Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, Scarab and Monet were able to save Rootmore from bleeding
to death.
As the party made the decision to rest in the store room, they heard a voice call out
to them.
The group moved in to investigate and it was Cobryn, the town butcher.
Our heroes freed him and made the decision to immediately head back to Falcon's Hollow.
On the way there, they were attacked by a Wyvern.
Their story continues now.
Okay.
So I am, I am a person that consumes TikTok and I see the TikTok trends.
And I am a woman, so I see a lot of the trends aimed at women and one that I saw and I just
wanted to ask you guys because you guys are like three of the main men in my life.
Manly.
Did you say manly?
Manly men.
Just tell the listeners how big we are.
We're awesome.
So, for, no, give them a, give them a good look at these biceps.
Can you hear it?
For the listeners out there, what brought on my question is I walked into the room and
all three of them were making bear noises and for the women, you know where I'm going
with this.
Because, because it's.
See that's a good one, Amar.
It has been a pretty popular trend on like TikTok.
So I have to ask y'all with me being a woman in your life, would you rather leave me in
the forest alone with a bear?
Like a, like real dangerous bear?
One of the, one of the more dangerous bears or a man?
Polar bear.
Um, what, what man?
What type of man?
It doesn't matter.
It's a stranger.
A total rando stranger?
It's a stranger.
Bear.
See, that's, that's what's so tough.
First thought immediately was, well, hold on, if it's a total stranger, all you have
to do is run faster than him and the bear will get him.
No, it is one or the other.
One or the other.
And I want, I want y'all, I want y'all each to answer and then I want y'all to answer
and then I want to hear each of your like reasonings separately.
I got you.
So Emma says bear.
Cody?
I say, no, not reasoning yet.
You said reasoning.
Okay, just wait.
Yeah, but after, I just want everyone to answer and then we'll go through reasoning.
Okay.
If y'all want to.
Bear or man?
But I guess, um, cause the, look, and I know that this is the conversation.
I think it's a really good conversation.
Wait, before we get into the whole conversation, I just want to hear your answer and then we'll
get into it.
Like what we know about the man is that he's a stranger.
Like is the bear hungry?
Is it, is it a, is, you know, I don't, like, I don't know if that matters.
No, no, no, Cody, you answer first and then we'll get into yours.
Before we get into all of that.
I'm also weighing the pros and cons.
If I was going to be in the most absolute cynical position and say the worst of the
worst bears and the worst of the worst men, I would prefer you would with a bear.
Okay.
Because at least the intent there is solely to kill.
We'll get into the reasoning.
I'm going to say, uh, man.
Man?
Yeah.
I want to hear, I want to hear, uh, Cody and Emad, your reasoning first and then I'll
get to.
Go ahead, Emad, you have the floor.
Well, here's the thing.
My immediate, my immediately.
Hey, uh, for the listener, it is Cinco de Mayo and we have been, have been getting in,
getting it in.
We've been sinking some miles.
If you know what I mean.
All right.
An empty jar of Hellman's in the kitchen.
Yes, sir.
Still waiting on that Cinco de Mayo food.
Your immediate.
My immediate.
She gave you the word.
This is going to be a good episode.
Yeah, it is.
My immediate thought is when you said man or bear, I first thought scary man, but this
is a random man.
And I even searched on Google.
What are the chances that random man is bad?
There's no answer.
That's, that's the thing.
It's all it's.
The question is like, how do you as a man feel about a woman being alone with a man?
It's a, it's a, it's a many sided question.
Yeah.
My answer is very dark.
It's very dark.
I mean, so is the question.
Yeah.
I, there's a reason.
I say bear for a reason because a bear will kill you.
A man will do much worse.
Here we go.
Cody, what about you?
I had the same line of thought, honestly.
Like if it's a scenario, like where it's out in the middle of the woods, you would hope
that somebody would be good enough and worry about mutual survival.
So in that case, it's like, you know, what are the odds?
50 50.
I'm on like that's what it is.
Um, now I mean like that is skewed by a lot of things.
Um, but at the end of the day, it's like, if you're assuming and you can't take the
risk, then it's like, I I'm in the same line of thought, like a bear, especially considering
it's like if it was the worst of the worst bears, um, which that one was not a for debate.
It was just the most dangerous bear.
Yeah.
Then it's like, then yeah, at least the bear would have the goal of, you know, killing
and eating you.
Who knows what the goal of the other is?
Um, it would hope.
I would hope that you would be able to, you know, evade the bear or scare off the bear.
But I mean, again, depending on the type of bear, that doesn't matter.
Now like if you knew how to defend yourself, does this person, is it actually you Felicia?
Yes.
If it were, if it's actually me, would you rather me be in the forest alone with a, I
do not know this bear.
I also do not know this man.
Do you know how to take down a male figure?
Do I personally currently right now?
No, I mean, no.
I mean, I think that I would try to, but have I trained that kind of stuff?
No.
Would I, would I fight if somebody came at me?
I try to.
I kind of want to change my answer.
Oh, do you?
Let me give, let Matt give his reasoning first.
Go Matt.
Because, cause yeah, it's a way loaded question.
But me knowing Felicia, you're not so easily swayed and trusting that you would give a
man a hard time if they have, if the, the roll of the dice leads them to be a piece
of shit.
You know, that, cause I'm, I'm still considering that a 50 50, but I understand the question,
but you are a tough and you're tough individual.
What's the other word I'm looking for?
You, you, I mean, you're hard to earn trust.
Yeah.
So I know you would give the person.
I'm not even there yet.
You wouldn't.
Yes you are.
Am I?
Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
I'm just mean to you.
Okay.
No, you just have to, you have to, you have to learn to turn the listening part of conversing
with Felicia off.
But no, I think you're not so easily trusting and like, I hate the, the, the consequences
of both are bad, but I feel like you might fair.
Okay with a, just a stranger person.
I don't know.
I don't freaking know.
Okay.
Let me, let me hear what you want to change.
That's kind of why I want to change it to man because yeah, you have that chance that
the man will be good.
You're not a damsel in distress type of person.
Exactly.
You're not, you're not trusting.
So this person cannot trick you.
Okay.
Let's, let's change it to most dangerous bear, most dangerous man.
Oh, not that he has weapons or anything.
I'm going back to bear then.
Then I would go to bear.
Yeah, bear.
Yeah.
Cause even without knowing that if I, I don't want you to be tortured.
A bear's not going to torture you.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I mean, bears also kind of suck, but chances are one good swipe and your guts are out.
Yeah.
Chances are now like a dude's not going to do that.
Well, I want to hear what you want to say.
But I mean, you never know.
I still, you never know.
There are some dudes that really suck.
They make documentaries about them, but I would rather die by a bear.
Exactly.
I would rather let nature take me.
At least the bear's going to eat me.
The dude's not going to eat me.
Yeah.
I mean, I was just curious that like, even when, see, I said that 50 50 was like the
case on whether a person is good or bad.
And like a lot of people talk about like, well, if you, if it really is 50 50, then
why does it seem like most people are decent and very few people are like truly evil?
Like there's only so many documentaries about really awful men in history.
It's just like people with opinions.
The ones with opinions are the loudest.
They're the ones who it seems like they are the most.
I wish this because what it really boils down to is whether or not the individual is a coward.
Because I think that based on things that I've heard and, and I agree with this opinion,
the idea is that there are 50% good people and 50% bad people.
I think that the rules of society and the rules of consequence or the outcome of consequence
puts people in their place to keep them from acting.
It's the same reason why good people let bad things happen.
On how is the same reason why bad people don't go out and become the Jeffrey Dahmer's and
the Ted Bundy's of the world.
And like good people will do bad things just not knowing any better.
Yeah.
So it's, yeah, it's all, it's a lot up to chance, but I, I just feel like
the outcome for me with the chance of it being bad, the bad chance is so bad that I would
wish for you the sweet mercy of, of a potentially swift end.
And like, no, I'm gonna be wrong.
I have no delusions that, you know, bears mercy killed.
Like polar bears will, most bears when there are bear attacks will go for the soft bits
first.
They'll, they'll eat your guts while you're alive, you know?
It's awful, but you know, the most awful thing that, that humans are capable of far exceeds
that and they can make it last a lot longer.
Watch Game of Thrones.
There's a really good example of a piece of shit person in Game of Thrones.
You were saying that you were going on vacation with Felicia the Yellowstone pretty soon,
right?
Yeah.
We were gonna leave me in the forest actually.
We were gonna go to the really big shiny hot tubs and get in.
We need to put it into this conversation.
It's fine.
It's time to settle the question people.
One answer before the, the, the finding Matthew a mother date is like coming to a close.
Imad's single.
He's still single.
He's looking.
We need to find a stranger to go to Yellowstone with Felicia and Cody.
No, I want to see what actually happens.
I wanted to say, I wanted to say because it is like a trend on Tik Tok of like women answering
the question.
Would they rather be any like alone in a forest with a man or a bear?
