The mic is hot and the game is on. You're listening
to News for the Nation podcast by Aces Nation,
where we talk about nutrition, sports performance,
the journey of a student athlete, and more. I'm
Claire. I'm Zach. Time to level up. Welcome back
sports fans. Today we're talking about perspectives
in youth sports. We're going to cover some topics
that are based on our own experiences. our work,
our research, and things we've heard from other
coaches. We're really trying to highlight viewpoints,
things to think about, issues that may arise,
and then give our experience and our opinions
behind that. So really, this is just about us
expressing or shedding light on these areas that
have come up in conversations, that have come
up in research in different areas about how to
support your kids as they go through youth sports,
high school sports, college sports, like how
to be, issues that may arise from a kid's perspective,
from a parent's perspective, even through the
coach's lens. As we go throughout sports, sports
in the modern age with all this social media,
all this. new money floating around to support
it, even gambling at some point. I mean, they're
now gambling on high school games. So there's
an added level of pressure, expectations, disappointments,
you know, setbacks because of many different
things and just trying to shed light on how to
be supportive and managing all these different
things and whatnot. Tiana's already done some
great work on this as well. So really looking
forward to her insights here and then whatever
I can provide in support of that. So Tiana, let's
get started here. We said we're gonna start from
the coach perspective because this is what we
kind of hear and deal with from our clientele
in the club organization and high school level.
Yeah, one of the things that we hear often in
meetings kind of within ACEs and from our CEO
is a lot of times there's concern from coaches
that we speak to or directors of clubs that they
feel like there's expectations from parents that
are placed on the players or athletes in their
club that may be unrealistic for the players
and a lot of times they're looking for ways to
you know put down on paper kind of where they're
coming from to show you know well here's how
your athletes improving or here's how many times
they've attended a practice and really put an
effort versus you know maybe another kid that's
getting more playing time or something so it
kind of spurred this thought for me as to what
From the coach perspective, we would love to
see as parents in support of their athletes,
the things they can do to help their athletes
become better and maybe have a longer experience
in their sport. Or maybe the things that we see
that maybe are taking away from that athletes
experience and leading to early burnout in that
kid. So I just think, you know, there's there
can be friction between coaches and parents or
athletes and parents or any combination of these
and I think everyone has a different perspective
on this from each of those kind of buckets and
everyone has some pros and cons to their stance
and position but there are always things we can
do to better support our athletes and this is
just I think starting this coach perspective
I'd like to hear kind of from Even from the college
coach standpoint at this point for you, just
day to day interacting with your athletes, what
are some things that you would love to see your
athletes coming to you supported at home in a
certain way and kind of the athletes that show
up consistently put in the work? What are they
doing or getting from their families and then
kind of the younger ages going down from there?
What do you think parents can do to best? support
their athletes to show up to you in a way that's
going to be most productive. All right. I'll
start off from the high school lens. I don't
know if you know, but I started off my coaching
career and I was actually had the chance to be
a volunteer high school basketball coach. So
I've actually worked in this area early on. And
then I've seen different paths coming from this
coach perspective. One of the things that I've
seen videos on that have been viral, I've heard
a lot of stories, or I hear people talking, like
parents or something talking about it later or
at a game, if I'm not coaching, is I definitely
don't think it's healthy that parents would like
bash the way that the coach is coaching to their
kid right like maybe they don't agree with like
the system that they're running or something
in a particular sport or how they go about whatever
it is in the sport now especially i would say
especially if you're not a parent who is a coach
or who understands maybe what the game plan and
the rationale is behind if you've got the inside
information then you probably are able to talk
to the coach a little bit more directly in a
personal manner. A lot of people doing in the
stands talking probably have no idea what's going
on. So and then they just bash that coach later
on the drive home when they're at home when their
kids are sitting watching the next game after
and everyone's just like doing that right. I
don't like that at all right like you can have
an opinion like that was not good. That was bad.
That's fine, but I Think you're injecting this
negativity this criticism into your kids and
then that's creating this visual represent like
this mental representation of Who that coach
is now and whether or not they're actually fully
invested anymore, right? They probably have without
you saying anything. They probably have their
own Image of their place on the team their view
of the coach, you know where all that stuff goes,
right? They probably already have that without
you. So for you to Change that or continue to
evolve it in a negative way. I just I don't think
helps their experience at all I don't think you're
supporting them by saying Anything negative about
what's happening there on the sidelines or whatnot?
