1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,320 Covering your favorite and unknown movies, games, comic books, anime, and more 2 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,320 weekly. 3 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,120 We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show. 4 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,120 Let's go ahead and get started. 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,120 All right, guys. 6 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,120 Welcome back to Cozy Nights. 7 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:24,360 I know we had a bit of a hiatus without any explanation, but it was Sunday, you know, 8 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,760 Super Bowl Sunday, and we all had to watch the Super Bowl. 9 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:30,360 Fan or not, everyone has to watch, it's a tradition. 10 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,000 It's actually law in the whole world. 11 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,080 Everyone has to watch Super Bowl. 12 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,080 Whatever your team is, whatever you like, you got to watch Super Bowl, at least for 13 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,080 the commercials. 14 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,200 But anyway, let's get started with the news as always for Cozy Nights. 15 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:47,360 We'll get started with an interesting one that I found yesterday on CNN. 16 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:54,040 They already revealed the cast for Fantastic Four. 17 00:00:54,040 --> 00:01:00,280 So we got my boy Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic himself. 18 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,240 Pedro Pascal, isn't he the one that plays Mandalorian? 19 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:06,760 Yeah, and Joel from The Last of Us. 20 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,960 He can play everything. 21 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:11,800 We got Vanessa Kirby as Invisible Woman Sue Storm. 22 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:16,240 We've got Ebon Moss Bachrock as The Thing Ben Grimm. 23 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:21,120 And we got Joseph Quinn as the guitar guy from The Stranger Things as the Human Torch, 24 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,120 Johnny Storm. 25 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,880 The movie is slated for July 25, 2025. 26 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,960 Or July 25, 2025. 27 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,200 So next year. 28 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,240 Just be prepared for another Michael B. Jordan version. 29 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:33,240 Or don't be. 30 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,240 You never know, they could be gold. 31 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,680 You're going to get people's hopes up now. 32 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,880 Hey man, Pedro Pascal can pull off anything. 33 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:45,920 He can play JFK in an actual fucking autobiographical adaptation. 34 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:56,000 All right, next up on the news, this one comes from a from KFOR in Oklahoma, in Pals Valley, 35 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,000 Oklahoma. 36 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,840 This man, Michael Cardin, he received a water bill for a whopping $4.89 million. 37 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,320 My God. 38 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:11,920 You'll see, I guess he used so much water in the whole fucking world that he got a $4 39 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:12,920 million bill. 40 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,040 He drained a full aquifer. 41 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,040 I guess he's Aquaman. 42 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:22,480 The worst thing is it was dated for auto withdrawal on Thursday. 43 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,920 So he would have just been hit with a negative from the bank. 44 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,200 No, the bank wouldn't even let that go through. 45 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,880 Yeah, it turned out it was a, he got it sorted out with the water department. 46 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:37,080 The whole city is having a citywide computer problem and all the customers around there 47 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,360 are having weird bill fluctuations. 48 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,520 Think of the person that only had their bill changed by like 50 bucks. 49 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,120 So they're like, oh fuck, another 50. 50 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,120 Yeah, that's true. 51 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,160 Like that one at least stood out. 52 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,120 They probably just paid him and was like, fuck yeah. 53 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,120 Exactly. 54 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,120 Now it's like, where am I? 55 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,120 $50 at. 56 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,120 You mother fucker. 57 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:59,440 All right, next we got from the Associated Press. 58 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,840 This happened in Jasper, Alabama. 59 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,160 This one is fucking wild. 60 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,520 These thieves stole a 200 foot radio tower. 61 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,080 A what? 62 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,880 A 200 foot radio tower. 63 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,800 How did he steal that? 64 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,960 With I guess determination. 65 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,040 I mean, well, it was, it's in a place called Jasper, Alabama. 66 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:28,400 It's a very secluded, small community and the radio tower is like in a secluded woods 67 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:33,400 along with the actual station and no one goes out there that often because it's a small 68 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,560 market so they don't have as much traffic. 69 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:40,000 And these two guys from maintenance went out there to check on the radio tower and it was 70 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,240 gone. 71 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,640 It was gone and the building next door to the radio tower with all the recording equipment 72 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,360 also stolen. 73 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:53,400 And the poor guy that runs the place, Brett Elmore, who took over from his dad, who did 74 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,280 it in the 1950s. 75 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,000 This radio station has been around since the 1950s. 76 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:05,200 Brett Elmore, the WJLX general manager, took over the place from his father and he's like, 77 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:10,680 well, they just ruined his whole fucking community is what he says because the station has no 78 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:11,680 insurance. 79 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,600 It's like 60 grand to 100 grand to get it. 80 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:18,560 He said like you could have just stolen the radio equipment, but the tower is the one 81 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:19,560 that's the real. 82 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,560 Right. 83 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:21,560 The hard to get back. 84 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,360 Because it's a radio tower that's 200 feet tall. 85 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:29,000 I thought I think I've heard this story or there is another story similar to it. 86 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000 Probably similar. 87 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:34,360 Where somebody stole a TV antenna, I think. 88 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:39,360 But where they just took the whole thing because they were taking it for the metal. 89 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,840 Yeah, that's probably what they were doing, too. 90 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:46,000 He said that most likely they cut the wires that held it up. 91 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,000 It came crashing down. 92 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,000 No one would have heard it that far away. 93 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000 Right. 94 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,040 And they just cut it into smaller pieces and shipped it out. 95 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,080 But man, a whole fucking tower, 200 feet long. 96 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,680 That is crazy. 97 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,720 People are determined that when they steal, they steal. 98 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,640 God, crack is a hell of a drug. 99 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:00,640 No kidding. 100 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:01,640 Cocaine is a hell of a drug. 101 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:02,640 Meth. 102 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:03,640 Who's fucking, I'll get this. 103 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,200 Don't get that battery powered jigsaw. 104 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:11,880 Imagine driving past it or something like, you know, we could probably steal that. 105 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,520 It had to be more than one guy, even more than two. 106 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:15,800 It had to have been more than a couple. 107 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,640 So it done it like in a whole night. 108 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,880 I mean, I'll put it this way. 109 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:25,200 I've seen meth heads re-roof an entire roof faster than Mexicans can do. 110 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,320 So imagine Mexicans on meth. 111 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:28,320 I know. 112 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,320 My God. 113 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,120 We could pay for the tower of Babel. 114 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,120 They do coke. 115 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,120 They don't do bath. 116 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,120 That's the difference. 117 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,120 All right. 118 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,760 The next story comes from Boston, so the Associated Press as well. 119 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,360 That's where I get most of my news stuff is from the Associated Press. 120 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,080 They got an oddity section. 121 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,120 I love the oddity stories. 122 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:50,360 This passenger tried to smuggle mummified monkeys from the Democratic Republic of Congo 123 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,520 into Boston for his own consumption. 124 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,520 For his own consumption? 125 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,880 Yeah, it's called bush meat. 126 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:57,880 Yeah. 127 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:05,080 Bush meat is illegal in the United States because of the high levels of disease in 128 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,680 my cause like Ebola. 129 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,680 Right. 130 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,120 So he wanted some mummified monkeys. 131 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,800 Huh. 132 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,280 Which reminds me, you saying the mummified part. 133 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:22,480 Did you know that there used to be a paint color called mummy brown? 134 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:28,760 The reason it was called mummy brown is because they used real mummies to make it. 135 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,200 From where? 136 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,320 Where they just find the mummies to who would pay? 137 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,000 Who would sell them mummies? 138 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:39,120 To grind in the paint? 139 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,120 How long ago was this? 140 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,120 Early 1900s? 141 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,560 Yeah, because it wouldn't be now. 142 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:45,560 You would just cry. 143 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:49,800 Like you guys are just eating, breaking down mummies, huh? 144 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,400 Like all these tombs in Egypt just fucking broken into. 145 00:06:53,400 --> 00:07:00,480 My point is, why is that your, you know what, good brown paint? 146 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,560 That's a good point. 147 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,560 What is wrong with these people? 148 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,600 They always have the weirdest idea. 149 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,600 They want to eat mummified monkeys. 150 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,680 They want to make paint with the mummies. 151 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:16,480 I'm still wondering exactly what the, what the monkeys would do beneficially for you 152 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,480 other than give you Ebola. 153 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:22,480 You know, you get a worse strain of HIV. 154 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,400 It gets the full of us. 155 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,400 I mean, let's be honest here. 156 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,400 Don't be eating mummified anything. 157 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,400 No. 158 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,400 Bush meat. 159 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:34,120 The fact that I haven't found out what bush meat is upsets the hell out of me now. 160 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:38,960 It's like, apparently it's either raw or very low processed meat. 161 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:45,040 They call it bush meat, but you're not in a situation that you'd even if I was in the 162 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,800 woods, I still cooked the meat I was eating. 163 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:54,920 My point is this guy is flying from the Congo, flying to Boston is where you said, right? 164 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:55,920 Yes. 165 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:56,920 Where he, they caught him. 166 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:57,920 Okay. 167 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:04,080 You have the money to fly back and forth, but yet you don't have money to buy. 168 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,080 Buy regular meat. 169 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,080 That's the point I don't get. 170 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,720 I guess there's something special about the mummified monkeys. 171 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:10,720 It's a mummified monkey. 172 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:15,240 I'm just saying like some bullshit medic medicinal benefit he heard from somebody. 173 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,560 You know, it'll get your dicks so hard bro. 174 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:19,560 Bro bro. 175 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,560 He probably told you. 176 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:21,560 Yeah. 177 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,560 Like I was like, I'm dead. 178 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,560 I'm dead. 179 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:24,560 This is exactly what happened. 180 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,560 I'm probably dead serious. 181 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,760 Like bro, you know, bro, it'll get you so hard. 182 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,840 Like he tried, he's tried Viagra. 183 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,680 He's tried a, what's it? 184 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,040 He tried mummified monkey. 185 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,040 It'll get you a dick hard. 186 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:39,120 You know what they were talking about some kind of other like chemical that had nothing 187 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,120 to do with it. 188 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,760 It's like it's a street drug called mummified monkey. 189 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:46,240 And it's just Viagra with fentanyl or some shit. 190 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,760 But he took it as literal and went to go get a fuck. 191 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,440 He went all the way to the Congo. 192 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,080 You'd be surprised the links men would go to to be able to still, to be able to still 193 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,080 fuck. 194 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,080 I know. 195 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,080 My gosh. 196 00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:00,160 Not being able to get to your dick hard is a true embarrassment for a guy. 197 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:04,320 At that point I'd just say fuck it, I'm done. 198 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,520 But you can't though cause you can't fuck anything. 199 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:07,520 Exactly. 200 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,520 So you can't, you can't say fuck it, you're done cause you can't. 201 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:10,800 So you gotta keep going. 202 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:11,800 Okay. 203 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,800 You say I can't fuck it. 204 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:18,560 This next one is also from the Associated Press. 205 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,800 New York City man named Calvin Batista. 206 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,000 No relation to Batista the wrestler. 207 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,000 38. 208 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:31,480 He was placed on one year probation to find $5,000 for trying to smuggle Burmese pythons 209 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,640 in his pants. 210 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,680 From Canada to back to New York. 211 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,040 Man paid $2,500 for these snakes. 212 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:46,200 He put them in a bag and he put them in the inner thigh and he tied it with the little 213 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,080 drawstring of the pants. 214 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,920 Are they illegal there in America? 215 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,480 No, I know they're not illegal in America. 216 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:58,080 I guess there's because they're part of a thing called, they're regulated by the international 217 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,240 treaty and by US federal regulations. 218 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,240 Right. 219 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:05,440 Cause they fall under, they're listed as injurious to human beings. 220 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,840 I mean they're Burmese pythons. 221 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,840 Right. 222 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,600 They will fucking kill you when they get big enough. 223 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,920 Right, but my, okay he was coming from Canada to New York? 224 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,400 Yeah he was smuggling them in. 225 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,400 My whole point though is you can buy a Burmese python in the US. 226 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,400 I don't know what he was doing. 227 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,080 Why would you cross a border thinking, oh my. 228 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,240 I'm not a stupid man, I don't know. 229 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,120 The link's stupid, they go to for bullshit. 230 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,960 You would not imagine. 231 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:36,520 Cause Burmese pythons are not illegal in the US to own as far as I know. 232 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:37,520 Cause the only reason. 233 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,520 Maybe he couldn't get the permits that he needed. 234 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:40,520 Not that permit. 235 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,520 The fucking thing. 236 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,520 Not to just own one. 237 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,380 Well he did something wrong then. 238 00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:52,840 And the reason I say that is because that's why they're an invasive species in Florida. 239 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,080 Because you never had to have a license to get them then. 240 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,800 You do now in Florida, yes. 241 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,960 But that's Florida though, not New York. 242 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,200 New York they'll die if they're left out of spite. 243 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,200 Like that's why they're not an invasive species there. 244 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,460 I don't know, it's weird. 245 00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:08,920 But he had to try to smuggle them in. 246 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:09,920 Maybe they're cheaper. 247 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,920 He got like a bunch for like $2500. 248 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:16,200 Maybe like 10 grand a piece or something, who the fuck knows why. 249 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,520 Now he's fucking, now he's paid 5 grand extra on top of the 25. 250 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:24,080 He's fucking down $7500 and still has no snakes. 251 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,080 Plus a one year probation. 252 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,280 That's why I'm saying it's more of just stupidity. 253 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,280 Like what, you can't think like a dumb person, it's just hard to do. 254 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,560 That's what I'm saying, like it would never cross your mind, you know what I mean? 255 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:36,560 Right. 