumire.
What the fuck?
Ayaka helps everyone with their summer homework.
Nishiki, which is the liquor store owner,
she delivers her creative beverages to Sinohara.
So, Ayaka and Aki open juice bottles
to celebrate finishing Aki's homework.
Yay.
Ayaka accidentally drinks an alcoholic beverage
and drunkenly kisses and hugs the residents.
So she just goes around with all fucked up.
Lassie.
It's like she's just pushing their faces
into their boobies.
How old is she?
I think she was in her 20s, if I believe.
So what is this like little location again?
Like it's like an actual dormitory?
They all go to school together?
They go to school together.
I think they can, it's got different names.
It's not just dormitory,
but it's like a house that has multiple residents
living in it.
So it's not a very big house or anything like that.
And they never question the fact
that there's a boy now living with them?
No, they know that it is.
Like they know that, but they never had a group meeting.
Like, okay, so how are they supposed to be allowed
to be here?
No, because it's like he looks so much like a girl
that they don't really care.
Oh fuck.
They're fine with it.
It's no like actual logical steps.
Yeah, because they're all around the same age as him.
Okay.
And they're part of the student council, I think.
Yeah, yeah, student council.
I was trying to remember what positions they had.
But yeah.
So she gets fucked up.
It just starts basically groping off,
just shoving their faces into their boobs and shit.
So she's in her 20s, was she also a school student?
Like a college school girl or what?
No, she ran the house.
Oh, okay.
Like she was the owner of, the proprietor of the house.
She's the actual landlord.
Yeah.
Okay.
Episode six is called JK, High School Girl.
JK.
It's swimsuits and summer break.
So Aki enters his room
and is met by a woman who is changing clothes.
She turns out to be Ayaka's sister, Nana.
Nana?
Who teases Aki by proposing to undress,
by proposing to undress for him,
calling him feminine
and trying to check if he really has a penis.
What the fuck is going on in this fucking whole house?
I told you.
And we just did everything.
Yes, I am a guy.
Nana stays over the summer
and they become closer after sharing a bed
and playing video games together.
Aw.
At the public swimming pool,
Nana's friends, Maiko and Mei,
spend the day flirting with Aki while calling him feminine.
He just constantly gets roasted.
Fucking thing.
Sounds like he's fucking tearing his self-esteem.
Then Nana challenges Ayaka to a swimming competition
where the winner gets to do anything
that they want with Aki.
Wait, what has he been put in for?
Because he's like, ah!
As they are equally fast,
the pool closes before a winner is determined.
Jesus.
Because you got one that's got like floatation.
Which you never really have to swim underwater.
And the other one is like fast as hell.
Yeah, pretty much.
Episode seven is called Ghost, Homework and Massage.
Aki and Yuzu watch a television show about ghosts.
And Aki teases Yuzu about being scared
until Nana scares him by sneaking up on them later.
Say, ha ha, you're scared of ghosts.
Then she scares the shit out of him.
Later, Nana organizes a test of stamina
between herself and Yuzu,
where the loser has to store Nana's gym equipment
in their room.
What's supposed to be like shit or something?
Like just a stale sweat.
Gym equipment.
Yeah, just that must be fucking rough.
So Aki, Samir, and Yuri are the judges.
But Samir keeps declaring Yuzu the winner
due to finding her attractive.
Because this is the, because,
Samir is basically obsessed with Yuzu.
Because she says that she's cute.
Like she's into like cute, cuddly things.
And she's obsessed with this girl because she's cute.
Like she's little.
And she almost thinks of her as a stuffed animal type thing.
She gets nosebleeds from just looking at her.
So they'll petify.
But they're both kids.
Okay, okay.
One I think is like towards the high school end.
But still, not like into like, not senior,
but like freshmen.
Because they're in middle school.
So don't ask questions.
I gots to.
I'm probably gonna call a cop today.
Eventually Ayaka lets them keep the equipment
in the storage room.
When Ayaka and Aki do garden work,
Aki is embarrassed after seeing Ayaka's shirt
get wet and transparent.
She's got those big boobs.
Jesus.
He wants to help more and Uri suggests giving a massage.
He eventually does.
After practicing on Samir.
Nana's friends visit to get help with their summer homework.
During the break, the girls play the king game
and end up kissing each other.
A lot of fan service in this.
A lot of fan service.
I told you, I told you before we started.
A lot of fan service.
Episode eight is called Ear Cleaning,
Lost Child and Fireworks.
Ayaka cleans Nana's and the resident's ears.
Can't do it themselves?
Aki falls asleep while Ayaka cleans his.
And the girls tease him about it
until it is revealed that they fell asleep too.
Wait, how did they not know?
What?
How long did it take to clean some of the ears
that they fucking fall asleep?
Where they just spin them a little thing,
cleaning the outside of your ear.
With your head laying down on their lap.
Oh, don't know about that, but okay.
Yeah, cultural thing.
But I guess so.
Later, Nana puts on a yukata
because of the fireworks festival later that night
and helps Ayaka find one of her size
because it's hard to find one
when she's got some big ass boobs.
