Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our party headed to the Apothecary.
While in line for pancakes, they met Varen, the graveyard groundskeeper.
Later, the group headed out to the Lumber Consortium to share their plan against the
Creeds.
The more answers they get about what is happening, the more questions arise.
That evening, Varen ran up to our heroes in a panic, saying that the dead are rising.
Their story continues now.
Quickly, quickly to the cemetery!
Caught me off guard.
Me too.
Am I ready now, I wonder?
He was ready, I don't know if I am.
Root more swings.
He pugs a swing and runs up to the...
What'd I know?
Root more swings again.
Just to be sure.
Double tap zombie!
So as you call out Scarab, a battle cry to rush to the cemetery, you notice that Varen
is hesitant to follow.
He has shrunk into himself, his eyes cast down.
He was never one for eye contact to begin with, but even now he's staring at his feet
and he's just shaking his head side to side.
And you can hear him quietly muttering, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no!
Varen, tell the sheriff!
Tell him Scarab's going to the graveyard!
Let's go, let's go!
Sausage man!
He holds out a hand and in his hand is a key.
Ooh!
Thank you, Varen!
And then he, without saying anything, not looking at any of you, he spins on his heel
and runs into the middle of town and he continues screaming as you have when he first approached
you.
The dead are coming, the dead are alive, they walk.
Oh god.
Now from what you know of town, the cemetery is a rough 15 minute brisk walk north of town.
Let the western gate do north from there, separate from the town itself.
Oh boy.
Let us power walk, save our energy.
Sure thing tricky!
Alright, let's move to the new map.
Ooh, let's go!
It's green.
Nice, green is green to me.
Can you guys actually see right now or is it hidden?
It's hidden.
It's surrounded by green.
Surrounded by green.
Okay good, that one rolled 20, ladies and gentlemen.
It logged me out.
Ha ha!
Log back in!
It's coming.
Put that thing away!
Can you hurry up, I'm not going!
God damn.
I need to zoom out.
Good, you're seeing it, don't worry.
It's fog of war.
I will reveal in a moment.
As you rush out the western gate, the guards let you pass with no instance.
In fact, the gates are already open, probably from when Varen came through and some of them
are discussing busily with themselves at the spectacle he's made of himself.
They pay you no mind.
And you rush through the gate and you continue down the dirt road.
It slowly slopes and veers north and you begin to see the outskirts farther away from town,
more and more of the trees.
You're not quite going directly into the forest, but this is more of a heavily wooded area.
At the same time now, it is late enough in the day that the sun is slowly finishing its
setting, casting everything in a dark orange, almost blood red glow as you run down the
path.
And fifteen minutes later, you find yourself at the end of the path where a large clearing
has been formed.
Rot iron gates go all the way around where you assume to be the town's cemetery.
Surrounded by woods, you find yourself now on a dirt path leading up to a rot iron gate.
And what you can see almost shakes you to your core.
At the edge of the rot iron gate leading into the cemetery is a mass, what can only be described
as a mass of writhing bodies pressing against the gate.
They're rotten flesh in various states of decay, but those here seem to have been dead
a long time.
The barest remnants of leathery scraps flitter about as they clamor and claw through the
bars trying to reach, push towards what they know to be life, just a mere fifteen minutes
away.
The gate groans and clangs as they heave against it over and over again.
You can hear the creaking strain of the metal trying to hold back the tide of the undead.
It's walking dead.
Scarab is screaming his head off.
Are those two people that were standing outside within your shot?
At the gate, it's fifteen minutes back towards town my friend.
Oh fart knocker.
Alright.
Oh boy.
The amount of zombies that you see in front of you is no less than a small hoard.
They occupy sixteen five by five squares.
No.
It would be the equivalent of a gargantuan creature.
There is a mob of zombies pressing against this gate.
And you imagine that if they continue to do so that before long, they will bust their
way forth and they will make their way to Falcon's Hollow.
Among the grotesque display in front of you, one of the most unsettling features of these
are skin tight, leathery looking zombies.
Others are nearly all bone, just skeletons wandering around.
But each and every one of them, either in their eyes, their noses, their mouths, in
what gaping wounds remain on them, there is this malicious and eerie yellow glow emanating
from them, almost like whisping out of them.
Roll for initiative.
Here we go.
Cody dang ding dang done with this campaign.
Let's kill them all and be done.
Just play as smart as we can.
Don't forget about your incredible initiative.
Don't have incredible initiative, have you?
Let's go down the line here.
Rootmore, what'd you get?
Twenty nine.
Beautiful.
Starob?
Twenty three.
And Monet?
Ten.
All right, starting us off.
Rootmore, it is your turn.
Now before you go, Rootmore, as you're looking around and seeing everything, you can notice
that this fence is old and in disrepair, likely because it's only Varan taking care of the
place.
And you can see on several parts of the fence, there are P2B gaps, just large enough for
somebody to squeeze through.
Rootmore kind of stands still for a second with his jaw dropped.
And then he shakes his head, gets back into the moment.
Scarab?
Go back to town.
The town has to be warned.
You're the fastest one.
Go back to town.
No questions.
And then Rootmore takes his hammer, flips it upside down, goes down to a knee, slams
the hammer onto the ground.
Thirty foot emanation heel.
One, two, three, four, five.
That'll reach.
All right, roll for damage.
That is a fortitude save.
All right.
Oh, I rolled two eight so far.
Okay, twenty.
Rolling the save here.
Pretty good fortitude.
That's a twenty.
Oh, I'm pretty sure that's a fail.
Let me get back there.
Fail, DC-21.
Oh my god.
I rolled a natural seven.
That is a twenty.
I rolled a natural seven.
That is twenty spiritual damage and it's also an emanation against a group.
I don't know if that's extra damage or not.
I don't know what that means.
Well whenever you do, whenever there's like a group like a swarm.
A lot of times swarms are weak to area attacks.
Okay, okay.
Let me double check on that.
Rootmore, I already warned Farid.
I'm kidding.
Rootmore gives you a look like, brother please, brother ew.
No dammit.
That's silly, Emma.
That is silly.
We haven't had a combat in a while and you want Matt to not fight?
He wants to die again.
He wants to be a tearjoker.
He wants to be a martyr.
Oh my god.
Sometimes you need a martyr.
I'm gonna go, I'm just gonna go straight to time to shoot a big hand in the face.
Rootmore's thinking of the situation.
Scarab's a good fighter but one bullet, you know.
That's all he brought.
Four bastards.
Just one bullet.
I'm gonna play my, I'm gonna play my character.
Okay, Rootmore, as your holy convalescence washes over the crowd of zombies, you see
all of them bathed in like this golden hue of light.
Some of them, their heads snaps to the sky and the light shoots out of all of their orifices
before those bodies collapse to the ground.
So it is affecting the horde absolutely, but there are so many that it has not yet made
a dent in the pack.
Does this, seeing that, does it feel like this is just kind of pointless?
No.
No, you feel like what you did had great effect.
You see a number of them, even the ones that weren't immediately smitten by your holy energy,
are still like struggling to reposition themselves.
It's just, we're talking sheer quantity.
You knocked out a bunch of them, but like, you know, one pin out of ten on a thing.
It's like, playing the game, is bowling pointless?
Maybe.
That's not what we're talking about.
Yeah, no, gotcha.
Okay, okay.
Whoa, that doesn't get you anything, but don't you want to be good at it?
Love when you make an analogy and then immediately doubt your analogy and see your shit on it.
That's not what we're playing.
Okay.
Hell yeah, that's it.
That was all three actions.
I hate when you do that because then I don't understand what's happening.
Yeah, it's okay.
Yes, it had effect.
It does not seem pointless.
There is just, you have to understand the scope of what you're dealing with.
You are making a dent.
You've made a huge impact, but there is still a massive shambling horde in front of you,
and that leads up to Scarab to decide what to do next.
It was 15 minutes traveling with my homies.
How fast do you think for a Tricky at full speed?
