Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I'm Michael. I'm Noe. And we are the Knights
of Entertainment podcast covering your favorite and undone movies, games, comic books, anime,
and more weekly. We appreciate you being here. Let's go ahead and start off with some urban
dictionary today. Yeah, let's let's pretend I have a whole set ready to go. And I'm not
digging through these randomly. This one just says rat queen drink rat water and you will
shall become a rat queen. I guess that's in the hood. I don't know. You're going to be
a hood rat. You drink hood water. Dirty or chat. It's get you fucked that goes back on
the. That's what chat does a Mexican drink. Yeah, that's a big drink. Yeah. Yeah. Lila
Rossi Lila Rossi. Oh boy. This is a long one. Oh God. The evil ass Italian bitch from Miraculous
Ladybug said it with Hawk Moss sweating Marionette Chloe and Kagome and lie with her ever
breath and makes makes rugs look like looking pathetic. But yeah, my dumb ass friend still
defends it with the she's not evil or she's just a child like several others do for her.
Hashtag fuck Lila Rossi. Well, God, this lady hates Lila Rossi. Hey man, some characters
they just they're so good at what they do. They just build that I are like Topher. Yeah.
I know that kid can never work at anything really ever again. He's gonna have to live
off those royalties or dye his hair to where people don't know who he is. He got real typecast.
Yeah. It was hard not to see him as anything else. Yeah. Was he in anything else? Uh, I
don't know if he's in any other shows or anything. Oh, like some people, maybe some people just
like they they act for a little bit. They make some money and then they just like play,
especially like kids, right? Yeah, they grow up. They just move and they don't like wash
out. They just like maybe move on to something else. Like like the what are those kids from
Cody and Zach or like the sweet life is Zach and Cody. Yeah. They grew up to they went
to college. They they they studied hard. They do one different endeavors and they came back
to act a little bit. I mean, think about it. You're only going to think of that dude that
played Jamie Lannister as a as an incest loving motherfucker. Oh, man loves him. So let me
see what else we can find here. There's got to be something on there. I'm sure there's
something stupid and crazy. There's a thousand here. You also have to be very careful about
what you can cancel right off the bat. I'm sure I've said something on this is the longest
entry I've ever seen. Holy crap. Let's not do that. Well, maybe I should. What is it?
It just says Notre Dame prep. Notre Dame prep. Yeah. You know, you went to NDP when your
collection of ribbons grew to be larger than your wardrobe. You still wear your saddle
shoes because they are so they are so worn and uncomfortable. Your blue dress is a multitude
of holes and rips and you wouldn't have any other way. It's like Notre Dame like alum.
I guess. Yeah. But you're only going to get this if you're an alum of Notre Dame. I guess
so. This poor guy's name is Joe. Small dick ugly thought. Thin girls like him, but he
looked like a smush skittle. Smush skittle. Yeah. Tore that man apart. My God. How ugly
do you have to look like a smush skittle? You look like a face so flat you can bite
a wall. This comedian said a long time ago, I never forgot that line. Can you imagine
how flat your face had to be to bite a wall? My God. Fucking hammerhead. This is called
tampoon fishing. When you accidentally fuck your girl while her tampon is tampon. Did
I say tampon? The tampon? The tampon is on. You were real redneck with that one. You know
it isn't tampon. The tampon is still in her pussy, thereby pushing it in deeper into
her vagina. Oh God. When you finish it, of course you have to retrieve the tampon and
push it out of her vagina. Yeah, no, I'm good. I don't need that. Menstrual sex is not for
me. Sorry. Same. I don't do well with blood. You don't do well with a lot of body fluids?
Alright, let's cycle out. No, wait. Wait. Tag along twat. A guy slash girl that is so
pathetic they follow other couples around to parties and around school and ruin their
fun. I can see that. They don't understand that there's only ass to be tagged along out
of pity and oblivious to realize they are not liked and people are always saying we're
dying. Goddamn. Took a little bit of a turn there. A little bit, yeah. I just wanted them
to die. I was like damn. I have the other sit in them when couples will invite you right
and you don't want to go because you don't want to be a third wheel and it's boring as
fuck. Yeah, I can definitely see that. Pressing as hell too. I never like to be a third wheel.
I will never be a third wheel again. Again? Never again. Only because it was Infinity
Wars. Yeah, I don't like that thing. This one's called Johnny Depp. Oh God. When you're
giving a guy a blood jump and he comes in your mouth with no warning and you're just
been Johnny Depp'd. It's better than Amber Herdhan. Yeah, everything's better than that.
We wake up and she shit beside you. That is a weird thing to, like that's not a rational
adult thing to do. Take a dump on a bed. I didn't say it was the dog. Out of spite.
I didn't say it was the dog. Like that's not a dog sized shit ma'am. They didn't have a
master. You know what it was the Chihuahua it's like that Chihuahua did not push up
out Lord. By the Lord it was shaking so much trying to get that shit. Let's see what else
we got. Nope. Nope. Nope. That's got the N word. Nope. Try reading one of those entries without
saying it. Wow. Yeesh. Nope. Frundle. Frundle. Female grundle the narrow strip of skin between
the butthole of the snatch. I've heard of a frundle. No. You remember this boxel porn
that big stash of triple x rated VHS tapes and DVDs that you keep hidden from your wife
from that 40 year old version. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a box of porn. The Ouija board. Yeah
it'll definitely invite evil spirits into your home like the exorcist or the evil dad.
