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Hello and welcome to Reddit Insanity number 18. I'm Michael. And we are the Knights of

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Entertainment. Today we have some Reddit for you. We're here to entertain you at night.

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What's the day? Either one is fine. These are bad date stories. So the first one we

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have is by MacBook Prime. This person puts started fine with a decent dinner. One hour

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later she grabs me by the neck looks me in the eye and says, I want you to get me pregnant.

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Feeling completely uncomfortable. I never told her that I had a mastectomy when I was 19.

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So I was like, don't worry girl. I got you. But feeling completely uncomfortable. I said,

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maybe it's best we call it a night. On the way home, she starts screaming and yelling.

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Then undid her seatbelt and began kicking the shit out of me while I was driving her

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home. Oh man, he's gonna catch a fucking a rape charge for sure. Pulled over, called

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the police. They came pretty quickly and fortunately took her home. Apparently she was on some

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kind of drugs and they kicked in right when dinner ended. What a night. That's like, like

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a, I don't know. That's terrifying. Like you can say something that you did right that

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you didn't do. Yeah. Then before you know it, you're in jail. Yeah. Scary. Next one

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is by Captain Save a hoe. This person fits that last one we needed him. Captain Save

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a hoe. He puts met a girl on Craigslist. This was long ago, obviously. After a few messages,

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we set up a date at a bar downtown. I show up and she's already there with a guy friend.

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No big game thinking she's just playing it safe. They are at a two person table and the

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place is packed. They already have drinks. So I grabbed one for myself and put it on

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my tab. Her and her friend proceed to ignore me. Like I say something and neither one acknowledges

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anything unless I say something directly to them. Even then I get one word answers. That

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fucking border. So that's what was farting. That motorcycle, if you guys can hear you

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when I'm not as a ricer car. It's okay. Okay. I'm like, Jesus. So I finished my beer, pay

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my bill and leave without saying a word. Later I get a barrage of messages asking how I why

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I'm such an asshole for sticking them with their own tab. That's where I do it was a

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date. Yeah. He set up a date with this girl. So why would they ignore what the fuck? Why

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is I get the other guy being there, right? Yeah. But how about you sit at the bar so

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me and her can do that. And then neither one of them like talk to him unless he directed

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like direct questions to him. That's fucking that's and then got mad because he didn't

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pay her tab. I'm paying shit. I'll pay for her. I'm not paying for the dude. You don't

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want to pay for her gay best friend. Is he putting out maybe? Okay, sure. You never know.

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Next one is by red saw 87. They put dating app, smallish town, Kingston, Ontario, go on

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a few boring dates, cue story, match with a girl she agrees to meet but there is something

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odd about the conversation. She was eager to meet suspiciously eager. I get to the Starbucks

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and wait inside for 20 minutes past the agreed meet time. Girl texts me says she's running

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late, asks me to stand outside so she can see me as she drives by. I look over and there's

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another dude standing on the sidewalk with his phone in his hand recognize him from the

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gym asks if he is there to also meet a girl and what her name is. Turns out the girl was

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pulling a fast one on both of us as revenge for her girlfriend who we both apparently

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dated once and didn't like. So him and I go to go get ice cream together and sent a

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photo of us having a great time. Wish I still had the photo. We're married now 15 years.

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That reminds me of something I saw earlier was this woman. I shit you not. She lost both

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boyfriends. They cheated on her with the same girl. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, God dang it.

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She's a fucking O and T on you. What does this woman have against her to snatch both

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her boyfriends knowing she probably banged her dad or something. Yeah. There's some kind

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of girl thing going on there where that would be like that one dude banging all your all

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your girlfriends. You know, this motherfucker. Next one is by Smiley McSacks. Not sex. Sax.

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Maybe like a happy nut sack. Maybe that was a X not a X. So it's a sex font. Maybe they

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put a while ago. I agreed to meet a Tinder date at a local bar. Things went all right,

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but I could very much tell she was loaded prior to my arrival. We have a couple of things

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was rich or she was fucking drunk drunk probably like she was just flashing cash everywhere.