Let me look at, I mean, yeah, his speed is 35, which is faster than Tricky, or than Scarab.
Yeah, I'd say if you were going to have, if you were to ride back on Tricky, it'd take
you 10 minutes to get there.
Then however much time you spend trying to spread a message and then 10 back.
Yeah, that's a whole fight.
It's beyond a combat.
You'd be gone a while.
Rootmore, you forget that we're playing a turn-based game.
The travel alone would be 200 rounds.
You fool.
Okay, it's not your turn.
We can't speak right now.
No, this really sucks.
Scarab, something you notice right off the rip.
As Rootmore makes his holy prayer to smite some of the undead, they suddenly almost seem
to become aware of living entities in close proximity to them and they press heavier against
the gate, almost like they're surging forward, hungering for your very life.
And you hear the groan and strain against the gate.
No, 100%.
That's why I'm wondering if I can clear this fence.
I did mention that you can see there are several spots in the fence where there are gaps.
For a large boar?
That would be tricky.
So skinny and big.
Come on, come on.
I haven't touched this thing in a long time.
You touched it earlier with fancy water, you goddamn liar.
I know, but I wasn't on Scarab's page.
I have to find it.
You can see a gap in this fence and ahead there's another one right about here.
And just next to where the zombies are, there's another one right there.
Not even on World 20.
I'm looking at you like, oh, oh, there you say.
I like that.
Yeah, I'm just trying to see, cause I can see like, Tricky has acrobatics 9, athletics
11.
I don't remember which one would be for like a long or high jump.
Let me.
I believe jumping is athletics.
Yeah, athletics.
Athletics is plus 11.
That's a, that's a good one.
Oh shit.
Here's what happens.
Brothers and sisters.
Rootmore you call out and remembered.
And I hope, you know, if it comes up, it comes up.
Scarab was just screaming something about a prophecy.
He has fear in his face.
Like he knows this.
He sees you.
You, you see terror in his eyes.
He turns his body to run and tricky grunts, digs his feet in and leaps towards the gate
as as Scarab turns to lead.
Okay.
Would you allow for tricky to stand on his, on, how do I do the, that stand on his high
heat on his hind heels on this point here and then bop, bop land over here.
If not, I can move.
I guess would I get a full 35?
I will allow it.
What I want to see is, uh, I will lead a, this is some crunchy stuff we haven't do.
What about ride checks?
What happens if you land on the back of tricky making the jump?
Are you going to have to do a check to make sure you don't fall off?
I do.
I did for, for reasons like this, I do have assurance and acrobatics, which would give
me a 19.
Okay.
I think you're good.
Yeah.
I wanted to build scarab to stay on tricky as well as possible.
I can roll, but it's, it's going to be hopefully a high roll.
I'll have you roll.
And if it's anything but a one, you stay on it.
Okay.
So go ahead and give me the, give me the athletics to make sure you make the jump and then give
me another to make sure you don't fall off.
Cause yeah, at the end of the day, uh, what tricky is saying is I'm staying here.
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, I'll do ride check first or no, I'll do, I'll do tricky check and then ride check.
Yes.
He makes it.
The queen mother of all is the freshly written dead.
Damn right.
Ridden risen dead.
Oh my God.
Somebody just wrote that sound.
18.
18 clears.
Oh, that's a good one.
18 clears.
The rest of you see this massive bore snort rear back and then sail through the air over
the rock iron fence before it lands with a like tremorous stud on the other side.
And now we could see if it shakes loose its rider.
Oh shit.
Anything but a one and you're good.
It's a 12.
I rolled a three.
You're good.
Oh yeah.
And then Scarab is shaking.
They land and you see him.
Wait, don't you have assurance 19 or whatever?
He has assurance, but I wanted to roll for this.
No, no, no.
I'm saying, Oh, I got you.
Okay.
I wanted to roll for this because Scarab doesn't, he, he's with route more on this.
Uh, they land and he's like, he's got his weapon ready, but he's, he's still shaking.
Yeah.
Go ahead and move yourself.
Ah, you are.
So yeah.
What was the distance there, 10 feet horizontally.
So yeah, say land right here.
Just a big old pop over the fence and go and reveal.
Yeah.
I want to see what's, what's up in here.
It's a little more, which one am I on?
I'm on just the straight reveal.
I'm just going to hiding behind the bush.
Oh, I got you.
Oops.
I know you forgot me.
How's it going?
Okay.
From where you are, we'll give you, let me just go to the other one.
Oh my God, Matthew.
It's terrifying.
Tricky is just a hoping that this pulls them away from the gate.
That's also a really good idea because you're faster than them.
Here's the hope.
Here's the hoping we never know.
I'm going to chase you away from town.
And tricky takes off five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 feet further into the graveyard and
scarab is just kind of wailing in true fear.
And that's my turn.
Oh, well, wouldn't you know?
Yep.
Up next is the hoard.
This is, this is a cute little map.
Cute little map with the where we're all going to die.
The grave sites.
I don't see any open ones.
No room here.
I guess they're, I guess a lot of them are open right now.
All things considered.
Sorry, more.
So it's my nice turn.
Oh yeah.
What am I going to do?
Just make sure you get it out the part where Cody said it's the hoard stern.
I will.
Don't want to confuse the listener.
We just ignore just get little parts of Cody saying, wow.
Oh, I just found a spot where he said natural one, natural one, natural one.
Only if you roll a one, one, one, one.
Cody is just over him on.
Wow.
Cody better luck next time.
Yeah, it's too bad.
We win some, we lose some.
Looks like today you lost some Cody.
Damn this time.
All right.
Scarab duty, your brave display and the loud nature of the thumb.
You begin to draw the attention of the hoard and slowly at first, the ones closest on your
side begin to shamble in your direction.
And as they begin to move and shuffle and groan and rattle and move their way through
the graveyard, it draws the attention of the rest of them.
And as a free action, they will begin to form up into a cohesive unit.
Form up is an action that allows them to move into any one of their squares that they already
occupied as a free action.
So essentially the entire thing pivots on one of its corner and then the hoard begins
to move in your direction drawn by the tantalizing display of fresh meat.
It has ugly nasty.
So let's do, I feel like for them.
God damn.
Okay.
So that's one action to move and then it moves again, continuing forward.
No, no.
So the hoard surrounds you and they begin to claw.
They do not have a special bonus for moving onto your square.
They are just disorganized.
And so the crowd slowly begins to approach.
And as you realize and try to reorient yourself before you know it, you are now surrounded
by the slavering dead and they begin to claw at you.
This is going to be one attack.
Oh, throw my D20 somewhere.
She immediately wants to grab him and he's having it.
It doesn't count, but I'm just curious.
Tricky's rolling disadvantage on this.
Okay.
You take a disadvantage.
Tricky disadvantage.
That's a good idea.
I forgot all about these things.
Oh no, he's slipping.
He's nervous.
We're nervous here, fellas.
Oh gosh.
I'm okay.
I know.
I know you're okay.
You're outside the gate.
You want this guy to go away so he can have a nice happy life without fighting down dead.
I get it.
Alrighty, so taking Matthew's pee-pee in hand.
Grip it tight.
Grip in your pee-pee tight.
All right, rolling two D20s, taking the worst of the two.
They swing out at you.
Okay.
Matthew, I'm sorry.
My two dies.
Nady 18 and a Nady 17, which means the first swing comes at you for a...
Where's the tit?
Oh, I'm sorry.
It is actually not a roll.
You can take your pee-pee back.
It is a reflex save for you.
Okay.
Scarab and Tricky, both of you reflex save, please.
Are you going to use a pee-pee for reflex?
Yeah, you do have that option.
Tricky's going to take a reflex save.
Pee-pee on the reflex for Tricky.
One for Scarab.
All right, collecting two.
One for Matt, one for Memon.
Can I get a die from you?
Yeah.
Do you want Rootmore's die or another die?
Rootmore.
Okay.
Good luck trying to read it.
I have to make a brief note.
Emma, you were correct.
I missed before.
You did more damage than you thought.
