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Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 24.

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I got some more Reddit crazy stories for you today.

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More Reddit rambles.

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More Reddit rambles, yes.

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Robbie, Robbie, uh, who the big damn random R's?

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Red Ruby, red Ruby, red Ruby, Ruby, big red Rudy, Ruby, Ruby,

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I came to say a red Rudy Ruby.

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All right.

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First one that we got is by 99 necromancers.

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My God, if they had one more, they could sum it through it.

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I know the exact even number of 100.

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This person puts a couple of months ago, I asked my parents if I was allowed to have

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sex in my room.

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What the fuck kind of start to a story is that.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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You captured my attention on the first line.

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That's how you, that's how you tell a story.

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My girlfriend and I usually have sex in the woods.

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What the fuck?

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Yeah, took two turns right then left.

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I got whiplash.

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I've never heard a story.

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Just fucking punch me one side of that.

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Punch me the other.

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In the first two lines.

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Yeah, I'm like, God.

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Oh shit.

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But it became too uncomfortable and unsafe.

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I got a corner of my hands.

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So I decided to embrace the embarrassment of asking my mom and dad for permission to

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sleep with my girlfriend in my bed.

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I never wanted to have that conversation with my parents, but I wouldn't either.

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But I wanted to show them that I was mature enough to talk to them instead of sneaking

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my girlfriend in and out of my room when no one was watching.

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Judy awkward.

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Can I have sex in my room conversation?

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My mom is driving like this.

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She's making you a shit.

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It's blowing my mind.

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I would never ask that.

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Hell no.

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Oh my God.

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My mom struggling to accept the fact that I was sexually active.

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You're only 11.

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And got upset with me for expecting her to allow me to have sex under her roof.

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In other words, the answer was no.

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I was 17 at the time.

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Oh, well.

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Well.

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Well.

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My mom completely lost her mind after the conversation and decided to start hiking

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all of a sudden, which was an obvious excuse to patrol the woods where my girlfriend and

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I had sex.

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She was even she even managed to convince the other like minded moms to hike with her

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because they were just fucking stake out the woods.

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And they were out here fucking.

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How do they how do they have light?

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Because usually we fuck in the woods.

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But if we get a fuck in the house, is that what he said?

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I would not told him where I fucked ever.

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She brought the other moms to hike with her because my girlfriend and I were not the only

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teenagers hooking up in the woods.

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There's a bunch of people just banging in the woods, huh?

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I called them the neighborhood would watch the neighborhood would watch a good title.

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Remember that my girlfriend and I were also forced to go deeper into the woods to lower

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the risk of not being caught by the real hikers, but also by mother hikers, a.k.a. the W in

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W.W. the national would watch the neighborhood.

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The neighborhood would watch on my bad.

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The neighborhood would watch.

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I was confidently leading the way to our next sex spot until I realized I had no idea where

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we were anymore.

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I was low key experiencing post-nat clarity, but without the nut, there were no signs of

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trails anywhere.

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My girlfriend and I spent most of the afternoon retracing our steps instead of having sex.

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I don't know how long we were lost, but just banged in.

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I mean, you're already there.

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You get down to business, but it was beginning to get dark when we made it out of the woods.

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My girlfriend was not happy with me at all.

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She made it clear that she was done fucking in the woods forever.

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My mom successfully made the woods fuck proof and cock block me.

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Not much has changed since I turned 18.

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I'm still living in a home with the leader of the N.W.W.

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What about what the dad say?

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I he doesn't mention that.

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There's like a fucking the woods too.

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The whore he picked up with some random woman.

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My girlfriend and I are not having as much sex as we used to know.

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The woods are off limits.

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No, he don't say.

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And we're too poor to pay for privacy.

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For the record, if you're in my position due to the increase in moms in the woods, I'm

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sorry.

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What does it look like?

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Really?

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Like that?

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Mother fucker explains everything.

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It's like, yeah, he's the one that did it.

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Then you do come across a Reddit post and you're like, wait a minute.

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And you put the dots together.

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Wait a minute.

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And like it involves you.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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And you realize that was shit.

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Would it be like an epiphany?

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What the fuck?

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Yeah, it pisses me off.

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You know, but you know how deep I go in the woods now?

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Sixty seven miles.

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Go to Anchorage, Alaska, the middle of nowhere.

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All right.

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Next one is by Marine Raptor.

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So I moved to a small town where everybody knows everyone and hang out at the local bar.

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My next door neighbor is warm and welcoming, which makes it even worse.

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I get home from work late one day.

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And as I reached the top of the stairs, a naked guy is standing in the doorway.

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You like what you say?

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He was apparently waiting for her to come home and thought I was her.

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When he saw his mistake, he slammed the door.

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Damn it.

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Later, I met my neighbor at the local bar hanging out with a big group of friends.

