Hello and welcome to Reddit Insanity number 32.
Alright, I got a few more retail and some to the affect ups.
Retail?
That wakes you up early.
Yeah.
The anger starts boiling.
What?
Target.
Pit of despair.
This one is by Azarick.
So you're waiting for an overlord?
Exactly.
Which we'll be talking about tomorrow when you're listening to this.
Alright, so this person pits, I used to work at one of the big electronic stores.
I used to wear blue shirts if that helps.
Best buy.
That was easy.
We have two entrances and we are using one for the entrance and one for the exit.
I was one of the managers.
I was dealing with the front of the store, transactions and customer questions.
Well, they are purchasing things.
Oh, and I don't know if you, if I told you yet, but it was Black Friday.
So I got me great.
One of the greatest battles in retail.
I think it's Black Friday.
So I have a customer come through the exit and storm up to the desk.
He plopped a 50 inch TV that looked like a shotgun blast and went through it multiple
times.
Jesus.
He throws the receipt at me and says he wants a refund.
In the process of looking at the television, I inspected the receipt that was five years
old.
Five years?
Like five years to the month.
He has a receipt from, I don't have a receipt from five days ago.
Is that one from five years ago?
After arguing and expecting us to return it and then threatening my 18 year old female
customer service associate, I had to call the cops.
They came in and I explained the situation and then they explained the situation saying
that they won't move out of the store without a refund.
In the end, they started getting aggressive now and slamming his fist onto the already
broken television.
He caught a piece in his hand and started bleeding.
Jesus.
I asked if he wanted first aid.
He called the ambulance and they treated him on site.
After they treated him, my customer service associate decided to press charges and she
didn't feel safe around the guy.
Not only did he get arrested for trespassing, but he still didn't leave.
He got a restraining order.
Jesus Christ, man.
Just take a hit.
You cannot get a refund on a five year old electronic device that you, I guess, shot
up while you were fucking drunk or something.
Exactly.
And only a 50 inch TV.
They're not even that expensive.
It's a principle of the matter apparently.
It's always a principle with some of these people.
Nice.
Next one is by Valentine's Star.
For some bits, some context.
I used to work at a store that specializes in accessories.
We had a buy three get three deal on hair accessories and jewelry.
Buy three get three.
That's a good deal.
Yeah.
Gotta emphasize this.
It was an exclusive.
It was exclusive to jewelry and hair accessories.
It's also pretty important to note that the store was incredibly understaffed and I was
there by myself on our busiest days.
Welcome to retail.
What do you mean?
It's like a rare thing.
Understaffed.
We're always understaffed.
It was a small store, but that was still super overwhelming and stressful.
Usually on those days, I have a hard time focusing on any one thing and I can't keep
it.
I'd keep interaction with customers to a minimum because I was bouncing around the store trying
to do a dozen different things at once.
I imagine there are some people here who can relate.
It's like no shit Sherlock on me.
This started on one of those days.
I was there alone on a Saturday, like usual.
I was busy and juggling a lot of different things.
This woman and two girls who I'm assuming were her granddaughters or something.
I wasn't paying much attention until they.
Because I knocked on you, huh?
What the fuck was that?
Let me know what it was for a second.
What the fuck?
All right.
The woman and her two girls.
I'm assuming they were her granddaughters come in.
I wasn't paying much attention until they were ready to check out.
And this is a very important to keep in mind.
They didn't approach me or ask me for any help while they were there shopping.
They had four accessories and two pop sockets.
I checked them out and they were headed out.
Normal transition and my day continues.
I was at work the next day.
The woman from the day before came in.
I greeted her, not really recognizing her until she walked up to me and told me that
she had been there yesterday.
She told me she had looked at her receipt from the day that the from the other day that
day and realized that the total was higher than she expected it to be.
She says she didn't get a discount.
She thought she was supposed to and then pulled out her receipt.
I looked it over and told her that the deal only applies to her accessories and jewelry
and that pop sockets aren't included in the deal.
Tells a pop socket.
Those things that go on the back of phones that you can hold on to it with.
Those stupid, those stupid.
Let's be honest, they're stupid.
And honestly, I feel like I should have just gone without saying.
Pop sockets are phone accessories.
They're not something you wear on your body.
