1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,320 Oh, and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 31. 2 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,320 31. 3 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,320 Yeah, 31. 4 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:17,320 Man, that's a lot. 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,320 Welcome back to Reddit Insanity 100. 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:19,320 That'll be thought of soon, so don't worry. 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,320 Yeah. 8 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,320 We're up to 31, so that's 31 weeks. 9 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:22,320 Oh, shit, yeah, I guess it is. 10 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:23,320 That's wild. 11 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:34,040 All right, so the first one we have is by Chaos and Spiked, 1389. 12 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,840 And Chaos and it's spiked? 13 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:37,840 Yeah. 14 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:38,840 My god. 15 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:39,840 So this person puts. 16 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,960 So, this lady has come into my store on three separate occasions in the past few weeks. 17 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,860 The first time was almost two weeks ago, and the first thing she did was ask me if Halloween 18 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,800 products were on sale yet. 19 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:50,800 Oh. 20 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,800 Oh, no. 21 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,800 Why? 22 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,760 This is over two weeks before Halloween. 23 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:03,840 I told her they most likely would not be until after Halloween, and she proceeded to buy 24 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,480 a five foot skeleton and a blonde mullet wig. 25 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,480 Blonde mullet wig? 26 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:13,560 She explained that she was going to a Halloween party with her husband and was going to try 27 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,880 to convince him to wear the wig and dress as a hippie. 28 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:17,880 Dirty hippie. 29 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:18,880 What then? 30 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,560 I thought she was a little odd and then moved on with my night. 31 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,960 Later that week, she came back to exchange the wig for another one. 32 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,060 The new one was a black mullet. 33 00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:31,440 She explained that her husband didn't like the blonde one, but said that he would wear 34 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:32,840 a black one. 35 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:37,440 Then she decided that rather than him dress as a hippie, he was going to go as a Mexican-American. 36 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,440 Bad. 37 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:39,440 Unfollowing. 38 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,440 Of course. 39 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:44,960 I couldn't say anything, but I thought it was incredibly stupid. 40 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,880 She said she didn't have her receipt. 41 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:52,640 I had to process a refund onto a store gift card, which she then used to buy the second 42 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,840 wig. 43 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:58,840 She also had a coupon, so she still had some money left on it later. 44 00:01:58,840 --> 00:01:59,840 After. 45 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:06,160 Well, this confused her so much that I had to get my manager, who spent 15 minutes, explaining 46 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,480 why there was still money on the gift card. 47 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:14,240 Right before she left, she asked me again if Halloween had gone on to appearance, and 48 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,000 I gave her the same answer I had before. 49 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Says yesterday, no. 50 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,600 I don't know what to say. 51 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,200 A few days ago, she came back to return the new wig. 52 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,280 Oh boy. 53 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:30,000 This time, her reasoning was that she didn't like the top was curly, just like the picture 54 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,000 shows. 55 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,840 So they found a better one online. 56 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,000 I processed a refund onto another gift card, and she laughed at the fact that she had two 57 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,000 now. 58 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,720 Once again, before she left, she stopped to ask if Halloween was on sale yet. 59 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,120 At this point, I think she's just stupid. 60 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:57,080 I think she's just one of those like, just absolutely, just like, in that world of, it's 61 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,120 just a safety bubble, right? 62 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,120 Yeah. 63 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,120 Where she never had to have a thought in her head. 64 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:06,680 She transferred from her father taking care of her to her husband, and that's it. 65 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:07,680 And there's no thought process whatsoever. 66 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,840 There's no thought process whatsoever. 67 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,760 I dealt with a woman like that who didn't even know how to use her fucking husband's 68 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:19,200 debit card, and then she got mad at me because she didn't, I'm like, ma'am, you're like, 69 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,200 you're not listening to me. 70 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,120 You are ripping that fucking card out of that goddamn pin pad before it even processes on 71 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:26,720 my fucking computer. 72 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,460 And she's like, is it done now? 73 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:29,460 What about now? 74 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,460 What do I do now? 75 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,160 Where do I put this now? 76 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,160 Where do I slide it now? 77 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:37,680 I'm like, I'm about to fucking smack the shit out of you right now. 78 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:38,680 Now, now. 79 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,240 Like, I could not believe how fucking, she was so arrogant about it. 80 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,320 Like, it's my fucking fault that she doesn't know how to fuck. 81 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,320 I almost flipped out. 82 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,240 Like, it's not my fault you don't know how to fucking act like a god dang human, like 83 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,880 a doll that you can't even work out. 84 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:52,880 God dang debit card. 85 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:53,880 And that bitch. 