Like does it sound like from experience like. Yeah. See I don't fuck with any of that though.
It's like no I'm good. I don't mean to be bad luck. It's like it's just better not to
have the bad luck. Flexible Hungarian. The satchelites are sucking your own dick while
thinking about the tree tree on treaty. Who does that. What's a tree. T. R. I. A. N. O.
N. Try on try non the Trinon treaty. Trinon treaty. Let me click on it. Oh God. Try not
a place where young cougar hunters live. So you're blowing yourself. Nothing about cougars.
A place where cougars are. They got the friggin treaty of Versailles on here. Well it's used
for every country to take the piss out of Germany and put it into the World War One.
The treaty said certain requirements that Germany had to accomplish had to agree on
in the common force were completely unfair to Germany. Make sure Germany had no real
choice but to agree. Germany got fucked over. To. I think it was legitimate. I think it
was legitimate. It's an actual definition. That was some nerd that didn't realize that
urban dictionary has no actual like purpose besides laughing. Bootleg ass. Something similar
fake or a copy of something or some or someone or something. Bootlegs. That's a bootleg.
People adding extra words. This is the N word. This is the N word. This means shit that he's
rewrote it around. Yes it is the N word. This one just says Danny Phantom. Some of your
data and suddenly replies a lot less. Maybe it says that they've been busy not quite ghosting
but almost. Danny Phantom huh? That's a good one though. Call somebody a Danny Phantom.
Tank sexual. Tankies who are only sexually attracted to other tankies. Tanky. Tanky.
Is that bad? I'm sorry if it is. No it's not. Are you looking at me? It's a slur against
people in the Thomas the Tank Engine Twitter fandom. I'm so sorry. Wow. Look at all those
fucking tankies. That's fucked up. Why are they going? What's with the? That's a fandom
for Thomas the Tank Engine? Yes there's people that go around following it. Well good for
you. I guess. You say she's grown fast all night real fast. He's like fucking tankies.
Why does that sound like it should be back? It's almost like that old Tosh Daniel Tosh
skit where he's like do you find this offensive? I don't know if you remember that one or not.
He did a lot of stuff. He had a group of different ethnicities. He's like does anybody here find
this word offensive? Oh yeah. The most random shit. He was just like marking them out when
they did it. Yeah I remember that. And it was like what made it funny was how serious
he was trying to be and how comedic he was saying. But he kept such a straight face.
But the words he said. Like the randomest words. Like he called it. He said gobstopper.
Is anybody offended whenever I say gobstopper? It's a little Asian lady. He's like really?
I remember that yeah. I haven't seen that in a long time. You gotta be careful with
Tosh.0 though. Sometimes that shit is grotesque. There was one really nasty one that I could
not watch. We'll just think he's got his own podcast now called The Tosh Show. And he
said it's illegal. He gets far away from the word Tosh.0 that he can get without getting
sick. Really? He can't use Tosh.0? No. Why? Because Comedy Central owns it. So what about
the Daniel Tosh Show? That's why he calls it Tosh Show. Because people know Tosh.0 right?
As close as he can get to Tosh.0. So like talk show and Daniel Tosh put together? Yeah.
Tosh Show. Smart. And the people that he's interviewed so far is fucking just. It's stupid.
He interviewed his wife's gynecologist. He's interviewed this lady that is like a new wave
hipster. And then he interviewed his French friend. Fuck friend. Just random shit. Bubble
sucker. Bubble sucker? What? The unfortunate consequence of too much air being blown up
the anus during the act of giving a rim job. There's nothing in gases being omitted back
into the giver's mouth. That one gotcha. It's almost as bad as falling in shit. Oh it's
not nothing. It's fucking falling in literal shit. Yeah but this shit might fall on you.
God. They start giving you a person a bubblegit. That one's racist. Not that one. That's the
word I'm looking at. He's going through it like that's racist. I can't do that one. No.
Urban Dictionary has quite a few racist entries. Involuntary protein spill. The British for
jizzing in your pants. Oh God. I don't know. How do you think people are actually just
busting their own? Yeah like they have some self control. Busting is like you're standing
in line all of a sudden. Everyone's looking at you while you're standing there. Eight
fucking deep line. Spilling the coconut. Oh boy. Using the spoon to separate the lips
of the vagina then using this spoon to eat her vaginal fluids like a soup. Ew. No I'm
good. I'm good with all the fluid shit. Dreams. We'll let that one go. Huh? Let me see. Oh
yeah. How many we got so far? Are we good? Yeah we're good. I need to do one more. This
one just says subway asshole. The obnoxious fucker replaced Jared Fogel on Subway's TV
commercials. Okay. Would you rather have a subway asshole or pedophile? Your choice.
I mean how bad was the subway asshole? That's what this guy seems to be trying to say. Like
wait a minute. Hold on now. But he lost it on me. Subway family. Of all things. I bet
she's getting a lot of footlongs in prison. Five dollar footlong. Do the commercial Jared.
Oh come on. I did it eight times. Do it. Do the commercial. Then make him hold up a pair
of overweight pants. Then we have to do the five dollar footlong. He's got to do the jingle.