Oh, I thought that you pulled that out of your ass.
No, no.
I explained that it was.
Yeah.
She prefaced it.
I wasn't listening.
I'm sorry.
Typical man.
I thought you were just saying, I thought you were just saying I like Tik Tok, but anyways,
I don't know, man.
Personally, my answer is also like many women, the bear because, and I understand you, uh,
you censoring this.
That was my first thought.
And regardless of whether or not I know that the man is the most dangerous man, even if
it was just a harmless looking man, I would still be afraid that being alone in the woods,
that man could subdue me.
The biggest serial killers are the ones that look harmless.
I know.
It's just fact.
So, so yeah, I was just curious because you guys were making all the bear sounds that
made me think of the question and I wanted, and I've seen like the trend of people asking
like their husbands or their, their friends.
Hey guys, the most important, no more bear sounds guys.
I think the most, uh, for me, the most pressing for any, because there are plenty of dudes
that don't understand the question cause they're daft, but the most important part of this
question is the second part where, okay, I'm going to ask you guys, uh, would if Felicia
is alone in the woods, would you rather her be with a bear or a strange woman?
I couldn't hear anything after you said daft.
Is that another text message word?
No, no, no.
You're being daft.
What is daft?
It's daft meaning stupid, foolish, crazy.
If somebody is daft, that's just a made up word.
No, no, not a made up word.
No, that word's been around longer than you in the United States.
Damn.
There's a, there's a very famous daft lot.
A very famous set of producers called the daft punk.
I'm just, just everybody using like the daft punks.
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, tent.
Put me in your chair and I will send you the答 Federal eating page.
You're a vegetarian and if you want a
40 minute lunch unless Wazzup in your cuz behind you, you're a
what?
or an angry woman.
Angry bear or angry woman?
Yeah, or just a bear or a woman.
Felicia has a fighting chance with a woman.
With a bear.
An angry woman because like we don't,
like Felicia said, something we don't wanna talk about,
that chances of that happening are very low, so a woman.
Yeah, well we do also have to take into account
the psychological damage.
How long is she gonna be in the woods
with this angry woman?
Because I mean, if it's long enough, Felicia might just.
I might kill.
I might take the easy way out.
You might be the danger.
I might kill myself.
But it's just a real quick way to.
Turns out I'm the angry woman.
Turns out I'm in the woods alone.
I'm in the loads of wood.
It's definitely a thought experiment
for dudes to check themself.
At least that's how I take it.
Just be like, hey, maybe when you are in that dark alleyway
and you're the dude and there's a woman,
be mindful that you might scare the fuck out of them.
Yeah, it's just be, if you are on a dark street
with a woman who is walking alone at night
and she starts to walk very quickly away from you,
don't take it personally, shit's scary out there.
And also same for if you are walking behind a man
and he starts walking away from you quickly,
shit's scary out there.
It doesn't really matter.
Sometimes it's just scary to be alone with a stranger.
Yeah, one way to look at it is I deal with a lot of
stray cats and stuff.
You see a cat, they're not like a fucking dog.
You see a cat, you keep your distance.
You let them know you're cool.
It takes about a year until they realize,
oh, you know what, you're not gonna kill me
and then you can pet the cat.
That does actually make me think of another thing
that I've thought about that for me personally as a woman,
when I hear that somebody hates cats,
I take that as a red flag.
Yeah, it is.
Because cats are all about consent.
And if you can't.
If you don't like cats, you have no patience.
Yes, exactly.
And you, especially when they're like,
because cats won't just love you like dogs do.
Because you're aggressive.
It's because you have to wait for the cat
to consent to your affection.
Oh, and also, they're not always gonna like you.
At the end of the day, you could spend a year
with that cat and there's a chance it won't like you.
That's its prerogative.
And sometimes it gets taken away immediately
and then brought back later and then taken away again.
Toshi was a great example of that.
I've been around him for a long time
and there are times where he just like,
if I walk into a room, he runs away.
And there are other times where I'll be in a room
and he'll run up and hop in my lap
and I will take him out of my lap
and he'll hop right back in
and he just won't wanna be away from me.
And then other times he's just like,
no, don't even look at me, watch me.
He chooses.
Yeah.
He chooses.
He wants it when he wants it.
So that's a big red flag for me
when somebody says that they don't like cats.
Hi, welcome to the Soyboy podcast.
Hey ladies, no worries.
You won't catch me in an alleyway late at night
because I only stay home.
You wanna see my room?
All right, you tofu farting fucks.
You ready to party?
I'm so sorry.
Sorry, it's just because you guys were all being bears.
No, that was awesome, I liked it.
Okay.
Also I'm on my period, so it's, you know.
Ah, the bears could smell the menstruation.
That's why we're all making bear noises.
Where are the woods?
Oh, there's a lot of wood.
All right, let's fight a freak.
All right, you cut that down to five minutes.
How long was that?
40, no 30.
No, it was 18, it's fine.
No, that's a good one.
Hey man, it was good to go.
We haven't had a nice little talk in a minute.
Not since Justin was here.
Ah, Justin, how's he doing?
Ah, so I don't know.
He's been in the basement.
Like your mom said, it's been a couple weeks.
You know, I talk to him, I try to talk to him once a week.
Every time I talk to him, we just talk about D&D,
so as far as I know, great.
Hey, maybe we can play.
His character's still alive,
that's all I know about my brother.
Shouldn't have been in the woods, you know?
Shouldn't have found himself in the woods with me.
Yeah.
Then he wouldn't be in the basement.
I don't know what that means.
The real question is, would you rather be.
Hey Justin, you should have chose the bear, huh?
Instead of the angry woman.
The bear won't tie you up and force you on a podcast.
Fools. Yeah, man.
Your content now.
I don't know what kind of bears
you've been hanging out with.
Speaking of horrible situations in the woods,
when we last left off, the last thing you heard
as you were conversing on your merry way back to town
was a wing beat fluttering above you,
and you notice too late as you look up,
and a pair of claws begin to reach towards you.
I had you all roll for initiative, what did you get?
Did you have us roll?
Yes. I didn't roll for it.
Yes I did.
I rolled.
I either rolled or.
I didn't, I don't know.
I didn't believe roll last episode I took and.
I did.
I said roll for initiative and then after that I was like,
you know what, this is a good place to stop,
but everybody was doing, you know,
everybody was jerking off the air.
I might have been just jerking off the air.
Talking to JC and so.
I don't know if I rolled.
All right, roll it.
Now.
Does that mean I get to roll again too?
No, because you know what it was before.
Oh that's right, I was honest.
I remembered my roll, it was very bad.
I rolled a two on the die, which,
I'm pretty sure I rolled a two.
I believe you.
Yeah, 13, which makes it a 13.
Hey, that's what you got last combat.
Okay, well that's, yeah, that's.
Scared what'd you get?
Makes sense, 30.
Wow, oh my God, you know what?
Unless Felicia rolled something crazy,
you might go first.
Woo!
Monet.
Get ready for this one.
I rolled a 13.
All right, which one of you wants to go first?
I'll go first.
No, I mean between the two of you.
You both got 13.
Let's do a Baldur's Gate style,
we just both go at the same time.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Ha ha ha.
Fuck you.
I don't even see the map, Cody.
Take it.
You want a rock paper scissors?
Take it to the map, please!
Take it to the core!
If you will redirect your map
to the northeastern most quadrant,
we have made a tiny oars for you.
Oh shit, okay.
Oh wow. Wow.
You wanna draw like a circle or something?
You go first, because you're right next to him.
Okay.
All right, Monet, you get a 14 for your initiative.
Nice.
It's a zombie, Drake!
Oh.
Yep, because Scarab, as the wingbeats begin
to push air heavily onto the back of your napes,
you react quickest and you turn around
ready for what approaches,
and there are outstretched claws
of a rotting blue wyvern,
its scales torn away, its bones exposed,
its jaw unhinged, its mouth agape,
as it lets out a breathless scream,
its eyes glowing a horrific and oddly serene yellow.
That's not good!
I like how Cody put us all on a line.
What, were you walking in a...
Oh, can I?
Were you walking in formation
on the way back to town casually
while having a conversation about touching sausage?
Is my...
Cody, can I get the big tricky token on this map?
Yes, you can, because you asked.
Thank you, it is happening.
Yes.
Big tricky.
What's up, gamers?
Or what's up, internet?
Welcome to the battle.
Okay. That's a big tricky.
I was gonna say, he's a little too big.
Although, bear in mind,
big tricky is currently carrying our friend.
It's a call back to the banter.
Hey.
Bear in mind.
Episode title!
Hang on, I gotta move this guy to the front.
There we go.
He is currently riding on Tricky,
which is why you're in front, Scarab,
because you would have been right next to him.
Okay, I got a big question.
You know, it is what it is.
Would you allow any space on Tricky for Scarab,
or is he fully taken up by Colbrin?
That would be fully taken up, because Colbrin is medium,
and Tricky is large.