This is all assuming that this coach is a great
human being and there's nothing else, you know,
everything's all about the sport. Okay, so I
think that for me that's one of the things that
is just Fueling a really bad fire at that point,
right? So we don't don't want anything to snowball
or continue to get out of hand by you adding
that in okay you should probably have a conversation
with the coach yourself as an adult um yeah i
can see that and that's one of those difficult
ones with age too because by the time they get
to high school you'd hope that that coach has
like competency in that sport and is fulfilling
their responsibilities as the coach because on
the parent side it is really hard to see and
You know, my kids are the oldest is eight. So
we're talking about much younger athletes here
and coaches that are just volunteering their
time and may not have even done the sport. Uh,
so they're, it does change kind of depending
on the age group, because, you know, I see it
in the, the younger kids. And sometimes if the
coach is not. real into the sport is just doing
it to help out. It can be so frustrating to see
kind of how they're running things or what they're
doing and just being like, oh, I really wish
you'd just teach them some fundamentals and let
them have some fun. So, yeah. I agree. And I
think this, I mean, this is picking me back to
conversations that we've had with some of our
clients before. It's like, I think as a parent,
you need to understand as much as you can about
the situation and then manage your expectations.
Because if you do have a younger child and they
have a coach, that person is probably volunteering.
They're not getting paid for that, right? You
probably need to manage your expectations or
move to a different place where that person is
getting paid. I know we've talked to a lot of
our club organizations. They've got so many teams
and a lot of these coaches are, you know, willingly
you know dedicating their time right if for you
do not understand that be upset and i mean that's
that's your right to be upset but maybe you should
either figure out a way to support that coach
so they're you know getting more poured into
them from a sports perspective and then able
to give that back to your children or I don't
know maybe you go to another place or you manage
your expectations. I know that there's a lot
of stuff happening where these volunteer coaches
have day jobs or whatever and then they're coming
in here because they want to help your kids.
You know and I don't think they need the extra
pressure from you directly about like hey you're
not doing a good job. So I think there's a lot
of managing expectations that's happening with
that stuff. I do think as your kids are younger,
they should learn skills, right? It's not about,
is it about winning? Yeah, it's about feeling
good winning and understanding what helps you
win and all those fundamental elements. They
should learn skills and be able to do that. I
know we're gonna get into parent stuff later,
but yeah, I think it's about understanding I
think as a parent like maybe what who that coach
is what what their role is or you know how they
even became that coach and then maybe you have
other conversations up the road or maybe you
just kind of uh you know here's a fun idea I
had a strength coach tell uh at a conference
one time give a speech and he was saying hey
if if everyone's complaining about there's not
research on this there's not research on that
why don't you go research it Right. You go do
whatever, you know, research the area that you
want. Right. As a parent, you don't like the
way it is. How about you volunteer to be a coach
too? Right. Why don't you volunteer, be an assistant
if you don't like the way everything's going.
So I think that that may be an option for you
as well. You're already going to be at the practice,
right? If you want to make an impact, make a
positive impact, why don't you volunteer to do
it too? Um, so that may be an option too, but
I think it's. being a supportive parent you know
is maybe kind of understanding as much as you
can about the situation because if they're in
youth sports it's different if they're in high
school it's different if they're in college you
got you got nothing right unless you're number
one donor for the entire school you got you got
no say when they go to college right most of
the time you in high school you shouldn't have
a say anyway I mean, unless you're coaching,
right? You really shouldn't have a say on what
is happening from a tactical perspective. And
if you sit back in that type of situation, you
know, I'm picturing like high school football,
for example. Most people, like you said, are
not going to know what's going on, what the strategy
is behind this, and they're going to think that
their own child deserves. You know the most which
is fine and that's great you should have confidence
in your children but i guess i would challenge
people to sit back and think about. What benefit
that perspective would have if you're saying
that your child and like you said kind of undermining
the coaches strategy or coaching. Is that going
to benefit the team as a whole? Is that going
to help your child contribute to that team in
a way that allows that team to win and get your
child more exposure? Or is that going to then
just lead to problems and issues amongst the
team and poor performance from your kid anyway,
which is obviously not going to help them achieve
the goal of them playing more, doing better in
the first place? Yeah, I agree. And kind of moving
into that, that kid area there, I mean, why?