86 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,880 You know what I'm saying? 87 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:55,880 It's like you've been through this, I have. 88 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:56,880 You've been through this. 89 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:57,880 And then the gift card situation. 90 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:58,880 No, no, your store, do they have gift cards? 91 00:03:58,880 --> 00:03:59,880 Like, regular gift cards for the store? 92 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:00,880 I'd be used to it anymore. 93 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:01,880 Okay. 94 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:02,880 So you at least don't have to deal with those then? 95 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:03,880 But I, in the hurry here, I'm like, I don't know. 96 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:04,880 I don't know. 97 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:05,880 I don't know. 98 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:06,880 I don't know. 99 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,880 I don't know. 100 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:12,880 I don't know. 101 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:17,880 I don't know. 102 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:22,880 I don't know. 103 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:27,880 I don't know. 104 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:38,880 I don't know. 105 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:45,880 I don't know. 106 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:50,880 I don't know. 107 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:58,880 I don't know. 108 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:05,880 I don't know. 109 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:10,880 I don't know. 110 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,880 I don't know. 111 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:21,880 I don't know. 112 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:26,880 I don't know. 113 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:33,880 I don't know. 114 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:38,880 I don't know. 115 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:46,880 I don't know. 116 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:53,880 I don't know. 117 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:58,880 I don't know. 118 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:03,880 I don't know. 119 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:08,880 I don't know. 120 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,880 I don't know. 121 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:18,880 I don't know. 122 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:25,880 I don't know. 123 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,700 You won't fucking believe this. I was coming down- out the aisle, right? 124 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:29,200 Mhm. 125 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,720 On the end cap, right next to me, right? 126 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:32,220 Yeah. 127 00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:34,220 His batteries. 128 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:34,720 Right. 129 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,760 He- so, they're on my right side as I'm coming out of the aisle. 130 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:44,300 This guy cuts through, coming from my right, walks past the batteries, and puts it up to my face. 131 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,220 You got any batteries? 132 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:47,880 Like, yeah, just look. 133 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,480 Turn your head. 134 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,560 Like, they were- like, he was- he cut- I'm here, right? 135 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,060 Mhm. 136 00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:56,540 The batteries are to my right, and he cuts past the batteries. 137 00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:57,540 Uh, fast. 138 00:06:57,540 --> 00:07:00,140 And stands right in front of- you got any batteries? 139 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:03,220 Uh, I'm like, yeah, they're- I just did this with my hand, right? 140 00:07:03,220 --> 00:07:07,620 He fell- tell me- to give him credit, he felt so fucking- 141 00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,620 God dang it. 142 00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:11,620 God dang it. 143 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:15,620 They were, uh, like, 12 inches away from him. 144 00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:24,540 When he turned to me, I was like, God dang it, you know, so determined to find batteries, 145 00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:25,540 he couldn't find batteries. 146 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:28,660 But then, uh, I just- I can just picture his face, like- 147 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:30,660 Well, yeah, he knew. 148 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:34,380 Cause I just- I just motioned my hand, like, right? 149 00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:35,700 Like, just turn your head. 150 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:40,540 Like, literally, just look- look to your fucking- I guess he was looking- yeah, look to your 151 00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:41,540 left. 152 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,540 That was wild. 153 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:45,020 Tunnel vision is deep sometimes. 154 00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,020 Yeah. 155 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:49,700 Well, try- try explaining that to that last customer. 156 00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:52,900 Uh, where? 157 00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:53,900 There where they are. 158 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:57,980 I would have to bring him to her, cause even if I told her where they were, she wouldn't 159 00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:58,980 find them. 160 00:07:58,980 --> 00:07:59,980 Exactly. 161 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:07,620 Uh, so diagonal across the- all the way across the store, to the very far back corner- uh, 162 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,060 forward corner. 163 00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:14,180 Well, uh, that was annoying for him, but I can't change the layout of the store for him. 164 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:15,180 Then- 165 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,180 Bullshit right there. 166 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:19,860 That should be in my hand the minute I walk in the store. 167 00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:23,820 Then he demands that I tell him about this week's special on soda. 168 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,620 How good of a deal was it? 169 00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:27,700 How many cases for the price together? 170 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:32,220 Uh, is it buy two get two free or buy three get two free? 171 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:39,180 Needless to say, he was not happy when I- whenever I told him, we don't have those kinds of deals. 172 00:08:39,180 --> 00:08:40,180 Damn. 173 00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:42,220 So how fucking dare you? 174 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:46,100 In fact, we never have those kinds of deals. 175 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:50,020 You get really annoyed insisting that we absolutely do. 176 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:55,700 Well, we apparently at the store that he always shops at- we are the store that he always 177 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:58,860 shops at- and we always have those deals. 