Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
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This is what we are covering tonight.
Well, we have some would you rather questions, superheroes and stuff like that.
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Alright.
Alright, so we have some would you rathers.
These will be I'll let Noah answer them first and then I'll give you my answer on these.
Okay.
So the first one up here we have which actor would you like to see as Batman again?
Ben Affleck, Robert Pattinson or Christian Bale?
Johnny Sins.
I'd say give Robert Pattinson another go.
That and Riddler Woman's good.
Oh, where my seat?
I never thought I'd say it but just go ahead and let Ben Affleck be Batman for now.
That'd be nice to be an older wise in Batman.
Yeah, you might as well because Christian Bale that trilogy was done and the way it was
it was like you don't know if he was really alive or dead type thing.
Didn't they they did though.
Because he met Alfred at that fucking restaurant.
Yeah, but there's people that say that that wasn't he just like the outfit.
He's lost his fucking mind.
That it was what Alfred wanted to see.
Like he was like it like the daydream type thing.
That was what I guess I'd have to ask.
What's his name?
Christopher Nolan.
Yeah, he's alive.
All right.
Would you rather be friends with Batman or Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones, because we're
both archaeologists.
I think Batman because he's rich.
But it's Indy.
Fuck Indy.
And now Indy, he need Indy does to fucking.
They made fun of it best on what was a family guy where it's the old Indiana Jones doing
another movie where he falls into the snake pit.
Snakes.
Why did it have to be snakes?
Cobra.
Potheads.
Why did it have to be elderly potheads?
He's a pothead.
He looks like snakes.
Oh Jesus.
Would you rather have the intelligence of Batman or Iron Man?
Do I want to be a brooding, traumatized man child or an alcoholic?
I like Batman's way of thinking.
He's more strategic.
He's more theatrical.
He just knows, you know, like he's just that perfect like embodiment of intelligence.
Whatever he needs to learn, he learns it to better his crime fighting.
Yeah.
See, I would have chosen the same thing.
Batman's more like more advanced, super stupefied.
Attack walls and stuff.
Yeah, he is better than Batman, but Batman's a better strategist.
He's a better fighter.
He's a better like.
He's a better lover.
I mean, he's been with a lot of women.
A lot of men.
I mean, Tony has to, but.
Yeah, but he gets that whiskey.
Yeah, yeah.
He gets fucked up so nobody knows if he actually got any.
Would you rather have a symbiote like Venom or all the equipment and skills of Batman?
That was easy.
It's gonna be Batman stuff.
I don't want to be eating brains all day.
So you're going with the movie Venom?
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking in my head.
Yeah, I would agree.
Batman skills and.
By the way, if anyone can comment, did you understand what the fuck Venom was saying
in the second movie?
Because he needed subtitles.
I was in the theaters with my cousin and I was like, what the fuck are you saying?
Because it was like grumbly.
Yeah, yeah, that was bad.
I did not know what the fuck was going on.
At least on Venom's.
I could see Tom Hardy was talking.
The carnage was talking.
I don't know what the fuck Venom was saying.
Would you rather have Batman's gear or Spider-Man's powers?
Spider-Man's powers.
Spider-Man, Spider-Man.
Why?
I don't know.
I just like Spider-Man.
He's cool.
To spider climb up walls.
Man, I can make I could just I could if I could.
You could be the knee high P.I. taking pictures of people's went through their windows really
high up because of your Spider-Man powers.
I could give a girl that ceiling fuck it because I can clean with a wall and she could hang
on to me.
I'm gonna be a freak.
Be banging on the ceiling on my closet.
I choose Batman's gear.
He's got a lot of cool shit.
Batmobile.
I mean, Peter Parker's broke as fuck.
Yeah, but he's got that dick.
He's also shorter than Batman too.
Well, I guess it's not saying you'd be Spider-Man, but just abilities.
Yeah.
So just his abilities.
You don't have his physique or anything.
You just his powers.
I'd get in shape though from all that fucking running.
We ain't got no fucking wall like skyscrapers here.
I'd be hauling ass everywhere.
Just running.
He can run real fast, can't he?
I don't think so.
I think he's nice to like his hand speed though.
It's enhanced speed, but it's not like super speed.
So he's running like 20 miles an hour.
I don't know.
I think it's more than that.
Damn, I could have sworn it's like like I see him like when he's running.
He's like fucking hauling ass.
Like superhuman like endurance and superhuman, you know, agility and maybe what?
Like 30, 40 miles an hour.
Maybe a hundred.
I don't think it's that high.