So, you can't ride something that is more than,
or less than one size larger than you,
and so I feel like the weight of both of you
would be too much.
Okay.
You know what, you could do an athletics check
to shove him off of Tricky if you'd like,
sending him prone onto the ground.
No, that's the thing, I don't,
I'm not trying to leave him defenseless,
this just sucks as always.
I will also let you know,
he is unarmed, and he is not a fighter,
or any kind of combatant.
No, he's a butcher.
Yeah, he's a butcher,
and he doesn't even have his butcher's knives on him, so.
He's got HP.
Amateur.
But he ain't got nothing to contribute.
Ain't got nothing.
Is he at full health?
Can we surmise?
Yes, he was healed by your cleric,
and he is at full health, zero stamina.
It's not a lot as a townsfolk, he's got like,
he actually has less than 10 probably.
8 HP.
Ugh.
Look, I think that it would be a good idea
to send Tricky running with him towards town.
No, trust.
First things first,
I always forget what it's called.
10 paces, 10 paces, I'm gonna move five feet, 10 feet.
Five feet down, 10 feet for that diagonal.
Okay, he's gonna look at Tricky,
he's going, things going through Scarab's mind.
We need this fella alive.
Yes.
Tricky!
Yeah!
He's gonna slap Tricky on the ass.
Tricky is going to take one action.
Tricky is going to move five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 feet
to the edge of our map here.
He has a second action as well.
Yeah.
Can I spend an action to,
ah!
There's a little bit of free sight, right?
Free perception here.
When you sense danger, glance back,
and you see this horrific, tattered, rotting creature
swooping down at you,
you see that its claws are outstretched
like it's looking to pick up and grab Monet.
It is something that is looking for prey on instinct alone.
And so you feel like if you were to command Tricky to run,
it probably would not pursue.
I know, here's where I was getting was Tricky running 35 feet
and then fucking Homeboy off his back.
Ha ha ha!
I'd let you spend an action to do that,
to let him forcibly dismount him.
But.
Spend Tricky's other action to dismount.
It's such a tough situation.
Ain't I a stinker?
For sure.
I mean, I put Homeboy on Tricky's back.
Yeah.
He needs to live.
He will run the 35 feet, spin around,
and almost like he's talking to Bartrand,
as he shimmies himself, he's gonna look back and be like,
get off, bro, we got something to do here.
So he's gonna kick Bartrand.
He's like, who the hell is Bartrand?
He's gonna kick Colbran off.
We all know who you're talking about.
He's gonna knock Colbran off further away,
like he spun and Colbran flew off his ass.
Okay, I will fling him away 10 feet off the screen for you.
Scarabs, final two actions.
Fire!
He's gonna take a shot.
Alrighty.
Come on.
You know what?
With a pee-pee.
All right.
Opening volley, here we go.
Come on, baby!
Come on, Pistolero!
Oh!
Okay, that's gonna be a 25 to hit.
25 hits.
Scarabs die was a natural one.
Wow, good thing you used that pee-pee.
Whoa.
Yikes.
Yeah, definitely, this is not a fight to home.
You know what, guys?
Just don't roll a one this fight, okay?
Not gonna fight for that.
No.
Save it for later.
Yeah.
Oh.
That's gonna be seven piercing magical.
Seven points piercing magical.
Beautiful.
Okay, I'm gonna try to distract this fellow while I reload.
We're gonna do the Rackintors reload.
I'm going to try to distract him.
This is against Will.DC, correct?
Um.
Deception against Will.DC?
Deception, yes.
Okay, yeah.
Go for it.
Yeah, Scarabs sees this dude careening towards Monet.
Scarabs is scared.
Hey, over here, over here!
He starts waving a torch
and he runs towards the porta-potties off in the distance.
Hey!
Knife finds a way.
With a 18 deception.
Oh no.
Throw it!
There was a gun.
The, as you glare into the eyes of this rotting,
fetid beast, its glowing yellow eyes seem almost glazed over
like it is next to ambivalence to external stimuli.
It seems to not regard you whatsoever.
Even when you planted the shot,
it almost seemed to not react.
Granted, your bullet definitely made impact
and definitely looked like it damaged the creature.
It tore a flap away from its wing as it pierced through,
but it seems fixated on something or nothing.
It is acting on pure instinct.
Yeah, as he loads that bullet into the chamber.
Monet, run!
That's it.
Next is the Wyvern.
No!
And as it careens down towards the ground
at breakneck and reckless speeds,
it will attempt to swipe at Monet with its talons.
We're gonna use the Dragon Die from M.O.D. on this one.
These nice necrotic floating eyes.
Don't forget your pee-pee.
Monet does not have,
I have my, I have a different,
Monet does not have her armor on.
The stone armor.
Okay, this is potentially big.
Do you wanna use your pee-pee before
Cody shows us the thing?
No?
Really good roll.
That is going to be a 32 to hit.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Monet, as these jagged claws make contact with your body,
you take 11 points of slashing damage
and the claws grab you.
We just don't want any necrotic.
Something you notice immediately
is that the angle and speed of the attack you felt
should have been far more deadly than what you experienced.
You, in game terms, should have been critically hit.
It does not seem like this creature is capable of critic.
Oh, wow.
Convenient.
So you take, I mean, for you, not for me.
It would have been awesome for me.
Oh yeah, brutal.
It deals 11 points of slashing damage.
I'm sorry, I misspoke.
Nine points of slashing damage.
And you are grabbed.
The creature, in that swooping motion,
one claw reaches out, slashing and grabbing you,
while the other thunderously collides with the ground.
For a moment, its tattered, leathery wings
beat on the ground before it lifts up into the air
with you in tow.
It will move half of its move speed,
which is 10 feet up, nope, sorry, speed is 60.
It moves 30 feet up into the air.
Okay, so you counted that free grab
as an action as well, right?
I did not.
So it lands on the ground with a thunderous crash,
and you are in its claws.
Its wings begin beating, kicking up dust and debris
as if it intends to take off.
Yeah, that's- With you in tow.
That's right. Okay.
For the DMs and the listeners, what is it?
If you choose to use the free grab?
You get the grab automatically,
but it still costs an action.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is actually huge.
I think.
The only reason I'm not sure is because this one says-
Damage plus grab?
No.
This one says if the claw hits as a free action,
see, not on this one. Free action.
As a free action, the wyvern can either
automatically grab the target or not get prone.
There we go, there it is. That's brutal, that's brutal.
Roll back to what I said before.
Fuck.
Its wings begin to beat and it lifts you 30 feet
up into the air as it begins to take off with you in tow.
And as it reaches the apex of that 30 feet,
its talons release you and you begin
to plummet back to the earth.
As it reaches 30 feet?
Yes.
So it's not immediate.
So you will begin- It's not immediate.
On your turn, you begin falling 30 feet.
Come on, do some X-Men bullshit, let's go!
I don't wanna be that guy, but I think it just happens.
Does it?
Yes.
But it-
I'm pretty sure falling immediately happens.
Like we did some of the stuff with the well with falling,
I think we did wrong.
Can you arrest a fall?
If there's an edge to grab, but there's no edge.
Could I grab onto its talon?
I'll let you try that.
Hell yeah.
That's what I was getting at.
Give me one moment.
How crazy can we get?
So first of all, first of all,
the way the falling works, anything more than five feet,
you land and you take bludgeoning damage.
I have catfall.
Which is equal to half the distance.
And so catfall lets you do, treat it as half?
It treats it as 10 feet less.
Okay.
So that would still be 20 feet.
So it'd be 10 bludgeoning damage.
And if you take any damage from a fall, you land prone.
In the first round of falling, you fall 500 feet.
1500 each round thereafter.
So M-Odd is correct, because you started falling this round.
You will fall to the earth and impact.
Go ahead and give me that reflex save to grab an edge.
Too bad.
Yeah.
It'd be so, oh man.
It'd be so cool if it was all just like slow-mo.
Yeah.
Because I was going to get tricky
to run the hell over there.
Okay.
Falling's fast.
That's the game that I'm working on.
An acrobatics check or a reflex save.
Whichever is higher for you.
You got this homeboy.
You got any reaction bubble shields?
You do it as a reaction though,
and she hasn't gone yet.
Okay.
But I think we talked about this before.
You can use your reaction ahead of time.
You just won't have it for the following round.
Well, like it's up to you if they haven't gone yet.
If you feel like they have a reaction or not,
if they're ready for it.
See, normally, at least personally, I say no.
But I think we talked about this in a prior app,
and we said that we would let it happen,
but then you don't get your reaction for the following round.
So you're basically spending your reaction ahead of time
to not have it later.
I also think that it's fair because Matt did take a chance
with Scarab to warn Monet.
He said, Monet, run.
I'm gonna let it go.
Well, I think I'm gonna fall back.
If I'm wrong on that,
then I'm okay with that being the norm.
If you spend your reaction before you've gone,
that's okay, but you can't spend it
until the beginning of your next round.
I don't think you're wrong.
It's up to your choosing.
