ETWO
Welcome back, it's been a long time.
It's been a while.
I missed you guys.
I miss us.
It's only been a couple weeks.
I wish y'all were close enough to just reach out and touch.
Should we all just move in?
Matt, you can sell your house and we can all just move in with him on.
Dibs on the bunk beds.
Top bunk.
I want to read a comment up top.
It's from, it'saroy.
I hope I'm saying that right.
It'saroy.
They said, I'm so glad you guys are still going.
When I listen, I remember the times I used to run games for my friend.
And I responded by saying, you know, sorry about ghosting.
It's just life and shit is getting in our way.
And there's just a lot of stuff going on right now.
I've been extremely busy.
The world keeps on worlding.
Yeah, they respond.
We live so life in some form is always going to get in the way.
I'm just glad you guys are well enough and are still appearing to have fun.
I'll listen to you guys play just about any game.
Not just entertaining, but fun to hear.
That's real nice.
Thanks Roy.
Extremely sweet.
And that's why I, that's why I want to be at this table.
Oh yeah.
For Roy.
I mean, yeah.
New battle cry.
For Roy.
For Roy!
I mean, yeah.
For all the Roy's out there.
Yeah.
I think there's a little Roy in all of us.
I'm a Roy too.
I'm being a, being a Roy is why I thought, hey, maybe we could do this for other Roy's.
So yeah.
Thanks.
It gives that little push, that little push that I know I need.
We all need it.
We all need it sometimes.
Because the world do be worlding and it's nice to be back in this one at the table with
my bros.
I like to be at this table because it's the only time I get to see sunlight.
With all the, with the windows closed and everything.
There's still a little window way up there with the bars.
Yeah.
I got to shut that out.
Oh, I need to go over that.
One more day.
I've been meaning to get to that.
I'm going Lord Orlok getting in at night.
That's a Nosferatu thing for all you dating this.
This is coming out.
This should be coming out when Nosferatu comes out.
Right?
I don't know what that is.
I'm sorry.
That's good.
I want to, I just want to cause problems for anybody that had any question when we record
these things.
Really obscure the timeline there.
Yeah, that's awesome.
I foresee a bunch of memes about bouncing on it.
And bounce on that Orlok.
That's what I've been hearing.
I'm lost.
That's okay.
Don't worry about it.
We're just talking crazy style.
Crazy style.
Yeah.
Cause I didn't understand where Cody was going with that.
So I just said bounce on it Orlok style.
If that's what I said.
I hardly ever remember what I say, Ahmad.
That's okay.
When you show me stuff from the podcast and I'm like, Oh, that's kind of funny or Ooh,
I shouldn't have said that.
It does feel good listening back and laughing at all of our jokes and being like, man, I
know I laughed at it at the time, but I didn't appreciate how funny that was until now.
Good job, Oz.
Yeah.
Wow.
I need to go back in time and suck myself off.
That's what he would use his on.
What would you use yours on, Ahmad?
Your ability to go back in time.
Oh, I change a lot.
But if I did change a lot, I wouldn't be where I'm sitting right now.
Yeah.
I'm not going to talk.
Just go back and suck yourself off like I would.
All right.
It's the safe thing.
Confuse yourself from the future.
Do you want to ruin your present sense or do you just want to have more confidence?
Confidence in your ability to get the job done.
Confidence to know that there's at least one person out there who knows how to take care
of you.
Oh yeah.
I found myself from the future sucked me off.
I'm really going to appreciate this, I think, to myself.
I'd say to myself.
I wish I didn't know I was good at sucking dick.
Oh no.
So yeah, we're back.
I know you missed this.
Sorry, Mom.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, moms.
My mom doesn't listen.
Busy living her own life now.
She's not listening.
I can say whatever the fuck I want.
So sorry.
Well now I feel guilty and it's gone.
Hey, we're in the bottom of a big pit.
Last time we were playing, you guys did a little spelunking, little cave diving, went
down a lift.
Monet, you elegantly and masterfully leapt across a wide gap going over a giant mystery
bath of murky black liquid before landing safely on the stone on the opposite side of
the room.
This massive 45 foot in circumference room.
Rootmore was inspired by your immaculate grace going through the air and tried to follow
suit, forgetting that he's donned in heavy armor.
I remember it differently.
That's good.
I also would block out my trauma as you plummeted another 20 feet or so, I believe, down into
the murky depths, sinking to the bottom like a beautiful sausage cooking rock before you
heard this like hissing, screaming, bubbling sound quickly made your way to the other side
of the pool, reaching the wall and beginning to climb just in time for strange creatures
to begin attacking you in the darkness.
Scarab hearing the commotion coming from below approaches the edge, readying his weapon,
and a battle ensues as you fight for your life not to drown.
Monet pulls you out of the water, just in time for you to fight the creatures.
Scarab fires bravely from above, trying to pick off the enemies before in a moment of
desperation, chasing after Tricky who, like a boss, charges off the edge and dives into
the murky black below.
Big boy.
I cannot believe.
You make short work of these grotesque writhing squirming masses that just kind of let off
this sickly smell of decay that kind of sticks out more so than the otherwise like fetid
wet dank smell that's going on in this chamber.
Most notably about them, it kind of, it smells sickening and gross but there's this like
aroma of, of like, what's the word, savory, like sweet deliciousness kind of undertone
to this, this horrible stench.
Like I was telling you earlier, that's the nastiest thing I've ever heard.
Something gross but it also kind of smells good.
Yeah like a perfectly cooked filet mignon sitting on top of a full dumpster.
That makes me think about when we used to work at the restaurant and I used to take
out the trash and sometimes all of the beer and beans smell, smelled kind of like sourdough
bread.
Yeah.
Burger King.
Burger King in general.
Burger King and McDonald's drive-thru.
Well, more Burger King.
Because it smelled like, it smelled like the bottom of a dumpster but it's like, but the
patty is in there.
The patty is in there.
Older getting me.
Hey, my Burger King kicks ass.
Fresh food every single time.
Well you remember that town that we used to live in and they had a Burger King and it
was my first job and whenever you drove by it smelled like vomit.
It smelled so disgusting from the road and I know people from that small town that I
used to live in would agree.
It's the secret sauce man.
You know they gotta put more mayonnaise out in the sun.
You gotta ferment it.
That mayonnaise too white needs to be yellow.
It uh, yeah, it's gross.
I don't know what I was gonna say about it.
It's just gross.
And so you guys, you make a short work of these things and you reduce them to a bubbling,
quivering mass of goo that begins to dissolve on the stonework and now you find yourself
standing in a hallway, a sort of narrow hallway about 15 feet across and it goes probably
another 40 feet or so deep to the south and as you look down this hallway you can see
it kind of opens up to a wider room almost like a funnel where you're in the spout and
at the far end you can just barely make out in the darkness with each of your dark vision
because you're all so well prepared.
A set of massive wooden doors.
On either side there's sort of like a stone outcropping, almost like a partition and to
the right of the one on the southwest side you see a massive stand of gears and the same
on the southwest side or southeast opposite of whatever I just said.
On either side of this door is two massive columns of gears and you can hear from here
a series of slow hisses followed by a squealing, almost like grating grind before a loud tick
as the gears slowly turn in place, letting off puffs of steam, just little like...
Steam punk!
He's standing outside of a giant clock?
What the hell?
Strange.
Rude Mawr's gonna take 20 minutes to get his stamina back and do a medicine, treat
wounds on himself.
Rude Mawr!
I suppose that's...
Rude Mawr!
Stop it, I'm busy!
Do you have any Neosporin?
And he puts his, uh, Scarab puts his hand on Tricky.
Yes!
Who's a bit injured.
I do, I do.
Neo!
Okay, this one's for Tricky.
Sporin'!
Help my friend.
Uh, 28, so that's a crit.
4d8s.
Ooh!
What are we looking at here?
16 down.
Pretty good odds.
20 HP.
There you go.
Beautiful, fully healed, my boy!
Well, my...
Scarab, while he's taking care of himself and Monet's taking care of herself and he's
also looking after Tricky, what is Scarab doing in this 20 minutes or so?
He's gonna make sure, because it has been a while, uh, gonna make sure that that, that
his pistol crystal is fully loaded.
And, uh, he wants to look about the walls.
He's a bit fatigued, he's tired, because of whatever happened last time.
Sorry, listeners, it's been a minute.
Was swimming and fought a bunch of fleshy kind of smelly, tasty monsters.
Oh, there was, that's what it was, I think he went for a shot and he critically, uh,
critically hurt himself.
Yeah.
In a way, making him tired.
Something like that.
But, he wants to look about these walls, are there any writings?
Any walls in particular, like the walls of the hallway you're in, or the walls from the
chamber behind you?
Uh, from the chamber, or from the hallway into the chamber, is there any markings denoting
what this room might be?
Uh, no.
The walls are actually, they are carved.
Um, so it's not the same rough-hewn stone as in the round chamber behind you.
These seem very deliberate and smooth.
They've been given a dwarven hand.
Okay, so-
There are no runes or writings or depictions, however.
But, and I would think he would, I could make some rolls, but he would be able to know that
this is, this is dwarven.
Yes.
Yeah, there is some-
Does it seem connected to the bit up top, or was this like, just found through this
giant pit?
Give me a crafting check.
