1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,680 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity. 2 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,160 We're at number 19. 3 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,160 We're insane. 4 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:18,160 We are. 5 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,440 I'm insane a long time ago, so we're fine. 6 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,840 Everybody goes mad, a little mad sometimes. 7 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:25,840 It's cool. 8 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,160 If you ever seen the movie Psycho all the way back in 1960 or whatever. 9 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,160 Yeah, everyone was a little mad sometimes. 10 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,160 Like a murder. 11 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,160 It's in the fucking shower. 12 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:38,480 That was his little little going mad. 13 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:39,480 Just a little. 14 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,480 So what's major? 15 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:41,480 A little murder. 16 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:42,480 All right. 17 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,760 Well, now you could be in these people's situations. 18 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,360 So the first two of these stories relate to the third. 19 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,320 I'm in peck of what? 20 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,160 That caught my interest there. 21 00:00:53,160 --> 00:01:00,040 Like 100 percent, like, wait a minute, a callback. 22 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,040 You picked my interest. 23 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,040 Yeah. 24 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:06,040 OK, so the first one is posted by Stiggy Bomb. 25 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:12,640 I know this person puts a today I fucked up, woke up this morning and opened Reddit as 26 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,920 usual and read the first today. 27 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:14,920 I fucked up. 28 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,200 That shows up on my feed. 29 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,200 I usually sit there. 30 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,600 How do you read so that fuck your day up? 31 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,600 Did it involve him? 32 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,600 No, but. 33 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:23,600 You'll see. 34 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,600 OK. 35 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:29,720 I usually sit here nice and early, enjoy my coffee with a mix of news, memes and random 36 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,600 subs to follow. 37 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,640 Not today. 38 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,000 I sit down to read this post and now I'm having trouble thinking about anything my lips may 39 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,120 touch. 40 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:42,920 I want to burn my phone, go back to bed and wake up tomorrow with my brain erased. 41 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,800 I've been here for so many years and I think this may be one of those posts that goes down 42 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,760 as I remember where I was when I read that post. 43 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,440 I was here when that happened. 44 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,280 Oh man. 45 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,280 Second one. 46 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,320 Oh, now I see what you mean. 47 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,800 This thing must be a fucking nightmare. 48 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:04,800 Scary nightmare, but not the worst I've ever seen on Reddit, which is sad to say. 49 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,800 Jesus. 50 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,240 Second one is by PM me your hip dimples. 51 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:13,120 I'm surprised someone hasn't said like I thought it'd be funny to fart in my cousin's face 52 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:18,080 shit in his mouth. 53 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:22,240 So the story makes sure you get to dry shit or a dry fucking fart on a wet one. 54 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,680 They never trust a fart ever. 55 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,680 Yeah, never. 56 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,680 That's what I just said. 57 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:26,680 Never trust the fart. 58 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,040 So this person puts this literally just happened. 59 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,880 Here I am a typical Sunday morning rolling around in bed in lieu of actually sleeping 60 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:34,880 or actually getting up. 61 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,360 I was doing that. 62 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:43,400 I scroll the front page, random boxing, Victor titties, uh, bomb tracking, correction pigeons, 63 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:47,340 Caitlyn Jenner somehow running on a conservative platform for California governor. 64 00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:48,340 You know, the usual. 65 00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,200 Then I see this today. 66 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:54,560 I fucked up about, uh, sucking some dick. 67 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,840 So of course, so wrong with that being a fan of forbidden takes. 68 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,440 I clicked. 69 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,920 You can turn the link purple if you'd like, but I'd caution against it. 70 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:08,520 I went from being groggy to sitting up with the posture of a Catholic school dunce during 71 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,200 yards yardstick Mondays. 72 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,920 My eyes are clear, hardest thumping, but not an excitement. 73 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:19,280 Nay more in a sense of fight or flight as I have a desire to punch my phone and run 74 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,240 for the Luddick hermitage. 75 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,360 What the fuck did this other person do? 76 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:28,520 People make it sound out to be, but it's still bad. 77 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:36,320 Like being thrown into a naughty ass to mouth tail and then taking an extremely hard left 78 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,320 explained everything. 79 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:45,360 Not all of it, but they can be extremely hard left into a disgusting detail. 80 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:50,320 It's not only unfair, but I would argue that I did not fully consent to it. 81 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:55,120 It's like saying you're down for second base playing, getting spit roasted. 82 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,120 I spit right. 83 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:57,720 That of all things. 84 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,080 I feel traumatized like a fever dream of my 10 year old curiosity. 85 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,640 Hoping my stepdad wouldn't notice me tearing a single page from June's playboy mixed with 86 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:11,080 that one time where I threw up down between my thighs into a toilet and was shitting my 87 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,080 brains out. 88 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,160 God dang bro, you must have been sick sick. 89 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,080 This is beyond the swamps of Daggerball or two broken arms. 90 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,440 The swamps of Daggerball sir. 91 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,240 That place was a fucking swamp ass is there wherever there was one. 92 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,800 Anyway, he's back to scrolling. 93 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:26,800 I get Jesus. 94 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,640 Well, what do you do? 95 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:33,760 Like this person went ass to mouth, sucked him off, then then forgot to brush your teeth 96 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:34,760 and what? 97 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:35,760 Kissed your grandma. 98 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,760 What's so bad? 99 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,760 Well, here's the story. 100 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:38,760 Okay, here we go. 101 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,760 This is by who's who hasn't shaken someone's hand after you jerked off. 102 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,760 I should be shaking right now. 103 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:46,760 I'm so sorry. 104 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:47,760 I'm sorry. 105 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:48,760 It's clammy. 106 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:49,760 Yeah, I'm so sorry. 