1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,600 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 16. 2 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,600 I'm Michael. 3 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:15,600 I'm Noe. 4 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,600 And we are the Knights of Entertainment. 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,600 Apparently he wants to be Batman. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:24,600 Shut the fuck up and be in here. 7 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:25,600 All right. 8 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,880 So we got some more funny Reddit Insanity for you today. 9 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,720 First one is by Expensive Highland. 10 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:35,760 This person puts, so my partner and I have been together for almost four years. 11 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,100 And of course I love her. 12 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:40,560 She is the woman I am going to marry and the only person I want to be with. 13 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:44,640 But also not that you'll believe me, but I am straight. 14 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,640 Well, I consider my way. 15 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,640 Way. 16 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:49,640 Way. 17 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,640 It's already confusing. 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,640 Yeah. 19 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:55,880 Cause he's like, you won't believe it from all the, all the homosexual sex I've had, 20 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:56,880 but I am straight. 21 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:03,560 That's what it sounded like you get to. 22 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,040 Well I consider myself an ally. 23 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,560 I am not gay. 24 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,680 I'm not opposed to the idea of bisexuality. 25 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,360 So he's gay. 26 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,920 I'm not into dudes like that. 27 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,120 So I don't think, so I don't think I am. 28 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,080 He doesn't think he is. 29 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,640 I just had a really great dream last night. 30 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,920 Last night I had an epic romantic dream. 31 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:27,840 It was some forbidden love where I was in love with a man. 32 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,600 The dream was seriously like a movie. 33 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,200 I mean it was awesome. 34 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,280 Nothing's not safe for work happened either. 35 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,280 Well unless you count passion and kissing is not safe for work. 36 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,240 But it wasn't a dirty dream at all. 37 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,240 It was just romantic and epic. 38 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,240 Okay. 39 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:49,200 I would question his straightness. 40 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:57,360 And as I should be, as I should be allowed to enjoy when my brain serves new movies at 41 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,040 night. 42 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:03,560 But where I fuck up is that I apparently said the man's name out loud. 43 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,560 Oh boy. 44 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:05,560 I'll be honest. 45 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,440 Didn't even remember the dude's name. 46 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:12,560 But my fiance, my fiance sure did. 47 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,600 She asked me about Julio. 48 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:15,600 Julio? 49 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,680 The man's got that Spanish fever. 50 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:29,400 Don't worry senor, I'll take good care of you. 51 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,360 Why I kept calling for him last night. 52 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,320 The best shit of my kiss is Lorraine. 53 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,320 Road river. 54 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,320 Down your spine, sir. 55 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,800 Funny thing you just started shouting like pussy boobs. 56 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:39,800 I know, yeah. 57 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:40,800 Talking to, what is it? 58 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:41,800 What's the other character? 59 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,800 Kitty? 60 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,800 Something. 61 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,920 Can I remember that? 62 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:50,960 The female cat. 63 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:51,960 I don't remember. 64 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,960 Can't remember its damn name. 65 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:58,440 But all it reminds me of. 66 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,560 I thought it'd be funny if I said the man of my dream. 67 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:05,960 I mean, technically true, but she did not seem amused. 68 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:10,800 So I downplayed it a bit and didn't mention it how much I enjoyed the dream. 69 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,440 She didn't even like that joke. 70 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,840 How would I tell her that if I had an affair with the man of my dream. 71 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,520 How would I tell her that I'm gay? 72 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:27,040 She then accused me of being closeted and said I needed to sort my shit out. 73 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,840 Because dreams are what the subconscious wants or thinks. 74 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:30,960 Oh, I see. 75 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,360 So I want to jump out of an airplane with a burning parachute like Tom Cruise. 76 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:36,760 Like I had my dream last night. 77 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:37,760 I say, okay. 78 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:38,760 Okay. 79 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:43,600 And insisted that it didn't sound like an innocent dream, which again, nothing sexual 80 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:44,600 happened. 81 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,600 He's going to keep laying back. 82 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,200 Something probably did. 83 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:52,400 There was butt stuff. 