Episode 48?
Yep, we're really...
It's going. It's going.
It's happening.
Anybody else's hair feel electric right now?
No. No it don't.
Just me sucking all this energy I guess.
Sucking these screens off.
Sorry mom.
I am...
Ready.
As the kobold king calls out for your execution,
the four honor guard eye each other before standing from their kneeling position once again they begin to
just whirl these flying talons above their head.
And I asked you to roll for initiative. What'd you get Scarab?
Oh boy.
I'm so bad at math.
33.
Wow, same as last time.
Yeah.
Monet!
23.
Alright, not bad. Root more.
24.
Okie dokie.
Okie dokie. Give me one moment.
There's someone I totally need to add to the initiative.
Alrighty, as the honor guard stand and begin to take their formation, you see that slurk trainer from before.
He's in horrible shape. Like he's barely clinging on.
And he turns as the kobold king turns and begins to walk back to his throne.
Turns to the king and he pleads.
Please my lord! Safety! Safety!
The king turns, looking over his shoulder and a look of disgust fills his face.
He walks up to this kobold.
Safety?
Yes, safety!
Before he flashes a dagger and impales that kobold in the chest.
Ooh.
As the kobold screeches and dies, slowly the dagger begins to glow in the kobold king's hands.
Can I do a recognized spell on that?
You can try.
What is that when a spell happens? Reaction?
Yes.
See what it is. It is not a spell.
Oh, ok.
So I'll save you that reaction.
Okie dokie.
Make it quick or you'll be next.
Scarab, you begin.
Scarab leans forward on Tricky. He bears his teeth.
Heretic.
Points his gun.
See you and me!
You and me, sun up, sun down, I will fight to the death.
You are no kobold king.
And he is going to use his new ability.
Pistoleros challenge.
Uh, yeah, both you and opponent.
Um, ooh.
I need to do a check against your will be see. His will be see.
Ok. Um.
To see if this works.
Let me pull it up real quick.
Got it. Go for it.
And this will last until noon the next day.
Don't forget you have your session PP.
I do and I'm thinking about it.
Because this isn't the worst thing to fail.
Only if I critically fail.
Which is bad.
Hey, let's just play the game. I'm rolling!
Do it.
A twenty?
That beats it.
Oh hell yeah.
Ok, so now we are locked in a duel where we both will deal three additional damage to each other.
Yeah, let me read this out for you.
Yeah, both you and the opponent gain a plus two status bonus to damage rolls with strikes made against each other.
If you're a master, which I am, the skill you used for the...
In the skill I used for the check, the status bonus to damage rolls increases to plus three.
I think that's for both of us.
So, yep, plus three until noon tomorrow.
Cool.
It doesn't mean you have to attack me.
Ok.
Is it a negative when you go after other people?
No.
Ok.
The negative is that he can deal more damage to me.
As well.
So does that tie him into only attacking you?
No, but he may want to.
Gotcha.
I just gave you a little bit of bloodlust.
Ok, so that's going to be the first thing.
Final two actions.
Yeah, I could do that.
No, that's not necessary.
Scarab is going to fire at that man.
Alright, lay down.
I will use my session PP.
Woohoo.
29 to hit.
That's a hit but not a crit.
Very good.
No, it's not.
Three damage.
Minimum damage.
Plus.
Plus three.
Six damage.
There you go.
Alrighty.
Good remembering, Imaud.
Thank you for helping me.
Scarab's final action.
Tricky!
Tricky is going to gore the kobold directly in front of us.
Ok.
Or not.
Oof, 16 to hit.
That is a miss.
Ok, tricky swings at the one...
He'll swing at that same one again.
Ok.
Oh, there we go.
26 to hit.
That's a hit.
Max damage.
Oh boy, 20 points of damage.
Piercing.
Oh my god.
Nice, nice, nice, nice.
Missed him in the earlier fight.
A devastating blow.
You almost completely gored that kobold.
You see Tucky, Tucky, Tricky's tusk pierce the side of the kobold, leaving him greediously wounded.
Good boy, Tricky.
That's it.
Next up is the kobold king.
Hearing your challenge, he turns fully around to face you.
He lifts his hand to his right.
Directing one of the kobolds, his hand begins to glow and so does his eye.
A fearsome yellow glow.
Recognize spell.
Now you can.
What do you have to do for that?
You must be aware of the casting if you are trained in the appropriate skill of the spell's tradition.
So it's a secret roll that you roll.
Based off of its tradition, whether it be arcana, nature, occultism, or religion.
I believe occultism.
You didn't have to tell me that.
Sorry.
It's tough with legacy content because it's not categorized that way.
So you would roll.
Wait, let me finish reading this.
Yeah.
So if you're trained in the appropriate skill of the spell's tradition and it's a common spell of second rank or lower.
Okay.
I can tell you right now it is not a common spell.
Oh.
Then I automatically identify it.
Oh, if it's common, you automatically identify it.
Sorry.
You still roll to attempt to get a critical success.
You take two damage and another 300 damage.
But you can't get a worse result than success.
The highest rank of spell you automatically identify increases to blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
So what am I rolling here?
The GM rolls a secret arcana, nature, occultism, or religion check, whichever corresponds with the tradition of the spell being cast.
Okay.
So I'm thinking you probably would have do it.
Do you just get to know the spell?
So there's a success.
I correctly recognize the spell critical success.
I correctly recognize a spell and gain plus one circumstance bonus to saving throw against it.
Not relevant.
Your AC, I guess.
Whatever.
Yeah, that won't be relevant.
Okay.
This I think is maybe something you would have had to read.
I think it's a little bit of a
Yeah, that won't be relevant.
It's a spell that's known as Diabolic Edict.
And as he raises his hand to the Cobalt on his far right, he says, you kill the dwarf.
And that yellow glow from him seems to kind of like emanate around that creature.
What Diabolic Edict does is you make a demand of a target performing a particular task and you offer rewards for their fulfillment.
It gets a plus one status bonus to attack rolls and skill checks relating to performing that task.
And if it refuses to perform the task, it instead takes a minus one to those same checks.
So I'm going to go ahead and mark this one.
You said that all way too fast meantime.
So he has received a Diabolic Edict to kill Rootmoore.
A plus one status?
Huh?
Plus one status bonus to attack rolls.
You can just look up Diabolic Edict if that makes it easier for you.
Oh.
You'll let me do that?
You know what it is.
So like say what if somebody else was to kill Rootmoore?
Do they get any gifts?
No.
You just put your gun over Rootmoore.
You live this time, buddy!
Alright, you got me!
I helped you out.
Similar to your duel.
Yeah, you can just ask somebody else to do something for him and if they do they get bonuses while doing it.
This fucking yellow eye glowing shit is the same shit we've been seeing in the zombies.
Mm-hmm.
And the same shit you saw in your dream.
We're dealing with magics.
It's magic.
He then will raise his other hand towards the kobold on his far left.
And he says, you kill the girl.
I knew you were going to say kill the girl.
Just kill the girl.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.
And so now that one has a blessing against you, Monang.
Flowrider?
Dun dun, just kill the girl.
And with one action remaining, his hand snaps forward in that twisted looking dagger and his hand comes flying right at you, Scarab.
Uh.
You're gonna hit the deck, you're gonna jump off tricky.
He's gonna hit the dart, you know, whee.
He's throwing the dagger?
Yeah.
Yeah, so Scarab's gonna get a plus two to his AC.
Okay.
This might miss then.
We'll see.
Hiya!
Yep, 22.
Hell yeah.
That's a miss.
Nice.
Yep, that's a miss.
I'm gonna drag these boys.
You dive out of the way just in time for the dagger to whiz past you.
Going through the open door and down the corridor.
So as that dagger whizzes away, his hand is still outstretched.
And then a moment later, just mwahm, he's in his hand again.