107 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:50,760 I should have washed my hand. 108 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:51,760 Damn it. 109 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,760 This is posted by what? 110 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,760 Like the South Park thing. 111 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:58,760 Oh, yeah. 112 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,760 This is a bar floskey. 113 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,760 Yeah, she does. 114 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760 Yeah. 115 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,760 Yeah, it's basically the same thing. 116 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:10,120 So this person puts throw away for obvious reasons. 117 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,360 This literally just happened. 118 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,880 I can't tell anyone in real life. 119 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,200 So I have to share this somewhere. 120 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,620 So I'm in real life. 121 00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:21,040 So it's a standard Saturday night, a few drinks hanging out with my boyfriend and I decided 122 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,480 to move things on. 123 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,500 We get to having sex and move on to anal without preparing. 124 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:34,200 It's a fantasy of his that you always prepare that I lick his D afterwards, which I don't 125 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,200 have an issue with. 126 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,120 I've done before when we're in the mood. 127 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,240 So I gave it one long lick when done. 128 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,880 It feels something like a hair in my mouth. 129 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,800 Pulling it out of my finger. 130 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,040 Turns out it was a worm. 131 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,400 A fucking worm. 132 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,560 Oh, she has worms. 133 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:59,360 Really worth mentioning that I work with kids, so this is a thing I have to deal with semi-regularly. 134 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,840 Kids get worms all the time. 135 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:02,840 This is the grossest thing that's ever happened to me. 136 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,000 Wait, what the fuck does that have to do with her? 137 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,000 Came out of her ass. 138 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,000 Yeah, I understand. 139 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,840 What does that have to do with kids? 140 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,760 Because apparently kids get worms. 141 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,360 Why did she even mention that for? 142 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,200 Makes it look like she was 10 years old. 143 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,200 Kids get worms all the time. 144 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,200 I bet you. 145 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,200 I think she might be a teacher. 146 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:23,960 I know, I got that part, but it's just, there was just a weird reference that it just. 147 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,160 So imagine fucking a girl. 148 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,160 I've done that before. 149 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,680 And you get a worm on it. 150 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,680 Hmm. 151 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,280 What if it started going up somewhere? 152 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:37,280 Hold not. 153 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:39,560 Man, that's gross. 154 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,560 And this happens regularly. 155 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,560 To her or to kids? 156 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:46,000 Both apparently. 157 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,360 She said so as she deals with it on a semi-regularly, a semi-regularly. 158 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,840 Then no anal, lady. 159 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:56,560 I mean, I'm sorry, but until that you get that shit cleaned up permanently. 160 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,840 That asshole is an egg. 161 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,760 This is what worried those first two people. 162 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,120 I'm not like, I guess, you know, I'm not like fucking devastated. 163 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,480 Not devastated, but is that something you wanted to hear for? 164 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,000 Like if you woke up, read that story as your first story in the morning. 165 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,000 I just been like, ah, gross. 166 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,720 And then just fucking went on with my day. 167 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:15,720 And apparently it was long. 168 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:16,720 They're fucking weak willed. 169 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:17,720 Long, huh? 170 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:18,720 Bam. 171 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,720 Imagine it's longer than years. 172 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:28,280 So you son of a bitch, I got a parasite all over you. 173 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:34,000 I have fucking released boughs of ungodly death. 174 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,480 I've never had a worm. 175 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,480 No. 176 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,680 What the fuck does she she eating? 177 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:39,680 I don't know. 178 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,880 We'll go drink some water. 179 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,760 Eat some apples. 180 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,760 Apparently she's getting tapeworms. 181 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:48,760 Oh, gross. 182 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:55,440 I thought table coming out of a bear's ass once on Twitter. 183 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,440 It's always Twitter. 184 00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:03,920 The question is the animal of the animal on Twitter can be. 185 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:10,280 Oh, yeah, I guess I'm sure they like because they eat uncooked raw fish all the time. 186 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,280 Yeah, they just have tapeworms like fucking like 18 feet long. 187 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,240 And that's why they say you shouldn't eat bear meat. 188 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,440 But it's so delicious. 189 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,080 Some of them have cocaine in it. 190 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,240 All right. 191 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:27,160 Going past that now, ones that are not associated with that. 192 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,360 How fucking stoic are we that we're like, I know, isn't that sad? 193 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,960 I know the listeners. 194 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,560 So it's like, oh, I've cleaned up baby care vomit. 195 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,640 I'll be fine. 196 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,640 Next one is by Palm Queen. 197 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:41,640 I'm Queen. 198 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,640 What did she just give it a hand job? 199 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:51,680 So this person puts so today I'm on the train and my 37 year old empty wound self sad, a 200 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,760 single self sad opposite a dad with his kid. 201 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:55,760 That was cute. 202 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,760 Child was cuter. 203 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:07,600 You we'd like to pedophile immediately tackle for no reason. 204 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:08,600 You can't even do that anymore. 205 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,600 Hey, cute kid. 206 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,600 What the fuck? 207 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,600 You mean cute kid? 208 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,600 Exactly. 209 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,000 I mean, I'm a super platonic way. 210 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,000 Your honor. 211 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,040 It cuts to that. 212 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,280 Oh, your honor. 213 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,880 Well, you've seen that Bill Burr thing, haven't you? 214 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:26,360 Where he says, no doesn't always mean no. 215 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:31,880 But he's like, you know, you're with your girl and it's like, she's like, no, no, stop 216 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:32,880 it. 217 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:33,880 No, no. 218 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,080 You go into court and you get a bad read. 219 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,640 Yeah, no, no. 220 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:38,640 I said, stop it. 221 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:39,640 Your honor. 