178 00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:00,300 And point of fact- 179 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,940 They fucking lie right to your face. 180 00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:03,300 Yes, yes they do. 181 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,300 Very much so. 182 00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:05,300 God dang lie. 183 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:10,100 You know damn well, if you shop here every day, there's never been a one fucking deal 184 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,100 that you're talking about. 185 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:17,140 And point of fact, there is something offered at a completely different chain of stores 186 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:21,580 on the opposite side of town and I told him as much. 187 00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:24,900 I told him the price of our individual cases. 188 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:27,660 He didn't even bother to go look, just stormed out. 189 00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:31,380 I'm sure he went to the other store that I mentioned, but the joke's on him because 190 00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:34,500 even with those kinds of deals, the prices are insanely high. 191 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,500 Damn. 192 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:39,820 So he said he has either the voucher he has where you want it sir. 193 00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:41,900 And then a button shutter. 194 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:43,900 But let's just join us. 195 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:50,820 And if I had to join you in the mouth, at least my ass won't be fucking real quick. 196 00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:55,620 In fact, the only way you can actually sell things with the prices that they put on the 197 00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:58,780 tags is by having those kinds of deals. 198 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:00,860 Another day, another angry customer. 199 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:02,860 Ah yes. 200 00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:08,380 Alright, next one we have is by TinyMaterial8608. 201 00:10:08,380 --> 00:10:09,380 Nice name I guess. 202 00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:12,780 It's a long name and makes no fucking sense. 203 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:13,780 Not really no. 204 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,980 At least it knows there's some meaning behind it. 205 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:20,620 It has some fucking deep dark name and every time they see it they're like, hey, are they 206 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,460 the only person in the fucking world that has the inside joke? 207 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:29,980 He's like, yeah, that's a fair answer. 208 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:34,220 But yeah, this is a random shit that just sends people off. 209 00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:40,340 Alright, he puts, my girlfriend and I, and you already know what he said, my age and 210 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,900 everything, I don't care. 211 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,740 I'm assuming you're all adults, that's good too, just for you. 212 00:10:46,740 --> 00:10:51,300 Because that's what you're looking like, you're gonna say, fuck the pages aren't you? 213 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:57,100 So my girlfriend, something like fucking weird, like my girlfriend and I, 24 and 96, I'm like 214 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,100 yeah. 215 00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:04,100 But I think you like the balance like you and don't you dare fucking say no. 216 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,580 So that's good. 217 00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:09,900 My girlfriend and I are quite avid Trek fans, Star Trek fans. 218 00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,300 Like, I was like, Trek fans? 219 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,780 Like, for like, the 18 wheelers? 220 00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:16,060 Which I had, I don't know. 221 00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,820 Hell yeah, keep it America fan. 222 00:11:19,820 --> 00:11:24,740 Praise hell, praise hell. 223 00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:28,580 She recently asked me if I would be down to roleplay in the bedroom as characters from 224 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,620 the original series. 225 00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:35,980 That being me, that being me as Mr. Spock and her as Captain Kirk. 226 00:11:35,980 --> 00:11:39,020 Those are both guys. 227 00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:42,020 What the fuck? 228 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:47,460 To be honest, I am pretty neutral on roleplaying as it doesn't really do anything for me, but 229 00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:48,460 I'm here. 230 00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:51,660 But it's not like I find it disgusting. 231 00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:55,380 I just think it can be awkward, so it's not typically my thing. 232 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:59,260 However, she seemed really into the idea and I like to make her happy. 233 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:03,940 She's a 148 page fucking squiff of them to read. 234 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,420 Pure fan fiction. 235 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,260 I'm like, gosh dang girl. 236 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:11,340 So I thought why not spend like two and a half months with her. 237 00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:12,340 Remember? 238 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,340 I would've hurt her. 239 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,820 See, it's all in her thoughts. 240 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,740 Amazingly, yeah. 241 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:21,340 The basic plan was for us to dress up and then be in character for a bit. 242 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:25,100 Then she was going to complain about her back so I could give her a back massage. 243 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:30,260 In my defense, I know this whole thing sounds incredibly cringe, but please bear with me. 244 00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:35,540 Anyway, during the back massage, I was supposed to get a little touchy bit touchy. 245 00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:38,380 Then you guess where this is going. 246 00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:43,100 We also decided to have a safe word precisely so that we would know when to break character 247 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:44,780 because she wanted to take it seriously. 248 00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:47,980 Oh boy, that girl's too deep into it. 249 00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,180 So they're both guys and it has to be an or. 250 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:54,380 Well, you can't smash a dick into a dick. 251 00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:55,380 I'm following the rules here. 252 00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:56,380 They're both guys. 253 00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:57,380 I'm sorry. 254 00:12:57,380 --> 00:13:02,020 Yeah, well, it looks like it's two females. 255 00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:07,420 Strap one of these. 256 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,700 Here's where I fucked up. 257 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,740 Female Captain Kirk, your female Spock, huh? 258 00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:11,740 Uh huh. 259 00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:12,740 Some men pay to see that. 260 00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:18,540 Now I should've done this for only a friend. 