1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,280 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity. 2 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,280 We're at number 21. 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,280 21. 4 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,280 You can drink now. 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 This subsection of our channel, yeah. 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,880 Get fucking plastered. 7 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:25,880 Make bad decisions. 8 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,360 You only live once. 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,360 Which is what these people do. 10 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:33,600 Make bad decisions, not fatal ones. 11 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,480 This one, the first one that we have is by Mount Ciri. 12 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,360 What's the series we're on? 13 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,600 It's today I fucked up. 14 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:45,000 I mean, they're the ones that we learn the most lessons from. 15 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,200 And the things not to do. 16 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,360 We learned about worms. 17 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,840 We learned about kicking stuff that you shouldn't be kicking. 18 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:53,840 We learned not to eat bullion. 19 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:54,840 Yeah, we learned a lot of lessons here. 20 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,400 That's something that I didn't think I would have to learn. 21 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,720 It's just like I naturally would not do. 22 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,720 But I guess I'm rational. 23 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,760 But you learn the consequences of it. 24 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,880 Alright, so the first story we got is by Mount Ciri. 25 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:12,680 This person puts, In a shared hanger with several workshops, 26 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,400 my friends and I rented a small space for our knife making enterprise. 27 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:21,100 For a year, our shared kitchen and fridge functioned harmoniously, with everyone respecting 28 00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,480 one another's food. 29 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:27,800 However, an anonymous individual began stealing my sandwiches, consuming half of each one, 30 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,640 leaving bite marks as if to talk. 31 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:36,880 Eat the whole fucking sandwich you animal at this fucking point. 32 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:37,880 Leaving a bite mark. 33 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,280 That would be the worst fucking thing. 34 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:46,320 Leave me half the sandwich with your fucking herpes all over it. 35 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:52,600 So initially, I assumed it was a one off, but when it occurred again, I was determined 36 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,600 to act. 37 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,960 I prepared sandwiches with extremely spicy Carolina Reaper sauce. 38 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:58,960 Oh god. 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:03,840 A teaspoon in each, leaving a note warning about the consequences of stealing someone 40 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:04,840 else's food. 41 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,280 And went out for lunch. 42 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,200 Upon my return, chaos reigned. 43 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:15,120 The atmosphere was one of panic, and a woman's scream cut through the commotion, accompanied 44 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,960 by her child's cry. 45 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:22,840 The culprit turned out to be our cleaner's nine year old son, who she would bring to 46 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,100 work during his school's disinfection week. 47 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,840 He had made a habit of pilfering from the fridge, bypassing the healthy lunches his 48 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,560 mother had prepared in favor of my sandwiches. 49 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,720 The fucking nasty sandwich we'd be making that he would favor those. 50 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,800 The child was in distress, suffering from the intense spiciness of the sauce. 51 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,840 In my defense, I explained that the sandwiches were mine, and I'd spiked them with hot sauce. 52 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:50,960 The cleaner, initially relieved by my explanation, suddenly became furious, accusing me of trying 53 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,720 to harm her child. 54 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,060 This resulted in an escalated situation, with the cleaner reporting the incident to our 55 00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:59,800 landlord and threatening police intervention. 56 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:04,280 The incident strained relations within the other workshops, siding with the cleaner due 57 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,080 to her status as a mother. 58 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,160 Consequently, our landlord has given us a month to relocate, adding to our financial 59 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,160 struggles. 60 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,840 Geez, he fucked his whole life up. 61 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,720 My friends, too, are upset with me. 62 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:19,400 I maintain my innocence, arguing that I had no idea a child was a food thief. 63 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,840 I would never intentionally harm a child. 64 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:26,640 Nonetheless, it seems I am held responsible, accused of creating a huge problem from a seemingly 65 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,360 trivial situation. 66 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,660 The child is okay. 67 00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,320 No harm to the health was inflicted. 68 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:37,400 It still was just an edible sauce, just a very, very spicy one. 69 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,440 It's not not, I mean, that shit will fuck your guts up. 70 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,800 It can do like permanent, like, intestinal damage. 71 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,240 Yeah, this will teach a kid not to fucking eat somebody else's food. 72 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,040 I guess, but it's a little bit harsh. 73 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,040 He didn't know he was a kid. 74 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,200 He ulcers at nine years old for the rest of his life. 75 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,200 Fucking spitting blood up ahead. 76 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,200 For the rest of forever. 77 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,200 See, I'm taking the dude's side on this one. 78 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,200 Don't be stealing shit out of somebody. 79 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:06,720 That's why you gotta relocate now. 80 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:10,080 I could see if like he if he intentionally meant to hurt the kid. 81 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:14,520 What kind of sandwiches was he making that the kid was like, this shit looks bomb. 82 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,520 You know what I mean? 83 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,720 Like what kind of sandwiches was the kid's mom making that he didn't want? 84 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,200 Probably like, yeah, somehow probably a fat kid. 85 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:24,040 I can see a fat little Hispanic kid in my head. 86 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,360 It would be cleaners kid. 87 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,920 Hey, I'm Mexican. 88 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,920 So that's my first tattoo. 89 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,920 It's a chubby little Mexican. 90 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:39,680 I believe they can't handle it yet. 91 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,200 They can't handle it yet. 92 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:52,800 Not to their least start saying that's when the immunity kicks in. 93 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,800 All right. 