1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:16,260 Hello and welcome back to Reddit insanity number 15. I'm Michael. I'm no way and we are the Knights of Entertainment 2 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,060 We got some more today I fucked up for you 3 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,960 We'll see how this goes today 4 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,780 I'll give you a today. I fucked up. Oh, this is personal 5 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,840 It wasn't me 6 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,000 But I'm assuming yeah, he fucked up 7 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,520 so 8 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,440 This guy I wasn't here I had just left work 9 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:43,440 Now working real to retail so you just meet everybody in retail the good the bad you take them all what's that song? 10 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,840 The good the vet you take them all and there you have the facts. Yeah the facts of life. Yeah 11 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,640 it's basically that and 12 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:55,280 He had a 13 00:00:55,280 --> 00:01:00,180 The my co-workers after I'd left I had left a little later 14 00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:04,760 Like I had already clocked out but I hadn't gone out the door because it was just pouring rain 15 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,240 Like you know that rain where it's just a wall 16 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:12,840 You can't see like it's just like it was like like the zipper opened up on the fucking cloud. Yeah 17 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:18,160 And I'm just like well, I'm not going anywhere in this I couldn't do if I had walked in my car 18 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,120 Which is on the parking lot? 19 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,360 I'd have been like I just jumped in the fucking lake like this. I wouldn't you know what I mean? 20 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,280 My phone would have been drenched. Oh by the way a quick tip. I don't I don't have a 21 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:34,720 Yeah, I don't put a cover on my phone. I'm one of those types. I'm also very careful. I've never broken a smartphone 22 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,680 Knock on wood 23 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,920 Unless someone hits me or something right? I've never I 24 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,000 Had two smartphones in my life a fucking 5c 25 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,520 Forever and it was it was dying 26 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:52,520 The charge would last like 20 minutes at that point. They sure love to kill your phones 27 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,520 Yes, what their updates? 28 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,760 And I had now have an iPhone 11 29 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,080 And now we never damaged them so I 30 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:08,160 First ever raining. I just wrap it in a fucking plastic bag from my work put it in my pocket. No problems 31 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:14,320 I'm just a little life hack if you don't if you don't like they're bulky like and I'm a short guy 32 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:18,320 So if I put a big add it look like a fucking laptop in my phone my pocket 33 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,320 So 34 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:25,280 So I had just left the next day they told me that this guy had just walked in 35 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,280 Shit his pants and walked out and left the whole trail going out the door 36 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,040 In the middle of the store 37 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,040 So he walked it 38 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,040 Fuck I gotta go home 39 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:41,320 So they get they get up to the fuck and they had to clean up the line of shit all the way out the door 40 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:48,320 And I am so glad I left just before that head because I didn't know I would have had to clean it up. That's 41 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,520 The worst thing in the world too. It's whenever you run into that in a retail situation 42 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:58,600 Where somebody has shit so bad somewhere and you have to be the one to clean it up. Yeah, that's fucked up 43 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,160 Someone once took a piss in one of those New Year's 44 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,760 Day hats those little top hats 45 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,500 Yeah, our bathroom wasn't working. So like sorry our bathroom is working. The person was offended 46 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:15,020 Then they just went up around the corner and then when the one of the employees went to go clean up the store like 47 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:18,940 You know pick up the stuff out of place. She found the whole thing full of piss 48 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,820 Like to the top of the rib just fully you nasty motherfuckers 49 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:29,580 Like just literal animals literal animals you're worse than animals 50 00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:36,340 For people that listen and they work retail and they know everybody has stories 51 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:40,300 Some 150 pound guy broke the toilet in the men's room 52 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:46,980 Like the manager went in and the toilet was laying on the side and the guys like I don't know what happened 53 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,340 And I was like bro 54 00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:52,140 Would you like standing on the toilet and tried to squat squat down not to sit on it? 55 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:57,460 Because like he was there wasn't he wasn't big enough to sit on it and it's a fight for it to tumble over 56 00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:01,020 Did your asshole blow out so hard? 57 00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:04,940 Yeah, like to this day, we don't know