Oh my god.
Moving right along.
It is the Dark Talon who is tasked with killing you, Monet.
It's his turn.
He's going to step over you, Scarab.
Even though you're prone on the ground next to him.
How could you?
He's gonna step over you.
We're underwear!
And that Talon is gonna come flying at you, Monet.
Actually, I apologize, he doesn't have to.
It's got 10 feet of reach.
It's gonna swing at you from there.
Ooh.
Okay.
Aye yi yi.
Bad rolls, guys.
17.
That is a miss.
Yep.
Yeah, it's cause Scarab, he stuck a finger out as the guy flung the chain and it just kind of dingled on his finger.
It just dingled there.
It didn't make its mark.
Good luck.
Try again.
Scarab's ready to throw his arm up in the air again.
So he's gonna spend an action, as it whizzes past you, he's gonna spend an action to pull it back.
And then he's gonna throw it at you again.
Aye yi yi yi.
Ooh, much better.
Natti18 for 23.
That is a hit.
Okay.
Exactly.
Damn.
Exactly.
This gon' grab.
Unless the grab is an extra action.
We'll be patient.
The grab would be an extra action if I did that.
Not a lot of damage on this.
This is gonna be...
See, I already forgot my own plus one to that attack.
Both times.
Ah damn.
Wouldn't have mattered on the first one.
Nope.
Second one didn't matter either cause it was a hit.
Seven points of piercing damage as this flying talon collides with you.
Just these metallic, like a dragon claw on a chain essentially burrowing into your shoulder.
Disgusting!
Kung-Fu.
Exactly.
I learned something today.
Chain hand really hurts.
That's a flying talon.
Swingin' a chain, swingin' a chain.
I can either A. Dodge the claw, do a sick spinning back kick and take him out in one
blow.
Or B. Take the talon to the face and roll around on the ground.
Should have picked A.
I like big butts in a can of...
Such a good movie.
Everybody go watch Kung-Fu.
It's dumb but great.
That's it for that guy.
And now it is the dark talon right in front of you, Rootmore.
Oh neat.
He's going to attempt to melee you with the claw.
Natural one.
Oh shit!
Uh oh!
Did you Kung-Fu in your pants?
Cody's just been having a rough couple of weeks with these.
Yeah it's not good.
He's so disgusted with how bad he is at doing his job.
He didn't get a blessing from his boss like the other two.
He's sick in three.
Oh Jesus!
That's a minus three to everything.
And he can try to retch.
How does retching work again?
I know it's spend in action.
It's fortitude save against... or maybe it's a flat check.
I'll just fucking look it up.
Fortitude save against the DC of the effect that made you sick.
I don't know what the DC would be.
Rootmore.
Maybe his normal to hit or your AC.
There's no way I can make it save Rootmore's AC.
That's too high.
It's impossible.
Well do it.
You know his level.
Just do it against the level DC.
You know the basic level DC.
I could do that.
That's what I would do.
Just make it easier.
I'll do it against his attack DC.
Just his normal to hit plus ten.
That way it's like that's the thing that made him upset is how bad he did it swinging his thing.
So I'm gonna retch.
That makes it a DC 20.
And he fails on that first retch.
And he's gonna spend his second action retching.
I gotta see if retch is a manipulate action.
I have it pulled up.
Give me a second.
See there's not it's not an action itself.
It just says you can spend a single action retching.
There's no like retch action.
Plus he's not manipulating anything.
He's just standing there going.
Are you really gonna hit a guy while he's throwing up on himself?
Rootmore will do anything.
What's about her stupid?
Let me put a second on him with something.
This one.
Shock man kneeling down.
Yeah.
So you failed both of them?
Yep.
So he's still second three.
It's your turn Rootmore.
You disrespect this holy chapel.
This is Torag's house.
We've been sent to clean it up.
Bless.
We've been sent to clean it up.
And Rootmore will cast Bless.
That is a 15 foot burst around Rootmore.
And allies get plus one bonus to attack rolls while in the emanation.
Okay.
And it's a manipulate.
If that matters Cody.
With your chains.
The honor guard do not have ALOs.
They're boring.
Fancy.
Unfun to play.
Loser.
Losers even.
Dorks.
Scarab and Monet y'all are in the circle just right on the edge.
Circled up plus one to our attack rolls.
And defense rolls.
Don't invite us you little coward glowing eyes sending your weird guys with spiky chains.
And Rootmore will raise his shield.
That's it.
I just got the big old circle on the screen then it dangled and went away.
Was that a thing?
That was me.
No.
I did see it.
That was kind of fun.
Kind of fun to look at.
I was seeing where the 15 covered.
Okay.
Here you go Monet.
Nice.
Okay.
That's sickly looking gold kobold right in front of you right for the striking.
He deserves death.
Death brother.
Monet is going to move here.
She is then going to spark and spark until she overflows.
Discharging and she's going to do a lightning dash to here.
So just through those two?
Yep.
Okay is that a save?
That is a basic reflex save.
Double checking something.
That thing old Falco dash.
Yeah.
Side B.
I always kill myself doing that with Fox.
I always on a live myself playing the video game Smash Brothers as Fox.
Doing that side B.
Kill myself with Wolf doing that because it goes up at an angle.
The one closest to you gets a natural 20.
Okay.
For a save.
The other one gets 18.
Okay that one fails.
Cool.
So the one that has its little blessing against me gets half damage.
And the other one gets.
On a critical save?
Yep.
Critical save doesn't.
Well it's a basic reflex save.
Basic is critical means nothing.
Crit fails double on basic saves.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
All basic saves the way basic are there's four degrees of success on basic.
There's success, failure, critical success and critical failure.
Well I didn't do that on my tremor before.
Because all we said was.
Because on that it says on a crit failure they fall from.
It doesn't say double damage.
So that's just an additional effect that it has on the crit fail.
But nobody crit failed anyway and they all died in one hit.
Well someone did crit fail before.
Oh and the slurks forever ago?
Yeah.
Yeah I didn't know that one was a basic save.
If you see one that says basic save then that follows the four degrees of success.
Okay so.
It used to be written they kind of stopped writing it.
The one that's against Rootmore takes 17.
Lightning.
17.
Damn it.
That's some good lightning.
That's some good damage right there.
Yeah he hasn't even gone yet.
That's a lot of damage.
Cool.
And that is her turn.
Coincidentally it's that one's turn next.
Yeah but he's got a job to do.
He do have a job to do.
Alright he's going to use a cool action that I haven't gotten to use before.
As the lightning surges through him he weakly stumbles and then he's filled with a form of primal fury.
He becomes enraged at the idea of you assaulting his king.
And he looks at you Monet and he lets out a furious shriek.
And he gains 2d6 hit points as he uses no retreat.
Wow.
Six on the first, six on the second.
Oh my god.
He's back 12 HP.
This guy?
Yep.
Isn't he supposed to attack Grimwar?
It's not an attack.
All he did was gain back HP.
I see.
He used a move called no retreat.
Wow.
It's a dark talon ability.
No retreat, one action.
Necromancy primal trades.
Frequency once per day.
Requirement, the dark talon kobold is adjacent to at least one enemy and has fewer than 12 hit points.
Effect, the dark talon shrieks in fury and regains 2d6 hit points.
Oh I'm so vigilant.
That's not a real kobold.
Probably Mirage.
Alright and after he does that he's going to spend an action and he's going to rush at Rootmoor.
And as he runs up five feet he attempts to tumble through your space.
Whoa.
This is going to be an acrobatics check against your reflex DC.
Where are your acrobatics little kobold boy?
23?
Exactly.
Nice.
Okay so he sprints up to you and then he vaults over your head landing behind you.
And for his third action he takes a swing at you with his talon.
Isn't that enough space to stand there Lieutenant Grint?
Hey little guys.
He's small.