256 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:37,560 That's why we can't cause a blip. 257 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,560 Number one, I wouldn't want a snake. 258 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,560 Number two. 259 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:42,760 I wouldn't want a fucking Burmese python. 260 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,480 It gets big enough it'll kill my dog. 261 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,480 Then it gets even bigger, it'll kill me. 262 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,860 You wake up one day and it's just wrapped around your neck. 263 00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:55,400 And they are deceptively strong. 264 00:11:55,400 --> 00:12:03,040 Be like fighting a bodybuilder with actual work strength and not show strength. 265 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,600 It's a scary thing to die by constriction. 266 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:14,920 I mean do you remember, no you weren't in that class in school. 267 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,680 But she had pythons in the class. 268 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,120 But she had ball pythons too. 269 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:23,800 She had one giant Burmese python in Albino one. 270 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:24,800 How big was it? 271 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:25,800 13 feet. 272 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:26,800 That's a big boy. 273 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:27,800 Oh man. 274 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,000 She used to let it go across the floor. 275 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,640 Fuck all that, you better put that motherfucker in the back of this goddamn cage. 276 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,760 Before I crack its fucking skull with a chair. 277 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:44,240 I remember being in class and I'd tap somebody's leg underneath the table. 278 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,240 I remember that. 279 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,160 Like distinctly I remember doing that. 280 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,440 Gimmick meant a fucking heart attack. 281 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,840 But where I was going with that is that even the ball pythons, because you could put them 282 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,600 on your arm and then just sit there. 283 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,760 Because they were not giant snakes. 284 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,000 They were not two and a half feet. 285 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,000 I hate snakes. 286 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:05,760 But you'd let it sit there on your arm and they would wrap around and just sit there. 287 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,280 Like they had nothing else to do. 288 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,120 But they were strong. 289 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,120 Even as small as they were. 290 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,880 Even as small as they were is my point. 291 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,240 So imagine getting constricted by a giant snake. 292 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,680 I also have a PSA. 293 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,840 You cannot out roll a fucking gator. 294 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,560 They probably think like if it gets me right, there's a death throw, I'll roll with it. 295 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,200 Now you will rip your fucking limb off. 296 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,720 The only way you can beat it. 297 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:33,800 Or shove your hand even farther into its mouth. 298 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,800 So the gator's like, ooh kinky huh? 299 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,640 And they fucking eat so hard. 300 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:43,680 No the reason I say that is one of those gator wrestlers or whatever. 301 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,260 It's that flap that's at the back of their throat. 302 00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,640 They close it when they go to go bite you because of the water. 303 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:54,620 But if you pop the like extra layer of skin in the back, it forces their airway to open. 304 00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:58,600 So they release automatically because they don't want water down into their lungs. 305 00:13:58,600 --> 00:13:59,600 Like it's a reflex. 306 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,640 I'd be like you show me first then see if I have the mental capacity to remember that 307 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,520 as I'm jiggling for my fucking life. 308 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,520 Yes. 309 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,520 Yes. 310 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,520 I'm like oh my god. 311 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,520 Well there's a guy that did it. 312 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:10,520 That's the only reason I even know about it. 313 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:11,520 Lucky man. 314 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,840 I don't even know what my strategy would be if I got fucking caught by an alligator. 315 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:19,160 What if my strategy would be to die? 316 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,920 That's my strategy. 317 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:27,080 It'd be the same like you can learn all these skills and like survival tips and like or 318 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,680 like if you're a fighter all these boxing techniques and all that. 319 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,200 And then like you just you watch them fight. 320 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,200 They forget everything. 321 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,520 Get the hell beat out of them. 322 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,520 Yeah. 323 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,000 Like it's so much different when you're there. 324 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:45,200 That's why the those jujitsu fighters in MMA. 325 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,200 Uh huh. 326 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,200 They irritate me. 327 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:51,680 Because what was the there's a stat that says 80 percent of all fights land on the ground 328 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,640 or start end up on the ground. 329 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,280 That's only for police. 330 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,280 It's also for sexual encounters. 331 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,280 Fuck. 332 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:02,400 You're in the following ground with your fat young ass though. 333 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,560 80 percent of the time it's on the ground. 334 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:10,160 Sometimes it's standing. 335 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,520 But they always quote that percentage wrong. 336 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,160 They always say it's 80 percent of all fights end up on the ground. 337 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,040 That's only police encounter fights. 338 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,680 Because cops like drinking take them down huh. 339 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:21,680 Exactly. 340 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,680 They love their fuck. 341 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,600 They're like oh it's a face down ass. 342 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,880 But street fights do not always end on the ground. 343 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,440 Sometimes it takes one hit and then the other person just falls. 344 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,240 That seems to happen a lot by the way. 345 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,240 Yeah. 346 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,560 On these on these X videos for like Fight Club and all that. 347 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,560 Yeah. 348 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,040 Someone's always getting knocked the absolute fuck out. 349 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,040 Yes. 350 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,200 And I'm like damn how is weak people's chins or how strong are these motherfuckers swinging. 351 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:49,280 Because like it's always someone like they have the most cartoonish fucking knockout. 352 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,280 Yeah. 353 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,600 Or they kiss their knee when they go to and then they hit the floor. 354 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,600 You know what I mean. 355 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:55,600 Some weird thing. 356 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,600 Eat his buckle. 357 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,200 Or like a buckle and it looks so like inhuman. 358 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,200 Yeah. 359 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,440 Like a sack of potatoes hitting the ground. 360 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:04,440 Yeah. 361 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,440 I've also seen a lot of jumpings. 362 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,440 Jumpings? 363 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,440 You see people whipping someone's ass? 364 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,440 Yeah. 365 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,600 It's like all the same thing. 366 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,600 Or a lot of sucker punches. 367 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,400 Those are those are well known yeah. 368 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,920 And those are those are pitch punches I think. 369 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,120 Hey man if my life is in danger you're getting sited in the face. 370 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,960 If your life is in danger. 371 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,120 But to go out behind somebody and just smack them from behind. 372 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,080 What if it was a pedophile and I knew it. 373 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,440 It's a motherfucking pedophile. 374 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,440 Boom. 375 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,360 If they were in the process maybe. 376 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,480 They were like they had a little app on my thing that every time I'm two feet away from 377 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,400 a pedophile like a sex offender pops up. 378 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:43,040 Oh it's a fucking sex offender three feet from me and I fucking put my spider-man helmet 379 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,040 on. 380 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,080 And just like fucking beating the hell out of him. 381 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:50,000 Are you fucking pedophile? 382 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,000 Yeah. 383 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:56,800 We should run in on tangent about Burmese. 384 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:01,760 I don't know how we ended up on people getting me beaten up pedophiles but welcome to Cozy 385 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:02,760 Nights. 386 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,840 It all comes back to the Burmese python. 387 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,320 Yeah we start with Burmese python. 388 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,560 Went to alligators and went to fist fights for some reason. 389 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,840 Then we went to fucking 80 percent of the time and the 20 percent of the time. 390 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:12,840 The standing fucks. 391 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,400 You ever had a standing fuck? 392 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,400 This shit is exhausting. 393 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:19,680 You have her like in a fireman's carry practically. 394 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,680 Shit is fucking grueling. 395 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,640 It's like damn grandma back is killing me. 396 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,360 And when you got to power through a cramp. 397 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,760 Powering through a cramp fucking kills. 398 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:34,520 You're like ahhh. 399 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:38,960 Anyway so we're done with the news and we move on to Cozy Kitchen. 400 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:45,360 And I have a fucking awesome story for all you about the double Big Mac. 401 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,360 Yeah you know it will. 402 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,360 Because you were there. 403 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:54,680 So it was the last couple Saturdays ago. 404 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,680 And my good friend Mike and I we decided to go have ourselves a little snack after our 405 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:58,840 session. 406 00:17:58,840 --> 00:17:59,840 So we decided to go to McDonald's. 407 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,920 We went to the mall or Walmart too didn't we? 408 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,080 I bought a six pound. 409 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,080 Six pound. 410 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:11,720 I think it was a fucking six pound bottle of ketchup. 411 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,320 Holy crap I forgot about that. 412 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,320 For four dollars. 413 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,720 For four dollars I bought a six pound bottle of ketchup. 414 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,760 I bought ketchup to last me a year. 415 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,160 Shit it was only $3.98. 416 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,080 Of course I bought it. 417 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,080 Six pounds. 418 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,280 That's a deal. 419 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,560 And so we go to Walmart and then we go to McDonald's. 420 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:35,000 And I shouldn't have known something wrong. 421 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,040 I wanted to try the double Big Mac. 422 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,600 And if you guys haven't heard what the double Big Mac is. 423 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,800 It's basically a double Big Mac. 424 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:45,080 It is two, no it is four patties and like 15 pieces of bread. 425 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,760 It's what it looks like. 426 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,480 And it's only limited time. 427 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,080 So I was like alright let me get it before they stop making it. 428 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,560 And by the way I want to call it the Big Big Mac. 429 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,760 They went with a double Big Mac. 430 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:03,040 And so it's like 10 o'clock at night. 431 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,660 There's no way to go in because they closed the lobby. 432 00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:09,000 So we go through the drive through and I shouldn't have known there was something wrong. 433 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,480 Because I was like excuse that do you guys have the double Big Mac? 434 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,480 And she's like yes. 435 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:13,480 I should have known. 436 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,760 I should have known from the heavy side of defeat. 437 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:17,760 It's not exasperation. 438 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:22,840 I could have known from that moment that there was something absolutely wrong. 439 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:27,280 And so by the way it's my fault for not checking my food before we left. 440 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,480 So I get a double Big Mac and you get like a big double or something. 441 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,480 You get an order of fries. 442 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,000 I get a large order of fries and a small order of fries. 443 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,520 We said for something they gave me a large and a medium. 444 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,480 Which was a big and yours they gave you like half of fries. 445 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,480 You didn't notice you got home like hey hey hey you had a medium and it was only half 446 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,520 of it was half way full. 447 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,740 They done fucked us over. 448 00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:55,240 So we go back to my place and we're dividing up the food because he's about to go home. 449 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,160 And I open up mine and I'm like what the fuck is this? 450 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:02,320 Because you know you give me the box and I'm like this box is real small for what we would 451 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,560 have to hold a double Big Mac. 452 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,960 It's like it was smaller than a Big Mac box. 453 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:07,960 Yeah smaller than a quarter pounder. 454 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,760 And I'm like what is up with this box? 455 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,640 It's weird that they flatten this motherfucker down. 456 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:18,320 And so I open it up and not only is it not a double Big Mac it's not even a Big Mac. 457 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,800 It was three slices of bread and one piece of meat. 458 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,920 I was like I was in absolute disbelief. 459 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,360 You got a half Mac? 460 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,360 I got a mini Mac. 461 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,880 These bastards. 462 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,560 I was devastated. 463 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:38,560 And like the top there was one patty on the top bun and the middle bun and there was like 464 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:39,760 a hole in the middle of it. 465 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,400 They didn't even form it enough to actually cook it right. 466 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:47,000 They like punched a hole in the middle just to be an asshole. 467 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,920 And the bottom was just the lettuce and the sauce. 468 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,360 I was like man. 469 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:53,720 Soggy as fuck. 470 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,960 The soggiest goddamn mini Mac I've ever had. 471 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,800 And I was like I didn't take that to heart though. 472 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,560 I know like by principle we should have gone back and got our proper food because that's 473 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:06,560 what we paid for. 474 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,560 Right. 475 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,720 But you know the stuff like that doesn't bother me that much. 476 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,320 I just found it funny. 477 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,520 I ate it regardless with my two fucking orders of fries. 478 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,840 Dry ass fries and fucking dry ass big mini Mac I mean. 479 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:20,840 I don't know. 480 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:21,840 Like I just let you. 481 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,000 I just found it funny. 482 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,600 Because it just shows that you shouldn't get super mad about stuff but it's like more of 483 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,040 like come on guys. 484 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,880 Yeah like man it didn't be dirty. 485 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,800 Because it's just like not that big a deal. 486 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,800 Like it is but it's not. 487 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,040 It's funnier than it is making you mad. 488 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,040 Right. 489 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,040 It's like serious. 490 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,040 It's more of a disbelief. 491 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,840 Because I once went to Taco Bell and asked for some nachos right. 492 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,640 And I don't know what the fuck I did to them. 493 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,880 I went home right because I didn't check in my food again. 494 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,720 And it was like the chips right. 495 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,920 And like the cheese was pre-dried on it. 496 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:55,920 Like they melted it. 497 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,980 They burnt it in the microwave. 498 00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:01,560 And it was all one solid piece of like like like 30 pieces of chips. 499 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,560 It was all together. 500 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:03,560 Yeah. 501 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,760 It was all stuck together because of the cheese. 502 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,160 And I was like what the hell did I do to you? 503 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,200 Well you know Burger King uses microwaves in the back. 504 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,200 Well. 505 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,000 Because I've seen it was like. 506 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,640 So yeah like you know food stuff never bothers me as long as it's edible. 507 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,640 Right. 508 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:22,800 But man I still have not gotten a double. 509 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,000 I want a double big Mac before they go away. 510 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,000 And I've said. 511 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,480 You got your own mini Mac. 512 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,000 They gave me a God damn mini Mac. 513 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,640 We went to McDonald's just now and I was too afraid to get a double big. 514 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,400 I got two McChickens instead. 