Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite or none of
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Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Oh God.
I told you, you wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't know what I was going to talk about.
The anime you hate so much.
I can't get this shit out of my fucking life.
For whatever reason, a couple nights ago I was, in my head, I kept, I kept saying third
impact.
Third impact, third impact.
I knew, I knew third impact was neon.
Right.
I didn't, it wasn't like, what is that in my head?
Right.
I was like, why do I keep thinking about third impact?
Third impact, third impact.
And I was like, you know what?
Fuck it.
Let me go to Wikipedia or it's fucking Wikipedia page for neon Genesis and let me find out
what third impact was exactly.
Right.
So then I ended up in a fucking rabbit hole for three hours.
Oh God.
So I don't like the show at all.
It is as if the writer was like, look how smart I am.
Look how big my dick is.
That's how I see it, right?
It is overly complicated and fucking depressing just to be that.
Just to be depressing and stupid.
Just to be like, look how complex I am as a person.
My inner thoughts had to come out because if they didn't, I would have fucking done
something horrible.
Isn't Evangelion one of those kind of shows too where nobody really knows what the fuck
is.
No one knows what the fuck is going on since episode one, minute two.
After the fucking credits, you're like, what the fuck is happening?
I've seen this, I've tried on three separate or four separate occasions to watch the whole
series.
Right.
I've watched it on Cartoon Network.
I watched every episode over and over again.
So I guess I've more than four times.
I've seen first to last.
I do not know what the fuck this man wants to tell me.
I know that it is at the bare minimum, the bare bones.
He took the premise of the Christianity and he's like, I'm going to do something different.
And he turned into a sci-fi epic.
So basically, now that's what I was going to say.
The lore of it is fucking phenomenal.
The execution of said lore is fucking horrendous.
That is why I'm so upset that he can have such great ideas and have such poor execution
of said ideas.
Basically, his ideas were this.
There used to be a race out in the Milky Way galaxy called the first ancestral race.
And they had an extinction level cataclysm befall them.
And they got really freaked out.
So they pulled all the resources together and said, we need to make sure that our beings
go on to live in case we die somewhere else on a different planet.
Our history or our genetics, I guess, live on.
So they created the Seeds of Life, which is basically their genetic makeup, their entire
biology, I guess.
I don't know what the fuck to say.
So they're basically human-like, but they're on a higher level because they're more technologically
advanced.
They're well above us.
So they take a Seed of Life.
They only had seven of them.
They put them each into their own moon, which was just a giant sphere, which was a spaceship.
They call it a moon.
And they gave each of those moons a lance of Longinus.
And they just fucking throw those shits out in the space.
Many years ago, planet Earth got their first Seed of Life.
It was Adam.
What's the name?
And he is a Seed of Life.
I know that they're all called Seeds of Life, but he's like a Seed of Life, apparently,
I think, because there's another one called Seed of Knowledge.
I wrote it down, but I forget.
I'm too lazy to go get the paper.
So anyway, Adam's a Seed of Life.
And he was already on Earth, getting ready to repopulate or actually populate the land
with his genes.
And then for some whatever reason, another moon shows up, Lilith.
He was on the white moon that landed in Antarctica.
Lilith comes in on the black moon and fucking crash lands on planet Earth.
And she was what caused the moon that we have now was because of her.
And that's considered the first impact.
So she gets there and there's a pre-programming all the seeds that if any two seeds, for whatever
reason, are on the same planet, one of them has to deactivate and allow the other one
to flourish.
That's what the lances of the Longinus are for.
They're like living weapons that are programmed to deactivate one of them in case of two being
in the same spot at once, apparently.
And for whatever reason, Lilith's moon, her spaceship lost its lance.
So Adam's lance is like, well, sorry, bro.
And he fucking stabs him and makes Adam dormant.
So then the seed of Lilith populates the Earth, which is humanity.
She's a seed of knowledge.
So she gets, we get like, you know, what we got, like technology and human scientific
method, all that stuff.
Basically what we are.
Adam is a seed of life and he carries the C2 engine.
So he makes what he made were the angels, which were those massive mechs, which like
hide you basically just like immense power, a limitless energy.
That's what he had.
He had a seed of life and she had a seed of knowledge.
That's why the little fucking angels are so powerful and we humans are not.
And so it was fine.
Adam was dormant.
Lilith was active.
Humanity started flourishing.
Cool.
The problem was this fucking doctor, this doctor named Katsuguri.
It's one of the main characters, Mihiro, Mihiro's whatever, the purple haired bitch.
So her father went to Antarctica and found Adam.
He's like, yo, this is awesome.
And he decides to fuse human DNA with Adam's DNA, which reawakens Adam and he fucking explodes
and he destroys the fucking ice caps, floods the earth.
Two billion people die.