He ain't going nowhere.
This is the last place he's ever going to step.
That's not good.
He got a four.
Not total but a natural four is not going to be good enough.
Dang.
Well he's in position.
Wait he gets a plus one.
Five?
Okay let's see.
That's his turn so it's going to go to the one next to Scarab now.
The one who's been bloodied a bit.
Scarab he is looming over you and he's just going to swing down at you with a claw.
Okay.
Natural two.
Swing again.
Scarab dodges.
I'm about to change my die I swear.
Natural three should be making good on my promise.
Hey you got to go.
Are you going to hit me or what?
Hey you going to hit me?
I don't even think I can hit you unless I nat 20 on this third hit.
So I'm going to do it.
I'm going to nat 20.
13.
Plus.
Minus.
Plus minus.
Actually it's a plus zero on the third attack so that is going to be a miss.
Damn.
Damn for you.
Damn for me indeed.
That's the end of round one.
Scarab you're next.
Fire for me.
Fire.
Shoots at King Kobold.
We're going to throw.
No we're not.
He fires.
Throw your gun.
Gun go.
Good thing I didn't because that's a natural 20.
It's a natural 20 on the die.
Yes finally.
Give me something good.
Uh oh.
Sick.
Scarab from the ground fires his weapon.
Scoots not a full five feet back but he scoops like something heavy was behind this shot.
It hits this Kobold King and let's see how much damage it does as it throws him to the
floor.
He is now two prone.
27 damage.
Magic piercing.
Oof.
Wow.
And he has been floor.
And he's prone.
Okay.
That's awesome.
With the plus three?
Oh with the plus three.
Oh yeah.
Not the best.
I'm going to throw some good ones on my D8s.
He laughs.
Reloads his weapon.
Tricky.
Tricky is going to again attack that bloodied one in front of him.
Big hit.
29 to hit.
That's a hit.
That's a crit.
Oh my god.
Yes finally.
Oh god yeah it's that extra damage.
That's the big one.
That's going to be 22.
22 pig.
22 pig damage.
Pig damage.
22 pigs to show off.
Snow room.
I'm hungry.
Tricky gores him and he drops his talon as he dies.
Yeah.
Baaaa.
Tricky and Scarab are just squealing and squelching.
Tricky is slowly going to walk towards this man and stop right in front of him.
And that is the end of Scarab's turn.
So Tricky's kind of got his feet on the steps of this altar here.
All this throne.
Okay up next is going to be the king.
He's going to spend an action standing up.
And then he's going to hop down the side of the dais.
Five.
Ten.
Twenty.
Does he land on that man?
Just shoving the other goblets to the ground.
He moves through his space.
Twenty five.
Okay.
So he's going to hop down and then circle around you as you're on the ground and standing
over you and flanking you although you can't be double flanked.
So no big deal.
You're just off guard.
Yeah.
He's going to stab down at you with that dagger.
Go.
Fuck.
Does an 18 hit your flat footed AC?
It does not.
Wow.
Twenty two would.
Cool.
Yeah.
Oh wait am I looking at the right deal?
Hold on.
I rolled a natural eight.
I'm just checking if I did the right two hit.
Yeah.
Plus step.
No.
18.
That's his turn because he had to stand up move and swing.
Talon number.
Oh right.
The retching man.
I'm shaking.
I'm scared.
Minus three.
That's amazing.
That's a retching man's turn.
He's going to retch.
Stop trying to throw up on me.
This poor guy.
Okay.
That one will work.
So he goes down once.
He's sick in two and spend his third action retching again.
Poor guy.
Not on that one.
Wow.
Root board.
Saving me of the trouble.
Before runs over to the false king.
One action.
Second action.
It's all not having a was on everybody in two.
He kind of sucks.
I like it because you're not like locked in, you know, and it's also so I can appreciate
that.
But being surrounded literally flanked where your AC is lower because there are people
surrounding you and you can able just to go and just walk out of it without any consequence.
Feels really bad.
Well, to be fair, one guy's not even fighting.
He's just trying to throw up.
He was giving you a minus two AC for the other guy.
The guy who already had a plus bonus on you too.
Just saying it feels bad.
Hello there.
I have a feeling to keep this one alive.
So I'm going to do a right.
Why can't I think right now?
Nonlethal hit.
What's minus two to this attack?
Vicious swing.
What does the vicious swing?
I'm going to viciously not kill you.
16 to hit.
Way miss.
Sir.
Yeah, rolled poorly.
Can I turn this in and roll again?
Not after the fact, sir.
Oh, we did that before.
We did it once.
All right.
Take advantage of my graciousness.
I already got a guy puking.
One of them's already dead.
You can walk away from any of them you want.
Your fault.
All right.
Well, that's it.
It's not his fault.
You're trying to spend things after it doesn't work out is his fault.
Hey, that's how a hero point works.
Yeah, that's it.
You can spend your hero point.
You sure?
Yeah.
They're all going to die anyway.
I drag it out.
Oh, thank you.
Still going to be nonlethal.
Little guys, don't give up.
That's real 20.
Oh, my God.
All right, roll your damage.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, finally.
Feels bad.
It's not lethal though, so he's not going to die.
Oh.
Unless it does any other damage.
Unless the card kills him or makes him bleed.
Disintegrate.
Decapitate.
How punch is that awesome?
The target is wounded two and enfeebled two until it is no longer wounded.
And it's also normal damage.
Well, if he's wounded two and then goes unconscious, he goes to wounded three, which means he dies.
No, it's nonlethal.
So he just goes to sleep.
But he'll be wounded with nonlethal.
Wounded two.
Yeah, but then he gets knocked unconscious and he's going to be wounded three because he gets knocked unconscious.
It's kind of like since it's nonlethal, it's not putting him in the dying phase.
So it doesn't give him the wounded because he doesn't hit dying.
He just goes straight to unconscious.
OK.
But then he gets knocked down again.
Because of this crit.
Yes, that's not what I said.
I said he's not wounded again in that instance, which would put him at three and kill him, which is what started this whole.
But we just put him in a hospital bed.
Yeah, you floored him.
His children fear for you.
28 bludgeoning.
Oh, my God.
That is one point over enough to knock him unconscious.
Oh, my God.
So as your hammer collides with the king, he immediately his yellow glowing eye stops.
He collides with the ground hard.
And as he does, his crown rolls off and something unexpected happens.
As the crown rolls off of his head, his form begins to shimmer and twist until there's a completely different cobalt there.
Now unconscious with purple scales, a female cobalt with white scales and albino cobalt.
Upon seeing this immediately, all of the other cobalts cry out in anger, traitor, murderer, kidnapper.
And they all focus their attention on this now unconscious cobalt.
Oh, shit.
Anything else you want to do for more?
That was all of his actions.
Move and two action, vicious swing.
Monet, you're up.
Hmm.
Looks like we stepped into something that's not really our business.
Hey, everyone.
Slowly tiptoe backwards out of the room.
I mean, I was...
They kill her? They kill her?
They're gonna kill her.
She's gonna die.
That's crazy.
This interesting situation.
Ain't much we can do about that.
It doesn't make them not our enemies.
Some think to keep in mind.
Yeah, I mean, I was just gonna keep fighting.
This is just very weird.
Whoa, lore.
Somebody pick up the codex after we kill these guys.
Monet will rechannel her elements.
Hey, you, what are you screaming about?
Tell us before we kill anymore.
That's what I could say.
She is going to do...
Oh, new character.
She looks elderly.
Hmm.
Something tells me we're not gonna get to find out about her.
So I like what I see.
Dang, you know.
What can you do?
Monet will do an elemental blast at the guy that was going after Rootmore before.
Just a single action.
Single action guy.
Get him.
That's a natural one.
Oh.
That's a magical fumble.
Did you poo poo in your pants?
You're about to.
