Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
Let's go ahead and get started.
All right, everybody.
Let's start with some weird news.
So we started in Leeds, Alabama.
This happened yesterday.
Oh, God, that's recent.
Yeah, I looked them up today to make them more recent.
Anyway, so Thursday night, a 42 year old man crashes outside a Bass Pro shop.
He crashes outside the Bass Pro shop.
This sounds like a story from Florida.
He crashes outside the Bass Pro shop.
He gets out of his car.
He's just butt naked, runs inside and does a cannonball into the giant aquarium they
have in there.
But why?
I don't know.
They didn't ask him.
But just arrested his ass real fast.
No, the cops get there.
Five minutes later, he's been in the water.
He gets out of the water, cusses him out and jumps back in the water.
So he's basically charged with public lewdness, disorderly conduct, and criminal mischief.
I mean, they could have gotten him on a few more things, too, but they-
Forty some leeway.
Forty two years old.
Still acting childish.
Crazy, huh, some people?
See, they could have got him for a sexual offender, too.
They probably will.
You think so?
Well, I mean, I guess it depends on the circumstance.
Well, you know how they're strict in certain areas now?
Well, it's Alabama, so.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Point taken.
It takes a lot to take a sexual offender strike there.
I retract everything that I said.
Sorry, Alabama, but come on.
Come on.
You were the one in the last one with the statute of limitation or the legal limit of
sex, right?
It was super low back then.
You were the last one to raise it back to 18 or up to 18.
Come on.
You were 13 or some shit.
Come on.
Wasn't it?
So what's this, what is it called?
The age of consent.
They had one of the lowest in the country for a long time.
I mean, not like Japan's age 13, but probably 12 or 13.
So yeah, it's like Japan.
Now we move on to Beijing, China.
Okay.
Who else in Alabama do China?
Yeah.
So this Chinese player, he's suing the National Association for their, this Chinese chess
player, they have their own like Chinese chess.
Right.
I don't know what it's called.
Oh, it was like Chinese checkers.
So he's suing the National Association for mental distress because they stripped him
of his title.
And basically what happened was this player named Yan Shenglong, he was celebrating his
win with some of his friends, like fellow players.
They were at the hotel.
They were drinking wine, he had a little drunk and he ate something that really caused him
some bad stomach problems.
So he went to the bathroom, but he didn't make it and he took a dump in the bathtub.
So I don't know how people found out about it.
I guess the other players told on him or something.
So he doesn't make it to the bathroom and he dumps it out in the bathtub.
And so basically after investigation, it was found that he is accused of damaging hotel
property, violating public order and good behavior and negative impact on the tournament.
And so he's suing them for mental distress because of losing his title ruined his life.
But negative behavior?
It's China.
I mean, they're very strict with their behavior out there.
And then again, they have the social credit system too.
Exactly.
Which is like Black Mirror, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's like a Black Mirror movie.
I did though, if I remember correctly.
And there's people that want to bring that shit here.
Hell no.
Fuck.
I'd have a negative 80, 100.
The most negative number you can get.
How low can I go?
The whole of Griffith.
All right so that is it for the news today.
Two quick little stories that I found hilarious.
There is one with a Dunkin' Donuts blowing up into someone's face, the toilet.
But it's all-
Oh.
Oh god.
Should I?
Let me tell that story.
Anyway, last year, the story came out like a couple days ago, but it was like a record,
the court records from last year.
This guy went to Dunkin' Donuts in Florida.
And he goes into the bathroom and the toilet just blows up in his face.
I don't know where.
Yeah, just like feces, urine, debris.
Just all over him.
He comes out of the bathroom like, help me.
What do you do if you're a 60 year old kid working at Dunkin' Donuts right behind the
counter and some guy comes out the bathroom-
Is it the swamp monster?
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Just shit all over you.
What are these children supposed to do behind the counter?
You come out covered in shit.
Give you a little napkin off the counter.
The weirdest thing is when they were asked about it, like the reporter asked for a comment
from the Dunkin' Donuts, like we are aware of the problem.
Well, even you're aware of the problem.
You're aware of a bloat?
You're aware that a toilet blows up and you didn't put out of water?
We are aware of the situation.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
We are aware of the situation.
We're looking into it.
The most surprising part is that it was a Dunkin' Donuts and not a Taco Bell.
Yeah, no kidding.
Imagine if it was a Taco Bell.
Maybe it's next to a Taco Bell.
They go like, to both toilets.
Somebody fucked up that entire secret line.
To this day, I swear that I took a- I was sick one time and I couldn't go to the bathroom
and after a month I had to get like medical treatment and I dumped it all out, right?
A month worth of feces in my toilet.
I was sick with something, people, don't worry.
I'm 100% now and I swear I ruined this whole fucking sexy system, this whole neighborhood.
I swear to you, no toilet's been the same.
I think it was me.
I blew out half of the whole neighborhood's bathroom.
So yeah, so you know he's only suing for $100,000.
That's what I was thinking like.
That's for, you know, like emotional-
Biohazard, emotional distress.
Imagine that is going to traumatize you for the rest of your life.
Every time you walk into a public restroom- You know, I just said I probably not, but
come to think of it, I can't have birds fly over my head.
You know why?
Because one day I stepped out of Barnes and Noble with my brand new books like la la la
la and a bird took a shit on my head.
See?
And I've never been the same since.
So imagine walking past a public restroom where it's like, shh, where you just kind
of skitter on by.
Is it going to blow up in my face?
You probably have to go to porta parties because you can't flush those, but man, the stuff
you see in there, just sitting on the top, looking right back at you.
So that is it for the news.
Hope you enjoyed.
We'll be back for more next week.
Now we move on to a personal story, which I found hilarious to happen to me.
And uh- Storytime.
I do a lot of, I get a lot of books and movies from Amazon because like instead of going
to an actual store, because I'm lazy for one, and like a bruiser or perusing everything
like, Oh, look at this, look at that.
I just do it.
You can do it like for hours on Amazon.
That's a good movie.
But it's hard to find DVDs sometimes because they push their Amazon prime subscription
thing.
And so I recently fell back in love with this old show that I used to watch when I was younger
called the girls next door.
Remember the show with the three blondes that Hugh Hefner was dating?
It was on E. They do a podcast now by the way.
Really?
Yeah.
So if they're up for it, let's do an interview.
We can interview both of them because only two out of the three are part of the podcast.
They had a falling out with the third one.
And so I decided like it was I was going through and I found the season one on on Oh, this
because of to be that's why it was on to be the girls next door.
I was like, Oh, I remember that show.
And I was watching it.
And it was all censored.
Right.
So I'm like, let me get all the unscensored DVDs.
Of course, of course.
So I get the DVDs.
I get season one.
It's fun.
Plus there's commentary, which is nice.
You get a little background information on what's going on.
Right.
So I'm like, Oh, cool.
So let me get season two.
So I ordered season two from a Goodwill.
I won't say which one.
Goodwill.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
All the Goodwill.
There's like hundreds of Goodwill's on there.
Goodwill in North Carolina.
I've got like 18 books from Goodwill of Seattle.
I'm sure there's freaky stuff from Seattle.
No, I only got the those case closed anime or manga with the you know, what's it called
in Japan?
It's called Detective Conan.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I've got Detective Conan.
Yeah.
So I ordered it from will be disc.
When we're disclosed, we'll be undisclosed location of goodwill a blacklisted location.
Yeah.
And I'm like, cool.
It was like six, $7 right.
Even with shipping and handling.
Like nothing.
It cost nothing.
I'm like, shit.
It gets here.
Right.
And this box seems odd.
and I opened it up and it was it was Shay Imazumi Unfailing Kindness musical
DVD set or musical CD. Oh my god they fucking set me. You motherfuckers.
Is it a Christian one by chance? Let me see here on the back. It changed for the
better. The more the merrier. Unfailing Kindness. Lonely. Round and round.
Adversity. Another day. So yeah that sounds very Christian. That sounds very yeah. That sounds to
me like God suits your much. Nah man they did me dirty. They did me. You know I wasn't even
mad. I was like too shit. So the moral of the story is make sure to do to get a
play from reputable pervert site. Not from God damn Goodwill. Because they
promoted the DVD. It doesn't make any sense to me. How do you promote that
you're selling that? I ordered that and you didn't send me that. You assholes.
Now did you buy it through Amazon or Goodwills? Through Amazon's within Goodwill.
No through Goodwill within Amazon. Then you should be able to. Nah they
beat me. I conceded at that point. It's six dollars they win.
That's a good one. Yeah I wasn't even mad when I opened it. I knew.
They got me. Because it reminds me of a story I heard a long time ago of
these people that were back in the day when you had to get your
pornography from magazines. They would have little like little mailers that you
you wrote you you sent a check in. You wrote your name number your address and
all that. And you would order pornography videos through the internet.
Not the internet but through mail service. Right. And there's a story that
this guy was offering them. He put out the advertisement that he was selling
DVDs or VHS's at the time. And they would they would you know they would
send him the money and the check and their shipping information and he would
send the movies. But what he would not send the movies he would send them a
full refunded check saying from and the company would be like under bestiality
pornography.com or something. So then they so that they would never
cash the check. So he he legally sent them their money back. Right. But he kept their money.
He knows he's not going to go cash on check. Exactly. They know damn well I'm not going to go back for
Girls Next Door season 2. It ain't worth that. I ordered Girls Next Door. Season 2
damn it. They sent me a Christian album. They sent me some random chick who I'm
sure it's a lovely person but I'll be damned if I have to listen to her music.
Anyway the more you learn. I'll buy it from you later it's fine. So now I know
I know somebody that probably want that. You can have it. The hell am I
gonna do with it? It's not gonna change my life.
I'll die a pervert. 99 years old still chasing ass. So last week I've talked a
little bit about unfinished business. The movie starring Vince Vaughn and I told
you how weird it was that the actor that played in the movie one of the three
principal characters I guess the main cast how he just suddenly died like two
days after I was to start watching the movie again and I you know how crazy
that was. I think I didn't exactly explain it too well the movie because I
kind of just I tend to jump from point to point instead of sticking from to a
straight line. If you ever if I ever made a rail system like for trains she
would be horrendous. Just stop start in a turn circle to back up. What the fuck is
going on with this train system? Change different scales. Back and forth
between sizes of rails. Fucking switch from trains to the ubers. So anyway so I
went back and I watched the movie last night and I took copious notes basically
from the beginning of the movie to the very end of the movie in order so I will
explain the entire movie to the best of my ability so that you have at least a
cohesive story. So let's begin. So the main characters are Vince Vaughn of
course. Well the main characters are... fuck here we go. I didn't write down their names
at all. Let me go to Google. By the way it's Google. It's not fucking Bing. It's
not Yahoo. It's Google. Everyone's trying to say I'm gonna check that search
engine. What Google? That's all you're going to. Don't you lie to me. Alright so the
main characters are Daniel Dan Trunkman, Timothy McWinters, and Mike Pancake. So
we start with Dan and his boss Chuck are arguing because they're playing on
cutting Dan's salary by 5% next year and he can't have that because he's got a
wife, he's got kids. Like the 5% is a massive deduction in income.
Especially if you have a set budget with what you're making. So he
decides to leave and start his own business and before he leaves he
gets in front of everybody in the fucking the office and he's
like he asked if anyone wanted to come with him to start a brand new business.
You can start on the cutting room floor of a new venture and of
course then he's outside in the parking lot walking like a defeated man
because no one came out with him and so he's putting his stuff in his truck and
he notices that Timothy, Tim, and Mike are following behind him and he gets all
excited thinking that they came with him after what he said but they didn't. Well
Tim didn't. He just got fired. He got fired because there's a mandatory age
limit at his company and he's 67 so they just dumped him which I think is
like discrimination. So Dan's like so you still want to work?
He's like yeah I'm only 67. So he hires Tim on the spot and then he looks over to
Mike and he asked Mike do you want to work for me? He's like Mike's like yeah.
So what did you do at Dynamic? I think that's what it's called the
company and he's like I didn't work there I was just having an interview but
he had brought his office belongings to show confidence. So Dan has
an improv to interview with him right then and there. He's like so what do you
do? Like I used to work at Footlocker. It's like reasons for quitting. I don't
like feet and so he's like alright do you work hard? He's like yeah and he's
like how hard? He's the hardest. So he's just random. He's just whatever random
shit he can say but I guess Dan wins him over so he hires him on the spot and
then it jumps two years later or no one year later and Dan's outside of Dunkin
Donuts having a conversation on the phone and Tim and Mike are watching him
through the window. He goes back and he tells him that the deal that they've
been working on for the last year has finally been set. It's going through.
They just got to go to Portland, Maine and have the handshake.
The time-honored handshake because in this business they're like
mineral deposits or mineral sales business. They decide that's the
business. The handshake is like a time-honored within their business. It's
not written on paper so I don't believe a handshake for nothing but in their
world the handshake is the most important endgame to the deal being done.
You get the handshake, the deal's done. So getting the handshake in this movie is
like the the the MacGuffin. Like the thing that they're trying to get they
cannot seem to get and so they're gonna go to Portland, Maine which like when
they said Portland to me I just assumed Oregon. Anyone that hears Portland
automatically assume Oregon. Yeah, oh yeah there's another Portland, Maine
co-figure and Mike's kind of excited or yeah Mike's excited he's like are we
gonna have like X-Blurs? And on this business trip he's like X-Blurs? Like
could you use that in a sentence? Like yeah Mike, Dan and Tim are gonna go to
Portland have some X-Blurs. Great way for you to see. And then Dan
realizes that he's saying exploits and he's like no I'm not gonna have any
exploits. I'm just gonna go in get the handshake and leave but if you can have as many
exploits as you want. And then Tim asked him so is this are we is it gonna be a
fluffer on this deal? And Dan's like no and Mike's like what's Mike's basically like
our surrogate for this moment like because we don't know what a fluffer is.
I mean I know what a fluffer is because I'm a pervert but in the context of the
their world I don't know what a fluffer is. Right. And it turns out a fluffer for
them is when a company wants to make a sweetheart deal with a friend they and
to make it look legitimate they would have another team or another company
that they would pretend to do business with up until the very end of the deal
but then but just string them along the entire time. And Dan's like no no
fluffer it's just us we get the handshake we're done. So there's no
fluffer on this deal allegedly. So let's see where we go. So Dan gets home and he
walks in like he's gonna go tell this family that he's leaving for the for a
couple days to do the deal. He knocks on his son's door but then he goes right in
without like stopping anything right. His son freaks out he turns his computer
monitor off and Dan's like oh don't worry. He basically gives a whole
masturbation talk. He's like everything's perfectly normal. These are the
things you do and there's no crime here. No one's being put on trial. Like you
know as a gentleman you do your business and then you you know you put it put it
away you get back to business. And he's like you know I used to do stuff all
the time like three or four times but now I'm too tired from doing other stuff
so I can't do the stuff that I used to do like I used to do. And it's a very
sweet like trying to be like not feel making some feel embarrassed. Right. I'm
trying to like an actual like a decent like or not decent how do I put it
like like I bet you like if my parents are you know what I mean like but you
know I mean like any rate like he's like a very mature father. Right. I kind of
like the dad in American Pie when he caught his son fucking an apple pie and
he just he's just like well I mean we'll just tell your mom we ain't at all. That
was the most understanding that's the word I'm looking for. He's a very
understanding father. He's like you know when I was like Dan's like you know when
I was a kid Paul my sister used to have these lingerie magazines that I would
like you know sneak away to use. Like nowadays you kids can just you know go
online and watch a clown fucking alpaca. I'm like that's a weird that was a weird
choice for you to tell him. And he's like don't worry Paul it's no big deal it's
none of it's a big deal. You know you just do your business you know but you
got to do it in the bathroom because your door doesn't have a lock if your
sister walks in on you that's no good. So you know they hug it out.
Give me a hug son but you know I know what those hands been doing. He leaves
Paul goes back to his computer and turns it on and you realize he's not
watching porn he's watching his like Facebook page that people have just
posted like the meanest shit. They just made him look like an elephant like
the kid from Willy Wonka that blew up into a balloon turned blue or
like having them like his face positioned over the body of a sumo
wrestler and then had like don't eat me Paul on the bottom. I'm like God dang.