At the festival, Ayaka, Nana and Maiko,
May and Aki walk together playing festival games.
After the others tease him,
Aki leaves the group and gets lost.
Ayaka finds him and the group watches the fireworks together.
Nana returns home as school will begin for her again,
but continues to visit during the weekends.
So this is after the summer break.
Okay.
Episode nine, sweet potato, nursing and poster girl.
Sweet potatoes.
God, I don't like sweet potatoes.
They taste too close to yams, don't they?
I don't like yams either.
Exactly.
So Aki and Ayaka help Nishiki
with her liquor store's Oktoberfest celebration.
Oktoberfest.
Nishiki only has women's uniforms,
so Aki has to wear a dress.
Why?
Working at the liquor store.
Don't understand this continual running gag
of him being dressed up as a woman.
Yes.
She offers to make him the store's poster girl
because of how pretty he is.
Oh God.
Later, Nana visits and ends up making Ayaka insecure
over her body by talking about weight gain.
He needs to like, put on some weight there.
Are you fat pieces?
It's just a binge.
But she thinks she's gaining weight, obviously.
Ayaka exercises the entire night and catches a cold.
Out there running and shit.
Jesus.
Because she thinks she's getting fat, obviously.
Reminds me of the show, the movie Mallrats.
Yeah.
Where this girl was gonna be on a talk show
and someone made a comment that it adds like 15 pounds
when you go on TV.
So she ended up doing laps in the pool all night
until she had a brain aurasm and died.
Hmm.
I'm like, God dang.
Same type of thing.
Aki takes care of her while she rests.
Anne has to embarrassly wipe sweat from her naked body.
Hmm.
After she gets better, she promises to return the favor
if he gets sick.
But of course that makes him flush and almost pass out.
He gets a fever.
It's like, I'm sick now.
Episode 10 is called Costume, Penguins and Pretend Sisters.
So Nishiki visits Ayaka and gives her two tickets
to the aquarium.
Later, Aki meets her sister and says,
Aki meets Nana, Maiko and May in town
and they go to a karaoke bar together.
Maiko and May bring him into a photo booth
and take a picture of themselves kissing him on each side.
Aw.
At Sunahara, Nishiki and Ayaka having spent
the afternoon drinking, drunkenly cuddling kiss.
Again, a lot of fan service.
Yeah.
When the student council comes by, or when they come home,
they make them join.
Another day, Ayaka and Aki go to the aquarium
and watch penguins together.
Later, the student council takes turns role playing
as each other's and Aki's older sister
while Aki tries to avoid mentioning
that he has his own sister.
Is that a sister?
And she used to dress him up too.
Watch him be butch as hell.
I don't think it's a boy.
It's like, that's a baby.
Yeah, she used to dress him up too though, so.
It seems like everyone dresses him up.
And he's like, ah, and he's so little he can't see.
Cause they're all bigger than he is.
Episode 11 is called Invasion,
Sickly Sweet and Hospitality.
So Aki's older sister, Matsuri, arrives at Sunahara,
making him wear women's clothing
while calling him she and sister.
That bitch.
Yeah.
She intends to make him live with her against his wishes
cause he had moved to the Sunahara house,
basically to move away from everything,
like the people making fun of him for being a girl.
And one thing, but when you dress him up
as a woman, I mean, I guess as well.
And then that happens again.
Jesus.
But Ayaka intervenes and Matsuri agrees to let Aki stay
if Ayaka shows that she can take good care of him.
Ayaka impresses Matsuri with her cooking and care
and by bathing with her.
And Matsuri silently accepts Ayaka's abilities.
Later, Matsuri separates from Aki.
She separates Aki from Ayaka to take Aki home.
It's like a tongue twister.
Yeah, it was like, what the?
So basically his sister takes him away from the caretaker
to try to take him back home again after all this.
Well, where's his parents?
I think they're dead.
Oh.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's ever specifically stated
with his parents.
Right.
She gets lost and twists her ankle.
So Aki carries her back to Sunahara.
With his fucking four foot eight frame?
Yes.
92 pounds?
Accepting that Aki will stay,
Matsuri transfers to a nearby school
and continues making him cross-dress.
Jesus.
I don't know what it is with the cross-dressing.
Yeah, I don't know what this writer's obsession is.
And last episode of this is a heated table,
yours end in Santa Claus.
So Yuzu learns that Aki still believes in Santa Claus.
Cause he's like, I still believe in Santa Claus, Santa.
And does not want to let him down.
During Christmas celebrations,
Nana wants Aki to wear a feminine Santa outfit.
Jeez, here we go again.
And Nishiki wants him to be a shrine maiden
for her store for New Year's.
It's a two different office that he can choose from.
To ensure that Aki does not stay awake
and realizes Santa is not visiting,
Yuzu stays in his room for the night.
In the evening, Matsuri visits to give Aki
a Christmas present with the Yaka's help, half asleep.
Aki mistakes a Yaka for Santa.
While cleaning the house later,
the student council searches Aki's room
for pornographic magazines.