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She was loaded. She was loaded. Fucking jackpot. About to be that house husband. We have a

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couple of drinks. She's made several comments on how cold it is in this bar. Granted, I'm

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wearing a t-shirt and jeans. So I assume she's one of those perpetually cold women with poor

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circulation. She excuses herself to go to the restroom and half an hour goes by. Then near

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a full hour goes by and I figure one or two things have happened. Either she sneakily

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ditched me or massively needs help in the restroom. I asked one of the female bartenders

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to go check on her politely and turns out she has OD on heroin shooting up in the bathroom.

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Oh my god.

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Starts to go creeping around her arm and everything.

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Jesus. That was an hour?

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Yeah.

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Fuck. She was in and died, didn't she?

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Yeah.

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It's an hour.

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I was heavily questioned by the police and even put in the squad car till the bartenders

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vouched for me and I wasn't tied to a drug case so I had nothing to do with it. She ended

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up passing later that night. Definitely worst first date ever.

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Man.

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Shit, that's dark.

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That's very dark.

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I mean like, how do you, shit. An hour is one thing. That's a long time.

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Yeah.

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Like maybe, fuck. But what do you like, like in your head what do you do really? Like you

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don't do anything.

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You assume that she probably just skipped out.

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You don't assume she fucking OD'd in the bathroom.

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Yeah.

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That'd be like one of the worst fears, right?

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Yeah.

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Someone passes out in their backyard and then no one fucking finds them for like three days.

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Yeah.

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It's like, fuck.

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That's a pretty bad date. Mostly getting put in the squad car. Like I didn't fucking do

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nothing.

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Well yeah man, but they don't know. Gotta give them, the police have to go through the

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whole fucking procedure.

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Isn't it just-

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Closest person first and then you branch out from there.

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Yeah.

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Well this is a, closest person is her. She did it to herself.

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Well they didn't know that. Well you can't eat well.

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Well is heroin in your arm with-

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You can't be too sure what the fucking, like murder setups. Make them look like she did

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heroin. I'm scoffery.

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Next one is by, I am not going to try to pronounce that name. I'm just going to skip past it.

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This is a racial slur.

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No it's a XZA fear ion X.

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You haven't done that either?

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Exactly. They put, went on a date after talking with someone on Tinder for a couple of weeks.

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The conversation online was pleasant and the usual small talk about hobbies or interests,

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et cetera. No flags. We arranged to meet in the city for coffee. I arrive and she's already

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there.

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In the city man? What are you living in the fucking woods?

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Or like in a suburb.

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It's nothing like her pictures. Catfished lol. I think to myself.

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Damn it.

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Oh well most people tend to embellish their photos. Let's see what she's like in person.

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This is where I fucked up. I get talking and she asks what I'm doing next weekend. I love

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camping and exploring and say I'm camping and four-wheeling with mates. She asks if

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she can come along.

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No it's okay. We only have just met. She loses her shit and acts like we have been dating

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for years saying how dare you not take me along. Blah blah blah. I fucked up again and

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decided to stay talking.

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She asks where I'm going to camp after calming down a bit and I give a rough estimate. Ex-forest.

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And she replies, oh that's nice. I'll see you there. I think that's weird and reiterate

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that I'm not comfortable with that. To her reply, no I'm going there and I'm going to

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kill you. You won't see me coming. As she proceeds to laugh a maniacal laugh.

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Man women can just get away with being fucking insane. I know. And he'd be like oh god.

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It's like now he ain't going to be able to go camping. He can't go four-wheeling because

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of this crazy bitch.

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He's going to watch his back close his doors at night. Yup. You gotta tell him, hey man

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he's got a man up. You gotta survive. Fucking hits him with her car. It's like oh shit she's

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trying to kill me.

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Next one is by B Rivers. They put, I agreed to go on a date with an older coworker from

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my first job at a supermarket. I was 20, he was 27.

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Oh we got ourselves a, wait is she a girl or a guy?

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That's a girl.