94 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,680 So the next one is by Rich Dig. 95 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,160 Five nine seven seven. 96 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:07,960 This person puts my a 26 year old female boyfriend, 24 year old male agreed with me on having 97 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,800 a movie night yesterday. 98 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:10,800 We live together. 99 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,760 So we usually have movie nights every two to three weeks. 100 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,360 Today I went out and bought a lot of snacks and even off. 101 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,280 Fuck they do the rest of the time unless they both work. 102 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,280 Maybe. 103 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:22,280 Yeah, but I mean, you don't have to have time. 104 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,280 Maybe not. 105 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,280 That's so weird. 106 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:30,080 Like every two or three weeks we have movie night because our lives are so fucking incredibly 107 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,080 busy. 108 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,080 I can see that. 109 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,760 Or they work and then they get home and tired. 110 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,440 I'm a complete loser and I always have a movie night. 111 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,440 Every night. 112 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,440 Every night. 113 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,440 I'm just bursting with tears just now. 114 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,120 Every night. 115 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,560 Today I went out and bought a lot of snacks and even made some at home. 116 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,360 But then after I finished preparing everything, I sat down waiting for him. 117 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,360 He said he'd be home around 10, but he just never showed up. 118 00:05:56,360 --> 00:06:00,120 Eleven goes by and then midnight and then one, two and three in the morning. 119 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,120 Oh shit. 120 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:05,520 I blew up his phone with calls and text messages at the time and I was worried sick that I 121 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,120 even thought of calling the emergencies. 122 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,840 But then at 3 40 in the morning he enters the house. 123 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,320 I could see his eyes were soulless and he reeked of alcohol. 124 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,800 I lost my mind whenever I saw him like that. 125 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:23,320 I lashed out at him saying that whatever excuse he comes up with, I'm going to, it's not going 126 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,920 to clear up the alcohol and returning home at four in the morning. 127 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:26,920 I bet. 128 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:27,920 I bet what he said. 129 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,400 Well, I told him, where were you at? 130 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,040 At the bar or at a club with some girls or maybe you were with some friends completely 131 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,760 forgetting about me. 132 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,600 That's always about me. 133 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,280 And that's why I, you came home late. 134 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,680 I also said you were probably drinking out with some girls perhaps. 135 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,400 Maybe that's totally what you were doing. 136 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,280 And I can't believe I waited for you when you were at some club. 137 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:56,080 He just sat there emotionless on the couch and then dropped the bombshell he had that 138 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:00,920 his little brother, 14 year old had just gotten into an accident and that he was with him 139 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,200 the whole night in the hospital until he passed away an hour ago. 140 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,200 I was speechless. 141 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:09,000 It's like, oh, after you were just berating him too. 142 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,160 It's like, oh, I can tell that that's where the story was swerving because of the fact 143 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:17,680 that we have it moving every two or three weeks and then all of a sudden something changed. 144 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,360 It had to be something drastic. 145 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,360 Yeah. 146 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,160 So you got drunk in an hour? 147 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,680 Uh, I don't know. 148 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,560 Or just drinking like where you go out and just start drinking shit. 149 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,560 Cause you want to kill yourself. 150 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:37,280 Maybe I could say that I couldn't do anything, but get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness. 151 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,240 I could, I could have even kissed his feet if he hadn't stopped me. 152 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:46,560 So I ended up holding him in my arms and listened to him spill his feelings out. 153 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:51,200 He recalled, he called me yesterday telling me that he had just got his first girlfriend. 154 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,720 He was happy and we talked for four hours straight. 155 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,600 He was telling me how he got a Jim's description because he wanted to be strong like his big 156 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,600 bro. 157 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,800 He kept asking for advice. 158 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,600 We laughed and we talked seriously and we even mocked and joked about each other. 159 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,360 I can't believe my baby brother is gone. 160 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,880 And he ended up crying himself to sleep in my arms while I cried with him. 161 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,840 I'm currently focused on helping my boyfriend recover and not let him feel alone, but I'm 162 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,360 still feeling guilty to an unimaginable point. 163 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,560 I can't even think of a possible way to make it up to him. 164 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:21,920 I should be fine. 165 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:22,920 He'll get over it. 166 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,920 I don't mean like that, but you know what I mean? 167 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:27,920 Supercal? 168 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:28,920 No, no. 169 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:35,600 I just find it weird that he didn't call her and be like, Hey, I'm at the hospital. 170 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:40,840 The only thing I can think of is they don't let you have cell phones in certain hospitals. 171 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:41,840 What? 172 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:42,840 In Russia? 173 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,080 What do you mean you can't have your cell phone? 174 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,520 No, there's certain emergency rooms. 175 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,080 They won't let you have them because it messes with the equipment that they have. 176 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:54,560 They're highly, my piece of shit cell phone is going to fuck up their high level equipment 177 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:55,560 bullshit. 178 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:56,880 The high broadband that your phone puts out. 179 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,560 Yeah, like my fucking phone is going to somehow fuck up your fucking thousands of dollars 180 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,560 worth of equipment. 181 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,520 Don't you fucking lie to me. 182 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,160 Or he cared about more about his little brother than he did her. 183 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,160 Probably. 184 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,160 Yeah, I don't blame him. 185 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,160 I can see that. 186 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,160 His family. 