Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite amendment
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This is what we are covering tonight.
Ah, the good old rants I'm going to be doing from now on.
More of some random stuff I've picked up throughout the week.
Cool.
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You ever just watch stuff and you're like, fuck.
I do that every day.
That was, that was like something that I know or never wanted to have in my mental catalog.
Yeah, here we are.
There's this, there's these three movies on HBO Max.
Back when I still had Max, they've been on there forever.
And I want, and I'm sorry, the reason I remember them on Max is because I used to, I watched
them once on IFC years ago.
And I was going through Max and I was like, oh, those are those fucking weird ass movies.
Are they still weird?
Yes, they are.
It involves this guy named Hanzo, the sword of justice.
And it's basically at the beginning of the movie, he's basically an incorruptible Japanese
law man.
It's set in like feudal Japan.
He doesn't have a sword.
He has like that weird like weapon with the rod and the smaller rod.
And he's incorruptible.
He's like, he just like, I gotta bring every man in.
You do the crime, you do the time.
And he has a gift that he bestows on women forcefully, not asked for.
Basically, they really get into this.
They're like, he has a massive penis.
That is the fucking main plot of this character.
And the first movie, he is in the taking a bath and he is just dumping boiling hot water
on his cock.
You don't see it.
It's always from behind, right?
Like the big thing.
He's like, he's taking water out of the bucket in the smaller bucket and just slamming it
on his dick.
Boom, boom, boom.
And I'm like, okay, he likes to keep his cock nice and warm.
You do you, bro.
Then he puts his motherfucker on a fucking little stool that is indented with the side
of his cock.
And then he takes a fucking mallet to it.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
He's like every time he just starts beating the shit out of his mate with the mallet.
Just boom, boom, boom.
And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me right now.
This is what I'm watching.
Then you continue to watch because I was like, where is this going to go?
This can't be real.
This is not a adult movie.
This is like an actual mainstream movie.
One of those exploitation films, Japanese style.
Then he starts fucking a bag of rice.
A full body bag of rice.
And he's like, the hard little pieces of rice, he is just fucking grinding.
There's a hole and he bumps in, he pumps in right, he comes out fucking right, fucking
flies everywhere.
I'm like, oh my God, what the fuck kind of training is this?
And then he uses his penis to basically rape female criminals into confessing their crimes.
And that is basically like one of the mainstays of the series.
And it's so amazing that they just, they're like, oh, they just fall in love with it.
Not to mention he's supposed to be an uncorruptible lawman.
He's raping women, whatever.
Okay.
I guess I'm the asshole who thinks that's a crime, but I guess he doesn't.
That's the part that's incorruptible.
It's the dumbest shit.
It's the dumbest shit I've ever seen.
The dumbest shit.
Well, you need to stop watching so much hentai.
It's not hentai.
It was live action is what made it worse.
Oh God.
Yes.
It was live action.
I think it's an anime at least.
No, not even close.
I'm watching a grown man with a bag of rice.
That's even worse than what I was thinking.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, there you go.
Live action.
It's on Max.
I don't have it anymore, but if you have it, don't watch it.
Christ.
Now watch the views are going to go up on it.
I don't think we're there yet in terms of fame, but if it does, hey, Max, give me some
money.
Yeah.
I'm going to tell somebody else and they don't have to listen to this show.
Oh, you're like one person tells another person they fucking snowballs.
Yeah.
God.
And he is just he is just raw dog in that rice.
He's like, right.
Like, he'll fucking shove it in right and then start shaking it.
I'm like, oh, I guess you've never had sex with a person before.
Okay.
It's a weird fucking premise.
I would agree.
I've never heard of somebody and then a bag of bag of rice.
And then yeah, that sounds painful.
But his dick must be all kinds of cut up.
His little fucking nicks.
One of the one of those little pieces goes in was fucking your reason.
Oh, no.
Just yeah, it hurts.
Huh?
Yeah.
No.
Then the other day I was on to be in till we had old to be to be has the wildest shit.
There's a documentary called tickled and it is this guy in New Zealand found this weird
like it was like a competitive endurance tickling this this fucking website.
And he's like, that's weird because he like he does like pop culture stuff for this magazine
or this newspaper.
And he sends a message to the the the organizer of this fucking competitive tickling competition.
And off the bat, the woman on there said that this is not pornography.
And I'm like, and I'm watching the one of the competition, right?
And this is clearly for hands down done for sexual gratification of the viewer and not
the ones being tickled.
And this woman is the one that she just starts suing the shit out of the New Zealand guy.
Like just she sends lawyers down to New Zealand.
They're getting their whole family's getting fucking sued.
Everyone's getting sued.
I'm like, God, all because he published about it all because he talked about it.
Yeah.
So then he's like, I'm gonna do this documentary because he's gonna do a documentary about
it.
But they're gonna sue him if he does.
But he feels like if he does it, maybe he can somehow work out with this person, this
woman.
He come to find out it's not a woman.
It's some dude in in New York who's been impersonating a woman.
