1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,840 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 28. 2 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,080 We have a couple more retail stories for you. 3 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:19,680 Let's begin in here and some more today. 4 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:20,680 I fucked up. 5 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:21,680 Retail. 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,680 Yes, yes, yes. 7 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:26,120 So, the first one we have is by fewlobster7961. 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:32,080 This person puts, I work in a grocery store and I'm standing in front of the dairy case 9 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,400 making the order for the weekend. 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,560 Customer comes up and asks me where the pints of coconut milk are. 11 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:44,440 I tell her we don't carry it refrigerated, but we have it in shelf stable in cans. 12 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,480 What we call the grocery aisle. 13 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,960 She insisted that she buys it here all the time. 14 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,120 The famous lie. 15 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,120 You know you're all lying. 16 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,120 You know damn way. 17 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,360 But you never want to be caught being wrong. 18 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,360 Always. 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,080 So you lie your ass off. 20 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:04,600 I respond by saying well I order all the dairy and dairy alternatives and I respond by saying 21 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,120 well you're a lying little bitch. 22 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,080 We don't carry it as I turn and walk away. 23 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,280 Like for fuck's sake I work here. 24 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,080 I thought that was her saying. 25 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,640 That's all the one saying. 26 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,160 Like for fuck's sake. 27 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,400 I own the whole fucking store. 28 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,320 I think I know all what we sell and what we don't. 29 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:28,160 While I'm at it another time a customer asked where the alcohol was. 30 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,480 I told him we don't sell alcohol. 31 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,120 He kept insisting that we did. 32 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,120 I looked at it and I went where is it. 33 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,880 I looked at him and said well since you know it all good luck finding it. 34 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,040 And walked away. 35 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,240 Our store is only five aisles. 36 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,120 Pretty obvious we don't here and carry alcohol. 37 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:44,120 Damn five aisles. 38 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,040 That shit would be a paradise. 39 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,320 The rudeness of some people is just insane. 40 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,880 I don't put up with it anymore. 41 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,160 Once it's apparent that they aren't listening I remove myself from the situation before 42 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:58,840 I say something to get in trouble. 43 00:01:58,840 --> 00:01:59,840 That rings very true. 44 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,720 You've never been in trouble with the customers? 45 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,200 Wait that was the one time. 46 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,800 Next up we have Fennel. 47 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:15,960 This person works in a specialty store. 48 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:20,840 This particular store happened a while ago but I can't remember all the details so this 49 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,760 is as good as it gets. 50 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,920 I was behind the register and I noticed one of the assistant store managers has been on 51 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,800 the phone for a very long time. 52 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,680 Normally phone calls only take a few minutes as it's normally customers just asking a 53 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,240 question or two about our inventory, return exchange policy, etc. 54 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,240 Now you guys open? 55 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,240 That's always the one. 56 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,240 Yeah you guys open? 57 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,560 See what I do when I call a store to see if they're open if they say hello I hang up 58 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,560 because then I know they're open. 59 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,560 Also you're that one. 60 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:48,560 I've had that before. 61 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,560 You hang up before you sell a bitch. 62 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:52,560 Fuck I want an answer. 63 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,560 That shit drives me crazy dude. 64 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:54,560 You click out my answer. 65 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,560 You're open. 66 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,560 Okay. 67 00:02:56,560 --> 00:03:03,960 Now the phones are behind the registers and there are two ways to get behind the counter 68 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,000 and to the registers and phones. 69 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,280 Because this is a very busy day all registers are being manned. 70 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,880 Sometimes during a lull in the crowd us cashiers will leave the counter to stock, fill, talk 71 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:15,880 to customers, etc. 72 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:20,160 When I see the lines getting long I start heading back to the registers. 73 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:24,240 However the assistant store manager is still on the phone with the customer and is looking 74 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,960 pretty irritated at this point. 75 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,840 Unfortunately for me she is in my path and the other way behind the counters is blocked 76 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,000 by customers and other cashiers. 77 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:36,420 Instead of asking her to move I decided to duck under her which ended up with me losing 78 00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:40,080 my footing and hitting the counter but that's a different story. 79 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,260 When she finally gets off of the phone she sighs and gives me a very exasperated look. 80 00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:48,440 She explains that the customer was trying to get to the store to do an exchange or something 81 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,480 but she didn't know where we were. 82 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,760 Instead of going onto Google Maps she decided to ask the manager for direction and wasn't 83 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,920 understanding the directions. 84 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,960 Later the phone rings and I was the unfortunate person to answer it. 85 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:01,960 It was the same lady. 86 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:02,960 Who dis? 87 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,560 The conversation goes something like this. 88 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,560 Me. 89 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,400 Thank you for calling store at shopping center. 90 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,600 How may I help you? 91 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,600 The lady. 92 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,600 I'm trying to get to the store. 