Ugh, I'm so hungry.
Oh.
Oh, hi.
Didn't see you there.
I'm just in the break room right now, warming up a juicy hot dog.
Last week was pretty rough.
My dumbass decided to walk into yet another ambush.
You think we would expect it by now, but here we are.
Does this thing work?
Come on.
I just want a hot dog.
Ah, there we go.
The fight was going the way it usually does, quite terribly.
Everyone got some good hits in, and I hammered that big frog into oblivion.
Felt good.
And then, out of nowhere, the last kobold decided to run his spear through my neck.
Nobody gets killed by a kobold!
That's pathetic!
Oh.
Don't tell Scarab I said that.
Ugh, hot dog is complete.
I'm going to eat this and try not to think about dying this episode.
Our story continues now.
So Imo, do you want to finish that story from earlier?
How many people did you say you hit with your car?
No, I'll tell you later.
Okay.
I'm odd single, by the way.
No, I'm not.
I'm odd single.
Now.
I'm married to all those people with this car.
I'm married to this podcast.
But also single.
So listener, you had to wait a whole week to see what happens to Rootmar.
I had to wait two weeks!
We recorded that two weeks ago!
A little peek behind the curtain.
So Cody, what's happening with this crit?
I mean, nothing good.
You have been throat slashed.
Who farted?
Dude, it is so bad.
Definitely wasn't me.
I'm thinking it might have been Matt.
He's making an impish grin.
You all know that I would admit that.
So it was Garrus then.
Yep, he is right behind you.
Little boy.
It's pointing in your direction too.
It's impish.
That's my fucking face, dude.
Well, your face is adorable and a little bit, you know, uh, stu-ish.
Stop digging your hole.
I like my hole.
Alright, sorry.
Sorry I interrupted you about the fart.
No, it was very important.
The dog fart.
Your throat's been slashed.
You take 1d8 persistent bleed damage.
You can't talk.
You can't cast spells that include a verbal component.
And you cannot breathe while you are subject to this bleed damage.
Cool.
Because as far as being unable to breathe, that means you have a number of rounds, holding
your breath, equal to 5 plus your constitution modifier, which I believe you said was a plus
3?
2.
Plus 2, so you have 7 rounds of air remaining.
If you should run out of air, you will begin suffocating.
You will immediately fall unconscious, uh, and you cannot recover from being unconscious.
You'll have to do a DC20 fortitude save at the end of each of your turns.
And if you fail, you take 1d10 damage.
If you critically fail, you die.
Every round that you do not resuscitate, you will increase the DC by 5 and the damage you
take by 1d10.
Neat.
And I believe, uh, your fucking kobold wasn't done with its turn yet, right?
He was not.
How many more actions does this guy have?
He still has one more.
Okay.
Rootmore is at 4 HP right now.
He's not going down.
Please miss.
Please.
Or just run away.
That's what kobolds do, right?
I think he has one more.
I don't know if he has one or two.
Actually, I don't know if that was the first attack or if that was the second.
We should probably be sure of that, so the character doesn't die for no reason.
Probably should have written it down.
I think it's one action.
That's what I really do think it's one action.
Okay.
He is also currently bleeding, although not in the throat.
He will take one more attack in your direction with 2 MP.
Hang on.
Before you do that, use my session PP to give you a disadvantage on that roll.
I will take that gladly.
Can I also?
No.
I'm not going to roll 3d20 and take the words of 3.
Okay.
All right.
I won't remember that.
All right.
Looking at his hit, he's probably not going to hit you.
Okay.
This last one is not very...
I turned in that PowerPoint just because you could roll a natural 20.
It's true.
Rolled an 11 and a 13.
That is a 13 to hit you.
That is a miss.
All righty.
With that, it is Scarab's turn.
Scarab, you turn and you see Rootmore now gripping his throat, blood pouring between
his fingers and a look of surprise on his face.
You need to roll a DC 15 save to see if you stop bleeding for the Cobalt.
Correct.
I also need to take that 2d6 damage.
I wrote it so big on the map and I almost forgot about it.
Takes five points of damage.
Damn it.
See, I don't remember if I am reloaded or not.
Just roll a d20.
At this point.
Do a 50-50.
I'll leave that up to God.
Man, these stopping EPs in the middle of a combat while drunk, it's tough.
Just going to throw that out there.
It's risky business.
Oh, that 2d6 bleed you take, you take half of it.
Why is that?
Because I think you passed the save on that spell.
So you only take half of 2d6.
I wrote half down there.
Okay.
That's why.
Wrote it real small.
I know.
I forgot.
That will matter.
Okay, tracker is back up.
I will give myself part of that HP back.
It's half rounded down, correct?
Yes, I guess two damage.
The more his pleading eyes look at Rick.
Pleading eyes.
Please, finish me.
You look hungry, boy.
Alright, Scarab, what you got?
I am unsure if I am reloaded or not.
That's the difference between one attacks and two.
Tell you what, odds are evens for good for you.
Odd.
If it's odd, you are reloaded, I'm rolling a d6.
One, you are reloaded.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, and you're still prone, right?
I am prone.
You've been prone like this whole time, I think.
I dove out of the way for some...
Hey, true scale defect, over here!
And he lets out a shot.
Kaboom!
No, don't.
No, this is...
Don't use a different...
No, I'm using this one.
I'm using this one.
A 26 to hit.
That's a hit.
Bam, bam, bam, bam.
Thank you, Pete.
Alright, threw my die on the ground.
What's new?
Completely missed my tray.
That's gonna be...
Yes!
Would you roll two ones?
No, it sounded good.
You looked happy.
Yeah, I know.
It's max damage.
Yes!
13 piercing magical.
Whoa, alrighty.
Huge hit.
Okay, okay.
He's gonna reload.
Yeah, not worth it to try.
He's gonna reload and fire again.
Here, have it!
My god, I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
It's almost like...
Minus...
Don't hit him, he's a nice guy.
He's just a friendly little guy.
18 to hit?
That is a miss.
Oh no!
Alright.
Damn!
You haven't missed in a long time.
You've been hit a lot.
I had some rough times, that's for sure.
All right, Monet, do you want to start off with the Beyblade?
Yeah, she will sustain.
I have a question.
He is dying!
Picture of him standing there, I have a question.
I have a question.
No!
The question is.
You first, please.
The question is, my love, my husband,
can I take a bottle with a potion
and shove it in his neck hole like a trachea thing
and let him drink it that way?
If he can't swallow, can I do it that way?
He, I think he can swallow, gross.
But yeah, he can drink,
whether it's in his neck or in his mouth,
I think he could drink, I'm gonna let that.
So what's the, what would be preventing that?
Paralysis or, because I think force potion
is like a viable option, even if they're paralyzed.
Wait, I'm sorry, preventing what?
Potions.
Nothing.