how he broke the toilet 58 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,940 I 59 00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:13,220 Take so little effort. Yeah, even if it's like a little wobbly. Yeah, it's still bolted in 60 00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:16,980 And this guy comes out of the and this shit just busted 61 00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:19,980 The whole fucking toilet sitting on the side 62 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,700 It's fucking weird. Whatever 63 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,780 Retails a horror story 64 00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:27,620 Yeah, we're gonna have to do an episode of all retail stories over yet 65 00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:34,060 Because before my current job I worked in retail and their story. Yeah, there's stories 66 00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:40,700 All right. So the first time we first one that we have is by certain law 2155 67 00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:44,300 The first is he a variant of you lost 68 00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,780 I'm you 69 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,100 Your mind 70 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:57,940 Good movie. Oh man, this is embarrassing which is why I'm using an alternate account Wow 71 00:04:57,940 --> 00:05:00,220 Like like everyone gives a shit. What's your guy? 72 00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:05,040 Let me be honest. Come on. If anyone actually gave a shit exactly 73 00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:10,980 Long story short something happened last year. Ironically, it happened on Halloween. I'd be a 74 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:14,300 I've been taking codeine for shoulder injury 75 00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:17,860 Only use it three days in a row. They said I'm sure it'll be fine 76 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:22,380 I said a week later and I enjoy the pain relief but also the mild high. Oh 77 00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:30,100 Don't fuck with opiates kids and no kidding coding like other opiates takes your bowels out into the desert and leaves them there 78 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:36,180 You imagine having a dry shake about your ass 79 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:43,780 Everything dry shits are the worst. Oh make sure to drink a lot of water people 80 00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:48,060 My Halloween bathroom trip started I don't like any other it was a Monday 81 00:05:48,060 --> 00:05:55,140 If I'll if you'll recall like a pine cone coming at your asshole. I sat down for the usual three s's before work 82 00:05:55,140 --> 00:06:01,380 Let me guess shit shave shower. Yes. Yeah, I was not well. I was not prepared for the more of us 83 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:05,740 You 84 00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:11,380 Passing my bowel movement that morning fucking hurt 85 00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:17,340 I won't say much more on the matter other than it being like trying to push a congealed lump of sawdust 86 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:19,340 or a t-shirt sleeve 87 00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:21,340 fuck 88 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,380 Sawdust is worse than mine 89 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:30,900 Since then I've had a tear. Yep a tear inside my passage 90 00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:35,340 Yeah, I went to the GP when I saw blood a couple of times and it was confirmed not cancer 91 00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:39,340 Being in the UK and at the mercy of the National Health Service 92 00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:43,140 I'm literally just waiting for an appointment. I would like a gastro 93 00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:49,740 I read online that you can help yourself by alleviating the pressure placed on your anus in other words my friends 94 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:53,660 Since roughly Christmas. I've been squatting a la India 95 00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:57,180 And going on paper that I then chucked into the toilet 96 00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:04,500 Still no word from the NHS. My wife doesn't know nobody knows now you do but thank God for anonymity 97 00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:07,180 The problem I'm on holiday 98 00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:13,340 Our bathroom is in a fancy ass hotel and a small cubicle where they read the rest of the bathroom has mirrors and basins 99 00:07:13,340 --> 00:07:17,340 And the fancy shit laid out in the open. There's no room for my shameful squat 100 00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,820 I come to you live from the toilet where nothing is happening 101 00:07:20,820 --> 00:07:25,220 I think I've trained my body to poo in one specific position. Oh, no 102 00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:26,500 Damn 103 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:27,860 So he's been 104 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:33,980 Putting paper toilet paper down on the floor and shitting on the toilet paper and then throwing it away. Yeah, I got the gist of it 105 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,420 That relieves it more. I didn't know that 106 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,940 This is weird 107 00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:44,500 Medical medical tricks tricks about bodies. I guess is actually by the way 108 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:48,460 I mean if you can't tell your wife then the hell you married to her for apparently he's ashamed 109 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:52,580 Even even if I was in the game. I got yeah, it cuts all over my asshole 110 00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:55,580 Well, apparently she knows that but she just doesn't know that he's been squatting 111 00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,300 I would tell my squad in the fucking bedroom 112 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:04,220 I would tell my squad in the fucking bedroom. I don't be down the fucking couch 113 00:08:04,220 --> 00:08:06,220 So Amber heard it 114 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,820 Just amber amber took a shit and she's fine with it 115 00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:16,660 I'm just saying you can't be