I don't know.
I guess we'll find out.
It wouldn't be that high, wouldn't it?
Yeah, but he's Spider-Man.
But see, it depends on, I guess, where you're going to be getting the Spider-Man powers.
If you're in New York swing around maybe, but in Oklahoma City, the fuck are you going
to swing to?
That's what I'm telling you.
It'll be like Spider-Man as well.
It'll be like Spider-Man homecoming where there's no billboards.
Yeah, I could be a wolf spider.
I haven't done my research.
Wolf spiders don't make, they don't use webs.
No, no, but wolf spiders don't.
Cause when they do?
Wolf spiders make gigantic fucking webs.
Wolf spiders?
Yeah.
Cause when they were like, they were apparently the ones that were more ground level.
Have you ever walked into a wolf spider web?
I have.
No, because I'm still insane.
And they're fucking like, I ever walk into a fucking spider web.
I lose my shit.
All right.
Would you rather have the superpowers of Superman or a trillion dollars?
Sorry Superman, I got to be rich.
God needs that money.
Fuck them powers.
Those powers ain't paying the bills.
Yeah, I know he works at the Daily Planets.
Broke his fuck tail.
He's probably doing pretty well for himself.
Would you rather have a party, be at a party, hosted by Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne?
Oh come on, you know Tony Stark's getting lit as fuck.
That man pissing in his own suit in the second movie.
And Bruce Wayne is all uh, show?
Yeah, he's all like, you're faking bro, you're faking.
I ain't faking.
Here's one for you.
Would you rather dates?
Bad girl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl or Harley Quinn?
Yeah.
You a thal?
Yeah.
Out of the four.
Out of the four?
Give me that clown pussy.
What the fuck?
I bet she's a...
I take Wonder Woman.
Take her where?
She can take me to work.
And by what?
She can lift me up to work.
Probably crack your back when you get back to work.
It's like what happened to you?
You have scoliosis now?
Wonder Woman.
Uh, I don't know.
I don't know.
Depending on how we put this in, I don't think a
Dr. Strange or Iron Man?
I go Iron Man.
I would agree.
I'd hit the fucking stratosphere.
Yeah, I'd take Iron Man too.
Uh, would you rather see
Mysterio versus Scarecrow?
Black Cat versus Catwoman?
Joker versus Green Goblin?
Bane versus Venom?
Or Killer Croc versus Lizard?
Catfight.
Always.
Catfight.
Always.
And I can already tell you who's gonna win that.
Let's see if that teddy pops in.
I already know who's gonna win the fight, but
it's gonna be Catwoman.
Because Black Cat's just a rip-off, so
whoop.
Uh, would you rather have Superhuman Hearing
or Superhuman Vision?
Hmm?
I got, I got a lot to see.
And so little time to do it.
You don't want to hear stuff?
Hell no, I'm fucking nasty.
Watch me take shit from three miles away.
I'm like, oh fuck, this is the bad one.
Ha ha ha ha.
Um,
which superhero lives?
I can close my eyes. You can't close
your ears, unless I feel like fucking, you know,
noise-canceling headphones.
Yeah, or earmuffs.
And then that'll just live in like if
something happens, right?
And then you hear the scratching?
Oh yeah, then I'd probably lose my fucking-
But if you have Superhuman Sight, could you see through your
eyelids?
I think I can hold it back.
Is it like Cyclops?
Yeah.
Um, which superhero movie would you rather
watch three times a day for an entire
week?
Avengers Infinity War, Aquaman,
Venom, Avengers Age of Ultron,
or Spider-Man Far From Home?
You'd be surprised,
but I actually like Age of Ultron.
Probably why I said not, not, uh, not
because that was the, that was
the switch in the MCU.
When you were about to realize that
this is going to be a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be.
When you first saw
the first Avengers, like it's like a
contained group of
superheroes, and then it got really
big in the Age of Ultron.
They added the Scarlet Witch,
Quicksilver, Ultra Vision.
You're like, well this is going to be a
lot bigger than I thought.
I would prefer the Age of Ultron over Infinity War as well.
But I mean Infinity War
was Infinity War. You should
account for that. It doesn't allow you
to watch both, and just the first.
So, you're watching like
half of a movie basically. I know what it's like to lose.
He he he.
Uh, which superhero team would you rather
be a member of? Avengers. Avengers?
Teen Titans, Justice League,
X-Men, Transformers,
Powerpuff Girls,
Fantastic Four, or Guardians
of the Galaxy? Hmm.
I've got a few choices here.