So after that Dan goes into the kitchen and him and his wife have the
discussion of private school for Paul because he's high and very isolated in
his school that he is right now and he's getting picked on he can't like come
out of his shell. So they're like we need to talk about getting him into a new
private school for next year and Dan's like all right we'll talk about it on
the phone on FaceTime and later today because he's got to catch his flight. So
and then she says like he's about to leave without eating and she said you
have to eat because men over 40 they could have fainting spells if they don't
eat properly and they'll have they'll lose muscle mass and all this other
stuff and he's just like I gotta go. So he talks to his daughter and she asked
him what he's taking to the flight to on the trip and all he does is take a book
and some shoes so all he does is read and run which is funny because all I do
is read and write. Go figure. And so she asked him to do his homework or her
homework for him it's like a it's called who's your daddy. It's basically just the
homework of what his father what her father does for a living or what he's
like or all that right and it causes a great way to add over a voiceover that
feels natural in the movie which is like I'm if I ever remember this little
gimmick I'm gonna keep it. So he starts talking in a voiceover about so who's
your daddy and he explains that he's he worked as a a swarf salesman that sells
metal residue after construction of massive objects like the Golden Gate
Bridge. He started saying this and he's like I forget it's just fucking boring.
And then he just like you know he cuts it down. He said that he's worried that
uh because swarfs kind of on a downgrade this year so he's probably this real
this deal is really important or his business is going under which COVID
should take care of a lot of businesses. Yeah. I mean man. I think it was
something like 60% of all restaurants in New York City. Fuck. It was a lot and the
same thing goes for California. It was tough. I'm glad I wasn't in either one of
those states at the time. But this is 2015 no COVID in sight but it's just you know
companies go under and it sucks. Yeah. So he the him so I'm gonna call the team
from now on if I have to ever say the team it's Dan, Tim and Mike. So the
team gets to the airport they go up to the uh Norbanian Airport so they go to
the place where they give the tickets to the people. The boarding section I guess.
And Tim's or Dan's excited because his name is next on the upgrade list and
he's never been upgraded. 31 flights he had that year last year making the deal.
Not once was he upgraded. So he gets upgraded and he's all happy as hell. He
they're like you guys go up to play like he tells them you touch him like peasants
like make sure to go into the plane from the back. We don't want to see
you walking past the front of the first class. And so he's Dan sitting in first
class just happy as hell and you have all these military veterans go by and a
lot of people are giving up their first class seats for the military guys and
going into coach or business class I guess. And Dan's like and like the
line is stopped. So there's a soldier looking right dead at him right. He's
like trying to sip his orange juice. It's like I would give you my seat any
other time but I've never in my life been upgraded to first class. 12 years
like he's been working 12 years in this business. Not once has he ever upgraded
to his first class. The sergeant's like it's okay no problem. I mean then Dan's like
oh thank you for your service. So he goes to shake his hand. The guy pulls his hand
out and it's just a claw like a metal. And Dan's like and he like he just puts
his first three fingers on the tip of the claw right and shakes it. He looks he
turns back but then he like he realizes how terrible that is. He goes back and
he gives him a full handshake grabs the whole claw shakes it like I want you to
have my seat and he leaves to the back. Dan leaves to the back. Which at that point
you had to anyway. Yeah. So he gets like he he's in the back with Mike and
with the team Mike and Tim and he tells Tim or he tells Mike not to say his name
his full name because he's afraid that if Mike says his full name on the
during the meeting that uh you son of a bitch. During the no one ever
texts me I mean anyone anytime else but they'll do it whenever I'm driving or
doing a podcast here comes the fucking floodgates. He tells Mike not to
he's afraid if Mike uses his full name it distracts people from pertinent
business stuff and he's like what's wrong with my name. So he tells him to
say his name. He's like Mike he's like Mike pancake and then Tim just bursts out
fucking laughing. He's like oh I just forget that his name is Mike pancake. So
on the shuttle bus from the the plane to their I guess hotel or whatever it's
FaceTime. So face time Dan has to FaceTime his wife to talk about the
the private school and when he starts FaceTiming and his son Paul picks up and
his wife just runs in and says like Paul just got arrested for shoplifting. He's
like oh shit. So he finds out his son was arrested because he was trying to steal
let's see what he's trying to steal a five shade palette of show-stopping
eyeshadows. Yeah he was trying to put this eyeshadow on his eyes to go talk
to the goth kids and try to connect. He could get a click. Yeah but he ended up
putting teal on his eyes instead of dark colors so now he and he says that not
only can he not fit in with anybody he can't even fit in with the kids that
can't fit in. So now Paul's like well damn. So his wife's like like he's like
oh crap we gotta talk about this private school and she's like it's gonna be
$19,000 for this private school and Dan says 19 and he like shuts his mouth or
like he keeps his mouth open and pretends he's the camera froze. Right. Well
the FaceTime froze. Like bear in mind as you're watching the movie you can
clearly see him bobbing back and forth with the you know with the lotion the
car. I don't know why she didn't notice that. I would have noticed. Like why are you
still moving? You didn't freeze at all. And he has another he has a second
voiceover where he's talking about he's worried about his son because like he has
you know at his age you know he's he sticks out physically from the other kids
and they're picking on him and he wants to help him you know get through it but
he has to also worry about this deal because he really really needs this deal.
So he decides like with the with the private school and the deal he's like
his mind is really cluttered so he's gonna go on a run.
Unfortunately his daughter packed his mom's or her mom's running gear not his.
So it's like a top a tight tight lead just like what are they like
what are they leggings or what are they called?
Tights? Not like that like brand now. Like the Lululemon? Like yogurt yeah like
they always stuffing what not yeah and he's like well dang so I can't run so
let me just get a junior wine from the junior minibar go to the balcony and
just have a moment just a damn moment just one damn moment and he breaks open
the by the way like I'm gonna stand out on a balcony and overlook in the
ocean and just drink some wine and he's about to take the drink that's the the
sip of wine and he looks over and of all the people in the next balcony over it
had to be his ex-boss Chuck. Chuck poor noise she's there and she's like hey
dad and Chuck and dad like hey Chuck what are you doing here?
Oh you know me? She's about to go meet with the Benjaminsons and the
Benjaminsons is the company that Dan is there to see so he's like no and so it
then it comes to a weird scene of Mike stealing stuff from the hotel room like
he steals all the little like soaps and shampoos he steals a bathtub he steals a
whole freaking air a hairdryer like you know like a full hairdryer he just puts
it in his he just puts it in his luggage well that's weird so then Mike is
getting his presentation ready and the maid comes in and she starts
cleaning and she says like just watch me clean and touch yourself while I clean
he's like huh? My dad freaks out like what? And then it cuts to Tim talking to
a man and he's like I've never done this before like from while you're cleaning
could you could you talk to me and maybe maybe show me some titty I like to see
some titty I'm not seeing enough titty from you and you realize that he hired
the sex maid for himself but it ended up in Dan's room and not his right and
Timothy's like he was like I want to want to pretend to be someone else for
a little bit so could you call me Tony Stark and talk about my iron cock?
Like God dang Tim. He wanted that business and so Dan comes in he's like the the
sex maid that you hired is she's in my room this is the actual maid so Timothy's
just like you're doing a great job with the cleaning. It's so funny
awkward to me because he's also like she's like I don't think she spoke
English so she's like okay and he's like okay she's like okay and he's like okay
they said okay back and forth like five times okay so then Dan gets mad and he
starts yelling at both of them like let's stop drinking champagne
because because Mike was just downing a whole bottle a full bottle of champagne
in his room and let's not let's stop buying women we got a deal with this
situation like it is imperative that we we close this deal and then Mike's like
what is what's that E word and he's like and like he's Dan's like I didn't say an
E word and then I look back I got around the the scene back I'm like in his whole
little like a monologue there his whole little tirade he not one of his words
has started with an E it's imperative was like in parallel it's like in parallel
it is so then Dan goes on he goes on a run to clear his head and like Tim's
like we the meetings in an hour he's like I have to go I have to clear my
mind so he wears his wife's clothes and he runs outside and there's a weird
thing that I cannot get over because I wish there was commentary on this movie
but there's not there's there's hardly any special features or bonus I'm like
man that sucks there's this moment where he's running in Portland Maine and it's
cold as fuck but he's like you know it's like just heated by the running I guess
right and he gets to a crosswalk where you got to press the button mm-hmm for
like though the walking and this little he stands up against to the the the pole
and this little Asian woman comes in and just fucking boom hits that shit hard as
fuck but the button he's like oh fuck scared the shit out of him right and so
he goes back to watch it to by the way from what I hear I don't know if this is
true or not but apparently real runners when they stop at like a crosswalk and
stuff they kind of like bend down and like put their hands on their like knees
to get to catch their breath and like fake runners would do like to the stop
jogging motion I don't know if that's true or not I heard that somewhere you
know like when when runners like don't jog in place while they're waiting for
the light to turn apparently the real joggers they they stop completely like
could you know to catch their breath I don't know it's funny that's something I
learned and I saw Dan do the real one and the good the other chick do like the
fake jogger yeah I think it's more of like if you're anxious or not though
that I know that there's people that do run where it's like they just like
there's so much fucking energy so anyway he's doing the like he's at the
exhausted like arresting pose and this guy comes in he's about to press the
button again and Dan smacks the shit out of his hand he said no don't press the
button it's already done and I'd never understood what the fuck that was for
that little scene it was so weird to me it's still weird to me this day we saw
that movie like nine six or like nine eight years ago yeah and I keep seeing
I'm like why does he why does he stop the guy from pressing the button I
don't understand it's like it's hard to be impressed I guess so but there was no
reason it was weird to me so Dan ends up going to the meeting place still wearing
his his fucking wife's clothes he meets his contacts for the meeting like that
he's been building the meeting the deal with all this year Bill Williamson and
he meets Chuck there as well who's talking to Bill and he meets Bill's boss
Jim if you need to know what he looks like Jim is basically a cyclops for
X-Men it's the actor and Bill Bill is freaking not the the he's the big the
heaviest set one from Shaun of the Dead if you didn't know what they look like
yeah and so Chuck goes into this weird thing where she keeps looking at
Dan's like crotch because like as tight as those fucking
shorts are right those pants she cannot see his dick or balls and it is it's
like highly alarming to her so you think I can see your dick or balls but I can't
it's weird it's like you're gonna be staring at my dick so they go up and at
this point you clearly realize that Jim Bill's boss and Chuck Dan's ex-boss are
really good friends like they probably fucked is what it looks like that's what
they're trying to imply here I wish it was commentary so I could be sure but so
Dan's kind of freaked out now because now Jim has reopened the deal back up
to first term rates so they gotta they gotta do their entire presentation over
again that they've been working off the last year and really restart the entire
deal process now that Chuck's their new competitor and like Dan's like this is
weird so they they're up in the office with the Ben Jamison team you got Jim
and Jim and Bill and it's another guy and you got the team and Dan's like going
through his presentation with like the on the on the TV he's like using like
the PowerPoint files and whatnot and then like now if you look closely and
boom he fucking passes out he just fucking he faints the fainting spell
that his wife from earlier yeah he just he just he just drops her and then like
Tim and Mike come and help him up right and like Mike Dan's like what was the
last thing I said Mike's like fuck because he's like when he hit the
floor which is literally wasn't the landing like that's all we wanted him to
say he wanted like on the presentation when he let but you know Mike's being
literal so you said fuck right before you get to fucking so he has Mike take
over the the presentation process the event or whatever what's it called the
presentation and he's like I am Mike bank pancakes and did fucking ruin the
meeting say what's your last name the pancake the game it's Greek like the
breakfast so he completely ruined the meeting which is funny because he said
that his name is Greek right and when Jim and Dan are talking later after the
meeting Dan or Jim tells them they had to reopen the the the deal process over
again with another another company because the swarf business had bottomed
out in Greece so that's kind of weird that they use greasing you know what I
mean yeah I guess the writer was just a Greek on his mind when he wrote both
scenes so now they have to go to basically now what happened here let me
let me reorganize myself so now the team has to go to Berlin and present to the
group called Gelger which is the parent company of Ben Ben Jameson yeah it's
Ben Jameson's parent company like you know like like Johnson and Johnson owns
a whole bunch of companies right and Gelger owns Benjamin Ben Jameson so if
they can get the good with Gelger Ben Jameson got no choice and he can he can
he can be Chuck in the deal so they go so they get to Berlin and no they don't
get to Berlin they go to this pier in Portland which I don't know if it's a
restaurant like they're just sitting out there on this pier like there's boats
everywhere they're on a table there's a little one of those little red candles
in the center of the the table which is like the the the universal sign of a
restaurant diner dinner a restaurant right and I'm thinking like there should
nobody out there is one table on one pier there's a freaking Pepsi machine in
the corner like on the edge of the like back on like the mainland and I got
neither I don't understand the scene I like it like I really love the scene
because I love unique little places that are like out of the ordinary yeah but
I'm like why are they sitting out on the pier on the table there's no food on
their table right it's cold as fuck because you can see their breath like
are they eating dinner out here maybe it's one of those restaurants that like
in the summer it's really popular right but because it's fucking balls cold no
one's gonna get out but they're like and put me the foods like cheaper but there
was no food there so I don't understand the scene they're just sitting there
and Tim's talking about like he really wants his deal to go through because he
wants to divorce his wife who's excessively cruel has been the only
woman he's ever slept with and he just wants to get some fucking on it's
basically what he said like he said it a lot sweeter than that but he just wants
to get his fuck on right he wants to fuck somebody wheelbarrow position but
he can't do with his wife because the web decides what his wife's the size of
a vending machine it would break his back to hold both her legs on is what he
is what I interpreted he was saying like she looks like that the Pepsi machine
over there like that one was that the person that's on all these shows now
where they call it Gorlock oh that one woman that's not her actual name is or
is that a mean they call her I learned it that's not very nice
Gorlock to destroy so uh so yeah Tim needs this deal to go through and the
you know Mike and Dan have a weird exchange about like your wife square
because he has Mike asked him if his wife's square and Mike's like a
rectangular yes and he's like but the Pepsi machine square and then Dan's
like that that's simple right here like he does the whole he doesn't like you
can tell he's doing a rectangle and that's square and Mike's like by the way
the actor that plays Mike Dave Franco if you like there's like there's like a
five minutes like interview thing on the bonus features well there's that and
like you know those stock images of office people like just standing looking
happy yeah they have that on the DVD as well but it's just Mike and Dan is super
imposed under a bunch of fucking stales of business people like dad going like
this at a presentation Mike smiling to with his group of people in the office
weird as fuck but there's like a five minute like little like behind the
scenes of like making the movie and like you can tell it's two different people
the actors a different person and then the character he played Mike which is
like the pretty much to the essence of acting right now we can you can when you
can see the person as one way and they can and then when you see him in a
different way it's he's him it's him acting because like Mike has this goofy
thing we're like he tends to blink when he's nervous with just one eye instead
of both you know he just blinks with his left eye and I noticed that because I
watched a movie like ten times now yeah and I'm like that's like an actor choice
right there I'm like that's fucking good like his whole speech pattern is
different than Dave's is what he's doing the interview it's it's amazing but like
you know this is a little intricate little idiosyncrasies you notice when
you watch a movie a hundred and seven times start when noticing every little
thing basically yeah so so they decided to go to Berlin to present to Benjamin's
his parent company and yeah I even wrote here restaurant in my notes and I'm like
I don't know what the fuck kind of restaurant it was but we got to go there
one day and so Dan does his third voiceover because he really like on the
plane he does his third voiceover and he says like now I know why my Paul didn't
want me to come in his room on his computer it wasn't because of he was you
know doing stuff it was because he was going through his Facebook and seeing
all the mean comments and like Dan's going through his son's Facebook and all
the mean stuff people put on there and so now he's really worried about his son
and Mike meets a woman on the plane maybe she's telling him like and by the
way the same thing about now that I'm noticing like the acting from the movie
she almost comes off as condescending because she says like he says like so
donkey means thank you and she's like like but she does it's not meant to be
condescending because she likes him right yeah but if you see the scene at
