Hello and welcome to episode 45 of the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
This is what we are covering tonight.
This is not deja vu.
We're covering Doc Constantine again.
My side of it.
Michael watched it.
Now I'm I watched it too after he did and I was so excited to watch it.
I shared my little insights.
Cool.
But before we do like, share and subscribe to the channel.
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K O E podcast.
But let's go ahead and get into it.
All right.
So because we covers Constantine on the last video.
I was like, man, this is a good movie.
And I had if there's any major flaw with it, I'll tell you at the end of my little dissertation
here.
Right.
But there was one major flaw that I couldn't wrap my head around until yesterday, which
is like I watched this a week ago.
So I was like, that's why it feels like that.
Right.
When I kept watching it and it made perfect sense when I finally realized what it was.
But I will do that after I go through this.
So of course, overall, would you think of it?
It's a solid movie.
It earned and it deserved its cult status.
And the sequel, we'll see how it goes.
So you disagree with the original rating of a five out of 10?
It did.
It's better than a five out of 10.
Right.
It's a little bit better than average.
Everything has flaws and like I'll get into them.
But it's a good movie to watch, you know, sit down and just enjoy a good movie.
It's coming.
Count of Reefs.
Yeah.
You know, he was John Wick.
The version where he's an asshole to people.
And even him being an asshole is like the tamest version of being an asshole I've ever
seen.
Still the nicest kind of asshole.
Not holding an elevator is like the most fucked up thing you did in that movie.
He's like, wait, the elevator is no.
I'm going down.
No, when she said she's like, oh, you're going down.
I was like, not if I can help you.
And he fucking drags a fucking takes a full puff of cigarettes and spills it in the small
lady's face.
He wasn't nowhere near the asshole that the character actually is.
Right.
But it's Count of Reefs.
So the first thing that pops up is the thing about the spirit destiny that says he who
possesses the spirit destiny holds the fate of the world in his hands.
And I'm like, if I remember history right, or from whatever this myth grew out of was
the fact that the Nazis have for some reason had the spirit destiny.
That was the big fucking like legend.
And I guess they incorporated it into the movie.
And well, they get that from DC's version of the spirit of destiny.
Is that when the little myth started?
Yeah, it was lost during World War Two.
Because I remember in Hellboy, the 2004 one with Guillermo del Toro and Ron Perlman, he
also had the spirit destiny.
So for some reason, the Nazis always have the spirit destiny.
So I'm like, OK, so it's been lost.
Yeah, then it's been lost to time.
It's the spirit of destiny has been missing since the end of World War Two.
And lo and behold, when those Mexican guys are digging through like the most desolate
place to look for treasure.
I'm like, it wasn't like an old church or something like that, I think.
It was no, it's just a rundown on like structure.
Like it was like not even a habit.
It was like a like a fallout from a bomb explosion.
No, I mean, I think that's what it was.
It was supposed to be a church, like a missionary church.
It didn't look like just like like a metal structure like that, like half of one.
Yeah.
And like a wood floor.
I don't know what the fuck they were looking for.
Like they were not going to find shit out there.
A fucking Fanta can of Fanta.
So the guy, of course, his foot breaks through the bottom of that, the woods, and he pulls
out the fucking spirit destiny and it's in a fucking wrapped in a fucking Nazi flag.
I'm like, so they did fucking have it.
But if it was so powerful, my thinking goes, did a set a group of Nazis steal it from Hitler?
And that's what led to them losing the World War.
Or did something else happen?
Did someone like some magical beings of the time, right, fought against Hitler and they
were able to counteract the spirit power.
So the Nazis hit it because it was so powerful.
They wanted to keep it in case they wanted to restart another, you know, war is I don't
understand why they had, why they lost the war.
Right.
So that's the only thing I can like rationalize is that some other magic users of that time
in the fifties, like, you know, the fucking Allied forces like, oh, we got wizards too.
And then they fought the Nazi wizards and they beat them and they didn't want them to
get the spirit destiny.
So Nazi hit it for some reason.
They hit it in Mexico.
Well, if I remember right, I would DC lore, it's a, it was hidden in that church specifically.
Just that one for like, it was, it was like a sanctified church.
So it's supposed to be hidden there away from everybody else.
Cause then nobody knows where it is.
But if I remember right, it was Nazis that hit it though.
Fucking Nazis.
The root of all evil.
And the funniest part to me is the fact that the Mexican guy gets it right.
And of course it becomes indestructible because he gets possessed by Maaman.
But it would have been funny as he tries to cross the border.
If they had caught him and sent him back to Mexico.
Like, ah, fuck.
I know it wouldn't have not have worked in that movie, but it would have been fucking
hilarious.
Like every time he tried to catch me, he's like, damn, Maaman can't get back to Los Angeles.
He's trying to get to Los Angeles.
And they won't fucking let him cross.
Like, damn it.
Trying to cross the Tijuana.
Like everywhere he goes, they fuck border patrol, the most powerful force.
And he can't get cross border patrol.
Damn it.
These motherfuckers.
That would be funny though.
So we go to Constantine and that demon possessed girl.
For some reason he had to specify that this was a soldier demon that was trying to rip
through her fucking stomach.
I don't know why they kept saying like, oh, it's a soldier demon.
I guess because it's like, it gets a higher level of demon.
But he kept saying that the soldier demon was trying to rip out of this girl.
And he had those fucking like weird, like, uh, I don't want to say keys, but that's what
they were shaped like on, on like a fucking key ring.
And he was the ones we talked about at the end of the last episode about it.
Did we?
Yeah.
Where he shoves it into her head.