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I saw the naked guy among them, so I decided to say hi.

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He was still naked?

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Apparently not.

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That'd be really bad.

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It's one of those, what do you call it?

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The nudist bars.

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Oh, that would be funny.

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How do you pay?

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Do you want to know?

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They just drop coins out of their asshole?

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Here you go.

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When I saw her, I wanted to goof about the awkward meet and say hi.

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Nice to meet you again with more clothes on.

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The awkward meet.

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Yeah.

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Double meaning.

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Yes.

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To me anyway.

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With more clothes on.

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No worries about the situation.

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The group got real quiet.

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What'd he say?

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What did he say?

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And another guy stared at me.

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I walked out of the situation knowing that I'd said something wrong.

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No, you didn't say like, hey man, I saw you naked, but now I don't.

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Now I know.

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My neighbor's boyfriend was the guy staring.

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The naked man was her lover.

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I will never goof again with people I don't know.

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Let me piece this together.

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There was a dude at the, at the apartment.

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The girlfriend was not that guy's, right?

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He was saying that he was at her apartment.

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Right.

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Naked.

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Right.

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And the boyfriend.

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Yes.

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He was also there with the group.

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Yes.

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Now he's confused.

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Because the naked guy was at her apartment.

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Right.

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Cheating on him.

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And he's like, wait, I can't put these dots together.

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Yeah.

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I'm like, bro, why the fuck were you naked at my apartment?

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Exactly.

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My first fucking question.

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That was what, that was the whole point.

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Like the fuck were you doing at my house, motherfucker?

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Oh, so he did figure it out.

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Yeah.

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That was one of those dumb guys.

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Yeah, he figured it out.

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That's weird.

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Oh well.

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He's like, fuck.

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Give him that side eye like.

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That fucking.

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And then you get home, right?

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Like a couple of days later.

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Yeah.

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And you see the guy had murdered the other guy.

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You're like, oh, wow.

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That's basically exactly how it went.

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Next person is by kinky girl 59.

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It's a dude.

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No, it's a girl.

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Sure.

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At least that's what they put in the post.

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Sure.

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I'm a 24, sorry, I a 27 female.

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It's a dude.

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And dating my boyfriend 26 for almost two years.

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We both are experienced people, so we have no problem establishing sexual.

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Dominance.

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Sexual boundaries and using safe words where I could, where it could satisfy both of our

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needs.

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Get off me bitch, what the fuck.

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Fuck off bitch.

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Get off me, what the fuck.

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My asshole.

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How dare you.

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Yeah, in the multitude of sexual activities that we do.

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Nothing goes into the gates of mortal.

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Anal oral impact play.

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Impact.

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What?

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I don't want to know.

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I don't either.

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CBT.

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CBT.

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What the fuck.

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Kind of a PDHD level sexual activity they get into.

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There's more than she puts.

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Felching.

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Thank you.

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What can you be?

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Don't look at it.

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It sounds so intriguing, though.

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You know where it is.

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I do.

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You don't want to know.

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What is it?

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It's eating something.

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No, never mind.

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Never mind.

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I don't want to eat nothing.

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I'm not hungry.

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All right, Squirtie, you get the idea.

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No, I don't.

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I'm so confused.

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I'm so innocent.

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We love to keep things interesting and try to try out new things every once in a while.

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A couple of weeks ago, I suggested that we take things to the new level and do CNC.

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What the fuck.

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I need to get some books.

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I'm so fucking lost.

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I thought I knew stuff.

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I don't know a damn thing.

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I'm so lost.

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What the fuck.

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Oh shit, they completely lost.

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I'm so-

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Whenever I first seen that, whenever I was writing,

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whenever I was getting these,

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I thought the CNC was like one of those machines

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where you're creating like the stuff.

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It's like, oh, what the fuck are you doing

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with the CNC machine?

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Shit.

255
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I'll give you two of the letters.

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The first C is a consensual and the last C is consent.

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CNC?

258
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So consensual consent?

259
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What's the word in between?

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C.

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Wait, I thought it was like C and,

262
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well what's the-

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CNC.

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Consensual.

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Consensual consent and the middle letter is non.

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Consensual non-concent, oh fuck.

267
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I didn't want to say it in the order.

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It's just rate play.

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Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

270
00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:31,580
Involving a little bit of edge play

271
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:34,620
where he's the dominant and I'm the submissive.

272
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:35,740
He was uncomfortable with it

273
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:37,740
because he didn't like the idea of forced sex.

274
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,580
Your honor, it's CNC.

275
00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:42,140
Your honor, your honor.

276
00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:44,060
But I told him that it's not actually real

277
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:45,420
if both parties are consensual.

278
00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:47,140
No, no thank you, no.

279
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,100
No, no.