Powerpuff Girls, that's a weird one. I know.
I mean that grumpy, throw me in jail,
they call me a pervert.
I'd say you can roll that one out.
What the fuck am I going to do with the Transformers?
I'm a human.
It's like, hey, talk to Sam.
Sam, run Sam.
You know they're almost falling on you constantly.
Like they'll fucking crush me to death.
They fucking transform while I'm inside with them
and they just fight, just get caught between two fucking
chess plates.
Ha!
I'd buy all the Avengers.
Justice League.
Just because.
You go up there to their satellite that they have.
Where they're almost killing
everybody all the time.
Would you rather have all the
superheroes of every superhero
or a trillion dollars? All the superheroes?
Of every superhero?
Combined. What the fuck does
that mean? Every superhero ever
existed. Read that again?
Would you rather have all the superpowers
of every superhero combined?
All the superheroes of every superhero? I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Would you rather have all the superpowers
of every superhero combined
or a trillion dollars now?
Just give me the money. Shit.
It'd be boring to be that powerful.
I think it would be too. You'd be a god.
I'd just be sitting on the moon that I
carved into a throne. This
fucking sucks.
Would you rather date a superhero or a
supervillain?
I'm a clown pussy.
I mean...
Villain?
I mean...I mean...
Yeah. Get that poison ivy too.
I'll say it again.
I'm a mute. Catwoman? Sure.
Super villain.
Would you rather
be a superhero or a supervillain?
To this day I don't
know what Don Quixote, Doe Flamingo
did wrong in One Piece.
So I'll answer that question.
Would you rather
be a wizard or a superhero?
I'm gonna give that wizard these hands.
I'm gonna be a superhero.
Would you rather be a
billionaire supervillain
or a poor superhero who never gets paid
for doing good? Fuck all that
bullshit. Give me that
money. Morally
I gotta go with superhero.
I'll pay you not to fight me.
Yeah, you can do that.
Would you rather live in a world of magic,
a world of superheroes,
or a world of advanced technology?
The third one.
I choose my other sci-fi.
I'm more of a fantasy person so
it fits with our person.
Would you rather
have a million dollars or the ability to fly?
Where the fuck am I going?
I'm broke. Give me a million dollars.
I choose fly.
Something different.
You only live once. You'll live.
I'll live it. It's just fuck.
Well, it's only a million. A million ain't worth shit now.
I can make it into more.
Would you rather
be Spider-Man or a Jedi Knight?
Fuck the Force. Let me be Spider-Man.
I agree. Fuck the Force.
Nobody. I got too many fucking things
to deal with. I ain't got time.
Which
useless power would you rather have?
And whichever one you do not
choose, you have
to deal with the opposite.
So, never have wet
socks again.
Never have to wash your hair again.
Never take a bath.
Every sneeze
a tree gets
planted. Or
it rains in a desert every
time you laugh. So whichever one
you choose, the opposite
of every other thing happens.
So, say you choose
no more wet socks. So if no more wet socks
it'll never rain in a desert or what?
It'll dry out
every time you laugh.
Or a tree gets cut down
every time you sneeze.
So I laugh. Or
you have to take a bath, obviously.
That's whatever. You have to wash your hair.
So I never get to take a bath
again. I wash my hair, basically.
Or if you choose every sneeze a
tree gets planted, then
you'll always have wet socks.
I can't just go barefoot
at that point.
Always have wet socks? What the? I just pull them out
the fucking drawer and they're fucking soaking wet.
I'd be mad as hell.
That one's weird.
It's a weird one, but it's a good question.
I'd probably go with the laugh ones. I choose no wet socks.
Like, ha ha ha ha ha. I don't give a fuck
about the desert. It's already dry.
It's already a desert.
So it just means I'm not going to get any more rain.
Have some real wet socks.
And one tree. And
I don't sneeze that often, sir.
I'm like a geyser.
I've been having wet socks all the fucking
time. Fuck that.
Cold wet socks.
You might get used to it at some point.
Your feet just start to get the skins. Your skin's falling off.
You're getting gangrene in the athlete's foot.
You're like, well, at least
it rains in Africa.
Would you rather have the ability to
fly? Or get anything on
eBay for free? For free?
That's all I need to hear.
Pritchett, give me a jet.
Shit.
Would you rather have one superpower
of your choice, or
a million dollars every year?
So every year
you get another million or
another superpower?
Wait, I get one
superpower. Every year?
Every year? Do I get fucking done?
