Hi, everybody. Oh, hi, Cody. How are you doing?
Pretty good. Hi, Cody. Great. As the last remnants
of the echo of Scarab's gunshot reverberate through
the halls and up the tunnel from points you descended,
you now find yourself standing in front of an
immense wooden and metal door. A myriad of gears
line along this door, several pistons and mechanisms,
and in front of you is this lever. That almost
seems like it's intended to open the door. One
of you maybe thought about opening that and then
changed their mind in the middle of the combat.
But maybe that was just a dream. Yeah, no, it
was a dream. But yeah, here you are in front
of a massive set of what looks like a giant door
that splits down the middle. And the gears are
still cranking and stuff. Yeah, every... I don't
know, every like 10 to 15 seconds or so, there's
like a squealing, grinding noise as the gears
shift before a heavy thunk and then a hiss of
steam. Rude Mord, did you have to name him? I
almost feel bad. I already forgot what you're
talking about. Good, good, Mord. Wipes the blood
off of him. Literal seconds between. What were
we talking about? Dude, no! Hang on, there's
blood in my ears from a certain individual. I'm
sorry. Monet, Rude Moore, the big door. Yeah.
Who's gonna open it? Not it. No. Rootmore opens
the door. Or he pulls thy lever. Thou pull thy
lever. As thou pull thy lever. Crank that yank.
It has a hefty resistance to it at first, getting
to the halfway point before suddenly, almost
with ease, it slunks into place on the opposite
side. There is a heavy ker -chunk noise coming
from the floor below before a steady grinding
of cogs. A loud, cacophonous squeal lets out
before a slow, rhythmic begins to fill the chamber
that you're in as the door slowly begins to open
in the middle. Exactly. Thank you, Matthew. That's
good. After what feels like an eternity, the
door finally comes to a full open, split in the
middle, opening inward into the chamber before
it rests with a final clunk and a very long...
Like, I don't know why that word hit my head.
Okay, I'm not going to say that. When there's
a long pause, it is typically described as pregnant,
but I was going to say a long pregnant hiss of
steam goes out. And I was like, that at one point
was appropriate, but now feels inappropriate
because of the way the world is now. Yeah, abort,
try again. It's just weird. It's weird. Yeah,
abort, abort. Yeah, abort the pregnancy. My door,
my choice. As the door finally closes open, a
long hissing emanation of steam occurs from the
gears before they slow to a halt. Leaving you
now standing in front of a massive open doorway
into a chamber, which I will now reveal. It's
a big -ass chamber. That was my guess. Is it
a big -ass chamber? King Morpheus! Big -ass room,
come on. Oh, wow. So this, it's like hallways
surrounding a room? Correct. So as the door finishes
opening and you can peer beyond it, the room
goes maybe another 30 feet or so before there
is what looks to be a, like, three to four foot
tall wall. Most of the party can't see over this
wall. Yeah, it's true. We're like rats in a maze.
I can see over it. To those that can't, it appears
to bisect the room with two diagonal hallways,
one heading in a southeastern direction and the
other to the southwest. It kind of looks like
a horseshoe. In Texas, we call these y 'all ways.
Yeah. Monet, for you, you can see just over the
wall from the distance that you're at. You can
see what appears to be... Let me see if I can
get a decent reveal on these. I hate that tool.
Back to the other one. I hate that tool. That
was my name in high school. You can see almost
what looks like the tops of... Pillars? Pillars,
as well as what looks almost like bookshelves.
Ooh. Oh, it's a... Oh, is this like a battling
octagon? We're going to get this big giant ear...
What is this called? Q -tip looking thing. We're
going to fight on top of the pillars inside the
octagon. But it's a decathlon. You have to answer
trivia questions with all the books. If you get
it wrong, then you get slapped. They throw the
book at you. I think I see some pillars or maybe
some bookshelves. over this short wall. So hope
solved the mystery. Rootmoor's gonna walk in
and he's gonna go southwest looking for an opening.
Rootmoor, check the ground. Scarab's gonna throw
his eyes at the ground in front of Rootmoor to
make sure he's not stepping on some bullshit.
Damn, snake eyes. Yeah, I would like to check
for traps. Sure. That's gonna be a... Oh my gosh.
How's everybody's health? That's exactly what
I was about to look at. I could use a little
bit of healing. Hey, ruin my heart! Scarab gets
a 22. Trap check it. Yeah, you're not seeing
any traps. Sorry. One thing you do note is there's
some kind of like... almost decorative runic
markings on the wall that appear to be dwarven
in nature. Did we? Did we? No, that was before
we went into that room. That we took a breather,
right? Yeah, before the room. We took a breather
right after the pool. Yeah, we didn't do it after
our last combat, though. We didn't take any.
10 minute break. Okay, that's fine. Monet just
lets out a huge gasp because she's been holding
her breath since jumping into the water. That's
what it's called now. It's been like 15 minutes.
That's what it's called now for Paizo, right?
Take a breather? Take a breather? I believe so.
Yeah. Yeah, so Rootmoor's gonna walk up to whoever
needs healing. Scarab shows himself and his pig.
Okay. Even though Rootmoor didn't ask, Monet
is just going to say, no, I'm just tired. It's
fine. While you're taking that ten minutes, go
ahead and give me perception checks. Nineteen.
Do you need one from Tricky, too? Sure. He can
talk to you a little bit. That's an eleven. He
can honk his honker. He can only just clink.
Eight hit points for Scarab. Hit points. I got
a natural one on my perception. Hey, me too.
Spoiler alert. That's the wrong button. Spoiler
alert. You failed your perception. Okay. I thought
I told you to get rid of that one. It's so funny.
Scarab, between you and Tricky, who had the higher?
Tricky got a 30. Okay. Wow. And Scarab got a...
22. 22, okay. As you were standing there, being
tended to by Rootmoor, you notice that Tricky
looks forward through the doorway, almost like
his attention is fixed. His ears swivel forward
a bit, and he stands rigid while he listens.
And as you see this, you start to listen as well,
and you can make out the faint sounds coming
from the next room, almost what sounds like,
muffled sliding or grinding of metal on stone
periodically interrupted by what sounds like
a like clattering almost like armor falling to
the ground like somebody dropping a set of armor
maybe um and then more like sliding and grinding
just like kind of like a like a weird like metallic
click clacky noise every once in a while, but
just makes this horrible sound sliding around,
followed by a clatter. Is there just an amalgamation
of metal in this room? Not quite sure. It's very
faint. You're only barely picking it up from
where you are. It's almost like it's reverberating
maybe off of the walls in the room coming in.
That didn't sound as cool as I expected. That's
how I felt with what I was doing. Careful, bro.
More cowbell. Don't hit your tank on it, though.
Metal on glass. What happens? Is that good? Boom.
Perfect. We'll fix it in post. All right. So
I'm assuming that as soon as you finish administering
first aid to anybody who needs it, Rootmoor,
you're going to move back to where you were,
look down the hallway, and Scarab's going to
look for traps. Still doing the same thing, yes?
Yeah. Okay. Anybody else need healing? I'm going
to go ahead and reveal what I was going to. And
tricky. Wait, did you heal tricky? I did eight
points to one of them. Yeah. Are you like out
of spells? I'd rather save them. You know, if
we. How far down are you? Math, math, 18. Okay,
well, let me do. Also, something to keep in mind
is whether or not you did first aid on either
of them after they jumped into the pit. before
the last combat because you are not supposed
to be able to do that for another hour. That's
true. I think you definitely did first. Tricky.
I can give a healing potion to Scarab. I may
have potions. That's true. It's an hour. Yeah.
It's one of those things where you can do it
in 10 minute increments continuously as long
as you keep succeeding. But if you stop, then
it's an hour from whenever you stopped before
they can receive it again. Well, I mean, we did
stand there and cry about Steve for an hour.
Yeah, but then you went through a combat and
then. Yeah, I'm. Oh, I see what you're saying.
Scarab's doing a minor healing potion. Who's
Steve? I don't know. Scarab gets one HP. All
right, you're good. Fancy water. You got more
potions. Amongst you. Yeah. I've got three heal
spells left. I have two lesser healing potions.
Which is 2d8 plus 5. I'll just try not to get
hit, alright? Whatever's in here. Well, Monet
will still give one to Scarab, just in case.
For him to have. That's fair. There's a lesser?
A lesser, yeah. That's what she used her money
on. A lesser healing potion. I'm going to go
ahead and just reveal it now because I have it
pulled up. But Rue Moore, as you begin to move
towards the southwest hallway and peer down its
corridor, you can see a little bit more. Oh,
you moved a lot further. Here's the initial.
You can see that further off to the west, the
hallway kind of splits off and there is a door.
And then more to the south. If you want to move
up another five feet or so, I can show you. Let's
do it. As you continue to creep forward, there
is another long hallway heading to the south
that seems to open up at the end of it. And you
can just make out at the edge of your vision
what almost looks like a large figure standing
completely still. I believe those are called
statues. Or a creep. You guys want to go left
and open that door up, or go south? We should
go left. Going left is always good. Okay. Yeah,
I don't want to leave any doors behind us unchecked.
Scarab is going to reload his weapon. Rootmore
reloads his hammer, and then he looks at the
door. We're trapped. It seems to be a rather
simple wooden door reinforced by bandit steel.
Bandit Steve. Everything reminds me of Steve.
Twenty traps. Carefully looking it over, it doesn't
seem to be trapped. All right. However, as you
reach to open the door, it is locked. Do we have...
Go ahead and give me a perception check, Rootmoor.
25. The door not only appears to be locked, it
appears to be firmly in place. It is a very sturdy
door. Whatever is behind this is either not meant
to be reached or not meant to come out. The foundation
is shifting. Is there a handhold to the door?
Or we can just tell that it would open. It is
just like a good old bog standard wooden door
with iron banding, and it's just very secure
for what it is. Mono's going to... Grimor, pull
on the door. Stop pushing. It's just a big sign
that says pull on it. Learn to read your own
language, brother. But what does it mean? What
are these strange sigils? Pull. Pull. No, it's
pull -yay. Pull -yay. Whitmore will knock on
the door and press his ear up against it. There's
loud knocking coming through the door. What was
your perception again? 25? Yeah. I'll go ahead
and roll that over. You knock and you give it
a few seconds as you press your ear against the
door and you can hear almost what sounds like
a muffled voice. It's hard to make out through
the thickness of the door itself, but you can
kind of just hear like a... As well as like a
soft clinking of metal and maybe shuffling. Hey,
fellas. I'm scared. We have to go in here. Monet
wants to try and force the door. You're going
to force the door? Hell yeah. Oh, let me step
away. Door crashing? Scarab wants to... Door
crusher! Are these writings legible? Are there
writings on these walls? Do you speak Dwarven?
I do. Okay. Let me make sure I still do. Yes,
I do. Okay. The runes and the decorative carvings
on the wall almost seem to be decorative. Every
once in a while, you'll see runes for, like,
strength and victory and honor and duty. Poop
comes out of the butt. Oh, my God. We're children!
We're children! I didn't know. I didn't know
you had that as a soundbite. Cody said duty.
Yeah, all right. Thank you. Okay, yeah, scared.
He just got worried. I think Monet, he just got
worried. He didn't want her to blow up or nothing.
This just seems like a rec room. A rec room for
the dwarves. Like a YMCA. I'd love to play some
pool. Is that athletics? Yes, force open is what
you're looking for. Can Tricky aid? Yeah, you
can aid. If you get a, what is it, 15 or higher?
Oh, that's an aid. Do aid stack? I'm going to
look that up real quick. Yeah, I think so, medically.
Yeah, I mean. That's funny. Thanks. Made that
joke immediately. Started rubbing my forehead.
You need an AIDS flare -up. Oh, no! He's caught
up, everybody. I'm trying to read. I can't do
two things. You want to read and listen? I can't
read. I can't read. Are you going to aid? Yes.
