Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 36.
It's always insane.
Every week.
Alrighty, we start off with a post by throwing up vomit.
That's the person's name?
Great username.
Oh, just wonderful.
Person puts.
They called us two minutes before we were closing to stay open and wait for them.
Because guess this, they went to the other competition liquor store, but they locked
the door in their faces.
I don't know if I would have the gumption to do that.
Can't click?
Yeah, to a customer.
That's hilarious.
Is there a serum dead in the eye as the lock fucking turns?
As they were getting just a small bottle of vodka, no big deal.
Well, that's because they were closing just like us.
We told them if they made it in time, sure.
We ended up locking the doors and shutting off the lights a minute early.
You know, that's a movie scene to me, right?
So if you guys can make it in time, no problem.
And then the scene cuts to like a really like steep, like we're on the downward side, right?
Of like a road on a hill and you see a car come over the fucking top.
You know what I mean?
I would have gotten in that liquor store.
Anyways, it's six minutes after they pull up to the drive through window.
They start calling us repeatedly on different numbers.
We'll not go away.
They are blurring their horn.
We're all hiding in the corner.
What the fuck?
Wait a minute, if you're closed, you're closed.
Right.
But they're calling the store still.
Look at the damn sign.
It says closed at this time we're closed.
That has to be like they must be an alcoholic.
They get the shakes if they don't get drinks.
I've seen those.
I've definitely seen those.
One of my favorite comedians, Greg Ferguson, because I have his books, he talks about alcoholism.
He said he does not feel good back in the day until he had that first drink in the morning.
Yeah.
Like he would just have like this like just didn't like this doom sense in his fucking
soul and like the shakes and like him describing it is fucking horrifying.
Well that reminds me.
There's a channel on YouTube.
I think it's called a whiskey tribe.
If I remember right.
But they did them and this one guy from that channel, they invited a comedian on there.
That's a huge like Churchill fan, I guess.
Yeah.
So they went in and it's like they tried to drink like Churchill for the entire day.
That motherfucker dropped so much.
I don't know how he was standing every single day.
Shea.
He woke up with a ounce of whiskey and a glass of water every morning.
Someone said I went in World War II.
But by the time it's like the next day, whatever it shows, it's like dude, that sucked.
And we drink whiskey for a living.
Because that's their whole channel.
Like they own a distillery and stuff like but they couldn't even do it.
It's like fuck.
And the smoke of the cigars along with it.
Alrighty, so continuing on.
They left finally after a while of harassing us.
This is almost a nightly occurrence.
Not to this extreme, but definitely have customers calling us to ask us to stay open for them
or banging on the doors asking if we were open.
How hard is it to go somewhere all the time?
You know what I mean?
Just get there.
Hard.
We do the same thing in the morning before we open, but dayshifters are kiss asses.
They come in, we'll open 10 minutes early.
Fuck that.
You got to set a precedent.
If you cave, we all cave.
And are 100% committed to the store, so they of course abide.
They let him in early.
God dang.
They reenter for the evening shift.
Day shift is soft.
Night shift to the Warriors.
Night shift closes early and hides in the corner.
I'd stand right by the door.
We were closed.
Get what you want from me.
Yeah, like, I gotta follow the, this is the law.
Next one is by Aperceptive C.
It's a weird one.
Yeah.
This person puts, I work at a bookstore that also has a coffee shop in it.
Between the cafe and our customer service desk, we used to have two large comfy chairs
and a table.
They were meant for customers to look through books, relax while shopping, enjoy their food
and coffee, etc.
Here's how I said used to.
We had to get rid of the chairs and the tables specifically because of one certain customer.
I love it when it's a one person.
I'm pretty foxed enough when I'm with everybody.
I thank you man that we can't open hotel room windows.
I appreciate it.
We were nailed.
Yeah, we were fucking sealed shut because of whoever motherfucking ruined it for everybody.
I can't get some fucking fresh air because of you.
He just had to try to jump.
He had to do something.
He did what he did.
This man comes in multiple times a week, sometimes with his wife.
He would just sit there in the chair for hours, sometimes until we closed.
Let me apologize by the way for my fucking snorting.
It's my nose is fucked up.
He never bought anything.
He didn't even grab a book or a magazine to prove it to peruse.
He would take off his shoes and use the tables and footrests.
Oh, he would watch YouTube videos on the loudest volume on his phone.