515 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,880 They never do me dirty on McChickens. 516 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,480 You can't mess up McChicken really. 517 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,080 But except for adding too much mayonnaise on to it. 518 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,800 Or when you ask for a McChicken and they give you a spicy one and you're like. 519 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,600 Man it's a hot one. 520 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,840 Why is it so spicy? 521 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,800 They did it to me once too. 522 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,480 They gave me two spicy McChickens. 523 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:53,480 Not a regular. 524 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:54,480 I was like. 525 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,120 Because I wasn't expecting I was like I was halfway through. 526 00:22:58,120 --> 00:22:59,880 I'm like oh shit. 527 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,320 It's harder than what you would think too. 528 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,000 Yeah you're like oh yeah it does doesn't it. 529 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,360 You wouldn't think it'd be spicy like they say spicy like foods right. 530 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:08,360 Right. 531 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:14,000 But you actually eat it and you're like oh that's a spicy boy. 532 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,040 You know what got me with spicy because I'm so used to it being Hispanic. 533 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,240 Those black bags of hot Cheetos. 534 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,640 Like they got the regular hot Cheetos right. 535 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,560 They have these hotter ones in a black bag. 536 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,400 And you have to even touch them. 537 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,760 If you put like a thermometer up to them. 538 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,680 You can actually show it under the normal. 539 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,160 But like I ate like three or four right. 540 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,400 I was like wait a minute. 541 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,440 Wait a minute. 542 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,200 And like they were fucking hot. 543 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,280 And then I took them to my. 544 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,520 I bought my coworker one because she didn't believe me. 545 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,200 And she ate like a bunch of them at first right. 546 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,200 And then she stopped. 547 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:54,160 And then what I tell you she was like. 548 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:58,080 It's like the what is it the the Takis. 549 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,720 You know they have the different levels of heat for those. 550 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,360 Doesn't it go to like the thing blue. 551 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,800 Then they start immediately to like just hot. 552 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,120 Well they're hot but then there's like the blue ones which are like inferno. 553 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,120 Blue ones taste like ass. 554 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:10,120 Do they? 555 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:11,120 They don't taste like anything. 556 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,360 I mean they're like regular Takis hot right. 557 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:14,360 But they're blue. 558 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:21,760 I do that I do this other I'm blue every time I say anything blue. 559 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,760 Yeah. 560 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:27,720 Now I'm very annoying with that. 561 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,320 It's like hey the sky's blue. 562 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,320 Some little kid. 563 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,000 Some little kid tells his dad that oh dad the sky's blue. 564 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,000 And I just come by. 565 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,960 And then he starts saying that every time. 566 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:38,960 Where it whispers like brick. 567 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,960 Oh man. 568 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,840 So yeah we got I got done dirty with a mini mac. 569 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,280 Always check the food that they give you at McDonald's. 570 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:52,200 But I feel like I should trust I should trust McDonald's over anybody. 571 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,200 Should. 572 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,600 McDonald's never does you wrong. 573 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,600 The bank will do you wrong. 574 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,600 The lawyer will do you wrong. 575 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,600 Your insurance will do you wrong. 576 00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,600 Not McDonald's. 577 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,600 They always do you right. 578 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:01,600 They did you Mcdirty. 579 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:02,600 They did. 580 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:03,600 Mcdirty as hell. 581 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:04,600 They Mcbet me over and Mcfuck me. 582 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:12,640 Mcflown down. 583 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:25,320 They got the Mccondoms and just went to Mctown. 584 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,320 Oh God dang it. 585 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:28,320 McDonald's. 586 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,120 You're all I have in life. 587 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:33,120 Don't fail me like this. 588 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:36,120 You're all I have in life. 589 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,120 Oh man. 590 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,120 All right. 591 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,120 So that's it for Cozy Kitchen. 592 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:44,960 I forgot to get a recipe so I'll have to do one next week. 593 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,400 So we'll do a little bit of life stories I have for you guys. 594 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:52,280 If you remember the story last the last video for Cozy Nights. 595 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:56,480 I talked about that homeless woman that was turning tricks on the supermarket bathroom. 596 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:57,480 Well I have an update actually. 597 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:58,480 Oh God. 598 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,400 Yeah they they caught her. 599 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,320 They caught her last week during Super Bowl Sunday. 600 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,200 I mean threw her out. 601 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,640 We're walking in me and my cousin right and she's walking out like me stupid motherfuckers 602 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,440 man you can't throw me out man what the fuck. 603 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,040 She's just swearing up a storm. 604 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:19,400 So she leaves right and we shop for like 20 minutes and we get out and she's outside almost 605 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,760 fist fighting another homeless man. 606 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,480 He's like she's like man I'm gonna knock you the fuck out. 607 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:28,320 The guy's like you better not fucking touch me or I'll knock you the fuck. 608 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:29,320 Yeah. 609 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:33,560 She's going off right next to the fucking door of the supermarket. 610 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,280 They're just fucking screaming. 611 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:40,040 Yeah I feel bad that they have to be out there in the snow and cold right. 612 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,040 But I mean you know. 613 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,400 Well when you're turning tricks on the bathroom. 614 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,400 Yeah of course they're gonna throw you out. 615 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,360 Try to get that dick and some money and she got tossed out this time. 616 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,680 I wonder how she's been tossed out since then. 617 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:52,920 She's probably not coming back. 618 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:53,920 She's probably banned from the store. 619 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,880 Although I would love a third update. 620 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,520 So you're out there with a sign next time. 621 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:00,520 Five dollars. 622 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,520 That's all it says on her sign. 623 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,920 Have you seen that one. 624 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,640 That clip going viral right now where it's got this one lady and she's got a head on 625 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,640 the go. 626 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:11,640 Head on the go. 627 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,640 Yeah. 628 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:13,640 How's that mean. 629 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,760 Where she's got a service where she'll come to you and give you a hit. 630 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,760 Oh God. 631 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:24,280 1-800-HIT-NOW or something like that. 632 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:28,320 You know you say that and there's a phone number in the bathroom at the flea market 633 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:33,880 I go to that says I love to serve as senior Mexican men. 634 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,040 So some person put up some other person's phone number up there just to be an asshole. 635 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,880 I'm guessing a friend did it to another friend. 636 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,200 About they like to serve as senior Mexican men. 637 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,840 Because someone came in and tried to erase the number. 638 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,240 And I don't know if it was a prank. 639 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,200 Like imagine somebody put your phone number up in the bathroom. 640 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,200 Yeah. 641 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,200 I'd be mad as hell. 642 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,200 Girl I'm stuck there. 643 00:27:55,200 --> 00:28:01,120 So I don't know whether it was a prank or if it was real because I never called the 644 00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:02,120 number. 645 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:03,120 Like why would I. 646 00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:06,320 I don't want some random fucking hugger. 647 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,840 And so yeah she got tossed out this time. 648 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:10,840 Super Bowl Sunday. 649 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,920 Alright so my last story is because of Super Bowl Sunday. 650 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,480 It was that we were at the flea market me and my cousin and it was we had quite the 651 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,480 snow storm. 652 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,320 I mean it wasn't that bad but it was literally nothing really stuck. 653 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,240 Yeah and it was just really cold. 654 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:32,480 And of course how ironic on one of the coldest days of that time frame my cousin's car overheats 655 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,400 when he gets up to the flea market. 656 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,680 So we go out there to put coolant in the system right. 657 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,440 And it is just pouring horizontal rain. 658 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,840 I'm like God dang it wouldn't be during this time would it be. 659 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,120 It just would have happened bro. 660 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,780 And I was like man it is fucking pouring. 661 00:28:47,780 --> 00:28:52,240 So it took a whole like gallon of coolant. 662 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:53,240 Yeah like yeah. 663 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:54,240 God what the hell was it. 664 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,240 Where was it leaking from. 665 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,240 I don't know. 666 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,200 Because when he got home the next day and checked it he was empty again. 667 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,520 It's all leaking into his oil. 668 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,600 I guess so I don't know. 669 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,840 And so we're watching the Super Bowl. 670 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:06,840 This is all after. 671 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,960 My aunt had left because she's afraid of the snow so she wanted to get home early. 672 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,040 Well it was still raining and hadn't transitioned to snow yet. 673 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,760 And we just manned the fort while she was gone. 674 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,760 We were watching the Super Bowl and that was this commercial because that's what I want 675 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,760 to watch Super Bowl for. 676 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,560 I should have watched it on Nickelodeon by the way. 677 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:27,040 It was a much better commentary team than the regular Channel 9. 678 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:31,920 And the commercial was like showing various people washing other people's feet. 679 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,440 So it was like a cop washing a nurse's feet. 680 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:40,040 A preacher watching little boy's feet which was probably a bad idea. 681 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,880 It was a mom washing a stranger's feet. 682 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,360 Like it was all people washing someone's feet right. 683 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,680 And then at the end this was like five minutes long. 684 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:51,160 It probably wasn't but in my head it was. 685 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:58,560 And the commercial at the end was like Jesus didn't hate he washed feet. 686 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,080 And I was like you've got to be kidding me. 687 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,080 It was the stupidest. 688 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,120 You know what you're talking about? 689 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:09,520 You guys decided to give Jesus Christ a foot fetish with the internet now. 690 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:16,000 As savage as the internet is now you did not think that someone you did not cross your 691 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,000 fucking mind. 692 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:23,200 Well not just that but I know I have some Christian people that I know and like devout 693 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,200 Christian. 694 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,880 Like obviously you know everybody can have their own religion but they're like devout 695 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,920 Christians and Catholics and they were pissed. 696 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,080 I imagine so. 697 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:36,760 Because like they said it's not that Jesus just washed feet it's that he also condemned 698 00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,320 the sins they were doing. 699 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,720 Like what are you talking about just washing fucking feet for? 700 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,880 Yeah he could also you know make furniture. 701 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,360 He could be the carpenter. 702 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:46,680 What the fuck are you people doing? 703 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,200 I could not like because I knew how the internet is. 704 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:50,200 Yes. 705 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:54,640 And then we're gonna give Jesus a foot fetish and again lo and behold the next day. 706 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:55,640 Yep. 707 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:56,640 Oh man. 708 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:57,640 Yep. 709 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:02,320 Because it's one line in the Bible that has nothing to do with the feet itself. 710 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,640 Like they made the whole fucking commercial about feet. 711 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:07,920 And I was like really taken aback. 712 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,920 I'm like what is the point? 713 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:11,400 Like where is this commercial going? 714 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:12,880 Really what I wanted to know. 715 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:13,880 Right. 716 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:14,880 And then Jesus gets us. 717 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,880 Like is he gonna wash my feet? 718 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,520 Because I don't want anyone touching my feet. 719 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:19,520 Exactly. 720 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,960 It's the last thing I want somebody to do. 721 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:22,960 And in fact put some socks on. 722 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,960 I don't even want to look at you for the hell of a reason. 723 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,320 I don't even want to see your fucking feet. 724 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,560 Like that. 725 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,880 During the summertime I hate it so badly. 726 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,280 Like you go outside and you'll see the fattest motherfucker wearing flip flops. 727 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,760 Put on some fucking shoes. 728 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,640 Nobody wants to see that nail that's all fucked up and shit. 729 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,400 Nobody wants that. 730 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,000 Some people have seen some crud feet. 731 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:50,200 Some people have got white tarantula or the tail dactyl toes. 732 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,800 Just could shock on the bottom of your foot because you're so dry. 733 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:54,800 Ouch. 734 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,080 Yeah it was an odd commercial. 735 00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,440 Like I understand the message is like you know you should accept everybody. 736 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,200 Regard it and don't spread hate. 737 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,200 Spread love. 738 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,280 But I mean the washing feet part I don't understand. 739 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,680 I don't want to touch anybody's feet. 740 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,600 No and like I said a lot of the Christians that I do know it's like you focused on the 741 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:11,600 wrong part of this. 742 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:16,760 It's like you even worded it wrong. 743 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,640 So yeah that was weird. 744 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,920 We had a weird Super Bowl. 745 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:22,920 This all happened by the way. 746 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,600 The hooker getting tossed out. 747 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:25,640 The snow storm. 748 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,600 The coolant problem and the commercial. 749 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:32,320 All on Super Bowl Sunday. 750 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,160 Well that is it everybody for Cozy Nights. 751 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:40,240 So please I hope you guys enjoyed and tune in next week for more. 752 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,320 What do you have for Urban Dictionary today? 753 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,680 Alright let's have a look here. 754 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,440 This always scares me. 755 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,760 The part where it's like oh shit what have we gotten into? 756 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,360 Alright Urban Dictionary. 757 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:55,360 Here we are. 758 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,360 Nope wrong one. 759 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,000 Alright so we start with number one. 760 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,000 Chapstick. 761 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:05,200 It's not going to just be like oh it actually is. 762 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,400 It's going to be even funnier. 763 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,440 A tube of substance that relieves dry chapped lips. 764 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:14,040 One of the most addictive substances known to mankind. 765 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,640 Addiction to said substance rather than a crack. 766 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,960 To satisfy Chapstick addictions, individuals will often ask their friends if they have 767 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,200 any Chapstick. 768 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:26,840 Be wary of said individuals because HPV can live on Chapstick for 30 minutes. 