Oh my goodness, I don't have my die out.
Oh my god.
Oh, uh, fuck.
I'm gonna go, ooh, ooh, ooh.
See you guys in six months.
But-
Mornade, you need a bandaid.
Oh no, I'm a-
Okay.
I just need you to take a breather.
It's been 30 minutes.
Okay, that's fine.
That gives us plenty of time to be looking around at whatever y'all are doing.
What I'm looking at is, it has, it's been a minute, it's been a while.
I don't remember when, like what day my mom got us these new die, but I just saw, I just
saw my new purple die with the dragon eyes in them.
Oh yeah.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
And I was like, oh wow, I haven't rolled these yet.
Yeah, I get to use my flower dice.
I'm gonna hold off for a second.
All right.
Crafting check.
Hey, like old times, right?
Right out the bowl.
Back in the saddle again.
Throw it on the ground.
Thank you, Felicia.
Happy birthday to the ground.
Natural 20 for the first roll of the day.
Beautiful.
Yes, finally.
So Scarab, you kind of like walk along these walls, tracing a scaled hand.
Tracing a scaled hand along the stone and it is not only like remarkably smooth, but
it's seemingly polished.
And the amount of care to detail to either like either buff down or fill in any imperfections
in the stone is a clear sign of Dwarven handiwork.
On top of that, there is kind of a molding towards the top that juts out in a fashion
that is typical of Dwarven craftsmanship.
Though the ceilings here are far taller than they ordinarily would be outside of a luxurious
hall.
The ceilings here are probably about 20 feet for this hallway.
And you can see even at the end that it seemingly opens up even higher.
Yeah, see.
And I mean, he's, we alluded to it in a backstory, but he's definitely been in some ancient
Dwarven ruins with some very high ceilings.
So he's probably getting a bit of home from this.
Yeah.
And as you're ruminating and kind of thinking back to the things you've seen, you trace
it back towards the pit that you splashed into.
And you note that wall from the outside looking in, it looked like the walls were like rough
hewn stone.
You can actually clearly see that the polished stone continues.
That at one point this chamber must have been some sort of grand stairwell down that itself
had polished stone, which means that whatever is on the walls in here now is not stone,
but some kind of residue or growth or mass.
Okay, nerdy, slightly nerdy one on this.
Scarab wants to know if this is older than the Dwarven make above.
Okay.
I'll roll over and I'm going to say this looks to be, it's hard to tell just by glance, right?
Because preservation is different depending on area and there is some like an embold that
has started to grow due to the moisture nearby.
However, on the parts you are able to glean a little further into the chamber, it looks
remarkably similar to the stonework in the first room on the floor above you.
I think I'm forgetting where we are.
Right, because-
On the first floor down where you saw the destroyed statue at the very beginning of
your jaunt underneath is the room that this looks similar to.
So you would imagine this is about the same age.
This is some real old Dwarven work.
Go ahead and give me a perception check while you're over there.
Find that hiding enemy hanging on the ceiling.
That's going to be a 22.
22, okay.
24 if it's an enemy.
From where you are on the edge of the water looking out at the walls and everything, you
can tell a little bit better now that your eyes have adjusted and with the light coming
down from above, you can see the glistening of that like substance that's on the wall.
It kind of looks a bit like maybe old grease or something like that.
Some other kind of like bio residue left behind.
But while you're kind of looking and reminiscing, you also notice maybe about no more than a
foot below the water's surface.
Just enough for you to be able to make it out.
There seems to be something bobbing in the water.
Maybe about 10 feet away from you.
Is this like, you know, remember that sacrificial room we found?
How they just throw in all the bodies into this pool of water.
Scarab, what is that?
Yeah, Scarab will look closer.
You're going to swim out and get it or are you going to just try to proceed harder?
I'll let you roll another perception check if you really want to try to hone in on it
to see what it is beforehand.
Yeah, can Scarab hunt prey on this object?
What's your modifier?
Perception 12.
DC 20 to be able to see what it is from where you are.
You're working assist.
What are you looking at, Scarab?
Oh no, that's not what it is.
It's this.
Plus two.
Natural one.
Can't quite make it out from here.
It's just too dark.
Did you poop in your pants?
I pressed the wrong one.
You failed your perception.
There you go.
I saved it.
It feels so bad, man.
Scarab is going to take off whatever.
I'm trying to remember.
Is this, is this water like poisoned at this point?
No, I don't think so.
Rootmore didn't suffer any poison or disease.
It's just yucky.
Rootmore is currently washing his face in it right now.
Yeah, Scarab is going to just oil.
Scarab is going to take off any rag he might have on and jump in with the levers to see
what's going on.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cautiously with his gun out pointed at the object.
You hop into the water.
You hop into the water and immediately you can feel your scales go cold.
The water is very cold from where it is.
And on top of that, you being cold blooded, it almost immediately overwhelms you.
But you kind of splash your way forward to whatever this thing is, honing your gun in
on it until you come up to it and you actually like bump the muzzle of your gun against it
and it just harmlessly bobs away from it.
It seems to be.
Fires.
No.
Don't do it.
Proper damage.
No, don't do it.
It seems to be a kind of like a pouch of some kind.
Snatch that up.
Drop it.
Throw the gun away.
Okay.
And your gun harmlessly sinks to the bottom of the pool.
Okay.
Yeah, you grab the pouch and now that you have your hands on it, it is a bloated and
partially rotted leather pouch.
Gross.
And as you lift it out of the water, there's kind of like a clattering of inside.
Kind of sounding like rocks bumping against each other.
Scarab and swims back to the shore.
Okay.
You drink water.
He's trying not to.
Don't breathe at all.
You might yak.
Stinky.
Okay.
Yeah.
You swim back to the shore and you pull yourself out with your new prize in hand.
You want to take a look inside?
Tricky, what is this?
It drops the bloated sack on the ground.
Tricky shoots it.
Yeah.
Tricky got a new gun, everybody.
We went shopping between episodes.
That's why it took so long.
It's like in the Zora's domain where they've got the shops at the bottom.
Yes, please be shops at the bottom.
And just some old dwarf that's been standing there for like a million Dark Soul years.
What happened here 50 years?
Really be careful.
Hey, don't get too many of your kind around here.
You look at his shop and it's trash.
Nothing.
You mean your Lecho 2.0?
She had fancy water.
It's true.
Fancy water is good.
There would be like one special item.
That would be what the special item is down here.
Well, you could drink the poop water or I got fancy water right here.
Fine, this shop sucks.
You're boring.
As you open up that rotting leather pouch, you can hear it now, the small tinkling of
what you thought sounded like rocks, but it's actually a series of small gemstones.
His eyes light up.
There are 12 of them in total.
Most of them are an assortment of quartz, jasper, and agate.
11 of them that you assume to maybe be worth somewhere in the ballpark of about five gold
for the lot of them.
But one of them, the 12th one is larger, easily three times the size of the smaller ones.
And the smaller ones we're talking about like, like this, maybe that's like a quarter of
an inch, really small stones, less than a quarter of an inch.
Sorry, like an eighth of an inch, like really small stones.
And then the other one is probably about a half inch.
And the half inch stone is a great alternative title for a Harry Potter book.
It is a small, smoothed, round black stone that as you look at it kind of gives off a
like smoky interior.
If you look at Scarab, his eyes are watering.
He's just found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, baby.
As you are looking at this, this one stone in particular, it almost, and you're not quite
sure if it's a trick of the light or lack thereof, but it gives off this faint and flickering
green glow.
He's going to grab a rag off his side.
He has like a cleaning rag.
He's not going to use this to clean these stones.
He's going to use it to grab that one and pull it out and turn to the group and examine
it and hold it in a way that they may also examine into it.
Because what is this?
Yeah, I need a stew, either arcana, occult, or crafting.
I've got a strange feeling this is important, so I'm going to use my episode PP.
Okay.
Whoa!
Oh, craft the hell out of that.
I'll use occultism.
10.
I'm going to roll that new die for my mama as well.
16.
On occult?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
21.
Crafting.
Okay.
With your crafting check, you estimate that this gem on its own, while the other 11 together
might be worth about five gold pieces, this is easily on its own worth four times the
lot at 20 gold pieces.
You can also tell that there's an unnatural element to its craftsmanship.
You know that it is magical, though you're not quite sure of what kind.
And Monet, with your occultism adding in, all of you are able to piece together that
this is a fear gem.
Ooh, I heard of these.
Is it in the list?
Is it a consumable or something you slap on?
It is a consumable that can be affixed to a weapon.
For two actions, you can activate a fear gem, and when you activate it, you can make a melee
strike.
If you hit and deal damage, then the target becomes Frightened 1 or Frightened 2 on a
critical hit.
If you have the Intimidating Strike feat, which I don't think any of you do, but if
you had it, that value would increase by one for both respectively.
Oh, that's cool.
Is that not to be a rude boy, but is that, would that be an issue for Rootmore?
No.
Striking fear.
Well, I mean, you're striking fear into your enemies.
That's pretty, that's gotta be good for Torah.
Yeah, Rootmore just can't lie, and he has to be proud of his craft.
That's pretty much Rootmore's thing.
Rootmore, I could affix this to your weapon, I think.
Sure, you want to sell it for 20 gold?
20 gold is good, but look where we are.
We're in hell.