280
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:51,460
It's simply acting out a CNC fantasy.

281
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,300
Hell no.

282
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,500
With a consenting partner.

283
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:54,700
No.

284
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:56,060
He eventually agreed to do it.

285
00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,900
If she wants to have sex, she can get into porn.

286
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,820
So there's no way the normal guy.

287
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,140
Yeah.

288
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:03,020
He eventually agreed to do it a couple of days ago

289
00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,420
because he loves to please me.

290
00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:06,940
And so we discussed everything from safe words

291
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:09,180
to what defines as crossing the line.

292
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:10,020
Oh, god.

293
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,460
And no, I didn't pressure or force him into it.

294
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:13,780
So she forced him to do it.

295
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:14,620
Yeah.

296
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,100
I only asked once.

297
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:17,940
No thank you.

298
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:18,940
Sure.

299
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,260
Sure.

300
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:22,620
So we picked the time about 12, 15.

301
00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:23,460
That would make no sense.

302
00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:26,220
If he was not into it, right, and she asked one time,

303
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:27,940
then it would have never been brought up again.

304
00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,300
She is lying.

305
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,140
Your honor.

306
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,700
Yes.

307
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:35,180
So we picked the time at around 12, 15 a.m.

308
00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:37,740
as it's basically the scariest time of the night.

309
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:40,220
I went downstairs to the kitchen and I was pouring

310
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:41,060
a glass of water.

311
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,380
My boyfriend grabbed me from behind.

312
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,580
I threw the water in his face to which he responded

313
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,420
with slapping me across the face,

314
00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:49,900
grabbed me again and holding a knife to my throat.

315
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,580
Wait a minute, what the, wait a minute man,

316
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:53,660
what the fuck?

317
00:12:53,660 --> 00:12:56,820
He said, do that again and your kitchen floor

318
00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:58,780
will be drowning in blood.

319
00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:00,420
After which he threw me down on the floor,

320
00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:01,660
tied my hands and feet,

321
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:04,620
during which I struggled the entire time as is my role,

322
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:08,980
kicked me in the arm and then fucked me really hard.

323
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:11,620
At one point he was holding the knife against my throat

324
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,020
and he accidentally pricked my skin

325
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,340
with the edge of the blade.

326
00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:16,020
Yes, we used an actual knife.

327
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:20,180
Oh, oh, oh, oh, make sure it's authentic.

328
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:24,780
My boyfriend has had experience with edge play before,

329
00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:27,620
which involves using really sharp objects such as knives.

330
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:31,820
What the fuck, what the fuck, what is going on?

331
00:13:31,820 --> 00:13:33,420
You know until I read this article,

332
00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:35,980
I had never heard of that with the shit, so.

333
00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:38,780
So I trusted him to use a real knife

334
00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:40,900
instead of a dummy or extremely dull one.

335
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,980
I also enjoyed pain mixed with the pleasure

336
00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:46,780
because the pain really creates intense arousal for me.

337
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:48,340
Some of you guys may think it's weird,

338
00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:51,220
but some people are into it like myself and some aren't

339
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:52,540
and that's okay.

340
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,380
Next hour or so we cuddled and I confronted him,

341
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:58,940
but after that he wanted to be alone

342
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:00,740
and collect his thoughts.

343
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,060
When I saw him the next morning,

344
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,980
he said that he couldn't believe he actually did

345
00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:05,380
what he just did last night

346
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:08,340
and that he feels extremely disgusted with himself.

347
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:11,580
Both my right cheek and left arm have bruises

348
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:13,660
from where he slapped and kicked me.

349
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:15,580
And I could see the pain and guilt on his face

350
00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:16,460
when he saw me,

351
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,300
but I told him that I loved it

352
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:22,300
and he shouldn't beat himself up over it

353
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:24,660
because we were both consenting adults

354
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:27,060
doing a little fantasy act.

355
00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:29,500
But I wasn't able to convince him of that.

356
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,220
It was just role play and he isn't a monster.

357
00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,620
It's been five days since then.

358
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,220
No words of affirmation, soft comfort,

359
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:38,380
physical touch could help him.

360
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:39,980
We've tried having sex yesterday,

361
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:43,020
but whenever I winced as he touched my bruised arm,

362
00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:45,620
he said he couldn't continue because the memory of him

363
00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:47,900
turning into a person capable of causing harm to me,

364
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,940
fantasy or not, was too fresh and painful for him.

365
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:53,020
So yeah, I fucked up real bad.

366
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:54,020
All because of what?

367
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:57,420
Some CNC fantasy that I've been trying to fulfill for years,

368
00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:59,860
but none of my previous partners wanted to do.

369
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:02,500
Now I've possibly lost an amazing partner and lover

370
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,100
because he still can't mentally recover

371
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,820
and has possibly broke him.