Yeah.
I just wanna make sure we,
I don't care what we do as long as we do the same thing.
Yeah.
Consistency is important, not rules.
For sure.
That is a 19.
Oh, you got that.
That is success.
Hell yeah.
You are released from the Talons
and you manage to grab onto them
with your non-metallic free hand,
holding on by one hand, dangling 30 feet in the air
from this necrotic wyvern.
And dude, that cursed gauntlet
is plus one striking, right?
Yeah.
It's like a bop, bop.
Yeah, just, and it's nutsack.
Come on.
Yeah.
And that's fantastic because it's your turn next.
Ah ha ha.
Yeah.
Monet is going to punch the wyvern.
Yes.
All right, give me a hit.
Is it still a D4 of damage or did it,
anything happen for you?
You got background or do you still feel like
you're still open to your colonnade?
Do you still feel like that thing's nine meters?
Does it have any power to take them down?
Oh gosh.
Oh.
No, it's not a Tok'en, Takeshi or something.
No.
No, it's not.
Adorab женl, yes.
Oh, may I just hold onto her pike?
All right.
Reroll use it. No, I was just gonna use a peepee on my next one. Well, you can use it to reroll
Yeah, let you use it for that first one if you want. Really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you guys are gonna need all the help
You can get on this one
That is a 24 to hit yeah, that one hits beautiful
Still not great
Yeah
You got some strength on you smack smack smack. Do you have some strength on me whatever damage we can deal
seven
Bludgeoning that's fantastic. It's not nothing. Yeah, that's actually really good. Does it count as magical or no? Yeah
Just in case yeah, yeah, that's true plus one striking fist
What is it 10 15 episodes later we get to see it in use
It's cheese. I I feel like she should use an action to it's actually just her trying to grab on with the other hand
Do a grapple check to continue to hold it or should I just do what I can
Interesting. I don't know cuz I like so I'm 30 feet above the ground right now
Yep, I
Did I use one action to know if that's a reaction? Yep
So you've only used one action to attack you still have to cuz I could just try punch it again
Play some dragons dogma you want to climb this dragon something else you can do too
I don't know if you remember your fists activated abilities. I don't
Your fist has two activated abilities. The first one's not very well one could be relevant for one action once per hour
You can gain a plus one item bonus on all athletics checks for a minute
Oh or for two actions once per day you can cast rave and feeble mint. Oh
Wait is that oh
I don't and feeble mint is that a mind ability cuz on your pull up a tab
I can tell you and type in grasp of draw scar scarabs gotten scarabs got a feeling that this dude does not care about mind
Altering it's not mind. No, it is. It is a strength debuff beautiful in feebles good
Array with the power to sap both strength flashes from your hand attempt a range
Arranged spell attack against the target and your gauntlet has a attack modifier of a plus 10 on that shot
With a DC of 20 it says on the page
for grasp
Grass book draw scar right at the bottom right after it says you cast rave and feeble mint with an attack modifier plus 10 in
a DC of 20
Okay
so
Let me do that
Let me try and do a ray of infeeble mint on this dragon. Okay, I
mean Wyvern
Be clear
That is a
24
24 is a hit so now I do a
fortitude save
Rhetorical question, okay
All right fortitude save not very
Fortitude is not the word
Fortitude in this fort. Yeah, thank you
Fortitude it or two it is fortitude in this
Okay shit math math
Fails the save he is now infeeble one
That's massive
What is the save again?
Is a DC 20 it's on your grasp of dress car
Okay, so so yeah, feeble one nice nice nice and
I
Think with her last action she will attempt to punch it again
To punch it again. All right lay it on him
Wow
19 to hit minus 8
You did minus 8. Oh, or wait minus is it minus 8 business here. It's like a text. So minus 4
Yeah, so night the ray is an attack roll
That was my and the ray is two actions. Okay
Okay
The ray should have a minus 4 to the thing you write a 20 with the ring that that would be nice
What if it's grappled? Um
Yeah, then a 20 would hit exactly
So it is still in feeble one
You are out of actions
it has a minus one to all strength makes checks and damage rolls and
it is
root morse turn
Says things a 30 feet up in the air 30 feet up
Where's with uh with Monet dangling from its foot?
Swinging at him with her metal fist
Boney
Hang on. Don't fall
remote points his hammer at this fucking creature and
And spiritual damage goes flying toward it with divine love
20 to hit
Because it is flat-footed 20 is a hit. Oh
yes
eight spirit damage as your ray of
What's it called again defined lamps as your ray of divine Lance?
Pierces through the creatures other wing you notice what seems to be a very powerful effect taking place
the ribbons of its tattered flesh begin to singe and
Turn to ash in light. It seems like it was extremely effective. Oh, yeah, it was
Mm-hmm scum use your spiritual damage
Spirit gun
Oh
Boy I haven't been to church in 20 years
Don't say that
With Monet hanging is she within 30 feet of root war
Yes, exactly 30 feet up money. I will guide you
Any cast guidance on Monet?
Beautiful guide me where?
Whatever you feel
Come back straight down you go
The way it works is plus one bonus to one attack royal perception tech shame saving thrower skill check
Hang in there Monet literally please
They'll have someone breath for one action
I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about
Round two scarab top of the round what you got
tricky back to me tricky is going to
Make his way back
Not oh
I can hold his second action, correct?
Holding an action costs one action or two or not necessarily hold but save it for later in my turn. Yes
Scarab
of that one action give tricky two actions
Half of tricky's actions to run back scarab
For a second action hops on tricky
the a or nay
Yeah, yeah, that's fine second action to mouth
We'll have tricky
Use his final action
Five ten fifteen twenty twenty five thirty thirty five we're gonna move again away from the beast
I moved you to the top layer so you can you're on him. Oh, yeah, so final action
dragons fire
That's gonna be a 21 to hit
Again because he's flat-footed 21 hits. Oh, yeah
Hell yeah on the grapple fee
I'm holding on to this dragon. I mean wyvern
Same thing what's the difference?
loads well actually
Well, actually
That's gonna be nine magical piercing
big big
That is the end of scarab and tricky's turn which makes it the wyverns turn
realizing that you are still clinging on the wyvern brings its talon claw up towards its face and will attempt to bite you
Not the best the 24 hit me yep
That's gonna be the big ones oh
Terrible role good good 12 points of piercing damage
Right hold on hold on I'm like I'm asking you am I right seems good no ten points of piercing damage
I'm better
It's a lot better. Yeah, ten points of piercing damage as the fountain the
fountain
rewind
Ten points of damage as the wyvern attempts to snap at you and one of its fangs
Managed to slice against the side of you
You don't mean it. You don't mean is Jimmy two shoes have some Jimmy Fallon's hanging from
This is really great
It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one
It struggles to get at you with it in its claw or hanging on to its claw
So it gives up on the bite and with its second action as it still flaps 30 feet up in the air
It's spined tail whips in your direction
It's prominent pointed stinger dripping a foul-looking Iker as it flies in your direction
Do anybody peepee I have no more peepees. Okay, you want a peepee? Well, uh, just just a reminder
I'll be the peepee reminder all day every day
You want to be?
They're nay
I'm gonna do it. No, I mean it is your it's your choice. Yeah, it's your choice. I don't want to choose for your peepee that
Peepee spoken for so the normal die on its own would have been a natural 20
Whoa, Jesus damn right the second die a natural four. Yeah
Look, holy shit, I think it deserve a little thanks
Thank you for being the peepee reminder. Come on guys
Everybody a little let's give a hand to the guy who always has peepee on his mind
Right here. Very good. Very good. I wonder I ain't got a girl
Damn that is gonna miss you with a total of a 14
Or its last action. It is going to attempt to shake you off
This is going to count as a athletics check to shove minus 10
It is yes a minus 10. It is a very low chance to fling you. It is actually I think I need to look it up
But uh the remastered all of the shove trip all that stuff is actually a minus four
So it'd probably be a minus eight. Okay, but I need to look oh
Treating it like an armed attacks. I would yeah, I would like that. It makes more sense
I'm pretty sure let's add an extra plus one because you're holding something
So why why should a shove why should a shove be harder than a punch?
It is gonna attempt to shake you here's the toss
That is a 23 against your fortitude DC
I guess my fortitude fortitude plus 10
That is a success. Yeah
The beast shakes its claws
That the beast shakes its claws and flings you towards the earth you plummet 30 feet
That's fall so you will take 10 less or treat the falls if it is 10 less so you will fall 20 feet
Effectively and you will take 10 points of bludgeoning damage and you are prone
When he falls with a thud a little splatter of blood
Thud and blood and it's your turn splatter blood. Okay, so
First things first Monet will channel her elements
Imagining this as she's sliding viscerally across the ground dirt and rocks floating up. She's like, hmm, what should I do?
