Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 23.
We have a couple of funny ones for you today.
The first one is by SweaterStripy83.
This person puts, I can't actually believe this conversation just happened.
The sheer entitlement and ridiculousness of it made me laugh but also left me speechless.
I ordered a mug from Amazon as a gift for my best mate.
The mug had the word cunt on it, with the C as the handle.
Cute mug would recommend.
Anyway.
That only works if you're holding it with your left hand.
Yes.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Oh.
Yeah.
There is a house on the street next to mine that has a very similar address to mine, and
I will often get their post and they sometimes get mine.
For example, my address would be something like number 6 random street and theirs is
number 6 random side street.
What the fuck?
Oh, he's just making a random word?
Okay.
Yeah.
It's annoying as they are different, plus or minus one word, but the names of myself
and that family are so wildly different that you would think the postman or any delivery
driver might have gotten used to it by now, but I digress.
I had the notification from Amazon to say my mug had been delivered and in the safe
place.
Yay.
I go to check and it isn't, so I go around to the similar address to see if it was indeed
there and got no answer.
I decided that I would try again later and or they will bring it over before I contact
Amazon.
A few days pass and they don't bring my parcel around, so I get Amazon to replace it, but
then half an hour ago, there was a knock at my door.
I open the door to the father of the family at a similar address holding my Amazon parcel
that's been opened and he quite literally throws it at me.
Before I can form the words, he says, my 11 year old child opened that.
Don't you ever order something so disgusting again.
How dare you.
Bitch, it's my fucking house.
And started to storm off.
I register what the hell he just said and I shout to him, wait, what the?
No one should be opening my post anyway.
It's criminal offense.
How dare you have the cheek to come over to my house and berate me for opening my post.
He just waved his hand as he dismissively and carried on walking.
I just stood there for a good minute and trying to figure out if that actually happened.
Well it did.
And now I have two cup mugs.
I'm so tempted to leave one on the door on his doorstep with a note saying you can keep
it made.
It's definitely been made for you.
I would too.
Fuck that motherfucker.
They opened it in my fucking mail.
And then complain what it says.
You know, don't give a shit what it is.
If you open my mail, don't you fucking throw it back at me.
I knew a dude that worked at Amazon and he said, do you know how many dildos we ship
out every day?
Imagine that's quite a fair number.
I once bought a a a cock mug.
It was a it was a literal mug.
It completely shaped like a cock and balls.
So the base, the cup is the big old balls with like hair drawn on them.
And the handle is just a floppy dick coming all the way to touch the bottom of your ballsack.
Get a little kiss at the bottom.
And I tried to give it to one of my friends and she didn't want it because she was married
and she had kids.
Like what if my kids see it?
Somebody told me it's a dick.
What do you mean?
I'm just being like I'm being like, what's the word?
Idiot.
What's the word I'm looking for?
I'm being consciously careless, I guess.
Yeah, like I know like it don't have a dick around kids.
But I'm being that part like you.
What's the problem?
I'm pretending like I don't understand.
You know, I understand.
I'm just putting I don't.
So then I give it to my lesbian friend.
And she loved it.
See, that's the perfect gift, though, because they don't want they don't like them anyway.
So for some reason, any like memorabilia or any paraphernalia, what is it?
Paraphernalia.
Yeah, that's like any cock shave.
They'll take it all.
And she just drank it from her mom and her mom's what the hell is that?
Like is my dick.
I got to buy another one just to have enough.
All right.
Next one is by Seaworthy Zebra 5124.
I got to take a shit.
You were saying?
We'll cut it off.
You don't have to.
No, I mean, we'll cut.
You don't have to.
Yes, people, I might have to take a shit at the moment.
So I'm saying we can we can quit recording.
No, I can wait.
No, I'm kidding.
Go ahead.
I don't want to turtle him.
Hey, man, if it gets too serious, I'll know.
It's not the table.
That shit.
All right.
This person puts background first.
I teach Kenpo karate as a second degree black belt.
Kenpo Kenpo Kenpo Kenpo.
They're like like the samurai martial art.
We like the wooden sticks.
It's kind of OK.
Kenpo.
I just heard of it.
I love karate.
I guess I also have an assistant, Ciara, a first degree black belt in her own right.
What's her real name?
It doesn't sound like a person.
I don't own the gym.
My instructor does.