I think you can do multiple people. We'll just
say all of you collectively are trying to shove
through this door. Yeah. Oh, shit. Where is my
armor? What is it? Athletics? Athletics. Okay,
so that's 25. Ooh, critical. Okay, so plus 2
to that roll. And for tricky slash scarab? Oh,
the actual number? Yeah, what'd you get? Well,
if it's 15 or more, then it's plus 1. If it's
25 or more, it's plus 2. If it's less than that,
it's not. If it's 10 less than that, it's minus
1. Let me find. Where? Because you just get in
the way. stat block no few skills yes that's
what um it's i'm so bad at math right now 28
okay so plus two from right as well always all
right so then that plus four to your role plus
four to my role which is your role plus athletics
let's crit this door it's 28 all right yeah that's
a crit okay Need I say more? You just get to
choose like that, Iman? Awesome. Next time, add
some different sounds. The sound of a bunch of
money falling. And everyone going, ooh! Ah, treasure
room! As you collectively group behind this door
and put all of your might into it, you hear a
screech of like wood. bending, snapping, before
eventually you crack the whole thing off of its
hinges, sending the door sprawling into the room
in front of you. Let me reveal the room. We're
here to save you. You were stuck in this room.
I heard you mumbling. Yeah, you were mumbling
and moving stuff around. And it sounded like
you might have money. Yeah, we're concerned.
That your greed is eating you alive. And we've
come to... What's the word of freeing someone
from... Save you. Save you. No, Monet, I know
what word you're talking about. It starts with
a V. I feel stupid. I think. No, it's... Not
vindicate. Vindicate? Venerate. Venerate you
from your... Prison? Shit, what is that word?
Validate your parking. Let me see. Wealth. Liquidate.
We've come to liquidate you. Liberated! That's
not what I was looking for. I think I was looking
for venerate, actually. I think I was looking
for liquidate. We've come to liquidate you. And
all your holdings. Sorry, I was not as prepared
as I meant to be. Never apologize. Okay. Fuck
you, I wasn't prepared. It's right here. I got
it. It's okay. Shut your face. Thank you. As
you push into this room. Push into this room.
We're just pushing each other trying to get in
first. No me, no me, no me. This is just one
of those moments that I, I mean, I've never been
a DM, but I can only imagine they hate this.
Oh, yeah. Because we're not supposed to be doing
this part. Okay. We're not supposed to be going
into this room right now. I surmise. As you push
the door into... Sorry, still thinking about
what Matthew said. As you make your way into
this room and the dust settles from the door
colliding with the ground, there is a lone figure
standing in the center of this room who is facing
away from you. He appears to be fairly emaciated
with mid -length scraggly hair that has been
greased and worn down. The room is barren. All
you can see is this figure standing probably
about... 5 '9", 5 '10", in ragged -looking robes
that maybe at one time may have had some sort
of a flair or splendor to them. They almost look
like priestly robes, but they are now faded and
tattered. Dwarven? Too tall to be a dwarf. Is
it the wizard? The wizard? Of Oz? Which one?
Yeah. Felicia's backstory wizard? No. No? Who
are you talking about? The girl. Oh, um... Oh,
what was his name? Oh, Charveros Vade. Yeah.
That's who you're thinking of. No, it doesn't
look like Vade. Vade was much taller. Vade was
probably 6 '2". Okay. Dang. Wasn't he... He was
talking about somebody, though. It's been a fucking
while. It's okay. I'm here for this collective
brainstorming. He was talking about somebody
that he was, like, pissed about, right? Ah, good
evening. My name is Rootball Redmane. Who are
you talking to? Monet will move to Grapple. I'm
just kidding, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
It's a joke, it's a joke, it's a joke. Better
not name this one, and Scarab fires his gun.
The man does not turn, but you hear his reply.
Red mane, you say? I haven't heard from a red
mane in some time. Though I wish it were under
happier circumstances. Roll me a perception check.
Who's this delightful fellow? This undead speaks.
Perception. 25. That's good enough. Oh. For how
tall this person is, being around 5 '9", 5 '10",
the voice is not coming from where it should
be coming from. And it's something that you notice
as it speaks, and it slowly begins to turn. And
as it does, you can now hear that clinking metal
again until this figure fully faces you. And
you can see now that he is not only emaciated,
but his skin has turned an ashen form of gray.
His eyes have been sewn shut by thick, coarse
black thread, as has his mouth. In his gnarled,
withered hands, he holds what appears to be almost
like a gilded golden cage. And within the cage...
is another gray head with a long, scraggly beard
and a wry smile. It's a bald dwarf with a beard.
It looks like Rootmoor. Do you all see it? I
just zoomed in. I'm zooming in now. Fellas, I'm
scared! Is this a druid car? Roll for initiative.
Oh! Here we go. the best rolls. Can I roll with
my athletics because I was moving to grapple?
No. Would that be better? I guess if you have
like a 14. What about with my acrobatics because
I was moving to grapple? No. If you had seriously
been moving to grapple, but you weren't. I know.
I was there. Can I roll with acrobatics because
she was doing a cartwheel? You didn't say it
fast enough. Not like the timing in which you
said you did a cartwheel, which was just right
now, but you need to say the word cartwheel a
lot faster for it to register. Cartwheel! Roll
for initiative. Cartwheel! Cartwheel! Oh, look
at that. You get the cartwheel bonus. And Monet
is going to roll a cartwheel for initiative.
That's okay. You still didn't say it fast enough,
but that was funny enough. To grant you a cartwheel.
I think so as well. It's not a different role.
It just looks cool. It just looks cooler. I don't
have my session, PP. Okay, well, I'm trying to
do something else, and you're not using it right
now for your initiative, but I will take the
time to give it to you, just to point out how
rude you are. Oh my god. Give it. Hand it over.
You already said I'm not using it right now.
You weren't. And you won't. Sorry. This is crazy.
Is it the head in the cage talking? Okay, that's
what it is. If you put that cage on your head.
I'll be one head taller. I'll be, I'll be, I'll
be. I'mma be, I'mma be, I'mma, I'mma, I'mma be.
What'd you get, Scarab? 24. Monet. So that's
a no to the acrobatics? That's a no to the acrobatics.
A 20. We got some boo -boo. Rudy, 27. Always
getting them big ass rolls, man. Wow. Wisdom,
buddy. Perception. Almost fast enough. Actually,
I feel like... Yeah, we always fall in the same
little ballpark. One of us does really good and
the rest of us are at the bottom waiting. This
guy worries me. The undead are spooky. So as
the creature turns, there's a moment where the
head in the cage gives you a wry smile before
the unoccupied hand of the corpse reaches towards
you and begins staggering in your direction.
It jostles the cage, bouncing the head about
a bit, to which it disgruntledly Exactly. Calm
down, Silius! No! And the creature lurches towards
you. Rootmoor, it's going to take a swing at
you. I'm actually very glad it's going first.
How does a 31 treat you? Oh. That's a hit. Okay.
That's great. Great news. No. It's pretty dang
good. I'm glad he's going first, too, because
as far as Scarab's concerned, we were just about
to have a nice talk with this man. I know. Because
if I went first, I was just going to walk up
to him and be like, hello, and just ready to
action. Hello! Hello! You must not have heard
me! And Scarab's like, why am I grabbing my gun?
Why am I grabbing my gun? What's happening? Okay.
So good to meet you. That's going to be... 17,
nope. Yes, 17 points of bludgeoning damage as
this undead fist collides with the side of your
jaw. And I'm going to need... Wow. Oh, hold on.
Does this have a save? It must. It has to. You're
doing something gross. Shouldn't have broke the
door down. This is probably the scariest guy
we've faced. I don't know, man. He's got a weirdo
in a box. Blind man and a weirdo in a box. Let's
just turn this one up. Let's just pull the Skyrim
when you run into a scary monster. Just run back
to town with it following you so the whole town
attacks it. Help! Help! I don't think this does.
There's someone here. No, it's gotta. You should
look it up. I am looking it up because it's not
in the book. We need to kite this guy. You're
right. He can't be friends with the kobolds.
Let's just have him chase us to the kobold king.
I mean, the good news is... You guys figure it
out! The goodness is finding this dwarf head
in a cage, we now know that if Rootmoor dies,
then we can just put his head in a cage and still
have him around with us. You think he'd still
be friendly? Yeah. This guy seems friendly. It
seems like his steed is unfriendly. Yeah. But
if we, like, put Rootmoor's head in a cage and
just attach him to Tricky, you know? Then you
can just talk. Well, that's the thing. Do you
feed them hot dogs? What we need to find out
is, is this cage keeping this head alive, or
are they both connected, defeating one? Does
it defeat the other? I mean, I don't know if
the man in the cage is going to do anything to
us. All right, Rumor, I'm going to need you to
do something for me. Oh, no. Keep track of that
17 points of damage that you took from that attack.
Just make a note of it somewhere. Okay. That's
bad. Okay. Uh -oh. Can I say something? Say something.
Go for it. It might be spoilers. You can't be
a spoiler if you don't know. There could be a
threshold. Could be like a damage threshold thing.
Like in Dark Souls, like bleed. Reach a certain
point and then it just explodes. Yeah, something
will happen if it gets to a point. For sure.
Okay. The second one's coming. I'm going to have
to take all these hits. The second one is coming
at you, Monet. Ooh. Okay, so that's... That's
probably a hit. Probably. Yeah, it's a 30. Yeah.
Ooh. Minus four? Or five or whatever? That is
with the minus. Oh, dang. Minus four. Okay. It
was, to be fair, good rolls. I believe you. Been
a minute since I rolled. I'm rolling with gas.
17 points of damage. Please keep track of that
as well, Monet. You don't have any resistance
to bludgeoning, do you? You don't have any problems
with this. No, it's just she turns to rock. I
don't turn to rock anymore. Oh, right. Okay.
My bad. Sorry. I forgot we don't speak of that.
Yeah. And that is it for this. Creature apparently
named Seleus' turns. We gotta scare him. Did
Rootmoor go? No. Oh, sorry, it hadn't sorted.
Rootmoor, it's you. After getting punched in
the jaw and watching your friend get punched,
now you're out of your shock. Something to note
is where the hand struck you, there's almost
like a lasting stinging sensation. I don't like
that. That was rude. I don't like that. You're
gonna pay. Here comes an intimidation towards
your wheel, DC. Natural one. Oh, no. What? Oh,
no. I don't think anything bad happens. I don't
think there's anything bad. Unless you demoralize
yourself. Nah, it's only critical success and
success. Okay, good. What do you say? What are
you doing? What's your intimidation, Rube War?
I want to hear it. What's that one sound like
for Rube War? I was going to say, whatever he's...
I don't even remember what it is. We're going
to do intimidation, and then I heard the little
tink of your glass, and I was like, oh, this
isn't going to go well. Take the cup out of the
dice tray. Hey, stop. It's not nice. It's not
nice. His hand is lightly touching his cheek.
A little tear rolls down. Fish a swing! I'm not
crying, you hit me in the nose. Sorry, it's not
normally like this. I suppose neither am I. Fish
a swing or involve Torek in this. Divide, lads!
Torag's power comes out. Another natural one.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Did you poo -poo in your
pants? Poo -poo in your pants? Oh my god. That's
crazy bad. That's a magical crit fail. Where
am I pulling? From the front. Oh man. A divine
fail. Oh, neat. You critically hit your nearest
ally. Oh, great. Monet is going to die. You are
equidistant, right? Yeah, you're equidistant.
So why don't you pick odds or evens for Monet
or Scarab. Scarab is also down. Or tricky. Yeah.
Okay. Where's the D6? One, two, Monet. Three,
four. No, roll for three people. Yeah, D6. 1,
2, 3, 4, and 5, 6. Oh. You don't have a cool
D3 to roll? Loser. It's away. You can do a D4
and roll twice on a 4. 3, 4, scarab, 5, 6, tricky.
Monet, 1. I rolled a 1 again. Go to jail. Today's
a bad day. Bad day! Oh, Divine Lance, what does
that do? It's a good day to die. Oh, it only
does 1d1 damage, so... Oh, that's two damages.
Gross. It was just a hit or a critical hit? It
was a critical hit. Oh, no. It's critically hit.
Yeah, so two damage. If it's 1d1, then it can
only do one times two. No, I was lying about
that. Oh, okay. Well, that was 44. The card says
critically hit you, Nereus. 24 spirit damage.