He would fall asleep in the chairs with his shoes off, his YouTube going still, and just
act like he owned the place.
We had to ask him several times to put his shoes on because the man was literally feet
from where we were serving food.
That's not okay.
He's no kidding.
And his wife, I couldn't stand either.
See, that's the worst when both the husband and wife are fucking terrible.
Usually it's one and not the other, but when it's both of them.
It sucks.
It's the worst combination.
Because then all they do is like they loop their feeds into each other.
Yeah, they don't fuck with their madness.
It just gets worse and worse, spiraling down even further.
One of them doesn't have the decency to be normal.
Right.
To be like, are you insane?
Don't do that shit.
But no, no, we're both crazy.
They just keep fucking fueling their own fucking coal and back into each other's asses.
She never bought anything, but would come over to the counter in the cafe where I'm
dealing with a line of 10 people and ask for a cup of hot water.
Oh, wow.
What the fuck is up with these people?
And heaven forbid you make her wait for it.
For a cup of hot water?
Yeah.
They get scalded and pretend to slip and splash it in their fucking face.
So we had to get rid of the chairs because it was becoming a big problem.
And he was so furious when he came in and he saw that we had taken them away.
Where the hell's my chair at?
Where am I supposed to sit?
I watched him walk around the store trying to find the chairs.
What would they come in for?
The jigsaw thing.
What the fuck for?
What would you waste your time to go somewhere and not do anything?
You might as well just stay home.
And when he only found the smaller chairs and benches we have, he confronted my manager
about it.
There are old people like me who need a place to sit.
Oh, and they're old?
Man, being that like socially like malicious and old is the worst.
Because the entitlement of being old.
Because the entitlement of being old, yes.
Because I'm old so I deserve to be treated with a level of respect I did not earn.
Dude, you're just a loiter.
You and your wife aren't even paying customers.
He's just fucking cold.
You don't buy shit.
Then they put an edit on this.
No, they are not homeless.
And I don't know what they were banned.
My best guess is probably because they were doing...
What they are doing isn't physical harm or distress to the customers.
Okay, I get it.
I don't know why they weren't banned.
Right.
You can't really throw them out.
Right.
They're not homeless.
I can't just put them out.
You're gonna ask, he starts taking his socks off.
He takes his pants off and drapes it over the other chair.
Let's his fucking box just hang out.
It was probably gonna get to the employee.
It probably was.
Next one is by PJ Rush.
This is the one this person puts.
Lady walks up to a register that I'm counting the till at that has a low amount of cash.
A few 20s and a couple of 10s.
Also please just go to the bank's ATM for cash back.
The light isn't even on to say the lane is open, but she just starts putting her stuff
on the bill.
I'm already annoyed by this.
I'm already annoyed by this, but this is in the background.
God, the way that was written.
I'm a service manager and I've been working for the company a little over a month.
Me hello, puts till back and starts scanning order.
Her fuck you.
What's your cash pack limit?
Me I'm not sure.
I have to ask.
But this register doesn't have a lot of cash right now.
I can scan your order and take you to customer service for you to pay if that's okay.
Her what?
No, I just want to know the limit.
Me okay, sorry.
I'm new to the store and I don't know the exact amount.
I'll go see how much are you wanting back?
Just finished the order.
Her $60.
Me remember there's enough.
Oh I got enough for that list.
No can you fucking listen?
I just want to know the limit.
Me walks back to the cash office.
I'm like me why do you need to know the limit if you only want $60?
I'm guessing the limit $60 wouldn't it?
OM says $250 on register, $100 on self checkout and $1,000 at customer service desk.
I get a $250 loan and walk back.
God dang $250 loan what are you Walmart?
Her was that so hard?
Me, it was because of you.
That would have been, depends on the customer yet.
Her well you could have stopped being retarded for a minute and give me an answer and checked.
You went with the R.
Yeah the hard R.
I'm beginning out the end.
Me I said I'm new and I didn't know.
I thought you wanted a large amount back since you said you wanted $60 and I knew I had enough.
Sorry for the confusion.
Pulls $2.20 and $2.10 from the till after her debit card processed.
The max is $2.50 by the way.
Her rolls her eyes and grabs the money.
Where's your supervisor?
Man, I'm the supervisor right now.
Her well I guess everyone is retarded then if you don't know.
My husband is a finance manager and I'm sure everyone knew everything.
Me someone married you?