He can't just say it. He's got to do the full song. You know he probably has like if we're
being honest he's got like his shirt tucked over into the rim so it like it just comes
to his titties. You know what I mean? I can already tell. That's why I'll never forget
the South Park thing where they said you know we do have one white person here. They let
him out. I was like Jared? Yeah Jared freaking Jared God dang Fogel. And he would like put
a sandwich right on his crotch and just smash it in your face. Because your face was leveled
to his crotch. It was like a special attack. I played the shit out of that game. South
Park the Fractured But Whole. I got so good at it that I played it on the hardest difficulty
with the hardest character. A black. I do find that funny. The difficulty goes by how dark
your skin is. But he fucked up. You know what's funny about that is Morgan Freya won't fight
you if you're black. Really? Yeah like you hit him as much as you want right? He's like
you don't want to do that new kid. Don't try it new kid. And then I went back to the guy
that lets you change your skin color. I made myself Hispanic like me. Went back there and
he beat the shit out of me. Because he's the hardest boss in the game. He's the secret
boss. He's a fucking beast. Just fucked you completely up. He did. It took a lot but with
my strategies and my tactics I was good to go. It was a war of attrition. I once had
Butters lose his health. He lost his full health like it's an achievement. He got into a fight.
And if your character could lose their full amount of health. So let's say the health
is like 139. If they lose 139 times 5 in the entire match you get the achievement. I had
Butters on it. He was basically a corpse standing. He got stomped the fuck out and I would not
let him die. I kept reviving. Like I don't know if I can keep going new kid. I don't
know. I'm going to get real fucked. He took such a fucking beating. He would be like on
two points of health and I'd fill him up again. Because he was a buffer. So my other team
can fight the people down below. And he kept the boss up top busy. He was getting the shit
beat out. Like the actual cell. Yeah. Until I beat them down enough the lower guys to
circle the boss. But man. Butters. He's a true friend. I don't know. I'm feeling real
bad right now. I don't know. My bottom is real sore. You guys ever seen that episode
but it's fucking hilarious. I guess that's it for definitions. Alrighty for our cancel
essential. I'm sure there's going to be somebody that's fine. It's fine. For our little recap
today we have fairy tale episode one through ten. Because if I go any past that it's quite
a few episodes. I'm not going to be doing all of them. It's the first little small arc
of fairy tale which is ten episodes. Make it easier for everybody. Kind of give you
an idea of what the show is. I think we've done episode one a while back. Yeah. It was
a fire guy. Yeah. Not to not to drag Neil. So episode one is called the fairy tale. Lucy
Hart failure a celestial wizard who wants to join the fairy tale wizard's guild is nearly
hypnotized by a flirtatious wizard named Salamander and to become in one of his admirers. She
is inadvertently saved by not to drag Neil and his cat partner happy. They miss a because
they mistake Salamander for Igneel a fire dragon that they were searching for at this
point. Although Lucy buys the two travelers a Mellis thanks they feel indebted and promise
to reproply repay her at some point. Later Salamander invites Lucy to a yacht party and
exchange for membership into the fairy tale guild and tending to smuggle her and other
young girls he has kidnapped. To a race. To like an Epstein. I don't like Gary Fogle.
Not soon happy rescue Lucy again and expose Salamander as the imposter named Bora. Nasu
defeats Bora with dragon flayer magic revealing himself to be the real Salamander or nicknamed
real Salamander and unwittingly destroys the port and the process. The higher port. Good
job. He then advised Lucy to actually join fairy tale which she happily accepts as they
flee from the intervening army. It's like he just the end of the episode just them booking
it while the entire army chases them. Episode two is called fire dragon monkey and bull.
Fire dragon monkey and bull. Yeah. So not soon happy bring Lucy to the fairy tale guild
hall in Magnolia which is the town that fairy tale guild is in. Where that is she officially
joins the guild. Lucy overhears a young boy named Romeo convolt arguing with the guild
master Makarov over the disappearance of his father Macchio. Or yeah. Macchio. Yeah. I'm
trying to remember how it was pronounced in the show. Sympathizing with Romeo due to the
disappearance of Igneel his own father. Nasu sets out to find Macchio himself with Lucy
and happy accompanying him. The three encounter a monkey like Vulcan monster which is like
a gigantic ape basically. They call him Vulcan monster. Donny apes. The monster kidnaps Lucy
not to allows the Vulcan not to follow the Vulcan to the cave but it's thrown outside
into into a crevice. So the monkey grabs him and just tosses him out of the cave. Lucy
summons her bulls with celestial spirit Taurus to fight the Vulcan but not to re-enters the
cave and knocks out Taurus whom he mistakes for another monster. Not to defeat the market
the Vulcan eventually and discovers it to be Macchio transit had transformed basically
he's being possessed by that monster. After Macchio is healed not to Lucy and happy reunite
him with his son Romeo at the end of the episode. But it's just like a pure comedy episode because
Nazis always doing stupid shit just running in for no reason. And then the celestial spirit
Taurus is obsessed with Lucy. Like it's in love with her. We thought show me that body
Lucy. It's like you if you were the bull. What I am a decent gentleman I would never.