They find a men's fitness magazine
and assume despite his protests,
that he is attracted to men.
Cause he's doing it, he's got a men's fitness
cause he wants to get bigger.
Yeah.
And I think he's into men.
So why are they looking to go into his room?
Cause they were looking for porno men.
But why?
I don't understand that part.
Cause I think one of them mistake what he had as a porno.
Oh.
So the residents spend New Year's,
New Year's Eve together and visit a shrine the next day
where Aki wishes to be manlier and get closer to a Yaka.
Well, he has that growth spur, but he'll be all right.
I still think he's gay.
So now the cross-dressing man think he's gay.
Well, geez.
Like dance.
Throw him to the ringer, huh?
Little man, can't you breathe?
No kidding.
Well, yeah, those 12 episodes of
Miss Caretaker of Sunahara.
Yep.
Like I said, if you're into comedy, Slice of Life.
Big titties.
Big titties, big titties.
If you're into big titties.
Cross-dressing.
Cross-dressing, yes, yes, yes.
Fan service of all kinds.
Yagging.
Start going to a list of all the fetishes.
If you're into fetishes, you know, food play.
Just randomly.
Like I said, if you're into any of those styles of anime,
mostly Slice of Life comedy,
you'll probably like it.
Animal Crossing.
But that is all I've got for this week on The Breakdown.
Ready for some Reddit?
Yes.
Alrighty.
First one is by Doobie Tiger.
Doobie.
Doobie a tiger.
That's what I'm gonna say if I ever get killed by a tiger.
Doobie Tiger.
Doobie a tiger.
I can't hold it.
This person puts,
I've been with my boyfriend for over two years now.
I first noticed he didn't have good personal hygiene.
A 19 year old man.
I first noticed he didn't have good personal hygiene
before we even got together.
The smegma must be wild on him.
I noticed he smelled sometimes.
He is the loveliest guy and has the sweetest heart
so I could see past the bad sweat.
After a few months of being together,
I noticed it was much more.
For example, his oral hygiene is awful.
He barely brushes his teeth,
only whenever I remind him to do so.
He says he does, but the plaque and state of his teeth
say otherwise.
Jesus.
I always brush my teeth now.
Yeah.
No cavities baby.
I don't even go to the dentist,
but I make sure I brush my teeth daily.
If not three times a day, it depends.
Like on what you're eating and shit like that.
I always brush my teeth before bed.
Like coffee coming out of asshole.
You gotta brush your teeth.
He does some shit coffee.
Yes.
Also, this one affects me the most,
but he doesn't wipe his butt properly.
What the fuck?
I don't understand how these men can get women
when they're like absolute fucking just unkempt
and ungroomed and go figure.
Women are crazy.
I get to look past all his violent tendencies
and oral hygiene.
I'm like, come on girl.
It's like girl, you're playing it yourself.
Yeah.
So he doesn't wipe his butt properly slash at all.
It'd be like the guy that, the chicks that date a guy,
he's got no job, always at home,
and he's always giving him money.
I'm like, come on now.
You know, I would probably fuck him bum out of the house.
The offspring made a song about that.
Where it's, why don't you get a job?
Exactly.
All right, so properly slash at all
after going to the loo.
I tried to forget about it.
England, huh?
Or somewhere of an English.
Yeah.
The loo, it's very English.
I tried to forget about it the first couple of times.
And put it in, never forget his fucking shit states.
Come on girl, come on.
And put it to an accident.
He used to dirty my sheets when he slept over.
I would've fucking thrown him out and the sheets.
It was like, ugh.
It's like, what the fuck?
What do you, why do you put up with this shit?
I don't know.
That's weird.
Weird to me anyway.
Weird, yeah, it's weird to everybody.
Which?
He cannot be that desperate.
He cannot be that good looking.
Now you can put up with some disgusting habits.
Even Johnny Depp got tired of Amber Heard.
And she's like statistically
the most beautiful person in the world.
He's like, nah.
He took a shit on my pillowcase.
Ain't no coming back from that.
So he used to dirty my sheets
whenever he slept over at my house.
But then it started to get worse
when I'd have to wash my sheets pretty much every week,
which was expensive for me as a student.
I talked to him about this crying and he said,
crying, I'm gonna mention you,
wash your fucking ass.
That means he doesn't even take a fucking shower.
No kidding.
And said how it affects me
and how he needs to sort it out ASAP.
This was five months into our relationship
whenever I said this.
Five months.
It should have been a week in your relationship.
We were over two years now and he still doesn't.
He's still with him?
She's still with him?
I have had this months into our relationship
whenever I said this.
We are over two years now and he still does this.
Blah, blah, blah.
Oh, sorry.
I have had this conversation with him
so many times I can't count.
He says he will change it and that he is trying.
To be honest, I have seen some improvement
from what it used to be like.
And he's trying.
Like it's a hurdle.
Hard to clean your fucking asshole.
Yes.
Like it's somehow like a hindrance to his lifestyle.
Here's where it gets a little worse.
FYI, he is a large guy.
Okay.