Hell yeah.
I'm just going to put it that way.
Now does it...
I don't even know.
Do the weaknesses stack?
I did.
Okay.
So it has one for area and one for positive.
So I included those.
Hell yeah.
Scarab got a 23.
Tricky got a 24.
Good.
But is it good enough?
Probably it is.
It is good enough for both of them.
On a normal success, you will both take half damage for...
That's 11 points of damage, so half of which you will take five points of slashing damage.
11 is pretty nuts.
Scarab is immune to slashing damage.
Nice.
Tricky is weak to it.
Oh no, sliced bacon.
You get a new companion the next day.
That's the rules.
That is it for the hoard.
Then I get an undead boar.
That would be sweet.
That would be awesome.
I will kill it immediately.
Abomination.
Teach the next one to swim so you can get a surf boar.
That's true.
That's too funny.
I was like, this is funny.
I was like, what are we mad at?
Me?
Boo!
Something to note for you, Scarab, because you and Tricky are in the middle of this hoard.
Moving is difficult terrain.
As we were saying before, this was like 15 minutes, so I believe that Monet would have
her elements channeled.
That's right.
You knew you were going into something.
That Monet, master of suspense, steps up to the plate.
Serious look in her eyes, swipe beating down her forehead.
Uncharacteristically nervous.
Okay, so Monet is going to move.
And then she's going to use a new ability that she got at level five.
At the end of her stride, her body starts sparking with electricity, and she's going
to lightning dash through the hoard.
What is happening?
Okay, let's play.
What does that do?
For an instant, you transform yourself into a being of pure lightning and fly forward,
shocking anyone in your way.
Maybe I shouldn't do that.
You might be able to angle it in a way where you don't hit Scarab and Tricky.
Okay, so let me change it to her being there, and then she'll just go this way to here.
To here rather.
Good.
Right into the middle of the hoard?
Yes, right in the middle of the hoard.
I love it.
Do it.
God damn it.
Make it so.
Okay, she will do that.
Yeah, so for an instant, you transform yourself into a being of pure lightning and fly forward,
shocking anyone in your way.
You propel yourself forward in a 30 foot line.
You can move through creatures during this movement, and the movement does not trigger
reactions that are triggered by movement.
Each creature you move through takes 2d12 electric damage with a basic reflex save.
Then you return to your normal form in the final square of your line.
I need a reflex save.
Alrighty.
The zombie thing got that.
Let's go.
Not very good.
That is an 18.
That's a fail.
And it's against my class DC.
That is a fail.
Hell yeah.
Beautiful.
Damn, why do I roll so bad?
I take 8 electricity damage.
Okay.
I'm assuming that that is an area attack, correct?
It does hit anyone in that 30 foot line.
Yeah, I am going to rule that as an area.
Even though it's hitting individuals, we're talking about a horde here.
And so what was your damage, I'm sorry?
8.
8 damage.
And her elements are discharged.
Alrighty.
You can see the zombies that you dash through immediately seize up, almost like collapsing
onto themselves as what remains of their muscles locked together.
Just flying out of their eyes and you can smell this horrible stench of burnt, already
dead flesh.
But as you whip around and look, you can see them slowly forming around you that now you
are also inside the horde.
Anything else from you?
No, that is the end of her turn.
Which brings it round two, Rootmore.
So Rootmore is still on his knee with the hammer on the ground, looking down.
He's up and everything's changed.
His friends are no longer standing next to him.
They're inside the zombie horde!
That's right, that's right, brother.
We took a page from your book.
Fucking...
Oh, hold on!
And he runs through the opening of one of these gates, wherever the hole is.
Where the red marks are, that's a pathway through.
Okay.
So the space between them...
Kitty, stop!
She's laying on my mouse pad and kicking my hands with her back feet while I'm trying
to use the mouse.
Cute!
And she's looking at me like I'm annoying her.
You picked the spot!
Push her butt slightly so she's angled away from you.
There's so much stuff over there.
Push her into it, it's fine.
Push her onto Matt.
Can I stand on this spot or is the bush taking us?
Yes, it's a tree and you'll just be under the shade of the tree.
Okay.
You're fine.
Oh gosh, I need to remember...
It's been so long.
I don't remember how to fight everybody.
Geez!
Doing okay, Rootmore?
I'm perfect!
How's your mental?
Yeah, Monet hasn't been hit, so Rootmore, as he runs forward through one of the holes
in the gates, he'll point his hammer at Scarab and cast Guidance.
Oh, that's only one action.
Oh, cool.
Guidance on both of you guys.
Oh, no way.
Bing, bing, he buffs you up.
Alright.
That's a plus one on saving throws, perception, attack roll, skill check.
It's a choice, right?
Yeah, it's your next one.
Beautiful.
Okay, so each of you now has Guidance and that brings us to Scarab's turn.
Okay, just because I'm having tense, it's tense and it's been a while since I played
my full character.
I'm doing some research here on my character sheet.
I don't remember if I can...
Okay.
Can you only command an animal once per turn?
Yes.
One action to give them two actions, but you can spend two actions to give them three.
My thing is, I have Cavalier's Charge, which is commanding my animal to stride twice and
I do an attack in the middle of that.
Could I use...
A second action after that to give Tricky one more action.
See, I wanted to give Tricky an action first.
You can do that.
Basically, I'd like for Tricky to attack and then us get the hell out of here while I attack
as well.
Yeah, so what you essentially do is you start your turn by spending two actions to command
Tricky to have three.
And that would be that whole thing?
And then you let Tricky do his one action and then do his Cavalier Charge and then you
still have one action left.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, that's exactly what's going to happen here.
Scarab, still shaking, but noticing that this is bad.
Tricky!
And Tricky is going to gnash about as Tricky does.
Try to slam a hole open so we can get out of here.
Come on, baby.
Let's go.
16 to hit.
That does not hit.
No, it does not.
Now as you thrash about, the wriggling mass of flesh just kind of forms around Tricky's
head.
Tricky just like getting stuck in there and Scarab's going to kick him with his heel and
they're going to run out doing a Cavalier's Charge.
Difficult terrain.
So it's going to take...
That's going to be 10, 20.
Yeah, 10, 20, 25, 30, 35.
See, at that halfway point through their movement, that's when Scarab's going to turn around
and let out a wild shot.
Natural fucking 20.
Yeah!
Oh my god.
Give him a guard.
Oh my god.
This is a horde.
The one on this card says two in a row.
Deal normal damage to an additional target adjacent to the original.
Give me both.
Give me both numbers.
You have your way with the numbers?
Yes, sir.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Now earlier when I said I was ready with my die, now I have to grab so many different types
of die.
I can help.
I have them all here.
So the second one is normal damage to the second guy?
Okay, yeah.
So go ahead and give me your crit damage first.
I can't use my mouse anymore.
Why not?
Oh.
She's completely like on the cord.
She's mad at you.
And she gets so mad whenever I move my mouse.
Don't make her mad.
She was so comfortable laying on Mad's hard drive.
Please don't lay on my hard drive.
She just had her little face on it like it's a pillow.
That would make it a pillow.
No, no, no, no, no.
She's pressing buttons on the keyboard.
Her pupils are so big.
I'm gonna keep tickling your belly until you leave.
Please, I'm odd.
This is a serious moment.
I know.
I'm gonna keep tickling your belly until you leave.
Please, I'm odd.
This is a serious moment.
I know.
I'm gonna keep tickling your belly until you leave.
Please, I'm odd.
This is a serious moment.
I know.
Please, I'm odd.
I know.
I don't want her to...
I'm gonna move her.
She's so cute.
Sorry, Matthew.
He's numbering, figuring.
The first one's gonna take 28 piercing magical.
Wow.
The second number is nine piercing magical.
Huge.
Sorry I wasted your guidance.
We're getting a dang old 20.
No.
No, it's good.
You're gonna get a dang old 20.
No.
It's good.
You did that.
You did it.
A 20 is a 20.
I don't care.
It's a cantrip.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah.
