1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,600 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 25. 2 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,320 We have some more fuckups today. 3 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:25,160 And after we, after NoA learned a new word last week. 4 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:31,320 So hopefully none of these throw you into that kind of a head space. 5 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,720 First one by Ted Bab. 6 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,200 This person puts, this happened a few days ago. 7 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,140 I had been talking and meeting a Tinder date and everything was going well. 8 00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:45,400 The vibe was good between us and we decided to have some fun. 9 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:49,240 After some foreplay, she undressed and I start to undress too. 10 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:54,160 But whenever I took off my pants, I heard her kind of do a nervous laugh and asked a 11 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,720 hey, I asked her what the matter was. 12 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,080 Bitch, you laughing at my dick. 13 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:04,740 And she says, you don't seriously wear that, right? 14 00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:11,040 The problem was that I had raving rabid boxers that my mom gifted me because she thought 15 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,040 it'd be funny. 16 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,080 Ma'am, that is a red flag. 17 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,800 You know this stuff is gold. 18 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,380 I asked her what's wrong with her, with them. 19 00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:20,960 And she said that she didn't want to do it with a man child and that she wanted to leave. 20 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:21,960 Ouch. 21 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,680 I guess I was just like, well, there's the door. 22 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,680 I was quite shocked because I didn't think there was anything wrong with them. 23 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,240 Although in retrospect, it is pretty childish. 24 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,200 So she put her clothes back on left and blocked me. 25 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,200 Damn girl. 26 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,240 I guess if she does not into it, she's not into it. 27 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,240 Unless you can do. 28 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:44,960 Just better ado and go on with your life. 29 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,360 All right. 30 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,000 Next one's a little bit long. 31 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,280 And uh, all right. 32 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,440 This guy puts my nose, I'll make it stuffy. 33 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,440 Always. 34 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,680 Look, I don't know if it's allergies or what, but I hate it. 35 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,840 That's from speaking for a while. 36 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:05,680 Oh, uh, this, uh, this person, uh, corn axis one joke. 37 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,680 Okay. 38 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,680 But to preface, I'm not proud of this. 39 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:10,680 Believe me. 40 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,920 Additionally, this didn't really happen today. 41 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:17,520 It's been about a month now and I let the scenario fully marinate inside my head. 42 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:22,120 Ah, a man of equal strength as me. 43 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,320 You'll be turning it in your head for fucking centuries. 44 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,320 Yeah. 45 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:30,360 Despite this, there hasn't been a single passing second where it hasn't replayed in my mind 46 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,360 over and over. 47 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,360 Ah, yeah. 48 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,400 So I came here to talk about it. 49 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,400 Here it goes. 50 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,480 Maybe if I, maybe I'll, maybe one of them will be mine one day. 51 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,480 And I'm like, surprise Michael, that was me. 52 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,560 I wrote that. 53 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:51,760 Uh, he says, I, a, uh, 18 year old male was getting my normal Sammy, a semi-annual checkup 54 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:52,760 at the doctor's office. 55 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:57,560 You know, the usual, the boring wait in the lobby, the crying baby, nowhere to sit except 56 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,360 by some pregnant lady. 57 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,400 What's funny about that is like, that's true. 58 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,400 Yes. 59 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,920 You will be at a, you will sit down and there will be somebody with a baby and that baby 60 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,320 will be bawling his eyes out. 61 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,320 Yup. 62 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:12,480 Like it's like, it's one of those like human, like, uh, like a universal, it's a constant. 63 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:13,480 Yeah. 64 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,240 Like a universal, yeah, a universal human constant. 65 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,240 Yes. 66 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:17,240 Like that will happen. 67 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,240 It's going to happen. 68 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,240 The same way. 69 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,080 Like if you work in retail, there will be a customer at the last minute. 70 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:22,080 Yes. 71 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,080 You can't do anything about it. 72 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,080 It is what it is. 73 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,080 Yep. 74 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,080 It's usually a guy in a truck too. 75 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,080 Yes. 76 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,080 Or a woman in a big old truck. 77 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,080 Yep. 78 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,080 Oh, or a big old SUV. 79 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,080 Yes. 80 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,080 Always. 81 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,080 Like there's just human universal constants that we just have to accept as a reality. 82 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,080 Nope. 83 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,080 It's not a simulation. 