But since he's gotten older, me and Ciara handle handle the younger classes while he
handles the business side of things.
Plus the adult class.
We have three classes, kids age five to 10.
Intermediate in that class.
I'll be a black belt at no time.
Intermediate 11 to 15.
I'll be that class too.
I don't know if there's some big 15 year old.
Yeah, look at it.
Fucking six, four, two hundred ninety pounds playing junior varsity football.
I'm like, God.
And then adult class ages 16 and up.
So wait, they sure just like it was like it went from 15 and 16 is OK to deal with a full
grown adult.
Yeah, because there's some big 16 year old.
Like a six, five, two hundred and ninety one pounds.
Have you seen some of those high school football players?
Yeah, I have.
Like a freight train.
Biggest Debo and shit.
Ohio State.
They always have to say their name and then whatever.
A lot of them were like CSU.
It's hard for them to even remember what college they went to.
College one, two, three.
Half the time it's like, yep, there's nothing else you can do in life.
This is all you can do.
You were born for football, sir.
But I'll tackle them, right, coach?
It was a real strange time.
They had me run in and then stop it from Forrest Gump.
I was always running and stopping.
I can't remember who said the joke, but the funniest joke I've ever heard about football
was whenever they said, imagine if it was a gay guy on the opposite side of you.
He said that'd be the perfect person to have as a teammate, because whenever they go to
go tackle somebody, they're attacking.
They're going to go tackle them with love or their heart and they're going to come after
you.
Speaking about football, did you did you see that absolute murder of all you did?
The fucking hell is are they?
How are they not in jail for the fucking war crimes they committed?
73 and 0.
What the fuck happened?
What the fuck did that opposite coach do to them?
What happened?
All my cousin kept telling me all day yesterday was like, well, they're a 50 and four and
0 now.
And I'm like, what is going on?
It's like the mercy roll.
Is someone playing basketball?
They didn't tell him?
The fucking coach of the opposing team took a knee in tears and then one of the players
said, it's OK, coach.
I wouldn't want to work.
I wouldn't want to play for that coach anymore.
No, he's got fucking pissed on his face.
They couldn't even make a field goal.
What happened?
What was you trying to prove that they're back?
Maybe by wrecking some random team.
Let's see, the funny thing is if they get too cocky about beating the team that's not
really all that great to begin with, and then they go up against anybody else in the big
12 right now and they go in there with a cocky attitude, they're going to get the shit beat
out of them.
I mean, look what Colorado did.
What do you call it?
TCU destroyed them.
Colorado wasn't always the greatest team.
What division are they in now?
They're still in the big 12 right now.
Oh, they are?
Next year they'll be in the SEC.
OK, gotta get them Gators back.
Did we win the 2005 national championship or not?
Was it in the Gators versus OU?
I believe so.
I think the Gators won that year.
Gators.
Yeah.
I know OU has a fuck ton of championships already.
Yeah.
That way they're still trying.
Here's the thing about having championships, right?
There's always space for more.
Yeah.
That's the way I look at it.
People say like, do you really want to win all the time?
Yes.
I'm like, no, because I don't want to lose.
I follow Ricky Bobby's philosophy.
If you ain't first, you're last.
All this humble like, you got to be Michael Jordan.
Get them six fucking rings.
Fuck everybody.
Did you see him destroy that other dude?
It's from a few years ago, but like they tried to play one on one with Michael Jordan because
they thought they were better than him.
Oh my God.
He's still that good?
Damn.
I guess that dude, yes.
Imagine him in this prime then.
Yeah.
Because this dude was talking a bunch of shit.
And he's like, okay, one on one.
Well.
He's like, well, you don't fuck no.
It'd be like if I was like, man, I could fuck Mike Tyson.
I could take him on one on one.
Today, he'd still be my ass.
And then let's pep out it.
Before you rip one of my ears off.
Yes, exactly.
Even like if he was like on his deathbed, he'd still be my ass.
Did you really have a e-bike called My Bike Tyson?
My Bike Tyson.
The company's name is My Bike, but then they have a model called Tyson.
Very clever marketing.
I bet you Mike Tyson found a beat the hell out of the guy.
What did you put on the app?
What the fuck did you say?
Boom.
I don't think he's ever kicked a day in his life.
He just fucking punched everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I don't know.