That's the card I drew. I poo poo my pants.
Who's the nearest ally to that creature?
Would that be Tricky or would it be Rootmore?
Tricky.
He really wanted it to be Rootmore.
I don't want to hit Tricky.
You're aiming at the guy.
Yeah, it's the closest to...
Yeah, it's Tricky.
The closest ally.
Oh, closest to him.
To that guy at the bottom?
Yeah, you hit the nearest ally to the target.
It's even.
It's both.
That's a coin toss.
You want odds or evens, Tricky?
Even.
I will also take even.
It's even.
So that hits Rootmore.
Thanks, man.
I'm also taking.
Tricky turns to Rootmore.
Thanks, brother.
It hits Rootmore.
Hey, Rootmore, thanks.
So...
What?
Oink oink, thanks, man.
Monet is charging up to fire and then she sees that kobold change.
Ew!
Sorry, let me grab my...
They just straight up hitting Rootmore with the damage.
Yes, it's a single action.
It's also ranged, so there's literally nothing added to this.
Okay.
Bring it on!
It's a single action funny damage.
It's a funny little 42 damage.
It's really not all that bad.
Silly goofy.
Silly damage.
It's just 2d8.
Times three.
With no...
No bonus.
Let's do this.
What do you got for me?
It's...
Probably the best roll.
She's like, Rootmore, stop!
Don't kill it!
That was not lethal!
And then Rootmore gets hit for seven bludgeoning.
Don't hit that girl!
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Ow!
Only hit the boys.
Monet will move to here.
Right behind Rootmore, nestled up next to Tricky.
And that will be her turn.
Hit him again, hit him again.
Okay.
It is number one's turn.
Number one.
This is the one that was going for Rootmore and he's actually just going to swing his
Talon from here.
Uh oh!
He's on an Adi 16 and then he just rolled to a six.
It's a miss.
Oh stop!
Interact to pull it back.
One more with a natural nine so it's nothing from him.
Then we go to the one that's hovering over Scarab that was looking for Monet.
He was looking for Monet!
Now he got a big old pig butt in his face.
Yeah, he's going to try to tumble through Tricky.
This is acrobatics against your reflex DC I think.
Oh not the best, not the worst either.
Does 18 beat your reflex DC?
Reflex DC.
19 sorry?
19?
Double sorry?
20?
I'm sorry to keep doing that.
21?
It does not.
Okay, so 20 is not enough.
Yeah, rolled an 11, he gets a plus eight but he also gets a plus one because it's a task
related to what he's trying to do for his diabolic thing so he gets a plus one from
that as well.
Yeah, Tricky just put his butt down a little bit as this guy tried to roll through.
Yeah, so he doesn't make it through your space.
He made a soft squishy wall.
He's going to try to do it again.
Probably not going to work either.
Okay, that is a better roll.
That's...
You gotta beat a 20.
23.
Okay, yeah, that's it.
Okay, so he's going to boop boop.
Three, four, five.
He'll be there at 25 feet.
And he's going to swing at you, Monet, with his third action.
Okay.
22.
That is a miss.
Yep.
And then he kills himself with his fourth action.
Scarab, it's your go.
He doesn't have that fourth action anymore because he's too sad.
Spend all three actions, be depressed.
Scarab.
Yeah, I guess he's just going to stay laying.
He'll reload his weapon.
He'll fire at the Puking.
No, he'll fire at the one that's been attacking Monet, or the one that wants Monet.
Is that the green one?
No, it's the purple one.
The purple one.
Yeah, he's going to fire at that one.
We all feel bad for the Puking one.
Yeah.
I was thinking about flanking him.
He got minus 40, was 18.
Terrible, terrible bad.
Oh, maybe not.
20 to hit.
Wait, you're shooting at the purple one?
Yeah.
Through Tricky and Monet?
Yeah.
I'm going to give him partial cover on that.
And what did you get?
20.
That is a miss.
Yeah.
Damn, Tricky, swing away!
Tricky's going to attack the Puking one.
Okay, he's got a minus two to his AC.
Poor guy.
28 to hit.
Critical.
Wow!
Yes, finally!
Kill him.
Please!
He hasn't taken any damage yet.
Please kill him.
He's sending that Puking, not doing anything.
22 damage.
Still standing, barely throwing up even more now.
And Tricky swings.
Again.
24 to hit.
Hell yeah.
Pooh-pooh rolls, 10 damage.
Then he dies.
There you go, bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
That has scared him and Tricky's turn.
Poor guy.
I'm sorry, man.
He's really shit the bed on that one.
Just been puking.
It's his first day being in the Honor Guard.
He's like, I'm going to impress the king so bad.
And then he finds out that his king is fake, Puking.
Didn't even have time to grieve, really.
Just kept throwing up and then got stabbed in the gut.
Just says, I should mind how embarrassing, and he dies.
Okay, so after Scarab would be the king, who is unconscious.
So it goes to the Puking one, who's dead.
So it goes to Rootmore.
There we go, we'll just squeeze through here.
Hello!
Swing at the one with the purple mark.
Vicious swing!
22 to hit.
Hit.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Wow, terrible.
Eight bludgeoning.
He laughs at you.
All right.
That's it.
One action move, two action, vicious swing.
Free action to laugh again.
Oh, stop, I don't like it, you make me sad.
You're good.
Kabalt reaches into his pocket, pulls out some crumbs that he has from earlier, he throws
them at you, he laughs.
Uber slowly lays his hammer down, just walks home.
Never see him again.
Okay, Monet will do a two action elemental blast melee on this, that one.
Same one, Rootmore just made laugh?
Yeah, the one who hates her.
Why are you laughing, it's not fair.
How's a 13?
Nope.
Flanked?
Nope.
Still nope, laughs a third time.
Dies laughing.
She'll try a...
Oh, that's a good strategy, Monet.
She'll try a single on the green one.
Single action elemental blast on the green one.
Okay.
You said single and I just immediately thought cheeseburger.
I thought you were going to take him on a date.
No, cat.
I cast single on you.
He no longer has a girlfriend.
26.
That's a hit.
Yes.
Alright, this guy.
He's got to take some nine damage.
Hell yeah.
They rolled two ones.
Still good.
Nine damage.
He's horrified of you.
Oh, thank God.
That was the number to not laugh.
What did Rootmore get?
Eight.
That's the one damage that tips the scale.
Serious business.
Alright, it's going to be each of them next.
The purple one goes first.
Probably a bad idea, but he sees that you're slowly surrounding him and he's going to attempt
to tumble through your space, Monet.
If he succeeds, he won't trigger your AoO, Rootmore, but if he fails, you can probably
crush him.
That's against a reflex?
Yeah, and that's not a good roll either.
That's a 16.
That is a failure.
Yep.
Okay.
Go ahead and take your AoO.
That's a thing.
Oh.
That's a cartoon strike or whatever it's called.
Whatever it's called.
I hate this game.
It's stupid.
Sucks or quit?
22.
Play Magic.
22's a hit.
Oh, neat.
15 bludgeoning.
And he dies.
Brutal and cool.
Next is the green one.
Make it count.
Ah, you want to kiss me?
You're going after me this whole time.
Why don't you just say something?
Why don't you walk a little closer to me?
Ah, I guess you're out of reactions, huh?
Wait a tournament, step in my square.
I'm sure it was all a ruse.
He's going to squeak on by here.
5, 10, 15.
Oh no, that's what I was afraid of.
And he's going to swing a claw at the traitor.
He'll move there, 20.
Swings a claw down at the unconscious kobold.
Yep.
He rolls a natural 4.
Okay, does he move this, a floored agent?
I don't know.
Give me a sec to add everything up here.
Because that would be a 14.
Minus 1, because it is going against the diabolic edict.
So a 13 to hit an unconscious creature.
When you're unconscious, it's minus 4 to the AC, if that matters.