84 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,080 It's just typical human. 85 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,080 This is what happens. 86 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,080 Human society. 87 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,080 Yeah. 88 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,960 Like, uh, after about 10 minutes, my name gets called, I get up, sit in the room and 89 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:45,960 wait even longer. 90 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:46,960 Again, another baby. 91 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,320 I would have flipped that baby off. 92 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,440 This is for crying at three AM or no, what? 93 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,520 Like it'd be like eight, eight 30 in the morning. 94 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,640 I went to the dentist at 10 AM. 95 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,040 They $109 from the beat the shit out of my teeth. 96 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,480 It almost feels good. 97 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:04,760 At one point you're like, okay, cause you, you, you leave right and you just keep playing 98 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,080 with your teeth for the rest of the day. 99 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,880 I guess I was cathartic. 100 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,200 They had to like, I guess I wasn't brushing behind my teeth. 101 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,960 So I had to pull out the gunk from the backside. 102 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:14,960 Yeah. 103 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,600 The man she yanked it. 104 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,600 She was fucking me up. 105 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,600 Do more. 106 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,640 And then I go home and then I'm driving home like, Hey, play with my teeth. 107 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,640 I look like a crazy person. 108 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:34,880 If somebody looked at that shit, so after about 10 minutes, my name gets called. 109 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,160 I get up, sit in the room and wait even longer. 110 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,560 Then the doctor finally walks in. 111 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,960 Also really quick, let me make this clear. 112 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:45,440 At this point, I still don't know that I have a prostate exam incoming. 113 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,520 Oh, I'm relatively healthy. 114 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,680 Aside from slight stomach issues, you can probably see where this is going and have 115 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,600 never had a prostate exam before. 116 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,840 So did he water or shit himself? 117 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,440 Anyway, more of the usual happens. 118 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,440 The doctor asks me a few broad questions and finally gets down to the more specific questions 119 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,920 regarding my health and issues I've discussed with the checkups prior. 120 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,400 And that's in that one of something a little bit like this. 121 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,480 It's all the blur to be honest. 122 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,000 So it isn't a hundred percent accurate and worse. 123 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,000 A blur. 124 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,000 What do you black out? 125 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,240 Welcome to the store asshole. 126 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,240 How was your stomach problems? 127 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,240 Any changes? 128 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,240 No, not much. 129 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,240 Oh, okay. 130 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,240 That's good. 131 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:31,240 Actually, I don't know how I forgot to mention this, but I've actually had bloody stool. 132 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,760 The doctor, oh, okay. 133 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:36,580 Well, we're going to have to take a look at that for in a quick second. 134 00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:37,580 My heart dropped. 135 00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:38,580 I began to scramble. 136 00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:42,640 Oh, uh, will, will there be a prostate exam? 137 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,640 Well, maybe. 138 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,600 I was supposed to check your asshole. 139 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,000 That would be, that could be required. 140 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,480 Are you, are you good with that? 141 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:54,880 Did I ever tell you I went to a doctor and being Hispanic, right? 142 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:55,880 Yeah. 143 00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,240 We have doctors just regular we go to every Hispanic person goes to them. 144 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:05,560 And uh, I was like, it was a hemorrhoid and I knew it was a hemorrhoid and I just need 145 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:10,440 some whatever I need just give you the stuff, the anti inflammation pills and the suppositories. 146 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,960 Let me get like, I'm not embarrassed or anything. 147 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:14,960 Life happens. 148 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,880 So you've pushed too hard. 149 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,400 And the guy's like, the doctor's like, all right, bend over, let me check. 150 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,120 And I'm like, sir, there's two women here. 151 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,120 There's a child. 152 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,120 There's a child here as well. 153 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:28,840 Your son, I'm gonna say you've told me he's your son, your grandpa, the old man who's 154 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,960 the main doctors here and his mom or his wife. 155 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,680 So there's five people, six people in this fucking room. 156 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,720 And I'm like, I need two women to leave. 157 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,760 I need the little kid to leave too. 158 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:46,440 Which he was kind of like, like the kid to my kid to put my dick out with my whole ass 159 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,440 and everything. 160 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,760 I'm not going to jail. 161 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,000 It was so surreal, right? 162 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,400 Having to get butt naked, like bend over, right? 