84 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,200 Other than passionate kissing. 85 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,120 And also it was my dream. 86 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,280 And like I told her, I've had dreams where I'm an actual elephant. 87 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,720 I don't want to be an elephant. 88 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,400 I don't know what her deal is, man. 89 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,440 I hope she gets over it soon. 90 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:08,920 Because Julio will sweep me off my feet. 91 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,800 So like a joke, a joke post. 92 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,320 I don't know. 93 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:20,800 I could see somebody trying to justify it in their own mind. 94 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:25,320 It's like, no, I have you ever had a Julio in your dream? 95 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,120 I was a Julio in my dream. 96 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,120 For him. 97 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,120 That was me. 98 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,120 We connected. 99 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,680 Oh gosh. 100 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,360 All right. 101 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,640 Next one's by reverse flash nine to eight. 102 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,640 Oh God. 103 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:43,640 It was me, Barry. 104 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:44,640 It was me all along. 105 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,320 You like how I like those. 106 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,920 I was, I was, I was a Julio in your dream, Barry. 107 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,200 All right. 108 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,120 This person puts, yep. 109 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,280 Our worst nightmares have happened to me. 110 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,100 I was in my room about to jerk it. 111 00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,440 Like everyone does. 112 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,440 I don't jerk it, sir. 113 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,600 I'm going to masturbate like a man. 114 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,280 I close and lock my door and go sit on my chair. 115 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,240 That's boot up my PC. 116 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,240 Closed and locked. 117 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,240 Yes. 118 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,240 Closed and locked. 119 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:12,720 Well, you can't close and then lock. 120 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,160 You can't lock and then close. 121 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,160 Or can you? 122 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,160 You can. 123 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,160 Depends on the kind of door, but yeah. 124 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,160 I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. 125 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,760 I lost the brain cell. 126 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,200 Go sit in my chair and boot up my PC. 127 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,200 Ready to wink my weenie. 128 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,200 So. 129 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,800 If he's got to say it like that, he shouldn't be jacking off at all. 130 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:32,800 Yeah. 131 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,200 So I'm on a website and I needed to go full screen. 132 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,080 And I clicked on the full screen button. 133 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,080 Fuck it. 134 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,080 Full screen. 135 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,800 That's a video right there. 136 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,240 I clicked on the full screen button. 137 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,240 Or did I? 138 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:48,160 Seems like it didn't because I clicked the cast to TV button instead. 139 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,920 I didn't realize after like 30 seconds. 140 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:55,400 The worst part is that my kitchen is very near my living room and my mom definitely 141 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,400 saw. 142 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,040 After realizing the cast TV button was glowing, I immediately turned it off. 143 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,440 I didn't even jerk off after that. 144 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:06,240 I was so scared in my heart was probably beating at 200 beats per minute. 145 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,240 I went down for dinner and both my parents gave me the glance. 146 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:15,560 The porn that I saw you sick son of a bitch. 147 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:21,480 They said to go to the room for a chat when I'm done eating. 148 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,920 I'm literally typing this as I'm eating. 149 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:24,920 I think I'm dead. 150 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:32,120 I accidentally streamed porn to my living room TV and my parents found out I'm in trouble. 151 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,120 Update. 152 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,200 They were disappointed. 153 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,200 Not angry. 154 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,200 I wouldn't be disappointed. 155 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,320 You keep that shit in your room you nasty motherfucker. 156 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:42,520 Well they were probably like this is what you're watching. 157 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,520 I wouldn't be disappointed. 158 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,520 That's disappointment. 159 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:45,520 Not really. 160 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,880 I mean I'd do it and I'm sure my kids in the future will do it. 161 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,600 Just keep it in your business. 162 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,240 Don't fucking broadcast it throughout the entire fucking house please. 163 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,360 Could you not put on a fucking wide screen in the living room. 164 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,840 I would really appreciate that. 165 00:06:58,840 --> 00:06:59,840 Your grandma was here. 166 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,840 What the fuck is wrong with you. 167 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,120 This is my future scenario life. 168 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,320 You've already got a plan. 169 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,320 I'm a man of 80. 