I think that it's one action, but...
Your air and shot rips through the crowd.
Not only does your bullet pierce one zombie's head, another zombie's head, but it continues
through and you can see you've sliced a line clear through, not only just with the bullet
that was launched with such ferocity,
but the shrapnel from the bones of the zombies
that it passes through scatter out
and seem to decimate the horde
in a way where the horde actually shrinks.
Whoa!
Yes!
Yeah!
Further on to moment.
Oh, quick though, real quick.
As Scarab looks back and sees that,
he pulls his hand forward,
and the viewer and Scarab see a large amount
of small vines coming back from his palm,
back into his sleeve.
Ooh!
Back to the horde.
Monet, you are now still in the horde.
He's in big danger.
And they continue to try to swarm around you.
They're going to spend two of their actions.
I need a reflex save.
Pretty big one.
Let's go.
Plus what?
A pretty big one.
A pretty big one. I'll just go ahead
and use a PP on that.
I was going to say I still have one,
if anybody,
I'm fighting it.
Okay.
If I don't remember, if anyone's in dire need,
ask for the PP, I'm willing.
I consent.
Come on, he was looking at you, bro.
I was going to say Matthew looking into the camera.
I consent.
Just, you can see him penetrating the fourth wall.
No fucking way.
What'd you get?
Sorry, mom. Two natural plays.
Come on.
Plus what?
I got a six and I got a six.
For a total?
For a total of 20.
That passes.
Yeah.
When is next weekend when we buy Felicia a new set of die?
You will take half damage on, let's see,
altogether that's going to be,
you take eight points of slashing damage.
Okay.
The pancake wasn't worth it.
And as they slashing clamor at you,
they begin to form more succinctly around you,
encapsulating you.
So now you were in the center of this slow shambling,
slathering board.
Moving on.
It is your turn.
Monet, first and foremost, Will.
Golly gosh darn channel her elements.
So sorry, mom.
I'm so, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, you hit her with the golly and the gosh darn.
And then I'm going to continue to play Mass Effect
and lighten the dash out of them.
Charge, charge, charge, charge.
Remember difficult terrain on this.
Much smaller now, so it's less significant,
but the first one will just cost double speed.
Oh, that's great.
Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
Cause then I don't hit,
scary and tricky to right there.
And.
That's a reflex save.
A reflex save.
On my slow shambling hoard.
Yes.
Ooh, pretty good.
How's a 28?
You.
Ooh, that's like it.
Oh.
Suck.
I bet that.
You suck.
And you lead zombies, got name tags.
So basic means that you take half.
Yes.
Half on a success.
So go ahead and roll your damage
and the zombies will do exactly that.
Six damage.
So you take three.
Six, six, six.
Damn.
What a great round.
Golly.
Hail Satan.
Hey, you're out.
You're out.
For now.
Oh, did I do this wrong?
Wait, hold on.
12.
I did do this wrong.
Oh no.
This was.
Oh no.
Four by four.
So that's 16.
No texis, bexis.
12 would be this.
And then.
Cody's just mushing them into an oval right now.
Okay.
It's going to be nine.
I'm not doing eight because that's annoying.
Just imagine that it's a little smaller
than it is right now,
because as your lightning blasts
to the crowd, just like before,
you electrocute, seize up several zombies.
The smell of singed flesh fills the air
and the horde once again shrinks,
this time to its final size,
the size that you guys saw before.
Okay.
Nova charge.
And so that was three points of damage,
plus its area weakness.
The horde is vastly thin from where it was before.
You estimate that there's maybe a fifth
as many zombies as you started with.
And they are all kind of spread out
and discombobulated.
This probably would have been a little better
if I actually used like a bunch of little tokens
instead of one big one,
but one big one would be cool.
Which brings us back to the top of round three,
Rootmoor.
What you got?
You creepy assholes!
Get a hobby, learn a craft,
stop bothering people!
Another three action heal.
And then I need a fortitude save.
Yes!
You beautiful little bald man.
Seven on the die.
That's another eight.
A seven.
Total of a 20.
Eight, seven, eight.
Wow, you're max damage.
Math, math, help.
16 plus seven, 23.
23, you nailed it.
You didn't need help.
Yeah!
Math is in you all along.
Oh my God!
You're a real math head now.
You're real friends with the math
and you've learned along the way.
In unison, all of the remaining zombies,
heads snap upwards towards the sky
and the holy energy infused in them
bursts forth in a shower of light and sparks.
They let out a horrendous screech
before every single one of them collapses to the ground,
still and unmoving.
Oh my God!
They sound like that one video of the container
full of those squeaky chickens.
Exactly.
And then you just push down on them and it goes.
Ah!
Exactly.
And as the graveyard slowly lulls
to a silent, cricket filled night,
you note that there is a dense yellowish looking fog
that seems to come from the energy
emanating from each of these corpses
that slowly begins to seep into the ground
before leaving you all standing in silent darkness.
Oh.
Oh my God!
Guys, you're now in this quiet graveyard
after what you just went through.
What would you like to do?
If anything.
Crisis averted.
Roll credits.
Ha ha ha!
Tricky is hypervigilantly searching about.
I mean, I'll do like a perception check with Tricky,
if I must.
Give me a perception check.
The yellow mist doesn't sound too awesome.
Personally.
Speak for yourself.
So at this point, the yellow mist is gone.
It seems to have like clung around the ground
for a moment and then it almost seems to like
seep into the earth itself.
Hmm, maybe not Scarab, but Tricky has object permanence
and that was not cool looking.
Okay.
It's a 25 for any more undead or the possibility of such.
Tricky's sniffing.
If there's another would be walking corpse,
he'd like to go find it.
Okay, as you're searching around,
you don't seem to come across anything else.
There are no stragglers wandering about
or anything like that.
The graveyard seems calm and quiet.
While he's doing the search,
what are the rest of you doing?
Rootmore would like to do a religion check
to see about this yellow mist if it's,
like what is it normal with undead
or is it some kind of a spell or a curse?
Give me a check.
Ooh, does it look like something we've seen?
I feel like yellow mist is very familiar.
Like Cody's mentioned it before,
but I could be talking out of my ass.
I don't know if that's what I remember from the script.
Oh dude, I'm rolling so well.
That's awesome.
Must be nice.
29 religion.
You've never heard of,
at least in any connection to the undead,
any semblance of yellow mist.
You imagine from what you've seen thus far
that there's like,
you've seen this yellow energy coming from the undead
you've encountered so far from their eyes,
from their noses, from their mouths.
Even now in this horde,
all of them had the same glowing features about them.
Even those that had like hideous gashes
had yellow emanating from them.
The skeletons had yellow emanating
from the gaps in their bones.
And then as they died,
every time you've seen so far when they die,
it almost seems like that light just kind of like
trails out from them.
Like some kind of essence
that kind of dissipates in the air.
But now that there's such a large collection of them,
you assume that whatever this is, this yellow energy
kind of had emanated from them
as they collapsed to the ground
and then dissipated the same.
So we saw that with the undead wyvern
and the undead goblad too?
With the undead dwarves as well.
It's every undead so far you've encountered
in this adventure has had this
strange yellow menacing glow.
Is there any way to tell if it's a spell or a curse
or we just have no idea?
I mean, rolling over the check,
it's not from a spell that you know
or that you've heard of if it is even from a spell.
It just seems there is something about it, sure.
But not that you know of.
Could this be because of their rituals?
Monet wants to read some of the tombstone.
Sure.
Okay.
They're all in Spanish.
Let's showcase you know Spanish.
What does this one say?
That one says if you can read this, you're too close.
Okay, what about this one?
That one right there?
Mm-hmm.
That one appears to be a grave of a child,
relatively short-lived, you assume by the dates on there.
It looks to be about like nine years old
and fairly recent, maybe like three weeks ago or so.
And in fact, some of the graves that you're looking at,
in seriousness, the ones that you're looking at,
you do know one section will say like over in like this area
as you're walking around looking.