Like, oh, you just like they lost their fucking minds.
I've never seen a fucking man, a grown man cry that much.
He was just like sobbing.
And then like the other coach on the OU teams like, man, I should go for the 80.
You know, they've done that before.
What?
81 nothing.
81 or 80 whatever.
Nothing.
They do a man.
Yeah, they've won by even more.
They've reached the 100 digits.
So.
And zero?
Or did the other team at least get something?
It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure there's been like 100 and nothing.
Man.
When OU plays like the way that you would expect them to?
If they would fucking actually beat somebody, that would matter.
Yes.
Instead of just ruin some man.
That man's getting fired for sure.
His wife's going to leave him.
His kids like, get the fuck off.
He can't even beat OU.
He tries to grab his son like, son, I'm talking to you.
Like, get the fuck off me.
What's funny though is that OU had that blowout of Arkansas State, I believe is who it was.
Yeah, it was.
In OSU.
Or either Arizona or Arkansas State.
One of those.
It might have been Arizona.
I don't know.
I know, but it wasn't the main team.
That was for sure.
And the funny thing is that OSU was playing the other team.
The good team?
No, that's playing like a, it's another crappy team too.
But they barely won.
Hey man.
They had to work for their shit.
The New York Giants barely lost to the Patriots.
But they still lost?
No, I'm talking about like the game before the game.
The game before the game, they barely lost to the Patriots.
So what you're saying is that next time OSU plays them, they're going to lose?
I'm saying like, even if they won by a small margin, like it's not, it's never like, you
can predict this team or that team will beat that team because this team beat that team.
You know what I mean?
No.
So like they may have lost by that much today.
That's why I'm saying, OSU does not need to get cocky.
Yeah, they do.
They're OSU.
That's OSU.
Boomer sonar.
I just know how the last few years have been.
So well, we'll find out I guess.
I'm not even that big of a sports guy, but man, I do love me some drama.
When you say those numbers, when I saw that man broken on the other side of that fucking
field, I was like, that's a man that William Shakespeare could write a play about.
The tragedy.
Yeah.
The tragedy of Arkansas State with a heavy hand, a lead, a lead knee.
He fell down, defeat clearly in sight.
A man that would never be the same again.
Phil, you're just on his shoulders.
His last chance of redemption broken by a team with no mercy.
This is the story of Arkansas State coach.
Whatever the fuck his name is.
The nameless coach.
He was a man before this game.
But after that, who knows?
That's how they write those documentaries.
A simple phantom in the wind.
No home to call his own.
Moving on.
All right, so again, there was three classes.
Oh yeah.
He's my karate.
What the fuck?
So this person puts, so kids class had just ended.
Put me in that one.
When a woman walks in with her son, she says he's a 13 year old and he wants to take karate
lessons.
So I shake hands with her and have her sit down while I instruct her to fill out the waivers
and get him his GI measurements.
A waiver?
It's our GI.
So if we break the kid's face, it's not on us.
Other students file in for the intermediate class and me and Kiara get down to business.
The waivers.
We get down to business.
I take the bulk of the class around 15 kids while Kiara goes with the new student one
on one to teach him basic strikes and stances.
Not five minutes later, I hear Kiara upset.
Telling the new kid to do 10 pushups.
Why?
Well, he called Kiara, who essentially a volunteer, a fucking bitch.
Damn, boys got some balls on them.
Karen, is what we're going to be calling the mother, stands up and says her son can't
do pushups as she doesn't want her son to be sore.
If he can't do pushups, he can't do karate.
Kiara lets him do the pushups on his knees, but not five minutes later, she makes him
do 20 more since he's called her now a slut.
For reference, Kiara is in her early 20s and the boy is 13.
Not to mention there's other parents and kids here as well.
It's wholly inappropriate.
So I walk over and ask Kiara to switch with me.
As she does, she gives me the bug eyes and mouths, what the fuck?
So I walk over and asked the boy why he insulted my assistant, Kiara.
He said he doesn't like girls.
When I asked him what he meant, he said he only listens to his dad and other boys.
What about his mom?
Apparently, he probably tells her off too.
He won't listen to me at all.
He needs some discipline, the mother confirms to me, chuckling, as if raising a monster
is something to laugh about.
When I do get a black belt, sorry, when do I get a black belt like you?
The boy asks me.