170 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,320 I should have been a spy. 171 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,320 I'm 80 moves ahead. 172 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,320 Oh God this one's bad. 173 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,560 Not the story the name. 174 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,560 Messy fucked me raw. 175 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,560 Hell. 176 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,800 This happened like 15 minutes ago. 177 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,040 I was on the toilet when I noticed a bug on the bath mat and grabbed some toilet paper 178 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,880 to squish it. 179 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:33,760 I thought there was another bug in the fibers of my bath mat but instead what I grabbed 180 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:38,880 seemed what I grabbed seemed to be a small dingleberry that must have come off my ass 181 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,840 whenever I ran out of toilet paper and scuttled across the house to go get into my storage 182 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,640 room to get more toilet paper. 183 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,440 Might just keep it in your bathroom. 184 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,360 How small is your bathroom. 185 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,560 Just keep enough toilet paper in your bathroom. 186 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,960 That dingleberry must have been there for weeks and I never noticed. 187 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:54,960 Fucking gross. 188 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:59,800 I am feeling go take my bath mat to my washer and jump in the shower and scrub my feet. 189 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,640 I have severe OCD and a fear of germs. 190 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,840 So this has caused a massive anxiety attack. 191 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:10,040 It's taking every fiber of my being not to want to sanitize the whole house and wash 192 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,040 everything. 193 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,040 I don't blame him. 194 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,040 You don't want shit all over your house. 195 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,520 Well apparently he got up and there was shit. 196 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:19,520 Jesus. 197 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,120 Wait so this happened before the bug thing. 198 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,840 He just happened to notice the dingleberry after the bug. 199 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:26,840 Yes. 200 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,840 So. 201 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,920 If he wouldn't have seen the bug he wouldn't have seen the dingleberry. 202 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,760 So then I mean if your house hadn't been infected by your own shit I'm sure he would have been 203 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:35,760 fine. 204 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:40,280 Like where's these shit stains coming from in my bed and why is it on the fucking wall 205 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:41,280 in the kitchen. 206 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,280 What the hell is happening. 207 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:46,280 Like there's not streaks of shit all over the floor is what I'm saying. 208 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,280 No but it. 209 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:48,280 Him being OCD. 210 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,280 Him being yeah I'm being germaphobe. 211 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,280 Yeah. 212 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:56,400 I just be like fucking gross there's a piece of shit on the floor. 213 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,560 Just cleaned that one area. 214 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,240 Now he washed it and took a shower. 215 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,560 He's wanting to freak out now. 216 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,120 Yeah the shower I'm not understanding. 217 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,000 You have a sock so I can just take your socks off. 218 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000 Apparently he was barefoot. 219 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,720 Oh well I always shit butt naked anyway. 220 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:13,720 I don't have my clothes next to me at all. 221 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,600 I don't want shit on my clothes. 222 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,720 Hey man that's a that's a that's a clean way to do it. 223 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,080 Just fucking fold your clothes put them in the corner. 224 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,080 Dump it out. 225 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:30,480 Something about having it underneath the toilet is just gross to me. 226 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,960 And he does in some public restrooms too. 227 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,600 No that's why I never go into public. 228 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:34,600 That's why. 229 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:35,600 I only piss. 230 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,680 That's why I only piss in public. 231 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,120 I never take a shit in public. 232 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:46,280 It would have to be the most horrific like a gut punch from Mike Tyson level shit for 233 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,840 me to dump in the bathroom. 234 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:52,240 There was a sitcom that did that and I can't remember what I think it might have been. 235 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:56,000 It was probably Seinfeld because Seinfeld has done everything. 236 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:02,760 I think it was George where he took off his pants or something like that to take a shit. 237 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:07,400 There was a sitcom that made fun of that and actually did do that where he came out of 238 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,560 the bathroom and didn't have his pants on or something like that after he went. 239 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,600 I think it wouldn't be George Costanza. 240 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,600 It wouldn't be George. 241 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,840 But hey man I don't want dirty clothes. 