222 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:40,640 Come on. 223 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,640 I don't like that. 224 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:43,640 Yeah, I guess. 225 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,640 Yeah. 226 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:45,640 You get a bad read. 227 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:46,640 I remember that scared. 228 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,640 Wait a minute. 229 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:55,000 So this person puts anyway, we chatted a bit and I gave him my number written on my business 230 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,240 card with a little message. 231 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,240 Who the kid of them did that? 232 00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,240 She doesn't say nasty. 233 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,240 He took it from me and put it in his bag. 234 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,240 It was a kid. 235 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,240 Got the fucking backpack. 236 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,240 You evil bitch. 237 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,760 I was then like, read it. 238 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:08,760 He said, thanks. 239 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:09,760 I will. 240 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:10,760 I'll read it to him. 241 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,400 He avoided when I learned to read when I had school today already. 242 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,960 I'll read it to the teacher. 243 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,720 She's probably a freak too. 244 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:20,720 Teachers nowadays. 245 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:21,960 Not when I was growing up. 246 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:28,720 Well, the man, those nasty fucks, the whole, the teachers that we had weren't, I'll come 247 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:29,720 out. 248 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:30,720 How do I say this to be nine? 249 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,040 What about in eighth grade? 250 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,920 There was one that was okay. 251 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,400 She used to stress so hot. 252 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,800 But then all the girls told her all the guys talked about her so she stopped dressing like 253 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,800 a nun. 254 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:41,800 Yeah. 255 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:42,800 But she also had that nose. 256 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,720 Who cares, man? 257 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:45,720 Those imperfections make her perfect. 258 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:52,480 It's sad that I remember what you're talking about. 259 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,480 You remember. 260 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,480 You remember. 261 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,480 You remember. 262 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,480 Go ahead. 263 00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,160 Go into your George Lopez stand up. 264 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,160 You remember. 265 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,840 I was more like the South Park member berries. 266 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:04,840 I was a member berry. 267 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,840 Yeah. 268 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:06,840 I was. 269 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:07,840 She went straight to the fuck man. 270 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:08,840 Hey man. 271 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:09,840 The member member. 272 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:20,000 But then he avoided eye contact as he got off the train. 273 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,480 Now he, now if he doesn't message, I might feel worse. 274 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,080 I was brought up. 275 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,080 It was brought up a lot of questions for me. 276 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,920 Did I come off as weird and interrogate him? 277 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:31,920 Yeah, you were. 278 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:32,920 Am I fat and ugly? 279 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:33,920 Am I fat and ugly? 280 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,680 I'll never have kids, et cetera. 281 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:37,680 So much regret. 282 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,240 See, now I know she's trying to get that kid. 283 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,240 She'll never have kids. 284 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,720 Oh, what are you trying to say? 285 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:48,320 You can really word anything bad and not even be intentional about it. 286 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,160 Now imagine if you try. 287 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,920 Oh, your honor. 288 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,200 Next one is by quicksnotboring. 289 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,200 Quicksnotboring. 290 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:03,280 So this person puts quite funny now that I look back on it. 291 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,840 Can I say something by the way? 292 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,760 You said quicks and it reminded me of like super spade, which remind me of quick silver, 293 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,480 which remind me of the flash and the flash is good out of theaters here pretty soon. 294 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:16,440 You know what made less money than the original green lantern with this? 295 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:21,080 I was like, imagine. 296 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,080 Think about that. 297 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:27,880 That's also with cameos by Michael Keaton, by George Clooney, by fucking Ben Affleck, 298 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,880 Gal Gadot. 299 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:34,280 Like everybody was in it and it still had my gut. 300 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,280 You know what? 301 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,880 That gives me hope for the world because it means that people didn't want to go see Ezra 302 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:38,880 Miller. 303 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:44,880 But I wanted to see that body with that stop slide. 304 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:49,720 We still need to go see it. 305 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,040 Well, too late. 306 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,960 My job's fucking permanent. 307 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,160 All right. 308 00:12:55,160 --> 00:13:01,120 So this person puts quite funny now that I look back on it, but it was quite stressful 309 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,720 whenever it was happening. 310 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,080 I'm American born and raised. 311 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,880 About a year ago, I got hired at a local retail store and when I got bored, I would talk to 312 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:14,320 customers in a British accent as a joke to make my job more exciting. 313 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,320 Hello mate. 314 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,440 And I came into a British accent. 315 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,440 Hello mate. 316 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,700 No harm, no foul. 317 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:24,640 My employer employer actually founded entertaining as well. 318 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,640 Months passed and I ended up taking a new job at a fast food place where you order for 319 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:29,640 the drive through. 320 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,040 It is taken outside by actual employees. 321 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,040 Yes. 322 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:37,960 Chick-fil-A. The management is much stricter and have been food service. 323 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:38,960 It isn't much fun. 324 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:43,480 I decided to once again start using a British accent for fun in the drive through lanes. 325 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:48,680 It works so well that some people ask where I'm from and one customer even makes the remark. 326 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,040 Ah, I get it. 327 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,920 England and Australia confused. 328 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,000 Needless to say, it's fucking hilarious. 329 00:13:55,000 --> 00:14:01,120 Anyway, today I was doing my usual British act and the iPad to take orders stopped connecting 330 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,860 to the card swiper. 331 00:14:02,860 --> 00:14:06,400 So I radioed for a new card swiper. 332 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,640 Back turned to the customer to not reveal my real voice. 