Yeah.
And like, I didn't realize when I watched it, I didn't like, he had like a, like, I
don't know if it's a bunch of different religions or just a bunch of different symbols that
affect specific demons, right?
But he was going through them, right?
And then that one, that specific one was the sun was like, you know, like the rays coming
on the side.
And he kept putting them like, he had them against the window and the light and he kept
putting one forward to show it.
And like he dropped it because it was no effect.
The other one came up, dropped it, no effect.
And then that third one came up and demon was like, oh shit.
And he's like, there's the one.
And that's, that was so weird.
Like if you, I don't know if it's different religions or if it's different, just symbols
of the same, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I couldn't understand that part.
Plus he didn't say what it was, those things, which makes me fucking mad.
It bothers you cause you want to know.
Like, oh yeah, I went on this actual thing.
So of course you got his sidekick, Chaz Kramer.
I don't know if it's Chaz Kramer or Kramer Chaz.
Chaz Kramer.
Yeah.
And like it's fucking Shia LaBeouf.
You know what's funny is that's, that's the second, I think that was the second movie
in the same year that he was a sidekick to a, a, a A-list celebrity.
Was the other one Indiana?
No.
This was years later was Indiana Jones.
It was I, Robot with Will Smith.
He was in that movie too.
He was kind of a sidekick as well.
I forgot that he was even in that movie.
Yeah.
Because he didn't do shit in that movie.
Like he didn't do shit in this movie.
Well, like he did a little bit more, but you know, not enough.
So when you meet Chaz, there's a whole bunch of books on his fucking dashboard and they
show one specifically called Satanism and Witchcraft, the classic study of medieval
superstition and no shit.
It's an, it's a real book in on Amazon for like fucking $17 really by Jules Mitch, Mitch
and Mitchell.
So it looks like Chaz has been doing some actual homework cause he's got like a hundred,
like a dozen books on the fucking dashboard.
Like he's taking his fucking apprenticeship seriously.
All right.
So the next thing was the, the protection necklace was like, okay, so this thing is
apparently incredibly powerful.
This necklace.
It's a father Hennessy, keep the voices out of his head.
Right.
And he gave it to Angela to protect her from getting abducted by Amon.
Like we're going on the basis.
You guys saw the first one, so I'm not going to, I'm going to go back and forth and if
she leaves it in the car to go to, to go find a Constantine and then she gets fucking abducted
by a Gabriel, I'm guessing, but she gets sucked through the fucking walls.
Yeah.
It was Gabriel.
And I'm like, wait, so if this necklace is that powerful for one, why the fuck didn't
Hennessy put it back on?
And he just fucking lost his damn mind.
I guess he got up to, uh, he had given it to Constantine.
Did he?
Did Constantine, I thought he put it in his pocket.
No, he gave it to Constantine.
No because he took it out of his pocket when he's dead, when he was dead.
Did he?
Yeah.
Uh, he like found it in his chest pocket.
So Hennessy still had it on him.
And I'm like, what the fuck did you not wear it for?
My guessing is that Balthazar, uh, was getting into his head a little bit.
And so he, he didn't even give him the option of thinking about it.
So he's like, he was, you know, when you're fucking irrational and you're losing your
shit.
Drinking a whole bunch of liquor thinking that you're not drinking nothing.
Yeah.
So he, he was not in his right state of mind.
So Constantine took the necklace back, but then if that necklace was so fucking powerful,
what gets me was here's the plot point problem was he gave, so he goes to, uh, uh, confront
Balthazar, which by the way, Balthazar gives me a fucking two-faced vibes, the whole fucking
movie.
First he's got the suit like to like, uh, Harvey Dent and he does the coin thing.
Yeah.
And then when Constantine, uh, throws holy water on him, he gets the fucking split face.
And I'm like, what?
You're doing this on purpose.
I know you are.
Yep.
I'm gonna face the entire movie for me.
So, uh, so yeah, he goes and confronts Balthazar.
He, uh, he had just, uh, uh, made his fucking shotgun cross gun, the cross gun, I'm gonna
call it.
And uh, there was another fucking point of contention with me was he goes and fights
Balthazar and immediately loses the gun on the floor.
I'm like, what, like all that buildup and you fucking lose it in the first fucking altercation.
But fire also doesn't hurt him really.
Well, he should have thought of that.
He should have put some fucking holy water across him or something.
So he loses it to Balthazar and then that, and that same scene, uh, is, no, uh, Angela
leaves the necklace that he just put on her neck himself.
She thought he was going in for a kiss and she's like, ah, no, put this necklace on.
And, uh, and then for some reason she takes her coat off.
The reason she takes the necklace off though is because it interferes with her psychic
powers and blocks them.
She wasn't using them anyway.
That's why it helped, uh, the father because whenever he's wearing it, it doesn't like
his psychic abilities that he has don't affect him as much.
Well, that's a good way to, I mean, they should have elaborated a little bit on it, but yeah,
whenever you actually do the digging into the, like the, the lore of that specific necklace,
that's why.
Oh man.
That thing is that necklace is like tremendous then that necklace also, if I remember right
appeared in Sandman too, the same one.
I mean obviously different multiverse like yeah, but it's, it should be the, I think
it's the same exact necklace.
I don't know.
I mean they should have just left it out of the fucking thing anyway.
Yeah.
She never used the fucking pointless.
Like what was the point of doing that scene and then have her leave it in the fucking
car?
I think it was more of so that way they could have them get real close together and then
not kiss.
They could have done that any other way.
It was that little like plot device.
The cool thing that I liked was Angela late in ability.