ashamed of telling your significant other anything literally anything. Yeah, or else it's not worth the relationship 116 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,660 Yeah, I can agree with that 117 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:21,220 The next one is by the weird zero up 118 00:08:22,220 --> 00:08:25,900 This was not too bad. It says so take my dog out for walks every day 119 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:30,420 I normally let him run free off of the lead and he's a non-reactive dog. You know what? 120 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:32,780 Yeah, when he's off of a lead it sounds like he's British 121 00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:36,300 Probably. Yeah, it's UK. Yeah 122 00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:38,940 That's an expression they use 123 00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:39,980 Yeah 124 00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:44,060 He does however get distracted and will start speeding up and moving a fair distance away from me 125 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:48,060 We have been working on a recall, but it's not he's not a fan. Here's a recall 126 00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:54,460 So the compromise we've come up with is I'll shout his name and tell him to wait until I catch him 127 00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:57,300 And tell him to wait until I catch up the dog's name is Max 128 00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:03,140 However today probably be in the last nice weather. We're gonna have in the UK for the next month. They have nice weather 129 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:05,940 Exactly. How did they ever see the sun? 130 00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:09,020 Great 131 00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:11,220 They're probably what the fuck is that in the sky? 132 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:16,340 There were a lot of people out and about on our normal walking route 133 00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:21,420 Part of the route goes over a small wooden bridge which crosses a stream 134 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:24,700 I normally make the dog walker don't ever don't ever cross streams 135 00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:27,660 if you know, you know, I 136 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:34,740 Normally make the dog walk across with me because it's a narrow bridge and he has a tendency to push people out of the 137 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:42,420 Way as he crosses that motherfucker. So I yell max wait and just at that moment two ladies were about to walk across the bridge 138 00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:50,020 Oh max wait, they thought like oh these women are so fucking heavy 139 00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:57,020 Yeah, what I could only describe in the death layer I pulled the dog to one side of the bear's man 140 00:09:57,020 --> 00:10:01,300 Let them walk off TLDR. I accidentally fat shamed two women 141 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,620 Damn, that's 142 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:09,240 Quite a fucking split like a perfect setup of situation 143 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:13,600 To be too large enough women that it would sound like 144 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,160 Yeah, man, that is Max way 145 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,880 You just can't write that stuff 146 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,720 Real life is truly wild. Yeah, cuz it to me 147 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:28,200 I actually believe that probably did happen because it's like it's just too fucking wild 148 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,560 Well, it's too normal for it to happen. But also something that you don't expect to happen 149 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,120 Yeah, like because having a dog named max 150 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:39,400 There's plenty of people that name their dog max and there's plenty of big women around the world. So 151 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,120 It's just bound to happen. I love them all 152 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,120 Next one is by 153 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,760 Yaddle on 154 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,760 Why 155 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:59,160 Why a DLL a la in egg why edy why a D why a D LL why a D so Yad? 156 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,680 LL LL 157 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,680 LL LL 158 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,520 Al al a na yeah at all 159 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,240 Yeah, Lana. Yeah, Lana. There you go 160 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,240 She went like 161 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,280 This person puts 162 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:27,960 No throwaway because I'm a grown-ass man and I don't give a shit what others think of me but here I'm gonna do this 163 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,800 and honestly 164 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:36,760 It happened roughly an hour ago today. We my fiance and I clean the house out and I had to vacuum and mob 165 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:43,920 Mop the corridor and the living room. So I did that to the fiance satisfaction. The award was sexy time 166 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:49,140 My fiance is cutie is a cutie and cares sexy time. Yeah 167 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,800 Don't say sexy time 168 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,240 Yes, we fucked 169 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,240 This seems more about the gravitas 170 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,560 Sissy time. Yeah, it just sounds childish 171 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:07,880 My fiance is we do our special tickle time. It sounds like the Elmo from South Park 172 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,880 If you're seen that 173 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,320 Stop touching me 174 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:27,200 I mean tickled on the inside. Do you want the guy that you want to kiss the guy that 175 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,160 Indy 176 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,720 Man they they