Why would they even be playing that sport? You
know, and is it because it's something that they
like, something that they're doing for you, you
know, as a parent? Or what is that? Or how do
we support those kids who are actually the ones
playing the sport, you know? So obviously not
injecting these undermining comments and negativity
about the person that they're playing for. And
here's another thing, not doing that for the
people they're playing with either, right? So
I mean, you may say something about coaches,
but also, you know, trying to be supportive of
the collective as a team. So what are some, from
your experience, as a parent here, how do you
think that your kids want to be supported? Or
how do you go about supporting your kids as they
have started to play sports? Yeah, and like I
said, my kids are young, so we're kind of just
getting into this area. And we've got so many
dynamics, you know, when it personally comes
to me and my children, because they're playing
soccer. They do jujitsu, which their father coaches
them in. So that's another kind of dynamic to
explore. We've got motocross, which also the
father teaches them. So we're kind of exploring
and starting to dip our toes into lots of different
sports, but also trying to balance the not pushing
our child to do something just because we do
it or we would like to see them do it. So that's
something where my you know, they've started
to express some interest and track and obviously
that's my bread and butter background all the
way through college coaching. So that is exciting
to me, but I also would never want to push them
into the sport and then cause burnout and have
them think, well, I just I'm doing this to impress
mom or I'm doing this to show dad that I can
do it and that I'm good at it or whatever that
may be now. Given they have shown natural talent
to some of these things just because it's in
their blood, I guess. But I do like to see them
kind of progress and and kind of take it, you
know, step by step. So. We own a jujitsu gym
so they get to be there all the time. They get
to experience it. I have one child who loves
to practice. He wants to be there every class.
He wants to participate. And then I have another
that kind of stands on the sideline and he's
like here and there he'll jump in. But I know
he's absorbing it as we go. So it may not be
his thing right now, but it could. You know,
by the time he's in middle school or high school,
it could be his thing. He may decide that that's
really what he wants to do. So I really try not
to push as hard as that is. I would love to see
him do it because he's talented, but I try to
kind of take a step back there. So I think that's
something to consider for parents when they're
trying to be supportive is to think about. Why?
I mean that why your kid wants to participate
or doesn't want to participate and kind of what
your expectations you're putting on them or and
it does bring up. that kid perspective that you
brought up earlier and when i think back to getting
started in sports my dad was a sports guy and
you know being the only daughter i just really
wanted to do something that would impress him
or you know feel connected to him in some way
so sports was what i could do that really like
got him excited so that's kind of what got me
started and why i push so hard in those sports
because i knew the more that i did like he was
involved and he really liked to watch me so That's
another thing to think about from the parent
perspective but also the child to kind of consider
You know am I doing the sport because I really
like it or am I doing it to impress my parents
and if that's the case Is it something that I
want to do enough that I can continue doing it
till I don't feel like it anymore? Or is this
something that I really feel so much pressure
to do just for acceptance like that's probably
a conversation that needs to be had between parent
and child Right. I mean talked about beginnings.
I mean right or wrong. I I grew up Sports was
playing on TV mostly in my household growing
up But I remembered from what my parents tell
me when I was very very young is that I didn't
I wasn't necessarily like into sports Because
I don't know. I mean kids are probably just into
playing back then right so my parents they put
me into sports which is which was good. I think
it was a good exposure to have that stuff and
um so I ended up playing college football but
my first year of football I they said I hated
it like I didn't like how hot it was I didn't
like being sweaty like I hated it right that
was my first year uh but then the next year I
actually moved to a different position and I
enjoyed it a little bit more and so really kind
of took off from there and Basketball, I think
I watched it was playing in my house growing
up when I was younger probably more than any
sport And so my mom loves Duke basketball, so
we watched Duke basketball games all the time
but Yeah, that was a sport that I really loved
and I Think I liked basketball more than football
As a kid And then I got older and I was actually,
I found myself like, hey, I'm actually better
at football. So I'm probably going to pursue
that one because I think I can do more with it.
But like, I'm going to be honest, maybe the first
couple of years, I don't, I couldn't even tell
you why I continue to play sports other than
my parents took me there and paid for me to be
in this league or whatever. But But later on,
I really started to enjoy the friends that I
had on the team. I enjoyed playing for different
reasons, you know, whether it was like the physicality
of football or I just liked I just liked basketball
because maybe because it seemed to be something
my family enjoyed. And, you know, we spent time
observing it, either going to games or whatever.