Okay, then yeah.
I was just thinking that it would be
because he's like stabbed in his throat.
Well, but then if I was the DM,
I'd say, yeah, shove it down the throat hole.
It's getting into the body.
That's exactly why I asked.
Yeah.
Okay, so yeah, I will sustain the spell.
Put it up his butt if you have to.
For the.
The man's dying.
Put it in his butt and turn him upside down.
It's just a dwarf.
Shake him around a little bit.
It's just a dwarf.
For the grindstone, so I'll do that first.
Okay, one action to sustain.
One action, pull down pants.
And that is.
Second action, relax.
Or use this as drop pants reaction.
A 20 to hit.
20's a hit.
Yes.
What is it again?
D6 physical, D6 fire?
What level are we?
Four. Four.
About to be five.
I know, I was gonna say, I guarantee we're,
I'll put money down, I'll say like 20 bucks
we're level five after this fight,
which is shitty if Fruitymore dies,
because that's what happened.
The colonel died and then we leveled up.
Shitty.
Sorry, I think I opened the wrong.
You can only level up when one of your party mates dies.
That's how it works.
Have you ever placed a pathfinder before?
Just make a character for every two levels, I'm on.
Okay, so.
He likes to try new things.
Play old school D&D rules where you come back
as a level one.
Are you kidding me?
So close.
How about our D6?
This is scarab D6.
Woo, okay, so that little guy,
that little shitty little kobold,
he takes nine slashing and six fire.
Oh my God.
Ooh.
And he's eviscerated and his body immediately
combusts into flames as it falls to the floor.
And Monet then.
Flavor, well I guess it doesn't matter
because I guess we're technically out of combat now.
Still an initiative because we got rounds of breath here.
So flavor, she is adjacent to him,
but she flavor like slides on her knees over to root more.
Flavor slides.
And with her last two actions, she will pull a potion
and force it, force him to drop.
Well if you're moving.
She's not moving, she's adjacent to him.
I said flavor slide.
I got you.
Flavor.
I'm just gonna flavor slide 15 feet.
Walk backward, walk backward for a while.
Dust it off the knees.
Does the robot in place producing a potion?
Cartwheel, backflip, powerslide.
A healing potion miner.
Oh, why did I close my eyes?
Hehehe, I need that.
Trying to.
He trying to strike a sword, it's probably a miner.
You get six HP.
But that is magical healing, isn't it?
Which should stop bleeding.
Only if he's healed all the way.
Damn.
That's what it says?
Yes.
Dying.
Yeah, so that's gonna be it for Monet.
So we'll go to Rootmore now.
And Rootmore, you're gonna take that lead damage.
At the end of his turn.
Right, which is also when you're gonna save.
So you got three actions to do something.
First action, he just starts fumbling around
for his medicine kit.
And let's see what happens.
Yeah, do you have combat medic?
Because if not, you won't be able to do first aid in time.
Yes, he does have battle medicine.
But, no, that's only for treating wounds, apparently.
I guess.
I don't think you can stop.
I think treat wounds lets you stop bleeding.
Treat wounds is for healing.
The administer first aid, which is two actions.
That's for stabilizing and stopping bleed.
Okay.
Which, that makes my choice easier.
He's just going to put a knife to his throat.
He's gonna bring his hand to his throat
and his hand will start to glow
and he will cast heal on himself.
Thank goodness.
His last heal.
And that is going to be 25 healing.
Brings him up to full.
That's crazy.
So that his bleeding stops.
Wow.
Where is it?
There it is.
Game's unfair.
I didn't even get to do the bleeding damage.
Whoa!
More day, thank you.
Roodmore falls to his knees and starts to catch his breath.
Holy crap!
Oh.
Roodmore, are you okay?
Oh, I'm perfect now, but I'm suffering PTSD.
Oh.
Boys, what the hell happened there?
That was crazy.
You got stabbed in the neck.
Yeah, I was wild.
Fuck this guy.
Who's crazy?
Kicks the dead cobble.
We should probably check them for stuff.
Maybe they'll have healing potions.
Good idea.
While you do that, I'm going to,
whatever the fuck it's called.
Take a breather?
Yes, thank you.
Spend 10 moments, 10 minutes.
10 moments.
10 moments in time.
That is what they called minutes in medieval times.
They called them moments.
We'll spend 10 minutes.
What a medieval time.
Yes, it's a resolve.
It's where we are now, Skurrub.
It's fun.
Oh, I want to go to medieval times.
I want corn and chicken.
And potatoes.
Oh, those potatoes are so nice.
They're so nice and boring.
I love it.
The soup, I liked it.
I liked it too.
I liked all of the food.
Yeah, but listen, we did go to medieval times
for my birthday, because you just,
my friends and I.
Because I was drunk and I spent a lot of money.
Tell Imane, happy birthday in the comments.
Tell Imane, happy birthday in the comments
and we'll send you a card.
Stop making promises you can't keep.
I'm going to send you my card so you can fix it.
Send it back to me and then I can drive.
Yay.
Anyway.
We'll talk about it sometime.
We'll talk about medieval times sometime.
We'll talk about the car situation.
Look, we're from that.
Yeah, and Matthew's car, yeah.
So the thing Skurrub would like to do
is just a perception check to
make sure everything's kosher after this fight.
Is there someone else down the halls?
Is there anything else afoot?
That's what he would like to do.
I'm rolling a die.
Monet will walk up to Rootmore
and pat him on the back a little too hard.
Ah!
Rootmore dies.
He just fades away.
Little angel wings and a gown.
Shit out of here.
Cody writing RIP Rootmore.
Fuck that. Yeah, Cody.
I didn't write that.
It's Felicia.
It's in red though.
You changed your color, Felicia.
How'd you do that?
Huh, what do you mean?
You just changed your color.
I didn't do that.
That doesn't even look like my handwriting.
I'm over here reading what's in the rooms
that Jason that you're trying to go into.
Sorry.
What's here?
Help.
Skurrub just got an 18, I guess,
checking for traps.
Traps being other voices, anything.
Can you hear anything in this room
now that it's not battle, battle worn?
For the room that you're currently in, in this chamber?
Yeah, can I hear anything?
Are we safe?
You don't really hear anything.
The only thing you can hear is the,
the quiet slurping and crunching
coming from Skirsh in the corner behind you,
munching on a dead kobold.
Okay, before he eats them all,
I would like to look through their stuff.
Hey, Amon, do you wanna get rid of that
giant 2D6 bleed half?
I guess I could do that.
I'll get rid of the hot dog.
I mean, the hot dog should still be there, right?
The trap got triggered.
It did, but the hot dog's still there.
Yeah.
You know, you can just like drag
and highlight everything and delete it.
Yeah, I'm just paranoid about deleting other things,
even though I know I can't.
Just still paranoid.