She told the, when she went to go confess to the father that she like feels like something
guides her toward to that specific crook and it tells you, it tells her when to fucking
duck, when to shoot, when to, uh, so her abilities were always there, but on a more, uh, subconscious
level and a more practical level, if she was like just constantly killing, uh, she was
like, and she had like a fucking standing invitation to talk to the father cause she
constantly killed crooks.
She always knew where to go and she always knew when to shoot them, where to shoot them
and when to duck away.
I'm like, damn, that'd be a great power to have.
Just like an innate ability of to fucking, yeah.
So now my favorite part of the scenes, the movie was a B man when he meets B man in his
apartment, one thing I couldn't understand was, so do they both live in the same fucking
spot B man and Constantine because he was, Constantine lives above the bowling alley.
It seems like B man lives in the bowling alley in the back.
Yeah.
And I'm like, do you guys live on the same?
I think they might live in the same building.
It was so weird to me cause like that bowling alley like kept showing up, but it was two
different fucking scenes.
It'd be the back of the bowling alley for B man and then it'd be above the bowling alley
for Constantine in his apartment.
So I'm like, so why did he, why did he, so I like that they're fucking roommates or something.
But the stuff that he gave him was really exciting to me.
I got to B man as his supplier.
So for some reason he trades a fucking toy Indian.
Remember that little toy that does a sheep, or no like, he's like, Oh, thank you Constantine.
This would be, I don't know what the weird, his obsession is with the weird fucking, you
know what I mean?
Because for what he got and what he traded was a really unfair trade to me.
Because he got the, he got bullet shavings from the assassination attempt on the Pope.
So basically they're saying the Pope is a magical person in this world.
And because those bullets hit him that they now had gained magical ability.
Yeah.
Cause he, the bullet shavings, if I remember there wasn't an actual assassination attempt
on the Pope, wasn't it back in like 90s?
And they shot him, but he survived.
So he's saying that he somehow got the shavings of some of those bullets.
I don't know what they would do for Constantine.
Maybe he snorts them.
Who knows?
It's possible.
What else?
He had the Holy water, epilers from the river Jordan, like little glass grenades.
I like those.
The river Jordan, I guess is a biblical thing.
I don't remember mine.
It is my Bibliosity.
I don't know how to say it.
My theology, theology.
Yes.
So that was cool.
What was your theology?
You had a dragon's breath, which I'm guessing is just, it was just a, like a little wand
for dragons or their, uh, fire.
So I guess dragons are now almost extinct in this world.
So it's hard to come across their ability.
Maybe is what I'm guessing.
So I thought you couldn't get any more to go.
I got my ways, John.
So he's got dragon's breath.
My favorite one was the screech beetle.
He said he got it from Amityville.
And that was fucked up.
Amityville?
Where the Amityville horror happened?
Yeah.
He had a little fucking Cleopatra matchbox and it does, it sounds like a little fucking
beetle screeching, but the falling, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard, which man, for
some reason, it always hurts my front teeth.
What affects you when you, when you hear nails, like grinding on a chalkboard?
It's always to me, it's always my two front teeth that I really hurt.
Yeah.
I'm like, man, what the?
Or like right between your nose and your top of your mouth right there.
It's like, it's a weird feeling.
I don't know what other people feel, but that's what I feel.
I'm like, I feel like my teeth are grinding against the fucking thing.
Shit is fucking, shit.
It fucking kills me.
Yeah, it does.
And for some reason it does make you feel that way.
Don't it?
It's fucking terrible.
And you can feel it on your own fingers too.
It's like, yeah.
Um, so he had that stuff.
Then he asked B man to look for the scrolls on a precedent for a demons being able to
come to our plane.
So I guess B man's his fucking also his, uh, researcher and stuff like that.
Yeah.
So that was cool.
Uh, they did a little fucking, uh, painting when he went to go meet, uh, Gabriel for the
first time at the library was that one Jesus on the cross getting stabbed by the spear
to let you know, Oh, this is going to be the spirit destiny.
The foreshadowing basically.
Yeah.
Just a little Easter egg.
Like, Oh, there you go.
So we get to pop a pop a midnight and he is just too cool in this movie.
There's a, there's a, a guy that I'm reading a book about called John Truby and he's one
of those, uh, story consultant for movies and all sorts of screenplays and stuff.
And he's given him, I'm reading both his books on being a better writer in general, like
his 22 steps to be a master writer, a storyteller, which is a grand fucking thing to promote.
Like you read this cover to cover four times, you'll be a master storyteller that I can't
tell everybody is there going to be, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You gotta have a little bit of talent, but with a little bit of like instruction that
telling goes further.
Um, but he says, never make your side character or your secondary character more popular or
more interesting than your main character.
And I don't want to be an asshole, but pop a midnight was much more interesting to me
than Constantine in this movie.
They're like, man, you guys need to fucking tone it down on pop a midnight.
Cause you're breaking a rule here.
He was better than that.
Cause I've seen him in Shazam.
Yeah.
Much better than fucking Shazam.
Yes.
Jesus.
That was a terrible idea.
Like that character fits him specifically very well.
It's like in my house, in my house.
So yeah, he's a crusader.
He used to be a crusader for good, but he took the oath of neutrality.
So he's got his fucking nightclub and John goes in there and I like that.
The card is just like, he's like two frogs, two frogs on a desk.
He's like two frogs on a bench.
Yeah.
Two frogs on a bench.
And then fucking Kramer's was a rat in a dress.
And I'm like, man, he's not getting in.
So they have a little bit of a bad history because Constantine used to sell relics.
Cause I remember when he first came in, he used to sell more relics.