first she's being real like when she does like the almost like she does an
eyebrow without rolling her eyes right like you'd have to see it but I'm like
she looks like she's being an asshole so that's right thank donkey means thank
you like that's that's the way I interpret it when she tilts her head up
and comes back down it looks like she's being condescending they probably
should have talked to her about that in the scene because that looks to me if I
was a director that was condescending as fuck the way you did that I'm gonna
need you to change that of head motion like it was just like exactly exactly
exactly what she did I'm like I was not what she meant to do for the character
in the scene right so the team gets to Berlin where am I I fucking lost my
place oh yeah so the team gets there they rent a car and for whatever reason
they made it the by the way Mike's character is autistic in this movie is
what I'm guessing so he's not like like he's really good with numbers and people
but he also has like these deficiencies like social deficiencies right stuff
like that so I don't know why they let Mike order the GPS in this computer in
this in this car because he decided to order it in German and like he's and you
know his rationale was like well because we're in Germany and we need to have the
German so that it would know all the German streets and German names and then
dad's like if it was in English you would still have the streets names but
they'd still be in English Mike what the fuck he was like he'd lost like I don't
know like the computer kept saying fuguerslagen then what the fuck does that
even mean Mike fuguerslagen and he's damn losing his fucking shit like see
pancake what the fuck does that even mean I love there like you can tell when
people are close especially like like people that aren't family right right
like when they then they can argue with each other and they go back to being
normal that's like true like level of like closeness mm-hmm like you could like
you couldn't be that with like a regular co-worker right but Mike dances
cussing Mike out and then like sorry but he's like sorry so they get on the
Autobahn and they get on the wrong side like not only on the wrong side but they
go up a ramp and the other ramps oncoming traffic so everyone's going by
they're cussing them out and Dan's like thank you I don't know what you said but
I'm sure it wasn't helpful like thank you I'm a guest in your land but thank
you there's a little kid flips him off it was a funny little bit so they need
to go to the so they need to go to Hamburg in two hours and back Tim's like
why and Dan's like because he needs to meet this woman named Helen
Hartman who if she can drop her something this is where I don't know
anything about this business if she drops something in the in her like
deal with him he can change his his deal to be able to beat Chuck like he can to
take his percentage down to 17% if she like drops her like his her fees on like
her upfront fees and then she'll pay him back on the on the backside like double
her like processing fees or something like it sounds like like if you were
like in the business you probably get a hard on but I was like I don't know what
the fuck she's talking about but I'm still enjoying the whole situation
because like it's legit I can feel legitimate so they they call up the the
offices of Helen and they found out that she's taking a personal day and Dan's
like could you by any chance tell me where she is like you know I don't know
why no one would never never tell you or I guess they would be if depending on
who you are right but uh she tells them that she's a she's went to uh it's
called a spritz right but it's fucking spelled s H V I T Z in the the con not
the commentary the uh what's the words at the bottom I forgot what to call the
words caption the captions right it's spelled CHV ITC but it's they say
spritz that's how they say spritz in Germany I guess it's like it's like a
spa place yeah and so the dad wants the lady to go in there and bring it bring
Helen out but she's like don't worry it's a unisex spritz go all right on in
so in they go and freaking Mike being like new to like he's never been out of
town he's never been he never he's still a virgin he's never like had any
exploits like he wants to have he's excited and this woman walks out she's
coming out of the the spa as they're coming in and Mike's like a boobies big
boobies here they come they're right there look at the boobies he almost
fucking grabs him by the way and then he like stops himself like big boobies and
so uh Dan's like all right you guys wait here let me go meet with Helen let me go
find her and of course Mike and Tim want to come with him like Tim's fucking
starving for sex Mike also they're both who they need to get laid apparently
they want to go because there's naked women everywhere and the dad's like no
she's gonna be freaked out if two three men grown men in full you know suits you
know just gang up on her and when like a spa area so he's like I'll go by myself
I'll talk to her I'll be right back and then Tim's like we understand and then
they leave and I don't know if this was a improv moment from the actor Dave or
if it was part of the movie but he looks up he's like butt cracks two butt
cracks but he drags Mike over and a day at him over to see these two women
behind his glass and they're like asses are pressed up against the glass and
he's all excited every time I see that scene I can't do they two butt cracks I
wish I was my tip my my ring town two butt cracks so he gets there he talks to
Helen and he tells her he tells her all the spiel that he's talking about and
she she's like she agrees to her his new terms but she calls him a liar and he's
like what she doesn't agree at first she she calls him a liar when he
propositions this new deal and he's like what my numbers are solid and she's not
worried about the numbers she calls him a liar because I what kind of a prudish
American comes into a an open spa in full fucking uniform right and he's like
what I love Europe and he so dad gets butt-ass naked in the to prove to her
that he's not some prudish American yeah yeah and then they so the deal is
settled but then Tim and Mike come in to check on him like we just came in to
check on you make sure you're okay and of course Dan's butt-ass naked and Mike's
like I can see you boss and for whatever reason Mike gets a boner and Helen's
like huh looks like we got ourselves an excited pilgrim and Mike's like I'm
sorry and he puts his tie over his boner like our boners not allowed such a weird
scene so that deal is set boom they're in the car going back to Berlin they
got they had two hours to get to Hamburg they got to come back and the Mike's
wife calls him and she starts having sex talk with him but it's over the
speakerphone so Dan's like you need to stop Tim and Mike are here because she
was saying like she's like you know she's got her hand her phone in her left
hand she's got her right hand going down her belly doing little circles on her
you know and he's like you're on speakerphone you're on speakerphone and
you know they hate she says hello to Tim and Mike they hang up and then Mike's
like I like to make circles too on my bike and then just that's it then for
whatever reason there's a reindeer in the middle of the road and they end up
but Dan's going a hundred miles an hour he can't stop the deer is like right
there so he swerves because Mike says like just go right at it it'll it'll dart
the deer the reindeer does not give a fuck he stands dead on in front of that
car so Dan swerves he hits like the the little metal like partition that
separates like the road from like the the outside ground and whatnot and you
know tips his car over they come they flip over backwards and they end up in
the cornfield so they total their fucking rental car they got to walk back
to Berlin it was a random scene it didn't really do much for the city at all
yeah other than have damn have Dan yelling Mike again like Dan have you
seen a lot of reindeer in st. Louis running to and fro Mike and Mike's like
no I just imagine what I would do if I was a Ranger man and so they get up to
the the the Gelger's office to do the meeting and Mike asked Tim again why is
he called a wheelbarrow it's like could you hold the legs up like a wheelbarrow
like you know the handles of a wheelbarrow like he asked about the
wheelbarrow a lot right before the meeting his wife got Dan what Dan's wife
calls and says you can you talk to your daughter there was a bullying incident
in school he Dan Dan talks to his daughter says like no one likes a bully
and their their parents are probably assholes this and that and you know you'll
be a good kid all this and that and they hang up and as they're waiting for the
meeting to start he checks because there's a video of the bullying incident
he looks on it and it's not so a bullying his daughter it's his daughter
beating the shit out of some little Indian kid is what the video what he
said to me so it turned out she was the bully so he's like he so he's like he
looks at him like we gotta get the fuck we gotta get this fucking deal we gotta
get home I gotta get the fuck out of this whole family life's falling apart
I gotta get home so the receptionist meets him at the outside the offices
and tells them that their meeting has been pushed to Friday at 1130 which is
like two days later some shit like what so now their whole deal is ruined so
then I gotta stay in Berlin like another two days or some shit mm-hmm and so Mike
is looking for rooms for them they're in the park just sitting and contemplating
life I guess and Mike's looking for rooms but the problem is Berlin is packed
right it's October it is packed like they did a great job of making it like
seem like like constant stuff happening to him just like the Oktoberfest stuff
Oktoberfest the G8 Folsom Europe and the Berlin Marathon are happening that oh my
gosh yeah like everything all at once Folsom Europe by itself had 25,000
people come in out of town by the way they showed some weird videos on that
like behind the scenes stuff for Folsom Europe whoof like a man wearing a dog
mask over his face and having a chain and someone else caring of walking around
ah well huh it's a huge gay festival I kind of put two and two together so she
said the dog mask so Dan so Dan or Mike finds a room for Dan in his price range
which is higher than there because he's the like the boss and then he finds a
room for him and Mike or yeah Mike and Tim at a hostel like the hostels like
for teenager yeah Tim's like 67 years old yeah because the lady tells him he's
too old for a room so he's like where can I stay she can stay she can sleep in
the hallway you can sleep in the stairway you can sleep with a business
center he's like business center it is and on the on the on the the bus ride to
because there's a car's gone on the bus ride to their like respective hotel
rooms Mike asked again so how is it a real real
wheelbarrow and Dan's fucking pissed I just hold her fucking legs up like a
wheelbarrow fuck man yeah oh he's like I don't know why like when he goes of mine
he loses temper so quick cuz it's kind of like a like a third son at this point
yeah like he's like God will you just stop being he will not get through us
the kid right so they're going to different hotels so they're they split
ways down down the street and Mike leaves and Tim's confronts Dan they're
like Dan don't you see what's going on where the fluffer like we you know what
I mean like he pretty much lays it out that they're the fluffer because it just
it seems like they're like you can tell getting strung along yeah yeah like
they're getting strung along like they were told to come to Portland Oregon to
do a handshake they didn't get the handshake they were told they didn't have
to come to Berlin Dan insisted on coming to Berlin and meeting Gelger and when
they tried to meet Gelger they pushed the meeting up like two days like where
the fluffer Dan and then he really lays it on him he tells him like two
companies that owed him money both went bankrupt so I guess Tim kind of does
like the finances the two companies that owed him money went bankrupt so they
didn't have any any income June and July now we're in October so that means
they've been coasting on money from I guess earlier earlier jobs and like
wherever they can get August September so they are flat broke and like if this
deal does not get through the company's gonna go under like Dan had no
idea like cuz he didn't but Tim didn't tell Dan right I'm sorry I should have
told you but I thought this deal would go through like he would Tim was
counting on this deal 100% and then he gets into like this little like really
like sad moment where he's like like Dan I need this deal to go through because I
just I just want to have a little joy in my life you know like he's like he just
wants that like he's like he's like dealt with his you know wife this battle
acts of a woman apparently and he's like I just want to have a little joy in his
life you know while he still can mm-hmm he wants to like I just want I just want
it 50 shit to gray hell I'd sell it for one shit of gray and he and like by the
way you should reimburse me on that sex maid cuz you got all the good stuff but
he wants Tim wants Dan to reimburse him on the sex man because they went to Dan
that's like that's not gonna happen it was just a little funny bit so so Dan
goes to his hotel right at the the Dottel and Annex and he goes in and he
talks to start he calls Paul on the on FaceTime and he tells him about the
stuff that uh you know him getting bullied and stuff and how you know you
shouldn't let people you shouldn't talk to yourself the way people talk about
you right and all this and that and his son's like gets like distracted because
there's a bunch of people behind his dad so Dan turns around and there's like
just like a whole group of people and like Dan's like what the fuck is going on
like they're just looking out his window and he goes up to the receptionist to
talk to the guy and he's like what like you find out that he's just signed up
which I don't understand he's basically signed up to be in this museum in this
room an installation room but he's the one paying them to be there and he's
basically now art in there he's a display now he's called American
businessman 42 and I'm thinking like wait a way why does he have to pay you
to be there wouldn't you guys have to pay him or in fact it not even be paid
at all and just be like like free room and board because like a quick quick
pro quote yeah you get the free room and they get to stare at you but for
whatever reason he ends up paying for the whole the room and and then the guys
like you are art and he's like I'm not I love I don't know why I fell in love
with the receptionist because he's like like this guy just embodied like the
artsy museum like clerk or whatever right well who's to say what's art or
what's not art he's like my life is an art and people shouldn't watch say people
what he said he said like it's up to them to watch whatever they want I say
it's up to them to choose what they watch and I think the way like he carries
himself so like like not refined I guess kind of refined like just like with a
light one of those kind of like modern artists yeah just like so penhom and
collected yeah he's like your art and like the one he said like well who can
say after Dan says like I'm not art like well who can say but he's already
just one of his eyebrows up and he says I don't know why like I wish I could like
that character had been in the movie more so Mike is so I guess Dan says that
he has to see he does stay at the hotel there's no there's nowhere else no other
place all the fucking Berlin is fucking packed so he's now American Businessman
42 and he's also paying for his room for some fucking reason yeah and so Mike
goes out with the girl that he met on the plane that they're hanging out
they're talking they're walking the streets of Berlin they go back to
somebody so I don't know if it's her place or maybe she's there on vacation
or some whatever place it is and they're doing they're doing the wheelbarrow
position but they're doing it with Mike's you know you know how Mike is he
ends up the one to get be in the wheelbarrow and not her so she's the one
holding him up by his legs and he's like I don't really like this position at all
my balls really hurt and he's like he doesn't like does it feel good for you
he's like no that in the slightest so the wheelbarrow position is completely
fucking ruined on that not on that try so Dan has another voiceover he's running
in the park again with someone's wife's he actually found some clothes I guess he
I guess he bought some and he's running with these new clothes in the park he's
talking about how is worried about like not only am I worried about Paul but I'm
not worried about you because you beat the shit out of a little Asian kid so
now he's worried about his daughter he's worried about his son he's worried about
being the fluffer in this in this deal because now you can feel that he is and
so he's like he's like forget this damn this run he goes back to his hotel room
and started looking for Bill Wimsley the man that he built a deal with for the
last year Jim's I guess underling and so they and so Mike puts Bill's name into
Instagram and he finds him and he says like we can look when he updates
something we can look for him and he does up say update something and he
looks like he's in Folsom Europe so then they hit every gay bar in Berlin
looking for Bill Wimsley and they have no luck at all they're like it's a quick
montage like hey Bill Bill Wimsley you see them like everyone's like then Mike's
like talking to a man he's like like oh you never been to a gay bar then no I've
never this is my first time he this place so just so nice the guy's like you
gay like no but you guys seem to be having a lot of fun like Mike's always
down for whatever apparently mm-hmm so they're having no luck it's been raining
Dan's freshening up in one of these bathrooms and he turns around and so this
dick comes through a glory hole just like a full fucking cock I'll give him
respect that it wasn't just titties and ass you saw from women you see a lot of
dicks here and have a quick sip of a mango madness so this dick comes out and
he's like they dance like what the fuck and the guy starts having a conversation
with him about asking about the rain asking about like and Mike's like and
Dan's trying to be as normal as possible but it's impossible when you're talking
having a conversation with a penis and then another dick comes out of the
fucking wall so now there's two dicks he's talking to and one of them is like
why don't you say just you know just green eggs and green eggs and hammock
you remember the green eggs and ham book where like you just tried or whatever
yeah and he's like Dan's like yeah I loved the book as a kid I don't remember
the part of sucking cocks in the book so then Mike comes in and to look for Dan
and he sees like whoa but he's just sees dicks just hanging from a wall and one
of them says hi and the other one says hi and something about like a handshake
right and I think Dan says something and Mike takes it literally because he goes
up to shake one of the dicks like a handshake and then Mike grabs it and
just shakes it and then you realize he pulls away he's like kind of hard in my
hand a little it's a weird sequence so then Dan he has his ass up against a
wall I guess to protect his asshole it's his thinking and he gets someone and he
but he put it over a hole so all of a sudden a dick just boom hits him in the
ass and he's looking it pushes him out off the wall and it's like a massive ass
dick comes out by the way the dick for the actor is too dark to be his I'm dead
like I know they had like a stunt dick right not the actor's actual dick but
they should have picked a color a color equivalent dick because this thing was
black and this message is a white man is what I'm trying to tell you here but
that was not his day and the dick it turns out that bumped in Dan it is Bill
Wimsley's penis it's a bill Bill Wimsley and it feels like yeah who's this it's
Dan for me apex selects say hey Dan that like nervous like that embarrassed
like hey Dan and like well I've been looking everywhere for you Bill I have
these new numbers here I want you to look at and Bill does this great thing