Show me them titties. What them titties do. Episode 3 is called infiltrate to the Everloo
mansion. So not to unhappy appear uninvited within Lucy's new apartment. Were they just
there? They just show up. Kicking the door down. Well she is subtly dim. Lucy demonstrates
her magic by summoning a celestial spirit that she names Plue. Who suggests that the
three who suggests that the three wizards form a team. Not to tricks Lucy into accepting
a job to steal a book entitled Daybreak from a repulsive owner Duke Everloo. Which requires
you to be hired as a maid. It's always like hey we can do this job but you have to dress
up as a maid to get in. He basically forces her to do it. Tricks her into doing it. They
arrive at the town of Shirosumi and learn that their client Caby Mellon has changed
the job to destroying the book and greatly increases the reward to 2 million jewels.
Which is their currency. When Everloo rejects Lucy and insults her appearance the three
infiltrate his mansion and steal the book. He basically says you're not my type. Cause
she's supposed to be like the hot girl in the anime itself. But he likes women that
are like just god awful ugly. That's the exact opposite of what you would expect of a creep.
He's like oh god you're so unattractive. And then you look at the woman that's the
maid that he does like and they all look like apes. Like just god awful hairy armed and
ugly. So Lucy flees into the sewers and discovers the book's hidden secrets before Everloo catches
her. While Natsu defeats Everloo's bodyguards the Vanish Brothers. Episode 4 is called Dear
Caby. So in this episode Lucy learns that the Everloo blackmail day breaks deceased
author Kimu Zalian into writing the book for him while in solitary confinement for three
years. Lucy summons her crowd spirit cancer since she's a celestial wizard. She basically
she can summon celestial beings basically like from another realm to aid her basically that
she forms contracts with. The most powerful are zodiac signs and she possesses a few of
those keys so cancer isn't that so she has a horse. She needs a Capricorn. That's all
she needs. She gets that eventually later on down the road. So yeah it's a goat that
dresses in a men in black suit with sunglasses. Nine inch penis. Probably. A goat with a men
in black suit. So Lucy summons her crowd spirit cancer where he's a hairdresser. So
he got the bull which is Taurus and carries this axe but he's also a perv and then you
have cancer. He's got these little scissors. He's a hairdresser. Get them highlights in.
That's the Everlu prompting the Duke to summon his own Virgo a monstrous maid spirit to the
shock of both. It's just a god-awful looking maiden. We're fine. Natsu appears alongside
Virgo after grabbing onto her from upstairs. While Natsu and Lucy defeat Everlu and Virgo
they return daybreak to Cabe Kimu's son who intends to preserve his father's honor by
burning the book. However Lucy reveals that the book is secretly Kimu's memoir written
for Cabe persuading him to keep the book. To Lucy's dismay Natsu realizes that Cabe
has no money and declines the two million jewel reward. So he's like no no no it's
fine keep it. I got the money. On their way home the three defeat a band of dark wizards
along their guildmate along with their guildmate Gray Foolbuster. One of the wizards utters
lullaby before a magic shadow engulfs him. That's how the episode ends. Is that like
a placebo or like one of those like tablets to kill themselves? Lullaby. Burst into flames?
No no it's a it's another orc that happens later on. Episode five is called the Wizard
in Armor. So we start off Erza Scarlet fairy tale's strongest female wizard and disciplinarian
returns to the guild after an extended absence. To the guild's shock Erza recruits Natsu
and Gray to help her stop the dark guild Eisenwald from acquiring Lullaby a demon flute that
kills all who listen to the music. So that's what Lullaby is. It's a jigglypuff with a
lethal effect. Yeah pretty much. The guild's administrator Mira Jane Strauss implores Lucy
to help keep Natsu and Gray from fighting an angry Erza. Arriving at the town of Onibus
Natsu is accidentally left on the train and assaulted by Kakiyama a shadow wizard from
Eisenwald. Unable to fight back due to his motion sickness because he gets sick every
time he gets on anything that moves. Like just starts vomiting and burping. Natsu catches
a glimpse of Lullaby before his friends rescue him. Kakiyama delivers Lullaby to Eisenwald's
leader Eregor who plans to use the flu for an assassination plot. Episode six is called
Fairies in the Wind. The fairy tale wizards chase Eisenwald to a train station in Oshibana
believing that Eregor intends to broadcast Lullaby's song through the station speakers
to kill innocent civilians. While Natsu and Gray follow Eregor, Erza single-handedly defeats
most of the remaining wizards with her magic weaponry and on her own she fucks everybody
also. After Erza evacuates the city, Eregor traps her and other wizards inside an impenetrable
wind barrier before flying away. Meanwhile Gray learns that Eisenwald wizard Raul, that
wizard, god fucking I can't even speak. Gray learns that the Eisenwald wizard Raul that
Eregor's true targets are Makarov and the other legal guild masters at a conference
in the nearby town of Clover. So basically fairy tales guild leader and the guild leader
of all the other normal guilds are on one town having a conference and their plan is
to use the flute to kill all of them. It's darker than you would expect. Quite the chaos
around the nation I'm assuming. Yeah pretty much because if all the guild leaders are
dead all the guilds kind of fall apart a little bit. Episode 7 is called Flame and Wind. Natsu
defeats Kageyama who Erza determines has the ability to dispel the wind barrier trapping
them inside Oshibana station. Before she can threaten Kageyama into cooperating he is seriously
injured by his guildmate Karaka in an attempt to silence him. As the group thinks of another
way out Happy remembers that Virgo had given him her key to relay to Lucy. So since Virgo
is one of the celestial wizards she's like here give Lucy my key. So that way she can
form a contract with Lucy. Who summons Virgo and uses the spirit of power to burrow out
of and beneath the barrier. Cause that's Virgo's special ability is she can dig. Like a dwarf
kind of yeah. Like she just spins around like a fucking drill. Like the most out of what
you would think is going to have Wonder Woman spinning to cut in your costume type of spin.