261 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:21,300 They make some good money. 262 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,300 Here's where I fucked up. 263 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,620 I was going, it was going all right. 264 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,540 And I was giving her a back massage for like 10 minutes at this point. 265 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,260 And she was being kind of suggestive, I guess. 266 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:35,140 My problem was that I just didn't know how Spock would actually act in the situation. 267 00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:40,620 Like I know that I was supposed to be supposed to initiate things, but I also wanted to be 268 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,180 true to the character. 269 00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:46,900 Eventually she starts whispering me for me to go lower and stuff like that. 270 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:50,820 But I still responded in character saying stuff like that's inappropriate. 271 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:52,660 Unbecoming of a Starfleet officer. 272 00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:53,660 Oh fuck. 273 00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:54,660 That girl went hard. 274 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:55,660 Not literally. 275 00:13:55,660 --> 00:14:02,700 Like she went so hard she's throwing the fucking pan at me. 276 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:06,620 She starts getting a bit mad and accusing me of not really being into it. 277 00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:10,820 This is the Star section, the 36C5. 278 00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:12,860 There must not be intercourse between two Star kids. 279 00:14:12,860 --> 00:14:13,860 Oh my god. 280 00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:19,780 This is where I think I took it a bit far because I started thinking about how it was 281 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:25,540 just a back massage and I didn't know how I was supposed to be into it. 282 00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:30,620 Then she starts yelling at me that obviously we weren't still in character and I was being 283 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,820 purposefully dense. 284 00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:35,460 Which I suppose I sort of was since I'm not stupid. 285 00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:38,980 And I just felt like taking a piss a bit. 286 00:14:38,980 --> 00:14:40,500 That sounds like an actress. 287 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:44,500 Like who got deep in the character and realized that that character wouldn't have sex with 288 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,500 Kurt. 289 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,580 So now she fell in the rabbit hole. 290 00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,620 She can't get out. 291 00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:54,740 This turns into a massive argument where she tells me that she feels like I'm not attracted 292 00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:58,620 to her and that I don't try hard enough and eventually she ends up crying and we barely 293 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,220 speak for three days after that. 294 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:02,700 Ah we were late yes. 295 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:07,740 After that she came over and we talked a bit about it but I still wasn't being super serious 296 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,920 because the whole situation is a bit ridiculous really. 297 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,540 She gets mad again. 298 00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:16,140 Then I start getting a bit mad and eventually we are really arguing and shouting and bringing 299 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,500 up things in our past to hurt each other. 300 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:22,900 And with it and it turns pretty toxic quickly. 301 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:26,820 Then she gets fed up and breaks up with me right there and then. 302 00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:29,860 Well it shouldn't be right then and there. 303 00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:30,860 She wrote it backwards. 304 00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:31,860 Uh it back. 305 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:32,860 Watch your dad. 306 00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:35,220 See that's the one thing I would. 307 00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:39,940 Reading other people's writing that don't mesh. 308 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,500 In this day and age when people can't write shit. 309 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,500 It's something. 310 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,300 He tried to parse out the words as I'm reading live here. 311 00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,300 Okay guys suck. 312 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,180 Yeah don't be like that sometimes. 313 00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:56,300 I know it may not come through in this post but I really do love her and it really sucks 314 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:59,220 that this is how it had to end after all this time. 315 00:15:59,220 --> 00:16:02,220 I've been super depressed. 316 00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:05,140 God it's falling to Jesus Christ. 317 00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:08,340 People if you're gonna write a post please please correct your. 318 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:11,100 It's just another fucking bug. 319 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,100 Oh right. 320 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,100 Yeah. 321 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,100 Correct. 322 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,100 Yes. 323 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,100 How the fuck did you skip it. 324 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:21,980 So for instance I the she spelled H H E or sorry F E. 325 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,940 God fucking me up. 326 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,620 F H E. 327 00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,540 F H E for the thingy. 328 00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:29,580 Maybe it's just swell. 329 00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:38,180 Oh I've been super depressed the past couple of weeks where I'm not eating or doing schoolwork 330 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:41,060 and I'm obviously not enjoying Star Trek like I used to. 331 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:45,500 I wrote a Star Trek for me that bad. 332 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,700 The more I think about it I think I'm just embarrassed. 333 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:54,340 I just embarrassed her and such a vulnerable moment and I'm struggling to forgive myself 334 00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:55,940 for that. 335 00:16:55,940 --> 00:17:02,540 But then I remember that it was fucking Star Trek roleplay and I keep going in circles. 336 00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:04,020 Anyway fuck my life. 337 00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:06,420 I should have just taken it more seriously. 338 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:07,420 She did. 339 00:17:07,420 --> 00:17:08,420 She turned out serious. 340 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:09,420 She turned out serious. 341 00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:10,420 As seemingly as possible. 342 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,060 She was flying in spock. 