That does matter.
It misses.
Cladders on stone, and so he has one more attack.
I want to use my PP.
Give me disadvantage.
That's not a bad idea.
Skirrib saddles himself on his belly and he puts his hands on his cheeks
as he looks up and he's like, come on, man, seriously?
She's right there.
First eye, natural 8.
Second eye, natural 1.
Wow.
Good coffee.
So give me a red card here.
Did you poop in your pants?
What happens to this man?
I want to play Benny Hill for this contract.
Play like 4 seconds of it.
Maybe more, actually.
I don't know about Benny Hill, it's old.
As he goes to swing a second time, frustrated at the first,
he slips and he is flat-footed off-guard as he stumbles in place like an idiot.
Skirrib!
His mind is just so fuddled because he can't get images of Rootmore out of it.
Did this man just fall prone?
No, he is just flat-footed.
Okay.
That would have been funny.
He slips in place and he's doing a little whoop, whoop, whoop.
You've been laying down this whole time.
I think he's like, he can't focus because he's thinking about killing Rootmore.
He doesn't have to be so...
The diabolic edict is messing with his brain.
He's got two different codes that are fighting each other right now.
Thanks for being on brand, that's a much better option.
I'm just being defeatist.
I know.
It makes sense in the story that he had to pull himself away from Rootmore to get over there.
You're right.
Skirrib, shoot this guy in the face.
Reload!
Skirrib shouts and then he raises his hand in the air and he's like,
Hey, buddy, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Ah, shit, right here, bam!
Because he absolutely obliterates this guy.
It's a 36 to hit.
Critical hit.
Yes, finally!
24 damage.
And he dies.
Wow.
It ended up saving her life not in the way that she thought, probably.
Probably.
You are out of combat surrounded by kobold bodies and an unconscious albino kobold.
Mono's going to tire her up.
I was trying to get that guy's attention.
It's very dangerous to snap with a gun in your hand.
I'm going to reload.
Reload, stand up, brush off.
Who is this?
Lady?
Mono's going to tire up with...
She has a lot of rope.
I'll tell you.
Scarab's going to saddle back on tricky.
Wow, that was intense.
Yeah, Monet will tire up with 100 feet of rope.
Okay.
That's a cocoon.
Ain't no moving happening here.
She's a lot smaller than her illusion put on.
So that's enough to wrap her up several times.
She's now a cartoonish ball of rope.
Little lizard head sticking out the front.
No, getting out of this.
Scarab would have pulled away any items of interest, especially...
Oh no, they're all in the rope.
Wands.
More magical...
Look, can you tell us what this lady looks like?
Because I'm screaming to say it.
Yeah, I can tell you.
Tell us.
She's looking like a lady.
Dude looks like a lady.
Okay, so...
It is a small feminine kobold with albino scales, a kind of pinkish-white colored hue to them.
She is gowned in a black robe.
Her hand is limply holding onto that strange glowing dagger that she threw at you earlier.
It still glows.
Although the yellow light that was kind of enforced on it has now changed to a more insidious dark maroon color.
Next to you, Monet, by your feet, is what once was the crown, but has now shimmered back into another shape as well.
This one in the form of a wide-brim, almost wizard-looking hat.
Is this Ulysmila?
Huh?
Is this Ulysmila?
Not that you know, unless somebody told you Ulysmila was a kobold.
Maybe she turned herself into a kobold.
Maybe, double illusion.
Double illusion.
This one's tricky.
She does magic when she's asleep!
They called her a traitor.
Could this be that...
Vregma?
That was my thought.
Definitely not a fey, but looks like a...
Looks like a witch.
I'm gonna pick up that hat.
Sure.
Try it on, Monet.
I mean, why not? She does that all the time, doesn't she?
Got it.
I mean, it's a wide-brimmed hat, dude.
I mean, is it bigger than Monet's hat, or smaller?
As far as the width.
No, I don't think that she's gonna try it on, because the last thing she just tried on got fused to her skin.
True, yeah.
It would have been oversized on a kobold, and looked much more grand than it actually is on a normal person.
It just looks like what you would expect a normal wide-brimmed wizard hat to look like.
We're not pulling a Gandalf here, but, you know, respectable.
Huh.
Can Scare possibly recall, now that everything's over, like...
Was this...
Was it the same that they saw in their dreams?
If it's not worth it to roll, then it's not worth it.
If what was the same?
The kobold that we just fought.
The... not her, but the fake one.
If the fake one you saw was the same one you saw in your dreams?
Yeah.
Was there ever actually... because they say traitor, so I figured they had a kobold king.
Maybe this lady came in, and, you know, just whisper, whisper, whisper, and just took his place.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know that you would know anyway.
There would be no definitive... unless you guys can think of some way to tell.
I don't think there would be a definitive way aside from you saw and heard, and then you saw and heard.
Although you do know that she sounded, as I said, slightly different from how the voice sounded in the dream.
And thinking back on it now, that kind of makes sense.
The curtain was there, there was a voice coming from the curtain.
They were a little uncertain until they saw, and then they were like, nope, never mind.
No doubts anymore.
Makes me wonder if this lady... I wonder if this is even a kobold and not something taking shape of a kobold.
Double illusion.
Monet wants to look at the tag of the hat to see if it's a hat of disguise.
The tag of the hat?
It's still on. This is... Macy's?
This belongs to Macy.
Do you guys have any way to identify magic items?
Yeah, we can do crafting, check, arcana. We can deceive it.
Can I check that with crafting?
I don't know, crafting...
Identify alchemy.
Oh, I can if it's occultism. If it's an occult item.
We could do religion.
The hat is not. The dagger is.
Ooh, let me look at that dagger then.
The hat would need an arcana check.
I can also do arcana.
Okay. Go ahead and give me rolls on those.
Okay, so...
I'm gonna do another two.
Give me more of that.
I got an 18 on the arcana, which is gonna go alphabetically.
I got a 28, see if that gives us more.
I think it's higher than 18.
Oh, I'm sorry. That was a natural 18. I did not add anything.
Sorry.
That is a 26.
Okay. 26, 28 on the hat. And then for the dagger?
For the dagger...
A 28.
No.
No, no, no.
13.
Okay.
The two of you looking over this, kind of just like a...
It kind of looks like one of these, you know, like now, now, maybe one of those.
And kind of deliberate for a minute until you both come to the conclusion that the hat...
appears to be a hat of disguise.
Oh!
But this is a stronger form of magic, i.e. a greater hat of disguise.
Unlike a normal hat of disguise, which gives you the ability to disguise oneself,
as with the spell, Disguise Self,
a greater hat of disguise allows the user to cast Alter Self.
So rather than simply looking like somebody can become something else.
That's so cool.
Okay, so we can probably surmise that this is a kobold.
Maybe.
Okay.
And then for the dagger...
Monet, you haven't read anything about this before, this particular blade.
You know that it's some kind of magical blade.
Scarab, however, you have heard tell of a blade such as this in your many travels looking for antiquities of import or power.
This is known as the Heartripper Blade.
Ooh.
Heartripper!
Thinking back on it now, the display at the beginning of the fight makes sense.
As this wicked looking curved dagger is a plus one striking dagger that draws power from defeating foes.
Either to bolster itself or its wielder.
The Heartripper Blade is well suited for use in any ritual that involves divination,
and incorporating it into any ritual with the divination trait grants the wielder a plus one bonus on any check made to resolve the effects of that ritual's casting.
Furthermore, as a reaction once per day, you can reduce a foe or if you reduce a foe to zero hit points with a strike from the Heartripper Blade,
then the Heartripper Blade will draw power from the devastating strike causing its blade to erupt in black flames.
Wow.
For one minute, strikes with the Heartripper Blade inflict an additional 1d6 negative damage to living creatures.
Ooh.
