1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,000 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity, we are number 29. 2 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:20,120 I got a couple more today I fucked ups along with a couple of retail stories for you. 3 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,760 Retail you son of a bitch. 4 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:27,200 I see these get a rise out of nowhere so I thought I'd bring some more up here. 5 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,200 Mostly the balloon one. 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:32,720 The balloon drove me to madness. 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,360 First one is by Federal Fisherman's 510. 8 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,400 Damn. 9 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,200 He went all sorts of all literations. 10 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:47,440 This person puts, just got off an 8 hour closing shift and kind of need to vent. 11 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,960 During the last hour or so of my shift, a lady walks into the store. 12 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,240 I greet her of course. 13 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,160 Hi there, how are you? 14 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,720 I don't even think she really, she even responded. 15 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,720 It just was silent and said fine. 16 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:04,280 Either way, I had acknowledged her presence and made sure to pay attention if she picked 17 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,840 up any clothes to try on so I could get her to the fitting room. 18 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:11,120 I remember actually the way she reacted. 19 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:18,840 I was, this woman had come over, this young girl, young woman, not a girl, and she asked 20 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,720 where the birthday candles are. 21 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,800 I'm like there at the blast aisle. 22 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:29,120 She leaves, later on she comes into my line and I ring up her stuff. 23 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:34,240 Then she's getting her stuff and I get the next customer and I say hi to the next customer. 24 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,240 She was being joking and smiling. 25 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,800 She's like oh you didn't say hello to me. 26 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:42,040 I'm like oh we just come, we already interacted so I thought it would be kind of weird. 27 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,040 That's in my mind. 28 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,240 I experience saying hello to someone I just talked to a second ago. 29 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,240 I never do that. 30 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:50,080 She's like oh and then she walks in and I heard her whisper. 31 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,120 I guess he goes, he only does, he really does. 32 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,120 You only get one. 33 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,760 I'm like oh that's fucking funny. 34 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,160 Yeah you only get one. 35 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,280 Oh they get one for me. 36 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,320 I'm Spider-Man bitch you get one. 37 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,160 She got one interaction for me and that was it. 38 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,760 But she said it's such a like to herself like interesting way. 39 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,280 He really does, he only gets one. 40 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,520 I never realized but I guess I do. 41 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,680 Like if I had to interact with you one time that's all you get from me. 42 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:20,200 What's one thing like if you say hi whenever they come in and then hey did you find everything? 43 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,560 Like that's still an interaction. 44 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,480 That's too much for me. 45 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,120 It's like you don't get fucking shit. 46 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:32,000 You get hello or you get help finding stuff that you don't get both. 47 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,720 You don't get both of them. 48 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,560 However she picked up no product and made her way to the door. 49 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:43,160 Now I thought the interaction was in there but suddenly she calls me over to the exit. 50 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,560 She passively aggressively tells me. 51 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,560 Passively aggressively that he wrote that fucked up. 52 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:48,560 Yeah I know. 53 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,040 I'm reading what they wrote so. 54 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,360 Fuck me it's not my grammar that's fucked up it's theirs. 55 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,840 I want to tell something else than passively aggressively. 56 00:02:55,840 --> 00:03:01,720 He tells me if I was really going to leave her without asking if she needed help. 57 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:02,720 Passive aggressively. 58 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:03,720 Passive aggressively. 59 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:04,720 And she just leaves. 60 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:05,720 Shame on you. 61 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:11,600 Like oh no man please we're about to go broke without your sale. 62 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:16,320 Needless to say I was baffled by this and asked my co-worker if I was rude or didn't 63 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:20,920 greet the customer to which she said that she had heard me very politely greet him. 64 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:25,640 Perhaps I could have been more attentive and proactive while she was in the store but I 65 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:30,360 was trying to fix my work email account and she was not she didn't seem confused or lost. 66 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,920 I guess I'm just baffled that some customers seem to take off take offense to the strangest 67 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,880 things they do and seem to make problems where there are none. 68 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,720 It really did. 69 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:46,200 I would have of course helped her if she if she really needed me to but clearly if she 70 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:50,360 needed it she would have said so since she had no problem going out of her way to insult 71 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,360 me. 72 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,800 Some people have sold you for no fucking reason. 