343 00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:16,580 She had to understand the character at his fundamental level. 344 00:17:16,580 --> 00:17:19,260 So she basically did what Spock would have done. 345 00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:20,260 Exactly. 346 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:22,180 We cannot do those kinds of things. 347 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,180 That is inappropriate. 348 00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,180 Alright. 349 00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:25,180 Alright. 350 00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:31,220 Hopefully this person wrote their grammar a little bit better in this post. 351 00:17:31,220 --> 00:17:34,220 This person Anon Tiddy. 352 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,460 What was the name? 353 00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,460 It's Kev. 354 00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,020 They're really trying to fucking confuse me. 355 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,340 They are a bad shit. 356 00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,500 On those titties is what I'm assuming he said. 357 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,500 On the titties. 358 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,500 There you go. 359 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,500 I guess it could be spelled that way. 360 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,500 On the titties. 361 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,500 There you go. 362 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,500 My one and a. 363 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,500 I don't think you really have to tell us. 364 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:53,500 It's funny. 365 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,500 It is to me. 366 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,300 That's for some feds. 367 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:59,260 My 11 year old self has destroyed my career apparently. 368 00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:04,500 I am currently being fired in my probation period as management stumbled upon my very 369 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:10,020 very old Facebook account that had some edgy politically incorrect posts. 370 00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:13,880 After a lot of back and forth and discussions they told me to either delete the post by 371 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,180 the end of the week or they would be forced to let me go. 372 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:22,580 Bear in mind that these posts were made whenever I was literally 11 years old. 373 00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:24,300 Anyway, I thought fair enough. 374 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,060 I would just access my account and permanently delete it. 375 00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:28,060 Here's the problem. 376 00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,060 I don't know. 377 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,060 My fucking password. 378 00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:37,380 As uh, deleted as to not be affected by it anymore. 379 00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:43,580 I first recovered my very old cringy named email that I was using as a kid. 380 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:48,380 Second I thought it is a very easy and simple solution. 381 00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:51,020 This turned out to be a dystopia nightmare. 382 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:55,980 I fell between the cracks of a fully automated system that will not accept any answer between 383 00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:57,800 a one and a zero. 384 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:02,460 The Orwellian Facebook system demanded that I give them my papers to properly identify 385 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:04,140 myself to them. 386 00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:08,460 Since literally my career and future is at stake, I reluctantly compiled and provided 387 00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:12,220 my government issued ID hoping for a speedy resolution of this nightmare. 388 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:17,260 Unfortunately, the robot decided that it wants to reject all of my IDs stating that it could 389 00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:18,900 not identify my account. 390 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,940 Picture it on 11 words this. 391 00:19:20,940 --> 00:19:25,740 I tried every single trick in the book to reach a human. 392 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:31,420 Even purchasing an Oculus Quest so that a meta customer support can help. 393 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,820 Jesus, that man went deep. 394 00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,420 Man, this career must be legit. 395 00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:36,420 Yup. 396 00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:37,420 Like full benefit. 397 00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:40,420 Like six figures a year. 398 00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:41,420 Damn. 399 00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:46,620 But they say that they can now get help with any Facebook related issue whatsoever and 400 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:49,340 to try to process with their relevant robot again. 401 00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:52,340 Time to speak to Martin Zuckerberg himself. 402 00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:53,660 And nothing seems to work. 403 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,980 As of now, I guess I will be let go of due to my fuck up from whenever I was 11 years 404 00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:58,980 old. 405 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:00,780 This is so surreal it's funny. 406 00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:01,780 What? 407 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,980 I have to read these posts. 408 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:07,740 What could he have possibly said at 11 years old? 409 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,740 And they're 11 years old. 410 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:11,700 They're like, from when you're 11 years old. 411 00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:16,900 If he's in the workforce now, I'm assuming he's at least been eight years, nine years 412 00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:17,900 maybe. 413 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:21,980 But it has to be snow because an Oculus drifted like some expensive shit. 414 00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:22,980 That's what I'm saying. 415 00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:23,980 He's got to be past 18. 416 00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:24,980 But he's got to be making like some bank. 417 00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:25,980 He has to be like something like, I'm assuming 30s for some reason. 418 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:26,980 Do you think of 30s? 419 00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:27,980 I'm thinking maybe like out of college. 420 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:32,220 I'm thinking way before that. 421 00:20:32,220 --> 00:20:36,340 This job is like his job, you know? 422 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:37,340 You think so? 423 00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:38,340 Yeah. 424 00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:39,340 So late 20s, early 30s? 425 00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:40,340 Probably. 426 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,340 Like he's making some bank. 427 00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,340 He's going to 40s. 428 00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:46,780 And so for some reason they give him enough time to buy the fucking Oculus, set that bitch 429 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:49,340 up and then talk to somebody in the fucking metaverse. 