So he's a fat guy too.
What, he can't reach his butt hole?
Maybe not.
So I can understand it may be difficult
to reach around there.
Oh my God.
Don't you fucking try to justify his bullshit.
He better wipe his ass.
Like a fucking shower.
Yeah, fucking,
spread your butt cheeks in the shower head
and just fucking wipe your,
I don't give a fuck what you gotta do.
But being fat, that is my biggest fear in life.
It's stinking like that.
I don't ever,
that's fucking weird.
Cold, we're doing fuck.
Oh.
But it's been too long.
I reckon if he lost some weight, it would help.
To do a 600 pounds?
It's fat moments.
Lost some weight.
He has been trying to lose weight for the past eight months,
but I'm not really seeing any change there either.
I'm assuming because his diet hasn't changed.
Well, fuck no shit, Sherlock.
Here's why I'm so upset about it, right?
Like I'm currently single
and I would not date any time soon
until I have a huge amount of medical stuff
I gotta take care of.
So I would not put anyone through my bullshit.
But you fixed yourself first.
Right, but it's just the guys,
he's like, oh, okay.
You nasty motherfucker.
I've been trying to support him through this too.
I'd really appreciate some help
with how I can get some change.
I'll support him too.
You know that video shit
where the guy getting whipped with a belt?
Yeah.
That's to help him, I give him.
Maybe I'm not saying the right thing.
It's like he doesn't care about it enough to stop this.
It's as though he is comfortable being gross.
I don't understand.
I don't understand why you're dating him.
Exactly, you've been with the motherfucker for two years.
The hell did you think was gonna happen?
Usually men get worse as they date longer.
He started worse at the beginning.
Right.
He stayed the same.
At least he's consistent.
He showed you who he was to begin with.
Why are you bitching now?
Yeah, your fucking sheets are fucking ruined.
And if he's a big dude and leaving shit stains,
oh my God, this shit smell like meers.
They smell like fucking craters.
Jesus Christ.
They smell like ass, like ripe ass.
Nobody wants that.
Never settle.
When you feel like you can't find somebody,
don't just settle for anybody.
Like obviously, red flags are there for a reason.
Well, I was gonna say, there's some people
that do have like extremely high standards
that are just fucking crazy.
I get that.
But there's...
Yeah, like I wanna marry Ryan Gosling.
I know it's never gonna happen.
But a man can dream.
But like, oh, that girl has some self respect.
Yeah, Jesus.
They're doing the same shit.
Like that self respect.
You wake up and your pillowcase is just fucking smeared
and shit.
Come on.
Huh, you get that.
Hey Alan, why don't we wipe his ass for him at this point?
Do it for him at this point.
Yeah, or have him wear a diaper to bed.
It's like no pussy for you.
Oh, that's bad.
All right, next one is by...
I feel like we've heard the shit stains on the floor,
on the bed before.
Like this is like a common occurrence with...
I know.
It's scary.
Although to be fair, if you're only watching...
You're not wearing underwear?
That's what I'm wondering about.
Probably not.
It's so fucking foul.
It just seeps through.
You just can squeeze through the underwear?
Oh God.
But on top of that, girl,
you should be washing your sheets every fucking week.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Well, I mean, she's a college girl,
so she probably doesn't have as much time and money
to constantly...
Yeah, but laundromats aren't that expensive.
Hey man, I'm just...
I get it if you don't have the time to do it.
Okay, that's fine.
You know, fair.
But when you got a dude that's shitting on him,
I like her waiting a week to wash those sheets.
She's doing the best she can.
So I mean, she's going back to bed the next night,
laying in the streets.
Unless she has like multiple bed sheets
and she's changing them out,
is what I'm hoping.
That's not what she could.
Well, that's what I'm assuming.
He used to dirty my sheets
whenever he slept over at my house.
Unless he didn't sleep over that often,
so she would wash them the day after.
That'd make more sense.
Let's hope.
But she's been with him for two years.
So that dormitory, her fucking room must be pissed.
Her dorm just smells like ass.
Yeah, like actual literal filthy ass.
All right, next one is by Flight.
Look at, I stopped at that one.
I'm at it.
This person fits.
So I'm a young guy and I was recently
at one of my friend's weddings.
There was a lot of people there
and we were having a pretty good time.
During the night at the reception,
I happened to meet a girl at my table.
We were talking, having drinks together
and getting to know each other.
As the night was going on,
the thought of going back to a hotel room came up,
but I didn't really wanna leave too far away from the party.
So I brought up just going to my car and then coming back.
I do quite the gentleman.
When I said this to her face, she got pretty annoyed
and said that she wouldn't feel comfortable in the car.
And that was a wrong,
that I was wrong for suggesting that at a wedding.
Everything basically fell apart from that point.
We ended up having to leave each other alone
the rest of the night.
I definitely feel like I fucked up there for sure.
No, you don't say.
You don't think so?
You think you fucked up horribly.
Wanna fuck in the closet?
I'm surprised you didn't offer that.
That's what I was thinking too.
Like, what about the bathroom stall?