Fun fact, my parents, when they went on their
first date, I was jake seven or something like
that we went to a basketball game like a college
basketball game it was there i think it was like
one of their first dates and they took me and
we went to a college basketball game so um it
was awesome and so i but i i always felt supported
like they i think they wanted me to play sports
but uh but and i grew to love it so i wanted
to as well so it didn't ever become like a i
don't want to play this sport you know type of
thing um yeah so i mean I always felt supported
for like, hey, you know, we're gonna give you
this foundation here of like whatever you need
and, you know, try your best. Don't be a hooligan,
you know, like treat people with respect while
you're playing, you know, don't be like, whatever,
this or that. Well, that's a unique balance that
comes up, I think. From the parent perspective
and the kid perspective a lot because you're
trying to decide. When should i push my kid because
i know that that's what they need just to like
you said you played for maybe three years before
you realize like okay i really you know there's
something here i should continue this. Had your
parents not continue to pay for and drive you
there and kind of say okay well here we go we're
going. what you have you know gotten to do all
the things that you did so it's making that decision
is this a push time is this a i need to give
them. You know space to think this through type
of situation because you know i had a lot of
exposure as a kid to this is why i definitely
feel supported in sports was. It was you know
during summer time would be like well what camp
do you want to try what sport do you want to
try you want to swim you want. Try track do you
wanna do a little cross country thing you wanna
like my boys get to do sailing over the summer
which is something that i never could have thought
of but my mom you know the grandparents steps
in and said hey let's try some sailing and some
golf. So it's hard to decide like how hard to
push those things my six year old tried soccer
for the first time this year and he made it to
probably two games and he was like meh this isn't
really for me so. I, we talked about it and we
continued to go and he had to support his team
and he'd kind of get out there here and there,
but you could tell he really wasn't into it yet.
So I was like, okay, well we're going to finish
the year, but then we're going to take a break.
Like we'll give you some more time. Maybe it's
just not time for you yet. Um, and then the difference
now between when we were starting, I feel like
it was your kids, your parents put the gear out
there to get a little. build a little character
have some fun and we're just talking kind of
before i got on the recording about how much
we feel like sports has changed for that age
group where there's a lot of expectations financially
it's a lot more expensive there's a lot of technology
around everything in science around everything
we're doing now so there's a lot of good that
comes with that but there can also be a lot of.
uh stress put on kids or expectations that maybe
weren't there kind of when we were just exploring
sports and checking things out see what like
and what we didn't and there's a lot more that
goes into that now that as a parent you have
to consider and as the kid that's kind of put
on you um that changes the dynamic of the sport
itself yeah i mean that's such a interesting
uh phenomena that's happening where it's like
you're getting kids are getting more exposure
um because of camps and whatever social media
and stuff and and with that there comes more
expectation on them every time that they are
put out there in the spotlight right like it's
great because you can have so many opportunities
around you it's not like you're going to be pigeonholed
into like five different opportunities for you
to advance in your you know sports career It
could be 20, you know, you've got all these different
avenues for you to be successful as an athlete
at many different levels of college or, you know,
whatever that may be on any different pro circuits,
you know, in whatever sport you have. But the
pressure is there because I mean, you mentioned
there's a financial burden to it as a parent.
And it's like, I know we talked about return
on investment earlier. it's like I don't know
it kind of going back to why is your kid in sports
so if you're like you really love baseball and
that was your thing when you were a kid now you
really want your kid to be good at baseball so
you can brag about it or they could go get a
full ride scholarship or you want them to get
into the league or play professionally at some
level and you're really pushing for that I mean
You said you said at the beginning, you know,
we talked about the kids like why did you put
your why does your kid like that sport? why did
you put your kid in that sport, right and If
it's not because If at some point it doesn't
evolve into I'm supporting my kid because they
like this sport for them Then I don't know. I
mean not telling people how to parent for sure
But maybe it's good I think it's always good
to reevaluate the core of, you know, why decisions
are being made or, you know, why things are continuing
to be pursued, right? It's never bad to reevaluate
and reflect on things just so you make sure that
you're in line with what you feel like or what
your kid, your child is telling you is what they
want, right? So to support them in all those
manners, it's just, I mean there's there's a
lot of pressure right everybody feels like as
soon as you step on the field for a game day
like even if it's at some local soccer tournament
you're supposed to be the star you're supposed
to go out there and five score five goals uh
if you're the keeper you're not supposed to let
anything come past you and you're supposed to
be the most vocal person out there you know Yeah,
like you said the pressure for college scholarship
I think is one of the biggest ones because as
soon as you see that your child might have some
talent at something I think that's immediately
what parents are thinking like oh, well, here's
our opportunity Maybe we didn't have the money
for them to go to this particular school or something
and now maybe that opportunity is there so I
think from the parental perspective that's where
a lot of parents are kind of trying to push their
kid to continue the sport because they can get
that advantage from it. But I do see even pressure
that comes in these young sports where, you know,
I have one that's going to try baseball for the
first time at eight years old. We're out here
stressing out because he hasn't played and he's
only eight years old. But it seems like everyone
on these leagues has already played for three
years, four years by the time they're eight years
old already. So he's he's concerned like, I don't
know how to play baseball yet. That's what you're
there for. You're going to learn. They're going
to coach you. Don't worry about it. You'll pick
it up in no time and it'll be fine. So, yeah,
it doesn't matter the age. I think there's pressure.