We channel all this rock that's going into my mouth. She will then a
temp a tempt
attempt a
Elemental blast one action
Okay at this guy
30 feet is good for your first range increment. I
Believe it's 60 feet. I
Will double check respectable
It is 60 feet
I just 30 feet. I'm sorry. Some of them are 60 feet depends
That's okay. That's that's the edge of your first increment. No penalty. That is a
27 to hit that's a hit. Oh big yes real talk
I mean big big chance to hit
That's what I meant
Yeah, that diamond business. Yeah did that will be a
There'll be nine damage
piercing and
Then with her last action she will discharge her channeled elements to do her earth armor
All right, room or you're up
This thing looks boy if you can believe it it looks even worse for where
Is it still up in the air? Absolutely
All right, where's where where is he?
Work before let's do it again
divine lance
You idiot
25 to hit Oh
Roll damage. Oh
good
Nine spirit damage
And just as before it seems to have a devastating effect on the creature freaky hands probably take that
Probably dead now its bones begin to twist and contort in the air and it almost seems like it's dead getting ahead for a crash
Course towards the rest of you. Oh
Oh, I have one more action. Sorry root more 15 20 25
guidance
And he cast guidance
if that wasn't
Yeah, it's an obvious
It is that if it changes anything that would have been a 28
So that current spot pardon my
inebriation that's where Monet is currently yeah
Technically right underneath right there. Did that mover? Yes, so you're right underneath
Okay, this what's gonna happen
Yeah, scarab seeing Monet thrown to the ground. He looks back up at the Wyvern. He shudders
at the sight of this great beast
tricky
charge
I'm gonna do a
Cavaliers charge
and move
across the field
And flavor trying to grab the attention of this beast and as they pass root more
running across the field
scarab will
Let out a shot
at root more
oh
I saw this coming
Okay, okay, that's a
That's gonna be a
Crap 21 to hit
The shot goes wide as it misses the beast yeah it does
Damn oh wait
Scarab is gonna reload that's it
I just think it's kind of mean to make that a miss
I just think it's kind of mean I think it's kind of mean what you do. You should write a letter to Paizo
I'll write a letter to you. I
Won't read it
Because it's not a comment on one of our videos or one of our podcasts
What if I leave a comment on one of the videos or podcasts?
Alright guys the Wyvern's got 22 AC
Yes, yes I do and it is the Wyvern's turn
He looks so cool. I
Man, I've got a picture of a
Of a worm. I drew a worm in high school. I didn't know worms were a thing
But I drew a dragon that had just two front like two arms and no legs
And all in all body and his head looked like that. I made them all zombified and shit
You know what's fun?
Just cool to see him this token is from arc. Oh really?
Cool for a zombie Wyvern
That's neat
You know, it's not neat from work. It's real cool. Yeah for a listener
He's got it's he's got like, you know, think of a dragon skeleton, but he's just got skin draped on him in parts
It's just cool
White eyes what's not neat is as the massive beasts body begins to contort from the holy energy that pierces it
It begins to plummet down to the earth. Holy diver heading towards
Monet
Just as it's about to reach
The final impact of hitting the ground it twists its body in a way that it sends its stinger careening at you with impressive speed
rolling to hit
21 to hit that is a miss
21 to hit that is a miss because of her earth armor. Oh, yeah natural six
The tail collides with the ground first followed next by its two talons as it begins to land on you Monet
This is going to be two claw attacks as it impacts with the ground first one at a penalty
natural one
Yes
Name or not we drawing a card. What's that card gonna say cody?
How bad is it gonna be for you? My friend dumb? It was if you're playing kobold king you win
Dumbass we win
Dumbass
As the first of the creature's talons collides with the ground you hear a sickening crack and crunch as the arm
breaks snapping together it is a
wounded one
Condition now on the creature its arm snaps just in time for the body to collapse to the ground and the other claw
swings down towards you in a defiant act of finality
And it harmlessly crashes onto the earth just around you Monet with a natural four
Wow
Oh my god, the creature now lies writhing in a heap around you Monet and it is your turn as you sit on the ground
facing this monstrous
disgusting aberration
What do you do?
I'll tell you what I do
um
Monet
Will stand up and
Punch it in the face
It's gonna be missed
That's okay 18 to hit second swing come on
Let me get that
Why
It's only fair it's paying it forward
Maybe it'll be good karma for my another eight
Yeah
Makes sense
You stand up on shaky ground as this thing is thrashing in some kind of wild frenzy. It's broken arm
Flapping about wildly its skin tearing more and more as it rides in the dirt
Just slam to the ground from the sky
Monet is a treasure
Slam it to the ground stand up and start flailing your ball fist you crazy
She doesn't think she just
She's awesome
This undead wyvern is just kicking up and spraying dust and rocks and debris as it thrashes about on the ground
And root more you stand now as you see Monet flailing back at it trying to stave it off
What do you do?
Oh, so that was three actions for you. I guess stand up stand up. Okay two and then
Keep doing what's working to find lance
Oh, okay, oh
No 9 plus 12 is that 21 it's 21 fuck
It's a miss right yes, sir
Oh, what is more speed
Moving right there with that that's probably not flanked huh, so I would have to be there to flank them
Forget about that in a one second
Monet I'm moving you back just five feet. Yeah from the impact of it
Uh yeah, you're you're flanking. Oh perfect. Okay. Well. That's root mores turns running behind it to flank him
And then here we are at the top of round three with scarab
Tricky on my mark
Scarab fires his weapon
Give these bad rolls out of the way guys
25 to hit yes
Yes
Seven magical piercing and you kill the undead wyvern
Begins to charge and scarab says yeah, and they watch it fall
Yeah
the thrashing slowly subsides until the creature is once again still on the earth and
You see the yellow glow slowly begin to leak from its eyes
Whispering into the air in thin tendrils, and it's already rotting flesh begins to ooze and slough off
like some kind of morbid black tar
Leaving behind only a skeletal remains of this tattered and shattered beast
And you all level up
I
Need to work on my character
well
Oh
I love level five. It's one of my favorite levels. Oh
My god, dude
Might to hit went from plus 12 to plus 16 Wow
The fuck big I yeah, I'm gunslinger master
Holy shit
At level five geez oh
Yeah, I went up. Holy crap. I'm a master at the war hammer level five is so big cuz we get ability boosts
It's massive real big
I'm more HP now cuz I got another point con the other levels
Don't baby. She just shoved her face in my drinkers like what what what what what what what?
No hesitation what the fuck
The other levels below five are nice because they're like developmental your character starts to become like a little bit of who they're going
To become and they're really neat to see things start to take shape, but level five is the first big power spike
That's the I do what I do really well dex plus four
Charisma plus four like what I do. I'm gonna start rolling high and I also I fixed Monet if that's still okay with you
Yes, that's really good. That way we don't have to like rest multiple times, which would mean that her impulse attack now
Instead of it being a plus nine at this level be a plus 11
cool and her
Her elemental blast instead of her fucking
modifier being
Plus two plus two
It'll be a plus four beautiful now you guys I don't know I only know for
Sorcerer and bard and I think they're both the same on level up
You can trade out one of your previous spells or cantrips for something else. Oh with cleric every day
You change all your I don't know if yours is one way or I honestly don't really have spells
Okay, I was gonna say if you had any that you hadn't used at all
Then this would be when you change them, but I don't know if it's different for your class
No, the only other like the only other spells I have are cantrips
The the spells that I use are are not related to like
Spell slots or anything like that. Oh, wow. This is okay. Oh, I forgot. I have a big choice here
So we're gonna sit here and do this all up yeah, take a ton
And what if you want to you can pause it you can keep this in and cut it later your call
Yeah, I'll pause it
It's easier on you on the back end. Yeah
As the beasts fitted corpse
Slowly comes to a still its flesh sloughing off leaving behind only its trichonic skeleton
Holborn jabs emerges emerges from behind a tree
You actually managed to
kill that thing
We only did it because of your help. I knew it. I'm the best butcher who ever lived
That was a joke, I'm glad you didn't die
Monet
Let me help you don't touch me
I'm going to
roll the hit
natural 20
Root more is going to treat wounds on Monet
Barely made it barely 17
28 were you into your HP? 7 HP
Do you need more assistance?
No, I'm fine. Also. Why are you touching my knee? I cracked my skull open. Oh, sorry
Thought that was your skull
Looks the same when you're all
Your head is a small bony nub mix them up. Oh
I feel powerful all the sudden
Didn't look anything like any wyvern I've ever seen what was that thing butcher?
What did you get on your level up?