73 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,120 You're clear to me. 74 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:57,760 Oh so it's like that huh. 75 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:58,760 It's like that huh. 76 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,320 You can't come over here and help me huh. 77 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,320 No not really. 78 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,680 I've seen that at Walmart. 79 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:04,680 That's a while. 80 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,680 To be fair it's Walmart though. 81 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:14,160 Next one is by Foxy Lady 315 Foxy Lady. 82 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,160 It's a dude. 83 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,240 I know more than likely. 84 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,800 All right this person pits. 85 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,080 So for the last dozen years or so I have been carrying this gorgeous vintage designer bag 86 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,080 I found online. 87 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,680 So it's a woman apparently. 88 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,080 I think I bought it in 2010. 89 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,280 I don't know why they have to add that but they add it in three years after the two years 90 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:35,280 after the economic collapse. 91 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,040 I love it and I will carry it until it falls apart. 92 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:44,520 I get a ton of compliments on it and it also causes this one crazy story. 93 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:49,800 I spent three years working in an Ivy League college town upscale clothing boutique that 94 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:53,440 cater to wealthy college students and their parents and tourists. 95 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,040 We didn't sell anything like this bag but I suppose I can see where it would have fit 96 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,180 in with the things that we did sell. 97 00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:02,840 One afternoon I was getting ready to leave for my lunch break and I put this vintage 98 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,040 bag on the counter while I was putting my coat on. 99 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,520 An expensively dressed woman who had just walked up to the counter picked up my bag and 100 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,040 asked my co-worker who was at the register and how much it was. 101 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:18,980 I walked over and politely told her that it was my personal bag and it wasn't for sale. 102 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:22,920 She literally snatched it out of my hands and went off on both of us. 103 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,440 The bag was sitting on the counter. 104 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,280 It was for sale. 105 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:31,880 It was obviously much too fancy and expensive a bag for a retail loser to own and oh didn't 106 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:37,960 we just wish we were Ivy League students like her precious babies. 107 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,560 Which was actually funny because I didn't work there because I needed the money. 108 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:45,200 I worked there as a favor to the owner who was a friend of the family. 109 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,120 Basically as a fill in for one of her full time employees who had chronic illness and 110 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,480 called in sick a lot. 111 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,480 Chronic illness? 112 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,480 A lot of diarrhea huh? 113 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,960 Yeah she's blown up that shit. 114 00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:04,120 Let me actually the other day this woman came into the store and we were in the bag working 115 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:08,760 on a truck and she went into the bathroom and she left and she's like don't go in there 116 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,800 because I blew that bitch up. 117 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:15,520 It's verbatim what she fucking said to me. 118 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:21,400 I was like and I walked by there and no my co-worker was like who hit that with the fabric? 119 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,040 It is strong. 120 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:28,720 And I'm like I'm not going anywhere near that side of the fucking store. 121 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:33,160 Then my co-worker she had to go to the bathroom right and I leaned into her like don't go 122 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,160 in there. 123 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,640 You know that woman that was in here that was acting weird? 124 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,680 Yeah she blew that bitch up. 125 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,680 Her words. 126 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,680 Her words. 127 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:40,680 Her words. 128 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:41,840 And she's like you serious? 129 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,840 She was so mad. 130 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:48,560 The man some women are like have some decorum man damn. 131 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,560 Dudes are even like there's a lot of dudes that fucks like shit like that. 132 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:57,840 Then she went into the bathroom she spit into the water fountain. 133 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,440 And you're like I'm going to the bathroom. 134 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,440 You nasty bitch. 135 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,920 She's just a nasty bitch. 136 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,400 Yeah just a nasty bitch. 137 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,840 We're a bitch with a big old me. 138 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:14,720 Fuckin' ruin that bucket toilet you whore. 139 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:22,160 Alright this entitled woman probably really would have flipped if I told her that my husband 140 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:27,440 was a professor at her beloved Ivy League school and I could easily afford that bag. 141 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,440 Thank you very much. 142 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,160 So yada yada yada. 143 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,400 This woman just kept screaming at us. 144 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:38,600 She wanted the bag so badly she absolutely refused to believe it belonged to me. 145 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:43,040 Started screaming about wanting to see the manager or the owner. 