430 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:50,940 And fucking throw him back. 431 00:20:50,940 --> 00:20:52,900 He's got to the real world. 432 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:56,420 Yeah, but from, I don't know. 433 00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,300 Like automatically that's at least 10 years. 434 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,700 Like if I worked at McDonald's, I wouldn't be like, I couldn't afford an Oculus. 435 00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:02,700 I have to begin with. 436 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:03,700 You're working at McDonald's? 437 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:06,700 I don't know that you're paying a lot of money. 438 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:07,700 Maybe. 439 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,500 But yeah, my whole point is that it's at least a decade old post. 440 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,380 It's at least that old. 441 00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:15,180 He got fired. 442 00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:17,340 I know that much. 443 00:21:17,340 --> 00:21:23,020 But like going back, why is the company looking back at the fucking post from 10 years ago? 444 00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:24,020 I don't know. 445 00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:25,020 Like that's just. 446 00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:28,660 I want to know what you wrote when you were 11 years old. 447 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:31,100 I know who you were and how you became who you are. 448 00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:32,100 Exactly. 449 00:21:32,100 --> 00:21:33,100 It's just stupid. 450 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,100 I know that. 451 00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:37,580 Fuck if they went back and worked if I had any at the time. 452 00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:38,580 Oh my God. 453 00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:42,500 You know how fast I'd be canceled? 454 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:45,500 Things that were said in the hood. 455 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,620 They said recently on this point. 456 00:21:47,620 --> 00:21:48,620 Shit. 457 00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:51,300 You know how many things I've said? 458 00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,500 Please don't cancel me. 459 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:56,220 All right, next one is by Mr. Farted. 460 00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:58,020 Spurs and puts. 461 00:21:58,020 --> 00:22:00,140 A little backstory. 462 00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:03,500 Recently I discovered how easy miso soup was to make at home. 463 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,500 Miso soup. 464 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:05,500 Miso. 465 00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:06,500 Miso. 466 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,420 And have been eating a good amount recently. 467 00:22:09,420 --> 00:22:13,700 In case you didn't know, you can buy miso paste and make an entire pot in under five 468 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:14,700 minutes. 469 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:15,700 Yay. 470 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:18,180 I've probably eaten it four times this week alone. 471 00:22:18,180 --> 00:22:22,340 I had just been following an online recipe I found online and it was great. 472 00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:26,820 Should experiment with changes to ingredient quantities such as adding more tofu or more 473 00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:27,820 seaweed. 474 00:22:27,820 --> 00:22:30,580 Little did I know that this was probably the worst mistake I could make. 475 00:22:30,580 --> 00:22:32,100 Damn, what is that fucking string? 476 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:33,100 Jesus Christ. 477 00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:34,620 Yes you didn't know. 478 00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:36,380 Seaweed is extremely high in fiber. 479 00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:38,180 Oh, so we got that guess. 480 00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:39,180 Hey, guess what? 481 00:22:39,180 --> 00:22:41,700 He came in and guess what? 482 00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:42,700 Guess what motherfucker? 483 00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:43,700 Guess what? 484 00:22:43,700 --> 00:22:46,700 I was gonna scare you. 485 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:52,820 I normally added a corner of a sheet of dried seaweed per bowl. 486 00:22:52,820 --> 00:22:53,820 Normally. 487 00:22:53,820 --> 00:23:00,580 But this time I for some reason decided to use four sheets of dried seaweed. 488 00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:01,580 Motherfucker. 489 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:04,740 You son of a bitch. 490 00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:08,820 After an hour of finishing the soup, I was feeling my stomach bubbling and I could hear 491 00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:11,300 my stomach rumble like guess what? 492 00:23:11,300 --> 00:23:14,380 It's, yeah, it's. 493 00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:16,260 But the molly's ass cheeks out. 494 00:23:16,260 --> 00:23:19,820 At this point, I didn't think anything was wrong. 495 00:23:19,820 --> 00:23:21,420 And I just thought it was weird. 496 00:23:21,420 --> 00:23:24,500 Two hours later, my stomach had started cramping. 497 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,660 Oh God, God dang. 498 00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:32,140 Like it's like so ready to burst, right? 499 00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:36,620 That the shit that's the seaweed is trying to get past the other shit ahead of it. 500 00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:37,620 What the fuck? 501 00:23:37,620 --> 00:23:38,620 Oh my God. 502 00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:39,620 What? 503 00:23:39,620 --> 00:23:40,620 Yeah, you know what I mean? 504 00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:41,620 I felt like water in the chair. 505 00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:42,620 Like, yeah, I don't know what. 506 00:23:42,620 --> 00:23:51,700 It's like mom, mom, they got time for this. 507 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:55,860 I could feel it like I could feel it bubbling like lava inside me. 508 00:23:55,860 --> 00:24:04,220 I continued sitting at my desk as by this point, I knew if I move, if I let this fucking 509 00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:05,220 corn go. 510 00:24:05,220 --> 00:24:14,460 I bet you I bet you 100 percent he was fucking clenching his fucking death like a volcano 511 00:24:14,460 --> 00:24:15,460 was it? 512 00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:20,300 I know you like you like trying to get the way of the path. 513 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:25,860 Yeah, can you hear that? 514 00:24:25,860 --> 00:24:27,300 Creek from like fucking Britain. 515 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:30,100 I just sweat beads and follow this. 516 00:24:30,100 --> 00:24:31,100 Just holding on. 517 00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:32,700 Hey, then you got those reports coming up. 518 00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:35,380 Are you certain he doesn't hold on? 519 00:24:35,380 --> 00:24:38,500 I just got to hold on. 520 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:39,980 The desperation in his voice. 521 00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:42,980 I just got to hold on. 522 00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:47,980 Yeah, I just got to fucking just fucking hold on right now. 523 00:24:47,980 --> 00:24:50,980 I can't go home. 524 00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:53,980 Not a ball. 525 00:24:53,980 --> 00:24:57,300 Oh shit. 526 00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:08,620 I would fucking punch a wall before I farted in public. 