Fucking gross. Oof. Oh, Monet! I am so sorry!
Yeah, Monet, like, bursts into... into, like,
holy flames. And her skin's, like, singed and
bubbling. She's still alive. For now. Are you
saying it did extra damage? No. Okay. I'm not.
Just 24 is a lot for one hair. Yeah, I know.
She's not undead. It's just a lot. She, like,
screams in pain. How silly. It's like... Oh,
how silly! He points his hand, then he slowly
shifts. Oops! Well, that was my cool turn. You
put your hand up to do Divine Lance, but your
cheek still hurts, so you're gonna, like... You
could have turned a little bit. Just shot your
friend. Yeah, he tried to scare the zombie person
and scared himself. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, yee. Scare
him. It's 8d4. Brewoodle. Brewoodle. Brewoodles
and noodles of noodles. It's a good day to die.
Oh, not today. I was hoping it'd be a longer
episode. That's a one. That's a one. Crazy. Something's
got to be done. Scarab sees his friends in dire
need. It's thrice time scared, but he really
buckles in. The strange undead in this room,
it's something else. Dropping a PP. We're going
to roll two d20s. Scarab's going to fire his
gun. Ooh, rolled a two and an 18. That 18. We're
going to add that baby up. We're going to add
that baby up. 35 to hit. Okay. Critical hit.
Critical hit. Yeah. Yes, finally. Kill it. Get
those deadly dice in there and all that fun shit.
That's going to be 33 points of magical. Cold
iron precision damage. Wow. Question. Yes. What
qualities do your ammunition have? Alchemical.
That's what I was looking for. Wow. Okay. What
was the total? 33. 33. Black powder is a volatile
and explosive alchemical substance. Beautiful.
Okay, as your shot rings out and the bullet flies
through the doorframe, it hits this undead Seleos
person right in the middle of his chest, and
it blows a massive hole through the middle of
it. You almost feel like this thing must be weak
to something that is in your alchemical components.
Neat. Weak to guns. Finally. And you said it
was 33? 33. Okay, so that's going to change slightly.
Scarab, do it again. Do it again. He's in slow
motion right now. Massive hit. What else you
got? What'd you do? Just one action so far? Just
one action. As Scarab goes to reload his weapon,
and as he does... staring at this man who...
I have to assume he's blind. I mean, his eyes
are... He's sewn shut. He's gonna say to the
sewn shut man who's just been shot, Your friend
in the box is next! He wants to say this to try
to distract. He's like, is he trying to protect
him? I don't know. He's trying to distract this
other man. This is that ability that I have called...
Raconteur's Reload. Although, I don't know if
it would work on him. Deception. Diversion. Create
a diversion. You can definitely try. Yeah, you
get a reload anyways. Yeah. I'd like to get him
off balance. This is going to be a 28. So that
is against his... That is a critical success.
Yeah! Okay. While the creature doesn't seem to
look around in any direction... And its eyes
are obviously sewn shut. There is like a almost
like subtle slumping to it as if its focus is
elsewhere for a moment. Yeah, so Scarab gets
that. He reloads his weapon and he says, perfect.
And he aims a little bit higher than the hole
to try to knock this guy's block off. Come on,
Matthew. Come on. Dragon's fire! Ooh, that's
a 19. Ooh, the die. So, ooh. Ooh, a 28 to hit.
28 hits. Wow. I think that I do my math right.
And the thing with raconteurs is he's off balance,
right? So he gets a minus two to AC. So that
would be 30. Okay. That is still just a hit.
It's all I need. But it hits a hit. rolling fucking
high for you root more to me 14 plus alchemical
right okay as the second shot rings out it makes
a smaller hole just above into the right of the
other in the pectoral and you can notice now
that as the black powder charge penetrates the
creatures flesh it seems to singe and char curling
back the skin, almost like it's flaying itself
before the alchemical components. Ew. And final
action as Tricky's free action, he's going to
move backwards 15 feet into this corner. Okay.
Which brings us to Monet. You are up. You too
feel the stinging sensation left behind from
where the creature's fist made contact with your
skin. First thing Monet is going to do is pull
out a potion and drink it. So two actions. Okay.
One moment. Yeah. It is an interact, so. Yes.
Okay, go ahead and roll the healing on that potion.
I mean, I think you'd probably slap at me first.
Well, you're assuming that that's what happens.
Something to ask, were you missing HP before
the damage that was dealt to you? Okay. So that
hit. Between the 17 and the 24, you're healing
off of that. Yes. Okay. Go ahead and give me
the total of the heal. The 17 emptied out my
stamina. The 24 took my health. Okay. So I hadn't
taken any actual. Okay. So you were down 24 HP?
Yes. Okay. Give me the heal value of that. 19.
It would be 19 health? Okay. Wow. Two things
happen. I think Monet just killed herself. As
you begin to drink the potion, you start to feel
the nourishing effects, but something in the
middle of it seems wrong. For one thing, you
stop feeling the warmth of the potion flooding
throughout your body, only letting you get...
You were supposed to get 19 back, correct? You
only regain 7. hit points weird and as you're
drinking it not only does the warmth stop but
as you continue drinking trying to feel the rest
of that healing effect you you get flashes in
your mind suddenly of of this creature this celios
person although the flashes are brief and it
almost is like when he was before he was dead
You see a human man struggling as some form of
caustic substance is poured down his throat.
You feel sensation in your own throat begin to
heat, almost like you're being force -fed some
kind of alchemical acid or poison. Then you feel
this choking sensation building up as these images
continue to flood your mind, this feeling of
fear and pain and suffering. I need a fortitude
save. Golly, and this is happening because she
healed herself. Yeah, Matt, at that point, right
when Felicia says, I think my nature's killed
herself or whatever, you need to stop it right
there and put an ad in. Commercial break. Yeah.
Because my heart dropped when she said that.
Just because I get all into this and stuff, and
then she said that, and I was like, oh, wait,
that could happen. Totally put a little ad break
in there. Because of that, I almost don't want
to use my session PP. To see if she just dies.
Because I feel like she's going to die in this
combat. But that's all the reason to use it.
I don't know. I'd say use it. Yeah, I mean, if
you have to roll a new character, you're going
to get a new PP. Session PP. Okay. Fortitude
save total. Shit, Monet. I hope you don't KYS.
Here they are. Let me use Gale. Kiss yourself.
Let me use Halid's die. All right, that is...
That's a good Donkey Kong, Matthew. A 31. Yes.
Beautiful. Big hit. There's a moment when the
burning sensation in your throat begins to bubble
up and you feel yourself nauseated. It's almost
as if you might vomit back up the potion you're
trying to drink, but you're able to quell that
feeling and shove it down. Ew. Ew. She's just
one of those classic... Do I get the other 12?
You still only get the 7. And as you feel that
warmth radiating throughout your body that gives
you that healing feeling, you feel that while
the warmth spreads throughout the rest of you,
making you feel better, once it reaches where
that impact point from where you were punched
was, there is a stark coldness there that almost
seems unwilling to heal. Okay. Mechanically speaking,
just to make this more obvious for everybody,
the damage that I've asked you to note cannot
be healed. You can find out why or what you're
supposed to do about that through actions, but
at this moment, your HP cannot rise above the
amount you took, even if that amount did not
drop your HP. It's like a max health reducer.
Good blighted. All right, well, last thing. I
would like to do a knowledge check. Okay. That
will be... Who are you? I know. On what specifically?
That ornate box. On the wound? Could be the box.
I mean, yeah. On the wound itself? Yeah. You
can give me either a religion or I'll take a
cult or a kana. I'll take all three for those.
I can do that. I can do... Cult or arcana. They're
the same. How's 13? Not good. Yeah, not enough
to know. Not good. How about we do an acrobatics
on that? I'm going to cartwheel your way into
this man's heart. Best guess you can hazard right
now is either you've contracted some sort of
disease or you've been cursed. or there's some
kind of thing that is affecting you from the
outside. All right, well, that's the end of Monet's
turn. She's going to stay right there. Okay.
So if it hits you again, it's kind of like when
Iman's aides stack. Yeah, exactly. All right,
we're at the beginning of round two. And once
again, this person is kind of just flailing in
place at the two of you the whole time the cage...
clinking and rattling around and the head just
bonking against the sides over and over again.
Was he holding it again or is it attached to
it? In his left hand, he's holding it. It's almost
like a birdcage. So he's actively holding it.
With this dwarven head in a cage. Okay, it's
going to swing again and this time it's going
to swing at Rootmoor. Natural one. Good. Oh,
thank you. He must be named. Uh -oh. He is. It
is. He literally said his name. He did. He did
say his name. Can't take that back. Actually,
yeah. Natural ones don't even matter. What is
encumbered, Drew? It's been so long. Encumbered.
It makes him slower. Yeah, it does some stuff.
I think AC. Two. Clumsy one, and you take a 10
-foot penalty to all speed. Clumsy one means...
Get a minus one to DC's AC reflex save range
attack rolls, skill check rolls, acrobatic stealth
and thievery. Get your hands out of my pockets,
I see you. Not two attacks, though, notably.
Left hand on the box, right hand in my pockets.
Get him out. But AC. It's going to swing again
at you, Remora. It's still trying. Natural 19
on that one. Oof. Doesn't count. It's a... 31.
MAP. 31 with the MAP. Yeah, but Clumsy makes
it so your MAP is times three. No, he's not.
Never mind. Yes, he is. Actually, yes. He is
going to use a reaction. What's your reaction?
He's going... No. Hang on. How do you react?
Wait a second. Wait a second. I'm six feet from...
No. Wait a sec. Because I'm six feet... Yeah,
he's going to raise his shield. He's going to
use a shield block as a reaction. Does that stop
at 31? No. Okay, you're going to take some of
the damage to the shield. Okay, beautiful. That
makes sense. Combined, 19 points of bludgeoning
damage. 19. So that brings it down to... 14.
Does that break your shield? No, it doesn't.
Wait, hang on. Let me just do some math really
quick. Okay, let's... Holding on! So 14 damage.
It does break it. He's doing math in his shield.
As you raise the shield to stop the blow, the
fist collides with it and there is a sickening
crunch before a scrunch of metal and... as your
shield explodes in front of you and the fist
pushes forth, colliding with your chest. Notably,
this time, you do not feel the same stinging
sensation as when it hit your face. Oh, wow.
Okay. So you just take the remainder as bludgeoning
damage. And as you, like, reel back from the
blow, the creature's hand unfurls. from a fist
into a choking gesture before its head tilts
back and imagery, much the same as what Monet
experienced, begins flooding your mind. The sensation
of choking begins to overwhelm you for a moment
as your throat tightens and there is a caustic
burning sensation as if you're being force -fed
some horrific concoction. A fleeting feeling
of fear crosses your mind, almost like the sensation
of, I'm dying. I need a will save. Wow. Oh, get
a... Wait a minute. Wait yourself. Wait yourself.
Wait yourself. You're going to get a plus for
this. You're going to get pluses. Ooh, because
your banner? Yeah. Ooh. If it's a fear effect,
it is a... Divine, Illusion, Mental, and Void
effects. Bonus to will saves and DCs against...
Oh, fuck. Let me read. Oh, fuck. Plus one circumstance
bonus to will saves and DCs against fear effects.
Okay, so it's only fear. Damn! That's okay. I
mean, it's still a good thing. A good check.
A good check. A good check. I need to look at
all mine. Come on, Rootmore. Sing easy, man.
You got a plus 14. Come on, Root. Come on. Yeah.
25. Man, it's like those were like what's curated
just for us with you with your 14, Will, and
me with my 14, Fortitude. Crazy. Look at us.
Finger game. Put your hands up. Put your hands
up. That's the wrong guy. Where is he? Also,
I know you can't see because this is an audio
-based podcast, obviously. But Emad and I are
matching. Exactly. Okay, what was your total?
We look exactly the same right now. Exactly.
25. 25. Okay, that is a basic success. You will
take half damage from this. Okay. Emad and I
are both dressed up like cowboys. Cowboy. Nine
cut in half. You're going to take four points
of void damage. And that is it for the creature's
turn. As it reaches out to you, the cage begins
to settle. And the dwarven head within, his eyes
are kind of like rolling like he's a little dizzy.