I don't want, that's how I accidentally deleted Rootmore.
Yeah, but then Cody could just bring him back.
I know, but Cody's busy.
I'm always busy,
because I don't prepare enough at the time.
Yeah, while you're searching the bodies,
Rootmore is spending that 10 minutes
getting his resolve back.
Monet, we should probably
deal with this sometime.
He's pointing at Rick.
Scarab Fires just gone.
I'm kidding.
I don't know how you-
Yeah, he is, it is scary to have this stranger.
I don't know what you mean by that, Rootmore.
I don't mean, he has an unsatiable appetite.
So do you.
True, but I don't eat people.
Dietary needs are not something
that you should judge someone on.
Okay, I mean, I like him.
He's fun, he has a good attitude,
but kind of scary.
You keep an eye on him.
Scarab's also kind of scary.
Scarab's not a threat.
You don't want to talk?
Oh, you're not supposed to hear that.
Sorry.
I got good ears.
I got great ears.
I just, I don't, I don't get what you're,
I don't know what you're getting at, Rootmore.
He might try to eat us.
I'm a ranger, are you kidding me?
It's my job to hear well.
Only if we're alone.
I feel like if you're suggesting
that we should get rid of Rick,
it's because you're trying to leave the party.
That's my, that's what I'm getting.
I don't wear the green hood for fashion.
It's just what rangers wear.
Oh, Monet, okay, just keep an eye on him.
I like him too, but kind of scary.
Just keep an eye on him.
Keep your voices down.
There's probably more enemies.
Good point, Scarab.
I'll shut the fuck up.
I'm kidding.
You see how I was screaming that whole time?
It doesn't matter, they're losers, they're idiots.
But are you okay?
He was just laying on his back,
just all spread out,
catching his breath right now for his resolve.
I actually feel pretty good.
The ground is surprisingly comfortable.
I'm gonna have to take a nap for a second too.
After I open my eyes,
after looking through these bodies.
Scarab, what did you find?
Anything fun?
I don't know, we'll see.
Three, two, one, opening my eyes now.
Going over the bodies, pretty run of the mill loot.
Four of these kobolds had crossbows on them.
They have about five bolts apiece for a total of 20.
Is someone rocking a crossbow right now?
Or did I just, I think I bagged up.
It's got terrible aim.
Definitely. Terrible.
What's everyone's bulk looking like?
I can hold stuff.
Ah, let me see.
I need to sell things.
I'll grab as many crossbows as I can.
I'm pretty full, I can have one more bolt.
I can hold two bolts.
The leader had another flying talon,
as well as a plus one spear.
Ooh.
And those were regular crossbows.
Correct.
I'll grab that plus one spear.
The other, the talon that I have is a plus one flying talon.
Is this one also a plus one?
This is just a regular flying talon.
Okay, I'm just gonna hold.
I'm gonna pick up three of the crossbows.
And I'm so sorry, how many bolts?
20. 20 total.
20 bolts.
Also on the leader, whose name you never learned,
but whose name was secretly Gruggerkirk.
You also find a large-
Don't we know that name?
Different name.
Did we not hear Gruggerkirk
from one of the other kobold though?
Gertelklip was the one you had an argument with,
and then who later tried to flush you out of the catacombs.
Yeah.
And then Gruggerkirk is another one.
And I believe you-
Sounds familiar.
You heard,
got kobold names, man.
Did anybody pick up those bolts?
I'd be happy to.
Go for it.
Merlo-Krep was the name of the kobold king.
They're all very similar.
Merlo-Krep.
It's just that name in particular sounds so familiar to me.
That'll have crap in their name.
But Gruggerkirk has a large iron key on him.
Yoink.
Sorry.
Yoink.
Sorry, you're searching.
I'm just-
Reaches over from your spot laying on the ground.
Yeah, give me that.
The spider.
He owes it to me.
Fuck that guy.
No, sure thing.
Take the key, asshole.
Oh, my eye.
It's fine.
I'm a very small man,
and I've got four crossbows on my back.
Strapped.
What's the gear?
What is the key?
You said it's an iron key.
It's a large iron key.
Man, we haven't come across any locked doors.
That's exactly where I'm going to name it
that I can think of.
No, you haven't.
Maybe it's for a chest.
Maybe we'll find a good item one of these days.
Like a plus one spear or a plus one flying talon?
I know that was a church for bodies,
but a search through the room?
Nothing else in the room.
Maybe a coin.
No, it was a empty large chamber.
These alcoves on the side where the kobolds were hiding
seemed to be rough-hewn as if they had been picked.
The beginnings of tunnels meeting the head elsewhere
before they were hastily abandoned.
You don't know if that was because something happened
with the dwarves that caused them to abandon the project,
or if it was merely the madness of their dark god
that caused them to fervently swap between their tasks.
Okay, I was curious who did these tunnels,
so it was the dwarves.
Yeah.
So yeah, while Rootmore is figuring out all that,
I will have been resting for resolve.
Hey, Scarab, remember when we were fighting
that weird dwarf and he was doing fire magic at us and stuff?
I forgot I'm wearing a ring of torag.
It protects from fire.
Oh, does it?
Yeah, so let's go fight him right now.
No!
No, man.
You're right.
That was ridiculous.
The whole room filled.
I would love to.
I'm gonna keep it marked on my map,
but we need a bigger gun.
And also, torag is done with me for the day.
I'm very tired.
I understand this has been brutal.
He's added up to heel with my shenanigans.
He's at the point where I should die if we keep going.
He doesn't care anymore.
Well, if we need to make camp, we need to make camp.
I just don't think going all the way back home
is a good idea.
Also, let's, whenever Monet wakes up
from her meditation,
we should tell her to just go ahead
and take the deal on the four resolve,
because Monet only having two resolve
forces us to sleep every battle.
I mean, you guys could just let her die,
and then she can make another character correctly.
That would make me feel bad.
Who's talking?
Who is that?
These are your inner thoughts?
Oh, yes.
Aerith's looking pretty good.
I mean, we could let her die.
Why did I say that?
Runebari, okay?
You all right, buddy?
Oh, I'm not okay.
We do need to sleep.
You talking to God again?
Silly.
Oh, I mean, I...
Cut to the anvil again, just the,
bling, bling, bong.
You're annoying.
You're needy.
Stop asking for help.
God helps those who help themselves.
Wait, I think Monet is waking up.
She keeps passing out.
Is she anemic?
I don't know.
Sorry, I was really trying to focus on my piss.
I understand.
I wish you didn't do it in the middle of the room, though.
It's weird.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
I understand.
I'm a little tired.
Torag's power has left me.
You are forsaken?
Until I go to bed.
Oh, okay.
Yes, while you were passed out, I lied a bunch.
I lied so much.
Laying on the ground.
I'll live forever.