333 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:11,640 At Chick-fil-A. 334 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:12,640 How do you turn your back? 335 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,400 You just sound, you know. 336 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,400 People are stupid though. 337 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,760 Is that somebody else talking? 338 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,640 At Chick-fil-A, if your card swiper isn't working, you can still take orders and you 339 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,160 can tell them to pay at the window. 340 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,120 So I take this dude's order and as I begin instructing him to pull out to the window, 341 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,200 my manager comes out with a new one and stands right next to me. 342 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,760 I have two options. 343 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,440 Continue my British act as I talk to the customer and hope my manager doesn't notice or care 344 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,880 or switch to my regular American voice. 345 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,480 I'm not very good at split decisions and continue using my British accent while looking at my 346 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,720 manager out of the corner of my eye. 347 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,560 Flash forward to the end of my shift and he's telling me to. 348 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,240 He's telling me to clock out. 349 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:55,520 He says I need to make sure I'm speaking clearly in the drive through next time and that my 350 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,920 actions today were unprofessional and mockery. 351 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,920 Oh, come on, sir. 352 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:00,920 Please. 353 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:01,920 I check. 354 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:02,920 Well, he didn't. 355 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:03,920 He didn't. 356 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:10,440 Now I'm just hoping he doesn't fire me because I'm not going to stop anytime soon. 357 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,440 Come on now. 358 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,720 That's why some people just want to run the joy out of your life. 359 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:14,720 Sometimes. 360 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:15,720 Yeah. 361 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,720 But have you seen how happy they are at Chick-fil-A? 362 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:17,720 They're actually pretty fucking happy. 363 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,600 I mean, that person is like that's not stereotypical. 364 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,680 Chick-fil-A. Hmm. 365 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,680 Not the worker for the manager. 366 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,680 I've never been to Chick-fil-A. Really? 367 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,680 Yeah. 368 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:31,280 They're the kind where it's like such good customer service over and after your car with 369 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:32,520 a fucking packet of ketchup. 370 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:33,520 If you forgot it. 371 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,520 Hmm. 372 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,520 You forgot it, sir. 373 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,720 And it's always my pleasure. 374 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:38,720 I'm allergic to ketchup. 375 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:39,720 I'm sorry, sir. 376 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,720 If I can perform Harry Care. 377 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,720 The fucking Japanese suicide. 378 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,720 Like, oh, damn it. 379 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,720 Shit is painful. 380 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:49,720 I from what I hear. 381 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,720 God would assume so. 382 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,720 You're disemboweling yourself. 383 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:52,720 Yeah. 384 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,720 I just mean like, I like to me, like you, you stab in, right? 385 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,720 And like you move a little bit and you just die instantly. 386 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,720 But no, it's inside of. 387 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,720 You're just like fuck. 388 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,720 I'm still alive. 389 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,720 The next one is by ADHD as fuck. 390 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,720 That sounds like my life. 391 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:15,720 Yeah. 392 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,720 This person puts, well, I've been doing it all week. 393 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:19,720 I had read somewhere. 394 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:24,720 It was a hack to deal with low sodium electrolyte imbalances without paying a lot of money. 395 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:25,720 It only solves. 396 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,720 Is it a sharp little sugar cube of your asshole? 397 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,720 It's a cube of sugar. 398 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,720 So what does sugar have to do with sodium? 399 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:35,720 I don't know. 400 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,720 Look at eight or nine sugar cubes of your asshole later. 401 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,720 So you got diabetes. 402 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:47,720 I thought this was the cure. 403 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:54,720 It only covers sodium, but as someone that sweats out a lot of salt and it constantly 404 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,720 lightheaded, I was, it was like, that sounds great. 405 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,720 It's like a great hack. 406 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,720 Pop a bullion cube after gym sounds so easy. 407 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,720 It turns out I was worse than the tape. 408 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:13,720 I'm fucking full. 409 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,720 You're back. 410 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,720 That shit would be powerful. 411 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:20,720 The flavor. 412 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:28,720 So that turns out I really liked the salty bullion cubes. 413 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,720 I started just popping them in my mouth a few, a few a day. 414 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,720 God. 415 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,720 I'm sure because my sodium is often low that it was delicious. 416 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:37,720 Okay. 417 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:38,720 The hell of a drive. 418 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:39,720 It's really salty little snack. 419 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:40,720 You know what? 420 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,720 You know what I did once? 421 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:46,720 You know, like that, like that real cocoa, like Netflix and not the chocolate mix. 422 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:47,720 Yeah. 423 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:48,720 Like the actual cocoa. 424 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:49,720 Yeah. 425 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,720 I was like, Ooh, delicious. 426 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,720 I thought in the fucking kitchen cabinet once, right? 427 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,720 I'm like, the fucking better. 428 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:03,720 I was so mad. 429 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:04,720 Chocolatey flavor. 430 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,720 It all fucking dirt would have tasted better. 431 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,720 Then you would have gotten one of the worms. 432 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:12,720 I never would have. 433 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,720 I never forgot that. 434 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:14,720 I was like, Hey, what the? 435 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,720 Have you ever tried baking chocolate? 436 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,720 No. 437 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:18,720 Oh, bitter. 438 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,720 What is this chocolate? 439 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:20,720 I'm so mad. 440 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:26,720 All the peppers could say that. 441 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:27,720 Yes. 442 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,720 Now you know my secret. 443 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:35,720 We're going to get a spoon to this cocoa. 444 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,720 All right. 