372
00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:07,900
I'm a fucking idiot.

373
00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:13,860
So to backtrack, she said she only had to ask him once,

374
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:15,940
but she's been trying to do this shit for years.

375
00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:17,580
Well, not with him, apparently.

376
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,300
I'm just saying, she said that like,

377
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,860
oh, well, he didn't need much pressuring,

378
00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,660
but she's been trying with everybody.

379
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,540
Who was the one pressuring at that point?

380
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:28,540
I'm pretty sure it was her.

381
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:30,220
I'm real conflicted.

382
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:33,900
Like the whole point of us men now

383
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,580
is that we need to have self-control.

384
00:15:36,580 --> 00:15:37,420
According to them.

385
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,500
In our interactions with women.

386
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,460
And you wanna tell me that you want me to fulfill a fantasy

387
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:44,540
that all of society says is wrong.

388
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,060
I can't do everything.

389
00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:50,820
I can either be a good guy or a bad guy.

390
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:51,940
I can't be both.

391
00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:53,740
That's why it's hilarious whenever Bill Burr

392
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:56,980
has that whole joke about, no, it doesn't always mean no.

393
00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,300
God.

394
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,180
Yeah.

395
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:01,020
Bitch is crazy.

396
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:02,780
That is 100% a no go for me.

397
00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:04,300
No end and end for me.

398
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,420
And end, end, end.

399
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:07,140
I don't know if I can, I don't even wanna.

400
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:07,980
Too many acronyms.

401
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:12,980
I'm gonna be soft for the next 16 days.

402
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:15,780
Ruined, ruined her.

403
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:18,860
Yeah.

404
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:19,820
Because now I understand his feeling.

405
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:21,620
Like what, he's like, I'm capable of rape.

406
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:23,060
Yeah.

407
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:24,980
He is now a ruined human being.

408
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:25,900
Yes.

409
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,300
Because of this crazy bitch.

410
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:29,580
Weird.

411
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:30,420
Yeah.

412
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:32,580
I'm gonna be soft for 57 days.

413
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,740
All right, now we're gonna go into something

414
00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,220
that doesn't have to do with that.

415
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:36,860
Yeah, you sure know how to pick them.

416
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:37,700
I do.

417
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,060
I've been trying to ruin my fucking life.

418
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:39,900
Ha.

419
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,580
Next one is by SlurpeeLMAO.

420
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,940
Imagine if they do an issue of Spider-Man

421
00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:48,740
with Mary Jane and they do NNN.

422
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:50,020
NNN.

423
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,300
N, is it NNN?

424
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:52,220
CNC.

425
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,060
Oh, is it CNC?

426
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:54,140
Why am I keep saying NNN?

427
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:54,980
I don't know.

428
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,980
You're talking about that neighborhood.

429
00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:58,820
Oh, yeah.

430
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,340
NWW.

431
00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:04,420
Yeah, see, so he does CNC with Mary Jane.

432
00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:05,540
It's Spider-Man.

433
00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:06,900
So now you're like, what the fuck?

434
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:07,740
Spider-Man?

435
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:10,580
Spider-Man.

436
00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:13,500
I ain't even like 100% devastated.

437
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,060
It's broken you mentally a little bit.

438
00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:18,420
Yeah, like I, you cannot have a fantasy

439
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,900
of something that is 100% wrong.

440
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:24,220
It's like, hey, I have a fantasy of you murdering me.

441
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:28,020
That doesn't work.

442
00:17:28,020 --> 00:17:29,740
I'm real, I'm real.

443
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,660
I'm real fucked up now.

444
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,860
Be soft for 67 days.

445
00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:36,220
The number keeps going up.

446
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:37,780
It's just every time.

447
00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,220
I'm gonna be thinking about it in the back of my head

448
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:41,860
for like the next two straight years.

449
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:44,060
Every time. Fuck.

450
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,580
Yeah, you fucked me.

451
00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:46,820
You fucked me on that one.

452
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,580
It was not CNC though.

453
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:50,420
Yeah, my bad.

454
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:53,820
I kept saying NNN for neighborhood.

455
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:54,740
No, I was joking with you.

456
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,980
You said that I fucked you real good.

457
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,140
It's like, it wasn't CNC.

458
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:58,340
So no, it wasn't.

459
00:17:58,340 --> 00:17:59,700
No, it was legit.

460
00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:02,620
It was, no, it was just C.

461
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,340
It was NC.

462
00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:06,740
No, it was not NC.

463
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:07,900
I didn't wanna hear that.

464
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,700
This person puts, I got a second degree burn from it.

465
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:13,860
Yay.

466
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:17,860
I was in Iceland and went to a place I could see lava.

467
00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,540
Someone dropped a piece of ice in said lava.

468
00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:23,100
The steam from the ice got trapped under the lava.