And that's all we have time for this had to be butchered now I got you
Tell you a little something that happens
Scarab this is for the listener
Scarab is a kobold
They live in reverence for these dragons
He just shot one and it died
fake dragon
It was false and undead. Yeah, not the perfect kill but
And it was kind of small for a wyvern no for damn sure
And I had glasses honestly was pretty pathetic like
We're kind of assholes for killing it. Yeah a little bit really
I mean don't feel too bad earlier today that that wyvern was on reddit and it was saying some really awful shit
But scarabs still he sits there with his gun
arms still outstretched it's been like
Maybe 20 30 seconds since he fired
And he shakes he brings his gun down
We see tricky who just stopped himself from a full charge he was ready to go
Tear that that wyvern apart
He stops
Tricky turns his head a little bit in the
Turns his eyes as if to look over his shoulders
And that scarabs putting his gun away from the wyvern
And that scarabs putting his gun away from under his cloak
You see the sprouting of vines
come out
from his sleeve and begin to wrap his hands as he puts
As it clasps his other hand to cup of the vines as if to be like what is happening
He pulls his sleeves down and shakes shakes his hands out
And he doesn't want you guys to know
but he gained a level and
and
He got a feat
Of fey influence
That's all that's available other than that boy we got strong
Yeah, level five is crazy
Rumor didn't really get anything cool besides getting super strong
But the guy that was like really excited to be like what you guys get
I didn't get anything
It's to make me feel better
Dude level five is huge for stats. Yeah massive really big
It's your first stat increase to get plus two right to stats or is it plus one? I don't remember haven't played a character in a while
Or is it plus one in four spots you get four ability boosts? Yes, so plus one to four different spots
I got yeah
Plus four to hit on my weapon crazy. That's terrible for level five
An extra added plus four bonus
Rootmore can see through magical darkness
That's the coolest thing I mean that's good to know because
None of you could see through magical darkness before
I don't have much to say about my feats right now because I haven't finished
leveling up
But I can say that I did fix my character so she now has
Four resolve yeah
She also her AC is now 22 25 with her earth armor ridiculous and her
Her
Her to hit for attacks is now 11 instead of eight
And her damage is now for her
Metal and for her is now 2d8 rather than 1d8
Wow, it's like you got striking and you got a boost to your modifier, right?
Yes, my modifier instead of being plus two for a single and plus five for a
double action it is now a plus four for a single and
a plus seven for a double
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Is anyone gonna say anything? I just asked a question and I asked you a question
What did you get on your level up? I don't know what the hell you're talking about
We saw
Dude I can't remember
When we first saw
The wyvern was that when you were with the birds scarab, okay, so
On a and root more never seen this thing is also
if scarab were to recall the
faint traces of a wyvern he saw before was very much alive and not in this twisted
Oh shit undead state. That's something that's got him tripping. I mean, it's
Fun little chance that he brought up the wyvern and undead
And then the whole ball happened yeah undead wyvern to show up. It's like okay something really is wrong
There is something very wrong you'd already seen traces of it with the undead in the crypts and then the undead kobold
Walking around when you made camp in the woods one of those nights, but then to see that this is going
Apparently further and further beyond
Affecting more and more powerful creatures. There's something very wrong and the crucible seems to be at the epicenter of something dark
Scarab is gonna hop off of tricky and
Begin walking towards the wyvern and the rest of the crew at this point
You can hear still the faint bubbling and sizzling of this
black
Icarus liquid that is sloughed off as if the flesh itself is melting into some
Almost unholy looking liquid it lets off bouts of steam that give off a fetid and awful stench
As it slowly begins to dissolve and sink into the soil
can't eat that
tears begin to well up and scarabs eyes as he's walking up and he
Forces them away, and he wants to look at the wyvern is this the same wyvern?
Nature or arcana 16
Hard for you to tell but you don't think so
The state of this one is extremely decayed and deteriorated or was before all of the remainder of its rotted flesh sloughed away
Whereas you saw that one mere days ago to reach such a state of
decay
Okay
It's like trying to think of another word a decomposition in such a short time is
Unnatural even by unnatural means hey, let's
Let's go to town
Colbran
Get on tricky
So long as there are no more surprises
Climbs up well. I'll make sure not to ask you about any more creatures
Yeah, let's not talk about any other fantastic beasts on the way. Have you heard about the hag?
No!
Eeehahahahahah
The talons reach out and moan
crashes in like a meteor
You're so spectatone scarab-able
It's the Creed Manor!
Haven't seen one of them since the hag war
No!
What matter of space and time?
Stop talking about creatures!
No, the remainder of your trip is relatively uneventful
It almost seems like the group itself falls into a quiet mode of self-reflection
Trying to piece together everything you've seen and everything you might yet see
It leaves you with an uneasy feeling but before long you find yourselves once again on the outskirts of town
Now in the dead of night making your way towards the gates
Sheriff's office
No time to waste
Let's get this over with
Sheriff, you awake?
The guards of the door slap your hand
The town's like Sheriff, you awake?
They shove you in the dirt, call you mean names
You're so rude
As you approach the Sheriff's door, the two guards stationed here cross their halberds in front of the door
No one gets in without payday say so
Are you the same two guards that were here last time we came?
No, there's four of us, that was the other two
What exactly are you guarding?
The Sheriff
Why?
He's under arrest
For what?
Bad decisions
What would set him free?
Proof
What kind of proof?
That you didn't commit the crimes you said you committed
Oh good thing we got the butcher
Good thing we've got the butcher here, let us in
Payday says what?
Not to let you in
But...
We brought D's for payday
I confused myself
We got a handful of D's for payday and he said he needs them now
What are D's?
D's nuts, let us in
Damn it, alright stand aside
Alright, don't even need to roll for it
Can't believe I fell for that, last time I fell for that was from a mind goblin
The mind goblin class
You ever played a mind goblin Emon?
No
Alright
Anyway, where were we?
Where we gone?
Mind goblin these nuts?
These nuts?
We need to see payday
Good thing you guys didn't fight any dragons
Yeah, good thing
Dragon what?
Dragging these nuts across your face
I'd love to go to the bar
You guys are alright
Get in there
Where's that alley oop?
Thank you for the layup
Don't leave me hanging
I found this dick for her, where do I turn it in?
You can feed it to the up dog
I'm very confused
Me too
The two guards whisper to each other for a moment
Before
What's a dick for?
I don't know, let me see
Scurl quick
I'm sucking you idiot
We're children, we're children
Dragon
Mercy me
The guards converse quietly to themselves for a moment
Before one of them turns back to you
It's late man
You're the one who has ended this
It's staying in brother
It's staying in
You're stabbing yourself in the foot here
That's just working in
We need 42 sites for everyone at the
You ought to wait here
We will send word to Creed Manor
Heyday will be here shortly
And one of the guards
Begins marching off into the night
You're not so big
Scarab's given some attitude
You're not so big
To the guy that's still there
I love you no one 55
Scarab shudders a little bit
Careful Scarab, he's a giant
Mountain of a man
Still only counts as one
Monet thinks
For a second
Really hard
Her eyebrows are all furrowed
And then she looks down at the guard
Who is shorter than her
And says Creed Manor
More like Creed Men not
Then she looks at the two of you
Like
Manor
Hardly knew her
Damn
That was a good one
In other words
Manor, you're shit
Let us in
I'm just doing my job man
You feel good about it
I'm very good headed
Got a promotion just last week
That's why I'm here
From the Creed's? I can do you better
The captain of the guard
Ah who's the captain of the guard
Sheriff Belson
Oh so the guy that you're holding captive
Promoted you
Last week yes
What do you think about him? How do you feel about the guy?
He's great
Never done any wrong by me, he promoted me
You think he's gonna keep
That promotion with you locking him up?
He's gonna
Do I what?
We're here to take down the Creed's
Is he good?
He doesn't say that
Come again?
Nothing to be against me, I'm orderly
I
I don't like that he's in there, I would let him out
But I feel like if I
Was derelict in my duties
Then I would be betraying the promotion he gave me
He's just doing his job
I'm in a very difficult position here
It's really been hard on me
Glad you can see that
Sense motive
Yes
Seventeen
He's not happy about it at all
He's just doing his job
He's just a run of the mill, he's a guard
He's really sad all of a sudden
Life is hard
I'm empathetic
What happens if you don't do your job?
You'll probably be fired, my
My family will probably starve
You'll probably be forced to leave town
We need a fourth person, why don't you join us?
You have room for a first level bard?
We could use you
I'm a second accordion the whole time
Always wanted to sing
What's your name?
My name, why I'm Thomas
Filstring
Thomas, we need someone like you
Because
We had a halfling
Kind of wimped out
Didn't want to play with us anymore
Level one is better than zero level
What do you guys play?
Do you have any gigs?
I have a gig for sure
It's in the forest
Scarab just
Turned slowly towards Rootmoor
And Monet all smiles
Confused and excited
In his mind he puts a hand against his fist
And his elbow on a table to be like
Please pray, do tell more
Rootmoor
And Monet says genuinely, please pray, do tell more Rootmoor
Yes
Three people are watching you
Eyes full of amazement
Or incredulity
Yes, there's this gig
It's out in the forest
What we're trying to do
Is kill a bunch of kobolds
That are, what, making things undead?
Summoning demons?
I don't know
Oh man, I'm just trying to play some music
This town is in terrible danger
You're probably safer out there
Than you are in here, honestly
Under the theme
Thumb of the creeds
The theme of the creeds
Dealing with undead kobolds and
Untold horrors is safer than
Standing in front of a door
They'll make their way here soon enough
If not, maybe you'll be in one of those cells
We've been out there for a while
If you haven't heard, we're level five now
If you come with us, you will level up
And become greater
And you guys
You've never lost a party member? No one has ever died?