It's just different. I mean, some of the some
of the players in the nfl they didn't start playing
football until they were like late high school
like so they had gone 17 you know 16 17 18 years
without playing the sport and now they're in
the nfl right like got the potential for it it's
gonna happen right regardless of when you enter
it so uh i think that's that's awesome that you
know he's gonna make a new experience in a different
sport because he wants to you know wants to try
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a demo. Let's go. I have seen examples of these
parents that, that push really hard. Kind of
the other extreme where it's hardly any input
from the child, I think where they're like, well,
this is the sport you're going to do. We're going
to do it for the best of your ability and you're
going to be the star. So the child starts to.
take that on and think okay well this is my responsibility
to make this happen and in this particular case
it was a young girl who'd been in martial arts
for her whole life and they were going to have
her be the youngest MMA fighter once she was
of age to get in the cage and have her first
fight and so she was training you know training
the same way the the adult fighters went where
she was at multiple practices a day she was there
every day of the week. trying to do everything
she could and she was pushed and pushed and she
made it all the way to that point when she had
her first fight. She took it and then she quit
the sport immediately after. So it was like she
had been burnt out for so long that she had met
that expectation and then said, I'm done. So
thanks, but no thanks. And that's definitely
not something you want to have happen to your
child if they really did love the sport to begin
with. And then they get pushed to the point where
they don't want anything to do with it anymore.
It's just sad to see. Right. Yeah, that is sad
to be pushed to that point where you just fall
out of love with the sport that you initially
really enjoyed. I want to go back to something
else you said earlier about when kids start to
show a little potential, like parents can get
pretty excited about the potential for college
scholarships. I'm going to go back to my personal
experience. I understand people are different
and, you know, their personalities and how they
go about things is different. But I think when
when I actually thought that I showed myself
a little bit of potential to be good enough to
play college football, I don't even be honest
right now. I'm thinking about it right now. I
don't even know if my parents ever said anything
like Trying to nudge me in that direction. I
I made that decision, right? I think I was like
an eighth or ninth grade I was like, you know
what? I think I could play football in college.
I don't know if I'm good enough to play basketball
in college I'm gonna focus on this and go all
out for it and Nobody had to tell me that so
really I mean support and my parents gave me
was like I trained hard over the summer shirt.
I mean they bought me new cleats that I needed
each year for the season, bought me protein,
brought me creatine, not to sound like a meathead,
but then I would just train, train, train, train.
And I'm very fortunate that it paid off for me
and my parents did not have to pay for any of
my college at all. So I'm very fortunate to have
that happen. But it's just interesting that I
never felt that pressure from them. I felt pressure
from me. because I decided to do it and I wanted
to go do it. And I had to make sure I was living
up to what my expectations were. And I felt like
my expectations were way harder and higher than
theirs were for me at that point. I mean, I was
probably I don't know if it was a good thing
or not. I'm just saying from what I think, probably
great for them that they didn't have to really
push me to do anything. They were just like,
OK, how can we help you? Do what you want to
do and then they just kind of watch watch me
do it I think that happens a lot with a lot of
successful college athletes Especially when you
get it and pro athletes when you get to that
point because I had a very similar experience
My parents didn't push me necessarily in track.