There seems to be a set of fresh gravestones
that are new, dedicated to various logging workers.
It appears that the dates on them are from a week
before your arrival in Falcon's Holly, Holly Hollow,
as if there was some sort of incident
that led to several people dying at the same time.
You can maybe assume or infer
that there was some kind of accident.
But yeah, there seems to be like these six graves here
seem to be very recent.
Are they disturbed?
No.
What about this one that doesn't have a dirt mound?
That one right there?
That one says Monet.
Monet sinks into the earth.
There's a stone on her.
Kicking those elemental things.
You guys look over and it's just Monet from the neck up
and she's just sitting there staring at her own gravestone.
Looking at these gravestones, the fresh ones,
are any of them more decorated than the others?
No, no, they all seem to have the same, it's very bare bones.
Like team leader or anything like that.
No, just carved stone and there's no decoration on them
or any kind of special insignia for any of them.
It's probably something that,
you all wouldn't probably have them committed here.
Something that happened on the job.
Rootmore, I wanna dig one up.
I don't know.
Pray tell.
Why?
We don't know if it's gonna happen eventually.
Is it ready to burst now?
Is it trying to crawl out?
Is there a sign of what's doing this?
There are a bunch that are still covered, yeah.
I would assume.
A decent number of them, yeah.
Can we look at these corpses that we took out
and let the clothing tell if they literally came
from this graveyard or if they came from somewhere else?
Sure, give me a perception check.
20.
Oh well, that's better than me, yep.
Mm-hmm.
I give myself guidance, 21.
How about an 11?
That is fucking well, right?
I can't do that after a roll, it's cheating.
Rub on your chest a little bit as you think.
My dice are rolling so bad today.
When you was a 20?
That's what I got.
Okay.
Higher than a 10.
I got an 11.
And I'm sorry, you're looking over what specifically?
I guess clothing, just to see if time and desperation.
If they came from this graveyard
or if these zombies came from somewhere else.
So a lot of the corpses are the ones
that you guys just dealt with are...
Some of the bodies look like they've been buried so long
that the clothing has all but deteriorated.
There are some that are leathery and worn
like their skin has dried.
They've been here for who knows how long, decades, centuries.
There are others that are just straight skeletons.
They've been here long enough.
Some of the fresher ones are wearing mostly peasant's garb,
things of that nature, nothing that stands out.
Looking around the graveyard,
you can see a few more holes in the fence,
but if they were to have come from anywhere else,
it's hard to say where they would have come from
or why they would have gathered here
as opposed to anywhere else.
So you can infer the most likely is that
those that were here gathered at the gates
were brought from here.
Okay.
All sorts of races.
Yeah, I mean, predominantly human.
There's a few maybe mixed races in them,
maybe a couple gnomes or a dwarf or two, but...
They all seem to be the same.
The population of this crowd
matches very much the same as Falcon's Hollow.
We see the graves that have been crawled out of, I guess.
Yeah, absolutely.
There are several of them right now
that are just basically trenches or holes dug straight up,
almost like rabbit burrows
where something just came straight out of the ground.
And it seemed like, unless our homeboy Varan's
been dealing with this for weeks,
it kind of seems like this was like,
boom, this is happening today.
When you guys saw him just this morning,
it'd be really weird to have this problem
and be in line for pancakes.
Just every day he comes up and he's like,
oh yeah, but then again he's...
Oh, by the way, oh shit, I forgot about the zombies.
Which isn't too far off.
I mean, but at the same time,
he's got a history of flipping out for no reason.
Yes.
And who knows if that reason wasn't no reason or not.
Right, it's hard to say,
but that is one reason that when he was running
through the town, nobody else seemed to care.
But you showed up on the time
that apparently he needed you most.
And that means nobody's coming.
Cause we sent him.
Most likely.
Yeah, we sent him to go.
You know, he has a history of violent outbursts
and, well, histrionics.
He's a special individual.
It's just this was the time destiny has its way.
Ritmore pulls the key out that he gave him.
And he's just kind of doing what I'm doing,
just kind of shaking it in his hand and looking around.
Where do key go?
Scare, see it.
And bring up.
Either that's for this gate that we just went through
or for his place, which isn't too far down the road.
Right, if you were to look around the main gate
where all the zombies were gathered,
has a large old-timey, not padlock,
but a large keyhole in it itself.
It's probably the key to the grounds of the cemetery.
Most likely when he saw what was happening,
he ran through the graveyard,
shut the gate behind him,
and locked it before running into town.
Yeah, Ritmore will walk up to it and try it.
Just see if it works.
It works, the gate is unlocked.
Cool, okay.
He's gotta lock it back up.
Okay, anybody else doing anything?
Scarab would like to, with, you know,
he'd bring it up to Ritmore.
He'll bring it up to Monet as well.
I wanna dig one of these graves.
Just so we know,
because if we go back to town and they pop up, who knows?
Well, Ritmore pulls the book out.
You can turn away, buddy.
Starts flipping through it.
It's technically not an anathema for me.
It's for the greater good.
I hope I said that word right.
But yes, it is for the greater good.
You feel like you nailed it.
Oh, thank you.
Here's a pee-pee.
Torak, thank you.
You said it right.
It's one of those words you read,
but you've never said out loud before.
I'm sure everyone has a word like that.
When I first read it out loud, I said anathema,
and then I looked it up and I was like, nope, anathema.
For me,
Just sounds like an emo song.
For me, I remember years ago, charisma.
I didn't know if it was charisma or charisma.
Nah, dawg.
Because I'm an idiot.
Nah, dawg, drop it all these days.
Jesu is.
I mean, if you don't know a word
and there's nobody that'll teach you,
you just have to figure it out
and tell somebody, oh my poor dear.
Did you mean?
That's very true.
It's like what I tell my boys.
It's like, you're not stupid.
Everybody has to learn something at some point.
You're not just born knowing things.
Every thing that comes out of our mouth
is made up from the start.
People take great offense to being called ignorant,
but I willfully know that I am ignorant.
There's a lot of things I just don't know.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
I mean, there is something wrong with knowing
that you don't know and then not trying to find out,
but there is nothing wrong with being confronted
with a sudden instance of not knowing.
It's a bunch of shit I don't know.
Yeah.
I wanna learn.
I think when people say ignorant, they're saying that.
Oh, you just don't wanna know.
I think that's what the insult is.
Yeah, but most of the time,
the people that spout ignorance as a decry
against you are also ignorant.
That's one of the big things to know is just like,
we're all just worms in the soup
wiggling about trying to figure our stuff out.
We're all meat sex.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
We all need sex.
That's what I heard too.
No, no.
If you listen to Time Suck, we're all meat sex.
No, a million hundred percent.
We're just meat puppets,
just playing our little pretend game.
And we're literally playing a pretend game.
All right, so what's all this about digging up a grave?
Scare wants to know.
Okay.
What's the body looking like?
He has his gun out and he's digging with the front of his gun.
He's digging around with his gun.
He's just playing with his gun in the graveyard.
Don't put your hair on the surface.
You know nothing about firearms.
Oh, you narc.
You leave me alone.
I'm gonna shoot all this dirt off this grave.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
I don't have a shovel.
Does anybody have a shovel?
Oh, Foday.
Scare best claws.
You turn your powers into different weapons.
Can you form a shovel?
I was thinking about asking the sky if I could do that.
I mean, you can make it.
Foday, can you just pull this all out?
You can make a glaive.
Yeah.
That's basically just a non-curved shovel.
So I would.
And it's not like you have to worry about it getting dull.
Like it's, you make it fresh.
Big deal.
So I was looking for it right now.
Where is it?
And I'm pretty sure glaive is one of the options on your.
Weapon, it is weapon infusion.
Well, it's not, it's, so I can do a reach weapon
and I choose a glaive.
I get to choose a weapon.
I think, does a shovel have reach?
Shovel.
Add one of the following traits to your weapon of choice.
Agile backswing, forceful reach sweep.
Yeah, I mean, if you can just choose a weapon,
a shovel is a weapon, make a shovel.