146 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,520 And didn't believe my co-worker when she informed the woman that she was the store manager. 147 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,280 We finally told her if she didn't give the bag back to me and leave the store we were 148 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,660 going to call the police. 149 00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,640 She refused so police were called. 150 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:59,320 Oh damn you know those rich people they're like and they can't believe when they lose 151 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:00,320 to the police. 152 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,160 I don't understand but I'm rich. 153 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,160 Police get there. 154 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,960 Entitled woman gets even worse and doubles down on her particular form of insanity. 155 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:14,420 She tells them that it's her bag and she had bought it in with her. 156 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:18,160 She had brought it in with her and that we were trying to steal it from her. 157 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,880 Damn it was crazy. 158 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,000 The cop took the bag away from her and opened it up and dumped all the contents onto the 159 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,000 counter. 160 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,040 My cell phone which of course I knew the passcode to and she didn't. 161 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,880 Prescription medications with my name, my checkbook and everything else I carried on 162 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:31,880 a daily basis. 163 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,200 Oh have I some ID please. 164 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,960 How she had failed to recognize just from the weight of the bag that there was stuff 165 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,540 in it I don't know. 166 00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:43,140 You could see the fear creeping into her face as the cop came up with one item after another 167 00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:44,960 that proved the bag was mine. 168 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:49,320 When he got to my wallet and pulled it out and she clearly could see my license. 169 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:53,920 The woman jerked away from the second cop who had a hand on her arm and pretty much 170 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:54,920 ran out of the store. 171 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,920 She went out of tazer. 172 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:03,820 I kind of wish they had gone after her but apparently they didn't think the situation 173 00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:09,760 warranted it because they had just asked us if we considered it worth pursuing her and 174 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:10,760 pressing charges. 175 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:11,760 Hell yeah tazer. 176 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:12,760 I know I would too. 177 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,760 I love seeing people like really entice them to get tazed. 178 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,560 They make the weirdest noise. 179 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:21,200 Like the disbelief of the accuser. 180 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:27,160 Sadly in that moment we didn't want to be bothered. 181 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,320 We just wanted it to be over with so we could go about our day. 182 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:35,100 I wish now that we had she needed to be totaled lesson or be forced to get mental help. 183 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:39,600 She wasn't the only crazy entitled customer we ever got but she was the most memorable. 184 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:40,600 Damn. 185 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:44,880 Talking about getting tazered from entitled people this woman I guess she was having an 186 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:49,920 argument with another woman and the cop was in between them right? 187 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:57,100 And so the woman on the porch had I guess called the cops to have her escorted away. 188 00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:01,080 The woman that was leaving was like whatever bitch I'm leaving. 189 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:07,360 She pulls her whole fucking pants down and shows her full bare ass and of course that's 190 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,360 a decent exposure. 191 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,960 The crowd ran for her and she's like no no. 192 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,800 She couldn't believe she was about to get arrested. 193 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:13,800 No no no. 194 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:19,560 She's running and then you can see her run across the street across the other side of 195 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,760 a car right and then you hear the sound of her and she forgets the shit tazed out of 196 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:24,760 her. 197 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:30,800 I'm talking about her full fucking ass cheeks in front of a cop. 198 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,080 And you didn't think anything was going to happen? 199 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,640 And she's like yeah she couldn't believe it. 200 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:36,640 Like no you can't arrest me? 201 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,640 No no. 202 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,640 And then she got tazed. 203 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,640 See? 204 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,640 Karma. 205 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,640 Karma's a bitch. 206 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,640 And karma's a fickle bitch too. 207 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,280 Just like Lady Luck. 208 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:48,800 Lady Luck you fickle bitch. 209 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,040 Next one is by... let's see here. 210 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,000 This is a underscore throwaway. 211 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,680 What do you count? 212 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,680 I guess so. 213 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,440 What are you a spy? 214 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,040 You're not that important. 