769 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,840 You don't want to have an STD. 770 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,680 When Chapstick is lost, used up or stolen, an addict will display a few of the following 771 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:33,680 withdrawal symptoms. 772 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,200 Extreme dry lips. 773 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,240 Redness surrounding the mouth. 774 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:38,240 Licking of lips. 775 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,440 Panic lips with water. 776 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:40,440 Irritability. 777 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,760 Anger, sorrow and sometimes death. 778 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,160 If you or your friend is addicted to Chapstick good luck. 779 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,880 Yeah I've seen those kind of people. 780 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:49,880 This one is an odd one. 781 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,360 It's called birthday wig. 782 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:53,360 It's a vagina. 783 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,840 That's all it's said. 784 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:56,840 A birthday wig? 785 00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,720 I guess I don't know how you would put your head in a vagina. 786 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,000 I mean I know your head. 787 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,080 The penis head but your whole actual head. 788 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,080 You know wigs go on your head. 789 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,280 It wouldn't make no fucking sense but whatever. 790 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,760 It's a play on words. 791 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:11,760 Maybe. 792 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,360 Next one is called ringing. 793 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:18,280 When a usually male individual dons a mask and exposes their prior parts to a ringed 794 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,280 doorbell camera system. 795 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:26,160 Haven't done that yet but. 796 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,280 Next one is shit and split. 797 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,440 The act of taking a dump in someone else's house on the way out of the house without 798 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,200 the person directly realizing it until they hear the toilet flush and by that time you're 799 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:35,200 gone. 800 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:43,000 It's like you motherfucker. 801 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,000 Next one is called. 802 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,440 This one is just a complete diss on somebody. 803 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:47,440 His name is Juvenal. 804 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:52,640 A short dick motherfucker who doesn't give a fuck about his life. 805 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,280 So he just tore this man down. 806 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:58,560 There's a lot of those in her dictionary. 807 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:03,880 This one is called Mr. P. A man with a dick so large that he can skewer women. 808 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:08,400 We call that a John Holmes. 809 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,600 Next one is called a spun ducky. 810 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,720 Someone who is tweaked out on math, been up all night and is needing to go to bed for 811 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:16,160 several days or several days ago. 812 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:17,640 So I guess they're called spun duckies. 813 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:19,640 I like that cracker. 814 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,480 I guess so. 815 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,000 Next one is Williams middle school. 816 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,360 The shittiest place you could ever go. 817 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,660 A fucking hell hole to be exact. 818 00:35:27,660 --> 00:35:29,760 The teachers harass you and yell at you all the time. 819 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,000 The food is trash. 820 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,840 The piece is made from cardboard and half the teachers don't even have high school diplomas. 821 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,400 You could kiss my hairy balls. 822 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:40,080 So whoever went to Williams high school fucking hated it. 823 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:44,200 There's a lot of high school life out there. 824 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,200 One two three. 825 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,000 We have two left. 826 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,000 Make sure it's ten. 827 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,680 I'm not repeating ones I've done already. 828 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:53,680 Right. 829 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:54,980 Next one is called zingers. 830 00:35:54,980 --> 00:35:59,040 People who constantly yell out punch lines from movies, commercials and television. 831 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,640 I know some people like that. 832 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,880 Hey man, I felt like a good line from a movie or a book or something. 833 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,200 In fact, I want to share it. 834 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,880 I wasn't trying to condone you. 835 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,840 Just say random. 836 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,120 When condone me, mean that you will accept me? 837 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:13,120 Condone? 838 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,120 You mean condemn? 839 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,120 Condemn us. 840 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:16,400 Next one is called moon landing. 841 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,400 My muggle and my not too good. 842 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:20,400 Moon landing. 843 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,040 Accidental unintentional contact between your naked ass cheeks with another individual's 844 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,040 naked ass cheeks. 845 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,040 Oh. 846 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,800 It's resulting in a panicked moment of pause, sudden development of perfect posture on bolting 847 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,240 upright butthole puckering and the grunted sorry cough being elicited. 848 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:34,600 What the fuck does this happen? 849 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,080 Commonplace in such a time as gyms or work locker rooms. 850 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,320 Like when you're bending down. 851 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,080 I don't know man. 852 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:42,080 People put butt cheeks. 853 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,080 There's butt cheeks everywhere. 854 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:49,240 People like to put the asses on the cats for self-port. 855 00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:50,240 There's asses everywhere. 856 00:36:50,240 --> 00:36:55,800 I mean they had a moon landing in the modern family. 857 00:36:55,800 --> 00:37:03,000 Between Jay and Cam. 858 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,440 So they ended up having a moon landing. 859 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,640 Cam like you never had a moon landing? 860 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,120 You guys have a name for it. 861 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:12,600 You know Jay being Jay. 862 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,360 So yeah I've never actually had a moon landing. 863 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:17,800 It'd be kind of fun with a woman though. 864 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,800 Butt to butt. 865 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:19,800 But you don't want to. 866 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:25,680 But I don't know what you would do after you press your butt cheeks together. 867 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:26,680 It's like that's it. 868 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:27,680 There's nothing. 869 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,960 There's no sexual gratification of butt to butt slapping. 870 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:31,960 No. 871 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,040 Maybe watch a two woman slap bus together. 872 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:35,040 It would be better. 873 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,040 You're getting yourself ideas. 874 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:37,040 Something like that. 875 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:38,040 Alright that is it for Urban Dictionary. 876 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:47,040 The new stuff for the fan fiction. 877 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:51,880 My 3000 page opus on sexuality. 878 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:53,880 Moon landing. 879 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:54,880 Story chapter 9. 880 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:59,640 You chapter 994. 881 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:05,600 I can write pornography like Shakespeare. 882 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,040 But anything else on Urban Dictionary today? 883 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:09,040 That's it. 884 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,880 Other than I know that I've not been on TikTok. 885 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:17,000 Someone took my damn idea and they're posting the funniest Urban Dictionary stuff on TikTok. 886 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:18,000 You fucking thieves. 887 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:22,640 Yeah a lot of people didn't do Urban Dictionary. 888 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,120 I invented that shit. 889 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,040 Everybody's done Reddit. 890 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,040 My god dang idea. 891 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:33,240 They'll probably make you have more followers than I do. 892 00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:34,240 Probably. 893 00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:35,240 Mother fuckers man. 894 00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:38,840 They always have more followers than I do. 895 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,840 Like comment and subscribe. 896 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:42,960 Alright ready? 897 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:43,960 I'm ready. 898 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:44,960 So. 899 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:45,960 My nose is killing me. 900 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:46,960 Go ahead. 901 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:47,960 It was the theater that did it. 902 00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:48,960 Oh yeah we went to go see Maddenway guys. 903 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:49,960 10 out of 10. 904 00:38:49,960 --> 00:39:02,320 That's only because you liked the action. 905 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:07,960 Alrighty so for our breakdown today we have JLA New World Order. 906 00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,040 New World Order. 907 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,920 This was from 1997. 908 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:20,320 The series ran from January 1997 in JLA number 1 through JLA number 4 of April 1997. 909 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,320 How many tie-ins? 910 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:22,320 Uh. 911 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:27,200 That sounded like 32 tie-in issues. 912 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:28,880 No it was just a straight j- 913 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,400 Oh that's wild. 914 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:31,400 It did not have tie-in. 915 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,880 They tie-in so fucking hard you gotta need a fucking directory. 916 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,760 Again this was 1997 though so not everything tied in. 917 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:39,120 Which is cool. 918 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,800 And it wasn't a big um. 919 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:42,800 World shattering one? 920 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:43,800 Right it wasn't like the- 921 00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,840 Or a medical changing. 922 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,120 Right it wasn't War of the Gods, Crisis on Infinite Earths. 923 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:49,120 It wasn't like that. 924 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,600 This is literally just a JLA like set. 925 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:53,600 Cool. 926 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:54,600 For four issues. 927 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:55,960 Let's hear it. 928 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,320 It's one that you've probably heard of before but we'll go through it again. 929 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,640 So the main heroes in this are Aquaman, Batman. 930 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,080 Aquaman the fact that he's on the top makes him upset. 931 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:06,080 It's alphabetical. 932 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,080 Okay just making sure. 933 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,440 I was thinking like from like uh importance. 934 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:10,440 No. 935 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,440 No this is all alphabetical. 936 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:18,840 But Aquaman, Batman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Superman, and Wonder Woman. 937 00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:19,840 So like the core. 938 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,720 Yeah the literal core. 939 00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:27,240 So it's almost like the core from uh the Justice League TV show. 940 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:28,240 Yeah. 941 00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:32,600 Although for whatever reason they never had Aquaman as like a mainstream. 942 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,840 And if I remember right it was uh Kyle Rayner of Green Lantern? 943 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,040 No it was uh no it was uh John Stewart. 944 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,040 Was it John Stewart? 945 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,600 My boy with that voice. 946 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:41,600 In 97? 947 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,040 Uh I'm talking about the TV show. 948 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,160 Oh the TV show yeah yeah yeah. 949 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:46,680 I know Kyle Rayner was never in it. 950 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,160 And neither was Aquaman which is weird. 951 00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,680 Like he was in it but like as a side character. 952 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,000 Yeah he was never a main character and that was a surprise. 953 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,000 Yeah huh. 954 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,960 I never thought about that. 955 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,360 But he really wasn't. 956 00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:03,080 And whenever they did the JLA and the DC animated movies they used Hal Jordan. 957 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,280 Which was odd too. 958 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:06,280 Huh. 959 00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:07,280 As is. 960 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,280 But. 961 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:15,400 Alright so um JLA New World Order was a four issue story arc and the inaugural event of 962 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,240 the 1997 ongoing JLA title. 963 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:22,800 The story was written by Grant Morrison with illustrations and cover art by Howard Porter 964 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,200 and John Dell. 965 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:33,040 Uh Peg um Garaghy and uh Heroic Age provided the coloring and Kent Lopez provided the lettering. 966 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:34,120 Heroic Age. 967 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,120 I guess that's a pseudonym. 968 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,240 F**king damn I've never heard of a pseudonym. 969 00:41:39,240 --> 00:41:41,720 The story was edited by Ruben Diaz. 970 00:41:41,720 --> 00:41:45,520 All four issues chronically in the event were collected in a trademark paper bag form in 971 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,120 1997 and in a hardcover edition in 2008. 972 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:50,920 Which is the first time I've seen it. 973 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:51,920 Years ago. 974 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:52,920 Yeah. 975 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,240 It was years after. 976 00:41:55,240 --> 00:42:00,400 The story arc is significant for not only being the first major story of the new title 977 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,720 but also for regrouping the Justice League of America known as the JLA at this point 978 00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:08,220 with a familiar and popular team roster. 979 00:42:08,220 --> 00:42:12,160 So that's when we finally got back to having the original seven instead of having Justice 980 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:17,600 League uh what was it Justice League United and all those other JLAs that had existed. 981 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,840 You mean like Justice League Unlimited? 982 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,520 Like 6,000 superheroes in the show? 983 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:23,520 Dude I love the- 984 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:24,520 So many. 985 00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:25,520 I love the question though. 986 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:26,520 You have the best character arc. 987 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:30,840 Yeah until you told me the origin story that they're in now. 988 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,840 F**king stupid. 989 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,800 Just oh my god. 990 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:41,720 It is the first time that heavy hitters such as Aquaman, Batman, Martian Manhunter, Superman 991 00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:47,600 and Wonder Woman have all been teamed up on one team since the mid 1980s at this point. 992 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:51,960 So we get them all back together in this 1997 beginning again for JLA. 993 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:53,960 The leaders are back. 994 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,600 The series also introduced the concept of the White Martians. 995 00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:03,400 An aggressive more predatory race of the Martians dramatically different and more uh dramatically 996 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,200 more different than the the green Martians like Martian Manhunter. 997 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,200 Yeah. 998 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:09,200 Aye. 999 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,200 That must have been the basis for the show then. 1000 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,000 Cause the first two episodes were about the White Martian invasion. 1001 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,400 It was wasn't it? 1002 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,400 Yeah. 1003 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:18,400 So what they did- 1004 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,440 And it was it was them meeting uh John Jones for the first time? 1005 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:26,300 Yeah only in this John had already existed for a while. 1006 00:43:26,300 --> 00:43:32,280 So uh we start off a team of galactic super beings calling themselves the Hyper Clan have 1007 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,000 come to the uh to earth. 1008 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,000 White Martians. 1009 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:36,000 That's the- 1010 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,640 I know but I know who they are. 1011 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,600 The Hyper Clan is what they call themselves. 1012 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:46,680 So the Hyper Clan and I'll give No Way a picture here to see what they look like whenever they 1013 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:47,680 make their way up. 1014 00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:48,680 No. 1015 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,680 I like the do love me some nudity. 1016 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:56,760 They they they try and make themselves look like superheroes. 1017 00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,760 Crazy looking superheroes. 1018 00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,320 Like fail miserably. 1019 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:00,320 Yes. 1020 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:05,200 Uh so they come to earth and they make a showy spectacle of themselves at the National Mall 1021 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,400 introducing themselves to the world. 1022 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,560 They told the tale of how their home world had been decimated by ecological irresponsibility. 1023 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:12,560 Ecological. 1024 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,240 That's a great fucking wording. 1025 00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:15,240 I like it. 1026 00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:17,440 Equal logical irresponsibility. 1027 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,760 And that they now pledge themselves towards preventing the same catastrophes from happening 1028 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,320 to other planets. 1029 00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:27,280 They announce that they were here on earth to heal the world. 1030 00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:28,880 That's their whole concept here. 1031 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:33,120 Back to your own planet ya fucking hippies. 