Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
Let's go ahead and get into it.
All right, guys, week's over, back to Cozy Knights.
So we start with some news.
We start with Comic Curious and Quirky, Ronald Liven's news stories from the very far back
past, very far past.
Ancient, I should say.
Well, not ancient, but you know, 1830 is a long time ago.
This one's from the Bathroom Chronicle and Weekly Gazette, 14 January, 1830.
So apparently this guy, this young man, decided to take a bath off the pier of this port in
Leith, Scotland.
And it's January, so it's a little nippy, but he's like, I, you know, I got to get cleaned.
And he gets mistaken for a seal he's shot at.
He's not even that fat.
I don't know.
He's not even the same color as a seal.
Was he fat and hairy?
I have no idea.
Maybe he was.
He just took his shirt off.
It was just fur underneath.
Seal?
Like, he took his shirt off.
He was more clothed with his shirt on.
So they shoot at him, but he escapes and no injuries.
Hooray.
At least he made it out.
Yeah, just ran him ass naked through the cold Scotland land.
Next one is from, say, my run 11 story or book, Windsor and Eden Express on 2nd January,
1839.
So this one's fucking weird.
I probably shouldn't have said that.
Now it's going to be demonetized the first god dang two minutes.
Anyway, this bricklayer by the name of Bishop, he worked for this company called the Clay
Cross Railway Works, right?
He decided to play a practical joke.
So he took a shovel full of lit coal and threw it into the back of a wagon that was full
of gunpowder.
And you can pretty much imagine what happened after that.
It blew up.
It blew up and it threw him 20 yards, ripped the clothes off his body and burned him severely
So there you go.
I don't understand the practical joke at all.
That's what I was trying to figure.
What is the practical joke?
I don't know.
Can you imagine his thought process?
This is going to be the funniest shit that anyone's ever seen.
Historically funny.
And he just throws it in and just boom, blows up half the building.
Well, that wasn't worth it.
I don't know.
People are weird.
This next one actually came in from yesterday, I believe I read this in the Associated Press.
This was crazy.
It's in Manchester, New Hampshire.
This woman falls into a dumpster while she's taking out trash and the dump truck comes
in and they lift the dump truck and they throw the dumpster stuff into the contents of the
back of the dump truck, right?
Well, she was in there and the guy actually compacted the trash four times with her inside
and she still survived.
They saw that the neighbors heard her screaming and the guy, especially the truck driver,
at worst fall because he can see there's a camera inside that he can see into the dump.
So he's like, oh, well, there ain't nothing in there.
Let me do this four times.
My lucky charm.
But hopefully she's okay.
But I mean, you don't hear someone screaming their lungs out?
I guess it would be kind of loud.
I could have sworn I've heard somebody, something else like that too before.
That's happened before.
It might not be common, but it's happened.
Yeah.
Only there was one where it was actually a trash compactor where somebody got stuck in
one of those.
How did anything come back from those?
Yeah, I don't think they survived.
Those are like very strong.
Yeah.
It was weird because even after four compacts, she was able to get up and say stuff, but
she wasn't being coherent.
So I guess she got crushed a little bit.
I hope not.
You cap his dog shit.
Syringes, condoms, baby diapers.
I mean, all sorts of everything.
Everything trash that you can think of.
Headband, all liquidy juice, like bodies and whatnot.
People trying to get rid of.
That's what they probably thought.
That's another body somebody's getting rid of.
Let me hit the compactor.
All right.
This next one is going to make you mad.
It's from Screen Rant, February 2nd, 2024.
It involves a question and what his origin was during the New 52 series of comic books.
He was part of something called the Trinity of Sin.
The question's original origin in this universe, the New 52, was he was actually a narcissist
from the Greek mythology.
He had his face wiped due to his sin of vanity.
That is the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard.
And then he had two partners in the Trinity of Sin.
One was Pandora, the woman who unleashed evil on earth.
And his third partner, your favorite, the Phantom Stranger.
He used to be Judas Escheracht.
Judas himself betrayed Jesus, is the Phantom Stranger.
And when did this happen?
The New 52.
Back in the day.
Oh my God.
It would make you mad.
Yeah.
I mean, the whole thing with the Phantom Stranger, like the question and who was the other one
again?
Pandora.
Those are just stupid to begin with.
But Phantom Stranger, number one, is extremely powerful.
Maybe Judas is too.
That part makes sense.
Due to the fact that the Phantom Stranger existed before Christ.
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
That didn't make the New 52.
You gotta ask Jeff Johns.
Fuck you, Jeff Johns.
I think.
If not, we're sorry.
All right.
So that is it.
Fucking with cosmic entities in DC.
I find it funny that you're so vain that they wiped your face.
That makes no sense.
You're the vainest man that's ever lived.
And he's just making a blank face for the rest of his life.
That's stupid, though, because wasn't Montoya, wasn't she the question, too?
Yeah, she was one of them.
So how the fuck does that make sense?
I don't know.
New 52.
That's gonna be my answer now for anything that I can't explain right.
Yeah, well, New 52.
Like if I'm writing stories right, like how does that?
That doesn't make any sense.
New 52.
No wonder everybody hated it.
I mean, I quit reading before any of this shit.
They depowered my favorite character out of all of them, the Spectre.
So they turned him into a little wimp, a little limp rag.
So New 52.
Pretty much.
All right.
So this is not a news story.
So but it's kind of in limbo because it was newsworthy.
But I saw this on X, not the porn site, the Twitter thing.
I don't know why the fuck.
I don't understand the name for it.
Just say what is it?
I'm gonna say Twitter.
Just say Twix the way everybody else does now.
Twix?
Twitter?
What am I eating?
Twix candy?
Do they own the thing now?
I don't know.
By the way, X is a fucking wild west.
Yes, it is.
Like you will see some of those horrific shit on there and you don't even want to.
Yeah.
I saw I was scrolling through stuff, right?
I'm gonna have to just I might just have to scroll to all of my following stuff.
Yeah.
Because the other stuff is horrendous.
And one was like, what's the worst movie you can't get through?
And I just barely saw the image and zoomed past it.
It's some dude hanging from wires.
And like they had to cut his chest open and they had just held his fucking skin out so
his organs just peel out.
I'm like, what the fuck are y'all watching?
It's also really annoying to everybody trying to get engagement on Twitter because they
keep posting fucking questions.
They'll post random stuff trying to get like underneath the comments that had nothing to
do with the actual content.
So annoying.
Although I did put one on X recently today.
I'm like, hey McDonald's, why isn't it called the Big Big Mac?
It's a perfect name instead of the double Big Mac called the Big Big Mac.
That's what me and my cousin call it.
Makes more sense.
So this is a story I saw next today.
Someone named Joyce Carol Vincent.
Sounds like you're trying to have a New York accent.
This is actually a haunting story.
She was found dead three years after she died in her apartment.
With the TV still on.
They didn't cut her off from power?
That's the thing.
That's the reason for the story was like she died in December 2003 at 38.
They found her January 2006 and because of automatic bill payments from her account and
because of like debt forgiveness, there was a way for it to just keep cycling through.
They had to commit $2,400 or pounds in like debt before the Metropolitan Housing Trust
went to her house to see what was going on.
And they found her dead body.
I bet you the TV was like, well, look at that TV three years.
TV was on for three years, never broke.
It's worse because she was estranged from her family and she was distant from her friends
at the time.
Right.
Because of some stuff in her life.
So no one checked on her for three years.
That's sad.
I will now make sure I have committed relationships with my friends and family.
They know a goddamn way you're going to find my body 15 years from now.
That is crazy.
It was sad.
Yeah.
I was like, man, that sucks.
Like it's just mostly just sad.
Very.
Yeah.
You just die alone and then no one even cares for three years.
Damn.
This is America.
It's actually London.
But I would say this is America like to Donald club.
This is my area.
All right.
So that's it for news.
Let's move on to the cozy kitchen and I'll give you a nice recipe for you guys.
Oh yeah.
I got to give you a story for us, a food story.
So there's this brandy called the Williams pear flavored clear brandy.
And inside every bottle is a full pear.
And if you wondered how they get it in there, they basically they surround a blossom with
glass.
They cut around, they fill it with air continuously, I guess.
They cut other buds and blossoms around it so it gets all the nutrients and it just grows
with the glass hanging off of it until it matures.
Then they take the whole thing off.
They fill it with brandy, bottle it up and they give you the new bite and it's your job
to get it out once you finish the bottle.
Although I will say brandy is one of those kind of alcohols.
Oh, really?
I don't really drink alcohol.
I have no idea.
I would just buy it for the novelty of a pear inside.
Buying it for novelty is fine.
Buying it to drink.
Oh, I don't know how people drink brandy.
Maybe it's an acquired taste.
I can drink Jaeger.
Jaeger.
What is that one?
Pat's Blue something?
Pat's Blue Ribbon from South.
It's real, too.
I know.
It's a beer.