He's been rattled around. Dwarven head, hurry
up and rid me of this fool. Drop him. Huh? And
it is now Rootmoor's turn. Oh, my face. Dwarven
head, what is your name? You never told us your
name. Grimball. Grimball, is this creature undead?
Silius? Well, his eyes weren't sewn shut before,
nor was his mouth. I think he's undead. Did that
for free, boys. All right. Wait, what's your
response? Did that for free, boys. He'd be like,
I hate the undead as you're talking to a head
in a box. With the emaciated gray skin. I'll
save you. With its eyes and mouth sewn shut and
a huge hole in its chest. Is this thing a zombie?
I just want to make sure. The power of Torag
compels you and he casts heal. Oh, Torag. To
action heal, I need a fortitude save. Oh, okay,
okay. Fortitude. Pretty good. Let's see. Total.
26. Probably a pass. That is a pass. You're going
to take half damage. Nice. My favorite. Just
want to take a moment while he's doing math special.
Thank you, Shadow, to Karen for the dice that
she gave me. They are awesome. I love having
two sets of them. I have both sets in front of
me right now, and it's so fun. I have so many
little eyeballs staring up at the ceiling. Also,
thank you, Karen, for my little flowery dice.
I love them. They're so pretty. Yes, and also
thank you, Karen, for my dice. I freaking love
them, too. 27 vitality damage. Okay, cut in half.
That's half. That is half. Yes, that is half.
Hang on. Let's see. 12, 27. I have the, because
it's plus 24, I have the 24. I didn't have the
dice. So 27 minus 12 is 15. So half of 15 is
7. So 12 plus 7. 19 that is the most confusing
math I've ever heard I know what was the total
of your die roll plus 24 well I already cut the
24 in half I did it's 12 yeah so that's already
half I got you so then I the total that I gave
you which was wrong is 27 so I I did 27 minus
12 15 so half of that was 7 plus 12 is 19 okay
yeah wow that was I know. It's just a run around.
Way to do it. So 19 points of positive damage,
right? Or whatever it's called now. Spirit damage.
19 points spirit. Let me check. Okay, yeah. Thank
you. It is vitality and void. Let me check weaknesses
here. All right. As the healing light of your
god begins to envelop this creature, It seems
to have some effect. You can see, again, almost
not quite as effective as the alchemical cartridges
that had pierced through it where it flayed the
skin. It is doing damage to it, but it doesn't
seem to react in the same way that Undead typically
do. It doesn't have the burst of holy light coming
out of every orifice. But you feel like, at the
very least, all of the damage that you did went
through. It's like a homunculus or a golem or
something. Last action. Regular old hammer swing.
We just have to put this thing down fast. That
sucks. 19 to hit. That is a miss. Yeah. Even
with the off balance. Scareboo's off balance
until it's next turn? Or until you're next turn?
Just for that attack? I think it was just for
that. It won't impact this either way, because
19 is beyond it, even with a plus or minus two.
That's all I got. Fuck. It is your turn next,
Scarab. Reload and then fire. Beautiful. What's
going to happen? I'm going to get through my
turn real quick. This is going to be a big one,
though. This is going to be a 20 on the die.
Oh, yeah? Nah, it was a nine. Dang. Nah. Nine
on the die. 26 to hit. That is a hit. Jesus.
You got plus 17? Plus 17. Wow. Awesome. That's
where all the money's been going. Yeah, no, that's
worth it. Thankful to these fellas for giving
me the money to make this gun real good. Please
kill it. Threes all day, baby. That's going to
be nine. Cold iron magical piercing. All chemical.
Nine. Beautiful. Just as before, same effect.
Every shot you seem to pepper into this thing,
even on glancing blows, seems to be whittling
away at its flesh beyond the shot itself. What
do I do? What do I do? Yeah, I'm just going to
reload and Tricky won't make any moves. Okay.
That's it. And that brings us to Monet at the
end of round two. Monet would like to summon
a metal rod and jam it directly into this creature's
chest. Yes. All right. Put it through the dwarf's
head. Stop talking. So she summons. It's scary.
She summons from. the air metallic particles
into a rod and jams it into this guy. All right,
roll to hit. Yeah. Straight up some Legend of
Korra -ish. No. What was it? 18. That is a miss.
Yeah. And that's it. All three actions? Yeah.
Ooh. Yucky. All right, beginning of round three.
Okay. Like that see I would like to use some
of the money to give Monet's money pluses, but
I don't I can't I don't even know what to do.
She doesn't use a weapon. You know Yeah, well
like armor buffs The armor buffs are so expensive
Yeah, I mean for your to hit the best thing you
can do would be things that either buff your
your con or I don't know if spell DC improves
that, but maybe spell to hit. Don't know. We
can look at that later, though. Yeah, because
her to hit is plus 12. You need a little more
in there. What's your plus to hit? Because that's
like a plus one striking master. No, like when
you roll to attack, what's your to hit? Plus
16. That's what I'm saying. It's a plus one,
and I'm also master. Yeah, so you're four behind
him on five behind Matt. Yeah. We want you at
like... 14 or 15 right now. But that's what's
tough with spellcasters. All right, well, it's
going to swing at Rootmoor again. I hope that
dog doesn't pick Rootmoor. Natural 20. Oh, my
God. Oh, my God. He is named, so if I could have
the... Oh, no. I'm not grabbing it. We didn't
ever give this guy a name. Come on. He said his
name, I think, twice it's been said. I don't
remember it. No, I'm just kidding. And I'm not
even drinking, so... What does that say if I've
been drinking and I do remember it? I just have
a bad memory. I was about to roll 2d20s. That
is incorrect. It is 2d10s. Are you going to read
it to us? Oh. Broken ribs. Normal damage. Crit
effect. The target is slowed until healed. Slowed
one. Okay. Sorry. You're just gonna not tell
us what it is? Decapitated. Yeah, I'm like, you
can't just... He's doing bludgeoning, you wouldn't
be decapitated. You can't just take a crit card
and just like, all right. I was reading what
the actual damage was first, more importantly.
Oh, and your ribs are broken. Ironically, that
is what I was going for. Especially knowing that
there's like two or three cards in there that
can instant kill you. Remind me for how we've
been doing the crit cards. When it's normal damage,
are we still doing the double? And then if it
says double, we're doing triple? Or is this because
it says normal, just straight normal damage?
I assume it's always double. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Just bump it up a step, whatever the card says,
I guess. I don't know. I don't remember. If the
card says double, you do double. If it says triple,
you do triple. But you never do normal. This
is going to be a big hit. Because that is 44
points of bludgeoning damage. 44? 44. I got a
17 plus 7 and a 13 plus 7. So 24 plus 20. 47,
sorry. No, 24 plus 20. 44. And you said that
that was at Monet, right? That was at Rootmoor.
I don't think that was the case. I'm pretty sure
that was at Monet. No, because I rolled a d6
odds and evens on whether I was gonna hit you
or root more and you were odds Yeah, but if we
were if we were about to see it just shattered
room more shield and you hadn't landed a hit
on him He was just gonna press the attack. I
think if we went back in the recording you'd
hear that you said Yeah more collapses down that
was non -lethal It is unarmed, and he's not a
monk, so yeah, it would be not lethal. I was
just kidding. I mean, you're unconscious. If
it continues and hits you while unconscious,
it will kill you. But as it stands, this thing
kind of ducks down underneath Monet's metallic
pole strike, and as it does, it swivels underneath
for an uppercut to Rootmore's ribs, and you hear
a sickening crunch. For a moment before Rootmoor's
face goes pale and he collapses to the floor.
Jesus. I'm going to roll a d6 again on whether
it goes for Monet or if it continues to attack
Rootmoor. And we're going to go odds for Monet
and evens for Rootmoor. Odds. Monet. As Rootmoor
drops, this thing swivels in place with unnatural
speed, its body contorting in a wicked fashion
as it swings at you for a 26. That's a hit. Dude.
And that's going to be 27 points of bludgeoning
damage. If you do that again, I'm going to dox
you. Are you still up? That is exactly my HP.
Jesus Christ. So I'm not down? No, you're down.
Or am I staggered? No, they don't have that.
They don't have it anymore? Okay. Unconscious.
So Monego's down. Okay. Scarab, you witness this
undead thing with its eyes and mouth sewn shut,
multiple holes in its corpse drop your two allies
as it slowly begins to walk towards you. And
it is your turn. As it walks, the cage swings
back and forth and the head within calls out,
This is no time to be sleeping! Get up! Get up!
Strike him down! They're hired hands. Ah, damn
it, this again. Turns around, goes outside, climbs
up all the fucking holes. Goes back to camp.
I've got a new contract. And Monet and I get
pushed in initiative to before him. I'm in the
process of moving you now. And... Since we're
both unconscious and the dwarf yelled out, we
get to roll a perception check on the sound to
see if we wake up. Hell yeah. With one hit point.
Hell yeah, I'm on. I'm on. I do my homework.
You know what I'm on? Both of you will go for
it. Right now? Yeah, I'll take it right now.
Oh, hell yeah. Thank you. Okay. I don't know
what the DC is. I know it's fucking easy. But
I'm just gonna roll. If it's a high roll, then
I'll look for it. 22 perception. Can I use my
PP to reroll? Actually, if you are unconscious
because you are dying, you can't wake up while
you have zero hit points. Well, we aren't dying.
Because it's unarmed. Oh, you're correct. You've
just been knocked unconscious. Yeah, we're technically
sleeping. You're correct. Okay, yeah, go ahead.
Give it to me. I rolled a 22, but I don't know
what the DC is. You take a minus four to your
perception check. No, I'm sorry. A lot of stuff.
My bad. We haven't dealt with this before. While
unconscious, you have a minus four to AC. Yes,
perception and reflex save. So you do get a minus
four to the check on whether or not you wake
up to a sound. Okay, so that's an 18. And you
are both prone. You wake up in one of the following
ways. Either you take damage, you receive healing,
someone shakes you awake with an interact action,
loud noise awakens you. At the start of your
turn, you automatically attempt a perception
check against the noise's DC, or the lowest DC
if there's more than one noise. I guess that'd
be the stealthy. See, that's so crunchy. What
is the DC of noise? Yeah, probably... Because
the one making the noise was the dwarf head.
So if he has his own stat block, he's actively
trying to wake them up. That is true. They're
saying that, like, the... I mean, it's one thing
if you're, like, sleeping in a loud noise, what
happens next to you, then it's like, oh, my God.
But if you got, like, knocked the fuck out...
and loud noise, then I feel like it's a little
harder to like shake you out. Not impossible,
but I mean like normally like a loud noise next
to you if you were asleep willingly is like a
zero to five DC. I'm only going to bump that
up a tiny bit and say it's a DC 10. So DC 10
with a minus 40 perception should be pretty easy
for y 'all to hit. So at the beginning of your
turns, because he yelled, you can go ahead and
roll to see if you wake up, you will stand or
not stand up because that's an action. You will
wake up with one HP. If that is the case. Okay.
Yeah. Emma, good job. Yeah, I'm on. Thank you.
Hell yeah, I'm on. Scarab, what you got for your
turn, sir? And if it wasn't his yelling that
would have woke you, the gunshot for sure would
have woke you. So we're actually, in fact, if
he shoots on this turn, we'll drop that 10 down
to an 8. If he shoots. If he shoots. If he doesn't
just run away and go to town and hire new people,
you get a bonus. If you're counting the roll
when he told us to roll, I rolled an 18 with
a minus 4. Okay. With a minus 4, I rolled a 12.
So in either case, you're okay. So on your turns,
each of you will snap awake. I'm sweating. Scarab
levels his pistol crystal at this fella's head,
and that's going to be a 34 to hit. That's a
critical hit, sir. Yeah, dude. Yes, finally.
43 points of big gun damage. Boom, boom. 43 of
big gun damage, Bob. I hope you heard that correct.
43 damage. Big gun damage. Yeah, I did hear that.
Big pop, pop. As this creature begins walking
towards you, shambling forth and its arm outstretched,
almost as if to say through its own lips that
you are next, your bullet rings out from your
leveled gun, and his body goes flying backwards,
skidding across the stone, and it stops moving.