469
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,980
So in a large bubble, it formed in the lava.

470
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:30,260
At one point, the bubble popped and went onto the floor.

471
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:32,660
Because of the silica in the lava,

472
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:34,780
the shard of the bubble, which had solidified now

473
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,140
and fell near me, kind of looked like black glass.

474
00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:39,180
So I got a bit curious.

475
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,140
Lava is a great insulator for its own heat.

476
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:42,820
So it was still very hot.

477
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:44,580
I touched it for half a second or so

478
00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,100
and got a second degree burn.

479
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,660
Luckily, at least it wasn't 300 degrees Celsius.

480
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,140
So I didn't spontaneously combust.

481
00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:52,580
I just sat there for 15 minutes

482
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:55,060
because I still wanted to see the lava for some reason.

483
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:57,540
And then I stuck my finger in an ice cube.

484
00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:01,380
Let me, let me, this is all of humanity, right?

485
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:02,220
Yeah.

486
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:05,180
We are intelligent, highly capable as a society.

487
00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:07,180
We are super smart.

488
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,580
Now we have built an entire civilization.

489
00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:11,020
We've been to the moon.

490
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,820
We've got internet, we've, you know.

491
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:14,940
But man, you see some lava, you're like,

492
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,620
man, I wonder if I can touch that.

493
00:19:16,620 --> 00:19:19,500
You see it, right?

494
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,780
You're like, well, I mean, you know what I mean?

495
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,420
I don't know how we made it

496
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:27,740
because I know I'm not the only person.

497
00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:29,180
You're like, well.

498
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:30,580
Yeah, yeah.

499
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,580
Because it doesn't look hot.

500
00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:34,940
Yep.

501
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,260
Especially when it's crusted over,

502
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,900
like on the top it's just like crust.

503
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,980
Like, why don't I just shove my hand into that

504
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,740
and just go straight into the lava.

505
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,180
Yeah, that's kind of what he did.

506
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,340
He's like, ooh, lava, I want to touch.

507
00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:49,180
Yeah.

508
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,940
Like, oh, I still want to touch.

509
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,100
Peeled my skin off.

510
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:53,380
And then he looked at it again.

511
00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:55,180
But I want to touch.

512
00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:57,380
I mean, like, something like, what if I jumped

513
00:19:57,380 --> 00:20:00,220
into a fucking pool of lava?

514
00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:01,740
Like, you can't help it.

515
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,580
After I seen the, there was a person

516
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:05,540
that actually did a science thing or whatever on it.

517
00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:07,780
Like I think it was that SciShow

518
00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:09,460
that they have on YouTube or something.

519
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:11,820
But they showed what would happen if you did fall in lava

520
00:20:11,820 --> 00:20:15,340
and you'd skip across the lava, burning the entire time.

521
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,180
Oh, nice.

522
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,780
You can't sink into lava.

523
00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:18,740
I can't?

524
00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:19,620
Fantasy ruined.

525
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:20,580
Yep.

526
00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:22,380
Because it's denser than you are.

527
00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:25,460
The same as jumping into a bunch of bills and coins

528
00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,740
like Doge McDuck.

529
00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:27,580
Did you ever see that?

530
00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:29,060
Fantasy ruined.

531
00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:31,660
You fucking shatter every bone in your fucking body.

532
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:36,060
You jump on him, he's like, ah, you just fucking dash.

533
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,860
You can't swim through gold.

534
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:40,220
He died like he lived with money.

535
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:45,500
Next person is by WKARacker.

536
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,980
He puts, this just happened this morning

537
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,300
while everyone else in the house was asleep.

538
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,860
I was fixing a PB&J sandwich and placed a jar of peanut butter

539
00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:55,220
in the microwave to warm it up.

540
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:56,060
Oh.

541
00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:57,140
I'd like to warm it up.

542
00:20:57,140 --> 00:20:58,580
He's fancy.

543
00:20:58,580 --> 00:20:59,420
I know.

544
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:00,260
I ate that shit cold as fuck.

545
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,180
Cold as a rock out of the fridge.

546
00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:04,620
I like to warm up the peanut butter

547
00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:05,780
so it doesn't destroy the bread

548
00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,300
while spreading it with a knife.

549
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,300
Bread is just fucking crushed underneath.

550
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:10,140
Pretty much.

551
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:10,980
Ripped to shred.

552
00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:12,140
Yeah.

553
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:15,220
I set the timer for 15 seconds, turn it on

554
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:17,780
and turn around to do some additional prep work.

555
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:19,260
All of a sudden I hear a loud buzzing

556
00:21:19,260 --> 00:21:22,700
and a bright light emanating from behind me.

557
00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:26,740
This is no little flash, but a brilliant light,

558
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:29,220
enough to cast a shadow on the far wall of the dining room.