Mind you, he's been punching the air the entire time.
This boy is aggressively hyper.
Well, it takes quite a while.
I've been training since I was five and earned my black belt whenever I was 21, so it took
me a while.
He says, no, I don't want to wait that long.
I want mine now, he says, his chubby face now red and sweaty from shadow boxing.
So I tell him, then fight me.
The mother motions me over and whispers in my ear, do you think you can just give him
one, just to make him happy?
I'll give him one all right when I take this one off and beat the hell out of him with
it.
He says, no, sorry, he has to earn one.
We aren't a belt factory.
That's a good line.
Well, he never gets told no.
Well, he better learn before he becomes a rapist.
I'm sorry, but that's not how we do things here.
I have money.
I can pay you extra.
I mean, he says, no, sorry, we only give belts when they're earned.
Hold on.
How much are we talking here?
Like a few thousand?
After several minutes of arguing the conversation that leads nowhere, Karen snaps at me.
I paid you to give my son a black belt.
She stands up and points a finger in my face.
It was so sudden that I reflexively took a step back.
Hey, chill out, lady.
Some of the other parents chimed in.
Before I can reply to Karen, the sound of I hear a loud commotion behind me.
I hear more parents and students shouting.
I turn.
I see new boy smacking and hitting a girl in the class.
You're a shouting, hey, stop.
However, this girl that new boy is hitting is a purple belt and a little badass of her
own.
So you can kind of see where this is going already.
I think the kids going to learn something finally.
I can't actually believe this conversation just happened.
Hang on.
Sorry.
I missed that one.
I did not.
That's another conversation.
Yeah, it's a different one.
She loads a front kick and hits the brat boy in your center mass right in his flabby stomach.
He shouts and doubles over crying in tears.
I was so freaking proud of her.
Hey, that little bitch hurt my son.
Karen runs past me onto the mat and gets in the face of the 14 year old girl.
First one just like kicks her to the girl is already scared and starts to cry.
But Karen and ups the ante and shoves this girl in the chest with her hand.
Here it gets between them and his red faced and raged.
I immediately rush over and try to defuse the situation, but neither of them are having
it.
Parents stand up and started shouting.
Keep your hands off my daughter.
The girl's father was with the other parents yells at Karen.
He starts approaching aggressively, but backs off when he realizes me and Kiara both black
belts are by her.
Now you should know something about Kiara.
She's under five foot, less than 110 pounds soaking wet, but she can still kick my ass
up and down the mat on any given day.
I hate that fucking soaking wet.
It's lying.
It's fucking overdone to death.
It is.
She's fast, accurate and insanely flexible.
She can control her body and perform techniques that I simply can't.
Just tell us how fucked up.
Exactly.
She can.
She's flexible.
She's flexible as fuck.
So, uh, so Kiara and Karen get into a shouting match with each other.
I told Karen to leave with your kid and don't come back.
Don't you ever lay a hand on any of my students.
Do you understand?
I raised my voice and was genuinely pissed off.
Fuck you.
My son needs a black belt and you won't give him one.
She screams at me.
Your son is crazy.
He attacked our students.
She's a bitch slap.
Having had enough, Kiara purries the smack and fires an absolute vicious kick right
into the meat of Karen's inner thigh with nothing held back.
The slap sound of Kiara's shin bone decimated Karen's thigh echoed off the ceiling like
a slab of meat getting thrown to the floor.
Shit must have hurt.
It was glorious.
Karen gasped as she fell onto the mat in a heap.
Oh, oh my God.
She held her leg as a brat boy got up and rushed at Karen.
And I got in front of her and grabbed the boy's wildly swinging arms.
He hit me a few times, but I refused to hit children whatsoever.
Fuck all that bad.
Hit him in the face.
I let him tire himself out.
One of the parents called the police.
After interviewing everyone involved, they determined that Kiara and myself acted in
self-defense.
Neither of us wanted to pursue assault charges against Karen, but the parents of the girl
Karen shoved rightly felt differently about it.
So Karen was hauled away in handcuffs.
Karen said she'd sue me and Kiara in civil court.
But since we have legal waivers, there's nothing that's going to come of that.
As for the boy, I honestly feel bad.
His childhood has been robbed by piss poor parenting and I wish I could have had more
time to straighten him out.
I have a particular dislike for his views on women and I feel like I really could have
helped turn him around.