1032 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:37,880 The general populace of earth immediately take a like take a liking to the Hyper Clan 1033 00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:43,200 but earth's superhero population they start to become dubious about their intentions as 1034 00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:48,280 soon as they meet them like Superman's like the fuck is this like who the hell you think 1035 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:49,800 you are. 1036 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:53,800 So the Hyper Clan they start gaining massive respect whenever they start pulling their 1037 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:56,320 talents toward terraforming the Sahara Desert. 1038 00:44:56,320 --> 00:45:00,120 They start having like Instagram and like TikTok videos. 1039 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,120 People are loving them. 1040 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:03,960 Superman's got like 800 followers and they got like a thousand. 1041 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:04,960 God dang. 1042 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:05,960 God dang. 1043 00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:08,400 They start posting the gram instead. 1044 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:12,040 Yeah he's like damn they got more subscribers than I do. 1045 00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:16,640 So they start terraforming the Sahara Desert turning the arid barren wasteland into a virtual 1046 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:18,680 paradise at this point. 1047 00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:24,880 So they take they freeze water from lakes and stuff like that with like their like Superman 1048 00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,720 esque like freeze breath and stuff like that. 1049 00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:33,040 They take it and then melt it over the Sahara Desert turn it into like a rainforest like 1050 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,040 where things just start regrowing. 1051 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:35,040 Does that even work? 1052 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,240 I mean don't they need plants first or like seeds? 1053 00:45:38,240 --> 00:45:42,320 I think they go through and find a way to plant trees and stuff like that all within 1054 00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:43,320 the Sahara. 1055 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,840 They can't just throw water somewhere and expect something to grow. 1056 00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:46,840 Right. 1057 00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:51,120 Superman then goes on record expressing his concerns over these demonstrations citing 1058 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:56,160 that there is no way one could determine the long term geological or social ramifications 1059 00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,160 of such a massive change to the environment. 1060 00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,840 He goes like Instagram live like look you guys gotta listen to me. 1061 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,840 Everyone's like boo boo. 1062 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:07,520 He's like you don't know the ramifications. 1063 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,520 You don't know the ramifications. 1064 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:15,800 So despite the legitimacy of the Man of Steel's concerns most people thought that he was just 1065 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,960 having sour grapes. 1066 00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,120 So am I just fucking ragging us? 1067 00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,520 Don't be like a big Superman. 1068 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,240 Well you couldn't do it so they did it. 1069 00:46:27,240 --> 00:46:29,400 No that's not that's not going to just fly away. 1070 00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:30,400 That's not true. 1071 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:38,080 They basically said that he's jealous of hyperclans. 1072 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,280 So he's writing exactly why I went up. 1073 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:42,280 Exactly. 1074 00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:47,720 He's just jealous of hyperclans' goals to improve life rather than simply slugging it 1075 00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:49,720 out with supervillains all the time. 1076 00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:51,880 I'm just being. 1077 00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:53,320 No I'm not just all fist. 1078 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:54,320 I'm also a brain. 1079 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:55,320 Two plus two is four. 1080 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:56,320 Two plus two is five. 1081 00:46:56,320 --> 00:47:00,680 He's getting completely wrong. 1082 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:05,160 Like a hundred and a hundred and sixty thousand dislikes on Instagram. 1083 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:06,160 Damn. 1084 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,160 Dislike button is getting worse. 1085 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:13,080 He can go into town on his TikTok videos. 1086 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,640 And then the hyperclan they also use their abilities to serve as law enforcement catching 1087 00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:21,200 dangerous criminals and executing them. 1088 00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:22,200 Public support for them. 1089 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:23,200 Let me guess. 1090 00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,560 They're like yeah you gotta get extreme with these villains. 1091 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,120 No you have to be extreme. 1092 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,640 Public support for their actions increased exponentially. 1093 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:34,560 Yeah you did it in 2024. 1094 00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,840 Superman and his colleagues in the JLA soon discover however that there were more to the 1095 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:40,800 hyperclan than what they've seen. 1096 00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:44,720 They suspect that a connection between the hyperclan and the unidentified groups of invaders 1097 00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:49,040 who came from out of nowhere and destroyed the Justice League's previous satellite headquarters. 1098 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:50,040 Damn. 1099 00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,480 So when they came through they destroyed the satellite headquarters first. 1100 00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:53,880 They just went and ran it over. 1101 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:54,880 They didn't even see it. 1102 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:55,880 They went in and tried. 1103 00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:56,880 They just went oh what the fuck was that. 1104 00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:57,880 Superman and Batman. 1105 00:47:57,880 --> 00:47:58,880 He's like I fucking paid for that. 1106 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:04,560 Oh my god that's three billion dollars down the fucking drain. 1107 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,760 This incident resulted in the disbanding of the previous league. 1108 00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:12,000 You know the fact that Batman funds most of it right. 1109 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,720 In my head I imagined him somewhere in the middle of the night. 1110 00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:16,600 It's like Saturday at night right. 1111 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:20,640 And he's just got a big stack of receipts and a little like cash. 1112 00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:21,640 God damn. 1113 00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,640 A hundred and fifty grand for what. 1114 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:25,640 He's just fucking. 1115 00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:26,640 Wouldn't that not be fucking funny. 1116 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:27,640 He's just fucking. 1117 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:28,640 God damn man. 1118 00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:29,640 Well it wasn't a thing. 1119 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:35,560 Was it family guy that made fun of that. 1120 00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:41,600 Where it's like we need to buy a new headquarters and it's like you have who was the Superman 1121 00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,800 saying Bruce Wayne he would be able to pay for it and no he wouldn't. 1122 00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:45,800 I know who he is. 1123 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:46,800 No he wouldn't. 1124 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,800 No he wouldn't pay for that. 1125 00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:50,800 No. 1126 00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:56,760 Batman just broke his head like that. 1127 00:48:56,760 --> 00:49:00,760 So this incident results in the disbanding of the previous league and the apparent death 1128 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,200 of the team member Metamorpho. 1129 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:07,800 The hyper clan meanwhile continued to maintain a foot hold on the planet. 1130 00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:12,360 They erected a massive watchtower of citadels all across the globe and headquartered themselves 1131 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,400 in a fortress in Antarctica named Zanzor. 1132 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:19,720 Damn they're just fucking making tracks all over everywhere. 1133 00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:24,320 The Justice League soon learned that the hyper clan were not the benevolent beings they pretended 1134 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:30,000 to be and were using mind control technology to deter public opinion against the league. 1135 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,100 Thus embracing the hyper clan as Earth's preeminent champions. 1136 00:49:34,100 --> 00:49:38,840 So it wasn't long before the league and the hyper clan came to blows. 1137 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:40,480 So they start wailing on each other. 1138 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,760 To me it's like finally. 1139 00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:50,480 Aquaman fought against their leader Protex which he's like a yellow glowing dude. 1140 00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:51,480 That's that one? 1141 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,480 Okay. 1142 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:53,480 Yeah where he looks like he's like... 1143 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:54,480 Like he's un-lying. 1144 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:55,480 Yeah yeah. 1145 00:49:55,480 --> 00:50:00,360 Wonder Woman and Aquaman fight against the female hyper clan members Primade and Tronix. 1146 00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,480 Like that big Hulk looking one? 1147 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,800 And the red one with the titties out? 1148 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:12,600 The flashing green lanterns had their hands full with Zhin-Turion and the super speed 1149 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:13,600 stir zoom. 1150 00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,960 And I can tell which one that one is. 1151 00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:16,960 Yeah that's easy. 1152 00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:17,960 Looks like Quicksilver. 1153 00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:18,960 Yeah. 1154 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:24,200 While the Martian Manhunter swaps blows with the armored Armec. 1155 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:28,520 Batman concentrated his efforts on the wraith like a mortal. 1156 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:29,800 Okay I see that one yeah. 1157 00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:30,800 On the top of the skull. 1158 00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:33,000 Yeah like a grim reaper looking... 1159 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:34,000 Yeah. 1160 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:35,000 Yeah. 1161 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,000 How many are there? 1162 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:37,000 One two three. 1163 00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,000 Same number as their own. 1164 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000 Okay okay. 1165 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,000 So they fight against their own counterpart space. 1166 00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:42,000 Right. 1167 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,080 And then the Protects place the League members inside of an ancient torture device called 1168 00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:48,920 the Flower of Wrath. 1169 00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:53,640 After this that happens though after let's see here because I skipped ahead of my my 1170 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,600 the stuff that I wrote down. 1171 00:50:56,600 --> 00:51:01,200 So you have Batman fighting against a mortal but lost the initial round whenever a mortal 1172 00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,480 destroys his bat plane. 1173 00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,040 The type of my bat plane? 1174 00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,040 Yes. 1175 00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:08,800 Okay 200,000 200 million dollars down the fucking drain. 1176 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:13,920 So in total the hyper clan squirted defies a divisive victory over the League. 1177 00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:19,440 Protects brought all of the captured members back to Zanzor and that's where they put the 1178 00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:24,320 Martian Manhunter he's missing in action and Batman is presumed dead. 1179 00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:25,320 Ouch. 1180 00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,560 After his bat plane caught fire. 1181 00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,600 Protects placed the League members inside of an ancient the ancient torture device known 1182 00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,520 as the Flower of Wrath. 1183 00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:38,120 Although his victory over the League seemed to be complete his downfall was soon forthcoming. 1184 00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:45,840 Because he he made one one mistake in his calculations and you already know who that 1185 00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:46,840 was against. 1186 00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:47,840 So Aquaman? 1187 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:48,840 Batman. 1188 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:49,840 Batman? 1189 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,120 He assumed Batman was dead. 1190 00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:56,600 So that was probably the dumbest thing you could have done. 1191 00:51:56,600 --> 00:52:01,600 Batman had survived the crash of the bat plane and had infiltrated Zanzor. 1192 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:06,040 So he made his way into this this tower that they had in Antarctica. 1193 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:09,920 Creepied about the lower levels of the Citadel he discovered the truth about the hyperclans 1194 00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:12,200 origins they were Martians. 1195 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:17,240 So of course Batman's the one the detective to figure out they're not some super far off 1196 00:52:17,240 --> 00:52:21,280 alien race they're just white Martians. 1197 00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:25,300 As such Batman knew that they were vulnerable to the fires. 1198 00:52:25,300 --> 00:52:30,360 So armed with his new and valuable knowledge he began conducting surgical strikes against 1199 00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:31,360 that team. 1200 00:52:31,360 --> 00:52:34,800 All for lots of nukes. 1201 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,240 Taking them down one at a time. 1202 00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:40,000 Because they do their weakness is fire. 1203 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,080 They start throwing fire at him. 1204 00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:46,560 He started using lighters and matches. 1205 00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:51,760 The Martian manheader meanwhile had disguised himself as a hyperclan member Armec and was 1206 00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,560 waiting for the opportune time to strike. 1207 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,120 So he wasn't missing in action either. 1208 00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,200 He just shapeshifted into one of them. 1209 00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,080 So he beat the hell out of one of them? 1210 00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,200 And took his place? 1211 00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:06,400 And while imprisoned Superman learned for himself that his captors were Martians he 1212 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,600 was able to break free of his bond and fight back. 1213 00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:13,040 The Martian manheader switched back to his normal form and deactivated the flower of 1214 00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,580 wrath freeing the rest of his teammates. 1215 00:53:15,580 --> 00:53:23,160 But the funniest part that I find in all of it is that whenever you have this guy telling 1216 00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:27,320 Superman like you know Batman is dead. 1217 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:28,320 Like we killed him. 1218 00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,800 Like he's not coming back while they're sitting in this torture device. 1219 00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:34,000 And you have Superman do you think or do you know? 1220 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,040 And he's like no we think he's dead. 1221 00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:42,480 And he's like you just basically released the most dangerous man in the world on you 1222 00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,680 by not checking to see if he's dead. 1223 00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:49,020 And Batman the only reason he even figured out that they were weak to fire is because 1224 00:53:49,020 --> 00:53:51,080 they didn't check the plane crash. 1225 00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:52,740 Because it was on fire. 1226 00:53:52,740 --> 00:53:54,000 So they just oh he's dead. 1227 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,760 They didn't even go look because there's fire right there. 1228 00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,760 To be fair if someone bursts into flames I'm like well I'm pretty sure he's dead. 1229 00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:00,760 Batman? 1230 00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:01,760 Nah. 1231 00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,440 Hold my beer I'm coming back. 1232 00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:06,260 Just fuck them all up. 1233 00:54:06,260 --> 00:54:10,400 So the JLA and the hyper clan have their final battle on the frozen wasteland surrounding 1234 00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:11,400 Zanzor. 1235 00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:17,000 They succeeded in defeating them but quickly became aware of an even more pressing concern. 1236 00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:21,800 Prior to the battle, Protax had sent a signal to the Martian invasion fleet waiting to attack 1237 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:25,860 Earth from a hyperspace pocket called the Still Zone. 1238 00:54:25,860 --> 00:54:31,040 The Martians began striking at a major populist center and the people of Earth stood little 1239 00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:32,680 chance against him. 1240 00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:37,640 Back at Zanzor, Superman broadcast a global message telling the world about the Martians 1241 00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:39,980 and their vulnerability to fire. 1242 00:54:39,980 --> 00:54:44,120 As nearly everyone had access to some kind of flammable accelerant, it wasn't long before 1243 00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,520 the people of Earth were able to repel the Martian force. 1244 00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:50,920 I think they would have thought like you know maybe she was talking about special suits. 1245 00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:56,000 Maybe a retardant type of thing to keep it from bursting into fucking flames. 1246 00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:57,000 No no. 1247 00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,040 I remember the dumbass aliens from science. 1248 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:01,040 Yeah. 1249 00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:03,560 Horrible afflicted by water. 1250 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:04,560 Yes. 1251 00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,280 They come to a planet that fucking rains a lot. 1252 00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:07,280 Exactly. 1253 00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:08,480 Fucking genius. 1254 00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:13,080 So with the crisis passed, the League was tasked with the responsibility of what to 1255 00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,960 do about the hyper clan. 1256 00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:21,240 Superman Manhunter psychically lobotomized the team members of the hyper clan completely. 1257 00:55:21,240 --> 00:55:22,600 Based on us huh? 1258 00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:23,600 Yep. 1259 00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:26,200 Forcing them to assume mundane humanoid forms. 1260 00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:27,200 Hows. 1261 00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:30,960 Forged with their new identities and no knowledge of their Martian heritage, they were sent 1262 00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:33,440 out into the world to join the human race. 1263 00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:35,760 Fucking bogged down by bills and... 1264 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,520 It's like you know what? 1265 00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:38,520 Terrible fucking jobs. 1266 00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:41,520 That would be more torture. 1267 00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:42,520 No kidding. 1268 00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,120 It's like you know what, how about no prison for you. 1269 00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:48,120 I'm gonna lobotomize you and you're gonna go work. 1270 00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,640 You're gonna go work a mundane job. 1271 00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:55,920 We're gonna Sonic just fucking slam the car off. 1272 00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,960 Like daaah. 1273 00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:03,480 But since he lobotomized them they also don't have their fear of fire. 1274 00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:05,120 But they should still have a fear of fire. 1275 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,520 I'm afraid of fire. 1276 00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:12,840 Not like, I mean like a debilitating weakness to fire anymore. 