They should pick that one for whatever reason.
Because it's cheap.
They just trashed the shit out of me.
All right, so I'll give you guys a recipe now.
Oh, yeah, we're not getting sponsored by Williams Pear Shaves or Pear Flavored Brandy.
But if you guys want to send us some bottles, please.
That would be much appreciated.
I wonder how much they are.
They probably not expensive expensive.
They probably have pretty penny.
Probably.
I wouldn't doubt it anyway.
So we got this recipe from Women's World.
Don't ask me questions why.
I got the magazine so I can read the little mysteries inside.
And I fell in love with the food stuff.
So I got a recipe for you guys from Women's World called the Beer Kent's Chicken.
Let's have a look.
So you need for this two lemons, one fourth cup olive oil, one fourth cup chopped fresh
oregano, one teaspoon of paprika, half a teaspoon of garlic powder, half a teaspoon of onion
powder, one four to five pound chicken.
God dang.
It's a big boy.
Or girl, I guess.
You don't eat roosters.
I don't know how many people eat roosters, have you?
Nobody really does.
Huh, weird.
Half a tablespoon of salt, one fourth tablespoon of pepper and one 12 ounce can of beer.
I guess your choice.
Perhaps blue ribbon all the way.
So you prepare the grill from a medium high direct heat cooking.
What does that mean?
Direct heat means directly over the fire.
You just put the chicken on there?
Yeah.
Well, we're on the bars.
Where what are you cooking it on is the question.
A grill, a pan.
I mean, see prepare grill all the grill.
Yeah, you're right.
It's a grill.
I was thinking oven for some reason.
You just throw it in the oven.
You know, my cousin put a pizza in the oven with nothing underneath.
Explain why it was melting the bottom.
Like it was underneath and like it started ruining the bottom of his oven.
There was no rack even?
There was nothing.
He just threw it.
He just put it in the oven itself?
Yeah.
You're supposed to at least have a rack.
No, he had nothing.
He just threw it in there.
You don't have to have a pan, but you have to have a rack.
I don't know what he did, but he says like it keeps melting his pizza and it falls on
the bottom of the rack or through the rack.
I don't know what the fuck he's doing.
He's not setting the oven on the air torches even.
He's fucking up his pizza.
He's going to burn his house down.
The fact that he has a house before I do, it scares me.
Well, his mom bought the house for him.
Oh, so you gave him your reason.
But I mean, he's not house ready at all.
Burn that place down.
Watch one day on the news.
All right.
So prepare a grill for medium high direct heat cooking.
Grate half a tablespoon of zest and squeeze three, no, half a teaspoon of zest and three
tablespoons of juice from lemons in bowl.
Mix oil, oregano, spices, zest and juice.
Rub outside of chicken with mixture.
Season with salt and pepper.
Pour out half a beer.
Place can in high sized, high sided roasting pan.
Carefully lower chicken cavity over can or wrench legs to stabilize.
That's beer chicken?
Yeah.
I used to, you guys do that with women.
I used to prepare, wrench legs for a stabilize.
Place pan on grill cover.
Cook until meat thermometer.
Insert jump there.
Insert it into the thickest part of the thigh.
You can tell I've been, I've been thirsty for a little bit because I find it hilarious.
You guys must think I'm high all the time the way I talk because I ramble so much.
It's just my nature.
So place pan on grill cover.
Cook until meat thermometer.
Insert it into the thickest part of the thigh away from bone registers.
145 degrees, about one and a half hours.
Let's say about 20 minutes before carving.
You got yourself a serving of six.
Active time 10 minutes.
Total time two hours plus grill prep time.
Calories of 514.
Protein 49 grams.
Fat 34 grams.
8 grams saturated.
Cholesterol 158 milligrams.
Carbs one gram.
Sodium 342 milligrams.
Fiber zero grams.
Damn, it's gonna just sit in your gut.
And sugar zero grams.
Enjoy that.
It's just a stick.
Oh yeah, there's another story I wanted to say.
Now we're coming out of the kitchen and it was gonna be part of the meal and I forgot
because I wasn't sure.
Because it's a little bit depressing.
But you know, I'm trying to find the right word for it, right?
And I used to say I was a refined pervert.
But that meant that I was so good at being a pervert.
I had it at peak level.
So I didn't, so I'm a, I'm a.
You said dignified.
Dignified is the word I should be sticking with because I keep saying they're changing
but they're not, the words are different meanings.
They're different, yes.
So I'm a dignified pervert.
And I'm not into really specific types of genres, right?
I'm more into like the stars.
Like if I like a girl, right?
Or a woman, then I'm like oh that's the greatest superstar I've ever seen in my life.
And when I'm growing up, one of my favorite adult stars, and I've actually never seen
her like, I didn't really see her.
So I never liked her actual like sex scenes.
What I saw her in was in naughty amateur home videos on Playboy TV.
And she was the host.
And her personality was so genuine and cheerful and bubbly.
Like I just became a fan without ever actually seeing her do anything sexual.
And a couple days ago, well last week, January 24th, I saw the news that she had died.
Really?
She was 43.
Jessie J.
Oh, that's like Jane Doe?
Yeah.
She probably lives in Oklahoma.
Yeah, guess where she died?
In Moore?
Moore, Oklahoma.
No, she lived down there.
Oh no.
Yeah, have you met her?
Did you meet her?
If you met her before I did, before she died, I'm gonna be real mad at you.
But yeah, she's like, I saw like it just like, cause I was scrolling through Instagram, right?
And so this guy was like, rest in peace, Jessie J. And I'm like, you better be fucking joking,
sir.
Yeah.
And I go on Google, and she owned, she owned deed with her boyfriend.
Yep.
In Moore, Oklahoma.
Yeah, I know.
Fuck.
I've actually met her.
Really?
Is she nice?
Yeah.
Normal middle-aged woman.
Is she tall?
Why'd you meet her?
Well, that would tell you what I do for a living, so.
You'll tell me later that.
But man, it's, it's unfortunate that she died.
She was so young.
43 is not that old.
No, she was a nice person though.
Every time I'd seen her.
That's nice.
Does she look like she did drugs?
Can you really tell nowadays, honestly?
It's kind of hard to tell sometimes.
Well, unless they're true crackheads.
But you can tell.
That's true.
Yeah, but man, can I tell you, actually that was going to be the main story today, was
about that type of lifestyle.
Yeah.
So, oh yeah, like a moment of silence for Jessie J. So as you know, I work at the flea
market sometimes with my aunt, help her out on the weekends.
And it's quite the rockest place to be.
There'll be drunk fights there.
I told you the story, but I don't think I told it on.
Did I tell it on here?
Which one?
About the fight that broke out that my mom got video of?
I don't think so.
I didn't tell it on here.
No.
So yeah, so this fight breaks out.
The one day that I'm not there, because I was at another place that my aunt wanted me
to check out to take care of.
And my mom goes, she never goes when I'm there, but she goes the day that I'm not there.
And there's this huge fight that she recorded on her phone.
And it was so bad that when the security guard got there, he pepper sprayed anybody in the
face.
Like he just started pepper spraying everybody.
You can see me go.
What makes the story so next level twist is that he had to pepper spray the managers of
the whole flea market in the face, his wife.
The security guard pepper sprayed the manager's wife's face during the whole debacle.
All my aunt's cowboy boots and stuff got knocked to the floor.
You can see it in the angle.
They were like all like 50 boots on the floor and people just getting thrown left and right
and people coughing and drooling and like eyes just ruined.
And then there's the manager's, no, the manager's wife getting pepper sprayed in the face.
Like, uh oh, I bet she's not getting hired next week.
I don't know if the security guard is like on an appointment basis or because I've never
seen like the same one consistently.
There was one with glasses that got his ass beat and he never showed up again.
I feel bad for him.
Like, okay, how am I supposed to drive home without my glasses?
My glass like from Adam Sandler and uncut jazz.
My glasses, my glasses.
I feel so bad for him.
They beat his ass.
It was his old man, right?
Like in the 60s.
Yeah, beat the hell out of him and took it and broke his glasses.
How am I going to drive home?
My glasses.
Yeah, people are mean.
I was going to say it's the South side.
So, you know, everybody gets into a group around people fighting too.
Yeah.
And then they get involved and don't mean to.
That's why they got pepper spray.
Yeah.
I mean, look at them get shot.
But I guess the security guards, I guess they're at least a night competent enough.
Now start blasting.
No, they're probably not armed security.
No, they are.
Yeah.
Half of them like just fucking racked with like 50 guns.
Oh, I would have started spraying them.
No, I think the reason is because they know they would be liable because they get people
get they get patted down at the front of the store, the flea market.
Oh my God.
Is that bad?
It's that place.
That's why I don't take a piss after six o'clock in the bathroom.
I got to fight for my life to get out.
You got to be patted down to count everything.
Yeah, that's how bad it is sometimes.
It's more for safety precautions.
You just never know.
It's almost dystopia though.