559
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,380
God dang.

560
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:32,060
I whip around and see the top edge

561
00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:34,980
of the plastic peanut butter jar strobing like an arc welder.

562
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:36,580
I yank the door open to shut it off

563
00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:38,340
and that's when I see the top edge of the jar

564
00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:40,580
still has a small remnant of foil

565
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:42,420
fresh in the seal stuck to the lip.

566
00:21:42,420 --> 00:21:43,260
Wow.

567
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:44,260
Oh, that's dangerous.

568
00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:45,580
The foil has gotten so hot

569
00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:48,340
that it has melted the plastic jar and slightly charred it.

570
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,940
The burnt plastic has given off a heavy chemical smell

571
00:21:50,940 --> 00:21:52,740
and a thin haze of smoke has collected

572
00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:54,340
at the top of the microwave.

573
00:21:54,340 --> 00:21:56,620
I laughed to myself and pulled the jar out of the microwave

574
00:21:56,620 --> 00:21:59,340
thinking it is a simple mistake and everything is okay.

575
00:21:59,340 --> 00:22:00,420
That's when the smoke detector

576
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,620
starts screaming its brains out.

577
00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:04,380
Since this is around 2 a.m.,

578
00:22:04,380 --> 00:22:06,660
it wakes up my wife and adult daughter.

579
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:09,580
My wife has an RN and starts her day at 6 a.m.

580
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:11,340
Well, early morning.

581
00:22:11,340 --> 00:22:12,980
So this is her middle,

582
00:22:12,980 --> 00:22:15,060
this is the middle of her sleep cycle.

583
00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:16,260
She is not happy.

584
00:22:16,260 --> 00:22:18,820
My daughter has recently changed jobs

585
00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:19,860
and this is the first morning

586
00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:21,860
she is reported to her new position.

587
00:22:21,860 --> 00:22:23,180
She is not happy.

588
00:22:23,180 --> 00:22:25,300
We have four cats of various ages.

589
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:26,820
The smoke alarm has startled them

590
00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:28,220
and now they're bouncing off the walls,

591
00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:29,340
the stairs and each other.

592
00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:30,780
They are not happy.

593
00:22:30,780 --> 00:22:32,220
So I am standing on the stairs,

594
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:33,500
slapping at the smoke detector.

595
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,220
The wife and daughter are yelling at me

596
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,740
and the cats are ripping around the house

597
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:39,180
like cats do whenever they are freaked out of their minds.

598
00:22:39,180 --> 00:22:41,220
I ended up breaking the mounting plate

599
00:22:41,220 --> 00:22:43,780
of the smoke detector but everything got silent.

600
00:22:44,860 --> 00:22:46,580
The wife and daughter are glaring at me.

601
00:22:46,580 --> 00:22:48,420
One of the cats has pissed and evacuated

602
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:50,660
their bowels on the floor of the kitchen

603
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,820
and has an evil smelling plastic fumes

604
00:22:52,820 --> 00:22:54,900
that I have to clear out of the kitchen.

605
00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:56,300
I am not happy.

606
00:22:56,300 --> 00:22:58,300
So this has made me a person non grata

607
00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:00,660
for the humans and probably the cats of the house

608
00:23:00,660 --> 00:23:02,180
just because of a little foil

609
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:05,140
stuck to the top of a peanut butter jar.

610
00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:05,980
Yeah, but how long,

611
00:23:05,980 --> 00:23:08,580
was that like the first time you put it in the microwave?

612
00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:10,500
It was probably a new thing of it.

613
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:11,780
Well, that's what happens.

614
00:23:11,780 --> 00:23:13,620
And you put it in there for 15 seconds.

615
00:23:13,620 --> 00:23:15,580
That'd be OCD, you know me.

616
00:23:15,580 --> 00:23:16,420
I'm sorry.

617
00:23:16,420 --> 00:23:17,260
Sure that you would be gone.

618
00:23:17,260 --> 00:23:18,220
Yeah.

619
00:23:18,220 --> 00:23:21,220
And last one is by assman912.

620
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,820
The ass man.

621
00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:24,900
This person puts, one time I was shopping

622
00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:28,220
and realized I was out of detergent and needed to buy some.

623
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:30,380
I just see downy in my peripherals

624
00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:32,220
and grabbed it assuming it's detergent.

625
00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:33,700
Damn, was I wrong.

626
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:36,100
I used it for many weeks and my clothes always smelled decent

627
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:37,900
after the wash so nothing really caught my eye

628
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:39,180
until yesterday.

629
00:23:39,180 --> 00:23:41,780
I went out on a date with a girl I met on Hinge

630
00:23:41,780 --> 00:23:43,620
and whenever I gave her a hug to say hello,

631
00:23:43,620 --> 00:23:45,380
she said, did you just come from the gym?