I feel sorry for him.
I just walk off.
Damn he must have been living his life because he said way too much that would not have been
said.
If I wasn't on the clock I would have said much worse.
I probably will get reported for this but the corporate doesn't care.
It's like dog fuck somebody married your ass?
Bloody shit.
I feel bad for him.
I need to know how big your penis is because I can only take three inches.
There's so many times I want to say that kind of stuff to customers.
So it's like are you fucking retarded?
But I can't because they will call.
I don't bother anymore.
I'll let them wallow in their own madness.
Next one is by Piro Largo.
This person puts, at the store I work at you're required to ask for ID if the person looks
under 40.
Under 40?
What the fuck you said?
Selling grade A plutonium?
What do you need to know?
That's the highest age limit I've ever heard.
If you look under.
Yeah but I mean 40 is pretty fucking old.
I don't know some people hold it together.
Yeah but I mean like what?
Under 40?
If they look under 18 I understand.
They're saying under 40.
That's ridiculous.
We also can't sell tobacco products to anyone with an expired ID.
Cool.
Yes under 40 is so stupid.
You're asking for trouble.
So this man comes up to my tail.
Here's the trouble.
Looks to be in his late 20s early 30s and wants four packs of cigars.
I ask for his ID and he flashes it while it's still in his wallet.
I tell him I need to scan it and he tells me it might be expired as I take it from him.
It expired three years ago.
Damn.
I of course tell him politely that I can't sell him cigars with an expired ID and he
just explodes.
He claims that.
It'd be funny if like he'd literally just like just spontaneous combust.
So pissing.
Yeah he just like keep him close.
That's a scare right there.
He's like oh my god.
He claims that I sold him cigarettes before with no problem.
I think we've heard this story.
This is a different one.
Okay.
Same setup but you know.
Same setup.
Same problem.
Yep.
He claims that I sold him cigarettes before no problem and he doesn't understand why I'm
giving him so much trouble now.
I tell him that I don't recognize him at all because I don't and he keeps trying to argue
with me that I'm full of shit.
I tell him I'm not.
Or I say I'm not because I've put enough fiber.
Exactly.
And he loses it even more.
I tell him I'm not arguing with him and I'm not selling him these cigars.
How weird would that be if that happened?
Like you're so full of shit.
No you fucking Cheerios.
Like that would be so fucking flabbergasted.
It'd be whole white.
He storms out and a couple of minutes later this woman comes in with her young son and
the lady slaps her ID on the counter and asks for the same cigar as the man before her did.
The wife.
Knowing what's up I ask her if she's with the man who just came in and she confirms
that she is.
So I have to refuse sale to her despite her having a valid ID because I have reason to
believe she's going to give the cigars to that man.
Now he's trying to.
Now he's just being a dick.
Yes.
I would be.
I would have completely just say whatever.
Everyone get out.
She explodes on me too and then he fucking blows up right next to her son.
But after telling me that it's against the law for me to refuse to sell her these cigars
she asks to talk to my manager.
This guy's asking for it.
I would just give it to her.
I'm done with this shit.
Like you have an ID.
Yeah.
You're not buying it for a kid.
It's like.
Be gone man.
I tell her that.
What if like he does right and then in the outside she can see the little son.
The cigar is fucking smelt.
I would be feeling.
I tell her that she needs to come back tomorrow morning when we're when my manager is working
but she refuses to leave and demands to speak with my manager anyway.
So I have to call the assistant manager.
I get her in the car.
I drive to my manager's house.
There you go.
That would be funny.
I get the car.
I said get the car.
So I have to call the assistant manager and tell her what's going on.
The assistant manager tells me to give the phone to the lady and I can hear them arguing
with each other.
It's another five minutes before the lady finally slams the phone down and leaves.
It's another five minutes until she calls the store and my coworker answers.
She tells my coworker that I'm such a racist bitch because I refuse to sell cigars to
her African-American husband.
The man who came in first.
The one that blew up.
Yes.
My coworker was more angry than I was.
I thought it was kind of funny.
My manager heard about it the next day and agreed it was my decision not to sell them
anything.
I just wanted to share this crazy story about this dumb carrying and her husband.
I think part of it though you got on yourself a little.
Yeah she just gave it to her.
Maybe not him but her.
His idea was invalid.
No but hers was fine.
You just wanted to be a dick.
You pretty much is.
Because if the dates were right and everything but it was just expired it's like come on
bro.