What the fuck? When I run out of
shit to pick? I get
a superpower, I don't fucking know. Every time I blink,
a girl has an orgasm.
That's done.
I have like 6,000 powers.
I go with the money.
It's every year, so it's, what, a good 50?
I'm gonna die at
50 years old? The total years.
Oh, 125.
See, one of your six- I just pick a mortality
for my first one. Exactly. Bob-boom.
Exactly. I still go with the money.
Go with the money? I do love me some money.
Would you rather have fire powers or ice powers?
Ice powers.
They're easier to deal with than burning
a house down. Except, well, fuck,
I'm sorry. I agree with that.
Would you rather be able to shave, shift, teleport,
fly, or become invisible?
It's visibility, you say.
So then the D-high P-I needs
whoop.
Uh...
I choose teleport.
Because if you wanted to go back
to any place that you want to go to,
you can make so much money doing that shit.
I can make a lot of money blackmailing people that
never see me coming.
Would you rather have Wolverine's abilities or Magneto's?
I'd probably Wolverine. You want
claws? I just want to take a hit and
just like, man, I didn't feel noi!
If you had a board I would get
and fucking throw myself off a building.
And wiggle my arm.
Well, I'm not dead yet, so yeah, no.
Uh,
Wolverine's healing?
Or Nightcrawler's teleportation?
No, it's not about healing.
It's just like, it's such a,
in the terms of reality,
it's such a fucking game changer.
Yeah, I agree. Cause no disease,
no... No disease, like a road rage,
some guy shoots me, I'll be like, yeah, as well, bitch!
Okay.
Uh, Wolverine,
claws or a lightsaber?
Do love me a lightsaber, though.
And that really,
every time they see the claws, they're like, what the fuck,
when they see a light, that's a fucking lightsaber!
Oh, fuck!
I've never seen someone run from the claws,
but when they see a lightsaber, they're like, oh, bitch,
oh, yeah, that's a fucking lightsaber!
You can cut through those claws with a lightsaber?
Yeah.
Uh, would you rather have the powers of
Iceman or the Human Torch?
Just ask me that.
Iceman?
Well, I guess we're getting specific on this one.
Yes, Iceman.
And if you're a family guy, there's gonna be that little lightsabram
going straight down to the gay bar.
Oh, yeah, I remember that episode.
Before they actually made him gay in the comics.
Heh, heh, heh.
Uh, would you rather have the abilities
of Aquaman, Wonder Woman,
Shazam, Martian Manhunter, or
Cyborgs?
Wonder Woman, do I get the tits, too?
I wonder so.
So I gotta wear the suit, though?
No, you don't look as good as Herdwood.
Are you showing me stuff?
Yeah. You could be funny.
But no, just the abilities.
I'd probably go with Aquaman.
At least the Jason Momoa Aquaman.
I'd go with, uh,
probably Shazam.
Shazam!
I mean, cause you get the wisdom,
you get the strength, speed.
He's dumb as hell, anyway.
Well, the kid is.
Uh, would you rather have the Batmobile
or Wonder Woman's invisible jet?
Invisible jet, nah. I'd probably take the Batmobile.
Yeah, I agree.
I'd probably make fun of the good bat again on Family Guy,
where she's in the back taking a shit
and Superman flies up beside her.
Hey, Wonder Woman!
And she walks over to the next spot, I remember.
And then I noticed she didn't wash her hands.
Uh, the Batmobile or the Batcomputer?
Look at the amount of porn on that Batcomputer.
Get the viruses on it?
You'd probably handle all the viruses.
I'd probably nose all the viruses.
That fucking firewall must be legit.
Go with the Batcomputer.
I'd go with the Batmobile.
I love the way it looks.
As long as it's the 1989 version
or the animated series version.
Not that bullshit of looking like a fucking rover.
So stupid.
Um, which of these tools would you rather possess?
The portal gun,
the invisibility cloak,
Iron Man suit,
a lightsaber,
a green lantern ring,
and a phone wave.
What the fuck is the phone wave?
Just give me the lightsaber.
I'd choose a lantern ring.
Mostly since they don't have any real weaknesses now.
Uh, psychic powers or the green lantern ring?
Psychic powers or the green lantern ring?
I'd probably lose my will real quick.
You'd choose the psychic powers?
I'd choose lantern ring again.
Fuck me.
Which of these tools would you rather be Batman or Robin?
Do I look as good as Robin in those fucking short shorts?
Whoop.
That one says would you rather be...
Which Robin though?
I always enjoyed Dick Grayson's Robin.
He's like super agile.