I just saw that You know i i'm kind of good at
this i want to see where i can get you know make
this go so they were very um supportive in the
way like you're saying where you know my mom
would pack me a cooler snacks for an all -day
track me and take me you know to drive me to
wherever so that i could do that every weekend
and sacrifice their time to be there to see me
run and do everything they could to support me
and just being there so i think that There are
those athletes that are just going to be so self
driven and I don't know if you had the same experience,
but I Was almost to the point where I needed
my parents to To be there to kind of talk me
down all the time because I was just so hard
on myself When it came to being successful if
I didn't do what I had expected to do that particular
jump or that race or if I got Tripped and got
second or something, you know, I needed them
to be like it's okay. It's one me. It's one race
You're going to be fine. It's not your entire
career like there's other opportunities. Just
pick yourself up and get back out there. So the
support there was huge because I probably would
have been so hard on myself that it would have
been hard to continue all the time. So I think
it just depends on the personality of your kid.
I know we talk about intrinsic motivation and
you know motivation that comes from external
sources and it depends kind of on your personality
and how you operate but You are going to have
some of those kids that are just so dedicated
to being perfect in their sport that they actually
need the opposite in terms of support. They just
need someone to tell them that they're going
to be fine. Yeah, I agree. I think that I needed
my parents for the same thing. But I mean, that's
how we felt supported as kids. And I project
I hopefully will do the same thing. Personally
would love for my kids to play sports and want
to do that At whatever level that they decide
obviously it'd be great if as a parent if you
don't have to pay for college It's great, right?
Like that would be awesome or I mean these days
if your kid can get NIL money That would be great,
too You know this I it's a whole it's a whole
new ball game in Division one athletics and potentially
some D2s that you know I don't know if in different
situations or whatnot, but it's a whole different
element to have NAL as a potential. I don't honestly
know what to think of if one of my kids ends
up signing a deal where they make money for marketing
some product or whatever just because they play
a sport while they're in college. I don't even
know how to fathom that. All we got were stipends
each month. the program so i mean i can't imagine
my kid making thousands of dollars every month
on top of like getting their school paid for
or whatnot i mean i that's awesome you know awesome
that you know there are opportunities in this
uh economy that is america that you know they
have those opportunities but um really i hope
to support my kids in the same way that I felt
supported. He mentioned the talk you down type
of deal. I would want to do that as well. I think
with different personalities, I'll have to learn
how to speak to that child differently than maybe
the other one. Whereas one person may need like,
hey, these are like... you know the world's not
over these are like next steps that you know
feel like you need to take some type of like
how do we move forward talk the other one maybe
it's a little more supportive like you know it's
it's okay um you know kind of learning to give
them what they need as a as an individual you
know to feel confident in themselves to feel
like we are confident in their abilities as well
um and then i'm not gonna I'm not gonna be that
person talking bad about the coaching style or
whatever because Even now as a coach, I know
everyone has their own philosophy. Everyone has
their own thing I probably feel more confident
talking to the coach not necessarily in a I'm
trying to judge you but hey, I I'd like to understand,
you know, what's going on here not from a perspective
like I want to chop it down like I'd like to
be invested in it a little bit more than just
at the game watching You know, like I'd like
to know what's happening here. But I don't know.
I think that gets later into the weeds there.
But hopefully, you know, I want my kids to feel
I want them to feel confident. I want them to
feel like they're they have the opportunity to
get out when they're ready to get out. And we're
here to support them if they want to go farther
in that sport. Right. Yeah, I agree. So man,
I just covered a lot right there, but I'm sure
you feel the same way but you had already mentioned
you gave us so much good information on the front
end about like how your kids are a little bit
different with like want to be there every class
and get involved or hey I want to just watch
a little bit more and then maybe when I feel
ready I'm gonna go in right and a school it's
cool how that dynamic happens, you know between
different kids and Yeah, just just like you said
you're excited for them and you want to be a
part of that but also you're like, okay Let's
figure out like hey, I really want you to do
this for you and not necessarily for me I'd love
it if you did it for me, but I'd love it. I think
even more if you were doing it for you It certainly
caught me by surprise having to navigate the
feelings that you still have as a former perfectionist
athlete in yourself versus trying to help your
child have kind of a different sports experience
in the sense that I don't I don't want them to
approach it the way I did where it was just nonstop
this is all I cared about type of thing and you
know having my son and his first jiu -jitsu tournament
was like a huge wake up call for me because.