Like really?
It's the law sir.
It's the law.
I can't sell it.
Like it pulls a shotgun in.
Alrighty next one is by Abyss City.
Abyss City.
That sounds like a good city to live in.
Abyss?
That sounds like a Batman city where it's like just crying all the way to the city.
It's always raining in Abyss City?
Haven't seen the sun in 15 years.
Is it a sin city?
Abyss City?
Yeah.
Uh this person puts.
Like come on people.
At least make your lives realistic.
This customer uh these customers confuse me so dang much sometimes.
A lady came into the super small gas station that I work at and asked if we had any Diet
Southern Brew tea in half gallons.
Diet Southern Brew tea.
They don't make it in diet.
It's all sugar ma'am.
Now Southern.
Like there's uh.
A tinge of diabetes in every bottle.
Like for example you've heard of Milo's tea right?
Yeah.
Like there's Milo's tea and then there's Milo's super sweet tea.
Oh god.
That shit must.
It must be a fucking cup of sugar.
To be fair that shit might be.
So.
It must be a fucking cup of sugar.
To be fair that shit might be.
Just a fucking ounce of sugar at the bottom of the fucking cup.
Well I think regular Milo's tea is something about 200 calories and I think Milo's uh extra
sweet tea is like 260.
That's a lot of sugar.
Just another handful of sugar.
Amazingly.
Another fucking chef kiss full of sugar.
Like shit get worse than Salt Bank.
It's not just dashed in there.
It's like poured in there.
Alrighty so uh.
I know we specifically don't.
We only get shipments in full gallons.
And we only get maybe 8 gallons in a shipment to begin with.
So since we're a small store.
So I tell her this.
No we don't get the half gallons here at all.
And what does she reply with?
Oh okay.
I know you guys get them sent here since I've been coming in here before.
So you guys just put them all in the back then.
So to cut the bullshit I simply look at my coworker and ask.
Hey we don't have any of those back there right?
And she leaves after we both say no.
But I'm sorry.
That's small of a store you need two employees?
Yeah I know.
That's small of a store you need two employees.
Come on now.
But I'm sorry.
What?
What do you mean to tell me?
I know you get them here.
I've bought them before.
Do I have a?
Ma'am do you have Alzheimer's?
Do I not have the cooler positioned seared into my eye holes ma'am?
I.
What?
Like he just lost his fucking mind?
It's like do I not have them seared into my fucking eye holes?
What if like she's like what are they right there?
He's like oh yes they are man.
Like what if he just eluded to it?
You could be in funnier.
Am I not in this cooler for about eight hours per week every week?
Please count the open spots for half gallons with me.
One two three four five six.
All filled with different flavors right?
So he turned into Jack Nicklaus Cage with the ABC thing?
Because this is after she left.
He's thinking this to himself.
Oh I thought he grabbed her by the navel.
Follow me man to the back.
We're going to check ourselves.
Like she fucking holds her hostage for three days.
So where do you think these half gallons were supposed to be going in this cooler door?
Nowhere because they don't exist here and you're being a liar.
Why would you tell me that you bought them here when you know for a fact that in almost
the uh what was it?
Almost two years I've worked here we've received a whopping zero of them.
I have nightmares about these milk crates.
I know what's in them.
Someone got a real man.
You just shake it like you lost his fucking shit.
He's like man where the fuck will we put them?
How are they up in these place when there is none?
Luckily he didn't say all this to her.
She probably would have been looking at him with her mouth open like oh my god.
Like damn he went ballistic over it.
There's some retail that like they're not meant for retail.
Yeah and he's one.
And you can tell when they go in insane.
Next one is by...
Machimakuchi.
Vivian's mum.
Go on.
The reason I was looking at it real weird is because it was VYVY.
VYVY.
Not KYVY.
It's Percy Putz.
Nasty cow of a customer.
Out the gate.
This fucking heifer of a customer.
He was still chewing on grass when she walked in.
Little big bone bitch.
Man, that was the meanest entrance I've ever heard.
Nasty cow.
God dang.
Mouse.
Wearing her spotted black and white clothes.
Nasty cow of a customer smearing at a very new and young staff member while she was innocently
folding shirts at her store.
Why'd you want to do that for a job?
Do a full close?
Easy as fuck.
I had to reply.
Her tax pay...
Her tax pays your benefits.
Uh oh.