1277 00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:16,240 Cause that's the whole thing with John Jones too. 1278 00:56:16,240 --> 00:56:23,400 Is that I can't remember how late it was but they actually got him to overcome his fear 1279 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:24,760 of fire. 1280 00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,200 Because it was a psychological thing. 1281 00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:30,520 It wasn't really any actual weakness to fire itself. 1282 00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:37,320 Cause I know during Batman, like when Batman in Justice League Tower of Battle where he 1283 00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:42,120 has his whole plans of how to defeat every member of the Justice League. 1284 00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:47,720 He used that psychological fear against Martian Manhunter and he lit his ass on fire too with 1285 00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:48,720 magnesium. 1286 00:56:48,720 --> 00:56:49,720 Magnesium. 1287 00:56:49,720 --> 00:56:52,760 Where the fire doesn't go out in water. 1288 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,720 More space. 1289 00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:55,720 Not particularly. 1290 00:56:55,720 --> 00:56:57,840 Still oxygen in space. 1291 00:56:57,840 --> 00:56:59,980 Doesn't have to. 1292 00:56:59,980 --> 00:57:03,680 Whatever that's what I'm saying, whatever chemical he coated Martian Manhunter in, it 1293 00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:06,680 was enough to keep burning everywhere. 1294 00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:08,600 It didn't need oxygen. 1295 00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:12,280 It was like a chemical fire it wasn't. 1296 00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:13,280 Chemical compound. 1297 00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:14,280 Yeah. 1298 00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,000 What about sand? 1299 00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:18,000 I'll find a way. 1300 00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:21,080 You know what, just kill me. 1301 00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:26,520 Well yeah, that was the hyper clan thing. 1302 00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:27,520 Hyper clan. 1303 00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,600 I mean you see what they look like though. 1304 00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:31,600 Yeah. 1305 00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:35,200 They look like, some of them look like horrible versions of the character. 1306 00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,920 I'm not kidding. 1307 00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:40,600 Although the A-Mortal doesn't look too bad. 1308 00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:41,600 The grim maneuver one. 1309 00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,400 It doesn't look too terrible. 1310 00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:46,400 They got two heavy hitters too. 1311 00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:50,080 That Hulk looking one and the Mr. Thing looking one. 1312 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:51,080 Yeah. 1313 00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:53,600 Or not Mr. Thing, the thing. 1314 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:54,600 Hmm. 1315 00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:55,600 Okay. 1316 00:57:55,600 --> 00:58:02,680 These are the first four issues of that new Justice League book set. 1317 00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:03,680 Roster? 1318 00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:10,080 Was it like a, was it the start of a new ongoing series or was it just about stand alone? 1319 00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:14,000 Yeah it was the new series of Justice League. 1320 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:18,400 And like I said they hadn't been together, these core members since the mid 1980s. 1321 00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:19,400 Damn. 1322 00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:22,360 So this is them bringing them back into one team again. 1323 00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,520 But they were back. 1324 00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:29,240 Obviously it gave rise to Justice League Unlimited and all that kind of stuff. 1325 00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:32,440 This was moving away from like Justice League of America. 1326 00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:34,920 Justice League, what was it? 1327 00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:35,920 International. 1328 00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:36,920 Justice League Sacred. 1329 00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:37,920 Right. 1330 00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:38,920 They were like Task Force. 1331 00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:40,800 Justice League, not the Justice League but sort of Justice League. 1332 00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:41,800 Right. 1333 00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:42,800 It was. 1334 00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:44,520 Justice League's Junior Division. 1335 00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:49,560 Because with the whole like death of Superman in the early 90s, they started having so many 1336 00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:54,080 different versions of Justice League that this was back toward, instead of just saying 1337 00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,160 Justice League, it went back to JLA. 1338 00:58:56,160 --> 00:59:03,840 Talk about like the craziest fucking character decision for anybody, fictional character, 1339 00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:05,600 is making Superman blue and red. 1340 00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:07,720 Oh that was weird. 1341 00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:08,720 Was it not? 1342 00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:09,720 That was very weird. 1343 00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:13,000 Weirdest decision I've ever seen for a character ever. 1344 00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:18,120 They took the Man of Steel and made him some weird like split personality of two different 1345 00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:19,120 entities. 1346 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:20,120 Yeah. 1347 00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:21,120 A blue run and a red Superman. 1348 00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:22,800 I thought he came back together again. 1349 00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:23,800 And I'm back. 1350 00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:25,720 It was such a weird choice. 1351 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:27,120 I don't remember though, after the New 52. 1352 00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:28,120 None of them. 1353 00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:32,000 They must have done a line of fucking cocaine and they were like I got a fucking idea. 1354 00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:35,880 Whatever it was, Tuesday's fucking grinding his teeth back left to right. 1355 00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:37,680 You ever see anyone do that? 1356 00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:38,680 Yeah. 1357 00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,720 Like the people with dentures like click their teeth left to right. 1358 00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:41,720 Yeah. 1359 00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:44,120 I had this old lady one day, she was like, she was clicking away. 1360 00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:45,920 I'm like are you doing Morse code? 1361 00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:46,920 Do you need help? 1362 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:48,640 It was like just clickety clack. 1363 00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:49,640 Sure. 1364 00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,920 Must be nice to be able to click your teeth and not worry about them getting cracked, 1365 00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:52,920 you know? 1366 00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:54,920 I wouldn't want to do it. 1367 00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,240 Imagine like clicking your teeth together, your real teeth. 1368 00:59:57,240 --> 01:00:00,000 They can do that with dentures because they don't feel it. 1369 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,400 But man that shit would hurt. 1370 01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:05,280 I mean I can click my teeth a little but I don't want to do it too hard. 1371 01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:06,280 Yeah. 1372 01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:07,280 It's like crack teeth. 1373 01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:08,280 How? 1374 01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:09,280 Oh shit. 1375 01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:12,760 I totally want to do all that. 1376 01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:19,320 But like I said, all this now, it has no effect on the canon of DC Universe. 1377 01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:24,880 I thought it was cool but if I cover any more comic books or anything like that, I'll 1378 01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:32,880 go back to the ones that actually were more interesting compared to what we have now. 1379 01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:34,520 I looked at some of the stuff. 1380 01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:38,720 Like you have High School Batman now, where it's like a manga. 1381 01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:39,720 Goddamn trigonometry. 1382 01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,720 I can't figure it out. 1383 01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:44,000 Oh so stupid. 1384 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,000 Oh. 1385 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:52,280 Oh which reminds me, did you see what Disney did to the 1997 X-Men? 1386 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:54,200 No. 1387 01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:57,120 They took away the ass that Rogue had. 1388 01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:59,360 She had an ass? 1389 01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:01,640 You couldn't even see that. 1390 01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:03,680 The ass in the comic. 1391 01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:09,000 One of the rare times where I wasn't highly sexualized was when I was watching the 1997 1392 01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:10,000 X-Men. 1393 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:14,200 I'm just saying they took away the crease of how her ass would have looked. 1394 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:18,040 Like they desexualized all those characters completely. 1395 01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:19,920 That's alright. 1396 01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:22,000 They weren't sexualized to begin with really. 1397 01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:23,000 Hey bub. 1398 01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:26,280 Look at my hairy ass chest. 1399 01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:31,280 Well yeah, that's all I got on our dive today. 1400 01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:32,280 Hard ass devils. 1401 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:33,280 Out of man-tire. 1402 01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:41,280 Alright, you ready to get into some Reddit today? 1403 01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:42,280 Yeah. 1404 01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:43,280 Alright. 1405 01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:51,040 First one is by Divine G. Jesus is that you? 1406 01:01:51,040 --> 01:01:55,560 This person puts, one day a coworker brings me a bunch of one chip challenge chips and 1407 01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:57,840 says if anyone wants to eat them. 1408 01:01:57,840 --> 01:01:58,840 Oh lord. 1409 01:01:58,840 --> 01:01:59,840 Oh lord. 1410 01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:03,160 We're all going to watch. 1411 01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:04,440 Being the Mexican that I am. 1412 01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:05,440 Oh no. 1413 01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:07,880 I was overconfident in my spice towerings. 1414 01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:08,880 Okay man. 1415 01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:11,880 That is no problem man. 1416 01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:14,880 Somebody did that in the Philippines where they gave them one. 1417 01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:15,880 Fucking dang man. 1418 01:02:15,880 --> 01:02:16,880 I fucked up man. 1419 01:02:16,880 --> 01:02:17,880 I can see you soon man. 1420 01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:26,560 I decided to take the challenge and see if I can outlast my other coworker. 1421 01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:31,240 Everyone is gathered around my coworker and I waiting in anticipation to see our red hot 1422 01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:32,240 faces. 1423 01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:33,240 Oh I see. 1424 01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,240 You can just burst into flames. 1425 01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,160 Got they magnesium man. 1426 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:39,920 We both eat the chips and wait a minute. 1427 01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:41,560 Yeah, it's pretty hot I guess. 1428 01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:42,560 Nothing crazy. 1429 01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:46,600 My face is a little sweaty doing some slight mouth panting but nothing crazy. 1430 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:49,560 It's just pain. 1431 01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:56,400 Everyone is disappointed that we didn't react more but I still have my spicy pride intact. 1432 01:02:56,400 --> 01:03:12,300 I prove my 1433 01:03:12,300 --> 01:03:17,100 Fl inside sent Advent looks to see, 1434 01:03:17,100 --> 01:03:28,480 Then I started to feel a slight stomach disruption. 1435 01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:29,960 Oh ha ha. 1436 01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:31,720 Probably got a poop or something right. 1437 01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:36,780 I start walking towards the bathroom and realize this is no ordinary stomach movement. 1438 01:03:36,780 --> 01:03:39,760 This is pain reflected from the devil himself. 1439 01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:42,520 I start getting this gut-wrenching pain in my gut, 1440 01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:44,560 and it doesn't even feel like spice. 1441 01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,480 It just feels like someone took a knife 1442 01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:48,400 and was just fucking around in there. 1443 01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:49,240 God dang! 1444 01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:51,840 He must've got him in a, 1445 01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:53,400 he must've had an ulcer or something. 1446 01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:54,240 Could have. 1447 01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:55,280 Just reacted to it. 1448 01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:56,880 That's a bad idea. 1449 01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:57,960 What the hell is the man? 1450 01:03:57,960 --> 01:03:58,800 What's going on? 1451 01:03:58,800 --> 01:04:00,200 What the fuck is going on with me? 1452 01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:01,600 What the hell, man? 1453 01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:04,640 My fucking asshole, man. 1454 01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,360 I have to get out of the building 1455 01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:10,360 because my entire body is starting to sweat. 1456 01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:13,040 So I'm starting to get tunnel vision. 1457 01:04:13,040 --> 01:04:15,560 It's pouring rain outside and this feels amazing. 1458 01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:19,240 I try to put my butt cheeks into the sky, man. 1459 01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:21,080 The water will drip into my asshole, man. 1460 01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:22,840 I'm just gonna get my life being read. 1461 01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:25,680 I start vomiting aggressively. 1462 01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:26,520 God dang! 1463 01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:27,720 In the war parking lot, 1464 01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:28,640 in the pouring rain, 1465 01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:30,600 and eventually just lay down near the vomit 1466 01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:31,640 and try surviving the pain. 1467 01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:32,680 He just fucking dies. 1468 01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:36,800 That was for three minutes, man. 1469 01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:38,200 I started taking off my shirt 1470 01:04:38,200 --> 01:04:40,400 because the whole experience is so overwhelming. 1471 01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:41,680 Jesus Christ, man. 1472 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:43,640 What the fuck happened to you? 1473 01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:46,880 Having a fucking out of body life experience. 1474 01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:48,760 I am laying there hyperventilated 1475 01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:51,920 and for some reason what's on my mind is my pride. 1476 01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:54,240 I can't let my co-worker see me like this. 1477 01:04:54,240 --> 01:04:55,720 I won the damn chip challenge. 1478 01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,080 Here we go, Zagorale. 1479 01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:58,280 I'm all right, man. 1480 01:04:58,280 --> 01:04:59,840 Very stupid, I know. 1481 01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:02,080 I should have had someone take me to the ER 1482 01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:03,600 right then and there, 1483 01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,120 but nah, I'm gonna do it. 1484 01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,600 I would probably cost a lot of money too. 1485 01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:10,320 I crawl into my car shirtless, 1486 01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:13,600 pouring sweat, 1487 01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:16,320 but you can't tell because it's raining so much 1488 01:05:16,320 --> 01:05:18,720 and I managed to turn on the car somehow. 1489 01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:20,440 It took me a while to move the vehicle. 1490 01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:22,480 I was just sitting there processing this. 1491 01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:23,320 It was happening. 1492 01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:25,880 I'm gonna keep my asshole closed. 1493 01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:27,920 It was just shocked as I didn't know 1494 01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:29,640 this amount of pain was possible 1495 01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:31,560 and I didn't expect to feel it at work. 1496 01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:33,960 I remembered I had a bottle of pesto. 1497 01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:36,240 Oh, he says pesto. 1498 01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:37,160 It's supposed to be Pepto. 1499 01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:38,000 Okay. 1500 01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:39,800 Pepto, I had a bottle of Pepto. 1501 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:41,040 Pesto Bismol. 1502 01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:45,840 Kills diarrhea, upsets the stomach and bugs. 1503 01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,440 My guess is that it was probably 1504 01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,760 Spellcheck that corrected that for him, 1505 01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:50,600 but it's supposed to be, 1506 01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,080 I had a bottle of Pepto Bismol in my car. 1507 01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:54,320 This is some weird Hispanic thing 1508 01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:55,720 that even I don't know about. 1509 01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:56,960 I had Pesto Bismol. 1510 01:05:56,960 --> 01:05:58,120 You gave me the pesto, man? 1511 01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:00,360 I'm fucking done with you, man. 1512 01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:02,120 You could have just put it in wrong. 1513 01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:04,200 You make me think it's called pesto. 1514 01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:05,040 Probably. 1515 01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:06,440 I need some pesto Bismol. 1516 01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:09,320 Shit, you know what my day used to call Gatorade? 1517 01:06:09,320 --> 01:06:10,600 Used to call it Genny Gay. 1518 01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:11,800 Genny? 1519 01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:12,640 I don't fucking know. 1520 01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:13,680 You're gonna get gayed? 1521 01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:15,160 That's tricky. 1522 01:06:15,160 --> 01:06:17,080 Yeah, that's how he called it. 1523 01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:17,920 Had an argument with a guy 1524 01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:19,280 at a fucking supermarket trying to look for it. 1525 01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:20,120 Where's the Genny Gay at? 1526 01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:21,920 What the fuck are you talking about? 1527 01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:27,760 So he chugs it all down in a futile attempt at recovery. 1528 01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:29,000 It did nothing. 1529 01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:32,240 It's very stupid of me to drive in this condition, 1530 01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:34,800 but I was in a crazy head space, okay? 1531 01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:37,000 And terrified of what was happening. 1532 01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:40,000 I'm shivering and writhing on my drive home, 1533 01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,560 which is only a seven minute drive away. 1534 01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:43,520 I'm not fucking sure though, that's why. 1535 01:06:45,160 --> 01:06:47,160 I didn't even tell anyone I was leaving. 1536 01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:49,680 Just fucking dipped. 1537 01:06:49,680 --> 01:06:54,680 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1538 01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:58,240 It takes a lot for a Mexican to leave work. 1539 01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:02,960 You must have been on the verge of death. 1540 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:05,440 I must have looked insane to anyone who saw me in my car, 1541 01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:07,120 but I managed to get home. 1542 01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:09,840 Me driving shirtless, making grotesque faces, 1543 01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:10,680 and screaming. 1544 01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:12,000 Is it fucking weird? 