93 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,680 Can you tell me where you are? 94 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,440 Me. 95 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,560 We are in shopping center between store one and store two. 96 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,200 Lady no the address is this and this. 97 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,720 No like can you tell me how to get there? 98 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:26,720 What? 99 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,720 Me. 100 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,920 I'm sorry ma'am I don't understand. 101 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:31,920 The lady. 102 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:37,320 I'm on highway whatever heading towards this major city. 103 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,440 What exit do I take and what road should I take? 104 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,640 Oh it's weird. 105 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,960 At this point I see my assistance to our manager was so peeved I was thinking oh no this is 106 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,880 going to be such pain. 107 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,880 Me. 108 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:54,720 So you exit on highway exit whatever onto the frontage road turn left onto the other 109 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:59,240 road follow that road for whatever distance turn right into the shopping center then left 110 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,480 and the store will be on your left between store one and two. 111 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,480 The lady. 112 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:04,480 I didn't get that. 113 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,480 What exit should I take? 114 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,960 I just thought you were in the wrong city. 115 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:13,000 After the next fifteen or so minutes I was repeatedly telling the lady instructions on 116 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,280 how to get to our store and she was not getting it. 117 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:20,440 I had customers to check out and other things to do but I was stuck on the phone with this 118 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,920 woman because everyone was busy and no one would be able to answer the phone. 119 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,400 I was so close to telling the lady to use Google maps or something and just hanging 120 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,240 up on her because of holy fuck this was so annoying. 121 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,580 I can't remember how the call ended but I told the manager about the woman who had called 122 00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:36,640 and she laughed in sympathy. 123 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,720 I went off to my break not long after and the lady managed to get to the store. 124 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:46,160 I didn't get to see her but I was told that she was an older lady but not too old to not 125 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,840 know how to use a phone. 126 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:52,640 Sometime after I came back from my break the woman calls again and again I was the unfortunate 127 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,440 soul who had to answer the phone. 128 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,160 I can't remember what happened but apparently there was something wrong with the exchange 129 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,560 and she wanted to know what she could do about it. 130 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,160 Why are you guys showing up here? 131 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,640 I mean again I was stuck on the phone for a long time. 132 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,360 When she finally hung up I regretted taking my break because I was so irritated and needed 133 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,520 time to cool off. 134 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,720 I've dealt with those guy customers before. 135 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,720 So much fun. 136 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:17,800 I'm sure you've had a few like that. 137 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,320 I don't know if people are... 138 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:24,520 I once had a woman come in and say this flashlight don't work and I flipped the batteries. 139 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,520 There you go. 140 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,800 Well fuck it. 141 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,000 No she like legit just was like okay. 142 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,520 Oh and she wasn't one of those kind of people? 143 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,520 No she was like... 144 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:35,520 I didn't know how to use it. 145 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,520 She was just so dumb. 146 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:42,040 She went, you didn't even recognize that I fixed it for her. 147 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,520 Yeah it's not surprising. 148 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,520 Idiocracy. 149 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,520 That movie? 150 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,520 It fits. 151 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:49,520 It's a documentary. 152 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:50,520 Yes it is. 153 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,760 Alright next one is by ResponsibleB522. 154 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,440 This person puts, the company I work for has a policy. 155 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,560 We do not inflate outside balloons. 156 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,560 Oh well. 157 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,680 I know that story too well. 158 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,680 That's the Mylar foil balloons that we sell on display at the front of the store. 159 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,200 Did I run this? 160 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,920 We can't inflate the latex balloons we sell either. 161 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,360 I did right. 162 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:22,120 We are safety rated for anything but our foils and helium is getting scarce as it is. 163 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,320 I didn't for real think I run this. 164 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,840 Employees can be reprimanded or fired for filling outside balloons and our policy is 165 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,040 part of training for the balloon station. 166 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,840 And that's fine. 167 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,760 Corporate is training for balloon station. 168 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:36,760 You bitch. 169 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,000 Get on that motherfucker. 170 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,000 Start blowing them balloons up. 171 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,720 I'm first aid. 172 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,920 Don't blow your fucking dick off. 173 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,160 And that's fine. 174 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,200 Corporate is that friend and honest about that. 175 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,000 And it's their right to decide. 176 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,520 For the most part customers are understanding but. 177 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,520 No they're not. 178 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,680 But when the damn lie. 179 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:03,800 Bill is your problem customer the problem is balloons about a third of the time. 180 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,400 Yeah actually. 181 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,720 If it's any fae you know what they also say. 182 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,160 I don't know how they're braving. 183 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,160 Did your helium work? 184 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,600 I'm like yeah helium works fine. 185 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:14,600 It's just empty. 186 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,600 You dumb bitch. 