215 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,800 Nobody really cares. 216 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,000 This person puts my boyfriend and I have two young dogs. 217 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,600 One is a year old and the other seven months. 218 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,760 Like most pet owners I like to give them a voice. 219 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:15,680 Because they act like children and I usually speak to them like they are children. 220 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:20,520 Because of this I've gotten into the habit of referring to my boyfriend as daddy. 221 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,720 But not daddy in a traditional way and certainly not in a sexy way. 222 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:24,720 Hey cutie. 223 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,200 Like daddy. 224 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,280 I have to do it in a puppy way. 225 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:34,080 Oh my. 226 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:38,000 So I refer to him as daddy with hard D's. 227 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,520 Father. 228 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,920 To be honest I'm not quite sure where I got the idea from. 229 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:46,440 Isn't Peppa Pig like two of us for six? 230 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,440 Let's move on. 231 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,640 But I always thought it funny and innocent way to say daddy like a cartoon British pig. 232 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,880 So onward with dot A. 233 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:56,880 I went... 234 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:57,880 Oh I see okay. 235 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:58,880 Dot A. 236 00:11:58,880 --> 00:11:59,880 Dot A. 237 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:04,600 The other day my boyfriend and I were getting frisky and he was hitting all the right spots. 238 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,440 Sometimes I call him daddy under my breath. 239 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,600 But this time I went yes. 240 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,600 Daddy. 241 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,600 All seductively. 242 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:11,600 Is he getting weird? 243 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,000 And I was instantly cringing. 244 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,880 Yeah it's all mine. 245 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:19,080 I had hoped he wouldn't hear me and my little fuck up. 246 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,840 But he just repeated what I said and then he couldn't stop laughing. 247 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:28,000 He was laughing so hard that he ended up laying next to me and wouldn't stop laughing. 248 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,020 Needless to say sexy time was indeed over. 249 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:33,920 Now it's a running joke and probably will be for a while. 250 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,520 We broke up two months later. 251 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:39,680 Well because she hadn't tried to sound like a pup a pig. 252 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,680 He gets his dogs on the weekend. 253 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:42,680 Pretty much yeah. 254 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,400 It's like you know what? 255 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,000 That means he's and then in the British accent. 256 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000 Yeah weird. 257 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,920 I don't know where. 258 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,080 That does deserve a throwaway account. 259 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,440 Oh shit. 260 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,200 Next one is by Ruse Frost. 261 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,280 For you super villain? 262 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,800 I guess so. 263 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:08,280 This person puts a little bit of context. 264 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:13,520 I work standing for 12 hour double shifts 2 to 3 times per week. 265 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,560 Double shifts? 266 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:19,880 So 24 hours or 6? 267 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:20,880 Back to back. 268 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,280 It might be 6. 269 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,760 I would assume probably 6. 270 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,640 Like where it's a 12 hour double shift. 271 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,640 24 hours. 272 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,040 You need to fucking get home and die. 273 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,320 And there's a lot of lifting in my job. 274 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:39,520 So let's just say that a visit to the chiropractor for this old lady was vastly overdue. 275 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,520 Anyways. 276 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,240 Did you put old lady in parenthesis? 277 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,240 Yeah. 278 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,240 That means she's not actually old? 279 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,240 Where is she at? 280 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,240 Probably like 40s. 281 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,240 Anyways. 282 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,240 Feels old. 283 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:54,000 I get signed in and the chiropractor is super nice and wants me to be comfortable. 284 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,720 There's a little bit of small talk and I tell him about my back shoulder pain. 285 00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:02,880 I've seen the TikToks where people like it'll be like there's all these chiropractor videos 286 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,960 like alright just take a deep breath. 287 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,560 And now they're doing like whether it'll be like people working like construction and 288 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,720 they have like a piece of plywood like alright now relax. 289 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:16,360 If I break the whole fucking board now they're just mimicking chiropractors. 290 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,680 What it sounds like. 291 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,000 She sounds painful. 292 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,440 The adjustment starts. 