In those they get multiple chances to compete
in matches and seeing him. Win a match and being
excited about that and ready to do the next one
to then losing a match and having to pick himself
up to understand that he's not done. So like
we lost, but we had to have this whole conversation
about, okay, what we're going to do is we're
going to put that in this little box over here
and we're not going to worry about it right now.
We're going to go ahead and move on because we
have to still compete. So you have to teaching
an eight -year -old how to mentally recover from
something like that. was a brand new experience
for me and it's rewarding but it's also. It throws
you right into the fire because i wasn't expecting
that and it's kind of like all other aspects
of parenting where you're like oh i would never.
Whenever do that i would never think this and
then you put foot in mouth as soon as that situation
comes along and you're doing it so. Yeah i was.
It was an interesting experience, and like I
said, now I'm kind of expecting that along the
way. There's going to be a lot of situations
that I may have handled differently if it was
me personally, and now you're having to say,
look, we are not expecting anything out of you.
We are here because you enjoy this, and we want
you to have fun, and we don't think that you
have to win. That's not what we want for you.
We want you to come out here and do your best.
I want to see you put in a good effort. That's
all I want." And you kind of see that look on
their face like, oh, really? That's it? Like,
I can just go out there and do my best? And it's
like, yes, that's going to be good enough for
us. So, you know, navigating all these things
as a parent, it's going to be a trial and error
type thing. And I'm sure the older they get,
the harder it gets with, you know, the aspect
of coaching and especially if it's in a sport
that we have participated in or coached, I'm
sure the dynamic there is going to be a brand
new thing every step of the way, but I think
like you said, the best way we can support them
is just making sure that our objectives align,
knowing kind of when and how to push, just to
be there to support them. Maybe they need a push
sometimes and they just don't have it in them
at that time and they need to hear that from
you. And, you know, just in any other way that
you think will help them feel confident in that
particular day and moment. Lots, lots to think
about. Yeah, for sure. Hey, I wrote a note here
and I wanted to touch back on this really quickly.
Talking about still how to support your kids
here. I know we have a lot of international listeners
and really shout out to parents internationally
as they send their their children either to the
U .S. or to a different country to play sports
and and supporting them from afar is completely
different. I mean, I've had a lot of international
athletes where their parents make one game in
their four year career. Right. Typically, it's
around that senior day type of experience, but
it is completely different to support your kid
from afar, you know, as they're playing sports.
And so I mean, from what I've experienced all
kids man they miss their families like a lot
and they just they just want to make them proud
you know by you know what they do uh in school
and uh in their respective field of play so a
shout out to those parents who are definitely
experiencing it differently than you know having
their kids around locally and being able to go
see them every every saturday or whatever you
know when they play definitely and those those
athletes as a coach you always feel like you
know you really you need to be there to show
up for those athletes too because they don't
have that support from their family right there
of course they have them you know a phone call
away but it was a definitely a different experience
to have international athletes that you kind
of feel like become family um in the sense that
they may need those extra conversations or You
know that hey, have you been eating? Well, are
you is everything okay type of stuff more often
than your kids? You have family close by that.
They're kind of interacting with all the time
Yeah We have some good information on these topics
and we actually we utilize some A great questionnaire.
I think to kind of really evaluate Where the
objectives that you mentioned are so you want
to tell us tell them about the blog tell them
about the sport NPS to Yeah, we do have a blog
on this topic that we did a little while back
and It's just it's called are you good sports
parent and it just goes over some basics of things
that you can be doing To support your athletes
and and these are areas that we've covered today
for the most part but You know and some of it
might seem like common sense but. It's you know
it's it's good to always check in and make sure
that you aren't going too far in one direction
with your own expectations or you know maybe
forgetting to check in with where your kids are
maybe spend years and years in the same sport
and. And they may not feel the same way about
it as they did when they started. So that's just
a good checklist to kind of go through and do
a little self evaluation. But as far as the questionnaire,
it's called the sport MPS two for short. But
basically this questionnaire is going to give
you the opportunity to go through. So it's a
self assessment for the athlete. But as the coach,
it'll give you good insight as to where this
athlete feels like perfectionism pressure comes
from. So if this is an athlete that doesn't seem
like they have any perfectionistic tendencies,
it may not be that relevant for them. But if
you have athletes that are really kind of like
Zach and I mentioned we were as athletes, this
is an interesting, this would give you some insight
that I think would help you better support them.