Don't say that.
My colleagues are largely students who are studying in college and subjects this bitch
couldn't even spell.
Oh man.
Out the gate.
Just tearing this person apart.
What did she do?
She told that to...
I hate that.
There's no need for it.
Some of our youngsters are sick of it.
I really feel for them sometimes.
You gotta be careful because when they're young they break easily.
Yeah, that's why if I went to the customer there's this nasty cow of a bitch.
They feel kind of bad about these kids getting just fucking ripped to shreds by some old
asshole.
Taking subjects this bitch couldn't even spell.
Jesus.
Good lord.
Like that was just brutal off the bat.
Spell math bitch.
A-T-H. I don't know.
Cough.
Alright, next one is by...
I don't need to spell math.
I got a cock-a-malator.
I'll be a cock-a-malator.
You never get a cock-a-malator.
Never.
Is that what the full...
Like next week you're gonna have a fucking different one right?
It's gonna be her from her point of view.
This dirty whore.
He's fucking bucked.
Goddamn intellectual ass.
He'd like to refer himself ass.
That's exactly what it would be too.
That would be fucking hilarious.
I'd look at eight different posts from me and both of us just going back and forth for
like a year.
That'd be hilarious.
Next one is by a fewlobsters7961.
This person fits.
So one day I was answering the phone and the first thing out of this lady's mouth was,
okay, here's what you're going to do.
Oh shit.
I'm gonna do a fucking robbery.
First you're going to look on the shelf to see if it's there and if it's not, you're
going to look at the computer.
To this point I have no idea what she's looking for because she hasn't said so.
I interrupt her and I say, so what is it that you're looking for?
Her obviously annoyed that I cut her off mid telling me how to do my job.
She says, did you want him to scan it, pay for it and put it in a bag for it and leave
it in the parking in a park two miles from here under the bench.
She says, I'm looking for the dog food that comes in a red can.
I'm like, okay, holding out a second.
In a red can you say?
We got ones that come in a blue can.
I don't bother looking in the I.O. and nor in the computer.
Oh, you gotta at least look.
Nor on the computer.
For a good five minutes.
Then whenever I pick back up and I tell her no, we no longer have it and it's been discontinued,
she proceeds to berate me for being the rudest employee she's spoken to at my place and she's
been a customer for 35 years.
35 years, but only a bit over for seven, ma'am.
Will you let's work into the story afterwards?
My story has only been over for 15.
As she's going on, I interrupt her again, telling her to have a great day and hang up.
Don't be rude and don't tell me how to do my job.
I know better than you.
I wouldn't do it that far, but okay.
Maybe about the company.
Well, yeah, like that far, maybe it's like, but it's like you.
So what you're gonna do first is like, bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?
Who this?
New number.
Who do you think?
All righty.
And last one is by light little, a little light cap.
Little light cap.
This person puts I've never been on the subreddit before and I don't know if it's worth posting.
I'm just so unreasonably frustrated.
Even though this is focusing on a single customer, I flared it as a fuck this job because the
whole thing sucks right now.
Damn, it must have been brutal.
I only make 9.25 an hour before taxes because I've been working at a nonprofit for years.
The low pay has always sucked, but I tolerate it because it is flexible scheduling that
works with my college classes.
Nonprofits.
I can only work I can only afford to work at this job because I live with my family.
I cashier at the most isolated position in a separate building than all my other coworkers
or managers.
So over the last five years, I've been dealing with crazy incidents all on my own with no
way to get help.
But I bet you you got a quick you bet you have a deep level of experience.
I've never had a single complaint.
It's also a thrift store and I'm doing and I've developed a dust dust allergy.
I can't afford food ATM because a surprise bill took all my money.
So I was balancing some free chips and coffee from the break room and I'm unlocking the
door when some lady with a kid is waiting.
In the break room.
How'd they get in there?
Just walk in there.
Yes.
He said you unlocked the door.
So how were they there?
I don't know.
We've been here since yesterday.
I'm unlocking my door whenever I would set a while some lady and kid is waiting.
She reaches for my food asking for me to ask him me to let her help me and I just told
her to stop.
Otherwise, she's going to make me lose my balance and drop my food.
I can't afford a new coffee or food.
I'm broke bitch.
Don't you see she tells me I was going to shop at your store but decided not to because
you're so nasty.
I say that's fine ma'am.
You have a nice day too.