Very acrobatic.
Athletic.
I'd probably go with him.
Would you rather have Goku's instant transmission
or Naruto's shadow clone jutsu?
I'd probably go with shadow clone jutsu.
Man, you're ready to get in like a hundred hands.
I know what you would do with it.
I wouldn't do the weird woman ability.
What was it?
Sexy jutsu?
Oh yeah, sexy clone jutsu.
I'm glad they phased that out as Shippuden, didn't they?
Oh, it's still there?
It's fine.
You could use that whenever they refight Kakashi.
God dang.
And they dropped one of those manga of his?
Those like pornographic ones?
Yeah.
Of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which would you rather be?
I always thought I was a Donatello,
but lately I've realized I'm a Michelangelo.
Michelangelo?
Oh, I'd feel like Chucker, eh?
I'd probably choose Raphael.
Just an angry as fuck, huh?
Always.
You're kidding.
Would you rather be a Power Ranger or a Ninja Turtle?
Probably a Ninja Turtle.
Living in the sewer?
Fuck that, I'd be a Power Ranger.
Living in a dystopian little town with my body.
Living in a fucking turd-filled sewage.
With a shredder?
Or a little rancher splinter?
With a giant rat.
Basically what they have in New York right now.
They have splinters?
Whitesaber of your choice,
or Iron Man suit?
You know what? Just give me the damn suit.
I'm sure people want to give it to me.
You'd go with the suit now?
Venom symbiote,
Thor's hammer,
or Rick Sanchez's portal gun?
Rick Sanchez? I'd probably go with the portal gun.
Portal gun?
I'd probably go with the symbiote.
Shit, I'm not going to watch the new episode today.
Fuck.
Would you rather have the powers of Thor or Loki?
Loki.
Would Loki love being mischievous?
Probably Thor.
Probably choose Thor.
Have lightning abilities?
Would you rather have two Marvel superhero powers,
or two DC superhero powers?
Do the same thing practically?
It's powers.
Super strength, super speed,
super intelligence, technological advancements,
all the same.
Yeah, it's not really specific on that one.
So, that doesn't matter.
I guess it's more of, do you like Marvel or D?
Yeah, basically.
Would you rather have the speech pattern of Yoda
or Starfire?
Oh, God.
I'd probably go with Starfire
because Yoda's like, I don't want to get tired of that.
You know, when I talk like Yoda...
Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
Do you, I shall.
Would you rather be
Doctor House, Doctor Who, or Doctor Strange?
Doctor Who. Love that show.
Uh, powers of Darth Vader or Doctor Strange?
Darth Vader?
Damn, Darth Vader's just...
This is a Jedi, basically.
This is a Sith Lord.
Doctor Strange.
Yondu's arrow or Doctor Strange's cape?
Yondu's arrow.
Shit is a fucking bullet.
Where you just whistle?
Yeah. I can't whistle. Doctor the Cape.
I'd probably go with the cape.
Since I'm a Jedi.
I'd probably go with the cape.
Since it's sentient on its own.
Which of the Avengers would you rather hang out with?
Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, or Ant-Man?
I'd probably go with Spider-Man.
Hang out with a high school kid?
Yeah, I mean...
Why not?
I'm already in deep enough as it is.
I'd probably go with Doctor Strange.
I'd probably learn something.
He's such a douchebag to people, though.
Yeah, he is, but he's also got Wong there.
Wong's pretty cool.
Uh...
Would you rather be born Kryptonian, Asgardian, Kree, Saiyan, or New God?
Uh...
Kryptonian, I guess.
I'm trying to be like Superman-style character.
I suppose so.
So now I know what choice I have.
Well, you don't want to be a Kree?
Nah.
Would you rather be Ghost Rider, Lobo, Punisher, or Deadpool?
Um...
Deadpool's ugly as fuck.
That looks like a testicle sack.
Uh...
Punisher, I guess. That's just a normal person.
She'll feel like a rippling backstory.
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no!
Heh heh heh heh heh.
Uh...
Would you rather have Captain America's shields?
Yes.
Iron Man's suits?
That's enough. Give me that shield, baby.
Where it's looking clingy.
Come back to you.
Uh...
Strength of Thor, Hulk, or Superman combined,
or all of Iron Man's suits?
What is their obsession with the suits?
Give me the suits.
I take the combined strength.
Uh...
Would you rather have Wonder Woman's lasso,
or Iron Man's gauntlets?
I guess I take the gauntlets.
I take the lasso.
Don't we do the lasso?
I make everybody say shit they don't want to.