And there were a ton of signs around the store that said buy three and get three hair and
jewelry.
Okay, buy them.
Pops them like they're gone or titties.
But I suggest you buy two or one.
One for each fucking number.
The signs didn't just say accessories or imply anything else would be included.
So I'm getting a little annoyed, but obviously not saying anything.
I apologize to her as you're always required to do in situations where the customer feels
even slightly unhappy.
And she looks me in the eye and says, you need to tell people that.
Bitch, I can't teach you to read.
Keep in mind, not only was I really too busy to pay attention to the one family while they
were shopping, but this woman hadn't asked me any questions about the deal.
She also didn't say anything when she was checking out and when she told was told her
total what her total was.
She apparently couldn't be bothered to notice that her total of what it was until the next
day.
She looks me dead in the eye and tells me several more times that she before she left
that I need to tell people that.
I get that this woman was annoyed that she spent more money than she wanted to, but I
was still getting pretty annoyed as well.
So fucking pop socket.
How much could it be?
A couple of dollars.
Exactly.
I'm real fucking confused.
Of why she even came back?
Yeah, like I thought it was buy three get three.
If she only bought three items to begin with.
So what?
Well, she bought a total of six apparently, but she thought the two pop sockets would
be included in that.
Well, she was wrong.
Exactly.
So what she expected me to read her mind and know what she was going to tell her that she
was going to get a discount.
More of the story.
Pay attention to your total while you're shopping.
Read signs and ask retail employees questions about discounts so you can buy the right things
instead of getting mad and stressed out minimum wage workers and lecturing them about how
to do their job.
Also, pop sockets aren't jewelry.
You're asking too much from people.
I got the animal too much for them.
And it's never going to it's never going to go into their brains at all.
It's never going to disseminate into their brains whatsoever.
Or can.
No.
Next one is by texture workshop.
It's person bits.
This happened over 20 years ago.
How did I get this old?
I've had those feelings.
I just bubbles up in your fucking soul.
What late night I got.
I was an assistant manager at a craft store.
Our Halloween merchandise included costumes.
The store doesn't sell them anymore.
I can totally understand why not.
They were always a mess.
We had the usual return policies.
You need a receipt purchased within 30 days.
Things must be in their original packaging.
But our manager was trying to enforce the new one.
So you think I can return condoms if I put them back in the.
They're used right with their back of the package.
Would that still count?
Well according to their policies.
Probably wouldn't.
I kind of want to test that one day.
Just like a pack of 10 condoms and burn through them all and put them all back in the package.
Seal them back.
Put them in the box.
I return these condoms.
There you go.
They open up the condoms.
They're all.
Maybe I shouldn't do that.
That would be like really.
Helpful like sexual harassment.
Yeah.
They're touching on my fluid system.
You'd have the police up there in a heartbeat.
Yeah.
They would fucking arrest me.
You try to return used condoms you son of a bitch.
So the manager was trying to enforce a new one.
No returns on holiday merchandise within seven days of the holiday.
Because this was a new policy.
There were signs that every register and flyers were put in bags at checkout.
Damn.
They're legit with their policies.
We had a rock star for a head cashier.
She could handle anything.
But some customers just have to be just have to talk to a manager.
Rock star.
I come to her register when called because she has an issue with a customer trying to
return an item.
The item is a costume.
There is no receipt.
There is no packaging.
Just a crumpled ball of cheap fabric tossed into one of the bags.
I run through the issues knowing full well that she already heard all of this from the
head cashier.
Our customer isn't taking no for an answer.
Finally, I get to the point that this is two days before Halloween and we are no longer
taking returns on Halloween merchandise.
She asks why.
Silly me.
I think this is a sane individual and take the time to explain to her our aggressive
clearance policy on seasonal merchandise and that there was no way that we would be able
to sell it before Halloween.
She thinks this is an opening to explain that we will surely be able to sell the costume
for out of our five children have worn it and absolutely loved it.
She doesn't explain why her youngest is refusing to wear it.
But the fact that the other kids did surely shows that this costume.
It surely shows what a good costume it is and that there will be no problem selling
it in the next two days.
Why didn't they wear it then if the fifth one didn't want it?
Here's the thing though.
I take a moment, gather my thoughts and ask.