293 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:28,000 He's doing the classics that I've had before where my neck damn near breaks and then he 294 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,360 made cracking up to the top of my spine. 295 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:36,920 But the problem arose when he had me tilt my legs over and cracked my lower back. 296 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:41,360 I would say my biggest mistake was probably the iced caramel mochachito. 297 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,360 Mojito. 298 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,840 Get yourself on the way to the appointment. 299 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,920 Additionally the shorts I were wearing were loose and comfortable. 300 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:55,040 But to the big low back adjustment and nowhere around it I shit myself. 301 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,440 Of course you did. 302 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:03,400 Anytime I hear some food or like you know. 303 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,480 Like the big mistake was before like I didn't know you shit your pants. 304 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:12,120 Not only that I immediately looked down to see a trail of oozing bowel movement running 305 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:16,600 down the side of my thighs as the shorts I was wearing couldn't contain the tension release. 306 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:22,280 I make eye contact with my friendly young chiropractor and see a look of horror on his 307 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,280 face. 308 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,440 He never chiropractic again. 309 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,000 I stand up and make a break for the bathroom. 310 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,000 Stand up and have that shit falling everywhere you nasty. 311 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,160 I didn't even look back to see if I was leaving a snail trail. 312 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,240 If she was I can guarantee it. 313 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,600 Regardless I don't think I'll be coming back to this place. 314 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,600 No kidding. 315 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,280 I ruined his whole fucking day. 316 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,640 Now he's gonna be on retail of this nasty bitch. 317 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:49,080 Alright the next one is by unoriginality. 318 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:54,040 I thought it was gonna be uncut. 319 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,040 That's what she did. 320 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,040 She let loose. 321 00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:00,760 Uncut Johnson's 45. 322 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:06,520 This person puts so to provide a little context me and my significant other have been together 323 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,520 since. 324 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,640 It's been a running to buy a little content with a running theme lately. 325 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:10,640 Yeah. 326 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,120 Like it does the whole fucking story. 327 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,200 It's gotta be the context. 328 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,520 What's the context that you're trying to. 329 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,520 Here's the context. 330 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,880 I'm a serial killer. 331 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:20,880 That's how you tell context. 332 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:21,880 It's a quick sentence. 333 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,680 No they have to let you know everything. 334 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,680 The whole thing is not. 335 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:25,680 Whatever. 336 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,680 I think I'm exhausted. 337 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,320 At least I didn't tell you the ages that they put in parenthesis. 338 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,320 Oh they're there aren't they. 339 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,960 Oh bitch. 340 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,600 We do this thing when someone says something like oh that's broken. 341 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,040 We immediately respond with you're broken etc. 342 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,640 So whatever part of the sentence. 343 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:43,640 Well. 344 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:44,640 Yeah. 345 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,000 So we're lying in bed and she asked me if I'd go get her a bandaid from the kitchen 346 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,000 drawer. 347 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:54,440 I brought her the empty pouch back where the bandaid used to be to which she tells me that 348 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,120 they are loose in the drawer. 349 00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:00,200 I immediately reply you're loose. 350 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,000 She's had a kid before. 351 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:06,600 I realized my mistake mid stride towards the kitchen to retrieve the aforementioned bandaid 352 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:13,320 and come running back to my significant other looking at me with murder in her eyes. 353 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:17,000 I laughed but apologized so hard for not realizing what I implied. 354 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,720 Yeah I lose percys what I'm supposed to say. 355 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,920 She forgave me thankfully. 356 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,320 She seemed the funny side of it but dude. 357 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,000 He almost fucked up. 358 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,400 I wouldn't think that that's that big of a fuck up though. 359 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,600 I can I can tug a woman out. 360 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:39,240 I'm murderous rage. 361 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:40,240 You mad. 362 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,240 You mad. 363 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,240 You sure you're mad. 364 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,240 You mad. 365 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,240 You mad. 366 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,040 Next one is by dingus Barry Jones. 367 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,000 Dingus Barry Jones. 368 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,600 The best name I've heard so far. 369 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,080 Spurs and Pits. 370 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,080 Who is that? 371 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,080 That's our sheriff. 