And as he slides across the floor, Scarab reloads
his gun again and says, What was that? Couldn't
hear you over the sound of my friends dying.
Quick, Tricky! Scarab runs over to his friends
and shakes them viciously. Trying not to touch
the spots where they got punched because it was
gross. How much damage do you deal when you shake
them viciously? Is it more than one point or
is it one point at least? Dying one. Dying two.
Sonic damage. He's gripping us with his little
claws in each one. Oh, it's like Edward Scissorhands.
He's like, I'm so sorry. Cutting the little girl's
face off. I totally forgot about that. I need
to watch Edward Scissorhands. I know nothing
of that movie. I'm scarred by that moment. That's
the only moment I know of that movie because
I saw it when I was young. Oh, dang. It's a good
movie. It's a good movie. Thanks for giving me
a house. No. You live in my house. Fine, you
have it. Please, take it. Yeah, so let's do some
healing. Shit. A couple things going on here,
because the two of you are being woken up slowly,
and as you get up, there is the... The stillness
now, and you can hear the cage slowly tinkling
as the head within it begins to kind of roll
around a little bit. I've imagined him this whole
time as one of those heads from the Ghibli. Exactly.
Yeah, from Spirited Away. God's alive, man. That
thing is loud. Don't leave me here on the ground.
Pick me up. Pick me up. You give me a second,
man. Stop. No, I don't want to. Leave me alone.
Stop it. Pick me up. Give us a couple hours.
I'm still frightened. Have you no decency as
a dwarf man? Wait, so are we awake? A dwarf demands
to be on his feet. Okay, Moni's gonna push herself
up and take off her big hat and throw it on the
cage to muffle him. Oh, no. Why is it dark? Oh,
cursed be this existence. Oh, my God. If you
have any healing, I can't feel my legs. You haven't
got any legs! No, it's worse than I thought.
Me neither. I can't feel my legs either. You
haven't got any legs, Ruthnor. Have you no honor,
no pride? Oh my god, give us a couple hours.
I'm on my side as a head man. Have pity. Rootmoor,
I tried to heal and it didn't heal all of the
way. Is there any way that you could possibly
recall knowledge on this sort of situation with
your religious wisdom? I know exactly what's
going on. Rootmoor, you're getting bumpy like
Sartora. That's one on my recall knowledge. Rootmoor,
you're bad at this again. What happened? You
think that maybe... Maybe it just gave you both
a headache and you'll be okay. We'll be okay,
Monet. Don't worry about it. Okay. You know who
else has a headache? Me! Scarab's going to walk
over to the cage. He's going to move the hat
off with his gun. He's going to gun at this man's
face. Sorry, I'm pointing a gun at you. Look,
hey, sorry I'm doing this. No, it's loud. Don't
point it at me. Who are you? What do you want?
I'm Grimball. Why? Blame my parents. Where are
they? I wish I knew. I'm always going to put
your hat back on. No, in the dark! No, not on
him, on herself. Oh, thank God. Hey, don't call
my friend in the dark. Has anyone ever told you
that you put on hats in a rather threatening
manner? No. Yes. Why are you in a cage? God,
I wish I knew. Who was that? That was Silios.
Why was that? Scarab is going to recall knowledge
on this cage, on this cage, to see if perhaps
it is a magical thing keeping this head on. Crafting
check. Yarp. Would be fine. Can I do... Arcana.
Rootmoor's treating wounds on himself while this
is happening. While they're wasting time. Gotcha.
Mone is dripping blood everywhere. Dang. I can't
do treat wounds on you. 16. Him first, and then
we're going to do heals. 16? Yeah. Monet? 18.
You're not quite sure what's going on with this
cage. 42 HP. Do note, while the both of you are
looking over this, we'll say combined, you're
able to see, is that the head here doesn't appear
to have had itself removed cleanly. It's not
as if its head was chopped. It's almost as if
its head was torn. From its resting place. It's
like a gummy bear pulling the head off the gummy
bear. And just above the ragged tear of this
thing's neck hole is a strange -looking collar.
I'm not going to talk to you about that, Immont.
You've got to stop doing that. Yeah, the way
you eat gummy bears is really unsettling. The
amount. The sheer amount. I need to stop with
the eye contact? No, it's just that... The eye
contact's fine. It's the moaning. Okay. Eye contact's
kind of funny. I just don't like it when you
lick the neck where you pulled it off. Yeah.
Okay. And you could keep your pants on when you
do it. That would be nice. Well, then I don't
want gummy bears anymore. That's, you know. Man.
That's relatable. Telling a man to put his pants
back on in his own house. You could stand to
eat the bodies as well. You don't have to lick
the neck and throw them away. He just puts them
back in the bag. It's worse, because you've got
to reach for something, and oh yeah, gummy bears.
It's just wet and sad. You touch the little ones,
and they start to your fingers sometimes. It
makes me gag. You get ten of them when you only
wanted one. Yeah, so you notice the collar above
the ragged neck tear of this head. There is a
strange collar with runic symbols on it, and
between the two of you, you do at least recognize
the collar as a... A choker of elocution. Choker
of elocution? Typically, you know this to be
a magical item that would give an individual
the ability to speak a language they don't know.
Are you saying electrocution wrong? No. Take
the collar off of him. What if it kills him?
You like this guy? Not necessarily, but I feel
like this is a... I'm sure we could stand to
gain something from him. This sounds terrible.
This is a bit of a moral quandary. Can we take
a moment to think about it? Yeah. So you've got
a head of a dwarf inside of a cage. You don't
know anything about wearing a collar that you
know little about. And yeah, you're in this fucking
weird room with this shit. What do you want to
do? Tricky needs a new collar. Teach him a new
language. Tricky can speak common. That would
be neat. We need to heal. Yeah. Yeah, I'm actually
doing that right now. I can't do treat wounds
to y 'all because it hasn't been an hour yet.
Well, I'm... Well, I mean, Tricky could use a
little bit of a heal, but still, it hasn't been
an hour. I'm curious to know if we can heal all
the way. It could be a magical thing. Yeah, because
for me, it was my stamina, but he hit me again,
so I don't know if that affects my HP now, because
if that's the case, then that's... That's the
thing. The rules as written don't have stamina
included, so technically right now, your stamina
will not come back. Yeah, it's just your minus
17 for your max stamina. So that second 27 didn't
do anything. Like that? Did we figure out? The
27 that put me down? No. Okay. No. Yeah, when
we were in combat, I told you. It was the specific
hit. The second hit did not feel like it had
the same sting as when you got hit. Okay. From
what you can tell, you only felt something off
of the first strike from that creature. See,
you said that to Emon, but I wasn't sure if it
was because it's a special type of attack that
he does for that, or if it was just a quality
to the attack. I didn't know if it was a certain
move. Yeah. You know me. If it had been something
that was happening again, I would have really
laid into it thick. Maybe. So he spent it in
power. I would have made a thing about it. But
yeah, so if you spend your time healing and resting,
get your stamina back, you feel more rested than
you did mid -combat, but you feel like you're
still, it's like a heaviness to you. Almost like
when you have a really shitty long day at work
and then you go home and you fall asleep and
you sleep for like 10 hours for no reason, but
you wake up and you still feel kind of like shit.
It's like that, where it's like you feel like
you rested and you should feel better than you
do, but you don't quite feel. I've been fatigued
for a while. It has been an hour, so I can treat
wounds on you guys again. Tricky's hurting a
little bit. I have full health now from that
heal you gave me. Yeah, just make sure the two
of you, I mean, it's really convenient that it
was the same amount because it's easy to remember.
Both of you are down 17 on your max stamina.
Gotcha. So just whatever your stamina is at now,
you can just take it down. Maybe make a note
somewhere in case we go for it. I have it. Thank
you. For next step, we don't forget. Damn it.
There's not going to be a next step. Four points
for Tricky. I'm going to keep going if he needs
it. Eight away from full. So if it's not worth
it, then. No, it's worth it. Why are the two
of you just staring at me? We're going to put
his fingers to his lips. Quiet, just shut up.
Oh, seven more. Don't stick your fingers into
my cage. It's not nice. That's perfect, man.
Okay. Oh, okay. Two hours later. Okay, now I'm
ready to talk. Oh, this guy's complaining. Bored.
You people are boring. I mean, Celios, he was
quiet but fun. Hey, Celios, this guy. He used
to dance. He made me feel weird. What is that
that he does? When he slapped me. How should
I know? Just a head in a cage. He's your buddy.
You're hanging out with him. He's not my buddy.
Prove it. I don't even like him. He's got a very
annoying voice. I don't blame Drasmorg one bit
for sewing his stupid lips. You said Drasmorg?
I did say that. Mona, you recognize that name?
I've heard so many crazy names since we've been
hanging out. I don't remember a thing. We've
totally heard it before oh yeah, that's what
are you trying to remember where from? Dreamy
dress more no dress morgue was like a necromancer
that that one that no he was that guy That was
he was that shitty nerd at the city nerd that
was researching Yeah, and he was a rumor no no
while you were working at the yeah, it was You
had heard rumors that people thought he was a
necromancer, but other rumors you heard, too,
were that he was just shit at magic and, like,
one of the worst people in the academy and kind
of an embarrassment. Yeah, he was just kind of
like a shitty loser and a loner. The last bit
that you remembered from him was... He took a...
Like, he wrote down a whole book. He made a complete
copy of a journal that was left behind as a famous
adventurer paid a visit to your campus. A druid
scar. Druin's car was the one who had left a
transcript of what he'd been going through. Yeah.
Druin's car. Thank you. I said Druin's car, and
then I said Druin's car, and he said Druin's
car. I got dragged along. So he made a complete
transcript of Druin's car. He made a copy of
the manuscript, and then, yeah, he kind of just
disappeared. It was about the same time that
he might have, but it was about the same time
that you decided to head out. Yeah. But yeah,
it's just you haven't heard that name since your
old job as a librarian. Assistant librarian.
What was it? Third in command. Book restacker,
really. Yeah. Yeah. What was the name again?
Draskar. Drasmork. Drasmork. Drosgar. All the
D names. Yeah, Drasmorg, Druengar, Drosgar. I
know, Druengar and Drosgar, they did that on
purpose. Yeah. They did that on fuckers. You
know Drasmorg? Well, I don't so much as know
him as I know that he was paying me. Paying you
for what? As a mercenary. What was that? Sense
motive. Hey, I think he has one. Hey. I've seen
Howl's Moving Castle. Dude, what is happening?
Natural one. Perfect. Yeah, you think it's just...
I don't know. It's some kind of weird tick he's
got. How about this? He's got a weird tick. Stop
picking on him. How about a 20? You see... Are
you cursed? You head in a box. Are you cursed?
Let him speak. As he speaks, there's like a moment
where he almost seems to hesitate, but it's almost
like he... As soon as he starts to withdraw,
his mouth almost opens against his will and his
eyes almost seem shocked at what he says. Almost
like he's compelled to speak. So here's a question
for you. What's your name again? Grimball. Grimball.
So you knew... I need to write his name down
because I keep... It's Grimball. Not Grimball.
G -R. I am. Because my mouth keeps wanting to
say Drosgar, and I know it's not Drosgar. No,
Drosgar, no, no. Please tell me the... Grimball.
I'm... Dorf, you keep strange friends. No, please,
what is... Grimball has a really long twig, and
he's just poking the face. We talked about...
Wow. We talked about this guy in my background
like over a year ago. Drosgar. Not Droskar. I'm
sorry, but I don't... Drasmorg. Drasmorg. D -R
-A -Z -M -O -R -G. I'm surprised that I was even
able to recognize the name when you said it,
but I did immediately. Okay, so you say that
you knew this Drasmorg. Yes. That you worked
for him. Yes. Drasmorg probably wears thongs.
If you... Thongs. What would be the... More than
one. Okay. So you worked for him. Yes. Damn it.
Yes. Yes. Do you mean to say that? I don't follow.
Do you mean to say yes? Yes. Yes. He's got a
weird tick. Okay, have you ever heard of Opposite
Day? No. I might be onto something. That means
yes, if he has heard of it. Hey, no, I've heard
of this. I've heard of this. Make him blink.