I've never lost a party member
Monet's gonna
Lean down a little bit
And be like
I was just dropped from the grasp of a wyvern
Just a couple of hours ago
I think you're safer here
This has been a great hypothetical
But
I think I'm good
Right here
Just doing my- Are you good?
Are you good? Holding an innocent man
That sounds evil, not good
Well, you're harshly judging somebody
You don't know, that doesn't sound very good
I'd go by the facts
And you kind of lied to him
What facts? Let's hear them
You're keeping a good person
Imprisoned
And you're yelling at a good man
How does that mean- No, no! Stop saying
You're good! You're not good!
What evidence do you have?
You're imprisoning a good man! That is not good
Rootmore's the truth
Will reveal itself when payday
Gets here
We have our proof
That I'm sure he didn't expect us to bring
Yeah, where's the butcher?
He didn't want-
He's up big
Shut up! No, he's here!
Shut up!
He should most definitely be with Drakey
I mean, by this point
He could be off if he's of-
Now he's right there with you
He's not going anywhere
And almost as if on cue
You actually can see the other guard coming back
With payday in tow
He is trudging and
Plumping his way down the road
In a onesie
With a nightcap
And a torch
Guiding the way
Adorable
And before long he stands before you
All of his quaking glory
Staring you up and down
What is the meaning of this?
In the middle of the night?
Yes!
Drake, present yourself
Uh
I don't think that's appropriate
But I'm here
Let it all out
I only handle wieners on the clock
Just leak it, leak the pics bro
I don't know what that means
Payday look! It's a-
It's a butcher!
It sounded like you were going to say
Something really offensive
I was going to say preacher, I don't know why
You almost called me a-
You're going to have to be a preacher soon
Because there's no room for another butcher
It's your temporary butcher!
This isn't the man you were looking for, no?
Payday's face
Twists into a
Bit of a snarl
As he looks over Cobran jabs
So it would seem
Surprised?
Disappointed?
Relieved
That one of our glorious town's members
Could be returned
Safe and sound
You may release
The sheriff
I will hear no more of this tonight
Oh thank you
Good thing Cobran didn't die when I was beating him
Just in time to bring him back
Where is that man?
Just kidding
He
Promptly turns on a chubby heel
And begins plopping back down the road
A bit more
Flustered and frustrated than before
Good
See? I was just doing my job
I like the sense motive
Why would he
Release the guy who was
Killed him?
He said he was relieved
Do you want to roll it?
It's good
Clearly they don't want the sheriff
Free
They absolutely don't want the sheriff free
You can tell that there is
There is a part of Payday that
Hoped that you would have been too late
I'm so glad he didn't move the goalpost
Further
But that's smart for him to not move it further
Because that would have just been a fight right the hell now
Ah this guy
Ay ay ay
He's been around
For reasons
He moved the goalpost we just didn't see it happen
I uh
Like I knew that I just wanted to hear you say it
No for sure
Did you roll?
Yeah you nat 20'd it
Or I nat 20'd it for you
Did you hear me tell you what it
Yeah he's
Yeah there is
There is
Sincerity in part of his words
Mixed with a twinge
Of resentment
And an underlying layer of malice
So there is sincerity in part of it though?
He is glad that a towns
Folk member was saved
He is unhappy
That he lost his opportunity
With the sheriff
The natural part was his relief that someone's
Okay the unnatural is him being
Mad that it makes it's job harder
Yep
That's evil incarnate
That's what I was curious about
If he was actually even
Actually even cared at all
Or if he's just
Outright evil
Everyone's got a human in there somewhere
But at the end of the day
What the hell is he going to eat his bacon if there's no butcher
Like I said
Hey
No one else is capable for miles dude
Nobody who makes anything
Even remotely palatable
For fathoms
Deep into the earth
Congratulations Falcons Harlow
You got your McDonald's back
He's already gone
Good
Sheriff Wilson
Sheriff Belson
You're free
Still outside
Sheriff Belson
The guard that you were
Yelling at and insulting
Horridly
Gives a nice smile as he opens the door
To go in and let out Sheriff Belson
Never doubted a good man
Would go free
And as you
Look inside Sheriff Belson is
Sitting on the cot now
Behind the bars and he stands up
And he gives you a wry smile
So
You found the butcher
Yeah poor excuse
Of a butcher
Lucky for him we were about to go take a nap
Yeah
I don't think he knows how to deal with meat at all
I knew you had it in you
I knew I was right to place my
Faith in you
Of course
Now about
Taking down
Creed Manor
We all know this job is not done
He wants you out
Oh he was so sad
Was that about taking down the creeds?
Says the guard holding the door open for you
Oh yeah
You have one chance buddy
You leave now or you stay here
Who are you with the sheriff or the creeds?
Don't want no trouble
When taken he closes the door
With you guys inside
Look I know you don't have to join us in this
But you know your life
Might be the first on the line
That much is clear
Seems the creeds have had enough
Of me
Doesn't matter if the town elected me of their own volition
Democracy has no place out here
In the wild wastes under their thumb
There's only one thing to do
But first he pushes open the bars
Of his cage
You alcoholic
He pours
Pours four glasses
It's just funny that he
Can't open his cage
He unzips his wooden carton it's just
16 Jack Daniel's bottles
They crash to the ground
And the one that still has a little bit of liquor in it
Goes over to his desk and he opens
A drawer and he pulls out a fine bottle
Of some malt liquor
And he pours a small glass
For each of you
Even if it's only some small part
Of this world
You've done your small part in no small part
To restoring some
Semlance of justice
I felt pointed
Thank you, each of you
Why do you keep saying small? I'm medium sized!
It was a small into small into
Medium sized
Some of you with much taller
Contributions than others
He like nods at
Uh, Scarab
I could just leave
Oh I heard the next town over is looking for a butcher
Butch!
Payday was only disappointed
Cause Roombor showed up
David, we're gonna have two butchers
What is this, a sausage party?
Get the fuck out of here
You guys ready for three hours of content
That we're gonna cut down to 20 minutes
That's gonna be a hell of a ride for Emma later
Gonna laugh a bunch and then get angry
And then laugh again
This is gonna be a hell of an after credits
Join me tomorrow
I'll have an idea for a plan
I've spent some time
I have the base schematics
For part of the building
I don't know that it'll work
No part of it sure
Would it be any help
If we got the other leaders of these buildings
These businesses
Behind us
If we had collaborators it would make it easier
The more people that are ready
Should things go south
If that town can react
Maybe
Even if you should fail
Maybe we could house the creeds
Something to keep in mind
Something else to consider
If you can't get them out
Maybe we can keep them there
I'm getting ahead of myself
Tomorrow morning
Come see me
We'll go over the plans
We'll decide something
Seeing as how there are no more issues
Outside of town
This can be resolved as soon as you're ready
Yeah, no issues at all
Yeah, there's nothing weird happening
Outside of town at all
I see none of you are fans of
Mott Licker so
And he goop goop goop
Wait wait I seriously need something
More dives for his glass
Scare of dives
Monet's still stuck on
Small part
You've done your small part
Into a small part
She's just kind of standing there like
Small part
I feel like Monet's getting really dumb all of a sudden
She used to be smart
She worked in a library for god's sake
Why is she dumb all of a sudden
Only smart people can put books where they go
Smart
Small part
Smart
Smart part
I see you went with the fire elemental judging by the smoke coming out of your ears
Smallpox
Flashes in front of your eyes
Oh I chose my element
Come on now
Don't leave me hanging
A toast to all of you
Monet will grab her glass
Scarab tugs at his sleeve
And lifts his arm up
Making sure to cover what the hell is happening to him
Scarab what's on your arm
You don't see it
Not yet you'll get your time
For good or bad wheel or woe
To falcons hollow
Here we go
Take me take me
That was awesome
That's a pee pee
Yay
The Cursed Hair Man
Uses trademarks and slash or copyrights owned by
We're not done yet
What are your plans for the rest of the night?
This is Cody D y'all
Sleep
Probably
Rootmoor is gonna go murder the butcher
Finally
Back in my own home
No
Just gonna rest in the tavern
Before Rootmoor goes to bed
He's gonna go to the tavern
Get the sheriff's axe and bring it to the sheriff
Okay
I'm so sorry to both
Cody and Felicia
Not to me though
Scarab
No
No no you'll see why
Fuck you grandma
Scarab wants to go visit an old friend
Okay let's resolve
Rootmoor first cause that's a fairly easy one
After the sheriff wishes you all a good night
He has an ear to ear grin that hasn't left his face since you came back
After the sheriff wishes you all a good night
He has an ear to ear grin that hasn't left his face since you came back
For the first time
In a few days when you've seen him
His cheeks are flushed
With color again
He looks to be even more hopeful
Than when you first met him
After you leave
Rootmoor remembers the axe
Retrieves it from his room
And takes it back
As he knocks on the sheriff's door to present it to him
The sheriff gives him a wry smile
I see you kept it warm for me
I...I haven't been here long
But I had a feeling
This day would come
This town is corrupt
I'm willing to help
I have no gain in it
It sounds like a good time
One of my
Only known him for a few days
One of my
Best friends
Lives here
Is that Colburn Jobs?