187 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,080 So that women does helium not do their helium work. 188 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,960 Instead of saying do you have helium. 189 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,080 Yeah does your helium work. 190 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,920 I'm like what do you mean. 191 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,400 It's not a machine. 192 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,720 It's fucking helium. 193 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:30,720 I don't know. 194 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:31,720 It drives me crazy. 195 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,720 I could definitely see that. 196 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,160 Some people offer to pay for the helium straight up. 197 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,480 Which we don't have an option for. 198 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,480 Yeah I go I tell you there's nothing I. 199 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,480 You're gonna fucking sell me a ten dollar bill in my pocket. 200 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,480 What do you want me to do. 201 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,400 Or ask to have balloons rung up. 202 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,680 Then just fill the balloons that they have instead. 203 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,680 Yes. 204 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:51,680 Everything you're gonna say. 205 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,240 I've had it all. 206 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,920 Every single thing you just said I'm dead down with it. 207 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,560 I always tell them no. 208 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,640 It's not worth my job. 209 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,200 Had someone threaten to call corporate about it. 210 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,200 And I said please do. 211 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,200 I'm like what. 212 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,200 I'm like and do what. 213 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,200 Tell them that we can't. 214 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,360 You're gonna tell them you can't blow up outside balloons. 215 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,360 You stupid son of a bitch. 216 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,040 I'm sure they'll be happy to hear that I'm opening their policies. 217 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,200 Yeah like what. 218 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,800 That's the dumbest response. 219 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,960 But one particular lady takes the cake. 220 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:20,960 She came in one night. 221 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,960 While the cashier and I, a manager, were on duty. 222 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:25,960 She was either the. 223 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:26,960 How fancy. 224 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:27,960 Had three people on duty. 225 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:28,960 How fancy. 226 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:34,040 She was either the only one in the store or other customers were back out of earshot. 227 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:39,320 She came in with a spongebob figure old balloon and asked the cashiers to fill it up for her. 228 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,800 She appropriately told the lady no we can't. 229 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,420 The lady then asked to speak to the manager. 230 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,440 So she rang for me. 231 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,620 I gave her the same company policy. 232 00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,800 And she got super polite. 233 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,440 Please wouldn't I fill this up for the little girl's birthday. 234 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,640 Ma'am fuck that little girl. 235 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,640 Not literally. 236 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,640 Not literally. 237 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,640 Well in the figurative sense of I don't give a shit. 238 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:04,360 She ain't paying my bills. 239 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,860 I told her I am sorry. 240 00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:07,180 But it's not worth my job. 241 00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:08,180 She goes. 242 00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:10,720 Oh you're not gonna lose your job over this. 243 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:11,720 I'm thinking. 244 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:12,720 Yes I will. 245 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:17,120 Wow must be our new CEO if she can make that kind of call. 246 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,200 But again I told her no. 247 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,640 Offered to pay me extra. 248 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:21,640 Still said no. 249 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,320 How much are you talking about. 250 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:28,840 I'm not doing a funny business in my drawer and I can't mark something like that in the 251 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,560 register if I wanted to. 252 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:36,760 I kept saying sorry no until I until it was she seemed that she wasn't getting through. 253 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,400 She turned to walk away. 254 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,280 Then the super nice act went out the window. 255 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,280 Oh yes. 256 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,280 You know you can tell those actually. 257 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:43,720 Like you can feel them. 258 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,720 Yeah. 259 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,840 We've been in the type of business where we deal with people all the time. 260 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,640 You can feel the fake nice. 261 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,840 Yeah I know I know your tricks ma'am. 262 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,120 From behind me she says. 263 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,600 Yeah go ahead and leave. 264 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,680 I'll just do it myself and you're not looking. 265 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:02,600 Maybe if you touch that guy that he's in my crumb and drop it on top of you. 266 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,140 I silently turned back around and put my hands on the helium tank nozzle. 267 00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:07,140 She immediately goes. 268 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:08,480 Oh thank you. 269 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,960 I knew you could come to an agreement. 270 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,760 And I removed the nozzle from the helium tank. 271 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:13,760 Yeah. 272 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,360 And didn't need to put it in the office if I needed to. 273 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,360 She goes. 274 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,240 You're an asshole. 275 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,000 You're lucky I'm on probation and have a kid. 276 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,000 Oh fuck. 277 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000 And left. 278 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,000 I'm about to get shot. 279 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:31,880 That's also another thing like they're so rude and they also threaten your life. 280 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:32,880 What the fuck lady. 281 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,440 And she left. 282 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:35,440 The cashier goes. 283 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,440 Wow. 284 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,960 As she crashed her car into my fucking store. 285 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:44,880 So yeah that hit home. 286 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:45,880 You have felt this. 287 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,880 Yeah nothing getting threatened part. 288 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,600 I'll do it when you're not looking. 