Not really.
I mean, like, at least there's like security at the front of the place, you know.
I could see if they had like metal detectors.
Yeah, they don't.
I don't want no dude touching me.
Hey man, once they grab your dick, it's whatever now.
You get used to the protocol.
No, but just take a swing and go ahead.
Anyway, so that happened.
But this is that was not the story that I that one's like more of a like a taste or
like an appetizer.
The real story that happened last week.
So there's a supermarket right next to the flea market that me and my cousin go to after
we finish work there to pick up some stuff.
It's like catered toward Hispanic people and they don't have like, you know, they don't
have they don't have like cactus pears at that Walmart.
If you never had a cactus pear, you're missing out on life.
Just remember, as we found out from Reddit, don't eat too many cactus pears.
Did we?
That was plums or some shit.
Oh, it was cactus pear.
I eat like 15.
I'm fine.
They got a weak stomach.
So we so I I'm there, right?
I was there all day and I didn't go to the bathroom because like I guess I got the trucker's
bladder now.
I'm accustomed not to go to the bathroom until we get to the supermarket.
And I had to go.
I had to go and I go to the door.
It's a unisex bathroom, one room.
And I pull I push on it.
There's no door on there.
There's no there's no door now, by the way, on the inside.
Just lock it and then you unlock it and you use the lock to pull out.
So I push on the door and it doesn't budge.
Right.
This girl's like occupied.
My bad.
I leave.
I shop for 20 minutes.
I go back.
Right.
Push and occupied.
All right.
She's taking the shit of shits.
So I'm like, I can't wait anymore.
Let's just go.
And we go to the we get to the the the checkout and you can still see like you can't see the
door, but you can see the wall.
And if you someone comes out, you know they came out of the bathroom.
Right.
They don't just come out of the wall.
You know, was the bathroom.
Right.
So my cousin's like, oh, the guys get out of the bathroom.
I look over and there's some good guy in a blue jacket while running out.
And I'm like, fuck, it's a guy that a high pitched voice.
So I get my cousin to my stuff and I go to the bathroom and I put and this girl's like
occupied.
And I'm like, wait a minute.
This guy just came out of the bathroom.
Yeah.
Who are you still in the bathroom?
There was not enough time to see anyone else come in.
Yeah.
Like it was like that second.
And someone that guy's coming out the bathroom.
I ran to the bathroom when I got there.
It was locked.
And some woman said I was still occupied.
And so I go back and I'm like, I think there's people fucking in that bathroom.
And my cousin's like, you sure?
And I kid you not, this homeless woman came out of the bathroom holding blankets and pillows.
She was turning tricks in the bathroom.
Yeah, I know.
She was just getting busy in that bathroom.
I walk in and I'm like, you can smell the cooch.
Because I still had to piss.
Like I'm not going to put my dick on that toilet ever again.
You don't want herpes?
Hell not.
I made sure not to.
I washed my hands four times.
I checked, I threw my trash in the trash bin, right?
I looked, there's a condom in here.
Let me check.
And like that guy knew that I knew, because when I came out of the bathroom, he was standing
on the edge of the aisle where he had some stuff in his hand, right?
And he saw me and looked dead at him.
He's like, I better go buy some more stuff.
He ran back into the back of the aisle.
Like, I know you fucked it there.
Twenty fucking minutes you wasted.
I had to fucking piss so bad.
But man, she was turning tricks in a supermarket bathroom.
That bathroom is filthy all the time.
It is wet all the time.
The floor is always wet.
Wet and sticky.
And it's always by the fucking urinal.
Well, there's no urinal, the toilet, because it's a unisex.
I would never put my ass on the toilet.
But man, if you got to go, you get...
So I just had to piss and you don't have to put any of your body, you don't have to touch
anything in the toilet and you have to piss.
I could be pressed against the wall and I could piss into the toilet from a foot away.
But it was so surreal because she was like, they're just making like $15, $20.
I wonder if she made it, but she paid by, is she charged by the minute or by the hour?
Or by the bust?
Did she charge by the bust?
$100 a bust?
$25 you get the nut.
He's like, it's on.
How desperate of a man you are.
Like I'm a filthy, like a dignified pervert, right?
But I would never go to a public restroom with a homeless woman.
Nothing against her being homeless, but that's just disgusting.
You don't fuck on a toilet floor.
It's like Britney Spears walking on a bathroom in a gas station barefoot.
You remember back in the day?
Sorry Britney Spears.
Yeah, that, oh my God, that's disgusting.
Like for me, I don't ever think you should have to pay for it.
Like, well I want to be a porn star, so I kind of like, I mean as in like you paying
for it.
What if I'm the star?
That'd be you getting paid.
But I do it for free.
I'm a pro bono porn star.
But then still are you paying for it?
I guess not.
Well, this is my own production.
What would my company name be?
What was my, oh yeah, Papi Lulce was my porn star name.
If I ever fell in life and everything else, you can guarantee you'll see my dick some.
Be my last option.
Be like Adam 22.
Be like fuck it, Zach and Mary make up porn.
I was like I got no other options.
You know, but yeah, you're right.
Like it's like ugh.
You shouldn't have to pay for it.
Like most dudes, like not most dudes, this guy was like how much?
Like at least go get yourself an escort and shit.
My high quality kind?
There's somebody that's clean.
Yeah, we don't even know what.
This woman was rough.
Like I don't like making fun of people's appearance.
This woman was a man.
Like she looked like a dude with like a shaved head.
She looked like she had a dick bigger than mine.
Like she looked like she could beat my ass if I looked at her funny.
She was a tomboy is what I'm saying.
Try to be nice about it, but man.
Well, tomboy is not an offensive word.
I guess not, but I don't want to be offensive.
Now I could think of a bunch of offensive words that would get us banned in a heart
that you bet I'm not going to.
But man, I mean like for him to, you know, with her, right?
Yeah.
If she's a lesbian, right?
She's doing it for the money.
She's making that cheddar.
Yeah, but she's.
But for him, you know.
Okay, that'd be like saying that you're not gay, but you're just doing it for the money.
Like the gay for pay thing?
Yeah.
I'd be like, sure.
Whatever you say, right?
That's what I'm saying.
I can see what you mean.
Yeah, but I mean like you're gay.
At least you're bi.
There's not enough money.
They can be like, I'll give you two grand to suck this dick.
I don't want any money.
Not do it free.
Money?
I don't need that.
All I need is dick in my mouth.
Whatever we got really off course.
And I don't know.
Let me tell you.
Let me make sure people know that I am respectful and courteous to all people of all manners
of life.
Even if I make jokes, it's because it's my comedian nature to be funny.
But I'm respectful.
If you, whatever your pronouns are, whatever your gender is, I respect all of it.
But man, if I make fun of something, it's because it's funny to me.
We all know.
I'm Dave Chappelle.
We all know that you're Dave Chappelle on the inside of time.
But I never mean it out of a malicious way, you know?
I'm just trying to lighten, you know, life is a...
Basically here's the thing.
You can't give offense.
You can only take it.
What about dick?
I mean, I guess you could take that too.
I can't give a dick.
I can't take dick, can I?
I don't know what I'm going on about.
I'm just saying like as offensive as I can be, it's always from a good place.
I'm just saying this woman, where you shouldn't, you know, she looked like a guy, okay?
How do you know it wasn't?
I guess that's a good point.
Maybe it was a guy.
That's true.
You're right, actually.
It could have been the dude.
In this world, you never know no more.
And he just wore that.
Oh, stop making assumptions.
That is true.
It could have been the dude.
And he could have just wore that dude, that John's asshole out.
And the guy comes out checking his ass, oh damn, my booty.
Because in my mind, the hooker is the one doing the banging instead of the other, the
jumping.
If it was a dude, John.
That is true.
It could have been a guy.
Could have, could have.
Well, you know, still don't fuck on the bathroom floor.
Nasty.
Very, very, very.
I mean, Bucky's I could say, but a Bucky.
It's clean.
Oh yeah, it is pretty clean there and fucking huge.
Yeah.
It's like a goddamn Turkish bathhouse in there.
Jesus Christ.
The stalls are all nice, closed in.
Yeah, but that really, that really upset me because like you expect certain things in
a society.
A certain level of dignity.
Yeah.
Not to fucking a bathroom.
Not to walk into the bathroom at a flea market and see an ass sticking out of the bottom
of the stall because you're passed out from being drunk, you fucking alcoholic.
But you see it anyway.
I've seen more ass than dick at a flea market than I care to mention.
Anyway that's it for Cozy Nights.
It's all ruined.
Tune in next week for more stories.
All right.
What you got for Urban Dictionary?
Let's have a look.
Get my phone out.
Go to the app.
Here we are.
Go to, go to the stuff that I've saved.
Oh God.
All right.
Let's get started.
We got Jabba Jockin.
That is when to have mad pool with others like Jabba the Hut.
I guess it's Jabba Jockin.