242 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:18,840 Next one is by. 243 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,320 You wipe and then when you turn to wipe the shit just drops in your fucking shorts and 244 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,920 shit or your box. 245 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,160 You know what I mean? 246 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,760 You never know what could happen when you're shit involved. 247 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,400 So keep your clothes away. 248 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,760 Those questions that I'm not going to ask. 249 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:34,760 You should. 250 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:35,760 Keep yourself clean. 251 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:41,280 The next one is by Bumfuck Alabama. 252 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,280 This person puts. 253 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:50,320 Well I haven't won the stupid prize but it is slowly dawning on me that I am an idiot. 254 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:55,280 I, way too damn old for this shit female, sent my girlfriend one of those anonymous 255 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,880 STD things. 256 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,480 Why would I do such a thing? 257 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:02,520 Because I just found out it was a thing and thought it'd be funny and wanted to know 258 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:07,640 how it worked and it wouldn't let me do it sending a message to myself. 259 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,440 So I sent it to her. 260 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:16,040 After seeing it had gone, after sending it, I was going to text her and tell her about 261 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:19,480 it because I wanted to see like what the message looked like. 262 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:24,920 Haha you got syphilis haha. 263 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:29,200 But then I said wait let's see if she says something to me about it first. 264 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,560 I bet you can see where this is going. 265 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,800 It's been two hours. 266 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:36,740 She hasn't said anything about it and we are texting having a regular conversation. 267 00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:41,080 Does this mean what I think it means or am I just a dumbass who is overthinking my stupid 268 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,080 decisions? 269 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:46,200 I am also too stubborn to text and ask why. 270 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:50,960 Maybe I'll update if she says anything about the text. 271 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,600 So her thought is does she actually have an STD? 272 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:56,600 Maybe. 273 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,600 She's not saying nothing. 274 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:01,800 You'd probably find out pretty quick if you have an STD. 275 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,400 There's something you don't like. 276 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,400 Herpes. 277 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,000 That sound like killer. 278 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:14,500 You can get it from toilet seats. 279 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:19,720 So I only shit at home. 280 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,760 Why would you even want to do that though? 281 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,320 Why would you want to send a message like this to somebody? 282 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,320 People are stupid. 283 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,320 Yeah. 284 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:31,000 Like the YouTube prankers that do really horrific pranks and they get shot. 285 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,000 It's just a prank bro. 286 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,320 I know did you see that? 287 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,320 Yeah. 288 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,080 I know that's stupid. 289 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,080 You know what? 290 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,240 I'm going to go out as far as to say he probably deserved it. 291 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,760 Like you don't go fuck with people like that. 292 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,760 Well she did. 293 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:43,760 Is that the two women? 294 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,520 No, there was another dude that got shot too. 295 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,040 I thought about the STD thing. 296 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,040 Oh. 297 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,840 She never finishes it. 298 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,840 That's just how it ends. 299 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:55,840 All right. 300 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,640 Next one is by PellaSketchy. 301 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,480 Not hella sketchy, but PellaSketchy. 302 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,160 So it's partly sketchy? 303 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,440 I guess so. 304 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,880 This person puts, I'm a dirty, dirty bitch. 305 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,160 That's how she starts it all. 306 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,160 Okay. 307 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:13,200 So now, now that we've got that out of the way, you know, when you're not hungry, but 308 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,720 just like to chew on stuff and that stuff happens to be old crumbs on your plate. 309 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,280 That's what I do all the time. 310 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,280 It's a weird habit. 311 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,760 I know, but that's what I do. 312 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,620 Sometimes those crumbs have fallen next to the plate. 313 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:28,760 Most of the time I don't eat those unless they are big enough to annoy me. 314 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:33,320 I like my bed semi clean or at least the illusion of nothing being there. 315 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,080 I also have a cat who likes to sit on my bed. 316 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,200 Now this would be a reason alone to stop eating crumbs. 317 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,160 Let me guess the scenario here. 318 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,280 She ate a piece of his shit probably. 319 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,640 Close, close, close. 320 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,840 But I am an unfortunately a dirty bitch, so I keep at it. 321 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,400 Fucker, I'm trying to fix my microphone. 322 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,400 Go ahead. 