I was going to shop at your store but you're fucking nasty.
I'm real confused now.
Did he still go?
Okay, go ahead.
She returns later and asks me for my name to report me.
I give it to her and she ends there.
It's so minor it doesn't even matter but I'm so unreasonably angry that it took me an hour
to stop shaking.
I don't even it doesn't even matter and I'm just venting.
I don't know why I'm so upset.
I'm thinking he's worried it wrong but I think he worried it wrong.
I thought it was a break room.
I think that he may have come out of the break room with his food and his chips and his drink.
And then he was unlocking the door to the thrift store.
It was probably great.
Right, right.
I think that's what it was supposed to be.
He was like she tried to come in and the door was locked.
I said no.
And then I heard a kid tried to take his food.
I thought he was grabbing for uh and I thought the mom was grabbing the food to help him.
You know one of the two of them but it's like regardless customers trying to reach for your
shit.
Yeah, I don't know too much.
Like fuck you what the fuck are you doing?
Like when they touch me I don't like that.
Oh there was another post on there but I didn't include it.
It was called stop touching me.
Yeah.
Don't touch employees people.
There's no reason for it at all.
Don't touch it for anything.
Your god damn dirty hands of yourself.
You god damn monkeys.
I saw the guy from a Planet of the Apes.
God damn dirty apes.
You damn dirty apes.
Yeah that one where fucking Charles Heston just loses his shit and he starts talking.
Yeah.
Then he's like the fuck brother monkey so.
That is true.
He did didn't he?
So there you go.
He got over it.
It's a good movie by the way.
Some of the best practical effects ever.
Because they were all just costumes.
And they moved really well.
You thought they were real fucking beings.
I think until Lord of the Rings came along with practical effects.
That was the movie that happened.
The President?
Yeah.
The President?
Not the President.
Or is it the President?
The President.
President.
Pretty much I said President and Presidentent.
It's basically the same thing.
Yeah basically.
It's almost the same word.
It's a homophone.
Yeah.
See.
There were words that you never hear in classes anymore.
Homophone.
Homosexual?
Not homophone.
Homophone means that words that sound similar but are different.
Exactly.
The more you learn.
Something that you'll never hear in school anymore because they're not going to teach
you tea.
If you understand what the words mean now, I'll say no homo.
Oh man.
But.
But yeah that is uh.
He's really trying to just grab his stuff.
Yeah.
And then you're nasty.
I don't want to come in here no more.
Well I guess.
He could have acted like that last person and said this cow of a bitch.
That man, that person was mad.
Yes.
This big bone bitch walked in here.
This god dang sea slug from the depths of the ocean.
Some of the whale found itself on land.
This beached manatee.
God dang beluga whale.
This gelatinous heifer.
He was so mad.
There's probably a bunch more going through with that day with that.
Just couldn't think of the right words for it.
Cow is the first thing that came to mind.
Probably yeah.
She's probably wearing one of those white and black zebra.
Those huge like pregnancy suits or dresses.
Yeah.
Like that homo used to wear.
The moo moo is the moo.
The cow moo.
There you go.
That's what he was thinking.
But that's all I got for reddit today.
Anything else to add before we head out?
I don't know.
I've got I used to be such a shy introvert and I hardly ever talk to people in my daily
life and ever since working at a retail store these last several years.
You become an extrovert really fast.
Extrovert.
I can talk to women easily.
I don't mind.
I don't know.
It's just easy.
Things don't bother you so much.
You deal with stupidity on a daily basis.
Yeah.
The width and depth and length of human ineptitude is profoundly deep.
Yes it is.
And I just deal with it.
And that is why there is such thing as a.
That is why they can't make trash cans to stop bears.
Yes.
Because the overlap between the smartest bear and the dumbest human is too great.
But they just can't.
Because if they made a, listen to me people, if they made a trash can at the fucking park
that can keep bears out of the trash cans, the smartest bears out of the trash can, it
means that they would keep out the dumbest of people.
Yes.
That is what I'm trying to tell you.
That is how bad human intelligence is sometimes at the lowest spectrum.
I'm not talking about like mental deficiency.
I'm talking about real stupidity.
Yes.
Of people not even wanting to learn.
Yes.
Like ignorance.
Yeah.
The level of ignorance of some people is truly astonishing.
People that push in whenever it says pull.
Yeah.
People that eat shampoo.
People that eat typos.
Yes.
Those people exist.