What about from the window to the wall?
With the sweat off on my balls.
Skis, skis, skis, skis.
All right, next one is by ExtraRate8552.
This person puts,
a few months ago,
I was in the young psych ward due to depression.
Oh.
I met a girl who would always listen
and be super nice to me,
but also tell me unsettling things
like having abused animals in her childhood.
That would offset everything immediately.
I like to drown puppies.
Being able to turn her empathy off,
wanting to kill her parents and stuff like that.
Jesus Christ, that would be fucking terrifying.
I was bored and suicidal.
Thrilled by this unique friendship
and thinking nothing of it since we were locked in.
No, I'm trying to fucking drown you in your sleep.
However, soon after my release,
she successfully contested her court order.
Oh fuck.
It was discharged against medical advice.
Shit.
And she knew where I lived.
We continued to text after that.
I don't know if you fucking text her.
I realized I was the only person
that she could confide in,
and I felt bad for her.
No, don't feel bad for her.
She would tell me about how bad she was doing
about her suicidal thoughts.
Until one day, she sent a voicemail
telling me that she was planning a whole rampage
to kill all the people that had wronged her.
Well, you need to call the police immediately.
Alarmed, I went to the police.
Thank you.
A sane person on Reddit.
Who questioned me, paid her a visit.
They called me and said that they didn't think
that she was a danger at all.
Fuck them, they're just gonna kill me now.
For saddling.
Yeah.
It was probably just angry when saying that.
Probably just, what do you mean probably just angry?
She was probably just angry when saying that.
I thought it sounded like, it was probably just angry.
I'm like, what's it?
It.
Naturally, she concluded that it was me
who had betrayed her.
Fuck.
But I tried my best to convince her
that it had probably been my parents
who had checked my phone and reported it,
and that she was at least pretended to believe me.
Fast forward to today.
I suddenly noticed a photo
that she had sent without any context.
When I clicked on it, my jaw dropped.
It showed her posing with bloody hands and face,
a lighter in her hand,
and a burning stove in the background.
I concluded the worst and went to the police ASAP.
After further questioning,
they told me that they had already known about it,
and that she had caused a decent fire
in an apartment block,
and smashed some windows after a fight with her parents.
Fortunately, no one besides her was hurt.
They thanked me for providing them with further proof
and told me that she would probably go back to the psych ward.
When I left the interview room,
I honestly couldn't believe my eyes whenever I saw her
sitting in the hallway, looking at the floor.
I didn't believe my jaw.
It hurt!
Our gaze met, and I think we were equally shocked.
Uh-oh.
Before I quickly walked away,
I jumped through the window.
It got the fuck out of me.
I feel like I'm in double trouble, or deep trouble.
Double trouble?
Yeah, you're in double trouble.
She fucking fights you and kills you.
Eventually, she will be released again.
Yeah.
And there's no denying now that I snitched on her.
I have no trust in the judicial system.
I don't consider that snitching
if it's fucking life and limb.
Yeah.
I have no trust in the judicial system's judgment anymore.
The police told me she might be a danger to me,
but she'll be locked up for a while now.
And if the smallest things happens,
I can just call 911.
Yeah, you imagine, like,
this is why people are always like,
oh, don't mess with these people, don't mess with you.
Imagine having somebody on their hunt list
with your name on it, right?
Yeah.
And like, every time you go to the movies,
you go to the grocery store, you sleep at night,
you gotta lock your house down,
you gotta wait, like, is this the night?
And like, you'll forget about it, right?
Because people that don't-
Generally forget about things
that haven't affected you in a while.
Yeah, so you're a little lax in your fucking judgment,
like, oh, take it quickly.
Like, you know, did I remember to lock the back door?
I'll be all wrecked.
And you wake up, your house fucking burning down.
Or she's standing over you in the,
or she's like, she's squatted down on one of the,
when you dress her, right?
With just her beady red eyes.
She's looking at you like, uh-oh.
So this is your sign to not stay in touch
with the suspect's psych ward friend,
because that story might not end well,
but I hope mine does.
Well, you better hope you got a nine millimeter
and a carry at all times.
Better make sure you live in Texas
or a free, an open carry state.
Jesus, man.
Where you just go get a gun anytime you need it.
Because for you, right,
you're just living your regular life.
For them, that's the only thought.
They're only gonna think,
and mostly if she's already in a psych ward,
she's locked up, she's already got a fucking list.
Fuck.
No, you're gonna be on it.
You'll be number one.
You got moved up, you got jumped above everybody.
You were on her friend list,
which was her and her imaginary,
you and her imaginary friend.
And she moved the imaginary friend to the kill list,
and now you two.
You're both on it?
You're like, fuck.
All right, next one is by Turbox39, person puts.
I have been in the process of applying
for a new job within my company.
That'd be a huge jump in my career.
I was selected yesterday as the lucky candidate
and have since been negotiating the salary.
This morning, I showed up early to work
for some things I wanted to get done ASAP,
two to three hours in.
I wrapped up with my high priority items
and was clearing my emails.