372 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,760 Dingle Barry Jones. 373 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,200 The fastest draw in the West. 374 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,960 And that's by a woman too. 375 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,200 The fastest draw is still the fastest draw in the West. 376 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,280 Spurs and Pits. 377 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,080 This happened a while back but it still haunts me. 378 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,160 I thrift very often. 379 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:13,720 I also have a very bad social anxiety and tend to be kind of bad at small talk. 380 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:14,720 Oh and drift. 381 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,160 He drifts so that's what I just did. 382 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,160 Oh he drifts. 383 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,160 I think he drifts. 384 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,160 He goes to thrift stores. 385 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,160 Yeah. 386 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,160 Oh he does? 387 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,160 Yeah. 388 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,160 I thought you said it. 389 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,160 I thought you said it. 390 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,160 Drift and I heard thrift. 391 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,160 It is thrift. 392 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:27,160 I think I'm slowly unraveling. 393 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,160 I'm so tired. 394 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,160 There was an employee. 395 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:33,600 That worked at my favorite Goodwill that checked me out fairly often. 396 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,600 She was very polite. 397 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,600 Like he's actually like cashier wise. 398 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,600 I assume cashier wise. 399 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,600 She was very polite. 400 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:42,600 Maybe 16, 17. 401 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,600 And kind of gave off Dugger Fuddy vibes. 402 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:50,600 Who the fuck is I? 403 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:51,600 Dugger? 404 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,600 Don't know. 405 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,600 I kept seeing cute Pinterest posts. 406 00:18:55,600 --> 00:19:02,960 Don't know I kept seeing cute Pinterest outfits featuring denim maxi skirts and was super 407 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,840 excited whenever I finally found one of my size. 408 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:11,320 When the cashier was checking me out she held up at the skirt and said this is super cute. 409 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,920 I said yeah I love dong. 410 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:13,920 Yeah girl. 411 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:14,920 I'm so sorry. 412 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:15,920 I am legit tired. 413 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:16,920 I'm so tired. 414 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:17,920 I'm so tired. 415 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:18,920 I'm so tired. 416 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:19,920 I'm so tired. 417 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,920 I'm so tired. 418 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:21,920 I'm so tired. 419 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:22,920 I'm so tired. 420 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:23,920 I'm so tired. 421 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:24,920 I'm so tired. 422 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:25,920 I'm so tired. 423 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:26,920 I'm so tired. 424 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:27,920 You're legit… 425 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:28,920 Like a dillir. 426 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:29,920 Shh. 427 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:30,920 So you like nice dong. 428 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:31,920 Yeah nine inches. 429 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,740 Nine inches a hog. 430 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:37,880 I was trying to say I love long denim skirts. 431 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:38,880 No you weren't. 432 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,880 You said I like dong. 433 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,160 It was but nothing else. 434 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,380 She wanted everybody to know that she likes dong. 435 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:49,560 But her anxiety got the best of me and I fumbled my words even though I was mortified. 436 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,440 I don't think she picked up on what I said. 437 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,280 which was almost worse because I kept laughing at myself every few seconds. 438 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,160 The word dong is hilarious and makes me do it all the time. 439 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:11,080 Not only did this poor girl, did I tell this poor girl I love dong, 440 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:15,880 I proceeded to giggle to myself the whole rest of the transaction like a crazy berksom. 441 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,920 When I got to the parking lot I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. 442 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,400 I called my boyfriend and when he picked up the phone he was nervous because he thought I was crying. 443 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,800 He's like well come on. 444 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,400 Oh did you you found out huh? 445 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,520 That'll stop the crying that'll stop laughing real quick. 446 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,880 Last one for today we have average baiting. 447 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,760 Average baiting is the name. 448 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,280 Oh is it a masturbating? 449 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,320 You did average at it? 450 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,360 I like it. 451 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,080 So let's start off with some details. 452 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:53,080 I live with my parents and I'm just starting to get more into self-care options. 