Where you don't even have to do anything but sit there, be a boss and get all one's needs
and wants met.
So you're so awesome that you just lay there and just get laid.
I don't know.
I've never seen that in life, but okay.
Hey boss.
Hey, how's it going boss?
Just liked our tab.
The next one is called a fuck bird, which sounds brutal by the way.
Is when you have engaged in sex for a long session and you're very sore.
After a point, like if it's not pleasurable, why are you going for a record?
Trying to break a record?
Like if your dick starts chafing.
Oh God.
We just gotta finish this.
It's not, it won't be done.
She's been dry for hours.
Right.
Yeah.
She's like, you're both exhausted and bored.
You're like, you got to chub at least.
It's not even in there anymore.
You squeeze them against your belly button.
Next one is a blank assortive Rex.
When you go one or more days of hounding girls without getting sex.
I would say at that point, stop harassing them.
Yeah.
If they said no for the beginning, just fucking move on.
Try hard.
That's all it is.
A potential rapist is all that is.
No means no.
Unless you're in a fucking NCN or whatever bullshit it's called.
The NC, what is it?
NCN or CNC?
Oh God.
Yeah.
Or God, we made that joke a long time ago.
Was it, I think Carrington maybe where he's like, I damn it.
I can't remember what comedian it was, but they had a joke, right?
Where it's like, if they get the bad reading in the courtroom where.
Oh, that was a, um, I know what it is.
Remember yes, bill burr.
Yeah.
But it like where it's like the worries.
No, stop it.
No.
Oh, like, yeah.
Like in a lovingly.
And then they go into the corner.
She said, no, stop it.
She didn't say it like that.
I guess a subtext would be the word for it.
Uh, like the, the.
Or a tone.
The tone.
You don't get tone from letters.
Yeah.
From a fucking email or anything.
Twitter has proven that you don't get, you don't get the sarcasm.
You get nothing.
Yeah.
You gotta be careful with that.
So next one is the crusty Baldwin.
And after Alex Baldwin, I'm assuming when someone is having anal sex and the person
giving it to the partner, Jack, let's leave the semen there until it gets crusty in the
anus.
Oh, that just sounds up hygienic.
It does more than anything.
That's when it's platinum digger.
Someone who surpasses a gold digger in the fact that they already get insanely wealthy.
So they're already rich and only date, and will only date people who have more money
than them, AKA an asshole.
Oh, so every woman now, they're rich now.
No, there's that rope is fucking no, there's that meme or whatever where that sugar mama
hat like you're paying for me.
May 3rd is a kiss your homie day.
No homo.
I think they're trying to justify that again.
Next one is my favorite word ever on this site gummy bear.
A young gay man who is attractive but has bare qualities.
Hairy chest but is well groomed and shaved.
That's why you use your name on playstation gummy.
Next one is Laffy Taffy.
When someone stretches the truth but makes it seem reasonable so they don't get caught
creeping.
So you can stretch it a little bit.
Yeah, I can see that.
Little white lies.
Just stretch just enough that they still believe you.
Next one is called Cottonmouth Kings.
Hope it's not a slur but it seems like it.
A rap group consists of a bunch of skinny white guys covered with tattoos.
They do a lot of hand motions in their music videos.
Look like they're going to grab your penis through the screen.
It's also the new age white trash redneck music.
I don't know what the fuck that is.
What's Cottonmouth Kings?
It sounds like an actual band that just has fucking shit on.
No, I can think of a few.
They called them rednecks too and white trash.
They went double down on them.
That's mean.
Next one is the Idaho Shake.
I'm going to put this shit on Idaho.
Take a shit on one leg with the other leg.
Dip your foot in the shit and smear it all over someone's face.
What?
It's like a handshake but with shit.
Oh, so you shit down one leg, you rub it with the other leg and then you kick someone in
the face basically.
What?
It's a handshake.
It's called the Idaho Shake.
Wouldn't it be easier to step your foot in some shit, some dog shit or cow shit and just
kick someone in the face instead?
I think that would make more sense.
Why would you have to kick someone in the face and shit yourself first?
Huh.
Whatever.
It sounds like something a homeless person would do.
Maybe.
Just start shitting themselves and then kick someone in the face with it.
Ha ha.
The other.
Alright, that is it for the 10 on the Urban Dictionary.
Cool.
I guess we'll go ahead.
I hope I've ruined your lives.
You did just a little bit.
It's fine.
Every time we do the Urban Dictionary, I die of the wood side.
So it's fine.
I find the...
I just love wordplay.
I'm a modern day Shakespeare.
I just enjoy finding new words.
Or new definitions for old words.
Which reminds me, have you ever read The Divine Comp?
No.
Do you guys know?
It includes Dante's Inferno.
Oh, that.
Purgatorio and Paradisio.
Is that what it's called?
I've read it, yeah.
It's got all three though.
It's a three story thing.
You go through every layer.
Well, it does Hell first, then you go through Purgatory, and then you go through Heaven.
I don't know if I've read it.
I don't remember any of it, but yes, I read it.
You said Divine Comedy sounded like something like...
I've never heard of that Shakespeare play.
No, it's by Dante.
Dante.
But everybody only knows the Inferno part, to where you get down to the seventh level
of Hell.
But nobody reads past that.
Like nobody knows there's two more.
As far as we get.
We go straight down.
But there's like a redemption thing, where you go back through Purgatory, and then you
go through Heaven.
Cool.
So that's like a game.
Pardisio.
Sounds like a game.
That is a game.
It's a town in Red Dead Redemption.
Or is it Pardisio?
Might be with an R. Pardisio.
Pardi...Pardisio.
I don't know.
I don't speak Spanish.
I do, but I'm Mexican in America.
So...
You're Spanglish.
Yeah, basically.
All right.
We'll go ahead and go into our dive for today.
Our anime dive.
This was by one of the...somebody that asked for it on one of our videos.
I don't have it pulled up right now of who.
But you know who you are.
You.
You asked for Dregnor Academy.
Dregnor.
Dregnor Academy.
I thought it was Dragon Academy when I read it.
Let's see here.
Genre is considered fantasy, romantic comedy, and harem.
I knew a chick who liked to write reverse harems.
To God.
Guess she just liked to get in the busy.
So she was just a whore.
It's fine.
That's what she wrote as horror story.
Not horror.
Just whore.
All right.
It was originally written by Shiki Mizuchi for the manga.
The anime TV series was directed by Shinzuki Tada and Tomoyuki Kurokawa.
12 episodes.
And you can actually watch it on Crunchyroll right now.
Who these Crunchyrolls?
You got Netflix.
The anime ran from April through June of 2014.
April through June?
Two months.
Okay.
Three months.
So they...
4, 8, 12, yeah.
So, first episode is called A Boy and His Dragon.
It's in the actual Japanese name of it is Saikoku no Dragonar is the Japanese name for
the undershirt dragon on there.
Saikoku no Dragonar instead of Dragonar Academy.
All right.
The first episode Ash Blake is a senior student of the famous An Sullivan Dragonar Academy
but branded as the number one problem child for having no dragon pals.
Other than capable of riding other pals, he hides one secret beneath his arm from everyone.
He has this mark all the way up his arm.
One day during a dragon rearing spar, Ash accidentally got himself into an argument
with the prideful crown princess Sylvia Loutremont.
Through a provoked act about his pal being dead, Ash challenges Sylvia in the annual
Ares Dragonar Festival race to take back her words.
During the race, Ash forfeits his victory where he crashes off some opponents conspiring
against the princess during the race.
While returning back to the school, Ash stumbles upon a mysterious figure named Milgauss and
his bodyguard Anya who nearly drives him off of the edge of the cliff.
Then after a falling moment, his right arm starts to glow.
He falls, his arm starts to glow and born right out of Ash's secret star brand is what
this tattoo is called appears a girl.
So it's his dragon basically.
Next episode is titled Ties That Bind the Astral Flow.
So Ashley, Ashley, Ash finally has his pal born a dragon named Eco or Echo I guess is
the better way to pronounce it who is actually a human girl style of character rather than
looking like an actual dragon.
So like the Marvel's movie that's number one.
To make matters more problematic, the thunderous young dragon declares he that she is his master
and he is not hers.
After a toying stroll around the Academy City, someone has their sights set on Echo to be
more than a valuable research subject.
The difference between this and the actual novel, the event where Ash names Echo is placed
during her visit to the town of the anime when it was moments after her birth during
the novel.
Okay, who changed a couple of things around a little bit to fit better in a I guess a
animation way.
Yeah, yeah.
Or I guess format to fit a different medium.
Right.
So we'll see here.
Next episode is called Riot in the Streets.
So a hesitant Ash becomes enraged as a sorry, he becomes urged as he was invited to join
the student council by the seductive president Rebecca Randall.
The most American name.
Well his is Ash Blake.
Oh yeah.
I thought it was Ash Ketchum.
Trying to catch all those dragons.
Trying to catch all the...
I want to be in the...