Additionally,
Horrible.
Once per day, as a reaction, if you reduce a foe to zero hit points with a strike from the Heartripper Blade,
you can instead draw life from the victim's body and siphon it into yourself.
Choose one of the following effects.
Either restore 2d8 hit points, reduce the value of your clumsy, enfeebled, or stupefied conditions by one,
or reduce the stage of one toxin or disease you're suffering from by one stage.
This cannot cure or reduce the condition below one.
Wow.
So yeah.
Once a day, if you kill something with the blade, then you can either set it on fire and do negative damage additionally,
or you can use it to gain health or relieve yourself of the condition.
This is a scary bastard of a dagger.
Yeah, and as you're looking at it now and you can see those like, I said like that maroon-like glow looking into it,
you can see the black flames and they slowly begin to dwindle before the effect dissipates.
Be happy to hold on to this artifact if somebody doesn't want to swing it around.
I don't want to touch it, it's scary.
Oh, you scared?
He waves it in your face.
No, please, no!
The butt end first.
I'm scared, why you scared?
Cuts his beard.
Yeah, while y'all are doing that, Rootmore's just gathering all the weapons and shit from the other kobolds
and carrying them back and forth to our little stash.
Yep, four more sets of studded leather armor, as well as four flying talons.
God, I'm in a brawler fight, we found Edgrin and there's just one of these kobolds with that chain.
And we have a little bit of trouble.
I was a little scared when we walked into this room, saw four of them.
Yeah, it would have been nice if I didn't roll like ass.
Yeah, I mean that crit really fucked you too, the second one.
The other set of armor that you see is that black leather armor that was on that slurke tamer.
Yeah, Kiri, what's up with that?
There's a rune etched into it.
Fancy.
What's a leather's... what's it look like?
Let's take a deep look at this.
Crafting check.
I don't think the material matters.
No crafting? Okay.
Give me that rune!
Can you aid?
Crafting, you say?
No, I have a plus zero to crafting.
Oh, fuck it, 30.
I can't.
It's a shadow rune.
Oh, mate.
Stealthiness?
Do you have stealth?
It is a rune etched into armor that gives it a hazy black appearance.
You gain a plus one item bonus to stealth checks while wearing the armor.
That's cool.
I'll take it.
I'm gonna plus four to stealth.
I'll take it.
That way I'll be negative two on stealth.
I just don't have any runes.
I don't have anything.
I mean, you can have it, because I am stealthy.
I don't necessarily need more stealth.
Plus you're already well black.
You well black.
I well black.
I well, I'm a little well black.
I can squeeze into some cobalt armor.
Oh, yeah, dude.
You're stretchy.
I mean, it's not made well.
It'll work.
It's just gonna look like high level armor.
Also something else to consider with that greater hat of disguise.
This is legacy content, so I don't know how it works in 2e, but the spell Alter Self is a level two spell that says you can
it lasts for one minute and it says when you cast the spell you can assume the form of any small or medium creature of the humanoid type.
If the form you assume has any of the following abilities, you gain the listed ability Dark Vision 60 feet, Low Light Vision, Scent and Swim, Swim Speed 30 feet.
If you choose a small creature, you gain a plus two size bonus to your dexterity.
And if you choose a medium creature, then you get a plus two size bonus to your strength.
That's cool.
I mean, Scarab would like to take the hat if nobody else is wanting it.
Nah.
I wonder if he can be a cat.
Scarab literally is...
Fruitmore uses it, he'd technically be lying.
Every time he uses it, it's anathema to your gut.
Scarab's been walking around without a hood, he'd kind of like to put this hat on and turn it back into his hood.
You can do that, you can disguise the hat as whatever you'd like.
He just wants his hood, not the whole cape and all that, he just wants his eyes covered again.
He's been seeing too much cape.
Okay, also for reference, the cast time on that is one standard action.
Wow.
Which I assume will mean two actions in 2e, because before you had one move and one action.
So two action casts on that last for a minute per level.
I know there's a spell somewhere, I just don't know what...
That's the thing, I've used this item in 2e.
Well, there's the disguise self one.
Okay, so maybe this is just a different version of that.
This is the greater disguise.
Yeah, and that's the part that's not...
The other one uses the spell disguise self, this one uses alter self, and I don't think there's an alter self in pf2e.
So is it okay if I have the armor?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Oh yeah, that wouldn't do anything for Rune.
Okay, and it's just shadow?
Shadow leather armor.
It's just leather armor with the shadow rune.
Yeah, see the closest spell that you can get in 2e is called humanoid form, but it's way more boring.
Transform your appearance to that of a small or medium humanoid, such as a dwarf, elf, goblin, halfling, human, or orc.
You gain the humanoid trait in addition to your other traits, while in this form, as well as any trait related to the creature's kind, such as goblin or human traits.
If this transformation reduces your size, it reduces your reach accordingly, typically 5 feet.
This transformation doesn't change your statistics in any way, and you don't gain any specialized abilities of the humanoid form you assume.
You can still wear and use your gear, which changes size if necessary to match your new form.
If items leave your person, they return to their usual size.
Human form grants you a plus 4 status bonus to deception checks, passed as a generic member of the human ancestry.
And you add your level even if you're untrained, but you can't make yourself look like a specific person.
If you want to impersonate an individual, you still need to create a disguise so the GM won't factor in the difference in ancestry when determining the DC of your deception check.
You can dismiss the spell.
So yeah, if you need to look it up, you can look up Pathfinder 1, Alter Self for the spell.
Okay.
And that is a once per day deal.
Also, it bears mentioning, I believe that if an item is invested by you, i.e. the magic item, and it has already been used, I think you can still use the effect because you are investing in it.
Although I think normally investing in an item takes 24 hours anyway before you can use their effects.
I have never thought about that before, but when you were talking about the dagger, I was like, what, so can somebody else just grab it, get some health, pass it to the next guy, they get some health?
Or is it like one and done for the day for the dagger?
If you were killing somebody, you'd use time, but I think it's for the dagger.
I just don't know if we've ever come across something like that.
The rules have caveats in place because I think it's technically where it doesn't do that.
But if you invest in a magic item, i.e. have the ability to use it, you have to wait 24 hours before you can actually use the item's effect.
You're also limited on how many magical items you can have invested on yourself, and that's affected by your class and level and all that.
Okay.
Like that.
It like that then.
I think so. I'm not very good at this.
That's not true.
I think as long as you have like slots, you know, left hand, right hand, if it's a ring finger, if it's a necklace, I think you're good.
So I mean, unless they change it, you can invest in more than 10 items per day.
Oh, damn.
You invest your energy in an item with the invested trait as you don it.
This process requires one or more interactive actions, usually taking the same amount of time it takes to don the item normally.
Once you've invested the item, you benefit from its constant magical abilities as though you meet its other requirements.
For most invested items, the only other requirement is that you must be wearing the item.
This investiture lasts until you remove the item.
You can invest in no more than 10 per day.
If you remove an invested item, it loses its investiture.
This item still counts against your daily limit after it loses its investiture.
You reset the limit during your daily preparations.
So you can't have like 10 things on and then take one off and put on a new magic item because that one you took off still counts until the next day.
Yeah, this ain't no MMO.
If you're still wearing items you had invested the previous day, you can typically keep them invested on the new day, but they still count against your limit.
And I believe magic items have the invest trait on them, which will let you know.
Yes.
Not that you, you know, you guys don't have 30 magical items, so we're not worried about that.
I'd like to do a good check around the room before she wakes up, if that's cool.
Good idea.
Anybody hurt?
Well, are we taking her back to town or?
That's a good question.
Good question.
We'll see what she knows.
There's more to this room.
Yeah, let's poke around the room while she's out.
Yeah, I don't know. It could...
Just if we're going to take her back to town, I don't know that we should wake her up.