Yes! How did you know?
We're like big buddies
We play... Birds of a feather
We play words with friends on the phone
On the phone
And Bonet
Lover to death
Very mysterious, never had a moment to be like
Who the fuck are you?
But she saved my life
Multiple times
So my life is here
In this town
Let's fix it
It's been a while since I've had to use this axe
To literally bash
The brazen face of corruption here
And for the first time in a long time
I feel like it's time to swing again
Ha ha ha
Thank you, Rubemore
Yes, and once we take over
My only request
I would like to be the butcher of this town
Ha ha ha ha
I won't get taken away by little lizards
Ha ha ha ha
I think that's something
We can discuss for sure
Fantastic
Nothing wrong with
Healthy competition in a free market
There won't be competition
I like your spirit
And I love your humor, let's go kill something
Ha ha ha ha
I should probably go to bed
Tomorrow morning
The plans
Fantastic
I'll be at the sitting...
Is it sitting duck?
Oh yes, sitting duck
Don't confuse it with the duck hole
No no no, I did that once
Everyone has
Good night
Slams the door in your face
Ha ha ha
And let's cut over to
Scarab
As you see the rest of your friends heading into the inn
Before Rubemore heads back out
What are you doing?
He's gonna see them off
Without making
The fuss of his
Disappearance as he slinks back away
Travels quietly down the roads
To a house
That we were once familiar with
Where
An old friend
May live
He's gonna walk up the steps
And knock on the door
I mean I'm making an assumption here
But
You hear a shuffling inside
And kind of a
Like a
You hear like a
Chair
Scrape against the floor
Like stomping to the door
And the door opens
Just a crack
Quickly
And it's Jacques
And he is wearing
Oh wrong door
He stands there
Looking exactly as you remember
Full cloaked up
With his plague doctor
Mask on
And so you just see a
Bird face
Stick its head out
Stick its head out the door, look around
And look down and you just see like the glint of the moonlight
As he looks at you and says
No solicitors
Scarab
His head is facing you
As if to look at you but he's looking down
He knows, he understands
And he looks up at you
I have a crew of people
I'm sure you've heard
About what happened to the sheriff
We freed him
We're gonna take on the creeds
Jacques
You see tears
Stream down his eyes
And he pulls his sleeve back
And you see just vines
And moss
And he has tears in his eyes
Can you look at this for me?
Oh
Jacques stands there
Quietly
Just looking
Like standing
Tall
Very tall
Looking down at this kobold
His head kind of like
Cawking to the side like birds do
And then
It's almost as if his neck
Shrinks down
So he doesn't look as long
And he goes
Come in
Thank you
Scarab bows his head
His head quickly walks in
Tricky
Nestles up in the front yard
He knows it's gonna be a long night
Oh my hand
Monet
Goes to the
Goes to the tavern
Still thinking about small part
Small part
Thinking about the wyvern
She follows Scarab
Are you trying to replace me?
She sees
Rootmoor go and grab
The axe and sees him leave
Doesn't see Scarab
So she just goes to her room
And she sits down
Takes off her gloves and looks at her hands
And
There's just
Surges
Of energy going through her hands
Just cycling
Her hand
It's like
One of those
Electric balls
That you put your hand near and it makes your hair stand
When the glove
Was put on it made her form a fist
And she can't unclench the fist
So it's just essentially a steel ball
It's pretty awesome
It's the same thing, she's just looking down at her hands
And it's just like
Kind of like steam
And sparks and just being like
Oh
And she goes to bed
Something strange is happening
Something's happening
Crazy
Each of you bed down for the night
The thoughts
Of everything
Are a lot
There's a bit of relief that kind of washes over you
Knowing that you were able to save Colrin Jabs
Even more relief that
This has now vindicated Scarab
And freed the sheriff
There's yet a lingering
Undertone of dread
The nightmares from the night
Prior
Visions of this
Would-be kobold king
The undead
The writhing mass of the wyvern
Still hearing the sizzling and popping
Of its decayed flesh
That eerie yellow
Glow
Leaves so many questions swimming around in your mind
That it's almost
Impossible to fall asleep
With so many questions writhing
Around in your head
And yet you manage
And you slip into that deep
Sweet embrace of a night's
Sleep
And once again we see
A sea of black
A rippling floor
In a deep
Void
High above each of you
In the darkness
Two orbs begin to form
Glowing yellow
Slitted
By black lines that glare at you
Menacingly before a snarl
Forms and a red
Scaled visage looms
Out from the darkness
His head adorned in a
Wreath of bone and skull
Flee while you can
Flee and never look
Back
For should you find yourselves
Once again in my domain
The domain of the truth scales
You will not
You will not leave
Again
Scarab as you stare up
At this visage
High above you looming from the darkness
There's a small
Tinking noise
Behind you
Like the shattering of tiny glass
Shards, like the magnifying
Sounds of snowflakes
Breaking on the earth
And as you turn to look
There is suddenly
A shine of light
That beams down
Nothing inside of it
Just a spot of light
In the midst of this darkness
Before you hear
Almost like it emerges
From underwater a voice
Calling out to you
The voice that calls out to you
I know you would look from that
The light is starting to break off
Gently waft down to the ground
Before they
Tink and explode in small sparks of light
Before they regrow in an ever
Shifting mantle of nature
Road high
To the bottom
There is time
The light suddenly snaps out
And you are left in darkness
Before there begins
In the distance a growing
Warmth
A heat emanating from the darkness
And it begins to glow
More and more with a warm golden light
You begin to make out a figure
In this light
It seems like its back is turned towards you
You see
Golden fur
On a towering figure
Should it stand straight you imagine
This to be close to eight, nine
Feet tall
A massive mountainous
Nine form
Standing on two legs
There is a green turtle shell on its back
Petruting with spikes
And a fiery red mane
Bissected by two great horns
A gnoll's head
Turns in your direction
Its eyes a light like flame
Filled with ambition
And yet there is a coolness to it
An understanding of something greater
Without
Turning towards you
Its head tilts to the side
Regarding you with one eye
And in a gravelly voice
He calls out to you
Nor I stood before that
They have come
For a Queen Mother
And that's all that we have for today
Oh my God!
The Chris Garavan
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Emma?
Yes we have one from
Tales in Gap
This is episode 26
Of Crown of the Cobold King
They say I was so terrified
Of roaches hatching in my tongue
For the longest time
Took that 20 and bought
Cobra Trout
And I was so terrified
Of roaches hatching in my tongue
Took that 20 and bought
Cobra Triangle
Cody do you know what this person is talking about?
We were talking about
Licking envelopes
Yeah licking envelopes and there was that lady
That licked the envelopes
I was so confused for a second
I was like
This person is on something
I'm sorry what was the second half of it?
What did it say?
Cobra Triangle? Do I need to look this up?
They took that 20, like 20 bucks
Cobra Triangle
C'mon you know who this is
Oh Cobra Triangle
Yes I do know who this is
Cobra Triangle, that was a game on the NES
Where you played as a speedboat that could shoot
Bullets and you
Zoomed around
I plopped on that and was like I don't know what this is
Wacked out of my
I've seen this game before, never played it
That's when we were having the discussion of
The old days where you bought games
Purely based on their cover
I mean it's got a
Sea serpent on the cover
I would have been so into it as a kid
The game looks nothing like that
I liked the game, it was fun
The game that I bought at the same time
You don't have to include all this
The game I included was
Wrath of the Black Manta
That I ended up buying because it has a ninja
Doing like a flying kick on the cover
While holding a katana
In a Chinese store
Trust me, I have my share of albums that
Do not sound like their cover
Yeah
That was a good time, thanks for leaving my comment
That's a blast from the past
Thank you Justin
There's a reason we keep you here
I can't wait until you come back so I can kill your stupid
Bald character
I love you Justin
You're number one customer
Feed you soon, don't worry
Keep leaving those comments
Oh yeah
You leave a comment too, new subscriber
And thank you for being a traveler
On the Cursed Caravan
Thank you, bye bye
Bye
Oh wait, I want to say
Yeah
Bringing up some deep lore
With that character
And that dream
That is very exciting, this is stuff that we played
In our games before we
Started recording
I'm so excited about that
And I'm very excited for
You as the listener to hear it
This is amazing
Cursed Caravan expanded universe
Yes, that's all I want
I just want a connected universe
With all of our characters
That's all I give a shit about
We started it first
It's amazing
But yeah, thank you
Bye
I'm not saying it again
Never catch me twice
Good high
Buffom dad
Shut up