So I got out of that business a long time ago.
And he had sold pop a midnight at a forgery.
And John Constantine's like, I made a conness mistake.
So I'm surprised he let it go.
You know what I mean?
They just sold me a fake artifact.
I'd be pissed.
So they have a little bit of bad history, but they're still, they're both good guys.
So it's, you know, the water, what's the word?
You just like, uh, water under the bridge.
Yeah, basically.
So the, one of the most interesting things was, uh, Gabriel told, uh, Constantine that
the reason he's going to die, it could, you smoke 30 cigarettes a day since the age of
15, since the age of 15.
And you know, I had to, so I did the math more, more or less.
So going from the movie, the movie coming out in 2005.
So that world is 2005, uh, America.
I know like they, they make, they make movies the year before.
So they filmed it in 2004, but in the movie in that universe is 2005.
So that, that, and he was a counter-reason board in 1964.
So within that context, he was 41 within the world of Constantine in 2005.
That's 26 years.
That is 9,490 days, which is like, I thought it would be way more than that, but that's
a lot of years.
That's a lot of days for 365 times 26.
So that is, he smoked, I'm sure she would, you know, exaggerate a little, you know, you
throughout the day things change, you know, it couldn't be exactly 30, but I did 30 exactly.
That means he smoked 284,700 cigarettes.
That smoke to almost a quarter of a million cigarettes.
No wonder you got lung cancer, you stupid bastard.
So there you go.
26 years, almost over a quarter of a million cigarettes.
Yeah.
He must've just fucking been wasting cash.
You seen his lungs whenever the devil ripped him out.
I saw the fucking whatever ooze it had.
I think his lungs were like clean after that, but man, they were gross.
Um, what else?
Uh, yeah, so Papa midnight was used to be a, uh, I didn't know what he was at first,
but he gets with just a regular guy.
He used to be a witch doctor.
Like a voodoo witch doctor, like I like constant, like a magician, like Constantine, a wizard
and, uh, constantly something about a one witch doctor against 30 as guard Ash guard
A S G A R A.
I didn't have time to look it up, but I'm guessing it's like demons or something.
So I guess, uh, uh, Papa Constantine or public property, Papa midnight, uh, used to just
fucking go to war against, uh, some other like organization or something.
Yeah, I'm not sure, but, uh, he w he fought the good fight and I guess he retired.
Uh, so see, because I think he's much older than he looks to.
Yeah.
He's like, the actor is always older than you think he is, but he's always like, like,
uh, it's like, uh, oh, what are you 30?
I'm 92.
Like God, uh, so that was that time that Angela gets saved by John.
Well, when Angela first meets John, right?
So he goes to his apartment, by the way, his apartment is weird.
Like it's a regular apartment, but like, you know, of course he's got like the fucking
on the door frame.
He's got the, the protection symbols to keep entities out, I guess.
And for somebody who has just a fucking, just a fucking line of fucking gallons of water,
just like against the fucking wall outside, like on the windows.
Did you see that?
Like what the fuck is all the water for?
I'm so confused.
Could be holy water.
That's what I was thinking.
Like, is it a holy water or are you just, you can, you're not paying your water bill.
You know what I mean?
Either is a possibility.
What the fuck is going on?
I think it might be holy water though.
So they meet and then she leaves cause he doesn't want to help her.
Then he fucking sees those demons coming after her and he has the, he goes and saves her
and the whole fucking place, the whole street goes black right before the demons attack
him and he gets to have fucking cloths around his hand, which I'm mad about cause he didn't
say what it was.
He'd like fucking, he, he lights it and it's like, he causes this fucking holy beam of
light to come out and burn away all the demons.
So I was mad about that.
I'm like, what, what is it?
What's the cloth?
What is it?
I want to know.
Well, I'm going to find out because I ordered the novelization of the book, the fucking
movie.
See, I got you on a diamond.
When the detective with me wakes up, it's hard to kill him.
I put him back to sleep.
So of course John goes to hell on that one, that time that he played fucking, uh, did
that surfing or whatever, the soul surfing.
He, like he had to fucking Angela give him a fucking little tub of water with the cat.
Yeah.
They just, you gotta wait outside though.
I'm like, why does she have to wait outside for?
I'm so real confused.
And he like, he goes to find Isabelle and he has that fucking little globe.
Oh, it looks like a little, like a little, uh, crystal ball, but like a compass, which
he didn't say what the fuck that was either.
I'm guessing it's to find specific souls that he needs to look for.
So he was looking for Isabelle, Angela's sister.
One thing they kept from the series, the comic books was the fact that any, any friend of
Constantine ends up in a horrific way.
The longer they stay friends with him, cause Hennessey, Bee Man and Kramer all die.
And they fucking three for three.
Yep.
The only reason Angela didn't die was because they were just now becoming friends.
So by the next movie, she's probably dead.
Constantine too, she's dead already.
Probably.
That's just how his character is.
Yeah.
Any, any of his allies always end up with a worst fate that they had before they met
him.
It's fucking terrible.
It goes with the comic books too.
So they kept up with that.
Pretty well.
Yeah.
Let me see.
What else do I have?
Of course, uh, Angela gets kidnapped by, uh, uh, Gabriel and, uh, he goes back to a pop
of midnight cause he, he's trying to figure out where they would go or what they're planning.
And he asked him to use the chair being in which the chair is an electric chair from
fucking the prison Sing Sing that they use to kill, you know, death, death row inmates.
200 men have gone through that fucking chair.
So apparently it's highly potent.
Yeah.
For a spiritual energy.