187 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,160 Yeah. 188 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,160 I mean, she feels all this and that. 189 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,080 I mean, I'm sure she'll feel when I'm, when I said like, uh, he'll be all right. 190 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,800 I mean, like, you know, I just took it to the other street. 191 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,800 Yeah, immediately. 192 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,840 But, uh, you know, he'll be like, just have to process his emotions. 193 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,840 Yeah. 194 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,320 Unless he lashes out of her as a, because he's got no way to direct his anger. 195 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,320 Yeah. 196 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,320 So he's going to pick her out. 197 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,320 So that's going to be a problem. 198 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,320 Yeah. 199 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,040 If he's one of the, but then again, I'm a psychologist by the way. 200 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,560 Then again, he seems like the kind of person that he always spends time with her apparently 201 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,080 whenever like on set schedules. 202 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,120 So I don't know. 203 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,760 I would say, let's hope they made it through. 204 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,160 I would say don't beat yourself over the, over yourself about it too much. 205 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,800 Unless she's a good enough person to feel guilty over her own actions. 206 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,800 I mean, she's mature enough. 207 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,200 This is what I was going to say. 208 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:01,400 She's at least a conscious enough to know it's like, Oh, I fucked up with that one. 209 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,400 Like, okay. 210 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,440 So this basically teaches you in the future. 211 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:05,440 Don't jump to conclusions. 212 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,800 But it's also narcissistic to be like, so worried about her. 213 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,600 It's about him. 214 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,600 His brother's dead. 215 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:15,040 So it's still about her cause she's writing a big ass story about it. 216 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,200 She's like, Oh, I'm so, I feel so guilty about me. 217 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,200 Yeah. 218 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,200 Worry about him right now. 219 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,760 If you can, like if you can't don't be with him. 220 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,240 Like, I don't know. 221 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,000 Oh, grown up emotions are brutal. 222 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:31,320 See, I've done brought you down now. 223 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,040 Next one is by here. 224 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,040 Hang on here. 225 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,280 F Oh here. 226 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,280 Here forth the porn. 227 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,240 That thing is my account. 228 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,200 Here forth the here for the porno. 229 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:50,920 Yeah, that's that's why this is no story. 230 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,320 Let's see what I did. 231 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,320 I don't remember. 232 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,120 I go on mad vendors. 233 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,120 This person fits. 234 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,840 This literally just happened right after I turned 20. 235 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,720 I was just having a birthday joint when somebody added me on snap. 236 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:09,600 So I checked and expected a bot, but when it actually responded like a human, not immediately 237 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,880 offering their links or whatever. 238 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:18,400 So we started chatting a little and after her reveal of as a stripper, it turned sexual 239 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,520 and he sent some pics back and forth. 240 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:27,400 After a few pics, they're now sending my own pics back with screens of my Instagram saying 241 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,560 they're going to send them to everyone. 242 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:38,920 If I don't pay five thousand dollars, no, because I would not be stupid. 243 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,920 Oh, a random person just said, let me start sending my at the same time. 244 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,560 Like, who are you going to send my dick to? 245 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:45,560 Bitch? 246 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:46,560 No one gives a fuck. 247 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,560 They've all seen it. 248 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:51,360 That'd be my response. 249 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,360 The pigs don't have my full face, but anyone who knows me will probably recognize me anyways. 250 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,400 How the fuck were they waiting for your dick or his body? 251 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,400 His body shape? 252 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,400 Maybe. 253 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:06,320 I tried to stall by lying, saying I have no money and I'm homeless and addicted. 254 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,720 So please not to make it any worse. 255 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:13,160 They didn't seem to care and then sent a screen of them having sent it to a friend of mine. 256 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,160 I just responded. 257 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,040 I can't pay, so they might as well. 258 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,480 Hey, Gary, this is your dick. 259 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:18,480 That's me. 260 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,480 Okay. 261 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:23,120 From then on, I've stopped opening the messages and right now I'm hoping they'll get bored 262 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,960 of ruining my life after realizing they're not getting money. 263 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:31,120 It's late at night, so I won't find out until tomorrow who's actually seen it. 264 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:35,360 TLDR, got extorted on my birthday after stupidly sending nudes to a stranger. 265 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,760 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 266 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:37,760 Like, what brain? 267 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,760 Then there's an update. 268 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,760 The update. 269 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:46,160 I opened the messages, screen recorded everything just in case, and blocked them. 270 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:50,200 He sent six screenshots of having sent the photos to people I follow. 271 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,920 Luckily, only one of them I know enough to even care. 272 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:58,240 I messaged that person and they said they haven't gotten anything and also haven't 273 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,960 heard from anyone else so far. 274 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:03,400 I think they lost interest after realizing I'm not paying and deleted the pictures they 275 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:08,040 had already sent so they wouldn't get reported for it. 276 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:13,360 So I think nothing really happened except me learning a big old lesson. 277 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,800 Don't send your dick pics to people. 278 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,800 Strangers. 279 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:21,200 Even somebody that you might break up with in the future because they'll post that shit 280 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,200 everywhere. 