445 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,720 So they put their chicken bullying cubes. 446 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:46,720 And I think the umami flavor adds that little extra to go from discussing levels of salt 447 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:47,720 to downright. 448 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,720 Yum. 449 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,720 Oh, so it must've been super salty. 450 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:51,720 Yeah. 451 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,720 Oh, I can't handle super salty stuff. 452 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:58,720 Imagine like those, uh, those ramen noodle packs, those dried ones. 453 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,720 Just concentrated. 454 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:01,720 Yeah. 455 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,720 But I also have had worsening GI upset all week. 456 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:06,720 I'm blind now. 457 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,720 I thought it was something I ate. 458 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,720 I had some fucking bullying back in the fuck. 459 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,720 I had some, uh, some questionable takeout one night. 460 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,720 The kind of pizza that sits under a heat lamp too long. 461 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,720 Then as the issue persisted, I thought I had a virus as I had made multiple runs to the 462 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:24,720 bathroom. 463 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,720 It wasn't quite diarrhea, but it was pretty close. 464 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,720 That shit look like soup. 465 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:35,720 You know, whenever you really have to go and you just start to perspire. 466 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,720 Yeah. 467 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:37,720 I had that one time. 468 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:38,720 That shit is brutal. 469 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,720 Oh, I got a shit. 470 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,720 It's coming out one way or the other. 471 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:46,720 Either do my pores or do my asshole. 472 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:52,720 You know, your body screaming bathroom now. 473 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,720 Yes. 474 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,720 That kept happening until today when I thought I was going to black out with how strong the 475 00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:58,720 urge was. 476 00:19:58,720 --> 00:19:59,720 Oh my God. 477 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,720 Down to the dash to the bathroom. 478 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:08,720 And now there's an unnaturally vivid gold color in my very loose stools, which I hadn't 479 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:09,720 need anything at all. 480 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,720 That was yellow. 481 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:11,720 Oh no. 482 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:12,720 The chicken bullying. 483 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:13,720 Oh yeah. 484 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,720 There you go. 485 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:15,720 Sherlock. 486 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,720 And that is how I learned that I learned about osmotic diarrhea. 487 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:18,720 Osmotic. 488 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,720 It takes water out of your body because of the salt content. 489 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,720 So he's just shit and water. 490 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,720 The golden changed water. 491 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:27,720 Wow. 492 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:28,720 That's wild. 493 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,720 So don't eat chicken bullying cubes. 494 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,720 You can eat them. 495 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,720 Just, you know, an actual fucking. 496 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,720 So whenever he said that he shouldn't have been eating them, my first thought was, what 497 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,720 do you have a fucking heart attack from all this? 498 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:41,720 Yeah. 499 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:42,720 I'm like, you fucking die. 500 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:49,720 It's like, yeah, I was eating them chicken bullying cues, had a couple of cardiac bypasses. 501 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:50,720 So I had to stop. 502 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:51,720 I took my foot. 503 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:56,720 They said I had to beat us from it. 504 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,720 I don't know what they got to beat us from. 505 00:20:58,720 --> 00:20:59,720 It'll solve. 506 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:00,720 You got reverse beat us. 507 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,720 You got less shit and no mention in history. 508 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,720 You got top five diabetes. 509 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:08,720 It's a diabetes. 510 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,720 Nobody's hurting you, but you got beat us. 511 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:18,720 Not even diets be not the beat us, but just beat us. 512 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,720 And the last one is by, oh my, I can't even imagine his fucking blood pressure. 513 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:27,720 It's like he was blacking out, picking shit up. 514 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:32,720 Hey, I know people's blood pressure can go really high because just for example, my brother 515 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,720 skinny as fuck, blood pressure, 190 to 200. 516 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:36,720 God dang. 517 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:37,720 Every day. 518 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,720 Just from the fucking way to his job, probably. 519 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,720 Well, even before that, yeah. 520 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,720 Yeah. 521 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,720 Just a super high blood pressure. 522 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:50,720 Like for him, if blood pressure goes down to 140, he's about to like, he's got under 523 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,720 blood pressure. 524 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:56,720 He's got past hypertension and high blood pressure. 525 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:57,720 Damn. 526 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:03,720 Just as one of those, those blood pressure monitors like just tops out. 527 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:08,720 She just fucking dies in her house. 528 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:09,720 All right. 529 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,720 Last one today is by Tretzu. 530 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:18,720 This person puts, I don't know if we can talk that boy in one that was going literally gold 531 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,720 shit, gold tier two. 532 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:21,720 All right. 533 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:26,720 They put that this was more of a funny outcome, not a horrendously bad one. 534 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:32,720 I don't know why they spelled horrendously bad, but they put a and a S H at the end of 535 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:33,720 horrendously. 536 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:34,720 You can't spell. 537 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,720 I know that. 538 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,720 God dang it. 539 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:37,720 All right. 540 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,720 So they put even with autocorrect, I've seen some horrendous spellings. 541 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:41,720 Isn't that sad? 542 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,720 Yeah. 543 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:43,720 They put I am a male. 544 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,720 Oh, you know what? 545 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,720 I told you like I'm home so we can start recording. 546 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,720 Right? 547 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:48,720 Yeah. 548 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,720 You know what? 549 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,720 I wanted to say after I'm it, want to say I him, I'm him. 550 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:53,720 I'm like, really? 551 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,720 If you haven't been typing this is that much. 552 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,720 It's fucking known in the fucking lexicon of this. 553 00:22:58,720 --> 00:22:59,720 God dang. 554 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,720 I'm him. 555 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:01,720 I'm like, wow. 556 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:02,720 That whole like I'm that. 557 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:03,720 I'm like, I'm just that guy. 558 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:04,720 I'm him. 559 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:05,720 Like you're not him. 560 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:06,720 So you're not. 561 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:07,720 All right. 