So you are saying that you have had this costume for years.
Oh, I guess so.
And that it was a hand-me-down.
And that it has been worn no less than four times.
Because the fifth child is refusing to wear it, you think you should be able to return
it and thus take it back.
Jesus.
She shook her head enthusiastically thinking she was finally making some progress.
He generally offered her directions to the secondhand store down the street.
I know I got off easy.
There are a lot more crazy out there in retail.
But she was the most delusional customer I have ever had.
And always think of her and her son every Halloween.
That is pretty wild.
So this is basically a family heirloom.
Pretty much.
The fifth child did not want it.
And she is trying to return it now because they don't want to wear it.
That is wild.
That thing must have been through the washing machine.
Oh my god.
They live a whole life out there.
So already that's two stories now.
A guy that wants to return a TV after five years.
And a woman that wants to return a how after like a whole generation of children.
Yes.
It's like damn.
Jesus Christ.
And it could have been multiple wears too.
Like until it stopped fitting and then the next week he got it.
The one right after him got it.
Isn't that crazy?
Next person is Middle Finger Monday.
Middle Finger Monday.
Oh man it's Monday tomorrow.
God dang it.
It's first in bits.
It's Monday today.
I had a job in a tack and feed store.
You know what those are?
Tack and feed?
Yeah.
That's tractor supply and stuff like that.
Oh the actual.
No.
It was.
I'm a city boy.
Well they have them in the city.
I'm a close the closet and say I'm a bubble city boy.
The feed people there usually the few farmers and the housewives raising chickens.
The tack people well horse people are obnoxious and entitled as a species.
So this is the side of the story you're going to hear about.
Oh shit.
It was a Saturday.
Drama.
It was a Saturday in the morning in the spring.
The people who do the horse thing are keeping us busy with their show season starting.
Kind of like those trade show type things for horses and stuff like that.
I was going to the fair and we were going to the I guess my uncle really likes like
you know he's a bit of a rustic type.
And we were going to the barn I guess or the whatever I don't know where it was like just
a fair play like the holding for the horses.
And it was me and two cousins no three cousins my aunt and my uncle.
They're not they wasn't like step aunt or anything like aunt in law.
It was brother and sister aunt and uncle.
They both had their own kids.
My uncle had his two his son and daughter.
My aunt had her son and it was just me.
My mom gave me some money and we went to the fair.
It went to the fun we went to the whatever horse holding.
And one of these horses had an erection like a baseball bat.
I'll never forget I like God.
Look like a little like a log just attached to his leg.
I killed a man with that thing.
I won't tell you about that story that's come up not too long ago.
I'm good.
That exactly.
So that's I know it's like I don't know anything and I'm happy for it.
It comes in comes a early 90s version of a Karen with her two kids.
Oh fuck.
She had one of those big ass satellite phones.
It was a page zero.
It could be one of those big ass satellite phones.
First time I'd ever seen one and was dressed head to toe and DK NY.
That brand that used to exist Jesus Karen immediately started shouting that she must
have a job for her boots for her younger girl and hunter boots for her older one.
I hustle over to over there to help her find the sizes and she says that these aren't real
leather.
Well, they actually are.
But whatever Karen then goes on a tirade about how this store wasn't a tax store and she
needs these items now and they needed to be better quality because they had traveled all
the way from further away in a different state for her kids show the kids forgot their boots.
So I helped them get the boots but we didn't have the exact sizes for the younger girl.
She demanded that I give her the larger boots free because they were ill stocked 30 years
later I remember that exact quote like that.
Something about it just almost like a level that is like almost in your reptile brain.
The true Karen word.
Yeah, like that's a way he'll start this dude looked at her because the old stock means
that the stock you have is not what you promote.
Right like it like if you were like under stocked and he's like you don't have the you
don't have the items that right.
He'll stock means like it like if it's a tax store you have like like frisbees or some
random you know I mean he'll stop you don't remember that one driving me mad.
This dude looked at her and said if she didn't want to buy them then don't but he wasn't
going to give him merchandise.
She ended up buying both pairs of boots and then came back later to buy something else
that they had forgotten.
Oh, she actually had the nerve to whine that we were overcharging.
My manager overheard and said that he bet it was actually more expensive on the showgrounds
from the vendors so she should shut up.