ragged him so quick 177 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:40,240 Like he was that way was like it dropped a day before that episode and they just immediately 178 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:45,660 Built the whole joke around that. Yeah South Park is so prolific and how quick 179 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:50,340 They can just dish out and the best part too is I don't think a lot of people caught it 180 00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:54,880 But whenever it had Elmo and he put his hand on the kids knee 181 00:12:55,180 --> 00:13:00,200 The girl was like stop touching me Elmo and she'd knocked the hand away, but he put it right back 182 00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,180 Man that was a wild episode 183 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:14,100 This person puts my fiance is a cutie and cares so she bought me some anal blood plug thingy a while ago 184 00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:16,100 Now I'm real confused 185 00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:20,300 Apparently he has a dynamic to the dynamic of this relationship 186 00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:27,900 Now every time I use this piece of shit lol pun and get exited 187 00:13:29,180 --> 00:13:31,400 It wiggles itself out of the dark 188 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:39,460 Every fucking time fucking and by doing so I have to hold it in with my hand or try with my heel depends on 189 00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:46,920 The position which then makes the girlfriend laugh which then makes me laugh which then makes me then makes any orgasm laugh 190 00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:54,940 So I guess he's into blood plug stuff. I'm ready. Be sure it's a guy. It is. Okay. It is don't worry 191 00:13:57,660 --> 00:14:02,960 Today I finally had enough and rage quit the sex just threw the damn thing out of the bedroom out into the corridor 192 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,700 Gotta love the impulsiveness 193 00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:10,260 Now to the actual fuck-up throw it so hard that it skidded into the living room 194 00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:14,000 And I forgot where it had been before I even knew 195 00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:17,180 It on its before I even threw it on its merry way 196 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:23,300 So the thing goes and does a somersault and spread its nastiness across the entire corridor and the living room 197 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:29,620 I had to clean the corridor and the living room again. I'm so fucking mad at this piece of fucking equipment 198 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:35,100 Well, so by better equipment so he is about boy, huh? It comes out apparently 199 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:38,860 What's up duck tape over your asshole? I don't know. Let me help you out, bro 200 00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:40,860 Let me 201 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:49,860 I mean they checked it. It was through it. Check that son of bitch just a little shit, too 202 00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:51,860 Yeah, they had to go clean again 203 00:14:51,860 --> 00:14:53,860 He just got done cleaning like 204 00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,140 Yeah, like how nasty like 205 00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:02,360 How nasty is your asshole then again, I don't know anything about both place. Oh, my asshole could be a fucking swamp 206 00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:12,340 Your liquid mud, I don't know I keep it clean, but I mean the inside I mean, it's an asshole. Yeah 207 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:17,020 Personally, I'm not gonna shut my mouth there. So it's an exit only 208 00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:22,740 Exit only and that's the side. That's what the sign says. Well, the doctor says you got to take these supplies or he's there 209 00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:27,540 It's just across like aha. Hey, she's a cross. I 210 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:38,900 Think today big big old supplies for no reason. I think I swear just for the fun of it 211 00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:45,720 We'll see if you'll do this is five 13 inches repository. I for what think for medicine for medicine 212 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:49,740 Next one is by 213 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:55,900 Throwaway xxxx why so it's another throwaway account. Yeah, they shared love tossing the accounts away 214 00:15:55,900 --> 00:16:01,900 Yeah, this person put my friend and I were on the phone talking about what I wanted to eat since I couldn't decide 215 00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:07,100 He said I should just put a pizza in my oven and I say oh no 216 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,100 It's too hard to get out of bed right now 217 00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:14,940 Then he made a joke about kids in Africa being in mines and that they wouldn't say it's too hard to get out of 218 00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:21,260 Bed to get food he then laughs saying he imagined me being in the mines with a helmet and coal stains on my face 219 00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:26,220 I laughed and said oh no, I would it wouldn't be my dream job to be honest 220 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:33,260 He then laughed more and said he knows what dream job would be but he couldn't say it and my mind went into the dark dark 221 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,940 humor place 222 00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:36,940 You see my friend is a person of color 223 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:42,860 And because he made a joke about African kids before and him saying he can't say his dream job 224 00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,860 is like 225 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:51,980 And because he made a joke about African kids before and him saying he can't say his dream job 226 00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:54,940 I was like, oh, you're not thinking what i'm thinking, right? 227 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,860 Right, so he meant stripper. But what did I think? 