163 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:55,400 Pull your pants down. 164 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,720 And there's like 15 people here. 165 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,720 And I'm like, yo, 166 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:02,720 am I the crazy one? 167 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:03,720 No. 168 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,840 I just wanted the two women and the kid to be gone. 169 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,440 And the doctor was like, the women understand. 170 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,440 He didn't, like, because it was a boy, I guess. 171 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,840 He doesn't know what a dick looks like. 172 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:13,840 He doesn't know what my dick looks like. 173 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:14,840 He doesn't know what my asshole looks like. 174 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,840 Yeah, I don't want him to put me out of the line though. 175 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:18,840 That's the one? 176 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:19,840 That's a dick right there. 177 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:20,840 Like nowadays you get a rap chief for anything. 178 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:21,840 Exactly. 179 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,840 I just wanted to be, you know, like everybody. 180 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:23,840 I should just be like, you know, I can check my own asshole. 181 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:31,840 Actually, I'm good. 182 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:36,880 Just give me the medication. 183 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:37,880 It was so weird. 184 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,840 And right when I pulled my pants up, the fucking door opened. 185 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:41,840 Another patient came in. 186 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,040 The, the, like, no, it wasn't a patient. 187 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,560 It was the guy's wife, his girlfriend, right? 188 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,360 Came to pick up the kid. 189 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,840 And I guess they were separated. 190 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,920 And I'm like, so I just put my ass out for everybody to see, huh? 191 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,920 This is what we're doing in life. 192 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:57,920 God dang it. 193 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:02,680 I'm taking told it was a Mexican doctor. 194 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:03,680 They were Asian. 195 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,080 Mexicans go to Asian doctors. 196 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:10,880 And the last time the, the, the, the man, this guy was in, we'd been gone to this doctor 197 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,200 for let's just a general practice. 198 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:18,080 Anything serious, we go to an actual, like professional, like, never, I don't mean like, 199 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,160 I don't mean to say like, I mean like a specialist. 200 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,160 My bad. 201 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,840 They're legitimate doctors. 202 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:28,320 I'm not, I'm just being, I didn't mean to like that. 203 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,520 He's the original practitioner, right? 204 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:32,800 We've known for years. 205 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:33,800 He's old. 206 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:39,400 Like they had to wheel him over to me once to check my hands. 207 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,960 I'm like, you want a shot? 208 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:43,960 Fucking hands shaking. 209 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:44,960 I don't know. 210 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:45,960 I don't want a shot. 211 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:46,960 He wanted to give me a shot. 212 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:47,960 I'm like, I'm vibrating. 213 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,720 I'm like, no, I'm good. 214 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,240 That's why, that's why the, the son is or the nephew or whoever he is is now the main 215 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,520 practitioner because I, there's that old man should have to stick around my ass. 216 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:57,520 He'd be vibrating it. 217 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,040 He'd fucking probably massage my prostate. 218 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:06,480 And I'm like, it'd be a whole kind of accident. 219 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,240 The moral of the story is stay healthy. 220 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,240 Exactly. 221 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,640 That way you don't have to deal with it. 222 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,200 So she asked him if he's good with it. 223 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,760 He says, I mean, I'd rather not, but if you think it's important, then at least he was 224 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,440 in a closed room with one doctor instead of 15 people. 225 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,440 Fucking Jesus. 226 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,560 At this point, I've kind of accepted my fate. 227 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,840 Even if I don't want to do the prostate exam, I still have to get my asshole inspected. 228 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:29,840 Yeah. 229 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:30,840 That's what I had. 230 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:31,840 Like, are you sure? 231 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,760 He's like, I got to check that booty hole. 232 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,800 Spread your butt cheeks. 233 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,880 After having some time to get ready, I assumed the normal position for an asshole inspection. 234 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:41,880 I presume. 235 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,920 I like that asshole inspection. 236 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:53,560 He's been so flowery with his, or so formal with his, and that'd be my asshole inspection. 237 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:57,520 And laid on the table, butt ass naked in the fetal position, and had seriously tried to 238 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,600 brace myself for impact. 239 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,880 I had myself a little moment of silence while the doctor gave me time. 240 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:09,760 But once I heard the knock, I knew my prostate virginity was soon to expire. 241 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:14,200 My doctor opens the door, takes a chair, lifts me up on the table higher as if to display 242 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:21,120 on a museum, and takes a flashlight to glare down my shit dispenser. 243 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,120 Some time passes. 