While on the cafeteria break, the mysterious intruders Ash encountered during the Ares
Festival start spurring chaos by summoning an undead dragon that captures and swallows
Echo whole in the process.
God dang it, attack on titans all over again, he comes out looking like a dragon.
While Ash struggles to rescue her, they're trying to figure out at the end of the episode
can she fix up his arc set to save the day.
So...
Oh is she?
Yeah there's no when he dies.
Next episode is called Iron Blood Valkyrie.
Ten days after Necromancy has attacked, which is the undead dragon, Ash and Sylvia were
admitted to the student council per Rebecca's request.
Ash tries to balance towards his newfound school duties while keeping his secret identity
as the heroic Silver Knight of the incident.
So basically Echo was able to grant him a power basically to become like a Silver Knight.
And she ended up being saved.
And the undead dragon defeated.
Meanwhile Sylvia receives a message that her older sister, Veronica Lautremont, the Iron
Blood Valkyrie is coming for a visit.
And Sylvia does not look a least bit happy about it.
So then we go into the Ice Blue Princess is the next episode.
The Iron Blood Valkyrie, Veronica Lautremont reunites with her little sister Sylvia after
four years.
Disappointed with her sister's progress as a dragnar, she commences an arranged marriage
with Glen Maguire.
These are very American names.
Maguire.
So you're making them base or home runs?
Yes.
Her bodyguard and once her brother's best friend.
As Sylvia struggles against the iron fist pressure of her sister, a terrorist attack
is launched on the church she is praying at, led by the well-known assassin Atavolka the
convicted.
We go into episode six.
It's called the Blue Brianach.
Veronica orders Sylvia to pray for forgiveness for her weakness at the church.
While there, the church is taken over by a group of bandits led by the guerrilla Atavolka
Kilskaya who threatens to bomb the church with everyone in it.
Ash goes in to negotiate with her while Veronica initiates her plan to save everyone.
Even though initially she planned to let Atavolka blow up the church.
Well damn girl.
I know.
This ultimately results in Sylvia and the citizens being saved.
Episode seven.
Luka Sarlin.
Sarlin.
After Ash has chosen to go to a training camp, they find out about the last student council
member named Luka who was a greater, who has a greater reputation than that of the student
council president.
She has a problem with her dragon Gawain.
I guess it would be Gawain.
G-A-W-A-I-N. Gawain.
Gawain.
And it's up to the student council members as friends to help her.
We go into episode eight called Moodlet Roar.
After arriving at the training camp, the student council continues their efforts to talk with
Gawain.
After managing to get on his back, Ash is knocked out and speaks with Gawain in the
High Dragon Workshop.
While there, Ash finds out that the reason Gawain will not let Luka ride him is because
that the two had an accident recently and he does not want to put her in charge like
he did before.
So the dragon doesn't trust his rider.
Well damn, that would be a great way to establish a relationship.
Episode nine is called Dragon Dance.
After Gawain goes missing, it is up to Ash, Sylva, and Echo to find Luka, to help Luka
find him.
Meanwhile, the camp is attacked by a horde of Necromancia, which are the undead dragons.
Students and the staff fight them off.
The group finds Gawain, but Milgauss is there with a large Necromancia dragon.
The group defeats him and the dragon.
They kill the Necromancia dragons with the school and rescue Gawain.
So all is well that ends well, basically.
Episode ten, Assembly in Fontaine.
It's a lot of American and French words.
Sylvia, Ash, and Echo are invited to the capital by Sylvia's father so he can meet them.
Upon reaching the capital, Sylvia meets up with her father while Ash and Echo explore
the city.
Once Ash meets Sylvia's father, he appoints him as a dragonar.
So he becomes a dragonar at that point instead of just being one at the academy.
Meanwhile, an evil group plots behind the scenes and waits to start its plan to kidnap
Echo and awaken her dragon form.
Because she's been in human form the entire time.
Oh really?
Huh.
Episode eleven is called Yggdrasil Rising.
Yggdrasil, great choice.
Now we're at North mythology.
Yeah.
Remember Yggdrasil is also part of Overlord.
That's the only reason I can look at that word and know what it says.
You know what word is crazy to look at in Greek mythology that I only learned from playing
God of War is Hecatonchires?
If you ever look at it, it will blow your brain out.
And I get recited perfectly just from the game.
After realizing that she will never be with Ash, Echo runs off.
While outside and away from people, Echo is kidnapped by the evil group.
God damn.
While Sylvia and Ash search for her for her for whore, they find out she was abducted
and go to rescue her.
Going into episode 12, the star branded dragonar, which is actually what the Japanese word really
mean in the title.
The actual title of the anime itself.
Okay.
So now we finally get the actual name.
Because the American version of it is not the same as what the Japanese version is.
The evil group complete their plan and force Echo into her dragon form.
Echo is then possessed by the spirit who formerly resided in Sylvia's brother's body.
Echo loses control of her body and wrecks havoc across the city.
This causes Ash to jump into action, venturing into Echo's mind.
Ash fights and defeats the spirit, returning Echo to her human form and saving the city.
And that is how the first season ends.
Yay.
We're going to go over a couple of the characters here so that way you at least understand them
a little bit better.
Okay.
So Ash Blake, a 16 year old student at the academy whose dragon, Parr, hasn't fully awakened
at the beginning of the series.
He is also known as a problem child due to his tendency to react violently to any perceived
insult to his yet to be born dragon.
It's a great way to figure out or react to any response or any actual anything.
Despite his poor reputation, he has an unusual talent, a phenomenon called chalice that makes
him the only human, aside from his sister, Linda, able to ride other people's dragons.
So that was not a possible thing.
I thought it was just random.
You can all ride any dragon.
No, you can only ride the one that you summon.
Huh.
As a child, he had no interest in becoming a breeder, which is what they consider people
that raise dragons.
But he met Sylvia Lutremont, who was determined to be a breeder by chance during the orphan
rite and assisting her in finding the mother dragon.
After finding the mother dragon, he has chosen to become a breeder, not Sylvia.
He was given the dragon Parr, later named Echo, by the mother dragon, who was aware
of his ability to drive, to ride any dragon.
After saving the town during the necromancy incident, he is defied, uh, defied?
Maybe deified?
Deified probably.
Yeah, be deified.
As the Ark bearing silver knight, which corresponds to a noble rank.
He is later knighted by Paladin Oswald, granting him the title dragon, uh, dragon Noah shortly
after accepting the position of student council general affairs.
He is also called the Knight of Avalon due to him being Echo's master.
In the second year, he takes the student council president position where he becomes the founder
of the independent order of the Avalon Knights.
Man, quite the mouthful.
A little bit.
We have Echo.
Echo is a special dragon Parr who takes on the form of a human girl.
Although she develops a fondness for Ash, she treats him as though he was her servant
and not the other way around, much to his annoyance.
Echo is fully aware that Ash is her master and that she is his pet, as she describes
herself, but she doesn't want to admit it because of her pride.
She also believes that if she submits that she will have, uh, she will be nothing but
a tamed pet to Ash and not a like friend type character.
I guess.
Echo assesses Dragonwise, a place where she can gather the ability to give Ash a magical
suit of armor known as the Ark.
And when she does, they also receive an Ark weapon infused with elemental power.
She is later revealed to be the Imperial Princess of the Emperor's family of Avalon's Holy
Dragons, and her full name is Echo Aurora Christina Pendragon Lena Anharusa Ilia Roronsuga
Lillian Muriel Octavia Robintine De La Rosa.
So she is Hispanic.
I'm about to ask, is she Hispanic?
Quite the Hispanic long name.
It goes off.
Ressi, uh, Ressuper Ansu Van De Compas, uh, Compastella Avalon.
Yes.
According to the Mother Dragon, Echo for sure.
Yes.
According to the Mother Dragon, Echo is both human and dragon.
This was arranged in order for her to breed with Ash and save the dragon race from extinction.
Eww.
Coros.
I told you.
Yeah, that's uh, that's Dragon Art Academy for you.
There you go.
It's a boy that wants to sleep with his dragon basically.
Isn't it the girl that wants to sleep with the...
Yeah.
And there's a lot of fan service in this anime.
Just as a heads up to anybody that watches it.
I would, it's not, um, it's not a bad anime per se.
It's just not usually something I would have watched generally if not asked for.
Well, like I said, it's not bad.
The graphics and stuff like that are, like the animation itself is pretty good.
But I don't know, I've never been into the harem animes really.
My whole life as a harem.
Yeah, you and your ten fingers.
Reverse harem.
You're part of that harem.
I'm part of the actual harem.
I'm exhausted.
It's like you take over.
Go ahead.
I'm done with this bullshit.
I feel like getting a notebook right and putting a pineapple upside down sticker on it just
to mess with people.
I'm not a swinger, but we'll see what happens.
Yeah.
Buy you one of those neon signs hanging on your front door.
Be fucking hilarious having an upside down pineapple on the decal to your car.