I love what I'm going through.
How do we get back?
Oh, back upstairs.
Oh, we can't.
Look.
Yep.
There's a little matter of that broken elevator
and a rope dangling far above you.
Look, there is, I'm not going all the way back to town
just to come back here tomorrow.
Absolute, no, we had.
There's a storeroom.
That's right.
Also, the rope is still hanging
because it was attached to Rootmore when they fell.
So it's still hanging so we can climb the rope.
The rope was never cut.
I think you're right.
Yeah, the rope was never cut.
I'm starting to remember whether the rope
made it all the way down to the bottom because the...
It did because it was tied around Rootmore's waist.
Didn't Monet cut the rope at some point
which caused the cauldron to fall?
Yeah, but then we tied. Yes, but before that,
we added another rope. Tied another rope.
Yeah, when we were going down,
we tied it to Rootmore. Okay, so yes.
As long as that knot holds three people, you're good.
I'm having these weird thoughts of us
climbing the rope at the same time,
but we shouldn't do that.
The voice in my head keeps poking holes in my logic.
Yes, I do like it.
That means I'm tired.
Don't like when he imitates my voice.
Rude, that's my deal.
Look, I'd be willing to climb up that rope
just to see if Tricky's okay.
Tricky, maybe.
But I don't think we should go back to town.
No, we don't have that option.
They're gonna kill the sheriff.
We need to come back with the butcher.
These true scales, these true scales are legion.
Cut off three heads, four more stupid heads pop up.
The longer we take, the more of these stupid scales
we're gonna come across.
Well, I can go.
I'm ready.
I just won't be able to use the power of Torag.
I think our rest is worth it.
Store room then.
I'm not very confident on climbing the rope.
What's the, what would be the AC we're looking for
for a rope climb for a little guy?
Let's, actually I think it's in the athletics.
We're trying to perc-climb.
Athletics climb.
Let's see, okay, you attempt an athletics trick
to move a maximum distance of five feet up, down,
or across an incline.
Incline, incline.
If we wanna rest, I could make another roll
to see if I can get rid of this rat stain
and be a perfect help.
Should, let's go back to the store room.
I think there were some crates in there.
We can stack them against the door or something.
Yes, good idea, I'm already on my way.
Should we take him in with us?
No.
Absolutely not.
I do fear letting him out of our sight though, you know.
That's okay, I'd rather him be out of our sight
than in a room while we're sleeping.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, Scarab would like to attempt
to shove some crates towards the door.
Same, Rutoir will do the same.
So we go to the store room,
we put a bunch of shit in front of the door.
Okay, that's the play?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, Scarab would happily
spend another 20 minutes just making sure
this is just a one way in, one way out, no traps.
And you can feel tricky as well, like his emotional state.
I mean, he could.
I'll leave that to God
in hopes that God doesn't do anything too fucking mean.
I do have only half a character.
Something I will say is that as you,
you know, hoist yourself up from resting
and begin to make your way back to the store room,
you hear something.
Here's something.
Is anyone still alive out there?
Where's it coming from?
The west.
Give us a minute, we gotta take a nap.
Wait.
Baby, wanna go down for a nap?
Do you mean from here?
West from the store room?
West from the room where you had the battle.
Oh shit.
You guys moved yourself there, but I, yeah,
as you were turning to leave the chamber from the ambush.
All right.
In the silence, you hear a hushed horse voice call out.
Butcher, is anyone still alive out there?
Do you work with meats?
Do you butcher meats?
Butcher meats, you work with meat?
Excuse him, he almost died.
Are you the butcher from Falcon's Hollow?
Scarab reloads his weapon and aims down the hall.
I don't know why the dwarf is acting,
asking such cryptic questions when we could just ask,
are you the butcher from Falcon's Hollow?
Because if he's not, he could easily just say yes
and spring a trap, that's why I was doing that.
Could be a mimic like our friend.
I'm so scared.
You're all right.
Ah!
And it's just Rick, he comes out, he's like,
ah, I got you.
It's just me.
The goblets are all dead.
That doesn't answer my question.
Show yourself.
The ones in this room, they're all dead.
No, there's one and he's speaking to you now.
Show yourself.
Oh yeah, forget your goblets.
I have nothing to say to my captors.
We're not captors, we're here to free people.
I'm not with the true scales.
We are working for Sheriff Billson.
Sorry, my voice sounds more scary than usual.
Got shit in my throat.
Look man, I just gotta say we've gone through a lot of stuff
and killed a lot of people and if you wanna be rescued,
you're gonna have to ask you, ask you.
You're gonna have to answer our questions.
Are you the butcher?
Do you need rescuing?
Name's Colbran and you're making too much noise.
Come let me out.
Oh shit.
Scareb makes his way stealthily.
We'll both get behind me.
Oh no, you get behind me.
No, both of you get behind me.
Oh, I'm here first, I win.
Kill me.
Oh, Monet disappeared.
Well, I hope you step on something that kills you.
Good luck.
Are there any traps where you are?
I'm gonna go ahead and channel elements
and earth armor.
Okay.
Let me search for traps, idiot.
Okay, fine, search for traps.
I'll search for traps too, idiot.
Idiot.
You too.
A very offensive word, we throw that around a lot.
I know, I just don't want you to die.
Come on.
Idiot.
24.
14.
28.
Nice, nice.
No traps.
But as you make your way into this small chamber
and peer around, you can't help but notice
there are small wooden structures, almost like cages,
that line the northwestern wall,
all of which seem to be filled with
a scattering of dry, moldy grass and uprooted weeds.
They almost look like nests built into the center
of each of these little enclosures,
one of which you can see a man on his knees
gripping the bars of his wooden cage.
He looks to be in horrible condition.
His skin is pale, his cheeks are sunken,
and his face is badly bruised with several cuts.
He has a otherwise, what you imagine to be
jolly looking face.
He has a round face with prominent cheeks,
a thick brow and a heavy black beard.
Okay, everyone, careful.
Scarab would like to look at the
ceilings first and foremost.
Sure, go ahead and roll me that.
As you walk in, you see him, and for a moment,
there is a look of surprise and hope,
and as he sees Scarab, there is immediately
a look of fear, and he looks away
and moves away from the bars of his cage.
Oh, don't be racist, he's fine, come on.
Just because you get beaten and tortured
by a bunch of lizards doesn't mean a lizard
in the place where you were beaten
and tortured by lizards is a bad man.
20.
Completely unreasonable.
20.
Rough-hewn stone tunnel doesn't seem to be
anything else on the scene.
No, no entryways, no.
No.
Okay.
Hey, I have a key.
In fact, due to your being a kobold,
you would recognize this as a hatchery.
It seems at one point that were probably
kobold nests in here, as indicated
by the left behind shrubbery,
but there are no eggs in sight,
and they have now been made into
makeshift prison cells.