And uh, I knew now I found out why he needed the alcohol.
It's like to get, to give the fucking ground some flavor when he fucking lit it up with
the electricity.
It's like for flavor, spits it all on the ground.
Then he fucking torches Constantine.
Are you ready?
He flops him up immediately.
One thing I didn't like was the fact that, uh, Oh yeah.
The holy brass knuckles that constantly had when he, when he punched, when he punched
bouts his arm, it slides them on.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay.
I kind of liked that.
Uh, so let me think here.
Let me read through my fucking files of madness.
So the one thing I didn't like was that Papa midnight didn't show, just didn't team up
with them to go to the, you know, he's, he's still foot neutrality.
But I mean, like you made him too interesting with character, not to, uh, use him more.
Yeah.
Like he should have been on the, like, especially if it's like something as grave as what was
going to happen with hell on earth, like neutrality would be out the door.
Like Constantine should have told him that and be like, you know, you got to break your
oath.
So yeah, I, I, I, my hope is that for this new Constantine that they've announced anyway,
I hope they do have him like in it, like it's more of like a sidekick type character.
Well, he's the only one who's still be alive unless he died too.
I mean, it's a possibility.
Constantine has bad luck for everybody.
Basically.
Like he just absorbs their good luck or some shit.
Yeah.
Uh, so of course Chaz finally gets his big moment and he's, he's over the hell.
I like that he was sitting like they had melted down all those gold, uh, artifacts and we're
making like, like a Holy bullets with him.
That was fucking awesome.
Um, let's see.
So yeah, poor Chaz dies.
Yeah.
And a pretty bad way to just get getting smashed.
Yeah.
Like up and down the fucking wall on the ground.
I told you that would hurt so bad too.
Cause it's concrete floor and then just metal ceiling, just back and forth.
I'm thinking, let me see.
Here's one thing that I found kind of odd was that every time Angela died, uh, she would
go to hell like when Constantine tried to kill her in the bathtub, she fucking, uh,
broke through the, like she used her, her psychic abilities and, uh, she's like all
those poor souls trapped down there.
And like she died somewhere else.
I think I can't remember where in the movie, but she, there was two instances where she
sort of dies and she goes to hell.
Like why is she going straight to hell?
Because of her sister, the link that she has with Isabelle.
So she drags her to hell too?
Yeah.
I'd have been like, you dirty bitch.
That sucks.
Let me see.
So, um, John's most powerful, I guess ability was those tattoos that he had that he used
pretty much at the end of the movie.
He's got like two, he's got one day it's one tattoo, but, uh, drawn on both of his arms
and he brings them up like, like, uh, forearm to forearm.
Like he has to pretty much pull down his sleeves.
And I guess like it brings forth like, uh, things that are hidden or invisible to the
naked eye.
Yeah.
Like that, that seemed like his most powerful, uh, that was pretty cool.
And it took him twice to be able to even do it.
Yeah.
Like the first time I kind of bounced back cause Gabriel's so powerful.
I mean, hell she grabbed fucking, by the way, that woman Tilda that plays, uh, Gabriel also
played the master in, uh, Dr. Strange.
So she has, she has a great ability of taking the roles of men and making them work for
her.
I kind of wonder if it was a joke from a Marvel because she had hair and constantly, but she
was bald and strange.
So we got her too.
Plus, I mean, you, you can, you gotta give her respect that she fucking knocked out the
incredible Hulk and end game.
Yeah.
Fucking knocked the soul out of his fucking body.
I'm like, God dang props to her.
Uh, so I mean, she fucking grabbed constant and she did what the Superman like breath
thing and he's like, ah, fucking gets lost like 40 feet away.
Okay.
So, so yeah, that's all the stuff that I noticed in the movie that I really enjoyed to watch.
Yeah.
I guess like I would have probably not done the, the, the slucifer coming down.
Should have been coming up.
Yeah.
Should have been like slower and like almost with like an ominous footstep, like, like
the T-Rex from Jurassic park.
Yeah.
Like, like he just comes, like he just opens up a door somewhere, like nothing, like coming
out of a fucking wall from hell, but like, like, like just like a nonchalant, like, like,
oh, not, not the elevator either, but like a stairway or something like it coming down
doesn't make any sense.
Cause he's not coming from heaven.
All I know is that it was a disgusting appearance and that's fucking black feet and like tarry
black.
Like he put some damn shoes on, like just, I don't know what the oil he was stepping
on.
I, I, I, whoever the, uh, not the director, but the art design person was had an obsession
though with feet.
Oh, because of a Gabriel too?
Yeah.
I noticed that too.
Did you notice that?
I'm like bitch, get your damn foot off of my fucking face.
It's not like it was attractive in any kind of way.
It was like to, to Garner disgust almost where it's like she's got her foot on his face.
She thought disrespectful, like, yeah, you're nasty fucking fungus tells on my face.
They were fungus there.
And then you have tar feed.
I guess he did have, I guess something about like, they don't need shoes apparently.
Yeah.
They're like, ah, who cares about shoes?
We're all powerful.
Like you got all the other clothes, so you can put some shoes on too.
I see.
Uh, what do you call it?
Uh, they did the whole like, uh, burning off of the wings and stuff like that for Gabriel
at the end where it's just nubs on her back, but they did the nubs of the wings before
X-Men could do that with angel.
How angel used to shave them off.
Oh yeah, man.
That must've been painful.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, dad.
I'm a memo freak.
My God, what the fuck?
I can't believe it.
My son's gay.
No, no.
What about the wings?
I don't care about the wings.
Just a super fucking rigid dad.