228 00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:05,260 And I was just like I couldn't tell him because it's too dark and then I thought he was trying to make a dark humor joke 229 00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:07,260 He seems to be a little angry at me 230 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,620 I mean he got the gist of what I was trying to tell him and 231 00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:14,780 It was weird very standoffish and didn't laugh anymore. So yeah, I fucked up 232 00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:17,980 I thought since making jokes about African kids seemed to be okay 233 00:17:17,980 --> 00:17:23,580 He would be he would make a very very dark humor joke. I feel shit right now to be honest 234 00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:25,580 What joke did you make? 235 00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,580 Slavery 236 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,580 Is his dream job? 237 00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:33,340 That's that's why she thought it was a very dark dark dark humor joke 238 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,140 Jesus 239 00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,340 Is that a dream job? 240 00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,340 Is that a dream job? 241 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:43,900 That's the point. Oh, well, yeah, I mean, yeah 242 00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:50,620 Oh, she was gonna pretty much play off his race exactly because they thought it was okay. Yeah 243 00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:54,220 Yeah, she she engaged that one wrong a little bit. Yeah 244 00:17:57,740 --> 00:18:02,060 Next one is by okay, buddy. Nine nine seven zero. Mr. Mackey 245 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,500 From south far. Yeah 246 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:11,980 I'm not your big guy. I'm not your back. It is by good every every fight at the end of every fucking sentence in this flight 247 00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:13,980 It just doesn't go 248 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,540 Here we go 249 00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:21,980 This person so before I tell the story this happened last night. So it's technically yesterday. I fucked up 250 00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:27,340 Okay, anyway me and the boys are playing hide and seek in the yard. It is around 10 p.m 251 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:33,580 Keep in mind that it can be really fun because I have a lot of land and there is lots of good hiding spots 252 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,860 I usually go hide in the woods, but this time I tried something different 253 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:41,980 I hid in the barn knowing those guys would never find me. I decided to hide in the bathroom. That's in the barn 254 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:45,580 I realized it's gonna be quite some time before they find me. So I decided to take a shit 255 00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:51,380 Once that's over. I ran man or that person is real confident that our hiding ability. Yeah 256 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,300 I'm just think of a swing dumb because they'll never find 257 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,180 That's some confidence yeah 258 00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:04,460 Once that's over. I realized there's no toilet paper. Good job 259 00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:08,540 I go into panic mode and notice that this one this was this one was messy 260 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:14,020 So I have to run back to my house just to wipe keep in mind the barn in the house are about 300 feet from 261 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:20,460 Each other I felt so nasty shit wiping against my ass cheeks as I was running back and it takes about eight wipes to get it 262 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,700 All done 263 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:23,700 Anyway, that's a damn lie 264 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:26,140 So you're a damn liar 265 00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,380 Take that this short of 30 266 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:33,980 You didn't lie ain't no guy anyone wipes it eight wipes and didn't wipe their ass 267 00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:40,140 And I did it with the lights off because I didn't want the guys to see that I was in the house 268 00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:45,020 So basically he probably didn't get it all no, you don't get nothing 269 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,020 Around about around a 270 00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:52,780 Half an hour later. They hadn't found me yet 271 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:53,900 So I told them I was in the barn 272 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:57,260 But the catch was that I hid in the bathroom and I was gonna jump out and scare them 273 00:19:57,260 --> 00:20:02,100 And so they were searching the barn and I couldn't find they couldn't find me anywhere after this they leave in 274 00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:08,380 They start to believe I lied about where I was then I jumped out and scared the living shit out of them every single one 275 00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:10,380 of those bastards 276 00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:14,780 So the point of the story was basically for him just to say that he shit forgot toilet paper 277 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:19,520 And had to run back to the house with the shit just smearing across everything that he lied about his wife 278 00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,620 pretty much 279 00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:23,620 at least 15 wipes 280 00:20:23,620 --> 00:20:26,580 But in the dark I wouldn't trust 281 00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:30,540 I wouldn't trust 30 wipes in the dark 282 00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:34,420 It's like you just feel burning after a while. It's like maybe 283 00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:38,860 You never know it could be one of those those endless wipes that you can't get rid of 284 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,780 Those are some real bad wipes 285 00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:46,860 Well, I you wipe right it's clean and then the wipe afters like half of the twice is dirty than what? 286 00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,860 No, what's