323 00:13:54,400 --> 00:14:00,160 For work, I teach Dutch online and that was what I was doing today as well. 324 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,760 Before I started, I had eaten a healthy amount of bread and there was plenty of crumbs to 325 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:04,760 nibble on. 326 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,600 I'm trying to figure out why the fuck is she wanting to create crumbs to nibble on off 327 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,600 of the bed. 328 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,080 How much fucking mess do you make? 329 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,080 But I guess she did. 330 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,080 She said she's a dirty, dirty bitch. 331 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,080 I guess so. 332 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:17,960 I don't think I've ever made that many crumbs eating bread. 333 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:18,960 I don't think so. 334 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,880 Jesus Christ, when she fucking crushing it to pieces and she eats it. 335 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,640 Just crush it on the bed and eat it later. 336 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:28,200 While talking with my student, I was eating some and I noticed a bigger one next to the 337 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,200 plate. 338 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,680 I was like, fuck yes. 339 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,720 Absent-mindedly, I grabbed for it, put it in my mouth and it wasn't crunchy. 340 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,480 It was sandy and coarse and very clearly not a crumb. 341 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,920 Nope, it was a piece of cat litter, a fresh piece my cat brought in from over the cat 342 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,720 litter box outside of my room. 343 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,680 I might stop eating crumbs now. 344 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:49,680 Yeah, I would too. 345 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,240 I wouldn't be eating fucking cat litter. 346 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,240 Jesus Christ. 347 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,200 It's a little bit like a hard as rock sometimes. 348 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,640 I've seen rock shaped cat litter that we sell it in my stores. 349 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,640 Yeah. 350 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,200 Like why would you even, if you have a cat, don't eat anything off of the fucking. 351 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,200 Yeah. 352 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,600 Oh, it could be literally, it could be cat vomit. 353 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,600 It could be. 354 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,600 Hairball, you never know. 355 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,600 Exactly. 356 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:18,600 Next one is by Lightning McScallion. 357 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:23,160 Was out of shaving cream and I figured I would dry shave my legs. 358 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,440 After all, I have dry shaved my face with an electric razor and even did it once with 359 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,360 a razor without any problems. 360 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,520 So it's a, it's a dude doing this. 361 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,520 Cool. 362 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:33,520 Yeah. 363 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,640 Hey man, you want to be hairless, be hairless. 364 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,640 That's my motto. 365 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,600 Might as well go to a waxing place then. 366 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,600 No, that's painful. 367 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,600 Be like 40 year old virgin. 368 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,600 Just get fucking wrecked. 369 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,480 This is not a good look for me. 370 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,960 I was horribly wrong. 371 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,680 I am not used to shaving my legs and ended up cutting myself multiple times and getting 372 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,160 serious razor burn. 373 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,840 I was already a bit itchy at first, but it got more heated and then redder and redder 374 00:15:58,840 --> 00:15:59,840 afterwards. 375 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,880 The worst part is for some reason I was stubborn and decided to finish the entire leg before 376 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,040 heading to the store and getting shaving cream. 377 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,960 Even though I knew it kind of wasn't going well. 378 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,800 If you ever had or are in a similar position, just get more shaving cream instead of being 379 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,680 lazy and stupid like me. 380 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:20,960 So the situation is terrible, but let me finish the situation before I alleviate it into a 381 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,720 better situation. 382 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,320 I've played many a game like that. 383 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,680 Like fucking just keep going. 384 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,440 It'll be fine. 385 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,680 Next one is by thatguy19967. 386 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:32,680 Who? 387 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,680 Thatguy. 388 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,680 Oh, thatguy, okay. 389 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,680 Thatguy. 390 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:36,680 Yeah, I know thatguy. 391 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:41,680 Next person puts gents. 392 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,680 Sometimes it's just not worth it. 393 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:43,680 I hate him already. 394 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,680 They call me a gent. 395 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:50,680 He's like, where's one of those fedoras and 10 to the ladies? 396 00:16:50,680 --> 00:17:04,560 Madams, my girlfriend and I were having a nice quiet evening. 397 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:09,080 We're talking nice weather, wine, and some comfy patio chairs, just enjoying each other's 398 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,080 company. 399 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:14,280 I made the abrupt comment of how were you not taken when I found you? 400 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,880 It was a really sweet thing of her to say. 401 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:22,120 So of course my brain decided let's ruin the evening when I joked, how do you know I'm 402 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,120 not taken? 