What did you think of the, uh, the mood of the movie?
Like the, the ambiance?
Um, then, well, it should not have been Los Angeles.
It was, it was too dark.
A setting, you know what I mean?
Like it was all, that movie was always dark.
The whole, like it was like, there's no sunlight.
There's no fucking way that works in Los Angeles.
Their version of Los Angeles is the saddest Los Angeles I've ever seen because like it's,
it's, I did not see sunlight.
Even when there was sunlight, it was dark as fuck.
Yeah.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Kinda, it's Los Angeles in this universe.
They're Los Angeles is gloomier than Chicago.
Yeah.
And I'm like, like a dusty gloomy too.
Yeah.
Like it didn't work.
It would be in Los Angeles.
Yeah.
And I'm like, it would have made sense if like, uh, it was like overcast, like that
coincided with what was the darkness that was coming.
So it would have been like a good, you know what I mean?
Like, like, like, oh, for some reason it's been raining and storming for weeks now in
a Los Angeles, like usually the sunniest place on earth.
Yeah.
But they never really say it's always just dark for no reason.
The only thing I can give them is that it could have been during fire season.
So just fucking smoke.
Yeah.
Cause smokey.
Cost is like delicious.
Breaking in that fucking ash.
Did you see that last after credit scene where it's got Chas looking like a fucking look
goofy as fuck.
Like I'll see you later.
Cause I'd have been mad as hell.
Like, damn it.
Cause I died a virgin.
You son of a bitch.
All right.
So I said, I, I, that was the one flaw that I saw in the movie from the beginning that
I couldn't figure out what it was.
And then like it hit me like on an epiphany.
I passed out after that.
After you got it.
I say, oh wow.
That's right.
Okay.
So there's a, when Papa midnight and constantly talking like, uh, come on, you Papa midnight
and you used to be a legend in all this.
Right.
And like in common is like, and you used to be the great John Constantine.
And that was that phrase.
Right.
That little interaction.
And then the thing about like, uh, the only soul that devil would come up to collect is
John Constantine.
Right.
And that would have worked phenomenally better in a trilogy.
That movie felt like it was the last movie in a trilogy.
The way they had it going, like constantly like was now at the end of his rope with,
you know, the tumors and like he wasn't, he's not as great as he used to be, you know,
Mamon trying to bring hell on earth, Papa midnight retired that in the context of a
trilogy within the first movie being the introduction of John Constantine, we learned and we learned
like, and he does something like carnage that messes with the devil.
Right.
The middle movie being at his greatest, like the con John Constantine and the third movie
being him falling out of being the greatest, like he's at the land of his life.
That it would, it works three times as better if it was a trilogy.
Right.
So basically that movie was the final movie of a trilogy is how I saw it.
Like that's why, you know, like that stuff would have hit much harder if we had seen
it three times.
Right.
Like he's smoking in the first one gets worse than the second one.
Now he's got cancer in the third one, you know, him and Papa midnight are close in the
first one.
Maybe they teamed up the second one.
He's now retired.
The third one makes more sense for him to team up at one last time with John Constantine.
Yeah.
You know, like the first one would have him like a B man in Tennessee introducing them.
So their deaths would hit even more at the end of the third one.
Yeah.
Like his friends always die.
But other than that, it's a good movie.
But you're not the first one to say that.
I know I'm not.
I can't be the only one.
That's a whole theory online.
Is that it was supposed to be a trilogy like that.
And that would have been the third movie.
Damn.
So I knew the way it was set up, like the, yeah, like that's how, that's just like, that's
how it felt.
That's what a lot of people think.
Like the, the director says no, and the screenwriters are like, no, no, no.
Don't you lie to me.
They can't lie.
But it seems like you can tell a story when you, you know what I mean?
You can tell.
They can lie as much as they want, but you can tell.
Because if you did place that directly as a third movie, it like, if everything fits,
yeah, perfectly, especially with like the stakes being like the end of the world, hell
on earth, you know, they wouldn't work for like a first or second movie because then
where do you go from that movie?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like that's what the start of the second one does.
Like I'm John, I got cancer again.
Just look at 50 packs.
Cause the only thing that actually makes it worse for this new movie.
Yeah.
Cause where do you go from here?
The only thing I can think of is that you do it as like a alternate DC like setup where
that was like the end of the other Constantine's life or something like, you know, like you'd
have to do something completely different though.
Cause you can't, you can't really start with the way that one ended.
Yeah.
Because let me like, you almost had like the, the antichrist on earth.
Yeah.
And like, wait a second one, you have the second antichrist, his brother, like to me,
the bond, it's a really bad name of kids.
This is my mom.
This is Bobon.
This is Steve.
But the way I don't know it, I thought it was a really good story and it was a good
movie, but like you said, if it was the third movie, it would have been like, it would have
been like, it would go down as one of the best comic book movies, trilogies of all time.
I think so.
Yeah.
But there's only one.
But I think that it was budget budget was super low.
So DC didn't even want to do it.
DC doesn't like doing any kind of John Constantine stuff really at all.
But like the last time they did, it was legends of tomorrow that CW with John Constantine
and they had a show with him too, a live action and it ended though.
Well, they tried like the character to me is he's more of a, he's very complex to add
to a superhero.
He fits more in a cinematic universe type thing just because he is a more complex character.
But having him like, it's one of those like team type shows.
Just, I don't know, it just doesn't work very well.
It just said like, you mean you Superman, we got this and it wouldn't work.
But he has worked with Batman, Batman works sometimes, but I mean, Batman,
you've seen Justice League Dark, right?
Yeah.
Like he fits that pretty well.