You know, like the thing where it's
are you the father from Mory?
Go on there, wrap that shit around the bitch,
are you lying?
So yeah, I'm the father.
Not with her.
Did you sleep with other people besides him?
No, only his brother.
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Basically, yeah.
Would you rather team up with Wonder Woman,
or Captain Marvel?
I mean...
You got one that's kind of a misandrist,
and then you have the other one
that has thighs from Isles.
Eh...
My head always think about Shazam, actually,
in my head for some reason.
You mean Captain Marvel comes to Marvel?
Yeah.
Do you want to hang out with
Diana Prince, or Carol Danvers?
Carol Danvers.
Carol Danvers. Carol Baskin.
Killer, woman, ass bitch.
What the fuck?
Wonder Woman.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.
Fly like Superman, or invisible like Susan Storm?
I mean, invisibility, I mean,
you know...
I think it's the second thing to know.
Uh,
who would you rather have on your team?
Tony Stark or Reed Richards?
You gotta have Reed Richards.
The super genius. The smartest man alive.
Although he can't fucking
be
Scarlet Witch, you stupid son of a bitch.
You could
keep your fucking mouth shut.
Here's a good one for you.
Would you rather be Spider-Man but broke
or yourself a rich?
What would I be
broke?
Yeah, here's the thing, right?
About like,
he's broke, right?
But he has one thing that
negates that
drastically.
He has enhanced abilities beyond
a normal human being. He's like, he doesn't
have to worry about diseases often.
He doesn't have to worry about, you know,
illnesses.
He might catch a cold, but he
has to be like a super cold.
There's something, like, if I was broke
but like extremely healthy
and physically fit, it would negate
being broke. I agree.
I'd rather have his powers. But give me that damn money.
Would you rather
have Deadpool's or Naruto's
healing factor? Maybe Naruto's or Deadpool's
is just good. Like, he healed.
I feel like he healed but he keeps the scar.
It's what it feels like to me.
That would be the most terrible fucking healing
factor. Who would
you rather have as a father?
Bruce, not Bruce Wayne, Batman or Superman?
Superman? Batman would be the
meanest motherfucker.
I thought you better
than this. Superman would be that
little country boy from Kansas.
I loved you, son.
Then I'm looking at Batman. Tell me you love me, Batman.
I did love you.
I fucked up yesterday.
Until you let
Joker beat you with a crowbar.
Like a bitch.
James Bond
or Bruce Wayne? You know James Bond,
my boy.
As what, though? What is
the context? Just who
would you rather be? James Bond. James Bond
or Bruce Wayne? Because not Bruce Wayne, Batman.
Just Bruce Wayne. Just Bruce Wayne, huh?
Just party loving Bruce Wayne?
Well, shit.
Yeah, still be James Bond.
Would you
rather rely on Captain America or
Batman to protect your life against
their main villain?
First of all, Joker always finds a way
to fuck something up. Fuck on that little shit.
As good as Batman is, Joker
always gots that trump card.
And Captain America's is what, Red Skull?
What's that goofy motherfucker gonna do?
Get his fucking head caved in.
Who would you rather chill with?
Superman, Batman, Iron Man, or Thor?
Which one are you going to? Thor?
Hasward Funny Thor or Boring Ass Thor?
I would assume it's probably Comic Book Thor.
Give me
Superman?
Just to hang out with?
I want to see how much horrendous shit
I can say to him. And see what he says
back. That Boy Scout we are.
Superman's Heat Vision
or Goku's Kamehameha?
I'd better hit the Heat Vision. It's
quick to the point. You don't have to
scream it? Yeah.
I hear that shit a mile away.
Would you rather be a villain
with five powers of your choice
or a hero with only one?
Five. What if I have
a redemption arc?
Can't be a villain anymore. I'll go with the five.
Magneto level of
magnetism or Jedi
Master level control of the Force?
I don't even know what the Force is
anymore. Isn't it the
midichlorian?
There's so much added to it
that there's no set rules anymore.
Let's say it's the first six episodes.
Let's count the other three completely
off. Oh, the originals? Just the
original six. Yeah, I'll go with
that. I still like magnetism.
I'll go with that instead.
Juggernaut's helmet or
Magneto's helmet to fight in the Marvel
Universe?
Magneto's helmet's easier to wear.
I feel like a block of
a helmet he has to wear. He's bigger than
me. Either his head is really big or
his fucking head is like in the middle
and it's just like all over land.
You see
how wide that dome fucking thing is?
It has to be. His head cannot be that fucking
big.