Maybe maybe not.
So yeah, that was my experience tonight.
Hopefully you all reading this more than I did going through it.
Hopefully you enjoy it more.
Jesus.
It's like, well, I've seen you may ship people in the world and then once you become adults,
you can't tell them anything.
So it's impossible.
Yeah.
So either either make them good as kids or they're going to be terrible as adults.
Mm hmm.
Pretty much.
Yes.
Uh, next one is by a cyclops Scott.
This person puts the usual BS with an entitled Karen couple of houses on the street or have
been renovation work done.
So street parking is tighter than usual.
Our drive or driveway is very visible.
Prominent curb cut, brick pavers that started sidewalk.
You really can't miss it.
I come home from running a couple of errands and a Subaru is parked across our entire and
I mean entire driveway.
It's always a Subaru.
Yes, it is.
It's a stereotype for a reason.
They don't come out of nowhere.
And no, uh, they could have had, I could have centered their car any bit.
They couldn't have centered their car any better if they tried.
So I grab another spot and schlep my shit into the house.
Couple minutes later, I see a couple of leaving the rental across the street and getting into
the car.
They're not renters there.
Maybe they're just visiting.
I'm not a complete ass hat and I like the neighbors to live there.
So I step onto the porch, get their attention and a very nice tone of voice, give them the,
Hey folks, just a heads up.
If you're back, you're parked in my driveway.
The dude looks up, sees they were clearly in the wrong and says, Oh, sorry, man.
Didn't even notice my bad, which man it's a, if that's how you, the title said everything.
And then when the guy said it was, it was all chill and I can already tell the girls
like, what the fuck do you mean you're parking?
You probably shouldn't even be driving, but I let it slide.
Karen on the other hand.
Yep.
Here we go.
Don't worry about it.
We're not parking here.
Uh, yeah, you dumb shit.
You are parked there, but I'm still being at least a little nice.
Well, whether you're staying or not, you're block, you're still blocking my driveway.
The Karen, it's not a big deal.
You don't have to be a dick about it.
So he puts, Oh, if I wanted to be a dick, you'd know the Karen.
Well, we're not parking here.
So you don't have to be anything that you don't have anything to bitch about.
This dude doesn't be nice.
Do you see that silver car right there?
I had to park there because you were already blocking my fucking driveway.
So once again, you are currently fucking parked here.
The dude apologizes again, tells Karen to shut the fuck up and just gets in the car.
We're, uh, we share a little nod and away we go.
I'm kind of hoping that they have to visit more so I can just have her car towed next
time.
God dang it.
What is it with mild manner dudes dating a Karen?
I don't know.
And then the Karen gets him into shit he doesn't want to be into.
They're the ones that get dudes into fights.
They don't need to be like, I got shot because of you.
Not because of me.
It's like, okay.
The dude that says, sorry, dude, I didn't know.
Yeah, my bad, bro.
If it's one time, it's like, okay, cool.
Whatever.
What the fuck are you talking about?
How do you mean your parking space?
You can't own a random bullshit.
She comes up with her dad.
The law clearly states in fucking draft D paragraph nine C ratified in 1869.
Like bitch, you're not a lawyer.
Shut the fuck up.
Oh, I hate those kinds of people.
They really do start way too many fights that don't need to even happen.
At least that's usually the way it goes.
They can hit you with their car.
I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing walking on the sidewalk?
Yup.
What do you mean bitches?
I'm fucking tired.
Next one is by a sarcastic troll.
Most person pits.
So he's a troll or he's not a troll.
He's a sarcastic troll.
Right.
So he's not really honest.
He's like just, he's like not really a troll.
Like I'm sarcastically a troll.
Right.
Or he's actually a troll.
No, no.
It's a name to just throw you off.
Maybe.
Maybe I don't know what sarcastic means then.
I thought it was just being like, you're being honest, but in like a condescending way.
I think that it might be a person that's a troll, but they're sarcastic about everything.
So they're just sarcastic.
Yeah.
But where they troll people on the internet by putting sarcastic remarks.
So then they're not a troll.
They're just, I just want to watch the world bar.
You're an anarchist.
I'm real confused.
Maybe like, wait, cause if you can't, that doesn't work in the context of a, of a fucking
internet comment.
Great job.