10 gold, actually, because of your comedy.
I'll give you 54.
This is hell.
We're deep underground.
Sure, I like that.
You probably like that too.
Hell, all of us.
This is kind of our place, right?
But there's no good way out.
So we're in hell.
I want to put this on your weapon, and I want you to strike good boy.
I don't know why I was going with the good boy stuff.
Can I get the other gems?
Oh, you can just do assorted gems worth five gold pieces.
Unless I can't, if you want to play by the rules of like, I don't think this is a common...
It counts as a talisman, and there is an action for affixing a talisman.
I think it takes 10 minutes.
And what's it called again?
Fear gem.
Yes, 10 minutes to affix a talisman.
So you had plenty of time because they've got, they're still, this is all within the
span of their 30 minutes combined.
Ten for Monet, 30 for Ruemore to get everything done.
So I'll say in that timeframe while he's taking care of himself and Tricky and Monet's taking
care of herself, you're able to find these things and you...
Did you want it on your hammer or...
Yeah.
So you'll take 10 minutes.
Give me a crafting check just to make sure it goes well.
22.
Okay.
Where do you want to affix it, flavor-wise?
Ooh.
Flavor-wise, let's see.
I think at the very bottom of the hilt.
In the pommel?
Yeah, just the very bottom, since it's rounded.
Yeah.
Be a nice little round touch.
And it'll be the first thing that they see before the hammer comes down.
Flavor-wise, you could put it on, is it a double-headed hammer or is it a one-sided
hammer?
Be the last thing they see.
I was going to say, flavor-wise, you could put it on the back head of one and then when
you want to activate it, you could just turn the hammer around.
Hit them with it.
Oh, that's cool.
I like that.
We'll do that.
Hit them with the stone.
I mean, it gets used when you use it anyway.
They're only scared because they're like, why did he hit me with that stone?
He's smashing me with a precious gem?
He made a point to turn that thing around.
That was weird.
Yeah, because it is a consumed brand.
He spent a whole action to do that.
It's two actions to activate.
So you would activate and then you have your one to attack.
Well, the two actions, the attacks included.
Oh, okay, perfect.
Never mind, I'll shut up.
You're right.
It is, yeah.
Activate two, you activate, make a melee strike.
Cool.
Save that for a big guy.
Don't use that on any small bugs or nothing.
He stopped swinging.
Just then a small rat scurries by.
Good job finding this gem.
Consumes it immediately.
Fear me, cave cricket.
All right.
So everybody's all healed up.
Scared of the crafting goes beautifully.
You carve out a small niche in the hammer and you have fixed the gem stone using the
scraps in order to form a like makeshift clasp to hold it in place.
It's adorable.
Is everyone feeling okay?
Oh, yeah.
Little hungry, but pretty good.
What are all those pointing at the gears?
Go look, buddy.
Okay.
Right behind you.
Puts himself in front.
This scarab is going to get on tricky.
I guess you can go in front and then walk backwards.
Right behind you.
Oh, God, you were too big.
I was like, wait a minute.
Oh, you were too big.
Oh, whoa.
I mean, I'm cool with it if you give Tricky 20 foot reach.
You're fixed now.
I accidentally had Tricky as a nine by nine.
I'm so cool with it.
No, sorry, three by three.
He is a rune.
I can build a house up here.
Okay.
So you guys move into the chamber.
No, no marking.
No writings.
No, though the walls as you move further in become more and more intricate.
There's a series of lines, very sharp right angle designs that form these geometric patterns
going along the wall.
They start off kind of spread far apart and as they get closer to the door, they seem
to like coalesce into almost like a some kind of strange grid like pattern.
You don't know that it has any like particular meaning or anything like that.
It just seems like a very intentional choice to make the doorway itself seems special or
at least a focal point of the room in front of you.
Looking up and down these like giant gear columns, you can see they're like 40 feet
tall, a series of interconnected gears along a large drive shaft that rotates slowly in
place with each heavy clunk and hiss of steam.
The steam itself being released from several valves just kind of periodically placed among
each spire.
You can see now that in front of the gear to the southwest, there appears to be a lever
of sorts.
You can see another lever placed just in front of and off to the side of the large set of
doors.
And as you enter the room, you hear what sounds like a slow building chorus of whimpering
and moaning.
Human like, well not human, but vocal.
Yeah, vocal.
You hear like a it starts off slowly at first kind of just like a.
Look, dude, I've been.
This is either like I've seen this door before.
This is either Resident Evil with Lisa Trevor or this is Little Nemo and King Morpheus is
trapped.
Either way, we're going to have to go through this door from behind the gears, slink creatures
from the shadows to.
I mean, these creatures at this point are now familiar as two fest rocks hideous undead
creatures covered in festering boils slowly begin to emerge from the dark, one on either
side from each gear and also from behind them.
Immediately punctuating the sad sobbing is a hissing screech as two ghasts filter out
from the other side of the columns.
Yes, yes.
You've seen these before in the graveyard as well.
They leapt from one of the one of the caskets, a very agile and nimble ghoul with long sharp
claws, sharp teeth and a grotesquely long tongue that lulls out of their mouth.
And one more creature crawls out from the shadows as well.
This one slowly dragging its scaled belly on the ground is unmistakably an undead kobold.
Oh, gross.
We're back to zombies.
Roll for initiative.
Here we go.
One thing I wanted to ask when we walked into this room, any signs of Droskar or Toraq influenced
art or whatever?
I'm sorry, Droskar influenced.
Oh, like any if it's just depictions of Droskar.
No, no iconography.
No depictions, nothing that says.
Good for them.
Yeah, good for them.
It kind of seems like this room was more of maybe even a celebration of the technological
marble of the the door and gears itself.
Look at this door.
Look at our cool.
This is my cool door room.
I do need to draw something really quick.
Take your time.
I'm gonna go pee.
Where?
In it.
Yes, me too.
I'm so excited.
I'm feeling it today.
It's good.
It's good to be back.
Yeah.
It's good to be back.
I'm excited to fight.
I haven't been able to scream in a while.
As we discussed, it feels good to scream.
You can always scream at home.
Yeah, I know you know that.
Oh, I do.
Yeah.
It's just like the energy needs to be right.
Yeah.
The energy needs to be there.
And there are times when like a song is hitting and I pull up to the house and I'm just like
in that mode.
But I just haven't been there in a while.
That's fine.
I've been on other shit.
Yeah.
It's fine, but it's good to scream.
It's good to feel that again.
Time to play the character.
That's not this guy.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go ahead and do this.
I'm gonna go ahead and do this, and then I'm gonna go ahead and do this.
Okay.
What were their names again?
The creature types?
Uh, Ghasts and Festrogs.
Festrog is the...
Pussy one.
The one that's squatting?
A little pussy.
Yeah.
I think...
Or...
I don't know how well the icons come in, but you can zoom in on them and you can see a
little better.
The Festrog has like blistering sores on it and the Ghast is...
The ghast is ready to pounce.
I should have got a more zoomed in picture of the ghast because they got cool faces.
I could totally do that while I'm on Skarn.
I like how the, uh...
The Festrogs look like your grandma's about to knit you something.
Because they got the circle on top of the picture.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Like a...
I don't know why.
For some reason when I did the token on that one, and this is an old one, it's in my, like,
uploads section.
That was not me talking shit.
I just think I want my grandma to come back to life and knit me one.
Are you talking about embroidery?
Embroidery, yes.
Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes.
Or needlepoint.
Yeah, I didn't think it was...
I didn't think you were talking shit.
I just think it's...
I don't know why it didn't...
Normally it'll cut it automatically.
Everything outside the circle doesn't exist anymore, but for some reason on that one it
didn't.
They got to show the feet for free.
I think it was also thinking of grandma.
It was like, you know what?
No, not this time.
So Alicia, have you ever done embroidery?
Mm-hmm.
I think.
Because that, that picture of the wizard that's up behind us, the fiery wizard.
Yeah.
That's embroidery, right?
Yep.
That's just a big ass embroidery.
I love that shit.
I think.
Right?
It's cross stitch.
Cross stitch?
Cross stitch embroidery is a thing.
Yes.
Learning, learning, trying to keep in brain.
Yeah, I did say knitting in the hopes that you would lessen me up.
Lessen you up.
Okay.
Here's a little bit closer in the jumping.
Big ol' hand now.
Yeah.
Now you can see him a little better.
Okay, he looks kind of cyber.
Yeah, they look sick.
Definitely an ethereal being.
Yeah, with all the little bits of fleed flesh coming off of them.
Strange.
Very cool creatures.
Strange, unnatural.
All right, we still recording, right?
Oh yeah.
Okay, cool.
Go ahead and give me your initiative scarab.
That is going to be a 26.
Okay.
And Monet?
21.
Very good.
And Rootmore?
31.
Wow.
Rootmore.
Hey, I'm real sorry, but I can't hear myself.
I sound stuffy in my head.
Like it sounds like I'm talking like I got stuffy.
There we go.
Bad badder.
Yeah.
Bad badder.
You know when you got like, when your ears are stuffy?
Yes.
And everything's just like, blah, blah, blah, blah.
That's what it sounded like.
Yeah, it's gross.
Don't like it.
I can hear the rest of y'all clearly.
All right, Rootmore, you're first.
Oh my god.