He was so awesome.
I wish all managers were like him.
It would be easy when they own the store probably.
Yeah, but you know you know those on those under corporate are like so like.
Like asslicking.
Asslicking and browbeating.
Yeah, you can't do certain things you must do it this way.
You have to get thrown under a bus for nothing.
Which is annoying too.
Where the customer is always right.
Won't you apologize to this man like he spit on me.
But apologies in a bit of the way of his spit.
Pretty much.
Yes, that's almost exactly the way it goes.
Next one is by Adriel Bast.
This person puts.
A while ago I posted about a dude who got pissed off about the price of abuse of age
insisting that the four pack is cheaper and cursing me out etc etc.
See I always get cussed out for some shit you can't control.
He came in about 20 minutes ago and honestly I'm laughing over what happened.
So we were out of the specific pack you always get.
I told him he can try the main store across the parking lot to see if they still have
it in stock and he responded with the lovely fuck that.
To set the mood.
And I got a different bag.
Now we're supposed to ID everyone no matter how old they look or if they are regulars
or not.
I was still running on the previous jobs policy of if you look over 40 don't ID whenever
I last saw him.
But after chatting with some managers and older employees about it and nah I'm supposed
to check everyone's no exception.
I want to get my damn mouth shut.
I get it's frustrating but majority of customers have no problems with it.
Which is where the problem came in.
I think he's lying cause there's no fucking idea.
My ID for what?
I asked for his ID.
He started swearing and saying that I had to be kidding.
I told him I'm not.
And the manager said it's to policy.
Him.
You're the one who I you're the only one who ever does no one else does.
Me.
Well I will let managers know that my coworkers up here aren't and as inconsistency.
Don't be a snitch bro.
That's your worst for everybody.
As inconsistency and rules can cause unnecessary problems.
Him.
He's not wrong in that though.
Yeah.
Him.
You never ID'd me before.
Me.
You weren't an asshole before.
I had not had you as a customer since management told me to do this.
So back and forth he keeps cursing unusual how dare I spiel as he brought out his ID.
I went to take it so I could type it in and he snatched it back.
You can look at it but you're not fucking touching it.
Problem is his hand was shaking so bad I couldn't read it.
Which like I can't get a.
Hang on a second.
The way it's written.
Which I can which like I I get he can't help that.
No shame in it.
I told him I can't read it and he flipped it over to be scanned.
I calmly explained our registers can scan them.
He cursed some more and I had to squint to try to read it.
Typed it in and he kept swearing the whole time.
As I'm bagging his stuff I apologize that our store policy inconvenienced him.
He said more fuck your policy.
And mind and mind you I'm staying surprisingly calm for this.
He's a fuck the authority man.
Get these skateboards away.
50 year old.
I'm like man get a life brah.
The verbal abuse from customers at the old job trained me well.
And they should pay people in retail hazard pay for the emotional damage we have to suffer
through.
Of the absolute insanity of most humanity.
Yes.
And he was always screaming about how he'll go shop somewhere else when I came to the
price of use so I said calmly I am sorry that you do not like our policy regarding
IDs but you are welcome to shop elsewhere if there are stores that are better for you.
I should warn every customer that that threat is so useless.
You not shopping in a store.
Does not kill me.
It is a drop of water in the ocean to corporations.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
I would never go to a shop at Walmart ever again.
Walmart would not shed one tear.
No they really won't.
You will not be replaced but you will be replaced by eight of you.
Pretty much.
Which is a pretty innocuous statement to say.
Demanded to know who the manager is then blows up and demands to know who the main manager
is.
Who's the main man here?
I tell him.
He demands to know my name so I straight face told him Bob.
Like because like hell I'm telling him my real name.
And then he stormed off saying he's talking to management about this unprofessional BS
and that I have terrible customer service blah blah blah.
Pulls a scooter out of his backpack.
I'm out of here.
I'm not concerned.
If the main store calls I'll explain to them but I doubt they'll actually confront the
manager otherwise I'm no longer going to be selling to him since this is not his first
time he's blown up at me and cursed at me for following store policy.
Really he's done that before?
Apparently.
Some customers like that.
They'll be friendly right?
They know they don't get their way.
At the least of the least like the slightest inconvenience.