403 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,120 I just killed her. 404 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:27,400 He's like, oh God, this story took a dark turn. 405 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,520 Not that dark. 406 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,020 How do you know I'm not taken? 407 00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:33,840 You could be the mistress right now. 408 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,160 My wicked smile died quicker than a depressurized sub at 13,000 feet. 409 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,160 Oh, don't say that. 410 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,680 We just had an incident. 411 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,000 When I turned and saw her face, she is not happy with me. 412 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:51,000 And I'm sure I'm not sure how many flowers or Starbucks is going to take to make up for 413 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,000 this. 414 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,720 My wife's going to love this story when I tell her later. 415 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:59,120 And now I have the privilege of warning you gentlemen to sometimes just be quiet. 416 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,120 That's all. 417 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,120 Have a good night. 418 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,120 How can I talk to that? 419 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,360 You know what I read told her? 420 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,360 It's like, how do you know you're not the side piece? 421 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:11,600 You know, that would piss off almost any woman. 422 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,400 Next one is by killer of furries. 423 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,400 Wow. 424 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,200 Man, does a man loves him to furry. 425 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,200 He's a killer of them though. 426 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,200 That's what he says he is. 427 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,200 He's a furry killer. 428 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,200 He's by the furries. 429 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,200 He's by the furries of the furries. 430 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,200 He's the one that goes to the furry cons. 431 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:31,940 Like you just find out the desert just banging away. 432 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,440 This person puts context. 433 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,440 I'm 16. 434 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,400 I've been boxing for eight years, lifting for two. 435 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,640 And a couple of months ago, I started to fight people for money. 436 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,680 And fighting since he was eight years old? 437 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,680 Jesus. 438 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:42,800 Yes sir. 439 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,840 As previously stated, I fight people for money illegally. 440 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,800 And I started to build up a reputation. 441 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:48,800 Right. 442 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:53,000 Started to build up a reputation for being like 16 and oh, because most people I fight 443 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,400 think they the shit, but they ain't trying. 444 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,400 What is he? 445 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,400 Mike Tyson? 446 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,400 I guess. 447 00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,400 Jesus. 448 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,400 They are those. 449 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:04,560 When I, when I'm mad, I see red. 450 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,960 Oh, yeah. 451 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,880 So 16 and oh isn't as impressive as it sounds. 452 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,080 Anyway, it's decent money for my age. 453 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:15,920 800 to 1100 a month, depending on who I fight and what and whatnot. 454 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,160 Wait, how many fights are they? 455 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,240 If it's like two fights, that's a lot of money. 456 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,240 If it's like 16. 457 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,240 Yeah, like fuck. 458 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,240 I'm fighting 16 people in one month for $800. 459 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,240 So he's going to pay like 50 bucks a fight. 460 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,240 Fuck that. 461 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:36,800 What he should do is he should have his friend, his friend bet on him on the side and then 462 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,800 they make even more money. 463 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,800 Yeah. 464 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:39,800 Every time he wins. 465 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:44,340 I get a lot of people wanting to fight me and whatnot because a lot of people place 466 00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:45,340 bets and stuff. 467 00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:46,600 So I bring in some cash. 468 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:47,600 There you go. 469 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,120 I really want out of this though. 470 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:54,200 But the guy running the organization is blackmailing me by threatening to turn me into my coach 471 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,200 and parents. 472 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,080 My boxing coach will immediately kick me out for stuff like this because it happened to 473 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,600 him in the past. 474 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:05,160 And I fucking Jesus and he'll fucking lifetime movie. 475 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,160 I know. 476 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,440 And he'll white list me from other gyms. 477 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,440 No, my parents. 478 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,440 I'd be blacklisted. 479 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,440 I put white lists. 480 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,440 The fuck is white list going to do? 481 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,280 You'll only be able to be trained by white people. 482 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,280 I guess so. 483 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,280 What the fuck? 484 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,240 I've never heard of white listed before. 