He even took her like she was dead and he took her fucking like ID and everything.
And like I don't know.
He might sue the shit out of us.
We're all right.
Let him hang in the money.
And yeah, so apparently he's super into tickling.
I don't know.
I don't know why he has to hide.
Did he dress as a woman or no, he's just like, it's just like he would go through intermediaries
that would work for him.
So they never actually met him.
He was just constantly giving out 30 grand for these fucking tickle videos.
Just dudes getting the shows because he was a creep.
I mean, if it's in a tickling share, but I don't know why he had to sue people about
it.
Because he didn't want nobody to find out.
If that's your fetish, you might as well just accept it.
Right.
But not him.
It's not like it's pedophilia, you know, right?
You just like watching grown men tickle each other.
You did, bro.
Do you say, OK, just admit you're gay.
It's fine.
It's not.
So he was like, you like to be like the thing with Seinfeld is like, and there's nothing
wrong with that.
Oh, yeah.
Because they were trying to like, accept it.
And they were talking about it on TV at the time.
I remember that and there's nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with that.
I didn't say something wrong with it.
What's funny is they actually found the guy.
His name is something to motto.
And he's got like six million dollars in the bank.
That's how he's funding these.
Like his father owns this massive law firm.
And before he after he died, he left him this whole inheritance from the law firm.
His mom left him like another five million.
So he's just spending those days just jerking it to tickle videos.
And that one got me.
I'm sorry.
Just jerking it.
Jerking it.
And like, it's like, if that's his thing.
And like, so the New Zealand guy actually found him like face to face, like, hello, Mr.
Demoto.
And the day after all the fucking like, not only would he sue people, but he would like
threaten people.
He would like, like these are supposed to be privately commissioned videos and he would
just post them online and just ruin the people that were in the videos lives.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You're a fucking douchebag.
And it's just wild.
Like all the all the guy wanted to know, like, hey, can we talk about these videos here?
No, this is not pornography.
I will sue the shit out of everybody.
Don't you ever talk about me or anybody I know.
So what you said, though, after he seen him that one day, what did he do?
He stopped everything.
Everything just gone.
All the all the hateful like emails, all the lawsuits, everything was just like dropped
like the model caught face to face.
He was like, oh, fuck, they found me because of course he's doing stuff illegally.
He's like doing using like fake aliases and like he's taken dead women's identities and
like taken like now like credit card like information on their name.
That's like illegal.
He was using his lawyers.
His lawyer sent one message to the New Zealand people.
But he was using their information, the lawyers like address and everything and sending like
hundreds of like threatening emails and stuff.
So when they showed the lawyer, the lawyer is like, I didn't send any of this stuff.
I sent you one the first time like months ago.
So he kind of fucked up on the part where he was using his lawyers without the lawyers
knowledge, his address and everything using him saying that the lawyer was basically the
one sending these messages.
OK.
In the age of.
This was years ago.
I'm just saying now.
Well, how long ago?
Twenty twelve, fourteen.
I can't remember when the I didn't see that.
That's not that long ago.
That's a century ago.
Nowadays, nowadays, yes.
And the grand scheme of things, the way things move along.
You had you have the two thousand to twenty nineteen, right?
Then you have the two hundred years of 2000, 2001 and then you have to do the grand centuries.
The greater those long decades worth of fucking, you know, yes.
Isolation.
My point is that anything after 2010, for the most part, people really didn't care what
you did when it came to any kind of fetishes and stuff like that.
For the most part, I sure don't.
I mean, at that point, I'm assuming that most of these porn websites existed, like Pornhub,
stuff like that.
OK, if those already existed, nobody's going to get mad at a dude that likes watching other
dudes get tickled.
To me, I find it weird, but that's me.
But you're not going to fucking crucify for it.
Right.
Like as long as it's legal, it's safe and nobody's doing anything with kids.
I'm good.
Or animals.
Don't you fucking animal?
That's why I said legal.
That includes animal.
It's illegal.
Well, recently in Arkansas, they finally banned it.
All of Arkansas, you just made mad.
It took 57 years.
But in general, like I'm saying, though, anything after 2010, most people would kind of look
at it like, it's a little bit weird, but they wouldn't say anything like you're not going
to get demoralized or criticized for it.
What's your weirdest search ever?
My weirdest search ever?
Yeah.
I don't know, actually.
I don't really search anything crazy.
You ready for that?
Oh God.
I don't know if you were going to say anything, but you knew I was going to.
So you know, one of my favorite adult stars back in the day was Lexi Bell.
Yeah.
She's awesome.
So I typed in her name once, right?
And one of the videos popped up and she was dressed up as a mime.
I'm like, huh, I'm curious.
And that's basically it.
She was just in mime outfit.
She was getting banged as a mime, although she broke the mime code because she started
making noises.
That's what I was going to say.
Was she quiet at least?
No, she broke the code.
But nobody.
It wasn't even like a sexual excitement.
It was just like interesting.
Yeah.
It's just Lexi Bell in a fucking black paint.