You know, like if I said great, you know, if I'm like, uh, if I said great job in that
tell you like, it's kind of hard.
I was going to think that they did a good job.
No, like great job.
You're the best that's ever done it.
No one on this fucking planet could do it as good as you.
Cause that's how fucking good you are at the shit that you do.
That's sarcastic.
But if I say that in a, in a text form, it sounds like I'm being honest.
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
Well, aren't you just the smartest person that's ever walked the face of this?
God dang it.
And you get somebody that's narcissistic enough to not doubt them.
So of course it's, oh, I am.
I know I am.
Well, look at this gorgeous.
I don't know.
Like, so I come to the work in the form of a text and Twitter or any.
Yeah, it doesn't work that way.
No.
Now, if you had a video responding with that, yeah, it was a fucking car, like a verbal
comment that would be funny though.
This person puts a few days ago, I was at an office building and I went to use their
elevator.
I was going down.
A woman was waiting already and the elevator came down when, when the elevator came down.
We both got in.
She pressed the floor higher up and I pressed the floor going down.
Oh, as I did, I told her, just so you know, this is going down and she puts a, well, I
pressed the button first.
Yeah.
Yes.
Why did you open your fucking mouth?
I'm assuming it's a guy.
Why did you just shut the fuck up?
In fact, you shouldn't even got on the elevator with her alone.
You should have just walked out the stairs.
Yes.
She yelled at, yelled at me.
I said nothing and stood in the back.
The elevator closed.
Lo and behold, it went down.
Just like I told her I was going to do.
She cussed under her breath.
That wouldn't leave me.
She said, I hope you're happy.
Like I made the elevator or something.
Or maybe it can be sarcastic in text because I could tell you, I hope you're happy.
That's pretty sarcastic sounding in any tone.
People are weird.
Maybe, maybe, maybe he knows what he's doing.
Sarcastic troll.
Stand corrected.
Better out of it than what you thought.
Hey man, I was in mail when someone does something.
Good job.
At least honestly.
Good job.
Next one is by Classic Act.
This person puts, received a particular message this morning from the previous owner of my
home.
They want to know if they can come take the height range of bushes from the backyard and
front of the house as they have sentimental value.
No, it's out of my house.
It's out of my fucking property.
Why didn't they just take it when they first there?
That would make more sense to me.
That just makes it awkward as fuck.
Yes.
We're talking at least half a dozen bushes.
The kind that grow like trees.
They're massive and they are part of the charm of our little cottage.
And frankly, I don't want to see them go.
I feel that they feel that I bought the property landscaping included.
We lived here for two years and this is the first time we've heard of the sentimental
value attached to these plants.
I'd be willing to offer a cutting from one of the plants, but I'm afraid if I ever gave
an inch, they'll take a mile.
It just rubbed me the wrong way that they felt they could ask for my damn landscaping.
Like 15 years later, the previous owners, hey, can we have those fucking-
Can we have that tree?
Yeah.
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
I want the whole tree.
Like 15 years later, they want a tree that they planted fucking years ago.
It's fucking stupid.
I've never heard somebody doing that even.
Yeah, that's like something that doesn't make any common sense.
That's how you can tell that one wasn't made up because it's so stupid.
Someone comes into my fucking- they knock them out or they leave me a letter or they
contact me somehow through the real estate agent or something.
And they're like, hey, they were asking if they could take the tile out of the bathroom
that they put down.
It's sentimental.
I don't even take that tile out of the bathroom.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Take that tile out of the bathroom?
I had this house for six years and now they want the tile out of the bathroom?
For what?
Yeah, that's kind of the way landscaping is part of the house.
Yeah, well, you left it there for the house.
So stupid.
Next one's by Rootless Cosmo.
Rootless.
You did this on some woman's- on that spot.
She's like.
But all the people, they can't roll their tongues.
Well, you got to be born Mexican.
Or grow up around enough of them that you can do it.
That's the other thing.
If you grow up in a neighborhood that's 98 percent Mexican, you can do it.
And Rodrigo.
Rodrigo.
Yeah.
Where they had the rolling R to every fucking- he puts, or she, whichever one it is.
Until about an hour ago, I had an employee from Hill on my team.
This woman couldn't show up on time in appropriate clothing to save her life.
Generally.
Unless she was ass naked, what's the matter?
Unless it's like a uniform type of thing.