I was looking at it from like the general audience perspective was like, would be like
Batman is the dark gritty reality, like the new Batman movie and John Constantine is like
the supernatural dark demons and stuff.
So it would take a little bit to build it up into like a team up.
Yeah.
Cause you always have to do with the audience, like will they believe like right now they
believe a raccoon is a super like, you know, a superhero, right?
More than a more than fucking the flash.
Yeah.
So you build up to those things.
You know what I mean?
You don't just throw them in there like they did.
If they would have started, if they would have done a trilogy with Constantine and don't
get me wrong, I know it probably would have been hard because it's not a character that
everybody knows very well.
So it's not like doing a Batman trilogy and just, you know, being able to put it out there.
Like I think you would have had to have built it up a little bit differently for that to
originally come out and see, that's why that one is a cult classic as it is now because
it, and people that love John Constantine now can go back and it's like, Oh, this fits
perfectly as a third.
It's like it's Keanu Reeves.
Right.
It still fits at the end of his life, apparently.
But if you, if they would have done any kind of movie back then in like Oh five through
2010, like, like a Zatanna movie or something where you include him into it, that would
fit cause he's part of that whole narrative.
I think they are doing a just league black though, or dark.
Are they?
Yeah.
Well, Gamel de Toro, I think so.
They, uh, well, cause of James gunned, taken over the creative side or basically all of
a DC you now, they're making a, because when did Batman begins come out?
Uh, I can't remember what Oh five.
Was it a five or Oh four?
It sounds familiar.
So I'm worried like in the two thousands though, right?
I think so.
Well yeah, it'd be the two thousands.
I mean, I like the early two thousands, I think, uh, I'm probably completely off, but
if you would have had like the, the Batman begins trilogy and then had the Constantine
and have that as a trilogy and then you could have always so had something to do with like
a Zatanna Zatara type thing and then have them come together in a bigger movie later
on that actually would have worked.
I thought I am wrong.
The justice league dark HBO max show, the reporting canceled.
Nevermind.
But I love the concept of justice league dark because you have the, you have Batman, which
is the skeptic on every fucking thing.
He sees this shit happen with the justice league.
He's like, Oh bullshit bullshit.
It is a magician and sorcerer doctor faint sorcerer magic don't exist.
That's all bullshit.
That would be the funny bullshit.
Just possessed by a demon.
The demon leaves because it's bullshit.
I didn't get possessed.
What was it?
So there was a, I was it justice league unlimited or one of those where a dead man tried to
take over Batman's mind.
But Bruce is a, he's too resilient.
I think.
Yeah.
Where he can't, it can't do it.
Did the one where he gets sucked in the face by Robin?
I think so.
You take the one Batman's body.
It was David Wayne.
He starts fucking swinging.
They go down a fucking cliff or some shit.
Yeah.
I kind of remember from the comic book, but he's like, he's too resistant to any kind
of mental manipulation.
I like how it suddenly swings no matter what.
Damien.
Yeah.
Like he just started, no questions asked.
It starts fucking slinging.
And brings out the swords.
Basically like the, the more, a more aggressive Batman, if Batman couldn't be more aggressive
as it is, if Batman didn't have any fucking self control.
Yeah.
The Damon Waynes.
I kind of like the young justice version of Batman.
Yeah.
Man, that's a good, well, apparently they've, they actually started again.
I haven't watched any of the new episodes of young justice.
Yeah.
Cool.
I remember the, do you remember how they got the name young justice?
No.
Where it's like, it's not young.
It's just us.
Cancel that shit.
So it's young justice.
Cancel that shit right now.
Cause that was from the early 2000s I think.
Just cancel.
Just for that goofy dad joke.
Well that was in the comic books, not in the, not in the show.
Cancel the show just to teach the comic lesson.
Just to teach the comic book.
Yeah.
We have to send them a message.
Not about the money.
It's about sending a message.
So overall, what'd you think of the cinematography of it though?
Like the shots and stuff like that aside from the mood of it, but like the, the choice,
the way, yeah.
Like the effects and stuff.
Yeah.
They're all fine.
Not too bad.
At least for an, for an old five movie, they actually had some decent like visual effects.
They knew like where to place it.
Like a lot of things that go wrong in movies nowadays is combat where you have someone
swinging swinging with your right hand, right?
To punch somebody and the person, instead of falling on their right side, which would
be toward the camera, they'd fall on the left side, which is away from the camera.
But the guy was punching on his right with his right hand.
So let's say if I ran up and you have punched you, right?
And instead of falling to your right, which is my left, you fall to my right, which is
also my right.
They did a lot of movies.
Like they just don't do good choreography of what they're doing.
Like continuity wise.
Right.
It's yeah, it's pretty bad.
Some of those things I like that they didn't just rely on practical or they didn't rely
on special effects.
There's a lot of practical effects too in the actual movie itself.
So like with Balthazar, like they didn't just rely purely on special effects.
They actually had the makeup that made him look almost like two things.
He looked just like two things.
I don't know why they went with that.
He looked like a better two face than the two face from the Batman forever movie.
Yeah.
And like he had like the fucking suit, like Harvey Dent.
Like it like there's no way the coin.
Yeah.
I don't know what they were.
Is Balthazar just like trying to pretend to be Harvey Dent?
Could be.
Is that what the history about the character is?
I'm real confused as to why they went with that angle at all.
Or just like a little Easter egg to Batman.
Yeah.
Who knows?
It was just weird.
It was probably an Easter egg I would think.
Because it's like, I mean he is DC associated.
Yeah.
So it could be a Harvey Dent type thing.