Just give me a heavily dented battle ax.
I'll call it a shovel.
That I'm not sure about with that
is after I make an attack with it.
It goes away.
It just explodes.
Yeah, but does it cost anything to do?
No.
Just reaction.
Can't trip, can't trip, can't trip.
Exactly.
Yeah, just did it.
Let it fly.
One pile at a time.
Funny thing is you get the dirt up
and then the weapon disappears.
So you're just digging up the same pile.
Three, four.
Every good hit, just faster, faster, faster.
No, I love that.
I'll allow that.
So you'll channel your elements in for me.
Half the work.
An elemental shovel and you will constantly reform
and separate your elements to dig away this hole.
Well, since it's a free action,
I guess you could just kind of concentrate on it.
Sure.
Just keep making shovels as all of us dig one time.
Yeah, get like a non-Euclidean shovel
that kind of looks like a shovel,
but then suddenly you're holding a snake
and then it's a shovel again.
Yeah, it just kind of shifts a little bit in your hands.
Trying to dig in a dream.
It's a mind drift.
Oh, bro, feed.
Okay, so which grave are you all going for?
Move on up if you're doing.
Oh, shoot. The child's grave.
This is important.
We're in a universe, moving it.
We go for the child.
Destroy the child.
I don't know, but I mean, if...
We going for one of the six newer ones?
Let's look for one of the funniest tombstones.
That's what I was trying to do.
Well, I was saying the new ones,
so we can, I would like to go for a newest one
to see how far along that has gone.
If it works, this is testing hypotheses.
Yeah, and I mean, this is only based on the markings
on there, it's what, like a week and a half to two weeks ago?
Because it was about a week before you first arrived.
So these would be the freshest.
And in fact, on some of them,
you can still see the soil like mounded on top of them,
not pressed flat due to weather and time.
Which one we doing?
Let's go with this back corner one.
I don't think newest matters
because the zombies that we destroyed,
they were new and old.
But how new?
Well, there were newer, none of the ones that you saw were,
some of them were like leather skin
and some were no skin at all.
So they all were in various states of decay,
but a lot of them seemed much older.
Because like if something's been dead a week,
it's not gonna be a skeleton.
Even if something's dead.
Yeah, these are definitely maceated.
It's not gonna be leather skinned at that point.
This is the olden times, they probably just,
oh man, he died in the field, put him in a box, he buried.
And so like, also it's a logging town,
so you can assume that a lot of them had coffins,
but could also just be they just didn't bother with coffins
because that's kind of like a newer trend
where we worry about putting people in boxes.
Before people cared about putting people on the ground
because it was good for the soil.
Or because it more likely because it was cheap.
You didn't have to pay to dig a hole.
It was good for the soil.
Weird for your veggies.
I can see potatoes taste.
Like I have experience.
It's weird with the veggies.
Yeah.
Ever had graveyard veggies?
Yeah.
All right, so Monet, you begin digging into this grave.
You guys just gonna watch while she does it?
I mean, if there's a.
Guidance, guidance, guidance.
If you would allow Scarab.
Magic missile, magic missile.
If you would allow Scarab or Tricky
to dig the grave beside as well.
Tricky could do it.
I think you can move earth with Tusk.
Yeah, he'd go for that.
It's like he's looking for a truffle.
Scarab's just gonna keep watch.
There's the hole she did.
Okay.
So the two of you begin digging as
as Rootmore just flails his finger
in either of your directions.
Guidance, guidance, guidance.
And before long, maybe about
10, 20 minutes or so,
you hear a thunk as you hit wood.
Moment of truth.
Yeah, Scarab would be happy to be the one to climb
down in there and check it out.
Okay.
Gun drawn.
As you.
Cocked and ready.
Open your respective coffins.
There's a struggle to lift the lid
for a moment due to the worn nature.
Some of them are nailed down as well.
So I'm gonna go ahead and need an athletics check
from you guys to force these open.
15 for Scarab.
Guidance.
16.
Yes.
No.
Monet.
No.
Guidance, Monet, guidance.
Just like little bottle rocket.
Just launching it at him.
15.
Nice, okay, both got the same.
You give a great heave and you feel the wood
already starting to fester from the dampness of the soil.
Cracks and splinters under your hands
before you hear a loud snap and the lid comes free.
Each of you, one after the other, thunk, thunk,
opens your lids and you're looking down
at a relatively fresh corpse.
Of course, by this time, Brigham Mortis has already set in.
The beginnings of decay have started,
but it still has its hair.
It's still dressed in the nicest clothes
that their loved ones could provide for them.
Let's see real quick.
Monet, odds or evens?
Odds.
Monet, on the one in front of you,
you denote his arms are folded in front of him
and he is clasping what appears to be
a rather ornate looking dagger in a sheath.
Well.
To avoid the zombie apocalypse, I want to be cremated.
Same.
To avoid the zombie apocalypse.
Yes.
I don't wanna have to be re-dead.
I'm gonna be made into cereal and people have to eat me.
Mm-hmm.
If you loved me.
I'll make sure to die before you come here.
I'll know.
I'll be there in hell angry.
I want my consciousness to be given to AI.
Oh dang.
I want a cereal sabbatical too bad.
I want to become an AI.
Except instead of life, cereal would be
cinnamon flavored death.
Can you watch an episode of Black Mirror with me sometime?
Of cinnamon.
All right.
Scarebrew's as much the same saying as the dagger.
Monet, do you wanna do anything with the dagger
in front of you?
It's ripe for the taking.
It detects magic.
Sure.
It gives off a slight aura of magic.
I found a magic dagger.
Oh.
Let me see.
Monet, let me see. No, it's mine.
Monet.
No. No, back off.
Or more like the top of the hole
just reaching nowhere near you.
Monet, put it in her pocket.
Thanks.
You can go ahead and roll a check on that if you'd like.
What is it?
Do you have arcana?
She do have arcana.
Go ahead and give me one of them.
Okay, I'm just gonna try rolling with my right hand.
You got this?
Best rules you've ever had.
Is it arcana or arcana?
However you wanna say it, doesn't matter.
Language is made up.
That is a 22.
So you're saying that all matter of fact.
I mean, it's funny.
It only matters to people that care.
Technically, it should be arcana,
but people say arcana all the time.
I know, it just sounds so yee-haw.
Is it Arkansas or Arkansas?
Well, one of them's got the letters in the wrong place,
so I'll say the one that's not doing that.
Yeah, see, I mean, it should be Arkansas,
but tell anybody there and you'll probably get shot.
All right, anyway.
22, you said?
It is a plus one striking dagger.
Hell yeah.
You can see now the runes etched on the handle.
The labels.
Take me.
All right, and Monet, as you look over the runes
on this dagger, the moon is just starting to peak,
giving a pale silvery glow over the graveyard itself,
and you catch just the barest glint and gleam of it
over those runes.
They almost seem to sparkle at you as you look
until suddenly with a start,
you feel a hand shoot up and grab your wrist.
And as you look down,
the eyes of the corpse in front of you slowly open
and a devilish yellow glow begins to emanate from them
as its mouth rattles open with a
aahhhhhh.
Scarab, the same happens to you.
Roll for initiative.
No.
You didn't give me a chance.
You didn't let me do nothing.
My ass was gonna tell Rootmore to come over
and do a heal spell.
Oh my God.
God, dearie.
Don't just grab it tonight, babe.
We came down here for a reason.
Now we're gonna die down here.
I'm sorry.
It's just one.
Just one.
Just give me a moment here.
Not even worth popping a heal on these fuckers.
It's not even worth it.
He's here for you!
Help.
I'm going to Taco Bell.
Y'all have fun.
Let me see here.
Ugh, God.
Okay. Gross.
Natural warm.
Really?
Yeah.
No!
Ha ha ha.
Big surprise.
It's tricky down there with you.
No.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Big hit.
Rootmore hops on tricky and rides into town.
You suck.
I'm gonna do what you were supposed to do.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
All right.