Yes.
They show their true colors.
Yep.
Always.
Believe me I know.
It's annoying too.
Next person is by Aberdolf Linsforging.
Okay.
Wow you should run the whole line for that one.
Whatever random letters you picked together you sure hope something good came out.
First and first I started a new job today and I had a zoom training session slash meeting
with all the other newbies.
We were going through introducing ourselves and explaining how we ended up working here,
what branch we were part of and what we're known for.
When my turn came around I was super nervous and I jumped right into explaining how I was
how I had previous experience dealing with a similar job.
That is whenever I proceeded to say that I had been wanting to further myself in this
career and spread my legs and that I am well known for being a talkative person.
You're all spreading huh?
Is this where we're going with the situation?
Everyone was muted during this and the silence was deafening.
He could just spread my legs.
I guess that's one way to get to the top.
Yeah I mean it works for something.
Yeah it works for a lot of people actually.
And I was the last person to introduce myself.
I am extremely embarrassed and distraught over this and I hope to recover swiftly.
You won't believe me.
I'll be that one joke.
You gonna spread your legs yet?
I think.
How them legs feel from all that spread you can do it.
Please sir Lord.
And mostly if she really does move up quick.
Oh yeah?
Cause she really does spread them legs.
And obviously we know she must spread her wings but.
Yeah.
That's like a 40 inch slip right there.
That's like bad.
Yeah that's a bad one.
Mostly cause you don't think of spread my legs.
If you're gonna say spread my wings.
You're not gonna say legs.
She's apparently spread those legs.
You're just messing up I guess.
The truth came out.
Believe me anytime a person messes up it's always something sexual by accident.
Yes.
Cause deep down we're off race.
What was the other one that we seen where she was at a goodwill and said that she wanted
a dong?
Something like that yeah.
Yeah.
God these women are dirty.
She's spreading her legs.
The other one's thinking a dong.
Ding dong the witch is dead.
Next one is by Spikeiscools.
It's person Pitts.
Back in the day whenever I was 13, 14 I used to get Thursday evenings home alone.
My mom would be at work late and my dad would be taking my sister to guitar practice.
You can imagine a lot of activities that you would take place.
Very loud music.
I can imagine how much stuff you tried to fuck around the house.
You can already imagine that.
Very loud music.
Tons of junk food and hours and I mean hours of hardcore no breaks involved video gaming.
You dirty so and so's.
I don't believe you love Spikeiscools.
Anyway what's the worst feeling when you're finally about to take down the entire chimera
invasion and save your little boy?
Needing a piss.
So my underdeveloped hopped up smooth brain cell sol and natural solution.
Literally I'd peed outside on hikes and the like so why not in the plant pot next to the
TV?
Why didn't I just go to the fucking bathroom?
This continues for a month or so of Thursdays.
My god he must have done something to that plant.
Like it just ended up dying or something.
I was so happy with my new solution.
Keep it in the room and not need to do it in the loo.
What the fuck just go to the fucking bathroom what are you talking about?
Well lo and behold this one poor plant could not absorb several jugs worth of piss.
The room started to stink and my mom took action.
She quickly figured it out and what it was and showed me the lingering puddle at the
bottom of the pot.
Oh fuck.
I was bollocked, lost Playstation privileges and never did it again.
You been pissing in that pot.
Imagine if I talked.
I uh I'm gonna realize when I become a father right.
Dad it can't faze me because I know it's always gonna be something fucking weird.
You know what I mean?
You can't let it like you can't be like so devastated as a parent.
Yeah.
Because they're your kids they're gonna do some dumb shit.
Doesn't mean you can't scold them for it though.
Right but like not to the point where they feel like it's like the most uh.
No it's just more of like what the fuck were you thinking?
Like you walk in like like the dad from American Pie watching your son fucking apple pie.
Yeah.
And he's like what the fuck.
Have you just said to your mother we ate it all.
I don't know like.
He'll reach his dumb assider for the little guidance.
Like I wouldn't even yell I'd just be like why so you couldn't piss in the bathroom
huh.
Well he didn't say that she yelled at him.
I just lost PlayStation privileges.
It just he lost free that was the PlayStation privileges and he never did it again.
The chimera invasion what game is he talking about.