up? Where did this shit come from? What the fuck? 287 00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:50,860 I 288 00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:53,860 Was 289 00:20:54,860 --> 00:20:59,860 This extra stuff come from I had to talk to a proctologist because I'm curious about why 290 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,620 It'll be clean clean clean. Then like another way, but we can fully dirty 291 00:21:06,020 --> 00:21:10,420 Yeah, like I want to seem to actually explain why it's real simple you just didn't wipe your ass 292 00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:14,620 Next one is by next music 293 00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:18,500 4077 they put this was almost ten years ago 294 00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:23,140 But I most recently noticed it whenever I was rewatching the videos a few days ago for background 295 00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:26,500 I had sinus issues that had been aggravating me 296 00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:32,700 From a recent flight. I was on stage waiting for my turn to perform and my face was hurting 297 00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:36,660 So I started rubbing under my eyes and around my temples. I've been always to me 298 00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:41,180 That's exactly what the slanted eyes gesture that people use to make fun of Asians is cat 299 00:21:41,180 --> 00:21:45,700 And the girl who was performing at the time happened to be Asian. I'm sure he's yeah 300 00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:48,380 I'm sure you can tell you didn't mean it right while I was doing this 301 00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:53,420 I was dead center in view of the camera. It was super obvious. Maybe some people didn't notice 302 00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:58,300 But that's still a lot of people who probably did no one ever mentioned to me 303 00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:02,320 It no one ever had ever mentioned it to me though. Huh? So he's doing that 304 00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,460 I'm sure he's well 305 00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:10,860 I'm sure he up to the new he didn't mean it. I hope it's embarrassing 306 00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:14,660 I 307 00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:21,600 Would say I would want to do that. No. Well, I wouldn't wipe my eyes like that. I've never seen a person wiped. Are you like? 308 00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:26,180 No, I do the back head always 309 00:22:26,860 --> 00:22:29,900 Yeah, but you're you're a normal person. So 310 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:35,820 This is a weird way to wipe people do it like you're doing it wrong 311 00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:40,020 Next one is by 312 00:22:40,580 --> 00:22:42,140 elucilla 313 00:22:42,140 --> 00:22:43,460 elucilla 314 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:48,920 This person puts for context my boyfriend didn't go I grow up with his biological dad 315 00:22:48,980 --> 00:22:53,580 He saw a video of his biological dad with his new kids and it was really triggering for him 316 00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:59,660 That was last night today. I was on a mission to buy him some gifts that I knew he loved growing up 317 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:05,380 Plus he isn't sucker for gifts due to his childhood drama Star Wars was one of them 318 00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:11,100 Once I saw this awesome Star Wars Darth Vader helmet. I immediately bought it. I showed my friends the helmet 319 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,220 They know his background. We are all close. I 320 00:23:13,820 --> 00:23:15,180 feel 321 00:23:15,180 --> 00:23:19,260 The line that Darth Vader uses a real bad 322 00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:27,220 Perpetence this situation. Yeah, and they brought it to my attention that Darth Vader actually left his son. Yeah 323 00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:32,900 So my boyfriend is coming home in two minutes and I will see and we'll see the gift and at its Father Day 324 00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:36,060 And I just found out that Darth Vader left his son 325 00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:39,500 Also, he didn't leave his son. He didn't even know he had a son 326 00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:46,060 Deadbeat dad put it that way. Yeah, kind of well, no, he would have raised a son in the dark side of the force 327 00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:53,880 I think but in general, I guess it's more of the sentiment of Darth Vader and his son's dynamic and then 328 00:23:55,540 --> 00:23:57,940 Chopped his hand off. It's not a good father big 329 00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:02,700 Next one is by username one 330 00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:05,980 Because they put a bunch of different letters in there 331 00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:08,060 So they put 332 00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:11,720 We're we're in a super small town on vacation 333 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:16,440 My partner is in a work trip out of state all of the mom-and-pop stores 334 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,680 Open at 10 and close at 8 and the biggest name 335 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:25,200 The closest big name store is a 40 minute drive away. So I'm fucked until morning 336 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:26,760 We just arrived 337 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:31,080 So all I had access to eat today was a plate of peanut butter and jelly for breakfast and lunch 338 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,280 Before finding a grocery store this afternoon peanut butter and jelly or a sandwich 339 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:41,280 You need a bowl of peanut butter and jelly 340 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:50,880 Maybe that type of person like I would feel like did you eat a sandwich or I know it's implied right? 341 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,560 But I mean like did you really eat a bowl of it or did you just eat a spoon full of peanut butter and jelly? 