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I was hoping for a little bit of homosexual romance.

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He took me to lunch and didn't let me order for myself. When the waitress came to ask

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what I wanted to drink he cut me off and placed my drink and food order. I hadn't even glanced

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at the menu yet.

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Red flag.

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He proceeded by saying I needed to meet his mother and brother soon and how we should

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get married and eventually have kids.

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God dang bro slow down.

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Mind you he didn't know a single thing about me. I quit shortly after that and he would

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message me on social media every now and then saying things like.

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I'm gonna follow you to the woods and kill you.

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My vent boyfriend didn't deserve me until I blocked him everywhere.

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Jesus man.

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You're crazy people, crazy people.

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Next one is by Harvesting Eyes.

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The fact that they go through life being insane and never go to jail.

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Yeah.

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Like no.

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God dang come on now.

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This person puts on our second date he expressed.

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They made it through the first one.

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Yay.

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He expressed wanting a 100% power exchange 24 7 from the start.

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Power exchange? What are they swapping?

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What are they the fucking wonder twin powers activate?

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This means he wanted complete control of me.

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What I wore, where I went to college etc.

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Wow 50 shades of gray.

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Red flag.

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I support whatever safe consensual BDSM people want me to do but this is a serious deal breaker

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for me.

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I think he has serious issues and he wasn't funny.

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Was it Jonah Hill?

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So she's okay.

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Was it Jonah Hill?

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She's okay with all the other things but you tell me what to do.

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No.

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Well that is kind of yeah that kind of goes beyond.

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There's like within the context of bedroom.

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You can do all that but as they branch out into the real world.

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She's not a slave.

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It seems like she doesn't mind being one.

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Just like beyond you know.

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This is what you can eat.

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This is what you can wear.

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This is what movies you can go see.

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That's a little bit too far.

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And last one is by murky mouse.

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Not Mickey Mouse.

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I'm racist as fuck.

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Now here's how you know we're never gonna work for Disney if I just fucking mocked you.

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We've made fun of them so often.

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We've made fun of them with Winnie the Pooh.

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We've made fun of them with Mickey.

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The Jews did it.

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I'd be mad at that one.

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This person puts first date with a guy I met on a dating app.

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I sat down and he immediately was like oh yes you are hotter than your girl.

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Your pictures and you're my girlfriend now.

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That was quick.

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Came on real strong.

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I chalked it up to keenness at first.

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Maybe a weird sense of humor.

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And figured I'd at least stick around for a drink or two.

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Fill it out.

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Even offered to buy the first round.

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Partly as an excuse to get away from the table for a second.

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I made some unrelated comment to the bartender that made him laugh.

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And when I got back to the table dude lost his shit.

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What are these fucking triggers that get people like Jesus Christ.

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Wanted to know what I said.

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Either I thought the bartender was good looking, had somehow gotten insta jealous of a bartender

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five minutes after meeting me.

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Jesus Christ is it Jonah Hill again?

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There was no circuits I could drink.

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Damn Jonah Hill gets out of guts around.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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God the dating market.

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It's wild.

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Yeah there's some controlling ass people out there.

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That's why I work as a gigolo.

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It's your stage name.

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Stretch marks.

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That's your stripper name.

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They call me back blood because I just be blown back.

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Yeah I go into the mouth and it blows out the ass.

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That made me fucking.

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It's fucking gross.

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I feel like there's gonna be real mad at that joke.

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I just thought that's fine after the back blow thing.

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That'd be fine.

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There's more fun with that than the other thing.

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It's all in jest Disney.

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I say you guys need a new superhero for MCU.

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You got me.

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Oh boy.

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Randy Marsh.

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What banging a bat and a fucking Panagoni.

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What is it a pangolin?

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Yeah pangolin man when they go hard they go hard on those fucking they don't stay don't

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fucking sugar-coated at all.

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He's like he was just fucking the shit out of that bat.

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00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:24,640
Yeah.

233
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,360
They go after Disney as well.

234
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,360
Quite a bit.

235
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:29,640
So they're fucking rich.