People that eat a burrito in the middle.
You fucking animal.
Why would you, why would you break a burrito in the middle?
People that are like Seinfeld where they cut a Snickers bar with a fork and knife.
Yeah.
The pseudo sophisticated.
It's a hand food.
Just eat it.
But with that, I'm sorry.
I'm not done.
Let me think here.
Oh, there's a bunch of dumb people.
People that eat crust first.
Crust first.
On a pizza.
Oh, who the fuck would do that?
Apparently according to a poll, 25% of people.
Why would they eat the crust first?
I want to get the bad stuff out of the way first.
Yeah.
What the fuck do you hold on to then?
Where do you grab it from?
People that stand to wipe.
Oh, well I stand, well I wipe and then I wipe again, right?
And then I stand up to wipe the excess water, but not the actual shit, you know?
Like just wipe the full thing out while they're just stand up with their dookie?
Damn.
Yeah, there's dumb people.
You know your butt cheese clenches, right?
When you stand, it's not as easy to wipe the whole fucking.
I know that's why you hold it on.
Yeah, like the back of your fucking, like the very deep inside of your ass.
You probably wiped so many stains on your fucking underwear.
You didn't wipe deep.
You gotta wipe deep.
You gotta almost shove that fucking toilet paper in your asshole.
No homo.
Or you know, if you like that.
All homo.
People that, they need glue and crayons.
That's why they're non-toxic.
Because if they weren't they'd be fucking dead.
They would have been dead a long time ago.
People that had to reformat the fridge because they kept getting themselves locked inside
and dying.
People that used to smell those permanent markers.
That shit is strong.
It'd be dizzy as hell.
I'm real.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah.
He used to have like a fruit smell and stuff to him.
Fuck, I'm dead.
They can't even sell those anymore, really.
That's why they can sell scented erasers.
Hey kids, are you like, I don't really like skittles.
That reminds me though.
I actually had a classmate whenever I was in elementary school.
They used to have those gel pens that would have a smell to them.
Uh huh.
Whatever you'd write.
This bitch cracked them open and ate them.
What, did you break a bone marrow?
And she was fucking out of the aisle.
Jesus.
There was a day that she got it.
She did that and she got this like light baby blue ink all over her face and her hands and
everything.
This is like fifth grade.
That's like almost level of like when you start having some sense of not being, you
know what I mean?
Yeah.
You start being like, maybe that's the best of ideas.
She was sucking that shit out of the gel.
That is weird.
That bitch is crazy.
What is she doing now?
Why is she like harboring edgy?
Now instead of sucking stuff out of that, she's helping me shoot and stuff up.
That addiction kicked in real quick.
You'll see her with a fucking syringe full of blue liquid all over her fucking veins.
It's all gel pen ink.
Jesus Christ.
I always wondered about people from the past.
Whether they've changed or they stayed the same person.
I've changed vastly from just the few years I've worked in retail.
My battle hardened.
Just that it changes you.
It changes me deeply.
And it changes almost everybody that works in retail.
I think it's good for a bit of work in retail.
If you constantly deal with humanity, you're better able to deal with humanity.
Yeah.
Humanity.
Makes me wonder if I'm an alien.
They just fucking tram me on.
Fucking planet is punishment.
This is your purgatory?
This is my purgatory.
Retail hell.
Which is the subreddit by the way.
Retail hell.
Another one?
On my subreddit's report graph.
I have a very high libido.
It never stops.
If I were a cold turkey, I'd probably have a nervous breakdown.
But then you'd write a masterpiece.
I probably would write a fucking The Next War and Peace if I didn't fucking.
If I went one week without anything pornographic, sexual or anything, I'd either become the
Joker or become Batman.
What is that?
It is a very fine line.
It is a no, no November.
No it's not.
It's December 3rd.
No, no, November.
It's over.
It's only November.
You got people that are still going.
For what?
Because I can't get enough.
You know I try to do November right?
I lasted uh midnight 45 minutes.
November phrase.
You know what I'm gonna try.
Let's see what I go if I go celebrate.
I guess you'll see me on the news.
Madman events time travel.
Madman kills everybody.
No.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
I guess that's it.
The challenge begins.
Plus today I did no not anything.
I started running into porn stars in real life.
I was like oh no.
Stay away from me.
You temptress.
Uh with that we will see you guys on the next one.
You might not see me though.
I compartment dot com.