281 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,200 She can have them. 282 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,200 For friends, for mom. 283 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,200 She can all have them. 284 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,200 For dad. 285 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,200 She can have them too. 286 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,880 They can all get this dick. 287 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,600 I do not give apoc. 288 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,600 A literal fuck. 289 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,920 I'll fuck them all. 290 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:37,920 Send everybody. 291 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:38,920 I'll fuck them all. 292 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:39,920 I don't know. 293 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:46,720 I guess I'm not going to say I'm a voyeur, but at the same time, a dick's a dick. 294 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,640 It's not going to ruin my life. 295 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,840 Like if Barack Obama dropped his dick pic tomorrow, it'd be all over the news, right? 296 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,920 And then a month later, no one gives a fuck. 297 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:56,920 That's true. 298 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,880 I mean, you don't have to look. 299 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,080 I will, but yeah. 300 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,560 Let me see what the presidential dick looks like. 301 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:09,800 Yeah, that's a president's dick, all right. 302 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,480 Next one is by Timmy3AM. 303 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:13,480 3AM. 304 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,480 Yeah. 305 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:18,480 Obligatory, this didn't happen today, but over the course of a decade. 306 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,320 To set some background, I started smoking weed whenever I was 14. 307 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,960 I remember the first time I smoked. 308 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,960 I laughed so much to the point I dropped to the floor and rolled around on the road in 309 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:29,960 the neighborhood. 310 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,720 What the fuck? 311 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,240 It was great. 312 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:38,440 However, the more I smoked, the more joyous and bubbly this was replaced with paranoia. 313 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,000 I was widely paranoid that I'd get caught by my parents. 314 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,920 Either they'd smell it on me or they'd realize I'm acting kind of weird. 315 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:45,920 Yeah, I guess so. 316 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,800 If you're falling onto the ground, rolling around on the street. 317 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,040 Yeah, in the middle of the fucking road. 318 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,680 What are you doing in the ghetto? 319 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,680 Probably. 320 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:56,400 This led to me having a very well structured smoking routine. 321 00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,360 Before I'd smoke on my room's balcony, I'd make sure I made casual leaving remarks to 322 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,960 anyone around and then pee in the bathroom before entering my room. 323 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:08,660 That way, they'd have no reason to leave my room whenever I'm stoned. 324 00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:11,880 This went on for all through my high school as I kept smoking. 325 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,560 I'd always go through the same routine. 326 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,720 Say my goodbyes, take a piss, lock my room and get blazed. 327 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,240 Mind you, I was smoking on the daily. 328 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,440 I went off to college and things got a bit relaxed and I was able to partake in my favorite 329 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,720 pastime with no worry. 330 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,540 However, I noticed this. 331 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:29,480 Whenever I'm about to smoke or light up, especially the first joint of the day, so apparently 332 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,160 they don't work because since they're smoking multiple times a day, this is the first one 333 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,760 of the day, I'd feel like I'd have to really have to piss. 334 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,240 What the fuck is he getting the money in? 335 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,240 If he's not on the ground. 336 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,240 Exactly. 337 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,240 Exactly. 338 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:45,000 It is intense, like having a full bladder only for dribbles to come out. 339 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,000 Oh, I thought it was something. 340 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,000 That would suck. 341 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:54,400 By the way, at my job, sometimes I spend like, you know, 10 hours not pissing, right? 342 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,400 Yeah. 343 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,720 Man, when I hit that toilet, everybody gets the fuck out. 344 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,040 This shit's about to get serious. 345 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:06,280 I could piss like a camel. 346 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,400 I thought it was something that would go away, but it still happens to me right now and I'm 347 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,520 26. 348 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,520 Every time I want to smoke weed, I feel like I really have to be and it doesn't happen 349 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,200 for cigarettes or she show or vape or anything. 350 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,200 It's just weed. 351 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,200 I know why. 352 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,480 Could this be a classical conditioning we learned about in biology class? 353 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,480 Yes, exactly. 354 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,480 When we were kids. 355 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,760 He basically he trained his body to piss before smoking the weed. 356 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,760 Yeah. 357 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,920 So now his body's like, don't we need to piss first before we do this? 358 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,760 It happens to Pavlov effect. 359 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,760 Yeah. 360 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:36,760 Yeah. 361 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,240 The one that Brian beat the shit out of with Bell. 362 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,240 Yeah. 363 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,200 Next one is by Ruby Tigress. 364 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,200 What's your professional wrestler? 365 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,720 It's a horse name problem. 366 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:56,400 But obligatory, this actually happened yesterday. 367 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,480 I tried to post last night, but I was having trouble. 368 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:03,900 The not safe for work tag is due to the mention of underwear and underwear regions. 369 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,040 This morning started fairly typical. 370 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,000 Woke up, drink coffee, had a shower and went to go get dressed. 371 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,520 I don't shower before work. 372 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,240 You come back just stank in the country. 373 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,200 Some of us take two to three showers a day. 374 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,200 Two to three. 375 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,200 Who's got the time? 376 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,200 Only take one. 377 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,920 Go to work, come home, take a shower, go to bed. 378 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:28,240 I don't have much of what you call a life. 379 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:32,760 And as I'm digging through my drawers and I remembered that I had run out of my tried 380 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,840 and true everyday work undies yesterday and dropped a little clothes into the washer, 381 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,240 I never transferred them into the dryer. 