1545 01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:15,480 While screaming while I have pee stuff all around my mouth 1546 01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:18,840 and pesto bismol that escaped my mouth. 1547 01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:20,760 Jesus Christ. 1548 01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,000 I can't explain it, but it hurt to walk 1549 01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:26,000 because it would shift things in my stomach so much. 1550 01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:27,800 I basically crawled into my house 1551 01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:29,120 and then got in my bathtub. 1552 01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:33,000 I turned on the shower, the shower headset. 1553 01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:36,000 I turned on the shower head, 1554 01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:37,640 set it to the coldest temperature, 1555 01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:39,120 and for the next few hours, 1556 01:07:39,120 --> 01:07:42,200 I started to have what I call spice visions. 1557 01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:47,640 The pain became so unbearable 1558 01:07:47,640 --> 01:07:49,600 that I kind of just floated away from it 1559 01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,360 and entered a dreamlike state 1560 01:07:51,360 --> 01:07:54,040 and was just reliving various memories 1561 01:07:54,040 --> 01:07:56,280 and felt like physical sensations in my body 1562 01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:58,200 that I felt out of this world. 1563 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,640 It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced 1564 01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:03,960 and I have some gamely energy. 1565 01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:06,960 This is me, game injuries. 1566 01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:08,600 Gamely injuries. 1567 01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:11,440 In the past, like completely destroying my ACL 1568 01:08:11,440 --> 01:08:13,960 and falling on it during recovery. 1569 01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:15,280 This was something else. 1570 01:08:15,280 --> 01:08:17,920 I now realize I probably had an ulcer 1571 01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:19,840 that my spice was leaking into. 1572 01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:20,960 Hard way to learn. 1573 01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:21,800 Baha. 1574 01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:22,640 Fuck. 1575 01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:24,920 Has anyone else had a similar experience, the pain? 1576 01:08:25,920 --> 01:08:28,760 Nobody else has cried in the parking lot after. 1577 01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:32,640 Did you take your shirt off me? 1578 01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:33,800 They're not weird as yet. 1579 01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,200 Someone comes out after work, right, to go home. 1580 01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:38,520 There's a fucking just a shirt on the fucking floor. 1581 01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,160 Well, the title would have given it away, 1582 01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:41,120 but it said, 1583 01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:43,360 today I fucked up by eating the world's hottest chip 1584 01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:45,040 and destroying my insides at work, 1585 01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:46,080 then tripping balls. 1586 01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:50,840 All right. 1587 01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:53,640 Next one is by a really good sandwich. 1588 01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:54,880 This person puts, 1589 01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:57,680 this is honestly kind of two, 1590 01:08:57,680 --> 01:09:00,360 today I fucked ups, in one. 1591 01:09:00,360 --> 01:09:02,480 I accidentally gave myself a yeast infection 1592 01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:04,080 from using one of my sex toys. 1593 01:09:09,480 --> 01:09:10,880 Damn girl, calm down. 1594 01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:12,080 Well, I'm assuming it's a woman. 1595 01:09:12,080 --> 01:09:12,920 Yeah. 1596 01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,760 So women have more sex toys than men. 1597 01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:16,840 But nowadays, the flesh lights everywhere. 1598 01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,200 Well, you don't get a yeast infection, though. 1599 01:09:20,200 --> 01:09:22,160 I don't know what you do with a flesh light. 1600 01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:23,600 I know what you do. 1601 01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:25,360 I don't know what you do with it. 1602 01:09:26,880 --> 01:09:28,440 I usually use toy cleaner 1603 01:09:28,440 --> 01:09:31,320 before running under some hot water, but this time- 1604 01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:33,760 Oh, they got toy cleaner. 1605 01:09:33,760 --> 01:09:34,600 They use it for water. 1606 01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:35,440 Oh, lord. 1607 01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:38,800 But this time I used regular hand soap instead. 1608 01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:42,040 I wash my toys before and after use. 1609 01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:44,120 I have some fun one night, woke up, 1610 01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:47,880 and the next day was oncoming symptoms of a yeast infection. 1611 01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:49,240 My vajayjay hurt. 1612 01:09:49,240 --> 01:09:50,080 Oh, praise the Lord. 1613 01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:52,880 It was a little itchy, 1614 01:09:52,880 --> 01:09:55,520 and it felt like I constantly had to wipe myself. 1615 01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:58,720 Jesus, girl, I was in the bathroom doing exactly that. 1616 01:09:58,720 --> 01:09:59,960 When I finished, I turned around 1617 01:09:59,960 --> 01:10:02,280 and noticed the alcohol sitting on the shelf. 1618 01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:04,040 I thought to myself, 1619 01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,280 well, what exactly is a yeast infection? 1620 01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:08,840 A fungal infection? 1621 01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:11,280 And what is 91% isopropyl alcohol? 1622 01:10:11,280 --> 01:10:12,680 An antiseptic? 1623 01:10:12,680 --> 01:10:13,520 Perfect. 1624 01:10:13,520 --> 01:10:15,080 This is a no-brainer. 1625 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:16,880 I ripped off a piece of paper towel 1626 01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:18,960 and got it soaked with the alcohol. 1627 01:10:18,960 --> 01:10:20,880 I threw my foot up on the counter, 1628 01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:24,960 confident in the fact that I had outsmarted the infection. 1629 01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:28,040 I needed the leverage to get real deep in there. 1630 01:10:28,040 --> 01:10:31,160 I pressed the paper towel up in my vajayjay. 1631 01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:33,560 Before I even got the chance to pull the paper towel away, 1632 01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:36,200 I immediately regretted every decision I had ever made 1633 01:10:36,200 --> 01:10:37,760 leading up until this point. 1634 01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:40,520 My vajayjay was burning. 1635 01:10:40,520 --> 01:10:41,360 Bad. 1636 01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:44,160 This was a horrible idea. 1637 01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:45,760 It just kept getting worse. 1638 01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:48,880 I thought it was gonna swell shut. 1639 01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:49,720 Ouch. 1640 01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:53,560 I ripped off a new piece of paper towel 1641 01:10:53,560 --> 01:10:56,280 and soaked with that one in water. 1642 01:10:56,280 --> 01:11:00,080 Dabbed that one with that instead. 1643 01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:03,160 It felt like Satan was clawing at my insides. 1644 01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:07,320 Hell was metaphorically my vajayjay in that moment. 1645 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:10,720 This went on for about five to 10 minutes. 1646 01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:13,760 I cringed thinking back to the sounds I was making. 1647 01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:15,840 The whimpers and the pleas for one, 1648 01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:17,880 for someone to help me. 1649 01:11:17,880 --> 01:11:20,800 And no one in the way to help me. 1650 01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:24,640 Just going to Walmart and got a monistat three inch chain. 1651 01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:25,760 Eesh. 1652 01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:27,200 My God. 1653 01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:28,040 That must hurt. 1654 01:11:29,280 --> 01:11:30,920 Two points. 1655 01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:35,760 Don't ever rub alcohol anywhere near yourself. 1656 01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:37,040 Ever. 1657 01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:38,160 It's gonna burn. 1658 01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:39,160 Yeah. 1659 01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:40,000 Number two. 1660 01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:43,320 My cousin used to shave my head, right? 1661 01:11:43,320 --> 01:11:44,240 With a razor. 1662 01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:45,080 Yeah. 1663 01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:45,920 And fucking slapped the back of my head 1664 01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:46,760 with an alcohol swab. 1665 01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:47,600 Fuck. 1666 01:11:47,600 --> 01:11:48,440 Oh. 1667 01:11:48,440 --> 01:11:49,280 Oh. 1668 01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:51,120 Oh, it hurts. 1669 01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:52,960 Yeah, I should fucking kill. 1670 01:11:54,960 --> 01:11:55,800 Number two. 1671 01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:59,160 My God, girl, you use your sex toys too much. 1672 01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:00,880 Yeah, girl, you get it on to you. 1673 01:12:00,880 --> 01:12:02,720 You gotta get laid. 1674 01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:03,800 My Jesus Christ. 1675 01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:04,640 Fuck. 1676 01:12:04,640 --> 01:12:06,960 You're gonna get the vagina arrest. 1677 01:12:09,080 --> 01:12:10,600 It's like you got the clear. 1678 01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:13,520 You got toys with a... 1679 01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:14,840 Pour on your ass. 1680 01:12:16,800 --> 01:12:17,640 My God. 1681 01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:19,080 And you probably wouldn't get it 1682 01:12:19,080 --> 01:12:20,480 if you didn't stick it somewhere else. 1683 01:12:20,480 --> 01:12:22,880 It's like the goddamn broke back three thousand. 1684 01:12:24,560 --> 01:12:27,840 All right, next one is by Hammer of Justice. 1685 01:12:27,840 --> 01:12:29,440 I'm very... 1686 01:12:29,440 --> 01:12:31,480 So this was a little while ago. 1687 01:12:31,480 --> 01:12:33,320 It took me some time to recover. 1688 01:12:33,320 --> 01:12:37,280 I have bad kidneys, so my nephrologist 1689 01:12:37,280 --> 01:12:39,120 makes me regularly do what they call 1690 01:12:39,120 --> 01:12:41,760 a 24 hour urine collection. 1691 01:12:41,760 --> 01:12:43,560 You are given a 10 liter plastic bottle 1692 01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:45,560 containing some hydrochloric acid. 1693 01:12:45,560 --> 01:12:48,200 There's a long-winded scientific explanation 1694 01:12:48,200 --> 01:12:49,160 for why it is done, 1695 01:12:49,160 --> 01:12:51,840 but it's not important for the story. 1696 01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:54,280 And you urinate into it for 24 hours. 1697 01:12:54,280 --> 01:12:55,360 And then return the bottle 1698 01:12:55,360 --> 01:12:57,160 to the pathology center for testing. 1699 01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:01,080 I had to do this on a weekday, 1700 01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:03,000 so brought the bottle into the office with me. 1701 01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:06,520 Oh no, is there a way you go? 1702 01:13:06,520 --> 01:13:08,840 Left it in my bag in the disabled toilet 1703 01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:10,600 with a note saying, do not touch, 1704 01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:11,840 and started the regular trek 1705 01:13:11,840 --> 01:13:13,480 between my desk and the toilet. 1706 01:13:13,480 --> 01:13:15,240 I have to drink about eight liters a day, 1707 01:13:15,240 --> 01:13:17,000 so it's a lot of toilet visits. 1708 01:13:18,280 --> 01:13:20,240 Late in the afternoon, the bottle was getting full, 1709 01:13:20,240 --> 01:13:22,320 and I'm in the process of making it fuller 1710 01:13:22,320 --> 01:13:24,920 when I get splash back on the tip. 1711 01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:28,440 I don't think even Shakespeare is capable 1712 01:13:28,440 --> 01:13:30,680 of describing how eye-wateringly painful 1713 01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:34,320 getting even diluted hydrochloric acid onto your tip is. 1714 01:13:35,240 --> 01:13:37,920 Fortunately, I was in the disabled toilet, 1715 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,320 so my screams were muffled, 1716 01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:41,200 and I was able to stagger to the basin 1717 01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:44,360 and put my junk under the stream of cold water. 1718 01:13:44,360 --> 01:13:45,920 I can't remember how long I stood there 1719 01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:48,720 splashing water over it while crying in pain 1720 01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:51,040 and damning the litany of poor life choices 1721 01:13:51,040 --> 01:13:52,520 that it led to this moment. 1722 01:13:52,520 --> 01:13:54,240 How high did he have to like... 1723 01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:55,920 Fill it? 1724 01:13:55,920 --> 01:13:57,480 No, I mean, like he said he put his water, 1725 01:13:57,480 --> 01:13:59,320 his dick underneath the water faucet, right? 1726 01:13:59,320 --> 01:14:00,160 Yeah. 1727 01:14:00,160 --> 01:14:02,480 It's a disabled one, so it probably sits lower. 1728 01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,960 Okay, because I'm like, there's no way I could reach 1729 01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:06,080 being as short as I am. 1730 01:14:06,080 --> 01:14:08,880 I'd have to fucking shove my dick into the fucking... 1731 01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:09,720 Jump? 1732 01:14:09,720 --> 01:14:10,560 Yeah. 1733 01:14:10,560 --> 01:14:11,640 You can go over and over and over. 1734 01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:13,120 Like, no, I think it's how high a sink is 1735 01:14:13,120 --> 01:14:14,640 till you need to use it for something you don't know 1736 01:14:14,640 --> 01:14:15,920 about us to. 1737 01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:17,560 Eventually, I turned the water off, 1738 01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:20,160 very gently patted it dry with paper towels 1739 01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:21,320 and staggered back to my desk, 1740 01:14:21,320 --> 01:14:25,280 unaware that the front of my trousers were soaking wet. 1741 01:14:25,280 --> 01:14:26,600 I then collapsed into my seat, 1742 01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:28,720 having lost the function of speech, 1743 01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:31,320 while desperately looking for something alkaline 1744 01:14:31,320 --> 01:14:32,560 to stick my dick in. 1745 01:14:32,560 --> 01:14:33,400 Look, just... 1746 01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:37,400 Sadly, no one had a turnip at their desk. 1747 01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:42,400 Work colleagues took one look at my profuse sweating, 1748 01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:44,920 whimpering man with the saturated trousers 1749 01:14:44,920 --> 01:14:46,520 and wisely kept their distance. 1750 01:14:47,440 --> 01:14:49,520 I don't think there is any long-term damage 1751 01:14:49,520 --> 01:14:51,200 to the old hammer of justice, 1752 01:14:51,200 --> 01:14:54,560 but don't mind me if I sit out any upcoming 1753 01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:55,760 ordecent invitations. 1754 01:14:55,760 --> 01:14:58,440 I guess I better rest in that low orgy invitation. 1755 01:14:58,440 --> 01:14:59,280 Yeah. 1756 01:15:01,280 --> 01:15:02,840 Let's see here. 1757 01:15:02,840 --> 01:15:05,920 Next one is by Don't Have a Soul 666. 1758 01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:06,760 Oh, please. 1759 01:15:07,680 --> 01:15:09,520 All right, this person puts... 1760 01:15:11,520 --> 01:15:12,840 Let's see... 1761 01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:16,360 What would T.W.? 1762 01:15:16,360 --> 01:15:18,160 What the hell does T.W. mean? 1763 01:15:20,960 --> 01:15:22,200 Oh, trigger warning. 1764 01:15:22,200 --> 01:15:24,600 Now we have trigger warnings in Reddit. 1765 01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:28,800 We just talked about a girl running alcohol on her for JJ 1766 01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:32,160 and a dude getting acid on his dick. 1767 01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:33,720 Now we have trigger warnings. 1768 01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:34,560 No. 1769 01:15:34,560 --> 01:15:35,400 Okay. 1770 01:15:35,400 --> 01:15:36,480 Maybe it's suicide or something. 1771 01:15:36,480 --> 01:15:38,480 No, no, it's about vomiting. 1772 01:15:38,480 --> 01:15:40,880 Well, people are, you know... 1773 01:15:40,880 --> 01:15:52,520 All right, this person puts... 1774 01:16:10,920 --> 01:16:12,280 When I got to bed, I remembered 1775 01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:14,040 I forgot to put the leftover soup away. 1776 01:16:14,040 --> 01:16:16,880 So I headed downstairs and packed it up into the fridge, 1777 01:16:16,880 --> 01:16:19,520 foolishly thinking that I hadn't been that long 1778 01:16:19,520 --> 01:16:21,360 since I left it out. 1779 01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:22,920 I saw the bowl and I had left out 1780 01:16:22,920 --> 01:16:25,360 and decided to heat it back up in the microwave and eat it. 1781 01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:26,400 Such a big mistake. 1782 01:16:27,440 --> 01:16:29,920 I go back to bed only to wake up an hour later 1783 01:16:29,920 --> 01:16:32,400 with the worst stomach cramps and realizing 1784 01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:34,600 if I didn't get to the bathroom right now, 1785 01:16:34,600 --> 01:16:36,680 I'm going to puke all over the bed. 1786 01:16:36,680 --> 01:16:39,120 I get into the bathroom and go through the dilemma of, 1787 01:16:39,120 --> 01:16:41,360 do I sit on the toilet or do I throw up first 1788 01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:42,880 and risk shitting my pants? 1789 01:16:44,320 --> 01:16:46,000 And a lot of soups gonna be there to you. 1790 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:48,240 How quick did they go bad? 1791 01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:49,240 I didn't think it would go bad. 1792 01:16:49,240 --> 01:16:50,960 Like from a couple of hours? 1793 01:16:50,960 --> 01:16:52,360 My God. 1794 01:16:52,360 --> 01:16:53,200 What did you put in there? 1795 01:16:53,200 --> 01:16:54,480 It must have been bad from the beginning. 1796 01:16:54,480 --> 01:16:55,760 Right. 1797 01:16:55,760 --> 01:16:57,640 I decided to sit on the toilet first. 1798 01:16:57,640 --> 01:17:00,440 I've always had a weak stomach and just a few hours ago 1799 01:17:00,440 --> 01:17:02,000 made the mistake of throwing up first 1800 01:17:02,000 --> 01:17:03,200 and having an accident. 1801 01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:04,240 A few months ago, sorry. 1802 01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:05,800 Oh, well, she's already fucking with you. 1803 01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:07,000 You know what I should have said. 1804 01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:08,320 God dang. 1805 01:17:08,320 --> 01:17:10,560 Nope, I'm throwing up now. 1806 01:17:10,560 --> 01:17:13,480 So I quickly spin around and violently throw up 1807 01:17:13,480 --> 01:17:14,760 everything in my stomach. 1808 01:17:14,760 --> 01:17:16,400 Beans and corns are the worst thing 1809 01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:18,120 to eat before throwing up. 1810 01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:22,360 They get stuck in the back of my throat, 1811 01:17:22,360 --> 01:17:24,440 in my sinuses and in my nose. 1812 01:17:24,440 --> 01:17:25,280 God dang. 1813 01:17:25,280 --> 01:17:28,440 The sensation of corn and beans covered in stomach acid 1814 01:17:28,440 --> 01:17:30,120 make me vomit even more, 1815 01:17:30,120 --> 01:17:33,720 causing more chunks to get stuck in my throat and sinuses. 1816 01:17:33,720 --> 01:17:36,320 I was just a cycle of trying to get the vomit chunks 1817 01:17:36,320 --> 01:17:39,080 out of the back of my throat and aggressively gagging. 1818 01:17:39,080 --> 01:17:40,520 I finally get done with the gagging. 1819 01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:42,520 Now it's time to blow my nose as hard as I can 1820 01:17:42,520 --> 01:17:44,760 to get the corn out of my sinuses. 1821 01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:47,200 God, corn in your side? 1822 01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:48,720 Should have fucking shot the wrong way. 1823 01:17:48,720 --> 01:17:49,560 Yeah. 1824 01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:50,480 Oh. 1825 01:17:50,480 --> 01:17:52,240 I blow and blow and blow. 1826 01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:53,560 It takes forever to come out. 1827 01:17:53,560 --> 01:17:56,000 Then I noticed that there's a burning sensation 1828 01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:58,480 near where my sinuses meet my throat. 1829 01:17:58,480 --> 01:18:02,120 I have to keep trying to snort the corn back into my throat. 1830 01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:03,760 And whenever it finally does, 1831 01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:05,960 of course it triggers me to gag and vomit 1832 01:18:05,960 --> 01:18:07,320 and the cycle begins again. 1833 01:18:07,320 --> 01:18:08,400 God dang. 1834 01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:09,760 Eventually the torture is over 1835 01:18:09,760 --> 01:18:11,320 and I can finally go back to bed. 1836 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:13,960 My sinuses back in my throat and my lips are burning 1837 01:18:13,960 --> 01:18:16,120 from the long exposure of stomach acid. 1838 01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:19,960 I wake up this morning feeling weak, my throat in agony. 1839 01:18:19,960 --> 01:18:21,520 And whenever I looked into the mirror, 1840 01:18:21,520 --> 01:18:24,280 there was a burst blood vessel all over my face. 1841 01:18:24,280 --> 01:18:28,400 Now it's like, just yeah, blood vessels all fucked up. 1842 01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:29,680 I look horrible. 1843 01:18:29,680 --> 01:18:31,800 I should be, it should be common sense, 1844 01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:33,520 but if you're stupid like me, 1845 01:18:33,520 --> 01:18:34,920 please don't eat that snack 1846 01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:36,800 that's been sitting on the counter for hours. 1847 01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:37,840 It is not worth it. 1848 01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:40,440 Edit. 1849 01:18:40,440 --> 01:18:41,920 It probably was more of an hour 1850 01:18:41,920 --> 01:18:44,520 after I ate the soup whenever I got sick. 1851 01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:46,560 I was goofing around with my cats for a while 1852 01:18:46,560 --> 01:18:48,120 before I went to sleep. 