236
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,640
They don't care.

237
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,040
They also went after him with the Jonas Brothers.

238
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:37,280
Fucking broke the by kill us instantly.

239
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,560
Fucking send a fixer to fucking kill both of us.

240
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:44,400
Yeah, I found out their fixers is a real thing in Hollywood.

241
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,400
That's scary.

242
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,120
I can wake up to a guy smoking a cigarette in my corner.

243
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,320
I've been talking about Disney huh?

244
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:57,600
Mickey Mouse walks out the closet.

245
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,440
It's funny.

246
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:06,160
But the final real quick.

247
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,160
Give me the knuckles.

248
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,360
I get some brass knuckles and beasts out of me.

249
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,240
Like Mickey Mouse is real.

250
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,240
We just don't see him.

251
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,560
He's a fucking power behind the throne.

252
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:21,640
All right, but that is everything that we got for you guys on Reddit this week.

253
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,680
I've never seen goofy in years.

254
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:27,320
He started talking back to Mickey Mouse and we haven't seen him ever since.

255
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:32,960
He did one time.

256
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,080
Daffy Duck has spoken in years either.

257
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,080
No, no.

258
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:41,080
So I'll just Mickey Mouse now.

259
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,080
The house of Mouse.

260
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,080
Oh yeah.

261
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,080
That was all right.

262
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,080
He killed everyone else.

263
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,280
Pretty much.

264
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,280
But he beats his wife Minnie.

265
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:54,520
That's not part of her family guy.

266
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,640
That's family guy wasn't it?

267
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:57,640
I don't think so.

268
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,640
I just made that up.

269
00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:59,640
No, there was one thing where he did.

270
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,200
We just beat the hell out of Minnie Mouse.

271
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,200
I think so.

272
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,200
Oh no.

273
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:07,480
No, it was Peter making Minnie strip.

274
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,480
What did it know?

275
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,480
It was a cutaway.

276
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:10,480
Yeah.

277
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,480
It was fucking Walt Disney.

278
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,480
Walt Disney.

279
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:13,480
Want to be a star?

280
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:24,480
Oh, there's that one one like Mickey Mouse is banging on the walls.

281
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:28,040
I can't remember the other one.

282
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,040
He was just going off.

283
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,200
You remember like Brian and still we're trying to rebuild the house.

284
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,760
They can hear the mouse is banging.

285
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,760
It was Mickey Mouse.

286
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,760
Yeah.

287
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,760
I remember that.

288
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,920
Oh man.

289
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,400
But anything else before we head out?

290
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:49,760
Always seek a stable, mature, emotionally level person to date.

291
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,200
That is very great advice.

292
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,200
Any red flags?

293
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,200
Immediately.

294
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,200
Don't ignore him.

295
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:59,080
I don't believe there's no way I'd have some woman kicking me in the fucking face.

296
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,080
Don't look.

297
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,360
Don't look at the red flag as if it's the Switzerland flag because it's not peaceful.

298
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:08,720
By the way, don't give a person a ride home after you guys had a bad first date.

299
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:09,720
Get her an Uber or something.

300
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:13,320
It ended up getting kicked in the face by some chick that made her if you hate her so much,

301
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,320
make her pay for her own Uber.

302
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,320
Fucking kid.

303
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,320
No, I gotta be courteous.

304
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,320
Here you go.

305
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,320
Here's your Uber.

306
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,320
I hope I never see you again.

307
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:25,440
I mean, like she's what they drugs kicked in and she went bad shit crazy.

308
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,320
And then if he fought back, it was her his word against hers.

309
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,080
Although she was on drugs so he could they can do a toxicology report.

310
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,760
Yeah, but in today's world, it's better just to not even deal with it.

311
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,760
So it's better than just fucking keep your hands up.

312
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,760
Take that asshole.

313
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:39,760
I didn't know.

314
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,560
She's got no fucking defensive wounds.

315
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,560
I do.

316
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,880
We'll see you guys on the next one.

317
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:55,120
It's going to be ****