289 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,600 How about that? 290 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:52,600 Not that either. 291 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:53,600 No? 292 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,600 Like you're too dumb to manage this machine man. 293 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,600 You don't know what I mean. 294 00:11:55,600 --> 00:12:00,600 Like a simple lingo or something. 295 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,360 People just they think that. 296 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,880 They think retail is just like. 297 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:05,880 Just like. 298 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:06,880 Like here you go. 299 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,640 Would you like to take a shit on my face ma'am? 300 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,160 There you go. 301 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,960 It's like there's policies. 302 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:12,960 Yeah. 303 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:13,960 And it's like yeah. 304 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,880 At times they're the worst policies known to man. 305 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,000 And you have to follow them because it's policy. 306 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,480 It's yeah. 307 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,560 And then they make us feel like we're the assholes and idiots because we have to follow 308 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:29,000 the policy that's been deemed down from the fucking corporate company. 309 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,600 And I'm like I didn't make this stupid policy. 310 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,520 But I'll lose my job if I don't fucking do this dumb policy. 311 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,520 Exactly. 312 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,160 It's like it's not that I want to do this policy. 313 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,160 Right. 314 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,320 You can take the whole fucking tank if you like. 315 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,560 I'll give the file. 316 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:45,560 But I got no choice. 317 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,160 It's part of policy too if they did want to steal it. 318 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,160 You can't stop them. 319 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,160 So. 320 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,160 Yeah. 321 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,160 Go ahead. 322 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,160 I'm not going to stop you. 323 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,160 No man please. 324 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,160 We're going to call the police back. 325 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,160 Oh no. 326 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,160 That's basically it. 327 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,160 No. 328 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,760 If it's like you just you can't come in the store again. 329 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,600 Then take everything you can while you can. 330 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,600 Exactly. 331 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,920 And by the time you leave the cops won't even be here yet. 332 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:06,920 So go ahead. 333 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:07,920 Well they won't be here anyway. 334 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,880 I'm not going to waste my time with the police. 335 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,160 For like fucking three items. 336 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,160 No. 337 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,160 They're not going to arrest you. 338 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,000 Well obviously you're going to have to go through more hell than they are. 339 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Right. 340 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,920 So I'm like you know just don't like if we see you again you're not going back to the 341 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:21,920 store. 342 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:22,920 Exactly. 343 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:23,920 You've been told to leave and get out. 344 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,360 It'd be funny how like the thieves are the most courteous people. 345 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,000 Like you've been told to leave get out. 346 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,000 Oh you got me a gish. 347 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,800 They know the game. 348 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,480 Oh damn. 349 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,480 That's the sad part I guess. 350 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,680 I've seen that. 351 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,680 People that have gotten banned from Walmart. 352 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:43,680 Oh I can't go man. 353 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:47,760 It's the ones that are law abiding the worst to deal with. 354 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:53,200 Like I'm above the law so I actually get whatever I want. 355 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,080 Yeah. 356 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:59,920 You made me so angry. 357 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,320 Next one is by fluffy end 2406. 358 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,320 Fluffy end. 359 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:05,320 Fluffy end. 360 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,320 What end. 361 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,320 You're going to hurt your brain again. 362 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,320 Yeah. 363 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:16,080 This person puts I moved to East Asia last year and I recently got a girlfriend. 364 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,080 Now the language barrier. 365 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,080 You can do all the way to Asia. 366 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,080 You couldn't do it anywhere. 367 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,080 You moved all the way to another country to get laid. 368 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,080 Is what I just heard. 369 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,080 Yes. 370 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,080 Now the language barrier has been very difficult. 371 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,080 Wait and she does not sit. 372 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,080 This is already sounding the most sketchy game I've heard so far. 373 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,080 So basically it's a very difficult game. 374 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,080 Yeah. 375 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,080 I mean you can't do it anywhere. 376 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,080 You can't do it anywhere. 377 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,080 You can't do it anywhere. 378 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,080 You can't do it anywhere. 379 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:36,080 You can't do it anywhere. 380 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,080 You can't do it anywhere. 381 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,080 You can't do it anywhere. 382 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,800 So basically you found a bride online. 383 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,800 No. 384 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:41,800 It's not one of those countries. 385 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:42,800 Okay. 386 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,840 It sounds sketchy though. 387 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:45,840 It's not the Philippines. 388 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,920 He met somebody and there's a language barrier. 389 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:49,920 How the fuck did you meet? 390 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,000 Well he said he moved there and then met her. 391 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,000 Right. 392 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,960 It's not like he went because of her. 393 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,040 But there's a language barrier. 