Yeah.
Be like, what the fuck?
What's he in, dude?
And then people just keep approaching me.
I'm like, I'm not into anything.
I just like having a pineapple upside down.
I'm like Hawaii.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm always, I'm always confused.
Huh?
Why are you swinging?
I'm like Hawaii.
That's where I grew up.
I eat pineapples upside down.
You've never heard of pineapple upside down cake?
You never, you never, you never bit into a pineapple that was completely like shelled?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's that like?
Hurts.
That's the pine of the part of the apple, isn't it?
Yes.
Yes, it is.
That shit hurts.
Just tear up your whole mouth.
You fuck.
All right.
You ready for some Reddit?
Yep.
These are all today I fucked ups by the way.
So for you.
One of my cousins on there.
He would be if you know how to write and read.
He's a, just what you're saying is he's a literate.
The first one is by Muted Radio.
This person puts.
A good game actually.
It makes sense.
A muted radio.
Yeah.
You can't mute a radio unless you turn the volume all the way down.
Yeah.
This person puts this morning whenever I woke up, my boyfriend seemed very upset.
I asked him what was wrong and he asked me if I didn't remember what happened the night
before.
When you.
I was there.
Dilled up my ass.
I was like, God.
He's.
I was very confused and told him no.
I only remembered waking up once around 3 a.m. and going to the bathroom and that was it.
You pissed on me.
He told me that around midnight or one, he was having a panic attack and shook me awake.
He said I hugged him for a few minutes then mumbled something about I'll do it in the
morning that I turned over and he grabbed my arm and I apparently yelled at him to stop
touching me.
He said he said he rolled over and started to cry and then I shouted, Are you seriously
crying?
I'm trying to sleep.
How would you.
The problem is that I don't remember any of this.
Are you sure?
I think this is selective.
I think she's lying.
Yeah.
And this is not something I would have done if I had been fully awake.
I obviously feel horrible and have apologized multiple times.
He seemed to be less upset after he realized I was serious about not remembering.
But I sent him a text this morning to further apologize whenever he left for work.
I made him some breakfast earlier and took it to him to work for him.
And we talked a little bit about what had happened and he made a joke about the situation
and seemed to be normal about it.
But I still feel horrible.
Bitch, you remember this shit.
You remember exactly what you were doing.
Oh, you really fucking crying motherfucker.
She wakes up like I'll make you give me reason to cry.
She beats it.
Get out of it.
Bitch, it just starts beating the shit out of her.
If I got sleeps on my couch.
Really?
You're going to cry now.
Next one is by bumblebee number 4903.
Apparently, they'll all the other numbers for taking that.
That's that one number.
That's the bumblebee's actual account from the actual hive.
Could be.
That's how many there are.
This happened in Friday.
Your emails would be fucking crazy.
Like if it was bumblebee email, you know, got to send it to 876-9321.
This is 923456.
Like, what's that?
877-321.
I'm like, what the fuck?
All right, this first pitch.
This happened in Friday evening and I'm still dying about it.
It was early evening around.
Guy?
I go to the hospital then.
Hey, I'm reading the way they wrote it.
It was early evening around 8 p.m. and I started dozing in and out of sleep in the recliner
while my husband and four-year-old son were watching a show on his iPad.
They watch it.
Something like Wholesome and Family like Games of the Ravens.
Watching Saul.
Here's the part where she tried to stick her hand up there.
She gets that hand caught too with the spikes.
My son came over a few times to come watch.
It's all wholesome.
This is about sharing.
So you ain't sharing shit.
Literal shit.
My son came over a few times to come talk and show me things and then I would doze off
again.
He came over again and started yanking on my arm to wake me up.
I was in the middle of an intense dream and I smacked the shit out of him and I could
not remember any of it now.
But as I was jolting awake and out of the dream, I yelled, oh my God, shut the fuck
up, dick nose.
There you go.
This is to her son, by the way.
When I came to it and realized where I was, I realized my son was crying and my husband
was looking at me disgusted.
How dare you ruin our wonderful family night of watching Hostel 1, 2 and 3.
I asked him what happened and my husband said, why would you say that to him?
I said, the dick nose.
I thought it was part of a dream.
You know he's embarrassed about his nose.
It does look like a dick.
You don't have to call him out on it.
I had no idea I actually yelled that to him in real life.
I had to explain to my kid that I didn't mean to call him a dick nose.
I still don't know what a dick nose is.
You know what it is.
What do you mean a dick nose?
Come on now, girl.
Just like everybody knows what a butt chin is, you know what it is.
You ever seen the man with the biggest nose ever?
Just seven inches long.
Jesus Christ.
Never kissed a woman in his life because they couldn't reach.
Sereno de Bergea.
I don't know what the fuck his name was.
You remember the movie, don't you?
I thought about the real guy.
I know.
I'm sorry, but it could have been the same kind of...
Yeah, I guess so.
The guy that was like he would hide and he would give some handsome guy all this advice.
Is that the guy?
Yeah, Sereno.
Yeah, okay.
We hid in the bushes.
Tell her her eyes look like starlights.
It's like her panties are as big as the sink.
Just some random shit just to see if he'll repeat it.
Because the guy's dumb anyway.
Ask her what them titties do.
Next one is by Zs.
Z-E-I-Z.
I'm surprised they got that username to be fair.
Z-E-I-Z.
It's all in the eyes.
It sounds like it's our Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Z-E-I-Z.
Real eyes is real eyes.
This person fits.
I matched with a really cute girl out of my league.
Not only that, but she was into the same games as me and liked cars.
What's a guy?
We talked for three days nonstop until we decided to meet up for coffee.
We met.
She was even better looking in person.
What's a guy then?
Things started out great.
Conversation flows great.
And then she shows me a picture of her cat from that morning trying to get into a fish
bowl.
I'd laugh at her and tell her what an absolute unit that cat is.
What a h-ckin' chunker.
That cat hella thick.
It's a fat bitch.
It just starts going on.
Even after she leaves, he's still going.
He's the fattest fucking cat in the world.
That door-filled motherfucker.
Her expression's completely changed and she gets quiet.
That's a friend flag.
I tell her that when that fat cat can't take a joke, he goes baaah.
She starts going off.
I tell her that's a super cute cat, but her expression remained the same.
Two to three minutes go by with very minimal talking.
Oh fuck.
Things are really awkward now.
She gets up and says she needs to be somewhere.
She left and almost immediately unmatched me.
So we just meet up late.
Next one is by Kurasaki Toppo.
Probably a random one?
It must be something actually like prophetic.
Kurasaki is the last name of Ichigo for bleach.
There you go.
Hold on.
What's the first one?
Ichigo Kurasaki.
What is that?
Is that Ichigo?
Well, it's Kurasaki Toppo.
I don't know what the topo might be.
I have no idea actually.
Maybe it's his actual name.
He's just a guy's real name.
Toppo.
We're just all very fucking trying to decide what it means.
This one puts, next one by him.
Sorry for my bad English.
Not my first language.
Yep, he's Japanese.
Could be.
This person puts, she, and I do have to add the ages this time.
She 43.
She's always saying that she's ugly and old and stuff like that.
That no, she wants my fucking cotton candy.
Nobody likes her, likes, find her attractive.
I, a 26 year old male, am always saying she's pretty and hot because it's true and to make
her feel good.
So we were drinking some beers and she starts to undress.
She asked me if she's hot and if I wanted to fuck her.
I said yes.
This is Japan?
Goday.
Forward as fuck.
I was excited but at the moment we started to have sex, my thing didn't work.
She said she was so sad that it was because she wasn't attractive.
But I don't know, I was nervous.
I made her feel bad and I'm so sad about it.
For obvious reasons, she don't want to talk to me and block me from social networks.
Well fuck, social networks.
Yeah.
I know it's a foreign country and you know.
He's like, yeah you're fucking hot.
Yeah I want to fuck you.
Oh don't worry.
I think don't get her.
No I'm not.
Oh good.
This one is by double Y's selecta.
805.
Okay.
Hey it says S-E-L-E-C-T-A-H.
Selecta.
For context, wife and I had parents, our parents are a beautiful toddler and rent a house,
what I like to call a landlord special.
And this happens to that baby's butt ass son.
A beautiful toddler, looks like a troll.
They found underneath a bridge.
And this happened two days ago.
My wife and I had been planning a date night all week.
I surprised her by saying I'd like to go to the movies, which I don't do.
I was never a fan of the movies before.
I mean I watched the triple feature, Hostel 1, 2, and 3.
Centipede 1 through 5.
I was never a fan of the movies before and haven't been to a theater since pre-COVID.
I've taken the theaters for granted and I generally miss them.
Silly me.
Shit I haven't been to theaters since COVID either.
Damn that's wild.
I had decided to day off.
She went to work and dropped off our daughter in the morning at her mom's wife's.
So my mother-in-law could watch her while we go on our date night.
Great night to ourselves.