But that was my whole point is that if this dude, and it's after 2010, he wants to do
what he wants to do.
He's not a fucking millionaire.
Nobody cares.
I guarantee you that people that live in Hollywood do some even crazier shit and weirder shit.
I mean, look, we have what's her name taking shits on beds and that's not even a sexual
thing for her.
Yeah.
You know what?
I don't like, it's not like illegal or wrong, I guess, or bad, but the whole like bodily
function play is the real no, no for me.
Yeah.
Please don't piss on my face.
It's not really for me.
You don't want to be there.
Well, I'm going to probably make people mad in the Arab country.
I know what you mean.
That whole like the yearly search of what they searched in that country.
There's that.
And it's always like their number one or two thing.
Well, like in Dubai, they fly out all these insta hoes were insta hoes.
Oh, I'm like, just like, they just, they just make instant horse.
Well, they fly them out for a day and you know, they'll take pictures and selfies and
stuff like in Dubai for the weekend.
But what they don't tell you is that they're having one of those dudes shit on them later
on the night.
If that's her thing, it's not my thing though.
No, that's the same reason I don't like food play.
It's just so messy.
Don't you throw up in my god dang room.
You better hold it in.
You want a big old pile of dump?
You better see you better Steve hold that in.
I thought you were broken from the
cut back.
Most people, as long as it doesn't involve kids, animals, and it's legal, nobody really
cares.
Do which as long as you're not out promoting it to people like my, but you got to advertise
like anyone else in the this stuff that I'm also into?
I'm just, you asked for the criticize them?
I'm wondering how, how I wonder the uptick of a clown porn after Harley Quinn came out
on this.
It must have just fucking skyrocketed. Yeah, I
Mean you have to really pay attention now
Is it like are you into like the full clown or just like the the soft clown like Harley Quinn which he's like kind of?
A clown, but not really or you want the whole red nose big red. Yeah
Like how far does your business go you go into the big comfy couch?
There all that is clown girl. I
Have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, what do you that confused the fuck out of me?
Yeah
Yeah, yeah like you can't look up any kind of a
For Harley Quinn you have to be very careful about what you search
Because even if it's an innocuous thing. Mm-hmm. It might come up with something like a rule 34 you immediately
Yeah, pretty much like oh damn that was quick. Yeah
Like if you type in Harley Quinn, but you have to put in safe search on your fucking browser even then
It's still iffy but like with Harley Quinn way how he she calls Joker pudding
Yeah, you have to be really careful where you add that word pudding into the search for the Harley Quinn
So you finesse over is that another one? Yeah, I mean pyres it just it looked be either or is it just she's eating
She's sitting on a pudding you like watching some girl. I'm confused
Search it later and you'll know without safe search on and I was once I once watched this show with Courtney
Cox you remember her from friends? Yeah, where she was like this head of this like
paparazzi
Tabloid and one of her head
Photographers like he could just get whatever shot she needed to get some celebrity in some compromising position
He would be able to find it and he had this weird
interaction with this girl that he was hooking up with he said like this weird like
a mental thing I don't know if it was like at the time was like he's just like not
Like he had to like pretty much it's hard to explain
But he started hooking up with this girl and it was taken away from corny cogs who was upset like that's her star photographer
But he was like latching onto this woman and for some reason she brought him a birthday cake
And then she sat her bare ass on it
my happy birthday
She started fucking grinding he started fucking laughing bawling laughing. I'm like
What the fuck was that for I'm real confused as to the sexual dynamic between these two
And I never I never forgot that that I'm so haunted to this day
Trying to figure this one out. Yeah, because it goes to my whole you know a level of mysteries and solving is I'm like
Why would she sit on the cake?
Huh, they never they never said like I like I got this to maybe they did I don't remember
I got this thing about cakes and women you know food play or something
And she just you know she decided to sit on her bare ass on the cake, and maybe he licks it off later
Later, I don't fucking know. I just mind my own business
All I ever try to do is mind my own business, but damn this business want to mind me
Every day everywhere yeah, basically everyone's always trying to suck you into some sort of drama you had no fucking party
I wanted to take yeah always
I
Never looked at a piece of cake ever since the same way
I've never looked at a cake the same way ever since is what I should say well between her and Kate Kate plus eight
No
Kate from cheapskates
You'll never look yeah, you'll never look at cake in the well that shit was dry as fuck
You're had dry cake it is the most just like the unappetizing flavor of all time. It's not appetizing
It's like oh god. What did I do wrong?
What did I do to deserve this go back to the wherever you buy lady this cake is dry?
What is it we didn't it no, but I don't want to dry
Have you ever had too wet of cake though?
That would just be a smoothie at this point
No, I mean like baked and cooked yes, but just too wet yes
Three letches it's Mexican cake. Oh, I know just
Drowning just drip fuck you
You're fucking drowning as you're eating that's legit. I'm fucking hate that cake that shit will knock you the fuck out of your lactose intolerance
Just completely destroy you can blow your asshole out
Well that's my ramp for today all right tune in next time who knows what I'll talk about man
I'll always find something though