562 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,720 So they let you know they're a male. 563 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,720 I've seen your dick size. 564 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:10,720 You're not him. 565 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:11,720 That's the best way to get mixed up with bad. 566 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:12,720 So you saw the pitch. 567 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:20,720 This person puts I posted a listing on Craigslist saying I will do odd jobs for cash. 568 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:26,720 I got about 11 responses asking male or female. 569 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,720 No hand jobs. 570 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,720 So I learned odd jobs, men's taking it in the ass. 571 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:33,720 That's an odd job. 572 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:34,720 OK. 573 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:42,720 One guy asked me if I was like, there's so fucking to the point. 574 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:43,720 Yeah. 575 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:44,720 Well, it is craigslist. 576 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:49,720 I got time for no fucking little innuendo. 577 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,720 You suck dick. 578 00:23:51,720 --> 00:24:00,720 The person that puts second try this time, I explicitly stated I was looking for labor 579 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,720 jobs, like garden maintenance, moving, et cetera. 580 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,720 The first guy you're going to move this dick in your mouth. 581 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,720 The first guy who replies is the same fucking guy from earlier. 582 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:14,720 He says, OK, I need to know if you're a guy or a girl. 583 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:19,720 I didn't know how strong to make this cage. 584 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,720 So here's what I learned. 585 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,720 Three bullet point. 586 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:28,720 Craigslist is not good for gig work or anything, really. 587 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,720 The main demographic is horny old men. 588 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:31,720 Yeah. 589 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,720 And three, if you're a woman and you use Craigslist, you're going to disappear real fast. 590 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:35,720 Yes. 591 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,720 You will not be found again. 592 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:42,720 It's an odd job. 593 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,720 Me, second, it up. 594 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,720 God dang. 595 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:52,720 The people are just to the point you said big boy. 596 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,720 They ain't going to sell yourself. 597 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:55,720 You know what I saw once? 598 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,720 I don't know if it was a skit, if it was like a joke or if it was real. 599 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,720 That was an old guy like on one of those fucking like scooters. 600 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:04,720 Yeah. 601 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,720 Like the kind of Carmen had that you sit on. 602 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:08,720 Like he's so bad. 603 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:09,720 The hover around. 604 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:10,720 Yeah. 605 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,720 Like it was one of those like little rascals. 606 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:13,720 Yeah. 607 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:14,720 Little rascal. 608 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:15,720 Yeah. 609 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:16,720 Like this guy came around the corner with his camera. 610 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:21,720 So we're following the where the guy with the camera basically from his point of view 611 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:27,720 and he's getting a blowjob from a hooker and the hooker fucking dips, grabs her purse and 612 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:32,720 the other guy says, and then he fucking like, he was like, he looked like he was like, you 613 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,720 know, like something mentally. 614 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,720 He was like that senile. 615 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,720 Then all of a sudden he just like fucking puts his fucking pants up and he's just fucking 616 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:40,720 rise up on the rascal. 617 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:41,720 I'll see you later. 618 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:48,720 He had to be like 90 is getting like the horny never dies. 619 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,720 I mean, to be fair, I have seen a dude never rush in himself. 620 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:57,720 So I don't know what that to do with being horny, but I've seen some crazy stuff. 621 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,720 It's like blows the back, the back tires blow out. 622 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:01,720 Oh, fuck. 623 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:02,720 I shit. 624 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,720 I've seen the seat bounce back. 625 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,720 Okay, man. 626 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:13,720 See, there are government paid elderly homes and you see some shit. 627 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:14,720 It's literally literally. 628 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,720 This is what he did at the lady around the corner. 629 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:18,720 Oh God. 630 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:19,720 It's a God day. 631 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,720 It's like son of a bitch. 632 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:25,720 I'm going to have to help it now. 633 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaking about the Craigslist thing, I used to, I watched this series called Broad City 634 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,720 with these two women comedians. 635 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,720 The series is over. 636 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,720 Like it's like it reaches series finale. 637 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:43,720 I watched the whole season, the whole series on fucking Hulu and the very first episode, 638 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,720 one of them wants to go to the little Wayne concert. 639 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,720 The other one's like, no problem. 640 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:49,720 I know how to get us some money. 641 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:55,720 So they go to this guy's house and the girl that took them there tells the other girl, 642 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:59,720 look, we're going to start taking our clothes off here real quick. 643 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,720 Like basically she's like, and the other one was like, what the fuck you talking about? 644 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,720 She's like, has no idea what that is. 645 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:08,720 Basically she got hired on Craigslist from this guy to clean his house, but they had 646 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,720 to be in their underwear the whole time. 647 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,720 She's like, well, you know, she had her other friend come with her, you know, two people, 648 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,720 you know, it was safer. 649 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,720 So she's out there like, fuck. 650 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:18,720 It's like, she's like $200 bro. 651 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:19,720 Come on. 652 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:20,720 Like, damn it. 653 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,720 And so they get butt naked, but they get in their underwear. 654 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,720 They clean the whole house, right? 655 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,720 And the guy comes out in a diaper. 656 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,720 He's like, he's like, I don't know. 657 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,720 And they're like, yo, you going to pay us the money now? 658 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,720 And he's like, I'm just a baby. 659 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:34,720 I don't know. 660 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,720 They were so fucking mad. 661 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,720 He's just walking around in a diaper. 662 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,720 I don't know. 663 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:40,720 I'm just a little baby. 664 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:41,720 What the fuck? 665 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,720 You son of a bitch. 