As long as she's dressed and there's no titties or ass or vagina sticking out.
Well, in this day and age, you never know.
There have been women that come into the dollar store and she was wearing a bra on the outside.
And her shirt, I'm like, okay, I guess that's normal.
They've been wearing those weird shorts that look like boxer briefs.
They wear them like-
They're like yoga workout ones.
And I'm like, am I looking at a woman in her underwear?
Right.
Well, then when they get it flesh colored.
It's mostly black, but that would be weird.
Yeah.
I'm seeing that too.
But I mean, like, so that as long as she's dressed, let's see, let's see how bad it is.
We'll see.
Yeah.
Let's look.
Generally had a bad attitude, half asked every task and would not shut up about a personal
life.
We've basically been waiting for her to do something egregious enough to merit a third
write up in six months, which means in almost an automatic termination.
So today she shows up late again and I was already in the middle of gleefully writing
her up.
He's already-
He had a bad pre-made.
Instead of apologizing or at least getting to work right away, this idiot starts babbling
about how she's so hung over and trying to tell everyone about her weekend exploits.
Had that cocaine in my system.
But nobody paid attention to her except my assistant who rolled his eyes, sighed heavily
and turned away.
I had to take a call at this point so I didn't see what happened next.
But a few minutes after I hung up with the head of HR came into my office with a goofy
smile on his face and closed the door.
Apparently hung over Hannah.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Is that a real name?
Yeah.
I don't know if that's appropriate, but okay.
Well, he didn't put a last name.
He just put a- you don't know where this person works.
They know where they were.
I'm sorry, I'm a detective.
He called her hung over Hannah.
I'll find out.
It was insulted by our disinterest in her sad little life and marched into his office
to claim that we were creating a hostile work environment by disrespecting her.
He fired her dumb ass on the spot.
I didn't even have to divide up her tasks among the staff because they were so happy
to see her go that they did it themselves before I had a chance.
Good fucking riddance.
To hung over Hannah.
Hung over Hannah.
All right, and last one we have is by quantity according 750.
Oh boy.
The mouthful.
Yeah.
This person puts, this happened like five years ago, but I still think about it probably
once a week.
I have moments like that, like God, what was that thing that I witnessed with my eyes?
If I hadn't written it down in my journal, I wouldn't believe it.
They put, I was walking into Target about to head in through the double sized motion
activated doors.
A guy in his fifties maybe was walking out first.
He did that little weird, that weird little scamper people do sometimes to hold the door
open for people and said, don't worry, I got it for you.
What do you mean little scamper?
Like he runs up to the door and grabs it open.
Scamper.
And placed his hand against the door to hold it open.
I went in without saying anything.
Oh, now I know what he means.
Can't yell, like that little, like, let me get there first to help you.
All that shiver wrist thing.
Yeah.
Like it was a huge opening.
We didn't need to get out of each other's way.
And he yells, wow, so ungrateful.
A thank you would have been nice.
Oh, he's so nice about it.
It's a motion activated door.
He didn't do anything.
I still can't wrap my head around it.
Sorry if this is the wrong sub for this.
I saw a similar post and it inspired me to post this.
Wait, so the door opened automatically.
Yeah.
But he thought by opening it up for her, or I'm assuming it's a her, she'd be happy about
that and thank him.
Yeah.
What do you expect?
Like, oh, let me drop down to my knees and just blow you.
What the fuck does he want?
An automatic door opens on its own.
If I get there like a millisecond before someone else and the door like, go ahead.
But if like I run up ahead of her.
And do a scamper.
It's like, oh, excuse me, ma'am.
I had the door open for you.
Can I at least get some titty?
Hey, I want to see your titties at least.
That's his mentality.
That sounds like a crazy homeless person.
It just sounds like a dude that's an idiot.
In so many ways.
Ma'am, I held the door open for you.
What the fuck?
I'm like, you didn't have to say anything.
I'm like, whatever.
That's the dumbest thing.
I guess if that did happen to me, I would think about that at least once a week.
Yeah.
God, he's fucking retarded.
What the fuck was that about?
I don't know.
People are crazy.
Just say stupid.
We know that they're stupid.
It's okay.
But that's all I got on Reddit today.
Anything else to add?
I do have to take a shit.
Yeah, there it is.
That cheeseburger got me.