Wait, Monet, is today opposite day? No one told
me. Yes. I see what you did there. If you...
Is this a house of madness? But if it's not...
You were quiet, but you were a constant. I have
a question. Okay, if you worked for Drasmorg,
say an animal. And if you didn't, say a food.
A bear? You could eat a bear. Um, chicken, damn
it. Okay, if you didn't, then say a mineral.
You're a dwarf. A bear. Okay. Would, yeah, bear.
A bear's not a mineral. Okay. Why are we playing
a game? If you were a mercenary for Drasmoor.
Yes. Say a, say, if it's a yes, say an animal.
If it's a no, say a mineral. Bear. Again. You
were a mercenary for Drasmoor. Yes. What's going
on? It just seemed like you were being compelled
to say something that was untrue. No. I see Rootmoor
standing next to the head, looking at Monet just
as confused. You know what? I don't even know.
You wouldn't lie to us, would you? No, I can't.
A friend Rootmoor doesn't like liars. How did
you worship Torag? I... kind of... in the sense
that we went on religious holidays, but I wasn't
a very good follower of Torag. While he praised
his kind for their good works and their truths,
I was more interested in the deconstruction of
mechanisms, you see. I mean, it's still craft.
What does that mean? I could say that. It means
that I engaged in... I picked locks. You engaged
in disengaging? Dissolve traps for people that
were trying to protect things. Have you killed
many people? Thief. Then I can remember a few.
Okay. I was a mercenary, after all. Primarily
a non -combatant. Did you murder people is my
question, not just because of you. Define murder.
Did you kill people out of malice because you
didn't like them? No, no, no, no, no. Never out
of malice. Never out of duty. Responsibility.
Will you answer me truthfully? You're always
on the winning side as a mercenary. Only if paid
to. Nothing personal. Blowworm. Hey, whatever
your name is. Ding, ding, ding. Ping, ping, ping
on the cage with the... You're not supposed to
tap the cage. It really irritates the creature.
Oh, does it scare you, Grimball? Boop, boop,
boop, boop. No. Ding, dong. Ding, ding, ding.
No. Why are you in this box? I don't know. Why
are you cursed in this box? What did you do in
your life? that left you in this box. I was hired
by Drasmorg to look out for traps. That's all.
And how did you die? Well, when he went all crazy,
changed shapes, and ripped my head off my body,
I think. Change shapes. Well, yes, he was a rather
scrawny looking fallow human. Did he have a book
with him? This guy was your boyfriend? He wasn't
my boyfriend. You dated him? No, I didn't. Did
he have a book with him? Yes. Did you ever get
a look at it? Some sort of grimoire, whatever
magical googly gook they keep around. Some romance
novel? It could have been. There was a fairy
on the cover. Did he? Put you in that room with
Samson or whatever his name was? Glowworm. Samson.
The dead guy. Celios! Did he give you to Seelios?
I don't know what happened to Seelios. Like I
said before, in the middle of the battle, he
looked nothing like that the last I saw him.
All I know is at one point, there was some sort
of strange yellow glow that happened, and Drasmore
went all crazy, started twisting and contorting,
and before the rest of us could get away, his
palms were on my forehead, and I felt a sudden
darkness. Next thing I know, here I am in a cage.
Somehow still alive. Did Drasmorg cause the yellow
glow? I don't think so. Where did it come from?
I don't know. What do I remember? Did we pick
up a truth serum somewhere? I don't know. It
feels like he's doing it regardless of whether
or not he wants to. Damn my lack of legs. I can't
lie. I remember a rune. Why? A stone. A stone
with a carving. A stone seal. No, it looked nothing
like a mammal with flippers. Oh, it's the gem.
That we... Dull gem. Like a rock -colored gem
with a strange symbol. It looks like episode
eight or nine. And it began to crack. Was it
a black mirror? Weakened by something, I... It's
like... The memory is not so good, but I remember
a pulse. of yellow light emanating from the stone.
Before... Drasmork constantly pouring over the
books. I remember the kobolds. So many kobolds
driving them away, chasing them from their land.
They were in the way. Seleos and Rhalamorn. Rhalamorn
chasing them off with a sword, removing them
so that we could proceed further and further.
I remember the disgust, desiccation of our people's
place. I've never been one for tradition, but
a dwarf is a dwarf, and there's a moment of pride,
and for your pride to be stepped on by mere lizards.
But then I remember the stone, and that sickening
yellow glow. And then I remember Drasmorg, but
it wasn't Drasmorg anymore. It had been days.
Weeks. Months. Before he ripped your head off,
were you down here? Yes. In that room? No. I
don't even remember what room this is. What's
beyond the door? Where are we? I don't know.
Very, very underground. Droskar's Crag. I remember
Droskar's Crag. I remember the first level. I
remember... I remember the ruins. The broken
statues and tributes. Dusted. No longer. I remember
the depictions of Droskar, though they did not
belong. Are we on the third level? The fourth?
The fifth? Third, I think. Third? Third as far
as we know. This one has like a big pit with
water and also just outside of this room there's
books and stuff. The lift. The lift we constructed.
We came to a chasm, a pit, a rounded room. Long
dilapidated, the stairs gone. We had to build
a lift to descend. The hallway, the mechanized
chamber. At this point, long past the kobolds.
The traps, long disarmed. We repurposed them.
Drasmorg's orders. If they were to be dismantled,
then we should repair them. Should we need them
for defense? What was Drasmorg's goal here in
the crack? Purely archaeological, he said. Exploration,
ruins. Something about the key to the way back,
I think he said. Nonsense, in my opinion, but
coin is coin. What is the way back? You mean
literally just the way back, or is that some...
No, that's not what he would mean. Drasmorg was
researching... I worked at a library. I was like
an assistant at the library. And Drasmorg used
to visit the library often, and he would always
read one book. It was Druengar's Journal. And
one day, he would come in every day and copy
it. And one day he just stopped coming. Copy
it over and over again? Or just like one copy?
It was like he was working on his very own copy.
What a cheap bastard. He didn't want to buy the
book. You can't buy books from the library. Oh,
I've never been to a library. That's not a library's
work. I've never been to a library. Fool of a
dwarf. I don't like... I mean, no, I guess I
would like books. Books for us would be... kind
of be like blockbuster movies. Yeah, see, Rumor's
Generation X. He was before libraries. It's kind
of like asking him about what he thought about
Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Before books. So sad.
You're very old, Wolf. I respect you. He just
doesn't even know about, well, the books were
around, just not the libraries. You mentioned
another name. Libraries. You mentioned a name,
Razmog or Razmog? Razmog? Some other mercenary.
Another one of Razmog's hires. Some fellow with
a sword. Where is he? Was he also killed? I don't
know. Did he also become some sort of terrifying
beast? I don't know. Well, we have seen some
odd creatures upstairs. Are you being compelled
to tell the truth, regardless of whether or not
you want to? Yes. Why do you want to hold these
things back, being such a lonely head? I don't
know you, and I'm scared. I'm just a head in
a cage. Have some compassion, man. Surely a lizard
such as yourself can understand. Yeah, I heard
what you said about lizards. Yes! Do you find
Root more attractive? He's rather plain. But
a man of his misery. You haven't tried my seasoning.
Root more shifts an eyebrow. His eyebrows wiggle
back involuntarily. Shimmies his hips. Root more
winks. I feel like we should take him with us,
but he's kind of loud. No, let's take him with
us because he literally says he looks for traps.
Just hold him in front of us while we're walking
around. I can be very quiet. Don't leave me in
this room. He's quieter than me. What's your
stealth bonus? No, we don't need stealth. Let's
just take him. I mean, be quiet, please, but...
Very good. Just don't leave me in this shitty
closet. There's not even a table to look at.
Nothing. Sorry, Ritmore. It's just this crazy
ideas you got. I mean, it would be good to take
stealth, but... No, let's just go. Let's take
him. I can't stealth. Minus three to my stealth.
Yeah, y 'all's crazy ideas. Just, it's gonna
work. Let me fasten him to Tricky's saddle. Oh,
good idea. While they were talking, Rootmoor
would have passed the shield off to you to fix
it. Do a little repair check. Takes ten minutes.
To repair from broken? Yeah. Nice. You got materials
for that? Ooh, let me see. There's some wood
that broke off from behind the door. Yeah, there's
a broken door. There's a broken door. You could
take 20. Oh, do you have a repair tool kit? That's
what you need. I fucking should. Because I'd
let you take 20 to dismantle the door and use
it to refashion. What's your shield right now?
What kind? It's a metal. Let me see. Defense.
Steel shield. So there's no forge here, but I
would let you repair it to a banded wooden shield,
like a different shield of a slightly lower quality.
But if he has a repair kit... No, I don't. You
don't? Okay. Do I have one? I thought I should.
Are they single -use? No. It's just like having
a medical kit. It's like healer's tools. Yeah.
For crafting. What's it called? Because I should
have one. I think it's called a repair kit. Yeah.
I do not have one. Would you call yourself a
dwarf? Sorry, I'm trying to be quiet. What's
your favorite color? I make food. I don't fix
stuff. Gray. That's okay. Don't worry about it.
I wear a lot of red because it, well, I wore
a lot of red because I thought it made me look
tough. Captured my eyes. It's really, it's demanding
in the way of like it demands the room when you're
wearing red. To be honest, and the cage isn't
compelling me for this, but red is not very good
for stealth. No. Probably a poor choice for a
rogue. More likely to get pulled over with red.
Really kind of seems like you asked to be in
this box in some way. Not knowing your life before
or anything, but... Well, one never knows the
risk when one accepts coin for a job. But one...
No. We don't have to talk about stuff like that.
Both of his IRAs almost just died. His eyes are
downcast in the cage. I thought myself quite
clever. Quick. Not quick enough. Not very quick
anymore. Sorry. Maybe we can find you some legs.
Minus 17. Cool. I'm as full as I can be with
health. Yeah, so let's fucking... We gotta go
to town so I can get a repair kit. We don't have
time. We'll just wipe away all the getting back
to town stuff. I mean, I'm down to two resolves,
so I didn't take a breather. I'm at zero, but...
No resolve? I just used my last one, but if we
remember, when we came here, we were on a time
crunch. You were also on a lift that requires
a crank at the top of the rope. Yeah, like...
The way I see it. I mean, if we sleep, it's going
to be down here. Yeah. Yeah, we can't go back.
I don't remember what the time crunch was. We
got to... a dream. You know, remember all the
zombies were coming up from the graveyard? They're
trying to spook us. Yeah, and then we got a dream
saying you're already too late. They're trying
to spook us! That's such an accurate way to put
it. Fake news! He's just trying to scare us!
I'll go ahead and use one of my resolves while
we're having that whole conversation. You know,
she like sits down next to the cage and He talks
to him about how he doesn't have a body no more.
Sucks! Scarab would like to go into that room
and give it a look over. Sure. Let me take a
check real quick, make sure. Oh, floor's gone.
Pulled down to the 10th level. What level is
this? The 7th? The 13th level? Man, we're on
3, man. How many floors are there? This is ridiculous!
Come on! Never gonna finish this adventure. Where's
the food court? Where's the food court? I just
heard that. Yeah, if you want to look around
for a bit, as you're poking around, go ahead
and give me a little perception check here. 14.
It's really fun to fucking walk into a trapped
room with eyes closed. I misspoke earlier. I
had said that beneath... Or above. Beneath him
was a floor, there is no floor. I had said that
the collar was on Grimball above his ragged necktare.
However, I was incorrect. The collar, in fact,
is around Seleos' neck. Oh yeah, we'll take that
one. So the room itself is barren of anything.
Just four stone walls, not even a piece of furniture.
And damn. Oh, fuck. Celios himself lays now in
a twisted collapse on the floor, and as you inspect
his body, among his tattered robes, the only
thing you find is a strange -looking collar embedded
with runes. I have written down... And this is
the collar that you inspected earlier, a choker
of elocution. Okay. That allows one to understand
a particular language. I had written down color
of talking to everyone. It is for a specific
language. And it's understanding it, right? Or
speaking it? I mean, I feel like potato, potato.