like where he's like as you can see this wasn't the thing I was looking to do
tonight like he was like you have to watch it because I can't explain it well
but he does like a pause unlike like and like you can tell within the pause that
coming here to talk about numbers from his job is not what he came here to do
he came here to get his suck that his dick was his true plan so he's like
what's your margin percentage and he's like 17% I well now that does have my
he doesn't fucking fixes his glasses now that does have my attention so let me
sort myself out and I'll meet you out back the beverage like let me put my
dick away and I'll meet you out back you know he rides me up in this movie
reminds me of Ron Jeremy without minus the sexual assault that he went to jail
Ron Jeremy you're an evil man anyway moving on so they find that they find
Bill and Dan shows him the numbers and Bill is just like wow these are amazing
numbers like completely destroys Chuck's numbers from her company and so
they decided to celebrate like yes the numbers work let's celebrate so they
have a huge montage like a huge like montage which is like my favorite part of
the movie like Tim takes ecstasy like he throw he shoots he throws a dart he's
supposed to throw a dart at Mike's the apple on Mike's head but he throws it
right his chest oh and then Mike doesn't even feel it he's like just throw it
it's the waiting the stores part it's fucking hilarious they end up meet
making friends with these sailors and they end up having a fistfight with the
sailors then they go back to being friends with the sailors Mike has a
tequila slaps with this Asian businessman so they take a shot tequila
and they slap the other guy and they just it's all going crazy so then after
the after the party montage Dan and Bill they're having a heart-to-heart
they're walking they're going back down they're walking down the street I guess
Dan's walking Bill to his hotel room and they're having like a little like a
little heart-to-heart about like you know like the Danny the thing is like
I'm not the type of guy that just wants to put stick his dick into a hole like
it's the only way it's like the only way you can get any like action nowadays
yeah he's like he's a middle-aged pear-shaped man and they start talking
about like the regrets of like the recent couple of years or whatever and
how Dan's like he was training for the the St. Louis Marathon and he had got up
to 15 miles last year to run it but then because of the deal that he had to keep
going like 31 trips to make the deal with Bill like he just ended up not
doing the the marathon and then like Dan's our bills like yeah like with
this deal all I've been doing and work with cuz of work all I've been doing is
just packing food on I used to play rugby I used to be all kinds of riff
tell him he's like I always tell Kaiser I love that line that he did the way he
delivers it and like that's like well Bill don't worry you got a big dick
yeah but I can't even suck that anymore so it turns out I can suck his own dick
back in the day so yeah I call like Rod Jeremy so the next day freaking dance
card declines at the hotel at the other museum so they kick him out so you can't
kick me out I'm art he's like you leaving will be art as well they fucking
throw him out on his ass and what happened after that let's see let's see
let's see so so the team gets there Mike Tim and Dan and instead of meeting
Gelgar they meet with Jim by himself no bill there no new numbers no nothing
Jim's just gonna listen to their presentation that's it and they're like
they're like they look completely defeated because they know damn well
just talking to Jim was not gonna work so they present to Jim and then later
when Dan's this is yeah this is the more they know that the fluffer when they
just meet with Bill by himself or no with Jim by himself right so Mike gets
a call I don't know why I put Mike Dan gets a call from Mike I'm from Jim a
little bit later and tells him that they're gonna go with the Chucks team or
a Chucks company instead of Mike's or instead of Dan's and Dan's like fuck so
Dan finds some eyeliner eyeshadow some teal eyeshadow puts on his eyes and he
calls Paul on the on the FaceTime I forget about FaceTime and he talks to
him about well first he talks to his daughter and says like you're a kid and
you don't have to worry about Paul because the reason she beat up that with
that other kid was because they were making fun of Paul called double stub
Oreo which are like a nasty Oreos by the way double stuff Oreos and he's like
don't worry about Paul that's my job your job is just to be a kid just enjoy
being a kid and oh by the way way earlier in the movie I forgot to I don't
know where I missed it but his wife texted him it was during the hotel thing
when they were trying to get a hotel she texted him like we need to keep either
we pull the we pull the trigger on the private school or no and he's like just
do it but like now they don't have the money to you know but I had done it
earlier so he's like fuck so then he talks to Paul and Paul's like oh you
wear an eyeliner he's like yeah you know we got to be teal tough and he tells him
like he basically tells him like look you're gonna go to school yeah you're
gonna go to new school next year but it's not really gonna change anything you
just have to be tough you need to you know roll with the unit that you know
just like use them a good speech about it just like you have to accept yourself
and not worry about what people say or what people do and just you know enjoy
your life basically right like you know again I'm always here when you need to
talk to me like you can tell me anything and I'll never tell it to you know they
just in complete confidence no one will ever know but me right I buy like the
best father bond best father-son like interactions I've ever seen like Dan
like Vince Vaughn no less like always comes off as goofy and not serious he
does really knock it out of the park in this movie to me and then Paul's like
thanks dad and then he's like so did you get the handshake and Paul and then he's
like ah he does the fake freeze like ah so Dan froze again so he still can't
fucking there is a moment in the movie earlier where he says like and your dad
freezes when we're doing like the voiceover for the daddy assignment your
dad freezes sometimes when all those problems come crashing down all at once
he tends to freak on FaceTime so he doesn't have to deal with them right away
I don't know why this movie didn't do better than it did it is such a like it's
parts raunchy part sentimental such a perfect combination maybe because it was
R rated as well to be it was PG-13 it should have hit the big guy almost a
billion dollars so so that was the tune not getting through now Dan has to has
said fire Tim he's gonna have to fire Mike he's gonna have to but he just have
to commit defeat he ends up going out and drink with like these people that
know him as American like now in Berlin he's really famous as American Business
Man 42 these fans of him they invited to go out drinking so he gets fucking
shit-faced and he ends up sleeping on the street right just in the fuck just
in a parking van it's like I like a like a bench in the middle of nowhere and
Mike ends up being another girl and he successfully does the wheel he gets
laid twice in this movie and he he ends up doing the wheelbarrow with this girl
the right way he's like it's so obvious now this was the way so Dan's wandering
the street he's still doing the voiceover for his daughter is her
little assignment and he realized like you know what that's enough like no more
he decides that he watches he walks in the Berlin Marathon and just this starts
the Berlin Marathon is going through he just like he just says fuck it he's in
his business suit he just started running with the Berlin with the Berlin
the joggers the runners I guess and like everyone's excited like the for whatever
reason news like American Business Man 42 like the news anchors like
talking commenting on him being in the race and like you don't know what she's
saying this in German but you know she's an American Business Man 42 within the
little this phrase so he runs the whole fucking marathon I don't know how many
miles it is but it's just waking up off the fucking bench just running a
marathon does not seem easy to me but he looks he looks fucking ragged when he's
the night and he did it so he like he does the voiceover he said like well now
we're gonna do I'm gonna get the team together and we're gonna get to Gelgar
and we're gonna seal this deal and I'm getting that got that handshake so for
whatever reason I guess because he had her hit rock bottom he just said fuck
it let me just run the Berlin Marathon and so and that gave him the motivation
to meet with Gelgar so he calls Bill up and says like Bill get me in there with
your the entire head of all of Gelgar pretty much to the boss of bosses here
and Bill's like I can't do that I can't go over Jim's head like Bill yes you can
get me in there to meet with Gelgar and he's like Dan I can't I guess you got a
big dick you better get me in there so so they get so they get to the the
offices right but now there's a fucking problem there is a huge protest outside
the other building there are protests in the G8 which I still don't know what
that is I'm gonna have to look it up it's super rich countries the US is part
of it I don't know whether okay they're posted in the G8 maybe some other policies
they didn't like who knows little boy and so Dan let's so Tim and Mike like
how are we gonna get in there and we'll figure out a way so this is some somebody
hops the fence that they they that they created around the building then they
rip it open and then they so they get through this little hole and then you
just see you see the protesters run on one side and you see Dan Tim and Mike
were on the other side the police are shooting tear gas into the crowd Dan
gets up to the building and he tells the guy like hey we're not part of this
protest here we're actually here to meet a very important person can we come in
the guy yells him in German pushes him away dad's like hey everything is cool I
just need to go in I'm not part of this group and then the guy pushes him again
so Dan gets mad like don't you fucking touch me and then Tim gets even madder
and grabs a fucking trash can and throws it at the cop so the cops shoot him
shoot all three of them with fucking paintballs which is like the most
non-lethal thing I've ever seen I guess they're supposed to be like tear gas paint
balls or whatever yeah they just blast Mike a man blam they hit Dan and Dan
drops he's there all his papers all over the fucking place he's fucking coughing
drooling he's fucking dying Mike I don't know what Mike was doing he had a
backpack in front of his like chest like to shield his body Tim got shot he
didn't react at all he's been shot before by tear gas so then he looks
helpless but Dan Bill comes up and tells him that he needs those three men in the
office immediately so they let him in Bill takes out his like he tells him to
grab your top sheet let's go to meet the you got three minutes tops he meets
with the boss they have a quick conversation and they realize how much
like uncommon they have because Dan asked the guy asked him how many
work for you he's like just three including me I started with four myself
like now I have 200,000 and then they kind of like hit it off so they like oh
your deals like he just said that your deals just slightly better than the
other one and that's just enough for him and they have the handshake and like
Dan throughout this whole movie all he wanted like when he saw that he like he
didn't believe the handshake and the guys like you gotta shake my hand or not
he's like yes I am they shake hands done and done he tells the group the groups
excited they find Chuck at a restaurant and then they dance in front of her to
mock her and for whatever reason Mike pulls his ass out and moons her look at
that ass and then they go back to st. Louis and Jim is in st. Louis to
meet his boss and they see then see it's funny cuz they're going down the they're
going down the escalator right and they see Jim coming up the escalator to go
back to on his flight right so Dan's like oh you want you came to see your boss
huh Jim he's like that's right oh hey Dan can I get your address he's like I
like to send flowers to anyone who fucks me because I had screwed over Jake he's
like oh make sure to make it out to Tim and my two with the three-way and then
Mike's like you must turn fuck and then fucking Jim flips him off as he's
leaving so you can tell they're not gonna be friends anytime soon
Dan gets home family's happy and the next morning after everything's settled
by the way Tim hooks up with the other the maid not the sex mate he hired the
real man the real money yeah because they had apparently kept in touch as he
was in Berlin so he's like let's go get that wheelbarrow and he asked her to stay
in her maid uniform when he picked her when she picked him up which it doesn't
really make any sense to me because she met him in Portland Maine so that means
she had to come back to st. Louis but it's a little discreet you know what I
mean it's a little continuity issue but I'll let it go because it's a good movie
yeah you know we know my brain can't let stuff go sometimes Dan's the whole time
he's been trying to do that homework for his daughter like who's your daddy and
and at the end she wrote the form anyway because the next morning she's like the
wife's asked asked the daughter did you do your homework and Dan's like oh shit
the daddy homework and I forgot and she's like the daughter's like don't worry I did it
so they all leave to go to school and he has a quick look at what she wrote and
all it says is like my dad's the one that drives when everyone else is
tired I was like that's a good line yeah it is always being the one that does it
you know when everyone's exhausted or they need help he's always there and he
kind of was and the movie ends and I'm like man that's it that is my full
review and over my fur what's my full rundown of unfinished business I wish it
was commentary because there's a lot of stuff in there I needed I needed to
understand but that is it ladies and gentlemen I hope you enjoy these longer
actual podcast episodes for this one we will see you well we'll keep going
anyway nevermind so what you got for us Mike all righty so what do you have for
us an urban dictionary today a lot well the base 10 we got we start off with
this is written by Doc star and on November 26 2020 raccoon dick I can see
your face your head till told me everything like what the fuck is right
what happens when your partner didn't clean out the rectal cavity well enough
and you have anal sex you pull out and after a good session you pull out after
a good session finally you have a brown ring around the base of your penis all
right next one is called I like this one cinnamon muff it is basically a girl
with genius like strawberry strawberry blonde pubic hair makes sense I like it
this next one's called blanket fucking but if it's when you find a hole in
your blanket and stick your dick in it my my advice is you should probably
change your blankets if you have that many whole yeah fucking slick sling your
dick through all of them this one's called this that was kind of funny
because it's called trickocasaurus no try coccasaurus it is a woman who is
adept at taking three cocks at a time it's all horror I guess or a professional
this one called this other one's called dick smacking it's when you're smacking
someone with your penis hard or soft erect or flaccid usually in the face or
ass sometimes I tap her on the shoulder with it and she goes oh hey so this guy
likes to tap dicks a lot I guess apparently next one is called stuff job
when a male partakes in the stuffing of his strodum and its contents inside of
the vagina he then proceeds to jack off on her belly button I don't even know if
you could put your balls in a vagina are they hard enough to go in exactly this
guy good get I'm sure there's I'm sure there's some weird way to do it so I'm
not gonna question things anymore otherwise you're gonna get answers and
responses on how to we'll be waiting for those responses this one was called
Ridgemont Hill High School they tore this fucking high school apart by the
way a high school in northern Ridgemont Hill which no one no one's heard of it
is pretty shit high school commonly confused with as Richmond Green the
school is the son of the men's washroom in Silver City tiny as fuck it is
popular with two thirds Asians one six Persians and one six Jews the classes are
shitty and a whiteboard is a rare occurrence they suck in every sport but
math but math teams and nerd shit and they still have the worst fans ever the
school budget is near 36 cents and for some godforsaken reason we host
sporting events in our tiny small-ass gym the football field looks like a
couple of cow shit on it and a pile of dirt was made there were there are
Afghans that have been here since 1986 because they cannot pass a grade 12
course they have nothing better to do than go to the forest and smoke weed so
this person goes to the school they fucking hate it is what I'm guessing
maybe spicy howitzer fisting someone's asshole with a
sandpaper Indian curry oh I know all right we go Cincinnati waterslide now I
got a debris in my eyeball when you push on when when you piss on a thoughts
thought hookers fake tits and spit a loogie on your stream so it water slides
down her cleavage I do love the creativity in some of these it's very
creative but oh God senior citizen sandwich to have a three-way with two
senior citizens this one was written by Salvador Dolly Parton I like that so
that means he wants Dolly Parton basically hey man I take Dolly Parton
today come on girl let's get it out and if you feel like I feel I got no age
limit she can sing that song as long as they're as long as they're legal they
can be as high as the 95 I'm assuming you're taking her with the the Dallas
Cowboy uniform yeah she can wear that that's too she had on the little dog
the little whorehouse up movie she did well isn't the best little whore house
yeah that's it something okay that's it for urban dictionary
oh gotta get me a senior citizen sandwich while I'm still young oh I'd
still I still hit it with the woman that plays a kiddie foreman and that 90s
also you have Valley partner in her done it let's get it on come on lady let me
see them wrinkles what can I tell you I'm an equal opportunity fucker yeah at
least you're going up an age though yeah better than going down well the limit
was eliminate teen I'm just saying there's people that are even weirder
than that so we're here than 18 they try to go below that like Alabama they try
to be upstate you know and still 18 is it's close but I mean like if it's legal
and it's nice consensual my whole thing do you what are you gonna well this dick
fits in that vagina I'm guessing I don't know she could be what is it a a try I
try Sarah cock try cocosaurus that's a truck on console with me which may have a
lot of experience looking at is fucked up there's a hair mom I can't
concentrate no I'm just like what I guess like I don't have a type I just
like you know as long as I like you I know you got kitty form and you got
belly you almost had kitty porn is what I heard in my head I'm like don't you
say that's a damn lie
or I'm kitty form and yes that's what I said
all right you know who I well that is my now who do I really like older woman
yeah it's kitty formant oh Helen Mirren she can still get the business are you
know you know how people have types they're like I like blonde or like
brunettes like I like women I don't she gonna be big 300 pounds with some
massive titties she could be 89 pounds and 411 she'd be six foot three 220 and
the linebacker for the st. Louis Rams and I'd still yeah let's get it off I
have no type I obviously I like it all like it's like it feels too constricted
to have you know just the one specific type when there's just when there's a
plethora of beautiful women in the world depends on what you consider beautiful
all of them we have different standards let's get on that business ladies Liz if
you're looking for a man let's get it on the show she had this take a number
stretch
all right that shit sound that's it for me midweek definitions get you some ten
more next week all righty for this week's breakdown we have one of my favorite