453 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,720 One of which was a backdoor play. 454 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:04,680 So I bought a few things online like a starting kid with a few different toys and douche 455 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:05,880 as well as a prostate massage. 456 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,040 There's a starting kid for anal plac- 457 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:08,840 I guess. 458 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:09,560 I dare you. 459 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,680 I thought you didn't go raw. 460 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,240 You learn as you go. 461 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:18,520 Now living with my parents hasn't presented many issues but one it definitely has 462 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,600 is that my mother doesn't always check who's on- 463 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,800 whose name is on the package. 464 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,720 You already know where this is going. 465 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:29,160 I forgot to let my mother know that I had a delivery because the tracking number said 466 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:33,480 tomorrow only to come home from work today to find a box on my bed 467 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,920 with a note taped to it apologizing for not checking the name. 468 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:42,680 The worst part is that the item on top whenever I opened it wasn't the starter kid 469 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:48,520 that just had a company name on it but it was a prostate massager that had a fucking image on it 470 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,480 of what it was right like on top of it. 471 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,040 Now I'm sitting in my room too fucking embarrassed to risk taking- 472 00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:00,040 talking to her right now because she knows that he's into butt plac- 473 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:07,080 I'm gonna make sure that when I have children that I foster a uh open- 474 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,880 You can tell me anything and I'll be like you know what? 475 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,880 Well she didn't say anything that's the weirdest shit I've ever fucking heard of that damn life. 476 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,840 But I love you son so you can- 477 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,200 She didn't get mad at him. 478 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,200 She said I'm sorry for opening your box. 479 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,160 Yeah but to him that's what I'm saying like he's embarrassed. 480 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,880 I want to foster like they don't have to be embarrassed about it. 481 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,000 You can tell me anything. 482 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,680 Where you got just your dick stuck where? 483 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:31,900 What? 484 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:32,940 What? 485 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:33,500 What? 486 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,880 Oh how'd I foster it? 487 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,960 How the hell'd you do that one? 488 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,280 Kind of magic dick do you have? 489 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:50,040 So my kids never have to be embarrassed about whatever embarrassing thing they think they 490 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:50,920 have to be embarrassed about. 491 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:56,040 In American Pie, Jim's dad kind of fucking an apple pie. 492 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,440 You know he's just we'll just tell your mom we ain't at all. 493 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,360 He super glued his hand to his dick. 494 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:08,680 And then he you know he helped his daddy was the best father I've ever seen. 495 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,120 He has seen war stories. 496 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,880 Because of his fucking son. 497 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,000 Listen we've all been teenagers. 498 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,640 We've all done stupid shit. 499 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,120 I'll agree with that. 500 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,600 I don't know about a nanoplay stuff on an online. 501 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:26,200 No. 502 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:26,840 Starter kit. 503 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,360 But I won't condemn you for doing it. 504 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,200 I won't even shame you. 505 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,640 I don't that's the thing though. 506 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,040 I don't think she was at all. 507 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,160 It's just he was embarrassed. 508 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:39,960 So that sounds like more of a personal issue than like it seems like they're open. 509 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,800 Well she's opening boxes and I say oh my god. 510 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:44,360 What? 511 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:44,840 Duff. 512 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,880 Mac. 513 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,640 See because it's like she's left it. 514 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,240 Oh sorry I didn't mean to open your box. 515 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,280 Eat fuck you. 516 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:55,080 I don't know. 517 00:23:55,080 --> 00:24:01,480 I think there's the things that you didn't see. 518 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,080 And didn't hear. 519 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:07,560 You fucking nasty son of a. 520 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,560 See your father found out. 521 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,800 And he's got a better one in there. 522 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,880 Dad gets here like you got this is not this is this is the bad starter kit. 523 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,280 You want the XD starter kit. 524 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:21,960 That's got the massaging balls. 525 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,680 Anything else dad before we head out today? 526 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,880 I'm so fucking tired that I don't even know if this is real. 527 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,520 With that we will see you guys. 528 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,080 I'll find out before we get demonetized. 529 00:24:35,080 --> 00:25:02,760 See you guys later.