I have no idea.
I really don't.
Uh next one is by audiophile93.
This person puts.
Hey everyone I thought I'd share my this embarrassing fuck up.
I live in a pretty small town super important through my work I met an attractive girl.
She asked me for my number and I gave it to her.
Sounds good so far right.
Well.
Well we talked.
Red flag.
She gave you her number first.
Well.
Which means she's bad shit crazy and no one else anyone knows it so she's the one who's
making making the moves.
It's not going in that direction.
Is it not.
Does he kill her.
No.
Is he a serial killer.
Well we talked for probably about a month.
Things started getting a little steamy through messages and in person.
No sex but definitely touching and sending nudes a lot.
We both have high sex drive people apparently.
Anyways we were meshing very well.
That is a curse.
We were meshing.
You actually like you have to see like control it to a high degree.
Yeah.
Like if you literally have to.
Anyways we were meshing very well and everything seemed to be perfect.
We got out.
We got our work schedules to line up for once and we went on a date at a local coffee shop.
While we were sitting down and enjoying coffee and laughs my cousin happened to show up.
She asked how I'm doing and everything and then noticed it.
Oh yeah.
What's your friend's name.
She asked.
She didn't know I was bisexual as a bisexual so she assumed it was just a friend.
Oh there was a little.
They're all women.
Yeah.
Well I introduced her.
Man women high sex drive is the fix on another level.
You know what.
They're there and pussy's out for a shot.
Well I introduced her and she said her name sounded familiar but then we chatted for a
minute before she said goodbye.
Well we ended the day and went home.
I was thinking about it a lot because I'm paranoid.
I messaged my mom.
One of those two.
Every scenario running through your head.
Like how do you know her name.
Like that one thing where you're like where someone like really gets you in public right.
Yeah.
And you don't have a comeback.
You're like 50.
That'll teach.
The one you could have said.
Yeah.
You're like that.
That'll get it.
Like you try to replay it like it's the saddest shit in the world.
You replay the situation like you come out on top.
Yeah.
And then you're like oh.
I lost that one.
So they messaged her mom who lives in a different state now.
If the name sounds familiar and she said at first it wasn't but later she messaged me
saying that the last name is the same name as our distant family.
So I looked into it and sure enough this girl was this girl I was seeing turned out to be
my third cousin.
She had recently moved here because rent is so expensive everywhere else and that's how
the family lives across the country.
It was awkward conversation to have but at the very least I have a new friend and a family
member albeit a little too intimate.
She surprised.
I told you I'm going to go down the other one.
I want to figure it out.
Where's my brain was on a different path line.
Although with you I wasn't expecting incest.
Third cousin.
Jesus.
And then they see nudes of each other.
My God.
And touching he said.
I thought it was a she.
Or she.
I'm real confused as to whether it's a girl.
It's it's it's women.
All women huh?
Yeah.
All women all in.
Well whatever.
Let me like oh man.
Oh fuck you.
On top of that you're a Mexican you really have to worry.
No I don't.
I'm a Mexican.
Seriously remove from theyeah be careful keep.
From the》
Yeah.
You know every mushroom every mushroom has a good fortune in it.
That's the bad news About my sister.
There's a third.
They have proof.
There's a third.
That has.
There's a story they tell every mushroom has a fortune in it.
You know then the sun comes in and you've got six.
shouldn't approach about it.
The sun comes in and you've got six of the sun goes down and you'll be agitated and
Don't do it.
onc So I know I see the sun audience in that
That's a family business.