animes aside from Overlord just because it's got a similar feel to it is
eminence and shadow so eminence of shadow is a it's similar to Overlord and
crosshand kind of a little bit so like he's got a group of people that follow
him and he's the leader and he was easy kind basically which means he was sent
to another world the whole massive power that's a whole genre isn't it it is
interesting it really is but eminence of shadows it's got comedy in it and it's
got some of the best fight scenes in all of anime in my opinion just because
it's like things just fall into his lap throughout the entire series so we
start off it's a 20 episode series for the first season and season two is out
right now which I have seen but it's a good anime the first episode is called
the hated classmate so Akane Nishino is a famous actress and a good student who
is friendly with her classmates however her behavior around them is a front she
uses to conceal her own anger and bitterness left behind in a wake of an
incident in which a fan of hers kidnapped and molested her he yeah I
started dog pretty quick pretty dark not as dark as the it's not the last
episode yes it's not that bad don't worry it doesn't ever go into that kind
of level she despises everyone around her classmate Minoru Kagano in
particular he barely acknowledges her existence and seems to struggle to even
remember her name he is briefly shown to carry weights in his bag and cloth in
his bag and clothing to increase his strength Nishino is kidnapped by
criminals who intend to ransom her but they are interrupted by Kagano who is
disguised as a mask to vigilante calling himself the stylish ruffian
slayer great name great good job he's basically like a kick-ass character
well that's basically what they're going for with that the criminals refuse to
take him seriously at first but quickly acknowledge him as a dangerous brawler
capable of defeating whole gangs by himself known to them as the baklava
berserker so I'm pretty sure he's got a man like it seems like a like this
seems like a very interesting premise it just changes in a complete different
genre yeah it's a weird choice yeah this is just first episode so when they
witnessed him dual wielding crossbar crowbars because he fucks people up with
crowbars and he basically he's tired tired time he's getting ready to fight
these dudes that have kidnapped a kidnapped Akane he's telling him it's
like yeah I beat the shit out of these motorcycle gangs but I had to start a
what was it start using a different fighting style and with the crowbars
because they started wearing helmets whenever he had smacked the shit out of
home smart guy so they started wearing help after that reason so the slayer
defeats both men and frees machino who suspects that Kagano is responsible for
her rescue a few days later Kagano is abruptly hit by a truck and killed well
well fuck did he just take the premise of kick-ass cuz he got hit by a car but
he survived yeah and he just what was the point that I'm having a premise of
kick-ass because it shows that he's been training the entire time so the entire
time for the so far in this first episode he's constantly carrying around
weights with him because he's gaining strength he's beaten that he's basically
a vigilante yeah in this in this town what about the what the new world what's
that like work is it like a fantasy world or is it like a fan well it's
fantasy modern so it's got a like I would equivalent the the technology to
like the 1930s hmm so like they have lights they have but they haven't
invented a bunch of things yet so how's gonna suck like they have it they have
carriages and stuff like that so oh god they don't have cars at the next to a
system must be terrible they do get get cars eventually throughout the series so
through a flashback car gonna explains that for his entire life he wanted to
become a secret mastermind manipulating society from the shadows to protect the
innocent to be the fictional heroes he looked up to and relentlessly trained in
martial arts in the hopes that he might one day become as powerful to overcome a
nuclear bomb because he's like in his mind he's insane
it's kind of well his whole thinking is okay I can train my body to fight but
what if somebody gets a gun then I have to learn how to defeat a gun then what
if somebody has a weapon that's bigger than that how do I defeat that how do I
defeat a nuclear bomb like there's always another level to everything that
he trains for it's insanely yes but how do I think a bullet to the face well you
can't so in death cognitive laments that no matter how hard he trained or how
much he had tried achieving such a level of power was functionally impossible as
laws of physics impeded him so he's not insane no he's not insane rendering him
an ordinary human no matter what he did so he could train his body to the best
of his abilities to the Batman level you know whatever wouldn't say made him
ordinary if he can beat it like 20 people yeah it's pretty exceptional but
having died cognitive finds himself reborn in an alternate world with
magical powers and rededicates himself to his desire to manipulate and control
society under cover of darkness as the eminence in shadow and that's where the
title comes from so episode 2 is called shadow gore a shadow garden is born so in
his new world Minoru Kagan oh is now reborn as Sid Kagan oh or a can again oh
I guess was his name and previously but Kagan oh is what his actual name is now
so his name is Sid Kagan oh the son of minor nobles of the kingdom of Midgar
Baron and Lady Kagan oh and a younger brother to a sister clear and becoming
in keeping with his previous life Sid trains in secret and resumes his
vigilante lifestyle by killing bandits to become the secret mastermind that a
day that he adores so much one day Sid discovers a living blob of rotting flesh
and after experimenting on it succeeds in curing the curse afflicting it
returning it to its true form an elven girl with bewitching beauty and he does
it by accident completely he's just fucking with it because he doesn't know
what it is that he but he restrict because he at this point he knows how to
use magic so like he's born in this world and he figures out how to
manipulate like energy patterns of magic so he's like a tea grows like he grows
up a child and he already just automatically done the talk when he gets
here no he grows up from base to like he's completely reborn but does he have
like the memories of who he was before yes maybe brutal especially in a baby's
body yeah but he was only a high school kids I mean like I'm not because you
have no range of motion you're like you're not complete I was like I'd lose
my fucking mic purely for his own amusement Sid in character has the
evidence of shadow because this is all in his like he's playing evidence and
shadow he convinces a girl she is a descendant of ancient heroes who
defeated it defeated a demon called Diablo's whom a cult is secretly trying
to resurrect believing his lies the girl falls deeply deeply in love with him and
swore to devote her life to him after agreeing to form a group called shadow
garden to resist the cult Sid gives her the name alpha the most generic but
they secretly amused that alpha believed his entirely fabricated story cuz he in
his mind who knows he's just making shit up as he got those three years later
Claire is abruptly kidnapped alpha who has now recruited recruited six other
girls beta gamma Delta epsilon Zeta and Eta pretty choices
randomly given with a shitty can remember you have the shadow seven
indecisive service locates clear and confirms she was kidnapped by the cult
of Diablo's so even though he made the shit up it actually exists in this world
so he's like the cult of Diablo's is the one that's doing all this and there
really is a cult of Diablo's in this new world
so it has convinced the girls a he's convinced that the girls are merely
role-playing with him completely unaware that the cult genuinely exists and
intends for Claire to be used as Diablo's host body upon his resurrection
hmm so even though in his mind he's making the shit up it's not early exist
they create what's happening in this world is it just there I think that it's
I think partially that like it's never been said what it is they're real boring
so whatever he thinks I guess yeah it sounds like so Sid leads the attack
under the impression he is hunting normal bandits and most of the cultists
are killed Claire escapes during the chaos and with no idea Sid was involved
later leaves to attend Midgar Academy as planned Sid still completely ignorant of
the what really happened is surprised when alpha and the other shadows
abruptly announced they're leaving so they basically let him to be on his own
at this point at the end of episode two episode three Fincer Ordinaire so the
show the seven shadows split up to hunt the cult all over the world and that's
the real reason they left Sid behind is they think that they're doing his
mission basically going out to go hunt this cult Sid believes they simply grew
up and got tired of role-playing with him that was what he thought had happened
he and Rose and Midgar Academy is clear to it where he hides his abilities and
deliberately avoid standing out he basically wants to be a mob character
to where nobody knows who he is but in the secret shadows he's like this all
powerful character but he's role-playing his own mind choosing two extremely
average boys scale and po to be his friends as a forfeit as a forfeit for
doing badly on a test sit is forced to public he publicly humiliate himself by
offering a fake love confession to the much higher class Alexia a princess of
Midgar Sid place he does this so that way he can be the typical background
character in normal life and offers the confession and is shocked when princess
Alexia agrees to be his girlfriend well fuck he like fucking watching the
episode though you get no idea like he tries so hard to be that kind of like
most of the most awkward person in the world where he's like reach hand out to
a certain degree we're gonna be the Peter Parker so they don't think he's a
spider-man yes huh only he like he puts so much thought into it like the degree
of bending to bow before this person like in his own mind he's going through
all this and he's like what you do please the most nerdy thing you can possibly
think of is what he's doing I when she avides Sid to her fencing class he
discovers Alexia is engaged in the royal fencing instructor Zenon but she has no
desire to marry him and has decided to use Sid as a tool of petty revenge
against him that's the only reason she really accepted him to be her boyfriend
fully aware both that he is being used and of princess Alexia spitefulness and
selfishness Sid agrees to continue their fake relationship in exchange for money
it's safe for money where she'll flick a coin and he'll jump after it like a dog
and grab it he's a fucking jiggle up at this point but you're like it's like
where she tells him here fetch then he'll go run after the coin after two
weeks Alexia admits to him that despite the effort she puts into sword training
she has never been as skilled as her sister Iris and was thus nicknamed
fencer ordinaire Sid admits he actually likes her sword style which focuses on
mastery of the basics this angers Alexia who opts to end their fake relationship
the next day maybe don't be like that the next day Zenon reveals that Alexia
has disappeared and has Sid arrested as a prime suspect for her kidnapping to
him yeah so episode 4 is called sadism rewards and I like the sound of that
now locked in a cell next to a mutated human girl Alexia has her blood stolen
by a cult scientist who claims that it contains demon DNA Sid is tortured by
nights for Alexia's location but since he has trained himself to withstand pain
this amount it trained himself to withstand pain this amount of torture
is nothing to him he pretends to be a pathetic but innocent NPC character
thinking it makes him look cool or he's screaming whatever they're like
torturing him and stuff like that but in reality it doesn't even hurt him
because in his previous life he had trained his body to not feel pain
basically and be used to torture because he didn't have any superpowers at that
point it was just him after five long days princess Iris orders that Sid be
released Alpha suddenly reappears to Sid bringing news that they have continued
to monitor the cult while increasing the scope of Shadow Gardens influence and
power so doesn't press that Alpha and her fellow shadows still occasionally visit
to carry on their role-playing game with him and feels grateful for their
curi a further courtesy still very unaware of Shadow Gardens existence and
real power like he thinks they're just coming back to play the game for them
when they've really got a lot of power now since they left him Alpha plans to
rescue princess Alexia with 114 loyal soldiers
nice
Sid
pretty specific number two
yeah
Sid plays along to amuse himself knowing princess Alexia really has been kidnapped
but mistakenly believing it to be the work of a corrupt Knights and that the
114 soldiers are just background actors Alpha hired
wait so what what exactly is he thinking is going on in this world
he thinks it's all pretending
what but he's living this world
yes
what the fuck
that's all he doesn't he's completely unaware of what's really going on like he knows he's
in a new world and he obviously knows that he died but he thinks that this like Alpha
and the rest of them they're just basically letting him do what he wants to do but thinking
that everything's real even if he thinks it's all fake
like he knows he's got powers but he doesn't think that for some reason that this cult
actually exists he doesn't believe that the shadows really are like an organization that
they are
so what does he think is real like if he thinks it's all fake
he just he doesn't understand it
yeah i don't understand his mindset either
in a massive attack Sid kills the Knights who tortured him while his army searches for
Princess Alexia the cult scientist desperately injects Princess Alexia's blood into the mutant
girl
she becomes a demon kills the scientist then frees Princess Alexia
while escaping Alexia encounters Xenon who reveals he turned her over to the cult in
exchange for being promoted to the role of high ranking Knight
when Princess Alexia attacks him Xenon easily defeats her but their duel is interrupted
by a sudden arrival of Sid
or Shadow is what he calls himself
so episode five is called I am
Xenon identifies Sid as the one behind recent attacks on the cult and announces himself
as one of the cult's core members
the demon girl rampages through the city and fights Princess Iris
Alpha reveals herself to Iris as a member of Shadow Garden which is Shadow's group here
defeats the demon with a single powerful blow and then vanishes
basically proving to this princess that even though she's super strong in this world
that compared to Alpha or Shadow Garden she's literally nothing but an ant
because Alpha destroyed like Princess Iris was fighting this demon monster blob on her
own and doing some damage to it but not really doing that much
and then Alpha comes through one shot and is gone completely
Sid duels Xenon and dominates him
Princess Alexia who has no idea that Shadow is Sid in disguise is captivated by his swordplay
which expresses the heart of the style she was has searched for her entire life
knowing he is outmatched by Shadow Xenon swallows pills that turn him demonic and increase his
power but using the principles of nuclear explosion
of which he has dreamed for so long
Sid sets off a magical bomb that dissolves everything in the blast reducing it to atoms
utterly annihilating Xenon and destroying most of the now evacuated city while leaving
behind a huge crater and all he does is he gathers his magical power
and it's like the it's actually kind of cool for the show but all he does is raises the
sword above and he says I am atomic but in like a what's that type of video for YouTube
where they say it real quietly like where they do some ASMR
yeah but like the most ASMR like
I am atomic
it just and just blows everything
like that yeah literally
now reunited with Iris Princess Alexia is freshly determined to master her chosen sword
style now that Xenon is dead and having remembered
that Sid told her he admired her sword style she offers to be his real girlfriend but he
abruptly rejects her she punishes him by basically killing him
well damn girl
hold on it was just blocking soul you just need a better response to be rejected
which becomes like this thing for the school where it's like the the murder with nobody
because it just blows the soul
a murder with nobody it's a good murder mystery right there
Alpha returns to investigating a group that she that has been masquerading the Shadow
Garden and committing crimes in his name and Iris orders a kingdom-wide investigation
into both the cult of Diablos and Shadow Garden
meanwhile Sid fresh off his violent encounter with Alexia meets a scholarly girl with pink
hair
because he didn't kill him it didn't like his regenerative abilities are just he's not
dead but there's blood against the whole wall
it hit something
so episode six we go into it's called pretenders
the false Shadow Garden continues committing murders a recovered cult relic is given by
Iris to the pink haired student Sherry the kingdom's foremost researcher
Sid's friends Poe and scale take him to the new department store where he discovers that
his subordinate Gamma opened the store to fund Shadow Garden
basically everything that Shadow has ever said existed in his old world whenever those
the the Shadow girls that he has Alpha Beta and the rest of them he would tell him to
stories and stuff about what they consider shadows knowledge but it's just his previous
life's technology and stuff so they opened up a department store that sells stuff that
existed in the other world huh but since they're the only ones creating this stuff they have
a like a huge donate yeah you know
Sid is impressed but once again remains convinced that Gamma is role-playing unaware now he
owns dozens of stores and the fit is effectively one of the wealthiest men in the world he
doesn't really he doesn't even realize that though he also meets new the newest named
number of the Shadow Garden on his way home Sid witnesses Alexia fighting several murderers
so he saves Alexia slaughter the murderers and hands one survivor over to new for interrogation
elsewhere the murderers boss gaunt Knight confirms they have located the relic Alexia
confirmed Shadow Garden is not really behind the murders but Iris still insists they are
enemies of the kingdom so her sister still thinks that Shadow Gardens true enemies of
the kingdom Sid Poe and scale having bought chocolate from Sid store tried their luck
with confessing to girls scales confessions ends up with him being punished by her fiance
and post confession ends with him being arrested mistaken for a stalker Jesus Christ Sid decides
to just give the remaining chocolate to anyone which by chance is Sherry her adoptive father
Vice Principal Russell and informs the naive Sherry the chocolates were probably meant
as a love confession and encourages her to decide on her answer quickly so as not to
keep Sid waiting even though he literally he had these chocolates he seemed just somebody
walking by him and handed him to like in his he doesn't even think about it feel like he's
not looking for a girl to say yes to anything to him episode 7 a fencing tournament of entry
and bloodshed so new inform said that the murderer she interrogated was a typical cult
foot soldier an orphan brainwashed with drugs and magic and that's what this cult does drugs
and magic they could you be one to the other huh no it's gonna be both once it's one such
soldier Rex is in the city on a cult mission during their conversation Sid is preoccupied
a scale and Poe have entered him into the Academy sword tournament to impress girls
new mistakenly think Sid's rambling about the festival is him plotting to deal with
Rex at the festival Sid duals student president Rose a princess of the neighboring kingdom
Oriani while still role playing as a secret hero and keeping his skills hidden he feigns
injury repeatedly but persists in the fight rise into his feet again and again after each
of her attacks basically he wants to show how many ways that he can get his ass kicked