The fairy tale wizards take pity on Kageyama and bring him along as well. Natsu and Happy
catch up with Aragore as he flies towards Clover and battle him. Aragore surrounds himself
with a barrier of wind to negate Natsu's attacks. Episode 8 is called the strongest team. Angered
by his inability to breach Aragore's wind armor Natsu intensifies his flames and dissipates
Aragore's spell with the heat defeating him. So basically he without even... If anybody
knows One Piece obviously we've covered One Piece multiple times but Luffy is kind of
like lucky on certain things that happen to him. Natsu's almost the same way. Like things
happen and it's like he does things without knowing they're going to happen. So like he
gets really pissed which causes him to create higher intensity flames which scientifically
forces the wind to create a draft and it goes up with the flames and away from this other
wind magician.
He's one of those like just a subconsciously adept fighter.
Yes, yes. When Natsu's friends catch up with him Kageyama takes Lullaby from Aragore and
escapes to Clover on their magical fueled car to carry out Eisenwald's plot. As he prepares
to kill the guild masters outside the conference hall he is found by Makarov who persuades him
to surrender. However the flute is revealed to contain a gigantic demon created by the
ancient dark wizard Zeref who emerges from the flute and attempts to kill the guild masters
regardless on its own. So it turns into literally a gigantic monster. The flute itself. Natsu,
Grey and Erza vanquish the demon and rescue the guild masters but accidentally demolish
the conference hall in the process.
So they fall in a vat of shit?
They just create rubble.
Okay.
Episode 9 is about Natsu discovers a village or devours a village.
I'm like he just finds another village.
Episode Nats...
When returning home from Clover the starving fairy tale wizard stumble upon a deserted
village with freshly prepared meals lying about. Erza suspects something to miss and
sends the others to find mushrooms in the nearby forest resulting in giant mushrooms
sprouting from Natsu, Grey and Happy's heads after the three eat them.
Weird.
Meanwhile Erza and Makarov discover a magic circle that transforms everything in the village
into giant monsters which the wizards attempt to eat only to find them inedible.
Eat?
Yes.
Eat a circle? What turns them into monsters?
They try they...
It turns the village into giant monsters which the wizards attempt to eat only to find out
them inedible.
It's like food. Like monsters. They're gonna lure the monsters.
Okay okay.
Like they're fucking out of their minds but yes.
The mushrooms. You're messing with the brain huh?
Yes.
After nearly devoured Makarov lifts the spell and freezes villagers trapped inside of the
monsters.
Episode 10 is called Natsu vs Erza.
After returning to Magnolia Natsu duels Erza as a test of strength. However as an emissary
from the magical council interrupts the duel and arrests Erza for charges or for damages
caused during fairy tales conflict with Eisenwald.
She gets arrested for their damage.
With Coral. Seagrain, a council member, warns that Erza should keep her shared past a secret.
Makarov disguises himself as Natsu as a favor for saving his life allowing Natsu to storm
the council headquarters and rescue Erza.
However he discovers that Erza is merely standing in a mock trial for the council to assert
their authority and the two are forced to spend the night in a cell.
So it's all for show for the most part. It wasn't like they were actually gonna do anything
to her. They were just keeping her there as like a show to the country that they're doing
something. Yeah they destroyed a council building.
Right it's all for show.
Natsu tries to resume their match at the guild the next day but she quickly defeats him with
a single punch.
Still determined to prove himself Natsu takes an S class job request with Happy against
Makarov's permission.
Lucy joins them after discovering that the reward includes a zodiac key that she wants
to collect.
So she goes with him.
An S rank mission over there. Those are legit.
It really is for this world.
Like you actually have to be able to you have to be pretty high ranking.
That's how that episode ends.
That's all 10 of the first episode to Fairy Tale.
Fairy Tale is done with.
It's kind of like a one piece Naruto kind of combination.
Like it's got a lot of shounen style combat and stuff like that.
It's not but the only thing that the only knock I'll give it is there's a lot of plot
devices.
Where it's like plot armor.
Like mostly later on to where it's like the power of friendship.
Oh one of those oh boy.
Not too far of a degree it's not like a it's not like Captain Universe level.
There's some that comes up in that show.
Captain Planet.
The power of love.
Unfortunately I'll be.
Alright ready for Reddit.
Alright first one is by the Bogart.
The Bogart where he holds the Moria in his sway.
I know.
Oh by the way these are all today I fucked ups.
So we're away from retail for this week.
This person puts this happened many years ago but I was still a young man in college
but the story actually starts about 18 years before that whenever I was a baby.
My god.
I know.
He's going back real far here.
That's a world building to do.
Like most kids I hated getting soap in my eyes in the bath.
Even the gentle baby shampoo would send me into a rage.
My dad being the intrepid problem solving sort with a penchant for over engineering
came up with a sort of 360 degree visor that my hair would stick through.