They as they climb out of the shadows, they seem ready to spring into action.
The gas letting out a piercing scream, but you're just a bit faster.
You got it to root more.
Gross gross gross gross gross.
Let's do a.
Rootmore!
Those are bad guys!
Oh!
And he runs forward.
Maybe we should talk to them.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly what I'm thinking.
Would Rootmore be able to reach this lever standing catty corner?
Yes.
OK.
You're just going to go pull a lever?
No, no, not right now.
It would be kind of funny.
Quickly, let's make this a boss fight!
Just make it worse.
More enemies!
This isn't enough!
We've already fought these guys.
Boring!
Renegade Rootmore.
He runs forward.
I don't have time for this.
15 feet.
And then he turns to the spry zombie looking dude to his left or right.
And fires.
Well, which one is it?
The one that's 10 feet away or the one that's 15 feet away?
Stage left.
The one 10 feet away.
OK.
I'm sorry.
15 feet.
OK, east.
The one to the east.
Yes.
And he fires a divine lance.
OK.
Roll the hit.
These dudes nasty.
They kind of look like Lickers from Resident Evil.
I love their design.
They're so cool.
25.
That is a hit, not a crit.
That means you get to hit Cody.
Throw a rock at him.
And that one's Fesrog number two.
As he is affectionately referred to.
4d4 spirit damage coming.
Don't forget to ask that guy who he works for.
12 spirit damage.
12.
OK, as your divine lance strikes the creature, you can see its holy light filling its body
and it immediately begins to writhe.
And that sobbing, crying sound turns into a wretched scream.
You feel like your attack was extra effective.
Yes.
Wow.
Super effective, some might say.
Pokemon style.
That's it for Rootmore.
Big.
Makes big sense.
OK.
Well, Rootmore, right after you, as you launch this lance into this creature, you can see
or not you, but the other two can see as this kobold pulls the lever next to him.
Oh.
Uh oh.
You almost did him a favor.
It does a grinding clicking noise before it lands with a heavy thunk on the opposite side
and you hear above you a shing before you hear.
Just in time for several swinging blades to slice through the air, whistling at both of
you.
Rootmore you are out of the way.
Oh God.
But the pendulum blades go right for Monet and for Scarab.
I need.
Alicia's shaking her pee pee.
I need a reflex save from both of you.
I'm going to use my.
And tricky.
I'm just going to.
Yeah, that's fine.
I was reaching out instinctively for your pee pee since we're married.
Oh my God.
It doesn't get old.
That's the noise the sides make as they fall towards your party.
I don't like this.
I ran forward so that they would pile on to me.
I didn't know there was going to be a fucking trap.
Look at Rootmore only caring about himself.
Oh, I'm going to get out of the way of the blades.
This greedy greedy.
Those dwarves so greedy.
I'm missing a set of dice.
I get to open all my dice boxes.
Have you seen one of these around?
No.
I'm missing the ones that Justin and Margarita got us.
One of the drawers maybe.
Scarab, what'd you get for you and for tricky?
Cover that while Felicia's rummage in it.
Tricky gets a 27.
OK.
Scarab gets a 23.
OK.
Half damage for both of you.
Sorry, y'all.
Cody stole my dice.
Hey, I'm entitled to half those dice.
Yeah, my PP.
She won't bring up.
21.
OK.
Half damage.
Half damage for all three of you.
Oh, big damage.
Don't hit instead.
That'd be 12 points of slashing damage.
That's the half.
Jeez, see?
Wow.
Screw that, man.
So this row of swinging blades that seems to cover the entirety of the center of the room
swing down and slice by.
You're just barely quick enough to get out of the way of the front of the blades, but
not quick enough to fully avoid them as they slice by.
They whiz by, slicing into each of you, and as they go past, you see, following them along,
they go up to the opposite side of the ceiling.
And as they reach the apex of the swing, they lock in place.
Oh, so you can just ding dong, ding dong.
You need to die!
Shoot her!
Die again!
Shoot her!
And that is it for the Kobolds' turn.
Up next is the Fesrog to the west.
Oh, Emma, real quick, do you have Post-it notes?
Sort of.
Something sticky that I can...
Because I don't want to forget my banner that I've got on Tricky will help us with will
saves and things against fear.
And I just don't want to forget about...
And I was like, hey, maybe some Post-it notes on the back of my monitor will help.
I can...
I have to get back to you.
I don't have any...
No worries.
I'm going to try to remember and grab some from someplace.
For free.
I don't know, not theft.
Look.
What the flesh man doing?
I was waiting.
And thinking.
That's not all on you.
Save me from the police.
The Fesrog, upon seeing Rupemore's holy light, his wailing also turns into a screech and
he places his hands over his eyes as he begins kind of like floppy sprinting and he sprints
towards Scarab and Tricky, 10 feet to the north.
And as he approaches, he like semi leaps towards you, hands still covering his face and his
jaw unhinges as he goes to bite you.
Does a 24 hit?
Yes.
Okay.
8 points of piercing damage.
Oh, immune to piercing damage.
Oh, of course.
Oh, that's cool.
Semi leaps.
Oh, that's right.
I remember.
Thank you, everyone.
As you feel this thing's rotted, twisted teeth clamp down over your armor, it just
barely begins to pierce through and then with its last action, its head begins viciously
swinging back and forth, attempting to savage the bite it just landed as it begins to feast
on you.
It will do a little more damage here.
Three points of slashing damage.
And as it begins to draw your reptilian blood forward, you kind of see it begin to like
form into wispy tendrils that seem to move towards the creature, like it's absorbing
your blood.
And that is it for that one's turn.
So now it is the Festerog to the east who struck Rootmoor or who was struck by Rootmoor.
That one, after reeling back its skin, still smoking and sizzling from the holy energy
you poured into it, is going to do the same to you, where it's going to sprint towards
you and leap to the air, attempting to bite you.
23 to hit.
Yes.
Okay.
As it closes in, attempting to bite you, you bat it away, stopping its assault, and as
it lands in place again, it spins around wildly flailing an arm trying to slash at you.
Ooh, that's a good one.
With a reduction, 25 to hit.
Yeah, okay.
I was looking to see what it's called.
Reactive Shield is going to use its reaction to raise its shield, bringing its AC up to
26.
Okay.
Nice.
Okay, same as before.
Just shoved him aside the first time, and then as he wheels back and goes to slash,
you're ready for his onslaught, and you whip your shield up in time, and you can hear the
screech of bone crunching on metal as it swipes against in its nails break.
Oh, maybe shiver.
I don't like that.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Think of nails being bent backwards.
Yes.
Do you ever, you know, when you're clipping your nails and they go, whoop, they kind of
bend a little bit?
No, because I don't do that.
I don't clip my nails.
I've got...
No, that's...
I'm careful when I clip my nails.
Well, like, I've got some...
I need to throw them away.
I've got some really old trashy nail clippers that aren't sharp enough.
Yeah, we've got a pair like that.
We're basically just tears.
Just fucking...
That's why I don't have my long nails anymore, because they've bent backwards.
I use toenail clippers for my fingernails, just because they're thick and sturdy, and
I know that...
Not my fingernails are thick and sturdy.
The clippers are thick and sturdy, and I know that there won't be any weird bendy mishaps.
That thing's going straight through my fingernails, because it was made for thicker things.
That is it for that Feshtrog.
Oh, dang it.
I forgot to draw something.
This is my bad, my bad.
A dragon.
No, there's another lever.
Okay, that's a little bit cheeky.
She says Antigua...
Antag...
Never mind.
Let me double check something.
If the pendulum's come down again, it's going to hit that zombie next to Scarab.
It's true.
Is it attached to me, though?
No.
I mean, no.
You're not grappled.
Flavor-wise, yes.
He is like scoring into your arm, but not mechanically.
This pendulum trap is Rootmore right next to it?
You are five feet away?
Yeah, can we see where the track is?
If you go north by the feet, then you're...
Yeah, let me give you a better visual for that.
We're talking about...
It's four by whatever this is.
I'm trying to think of what tool I can use here.
You can just draw it.
Use a rectangle.
Yeah, you're right.
I can just freehand a thing real quick.
Four by nine space.
There's the area that's affected.
Damn.
Okay.
This guest is going to look on at everything that's going on, and he's going to turn to
his right, and he's going to kick that lever into place.
As he kicks that one, you hear a new sound.
A sound from above that sounds like...
And then as you glance up, if any of you glance up, you can see that there's a series of holes
in the ceiling that have now...
Everything is locked into place that gives off a glint in the light before a series of
metal rods get flung down towards you.
This one is an attack roll, and it is ranged.
This is going to affect, in the same square, everybody as well.
I'll start with the Feshtrog just to see.
That's going to hit him.
That's Feshtrog number one.
I think he's going to get hit.
I'll make a little mark here, and then I'll wall the damage for everybody.
So Monet, that one is a miss against you.
I'm scared of that one.
That one misses you, and that one misses Tricky.
All of these poles are kind of like crashing clatters, some of them bouncing off of the
stone floor, a few of them embedding in cracks in the floor, and one of them impales the
Feshtrog that was attached to you, Scarab.
You see the pole come down quickly and it impales him in his shoulder, going part way
down, almost like it would pin him to the floor, but it holds his body now at an awkward
angle as his shoulder and thigh are now connected by this metal rod.