Powers of Dr. Manhattan
or Franklin Richards? Do I gotta walk around
my dick swinging everywhere?
I'm there.
Dr. Manhattan. I choose
Franklin Richards for the exact reason
that you chose Dr. Manhattan.
He also hasn't dick swinging out?
No, it's opposite. He never
has. He wears clothes. Boring.
Would you rather be Scarlet Witch or Storm?
Actually, being a woman,
do I get a massive penis?
I imagine Storm with his
Storm full everything except he has a huge cock.
Storm.
I would choose Storm as well.
The Flash or Professor X?
I chose the exact one.
Professor X.
Probably Flash because I want to walk.
Would you rather have a Purple Man's
power or Iron Fist's
power?
He's got a hand.
Like the ultimate hand.
Give me that.
Power of Thor or Zeus?
Am I a horrendous pervert like Zeus?
I'll go with Thor.
Would you rather have a Mother Box
or an Infinity Stone?
An Infinity Stone. If I get lucky,
I get one of the good ones.
It's all about luck. Like the power ones.
You don't want the reality
warping one? No.
They always wake up with some fucking weird ass lake.
They wake up like they're
fucking crying.
Would you rather be a Kryptonian,
Saiyan, or a Speedster?
Kryptonian, Saiyan, or Speedster.
I'd probably be a Kryptonian.
I'd probably choose Speedster.
That's not even a race.
Well, it's a group of people.
So with Speedsters,
you basically can't be hit by anybody?
Kryptonian,
they're not even about to say that, but they seem to get hit a lot.
That's true.
A White Lantern Ring or Storm?
Not Storm.
White Lantern Ring or Thor's Axe
Stormbreaker?
Give me a Stormbreaker.
Choose White Lantern Ring.
Having the powers of the entire emotional spectrum?
I'd choose that your emotions are under control.
I'd just like to rage.
And do that axe.
Be part of Hydra or Shield?
I mean,
Hydra.
What?
Uh,
would you rather be the Flash or Supergirl
for a day?
I mean,
Here's the thing, alright?
I'd be her.
I'd go back to her place, take a bunch of pictures while she's naked,
and send it to my phone.
I would sell them on a tablet.
You could make a lot of money.
Would you rather work
for Thanos, Darth Vader,
or Voldemort?
Let me think here. Thanos,
Darth Vader,
or Voldemort?
So, Darth Vader has killed
many of his own people.
But so has Thanos.
Which Thanos, though?
It doesn't...
If we go with the movie one, he's very nice to his soldiers.
Except for that one time they were losing in Endgame.
They're like,
we're gonna hit our own people.
I don't give a fuck.
Voldemort's...Voldemort?
I guess I'm unemployed.
He should now be named.
Oh, man.
They all suck.
Metal Village 1 sucks less.
Voldemort, I don't think I've ever seen him kill any of his own people.
Has he?
Fuck.
I'd probably go with Darth Vader.
Just because...
Enjoy getting choked out for no fucking reason.
What if I like to be choked?
To death?
No, if you're doing your job,
he'd plays him baller.
He's an asshole.
True. Would you rather date
Thor, Loki, or Captain America?
First of all, I think Thor and
Thor don't blow your asshole out.
In the worst way possible,
with their super abilities.
If I get to America, he's a gentleman.
Yeah, no means no with him.
I hope so.
At his 1940s.
Would you rather be the child of Zeus or Loki?
Loki.
Get some awesome powers.
Uh, powers of Thor
or powers of the Flash?
Uh, Thor.
I'd probably go with Flash.
The Flash would hit me in a brick wall and fucking
oh fuck.
Would you rather have access to
the Odin Force, Power Stone,
or Thor's Lightning?
Uh, the Power Stone.
Hope I can handle it.
You know, as I shove it in my asshole, I make sure I get all the power.
You can just eat it, actually.
I'd probably go with
the Odin Force.
The Odin Force.
Would you rather
have Iron Man's suit?
Jesus fucks a crap.
I'd rather have a Panther suit.
Give me the damn Iron Man suit. God, I'd take like 50 of them.
Would you rather live in Wakanda or Asgard?
Asgars.
Easy. That's not even
playing drums to open up a way.
Fuck that.
They don't have TV there.
Well, they don't in Wakanda either.
It's America.
It's some Earths.
Yeah, but they have Amazon.
Asgard is at least a god city.
Yeah, but I mean, do we don't know how bad it is
at the poor people's place?
Wakanda or Atlantis?
Still Wakanda.