527 00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:09,620 You know, I really see it. 528 00:25:09,620 --> 00:25:17,740 No one here nothing and in the redirect the fucking like pain or anything to start yourself. 529 00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:18,740 Yeah, basically. 530 00:25:18,740 --> 00:25:26,500 So at this point, I knew if I moved, things wouldn't be very enjoyable. 531 00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:30,820 I just sat there waiting for the inevitable. 532 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:34,220 I then felt it knocking on my back door. 533 00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:35,220 And then the floodgates open. 534 00:25:35,220 --> 00:26:01,460 This is justæ’ž 535 00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:03,460 right in front of me. 536 00:26:03,460 --> 00:26:05,460 I'm gonna start to eat this. 537 00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:06,460 Yes. 538 00:26:06,460 --> 00:26:09,460 Oh wow. 539 00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:11,460 I need some. 540 00:26:11,460 --> 00:26:12,460 Wow. 541 00:26:12,460 --> 00:26:15,460 So what? 542 00:26:15,460 --> 00:26:17,460 I'm gonna take a shit there. 543 00:26:17,460 --> 00:26:19,460 What's this? 544 00:26:19,460 --> 00:26:22,460 She invented rice. 545 00:26:22,460 --> 00:26:24,460 The fact that he accepted his fate. 546 00:26:24,460 --> 00:26:28,460 It's a brainwad. 547 00:26:28,460 --> 00:26:34,460 But I... 548 00:26:34,460 --> 00:26:37,460 Oh damn. 549 00:26:37,460 --> 00:26:43,460 I have no choice. 550 00:26:43,460 --> 00:26:46,460 I managed to grab an empty bowl of miso soup off of my desk. 551 00:26:46,460 --> 00:26:51,460 All at the same time. 552 00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:53,460 I won't go into detail what happened next. 553 00:26:53,460 --> 00:26:56,460 You don't have to, but it was completely liquid. 554 00:26:56,460 --> 00:26:59,460 I'm currently sitting on the toilet waiting for it to all be over. 555 00:26:59,460 --> 00:27:01,460 I have learned my lesson. 556 00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:03,460 Jesus Christ. 557 00:27:03,460 --> 00:27:04,460 So he went full cartman? 558 00:27:04,460 --> 00:27:05,460 Yeah, he's full cartman. 559 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:10,460 Mom! Bathroom! Mom! Bathroom! 560 00:27:10,460 --> 00:27:14,460 Jesus. That's wild. 561 00:27:14,460 --> 00:27:16,460 Reminder, don't eat that much seaweed. 562 00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:17,460 Good to know. 563 00:27:17,460 --> 00:27:19,460 They're going for my half a sheet? 564 00:27:19,460 --> 00:27:22,460 They're fucking four of them. 565 00:27:22,460 --> 00:27:23,460 Oh my God. 566 00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:25,460 Mitch just punched right through his ass. 567 00:27:25,460 --> 00:27:27,460 Surprise, mother... 568 00:27:27,460 --> 00:27:28,460 So here goes. 569 00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:32,460 Today I fully fucked up upon walking into the dude's bathroom to take a piss. 570 00:27:32,460 --> 00:27:34,460 Started all well and good. 571 00:27:34,460 --> 00:27:37,460 Walked to the correct public bathroom door in the library. 572 00:27:37,460 --> 00:27:42,460 Checked to make sure that it had the lad sign, which turns out it didn't. 573 00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:46,460 Upon entering the bathroom, without my glasses on, I saw a person staring back at me. 574 00:27:46,460 --> 00:27:51,460 Long hair, feminine facial features, and just not appearing to be indeed a dude. 575 00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:58,460 My socially awkward self had to clear up that I fucked up, so of course I said, 576 00:27:58,460 --> 00:28:01,460 Sorry, I didn't realize I was in the female's bathroom. 577 00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:03,460 Okay, I'll wait there so far. 578 00:28:03,460 --> 00:28:08,460 Upon exiting, I checked the door and indeed it did have the men's logo on it. 579 00:28:08,460 --> 00:28:13,460 So, as I do, I went in there and I beat that like crazy person. 580 00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:17,460 I began to giggle, thinking some dumb gal had fucked up. 581 00:28:17,460 --> 00:28:21,460 I decided to hide around the corner and wait, because I really had to piss. 582 00:28:21,460 --> 00:28:23,460 And when she left the bathroom, I went in. 583 00:28:23,460 --> 00:28:27,460 Upon re-entering and seeing the layout of the bathroom, the situation replayed in my head. 584 00:28:27,460 --> 00:28:32,460 Turns out, when we made eye contact, they were standing pissing at the urinal. 585 00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:34,460 Oh, I didn't know females were in here. 586 00:28:34,460 --> 00:28:38,460 He didn't see nothing really, but just the optics of... 587 00:28:38,460 --> 00:28:42,460 It's like, God, your dick's so small, I thought it was a woman. 588 00:28:42,460 --> 00:28:47,460 Well, I guess it's a fuck up, but... 589 00:28:47,460 --> 00:28:52,460 It was accidentally called a lesbian assert. 590 00:28:52,460 --> 00:28:55,460 And she was like caught unaware. 591 00:28:55,460 --> 00:28:58,460 I didn't mean it, I just, you know, I like the corner of my eye. 592 00:28:58,460 --> 00:29:00,460 She was a tomboy, so... 593 00:29:00,460 --> 00:29:01,460 Hey, sir. 594 00:29:01,460 --> 00:29:02,460 Oh, fuck. 595 00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:03,460 Oh, damn it. 596 00:29:03,460 --> 00:29:05,460 It could be as bad as that GameStop thing, remember that one? 597 00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:07,460 Yeah, it's number... 598 00:29:07,460 --> 00:29:08,460 Oh, yeah. 599 00:29:08,460 --> 00:29:09,460 Could be that. 600 00:29:09,460 --> 00:29:10,460 That person was mad. 601 00:29:10,460 --> 00:29:14,460 It's still funny though, too, this day. That was from fucking four years ago and it's still funny. 602 00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:19,460 Next one is by Oni Knight. 603 00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:20,460 Oni Knight. 604 00:29:20,460 --> 00:29:21,460 All right. 605 00:29:21,460 --> 00:29:24,460 This person puts, I love industrial metal, so... 606 00:29:24,460 --> 00:29:25,460 I eat it. 607 00:29:25,460 --> 00:29:31,460 So whenever I found out a band I adored from the 90s was coming to my city, I decided to get some tickets. 608 00:29:31,460 --> 00:29:35,460 The show was super awesome and everyone was turned up to 11. 609 00:29:35,460 --> 00:29:42,460 I admit I got really enthusiastic about handbagging to all the up-tempo songs and three hours later, 610 00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:47,460 the show ended with me drenched in sweat from jumping and dancing and just having a hell of a good time. 611 00:29:47,460 --> 00:29:50,460 I was a normal amount of sore, but it felt pretty good. 612 00:29:50,460 --> 00:29:55,460 Definitely slept like a rock until I woke up at 5 a.m. with a horrendous pain in the back of my neck. 613 00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:56,460 Yeah. 614 00:29:56,460 --> 00:30:01,460 It felt like I had been bashed in the back of the head and the pain radiated down into my back. 615 00:30:01,460 --> 00:30:06,460 I literally had to pick my own head up out of bed without intense pain. 616 00:30:06,460 --> 00:30:10,460 I had my family member look at my neck, but they didn't see anything obvious. 617 00:30:10,460 --> 00:30:15,460 So I ended up going to the urgent care where they told me I probably basically gave myself whiplash. 618 00:30:15,460 --> 00:30:19,460 Wow, that must have hurt. 619 00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,460 Though they can't rule out actual spinal damage. 620 00:30:22,460 --> 00:30:24,460 He was head banging their hearts. 621 00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:27,460 He goes, he does go to 11. 622 00:30:27,460 --> 00:30:32,460 If the pain worsens or I start to feel a feeling limb weakness, 623 00:30:32,460 --> 00:30:37,460 I was told I basically will need to be in an emergency room to get a CT scan. 624 00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:43,460 But for now, I'm living with a heating pad attached to my body and a medical dose of ibuprofen. 