so he'll get up and let her like it door he goes flying over one way then he learns another
one where he goes suspends the other way like he has like 42 or 45 different ways he can
do it and he wants to keep getting up to show his new wife where they eventually take him
out of the tournament because the referee eventually declares Rose the victor because
he's tired of seeing it because he's like you've lost so much blood you can't do this
anymore but Rose she is impressed after said at Sid's fighting spirit because she thinks
that he keeps getting up because he wants to be a fighter even though he's just wanting
to show off his ways that he can get his ass kicked as a background character to the background
character well he was not essential character yes I don't matter just don't even pay attention
to me but in trying to do that so much he actually impresses this this girl Rose Sherry
asked Sid to be friends before they consider dating so this is the girl that got those
chocolates and she's like can't we just be friends before dating he's like he'd completely
forgotten about her he just decides to try to avoid her after this Sherry asks princess
Alexia about her relationship with Sid and is happy when Alexia reveals a relationship
was fake the princess Alexia is privately upset another girl is arrested and said an
election is announced to fill an empty student council seat I with this gaunt knight he erects
at this point he erects an anti-magic barrier allowing the fake shadow garden to capture
the academy at this point so they're at the school and he puts up this gigantic barrier
to where nobody can use magic Rose attempts to fight but and is much weaker without her
magic at this point because these are night like magic nights Sid recklessly rushes in
to save her and is severely wounded because he wants to be the first person to crown care
for so he wants to be the first one to jump in front of it to protect this girl but he
wants to die in the process to because he thinks it would look cool as a background
character did I like everything he's doing he's wanted to look like a background character
even though he's one of the most powerful characters in the entire series I do better
tonight not by doing anything it's completely disappeared in the background but he wants
to look epic where he he gets killed first because he said that's what a background character
that's really useless knows dies instantly exactly episode 8 is called dark knight academy
under attack Sid reveals that he was excited by the chance to look cool fighting terrorists
and saved Rose merely to appear heroic Rose meanwhile mistakenly believes Sid sacrificed
himself out of love for her after the students are taken to the auditorium leaving Sid's
body in the classroom just laying there for a second pick him up and he can win Sid secretly
revives and heals himself Rex attacks Sherry to retrieve the relic but Iris's crimson nights
helped her help her escape Sid who is also killing terrorists at this point just randomly
just killing terrorists reunites with and save Sherry Sherry identifies the relic generating
the barrier is the eye of avarice which absorbs magic and explodes once full Sid deduces the
cult are using the eye to kill the students and prevent them from getting from becoming
knights and obstructing their plans the relic Sherry has been researching is the eyes control
unit which she hopes can be used to stop the explosion since Sherry needs tools from her
room Sid volunteers to get them for her Rex warns gaunt knight that someone is killing
hurt their men and gaunt knight suspects that the real shadow garden is responsible for
this it is revealed gaunt knights true goal is to be reinstated to the Knights of Round
which is in this cult of Diablos like their highest order of like the most powerful people
and their their group new which is of shadow garden and she sees the soul surviving crimson
knight and her former fiancee fiancee got a fucking even talk the soul surviving crimson
knight is her former fiancee Marco while tempted to kill him she decides to let him live Sid
orders new and her fellow shadows not to attack the terrorists until Sherry has the control
relic ready that's how we end episode 8 episode 9 is called the end of the end of a lie so
Sherry activates the control relic deactivating the eye and its barrier Sid arrives disguised
as the eminence and shadow and shadow garden begins slaughtering the terrorists point which
shit like he does not care Iris believing that shadow garden is responsible for the
attack is enraged by their appearance Sid finds gaunt knight burning Sherry's research
and reveals he is Ruslan Sherry's adoptive father so the guy that was going through and
killing these students that's dressed as his knight is the guy that had adopted Sherry
to begin with the one saying that Sid you need to give Sid an answer since he gave her
chocolates same guy which would crush this girl Sherry if she actually knew Ruslan explains
he was once a master swordsman until an illness weakened him believing the eye might cure
him he cultivated a relationship with the woman studying it Sherry's mother when she
grew too afraid to continue her research Ruslan killed her and adopted Sherry as a pawn to
facilitate the research completion because they were both good at researching stuff so
Sherry and her mom basically Ruslan combines the eye with control relic and regains his
lost sword skills while he and Sid fight revealing that even with his abilities restored Ruslan
swordsmanship is still inferior to Sid Ruslan brags he has framed Shadow Garden for all
his crimes Sid unconcerned by this kills Ruslan an act inadvertently witnessed by Sherry so
whenever Sherry sees Ruslan killed he's not dressed as his knight so she thinks that Sid
just basically killed her dad or her adoptive I am dead and of course Sid is not in his
normal stuff he looks like the eminence in shadow in the wake of the attack the kingdom
designates Shadow Garden as a terrorist organization Sherry informs Sid that with Ruslan dead
she has decided to transfer to a scientific research academy to pursue her new goal though
she will miss him when Sid asked what her new goal is she insists on keeping it a secret
but the dark aura surrounding her words suggests her new goal is sinister basically she wants
to kill Shadow yeah maybe she wants to destroy revenge episode 10 is called the sacred land
city of deception so Sid is contacted by Alpha who request he visits the sacred city of Lindwum
her sorry Lindworm Beta Epsilon and new also receive a mission from Alpha while in
Lindwum themselves to attend the upcoming goddesses trial Alexia and Iris visits the
department store where Alexia planning to try to seduce it purchased a thong underwear
sure man make sure to let him know what thong underwear was huh yeah oh yeah a flashback
shows that after defeating Ruslan Sid pretended to have a miraculous pretended to have miraculously
survived the injury but was a receiving the injury he received while rescuing Rose so
he acts like I didn't actually die I made it half his face is gone I'm still alive Rose
who has sworn to accept to accept what she perceives as feelings towards her by becoming
his lover hopes that her father might allow them a marry if Sid wins the trials Sid mistakenly
believes that she is trying to convert him to worship the goddess Beatrix whom empowered
three legendary warriors and the worship of whom is the dominant religion and Lindworm
though he is reluctant to have her along with him on the trip he also avoid her attempts
to seduce him rather than actively push her away and Lindwum and Lindworm since he's beta
and her persona as the popular author Natsumi so basically all the the seven shadows which
are alpha beta delta the the ones that actually have a name they call them the side of the
seven shadows because they're the first people that were given their abilities by Sid because
they were all like masses of flesh that magic had taken over so basically they like where
he rescued alpha by accident yeah it turns out that in this world if you can't control
the magic that you have you start to become like almost like a tumor yes and just a big
mass of flesh but those were the original seven shadows are the ones that he personally
fixed the friend so he did something good he didn't even know he was doing it he just
whatever close enough and each one of them basically learned something different from
him so like alpha it's she's like pure power then you have you have what do you call it
beta on this one she basically took all the stuff that he taught her about like Cinderella
Romeo and Juliet and stuff like that and uses that to become a famous author or she just
rewrite those rewrite the stories that she's told her so she became famous by publishing
stories he had told her from his past life's world such as Cinderella Romeo and Juliet
and Star Wars she says Star Wars in this world now yes beta passes Sid her mission briefing
coded in an ancient language Rose misinterprets Sid's enthusiasm as a passion for history
and languages though Sid is really just impressed at what he thinks is beta's latest role-playing
event for him because again he still thinks they're just wrong a cultist murders Archbishop
Drake of Beatrix's church and while epsilon kills one of his men the murderer escapes
episode 11 is called the goddess's trial Sid visits a hot spring and happens to meet Alexia
and one of the baths that's brains hiding her embarrassment Alexia explains the nature
of the goddess's trial challengers will summon and duel the spirits of famous warriors with
the strength of the challenger directly related to the strength of the summon spirit since
she is busy dealing with the Archbishop's murderer Alexia asks Sid to assist her by
joining the Crimson Knights so he refuses and nonchalantly leaves fully exposing himself
to the intrigued Alexia as he goes hey man look at he slaps the towel between his legs
where it comes back up around and I should not should not man but dad let that dick's
fucking swing I embarrassed girl and the funny thing is she's like because he says why would
you look at my sword or something like that whenever he walks out there huh she's like
that's just a dagger they know sword house and he's like whatever this monster is unleashed
from its scabbard he gives a whole fucking speech about it and then slaps the towel
between his legs it's like good god uh soon after Alexia's investigation is cancelled
by the interim Archbishop Nelson whom Alexia holds to be the prime suspect in Drake's murder
Princess Alexia encounters Beta and her Natsumi persona and uh both take an instant dislike
to each other after the trial many fighters are humiliated with no famous warriors manifesting
to duel them implying they are unworthy opponents Sid is suddenly announced as the next challenger
he uh his entry fee having been securely paid to uh by Rose to show her father's uh to show
her father's Sid's potential so Rose paid for him to go to this fucking ass big to you
pretty much oh um to avoid exposing his strength or embarrassing himself by fake uh faking
a humiliating defeat Sid crashes the trial as eminence and shadow huh as shadow uh his
presence summoning Aurora the calamity witch whom according to Nelson was the strongest
witch in history because it was yeah so basically like I said before this whole tournament um
the person that is summoned to fight you is proportional to the abilities that you have
so shadow is so strong that it summons the strongest witch of in history witnessing Aurora's
manifestation Princess Alexia realizes that it is possible the eminence is the most dangerous
man in the world Sid defeats Aurora but finding himself disappointed that the duel was too
easy he leaves because even the strongest witch in history can't beat shadow the arena
barrier suddenly collapses and a new summoning spell activates in response to Sid's actions
causing a summoning portal to begin following him impressing and observe uh impressing the
observing shadow garden so he's like jumping from pillar to pillar but the summoning circles
like following him wherever he goes what's he gonna summon it's a portal for him to walk
through uh episode 12 the truth within the memories alpha reveals herself uh reveals
she is an elf and a descendant of Olivia the hero who severed Diabolus's left arm of one
thousand years ago Sid decides to enter the summoning circle following him and disappears
within him finding himself within the sanctuary alpha appears with the rest of shadow garden
after they kidnap Nelson they enter the sanctuary as well as do Princess Alexia and Rose Sid
meets an improva uh an imprisoned Aurora who has been trapped for a thousand years
so that same witch she's actually trapped there after uh Sid frees her she reveals us
the sanctuary is actually a massive prison which stores the memory of every past hero
if they destroy sanctuary's magical core Aurora and the other memories will be deleted as
they pass through memories Sid and the shadows learn the cult formerly used the sanctuary
to experiment on orphan girls with Diabolus's blood in an effort to resurrect him most of
the subjects died but some like Olivier became extremely strong heroes so they're infusing
this demon's blood with like elves and people it is revealed experiments on Diabolus's arms
produce the pills that turn people demonic so like those pills that that one night took
are made from this blood puffed them all up yeah and also that one year uh once a year
uh it produces 12 beads that grant one year of immortality to the cult's 12 leaders the
knights of the route one of whom is Nelson one year of immortality how's that immortality
for that because you got to take another pill next year but i'm sorry what the fuck weird
one of whom is Nelson who helped create first beats one millennium ago so he's been taking
him for a thousand years he just made he made the most lucrative pharmaceutical uh medicine
and never known the man pretty much he want to keep living you gotta keep taking my pill
uh Nelson turns demonic and uh with his control over the sanctuary scatters everyone throughout
multiple memories and creates copies of himself to fight all of the shadows at once episode
13 a bloody showdown as an offering to annihilation so epsilon reveals she and the name shadows
personally brought into shadow garden by sid were all girls experimented on by the cult
and that's why they're masses of flesh sid cured them of their demonic curse side effects
leaving their strength intact okay uh so basically whenever he found them the way they were as
masses of piles of flesh whenever he fixed their magical courses like going through their
veins and stuff they kept their strength from their experiments but lost the grotesque mass
and they became normal again uh they enter sanctuary's archive and steal the records
of the cult's experiments delta reveals she possessed berserker level strength allowing
her to kill hundreds of nelson's copies without any magic at all because she's part beast
so like a beast uh person where she's got the the ears and tail uh one of those huh
yeah yeah there's one in every anime seems like it meanwhile sid and aurora reach sanctuary's
core the core is sealed behind chains uh that can only be cut by a nearby magical sword
and though sid tries the sword can only be drawn by a hero's descendant nelson summons
olivia to fight for him but epsilon appears with all the cult's research and all of the
shadows abruptly teleport out of the sanctuary with alexa and rose leaving the confused nelson
behind as sit is still within the sanctuary nelson orders olivia to kill him they duel
but sid is disappointed by olivia's mindlessness uh empty uh sit is disappointed by olivia's
mindless empty obedience mute and without personality and as such finds the fight boring
that was extra bang on that one uh aurora decides to protect him as payment for producing
her first new memories in a millennium sit is annoyed at her assumption that he will
lose claiming he has been paying close attention and has discovered the secret of the sanctuary
olivia stabs sit through the heart but he smiles and reveals he has his eye uh it reveals
one of his eyes have changed color because he's been storing up magic the entire time
so episode 14 is called uh your lie your wish so sid grabs olivia and bites her corduroyed
arteries to kill her yes well like full vampire so yeah the way this fuck way i killed somebody
revealing to a stunned nelson he allowed olivia to stab him in a way that had missed uh that
where she missed his organs he also reveals the secret he figured out the sanctuary absorbs
magic from the air so by compressing the whole of his magic into a single solid mass within
his eye he can use his magic again sit sets off his atomic bomb spell destroying nelson
and the sanctuary cord at this all at once because he says i am atomis he destroys everything
i can't think of sit bids farewell to aurora who kisses him and offers him that uh one
day they might actually find the real aurora princess alexia and rose decide that uh they
must form their own secret organization to stand against both the cult and shadow garden
as natsumi beta agrees to help so she can spy on them because they they don't realize
that she's one of the shadows even though at this point they think that she's just an
offer oh with big tits ah big tits let me some big old titty big old babies uh alpha
discovers the sanctuary's archives that aurora's true identity is that of the demon diabolos
elsewhere shadow garden begins buying all the property in the city of uh ad lid to open
another shopping center yes though secretly it is to gain access to the valuable oil filled
with underneath it like they've got plans upon plans that sit has no knowledge of making
them all rich man yes alexia confirms that beetrick's church is involved with the cult
but politics prevents her from investigating further so iris decides to risk further up
the ranks of the crimson knives to gain her own political power uh starting with winning
the upcoming bushin festival tournament rose discovers she may be infected with demon blood
though at this point episode 15 the strongest weakest man was the title of it so the bushin
festival of rives attracting hundreds of fighters to the royal capital sid plans to shock the
crowd by disguising himself as a weak and as weak and defeating everyone else he fights
with astonishing ease so it's a new character for him he doesn't look like said he looks
like a different person so using magical slime makeup because that's what his he controls
this like uh slime that's how he like changes clothes so fast between uh shadow and himself
it literally it's just uh like affecting the slime stuff but like it can make whatever
kind of clothes he wants it reminds me of uh the uh the mcu movies where they needed to
find a way to make them be able to take their masks off quicker and like their suits on
so they started using those fucking nanobots for everything yeah everybody has nanobots
yeah yeah so uh gamma gives sid the pathetic face of mundane man who's going to be my name
yes an unskilled knight who died in poverty he's a real person that died oh and he's taking
his persona well mundane man mundane man uh anna rose a foreign knight who fought at the
goddess's trial witnesses the disguised the disguised sid allowing himself to be beaten
by a fighter named quentin in an encounter on the street before the festival festival
begins and is amazed that sid is uninjured sid learns the favorites to win the festival
are iris rose anna rose quentin and a mysterious nameless dark knight rose encounters sid and
informs him that her father has selected a man named perv asshat to become the fiance
and force her to give up the sword perv asshat perv ass weird name that's his real name perv
asshat it's like an npc it's like a real player named him yes uh sid advises that uh
that she relax and do what makes her happy for once during the preliminary fights goldy
god uh goldy gilded a skilled but annoyingly arrogant knight advises skill on how to identify
warriors most likely to win and is disappointed when sid as mundane wins a fight against his
prediction without moving only the watchful anna rose notices that mundane moves so fast
that he defeated his opponent before the fight even began goldy announces that mundane's
victory has made him goldy's next opponent the next morning it is announced that rose