632
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:47,900
I said, no, nothing else happened after

633
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:50,220
but I kept wondering why she had asked.

634
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:51,060
When the day was over.

635
00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:53,180
I broke it.

636
00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:54,980
What the fuck was she saying?

637
00:23:54,980 --> 00:23:56,540
What?

638
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:58,460
When the day was over, I smelled my shirt

639
00:23:58,460 --> 00:24:01,780
and I said, oh my fucking God.

640
00:24:01,780 --> 00:24:03,380
I smell like actual ass.

641
00:24:05,060 --> 00:24:06,500
Actual ass?

642
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:09,060
It takes a lot of effort to smell like actual ass.

643
00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:13,460
There's effort that way, I'll put it into that.

644
00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:16,980
I was so confused since I had just washed this shirt a lot.

645
00:24:16,980 --> 00:24:19,620
I should note it has been over 90 degrees

646
00:24:19,620 --> 00:24:21,340
for the past week where I live.

647
00:24:21,340 --> 00:24:23,060
So I've been sweating a lot.

648
00:24:23,060 --> 00:24:23,900
Anyway.

649
00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:25,660
It's all like everywhere in America.

650
00:24:25,660 --> 00:24:27,460
Basically, it's where he lives.

651
00:24:27,460 --> 00:24:29,820
Anyway, I got home feeling super embarrassed

652
00:24:29,820 --> 00:24:31,820
to check my other clothes by smelling them

653
00:24:31,820 --> 00:24:34,020
and they all smell terrible.

654
00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:35,900
They called, this caused me to check my detergent

655
00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:37,660
and yep, I'm an idiot.

656
00:24:37,660 --> 00:24:40,540
The day actually went well and we had a great time.

657
00:24:40,540 --> 00:24:42,980
So I messaged her asking if she wants to meet up again.

658
00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:44,700
Like, no, you smell like ass, sir.

659
00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:45,540
I thought maybe she would.

660
00:24:45,540 --> 00:24:47,140
Nothing good kind of ass, you lick.

661
00:24:47,140 --> 00:24:50,100
The bad kind of ass you avoid.

662
00:24:50,100 --> 00:24:52,340
I thought maybe she would overlook my smelliness

663
00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:53,620
since we had such a good time.

664
00:24:53,620 --> 00:24:56,780
She responded with, I don't think we had a connection.

665
00:24:56,780 --> 00:24:57,620
Damn girl.

666
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,140
She didn't like that ass smell.

667
00:25:01,060 --> 00:25:02,700
What was the detergent?

668
00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:04,580
He bought a fabric softener.

669
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:06,540
The liquid?

670
00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:07,380
Not detergent, yeah.

671
00:25:07,380 --> 00:25:08,220
The liquid form?

672
00:25:08,220 --> 00:25:10,140
He did not notice that the clothes weren't smelling

673
00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:11,380
at all different?

674
00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:14,020
Whenever you take anything that has fabric softener

675
00:25:14,020 --> 00:25:16,900
out of the washer, originally it smells good.

676
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:19,580
But it doesn't clean the way detergent does.

677
00:25:19,580 --> 00:25:21,660
So it just reeks after that.

678
00:25:22,780 --> 00:25:25,300
It smelled like literal ass.

679
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:28,100
I've only smelled literal ass like a few times in my life.

680
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:29,820
It is a very distinct smell.

681
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:31,940
It's not bad smell.

682
00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:33,660
Yeah, literal ass.

683
00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:35,300
Literal ass.

684
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:36,660
It's a hard smell to get.

685
00:25:38,260 --> 00:25:40,500
This is weeks of 90 degree plus sweating.

686
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:43,060
Weeks of ass building in his fucking shorts.

687
00:25:43,060 --> 00:25:43,900
Yep.

688
00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:44,720
Well.

689
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,020
Did you just go to the gym?

690
00:25:47,020 --> 00:25:48,820
Like, no bitch, what do you mean?

691
00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:49,660
What are you saying?

692
00:25:49,660 --> 00:25:50,500
No, man.

693
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:51,580
But apparently it became so gradual

694
00:25:51,580 --> 00:25:53,500
because he got used to the smell of his own self.

695
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:55,380
It's the worst thing when you get used to a smell

696
00:25:55,380 --> 00:25:56,580
and then you leave for a little bit,

697
00:25:56,580 --> 00:25:58,860
you come back and you're like, what the fuck?

698
00:25:58,860 --> 00:25:59,960
Smells like shit.

699
00:26:01,220 --> 00:26:03,220
Everything in this house smells like shit.

700
00:26:04,380 --> 00:26:06,380
You leave for like two months on vacation,

701
00:26:06,380 --> 00:26:08,820
or not vacation, but like just two months somewhere

702
00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:09,660
and you come back and you're like,

703
00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:13,060
this house smells like absolute shit.