394 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,320 So how do they know they're dating at all? 395 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,320 Well. 396 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,320 I'm real confused. 397 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,680 We have been dating for a month. 398 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:06,680 I think. 399 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,960 But despite the language the relationship is going well. 400 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,840 See like what do you mean? 401 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,520 They're using Google Translate. 402 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,680 That is a terrible way to date. 403 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,760 A lot can be lost in translation. 404 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:18,760 Well but. 405 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:19,760 Especially when you're fucking. 406 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,760 That's kind of what this has to do. 407 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:22,760 Oh son. 408 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:23,760 Oh. 409 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:24,760 Look. 410 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:31,280 The other day I saw some post about a dude jizzing on his own face or something and it 411 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,480 reminded me of the situation that happened to me recently. 412 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,480 You can do that? 413 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,920 About a week ago she was giving me a BJ and I felt like I was going to bust. 414 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,160 I wanted to tell her to slow down but I did not know how. 415 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,040 I had to get the ditches. 416 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:48,680 So what I did was I motioned her head to stop and was going to sit up and take a bit of 417 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:49,800 a break. 418 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,800 But as I was getting up I shot myself in my face. 419 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:53,800 Oh his face. 420 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,640 Hitting my chest and my face. 421 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:57,640 That's a weird angle. 422 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,960 I guess he's leaning forward. 423 00:15:58,960 --> 00:15:59,960 Yeah. 424 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,800 So when the dick popped out of her mouth they fucking shot up. 425 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:03,800 Is how I'm fucking imagining. 426 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,320 But how would it shoot up that far. 427 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,320 How small is your. 428 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,160 Like because the angle would have to like. 429 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,160 You know what I mean. 430 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,800 Well when you're skinny you don't have to worry about that. 431 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,800 Even you know. 432 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,080 When I was fit right. 433 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,320 My dick would reach the bottom of my belly button. 434 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,000 That's how long it was. 435 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,560 So I'm thinking like how the fuck. 436 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,240 I don't know I'm confused. 437 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,760 She was shocked and had the surprise look on her face. 438 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:37,880 Probably because it looked like I had stopped her so that way I could do this on myself. 439 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,920 I laughed it off and cleaned myself up. 440 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:44,480 The next time we did it we were fooling around and she was jerking me. 441 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,280 And I did it again. 442 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,440 But I noticed her cupping her hand to collect it. 443 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,440 Oh no. 444 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,440 In my head I was like what is she doing. 445 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:56,240 I thought her throwing it in your fucking face probably. 446 00:16:56,240 --> 00:17:00,440 After she had collected it she started rubbing it on my face. 447 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,120 She was laughing and smiling while she was doing this. 448 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,120 She looked so cute. 449 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,720 It was because she looked like she was happy to please me. 450 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,000 I just laughed awkwardly while she did it. 451 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,000 What. 452 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000 Reddit. 453 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,000 I think it's time. 454 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:20,800 I think she thinks that I'm starting to enjoy this every time. 455 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,160 It's happened three times already. 456 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,160 Should I tell her to stop. 457 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,160 Yes. 458 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,120 That will be awkward in Google Translate. 459 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:29,640 So he is using Google Translate. 460 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,120 You cannot date somebody that you cannot speak to. 461 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:37,160 What in the fuck are you doing. 462 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:41,040 Oh fuck. 463 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,600 Do you guys think that I should. 464 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,160 I'm still trying to figure out how he shot himself in the chest with his dick. 465 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,400 There is no way. 466 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,200 Even if I pointed it directly I would have to be leaning. 467 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,400 No because my fucking stomach would get in the way. 468 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,480 Because he's laying down. 469 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:57,640 You can't hit your chest like. 470 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:02,840 Unless he's like no because he's standing up. 471 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:07,000 Something about this doesn't sound right to me at all. 472 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,000 I'll be damned if I don't figure this out. 473 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,040 I'm going to do a bunch of experiments later. 474 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,080 My detector brain is going off. 475 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,480 Do you guys think that she thinks that I like it. 476 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,840 If I shared her nationality would her reddit be down to help me. 477 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,560 What should I say. 478 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,320 Do you guys think that she's told her friends. 479 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,320 Probably. 480 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,320 What the fuck. 481 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,720 Any thoughts or comments from reddit would be appreciated. 482 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:31,720 Edit. 483 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,080 Added context is that she is Japanese and I live in Japan. 484 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:40,360 Also anyone here have any tips on how I should handle this or bring it up. 485 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:41,360 Yeah learn Japanese. 486 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,360 There you go. 487 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:43,360 Why she looks. 488 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,360 After. 489 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,360 Weird. 490 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,360 The little giggle. 491 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,360 Yeah. 492 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:53,680 You like to call it the guy where he's just giggling his ax. 493 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,280 I don't like the little giggle. 