Sometimes. I mean, okay, if we're going in the
way where it's like people like me that have
said before, like, oh, I understand Spanish,
I just don't speak it. And it's like, okay. There's
one at being able to use context clues to figure
out what somebody means. And there's a different
thing to actually truly understanding. And it's
like, if you know car means car, then you can
say car. Yeah. It's not like your lips are just
like, I know what car is, but I can't go car.
Yeah. So realistically, the way I'm interpreting
it is Grant's knowledge of a language. Yeah.
Million, hundred million. And I'm guilty of that.
I am guilty of that. I've said it before because
there is a point where I'm like, yeah, you know,
I don't speak Spanish, but I understand it. And
it's like, no, I'm just bad at Spanish. And I
have to come to terms with that. All right, everybody.
The cage is on Cody now. All right. The truth
comes out. I think this is perfect for an animal
because they understand it. They just can't speak
it. Yes. But your hope is presumably that it's
common. Yeah, so we have to roll to see what
the language is. Yeah. Can we do that? Sure.
Perhaps you could interpret from the glyphs themselves
on the collar as to what language it refers to.
Monique, just put it on. Is there a way? Roll
to see if it's cursed. Even if you put it on.
Yeah, Skerid would definitely say, hey, before
anything, let's see if it's cursed. That's why
I said that. That's one thing, but another thing
is even if you put it on, how would you know
that you know a thing until somebody presents
you with the idea that you might not know it?
How do you know that you know French unless somebody
walks up to you and speaks French? She just tried
speaking other languages. Yeah, but how do you
speak a language you don't know? What did he
know? What's the word for dog in Korean? Well,
she could at least try... talking to Rootmoor
and Dwarven or talking to him. Yes, you can eliminate
a couple. I'm just saying you wouldn't be able
to. And then you just end up saying some really
racist shit. But you're not actually speaking
the language. You're just being racist. That's
why I'm saying Monet only knows. Monet's going
to put on the collar and just turn to you. That's
wrong. You don't understand anything. Monet only
knows Common and Faye. So she could... You can
eliminate languages if it doesn't apply. Exactly.
What's the bonus that we add? This is your, for
this one, arcana or occult are the two that I'll
take. Okay, so I'm trained in both of those,
so four. Monet can give that a shot. 21. Arcana.
10. Arcana. Occult. And what languages do you
know? I know you might not want to reveal them.
I could. No. Common, Draconic, Dwarven, and Fae.
Not a language you recognize. I'm wondering what
Drogsmooth knew. Drogsmorg? I like Drogsmooth.
Drogsmooth. I wonder what Dogwater knew. Fucking
Dogwater. I hate that guy. Damn. Okay. So we
don't know. Yeah, hooray, fuck it, pump it on.
Yeah, is it cursed? Oh, yeah, let me roll to
see if it's cursed. That one, a cult. You have
to be trained. Technically. Okay, I won't roll.
14. Seems fine. Yeah, it seems fine. First thing
that'll happen is it gets stuck to you for the
rest of your life and your mouth gets sewn shut
and your eyes get sewn shut. I'm fine with that.
Tonk, tonk. Okay, she puts it on. Can I roll
to see if it shuts your eyes and mouth? It's
never the same after you put on that collar.
I think that's a warning from the head in the
box. As Monet clicks the collar around her neck.
And nothing happens. Okay, cool. Well, I mean...
Can I still speak? Is my mouth sewn shut? She
says in common. I'm sorry, Monet, I can't understand
you because you're ruined. You're speaking in
subtitles now. You now speak Spanish. Speaking
in subtitles. Bottom of the screen for people
that can't see it. You were in subtitles for
the rest of this audio -only entertainment. Grimball.
My name don't wear it out. What languages do
you speak? Well, I'm a scholar. I speak common
and open. Okay. Very good, me too. Dwarven scholars.
Is that all you speak? How many languages do
you speak? What else is there to speak? Suddenly
being bilingual isn't good enough. The nerve!
Okay. I'm also bilingual. Very good. Dwarven.
Dwarven and common. No, it's common and fey.
I've been understanding mushrooms lately. I'm
just scared. It's okay. She's been nice. She's
actually saved my life quite a few times. Mine
too. Can we get the hell out of here? Unless
I'm not alive. Tell me. How does it look? Am
I going to make it? You're just a head in a box.
I mean, you're talking just fine. I don't understand
metaphors. Let's roll them down the hallway.
No, carry me. You could even attach me to your
belt. I feel like... I'd prefer to be held in
your off hand. I just want to say this. I want
to go on the record and say I feel like... I
feel like this caller is going to let us speak
necro. Because Drasborg was looking into necromancy.
Rootmore, since the shield's broken, he's going
to throw that on his back and he's going to scoop
up the dwarf head. I thought we were going to
put him on tricky. Yeah, we can put him on tricky.
I mean, unless you need two hands. Well, I mean,
if he's good at detecting traps, I'll hold him
since I'm working at detecting traps. Oh, that's
true. Nobody's ever been as good at detecting
traps. That's why they hired me. How many hands
do you need, though, for your weapon? Just one.
Okay. I don't have a shield anymore. Because
Monet doesn't really use weapons, so... You only
have one hand. Even I can see that. Yeah, I do
only have one hand. Oh. The DM would be pleased
if you help me. I was thinking she could time
to her waist with her big long scarf. I wouldn't
mind being tied to your waist. Don't put me down.
Can't you see the lady wants to help? Don't take
away her womanly autonomy. Never mind. Turn the
face towards Onee. Put me behind you. Who's going
first? I recommend the woman. Lead on. I'll scout
for traps. All right. We should leave him in
his room. Don't do that. Wait. I'm supposed to
be quiet. Tell me friends, new friends. What
are your names? Rootmaw Redmane, you said you
recognized that name. Redmane, yes. What? Where
do you recognize it from? Hey. It's Redmane.
Redmane. Redmane. Red. Redmane. Redmane. Redmane.
Red? Sorry. Very good. Very good. I can't help
it. He's got it. He's got it. Look at that. Me?
You... You're related to that Druingar fellow.
Yes. Yes. Did you know him? No. Your, uh... Reason...
Erasmorg wanted to come here. Well... Well, not
you, but your... Your family? Cousin? Cousin.
I'm wearing his armor right now. It's beautiful.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, what was his name? Druengar.
His name was Druengar. Grosgar, yes. No, not
Grosgar. Grosgar was evil. Bad man evil. Yes.
Because it says to you, it just says to you.
Your, yes, your family name came up. Potential.
Potential people to be aware of. Lies. What do
you mean aware of? Is Rumor a bad guy to you?
Seleos was meant to look into attachments. Who
else would have known about Droskar's crag? Torag's
crag. Torag's crag. Torag's crag. Were you here?
Before it became Droskar's cry? No, no, no. I'm
a spry 102. Oh, okay, okay. Oh, you did mention
something about the, uh, the Droskar stuff that
shouldn't be here. Yes. It's hazy. It's, uh,
debriefed. Pre -briefed. Briefed? Just briefed.
I mean, you're gray and old. You're definitely,
definitely old. No, no, no. I'm only 102. That's
old, man. How old are you, Scar? 32 years old.
Dras Morg. Dras Morg. Very old for one of my
kind. Dras Morg said we should be aware of anyone
who would come snooping about. He read Drungar's
notebook. Said it would lead us to a treasure
needed protection from whatever would be here.
Said... Said if Druengar hadn't left, maybe family
would come looking for him. That's where your
name came up, Redmane. Though not you, Woodmore,
specifically. Your other family name, just...
Redmane. Ah, okay. Maybe your brother, Brownmoor,
or your cousin, Bloomoor, or Purplemoor. Oh,
you're mocking... Yes, I agree. Let's leave him
in this room. He's mocking me. No, don't! I'm
afraid to be alone. That's why I became a rogue.
Ah, rogue. What a stupid class for a dwarf. What
a stupid class. You say that you won't think
that when I find traps for you. You just haven't
played Dragon Age Origins. You haven't? Isn't
that the coolest backstory? Hmm? Play Dwarf Road?
You get dual wield the daggers and you move so
fast? Fight the patriarchy. Rise above your station.
Dwarven honor the real way. Not this phony red
mane way. Leave him in the room! Rima runs down
the dark hallway. You're still holding me! I
have an idea. Every time we come to a new room,
just crack the door open, throw the head in,
see what happens. Don't be gentle, please. That's
actually a fantastic idea. I'm only a head, but
I still have feelings. Come on, head. Yeah, we're
just going to throw you into a room and you're
going to yell at us. That's not nice. What's
in the room? Maybe I don't talk anymore. Then
how would you feel? You'd miss me then. I would
feel great. No! Can Scarab peek over the wall
from Tricky's back to see what's going on in
there? Can you lift yourself up? Yeah. Can he
look to see what's in the center? It's only three
feet high after all. Oh. Monet, get over here.
Oh, yeah. Look over at this massive structure.
No, no, no. Now it's... Peek down. Now what's
here? Let me see. So you just walk up and look
down. Yeah. Just step over it. It just turns
out there's a bunch of, like, puppies. Puppies
and rabbits and kitties and just, like, a bunch
of people, like, dressed up. They got khakis
and, like, collar shirts. What's your sight range?
Forever. A hundred million. I believe it. Sixty
feet in the dark? Sixty dark. Oh, we see forever.
It's just black and white with dark vision. Yeah,
well, what happens when black blends into black,
Emod? Turns white. You tell me you can't see?
Oh, weird. Oh, my God. Even mountains on the
horizon turn blue. For real, there's no distance.
It's the same as it being daylight. It's just
we see black and white. That's not true. It is.
It's not even remotely true. I think it's true.
Then why does your darkvision have a range, M
.O .D.? It doesn't. Unless they just added it
as a... No, it doesn't. I'm just an old head
who refuses to allow just like, oh, you can see
forever, because that's not true. Yeah, you can
see in darkness and dim light just as well. It's
just black and white. You're black and white.
Thank you. You're welcome. Love you. My name's
Monet. By the way. Didn't get to tell him her
name. There's a lot going on. It's very true.
I don't want this guy calling my phone. Also,
Scarab, I think that 32 is quite young. For my
people, it's getting pretty up there. I didn't
just run away from my family. I was ready to
retire. What's that supposed to mean? Does that
visually make sense to y 'all? Sure, fuck it.
It's weird. Sorry. I can actually make a little
bit more sense of this. It's a big bony fish.
Fish bone. No, there's pillars and shit in the
way that I'm doing a bad job of revealing. I
will do that light test, so if we don't observe
it, the light will actually just bounce all over
there, but when we do look at it, it creates
these straight lines. Just to make it easier
for you, Rootmore can walk south. I mean, Monet
can walk up to the wall and just, you know, like...
Just look. Yeah, just look. Rootmore, toss the
head in there. Toss. Monet can just... Can Monet
just step over the wall? That's a good playpen.
You're gonna step over the wall? You said it's
three feet? Three feet, not thirty. He's raising
his eyebrows. Why did he reiterate that? I feel
like she's going to step in there and the walls
are going to rise up and trap her in there. Rise
up. I'm rising up! You just want to walk in there
all on your lonesome? You want to go over that
wall? Or you leave the short people behind? You
want to do that? I was kind of thinking about
it, yeah. Okay, go for it. If that's what you
want to do. I was thinking about it. Yeah, I
mean, do you want to do that? Throw the head
in there. Oh yeah, he already did. Oh, you threw
the head in there? The head is in there? Perfect.
Can we get that token just zoomed in on the head?
Well, you can't see what he sees. No, but we
could see. Look, think Jurassic Park. Think the
goat going into the T -Rex cage. Where did you
throw him? Was it the T -Rex or was it the raptors?
The darkest part, probably. Probably right here.