Wife arrives home around 2pm.
Movie starts at 6.30 and decided we'd eat before the movies.
We mutually agreed we'd leave at 4.
So I told her to take her time to get ready.
So she did.
And I stopped and asked, Hey, so can you shave down there?
Wife was like, I got you.
Talk about an actual real relationship.
I have time to kill so I decided to hop on my PC and log into Squad server to kill some
time.
No kids.
I could game in peace.
And I'd be like, fuck damn kids.
Not even 5 minutes go by.
I hear, shit.
Oh fuck.
30 seconds go by and I hear my name being called for help.
I wait a few seconds.
She yells my name again.
That's a true couple right there.
They're like, oh.
She's like, oh.
She's fucking toilet koochie.
Our bathroom is directly in front of our bedroom.
I quickly get up in frustration.
Open the bathroom.
I see water spewing everywhere.
Like, what the fuck?
She points under the toilet.
I see the pipe that sends water to the toilet bowl spraying water.
That's better than her getting cut up.
Yeah.
I quickly try to shut off the rusty valve that was impossible to turn from all the corrosion.
I run to the garage and grab a tool for leverage.
Like I mentioned earlier, the Landlord Special, there is a copper hard line about 8 inches
from the water outlet to the bathroom.
Sorry.
There is a copper hard line from 8 inches from under the water outlet to the bottom
of the toilet bowl.
A grommet at each end creates a seal.
That bypassed you completely.
Basically, also, it's so crazy the guy could just pinpoint the actual size of something
except their dick.
Yeah.
Like that's 8 inches, 8 and a half inches, 15 inches around.
You can get enough room and you can fill that fucking plumbing up.
My dick, I don't know, mine is 9, 11 inches.
I'm not sure.
He's packing tape.
But they don't fucking pipes.
Yeah.
By fucking just like eye gauge.
Yeah.
A couple of fucking blocks of wood, 92, 15 fucking 2x4s.
I got it.
Hot, hot.
But then it's like, hey, uh.
They didn't fucking measure their dick from their asshole.
You see, my wife thought it'd be a good idea to kick her leg up on the toilet bowl.
You get the picture.
Since there is a copper hard line instead of a normal flex pipe, it shifted and ruptured
the seal from the grommet.
Our bathroom got semi-flooded and gallons of water spilled from the toilet bowl.
Damn.
Three trips between Lowe's and Home Depot's, of course, we could not fuck a flex pipe that
fits on the ancient water valve.
It measured three-fourths of an inch.
You got the exact measurements through.
We did find exactly that, but it would not thread on.
Three hours later, I said, screw it.
I'm a guy who read a makeshift grommet of reused copper line.
It worked.
We missed our movie and we just went straight to dinner.
Fun night.
Can I make do with what's the best that you can?
She tried to shave the coochie.
Try her best.
She kicked her leg up and shit.
Broke that bitch.
That fucking bathroom is torn up now.
Next one is by Dependent Soil8011.
This person puts, oh boy, I hope no one knows, no one I know sees this.
I went on a date last night with someone I've known for a while, but that's not really where
my fuck up starts.
After dinner, I went for a walk.
My fuck up started when I was born.
We're going to go back in history all the time.
After dinner, we went for a walk along the very quiet and empty river.
Things got snowballed from there.
We started making out.
He was feeling around and we were generally having a hard time restraining ourselves.
So we moved somewhere quieter where this girl gave him a hand job.
The bathroom of a supermarket.
Is that a sign?
Was that a bitter call?
I don't think anyone saw, but this is where the fuck up is.
I wasn't aware that he had shot that hard and that suddenly my hands and jeans were
covered.
My hands and jeans were covered and all I could do was sit there with my jaw on the
floor.
He must have been bad at his shotgun blinds.
Yeah, he was like a blue one out.
One of his dustpipes retracted.
That hasn't even been back in a while.
I've never had to clean a male jizz off anything.
So I tried soaking it down with water because a water bottle was all I had with me.
Yeah, that ain't going to work.
I couldn't see it once I rinsed my jeans.
So I figured everything would be fine.
That's where you really do fuck up.
Watch the crusted for the fucking white stain.
Wrong.
I got up this morning.
Have you forgot that my jeans probably needed washing and went out and shopping with a steel
or fucking jean?
I didn't give a second thought.
I thought I'd cleaned it good enough.
To looking down at said jeans when I'd gotten on the bus and learn that I had not in fact
cleaned it good enough.
So I've been walking around unintentionally covered in cum.
Damn.
And to me in story form, I imagine some old 95 year old woman coming, honey, come on you
jeans.
And she looks, it was always the old ones that don't mind telling you.
They're willing to tell you everything.
They'll tell you everything and they don't care.
Next one is by Jim Jim Jim is therapy.
I was trying to figure out if that was an L or an I cause can't tell.
All righty.
So this person puts greetings actually not today, but a few days ago.
Wait, there's like greetings earthling.
Manu Nenu.
My girlfriend and I had a human experience today cause I am also human.
My girlfriend and I were having some quiet alone time together, which had gotten pretty
rare since we have a one year old kid.
We decided to use the opportunity to have some sexy time and started out with some foreplay.
Like a sexy, if you guys call it sexy time, you are a little not.
Yeah.
Uh, we were making out things.
How spicy I was hard as a rock and ready to make my ancestors proud.
At this point, I need to mention that I thought it was fun to get high beforehand as it feels
much more intense than I got higher than intended.
And due to that, my tongue felt like dry piece of beef jerky.
Well, have you ever woken up in the middle of the night because you were so thirsty and
you're going to get that cold, fresh three AM sip of water that kind of dry wake up when
I got drought.
I don't know why.
Maybe my mouth breathe when I sleep, but man, you wake up just fucking dry.
So you know the dry, I get spit fire.
Nevertheless, I put off my clothes and leaned in for a final tongue kiss before working
my way down on her.
Then it happened when the tips of our tongue got tired.
I put the shit out of her.
I busted out laughing, blowing air out of my nose and her face.
Her tongue felt so wet that it made it.
Fucking nectar from it.
It made me envision my tongue to feel like SpongeBob from that episode.
He visits Sandy for the first time and he's on the brink of death desperate for water.
I immediately felt embarrassed and sorry for ruining the mood.
I apologize for being childish and stupid.
We tried to save the situation, but I got soft and she lost interest that she was very
disappointed totally get that.
After that, silence trinch by disappointment and embarrassment.
That's best marriage for you.
Thankfully, 10 minutes later, I was able to get the mood back on and made up for it.
I gave everything I had used every trick in the book and managed to take her to the promised
land and preserve some dignity, dignity from my bloodline.
All three positions that you know, if you know the entire thing out of everything that
last little part was not the true part.
It was just disappointment.
Probably.
I lost her effort for like 510 minutes.
Just sitting there.
All right.
Last one is a little bit of a long one.
So 18 pages.
It looks like.
And what did they do?
They committed a crime.
And this person is logical, brilliant 115.
That's not logical nor brilliant.
So did he murder somebody?
All right.
Be this person boots.
I used to pride myself on the ability to handle spice, but if you want to talk about handling,
you ever vomit it out of your asshole after eating fucking spicy food the day after?
Believe me, I know Taco Bell.
That's why they bulled down their toilets.
So hold it to frame.
Hold on.
They got fucking handrails.
They do.
The grip pad and a fucking they got a seat belt.
Like the cell port.
Yeah.
Just get ready for that fucking shit.
But today, technically yesterday as I'm writing this, I proved myself wrong.
This all started whenever I decided to order some hot pot from my favorite local restaurant.
This place offers a range of spiciness levels.
Level one for those who can and cannot handle any heat whatsoever.
Level one for a mild kick.
Level two for a medium amount of heat.
Think spicy ramen or hot buffalo wings.
Level three for a serious dose of burn your mouth heat and level four, which can only
be intended for consumption by the descendants of the depth of the deepest depths of hell.
I started at level two my first time and found it quite bearable.
So I moved up to level three from there, which I had several times and was still about to
consume without any serious discomfort.
Fast forward to today.
Whenever I decided it's time to kick things up a notch, I ordered the level four spice
with which the restaurant describes as simply burning hot.
Jesus.
Do not use plastic while we're porcelain.
We'll melt them.
This is definitely a noticeable burn with each bite, but that's not too unusual.
At first, I attribute it mostly to the temperature of the soup base and simply ignore the mounting
pain because the food is delicious.
Meanwhile, my nose is running like crazy.
My lips and chin are stinging from stray drops of the broth.
God dang.
And each new mouthful burns so badly I'm panting in the useless attempt to give my tongue
a respite from the heat.
I only managed to eat about half of it before I noticed that I'm feeling uncomfortably full.
I then have a bit of water, which obviously does nothing to assuage the burning.
He's really-
Assuse you.
God dang, Stephen King.
I know that milk is supposed to help, but I despise this stuff and I don't keep it around
the house, so that's not an option.