has stabbed a perv and subsequently disappeared where she stabbed him he just puts it right
between his cock and he's like oh my god perv asshat episode 16 is called unseen intentions
so rosen's escape makes her appear guilty which has dire consequences for inter kingdom
politics alexia decides to find her and protect her but beta stalls uh stalls her from interfering
already well aware that rose is hiding in the city's labyrinthian underground ruins
sid meets an elf named betrix who is searching for her missing niece and happens to uh greatly
resemble alpha but refrains from telling her that he saw an elf who looks like her as mundane
sid faces goldy for his first duel watched by anna rose and quentin both of whom are
now suspicious about mundane's abilities to their great confusion mundane dodges goldy's
first attacks by flexing his neck and then he causes goldy's own magical attack to explode
backwards on him by sneezing knocking goldy unconscious and causing his defeat despite
his unusual methods anna rose's doubts even she could copy monday's movements while meeting
with perv asshat iris discovers rose didn't injure him at all and observes that he has
a sinister influence over rose's father the king mundane defeats quentin making anna rose
his opponents the next day anna rose attempts to intimidate him until mundane reveals he
wears armor weighing over a ton and yet still moves too fast for people to follow his movements
rose continues to evade the soldiers at this point sent after her alright we're down to
the last few episodes here episode 17 uh moonlight uh that pierces the darkness is the title
of it i like that title uh sid's elder sister claire visits but he avoids her by pretending
to join scale and hunting rose for a sizable reward sid has a sister yeah let's see they
saved in episode two i think so uh so he has a family yes you don't think it's all fake
yes well he thinks that alpha and them are just going along with his pretend that there's
this cult of diablos he knows he's like in another world but he still thinks that they're
going along with his pretend wonder if he's just a guy in a hospital bed playing a video
game well at the episode two he goes back to the real world as shadow he did yeah what
happened like he's transported through a different portal he comes back to the real world i would
just stay in my real world at that point he wanted to make a cool looking exit yeah i'm
home so uh episode 17 uh sid's elder sister claire visits but he avoids her by pretending
to join scale and is hunting for a sizable reward sid actually respects rose for risking
everything to escape an unwanted marriage sid overhears the moonlight sonata a personal
favorite musical piece of his for its brooding tone being played on a nearby piano and quickly
finds epsilon and is the one performing it she explains she explains that she has been
able to cultivate useful connections in oriana kingdom by posing as a skilled pianist alexia
and veda suspect rose fled after discovering that perv is secretly a cultist using magic
to brainwash and render the king as invalid and they enter the underground ruins to find
her rose now suffering more seriously from her infected blood considers surrendering
to avoid dragging oriana into a war she suddenly hears the sonata and finds shadow playing
a piano it's a it's a cool scene because it's like you just hear the the song and the anime
and then you see shadow with his like uh assassin's creed get up but he's in there just playing
a piano playing the moonlight sonata where she sees him uh which he has stolen from where
uh epsilon was playing it earlier so he stole the piano from her too that stole off a piano
with him he stole a piano and moved into this underground room sounds petty as fuck in a
cavernous underground room she realizes she cannot surrender so eminence cures her blood
infection and grants her power before vanishing uh cult soldiers locate rose but she kills
them and decides to end her partnership with alexia and veda to fight alone refusing to
drag them into her problems alexia is not pleased by this and she ends up fighting her
rose defeats her and apologizes to beta but she tells her to go uh do what she must do
and won't stop her um veda guesses this was sitzgul all along sid meanwhile is simply
pleased he was able to pull off a dramatic moment of brutally playing a piano underground
room press revenues because in his mind he's just i want to look cool like that's his whole
thing as he just wants to look that reminds me of a scene from uh the enemy was a vampire
mm-hmm where fucking brad pitt uh had to kill uh tom cruise and then get back to the mansion
if they dumped his body in the uh the bayou he's fucking playing the piano when he gets
there tom cruise is still alive like what the fuck yeah um he uh he returns home and
finds that uh finds that an angry claire has been waiting all day for his return you know
if i hold it in my mouth as sour as fuck god damn we're gonna have no context for this
i'm not gonna take a snap a sample mango madness double sim jim uh episode 18 betting on a moment
it's betty white betty why i don't know why i heard in my head it's betty white how the
fuck betty white her 99 year old 99 years old i put that pussy out of commission i should
buy stop uh after sadistically uh punishing sid for neglecting her the claire reveals
she has uh replaced the steel absent rose and the festival and assists it watcher from
the vip seating sid sits beside iris who apologizes for the xenon incident they discussed the
dark knight competitor beatrix the elvish war goddess the festival's very first champion
and sid realizes beatrix is alphas aunt when he actually realizes this he looks some real
similar yeah thank you uh be wouldn't say mother daughter but more like something closer
but you can never figure out what it is though yeah it's a little hilarious man uh sid sneaks
away to don his mundane disguise uh to duel anoros uh perv takes a seat beside iris who
despises the floof he's like i just fucking hates him yes she does um he expresses confidence
that rose will return and marry him he also suggests he is interested in hiring strong
warriors particularly anoros in the arena anoros attempts to match mundane speed but
is defeated damn uh this redoubles princess iris's determination to defeat mundane in
the next match perv has mundane investigated though he has confidence he has no connection
to the all-female shadow garden squad because again shadow garden is literally all women
so when i like it's him uh anoros thanks mundane for showing her that she still has room to
improve and invites him to work for her country's government but he refuses sid looks forward
to defeating iris so he can become a legend by mysteriously disappearing immediately after
victory again he just wants to look cool claire meets him in his at his room quietly reminding
him he forgot to watch her match so his sister like um where were you and she's the kind
of where she'll beat the shit out of him i feel with myself i don't give a fuck you bitch
all right we're down to the last two episodes here uh episode 19 is called dancing puppet
uh sid sits beside since it's like alliteration oh boy since this is a 15 times real fast
since it's uh almost messed up uh since it's besides prince's damn he got to knock that
one out quick i don't know sid sits beside the three s's princess iris and beetroot's
to watch claire's next match perf continues drugging the king hoping rose will try to
save him he also plans to have the king publicly assassinate iris and princess elicia's father
the king of midgard falls war damn claire wins her match and furiously uh searches for
sid because again he's not up there watch her where you at who is again absent from
the audience iris duels mundane so the princess iris is dueling mundane man at this point
but uh has repeatedly terrifying premonitions of mundane killing her instantly with a single
counter attack ouch uh mundane shortly disarms and defeats her in a single move rose infiltrates
the vip area with help from shadow garden and perv is enraged when she kills her own
father damn so she kills the king of the oriana kingdom who shows gratitude of being freed
from perv's control at last just being freed from the perv's and well yeah that perv had
been in control for years uh rose moves to kill herself but mundane stops her leaping
from the arena floor and a single bound to burst through the vip box kill perv's men
and shed his disguise to reveal he to reveal that he is the eminence and shadow so he took
off to the sky to show that he had the disguise on yeah rose realized that shadow is also
the boy who once uh she once knew as stylish bandit slayer over gone because as a kid in
this new world sid also went around killing bandits with a paper bag over his head so
he was the stylish bandit slayer back then wait so was he stylish or the bandit stylish
and he slayed him i think he was trying to say he's the stylish one you gotta be careful
with that grammar people revealing that when sid was training himself as a child he killed
uh the bandits who coincidentally had just had a kidnapper an encounter which inspired
rose to learn serving the swordmanship in the first place nice so he didn't realize
that he led her down that path realizing that she can't die yet rose again escapes beetrix
having longed to fight mundane since their meeting realizes that shadow is a wanted terrorist
and engages him in a duel that are fucking uh blue eyes looking dry so the last episode
of the season is called advent of the demon uh alpha meets rose and offers her membership
in shadow garden which rose accepts amidst beetrix's and shadow's duel princess iris
joins the former in combat against him after a fight which comes to a span to span much
of the city shadow again brandishes his atomic city obliterating attack terrifying both iris
and beetrix but van vanishes at the last second before a detonation so as soon as he like
he fucks him up and he fights him with crowbars they're using swords and uh iris the princess
has a sword that is a flaming sword and he's fighting them with fucking crowbars some crowbars
huh he just found crowbars on this one building inside and just started fucking him up with
crowbar he's like hell yeah that's his favorite fighting tool anyway is crowbars and it's
like it's a cool it's a cool fight sequence though because it's like they're literally
he's like not even trying and then they both try to attack him at the same time he just
stomps on their back and makes them sit on each other and then at the very end of it
he goes to go use his i am atomic thing which they think oh fuck he's just gonna blow up
the whole city and he's just gone so it didn't work or he didn't do it or do it but he was
one to show them that he is so far above them that all he's got to do is do the one attack
and they're gone to where it's like they're looking at it like it's the end of the world
and then he's just gone well yeah princess iris just like yelling out like a banshee cry
because it pisses her off so much but he didn't even find them a challenge enough to even
fight him the rest of the way he just leaves uh leaving princess iris enraged frustrated
and more determined than ever to get her her vengeance magnets perv is forced to beg his
master's forgiveness for his failure betrix leaves the capital sad that she failed to
find her niece holed up in her room now filled with the wanted posters of the eminence a
mentally unraveling sherry look here here's the news of his attack and renews her who
renews her promise to herself to one day kill him with the eminence revealing to the world
shadow garden begins at preparations to support sid further hoping he will soon take a more
active role in running the organization alpha guides rose into the monster infested mountains
near sid and claire's childhood village revealing the mountains contain the old kingdom of alexandria
now shadow garden's new secret abase of operations alexandria and they have a gigantic statue
of shadow in the center of it there a distraught rose has everything taken from her her name
her clothes and her last memento she has of sid as she knew him now clothed in the carot
uh the characteristic slime suit which can basically form into whatever kind of style
of clothes that they want even though it's still solid black shadow garden's operatives
uh she now becomes soldier 666 and she's the 666th member of shadow garden so he's got
all these women there to do whatever he wants him to quit the harem he's got there and he
doesn't even know it it's just there uh in their army and begins training to prove her
abilities and skill to them under their supervision meanwhile sid lingers briefly in the underground
of the capital playing the moonlight sonata on the stolen piano so the piano down there
huh he's not explaining believed by the quality of his role playing with princess iris and
lady beatrix he expresses his anticipation for the games to come that's how the season
one ends it's just him playing the moonlight sonata on a stolen piano just dragged ejected
like i'm like i'm looking at real world logistics here like just trying to steal a piano would
be fucking random as fuck well when you have magic yeah but like looking at it like you're
funnier like if you like you see him just dragging it down yeah like god damn you yeah
that's uh eminence and shadow season one like i said it's uh eminence and shadow or eminence
shadow eminence in shadow oh in shadow i'll keep saying i think in my head and shadow no
eminence in shadow eminence in shadow one of the probably in my opinion one of the uh the
best uh isekai anime aside from overlord and what's cool is that they're both by the same
uh production company karakawa they make both what the enemy called like what are the uh
the genre call uh isekai they should make one in dark souls level uh i'm well because
in dark souls you're not that strong you go in there and just get fucking wailed on they
do exist they may be funnier to me they do exist but if it's a powerful person in our
world he dies he's a weak peasant in this new world he's a god damn and he never gets
it he's always fucking broke his fucking armors to trash oh well they did that well i mean
with a little bit of a plot hole device but yeah that kind of does exist holy man this
stuff is beautiful to me where he tries so hard over like there's a how i'll have to
remember the name of it but uh where he died he can die over and over and over but uh it
gets worse and worse like in his mental shit the entire time yeah kind of dark too opening
and uh hope uh yeah because if you if you if your mental state uh hinges on how often
you died in a game if it was a dark side you would have a horrible time yes you'd be fucking
insane by the end of it all right you ready for some reddit i'm always ready for some
red i love this shit all right today we are covering today i fucked up will we move away
from the retail hill and and go back to our original bread and butter of today i fucked
up so uh first one is by junior ranger 6861 spurs and puts i've been feeling a bit under
the weather and decided to buy myself a coffee i was about to walk into an establishment
whenever i saw a homeless woman sitting outside with her dog i felt bad for them because i
can't imagine how hard it must be to be homeless especially being this time of the year so
i decided to go up to her told her merry christmas and handed her ten dollars her eyes lit up
and she started sobbing and thanking me when i was trying to pay for my coffee i noticed
that in my haze i had given the woman 100 instead of 10 well you gotta let that one
go i thought i had given her still it's still in my wallet i was panicking and contemplating
going to look for her and explaining my error you gotta let that go but i just couldn't
bring myself to do that i didn't want to be an asshole especially after her emotional
reaction so i just made my way home merry christmas i wouldn't call that much of a fuck
up it's like an honest mistake but it's like it's a hundred dollars though like man although
and with inflation 100 dollars ain't worth shit no uh next one is by slight contact 568
person puts obligatory last night i got drunk at a christmas for uh christmas friends uh
get together and said some shit i shouldn't have well if isn't the basis for every uh
falling friend uh the friendship fallout ever in the history of mankind said some shit you
shouldn't have said it's way up there my wife's friends are mostly pretty mellow and not big
partiers but we get together for dinner every couple of months they're awesome people and
i've known them uh for going on 12 years now they're her good friends since she's been
in high school so one friend is a little more outgoing into festivals and the like we were
drinking and reminiscing about college days and she mentioned how she hooked up with a
guy behind a bar we all went uh to together years ago we all laugh and she and i are talking
about the night and how she had never done that before a night a uh a one night uh one
time stand uh she also mentioned that he ate her ass before the d wait are you getting
way too specific yeah it was her first experience doing that and i said something along the
lines of i don't blame him i'd do the same damn you stupid little bitch bro i kept your
fucking mouth shut everyone got quiet
my wife looked pissed and confused yeah i didn't it didn't even register to me with
me but i had said my wife yelled at me all the way home about how i must be uh must think
of all her friends in a sexual way no baby just you intrusive thought should stay inside
there you go tristis intrusive stop should stay inside
all righty next one is by uh one sidrick two okay person puts so customary uh this actually
i don't know why you put so customary this actually did happen five minutes ago and i'm
dying inside i don't understand the obligatory ones either i read what they put that's all
i'm obliged to tell you this like why right uh here goes last week the assistant and the
zone manager who is three levels above me in the hierarchy messaged me because apparently
she had noticed that i was using an interesting note taking device in fact i've been using
the remarkable two tablet for years for note taking but also life organizing and drawing
etc that's where the fuck up starts oh i replied to the assistant before telling her about
the device and offered to let the zone manager try it if she wishes before buying today was
uh the time i was showing her how the device works i had quickly cleaned up my note files
made sure the right page to show example of how to use it stuff like that destroy my sabbatist
safari search history everything was going well all until she asked if you could draw
on the tablet thinking i had correctly cleaned up i showed my drawing i opened my drawings
now but i'm there a drawing of a sofa with a comic style bubble saying sit on my face
appears god dang i quickly switched to the next page and she was nice enough to ignore
it but i'm dying inside right now i think the drawing was pretty funny but the particular
type of humor needed to appreciate it doesn't really fall into the sfw side of things yeah
safe for work it is not
next one is by tfaust10 this person puts this happened a while ago but i still cringe when
i think about it i hopped on a short flight from dallas to san antonio to visit my brother
i ended up on a nile seat towards the very back of the bed of a packed plane as i said
the guy seated next to me was busy and i decided not to bug him so with a quick hello or the
classic business of pleasure question that people tend to ask about 15 minutes into the
flight i began to eat one of those very dry biscoff crackers without water on hand i realized
i over committed my slavery going to some real work nothing worse than a fucking cotton
mouth is worse than dry mouth yes it is
of course at this exact moment my seat mate begins his operating his opening introduction
i nod to him and smile but i was not about to open my mouth to pepper him with biscoff
cracker dust unaware of my dilemma he asked me a question i motioned to my throat with
my hand to suggest i was finishing a bite his eyes go large and he quickly apologizes
turning red in the face of embarrassment i was surprised by the reaction but he he thought
you were freaking mute and thought he was responsible over the top a few seconds later
i realized that he thought i was motioning that i could not speak no problem i would