And he is going to take some damage.
Yucky.
Glad I didn't get hit by that.
Yeah.
I wish that Cody would let us have our turn.
One of these days.
Oh, sorry, skipped you.
No.
Well, you guys are welcome, as he takes 18 points of piercing damage.
Glad I didn't take that damage.
I'm very grateful.
Very big.
I'm humbled by this experience.
Actually, was that the right one?
Yes.
Yeah, 18 points of piercing damage.
He was previously unharmed and is now very much harmed.
Then with the ghast's next action, it is going to move.
I thought that was the one that Rue Morshot.
No, the one that Rue Morshot attacked is the one next to him.
The one that's in the square currently is the one that took the piercing damage.
I see, I see.
The ghast that kicked the lever is then going to sprint forward up to you, Monet, with its
second action and with its third action, like the others, it is going to charge forth.
It's going to drop its arms, lowering the blade in its right hand, and it's going to
unhinge its jaw and attempt to bite you.
But maybe it's because you're on high alert from the trap that you just avoided as its
jaws snap next to you, harmlessly clacking in the air as a bit of drool flies towards
your face.
Ew.
Cover your mouth.
And now it is Scarab's turn.
Monet, go pull that lever.
Scarab is going to charge away from this madness with a Cavalier's Charge.
Tricky will sprint.
I'm going to cut the movement a little bit short, but in his running back to the hallway,
he's going to fire off at the one next to Monet.
Okay, shooting at the ghast.
Yeah, shooting the ghast.
Not a good roll, I get plus one with Cavalier's Charge.
That's going to be 28 to hit.
28 on the ghast is a hit, not a crit.
Actually, no, that was good.
Very nervous for a 28.
I was misreading.
The ghast is going to use raised shield as his reaction.
I misread and then I realized, oh, that's actually pretty good.
Dang, I thought it rolled a 2.8.
Come on.
Throw him back.
I need taller walls on my tray.
That's going to be...
Oh, wow.
Things went up.
Whoa, whoa.
What's...
Did things change?
You've changed.
Well, my weapon's got a D4 for precision on it.
I don't remember ever having an extra D4 for precision.
What's that about?
Did the overall other part of your damage change?
Or maybe Guns just got a buff.
It looks like it might have a D4 buff.
Unless that's...
No.
I was going to say if they're weak to it, but that would be...
That wouldn't show on your end.
And that would not be a buff.
Do you have any conditions on right now?
I'm fatigued.
That makes you shoot better.
Plus one weapon.
Yeah, plus one weapon striking, dueling pistol.
Yeah.
Cool.
I rolled a one.
That's going to be...
Oh, this seems like rather than getting the...
I'm not getting the natural...
What was it?
It was plus one before.
Where it would be 2D6 plus one.
Now it's 2D6 plus 1D4.
Oh, okay.
So they changed how the plus one works?
Which is interesting and I kind of like it a lot because it means more die for me.
It's a gun.
But that's going to be nine damage.
Yeah, forgive us.
We don't keep up with rules changes like we probably should.
Like I probably should.
We get surprised as we play.
Paizo just took away alignments and stuff as well, as well as D&D doing.
So lots of stuff's happening and I'm just nodding.
There's a lot of things.
Like rage is free now.
Like when it's your first turn on the initiative, it's free.
And I don't think you get...
I need to look at it, but I don't think you get an AC of minus to your AC.
That's good.
That shouldn't have happened.
It's crazy.
It should never have happened.
Well, I mean, you don't get a penalty to it in D&D.
The stipulation is just that you can't be wearing heavy armor.
It kind of makes you not want to rage and it's like, let me rage.
I mean, putting myself in the fire, let me do it.
Depending on how you build the character, you also don't necessarily need to because
like I've got only raged twice.
Yeah, twice in the whole show.
But that one, he was very effective.
But you could rage even more.
Yeah, yeah.
Now you can do it.
And if I could have done it for free, maybe I would have done it every time.
It's just real nice.
But cinematically, it's really cool that it only happened every once in a while.
I like how you didn't rage every time.
I don't regret anything about playing Gods.
Yeah, that was really fun for me.
I'm looking forward to playing your next campaign just so I can play something goofy too.
Oh yeah, man.
I think it's Tom Delaney next time.
I'm ready to play him.
I got my character.
I got it all in my head.
Good.
Ready to go, baby.
All right, so we're running.
I'm doing nine damage.
Final action, reload.
Nine points of damage and that's on the ghast, correct?
The ghast, yes.
In a reload, Tricky is going to free action.
I'm going to do nothing because I did Cavalier's Charge.
I'm pretty sure that's how that works.
Yeah, because you're commanding your...
Yeah.
Okie dokie.
I believe and know that it's Monet next.
And it was good.
It was good.
You're Monet.
And then she rested.
Monet is going to move to this lever.
Is that fine?
You can move to that lever?
Yep.
Ok.
And she's going to hit it.
Spend an action to pull it.
Ok, give me a moment.
I think it's the levers.
I thought that was the first one that was pulled.
Nope.
This one hasn't been touched.
I think you're opening the door.
You are opening the door.
I didn't know.
I wanted to do the one that was pulled before.
Bro, it's perfect.
It's Monet.
It's ok.
Yeah, you just yelled out, pulled the lever.
You see a lever, you went to it, you pulled it.
It's ok.
I was actively planning on going to the one that dropped the blades.
I just didn't know which one that was.
I knew that this one was the spikes and I didn't think that it would have any effect
because the spikes already fell down.
Felicia, go with it.
Monet.
I love it.
Because this is a thing that's in your head, if you envision Monet running up to the one
next to the other two enemies to pull that one that caused the blades, I'm going to allow
that.
That's ok.
But if you want to play it as just not being specific instructions coming from your teammate
and then just going off of that, I'm ok with that too.
Just look for what you think would be the most cool and fun.
Because I do think it would be really funny if she did just go grab a lever.
But if that's not what her intent was at all, then I think it makes sense for her to do
the other thing.
Yeah, I'm on board.
Whichever one you pick.
And there's no salt with that.
At all.
It's literally just, what did you mean to do?
What I meant to do...
Because I see where you're...
There are three of them.
It's confusing.
One of them just appeared out of nowhere.
But I mean, part of me...
The one on the far right.
Yeah.
If you blink, open your eyes, it's just a room of levers.
Take the one you meant to go to.
I can't reach that one.
Two actions and then one to pull.
Well now I feel like I'm disappointing her.
No, no, no.
You're fine.
Whatever.
I only was like, whoop, you're opening that one because that's on the map.
But you're not necessarily thinking with the map in your head.
You're thinking with your mind's eye as is everybody who's listening.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
How bad would it be for this?
Don't answer that question.
Because like, sure, I get that.
And I get like, it's funny because it's Monet, but in this moment, obviously Monet knew what
Scarab was talking about because she also got hit by it.
So she was like, yeah, I'm going to fucking slice these guys.
And I get that it'd be funny, but I also don't want to just do it just because you guys are
telling me to because that wasn't what I was trying to do.
You know what I mean?
Which I totally understand.
And I was already like, well, I'm doing what Matt told me to instead of what I was planning
on doing.
And then doing what y'all are telling me to instead of what I decided that I do after
Matt told me what to do.
Well, no, I want you to do you.
What would Monet do when Scarab yells that out?
She would go hit the lever that dropped the...
Because Scarab told you what to do, not Matt.
And you could see it.
You got dark vision.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Then that's what you should do.
Okay.
So two actions to run over to that one.
As you run up, you can see this undead kobold just standing there with one fetid talon kind
of like gripping the handle of that lever.
It hasn't let go and then the ghast right next to it still emerging draws its blade
and kind of leers at you menacingly.
As you reach over and grab the lever and pull it, the kobold never letting go, his hand
still on the lever with you.
And as you pull it, the blades again, swiped by and swiped the two in the kill zone.
So that's going to be a reflex save from these no tendon having...
They don't, they can't move further.
I don't think you were paying attention.
I know, they can jump real high.
All they have is tendons.
They can jump real high.
It's just tendons.
Okay.
So for the festrog...
Achilles who?
That is a fail.
Yeah.
Loser.
So the festrog is going to take full damage and the ghast gets another fail.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
That is going to be the entirety of 66 plus three damage.
Wow.
Real good, real good.
Yes.
19.
Yup.
Bouncy boys definitely got to be dead.
Come on.
Yup.
As the blades slice through, you can see this happens at the same time, but one of you sees
the festrog that was currently like biting on scarab spins around and looks just in time
for the blade to go straight through the center of his body, cleaving him in half and flinging
him across the room in two different directions.
Gross.
As that festrog dies, the ghast having a more acute sense of reflexes attempts to dodge,
but is too slow as the blade comes through and it lops off one of his arms, sending it
across the room.
It's still alive, but barely.
Ew.
A work of art.
Monet!
Dead.
And I'm going to give this guy a status effect as well.
No limb.
Limly.
No limb.
Little tross like that.
That tube is his limb?
None of it.
Yeah.
Stump.
Limly.
All right.
And that is it for Monet, which means it is the other ghast's turn.
The one that pulled the knife out menacingly as you approached watches almost with glee
as you pull the lever.