Rootmore goes straight to the bar.
I need a drink.
I got a...
24.
I'm losing friends left and right.
24 for Monet.
Rootmore, what'd you get?
20.
20 even.
And for Scarab.
13.
All right, that works out because the one in front of Monet
is fastest as it grabs your hand with a supernatural strength.
You feel it begin to squeeze as it pulls itself forward,
attempting to bite at your hand.
Um...
Dang, that's a 27 to hit.
Yep, that's a hit.
Ugh.
Eight points of piercing damage as its rotted teeth begin to
slide into your wrist.
She's been infected.
No, don't give him ideas.
Ha ha ha ha.
Stop it.
Now, that doesn't happen, but more horrifically...
Your hand's gone.
The creature begins...
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Not again.
To feast.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh no.
As it bites into your arm, it pulls back, ripping away
a chunk of your flesh that it begins to gulp down voraciously.
You will take...
Ahhhhhhh!
Two points of slashing damage.
It's just easy eating a scab.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hey, are these attacks at minus two since he's laying down?
Uh, the first one, I'm sorry, that was a 27,
so does a 25 still hit you?
Yes.
Okay, that's good.
The second one is not a roll, so.
The second one is two hits,
because the last thing it did was a bite.
Yeah.
Oh man.
And the last that'll happen is the creature releases
your hand before its body contorts and twists
with several cracks and snaps.
Sitting up first, twisting its spine backwards,
propping its hands against the coffin's base
before its hips twist and snap as well,
and now the creature spins in place
on all fours snarling at you.
Yucky dork, get out.
Yucky dork.
Nasty.
Question, and it's probably a no.
Attack of opportunity, Ritmore standing at the very top,
looking down at Monet.
How deep is this?
Do you get reactions before you've gone?
And then we ask this a lot.
You do unless you say otherwise.
I don't want you to.
Okay.
I'm just kidding, go ahead.
You can make an attack on its movement.
Um, I mean it's not leaving a threatened square.
It's standing up.
Actually, technically it did a manipulate action
to feast on the flesh, so I'll let you do an AOO
on when it tries to tear away Monet's flesh.
If you critically succeed, you will save her
that small amount of slashing damage.
Okay, thank you.
I think we're working out.
Okay.
First time doing this with this huge bonus.
Never done AOO.
25 to hit.
Yo.
25 is a hit but not a crit,
so go ahead and lay your damage.
Hammer time.
First time striking with the plus one striking war hammer.
Let's go, baby.
God damn it.
Ha ha ha.
Two damage.
Uh, seven.
That's two D10 plus three, I rolled seven.
Oh no.
Seven hammer damage.
Same thing happens.
And, okay, so seven bludgeoning.
Alrighty.
I rolled a two on both D10s.
Okay, everything else still happens.
The creature is now on all fours.
It is Monet's turn.
Is there enough space in this hole
for me to drop a whirling grindstone on it?
We'll say yeah.
Each grave takes up about 10 feet in length, so sure.
Okay.
In fact, I'm gonna move y'all real quick
to better reflect this.
We're gonna do like this and I can move.
Uh, actually, because you're both in there,
you're each taking up five feet.
If you can get out of there,
you could drop it in your place.
Okay, Monet is going to channel her elements
because I didn't say that I did that last time
after she used her.
Did you have to in order to make your strikes?
I would have, yes, you're right.
Thank you.
Very good.
Okay, nice, nice, nice, nice.
Yeah, actually you were short one action
because you were doing your little guidance
over and over again, so on your turn,
just two actions, just remember that.
No, no, he wasn't.
He moved forward and then did two guidance.
I remember.
So you don't have a turn coming up.
Got it, three actions spent.
Thank you for being honest.
Stop it.
Stop.
Okay, so then I still think that I will do my new plan,
which is Monet will do a two action elemental blast
on this guy.
Blasting.
Taking that shovel that she was digging,
dematerializing it and throwing the shards into his face.
Okay.
That is a 21 to hit.
That's a hit, lay it on him.
Yes.
That is a 17 slashing or piercing.
Piercing, okay, 17, wow.
Which one's better between piercing and slashing?
It's that.
Your attack does a tremendous amount of damage
against this creature and you can see,
even though it's on all fours,
you can hear a thud against the coffin
as the impact of your blow causes its torso
to collide with it before it bounces back up.
However, because the creature,
you now get a better look at it,
is covered in these hideous pustules all along its body.
As your attack pierces it, the pustules themselves burst.
A shower of sickly pale yellow liquid flies
in your direction.
Please give me a reflex save.
I'm at a disadvantage.
Is, I don't like asking, but I'm just asking,
but does it hit more as well?
Because he was close enough to do an AOL.
Yes, give me a reflex save.
Favor for favor, Cody.
Thank you.
We play good, honest, fair pathfinder here,
where sometimes we ignore the rules
only because we don't know any better,
but it's all for the best.
25.
Natural 20.
Beautiful, okay.
No more, you take no damage.
And for Monet, a paltry one point of poison damage.
Not a poison status, just a one-time hit of poison damage.
Okay, Monet's gonna crawl out of this hole
with her last action.
Oh, do I get fun reactions?
No.
No, I don't.
It doesn't happen a lot in 2e.
And she will, yeah, just crawl out and take,
just a little step back, just to be close enough,
but not the target.
Yeah.
That'll bring us around.
Two-set target, root more.
Oh, good.
How deep are the holes?
About five feet.
All right, you silly loser.
Divine Lance points his hammer at this disgusting beast.
Is that 16 or an 18?
That's a 16, so 27 to hit.
Divine Lance.
That, my friend, is a critical hit.
Ooh!
Nice.
Oh!
So that's 84 coming at you.
Oh, jeez, Louise!
All ones, baby, all ones.
Ooh!
Do you have enough D4 for that?
No, I don't.
I help, I help.
Hang on.
You should have waited to roll eight D4 at the same time.
How often are you gonna get the roll eight D4?
I know.
22.
Oh, nice.
Spiritual damage.
The two of you see, like,
Roomer real back with his hammer
and slam down as this, like, spike of energy flows out
and as it hits the bottom of the box,
all you can see from above is a great shine of light
come out of the grave as the creature lets out a screech
and is all but incinerated.
Ha ha!
Scarab, I'm going to steal your kill
and he runs towards Scarab's grave and that is it.
And Scarab, it's your go next.
One in front of you, equally pussy.
Yeah, technically I haven't reloaded.
So I'm gonna have to reload.
It's okay!
They don't have attack of opportunity.
No, reactive strike.
What are you talking about?
Ha ha ha!
Put the book away!
Ha ha ha!
Just be real calm about it.
I'm inside of a grave.
Ha ha ha!
Whee!
Ha ha ha!
The freshly rising zombie in front of you.
Look, it's been three seconds.
I don't know what just happened over there, brother.
Ha ha ha!
I'm a very small man.
Uh, let me see.
Scarab is going to reload his weapon.
Eww!
And he's going to scamper away.
Uh, because he is adjacent to an enemy,
he's gonna get an extra five foot of movement speed
and he'd like to get out of this hole.
Beautiful, that five feet on its own
will get you out of the hole
and then move wherever you want.
Uh, if possible, he'd just...
Well, I guess it would be an action to get back on Tricky.
He'll just, he'll get up behind Tricky.
You want your, uh...
Here, let's go ahead and just...
I'm gonna move Tricky token over here.
I'm gonna move...
You were here.
Go ahead and move yourself your five
and we'll have Tricky just next to you outside the hole.
Okay, so yeah.
I'll keep Tricky right there.
Sure.
Scarab's gonna run around the back
and he's gonna command Tricky to strike.
Let's see.
Eww!
22 to hit.
That's a hit.
He gonna gore this...
He gonna gore this fella.
Ooh, nice.
15 points, uh, Piercing.
Yeah, huge.
And Piercing, you say,
I'm gonna need a reflex save from Tricky
as those pustules burst in kind.
Oh, that's gonna be a pass with a dang old 29.