clarify everything as soon as i could swallow my cracker unfortunately unfortunately that
cracker must have been made from some properties that send all moisture to another dimension
god damn it must have been a cracker from church's chicken pop eyes bisque yeah it's
the same for the same batch as fucking pop eyes bisque as i waited the stewardess came
over to save the day with a drink cart she asked me what i wanted to drink i just pointed
one please so i pointed to a sprite can as i did this my seat mate clarified my choice
by verbally telling the stewardess my selection he's one sprite because he can't speak i could
tell that he felt a sense of accomplishment that he was able to help me communicate given
my perceived disability damn i'm a fucking hero maybe i maybe it made him feel a little
bit better after having asked me a question and that i was unable to answer as the flight
continued i realized that i had accidentally committed myself to becoming mute well there
you go you gotta you gotta fucking follow the bit i was at the point of no return so
i figured i'd just go with it i didn't want to make him feel stupid he began to uh he
began to tell me a couple of things about his family he mentioned a relative with a
similar impairment following a stroke he also showed me a picture of his dog on the phone
i knew i could not respond so he never asked me any questions i just not even smiled at
anything he said to be polite but utter not uttering a sound eventually our plane lands
by the time i forgot uh by this time i forgot about my act i patiently i sat patiently
as people began to depart uh being at the very back of the plane i knew i had to wait
so i remained seated my phone vibrates you know what i would do like right we're just
disembarking right and like uh he's getting like i just get up real quick to get out first
like it's nice meeting you and just quick it with him he'd be like never even give him
a chance to respond just dip out uh let's see i knew i had to uh would be uh i would
have to wait so i remained seated my phone vibrates i see that it is my brother calling
i accept to call in enthusiastically say what's up i just landed give me about 10 minutes
and i'll meet you out front so he basically did what i just said my memory sends me a
notice a little too late to remind me that i'm supposed to be playing the role of a mute
person on the plane i slowly look over to the seat to my seatmate to see if he really
has even noticed his head was directly aimed at me yeah this head just right this fucking
face he had the most disgusted look on his face like i had punched a baby bunny you motherfucker
i began to turn red i was so embarrassed that i couldn't think of anything to say to make
the moment less awkward a part of my brain that does not get outside much convinced me
to get out of the plane quickly i turned the thought into action i quickly got out of my
chair and grabbed my backpack i looked back at the guy i confirmed that he was more committed
to maintaining his disgusting fashion you know i was supposed to be nude damn he's so
he's mad as fuck i quickly looked at the person in front of me standing in the aisle i could
go nowhere i remained standing for about another eternity until the line started to ease up
i finally made my escape at this point at this moment still haunts me like i gotta hear
you bad that motherfucker's not real
next one is by no werewolves allowed this person so that's what i put out in the front
of my house
what are you saying no dogs in human form don't you come in here you damn werewolves
i just thought you meant dogs no dogs in human form uh this person puts october 2023 in my
dorm room i woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of my roommate fooling around
with another guy my roommate was someone who would be who would describe himself as an
introverted socially awkward unattractive alone etc like bam so it's just two dudes
banging this was clearly since the beginning of a roommate relationship i had never seen
him show interest in dating anyone on the rare occasion when he was willing to go out
with me he would just he would usually avoid interaction with the opposite sex i always
assumed he was just shy which he was but it never occurred to me that he might be attractive
to guys homosexual
back to my dorm i was pretending pretending to be asleep because i didn't really know
how to respond in that situation or how my roommate would feel if he got caught in the
act i imagine how awkward it would be like having to like because the dorm room is usually
like just really like like both right next to each other right side by side and like
your your your roommate's just like uh you're gonna take that dick and then the guy's like
i'm gonna take that dick and i what the fuck he's trying to get some sleep and then they
fall yeah uh this was uncharted territory as silly as it sounds like just like his asshole
i didn't want to assume my roommate was openly gay or bi just because he was low key hooking
up with a random guy next to me low key and so i reacted by not reacting at all i'll admit
it was an awkward situation not just because i could hear whispering and kissing and moaning
all kinds of other noises that made it clear to me that both guys were real into it
they're just going fucking bareback and he just like three feet away i would fuck i would
not here's here's the etiquette everybody if you're in college put something you guys
need to have a uh like a a symbol or a routine that if there's a rubber band or a sock or
something rubber band probably better like something nondescript and like you're like
there's a rubber band around the doorknob on the outside that means he's fucking somebody
i better go sleep on the i guess on the water fountain in the park because i got nowhere
else to go don't just come fuck somebody with your roommate sleeping like like no kidding
like a foot away from you yeah i mean like uh sorry i like making noise but i don't know
like it's just it's awkward you know yeah but also be like jacking off in your friend's
house after he sleeps right like well i gotta check up somehow yeah you don't do that always
do that uh all right he continues uh but also because i was lying on my side for too long
and my arm was beginning to go numb i was forced to switch sides and face the action
come on now you you could lie in your but my eyes were still closed you could lie in
your stomach and still faced against the wall don't you lie to me he won his butt exposed
what do you mean you can just or you can lie in your bureau your your back and look up
at the sky you didn't want to be you don't talk he's just making shit up i know he is
uh at this moment yeah i had to look so i had to turn that way to sleep bullshit there's
like six thousand ways to sleep uh he but at this moment i heard one of them whisper
bro i thought your roommate was like i don't know asian
what the fuck does that matter i suddenly opened up my eyes i suddenly opened up my
eyes and noticed two random naked guys in my roommate's bed both of them were too high
and horny to realize that they were in the wrong dorm until it was too late so where
the fuck is he there his roommate if the if the two of them didn't whisper the whole fucking
time i probably would have uh picked up that none of them sounded like my roommate the
gay guys apologizing for canvassing my roommate's bed in fuck fluids and took off i made them
stand up ass naked sorry bro sorry bro i changed the sheets and cleaned up the mess before
my actual roommate returned to his bed one early hours in the morning after apparently
working most of the night i want to clean shit just laying it i would have been like
hey man these two guys fucked on your bed believe me
i was not his favorite person whenever i explained to him what happened no kidding i mean i was
never forgot to lock my door he probably didn't believe him either probably not why'd you
fuck on my bed bro i never forgot to lock my dorm room since that night and my roommate
is still reminding me that i owe him brand new bed sheets why do i owe him i don't owe
him shit because apparently he didn't lock the door so
but i didn't fuck on my man all righty i thought your roommate was asian that makes more sense
then user names are so stupid uh next one is by potatoes in my butt now i imagine a
whole potato someone else's asshole uh a buddy was having a small new year's party at his
house we have been chilling for a few hours drinking smoking listening to music then all
of a sudden my buddy's mom comes in the room to chill us chill with us my friend let's
kill uh my friend his wife and his bro left to go make some barbecue so now it's just
me and his mom oh in the room oh red flags everywhere her and i were talking and listening
to music uh his mom is probably in her late 60s early 70s not really good that's my type
not really good looking it was really my type now smokes like a chimney and is married three
or four from far from me i don't know what the hell came over me last night something
about restarted fucking something about her cop minding so i sat next to her put my arm
around her hey baby how you doing i'm doing okay how you doing she did not like that uh
reject that at all i quickly removed my arm from her my buddy found out instead of everyone
else they wanted me to leave the party with that don't you know how we go in my head right
i for whatever reason he took his shoes off right so now in dead silence with everybody
staring and he's slowly putting his fucking shoe stock in the awkward side of this everybody
just mean mugging him he's putting one shoe lace on it i forget we're just today rejected
by a second year old oh this is a very stupid thing to do and i'm completely embarrassed
by this also now things probably won't be the same between my buddy and i
no you don't do you think hon no you know all right uh last one uh it is by zard four
this person puts i a straight male just saw poor things incredible movie highly recommend
by myself and in the middle of it i had to go to the bathroom part of things poor things
i know salt burn was a movie that has traumatized the entire uh movie going community last year
yes so poor thing sounds something similar i cannot place my finger on what it is though
i feel like i should know what it is and if it hits me i'd be like oh yeah you know you
know that moment where light young uh light uh get it finds a death note again and he
returns all his memories yeah that's what i'm feeling right now the minute i figure
out what poor things is oh yeah that's so i yeah just say it i was alone with the urinal
whenever i realized that i had to take a shit and at that moment another guy walked in and
started pissing too older guy kind of fat glasses balding that motherfucker they're
striving down to his teeth huh it's so short uh i reconsidered taking a shit because of
the awkwardness with my new companion my dad considered husky light but but knew i'd regret
it uh once i returned to my seat so i stopped pissing and went to the handicapped stall
behind me to do the business oh i immediately realized it was a good call because this was
going to be explosive damn bro we all know the feeling and out of respect for him and
his nostrils i decided to wait until he left to unleash i could kind of see him through
the crack of the stall you know it's right in front of me but he wasn't leaving do you
want to hear a funny bib from sebastian uh mark i forget his name and i don't want to
like like steal his jokes so his name is sebastian he's italian i forget his last name but oh
the guy that uh where he wears those shoes constantly and everything those like dress
shoes uh he's got the like gray stripe or whatever kind of in this hair yeah and he's
always like aren't you embarrassed yeah yeah he was he was saying like he was hooking up
with his uh he was like no he went to his girlfriend his new he was dating this woman
went to her like they went out to dinner they had ice cream but he's lactose intolerant
but he bit the bullet and he ate it then he went home we went to her place to watch a
movie then he asked if she could use her bathroom because the ice cream hit him yeah hard so
he goes to the bathroom he runs the shower he runs the the bathtub he runs every every
thing he could and then he says like and he says like something and the the joke the lead-up
joke is that he like he was farting in her towels to mask the sound of his farts he was
doing everything he can so she wouldn't hear him and i'm i i remember because it's on
youtube that's as special as yeah i rewound that same scene like six times and every single
i was farting in your bath towels to mask the sound i was like man that was funny uh
all right where was uh oh uh i could see him through the crack of the stole as he was right
in front of me but he wasn't leaving he actually turned 90 degrees uh and uh perpendicular
to the urinal and me what the fuck and for what felt like eternity he appeared to be
adjusting his pants or something the thought and he wants he chat
i don't know why i thought that the thought creeps in like is he doing what i think he's
doing there's no way he can't that doesn't happen in real life oh uh he's just adjusting
his belt right then i saw what i feared most would occur and he whipped out his fucking
dick and start this joke in his limping i know people way too well yes you do i told
you i'm a detective i was in shock i'm not i know people too well luckily i had a counter
attack of my own you started fucking bobbing huh
just started letting loose huh like the brown bobber
they off teach you you son of a bitch so you just started letting them lose huh that's
it you gotta compose yourself
i immediately unleashed my explosive shit and thank god i sent in fumbling and screaming
boy hey the anonymously poor things was so good i immediately returned to my seat to
finish the movie and didn't fully realize what occurred until after the film i had no
problem with homosexuality how is that even close to homosexuality that's more like exhibitionism
yes but that was uncalled for and i've been uncomfortable something well i would experience
at the theaters i don't know if that's a gay pickup spot or what but be careful in movie
theater bathrooms oh yeah poor thing just that movie with uh emma stone and uh she's
like naked and doing crazy sex scenes the whole movie oh yeah she has a she has a black
bush if you're ever curious emma stone yeah oh god he's just like yeah what did he go
see poor things got so entranced by emma stone he went to the bathroom started jacking off
you couldn't do it in a stall at least
er tg son of a bitch take my erection now
people are people you think people are weird but they're not they are that is distinctly
a human thing people are that's how they are they turn to the 90 in 90 degrees so i can
see them yeah that's the weird part if he had his back to him he was doing this you
can still tell he was jacking up i wonder i wonder like psychologically what that guy
gets out of doing that i don't know and how he would assume to be no one i mean like well
no he knew that he went in there because he was standing right beside him right maybe he
just likes the idea of someone being in the vicinity of him doing something well he probably
seen him looking through the crack you think he was watching him yeah maybe he's like looking
through the crack because he's trying to be quiet and he's like he just wanted to watch
and then he's like oh shit but the word of uh scream he sent him scream like a rat i
still wish that day we had two perspectives of the same situation yes like a week a week
or two later right you bring another one you're like so i was at the watching poor things
i went to the bathroom and uh i took a piss this guy went into the stall and i just i
got this urge to just jack off so we get his look shit and then he just started shitting
so loud i just i i got overcome by emma stone i just had to start jacking and then i just
nasty disgusting fucking sewage of a human being started blowing chunks i just like i
just i had to run i couldn't deal with it i ran away and haven't been the same since
whatever they also sat next like like a like one in front of the other one in the movie
book you know what i mean we're funny we're hilarious we at least ended on a funny one
oh that was wild is he doing what i think he's doing yes he is believe me i've seen
some weird shit i saw a guy once i was uh restocking some items and the woman was like
not next to me but she was in the same aisle and her boyfriend popped up and she's like
how you like this hot dog we had his whole fucking dick out and she was all giggling
i was like it's not what you wanted to see that day and now see a lot of weird shit i
was even more dick in the flea market than i care to mention them bathrooms are wild
did i tell you about the man that was laying on the inside the stall did i yeah yeah yeah
there was a man he fell asleep in in the stall of the bathroom and uh i go in and there's
a crowd okay let me back up the story so i go into the stall and you never go into a
stall after six o'clock at a flea market that serves alcohol because that shit is a it is
a war zone i go in and there's a crowd of people because like it's it's a long hallway
and along the hallway is the urinals there's another threshold after the threshold is a
row of there's like a a curve of sinks and then on the right side of the curve is uh
the the the toilets uh there's like four of them three small ones and a big one for handicap
and uh so there was a crowd of people uh hanging around the the the sink and i'm like what
the hell are they doing someone getting robbed again so i go in there because i got a piss
i don't give a damn who's getting robbed so i go in there and i look and i look over
and this guy's just laying in like all lengthwise he's laying basically in two in two uh toilets
and two toilet stalls his ass is completely out sticking out of the bottom of the fucking
toilet bare ass he's he's sleeping in a pile in a puddle of uh urine and he just passed
out he was drunk people thought he got he was dead or he got beat up i know a sleeping
guy when i see one and i could tell from the angle there's no uh a threat like any violence
in on this person and uh i guess it's the the the drawbacks of being a detective minded
i could already tell it wasn't a crime scene and then i get out of the stall and the security
guard had woken him up and this guy in the stall he looked like he was five two when
he got up he was a fucking six foot six i don't know how the fuck you fit in that stall
ass out to the wind like bare ass out to the wind no less but man they get wild in them
toilets that's what you avoid them i am or you go earlier yes or you get to go to the
porta potties i never use a journal because i just feel like someone come up behind you
pin your biggest wall and your pants are already down game over i will never use the hurdle
you're too vulnerable yes you usually need two dicks to hold your pants and your dick
one to hold your pants and one to hold your dick unless you're the lucky one you got to
use both things we'll both have for one day be like butters and pull your home pants off
fucking floor and then he lifts his shirt up too remember the one time he took he was
pissing and he's uh carmen was taking a dump he's like who's dropping bombs in there how
about a curtsy flush then carmen's like shut up butters because carmen was in the toilet
just blowing that bitch up like who's dropping bombs in there
all right anything else said before we head out tonight look at eye hurts from laughing
no i guess not what is what is what is their dad don't check off don't check off in public
that would be the more well this if you guys enjoy those public sex like where people have
sex in public or or like in a supermarket or or a fucking uh auto mechanic place or
or an ice cream truck uh those are staged scenes they are not real you will go to jail
yes you absolutely will if they if you if you see people fucking in a movie or in a
in a scene and it's in the supermarket that's in my it's close for the day or they know
someone owns that supermarket they let them film that for that day do not fuck in a supermarket
no don't pull your titties out in the supermarket don't uh damn that dude just whipped his whole
dick out hey like that i'll never forget that nasty shit he said all right well with that
we will see you guys on the next public service announcement don't fucking public