Okay, due to being a kobold,
you feel like you have to torture this guy.
Just let me at him.
Something about his face.
I just have a bad feeling.
He clearly doesn't want me over there.
I'll stay in the entryway.
Sure, sure.
Monet will walk forward.
I've got a big key.
Give me the key.
There, Monet, take it.
Monet will take the key, and she'll walk.
Where is it?
You want to ping it on the map?
It's where the trap is.
No, it's right here.
It's a trap.
Can't ping with the reveal.
That's my real man.
Okay, so she'll walk up to it.
There is a old and hefty padlock
securing the wooden bars.
Holding the old and hefty man.
Sir, are you from Falcons Hollow?
I don't know how many times I have to ask you.
Yes, I'm the butcher.
That's what I asked before.
Why didn't you answer me?
Oh, praise me.
Because if you haven't noticed,
we're in a place that's a little hostile.
And you're yelling down a hallway.
I've noticed, have you seen the bruises on that dwarf?
Have you seen the bruises on me?
Yes, but-
Who else can I talk to?
I don't like her, she's rude.
Hey, I'm not rude, I'm honest.
That's rude.
You should lie for people.
Monet, use the key.
Don't raise your voice to her, hit him.
Look, I'm gonna unlock you,
but I'm gonna need you to be quiet.
I'm gonna need you to shut up.
Yeah, with authority!
Maybe I don't come with you, maybe I'll stay here.
No, you have to come with us.
No, let them eat me.
No, the sheriff's right.
You people are way worse.
I like the kobolds more.
Well, we have one.
And they didn't even feed me, so that's saying something.
We have a kobold, you can come with him.
And we're not gonna feed you either.
Just kidding, we have a great chef.
Part for the course, great chef.
Yeah, you're a butcher, you like meat, right?
We'll make a deal with you.
We release you and we save you,
but you have to resign as being a butcher.
My life's work.
Your life's work.
Monet will. That's what I said.
And I marked it because I am also a butcher of some sort.
You look like someone who should be stabbed in the throat.
Maybe you can stay in that cage.
Is he human? More taxing.
Yes, he's human.
Okay, Monet is gonna unlock.
Screw Toraag, oh, oh, oh.
Monet is going to unlock.
Toraag smiles.
Unlock the cage.
Good, let's see how.
She's gonna put her hand out like this,
like offering to hold his hand.
Come, come.
Like a child? Yeah.
She'll do this, open, close her hand,
like asking him to grab her hand.
She'll do this.
Scarab remembers that Rick is somewhere,
so he's gonna meet with the rest of the group
further in the room.
You're very interesting.
Hey buddy, where are you at?
Oh God.
All you had to do is tell me
that you were from Falcons Hollow.
She keeps doing this with her hand.
All you had to do was let me know
you were here to rescue me,
and not one of those filthy scale bastards.
Well, I didn't know if we were-
He takes her gripping hand.
She holds his hand.
I didn't know we were here to rescue you,
because I didn't know if you were from Falcons Hollow.
So I can't tell you that we're gonna rescue you
until I know that we're here to rescue you.
Isn't that fair?
She looks to Rootmore and Scarab.
I'll just slap every one of those villagers
for not telling them my name.
Look, buddy. I can't believe
they sent you to rescue me
and didn't give you my name.
I know. They might have.
Cobran, no, this.
I'm aware of you, buddy.
How you doing?
I'm really bad with names.
Confused.
I forgot to say your name three times,
so I didn't remember it.
That's okay.
Rootmore will take his other hand.
Shake. This way.
Come on.
Shaken, beaten.
I almost escaped.
We're all holding hands.
Let's escape. With the other two.
Sprung and escaped, but they caught me quickly.
Don't worry about the other two.
I'm a butcher, not an athlete.
They bound me, gagged me, beat me mercilessly.
But, well, you don't spend a life breaking down big animals
if you can't break ropes tied by tiny lizards.
Cobran, butcher.
Yeah, I would resign if I were you.
If they're no longer creating in here.
Where is the hatchery?
I don't know.
Empty by the time they put us in here.
At least it's been the same since they dragged me in
and I was the first.
That's not good.
How good at you, excuse me.
How good at you in English.
Excuse me.
Yeah, lay into him.
Nice to see your party's rude and stupid.
Yeah, idiot.
Can you climb a rope?
Idiot.
I like this guy.
Can you climb a rope?
Weird question.
That's unnecessary.
He said he was not athletic Rootmore.
Look at me, does this look like a little weight to you?
Cody did the Santa Claus tummy jigs.
It's not a challenge.
Anyway.
Okay, well.
The only way out is up a rope.
That we know of.
Hey, drag me down a tunnel, once upon.
Don't really remember where.
Once upon what?
All I remember is a lot of smoke.
Got a lot of questions for you,
but this could help get our share of us.
Friend freed, correct?
Yes, we need to go back to town immediately.
Yeah.
I've got this.
The first question is if you really are the butcher,
what's the name of the other two people that you were with?
Monet looks and everyone gives him a thumbs up.
Shakes her metal fist in the air,
forgetting she can't give a thumbs up.
All right, anyway, the rope is this way.
Gladly answer any questions you've got
after you get me far and clear
of any of these rat bastards.
Monet, I'm pretty sure this is the guy.
That's a good answer, right?
Very good, very good.
Perfect.
Monet, good investigating work.
Thank you.
Very good.
Let's climb this fucking rope and get the fuck out of here.
If you manage to get me out of here,
I'll gladly pay you whatever I can.
Oh.
Of course.
Monet puts her fist to her like she's doing a thumb
at herself, feeling proud, but she can't put her thumb out.
Hey, big deal of importance, fellas.
We gotta go up the rope.
But we need to keep Rick here or kill him.
We can't let him get back to town.
Who the hell's Rick?
Got another friend with you?
I'll talk to him.
Why are you hiding him?
Okay.
Yeah, so let's...
You're all...
He cannot follow us.
Let's all stay here and let Monet talk to him.
That's a great idea, Rumaugh.
Okay.
Hands up. I deleted Monet.
Well...
You never hear from her.
Felicia, just say you want to play a different character.
I don't. I love Monet.
Talk to him.
Alone. Alone.
If you don't hear from me in two hours...
Then come knock.
If you don't hear from me in two hours,
give me 30 minutes.
Don't rush me.
Why does she speak?
Scarab, I feel terrible about Monet.
It's kind of like when a dog has to be put down
because it's vicious, but the child loves the dog.
How do the parents deal with this?
Put down the kid.
We can cat kill Monet.
Destroy the child.
Can you give me...
Can you give her to me?
I'm working on it.
There's a lot to this dungeon mastering biz, all right?
How do you people delete your characters
and then taking it for granted?
That's why I was trying to be careful deleting my text.