So, like any reasonable human,
any reasonable human being,
I whip up my phone to spin the poke stop
that is at my office building to see what's around.
While I'm doing this,
the CEO of the company that owns my company,
who unknowingly to me was visiting our office today,
comes up to me as he knows I am being promoted
to run a new branch we are opening.
I put my phone down,
and the moment he came up to my,
the moment that he came up to my side,
I can't see who was coming up behind my desk.
I see, sorry, that's worded weird.
I can't see who's coming up behind me
as my desk faces out a nice window,
but there is no real hiding it
no matter how quick I put my phone down.
Long story short, my boss pulled me into his office
about an hour later and had me spoken with,
and he had spoken with the president of our company,
my boss, the hiring manager about it already.
My boss told me that he couldn't say
whether or not it would affect me
getting the position or not though.
And I can't catch him all?
Fingers and toes crossed for me.
I'm looking forward to a 70% pay bump.
Be on your very best behavior
when expecting a promotion, kids.
Shit, 70%, man.
All that to almost a double pay increase.
Almost to catch a fucking bullshit Pokemon?
Yeah.
Got that.
At the Poke stop.
Got that.
Next one is by Pogod.
So that one?
Yeah, P-O-G-G-O-D.
All good.
This person puts, earlier today,
I smoked a little too much weed
and was half freaking out.
I needed something to mindlessly focus on
and it was about, and it was our first
70 degree day of the year, so I said, fuck it.
I'm gonna mow the lawn.
Good idea.
Now I have a push mower,
but the self propulsion doesn't work anymore.
So you have to push the thing the whole time.
It's heavy as fuck and actually a damn good workout.
Jesus Christ.
I also have noise canceling headphones I wear while I mow.
That, at full volume, almost completely
drone out the noise of the mower.
Yes, it actually does.
If you use noise canceling headphones,
drones out that mower quite a bit.
I'm too insane for that.
There's a sniper out there, I guarantee it.
Keep my head on a swivel.
So I throw some Hans Zimmer on a full blast
and start mowing.
About two minutes into my dog,
about two minutes in, my dog dropped his ball in my path
and I had to stop mowing to throw it to him.
When I got back to the mower,
I just grabbed the handles and started mowing again.
Here's where the problem starts.
I let go of the mower's handles, which makes it turn off,
and then just grabbed the handles again
and started pushing.
So he just did not mow his lawn?
My dumb ass pushed a heavy mower around the yard
for 40 minutes before I realized
I wasn't actually cutting the grass.
Yeah.
I was in such a bliss and joy in nature
and Hans Zimmer genius that it didn't click
until I looked at the last section of my yard,
which is down a little drainage ditch
where the grass is noticeably longer that it clicked.
I can't imagine what my neighbors thought
as I walked past a kid pushing a non-run...
I looked like a kid pushing a non-running lawn mower
around his yard.
So just no noise, he's just moving back and forth.
Yeah, just going over the grass.
Oh my gosh.
You didn't even feel it vibrating or anything?
He might have one of those higher end ones.
Images like...
I know, how do you not know is my question.
It's like you get done
and you still feel the tingling in your hands.
Yeah, that's what happens when you're high though.
High off your ass.
God dang.
I'm gonna go mow.
Gotta go mow the lawn.
I'm glad the Tarzan take a dark turn.
He ran over his fucking dog or something.
I ran over the dog and didn't realize.
Fuck.
Next one is by Hawkeye Guy, 11-2-3-5.
Damn they're undefeated in the Avengers universe.
Growing up, anytime I got into trouble,
went to a party, did substances,
snuck out after curfew,
anything a red-blooded teenager would do
for fun in the late 90s,
there was what I felt like a 95% chance
my parents would find out about it
within a couple of days, a week tops.
It wasn't just that, I'd gone to a party.
They knew who was out there, who was there,
who got the booze,
whether the host parents granted permission,
they knew who I had smoked pot with,
they knew which girl I had snuck out to see,
in short, they knew everything.
What the fuck, what are they spies,
police officers, detectives, what the fuck?
I've spent the last couple of decades
believing that my unassuming folks
had built a surveillance network
that was on par with Stasi, KGB, and CIA combined.
Jesus, it sounds like it.
For not being particularly social,
it seemed that they knew everyone.
The paranoia was palpable.
Would the overnight cashier at the gas station
I tried to buy cigarettes from at 2 a.m. somehow
get a message to them as soon as I left the store?
Were my parents actually private investigators?
It was uncanny.
I was having a birthday meal with my mom, dad,
and my brother recently,
and a story came up that had somehow gone undetected
by their phantom army of informants.
After the laughs had subsided,
my dear mother shrugged her shoulders
and said something along the lines of,
must have overslept that morning.
After pushing for an explanation, the truth came out.
My mom has always been an early riser.
She typically got up before the sun was up.
I, on the other hand, have never been a morning person.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Unless I have some compelling reason
to get out from underneath the covers,
I'll easily sleep past 10 a.m.
My maternal unit discovered
that if she interrogated me
at some unholy hour of the morning,
I would crack like a calcium deficient chicken.