382 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,520 Of course it was too late to dry them in time for work. 383 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:46,720 So I just switched them over and went to look through my not everyday extra sexy underwear 384 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:50,920 that were still in the drawer and found a set of cheeky boy short style sparkly pant 385 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,240 underwear that I had never worn. 386 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,240 Why not? 387 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,240 Might as well. 388 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,720 I couldn't go into public without something to hold up my jiggling belly in the outfit 389 00:17:58,720 --> 00:17:59,720 I was wearing anyway. 390 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:04,240 I'm not a skinny girl and I've done a lot of up and down in my weight. 391 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,280 So at my current lower weight, I have a lot of belly jiggle. 392 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,280 Oh hello. 393 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,280 Give me all the jiggles. 394 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,840 My typical undergarments are high-waisted. 395 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,600 If I wear high-waisted underwear, it prevents the jiggles. 396 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,600 So I want to see the jiggles. 397 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,560 So the booty short underwear would do the trick, right? 398 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,560 Booty shorts. 399 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,560 Plus, cute sparkly undies. 400 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,360 More confidence during the day, right? 401 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,280 That's what all those women's magazines say. 402 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,240 I just want to see all that. 403 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:36,280 After putting them on, I noticed that they were a bit tight in spots, especially around 404 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,280 my butt and lady bits. 405 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,280 Let me see your little lady bits. 406 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,640 But I assumed they would relax. 407 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:41,640 They were brand new. 408 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,040 Sometimes new underwear needed to be stretched a little bit. 409 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,040 I'll stretch them out for you. 410 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,640 I can't help it right now. 411 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,080 I'm just being fucking weird. 412 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,600 Then I got dressed and headed off to work. 413 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,560 It was a busy day and I work on my feet. 414 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,760 And about 30 minutes in, I start to notice. 415 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,760 I'll work you on your feet. 416 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:58,760 That's the last one. 417 00:18:58,760 --> 00:18:59,760 I promise. 418 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,040 I start to notice a little chafing. 419 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,920 I'll give you some. 420 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,400 I wanted to go to the bathroom to readjust, but I just didn't have the time. 421 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,400 I'll readjust. 422 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:18,360 So I do my best to adjust myself and keep going until I get the chance to use the restroom. 423 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,400 I'll keep making you keep going until you got to use the restroom. 424 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,400 I should do some. 425 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,280 I should get some improv classes. 426 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,280 After four hours of rubbing. 427 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,280 I'll give you four hours of rubbing. 428 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,880 It's too easy. 429 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,240 She's making them too easy. 430 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,220 That turned into scratching. 431 00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:36,720 That became what felt like a razor blade wedgie. 432 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:41,160 I finally got to lunch and I had to limp into the bathroom and pull down my panties. 433 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,240 I'll make you limp. 434 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:48,240 To find that I am so raw that the sparkles are around the edges and I have actually started 435 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,240 bleeding. 436 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,240 Oh my God. 437 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,520 That took a dark turn. 438 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,560 The tight spots never stretched. 439 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,840 The worst part was that I still had four more hours to go at this point. 440 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,160 I didn't know what to do. 441 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:06,160 I wondered if I should cut my losses and just go commando, but my outfit was a jumpsuit 442 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:10,760 and a tie on sandals and I would basically have to strip naked to remove them. 443 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,960 It was going to take a long time. 444 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,800 My next thought was to maybe I could put on a maxi pad as a shield, but there weren't 445 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,320 any in the cupboard. 446 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:23,680 So I finally decided to use some paper towels to line the worst parts and try to prevent 447 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,200 more rubbing. 448 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,600 After the rest of the day, I finally got home. 449 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:32,200 My butt was raw bleeding and now I have pieces of sparkly paper towels stuck to the bleeding 450 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,200 source. 451 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,100 She did in the car to drive home was painful. 452 00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:40,000 The underwear went straight into the garbage and I showered and slathered my button only 453 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,360 man and laid down for the rest of the night. 454 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,360 She's that's painful. 455 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:48,040 The one, the other was just too tighter. 456 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,640 Yeah, it didn't never stretch at all. 457 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,680 So then he's just like, so he just pretty much just like, Oh my God, turn into a fucking 458 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:55,680 razor wire. 459 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:56,680 Yeah. 460 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:57,680 Like the bedazzled shit. 461 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,360 I once, uh, I went to Walmart, right? 462 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,160 And I need some underwear. 463 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:08,560 So I'm looking for boxers and looking through the whole thing. 464 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:09,560 Fuck, where are they? 465 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,560 There we go. 466 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,560 Large. 467 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,360 I grabbed, just grabbed a pack of underwear and I went home. 468 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,360 Yeah. 469 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,360 I mean, I didn't see it on my bottom. 470 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,360 I went home. 471 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:20,240 I go home and then the next day before work, I rip him out. 472 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:24,480 I'm like, uh, I should have probably watched them before, but they're in a package. 473 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,480 It's fine. 474 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,480 I put them on right. 475 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,480 And they only fit one leg. 476 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,360 It turned out there were a large kids. 477 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,360 I was like, son of a bitch. 