1853 01:18:48,120 --> 01:18:50,680 My daughter also ate the soup whenever it was fresh 1854 01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:52,040 and did not get sick. 1855 01:18:52,040 --> 01:18:54,480 I had a busy day and the soup was the only thing 1856 01:18:54,480 --> 01:18:55,440 I had eaten. 1857 01:18:55,440 --> 01:18:56,800 Edit two. 1858 01:18:56,800 --> 01:18:57,920 I should probably be checked 1859 01:18:57,920 --> 01:19:02,800 for cyclic vomiting syndrome, IBS and allergies. 1860 01:19:02,800 --> 01:19:04,280 This happens a lot more often 1861 01:19:04,280 --> 01:19:06,240 than I'd like to admit. 1862 01:19:06,240 --> 01:19:08,000 So maybe you just get sick easily. 1863 01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:08,840 Right. 1864 01:19:08,840 --> 01:19:11,120 So on the edit, you're just saying basically 1865 01:19:11,120 --> 01:19:13,000 this happens with a lot of things. 1866 01:19:13,000 --> 01:19:14,320 Yeah, so it wasn't the soup. 1867 01:19:14,320 --> 01:19:15,160 No. 1868 01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:16,320 From an hour ago. 1869 01:19:16,320 --> 01:19:18,240 No, I would say out of the soup though, 1870 01:19:18,240 --> 01:19:20,320 it does say that you wouldn't want to, you know, 1871 01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:22,560 vomit up corn and beans and. 1872 01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:23,520 Like I get that part, 1873 01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:25,880 but it's just not enough time for it to go bad. 1874 01:19:25,880 --> 01:19:27,240 No, that's what I was gonna say. 1875 01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:28,680 What if it's left out? 1876 01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:32,400 I think this more has to do with her, this person. 1877 01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:33,240 I've left shit. 1878 01:19:33,240 --> 01:19:34,080 I've left. 1879 01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:36,920 We're being realistic here. 1880 01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:39,920 But I've left KFC on the counter all night. 1881 01:19:39,920 --> 01:19:41,360 It came in after this morning. 1882 01:19:41,360 --> 01:19:43,960 No, but this shit is fucking delish. 1883 01:19:43,960 --> 01:19:44,800 Exactly. 1884 01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:47,320 You go to bed, it's like, you know what? 1885 01:19:47,320 --> 01:19:48,160 Fuck it. 1886 01:19:48,160 --> 01:19:49,000 I'll eat it later. 1887 01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:49,840 In the morning. 1888 01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:52,520 Man, all we hear is, 1889 01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:54,440 put an asshole out for about an hour. 1890 01:19:54,440 --> 01:19:56,040 Yeah, man, that's it an hour. 1891 01:19:56,040 --> 01:19:56,880 It's like. 1892 01:19:57,720 --> 01:20:00,160 The stuff that sits out at like Sprouse supermarkets 1893 01:20:00,160 --> 01:20:01,240 since they're all fucking dead. 1894 01:20:01,240 --> 01:20:04,000 He fucking bred from like the seven days over. 1895 01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:04,840 It's still good. 1896 01:20:06,160 --> 01:20:07,680 You eat it and then you notice the mold. 1897 01:20:07,680 --> 01:20:08,520 It's like. 1898 01:20:08,520 --> 01:20:10,560 Oh, well this one didn't have any mold. 1899 01:20:12,560 --> 01:20:15,760 Alrighty, next one is by angrymouse567. 1900 01:20:16,800 --> 01:20:18,080 This person pits. 1901 01:20:18,080 --> 01:20:21,120 The toilet in our apartment sometimes doesn't flush right. 1902 01:20:21,120 --> 01:20:23,000 It is gross and I always check, 1903 01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:24,720 but today I forgot. 1904 01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:27,000 And I happened to be on my period. 1905 01:20:27,000 --> 01:20:29,080 My roommate is a lovely gay guy 1906 01:20:29,080 --> 01:20:31,840 who has also one of my best friends. 1907 01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:33,480 So today he knocks on the door 1908 01:20:33,480 --> 01:20:35,520 and he looks like he's going to pass out. 1909 01:20:35,520 --> 01:20:38,680 He asks me if I'm all right and if I'm in pain. 1910 01:20:38,680 --> 01:20:40,720 Safe to say I have no clue what he means 1911 01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:43,200 and he explains that he saw an embryo in the toilet. 1912 01:20:43,200 --> 01:20:44,040 Hell. 1913 01:20:45,080 --> 01:20:47,880 I was quiet for a moment and asked him to show me 1914 01:20:47,880 --> 01:20:49,040 and he proceeded to show me 1915 01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:52,040 the very small blood clot in the toilet. 1916 01:20:52,040 --> 01:20:53,360 I almost cried laughing. 1917 01:20:53,360 --> 01:20:55,520 It gave him a lesson in female anatomy. 1918 01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:56,600 Please don't. 1919 01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:59,480 But my poor sweet roommate was completely prepared 1920 01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:01,280 to console me with chocolate. 1921 01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:03,440 By the way, he thought the blood that came out 1922 01:21:03,440 --> 01:21:06,200 was only liquid, bright red and not that much. 1923 01:21:06,200 --> 01:21:07,040 Bless him. 1924 01:21:08,360 --> 01:21:09,840 Wait, did he, wait, you know what? 1925 01:21:09,840 --> 01:21:10,680 I don't want to know. 1926 01:21:10,680 --> 01:21:11,520 I don't either. 1927 01:21:11,520 --> 01:21:12,640 I'm not even gonna. 1928 01:21:12,640 --> 01:21:15,000 I thought that, I thought, wait. 1929 01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:15,840 Look, look. 1930 01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:19,640 I'm so scared. 1931 01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:21,920 So there's more than just blood that comes out 1932 01:21:21,920 --> 01:21:22,760 during a period? 1933 01:21:22,760 --> 01:21:23,600 Yeah. 1934 01:21:23,600 --> 01:21:25,240 Oh. 1935 01:21:25,240 --> 01:21:26,920 It's the lining of the uterus. 1936 01:21:26,920 --> 01:21:27,760 The more you know. 1937 01:21:27,760 --> 01:21:28,600 Yeah. 1938 01:21:28,600 --> 01:21:29,920 Reading room science class. 1939 01:21:29,920 --> 01:21:32,680 Heh, heh, heh. 1940 01:21:32,680 --> 01:21:35,960 Alrighty, and last one for today is by Meteor Catcher. 1941 01:21:36,840 --> 01:21:37,880 Who has he caught? 1942 01:21:37,880 --> 01:21:38,720 I don't know. 1943 01:21:40,640 --> 01:21:41,960 It's person puts. 1944 01:21:41,960 --> 01:21:44,480 Hopefully this isn't overly vulgar. 1945 01:21:44,480 --> 01:21:46,720 I personally think it deserves as a, 1946 01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:49,160 it serves as a cautionary tale. 1947 01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:50,560 This happened a few years ago 1948 01:21:50,560 --> 01:21:52,760 while I was on a strict keto diet. 1949 01:21:52,760 --> 01:21:53,600 Oh boy. 1950 01:21:53,600 --> 01:21:57,200 I used to eat a lot of sunflower seeds. 1951 01:21:57,200 --> 01:21:58,040 Sorted. 1952 01:21:58,040 --> 01:21:59,360 My condesmit. 1953 01:22:00,520 --> 01:22:02,280 Wait now, you gotta try these sunflower seeds. 1954 01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:03,960 My mouth is all cut, all kinds of cut up, 1955 01:22:03,960 --> 01:22:05,800 but you gotta eat these sunflower seeds. 1956 01:22:05,800 --> 01:22:07,600 Why don't you just eat them and you'll be all right. 1957 01:22:07,600 --> 01:22:08,440 Yeah. 1958 01:22:08,440 --> 01:22:09,280 But eating them, he's like, 1959 01:22:09,280 --> 01:22:11,680 oh fuck, I pounded a sunflower seed today. 1960 01:22:11,680 --> 01:22:13,520 I mean, don't get me wrong, I love sunflower seeds. 1961 01:22:13,520 --> 01:22:14,960 You're a little out of character. 1962 01:22:14,960 --> 01:22:16,240 But I also don't eat the shells. 1963 01:22:16,240 --> 01:22:18,960 You're a little out of character. 1964 01:22:18,960 --> 01:22:20,400 This helped him cur, 1965 01:22:21,680 --> 01:22:22,520 let's see. 1966 01:22:22,520 --> 01:22:23,360 Let's see. 1967 01:22:24,280 --> 01:22:26,120 I used to eat a lot and sunflower seeds 1968 01:22:26,120 --> 01:22:28,800 sort of helped curb that since I was taking 1969 01:22:28,800 --> 01:22:30,400 significantly longer to eat them 1970 01:22:30,400 --> 01:22:32,240 than chips, candy, or et cetera. 1971 01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:38,360 I like to eat this full sunflower seed shell included. 1972 01:22:38,360 --> 01:22:40,120 Oh Lord, oh Lord. 1973 01:22:40,120 --> 01:22:41,120 Which spoiler alert? 1974 01:22:41,120 --> 01:22:43,480 Your shits must be fucking jacking as fuck. 1975 01:22:43,480 --> 01:22:46,440 You're not supposed to do, at all. 1976 01:22:46,440 --> 01:22:49,440 I ate three bags of seeds over the course of two days, 1977 01:22:49,440 --> 01:22:51,000 shells included. 1978 01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:53,080 I wonder how big of bags we're talking here, 1979 01:22:53,080 --> 01:22:54,400 like the full bag. 1980 01:22:54,400 --> 01:22:55,240 Yeah. 1981 01:22:56,960 --> 01:22:58,600 It's a lot of fucking shell. 1982 01:22:58,600 --> 01:23:00,800 The salt split my lips and the tongue 1983 01:23:01,880 --> 01:23:04,040 and I was constipated for about a week afterward. 1984 01:23:04,040 --> 01:23:05,800 I was foggy. 1985 01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:09,200 Then the day came where I knew something had to be done. 1986 01:23:09,200 --> 01:23:11,440 I hadn't been shit in such a long time. 1987 01:23:11,440 --> 01:23:13,840 I was having severe stomach pain. 1988 01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:16,760 Once I sat on the toilet and started pushing, 1989 01:23:16,760 --> 01:23:18,400 it didn't take long for me to realize 1990 01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:20,440 exactly how much trouble I was in. 1991 01:23:20,440 --> 01:23:21,720 Oh no. 1992 01:23:21,720 --> 01:23:25,520 The seeds had accumulated into one huge, hard, 1993 01:23:25,520 --> 01:23:29,640 cylindrical tube in my ass. 1994 01:23:29,640 --> 01:23:32,440 Like a goddamn tree branch. 1995 01:23:32,440 --> 01:23:36,440 I'm taking splinters, I'm talking splinters and thickness. 1996 01:23:38,120 --> 01:23:40,160 You know you can eat salt, you can eat a pumpkin seeds, 1997 01:23:40,160 --> 01:23:42,200 all you want, you'll be all right. 1998 01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:44,320 I guarantee you'll be fine. 1999 01:23:45,480 --> 01:23:48,520 Every push sent me through a more agonizing pain. 2000 01:23:48,520 --> 01:23:51,360 I turned on the shower so maybe the steam would help me push. 2001 01:23:53,720 --> 01:23:55,840 That's the irrational things people do 2002 01:23:55,840 --> 01:23:57,640 when they know they're in trouble. 2003 01:23:57,640 --> 01:23:59,800 Just randomly, maybe if I turn the lights off, 2004 01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,800 it's gonna help me shit better. 2005 01:24:01,800 --> 01:24:02,640 You know what I mean? 2006 01:24:02,640 --> 01:24:04,080 Like for random shit they can think, 2007 01:24:04,080 --> 01:24:06,640 oh I'm gonna sleep on the shower. 2008 01:24:08,640 --> 01:24:12,000 And the water just gets right, like somehow. 2009 01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:14,160 He's just hoping and praying for anything. 2010 01:24:14,160 --> 01:24:19,160 But I would strain for several more minutes. 2011 01:24:19,160 --> 01:24:21,840 Get most of this hell cylinder out, 2012 01:24:21,840 --> 01:24:24,000 then lose the strength to finish the job 2013 01:24:24,000 --> 01:24:26,320 and it would shut the fuck up. 2014 01:24:26,320 --> 01:24:27,560 He's just like. 2015 01:24:33,560 --> 01:24:35,280 He's all fat. 2016 01:24:35,280 --> 01:24:37,640 Back up his asshole and he made no progress. 2017 01:24:39,920 --> 01:24:42,880 That's when you gotta clench your butt cheeks. 2018 01:24:42,880 --> 01:24:44,480 And hold it in play. 2019 01:24:46,280 --> 01:24:47,520 Fight way back. 2020 01:24:49,280 --> 01:24:50,280 Oh man. 2021 01:24:52,400 --> 01:24:55,600 It felt like I was actually shitting out a tree brand. 2022 01:24:55,600 --> 01:24:57,440 It's time I failed to get it out. 2023 01:24:57,440 --> 01:24:59,600 It would shoot back up into my house. 2024 01:24:59,600 --> 01:25:00,440 Ouch. 2025 01:25:00,440 --> 01:25:02,520 I read somewhere that squatting makes it easier to do. 2026 01:25:02,520 --> 01:25:04,600 Oh man, is there anything you can think of? 2027 01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:06,960 So I eventually made my way over to the bathtub, 2028 01:25:06,960 --> 01:25:09,480 balanced on the edge of it, squatted and pushed. 2029 01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:11,480 It was bloody. 2030 01:25:11,480 --> 01:25:12,320 Boom. 2031 01:25:12,320 --> 01:25:13,160 It was painful. 2032 01:25:13,160 --> 01:25:14,000 Ouch. 2033 01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:15,160 And it was exhausting. 2034 01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:19,440 The sound of it hitting the bottom of the tub was heavenly. 2035 01:25:22,640 --> 01:25:23,840 But it wasn't over yet. 2036 01:25:24,800 --> 01:25:27,360 All the food that I accumulated after that, yeah. 2037 01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:29,680 After the sunflower seeds came out, 2038 01:25:29,680 --> 01:25:32,320 a solid stream for about two minutes straight. 2039 01:25:32,320 --> 01:25:33,440 Oof. 2040 01:25:33,440 --> 01:25:36,000 The aftermath was horrible. 2041 01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:38,520 It felt like I had barbed wire in my underwear 2042 01:25:38,520 --> 01:25:39,520 for weeks after that. 2043 01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:40,360 Ouch. 2044 01:25:40,360 --> 01:25:42,560 I know, my asshole will never be the same. 2045 01:25:44,360 --> 01:25:45,440 In that surgery. 2046 01:25:45,440 --> 01:25:46,280 No. 2047 01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:49,120 A gnarled tree. 2048 01:25:49,120 --> 01:25:50,440 It's coming out of my ass. 2049 01:25:50,440 --> 01:25:51,280 Oh man. 2050 01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:52,280 God. 2051 01:25:56,280 --> 01:25:59,120 The water in the center of the thing. 2052 01:25:59,120 --> 01:26:03,120 The fucking sunflower seeds, Jesus. 2053 01:26:03,120 --> 01:26:06,640 What in any way, shit, before, do they look edible? 2054 01:26:06,640 --> 01:26:07,800 Sunflower seeds? 2055 01:26:07,800 --> 01:26:09,160 No, the fucking shells. 2056 01:26:09,160 --> 01:26:10,000 The shells. 2057 01:26:10,000 --> 01:26:10,840 The shells? 2058 01:26:10,840 --> 01:26:11,680 No. 2059 01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:14,560 When did they, you can just tell. 2060 01:26:14,560 --> 01:26:16,800 See, I made the mistake of that when I was a kid. 2061 01:26:16,800 --> 01:26:19,280 I ate some of them, like with the shell on there. 2062 01:26:19,280 --> 01:26:21,280 And one got slodged in my gum. 2063 01:26:21,280 --> 01:26:24,080 So it's like, eh, I'm trying to pick it back out. 2064 01:26:24,080 --> 01:26:26,200 It comes out bloody out of your gum. 2065 01:26:26,200 --> 01:26:28,000 You never eat them again with shell. 2066 01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:30,280 It's just like, sometimes you can just taste it 2067 01:26:30,280 --> 01:26:32,280 and you realize this is not gonna, 2068 01:26:32,280 --> 01:26:34,400 but you bite into it and you can realize they're not edible. 2069 01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:37,560 Right, they taste like tree branch bark. 2070 01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:39,480 You can eat some, you can eat pumpkin seeds 2071 01:26:39,480 --> 01:26:41,400 for fucking days. 2072 01:26:41,400 --> 01:26:43,040 That shit'll blast out your ass. 2073 01:26:44,040 --> 01:26:46,680 That's what he should have done to counteract it. 2074 01:26:46,680 --> 01:26:48,240 It would have been even worse. 2075 01:26:49,240 --> 01:26:50,720 He just piled it backwards. 2076 01:26:51,760 --> 01:26:54,520 Now pumpkin seeds, you can eat those for like, 2077 01:26:54,520 --> 01:26:55,920 a pound of them would be fine. 2078 01:26:55,920 --> 01:26:58,120 Right, because the shells are soft. 2079 01:26:58,120 --> 01:27:00,440 Yeah, but not fucking. 2080 01:27:01,480 --> 01:27:03,440 Also, if you eat too many pumpkin seeds, 2081 01:27:03,440 --> 01:27:05,800 like for some people, myself included, 2082 01:27:05,800 --> 01:27:09,400 but if you eat them, just too many of them, 2083 01:27:09,400 --> 01:27:11,880 like your tongue starts burning like really bad. 2084 01:27:11,880 --> 01:27:12,720 So. 2085 01:27:14,440 --> 01:27:15,280 I guess because of the. 2086 01:27:15,280 --> 01:27:18,000 I ate them by the fucking barrel. 2087 01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:19,920 Rawr rawr rawr rawr. 2088 01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:22,480 It's a Mexican thing. 2089 01:27:22,480 --> 01:27:25,040 So lesson learned, do not eat sunflower seeds 2090 01:27:25,040 --> 01:27:25,880 with the shells. 2091 01:27:25,880 --> 01:27:27,000 Don't fucking eat them with the shells on. 2092 01:27:27,000 --> 01:27:28,200 Three full bags. 2093 01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:31,280 I wish they didn't even sell them with the damn shell on 2094 01:27:31,280 --> 01:27:32,920 with how dumb people are. 2095 01:27:32,920 --> 01:27:34,720 Yeah, people are, yeah. 2096 01:27:34,720 --> 01:27:35,840 Yeah, people are not the brightest. 2097 01:27:35,840 --> 01:27:37,520 You gotta take everything in the food market 2098 01:27:37,520 --> 01:27:40,320 just to help them out so they don't fucking kill themselves. 2099 01:27:40,320 --> 01:27:45,320 Yeah, like there was just recently a clip I seen 2100 01:27:45,320 --> 01:27:47,120 where it was from one of these cooking shows 2101 01:27:47,120 --> 01:27:48,760 with like Gordon Ramsay, I think, 2102 01:27:48,760 --> 01:27:51,880 where this bitch is in there with an avocado 2103 01:27:51,880 --> 01:27:53,320 cutting through the sea. 2104 01:27:53,320 --> 01:27:54,160 Oh. 2105 01:27:54,160 --> 01:27:56,040 We got Ramsay looking at her like, 2106 01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:58,440 what the fuck is wrong with you? 2107 01:27:58,440 --> 01:27:59,440 Jesus. 2108 01:27:59,440 --> 01:28:00,800 So yes, people are stupid. 2109 01:28:01,920 --> 01:28:02,880 Take a friend line to me once, 2110 01:28:02,880 --> 01:28:05,880 just told me that the fucking seed in the middle is poisonous. 2111 01:28:07,240 --> 01:28:09,040 Not poisonous, but I wouldn't eat it. 2112 01:28:09,040 --> 01:28:09,880 Of course I wouldn't eat it. 2113 01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:11,600 But there's nothing to fucking see. 2114 01:28:11,600 --> 01:28:14,160 There's also the thing that people thought, 2115 01:28:14,160 --> 01:28:16,360 they believe that there is more avocado 2116 01:28:16,360 --> 01:28:17,720 on the inside of the seed. 2117 01:28:19,080 --> 01:28:20,840 If we cut into it, there's more. 2118 01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:24,040 And then I realized, I was like, if this is poisonous, 2119 01:28:24,040 --> 01:28:27,600 why would we even have the seeds in the middle? 2120 01:28:27,600 --> 01:28:28,440 Right. 2121 01:28:28,440 --> 01:28:29,520 I was like, you lying son of a bitch. 2122 01:28:29,520 --> 01:28:32,240 But to be fair, apples are. 2123 01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,200 Poisonous? 2124 01:28:33,200 --> 01:28:34,040 Cyanide. 2125 01:28:35,640 --> 01:28:36,720 I'm still alive. 2126 01:28:36,720 --> 01:28:39,120 Yeah, but you don't eat apple seeds though, constantly. 2127 01:28:39,120 --> 01:28:42,320 No, it's a slow dosage, I guess. 2128 01:28:42,320 --> 01:28:45,880 If you eat, I think it's, I think it's a relatively small. 2129 01:28:45,880 --> 01:28:47,760 I wouldn't even eat any fucking apple seeds. 2130 01:28:47,760 --> 01:28:50,960 I hate fucking seeds, except for pumpkin seeds. 2131 01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:52,000 Right. 2132 01:28:52,000 --> 01:28:54,560 I don't think it's even a high dosage. 2133 01:28:54,560 --> 01:28:57,680 Like it doesn't take, let's see here. 2134 01:28:57,680 --> 01:29:02,680 Yeah, it looks like it would take about 15 to 20 apples. 2135 01:29:02,680 --> 01:29:03,520 God damn it. 2136 01:29:04,640 --> 01:29:07,040 If you ate just the seeds out of the core. 2137 01:29:07,040 --> 01:29:09,040 I wouldn't be eating 15 apples. 2138 01:29:09,040 --> 01:29:12,000 In one sitting, I'm like, I'm fucking tired of apples. 2139 01:29:12,000 --> 01:29:14,200 No, but think about like if you were only eating apples 2140 01:29:14,200 --> 01:29:15,040 as part of your diet. 2141 01:29:15,040 --> 01:29:15,880 Right. 2142 01:29:15,880 --> 01:29:18,880 And dumb people, I eat the apple core too. 2143 01:29:18,880 --> 01:29:20,400 I eat the apple core. 2144 01:29:20,400 --> 01:29:21,240 No, you don't. 2145 01:29:21,240 --> 01:29:22,080 Well, when you cut it in the middle, 2146 01:29:22,080 --> 01:29:23,920 you take the seeds out. 2147 01:29:23,920 --> 01:29:25,240 Yeah, that's the core. 2148 01:29:25,240 --> 01:29:27,840 That's what I take out the seeds. 2149 01:29:27,840 --> 01:29:29,920 You take the full thing away. 2150 01:29:31,320 --> 01:29:36,320 I don't know what horse would eat a fucking whole apple, 2151 01:29:36,320 --> 01:29:38,520 including the core with the seeds and all. 2152 01:29:38,520 --> 01:29:40,520 I've seen him eat the whole apple. 2153 01:29:40,520 --> 01:29:43,520 No, I'm saying I don't know what like horse of a human. 2154 01:29:43,520 --> 01:29:45,360 Oh, I don't know. 2155 01:29:45,360 --> 01:29:47,360 Like when you cut the apple in the middle, right? 2156 01:29:47,360 --> 01:29:49,040 And just like take out the seeds. 2157 01:29:49,040 --> 01:29:50,280 Yeah, that's the core there. 2158 01:29:50,280 --> 01:29:51,520 So that's just consider the core. 2159 01:29:51,520 --> 01:29:52,360 Yeah. 2160 01:29:52,360 --> 01:29:53,200 Just the seeds. 2161 01:29:53,200 --> 01:29:54,040 Yeah. 2162 01:29:54,040 --> 01:29:56,040 Like the what that like a fiber is hard shit 2163 01:29:56,040 --> 01:29:57,160 in the middle of an apple. 2164 01:29:57,160 --> 01:29:58,720 Nobody's really eating that. 2165 01:29:58,720 --> 01:30:00,720 I don't like the ways of an apple though. 2166 01:30:00,720 --> 01:30:02,040 So I just cut it in the middle. 2167 01:30:02,040 --> 01:30:04,200 I hollow out the fucking middle. 2168 01:30:04,200 --> 01:30:06,280 Yeah, that's the core there. 2169 01:30:06,280 --> 01:30:07,120 All right. 2170 01:30:07,120 --> 01:30:09,360 Well, I guess I'll live. 2171 01:30:09,360 --> 01:30:10,840 Exactly. 2172 01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:12,240 Because it's the seeds themselves. 2173 01:30:12,240 --> 01:30:14,960 It's 80 to 500 seeds. 2174 01:30:14,960 --> 01:30:15,800 In a shit hole. 2175 01:30:15,800 --> 01:30:17,800 That's where they get cyanide though. 2176 01:30:17,800 --> 01:30:18,640 From apple? 2177 01:30:18,640 --> 01:30:19,480 Yeah. 2178 01:30:19,480 --> 01:30:20,320 From apple. 2179 01:30:20,320 --> 01:30:21,160 From apple. 2180 01:30:21,160 --> 01:30:22,000 From apple. 2181 01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:24,680 That's where they get cyanide though. From apples? 2182 01:30:24,680 --> 01:30:26,280 Well, from things like apples. 2183 01:30:26,280 --> 01:30:28,640 But you've been a fucking murderer. 2184 01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:31,720 You sure are buying a lot of apples lately. 2185 01:30:31,720 --> 01:30:32,560 I'm buying a bunch. 2186 01:30:32,560 --> 01:30:34,760 Maybe like a hundred, a hundred apples. 2187 01:30:34,760 --> 01:30:38,560 He's fucking taking all the seeds out trying to make points. 2188 01:30:38,560 --> 01:30:39,600 Somebody would be dumb. 2189 01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:42,760 You wouldn't be fucking determined enough to do that. 2190 01:30:42,760 --> 01:30:44,000 I'm gonna kill everybody. 2191 01:30:44,000 --> 01:30:44,840 With apples. 2192 01:30:44,840 --> 01:30:45,800 I'm gonna cut these darts. 2193 01:30:45,800 --> 01:30:48,440 What do you think Johnny Appleseed was really doing? 2194 01:30:48,440 --> 01:30:50,680 Just fucking murdering people with apples. 2195 01:30:50,680 --> 01:30:52,640 He had all the seeds. 2196 01:30:52,640 --> 01:30:54,400 Remember the bags of seeds? 2197 01:30:54,400 --> 01:30:55,240 Oh Lord. 2198 01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:58,720 That's all I got for Reddit today. 2199 01:30:58,720 --> 01:31:00,320 Anything else to add before we head out? 2200 01:31:00,320 --> 01:31:01,160 Yes. 2201 01:31:01,160 --> 01:31:03,480 If it's, if you eat it and you die, it's poisonous. 2202 01:31:03,480 --> 01:31:06,720 If it bites you and you die, it's venomous. 2203 01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:08,680 It's not that hard to figure that out. 2204 01:31:08,680 --> 01:31:10,520 They mean different things. 2205 01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:13,000 Poison and venom are two different separate things. 2206 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:13,840 Yes. 2207 01:31:13,840 --> 01:31:14,680 Yes they are. 2208 01:31:14,680 --> 01:31:15,520 Damn you, Madam Web. 2209 01:31:15,520 --> 01:31:18,400 That's gonna bother you for a while. 2210 01:31:18,400 --> 01:31:19,360 It's so annoying. 2211 01:31:19,360 --> 01:31:20,200 Terminology. 2212 01:31:20,200 --> 01:31:21,040 Yeah. 2213 01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:24,480 Proper word usage matters. 2214 01:31:24,480 --> 01:31:25,760 For some people, yes. 2215 01:31:25,760 --> 01:31:27,840 For others it does not. 2216 01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:31,680 And also she looks like Professor X. 2217 01:31:33,520 --> 01:31:36,160 But with that, we will see you guys on the next one. 2218 01:31:36,160 --> 01:31:51,000 Bye.