666 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:43,720 I would have been mad as fuck. 667 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:48,720 Like I just cleaned your whole fucking house and my underwear. 668 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:53,720 And it was such a fucking perfect way for him to get out of paying. 669 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,720 Like it's so fucking funny. 670 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,720 They like, they trash his whole fucking house. 671 00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,720 They take some of his shit. 672 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,720 I don't know. 673 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:02,720 I'm just a baby. 674 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:03,720 No money. 675 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,720 He's just like fucking weird baby boy. 676 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:06,720 I don't know money. 677 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:07,720 I'm like, what the fuck? 678 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,720 This is the greatest show I've ever seen. 679 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,720 It's so fucking funny. 680 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:13,720 Good show. 681 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,720 But yeah, the Craigslist, they asked for weird circumstances. 682 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:18,720 Yeah. 683 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:24,720 If we ever wanted to go down that rabbit hole, their stories from there is like, oh God. 684 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,720 The funniest one, the funniest thing I've seen from Craigslist. 685 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:34,720 Well, I wouldn't say funniest, but weirdest is the, it's a page where it's just miss you 686 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:35,720 or something like that. 687 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:36,720 Oh yeah. 688 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:37,720 The one where like I've held connection. 689 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:38,720 Yeah. 690 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:39,720 Miss connections. 691 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:40,720 That's what it is. 692 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,720 Stupid as fucking stories I have ever seen. 693 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:47,720 Like you were wearing a blue shirt from the back of your head. 694 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:48,720 From the bushes. 695 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,720 I wasn't sure, but I got a better look. 696 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,720 Who's checking that? 697 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:54,720 Oh, that was me. 698 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,720 Yeah. 699 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:56,720 That's what, that's, that's what I never understood. 700 00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:01,720 Like how would someone, like I would understand if it was like they, they met, they talked, 701 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,720 they, they hung out for a few minutes. 702 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:07,720 Like one of them left and the other one was like, oh fuck, I should have said something 703 00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,720 or gave her my phone and all this. 704 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:14,720 And then you hope that you can connect to on the, but I wouldn't use Facebook, not fucking 705 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:15,720 Craigslist. 706 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:16,720 Miss connections. 707 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:17,720 I can't quit you. 708 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:18,720 Craigslist sounds shady as fuck. 709 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:19,720 I know. 710 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:20,720 Well, it's a dude Craigslist. 711 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:27,720 It's a list of all his fetish shit. 712 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,720 It's a lot of BCOT. 713 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:32,720 Man. 714 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:33,720 Yeah. 715 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:38,720 That missed connection shit makes no sense on Craigslist. 716 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,720 It just, it has never made any sense to me. 717 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,720 I don't even know if it's ever worked. 718 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:44,720 Has it? 719 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,720 I, top of my head, I can't think of it ever working. 720 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,720 That would be, I don't know your name. 721 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,720 I don't remember what you look at. 722 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,720 What's really sad though is that they didn't just have it in Craigslist. 723 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,720 It existed in regular papers. 724 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:55,720 Miss connections. 725 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,720 What are the chances someone will be reading that? 726 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:05,720 But to be fair in a normal newspaper, there's more of a likelihood of more people reading 727 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:06,720 it. 728 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:11,320 A specific, maybe, maybe they're thinking that if someone that they know, they're thinking 729 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:15,280 that someone that that person knows will sit and then tell that person, Hey, did you meet 730 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,440 a guy at the park and he chased after you and you got away? 731 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,200 He's looking for you on this connection. 732 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:25,320 Like with a newspaper back in the old days, like, you know, the eighties, nineties, that 733 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,320 make more sense. 734 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,920 But Craigslist, it's like, this is just like random people from all over the country that 735 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:31,920 don't know. 736 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:32,920 Oh yeah. 737 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:33,920 That would be impossible. 738 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,400 Almost like I get where the idea came from. 739 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,640 I guess it would work because in newspapers, it's only like, it's a circulation, right? 740 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:42,640 But it's within a city, a town or whatever, but like, there's more of it. 741 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:49,120 Like there's a, a, a, a not no chance of finding somebody. 742 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,080 Still weird, but it's a better chance. 743 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,080 Right. 744 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:57,520 Like mostly if you live like in a smaller town, like, Oh yeah, I remember him. 745 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:58,920 That's Betty he's looking for. 746 00:30:58,920 --> 00:30:59,920 Right. 747 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,560 Like that at least like has some merit to it. 748 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:03,560 Like it's still creepy as fuck. 749 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,680 But it would have to be like some actual like connection. 750 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:07,680 Right. 751 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,760 Just like this is, I seen you a hundred yards away. 752 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,800 Yeah, like I saw you at the fucking supermarket. 753 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,680 I was watching you for like three, three aisles. 754 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,240 Like this is more like crazy. 755 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:22,080 The Chrysler's version is more of like a creeper confessional hoping to catch that one, you 756 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,160 know, that got away and the one I couldn't kill. 757 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,360 Not even a creepy confessional. 758 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,360 I seen you. 759 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:32,480 I'll always be seeing you. 760 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:37,080 Like that one song from the police that people don't realize is about a stalker. 761 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:38,080 Which one? 762 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:39,280 Every breaths you take. 763 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:40,960 Every move you make. 764 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,960 I'll be watching you. 765 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,840 That's what it was really about. 766 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:50,840 I can't do anymore because they're like demonetized. 767 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:52,760 You did the beat too good. 768 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,920 It was, it was fucking, it was so immaculate. 769 00:31:55,920 --> 00:32:01,480 We thought it was whatever YouTube you live. 770 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:06,480 For between seconds, 2015 versus 2017. 