I'd say we just let her do it in her own time.
She's a ball, right?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, cocooned.
Like a rubber band ball.
Who knows?
Who knows how good her magics be?
Cover her mouth, too.
She's a spellcaster.
I want her casting spells.
She's up, kids.
She can't do the somatic component of her spells.
She can only do verbal spells, which there aren't many spells that are only verbal.
Just take some of that leather armor over there and shove it in her mouth.
Not so much that it's cruel, but just enough to where, you know, it's like slightly comfortable and she won't want to talk.
Oh yeah, I should reveal a little bit more because of where you all are standing as well.
In the eastern part of the room, it narrows to a hallway that seems to fork, one going north and one going southeast.
You can see part of Emad's text here where it says,
So dark.
Ha ha.
Did you do it blind?
Yeah.
Did you do a good job?
Writing that blind?
Cool.
Nice.
Oh yeah, great.
All the lines are connecting.
Oh, it's tiny though.
Shrink that down for you.
That looks great, dude.
Look at that R.
Is there anything else in there?
Anything from the dais?
The throne is now bare and aside from looking very ominous and very cool, there's nothing else around it.
Aside from that shoddily erected tattered curtain.
Doesn't seem to be any trinkets or treasures around, nothing of interest aside from the throne itself.
Cool.
Any life to the creature hanging there?
Points to the great centipede.
Looks pretty dead.
No, I think it's just in pieces.
It's ugly, it's big. It's too big.
That does lead back to my question that we're taking her back to town.
I think we need to find out who she is first.
Yeah, we don't have much time.
There could be more undead forming.
We'll wake her up, ask her questions and shit.
Slap her around a little bit.
Non-lethal slap, non-lethal slap.
What do you work for? Non-lethal slap.
She could easily be dead right now, might as well.
Hey you!
I dare pistol whips them.
Dead.
Nah, he's gonna nudge her shoulder.
Yeah, we'll say you guys spent some time violently shaking her and she wakes up.
Who, what, how, how?
Speak nothing in witch tongue.
Who are you?
I guess she has to speak, she's a witch.
I knew it.
Say nothing if you're weird.
She's weird.
Come on, open up.
He frees her and ties her.
Reveals another deck.
He puts the hat back on, now she looks like you.
Now we're gonna talk to us.
Yes, now we're gonna talk to us.
Just kidding.
What do you want to know?
Your name, are you Vrygma?
I'm Jack-a-Jack.
Jack-a-Jack? Have we heard this name?
No.
How should I know?
Your followers, they turned on you when they saw who you were.
Why?
When they saw I wasn't the king.
Yeah, why?
This king, because I wasn't the king.
Very true, where is he?
How do you spell your name?
Jack-a-Jack.
J-E-K-K-A-J-A-K.
I like that.
How strange, Rudemore.
What?
This is just weird.
It is.
Why are you pretending to be king?
It was his orders.
He bade me do it.
Damn.
Is that his motive?
Sorry.
It's plus fifteen.
What do you believe it?
Where did he go?
Down below.
Following dreams, visions.
Where to go to draw more power to his crown.
Where is he getting these visions?
I don't know.
It's not you. Who are you? Just a lackey.
I'm Jack-a-Jack.
Ah, Jack-a-Jack.
Who's this lady, Fregma, you've been digging for?
Fregma?
Do you know this name?
Yes.
She is the king's clone sort.
Ah, so that's not you.
No.
I'm the court sorcerer.
Yeah, always trash.
That's hurtful.
I've seen the last unicorn.
She another kobold?
Yes.
The lady Fregma is?
Yes.
Tell me, this Fregma, is she a true scale?
Yes.
You don't sound so sure.
She should be.
Are my hands free?
She should be over there.
No, just her head. East.
In the king's chambers.
Is the king responsible for the undead showing up?
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Can you repeat the question?
Yeah.
Again, Runeborn.
Ask again.
Ugh.
Ah!
I'm gonna fall!
Please!
You're not the force of me now.
Why did he ask you to step in for the
magic?
Why did he ask you to step in for him just
because he wanted to go downstairs?
The others do not know that he left.
They do not know that they have been
abandoned.
Abandoned?
This is bad.
To even throw his own people under the bus.
What the hell is a bus?
He asked me only because
only I can.
She says with a little bit of pride.
Why, because of your magic?
Yes.
No, no more?
No.
Unless you want to give me my hat back.
No!
But it's mine.
And you stay here.
It's not very heroic.
We need to head east.
Stealing a lady's hat.
You gonna be okay down there?
Down where?
Laying there in the ropes.
Kinda cozy.
I'm gonna set myself up with my...
Where's my knife?
That knife is like
super evil dude. You can't have it.
No!
Our species is far too stupid
to be carrying stuff like this around.
Boy, it wipes the knife about.
Just very good
at killing.
My intelligence knows no bounds.
He drops it into his bag. Free.
Cuts through the bottom. Stabs her.
She dies.
Now she can lay here for a while.
Nothing evil about killing.
You killed
plenty of people on your way here.
It was an accident.
It got in the way of the hammer.
Feel an overwhelming
pressure over your shoulder.
I lied.
Is it a lie if he believes it?
It's the greatest
lie of all.
I'm gonna be swinging. Oh oops!
Sorry.
Stop flipping.
I'm cold going east.
She'll be fine here.
King's chambers, huh?
Yeah, you guys should do that and just
untie me and
I guess you can have my hat and my dagger
and just go.
No, no, no.
I just don't very well
trust you to go
anywhere of good.
What the?
What the fluff? That's not heroic.
Even your own people wanted you dead.
They only wanted to kill
Jack-O-Jack because Jack-O-Jack
was not king.
What are the king's plans?
Why such reverence for the king?
He is very strong.
What is his goal?
What is he trying to do?
He found the hat.
The true crown.
The one you were faking?
The crown, yes, yes, that one.
The one we've seen in the dreams.
We found it in the tunnels
long ago.
Flashback!
Just kidding. We found it
when we first came here.
Ever since
he's been getting visions.
He says that
if he follows the visions, the hat will grow
stronger. Make him stronger.
It already
gives him strength. Strength that
none of the other true scales have.
Strength that could lead
him to conquer other cobalt
tribes. Strength that
could make him maybe
even as strong as
True Blood Dragons.
Impossible. Stupid.
Heresy!
You should be dead!
Which dragon do you
worship, Gold One?
The Great Green of Hungry
Mountain. What's his name? It's been there
hundreds of years.
Putrefax.
That's pretty cool. I was gonna call you a hair
tick and spit like you did. But you know his
name. Yeah, just try spitting, dork.
My mouth is dry, can I have some water?
Must be cause you're so pooped
out.
I don't have any water, I guess
I do have water. Let me see.
Dammit!
This pours
it on her forehead. Oh, delicious
yummy.
The longer we're standing here talking to this idiot, the more I want to untie them
and let them go. I know, me too.
We should be talking.
This is going great.
You guys are a lot nicer. You know, when I saw that
hammer coming right from my head, I thought
this is it, Jack-O-Jack. You're dead.
But I'm not, I'm here, here I am.
I wanted to.
Talking about maybe letting me go and I think
that's so heroic of you.
Damn. I like her.
I truly don't expect
much from you. But if you want
to join.
Well, no, you're a part of this. How do you
feel about this undead uprising?
Have you witnessed it yourself?
Your own friends? No.
Transforming in front of you?
No. Not in front of
me. Would you like that?
Do you have any friends?
What way to transform?
To take strong dragons?
No, ugly dumb, your limbs
fall off, you gnash!
Maybe if we hang out in this room long enough
we'll see it happen.
You are tied up and there are five
corpses here.
Do you want to see what your
master is truly doing?
Or do you want to join the cause
and fight against this? I'd like to go.
Head to the
Hungry Mountains, you idiot.