The ensuing fucking poverty and lack of resources caused war, which killed even more people.
Bada bing, bada boom.
The second impact was the devastation of humanity, like pretty much almost all of humanity, which
is when the series starts a few years later, humanity had just barely rebuilt itself when
the first episodes come out.
So that was the second impact was the Adam reawakening.
And I don't remember why, but he created the angels to attack, because they were trying
to kill Lilith actually, what was their goal to get rid of her because they had to, I guess
the earth was their rightful place.
Adam was their first.
Right.
But and so that's why these fucking massive angels, which is just like weird mechs, like
bio, yes, they're like biomechs.
They have no captain inside, which is them, it's like Kaiju, but they're robotic or cybernetic
and very weird looking.
All of them were fucking weird looking.
So that's pretty much that's the premise, the whole story.
They're trying to kill Lilith, I think, so that they can become the dominant life force
or life forms.
Because they, her lance of laundry just didn't kill her because it's gone.
And that's it.
It sounds fucking awesome.
Horrible execution.
That's what I wanted to talk about was just how great the lore is and how terrible the
show is.
Right.
So third impact is basically at the end of the series, Shinji's, you know, the guy that
jacked off while that redhead girl was lying, knocked out.
I'll never forget that weird ass scene.
His father wants to, I don't know, I don't understand how this, it's so weird.
He wants to take every person on planet Earth and have their souls elevate into one being.
And he called it human instrumentality, was that we all become one entity, was his goal.
And third impact was that, that happening, that Shinji rejected in the true ending, in
the series he accepted it.
And then the series ends with like a fucking lights coming on, everybody just clapping,
good job.
Yay.
And I'm like, what the fuck are you, what the fuck?
Like a Truman show?
Yeah.
Like you made it.
And I'm like, I was fucking losing my fucking mind.
It fucking, even in the true ending, it's weird as fuck too.
I can't even explain.
There's like a space vagina and a sword that goes into it.
I don't know what the fuck.
What?
Except yes, that's 100% honest on that.
I don't know.
So in the same, the true ending, he rejects human instrumentality.
He doesn't want to be part of everybody.
He feels like it better to be an individual.
Right.
So him and the redhead girl end up on some shore back on planet Earth.
The one that he was jerking off with?
Yeah.
And he tried to choke her to death for some reason.
Yeah.
Welcome to neon Genesis Evangelion.
Such good lore that you try so hard to accept it and yet failed so far every single time
and then you're almost mad at yourself and you feel like that guy is talking to you from
Far Cry 3.
You know the definition of insanity?
That's what you feel like.
If you guys know what that meme is, believe me, I say, do you know what the definition
of insanity is?
That's what I feel like sometimes.
Watching fucking the same shit, hoping it's going to be different, but it's not.
And it's the same thing every time.
It's the same thing every time.
Disappointed every time.
You know what the definition of insanity is?
And I promise you, I'll watch it again at some point in the future.
And I'm like, God dang it.
I'll be just as mad then.
It's like, why the fuck did I watch this again?
Because it's such good lore.
Even the Dead Sea Scrolls are hinted at as like manuscripts and like manuals to how to
work the seeds and the Lanselonginus.
Even that shit's like, that's awesome.
And then you watch it like, what the fuck?
Because none of it goes together.
Just a bad execution all around.
And the sad thing is, it's not just you.
It literally has split the anime community completely because you either love it or there
are people that love it.
And then there's other people that's like, but why?
If you say, I'm not like, but why, because like why?
It doesn't make any fucking sense.
It's like a fucking pity party, if I'm being honest.
You're supposed to feel sorry for somebody, for whatever.
I'm like, why would I feel sorry for a motherfucker that jacks off the unconscious bodies?
Why should I feel sorry for...
My brain hurts.
And then he's got a crush on this other girl with blue hair who's like, I think a clone
of his mom, who's like 13.
So the dad clones his wife and they're both macking on this same young girl.
And I'm like, what?
That's a little awkward too.
Just a little bit.
So the son and the father.
And then the father puts his hand inside the young girl's chest and just goes through her
chest and to her heart.
And then she's like, ass naked, and he's like, haha, time for human instrumentality.
I'm like, well, this is how you do human...
Okay, you fucking pedophile, okay.
What the fuck?
And then she turns into a giant the size of the moon and then her head opens up like a
vagina and then the sword goes into her brain.
And then shit...
Me explaining it to you is exactly how I fucking feel watching it.
It's like, huh?
It is fucking pouring rain outside.
Yes, it's just that's the whole the whole the whole series like, huh?
And then like, he meets some boy, that's Hale.
Fuck, give us a second, guys.
And then in a blind rage, because that's what I feel like sometimes watching that garbage.
It's all in there.
It's still garbage.
That's damn what I said.
Are we back from the earlier or is it a different one?