771 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:07,480 We knew. 772 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,520 I live streamed a Batman Arkham Asylum once. 773 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:11,520 Yeah. 774 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,720 Like 45, with 45 copyright claims. 775 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,040 That's what it felt like. 776 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,000 It was all like seconds from the song. 777 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:20,800 It's like, bitch, I turned that shit off. 778 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,360 What do you mean from the song? 779 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:23,840 I was so mad. 780 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,040 Like, how come we can't use the song? 781 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,040 I don't understand. 782 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:28,040 We can play the game. 783 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,400 They don't, they don't bother us with the game. 784 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,240 Why is the song the problem? 785 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,080 I'm not making money off the song. 786 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,920 I'm not making all money off the game. 787 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,440 I'm making money off my fucking personality. 788 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,680 Yeah. 789 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,400 Make play in the game. 790 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,760 And I think it depends on how big of a YouTuber you are. 791 00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:48,280 If a Markiplier could nut in his mouth, he'd be fine. 792 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:49,280 Yeah. 793 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:53,280 But I'd do some shit and I'd get fucking a class-ace lawsuit on my fucking name. 794 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,560 Well, I mean, I guess if you're a PewDiePie, you get hit with a bunch of shit there. 795 00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:00,400 Yeah, but he went too far and it wasn't even YouTube. 796 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:04,320 That was his, that was his dumb shit calling people the N-word on a bridge. 797 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,600 Yeah, but he is Swedish. 798 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,600 I'll give him credit. 799 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,400 They didn't have, they didn't have slavery or anything. 800 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,040 It's still weird word for him to say. 801 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,500 For him, it was just an insult. 802 00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:15,000 So he knew it as an insult. 803 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,880 Yeah, that was quite the insult. 804 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:21,000 Or what they, they tried to get him on the Nazi thing where they said he was wearing 805 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,000 a Nazi uniform. 806 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,000 It wasn't even though. 807 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:27,560 No, it was a British military uniform, which is even funnier. 808 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:28,560 God. 809 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,520 And he was playing that game. 810 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,040 They got him on that game to papers, please. 811 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,560 Oh, that what he's wearing uniform for? 812 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,840 Yeah, on a little cosplay. 813 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:38,840 Cool. 814 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:43,920 Where you couldn't cross the border into that country. 815 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:47,400 Yeah, I tried to play that game, but I can't find it on a console. 816 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,400 I don't want to plan on a computer. 817 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,400 Yeah, it's only a computer. 818 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:50,400 Yeah, computers for for fucking losers. 819 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:51,400 I'm joking. 820 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:52,400 Don't be mad. 821 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:53,400 No, it's the PC master race and we're here. 822 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:54,400 I don't know. 823 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:55,400 The keyboard's like, are you just playing with a controller on it? 824 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:56,400 I can't, I'm dumb. 825 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:57,400 Controller. 826 00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:58,400 I'm too dumb. 827 00:33:58,400 --> 00:33:59,400 I'm too dumb. 828 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:00,400 I'm too dumb. 829 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,400 I'm too dumb. 830 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:02,400 I'm too dumb. 831 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,400 I'm too dumb. 832 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:04,400 I'm too dumb. 833 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:05,400 I'm too dumb. 834 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:06,400 I'm too dumb. 835 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:07,400 I'm too dumb. 836 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:08,400 Where do you turn it on? 837 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:09,400 I'm too dumb. 838 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,400 There's no sound. 839 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:11,400 I'm dumb. 840 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:20,280 I'm gonna put my head through a brick wall. 841 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:24,080 What is it about people that are on a lower level intellect that are just fucking built 842 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,080 like tanks? 843 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:30,560 Like you could have a Rhodes Scholar, Yale alumni. 844 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:31,560 He sleeps in the shower. 845 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:32,560 He breaks his neck. 846 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:33,560 He dies. 847 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:34,560 You could have Stephen Hawking. 848 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:35,560 He's a fucking moron. 849 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:36,560 Get hit by a buzzer. 850 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:37,560 Ah, shit. 851 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:38,560 I'm okay though. 852 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:39,560 God gave him something. 853 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,560 Why is dumb so durable is what I'm asking. 854 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,720 Well, God didn't give him brains to survive. 855 00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:47,680 So he had to give him a body that was somewhat resilient. 856 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,680 Fucking indestructible. 857 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,120 So then if you get both. 858 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:53,120 That's how I know I'm not that smart. 859 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:58,120 I gotta take a lightning strike to the fucking face. 860 00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,120 Ow. 861 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,120 That hurt. 862 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:05,200 That's all I know because like as smart as I am, right. 863 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:09,000 My family thinks I'm dumb because if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd be like, what are 864 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,000 you doing in front of the bus? 865 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,000 What the fuck you mean? 866 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:14,520 Like it'd be my fault, you know? 867 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:15,520 Yeah. 868 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,720 But if my sister like tripped, she'd be like, are you okay? 869 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:19,720 We got to take her to the hospital. 870 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:22,720 It's like a trampled by a fucking pack of Wolverines. 871 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:27,640 They wouldn't kill all of them. 872 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,440 I can't stand my sister. 873 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,320 What I'm saying more of the story. 874 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:34,320 Why is dumb so durable? 875 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,600 That is the question that will leave you guys on the suit. 876 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,600 Why is dumb so durable? 877 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,320 I guess I watched too much Twitter, but man, they can take a hit. 878 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,600 I feel like it's nobody's business. 879 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:52,040 But ain't that all sad before we head out? 880 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:56,280 I'm seeing guys fucking bash their skulls through a fucking window in a car. 881 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,280 And I'd be like, Jesus, why? 882 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:02,080 We'll leave you people with the question. 883 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:28,880 Talk to you later.