Scarab starts undoing the ropes.
Go to the Hungry Mountains.
A true King Kobold is there.
So...no hat?
No hat.
You'll get it back once I get to the
Hungry Mountains. How about that?
She looks at you sheepishly, but...
What about the dagger?
I think it's a long
way to the Hungry Mountains
for one little Kobold.
Your dagger would help.
Please!
I can do you a crossbow.
I...don't...do that.
Look at this
fancy spear. It's just a fucking
stick.
Scarab's going to hand her a dagger
and a week's worth of rations and
tell her to get out.
Not that dagger. A dagger.
Dagger sucks.
Chicken Jack is dead.
Dead, dead, dead.
If your magic is good enough
you can spend some time on that, draw some runes
on it, make it do something cool, but you're
going to do it out of here and far away.
I'm a sorcerer and I don't have many spell slots.
You dork.
Jack-a-Jack, if we gave you back your dagger then you
would be dead because we'd have to kill you.
Why would you do that?
Because you'd have the dagger
back.
I see the problem.
The biggest problem is that we don't trust you.
Okay.
Jack-a-Jack will be going.
Thank you for understanding.
She walks back up to the dais and picks up her stick
and that'll be going.
I knew it!
What's going on with that stick? Give it to me!
Just a stick. No.
Give it!
Detect magic!
You don't detect anybody.
Fine, take it.
It's a stick.
I summon the dragon of all the gods.
By the will of Amun-Ra!
So are they going to shoot you?
Still spinning.
Get out. Go!
Okay.
You guys are pretty nice.
Don't forget it.
Is it nice that the hungry man was...
You're going that right.
Is it nice? Do I have something to look forward to?
I've never been.
Does it make the trip shorter or longer thinking about
the place I'm going?
There's a lot of trees.
Many, many different types of people there.
I used to not like... Look, as a kobold
you're going to see many. Orcs.
Goblins. Hobgoblins.
And gnoll.
I don't like any of those things.
No, but soon enough.
Just go.
Damn, that's ominous.
Okay.
What are the names of my...
My torturers?
My... Saviors.
I'm Shabunga
where Zoabah found at.
The first.
You may call me Scarab.
General. For the Queen Mother.
I wouldn't have given her my name.
And I won't.
Ah!
Rootmore Redmayne.
Don't curse me, witch.
Too late.
Baa!
I shall tell Dale
a Redfor Bloodmayne
and Shabunga-doogoo.
Shabunga-doogoo.
Thank you.
She turns and walks away.
Dang it, I was doing a good job
of keeping character until I saw
Max's face.
Just see your eyes on the screen
as I say Shabunga-doogoo.
Your eyebrows shot up
and I laugh.
Because I root for Redmayne.
Rutford Rootmayne.
Or whatever I said.
Alright, yeah, and she uh...
She saws off.
King's Chambers.
The King's Chambers!
That's what we're looking at, fellas.
Oh yeah.
For next time.
Oh man, my heart beats. That's good.
Ah!
You ready for this?
I'm ready!
I'm ready, you can start now.
The Cursed Caravan.
I'm gonna start over.
Good idea.
You can do it, hon.
The Cursed Caravan
uses trademarks and slash
or copyrights owned by Paizo Inc.
used under Paizo's community use policy
paizo.com slash
community use. We are expressly
prohibited from charging you to use or
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specifically approved by Paizo. For more
information about Paizo Inc. and Paizo
products, visit paizo.com.
The Cursed Caravan theme music that you are
hearing right now is written by
Matt.
That's Matt.
We would also like to thank Michael Kelty Studios
World Reference. The World Reference.
For our peo-
I'm sorry I had to swallow.
Go-ho.
Let me start over because he
deserves this. They deserve this. Also you're gonna want to cut that.
We don't need that clip.
Shit, you're so right.
We would like to thank
Michael Kelty Studios, The World Reference
for Tabletop RPG Audio.
For the music and ambiance that we use
in our episodes.
Thank you Michael Kelty. Thank you.
You can find out more about them at MichaelGelty.com
Check out their Patreon and YouTube
links in the description. Patreon's
lit. Uh, we've got
YouTube. Uh, we've got
Yep, we've got
YouTube.
We've got Spotify. We have all the other podcast
apps that you listen to. Uh,
Matt and M.O.D. also have
YouTube channels. Uh,
Bamboo Trauma. Nope.
Yes. Yeah. Well
it's because I said Matt and M.O.D. Oh. Sweet Boy Toshio
and Bamboo Trauma respectively.
Um,
check them out. Matt also has a TikTok
Sweet Boy Toshio also. Thank you. Go leave
comments on them. Leave comments on our
YouTube. Leave comments on any podcast
app that you listen to and we will read them like
we're about to do right now.
Yeah, episode 41 of
Crown of the Cobbled King and
She's So Dying. That's uh,
the crazy zombie fight.
The elemental zombie fight in the tower. Yeah.
Uh, this is from
The Friendly Dagger.
Uh, he says
The music cutting out when Matt said
Tricky was dead broke my heart.
And also
I love you too. Yes.
Right. That was like what the end of um
Love you Justin.
Love you Friendly Dagger.
Yeah. That was at the end of the fight
when there were what like three people on the
ground? Yeah.
That was scary.
Gosh. That was a tense one.
Guess what? Tricky's not dead.
No. No. Tried to kill him a couple
episodes ago. Didn't work.
He was alive. He's still here. Did I try to
kill him? I did. Oh, okay. I was just
ready for it. I signed off and
I was like, fuck, this is it. I was like, did I
do it? Have I been going after the pig? No, but Tricky didn't want to give up.
The dwarf fight. I think the last time I threatened
the pig. I gave up. Tricky didn't. Was with
the Boocher. The Boocher.
Boocher.
Boocher. Wanna sell that ham? It's scary.
I've never seen a hog so big. Like I
Sometimes I care more about
the little friend than I do my own
character. Yeah.
Thank you, Justin.
Hey, thanks, bud.
Hey, bud.
Thanks there, bud.
Yeah, leave us comments.
You can also email us at
thecruisecaravan.jmail.com
Rate us on all of your
podcast apps of choice
especially Apple podcasts
because Apple
you know. Apparently
it's good. Yeah.
It's Apple. Yeah.
Emma likes it when you're on the YouTube stuff.
Yeah, those are fun.
Those are good fun. All of our contact
information is in the description.
Thank you for being a traveler on
the Curse Caravan. Bye. Thank you.
Bye. Bye bye. Bye.
Wash your hands. Bye.
Get off.
Get out of here. Now I'm part of the party too
now. It's me. I'm a sorcerer.
Wee. Let's get that
in writing. We got a sorcerer.
Yeah. If you just hand me back my
dagger, I can help.
If you could promise. If you could promise.
Let's get this in writing.
Jack-O-Jack never lies.
Okay, sounds pretty good. Except all the time.
Do parrots understand
English or do they just
repeat it? Calcifer
understands English. Calcifer
is not a parrot. It's a cat.
Just for clarification for the listener.
Also, I didn't mean to
pose that question as if I was
Riker from Ripley's Believe
It or Not.
Do you know what I'm talking
about? The guy who's like
he seems like he's
ADHD asking a bunch of random
questions. Do you ever
go wandering? What happens if a sandwich
hits you in the head at 30 miles an hour?
Have you ever gotten lost in a parking lot?
That guy.
We've shown you a supercut of him just asking
questions over and over again. Can a plant
really solve a murder?
He was Riker from. Do tall people make
you scared? From Next Generation
Star Trek.
And then he went on to be the host
of Ripley's Believe It or Not. And he
starts every episode by posing a hypothetical.
And then the episode
is about that. Yeah, yeah.
But apparently I asked.
Have you ever forgotten where you left your car at a
music park? Have you got the plumber lately?