625 00:30:43,460 --> 00:30:45,460 God dang. 626 00:30:45,460 --> 00:30:47,460 Just from head to say he party too hard. 627 00:30:47,460 --> 00:30:50,460 You know, like when you wake up in the morning and you stretch like that good stretch. 628 00:30:50,460 --> 00:30:51,460 Yeah. 629 00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:52,460 And you have a break. 630 00:30:52,460 --> 00:30:55,460 You're like, ah, ah, ah. 631 00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:57,460 Then the ship starts spazzing that ship. 632 00:30:57,460 --> 00:30:59,460 Must be a chill. 633 00:30:59,460 --> 00:31:02,460 Yeah, I've done that quite a few times. 634 00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:04,460 Man, that shit just hurts. 635 00:31:04,460 --> 00:31:06,460 Like just start spazzing me. 636 00:31:06,460 --> 00:31:07,460 You feel it, right? 637 00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:15,460 And you're hoping that if you cut it just enough or in time that it'll, but no, like it builds to the pain. 638 00:31:15,460 --> 00:31:17,460 Like, damn it, I still got it. 639 00:31:17,460 --> 00:31:18,460 Yep. 640 00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:25,460 Last one for today is by Carrie girl zero nine eight. 641 00:31:25,460 --> 00:31:30,460 This person puts today I fucked up by accidentally waterboarding myself. 642 00:31:30,460 --> 00:31:37,460 I am currently on vacation with my husband, his parents and some of his extended family. 643 00:31:37,460 --> 00:31:40,460 Unfortunately, overnight I came down with a cold. 644 00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:46,460 So in the interest of public health, I stayed in while the rest of the gang went out to our planned events for the day. 645 00:31:46,460 --> 00:31:48,460 So now I think she's capping right there though. 646 00:31:48,460 --> 00:31:50,460 I think she just didn't want to go in the big old group. 647 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:52,460 I wouldn't blame her either. 648 00:31:52,460 --> 00:31:53,460 I'm kind of cold. I can't. 649 00:31:53,460 --> 00:31:55,460 That's the real. I can't go out. 650 00:31:55,460 --> 00:31:56,460 Hey, the real. 651 00:31:56,460 --> 00:31:58,460 Just blowing cheeks out. 652 00:31:58,460 --> 00:32:01,460 Sitting there with my miso bowl. 653 00:32:01,460 --> 00:32:07,460 A day after they left, I decided to try to relieve some of my symptoms by taking a hot shower bath combo. 654 00:32:07,460 --> 00:32:09,460 I figured the steam in the heat would help my congestion. 655 00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:14,460 She's fucking lied down and put the towel over her head and he's fucking. 656 00:32:14,460 --> 00:32:16,460 He probably. 657 00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:18,460 And a soothing bath can't hurt, right? 658 00:32:18,460 --> 00:32:22,460 I got everything prepped, grabbed a washcloth and lowered myself into the tub. 659 00:32:22,460 --> 00:32:29,460 I decided to soak the hot rag of the rag in the hot water and lay it across my forehead to help soothe some of the sinus pressure. 660 00:32:29,460 --> 00:32:32,460 So good, but was not helping fast enough. 661 00:32:32,460 --> 00:32:37,460 So after a few tries, I dumped the rag and put the whole thing across my face. 662 00:32:37,460 --> 00:32:41,460 I thought breathing through the rag would let the humid air down my sore throat. 663 00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:42,460 Don't you? 664 00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:47,460 I tried to breathe in through my nose and surprised it was completely stuffed and didn't work. 665 00:32:47,460 --> 00:32:54,460 I opened my mouth and took a breath and in doing so, I immediately sucked a wet rag in my mouth and sent a steam stream of water down my throat. 666 00:32:54,460 --> 00:32:58,460 Joking and gagging, I tried to sit straight up to cough it out. 667 00:32:58,460 --> 00:33:06,460 However, I am currently eight months pregnant and it takes me three to five business days to sit up in a bed, let alone a slippery wet tub. 668 00:33:06,460 --> 00:33:18,460 The sudden exertion sent me sliding down further under my back into the water, rag still over my face, face first into the steam of the shower head. 669 00:33:18,460 --> 00:33:32,460 With the grace of the mouse and a bowl of oil and the desperation of a dying harp in a fishing boat, I began rolling from side to side to determine which way was up until I rolled myself face down into the bath water. 670 00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:41,460 Only then was I able to prop myself up, remove the rag from my face and mouth and take a breath of sweet sweet sweet hotel bathroom air. 671 00:33:41,460 --> 00:33:47,460 My precious fetus started flailing in delight in response to the surprise roller coaster ride. 672 00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:48,460 Did you try to kill us? 673 00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:50,460 It was like it freaked out. 674 00:33:50,460 --> 00:33:54,460 And I just stayed there for a minute, assessing the damage and recalculating my life choices. 675 00:33:54,460 --> 00:33:58,460 My nose is still stuffy now and now I have a trauma complex. 676 00:33:58,460 --> 00:33:59,460 Jesus. 677 00:33:59,460 --> 00:34:07,460 I imagine if she failed, her husband gets gets back to the hotel, laying dead in the fucking tub. 678 00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:09,460 Jesus Christ. 679 00:34:09,460 --> 00:34:10,460 Yeah. 680 00:34:10,460 --> 00:34:12,460 1000 ways to die. 681 00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:14,460 That was a wild show. 682 00:34:14,460 --> 00:34:15,460 Yeah. 683 00:34:15,460 --> 00:34:18,460 The Seth MacFarlane one? 684 00:34:18,460 --> 00:34:22,460 No, 1000 ways to die was the show on Spike TV. 685 00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:23,460 Oh, what did you do? 686 00:34:23,460 --> 00:34:25,460 It was like the most horrendous ways people have died. 687 00:34:25,460 --> 00:34:28,460 Yeah, I was thinking a thousand ways to die in the West. 688 00:34:28,460 --> 00:34:30,460 Oh, yeah, that's a good one too. 689 00:34:30,460 --> 00:34:38,460 I think the worst one that I've ever seen on a thousand ways to die is some dude had hooked up some like car batteries to a piece of like cow beef. 690 00:34:38,460 --> 00:34:43,460 Like he was just like and he started to fuck it and then he electrocuted him to death. 691 00:34:43,460 --> 00:34:45,460 Oh my God. 692 00:34:45,460 --> 00:34:46,460 Yeah. 693 00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:50,460 Dude was like he was he was escalating to those fucking serial killer levels. 694 00:34:50,460 --> 00:34:51,460 Yeah. 695 00:34:51,460 --> 00:34:52,460 Yeah. 696 00:34:52,460 --> 00:34:53,460 That was fucking crazy. 697 00:34:53,460 --> 00:34:54,460 That's fucking disgusting. 698 00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:57,460 He just fucking. 699 00:34:57,460 --> 00:35:00,460 What did you think was going to happen? 700 00:35:00,460 --> 00:35:04,460 They was going to heat up the beef while he banged it, I guess was his thinking. 701 00:35:04,460 --> 00:35:05,460 But he's the ground. 702 00:35:05,460 --> 00:35:06,460 That's it. 703 00:35:06,460 --> 00:35:08,460 There you go. 704 00:35:08,460 --> 00:35:11,460 Electrically, it means not smart. 705 00:35:11,460 --> 00:35:13,460 The part of him banging it is not. 706 00:35:13,460 --> 00:35:14,460 That shit. 707 00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:17,460 Remember that one guy that fucked that chicken and got a hit. 708 00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:20,460 He was asking like, what if a piece of chicken breast hit my dick? 709 00:35:20,460 --> 00:35:22,460 Oh, yeah. 710 00:35:22,460 --> 00:35:23,460 You fucked that. 711 00:35:23,460 --> 00:35:25,460 You were getting close to that. 712 00:35:25,460 --> 00:35:26,460 We all knew. 713 00:35:26,460 --> 00:35:28,460 He was just getting ready to get those jumper cables. 714 00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:29,460 Yeah. 715 00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:30,460 Attach them to the beef. 716 00:35:30,460 --> 00:35:31,460 That's one thing too far. 717 00:35:31,460 --> 00:35:35,460 Fucking like dead poultry and be one time. 718 00:35:35,460 --> 00:35:42,460 No, maybe a person banging a watermelon is more appealing than a person paying the live 719 00:35:42,460 --> 00:35:45,460 or not alive, but like actual carcasses. 720 00:35:45,460 --> 00:35:46,460 Good Jesus. 721 00:35:46,460 --> 00:35:48,460 Jesus can't help you at this point. 722 00:35:48,460 --> 00:35:58,460 People are he'd be like, you guys are so free.