family member that's that's a family all right on to the very last one today
BAMALA is who the author is BAMALA BAMALA BAMALA it's like Pamela B-A-M-I-L-A
is it like someone would be Pamela Anderson just BAMALA BAMALA I'm BAMALA
I'm BANNERSEN BANNERSEN Spurs Pits literally just happened 30 minutes
again I am solo for let's see here all right this person you know how they
usually put their age yeah this person puts I a male age doesn't matter but way
over a over age limit I'm not gonna I'm not gonna like this one am I it doesn't
sound like she 13 I'm like is it not gonna sound good
I am solo for quite some time now so it's normal for me to start the day with
a little bit of something special for getting out of bed I also tend to sleep
comfortably naked well today I am is a day off from work so I figure I'll just
do the deed and have another hour or two of extra sleep time do the data fall
back asleep that's why he put the way over the age limit oh I like the jacking
off do you think like after a certain age you just kind of and so that way you
don't think it's a kid writing this base so it is a kid dance and in general just
have some myself lazy day maybe watch movies and just have a recharge a day
from all the all the worrying recharge day huh I wonder what those are like no
no it's like what would I feel like I was spider-man without the power
oh they shit is all all the water all the time now here's the fuck here's where
the fuck up happens I always wear socks only once for the day then whenever I
get into bed I usually drop them not far from the bed then whenever I wake up I
can discard them in the washbasket so the socks are there for a reason because
so it happens but I also tend to discharge my goo often and since I don't
use tissue I just find it way less messier and easier to do it in the sock
that I'm about to throw into the washing anyway so today I wake up from my extra
long sleep because I am hungry or he puts hangry and who wants to get some
food since I know that I will get back to bed eventually I just throw on a
jumper on a on the top and wear the nearest socks that are next to me
because I don't like one wonder let it come yeah yeah as house floors as the
house floor is total pile and I don't use slippers because I'm not that old
yet upon making myself a meal and heading back to the bedroom I do a quick
stop at the bathroom and then it hits me I put on the damn soggy sock that I used
earlier today I did take it off faster than Steph Curry drop in his first three
and ended up taking a watchful but it has never happened in many many years
from this day I don't know if I don't do that I yeah I once what I was once as
they say checking the stock market I was checking off vigorously is why I should
and you get done right I'm a young lad of you know 80 years old and one of my
dad's friends comes over for something to pick up right but I had just finished
and I have chance to wash my hands in the bathroom or anything right so I'm a
tissue person I don't know this guy's thought sock you know just say I had
time to clean up and I wash my hands so he comes in and like he takes whatever
item or I don't know what he wanted I forgot what he was picking up something
and he wanted to shake my hand before he left I was like I don't want to share
hand right now cuz I had you know your stain hang so the thing was that he had
badly burned when he was younger so they look really bad so I used to this day I
worried that he thought that I would even want to change hands because of his
hands I was I don't want you to get my come on your hand brother the life we
live sometimes you know you don't do it in the sock and then put them on no
maybe I should maybe be warmer or colder or colder I once had the I wanted the
door my closet he brought them if it's like all the way across the room I
guess I used to get some distance that was an accident sometimes it's faster
than you expect and you can't reach for the tissue all right anything else said
before we head out today no this incest stuff's got me fucking sick till my
stomach all right and with that I can't stand incest I can't stand a rape
BC out he's the MC see and see I can't stand any of that stuff whatever just a
good old meat and potatoes I just love some good old big old
Teddy's some hairy bush some ass whatever it all the normal you know what
I mean like just a woman's body what happened all that why is it all these
weird scenarios they need to go through I know they get off nowadays it's like
that old Robin Williams joke where it's like well now that I'm this age you know
I'm gonna shove a sparkler up my ass light your hairy bush on fire and then
you're gonna jump off and jump on to be saying fire in the hole women yes we'll
see what that does that's too much what is I feel like they're so over stimulated
from the constant or over saturated yeah from the cost of barrage of sexuality
that they just numb it I guess I don't know yeah I feel really bad for younger
people though fuck those people no they're gonna be into some weird shit
they're already into weird some weird shit I'm pretty sure they're ruining the
algorithm with the goddamn family bullshit they have ruined the algorithm
for all porn sites you you gotta wade through it to get anything normal you
gotta fuck and search the every late for anything decent when regular
I'll pay you $1200 I do like naked women stretching something about the body in
different you know states like new yoga that's a big turn on for me and we
learn more from specific sophisticated pervert yeah I'm not as perverted as my
stuff is not you're learning that you're not as bad as you thought I wonder I
knew I never was but I mean I'm not like condemning them for them being into
something more complicated I'm just like I don't understand I do not understand I
really don't understand the step family thing at all and it's like it's what
sells right now like like hotcakes because it's so taboo I guess I guess but
I mean like my name in certain parts of the country but yeah you can do that in
Bama Alabama that's a Tuesday right there is all Alabama listeners sorry but
with that we will talk to you guys on the next one