So desperate was I to sleep
until the sun was well above the horizon,
I would tell her anything that she asked,
implicated anyone involved,
just to be left to fuck along long enough to drip back off.
Did you not realize what he was doing?
Best of all, as long as she kept things short,
I never woke up enough to remember.
Jesus Christ.
She had that shit down bad.
Jesus, so he was just telling on himself.
Yeah, I was floored.
I was my own informant all along.
I was the one dropping dime on myself.
God dang double-H, I didn't even know it.
I felt nauseous in the room, did he spin?
Gee, I would too.
I'm like, well, hey, but.
So he just told him everything.
So basically she caught him in his sleep-talking phase.
Yeah, like he's in between waking and sleeping.
And he just, he just dripped back off.
Reminds me one time where,
that shit is real,
because I was still awake and trying to go to sleep,
but everyone else, I had a bunch of friends over,
and they were all dead asleep.
And one was on the bed,
because he had won the game, I guess.
And so we were all on the floor.
It's like five of us in there.
And he just like, one of my friends gets up and he's like,
Cody, cold air.
And he lays on top of his other friend.
I don't know why he said Cody, cold air.
And then he just lays on top of Cody
and fucking falls back asleep.
I'm like, what?
Cody, shit's weird.
Another time we stayed up all night, right?
Well, I did.
And I woke up at fucking,
I felt like I was at six in the morning,
woke up at five in the afternoon.
He had fallen asleep at around one
and woke up at five in the afternoon too.
Oh my God.
Yeah, that's what I could understand.
He had slept as long as I had.
Almost a full fucking day.
Yeah. Oh my God.
I'm like, bro, are you okay?
So again, I'm just, just cracking bones and shit.
That was weird.
I could never sleep that long.
Like never, never slept that late ever again.
Yeah, no.
I feel bad if I get done with work, go home
and you know, after getting everything finished,
I'll sit down in a chair or something.
It's like pass out for like 30 minutes.
Like, but I mean, like from one,
from that rare, you know,
1 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Fucking shit.
That's like, that's 12 plus another four is what?
15 hours?
16. 16 hours?
Jesus Christ.
He slept over 16 hours.
Like a fucking cat.
It was weird.
Like, damn.
Like that's hard to sleep that.
Like for me, I can't sleep that long.
Otherwise, I don't think anyone can.
Like you wake up and you just don't feel right.
You wake up even more exhausted.
Yeah.
When you were asleep, your body's fighting
to wake you up the entire time.
Next one is by Saiga Spurs and Pits.
Nice short story for you all.
Today, I was doing a food shop
with my 70 year old mom at Tesco.
So I'm assuming British.
As usual, we started in the fresh produce section,
which I wandered off to grab some salad stuff for lunch.
I got the usual basics, lettuce, peppers, and tomatoes.
All that was left was the cucumber.
Looking over the offerings,
none looked particularly good.
So I spent a while trying to find a decent one.
We prefer long, thinner cucumbers.
First world problems I know.
Like a thin, not fat, huh?
I get back to the trolley.
So yes, this is Britain, I'm assuming.
And start scanning and packing my hole.
When my mom, my mom, my mom,
spots the cucumber and pulls a face.
She asks if that was the best they had.
And this is where I effed up.
Without thinking, I replied,
yeah, I know all the cucumbers are chodes today, it seems.
Then it happened, the dreaded words.
What's a chode?
Mine freezes and I jump stammer out of it.
Out of it doesn't mean anything.
I meant there was no decent cucumbers
and I start to furiously concentrate
on what is left in the shopping list.
All around the shop, she keeps asking what a chode is.
Whilst I am desperately trying to evade the question.
Shopping over, the subject seems to be dropped.
I think I am safe until later that afternoon.
I get a text from my brother asking me
what the hell mom is watching.
I check the answer, I check and answer painting YouTubes.
Then why the hell is she asking what chodes are?
The fuck are chodes?
Short, fat dicks.
Short, fat dicks, huh?
Yes.
Hmm.
So apparently it was a short, fat cucumber.
Looks like a chode.
Weird.
Cause I didn't know what the fuck it was.
I didn't even hear that.
What the fuck is that?
She's a good girl, isn't she?
Imagine your mom looking at shit up.
What you doing?
YouTube?
It shows.
It's a random fucking choice.
All right, and last one for the night.
This is by Sneak Hwang, S-N-K-H-U-O-N-G.
This person puts, I live in a studio with my cat, Bagette.
Bagette is a good little cat
who has never had a putty accident
and she seems to enjoy her poo poo time very much
judging by the zombies, sorry, judging by the zoomie,
she always has after she finishes her business.
Pupples love to do that too.
Take a shit and then just run full speed.
I gotta get out of here.
This place smells like shit.
Anyway, this studio is pretty ancient
as it's dated back to at least Victorian times
so the plumbing system was bad.
Today, I had a bit too much Mexican food
and totally destroyed the toilet.
And I mean literally destroyed it
because it was completely clogged.
Damn.