I didn't want to accidentally delete Rootmore.
Well, they're better than your party member.
That's all I am to you, isn't it?
Yep. Right now.
You're on the clock.
Monet, just go into the hallway
and try to talk to Rick one-on-one
and scream if anything bad happens.
Put some boxes in front of him.
We just got to get out of here
without him following us, really.
Yes.
Yeah, you're right, because...
If he makes it out of here, that's a whole new problem.
Yes, we have to kill him,
because going up the rope, there will be one...
After all of us are up the rope,
there will be one person left at the bottom by themselves.
And that's who will be vulnerable.
So yes, so...
Just go kill him.
I appreciate you volunteering to be last, Rootmore.
No!
Thank you.
Oh, I go first.
I must go first, make sure the way is clear.
I have to clear.
But I rock, paper, scissors.
Monet always chooses rock.
It's easy.
I'm gonna clip the wrong guy.
I'm gonna use my strong hand.
All right, so Rick's dead.
Now let's move up.
Give me a second,
I'm waiting to have control of my character again.
I gave you control of your character.
No, I cannot move her.
Just kidding, I can.
And Monet walks down the hallway going,
pspspspspsps.
Rick!
Pspspspsps.
Yeah, give me a perception check.
I will as well.
Following, not gonna let her go alone.
It's 21.
21?
No sign of Rick.
Pspspsps.
She'll start rubbing her fingers together.
Again, Monet raises her metal hand.
Yeah.
Are all the bodies eaten?
No.
Some of them have been picked over
and you can see the softer bits around their faces
have been cleaned away.
Um, I mean, here's an easy one.
Scarab's gonna track Rick.
Can I sense which way he went?
Any footprints, any viscera trailing?
Gonna be a little hard.
There's viscera all over the floor.
I guess I would be,
Scarab's most worried about whether or not he's...
Actually, this is fine.
He's gone.
We just gotta watch our backs.
Don't split up.
Let's go back to the well.
Let's go quickly and hope this guy can't climb ropes.
Yes, to Falcon's Hollow.
Because there is somebody who is alone.
I mean, once we're done, we'll just hold a rope up.
I'm all alone.
Hurry up.
No!
You're so slow.
I mean, I was...
You should have moved faster, idiot!
I can't grab him.
My move speed is only five feet.
I'll stay with you.
Monet's holding his hand again.
You're actually gonna see Scarab,
after not seeing where Rick is,
you're gonna see Scarab start to move very quickly.
He's running towards the rope.
Oh, Jesus.
He's gonna go as fast as...
Your friend's really slow.
Damn it.
Just tie the rope around his neck and lift him up.
Rootmore, toss me up!
Someone give me a hand.
Okay.
Up the well?
Just up the rope.
He's rushing.
He's actually, he's worried about Tricky.
Yes, get up there.
Monet can help.
Okay, Monet will boost him.
A little athletics, I guess.
Yeah, eight on athletics.
Oh, fuck.
Six.
You actually grab him by the ankles
and yank him off the rope.
22.
Yeah, Monet, you can aim.
Oh, I'm sorry, 23.
Now you can't.
21.
Okay, yeah, you get a 10-foot leap.
Or a 10-foot start up the rope
as Monet helps you clamber up.
It's like 40 feet, I believe.
Yep.
Okay.
And you can move five feet in action.
Not including this one as your first.
Or including this one as your first, sorry.
So you can move up another 10 feet
after you'll be halfway up the rope.
Do I have to roll for each one?
I think you do.
Rootmore, ready in action to catch Scarab.
MAP?
No. No, no.
Not on climb.
It's gotta be 10 athletics.
Yeah, that was a 23.
Yeah, critical, so you go up another 10.
Okay.
So you're 30 feet up that rope.
13.
Okay, you're 35.
And that was actually, that was your third action.
Although if everybody else wants to pass for you,
you can keep going.
Or if somebody else wants to start.
As far as I know, we just maybe shouldn't have
more than three on the rope at once.
As far as I'm-
Just one at a time, one at a time.
Monet should be the next one to go up.
Because Monet's got good athletics
to crank everybody. If you guys wanna pass,
pass around and let Scarab finish the climb.
That's also a pass, 17.
Beautiful, all right, you're up top.
Okay.
First thing Scarab wants to do is call out for Tricky.
You don't even have to.
As you clamber over the top,
you can see Tricky laying down, staring at the well.
Tricky!
Oh!
Now the two of them,
Scarab just in case things are bad,
he wants to brace the rope with Tricky instead.
Like both of them holding the rope in case.
Okay.
I mean, we might be able to help pull people up.
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah I think so.
Rootmore grabs the rope, starts tying it around
with Monet's waist.
I mean, I can just climb it myself, Rootmore.
And Monet goes to grab the rope
and just kind of slaps it around with her metal fist.
Perfect.
You know, just talking to you and like trying to grab.
Monet climbed the rope.
Ah, your phantom fingers.
I will.
Just give me a moment.
Oh, Monet, her hand!
Is Monet's athletics real bad?
No, she's got really good athletics.
Okay.
You could put the ball up and do a,
spin your arm around to get it wrapped around the ball.
A little twist and pull.
I'd do that with an increased DC.
Okay, yeah, so Monet will like,
looking at Rootmore with like a face of like,
I got this.
It's gonna like be moving her hand around.
You know like when you're trying to find the straw
and you're not looking and you're like,
Your mouth, oh.
She's doing that.
While you're moving your mouth
while grabbing the rope, but okay.
She's doing that but with her hand
where she's like not paying attention.
And as she's got the like phantom movement in her hand
that she thinks she's grabbing it,
she's actually just twisting around her arm.
Yeah, give me a, give me a con check.
I know how to climb a rope, roll deception.
Okay, so athletics?
Yeah. Okay.
And when we're doing the editing,
you can cut out the rolls part for this.
Yeah.
It's boring and annoying, but gotta do it.
28.
Critical, 10 feet.
With that check, you're able to make it over
at the top of the well as well, Monet.
Beautiful.
Well, well, well.
How you doing, Monet?
I'm fine.
I climb ropes in my sleep.
Exhausting.
She made it look so easy.
Oh.
Bootsher.
Tie this around your belly.
Monet's gonna yell that.
You guys just hug and wrap it around the both of you.
I can pull you up.
I'm scared little Frank.
Wrap it around his belly like bondage.
I've got more rope.
I wanna see a purple belly.
I've got more rope.
But I don't want it to break while we're on.
Fuck it.
All right.
If we fall down, they could just tie another rope on it
and voice our corpses up.
We'll tie ourselves the way they do skydiving.
You know, tandem skydiving,
except I'm in the back.
You're in front.
No, I don't think so.
Yes.
Hike before might.
Shut the fuck up.
You're in front.
Torag's not with me now, so I can say whatever I want.