I quickly Google-
I despise this milk.
It's a natural component of our daily life.
I despise this milk.
You're too good for milk, you sack of shit.
You're lactose intolerant.
Hey man, I'm lactose intolerant.
I'll eat ice cream today.
Shit tomorrow.
I quickly Google search tells me starchy foods like bread can help.
I have some crackers on hand.
Same thing, right?
Kind of.
The mouth burning sensation goes away within a few minutes of eating the crackers, so I
think I'm all in the clear.
Wrong, good old letters.
That's when the full deadly force of the hot pot finally hits my gut.
Guess what?
The onset of the pain is rapid.
The mild discomfort I had been feeling transforms into gut wrenching agony.
Jesus.
The sudden rush of sensation takes my breath away.
It's done.
Doesn't it look like the kid got fucking sent to fucking the hospital because of the hot
cheetos?
Yeah.
It's going to be like that, as he was like-
Doubled over, I rushed for the bathroom.
But guess what?
I got punched.
Vacating my bowels helps only slightly.
It takes the 10 of the- Vacating my bowels.
That's really like quite the, I don't know-
The linguist?
Yeah, but almost like he's doing it to present himself as somebody that is that smart.
Yeah.
Instead of just making it sound relatable.
Right.
I'm fucking ran to the bathroom and I shit myself is what I want to put.
It takes the pain down.
It takes the pain from 100 down to about 99.8.
There you go.
Close enough.
But I still feel like I'm on death's door.
Only I make it off the toilet.
Once I make it off the toilet, I flop on the floor just outside of the bathroom door.
A sensation like hell fire is ravaging the lining of my stomach.
I'm rendered immobile, cursing, gasping, drooling.
I try to take some deep breaths, but it doesn't help.
I quickly have to stagger back to the toilet for a round two.
This time, as I'm hunched over, shaking, sweating, and groaning, my mouth starts to fill with
bile.
Does it throw up too?
Yeah.
Now, I'm not sure which end needs more to be pointed at the toilet.
I stand up and flush and then lean over the toilet for a moment.
The new position sends fresh shock waves of stabbing, twisting pain through my guts.
I decide I don't want to know what that hot pot feels like coming back up through my nose,
so I forcibly swallow back the bile.
Again, I find myself face down on the floor.
Then we'll come out the air force.
This time I am, with trembling hands, searching the web for a fight.
It just suffices me to sweat.
I get quickened on the booty hole on fire.
Need advice.
Surely, I need medical attention, but I'm in too much pain to get myself anywhere, and
while I seriously contemplate contacting emergency services, the humiliation factor is too great.
My web search for extreme stomach pain spicy food yields mostly unhelpful results.
These fools with their cute little ad-varticul-
About avoiding spicy foods before bedtime and drinking nonfat milk cannot conceive of
the predicament I'm in.
This feels like every stomach flu I have ever had as a kid dialed up to 10.
It feels the way torture must feel.
This is the type of pain that makes enemy spies confess any and everything just to make
it stop.
During around three or four on the toilet-
Fuck, how much did you eat?
I mean, there's only so much in your asshole, homie.
Honestly.
You're just crying.
You can't just get a shit air.
Good.
You're farting, yeah.
I eventually regain enough mental clarity to remember that the existence of Tums-
Mental clarity?
I don't like this guy at all.
I hope he fucking dies.
I mean, not really, but you know.
Yeah.
They're fucking annoying.
I eventually regain enough mental clarity to remember the existence of Tums.
I flee myself off of the toilet, crawl out of the kitchen, and proceed to dump the entire
contents of the medical cabinet onto the floor in search for them.
I could cry from relief whenever I find the bottle.
Immediately, I take about five tablets.
Jesus.
Then assume the least painful position I can find on my knees with my face on the floor.
Face down, asshole.
Yep.
That's the way he likes to fuck.
It takes a few minutes, but the burning sensation in my stomach begins to fade.
I have the sense to sit up once I am able so that gravity is doing the work of keeping
the contents of my stomach down.
After 10 or 15 minutes, I feel well enough to stand up and clean myself up.
I foolishly believe the ordeal to be over.
I just imagine him not wiping because it's so painful.
He's just got drool on his face, sweat on his brow, and just shit in his pants.
He just looks a mess.
Snot down his nose.
After a shower and the cursory clean in the bathroom, I remember that I have some ice
cream in the freezer, and although I'm feeling wildly nauseous, I decided to try a few bites.
Touching it like milk, asshole.
Hoping it will take away the lingering burn and minimize my pain later on when the contents
of my stomach pass into my intestines.
Then I crawl into bed and start watching Netflix.
Before long, I feel my mouth start to water.
Heavily.
I first try to ignore it, but this is like nothing I've ever experienced before.
It's like the, it's like the, every time you're about to throw up, like your mouth
waters, like, for like, to get your mouth ready to vomit.
Yes it does.
I can't swallow quickly and have to keep it down.
I finally, I finally get up when my mouth is filled to bursting with fluid.
Brr brr brr.
As soon as I'm vertical, I realize my mistake.
I speed to the bathroom just in time to vomit all over the toilet.
Close enough, I guess.
The Tums.
The hot pot is no less spicy coming back up.
As predicted, my nose and throat now feel as if they are too being ravaged by hellfire.
Rinsing my mouth doesn't help.
Blowing my nose makes it even worse.
I force myself to snort a solution of water and baking soda, which helps mildly, and after
a few more Tums, from there there's a waiting game.
Eventually, I start to feel like I'm half alive again, though still too nauseous to
drink water.
This went all down about 18 hours ago.
I put myself to bed just before 7pm and after about 12 hours of sleep, I still feel pretty
damn queasy.
Jesus.
Don't think I'll be having any more spicy than a piece of plain toast for a while.
Anyone gone through something similar?
Not that bad now.
It's like, jeez, dude.
That's why it's like if you're not accustomed to eating that kind of level of spicy, just
don't do it.
You're gonna build up to it.
I mean, you're Mexican and you can't do this.
I can do that if I gotta build to it.
You gotta build to it, though.
I could probably eat, uh, well, no, because I had some spicy yesterday.
That shit blew out my asshole today.
Like, it, it, it, it, like, that spicy, kind of like, a spicy shit, right, is different.
It just, like, ejects from your asshole.
You don't shit, right?
And that shit fucking explodes.
Like, before you got here for the stream, right, or for the session, like, I was like,
I gotta punch it like 3, 3.40 in the afternoon, like, and I like, it wasn't what I was like,
oh, no, I'm fucked.
I was like, oh, I gotta take another shit, because I had taken a shit that morning.
I had two shits today.
Both of considerable size.
And this second one looked like lava.
Cause I had pozole, and if you know what pozole is, if they're spicy, they come out just as
red as they went in.
Along with a little bit of blood.
No.
I have a pretty proficient shitting system.
A lot of fiber and water, so, uh, when I go, like, I can go, like, I ruin the fucking sewage
system in this neighborhood for my amount of shitting.
But, that's all I got for Reddit today.
Anything else to add?
How do I explain it?
Like, it's, it just, like, it falls out of your asshole.
Like, it's almost like it doesn't even go through your cheeks.
Like, it just drops down.
Like a faucet opening up and releasing the first bit of water.
Like, the minute my toilet hit the, my ass hit the toilet, that shit came out like a
faucet that was clogged up.
Like, you know, like the first, it's always like that dirt and stuff and like grass and
just grass.
Just lamb in her float?
Yeah, it just blew out.
If you have those too much, it'll fuck up your asshole.
Like, those watery shits.
Like carbon?
Yeah, like the horrendous ass shits he has.
Like, it really, it's happened a lot actually, doesn't it?
Well, no, it wasn't him that went to the Mexican restaurant and said, I, I ain't ever
come back here.
I've never had solid shit.
It was like being raped from the inside.
Yeah, like I guess he always had wet shit.
It's weird.
Like, it's like, it's weird about life, right?
Like, you can't be one or the other.
It has to be that perfect medium, that Goldilocks.
So you can't have two solid shits or you can't have two soft shits.
A perfect medium of shit.
Too solid, they don't come out, they get stuck in your ass.
Too wet, they start pretty much like chafing your asshole.
It's like, well, fuck.
So you gotta watch what you eat.
Yeah, you get to watch it twice.
In and out.
Throw in a little bit of corn and you're good to go.
Don't eat corn, there's no nutritional value.
And I've never seen corn not in its full form on the way out.
It comes out perfect as it went in.
You can throw that shit, you can throw it, I can clean it and throw it back into a fucking
bag and you wouldn't notice the difference.
Hey, don't give some of these weird ass people some ideas.
I'll give you all the ideas.
Remember, that's how they figured out about that specific kind of coffee.
What?
Where the goats eat it and then shit it out.
I have no idea what we're talking about.
I'll show you later.
I don't want you to show me nothing about conving assholes.
Alright, I guess that's it then.
We'll talk to you guys on the next one.
Adios.