I had to call a plumber, but before he arrived,
I realized I shouldn't have had so much burrito
as the second wave was coming
and not even Leonidas himself
could hold back such a massive force.
What is he gonna take a shit at, I wonder?
I looked at the toilet and water level was too high.
There was no way I could rush to the public toilet in time
with my honor.
Told him his magic took a deuce and a fucking litter box.
With my honor intact, the only solution now
is my cat's litter box.
That cat's like, you better not.
To my cat's horror.
Yeah, I sat on the box and the box did no chance
against the violence.
Jesus.
That had about to ensue.
It's like, the liquid shit.
And then the cat's just like, no.
I had to throw away the box due to the collateral damage.
Jesus Christ.
And since it was late, I couldn't buy a new box for Baguette.
She seems to hate me now.
Had no fucking care, you ruined her fucking toilet.
You destroyed Baguette's litter box with a deuce of it.
Jesus.
Like seriously, there was no other options.
I mean, when people are in a desperate situation,
they come up with the-
No, they just sweat beating.
Yeah, they just come up with,
this is the only option I have.
Like when they're like,
like when they're, let's say they're in the bathroom, right?
And there's no fucking toilet,
they're like, fuck, there's no toilet.
And they just look down and they're like,
and they just look down at their shirt.
You know what I mean?
Like they always have the randomest like decisions.
Yeah, it's true.
Like people, they panic.
Immediately.
Instead of having like a cool like, or like-
Thinking it's like, huh, what can I do?
You get locked in a room and you fucking flip out.
Yeah, people really do.
Like if the door gets stuck.
Look, we had the dude that locked himself in the freezer.
He shit in a bucket.
And you know, he lost his,
he went fucking primal immediately.
Oh, oh, look, it's a fucking gorilla.
We've read some stories where people have went fucking crazy.
He's got to take a deep breath and figure it out.
It's like, just calm down a second.
You'll find a solution.
What would I have done?
I would probably like, probably took a shit in a bath.
Or something.
That would have made more sense.
Trying to hang up.
It's already liquid.
Yeah, just dump that bitch
in a fucking plastic bag and toss that bitch out.
That, or you have the shower, you got,
like there's plenty of-
I'm not gonna shit in the shower.
I'll never be the same.
It's the same.
She's like, oh God, my shower.
You don't feel like PewDiePie?
I don't know what that means.
Where he had a story about that a long, years ago.
Where he's like, you know,
you didn't shit in the shower ever?
I didn't, I had to push it down my feet.
It's like, oh.
Odd choice to take a dump in the shower.
I think it was at a camp.
Of course.
All those weird shit happens in a camp.
From what I've seen, yes.
I guess it does.
From what we heard, yeah.
Yeah.
You never want to go to a school camp trip, no?
Not at all.
Not fun.
But anything else, Ted, before we head out tonight?
I'm too devastated now.
Do you feel like baguette?
No, I feel like fucking that dude taking a fucking,
wiping his ass with fucking bed sheets.
That's the first story?
Yeah.
That's the catch it.
That one still affects me.
That one and the fucking crazy woman.
Yeah.
When they get together, Ted.
I know, she's already crazy.
She ain't gonna mind the smell of shit.
And he smells like fucking shit.
Means it's not gonna ever change.
So there you go.
And she'll light him on fire if he doesn't do stuff, so.
Exactly.
I hope not.
She'll burn the sheets.
Probably.
She'll probably fucking lick him.
He's a fucking insane.
That one got you.
Little bit, little bit.
Just rubs it in her face.
War paint.
Good Lord.
I never actually met a crazy, crazy person before.
I've seen him, but thank God
I haven't ever had to deal with him.
I wonder what I would do.
I mean, there's a guy that lives by my dad
in an apartment complex where he was apparently
locked in a room for years.
Who has?
By his family.
So like the naughty room.
That movie in Tubi I told you about?
Yeah, I never seen that though.
I don't blame you.
I forgot to be on.
All I know is that whenever I was scrolling
through Tubi the other day,
I seen a fucking movie called Atlantic Rim,
which is a knockoff of fucking Pacific Rim.
Oh yeah, I heard about that.
Yeah, Atlantic Rim, I remember that.
The CGI in that shit is so bad.
Just for the trailer, because I watched this,
like hang on a second.
What does the trailer look like?
Like, you know, the preview is,
before you watch it, it's like, what is this?
It's great, it's better than Pacific Rim.
It's like, what?
It's funny, because they had to change the damn ocean.
Oh yeah, well they couldn't,
I mean, it had to be enough that you know it was a knockoff,
but it had to be like unique in those,
it was just the Atlantic Rim.
But it still takes place in somewhere
by the Atlantic, by the Pacific?
Basically.
And they always go on such a weird tangent
in a parody movie.
Or not even a parody, I mean like a knockoff movie.
It'll be like, instead of them being like,
whatever interdimensional beings they were in Pacific Rim,
it'd be something completely random in their movie.
Yeah.
All right, anything else tonight?
That's it.
cool.
We will see you guys on the next one.
Thanks for watching!