He takes the dagger up to his long, grotesque tongue and drags it across the blade, drawing
a thick, icarus blood from his own mouth before he lunges forward at you, attempting to bite
you.
Weirdo.
Ooh.
Yeah, that's a miss.
25.
I'm going to go ahead and say that it's a miss.
But oh, you know what?
I'm sorry.
It's not a 25.
That's 27.
What if it just said it?
What if it just said that's a miss?
Okay, so it is a hit.
So this is going to be some things here.
I'm going to use this guy that Justin and Margarita got me here real quick.
I hope they cursed you.
That is 11 points of piercing damage.
Margarita is going to use a reaction.
No, he can't.
You already used your reaction.
11.
11 points of piercing damage.
There is a problem.
Okay.
As these teeth sink into you, these rotted, twisted teeth, immediately you feel the veins
in your arm seize up and your arm begins to cramp as a black looking liquid seems to spiderweb
on your pale skin.
I need a fortitude save.
Fortitude save?
That's with Halid's dice.
I need two fortitudes.
That's with Halid and Perry's dice.
Alright, for the first one, we've got a 19.
Okay, and for the second one?
An 18.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
There is a moment where you feel a cold sweat pour over you and you feel your limbs instinctively
twitch, almost like they begin to lock in place and you feel your body starting to go
rigid and you feel a wave of panic come over you before you rise against that and you grit
your teeth and you let out a shriek of anger and it wards away what no doubt was about
to be a very paralyzing ideal ordeal.
Also the black spiderwebbing from the bite seems to dissipate and fade just as quickly
as it began to spread.
You feel like two very bad things were about to happen to you.
I really did feel like two very bad things were going to happen to me because I did not
roll very well.
Rolled well enough.
Still latched onto you and biting at you, it draws back its twisted arm and swings the
dagger towards your gut.
That's a 24.
Get out of here.
Oh my god, I need another Fortitude save.
I'm sorry.
Less damage.
This time it's going to be...
Believe in the elements.
You're not made of people.
Eight points of piercing damage.
That is a 26.
Okay.
Same as before.
You can feel as the dagger pierces into you that there's like this feeling of all of your
muscles tensing but you're still able to hold out against whatever it is this thing is trying
to do to you.
Ew.
You took down that damage, yeah?
Eight points.
Yep.
I do have one more action with him.
I think he could use a little rest.
I'm sure his arm's kind of tired.
I think you should take an action to pat himself on the back for good work.
What is his speed?
Bend thy knee.
Take a moment.
Fire shoes, throw him tight.
Bro, where's your speed at?
Take a breath.
Where's your speed at, bruh?
There we go.
Okay.
Immediately after the flurry of the gas attacks, it is going to retract its teeth and the dagger
and it's going to drop almost to the ground.
You can hear like a bit of a crunch and snap as its joints pop and twist, its legs coiling
into an unnatural shape before it springs 15 feet through the air past you and further
into the room.
What if I could do a reaction stomp?
And it lands with a skid and a spin right next to the corpse of the, uh, the festron.
And that's the end of round one.
Round two begins with Rootmore.
Get away from me.
Rootmore swings his hammer at this nasty rubber band zombie next to him.
Pull the final lever.
Give me a second.
Give me a sec.
Regular old swing.
Here we go.
Come on now.
Give me this big old hammer bing bong.
Uh, 21 to hit.
21.
21 against the festrog is a hit.
Yes.
2D10.
And this is bludgeoning.
Bludgeoning.
10 bludgeoning.
Okay, as your hammer collides with the creature, it hits several of its pustules, popping them
and sending sickening goo spattering in either direction.
But importantly, not at you.
As its grotesque bodily fluids hit the floor, there is a faint sizzle and crackle on the
stonework beneath your feet.
And it still stands.
Get away from me.
Rootmore runs away towards the lever for a second action.
Third action reaches and pulls the lever.
Oh, it looks like fun.
Okay, once again, kachook.
As the blades come slicing down at the one that already lost an arm, this is a reflex
save from him.
That is a success.
Half damage on 66 plus three.
Still might kill him.
Put him out.
Yep.
And still reeling from the first swing.
The second one, just as he turns back to face y'all again, the blades come from behind and
he looks up in whatever face you can describe as a ghoul's interpretation of abject horror
before he too is sliced in half and strewn across the floor.
Dark souls!
Dark souls, bitch!
You showed me where the button was, I'm gonna push it onto you, fool.
Screw you.
Okay, beautiful turn.
Rootmore.
Yeah!
Also now, I would like to point out, there are currently three hands on this lever.
Yeah.
Turn, turn, turn, turn.
The kobold just stares at you lifelessly, obviously, but he stares slack-jawed.
He doesn't seem to react to y'all, he just is there with his hand on it and he, on his
turn he goes to pull it and he pulls it with y'all's hands and the blades again.
No one's there this time, but he releases the blades and they swing again through the
air and they clink harmlessly up on the ceiling above.
I do have to say Rootmore drops his hammer to do that, because he's hoping it's a shield
that he's holding.
Okay, thank you for being honest.
I'm gonna put a symbol on you, ignore the fact that it looks like death, that just means
you don't have a hammer.
It's a good sign, I promise.
So we're gonna move on past the kobold back to the festerog you just ran away from.
I don't think that one's done with you.
And so it's going to slowly turn.
And it's gonna do just like before, it's gonna let out a sad moaning whale and it's going
to run at you with its jaw unhinged and try to bite you.
Oh, I thought that was a natural 20.
It was not.
22.
Okay.
It's gonna try to bite again with its third action.
Nope.
Same roll, no go.
Damn.
So yeah, it just chases after you, its jaws snapping harmlessly in the air, maybe you're
holding it back with your shield as it's trying to bite over the shield and your hand is still
on the lever.
Go five feet north!
I'm gonna move him right now, I'm sorry about that.
I wanted to make sure that the internet didn't die.
Just move up a little bit, just go north a little bit.
Oh dang it.
I...
No, I didn't.
Okay.
Scarab, your go.
Beautiful work compatriots!
Scarab does another Cavalier's Charge, they're gonna run 70 feet down towards the right...
well, directions.
The east side of the room.
The southeast lever.
The opposite of the other levers that have been pulled willy-nilly.
And in that Charge, he's gonna fire at that, uh, the ghast that seems... looks like he's
about to do some feeding.
We're gonna do a shot at that fool.
Yeah.
Pull him up.
Oh, he dropped his die again.
He dropped it again.
He's done it three times in a row.
I need help!
You want a die tray?
You can use a die tray.
He's using a die tray.
I'm gonna use a die tray.
We should just get you one of those big paella pans and you can use that as a die tray.
I need a walk.
You need a walk.
Fancy free baby!
The last one wasn't a crit.
Boy, oh boy, this one might be...
Math.
37 to hit.
Wow!
You're rolling a 20-sided die, right?
Not a 100-sided die?
20.
I get a plus one for charging.
That makes all the difference.
I rolled a 19.
36 is reasonable.
37, that's alright.
That's a crit, my friend.
Yay!
Yes, finally!
No, it's not a 20.
I'm sorry.
I got excited.
Artificial crit.
An unnatural crit.
Adjusted.
Abomination of a crit.
When I hear natural 20, I think the opposite is artificial.
I'm gonna use a die tray.
When I hear natural 20, I think the opposite is artificial, except for the food.
I think artificial flavors.
Mmhm.
It's gonna be 23.
Okay.
That's 23 damage.
Pretty good.
That's better than what I can do.
Yeah, your shot rings out, and as it goes through the room, it pegs him right in the top-right
shoulder, and you can see…
Like the... what's it called when the exit wound must have been ridiculous.
From where you're standing you can't see, you just see the hole you made, but there
is immediately a spatter of black on the wall behind him.
Which is, mind you, what is that, 10 feet away?
Ten feet away, a spattering of black, and his arm begins to sag like it's been disconnected.
What's it called when the bullet exits the wound?
Yes, exactly.
I just had to ask it out loud and then I need the answer.
Anything else?
I was trying to see... if I was to demoralize him right now, I don't think that would run
into my next turn.
I'm trying to figure out how I can check on demoralize.
Is that feet?
No.
Uh, actions?
Yeah, being in action.
Action.
Oh, if you click on demoralize, where is it?
If you click on intimidation, it'll show you demoralize.
Yes.
Demoralize would make him frightened.
I'm not good at that.
What if I did...
I need to intimidate more.
I've got a plus 13 intimidation.
It's good stuff if you make him frightened, man.
That's some good stuff.
Frightened is powerful.
I don't know how much that would work on these guys.
I don't know.
I don't remember.
I don't want to remember.
If they don't have a mind, it doesn't work.
That's the thing.
Yeah.
It's mindless.
Some of these guys are weird though.
Some of the undead are strange when it comes to mind work.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think these guys are kind of sentient because they're pulling levers and shit.
I don't know, that kobold seems pretty empty-headed.
He seems like his one purpose in life is to pull that lever, which I can respect.
I think we should leave him alive.
Or undead.
Seems cool.
Okay.
Yeah.
Creating a diversion would only matter if I'm about to do something.
It ends on my turn.
So I'm just going to reload.
I'm just going to reload my weapon.
Sorry about that.
Okay.
No, no problem.
That's an action well spent.
Yeah.
You needed to figure out what you were doing with your turn and now you know.
Monet, it's you.