244 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:27,760 I feel a few weird, sensational-wise touches on my asshole. 245 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,040 But that's about it. 246 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:32,080 I was ready to be done considering my doctor didn't say much. 247 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:36,800 I assumed this was a good thing, but no, it was the complete opposite. 248 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,440 So I don't see anything. 249 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,520 We might have to do a prostate exam to fully ensure everything is okay. 250 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,000 I thought that was the prostate exam. 251 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,000 I would have been mad as fuck. 252 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000 What do you mean? 253 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,000 What the fuck was that then? 254 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,000 Okay. 255 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,400 I would be scared shitless. 256 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,400 At this point. 257 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,400 Doctors scare me enough as it is. 258 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,400 Right. 259 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,400 But when they're so fucking like, secretive? 260 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,400 Yeah. 261 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,340 Like, you need to tell me what the fuck is going on right now. 262 00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:04,600 At this point, life didn't even feel real. 263 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:09,560 I've had some weird irrational phobia of prostate exams ever since I learned they exist. 264 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,120 So I knew this was not going to be a fun time. 265 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,880 Also, I'm not going to lie. 266 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:19,440 I could tell my asshole was in constant clench mode when my doctor was checking it out. 267 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,840 And I'm surprised that she didn't say anything. 268 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,840 Oh, it's a female. 269 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:23,840 Yeah. 270 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:24,840 That was a guy doctor. 271 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:25,840 No. 272 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:26,840 The female. 273 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,040 The last doctor, the female, that checked my asshole, she shoved her finger all the way 274 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,000 up my ass with no motion. 275 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,000 Just dry. 276 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,000 She's like, boom. 277 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,000 My damn girl. 278 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,000 Either way, the doctor had left and walked back in again. 279 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:43,600 And now I was desperately, desperately struggling to get my mind off of it or to distract myself. 280 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,880 She put on the gloves, did the gel, gave a countdown. 281 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:51,680 But to be honest, all of this, except the prostate exam, was a blur. 282 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:52,680 Huh. 283 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:57,760 As I remember, as hardly acknowledging the countdown and boom. 284 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,560 One small step for man, one giant leap for my asshole. 285 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:04,720 That sounds familiar, that expression. 286 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,920 Like someone else from one of your stories had said the same thing. 287 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:09,920 Similar, yeah. 288 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,640 Yeah, it sounds oddly familiar. 289 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,000 Think of a finger, right? 290 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,320 Now imagine said finger increased by triple its size. 291 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,320 What did you? 292 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,320 Then shoved up your ass. 293 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,320 What did you say? 294 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,320 You shoved three of them? 295 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,320 This is how a prostate exam feels. 296 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,720 Oh, the item or the device. 297 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,880 This is how the prostate exam feels. 298 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:31,280 Everything feels huge up there and the sensations I got were indescribably and overwhelmingly 299 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,280 strange. 300 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:36,760 I tried to get my mind off of it, go to a safe place or whatever, but I ended up mega 301 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,120 clenching. 302 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,800 I don't know what got into me, but I've never knew my fucking device got into you. 303 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,240 I never knew my asshole had a auto lock feature. 304 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,240 They do. 305 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,240 I believe me. 306 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,200 We will clinch up quick and break whatever's inside. 307 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,200 Like what's it need? 308 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,200 Face ID. 309 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:58,280 And the less some long forgotten primal instinct kicked in and my entire ancestry's line worth 310 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,560 of force was all concentrated into that one asshole muscle. 311 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:05,120 And then I could tell my doctor was trying to move her finger. 312 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,280 So he just held her finger in his asshole. 313 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,280 It was legitimate. 314 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,800 He was stuck in my asshole. 315 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,800 Funny story. 316 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:16,560 I won't over exaggerate this by acting like it lasted over 10 seconds and that they had 317 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:19,200 to spray WD 40 on my asshole to loosen it up. 318 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,360 Like Hank Hill having to spray WD 40 on the WD 40. 319 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,360 Yeah. 320 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,360 You remember that? 321 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,800 I do remember that there. 322 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,240 But every single second felt like he's here to me. 323 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,120 Finally, I learned how to tame the beast and loosened up for half a second. 324 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,120 But that was more than enough time for the doctor to abort the mission. 