Exactly.
I will beat you with this hammer.
I'm gonna be in the back.
We're saving you asshole.
Compromise.
Cheek to cheek.
All right.
Fine.
You have to quit your profession while we get back.
I need to know why you want this man.
I will leave you here.
Rube or just gets deeper and deeper.
It worse than the lizards.
I'm sorry.
Fine.
Let's go.
Butt to butt.
Because he's taller, his butt rests on top of your butt.
Should be just kind of nice in some way.
Feel his large cheeks on the crevice of your back.
Softest thing I've felt since we've been down here.
Warm little day.
Did I say that out loud?
It's tied around the butcher's waist and under Rube or's.
Rube or's neck.
Under Rube or's armpits.
All right, pull this up quick.
This is weird.
Okay, when I can hear that.
Yeah, I'd be happy.
I kind of like it.
You can leave me here.
Don't fart, please.
Little longer.
What is the, is this also athletic?
That is also athletic.
So, do we want to aid somebody in doing it?
You want to aid me?
My athletics plus 11.
Scub, help Mone!
Yeah, I was going to go with trickies.
It's plus 10, but plus 11 is good.
I aid both.
Okay, that is a 19.
Yep, five feet.
This is taking forever.
My armpits hurt.
18.
Five more.
30 to go.
If you're rolling aid on those,
you could potentially make it a critical.
Okay.
Because aid gives plus one, right?
Yeah, plus one at 15 and one aid.
25 at critical.
30?
Critical.
Would be a double critical if it could.
Ooh!
So, butcher, who do you have working with you?
Is it just you?
Most of the ways, yeah, just me.
I couldn't help.
Get up here!
Yeah, look at this sausage.
Smell it.
I can't see it.
I'm holding it up.
You're waving it behind me?
Yes, just reach behind you.
Look at him, he looks like Drake on Twitter.
Oh, what is that?
Oh, wet.
What's that big wave?
14.
Joke's on you, butcher.
I don't want to work with you.
You're rude.
Thank you for saving me, though.
You're welcome.
Even if you're rude.
It's kind of funny.
14.
Yeah, yeah.
As they're bickering as you hoist them up to the top,
Cobran being the taller of the two,
puts his arms on the edge of the well
and helps hoist up.
And we're now all on top of the well.
I will step away from the well.
Well, then.
Trust fall.
Monet will put her hand out again
doing the grabby hand for Cobran.
McGrow man, I can make it on my own.
Fix your hand.
Okay, we need to go back.
Rootmore just falls limp.
He's still tied to the butcher.
Doesn't even notice he's just dragging you.
Yeah.
Oh, this is perfect.
I can rest.
Ready, Scarab?
Scarab is just like nestling his face on Tricky's side.
Ah, piggy!
Look at the hams on that one.
Please stay away from him.
Thank you, review.
If you're looking to sell.
He's not looking to sell.
Let me untie myself.
This is weird.
Tricky is an ethereal being.
A spirit from another plane.
You do not touch him.
You do not eat him.
I've never had ethereal bacon before.
Monet will squeeze his hand tightly.
Squeeze his hand tightly and lean in
and be like, don't talk about that pig.
I mean, you could have old Tricky.
Old Tricky's got like what, two days of rot?
Nothing too bad.
Look, he's over in the cage over here.
No, thank you.
Does anyone have any food?
I haven't eaten in weeks.
I tried handing you one of my sausages.
Years, I think.
Monet will hand him a ration.
That's a week's worth of food!
Stop!
Well, you did all right here.
Please!
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Thank goodness my pack was getting pretty heavy
with all of these rations.
All right, what's the plan?
Back to Falcon's Hollow.
Head on back.
Yeah.
He can go ahead and sit on Tricky.
Or Monet can give him a piggyback ride.
Monet wants a boyfriend, but
I just don't think it's worth the talk.
No, she doesn't.
She's just trying to help.
Yeah, okay.
She can give Root more a piggyback ride.
Oh, thank you.
She's just really strong.
And he just falls asleep.
Well, I mean, is Cobren...
Is he pretty messed up?
He's pretty beaten.
He's, you know, he's taken all of your verbal abuse
on the chin.
Yeah.
Seems like he's being a good sport, but yeah, he's,
I mean, he's pale, like I said, he's bruised badly.
Yeah, get him on Tricky.
Swollen lip, he's got like cuts across his face.
It looks like they really just went to town on him.
Yeah, get him, pig.
So now that we're safe, let me do a medicine check on you.
You know, just patch things up a bit.
It'll be fine.
Oh, good.
That is a 21, which is...
Ah, 2D8.
Nine.
HP, back to you.
Back to you.
If you need more, I can keep going.
That's enough to fully heal him.
Ah, perfect.
Thank you, feeling better already.
You're welcome.
You know, you're not so bad when you shut up and work.
You're not so bad when you share your recipes.
And do it all off the top of my dome.
It's not a penis joke.
Just like me meemaw and me peepaw before her.
Stop rubbing your eyes.
It's bad for you, sleepy.
I'm so tired.
It's been a long day.
Anyways, we make our way back to Falcon's Tower.
Scarab would like to ask, on the walk back,
if, are you allowing us to be out of here?
Yeah, yeah, we'll say you've made your way
out of the ruins, unmolested,
and you begin your trek through the woods, back to town.
Yeah, and do you have some questions for Colbran,
if we may?
You sure the woods are safe?
Of course not.
But we've traveled back and forth a few times.
Good to hear.
What time of day?
Look, I took a shit right there.
It is the middle of the night.
Colbran, have you,
you or anyone in Falcon's Hollow heard of Phineas Drakes
around here in these woods?
Of course.
Mostly keep to the mountains, but.
It's pretty regular, yeah.
Every once in a while.
Most of the time they stay up high
and just see him in the distance,
but every once in a while one of them will venture on beyond
down here to the woods for some easy prey.
When?
I, you know, I've been in town a few times.
We've met.
I haven't made my formals.
I'm, apologize.
Cooked meat is usually a rarity for me.
Traveling with Rudemore's been great.
But my first time around here,
I believe it was a blue drake.
Sounds about right.
Around about the same times I saw undead kobold.
Have you seen them?
No, haven't seen the undead yet.
Strange whispers here and there, sure,
but I just assumed it was the kobolds.
Yeah.
When they're not screeching orders at each other,
the others, they whisper.
This is what I fear.
The hatchery.
It is not normal for kobold to stop hatchery.
You find a hole, you do the deed.
You make the babies.
Holes need filling.
These kobolds are doing something different.
I fear our quest,
and our quest in those catacombs is done,
but there's something far worse happening.
You're not the last person that's gonna be taken.
No, in fact, too often times they told us
it would not be long before we would be sacrificed.
I feel-
Vicious bastards, they,
some of them seem to take joy in the idea
that our blood would fuel their power.