It's a new one.
Sorry, guys, we had a bit of a weather system, you know how it is in the south side of the
country.
If it ain't if it ain't raining, it's it's tornadoing.
Exactly.
If it ain't enough wind to rip the skin off your face at the fucking hailstorm, the size
of baseballs.
I've never heard like, oh, we're gonna have some nice rain this week.
It's always like, you guys better be careful.
There's a flood coming.
You know what I mean?
You never get just it's going to be just a little light shower and then that's it.
Little fresh, you know, watch the sin away.
And this is like that Noah's Ark level rain.
Either that or like UK level fog and mist for an entire fucking day.
I turn around, don't drown.
Anyway, so yeah, neon Genesis in Magellan.
You got the main series.
You got the they ran out of money.
So they made a weird last episode.
And you had the they ran out of money is what apparently I found out or something.
The last episode is like a reimagining of like if Sinjin was just a regular high school
student going to like missing like being late for class and like his dad and his mom are
like his dad is just a regular guy just sitting sitting at the coffee table and his mom's
alive and then the redhead comes in to wake him up.
Right.
He sleeps ass naked.
So he's got a big heart on and she gets mad at him.
Like, why are you a wreck that she fucking slaps him?
I bet you're in my fucking room.
I would have met as fuck actually.
I bet I could be as hard as I wanted my the privacy of my own fucking room.
And then the other girl is a different voice actor.
So now she's also late for school.
And then then they like splits or something.
And then like and then it's like, oh, wait, he's back into like the real world.
And that was just an imagination or like a possible multi like a multi-versal like view
of I don't know what the fuck is happening.
What about the reboot?
I don't know if it was a reboot.
I think it was like the movie after the show was the original was the true ending of Neon
Genesis and they made like two like Neon Genesis 2.1 the not reboot reboot.
And then they made the third one like the Neon Genesis three.
You know, it's still Neon Genesis, but it's like it's in the future.
And like the redheads been like alive for like 50 years.
And then she's but she's still young looking and she's been trapped in some like stasis
in space.
So they find him.
I don't fucking know what to tell you because I don't know what the fuck is good.
It's like watching Inception and Tenet in one fucking movie.
They're trying to figure out what's real, what's not.
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
Who knew that if you reverse time you couldn't breathe?
You reverse time you can't breathe.
That's what goes on in my head.
I'm telling you, I've seen some I've watched some weird sci-fi and read some weird sci-fi.
I do not know half of the shit that I see.
I don't know.
You look very perplexed.
I know what I know what HB Lovecraft felt like just losing your fucking mind.
Even with these fucking like concepts, you're like, what the fuck?
Steven Gellian does it to you though?
I think any absurd like high level concept that tries to be like so high brow, like only
the intellectuals in it when understanding just gets me.
I'm like, don't give me that bullshit.
Show me something compelling that can be understood.
And that'll be even more profound than some shit that no one, not even you could understood
yourself.
One of the best mystery stories I've ever watched on anything, read, watched, seen,
right?
Was American Vandal season two.
And that was a goofy high school comedy about some kids trying to figure out who's been
hacking people's phones because one of the star players on the basketball team had his
fucking dick leaked to the whole school.
His fucking turtleneck was seen by everybody because he's uncircumcised.
And that was to me, one of the best mysteries ever.
Because at the very, like the very last episode, they asked like, but who would have access
to everyone's phones?
And then like it just clicks in your head like that person would.
It was there the whole time.
But then I watched neon Genesis and I'm like, this guy's just jacking off for no fucking
reason.
He wanted it to be really, nevermind.
You were about to say something so offensive and like, hold on.
I stopped myself.
It would get demonetized right away.
It's like, well, nevermind.
Nevermind.
Well, who cares?
I've been demonetized for other stuff.
That's shocking.
Too shocking to even promote it, apparently.
They should have gave us a discount then.
Just shocking.
I don't even know why it was so shocking.
What's so shocking about the truth?
You can't handle the truth though.
So it's just shocking content.
Not too sexual, not too offensive.
Just shocking to everybody.
I'm always sexually offensive.
Shocking by-
I probably shouldn't say that like that actually.
Shocking by human review.
Well, yeah.
That's my title.
Just shocking by human review.
So anyway, that's Neon.
You go check it out.
You'll just be in the same boat I am.
You'll write 1,500 page essays on what the fuck is going on.
And if you want to clean your palate, go play Stray.
I love that game.
After you watch Neon Genesis?
Yeah, just play Stray.
You get to play a little kitty cat and run around the city and talk to robots.
Yay.
Because you're going to need it after this bullshit.
Yeah.
You're going to need a straightforward story compared to this fucking garbage.
All right.
Anything else to add before we head out then?
Neon Genesis Evangelion.
It's my white whale.
I will talk to you guys on the next one.