325 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,520 My doctor was in disbelief, still was confused. 326 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,520 I was confused. 327 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,800 My prostate was confused. 328 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,000 I don't know. 329 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,300 My doctor and I kind of just mutually agreed to not touch my asshole anymore and just finish 330 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,620 up the session. 331 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:53,080 So I could scream for my mommy and go home or cry or whatever and yeah, I really wish 332 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,960 I had some sort of smart answer as to why this happened. 333 00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:01,440 But I could honestly, it could be honestly be a combination of a lot of things. 334 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,280 Again, this is my first and only prostate exam. 335 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:09,760 So I don't know if she used the FDA approved amount of gel or whatever. 336 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:15,120 But all I know is that there is an unsolved mystery up my butt and I need Scooby Doo 337 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,000 on the case or something. 338 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,520 So he still doesn't know what's going on? 339 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,520 No. 340 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:20,520 Jesus. 341 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,520 After all that blood in the stool is a big red flag to go to the doctor. 342 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,520 Yeah. 343 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:32,880 Next one is by Yaseer B. This person puts so this is probably one of the most embarrassing 344 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,040 moments in my life and I have to share it. 345 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,120 Ever had to drop your pants in front of a crowd of people? 346 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,120 The most embarrassing thing. 347 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,120 I don't like seeing myself naked. 348 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,440 Last thing I want to do is show everybody else. 349 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,440 My girlfriend and I have always been open about our desires and fantasies, but there 350 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,840 was one particular thing that was always a bit self-conscious about. 351 00:14:53,840 --> 00:15:02,520 Let's just say it's every guy's dream to be suffocated to death by ass cheeks. 352 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:07,080 After a few drinks one evening, the best way to tell it about Holla brothers. 353 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,700 The ass was truly tremendous. 354 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:14,080 She was drunk to the extent that to an extent and she said yes, that might be dangerous 355 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,680 because she might just fucking sits on your ass. 356 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:17,920 Thanks for getting heated. 357 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:22,560 And as I was about to dive into a life changing experience, I felt something unusual. 358 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:26,280 Being a medical doctor, I've seen and examined a lot of asses. 359 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:30,080 I'm gonna get a stop right there. 360 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,320 Was he licking a hebroid? 361 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,320 A polyp? 362 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,320 Oh, God. 363 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,320 And my professional instincts kicked in. 364 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,840 I paused, took a deep breath and told her that something felt off. 365 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,800 I put it on my professional face, brought out the gloves and asked if I could examine 366 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:46,800 her. 367 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,000 I know, not the most romantic moment. 368 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,800 That sure could have killed a mood. 369 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,240 Got to the chase, she had hemorrhoids. 370 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,840 We ended up going to the hospital and she scheduled for surgery in a few weeks. 371 00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:58,840 Surgery? 372 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,400 You don't need surgery unless it's chronic. 373 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,760 It could be. 374 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:02,760 The aftermath? 375 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,360 She's incredibly embarrassed to the point that we can't even look each other in the 376 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,360 eyes. 377 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,600 And needless to say, our romantic evening came to an abrupt halt. 378 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,600 She licked her asshole. 379 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:10,600 I mean, how much? 380 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,600 I mean, dear, there. 381 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,160 I guess you can't get over some things. 382 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,200 Next one is by the Reddit lawyer bitch. 383 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,320 Is that how he checks for hemorrhoids? 384 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,520 He just licks the asshole? 385 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,520 He knew exactly what he had. 386 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,200 It feels a little like a hemorrhoid. 387 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,240 Yeah, that was weird, like the licking part. 388 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,360 I would just imagine it's the original asshole. 389 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,200 I wouldn't imagine something medically. 390 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,280 And so he just checks people's assholes by looking. 391 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,240 That's now what I'm thinking in my head. 392 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,240 Right. 393 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,240 That would be bad though. 394 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:49,280 Because like doctors have to look at it and then with their finger feel it. 395 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,280 Mm hmm. 396 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,280 Whatever. 397 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,280 Whatever. 398 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,280 I don't know. 399 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,280 I don't know anything. 400 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,280 I'm not a medical professional. 401 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,560 I just get finger shut my asshole by him. 402 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,080 Well, this person fits. 403 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,360 Things happened many years ago whenever I was younger and stupider man. 404 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,320 I had been to be younger. 