Then they could wash my hair and the soapy water would just roll off.
It was great.
Funnish with goggles on it.
What it kind of looked like a flower on my head.
So my parents would say I was flowering while showering.
Eventually the og visor got mildew and was disposed of.
My dad made a few more over the years.
He ultimately stopped when he decided that I should be able to wash my hair without getting
soap in my eyes.
But I wasn't having any of it and started making my own.
Over time flower hats for this exact purpose became mass produced and I switched over to
just buying them as needed.
Never got soap in my eyes.
It was great.
Well by the time I was 20 and living in my own apartment in college I still hadn't kicked
the old flower hat.
I was showering while showering every day living my best life.
I don't understand like you just don't wash your fucking hair.
What is all these extra devices?
Cause he was scared to get soap in his eyes.
By the age of 20.
Closed your fucking eyes.
You're not having eyelids?
He's on the stairs.
Wash.
Is he one of those that can't close his eyes in the bathroom?
Maybe.
That's the he is so over complicated with his bullshit.
Yeah.
So I was flowering while showering every day living my best life.
See a cute girl staying in my place and suggesting that we take a shower together before fucking.
She asked me to wash her hair and brush conditioners through it.
Which take off the flower hat.
How sexy would that look baby?
Which apparently felt really good to her.
It was a major turn on.
When I was done she offered to wash my hair.
I didn't think that would do anything for me but I said sure.
I then reached out of the shower for the drawer where I kept my flower hat and put it on.
She laughed and thought I was joking even after I explained what it was.
But then I think she noticed how it kind of looked weird and old and used.
And that it would be strangely elaborate to keep a flower hat in my bathroom for the occasional
joke.
To her credit she washed my hair while I wore it.
You should marry that woman because there's no fucking way.
We did.
We didn't mention them having sex that night.
No.
You don't know.
You don't say.
She didn't find you attractive.
You put your fucking cap on.
To her it blocks your eyes.
Because your dumb ass can't close your fucking eyes.
I can't remember her explanation but after she left the next morning she didn't return
any of my calls or messages.
No shit.
I didn't stop flowering while showering immediately after that.
I wish she'd stop fucking saying that and she's going to be burning my fucking brain
flowering while showering for the rest of my fucking life.
Flowering while showering.
My kids are going to be like, Dad can we get to these flowers?
You close your fucking eyes.
And I just rub fucking some of their fucking eyeballs.
Now you know what it feels like.
I'll show you flowering while showering.
I would just say, oh, I washed my hair already if the situation came up again.
But whenever I met my now wife I knew it was time to give it up.
So I no longer flower while I shower.
All you motherfuckers.
If I just live with the occasional pain of getting soap in my eyes.
Bro, just what the fuck is he talking about?
What the fuck is he talking about?
He is driving me insane.
Why is he- How are you getting soap in your eyes?
Just close your fucking eyes.
What is it?
I don't understand what the fuck he is talking about.
I've never gotten soap in my eyes like that.
No.
If it happens it's just an accident.
You rub your face with the fucking water.
What what what?
Is he fucking?
Does he have his fucking eyes bolted open?
Yeah, like the whole fucking time.
But that was by far.
If I had a comment on there I'd be like, bro, what the fuck are you talking about?
Just close your fucking eyes.
You know what I mean?
Like there has got to- there cannot be real.
People are stupid.
But you better believe whenever I have had kids I immediately got them flower hats.
I bet you more fucking lives too, yeah.
My wife thinks they're brilliant.
She had no idea of my dark past.
And every once in a while I look at my kids flower hats and I hear them calling to me,
beckoning me to don them.
I haven't come yet but I think it's only a matter of time.
No weirdo.
He wants to flower while he showers again?
Now you're never going to forget flower while showering.
Flower while showers?
What a dumb motherfuckers.
Next one is by- And he has kids too?
I know.
To carry on this dumb jeet.
This dumb tradition.
Next one is by Ugly Duckling2005.
So I know when he was born.
Um.
It's person pits.
I'm 18.
I had been fantasizing about an escort so I could finally get laid.
I had a three hour window today with no one home.
I live with my mom and she would kick my ass if she caught me.
I found an average looking big titty ass woman.
Wait.
No.
You're telling me he wanted to hook up with an escort.
You find.
You do what you do.
You got the money.
If you got the money.
You're telling me you had a window of three hours in your house.
Why don't you just go to a hotel room?
I'm sure she would find one.
If you couldn't.
What compels people to do the dumbest thing they can think of?
Yeah that's kind of what he did though.
So he found a big titty ass woman on a website with a decent price of $100 that lived in
a better area of town.
So she lives in a better spot than they do?
Well she must be making bank.
So I used Uber to get there.
I had a BBBBJ.
BBBBJ?
Don't know what the fuck that's that.
What the fuck is that?
Is that literally what it says on there?
Yes.
How many B's is it?
Three.
BBB?
J.
Now you're going to wonder what that stands for.
My homie for the rest of my life.
He got a BBBBJ.
Does he have a stutter or something?
Then fuck for the condom.
Mind you I'm a virgin so putting on a condom was new.
I did have a general idea of how.
Asked her if it looked okay.
She said yes.
The moment I entered it was so anticlimactic.
I was expecting heaven whenever I entered but it just felt exactly like my $20 pocket
from Amazon.