494 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,240 They better love that grown ass woman. 495 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:03,520 I'll be damned if I was a little girl giggle. 496 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,760 Next one is by South add 8256. 497 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,600 This person puts. 498 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,680 This was last night but I was hanging out with my girlfriend in my apartment and I had 499 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:13,780 to fart. 500 00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:17,560 She asked me to fart somewhere else so she doesn't have to smell it. 501 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:22,600 So I went halfway into the bathroom while having fun. 502 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:29,880 I thought it would be funny if he started her directly in the eye. 503 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:30,880 That's true love. 504 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:38,360 But instead of farting I pooped my pants while making direct click. 505 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,360 So he shit himself. 506 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,360 I'll get directly at her. 507 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:43,360 Yeah. 508 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:46,360 Dead in the eye. 509 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:54,640 He fucking just I imagine in my head like he slowly puts his head back into the door 510 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,120 and closes the door behind him. 511 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,240 That's what you're thinking too huh. 512 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,680 Now that's not a nary a word. 513 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,200 I was fucking between the two of them over again. 514 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,960 I don't know what's like so bad. 515 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,720 Let's see. 516 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:18,480 I haven't done that in at least 10 years so it only makes sense to happen over a few 517 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,480 months. 518 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:24,240 I'll pay to my girlfriend in three months. 519 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:28,840 Real life it'll never be outbeating. 520 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,040 She laughed at me for a little while or so. 521 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,840 I did and so did I but I was still very embarrassed. 522 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,880 Luckily she seemed to forget about it but the horror I felt whenever I realized what 523 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,880 she said. 524 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,160 Oh yeah she won't forget when you guys have an argument. 525 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,720 Like why should I listen to you you shit your fucking pants. 526 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:51,520 You remember that time whenever you stared directly at me you fucking shit yourself you 527 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:58,120 nasty mother but you're just like your father. 528 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,120 That was funny though. 529 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,120 He decided to just pitch her in. 530 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,520 He was like just making direct fucking eye contact out the door. 531 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:06,520 Fucking just dropped a deuce. 532 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:17,280 I can just imagine in his face like fuck everybody's still making eye contact. 533 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,640 Next one is by backroom DT. 534 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:21,640 Backroom DT? 535 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,840 I don't know what the fuck the DT stands for. 536 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:24,840 My word Duff. 537 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:25,840 It's Kiprich? 538 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:30,640 I wasn't learning so much yet I don't want to know anymore. 539 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,120 This first input happened today. 540 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:39,360 Bit out of context my wife likes the foaming hand soap so we bought a generic soap pump 541 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:44,320 that she that makes the soap come out as foam. 542 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,360 Completely clear no markings. 543 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:51,440 She'll rotate through a few that she likes and picks up new ones every now and then. 544 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:56,840 It was a fun cuddly day today and we turned into a request to go to the bedroom. 545 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:02,800 I told my wife I had to clip and file my nails before we went and did this together. 546 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:03,800 How romantic. 547 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:10,100 Once I was done I washed my hands in the sink with a nice apple and spices soap. 548 00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:13,160 We did our thing, cuddle, and went to clean up. 549 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:17,040 I always get a big handful of the foam in the bathroom and give my junk a good wash 550 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,040 after it. 551 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,840 What are you a fucking prostitute? 552 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,800 Writing your junk between clients? 553 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,240 Then it dawned on me. 554 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,120 She put peppermint soap in the pump. 555 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:32,120 I had about a second before it felt like I stuck my Johnson into a snow bank filled with 556 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,120 radio static. 557 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,120 He's uncircumcised. 558 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:38,000 I rinsed it off really well. 559 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,000 No luck. 560 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,000 I tried cold water. 561 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,360 Even worse. 562 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:46,800 I ran out screaming and laughing and we agreed maybe we don't use that hand soap anymore. 563 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,600 It's VR's later and it still kind of tingles. 564 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,800 Why would you use hand soap on your dick anyway? 565 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,720 Is it a different chemical balance? 566 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,720 Somewhat. 567 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,240 I wouldn't put hands on my anything other than my hands. 568 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,160 It's with a hand soap. 569 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,120 I have MS so sensations can stick around for a while. 570 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:08,320 I'm sure I will be laughing about this one in a while. 571 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:13,520 If I had washed my hands way back whenever I my hands way back whenever in the bathroom, 572 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,200 I would not have used this on my junk. 573 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,120 Because apparently there was two things of it. 574 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:21,200 I've used the wrong one. 575 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,200 He's the other one that had a different smell. 576 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,960 Well, next one is by D Smith 61. 577 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,760 Hey, but this happened a little while ago. 578 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:38,040 I was on my second dive during an open water scuba training and the instructor and myself 579 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,680 were split up from the rest of the group. 