405 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:09,160 I mean, I got older, but I'm sure 90s. 406 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,960 I had been at the bar with some friends and had gotten very drunk. 407 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,700 So I decided to walk home. 408 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,640 This was in the days before Uber and I got motion sickness in the back of cabs at any 409 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:18,640 rate. 410 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,680 So what would Uber do if you get the same thing? 411 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:21,680 It's still a vehicle. 412 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,680 Right. 413 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:23,680 But you can sit in the front seat. 414 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:24,680 Oh, that'd be weird. 415 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:25,680 And some. 416 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,800 That'd be weird. 417 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,000 So I'm walking along and this van pulls up and the passenger side window rolls down. 418 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,200 I hear the voice say, I got some candy. 419 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,780 Need a ride? 420 00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:37,160 In my stupor, I approached the van and look in. 421 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:42,120 The driver is a little person and to say, uh, and to this day, I don't know what sort 422 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:46,860 of tools little people typically use to drive cars, but I don't imagine that it's usually 423 00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,880 what appeared to be stills made out of two by fours. 424 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:50,880 He just made his own. 425 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,200 Like I know they have like the actual like devices. 426 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,840 Apparently this guy used to buy fours agents. 427 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:56,840 I fuck it. 428 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:57,840 Yeah. 429 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:58,840 Okay. 430 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:03,680 I'm a little bit surprised, but I think to myself, this little dude isn't going to hurt 431 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:04,680 me. 432 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,680 Sure. 433 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,000 I live a few miles up the road. 434 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,780 I get in and we're driving along without saying much of anything. 435 00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:12,760 We arrive at a good corner and I say, Hey, this is good. 436 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:16,960 He stops the van and says, Hey, do you mind if I suck your dick? 437 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:23,000 God, to the point, huh? 438 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000 What? 439 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:29,160 I am sure I had misheard being drunk as I was. 440 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,640 Do you mind if I suck your dick? 441 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,240 I really feel like I need to suck one right now and I'm sure yours would be great. 442 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,960 You might reach your own. 443 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,960 You don't need me. 444 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,000 He says, Oh, uh, no thanks. 445 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,000 Yeah. 446 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,000 What else? 447 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,000 Like, no, thank you. 448 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,000 I started to open the door. 449 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,000 Yeah, too bad. 450 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,600 He says only the bitchy Queens ever say yes. 451 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,880 I start to nod and say, Oh, sorry about that. 452 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:51,880 And stumble out of the van. 453 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,240 He drives off and I walk another block to my apartment. 454 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:58,040 And it was at this point that I realized my wallet was gone. 455 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,480 I imagine I probably just dropped it somewhere, but sometimes I wonder if he somehow managed 456 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:07,400 to get it out of my pocket and offered the BJ to help with the guilt, TLDR declined the 457 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,400 mini hammer. 458 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,400 Fuck my wallet. 459 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,400 We're at least I'm not a bitchy queen. 460 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,400 The real weird. 461 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,120 And you know, it's true cause that's a weird story. 462 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,520 And we're the weirder, the story, the realer it is. 463 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:21,720 Cause it's hard to make shit. 464 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,720 Yeah. 465 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,400 Like it's hard to like, it's hard to suspension of disbelief. 466 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,440 It only goes so far movies, right? 467 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,080 But if someone told you a real story, you're like, that is fucking wild. 468 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:37,040 Next one is by apprehensive East one four seven. 469 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:41,360 They put today our bathroom decided to take a vacation and went under maintenance just 470 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:46,400 when my girlfriend had an urgent need for a number two to shit. 471 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:52,160 She looked at me with eyes wider than a UFO sighting beads of sweat forming on her forehead 472 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,360 and face pale as a goat. 473 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,240 She had the shit shit. 474 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,800 I know that level of shit. 475 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,160 Like I gots to go. 476 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,320 I don't care if it's a fucking bucket or a sink. 477 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,280 I gots to go. 478 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,840 Panic mode activated with no time to waste. 479 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,640 She grabbed a plastic bag and proceeded to conduct an impromptu bathroom session right 480 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:11,640 in front of me. 481 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,120 Damn, damn that was a next level. 482 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,200 I would have still made it to the bathroom. 483 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:20,960 I witnessed the ungodly creation complete with a fragrance that could rival a perfume 484 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,080 aisle in response. 