478 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,920 Yo, look at my fat fucking thigh. 479 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:50,280 It's like, Oh, well, what's that makes it even worse though? 480 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,000 Cause you're buying kids under work. 481 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,000 I didn't notice. 482 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,000 I just said large. 483 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,960 I didn't even read the, like on top of the large, it said kids large. 484 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,360 I was like, I just saw the bottom of the green. 485 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,360 It was large. 486 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,360 I got large. 487 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:05,520 So what I need, I'm a fat ass extra XL man. 488 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,000 I was like, these are real tight. 489 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,000 And there was no way like the only way there was no way I could have had the other leg. 490 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,640 There was no, there was no humanly way possible. 491 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:22,520 I could fit the fat sausage size. 492 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,920 I was like, God, this is a large. 493 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,680 That's what I thought. 494 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,440 Like this is a large, I mean, like double XL. 495 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:31,440 Yeah. 496 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,840 But then I look at the fucking package. 497 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,120 These are kids underwear. 498 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:38,120 I was, I didn't even, I was doing bad. 499 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:39,120 I even returned them. 500 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:40,120 I just threw them in the trash. 501 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,120 I was too embarrassed. 502 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,120 Like, what was I going to say? 503 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,120 Like I tried to, I'm stupid. 504 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:44,120 I'm stupid. 505 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,120 And it would look weird too. 506 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:52,120 It's like, yeah, I don't have any kids, but I didn't have any kids. 507 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,120 He got away. 508 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,120 I don't need it. 509 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,120 I don't make it worse. 510 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,120 Exactly. 511 00:22:56,120 --> 00:23:00,720 Just every time you say something, it gets even worse. 512 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:01,720 Or I walk up there, right? 513 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,240 The funniest if I walk up there, you got the wrong size. 514 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,240 Did you? 515 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,320 Like, like they, like they already like, they're like a hundred thousand. 516 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,320 Yeah. 517 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,320 They're taking a thousand. 518 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,640 Like you're working like, you know, retail, if you worked there long enough, you've seen 519 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,640 it all. 520 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,640 Basically everything. 521 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,640 So basically when he, like, if I, you know, they walk up there, like I was at the dollar 522 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:20,640 store, right? 523 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,200 So I've seen like damn near everything. 524 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:29,400 I haven't seen any, I've seen, this woman came in yesterday. 525 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,720 She was a, she was a BBW, big, beautiful woman. 526 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,440 She was a big old girl. 527 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,360 Or you could say a big, big bitch. 528 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,720 No, I am respectful. 529 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,200 I like all women types. 530 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:46,840 I like them all the way from, you know, scrawny, petite, all the way to big old, big old titties, 531 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,800 big old, big old bitties. 532 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,080 I like it all. 533 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,100 I am, I am a connoisseur of the female form. 534 00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:55,520 You can weigh 400 pounds or 98. 535 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,760 I'll eat, I'll eat both of you. 536 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,880 I guess it's all, to me, it goes down to a face. 537 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:06,920 If I find the face attractive, regardless of the body, I'm game. 538 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,880 He's looking for you thousand pound sisters. 539 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:16,720 Or you know, 98 pound young lady or a 65 year old granny. 540 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,440 I'll eat it all. 541 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,240 Anything within legal range. 542 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,560 I'm down, I'm down to clamps. 543 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,560 You can dress up in a mime outfit. 544 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:25,560 I'll do whatever. 545 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,560 I'll make you scream. 546 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,040 Anyway, what the fuck was I talking about? 547 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,640 Oh yeah, so this woman comes in, right? 548 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:42,080 And her, her fly is down and you know, she's a big girl. 549 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:47,200 There's so much meat, it's popping out of the zipper of the fly. 550 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,560 Like in this there's just skin. 551 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,080 She's not wearing an underwear and she's shaved. 552 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:57,760 So her whole upper, you know, the, the, the Fupa, the fat, all that's sticking out. 553 00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,920 And I'm like, well, I can't tell her. 554 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,840 I've been too embarrassed to say anything. 555 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,840 Like girl, you're coochie out. 556 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,840 What am I supposed to say? 557 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,920 The old woman in the back there is like, girl, what the fuck? 558 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:16,680 I try, yeah, like I call like my friend Carla or somebody, but I mean, it is what it is. 559 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,080 When I say like we've seen it all. 560 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,360 Yeah, you've seen it all. 561 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:24,680 I've seen, I saw these two, they were dry humping in the chemical section. 562 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:25,680 Like they were doing it. 563 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:29,640 They were, she was like, he's like, oh lordy lord. 564 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,200 And she's like, and she's like grinding. 565 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,640 It was all doggy style standing, right? 566 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:40,440 And there's one guy, one time he popped out. 567 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,080 Like I'm standing here. 568 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,200 The woman's a few feet to my left, same aisle. 569 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,440 I'm cleaning up the aisle. 570 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:48,440 I'm organizing. 571 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,940 She's shopping. 572 00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:52,040 Her boyfriend pops up, right? 573 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,040 And he pops up beside her. 574 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,440 He's like, hey, you like this hot dog? 575 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,280 If I had his dick out. 576 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:57,840 And I was like, I'd look for over for a second. 