342 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:09,160 Which is fine by me, I love strawberry preserves crunchy peanut butter sandwich on nine grain whole wheat bread 343 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,160 Okay, just make it good 344 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:18,160 Ate it every day during high school and a bunch of days as an adult every day. Jesus Christ. I know but now I 345 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,240 I picked up some kind of nasty bug and I've got crunchy 346 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:28,160 Undigested unshued bits of peanuts coming out my nose throat and ass what I also recently 347 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:32,600 I also recently gave birth and every time I puke my brains on I piss myself 348 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:37,080 Just add cherry on the top. God dang girl on hour two and everything burns 349 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,280 man 350 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,900 What happened is food poisoning? I think so. Yeah 351 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,520 It's coming out of every office that baby P odd 352 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,440 nut allergy kick in with 353 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:52,120 Just a random. Yeah, I don't know if it was an allergy 354 00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,120 I think it was that she just caught a nasty bug 355 00:25:54,120 --> 00:26:00,820 I just happened to be because I just happened to have it like coinciding with after eating peanut butter. That's crunchy 356 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:04,200 So it's coming out of every orifice and let me tell you it's not 357 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,600 the before 358 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:10,440 But damn the during and the after of throwing up fucking you fork 359 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:16,000 The before is the most horrific shit you could go through in your life. I would say in the process 360 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:21,760 No, the doing is fine. Just right, but it's going and the after is pristine 361 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,440 But to me it is the before 362 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:30,760 The lead up to it like it is the worst feeling but once you start throwing up and then the answer it's over 363 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:35,360 It's like well, it's I can't I can't stop it. Why you have tears running down your face 364 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,000 But man throwing up is awesome 365 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:43,120 Having to throw up is not but once you're there you're like your body's like let's do this 366 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:50,160 And with your abs and everything and you're you just feeling I've never not felt great after throwing up 367 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,400 I've only thrown up a few days a few times in my life and they've all been glory 368 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:01,200 I'll give you one of those pills to make you throw up later. No, thanks. I do not like throwing up 369 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:02,960 because 370 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:08,080 Of the up to it the up to the part the it and the after it 371 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,680 Next one it is such a weird thing 372 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:16,320 Yeah, and I can't I'm one of those kind of people if somebody is throwing up. I can't be around it 373 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,320 Yeah, I'm gonna vomit too 374 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:24,600 But you'll feel good about it, right? Yeah, but it's not good enough that I want to you know, I mean 375 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,040 You forked 376 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,040 Yeah, I'm gonna throw up 377 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:37,040 You said that you forked. Yeah, but not you were fork enough to deal with the build up to it 378 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:44,520 Yeah, like that all that like gagging and you're just like you're trying so hard and it's funny cuz you try 379 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:51,360 Yeah, like you just see you don't want to and then you do it and then you're like it all systems go 380 00:27:51,360 --> 00:28:00,240 Like I've tried it's so weird throwing up is a weird thing yeah, it's something I don't like to do no 381 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,760 Yeah, the body sure does love it as is happening 382 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:08,880 The only time that I you feel better after it for myself is if I have a migraine 383 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:12,880 You get the nausea with the migraine. Oh, the migraine goes away after 384 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:19,620 That's good, but this is nausea before it's just it's the most yeah, you get the vertigo and everything 385 00:28:19,620 --> 00:28:21,620 Yeah, it's not fun 386 00:28:22,220 --> 00:28:23,540 last one 387 00:28:23,540 --> 00:28:29,420 By JT to 117 this person puts today affected by taking a shit at the dentist a 388 00:28:30,100 --> 00:28:35,980 Little a little bit of a backstory the dentist is a family member of my wife's so this makes it even more embarrassing 389 00:28:36,060 --> 00:28:37,580 Yeah, they'll get over it 390 00:28:37,580 --> 00:28:42,540 I've also been eating far too many artificial sweeteners lately because I'm trying to drop some weight 391 00:28:42,820 --> 00:28:47,700 So that's probably the culprit. I took a shit before the hour drive over there 392 00:28:47,700 --> 00:28:52,900 It was awful one of the most worst smelling shits. I've ever taken oh man man 393 00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:59,060 When you have like a really like when you're like you can't stand the smell like yeah like people we all have an immune cyst like 394 00:28:59,060 --> 00:29:05,060 An immunity to our own shits like base like a normal person right? Yeah, you can you can look at it 395 00:29:05,060 --> 00:29:07,060 You can stand it you can smell it like fine 396 00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:11,500 But like when you yourself it cannot handle the smell of your own shit 397 00:29:11,580 --> 00:29:14,020 You know they truly a fucking demonic 398 00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:17,580 Spa that has leaked from your asshole. I 399 00:29:20,940 --> 00:29:23,540 Got about halfway there and realized that I had to take a shit again 400 00:29:24,060 --> 00:29:29,460 But I was running late, so I didn't have time to stop I opted to take a shit at the