Okay.
That sounded meaner than I meant it to be.
I'm sorry.
But that's funny.
But that is what you needed and what you did.
You can't use your gun unless you reload it.
So that's a pretty fucking good action.
One of the best actions, honestly.
The best action of everything.
Can I do my lightning dash in a diagonal if it's 30 feet?
Yeah.
I think the only stipulation is it has to be a straight line, right?
Yes.
So the diagonal be that as long as it's a continuous diagonal.
You know.
Yeah.
No Tetris shapes.
Right, right, right.
So I'm going to have Monet move here.
Oh, I see.
I see.
Okay.
So you move northwest, lining yourself.
You're lining up the ghast and the festerog.
Yes.
By the skin of Rudy's beard.
This guy?
The ghast?
Mm-hmm.
So that's five, 10, 15, 20, right?
Mm-hmm.
25, 30.
Yeah.
All right.
So Monet is going to do a lightning dash.
Beautiful.
And those two.
Is this a save related or an attack?
I'm finding out because it's been a while.
Okay.
And then with her fourth action, she pulls the final lever.
Open boss door.
Open door.
It's a basic reflex save.
Okay.
Let's do the ghast first.
I'm getting my class D set.
That is a 23 for the ghast.
That is a pass.
And for the festerog, who has a lower reflex, a 13.
That is a three.
Yeah.
Okay.
So go ahead and roll damage.
Ghast will take half.
Festerog will take full.
Get it.
Come on, big damage.
Okay.
All right.
Burger town.
Burger town?
Murder.
Well, Burger town sounds really good.
That sounds really good.
I think Guy Fieri has a neighboring city there.
Oh, that's going to be the thumbnail for the YouTube episode.
Guy Fieri.
Don't call this episode Burger town.
Hey, there's ground meat.
Call this episode, don't call this episode Burger town.
I want to call it Burger town.
I'm hungry.
So.
Please title the episode.
Cody Fidesz, let us out of this kitchen.
Title the episode, I want to call it Burger town, please.
That is.
I just call it ground meat in Burger town.
16.
16 points of damage.
The festerog will take eight.
Good damage.
No, I'm sorry.
The festerog.
Oh my God.
Okay.
He passed.
I got it now.
The festerog failed.
And so he takes 16 damage.
Yes.
The ghast passes and he will take eight.
Both of them are still standing.
Damn.
The festerog looks the worst for wear.
Its body is now contorting unnaturally as the electricity courses through it.
It also is smoking slightly, letting off a horrible putrid burnt flesh smell.
But it still stands if barely twitching between the two of you.
Anything else on your turn?
Nope.
That's that's everything.
Which brings us to the ghast.
Oh, ghast.
Ghast, ghast, ghast.
He's going to have lunch.
No, you're not allowed to go Burger town.
It's all minced for him.
He's going to have lunch.
No, you're not allowed to go Burger town.
It's all minced for him.
Easy to digest.
You know what?
He can't.
No?
No.
He has to be adjacent to a corpse of a creature that died within the last hour.
And I am nothing if not an honest man.
So instead.
He is going to Burger town.
He's going to eat a root more.
Instead he is going to Burger town.
Burger town.
See, I wonder if that counts.
Redead.
Are we all in agreeance that zombies constitute corpses?
Yes.
Does it need blood?
Does it need like.
No, it's not blood related.
It's just it has to feast on a corpse that's died within the last hour.
I mean, because it's been moving.
These aren't.
They're not.
It's not dead meat.
It's been moving.
It's a conversation of is a zombie dead already?
Because if it is.
Is it cannibalism to eat a zombie?
Whatever you want.
I don't give a shit.
Then the corpse.
What it's going to do is realize that its prior move.
It appraises one of the Festerogs that was killed by the swinging axe trap for a moment.
A look of purely hyper focused hunger overcomes its undead gaunt features as it stares down
at the corpse.
But it's quickly replaced by a look of disgust before it sneers in your direction and then
its eyes lock on the Cobald, whose hand is still pulling at the lever.
Its eyes staring featurelessly forward.
And the ghast grins.
It sprints to the south 10 feet before it lunges at the Cobald itself and begins eating
the zombie Cobald.
No, I was going to leave him alive with his lever.
I'm going to do this a little weird because I'm going to obviously it's going to do damage
eating it.
Normally you wouldn't have to worry about damaging a corpse, but we are going to do
that.
So I'm just going to take the ghast's jaws attack and I will roll that damage against
the Cobald.
This Cobald died less than an hour ago.
How do you know?
Because look.
How do you know that?
He's feasting.
How do you know it's the stuff about it?
You didn't roll a knowledge check.
God told us that I'm a cleric.
I know undead shit.
Yeah, the Cobald is still good actually.
As the Festerog lances onto it and begins feasting, it tears a chunk of flesh from the
undead Cobald and is devouring it greedily in front of you.
And you can see as it does so that whatever unmoving veins this creature had in its undeath
begin to pulsate and the whole creature begins to vibrate as it recovers some HP.
Oh shit, I closed the tab.
Reopen that tab.
I need it still.
Ugly jerk.
Eaton's friend.
Yeah, he's going to get a good amount back.
He recovers 12 points of HP.
That's an ugly thing to do.
You don't want to be ugly, dude.
He's ugly.
Well, he used two actions to do that.
And now that he's feeling particularly emboldened and refreshed, he's going to attempt to bite
Rootmoore.
How many actions he used to do that?
Move, consume flesh, attack.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was two actions to it.
It is not and I nat 20'd.
Wow.
Yeah, I need a, he's not named.
I don't need a card.
That is just going to be a crit, but yeah, look, not rolling it, not living it.
Nat 20.
Damn.
That's going to be a problem.
Rootmoore, go ahead and give me two Fortitude saves here while I roll out my damage.
Emma, do you want, do you want, do you want pee pee?
Oh, I've got some.
Do I use?
He's both my black eyeball die for this one.
Fuck it.
We're going raw.
Good.
Okay.
28 for the first save.
Okay.
So you are not.
Well, never mind.
Go ahead with the second one.
22 for the second.
Fine.
I'm both counts.
Yeah.
However you do take 15 points of piercing damage.
Not that bad.
I rolled a one and a two.
That's good.
15 you say?
Yes, sir.
That's a wolf.
Could have been way worse.
Could have been 27.
If I rolled better.
No, not 27.
24.
Oh, that is its turn.
Which brings us all the way up to the top of round three with you, Rootmore.
Let her fly.
Come out.
Get back in the danger zone.
Yeah, tricky.
You got that one.
A vicious swing on the one that just beat me.
Gross.
Okay.
With your fist.
Sorry.
You're right.
I would pick that up.
Okay.
So spending actually pick up the hammer.
That's fine.
Yeah.
You're fine.
Yeah.
I have two actions.
There's two actions.
Okay.
So you reach down as this thing is trying to attack you.
You grasp your hammer and you reel up for a vicious swing.
Can you score a big uppercut?
That is 25 to hit.
That's a hit, baby.
Yeah.
Roll for damage.
Smash him up.
Come on.
Big damage, Rootmore.
You too.
It's running in the family.
17 bludgeoning.
17.
Pretty good.
17.
Not enough to kill it.
But you feel like you knocked half of whatever that creature had left in it out of it.
Okay.
Pretty good.
You just had a gut feeling.
God told you.
Man, I really knocked the half out of it.
Okay.
That's it.
Okay.
That's going to bring it to the kobold zombie.
Just as before.
It's going to clunk and you're going to hear the swishing of the blades as they lock in
place.
It seems completely unfazed.
We are moving into the next turn, which is going to be the Festrog.
This thing is on its last leg and it can't really decide between Monet and Rootmore.
It's going to be looking back and forth and decide.
I'm going to say odds for Rootmore even for Monet.
Even for Rootmore.
Rootmore.
Okay.
That is odd, which is Rootmore.
That's going to be a bite at you, Rootmore.
23.
Miss.
Dang.
Okay.
Check again.
He's just kind of thrashing wildly.
He's going at you, Monet, with this one.
And 18.
That is a miss.
Yep.
And I doubt there's a chance he hits on the next one.
Who's it going for the third?
It's going to be Monet again, unless I nat 20.
17 for a miss.
That is a miss.
This guy is cooked.
We're going now to Scarab.
The cooked fella.
He's been hit a lot.
He's almost dead.
He's been sliced.
He's been burned through electricity.
He's been smashed a bit.
He's been holed on, holed all over.
We'll take this chance.
He's also impaled.
Scarab's going to fire at him.
Regular old bing, bang.
Boom.
21 to hit.
I'll tell you right now, as you level your gun at him and you pull the trigger, where
once his festered, pus-covered head was, now there is just Rootmore.
You just see Rootmore as his head explodes and the fester collapses to the ground.
That's one done.
Let's see.
He had one HP.
Oh my god.
Yeah, reload fire again.
Yeah, dude.
Slight cover for the one behind Rootmore.
Very small.
Getting a plus one to its AC.
This not a big...
Because Rootmore is short, otherwise I'd give him full cover.
22 to hit.
22.
Barely hits.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, kill him.
I don't think this will be a...
You could do it.
Not big if it's not a crit.
That's why I got my chance to hit up so high.
Because that is going to be six damage.
Six damage.
He's still up.