The goat was lowered into the raptor. The velociraptor
nest. And got torn out. Did I find like the one
lava pit? It's just a bucket. Just a bucket of
lava. Just a bucket of water. A wooden bucket
of lava. Better move this quick. These things
don't have a long wait time. I want to be really
lazy with my polygon reveal. By revealing the
whole room. Describe it to us. What do you see
in there? Whoa, big room. There's the statues
he was talking about. So before you unceremoniously
hurl your new best friend into a room you can't
see. You meander south down the hallway and the
still figure standing in the dark that you said,
that's what we call them, statues, is in fact
a statue. There are three here on the southwestern
wall and on the angled southeastern wall, another
three dwarven statues, each of them standing
with their family weapon in a state of pride
or repose. You then crane your arm back and hurl
the cage over the wall into the darkest part.
Where'd you ping it? Ping it for me. I mean,
Monet's watching. Right there? Perfect. Monet's
like 5 '4". Okay, so Monet, from where you are,
it's kind of hard to see, but we're going to
go ahead and do this. Just throw him into an
empty room. You threw him into a pillar. So you
hurl the dwarven head over the wall. Again, he...
as he goes over the wall before you hear a clash,
clang, clatter as it hits the pillar and falls
to the floor. Blue mane, my ass. Ding dong ding
dong. Well, shit. What you see? What you floor
eyes see? All right. Runeboy goes around to the
opening. You threw me over a wall. Runeboy, check
for traps. Okay. I would check for you if you
didn't hurl me away. Well, check for traps in
there while you're in there. No, I don't want
to. Monet will also follow this way and look
over in this direction over here. And look for
traps at the opening. What is happening? This
is like the fifth one this episode, like a natural
one. Wow. Wow, get rid of these. Yeah, something's
giving you a terrible feeling about this entryway.
Just don't come and touch all my dice, man. You
know what I did is I sucked all the bad energy
from your dice, and now it's in mine. That's
why you're rolling so well right now. I guess,
thank you. That's what's doing it, yeah. You
doing that saved the rest of your party. Okay.
Rumor as you are coming around the edge, Monet,
looking over the wall, you see more of these
pillars with some kind of runic writing on them.
Each enough to where, at least from what you
can tell, there's one northwest of you about
10 feet or so. The writing on it is large enough
to be able to be read from about an arm's length
away. You are further than that. Anyway, amidst
the pillars, you can see there are several bookshelves
intermittently. So it seems to be some sort of
room of both pillar and shelves. The interior
walls that are only three feet high are in fact
lined with books all the way around. Rumor, as
you come across the quote -unquote entrance to
this room, you too can see these pillars. You
recognize, though it's hard to read, the writing
is in fact in Dwarven. And I'm going to go ahead
and give you a bigger view here. Let's go. I'm
just going to, you know what? Let's cut the pretense
here. We're just going to stop with the polygon
reveal because I don't want to do this 50 more
times. We're just going to reveal the area. It's
like a campus library where it's just in the
middle. Oh, hey, what's that? And Rumor, as you
are looking, you recall the sound earlier that
was this like. clattering and clanking of metal
grinding on stone. And you can see that in the
midst of these pillars, way in the back of the
room, about 70, 80 feet from you, there is what
appears to be some kind of shiny metallic thing
laying on the ground. And as you stare through
the darkness, you begin to hear that like scratching
grating noise again. As this thing slowly stands
up and it looks from this distance almost to
be the silhouette of some kind of humanoid creature.
Although it doesn't quite have the silhouette
of a creature. It has the arms and the legs and
the stoutness, but there's a distinct lack of
head. And it slowly begins to twitch and twist.
And as it stands, it kind of meanders about the
back of this room a bit before it clanks into
a pillar and collapse, sending a clattering,
ringing noise of metal throughout the room. Is
that Grimball's body? Yeah. Hey, look, look.
You see? Hey, you on the ground over there. I'm
still only staring at books. Monet, we'll go
and pick him up. Let's see him pick him up. Wow.
To be right side up again. She's going to hold
him up. Is that your body? Where? All I see is
pillows. Pillows and books. There. Why my dark
vision sees forever. Yes. It's broken. Like my
armor. Where is my head? Stupid. Hey, dumbass.
You're in the box. No! There we did my shit.
Be careful. Very good. I was quite capable. I
doubt that. But no need. Let's be careful. You
should be careful. You look terrible, Reborn.
As you say that, I doubt that. You can see again,
after clattering to the floor, the body again
twitches and writhes in this almost macabre puppeteering
motion of this body standing up in unnatural
ways, being drawn back to its feet, rattling
around, reaching for something before clambering
into something else, slapping against another
pillar or another shelf, fumbling about. I think
Monet will go ahead and take her scarf and tie
him to her waist. Nice! Turn the cage around
a bit! No, you're fine. I'll wiggle in place.
Roll a recall knowledge to see what's going on
with his body. I'd also like to do a recall.
I want to know if giving him his head back would
be a good thing. Religion or occult. Just do
some religion. It's not going to be a natural
one this time. I'm not good at either of those.
Oh, hell yeah. That is a 19 occult. 30 religion.
I'll aid occult. Do not aid. Enough to see Monet
animated corpse, obviously. Missing the head.
You guys are piecing it together and you feel
like you're right. You got a hunch that this...
This is Grimball's body. Rootmoor, you think,
wondering whether or not the head has anything
to do with this, you think that maybe the severing
of Grimball's head and its magical state of being
kept alive might have something to have affected
his soul. And that might be like a byproduct
of what you're seeing now. So would it be...
Would it be necessarily a bad thing for us if
we reconnected? You don't think that. You think
of anything like maybe reattaching the head might
put the two to rest. We never get a chance to
free spirits. Speaking as a player. I mean, maybe
we get the chance. It's hard. I think this is
one where we might be able to. Don't startle
me! Throw him! Throw the head. Oh, he's watching!
And as he says that, you look, and the body that
has just crashed to the floor again slowly begins
to twitch up, and as it does, and the body stands,
it turns almost to face you for a moment, and
in the darkness, in the black and white that
you see in the inky darkness, there is a moment
where you see a yellowish glow that forms two
pinpoint eyes. staring at you from the darkness
where a head should be. Uh -huh. And as it does,
the body vanishes. No. Whoa. And the moment it
disappears, your stomach begins to sink as you
realize that from the bookshelves themselves,
there is now a heavy rattling noise as all the
furniture begins to move and slowly, bit by bit,
books... candlesticks and debris begin to whirl
about the air in this room. And that's all the
time we have for today. Damn. Is there a haunt?
I had this real bad feeling that he was going
to be like a warpy kind of guy. God damn. For
some reason. Yeah. So we'll see. A poltergeist.
A poltergeist. A poltergeist. Oh, man. A Canadian
poltergeist. National bird. The Cursed Caravan
uses trademarks and slash or copyrights owned
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and Paizo products, visit Paizo .com. The Curse
Caravan theme music and the beat you're hearing
right now is written by Matthew. Thank you. That
little... That was Matthew. Thank you. We would
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And leave us a comment and rate us five stars.
I mean, you can rate us whatever, but rate us
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five or go away. You can say the worst things
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Please, confuse people. We just want people talking.
If you hate us, do five stars. Yeah, I would
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We have a YouTube channel. It is The Curse Caravan.
It's there. Go to our YouTube. We've got episodes
on there. We also do goofy video games sometimes.
We also do goosey video games sometimes. We get
a little goosey. Speaking of comments, I'm on.
All right, I may have to cut this, but we'll
see. Let me know if I already read this one.
Okay. It's another one from Apple Podcasts by,
let's see, where is it? Troxt. By Troxt. I don't
recognize you. Good sign. The subject is engaging.
Five stars. Nice. The stories and characters
are vividly wonderful and told with the joy and
humor of a gathering of close friends. Please
watch out for Rick. If only you do. You remember
that one? I told you, Matthew. That's why I wanted
them to know. I wanted to see if they knew it.
I was afraid. I was like, is this one of those
situations where I was in a different timeline?
I told you about this comment last week when
we weren't recording. That's why I wanted to
hear from them if they heard it. I have a half
good memory. Oh, you're good. It's so sweet.
Watch out. It'd be nice if you showed up. That's
sweet. That was a very sweet comment. Thank you,
Trox. Yeah, glad you found it engaging. Thank
you for being engaged. We're not close, any of
us. I barely know these games. I don't like any
of these games. But it's fun. It's fine. It's
fine. Speaking of listeners, I had a dream last
night that I was bullying one of our listeners
on the internet. Why? I don't know. You don't
choose dreams, Matthew. They just happen. Nature
of the beast. No, don't get involved in ugly
comments on the internet. That goes to everyone.
They weren't saying anything bad. You were saying
everything bad. Yeah, I was being a bully. That's
why I said I was bullying. Nobody engaged in
that kind of stuff. It's so awful. Felicia's
version of bullying isn't even really bullying.
It's gaslighting. Which is pretty bullying. Is
it though? Gaslighting ruins lives. Maybe you
think it does, but does it really? fucked with
mine i hate it it's kind of the worst thing it's
gross because me my first hiding is bad okay
yeah my first thought is like no they're not
stupid they just don't understand let me keep
trying oh no no they're not stupid no no they're
trying to fuck with me yes you're actively trying
to fuck with me that's Leave me alone. So yeah,
you guys watch out. I might bully you. No, she's
very nice. I won't. I won't talk to you. It's
prophecy. It has been foretold. Yeah, so leave
us comments. Leave us some sweet comments like
that. Everybody here really likes those sweet
comments. They make me a little uncomfortable,
but that's okay. That just means they're working.
Yeah. Leave us comments. If you have any questions,
you can feel free to ask us questions in the
comments, or you can email us at thecursedcaravan
at gmail .com. We'll answer those questions,
probably. As long as they're appropriate. Other
contact info is in the description below. Yeah,
yeah. Thank you guys for being a part of our
journey. And thank you for being a traveler on
the Cursed Caravan. Bye. Thank you very much.
Bye -bye. Bye, thank you. Is it going? Yes. Hit
the thing. Oh, it's going. Everybody peek your
stuff real quick. That was a good peek. I peeked
everybody else's. This is actually, we're recording
weeks after the episode you just heard. This
is going to be the outro for the last episode.
One of us screwed up really bad last episode
as far as rules. And it was me. I messed up.
Oh, golly. I thought you were going to say me.
What did you do, Iman? I would have been really
bad if you said one of us and then you don't
tell us. He just throws under the bus and really
make me embarrassed and make my ears hot. Come
on, man. No, what happened was, you know how
we got knocked unconscious and then we woke up
because technically we weren't dying. Yeah. The
zombie dude was punching us. Yeah. everything
about that was correct, except if you're brought
down to zero, you don't roll perception to wake
up. You have to wait like a minimum of 10 minutes
to wake up or under GM's discretion. See, I think
I might have mentioned it where I thought that
that was the case where I was like, no, it's
if you're asleep, you get a perception to wake
up, but if you're unconscious, somebody wailed
on you, you're out. Yeah. 10 minutes is a long
time, though. Maybe a minute. even then a minute's
still 10 rounds you're not for sure for sure
but i'm just saying if we bring that like if
we're going with that rule 10 minutes is a long
like you're you might be dead like you have you're
going into a coma if you've been not unconscious
for 10 minutes yeah that's pretty bad but like
a minute i could you know yeah so but i'm not
a doctor clearly Clearly. It would have been
a completely different fight. I mean, we still
wouldn't be dying because the creature was using
a fist. It's just that Felicia and I wouldn't
have been able to make those rolls. I think Scarab's
still the one that finished the fight, though.
You guys shot a hole through him, right? I can't
remember. I think you shot him in the face. I
think so. It's been that long. I can't remember.
But I also think I was going to attempt to try
to wake one of you up. So it would have happened
regardless. I think I was going to try to. And
then you were like, no, I know all the rules.
Don't wake me up. I'm good. I don't think you
can rouse somebody that's unconscious. It's the
thing of like if you're unconscious willingly
from sleep versus if you're unconscious because
you were medically forced into it. Try that with
fresh warm pee on your face and see that you
don't wake up. I mean, I think plenty of people.
I don't know any of them, but I think plenty
of people have probably gotten the shit kicked
out of them for getting in a fight. They shouldn't
have been in them and pissed on and not woken
up. It's probably. Yeah. Yeah. But we, you don't
know until you drive. Roll disadvantage. Yeah.
Thank you for listening. Bye. Bye.