580 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,840 There was no problem as he was very experienced in the area. 581 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:48,840 We were down on the lake floor about 18 meters and I got a tap on my shoulder from the instructor 582 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,040 that he was going back to the surface but for me to stay where I was. 583 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:56,360 I did not think twice about this and continued to float around at the bottom of the lake. 584 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:59,440 A few minutes go by and I'm still waiting for him to come back down. 585 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:04,280 It is important to know that if you find yourself lost or alone while diving, then after a minute 586 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,520 you should surface until you find someone. 587 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,840 Anyway, it's now been about five minutes and I'm debating if I should go up or not as I 588 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,440 was told to stay down at the bottom. 589 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,480 Is he right there and he's down there? 590 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:19,440 It sounds like exactly what it sounds like. 591 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,000 I start to hear a funny noise coming from up above me and assume that it's just a boat 592 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,960 or a noise from within the water. 593 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,960 I start to ascend as I realize this is not normal to be left alone for so long. 594 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,960 As I'm coming up to the noise, it's getting louder and I realize that it's shouting and 595 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,680 screaming from the surface. 596 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:41,160 My instructor's suit was having issues and was not allowing air to be released from his 597 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,120 suit to go back down. 598 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:46,440 He was screaming and shouting for lifeguards and other divers as I was chilling on the 599 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:51,920 floor of the lake with not a worry in my mind. 600 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:58,560 If I see the person that's meant to train me in anything I'm supposed to learn, fucking 601 00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,560 panic. 602 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,240 I think we're both going to die. 603 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:09,880 If I saw my pilot lose his shit as he's teaching me how to fly, I'm assuming that would have 604 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:17,880 rippled me with such fear if I saw my scuba diving instructor going apeshit. 605 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,080 You know what I mean? 606 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:24,160 The person that's supposed to be the most calm individual in the situation absolutely 607 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,160 loses it. 608 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,000 What the fuck am I supposed to do? 609 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,520 Lose it. 610 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,560 Right. 611 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,960 But now I can't because he took that for me. 612 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,360 So now I've got to be the calm and rational one. 613 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:36,360 Useful places. 614 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,720 In an absolutely unskilled environment. 615 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,840 Yeah. 616 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,400 I would never scuba dive again. 617 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,400 Ever. 618 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,320 My suit just fucking full of oxygen. 619 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,600 What the fuck did he say? 620 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,960 What was it? 621 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:59,640 He's having issues and was not allowing air to be released from his suit to go back down 622 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:00,760 to get him. 623 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,200 So they were worried about him. 624 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,880 So I'm guessing. 625 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,520 Like whenever he tapped him on the shoulder I think he meant for him to come up with him. 626 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:11,520 Probably. 627 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:19,680 Like basically it created a fucking balloon because his suit couldn't go back down at 628 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:20,680 all. 629 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,680 Exactly. 630 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:22,680 There was too buoyant. 631 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,760 Did he assume like I would go up eventually? 632 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,240 Did he assume I would stay in there until I fucking died? 633 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:32,440 Well I think that whenever he tapped because he didn't come up a minute after he was still 634 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,960 down there just fucking chilling for five minutes. 635 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,400 Well yeah I'll be like I'll be fine. 636 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,120 He was fucking freaking out. 637 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:43,160 I need to fucking get back down there and save him. 638 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,760 I gotta say like he was fucking out of oxygen or something. 639 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,920 I want to come up eventually. 640 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:49,920 Dead or not? 641 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,320 Well I floated up. 642 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,520 Some way or the other. 643 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,040 My fucking survival instinct would kick in. 644 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,840 I'm fucking bolt. 645 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,180 But I'm also highly OCD. 646 00:27:02,180 --> 00:27:05,680 So whatever instruction they told me like you gotta wait five minutes between the lower 647 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:10,600 level and the higher level of water so you balance out your whatever bullshit so you 648 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,440 don't get the fucking the bends. 649 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:18,960 The bend and I'd be like ha ha ha ha ha in between the like ha ha ha ha. 650 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:19,960 You know how I know? 651 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:24,320 Because I played a game right where it was in Mars. 652 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:30,120 It was a horror game called the Moons of Mars and you had to put your suit on and you gotta 653 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:35,760 depressurize the fucking room and then you can go out into the fucking environment. 654 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:36,760 You go back in. 655 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,240 You pressurize the room again. 656 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:44,800 You can take your suit off and you fucking you take all you go into the facilities. 657 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:49,200 Now as I was learning to be a fucking astronaut I would sometimes forget to pressurize the 658 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,200 room when I take my helmet on. 659 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,200 I was like real quick. 660 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,440 I gotta pressurize this son of a bitch. 661 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,560 I love video games because you can do survival stuff or stuff like that and you'll be fine. 662 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:02,800 You'll get to do it in real life. 663 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,800 Yeah and I could probably do it in real life. 664 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,600 So after that I always be like I gotta pressurize this son of a bitch first. 665 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,840 I became an astronaut basically. 666 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,360 See it's training to go to Mars. 667 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:17,080 Yeah I probably would have died from the first depressurization. 