Closer and closer though.
So three dies and got six damage.
Boy, oh boy.
Okay, Monet, it's you next.
All that stands now is the Ghast and the undead Kobold.
Okay, Monet will move over to this guy right behind the Ghast.
You can make it to 25.
Can I?
Yeah, you were right here.
Uh-huh.
This is five.
15, 20, 25.
Sweet, thank you.
Okay.
And she'll flank him with Rootmore.
Nice.
And she will do a two-action elemental blast.
Beautiful.
Lay it on him.
Ooh, what flavor?
Um...
Metal, electricity, wood?
Metal.
Oh yeah.
Slashing.
I'm saying describe what kind.
Oh.
What it would look like.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, well, I gotta roll to hit.
Yeah.
Not necessarily, but sure.
Go ahead.
I'd like to roll to hit before I describe it.
It just seems like it's a bad idea to describe what I'm going to do before I roll and then I miss.
I mean, you don't describe a kill, but you would still... never mind.
Yeah, I know.
I'm not in the mood anymore.
Go, go ahead.
Sorry.
I just...
God, read the room.
That's a 30.
A 30?
That's a crit.
Is it?
Um, yes.
What?
Yeah, it's a crit.
Oh my god, okay.
So...
Triple damage.
Uh, Monet's gonna run up behind him, give Rootmore a little bit of a...
Slap on the butt.
No, a little bit of a nod, thinking that she's helping, you know?
And then she is going to go to push it, but obviously one of them's a punch because of her fist.
These metal spikes just grow out of her palms and fist, and she just impales.
Hell yeah, roll for damage.
Okay, let's see here.
We got this.
Just speedrun this boss.
Where are you, Keaton Coppels?
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Go back to town, buy some bombs, bomb the contraption that opens this door, leave.
18.
Slashing.
18, yeah.
Rootmore, you see this ghast is, like, gnashing in your face, that black cobalt blood still on its face as it's trying to bite you, swing at you, flail at you, whatever, in a ravenous frenzy, and you see the shadow of Monet dart by, and in the midst of that, these spikes just...
...through the chest of this thing from behind, and it's still thrashing in place, but now it's being held up by Monet, its feet flailing in the air as it slowly twitches and limps, and what unlife was left in its eyes, that yellow glow that you've seen the entire time you're here, slowly begins to fade before it lulls into a corpse.
Yeah.
And unless you would like to do otherwise, you are out of initiative.
The cobalt still stands, every few seconds it just mindlessly pulls the lever and the blades swing.
Scarab's gonna wait.
Oh.
He... look, I'll just say it plain out, Scarab would wait for those blades to stop swinging for a moment, go to the cobalt.
Yeah, he would go right up, right up over here, put his gun against the cobalt's head, look to root more.
And he prays for the damned.
I think we should name him Steve.
Oh!
Oh my god!
I was gonna say, like, in the meantime...
Oh my god!
In the meantime, Monet has a piece of chalk and she's trying to... she's trying to, like, you know, she's put the piece of chalk on top of the lever and she's trying to scoot his hand up onto the chalk.
So he's just moving the chalk, and then just... oh no!
Oh! Oh!
There's blood on her faces.
Just white eyes in the darkness, blood all over the faces.
And that's it for today.
Hey everybody, the Cursed Caravan uses trademarks and slash or copyrights owned by Paizo Inc. used under Paizo's community use policy, paizo.com slash community use.
I wonder if the truck next door picked up.
He doesn't know that you're doing a freaking podcast.
What an asshole!
You truck driver.
Hey, you piece of shit, I'm recording something for nerds!
Do you want me to start over?
No, he's going.
He's a listener.
We're including all of this.
That's actually Roy.
Sorry, Roy.
I tracked you down, you son of a bitch!
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Paizo, let's talk. We got a lot of episodes.
It's true.
We're somewhat funny.
At least five.
The Cursed Caravan theme music in Beat Your Hearing right now is written by our very own
Scarab Dad, Matthew.
No, see this time that was Matthew.
The last time was Scarab.
Scarab told you to do something and then Matthew made the song on his phone.
I said Scarab Dad.
I think she thinks they're the same person.
Oh shit.
I said that my Matthew is Scarab Dad.
It's a joke because earlier you said that Matthew told you to pull the lever, but it was Scarab that told Monet to pull the lever.
Yes, I realize that it was something in product.
I would love to hear what kind of music Scarab makes.
Maybe we'll see.
La la la, prrrr, prrrr, la la la, prrrr.
We would like to thank Michael Guelphie for the music that they make.
Michael Guelphie Studios, the world reference for tabletop RPG audio.
You can find out more about them at MichaelGuelphie.com, just like you can find out more about Matthew at MatthewGuelphie.com.
No, no, go find me on TikTok, SweetboyToshio.
Oh yeah, check out his art. It's really cool.
Let me plug myself. Go watch him on. He's killing it over on Bamboo Trauma.
Oh my god.
Yeah, you can check out more of Michael Guelphie.
Their Patreon and YouTube links are in our description along with Matthew's...
Is in our description, his TikTok? Yes, no?
I need to start doing that.
I'm lying. I lied. But you can check out more Matthew on TikTok at SweetboyToshio.
And you can check out more of M.O.D. at Bamboo Trauma.
On YouTube.
If any of y'all are listening from my YouTube channel, holy shit.
Like, my channel blew up within the past month.
I've been posting Project Zomboid videos. I'm getting thousands of views.
That's not normal. And I appreciate the hell out of you if you're from Bamboo Trauma.
And if you're a listener here that went to Bamboo Trauma, holy crap, I appreciate the hell out of you.
Thank you so much.
Big time. We gotta weed out the people in Bamboo Trauma that love to hear your voice.
Because Iman does the long plays. He's got good long videos.
If they love to hear your voice, you gotta say, hey, you wanna hear more of this?
You wanna hear more of this?
And just watch Emod do ridiculous things.
All y'all that have been around for a while know how much I like to shit on M.O.D.
But M.O.D. is my favorite Project Zomboid YouTuber.
Hands down, I watch it all the time.
Especially if any of you are fans of the Trailer Park Boys show, go check out.
Emod has a couple videos where he roleplays as certain characters from the show.
Most notably, Ricky was one of my favorites.
I got a video where he plays as Ricky in the zombie apocalypse and how he would try to, you know, just fucking handle it or something, you know?
Make Emod Blush Hour! Make Emod Blush Hour!
Impeccable editing he does! It's a fantastic time.
Very funny watch.
Bamboo Trauma, Bamboo Trauma, Bamboo Trauma.
Yeah, so do that. Also leave us a comment on our Spotify, our YouTube, on Emod's YouTube, on Matt's TikTok.
We just sent Emod an email.
Matt, I mean, Emod, what if you just went ahead and pulled up one of your comments from YouTube?
I got one from, uh, well, I got one from Apple Podcasts for our podcast.
Oh, okay, that's exciting.
Huh?
This is a five star.
Cease and desist.
This is a five star.
From Disney.
You can't call yourself the cursed caravan. We have a ride called that, kind of.
No, it's not. It's not.
Should we speak evil or fuck it?
Don't evoke evil.
It's not exactly that.
We didn't even know that was a thing.
No, but we got a five star rating on Apple Podcasts from Coronerman.
Ooh, that's cool.
They said, I really enjoy the game master's disappointment that her players just won't die.
Hey, thank you. I was very disappointed.
We love that too.
Yeah.
Yes. Thank you. Wow.
Thank you very much for giving us five stars.
Yeah, that's awesome. From what I've heard, five stars on Apple Podcasts is like a good thing for us.
Five stars on Apple Podcasts means that we get food.
That's not true. We don't get paid by anybody.
We don't get paid, but we would love to with more five star reviews.
We would really like to get food.
And personally, I don't really care, but I think it's very sweet.
I appreciate it.
So thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for feeling my disappointment.
Thank you for your time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, leave us comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I'm reading something.
Leave us comments and rate us five stars on your podcast app of choice, much like Coronerman on Apple Podcasts.
He is he is number one student gold star for him or them or five of them.
You know, or five of you have five gold stars for Coronerman.
Spotify also allows you to read and leave comments.
Make sure you check your mailbox. They will be there shortly.
Yeah. On the address you didn't give us.
That's OK. We will find your address.
Don't send. We will find you.
Actually, go ahead and send your address.
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want.
I want your address.
Just don't send weird. Anyways, who knows?
Maybe one of us will read your comment.
Probably a mod on the podcast.
Also, if you have any questions, feel free to email us at the curse caravan at Gmail dot com.
We can answer those for you on the podcast as well.
Any of any one of us you could ask for a specific person.
That'd be kind of cool if you did that.
So do that. All of our contact information is in the description.
Thank you for being a traveler on the cursed caravan.
Thank you.
Chaos!
What do we call this? Burger Town?
I want to call it Burger Town.
Oh my God!
Oh! Oh no!
Steve!
I think we should...
Emma, I saw you do it as you're doing it. It's so good.
Oh, I think we should name him Steve.
Bam!
It was so good.
Oh, I love that.
I was waiting for a moment where I was going to maybe interject with something,
and I saw you start the move, and I was like, no, he's got this. He's good.
And you did not disappoint.
Steve's going to Burger Town.
All good boys go to Burger Town.
All good boys.