At least you know nothing you're not going to be used to.
It honestly didn't feel that good but I just went with the flow.
We did missionary, doggy, and cowgirl.
Then back to missionary.
As I was pulling out to take a breather I noticed that there was no condom anymore.
She?
She's a fucking disintegrator?
Who are the ones with the dollars?
Her juices just melted her away.
She now standing up pulls it out of her vagina.
Kind of laughs it off and says how did that happen?
We then do BJ as that was her last condom for like 20 minutes and I couldn't finish
for the life of me.
I say it's all good in the end.
Now I'm scared shitless that I have an STD or STI.
What do I do?
Go to a doctor.
Don't hire a whore.
That would be your first for $100.
You gotta go up in price on that one like at least a couple grand.
Get yourself a good one.
Buy a $100 whore.
$100 is not enough you know what I mean?
Next one is by Dr. Knight098.
My wife loves the way I smell after I shower.
She tells me this so this is nothing new.
After we got off work today I helped her make dinner because she was so tired.
This is normally her responsibility in the household as she is the chef and I am not.
She was really thankful and after eating and laying on me got turned on.
I fed into it and started dirty talk, nibbling her ear, kissing her neck and groping her.
We're on the couch touching each other preparing to get into the main course she whispered.
I want something.
To me so I looked in her eyes and with seriousness of King addressing his troops say do you want
my pee pee?
She recoiled in disgust and said to forget it.
This happened two weeks ago and she's still refusing to do anything sexual with me.
I'm getting desperate.
I don't really see what I did was that bad.
Any advice on how to fix my mistake would be appreciated.
Edit.
His name is Vladimir not Mr. Winky.
Vladimir.
Isn't him his penis?
He named it Vladimir for the Impaler.
Mine's always been Priapus.
Like God a cock.
Alright next one is by.
I don't want to fucking fuck the name.
I'll fuck it up.
That bad huh?
Bunch of letters that don't go together.
So first it puts context.
I'm 26.
My mom and I were not close while I was growing up and to be honest we still aren't.
This is actually in seventh or eighth grade.
My friends and I were eating lunch in the cafeteria and someone started squirting ketchup
onto their food and someone said it looks like pre-cum and everyone laughed.
I kind of chuckled to seem like I knew what it meant.
Ketchup?
The water.
Oh the water.
Okay I'm like.
The water that comes out first?
I hope so.
You better go to a doctor because pre-cum is red.
But I had no clue what they meant and thought pre-cum was a word related to something mundane.
But that was supposed to be funny.
Very sheltered by me.
You know the story.
I mean it's the structure of the story right?
If you know stories you know how this is going.
And in fact he brought up his mom before the story and then the inciting incident being
the pre-cum thing.
I can already guess he's going to ask his mom what it is.
Anyway later that week I was eating dinner with my mom, dad and sister and I don't remember
what we ate but ketchup was part of it.
My mom started squeezing the ketchup bottle and the red liquidy part started coming out.
I laughed a little bit and pointed to it and said that looks like pre-cum.
She looked at me kind of puzzled and then pretended like I didn't say anything.
The fuck did you say?
I was sad that the joke didn't land but I chalked it up to her maybe not being in a
good mood.
When I found out what pre-cum actually was a year or so later I remembered that conversation
with my mom and was mortified.
About 12 years after that initial conversation I brought it up to see if she remembered.
I hadn't seen her laugh that hard in a long time.
Finally she didn't even remember that conversation I couldn't believe it.
I was so embarrassed for so long that she didn't even remember the damn conversation.
No figure.
It's like oh I didn't even remember that.
Alright next one is by Pawsboy.
This person put.
P-A-W-S.
Paws.
Oh Pawsboy.
Yeah.
This person put.
I went to the gym early in the morning because I couldn't sleep.
I have a problem with getting dizzy fatigue whenever I go to the gym so I figured I'd
pick up a snack and some drinks to keep me going.
After I picked up a few things I noticed a protein shake.
I had no idea how to read Japanese but the giant 21 gram of protein caught my eye.
21 grams of protein my god.
You couldn't read it like you couldn't.
Like a stray shot.
I picked it up because it was simple and quick and bike to the gym a block down.
I spent a few hours there and towards the end I noticed my stomach wasn't feeling alright.
I went to the bathroom and dropped some weight and whenever that didn't work I had to cut
my workout short and bike back home.
At this point.
Bike back home huh with your stomach just fucking all growling.
Man that must have been quite the bike ride.
Try to keep your butt cheeks clenched on the seat.
At this point I thought it was just bloating.
I've drank a variety of protein shakes before and never had this issue but I've heard of
it.
I get home and decide it's a good idea to give my ladies some good morning time fun.
Half way through I noticed a change.
No longer just gas.
I feel like I'm going to shit my pants.
I rush to the bathroom and pass by a mirror and it literally looks like I'm pregnant with
twins.
I hop on the toilet and expecting some gas and full on liquid shit comes pouring out
of me.
It's so loud my wife comes and asks if I'm okay.
Jesus Christ are you fucking dying in there?
I'm still here and I've been on this toilet for god knows how long.
I can't feel my legs.
It's not stopping.
Jesus what are you?
God dang Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon 2?
I have no idea what did this to me.
I will never drink a Japanese protein shake again.
Oh man.
The watcher said laxative and 21 grams of probably something like that.