I can't breathe underwater.
Uh,
uh, would you rather be
born in the world of Naruto or Dragon Ball Z?
Jesus Christ, Naruto.
Dragon Ball Z sounds fucking horrendous.
You were just, since just dawn.
Just fucking exploding constantly.
Uh, would you rather
have the Kamehameha
or the Rasengan?
Yeah, it's a lot better.
It's more controlled.
Um, would you rather have
Bruce Wayne or
Bruce Banner in the real life?
Have him how?
Like as in your world.
Bruce Banner or Bruce Banner?
So we just have the whole, just fucking tear half
the country apart? I would choose Bruce Wayne for that.
Yeah, because he couldn't.
Fuck. I don't think we have anything on this actual plan
that could stop the whole.
Uh, considering that you
don't know their superhero personas,
would you rather work for Tony Stark
or Bruce Wayne?
I'd probably make fun of
Bruce Wayne a lot. Wait,
you wouldn't know Tony Stark either? I just assumed he's an
alcoholic?
I'd probably
work for Wayne Corp. Yeah, probably.
I mean, it's a bigger company.
I can just shuffle in. And he owns so many other
companies. I can just shuffle in and
I never even notice. Yeah.
And he just looks like a Playboy billionaire.
Nobody really cares too much.
It's basically like just a real life bill.
Yeah, you're working for a real person.
Would you rather be best friends with
Peter Parker, Clark Kent, or Shuri?
Uh,
Clark Kent seemed like a great friend.
Yeah, I could see that too. Yeah, Clark Kent.
I mean, he's at least like, um,
He's very loyal. I'm here for you, friend.
Heh heh heh heh.
Would you rather have the Cosmic Cube
or a Mother Box?
Cosmic Cube. I can hold it.
Strength of Thor, Hawk,
and Superman combined?
Uh, or
uh, one of Iron Man suits?
Just one, huh?
Give me his most powerful one.
The Cosmic Suit?
The Cosmic Suit.
Uh, be Captain America
with Mjolnir.
Oh. Or Iron Man.
Give me Captain America. What do you do with Iron Man obsession?
Uh,
would you rather train with Captain
America or Deathstroke?
Uh, oof.
I don't think Captain America would fuck me up
if I fuck up.
I'll go with Captain America. Yeah, I would agree with that.
Uh, would you rather have
Captain America's shield
or the Omnitrix?
Damn.
I'd give four hands.
I'd go with the Omnitrix.
Yeah, I would agree with that.
Well, they never really explained, like, what if you're like,
you mess with you, like, down to the molecular level,
so, like, when he's in his 50s, he's got cancer.
You know what I mean?
He morphed so many times,
it just ruined his fucking DNA.
Let me just...
Tell him he's fucking horrendous.
I got stage
three cancer.
Stage 12, it doesn't even...
Humors all over my body.
I'm like, Ben 10, what happened to you?
I don't know.
I've done too much.
Uh, that is all
the would-you-rathers
that I've got, though.
There's some weird ones in there.
A lot of them are like, you want Iron Man or you want Batman?
It's gonna be Batman or Iron Man.
Yeah, what the fuck?
I guess since they're so similar.
But it's like, do you want this, this, this,
or Iron Man suit? Do you want this, this, or Batman
stuff? Yeah.
You see what people focus on mostly.
Batman and Iron Man. Yeah.
Superman strength.
They forget that he's a boy scout, though.
Wouldn't hurt a fly.
You know, the good old country boy.
What do you mean, here's a lot of people.
But he wouldn't hurt a fly.
He's a country boy.
I'm pretty sure they'd
by kill a few cows.
Gotta get that stamp.
I gotta go kill a chef.
He just punches right through its fucking head out his ass.
Oh, that was a hit all.
Well, that was an instant kill.
We having chicken for dinner, Clark.
Go get them, no problem.
Fuck it.
Just snap it next.
See, I've never
killed a cow or chicken. I can't even imagine.
Grab one and just fucking
cracking its neck. Yeah, no.
I can kill a fish.
I think.
I've never done it before.
I don't have the same level of emotional
attachment to a fish. Yeah, that's true.
At least not that I can think of. Maybe I do.
When the time comes? Yeah.
I'm like, no, I can't do this.
But anything else to add before
we head on out? Would you rather
eat ass or get
your ass eaten?
You told me that earlier.
I thought I'd just call it back.
No, that's it.
I'll choose neither.
But...
The Joker
doesn't give you options. He gives
you only two.
With that, we'll see
you guys on the next one.