577 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:58,840 I said, dick, dick. 578 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,200 I just see that. 579 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,800 And she's over here just fucking laughing her ass off. 580 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,360 Say, how you want these? 581 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:08,040 I'm like, damn it. 582 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,000 And then the next, then that night I ate some hot dogs for some of them. 583 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000 I don't remember why. 584 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,640 I just had a craving for hot dogs that night. 585 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,800 I don't recall why. 586 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:18,800 We've seen it all. 587 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,560 We've seen, I had a kid throw up the other day. 588 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:22,560 Carrots all over the floor. 589 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,520 I had a guy shit himself and walk out the door leaving the trail of shit on the way 590 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,160 out that I didn't have to clean because I was off the clock. 591 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,160 I don't work here. 592 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:39,040 In person, they filled up a fucking New Year's Day hat full of piss and left it on the fucking 593 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,040 aisle. 594 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:44,800 You nasty son of a bitch. 595 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,480 So what I'm saying, like I came out with those boxers, like they probably seen all that. 596 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:49,480 Yeah, you seen it. 597 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:50,480 But even so, I was still embarrassed. 598 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:51,480 I just threw them in the trash. 599 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,440 But man, I'll never do that again. 600 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,840 I always check the packaging. 601 00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,960 Men's or husky boys. 602 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:07,160 Or you know, if you want some panties, the women's Excel, get them granny panties. 603 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,320 All right. 604 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,160 Last story for Reddit today. 605 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,160 Okay. 606 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,320 Unless you have more stories. 607 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,920 I have you, bro. 608 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:15,920 You have no idea. 609 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,040 I've got some that scare you. 610 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,880 So everything, nothing scares me. 611 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,440 Only failure. 612 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,560 This is by a NSJI JCP. 613 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,560 JZ? 614 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,640 Is it about Beyonce? 615 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,640 With all that ass? 616 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,640 This person put- 617 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,160 You see that Cardi B through a micro foot at a woman? 618 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,960 I knocked her teeth out, bro. 619 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:39,960 She can throw. 620 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:40,960 She's like, boom. 621 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:41,960 Well, she is hidden. 622 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:42,960 So? 623 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:43,960 Hey, man, she's like, she can get all of it. 624 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:44,960 She can throw it in my face. 625 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:49,960 I'll catch it with a high. 626 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,400 Man, but she knew exactly. 627 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,360 She caught that woman, cleaned the face, I think. 628 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,360 She did. 629 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,360 Jesus, that was brutal. 630 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:59,360 So this person put, so- 631 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:05,840 And she's left-handed too, because she switched it to her left hand. 632 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:11,840 This person- trying to figure out where it was. 633 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:18,280 This person puts, I ate almost one kilogram of Skyr cottage cheese, et cetera. 634 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,280 And the morning- 635 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,280 One kilogram, sir. 636 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:21,280 This is America. 637 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:22,280 2.2 pounds? 638 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:23,280 God. 639 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,280 Yeah. 640 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:25,280 Two pounds of cheese? 641 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,280 What are you, Ralphie May? 642 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:33,280 And Skyr, I don't know what that- do you know what Skyr is? 643 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,280 No. 644 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,280 I mean- 645 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,280 Just buy some, you know- 646 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:37,280 I mean, dairy, obviously. 647 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,280 My god. 648 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:39,680 So Skyr cottage cheese, et cetera. 649 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:40,680 And the morning- 650 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,560 Man, his booty hole must have just been bubbling. 651 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,880 And the morning, I was too lazy to make myself some food. 652 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:51,200 And because I had woke up around 11 a.m., I ended up just eating 300 grams of Skyr. 653 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,360 And then going to the gym around 2 p.m. 654 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,640 Not really smart of me, I know. 655 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:00,720 Then I ended up doing three hour workout that left me so exhausted, I didn't want to do 656 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:01,720 anything. 657 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,000 So I just ate another 550 grams of cottage cheese. 658 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,440 Oh, he's one of those, you know, body builder type- 659 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,440 Yeah. 660 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:08,440 Everything in grams and- 661 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,440 Right. 662 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:10,440 Right out of the box. 663 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:14,560 I don't even know why I made the terrible life choice. 664 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,920 Then I decided it's time to eat some fruits. 665 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:23,160 So I ate like 300 grams of that and topped it off with another 150 grams of Skyr. 666 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,280 Jesus. 667 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,600 Only then it hit me. 668 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,120 I ate 900 grams of lactose things. 669 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,960 And I have been drinking lactose free milk for like three years because normal milk made 670 00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,480 me always feel bad. 671 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:42,120 Now I have such a big gas in my stomach, it looks like I'm four months pregnant. 672 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,400 And I can feel bubbles in my stomach. 673 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,400 I'm afraid of what will come out of me in the next morning. 674 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,800 I'm afraid I will not live to see the morning. 675 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:54,200 I'm not sure what will happen for the next few hours, but it will be a night to remember, 676 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,200 I know. 677 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:56,200 Wish me luck. 678 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:57,480 I know exactly what's going to happen. 679 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:58,480 We have edits though. 680 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,240 He's going to fucking blow his ass out. 681 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,960 Edit one. 682 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,760 I haven't shit the bed yet, but the gas is so strong right now I could set my house on 683 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:07,760 fire if I had a lighter. 