No it feels like it's a drink.
Who knows what the fuck it was.
Something I didn't agree with.
I'm kidding.
Alright next one is by SM Chatten.
SM Chatten?
Yeah.
First in Pizz.
This happened last night.
I've been chatting with a sexy Italian woman I've met on Tinder.
She came over for a drink and we started making out.
She then proceeded to drop to the floor and give me a porn star worthy blowjob which included
deep throat and gagging.
Hi buddy.
Hey man you can't gag on a deep throat can you?
Like once you lose the gag reflex it's gone.
Yeah that's true.
I'm a lion motherfucking.
My phone was pinging with notifications so I reached across the couch and proceeded to
turn it off.
Or so I thought.
I then turned it into her sucking and me moaning.
As I get the best head of my life I hear someone talking.
I look across at my phone and see I have dialed triple zero.
911 equivalent in Australia.
Triple zero huh?
You okay sir?
I hear moaning and screaming.
On a pixel phone there is an emergency icon right next to the power button and I'd hit
the other one in mistake.
My eyes bulge out of my head like a Tom and Jerry cartoon and I fumble to turn it off
while trying not to let my date see.
After sex I tell my date over pillow talk about what happens and we both start laughing.
As those calls are recorded I imagine dispatcher calling sharing the tape with her co-workers
and having their asses up and having a laugh as they listen to me receiving a stellar blowjob.
And last one for Reddit today.
We have a gang gang and throwaway.
This person puts my schedule cleared up today so I decided to throw on my Christmas playlist
and make myself a proper Sunday morning breakfast ass naked of course like God intended.
I pop some hash browns into the air fryer whisk a few eggs.
I hope the naked bit has to do with the story.
He didn't just throw it in for just randomly.
Yeah he just wants you to know he's making breakfast naked.
He wants you to know I'm butt ass naked.
Make a quick cup of joe take a nice long sip.
It was some damn good coffee.
Local roaster fair trade all that jazz.
I savored it for about three seconds before I felt some gas trying to break free.
I'm not one to hold anafart of course so I let it rip.
I heard a splatter on the kitchen tile.
Wow.
That's right Reader.
I just shat the most watery shit ever on my kitchen floor.
There is still liquid shit dribbling out of my asshole.
And I felt a full on geyser about to explode.
So I did what anyone would do.
I clenched my asshole tighter than a first time bottoms and hobbled all the way to the
nearest bathroom.
Needless to say I shat my brains out as soon as I made my ass met the toilet.
But I still had to deal with the trail of shit splatter that I left in my wake.
Not to mention the half prepared breakfast that I shat myself making.
Jesus.
I am ashamed to say that I did cook and eat that breakfast including the coffee.
Currently about to bleach the fuck out of my kitchen and put on some underwear.
Don't blame him.
It's like now you're deciding to put on fucking underwear.
What the fuck do people eat when they just fucking blow ass?
I don't know.
I've never blown ass to that level in my life.
Just randomly?
Yeah just randomly sitting like what's a good cup of...
You know what I mean?
Like just sitting like hey John how you been until that...
Oh my asshole.
I blew up my asshole.
I never understood like people just blowing ass.
Like what the fuck happened?
I don't know.
I've never done that.
My ass is so fucking used from anal sex that it just fucking blows out.
Just randomly?
Like I took a sneeze and I shit myself.
I don't understand.
I really do not understand.
I don't either.
Just like random fucking dumps people have like in like the...
I don't know.
Out of all the reddit that we've ever read on here, how many times have people done that?
It's like I'm blowing ass cheeks for no reason.
I hope they're just exaggerating but...
I don't think they are.
That was the scary part.
I've been able to always hold it in.
If I really had to go I could still hold it.
But I mean it just blows out.
As soon as you hit that toilet that's whenever it all happens.
Yeah that's when it finally just triggers out.
But I've never just been like fighting a boss on Dark Souls.
I lose...
I shit myself.
Like that one that we read about that guy that was working at his desk where he was
gripping onto it trying to hold it in.
That's more relatable.
Yeah he was holding that bitch like he was trying to hold the last rabbit of Titanic.
Like I gotta get out of here.
It's like god no not now.
He was holding...
He was sweating coming down.
He was holding that bitch in.
It felt almost like I was holding the door.
Yeah basically.
Like leaving a dent in those fucking desks.
Just gripping through it.
God.
That I understand but just like I was just blowing it out.
Just sat there drinking coffee.
Yeah you're just fucking yourself.
You guys are gonna need to get a better fiber diet or something.
I don't know.
My god.
But that's all I've got tonight.
Anything else to add before we head on out of here?
Yeah wear some underwear.
For the love of god please.
If you just randomly shit yourself a lot just wear something before.
And make sure they're like really snug underwear that way shit don't leak out.
Yeah it's weird that you guys just be shitting for no reason.
Or just start wearing adult diapers like.
Maybe you need some I don't know.
Like just drink a cup of some good ass coffee.
Oh fuck I shit myself.
You know like what the fuck is going on?
I don't know what's wrong with people now.
Like you said.
Maybe it is normal.
We're not.
Maybe.
It seems like everyone is just fucking shit themselves.
I don't know.
And they're more than happy to go online and post about it.
But okay.
But anything else?
That's it.
Cool.
We will see you guys on the next one.