dentist office 401 00:29:29,460 --> 00:29:36,700 I took my shit, and I realized it smelled terrible yet again truly offensive the bathroom is next to the x-ray machine 402 00:29:37,460 --> 00:29:41,300 Which I didn't realize this is the first time I've been to this office 403 00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:45,820 So I didn't realize I would have to face this shit again when I got my 3d x-ray damn 404 00:29:46,020 --> 00:29:50,260 The dental assistant complained of the smell near the bathroom saying that it smells like sewage 405 00:29:54,020 --> 00:29:56,140 X-ray that artificial sweeteners hit hard 406 00:29:57,100 --> 00:30:01,460 They're currently looking in to see if they can get if they have a sewage issue 407 00:30:02,060 --> 00:30:07,420 Parts are embarrassed to say it was me. I'm pretty sure they're calling a plumber out of our talking 408 00:30:07,420 --> 00:30:12,460 I think you have solved this by stopping at a gas station on the way and leaving earlier 409 00:30:12,460 --> 00:30:16,220 I could also solve this problem by fessing that up and letting them know it was me 410 00:30:16,420 --> 00:30:19,180 But this family member slash dentist is super cool 411 00:30:19,180 --> 00:30:22,520 And I don't want him to think less of me as I'm writing this I 412 00:30:22,660 --> 00:30:28,620 Doubly fucked up because the dental assistant just walked past it past the exam room, and I'm pretty sure she saw me writing this post 413 00:30:29,140 --> 00:30:35,600 Geez I doubt she paid attention. Yeah, I highly doubt that but if it's so bad that they were gonna call off 414 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:36,760 a 415 00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,900 plumbing technician it's like oh god, they're sewer 416 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,560 The fucking plumber comes in right he takes his whiff like Mike 417 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:48,840 I haven't seen us haven't smell a stench this bed 45 years my god 418 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,680 They must plumbers must smell some horrendous 419 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,080 toilet like some 420 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,080 absolute abominations 421 00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:58,800 Chernobyl 422 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:05,920 Crash point going there with one of the gaffer. Yeah, like my god. We got to take this shit out. I 423 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:13,000 Don't get a paid enough to do whatever I got would never be at anyone's fucking sewage system cleaning it out or fixing it 424 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,080 I don't want to be around people's pissing 425 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:22,200 Shit, I can't even like I can fix my own problem plumbing issues within my own house 426 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,560 Yeah, and I'm willing to do that because it's my own stuff 427 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,960 But going into somebody else's house to do it 428 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,600 No, I could know 429 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:37,640 No, I like what if like the fucking like get lady they work on still right fucking water sprays up a hit some 430 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:42,680 Just fucking toilet water. That's happened. I guess what I'm saying like I could not even handle that 431 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:46,480 Yeah, there's a couple of videos on YouTube about them showing a 432 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,240 Them unclogging a clean out on the outside of a house 433 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:55,320 Uh-huh, so they go to go reach in to clean out whatever's stuck in there 434 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,680 Yeah, they pulled it out and it's got pressure behind it. So it 435 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:03,760 It blows up in their faces so they get shit. Yeah all over them 436 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,160 Now where it has man suits and everything. No, why not? 437 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,800 That's a one time. I would be wearing 438 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:15,520 No, they're not wearing has bad suits and then there's like there's a bunch of videos to out about 439 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:20,880 I'm like the septic systems and stuff like that when gases start to build up in them 440 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:26,280 I like those videos where like they're cleaning pipes out and like a bunch of muck and mud comes out, right? 441 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,200 Yeah, like like like just like a just a long line 442 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:35,240 And then like it like if the last bit comes down a bunch of water pours out that shit is you fork to see as well 443 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:40,280 Something about that is just like nice for you know, like it's I don't know why yeah 444 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,760 Like you just see it like you like it's being clean. I guess yeah 445 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:48,760 The cleaning process like it makes you feel like a good shit. Yeah, basically. Yeah 446 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:54,520 I guess it's just like you just pouring out you can relate to what you're saying. I've had some good shit 447 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,080 Just like Randy Marsh, I wouldn't say his level 448 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,600 Had a fucking human side shit 449 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:10,560 Wasn't the first one like a football. Yeah, and then he ate a bunch of shit 450 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:15,480 To get built up the fiber and then like he couldn't get it out like it's really impossible to get that shit out 451 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,880 And then he did a pair of I don't know what happened 452 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:25,320 Cartoon magic basically I should like you he was spinning him on the top of him little shit 453 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,640 He was spinning up the shit 454 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,840 It was so fucking 455 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:35,520 But that is everything that we got for reddit insanity this week and we will see you guys on the next one 456 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:47,520 Adios