485 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:27,600 My stomach decided to perform its own acrobatics and I ended up staging an impromptu regurgitation 486 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,240 session right then and there. 487 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,240 Well, there you go. 488 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,240 You got the bag. 489 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,240 You got the bag. 490 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:36,640 Establishing dominance in the most peculiar of ways. 491 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,480 But the tragedy didn't end there. 492 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,360 After this bizarre performance, I had the inevitable task of cleaning up the scene of 493 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,680 the crime before dashing off to work. 494 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:49,000 Armed with cleaning supplies and a determination to erase all evidence of our bathroom escapade, 495 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,640 I embarked on a mission more daring than a secret agent's. 496 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,760 All the joys of living in an apartment where every day brings a new adventure. 497 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,100 TLDR. 498 00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:00,720 She just pooped in the living room in a plastic bag. 499 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:01,720 It was so disgusting. 500 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,720 I threw up. 501 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,720 Yeah, I got that from the story. 502 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,120 Actually, you could have just said that sentence. 503 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,120 That would have been it. 504 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,760 You'd have to tell me the whole story. 505 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,760 I would have just believed it. 506 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:17,160 With the sweat beading on her forehead like. 507 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:21,520 Why didn't you just, I would have just gone in the toilet and just had it closed until 508 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,520 we could flush it again. 509 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,520 Or put the plastic bag in the toilet. 510 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,520 That would work too. 511 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,200 All right, last one. 512 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,840 I guess I wouldn't because you don't want to leave shit in the toilet just lingering 513 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,840 there. 514 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,840 True. 515 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:39,240 Oh, we got another one by the Reddit lawyer bitch. 516 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,240 We have one before. 517 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,560 Yeah, actually just one back. 518 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,560 Oh really? 519 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,560 Yeah. 520 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,240 Paying attention to these fucking horrendous names. 521 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,240 Yeah. 522 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,040 Apparently this person collected them, I guess, and put the stories on. 523 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,040 Cool. 524 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,040 Reddit. 525 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,040 This is where you're going to learn a new word. 526 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,040 Oh, good. 527 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,040 Yeah. 528 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,040 Good. 529 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,040 Fuck you, gay. 530 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,040 This person puts. 531 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,320 I respond so well to new fucking kinks I've never heard of. 532 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,720 You'd probably be okay with this one though. 533 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:06,920 I never am. 534 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,800 This person puts, greeting Redditors. 535 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,200 Yesterday I learned about swaffling. 536 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,200 Oh my God. 537 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:16,440 I can already tell it's going to be on that bullshit. 538 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:24,680 A Dutch term meaning to hit one's soft or semi hard penis, often repeatedly, against 539 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,760 an object or another person's body. 540 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,340 Oh, I can do that. 541 00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:29,340 This struck me as amusing. 542 00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:30,840 Just slap it on her face. 543 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,620 My wife has a nice round butt. 544 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:39,280 So today, when we hopped into the shower, I asked if I could swaffle her ass. 545 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:40,280 I explained what it meant. 546 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,000 She immediately divorced me. 547 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:47,240 I explained what it meant and she being patient and with a good sense of humor herself said, 548 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,200 okay, as long as she could try to hit me with her boobs. 549 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,200 I readily agreed. 550 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,200 Gay mod. 551 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:59,120 Having never swaffled before, I really wound up my hips and gave my dog a good swing. 552 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,440 At which point I slipped and fell on my ass. 553 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:08,200 I'm typing this from the ER where I'm waiting to get an x-ray to see if my coccyx is broken. 554 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,200 His ass? 555 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,240 His ass bone? 556 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:17,200 Never got to slap my putt against a fine ramp or get slapped in the face by some titties. 557 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,200 Terrible. 558 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,800 So he fucked himself up. 559 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,340 I guess so. 560 00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:22,340 And you learned a new word. 561 00:23:22,340 --> 00:23:26,560 Isn't it one of those things like instead of just asking, because they're like in a 562 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:27,560 marriage right? 563 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:28,560 Yeah. 564 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,200 Like you just slap it against your butt. 565 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,400 I didn't know there was a word for that though. 566 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:34,400 Swaffling. 567 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,560 Or do you still need to ask permission even though you're married? 568 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,680 Why would you need permission if you're married? 