485 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:21,240 Maybe it is something. 486 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,360 Yeah, I don't know. 487 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:25,000 I would think black lists would be the. 488 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000 It's the one. 489 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000 Yeah. 490 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000 Yeah. 491 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,000 He put white list. 492 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000 He doesn't know his colors. 493 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,000 I don't know. 494 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000 It was weird. 495 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,840 My parents on the other hand, wanted me to use my boxing career if I choose to pursue 496 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:35,840 it. 497 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:36,840 I really do. 498 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,320 And in the beginning told me that they're they'll not let me back in the house if I 499 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,120 end up in street fights on purpose. 500 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:46,120 I don't really want advice because I don't think there's a way out of this. 501 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,560 I'm going to try to strike a deal with the dude running it. 502 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,400 Let me do more fights and then let me leave. 503 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,400 Beat his ass. 504 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,400 I'm sorry for hearing me out and have a good day. 505 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,640 So why the fuck did you tell us exactly what the fuck? 506 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,040 I don't understand the purpose of that either, but I find it stupid. 507 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,520 He just had the vent, maybe. 508 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,520 So he's got to let it out. 509 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,520 You get a journal. 510 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,840 You got to vent to the world. 511 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,400 The world needs to know your struggle. 512 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,400 No, I don't. 513 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,680 Sometimes I would know. 514 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:18,920 Next last one of this Reddit series incognito pair. 515 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:23,880 Let's first of all, after my husband got out of the military, he decided to go back 516 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,120 to college for a niche degree. 517 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:31,160 The options for this degree led him attending a very conservative Christian college that 518 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,960 is somewhat frequently in the news for being well themselves, I guess. 519 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,280 That's the background. 520 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:41,960 So we moved to this new conservative city that is basically propped up by the crazy 521 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:47,560 college and moved to an apartment somewhat nearby, far enough away that it shouldn't 522 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,800 have been filled with students. 523 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:54,120 The naivety it was. 524 00:21:54,120 --> 00:22:00,520 We get Internet set up, scroll past the 500 FBI surveillance van names and thinking we 525 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:05,840 are being clever assholes shrouded by the anonymity of an apartment building decided 526 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,940 on Hail Satan. 527 00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:14,320 And that's where we fucked up. 528 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:19,080 That's the shit I would do. 529 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,080 Surprise. 530 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:26,080 We move a year or so later. 531 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,960 We moved to a house in the same conservative city in a neighborhood surrounded by young 532 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,560 families and grandparents. 533 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,560 We moved our Internet over and instantly had the oh shit moment. 534 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,600 It's obvious us the new neighbors who are trying to make a good impression. 535 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,880 Who else could it possibly be with a hell Satan? 536 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,120 They can't prove a damn thing. 537 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,560 I don't give a damn. 538 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,440 We don't remember the password and have been locked out from logging in, changing the name 539 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:50,760 entirely. 540 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,440 There's no way for us to reset the name without contacting the router company. 541 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,320 We are stuck with it for the time being. 542 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,320 Sorry, neighbors. 543 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,320 I promise we're friendly. 544 00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,320 That'd be fine. 545 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,320 I'll say. 546 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,320 Oh, man. 547 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:06,320 That is something you would do. 548 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:07,320 People. 549 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:12,320 But that is all that we got for this episode of Reddit insanity. 550 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,320 Anything else to add before we head out? 551 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:20,080 I used to be a boxer and I was going to be a world champion, but I ended up blacklisted 552 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,280 because I had to do street fights. 553 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,960 And then you got an arrow to the knee. 554 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:26,960 I took an arrow. 555 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,960 I used to be an adventurer just like you. 556 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,360 We'll see you guys on the next one. 557 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:35,280 I had an arrow in my fucking neck. 558 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,520 My guy was fine, but you're rich ass can't take one to the knee. 559 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:44,360 I've had one in my fucking eyeball. 560 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:48,640 I've seen that shit in fucking when you go in the third person, just arrow sticking up 561 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:55,000 your asshole and everything, but you can't take one to the knee, you bitch. 562 00:23:55,000 --> 00:24:11,640 You're a bitch, sir.