684 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:08,760 Just fucking fart. 685 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,800 He doesn't think he's not farting at all. 686 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:11,880 Edit two. 687 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:12,880 Woke up. 688 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:13,880 Sheet's still clean. 689 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:14,880 Got a lot of gas. 690 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:15,880 Stomach still hurts. 691 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:20,720 I think I'm safe for now, but at some point poop will come and I don't think it will be 692 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,520 a nice visit. 693 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,400 Don't eat two and a half pounds basically of fucking cheese. 694 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:27,400 Yeah, that's weird. 695 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:28,400 That's a weird meal. 696 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:29,400 That's a lot of cottage cheese. 697 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:30,400 Yeah. 698 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,680 Who has two and a half pounds of cheese to begin with? 699 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:33,680 Fuck. 700 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,120 I'd rather have my cheese in my house ever. 701 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,520 Well cottage cheese, like those tubs of it. 702 00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:39,520 Okay. 703 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:44,080 550 grams, probably like one of those bigger tubs of cottage cheese. 704 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:52,360 So he's like, I can't even imagine just fucking dicking down on some cheese like that. 705 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,320 That's a lot of fucking cheese. 706 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,880 That's a lot of fucking cheese. 707 00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:58,880 A lot. 708 00:30:58,880 --> 00:30:59,880 And why, why? 709 00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,760 He just randomly picked cheese of all things. 710 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:03,760 Bodybuilder style. 711 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,000 You gotta get that protein or dairy or what? 712 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,840 The dairy protein or whatever. 713 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:15,640 I mean, that's a lot of fucking cheese though. 714 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,920 Like you can't even eat regular cheese like that. 715 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:18,920 Like no. 716 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,440 It's disgusting after a while. 717 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,080 Like too slicey. 718 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,800 I had a lot of cheese today. 719 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,360 I got a sandwich to take to work that I just got at Walmart. 720 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,040 And I just fucking put like three pieces of fucking cheese and I'll cross it. 721 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:34,040 Too much cheddar. 722 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:39,120 It says right here, a Skyer is a thick and creamy Icelandic yogurt. 723 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,480 That's been a provision of Icelanders for a thousand years. 724 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:42,480 So he's Icelandic. 725 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,400 I guess I would probably. 726 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,080 But oh, so yeah, yogurt and cheese. 727 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:49,080 Yeah. 728 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:50,080 Jesus. 729 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,480 Why don't you just ask him for it? 730 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:55,000 His ass is going to blow out. 731 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,000 Break the toilet. 732 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,000 Okay. 733 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,400 And detect a nuclear fallout near his house. 734 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:03,760 I was like, what the fuck was that? 735 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,600 And I feel bad for if he lives with anybody, the smell. 736 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:11,880 It's going to be bad. 737 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,920 That's why he even knows the visits not going to be nice. 738 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,880 Shit's going to visit him and it's not going to be a nice visit. 739 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,480 Those after workout shit still are brutal, aren't they? 740 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:26,400 Didn't someone say that somewhere like when you start walking or running regularly, all 741 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,960 of a sudden you just have like these fucking mad shits. 742 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,000 Yeah. 743 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,880 So man, if he's a fucking jogger at all, I'm afraid to hop on the treadmill now. 744 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,000 Before you know it, I'm just blowing like, well, how much shit have I eaten? 745 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,000 Well, there's also those videos. 746 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:43,000 I don't know if you've seen them where it's like a marathon runners where they shit themselves 747 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,000 when they're running. 748 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,000 And that's the last thing I want to watch on ever. 749 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,600 Let me just look up people. 750 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:49,600 Shit. 751 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,600 Just there's no control anymore. 752 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,320 Wasn't there a video of some woman? 753 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,080 She was a marathon runner. 754 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,560 She just fucking dropped trial in some dude's house. 755 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,920 And his front yard dumped it and left. 756 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:06,560 And he fucking like either sued her or tried to have her arrested or something. 757 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:07,560 Yeah. 758 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:08,560 Indecent exposure. 759 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:09,560 Yeah. 760 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,560 Shitting. 761 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,560 That's the main one. 762 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,120 I remember that story on Twitter. 763 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:15,120 He was justified though. 764 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,120 I wouldn't want nobody or shit in my yard. 765 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,560 Yeah, I don't want to be fucking shitting in my fucking front yard. 766 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:20,560 Fuck that. 767 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:21,560 No. 768 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:22,560 Grown woman shit. 769 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:27,560 But that's all I got for Reddit today. 770 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,560 Anything else to add before we head out? 771 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,560 I don't know. 772 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:34,560 Sometimes I wonder if this is all just a simulation. 773 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,560 Am I Neo in the Matrix? 774 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:37,560 No, don't worry. 775 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:38,560 You're the... 776 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:39,560 I'm Morpheus. 777 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,560 You're the background character. 778 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:41,560 The background character. 779 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,560 You're the one that gets killed first. 780 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:48,560 Just get riddled with fucking bullets for no reason. 781 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,560 Exactly. 782 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:50,560 Who knows? 783 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:51,560 All right. 784 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,560 Well, we'll see you guys on the next one then. 785 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:54,560 Oh, we won't. 786 00:33:54,560 --> 00:34:04,560 Bye.