668 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,160 Just aside from that. 669 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,160 Yeah. 670 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:21,840 Be like Star Lord. 671 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:28,080 Oh yeah my fucking face all puffed out. 672 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,280 That was the weirdest shit they decided to do. 673 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,920 Yeah I think he would have died in that time. 674 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,920 He's half celestial. 675 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,080 What a bullshit he is. 676 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,680 And they never show that him using anything that's part celestial or anything. 677 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:41,680 He can't. 678 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,800 He can only do it when he was attached to his dad. 679 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,520 Also that never made any sense either. 680 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:53,440 In the actual Marvel cinematic universe. 681 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,440 What's his name as a celestial? 682 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,440 Been in the comic books he's not. 683 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:57,440 Gigo? 684 00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:58,440 MCU? 685 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:04,320 Yeah it's what I would call a loose adaptation. 686 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,120 Not a hardcore you know what I mean. 687 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,800 You gotta change stuff to fit in a context of live action. 688 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,840 You do but they've made some very... 689 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,960 That's why it's his own universe. 690 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,640 I mean you know they made the shoe hook work so you know 10 out of 10 for me. 691 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:23,840 Worst CGI in the world. 692 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,840 With that booty shape. 693 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,840 What was it even good CGI? 694 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,640 Hey man I'll watch it all. 695 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:29,640 I'll repeat. 696 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,640 Something that belongs on Tubi. 697 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:36,480 Yeah along with that guy fucking splattered out on the side of a god damn convenience 698 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:37,480 store. 699 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,480 He's just like cut! 700 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:39,480 Cut! 701 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,840 Before he's like you ain't gonna cut the scene? 702 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:43,840 No. 703 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:44,840 No he just fucking drags. 704 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:45,840 Out of frame. 705 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:46,840 He's all fucked up. 706 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,840 He's probably out of air too. 707 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:57,120 He's like eeeh eeeh eeeh. 708 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:01,520 Have you done that? 709 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,680 Where you fall on your chest and it just knocks the wind out of you? 710 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:05,680 Only once. 711 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:06,680 Once? 712 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:07,680 Yeah. 713 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:12,720 I'm highly uh as flabby and uncoordinated as I look I'm highly efficient physically. 714 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:16,760 Oh man as a kid I did it multiple times. 715 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:22,760 Once I was running and to get it it was back in Mexico and it was the little town we lived 716 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:29,560 in and this volleyball fell into the street that's the main road into the village and 717 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:34,360 it curves out so it went into the curve and I'm running and like we're on an elevated 718 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:42,360 platform like a plaza or just a courtyard and there's this huge fucking swathe of grass 719 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:48,600 just like just overgrown and I'm running and I'm assuming in my head that the draft 720 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:49,600 raids down forward. 721 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:56,720 No that it's like level to the grass uh but when I hit the grass I just fell into open 722 00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:02,200 space so I led into the fucking cobblestones and I did a fucking barrel roll and landed 723 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,120 on my feet and then I fucking walked. 724 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,840 I ran over to the ball like I was I just got my ass beat by 18 people. 725 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:15,000 That was the only time I've ever been that uh the only time I cut him in the nuts I 726 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:20,000 was running full speed but the anger overtook the pain because I was gonna fucking throw 727 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,600 him through a play class window. 728 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,480 If my great grandma hadn't been there I'd have fucking killed him. 729 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:32,640 See I'm thinking of the time whenever I whenever me and my brother would go ride bikes going 730 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:39,200 25 30 miles an hour and then you hear pebbles that kind of makes them tired they go flying 731 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:40,200 over the handlebars. 732 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:41,200 Fools man. 733 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,200 I've done that multiple times in my life. 734 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:51,520 And then you just like I believe them. 735 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,200 You do fly too where it's like. 736 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,360 When you hit the ground like I believe I can touch the sky. 737 00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,560 Yeah that's how I chipped my tooth a long time ago. 738 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,280 I chipped my tooth too but I fell in a pool. 739 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,360 One of those little kiddie pools we had like in our garage. 740 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:07,920 The fucking floor was super slippery. 741 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:11,120 I just fucking cracked the shit out of my teeth. 742 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,120 Never feels good people. 743 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:13,120 Never. 744 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,120 No. 745 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,120 Dennis said it's fine so there you go. 746 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,680 I never say anything about it. 747 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,440 Like you guys don't realize I chipped the shit out of my teeth. 748 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,960 Or is that just normal for you guys? 749 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,400 We see it every day it's fine. 750 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:29,320 Maybe stop shoving them things down my mouth while I'm you trying to ask me questions. 751 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:34,880 What am I supposed to say? 752 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,480 But anything else to add before we head out today? 753 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:38,480 Um. 754 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:45,000 I just want to say something pithy and inspiring. 755 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,480 I don't you know. 756 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:50,600 I reach a blank when I get to the stage and all I can tell you is you went in doubt eat 757 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,600 her out. 758 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:52,600 I don't know. 759 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,560 You have the best advice you can give. 760 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,880 Plus he's so nice you fucked it twice. 761 00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:58,880 I don't know. 762 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:09,520 Alright we'll talk to you guys next time.