But out of all the characters, so random.
But it's a good movie.
Check it out.
Go read the book like I'm going to.
And we'll have a third episode.
Third episode and I can, yeah, I probably go into a deeper detail of everything.
If you know me, I always go deep.
As the ladies.
We're on the deep end, the shallow end of the pool.
I go, I go Mary on a trench deep.
Collapsible submarine.
Core to the earth.
Oh, that's a bit too sick still.
The messed up part was like, they pretty much died instantly.
Like the minute they went down there.
The really messed up part is they knew about it for weeks.
Yeah, like they were like a week.
And no one, no, we're still searching.
We're still searching.
With like the rabbit ear, like finger thing.
Yeah.
The quotation mark.
Yeah, I'm like, what?
Searching for what?
They're dead.
When the Navy had already had the sound come up.
Yeah, like they're dead.
They're dead.
I don't know.
I don't, I'm sorry for the loss of life, right?
But these billionaires, man, they go into stupid stuff.
Well James Cameron, he said he knew about it.
Like literally right after it happened.
He's like, oh yeah, yeah.
He's been down like 50 times, but he's got a legit submarine.
They were grinding some fucking.
In a carbon fiber shell that shows no like stress levels on what, like as you're going
down.
So steel will bend slightly the more pressure you get on it.
And eventually it's like, okay, yeah, yeah, we can't go no further.
Carbon fiber doesn't have that carbon fiber just breaks.
So it just breaks.
Jesus.
I mean collapses in on itself.
Yeah.
See that like, you know what I would do with my 250, if I had that kind of money, right?
They would like, they spent 250 grand, right?
Yeah.
To go down the right.
I'm a regular, you know what?
Like, you know exactly what I would do.
Be fucking at a teddy bar for all week.
Like that's, I would be making just regular rain at a strip club for like 45 hours.
Just make it hail.
Like a bunch of pennies just falling.
I come in, right?
And be like, I got 250 grand ladies.
How many of you ladies want to go to the VIP room?
And like I got the whole strip club and just fucking.
And I'm just dancing in the, on the fucking table.
I'm the one stripping the middle of the stone.
You'll watch me.
I'm going to throw them.
That's, that's the, that's what I would do because that's, you know.
You can play Elon and go space.
No, cause I'll die in space.
You know, fucking rip open and my fucking eyeballs pop out my head.
It's at least more dramatic.
That's what I don't understand about rich people.
Like that's, I guess, cause they're so rich that it's just like, they need that further
to thing, right?
Yeah.
Cause I'm so poor that that's what I would want to do.
I can pay all my bills.
Yay.
I don't have to go into my shitty job no more.
Hallelujah.
Yes.
It's 250 grand.
He's sucking a lot of titties.
That's all I can tell you.
Make him suck your.
Say who wants, who wants to go on this milk ride?
Shit is a two percent.
I don't even know milk anymore.
I don't drink anymore milk.
My lactose intolerant blow and blow my ass cheeks out.
Who wants this 2%?
The almond milk.
Yeah.
That almond milk.
The almond milk is fucking, that makes me gash it too.
So all I drink is fucking water and cocaine.
Anything else to add before we head out?
Yeah.
We'll wait till we get canceled for making fun of the people that died in Titanic.
We're not the first and we won't be the last.
I'm just saying like, come on.
My hope.
All that money, you could have done anything else.
My hope and it's a legitimate.
I would have hired Taylor Swift to be in my backyard for just.
No, $250,000.
That's only a ticket to the go to the damn Taylor Swift concert.
And I'll go to Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift.
I'd have her come like, how much, how much for her to give me a private show?
I think the actual amount was like a 10 million.
No problem.
It wouldn't be anything like creepy or anything, right?
I'd just be like, lifted up there.
People are freaks.
You'll make her watch me watch her watch me fucking play her songs.
Wear her fucking clothes.
You start singing, there's going to be bad blood.
I mean, bad blood.
And she's just fucking cringing.
I don't even know any of her songs.
I just thought that was the only one I could think of.
Pay 250 grand and get my first seat at the Lakers game.
Fuck you, LeBron James.
Like, throw me, throw me out for what?
I paid for this thing.
Throw me out for what?
I didn't pay for it.
He's ass.
Throw me out for what?
Like stuff that's fun, but not dangerous.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like I'm a fucking, I'm 250 grand, let me fight that gorilla.
Like no.
He'd be Robin Williams with a gorilla.
And his nipples.
I don't know.
Like just, I guess because we started, we're not rich, right?
We have like more enjoyable stuff that we couldn't achieve without money.
Yeah.
Like we started rich, so they've done all this stuff that we wish we could do.
So now they need new fuck adventures.
See, that's what I, to bring it back to Constantine, that's what I do like about, what's his name?
Is that he's very down to earth.
Keanu Reeves.
He doesn't act like that super rich.
Oh yeah.
He's just fucking chill as fuck.
He's going and doing actual like gun training and stuff like that.
So that way he's better in the movie.
He's fucking eating sandwiches on a park bench by himself.
Yeah.
That's fine.
Like he's not doing the crazy shit and you know, he loaded.
Yeah.
He's fucking making bank.
Yeah.
And he's been, he hasn't had sexual harassment.
He hasn't had, like, have you ever seen the Keanu Reeves hug?
No, the one he doesn't actually touch her at all.
Like floating behind you.
Yeah.
He's a very nice guy.
Yeah.
But anything else Ted before we head out now?
I can already, I can, my brain's already fucking revolving.
I can already tell if we keep going, but there's something.
All right.
With that, we will see you guys on the next one.