It does break down to different categories where
you can see after they've answered. It breaks
down into seven categories that are personal
standards, concern over mistakes, perceived parental
pressure, perceived coach pressure, doubts about
actions and organization. So once they've done
the survey and total these areas you can kind
of tell like maybe this athlete is getting a
lot of pressure from home from parents and you
know the best thing to do to support them would
be to have that parents sit down and have a conversation
about like goals and where you think you know
their current statistics are versus the current
the statistics they look to. To attain later
and maybe the standards of those particular colleges
that they really think their child should go
to and say here's you know the general recruiting
standards here here's where your child and here's
where we're trying to go. The other category
there might be you might find out as a coach
yourself that you're causing a lot of. I'm sure
you're striving for perfectionism in your athletes
and not even realizing that you're putting so
much pressure on being perfect rather than focusing
on. The method to get there so we're focusing
on process over the outcome that can take some
of the pressure off of that you know of course
everyone wants to win and that's the ultimate
goal but we all know that so maybe focusing more
on process goals so you say well this game. Here's
where I want to see us do really well. It's in
this particular passing or making sure that,
you know, our we have accurate shots or whatever
it may be for that particular sport. And then
you can also see the breakdown of the personal
pressure. So maybe this athlete is baby Tiana
that just wanted to be perfect in every absolute
area and doesn't feel confident in their own
skills. Because one of the main questions on
there is, do I feel like I've prepared myself
properly to compete? So if they're constantly
saying no to that, but you know that you've been
preparing them the best that they can be prepared,
then that's a conversation that could be had
to make sure that their competence level is there
just in their own abilities. And that's going
to help improve that overall performance. Well,
when would you say when and the frequency of
This questionnaire would would be best best served
for coaches. Yes, I don't think this is one where
athletes are first starting out that it's as
relevant because you may not see where the pressure
is coming from yet, especially if it's something
they haven't been doing for a little while. So
I think this would be more so in the high school
range. It may be relevant and some younger kids
if they've been in their sport for a long time,
but. You know, I'm seeing, I would think probably
the biggest insight would come from a high school
age athlete and someone who's a couple, you know,
a year in. And then I think it's something you
could do yearly because you could see has that
score changed. Like maybe I found out as the
coach that I'm putting too much pressure on my
kids in one particular area or causing a negative
outcome by the way that I'm approaching. you
know, maybe an outcome. I'm saying, OK, we have
to win in this particular way. And if I just
change my language around it or I change my approach
to how I am setting goals for my team, I can
see the result of that changing year over year.
Awesome. Yeah, but we definitely have this stuff
to be able to help you. And if anyone has any
questions about how to use this, how do you interpret
the scores? We definitely love to help you out
with that so that you can support your athletes
the best way Kind of wanted to close by this
thought here. I mean by no means is the Is our
experience perfect was it perfect, you know and
no one is perfect Ever, you know as a parent
as an athlete as coach but really to strive to
be the best we can to support kids for what they
really want to do, I think is the best that we,
it's the best outcome that you could get is to
be supportive in a way that's adaptive to that
athlete. So I know that Tiana and I, we've had
some pretty fortunate experiences, but I know
that that's not everyone's and that, you know,
mine. was by no means perfect every step of the
way, but it was definitely something I'm thankful
for. And hopefully to shed more light on this,
other athletes can have great experiences through
more awareness around the added pressures that
kids may be feeling these days. And that we definitely
know that parents and coaches are experiencing
these days because everyone wants to win. Everyone
wants to charge you more money to play in this
club or in this league We get it. There's a lot
of stuff happening there but to really bring
it back to what we have been talking about the
whole time is the the well -being the benefit
of the athlete themselves to constantly or frequently
Be reflecting and remembering that bringing that
to the forefront to the core is that It's really
about supporting them Ultimately, we want all
the lessons that we've learned in sports, which
is what we feel like is one of the most valuable
things that our careers have given us. We want
to make sure that athletes are continuing to
play their sports for as long as they can so
they can benefit from those types of lessons
and enrichment things that we got to experience
along the way. Ultimately, the longer you love
your sport and the longer you want to participate,
the longer you'll stay in it. That's the ultimate
goal here and we hope that this information can
shed some light on that and help help somebody
out. Thanks everybody for listening. If you do
have any questions you want to reach out to us,
please let us know. We'd love to work with you.
Maybe we can shed some light into our guaranteed
scholarship program that we have through our
connect app and partnering with us. So thanks
everybody for listening. We will catch you on
the next one. Thanks.