29, that's a critical success, no damage.
29, I gotta roll it too.
Oh, that's a 10.
I'm gonna die, where's my reflex?
22.
You will take half on yours,
one point of poison damage.
Ah!
And that squealing pig's going off,
swing on that zombie again.
Ornick!
Arrrm, not a good one.
15 to hit.
That one's a miss.
Good job, Tricky!
That's it.
Arrrm, let me see, that was...
Reload, run, yep, that's it.
All right.
The creature's body begins to twist
and contort in the grave.
You have already used your AOA 1-0,
new round, because your new turn.
You can take another attack of opportunities.
The creature begins to twist its body
into a malformed four-legged being.
So they're like...
And this is something we weren't seeing
from the other ones?
Correct.
Ah, that's not good!
Please, for some reason, have a,
what is it, a penchant for four-legged movement.
What's happening?
Ew.
So Rootmore's standing at the edge of the grave,
just holding his hammer like he's playing Whack-a-Mole.
He's like, oh, I gotcha!
Swings his hammer.
Come on, buddy.
Oh no, 20 to hit.
That's a hit.
Oh, cool!
Uh, what is it?
Two D10, where are you?
There you are.
Where are you?
Oh.
Fuck!
It rolled worse.
Two ones on each 10.
Oh my god.
Five bludgeoning.
Wow.
Gotcha!
Mr. Fighter.
Fuck.
I know it's easier,
I know it's easier to see where they are
if you're just looking in the center of the screen,
but please look at your target.
This post-war striking room has not paid off.
Awkward way to hit a thing.
You're swinging down into a hole
of a thing that is currently trying to get lower
to the ground.
It's a heavy S-hammer.
And as he does, he springs out of the hole,
jumping up onto the lip of it.
Sorry, let me give this guy a red X, he died already.
You don't die.
The wonderful thing about Tiggers.
Squirs out of the hole before moving,
actually he doesn't even have to.
He jumps up onto the tombstone itself
and slashes out at you,
Rootmore trying to scratch you.
Which is 28 days later.
That's gonna be a,
where is it?
Sorry, suspense.
No, no, it's Tobey Maguire.
27 to hit.
Oh, it's a hit.
Tobey Maguire, he is back in from zombie.
Squatting.
That is, I'm sorry, rolled the wrong dice.
Wrong die, rather.
They only make a new Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire,
if it's a A24 zombie movie.
Seven points of slashing damage.
Ah!
Zombie Maguire.
And it will also try to bite at you.
As it slashes, it feels self-connect with you
and it tries to pull you closer to bite.
Rootmore, please.
Stop!
Oh my God, I got it again.
23 to hit.
No, sorry.
22 to hit.
Not a hit.
Get that shit out of here!
Not a hit, baby.
Rolled a 16 two times in a row.
Wow.
All right, that one is a miss.
And as we come up to the beginning of round two,
you hear around you a, like a boom, boom, boom.
You can feel a vibration in the earth as...
Oh, here they go!
Yeah!
Come on.
Three hands burst forth from the dirt
and out from them crawl more of these same creatures.
There's one, two, and three.
Each of you can hear from under the ground
the muffled shriek of these creatures
as they slowly begin to clamor forth
their pale, pustule-covered skin
glistening in the moonlight
as the moon continues to rise behind you.
And that is all the time we have for this week.
That's too fast.
Jeez Louise.
How do they dig out so fast?
How many actions does that take?
Less than you guys, but they don't need shovels.
They had a ready to action
and they used it before their turn.
Oh, start digging when it's about to be your turn.
Ah, the action happened.
No, they're here.
I see a lot of whining and not a lot of praising me.
So let's try that again, okay?
Stop.
Watch us kill Cody next week.
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We are expressly prohibited from charging you
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For more information about Paizo Inc.
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The Cursed Caravan theme music
and the beat you're hearing right now
is written by our very own Matthew.
We would like to thank Michael Guelphi Studios,
the world reference for tabletop RPGs
for the music and ambiance.
You can find out more at
Guyph, Guyph.
Guyphy.com.
And you can find out more about Michael Guelphi
at michaelguelphi.com actually.
Both of you so much.
But Michael, you've done a lot more for our podcast.
Thank you.
So far.
Check out their Patreon and YouTube links
in the description below.
I'm talking about Michael Guelphi.
Manifestation.
When I say that.
Leave us a comment and read us five stars
on your podcast app of choice,
especially Apple Podcast.
And YouTube.
And I'm getting there.
I'm excited man.
Spotify also allows you to rate and leave comments.
And I mean, I don't know if you know this,
but you can also.
YouTube.
I love YouTube.
Oh guys, we need to do video
so you can see Felicia's face right now.
You can also, you're not gonna see my face.
You can also leave comments on YouTube
where Emad uploads all of our episodes
in a video format.
Well, some of them in a video format.
You get it.
Emad, you got any comments?
Yeah, Cody and I did a video of Project Zomboid.
One of the greatest games ever made.
Holy crap.
Fitting for this episode.
Project Zomboid, if you can't tell.
Game with zombies.
We got a comment from Nurse Ratchet
that said more cursed caravan?
Yes, please.
What's up Ratchet?
And they put a timestamp.
Four minutes, 39 seconds.
I had to look that up.
What was it?
It was the little skit that I put
in the middle of the video of me editing.
You guys just have to check the video out.
Yeah, that's a good one.
It's silly.
It's a skit about a true story.
It happened so.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
Thank you Nurse Ratchet for those comments
and thank you, you, that's you that's listening now.
Yeah.
Take your finger and point it at yourself.
Yeah, no, next to you, you, yes, you, you, yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for leaving comments.
Go ahead, go on, go do it.
We'd love to talk about it.
Hell yeah.
We love seeing them, we love reading them.
We will read them on the podcast.
It helps our lives and it's free.
It is free.
It doesn't help me much, but I think it's fun.
Helps him out, that helps me.
So yeah, get on those comments.
Self-assured.
Let us know what you think.
Make him out happy.
Why do you always say that?
What do you mean?
Make all of us happy.
Not just me.
It does make me happy after you're happy.
Mostly, I'm not happy.
I'm not happy until you're happy.
It's mostly, mostly.
Shut up Cody.
Cody just said that it doesn't affect his life
all that much, so.
Cody doesn't care, I do care.
To make Matt happy.
Hold on.
If you don't want to make Matt happy, make Matt.
I care.
Wait, I want to care.
All of our contact information is in the description.
Thank you so much for being a Trauma on the Cursed Care Band.
Bye.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Why did you say Trauma on YouTube?
Bye.
What's up Felicia, who raised your hand?
It's the afternoon.
You'll recall that as you were walking up,
I said the sun was doing the last bit of its setting,
baiting everything in a reddish orange glow.
No, I didn't.
That's why I thought you were trying to make us
play Seven Days to Die.
No.
I was just, because we just had breakfast
and I burned my hand on a pancake.
Yeah.
If we're going to backtrack it real quick,
you had breakfast, then you went and talked to people.
Then you went to another area to talk to people.
Then you went and waited in line for pancakes.
You went, you did the pancake thing,
you went and talked to Yarlben,
you were out there for a while, you came back.
I gave you time during that last episode,
if you were to listen back, every time he goes,
went somewhere, I was like, it is now.
This time, it is now, this time.
I see, I see, okay.
Yeah, I've been, I'm not just dropping night on you
out of nowhere, in our three hour day.
Why do you do this?
Just trying to keep continuity.
I don't remember any of that.
How dare you?
I'm the bad person.
All right, well, as long as you know.
I'm sorry. Moving on.
For the listener, I'm talking to my cat.
I didn't ask Felicia, why do you do this?
Why do you do this?
My cat's trying to put her face in my drink.
No, no, I like that.
Cut this explanation part out, leave the other part in.
No.
Why do you do this?
I'm bullied.
I don't remember you the way that you are.
Does anyone need to take a shot?
Yes.
Toreg, be with us today.
We're gonna take a shot.
Pausing.