569 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,680 Well, I mean, like if she's not consenting. 570 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,200 Who gives a fuck? 571 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,200 You're married. 572 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,200 Hell nah. 573 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,200 Consent is still consent. 574 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,800 Not in a marriage it is not. 575 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,280 If she can say no. 576 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:54,480 She can say no, yes, but like not for that kind of stuff. 577 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,880 That's all just like slapping you. 578 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:58,880 Weird. 579 00:23:58,880 --> 00:23:59,880 Why? 580 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,680 That's why it's hard. 581 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,680 That's why it's really extremely hard to prove rape in a marriage. 582 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,120 That's because you're married. 583 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,320 Like you see each other naked. 584 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:12,320 Yeah. 585 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,320 Every day. 586 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,520 But no means no. 587 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:20,920 So if you get woken up by her doing any of the three, is that right? 588 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,040 The three. 589 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,120 Or the BJ or just getting on you. 590 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,520 No, I'm a guy so it doesn't count. 591 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,680 Exactly. 592 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,240 So if you did the same. 593 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,240 I wouldn't. 594 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,240 I wish she's asleep. 595 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,240 Jesus Christ. 596 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,240 Any of the three? 597 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,240 No. 598 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,240 But it can be happened to you. 599 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,240 I don't mind. 600 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,240 She's my wife. 601 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:43,240 Exactly. 602 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,840 She probably thinks the same thing. 603 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,800 I'm also a tremendous pervert. 604 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:47,800 Exactly. 605 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:48,800 So I'm game on all the time. 606 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:49,800 I don't know. 607 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:54,120 It's a slippery slope that I'm still. 608 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,200 It's not CNC at least. 609 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,080 Everything is CNC to me right now. 610 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:03,720 Every little thing is going through my fucking brain at CNC. 611 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:08,040 I don't want to touch or be touched by anybody right now while I process CNC. 612 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,480 You're still going on with that though. 613 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,800 It's just you're never going to learn the consequences of that. 614 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,320 I know the consequences of that. 615 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,600 Like you can't reconcile them. 616 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,440 Because like if you do it right. 617 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,640 That means you're capable of non-consensual assault. 618 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,640 So that makes you a rapist. 619 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,240 And then you're like am I a rapist? 620 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,520 And it's like what the fuck. 621 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:31,520 And they had a blade. 622 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,440 So they can't it can't be. 623 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:39,640 I'm slowly I don't know. 624 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:47,560 I'm going to start just I'm just going to start fucking watching cartoons and I'll 625 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:48,680 never think about sex again. 626 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,280 I don't know what the historic brings babies. 627 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:53,280 That's all I know. 628 00:25:53,280 --> 00:26:01,680 Because I do not have the capacity to reconcile the vast scub of human sexuality. 629 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,680 I can't do it. 630 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:12,120 I'd rather not do it and just you know absolve myself of it and just sit home and eat some 631 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,160 fucking fostered flakes and watch some Bugs Bunny. 632 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,800 All you have to do is become a monk. 633 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:18,800 They're probably freaks too. 634 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:19,800 If I'm being honest. 635 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:20,800 You don't want to be a monk? 636 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:21,800 A Buddhist monk? 637 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:22,800 No. 638 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:30,400 You know how I know people are freaks even in religion is that they still have that painting 639 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:35,160 of that preacher banging that nun through a gated fence. 640 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:40,880 But that's all the red that I got today. 641 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:41,880 Anything else to add? 642 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:42,880 I don't know anymore. 643 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,720 I don't even know if I'm real. 644 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:46,720 It's like what is this? 645 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,720 Is this a simulation? 646 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:48,720 Could be. 647 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,640 Because it's C and C right? 648 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,640 But it's it's wrong. 649 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:58,640 But it's supposed to be not be wrong because it's it's it's the C but then the NC is the 650 00:26:58,640 --> 00:26:59,640 wrong part. 651 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,720 That's that's what that's I don't know. 652 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:11,160 And then you got marriage and then you got and then you. 653 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,240 So while No Way figures this out, we will catch you guys. 654 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:15,800 What the fuck is going on? 655 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,380 Why he why he tries to reconcile this. 656 00:27:18,380 --> 00:27:30,360 We will catch you guys on the next one.