704
00:26:13,060 --> 00:26:15,340
And then a week later, it smells better now.

705
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:16,380
And it's just insane.

706
00:26:16,380 --> 00:26:19,420
You acclimated to the fucking shit smell.

707
00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,540
Your brain works in a really weird way.

708
00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:24,660
At the flea market, I was putting up the stall, right?

709
00:26:24,660 --> 00:26:26,180
And I walked past this guy and he just,

710
00:26:26,180 --> 00:26:28,500
he smelled like actual shit.

711
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:31,220
Like, not that he passed a fart, right?

712
00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:32,060
Yeah.

713
00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:33,300
Like, it smelled like he shit himself.

714
00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:34,140
Oh, God.

715
00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:35,740
Like, that's what it smelled like.

716
00:26:35,740 --> 00:26:37,340
Like, a fart, right?

717
00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:38,180
Yeah.

718
00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:39,900
This was shit.

719
00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:43,900
Like, emanating out of the fucking toilet level shit.

720
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:45,700
And that's hard because shit's in water.

721
00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:46,540
Yeah.

722
00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:48,380
So it's kind of hard to smell watered shit.

723
00:26:48,380 --> 00:26:49,220
Yeah.

724
00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:50,040
It had to be a powerful fucking,

725
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,100
it had to be so fucking dense,

726
00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:54,900
it floats on top of the fucking water that it comes out.

727
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:57,020
This guy like, I wanted to turn around like,

728
00:26:57,020 --> 00:26:59,100
sir, did you shit yourself?

729
00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:00,980
Because there's no way you just farted.

730
00:27:00,980 --> 00:27:02,420
If you thought you farted, you didn't.

731
00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:03,940
You shit your fucking pants.

732
00:27:03,940 --> 00:27:05,460
You might want to go change your clothes.

733
00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:06,580
I know he was drunk, right?

734
00:27:06,580 --> 00:27:07,620
Cause they were all drunk at the time.

735
00:27:07,620 --> 00:27:08,980
Oh yeah, then he probably did shit himself.

736
00:27:08,980 --> 00:27:10,260
Yeah, like he shit himself.

737
00:27:10,260 --> 00:27:11,380
I'm like, man, someone,

738
00:27:11,380 --> 00:27:13,460
cause it wasn't like, oh, that's a nasty fart.

739
00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:16,700
Like I walked past and like someone shit themselves.

740
00:27:16,700 --> 00:27:18,900
Like you, trust me people,

741
00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:20,180
like you know the difference

742
00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:21,780
between someone shitting themselves and farting.

743
00:27:21,780 --> 00:27:23,820
You will, I promise you.

744
00:27:23,820 --> 00:27:25,220
You may not think you know that they're farting,

745
00:27:25,220 --> 00:27:26,060
but you do.

746
00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:26,900
You may not, you do.

747
00:27:26,900 --> 00:27:30,380
Believe me, I didn't think I was gonna shit their fucking pants.

748
00:27:30,380 --> 00:27:32,620
This person shit themselves.

749
00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,500
That was a bad day.

750
00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:36,900
That and with the fucking end and end,

751
00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:39,500
I'm all fucking all devastated everywhere.

752
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:41,420
My whole life has turned upside down.

753
00:27:41,420 --> 00:27:42,260
It's over.

754
00:27:42,260 --> 00:27:44,220
I'm gonna be selling it for three straight years.

755
00:27:44,220 --> 00:27:46,060
It's like, you're so scarred by the CNC

756
00:27:46,060 --> 00:27:47,460
that you keep calling it NMM.

757
00:27:47,460 --> 00:27:48,580
Did they call it NMM again?

758
00:27:48,580 --> 00:27:49,660
God dang it.

759
00:27:51,660 --> 00:27:52,500
I can't get over it.

760
00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:54,340
It's fucking devastated.

761
00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:57,580
But anything else to add before we head out?

762
00:27:57,580 --> 00:27:59,780
No, man, I don't know what the thing.

763
00:28:02,620 --> 00:28:05,940
And with that, we leave your minds ruined just like ours.

764
00:28:05,940 --> 00:28:09,060
How can I live a life avoiding the thing

765
00:28:09,060 --> 00:28:11,500
that's not right to do, right?

766
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:12,660
Because it's morally wrong.

767
00:28:12,660 --> 00:28:14,540
And then me to grow this like, I'm kind of into that.

768
00:28:14,540 --> 00:28:16,580
Like, bitch, what do you mean?

769
00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:17,820
No, I can't.

770
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:20,540
We'll see on the next one.

771
00:28:20,540 --> 00:28:21,940
I'm losing my fucking mind.

772
00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:42,540
태 gender vice versa