It's an unrighteous birth.
That is not the way of the kobold.
Maybe the gnoll, but not the kobold.
And one more thing.
Look, we're about to walk into hell.
The sheriff is under arrest.
Sheriff, what, what the hell for?
Oh, long story.
Your disappearance, actually.
They blamed Scarab for your disappearance.
Ah!
Shabunga krizoa, Baphometad!
I am Scarab.
Apologies, it's been a long day.
Weak.
Yes, Root war, Redmaiden.
Apologies.
This is Monet.
I'm Monet.
We're about to walk into hell,
and I have a big question for you.
What's the, what's the family name again?
The, the shitty family-
Creed, the Creed's. The Creed's, yeah.
The who?
Creel.
No, it's Creed. Creed, sorry.
Doubled back because I made that mistake before.
Creel!
Yeah, the episode where we killed them-
Please, Creel, pass.
I forgot about that.
The episode where we killed them
is gonna be Assassin's Creed.
Yes!
Do you work with the Creed family
in the Creed manor?
Sell them meat, but avoid them whenever I can.
No, I'm more there for the people.
Here's the deal.
When we get you back to town,
we're gonna need your word that it wasn't me
who took you there.
Before you and your friends showed up,
never seen you in my life.
Not another Kobold who scales like yours down there.
We went there to save you,
and to set things right in town,
but we need to get into Creed manor.
Perhaps you could help with that.
I don't know in what way I could help,
but if it's for the people who busted me out of there,
I'd do anything I can.
As long as you can help the sheriff be free.
Absolutely.
That's number one.
With my word, he should be immediately cleared.
Should be, but this payday fellow...
Smells really bad.
Yes, and he seems to enjoy...
He's the ripest sack of shit I've ever smelled.
Yes, he seems to enjoy keeping the sheriff's captain.
And his voice, I can't stand his voice either.
Real smarmy.
Yeah.
Sounds a lot like yours, actually.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, that guy's a loser.
My voice is deep and rich, a little gravelly.
That guy's a loser, he's not scary at all or anything.
Well, maybe not on his own.
But much like, if we are to leave those Kobolds
to whatever games they're doing,
it's just gonna happen again.
If we leave the Creeds, if we leave the Creeds,
and let them have their way with Falcon's Hollow,
it's over.
The town is done.
I can no longer sell there.
No more work.
I'll try to help any way that I can,
but you have to understand.
If you attempt to coup and you fail,
it'll be the rest of us picking up the pieces,
and they won't be pretty.
I haven't failed yet.
That is a good point.
We will not try anything, and Monet.
God damn it.
Monet, what are you doing?
I don't even try it.
Monet, get down from there.
After saying that,
Rootmore just does a little wink at both of you guys.
We won't try anything.
I'm just kidding, we will.
We're gonna do something, we have to stop this.
Look, if you have a problem with us
wanting to take down the Creeds,
we're gonna have to take you out here.
You don't have to help us.
Just put a bullet in my brain then.
Go on, pull that trigger.
You don't have the balls.
Wait, bring him back first and then go in.
Scroll up river for fire, please.
Creeds would rather see the land burn than lose control.
If you're gonna pull anything, you can't fuck up.
We won't.
That's why I wanna find the most surefire way.
If there's not a surefire way, it's not gonna happen.
But if I'm to have business, if you are to have business.
Well, wouldn't have a butchery
if you guys hadn't sprung me out,
so if I can help, I'm with you.
I mean, there would be a butchery,
but there's only gonna be one.
Appreciate the help.
Ha ha ha ha!
I see you're short and short-sighted.
I'm medium-sized, Rootmore Tass.
Look man, you haven't had a sausage yet!
Sausage yet!
They never will.
Ha ha ha ha!
This guy's an asshole.
They never will.
Let's turn him in and just be done with this.
Guys, we were mean to him and he's not just letting it go.
Ha ha ha!
I don't like him, he's mean bad.
I can feel like he's an asshole.
I can dish it out, but I can't take it.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, this is just holding his Rootmore thing, it's fine.
Ha ha ha!
It's fine, we all have our people.
I'm very insecure when I see someone
that does the same thing as me.
They feel like I have to prove myself.
The cribbit has Alec.
Look, you don't have to be a staring at a type person.
You could just rise above what people think about your people.
You don't all have to have a short fuse.
Why did you say short?
See, gestures do, come on, Ainscrop.
Look, right away, there he goes.
Ha ha ha ha!
Typical.
Let's just turn this guy in already
and Rootmore walks away and he starts to cry a little.
I heard his people eat the dirt.
Are we almost there yet?
There's a problem.
For as you walk and venture through the woods,
I rolled a little check.
Yeah, let's go.
And unfortunately, I rolled a natural 20.
Critical success for us.
Woo!
Hell yeah.
Except that wasn't rolling for you.
So I'm gonna need some- Finally.
Yes, finally.
I'm gonna need some perception checks.
Some very important perception checks.
Alvin, remember that Drake I was talking about?
Why did you remind him of that?
Shut up!
Ha ha ha, natural two.
13, perception.
How'd you do my man?
14.
Oh, very good, I'm so glad.
14.
You got a 14 too?
Yeah, it's bad.
Stop, what about Tricky?
I mean, well.
Yeah, you rolled for Tricky.
Yeah.
Tricky shares emotions with you.
Tricky's freaking out, you'll feel it.
That's a 21 for Tricky.
Hell yeah.
Everyone else is too busy arguing.
I know.
Ha ha ha.
This is really fun.
I was gonna say,
Monet is still holding Colbert's hand
and she, she's not actually, he's holding her fist.
Ha ha ha.
And she's just gonna turn to him and be like,
hey, Colbrin, you know, people make mistakes
and we're probably gonna make mistakes
when we go into the Creed Manor, but that's okay.
Cause then we'll die
and you guys can pick up where we left off.
Short jokes on, short, I'm fostered.
Short jokes are on purpose though.
Also, I have to say, I've never met a butcher before.
Monet.
Ha ha ha.
She's just having a conversation.
Et tu, Monet.
Rude boy, you're so much more.
You're so much more than just a butcher.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Scurrup.
Near man of God or whatever.
Why is, why is Tricky freaking out?
Ha?
Ha ha ha.
Forgot to mention that you said Drake before,
but no, no, nothing as crazy as a Drake.
They're, can you calm your pig?
The Wyverns in the area, still dangerous.
Don't get me wrong.
No one near the intelligence of a Drake.
Right, the Wyverns, are they the ones
with the, they got the hands on the wings?
Correct, yes, yes, bipedal.
I may have messed up.
Drake's, they're the smaller form,
it's like a dragon, but smaller.
Quite as small as me, not as cute.
Common misconception, I mean,
they weigh graphically a thousand pounds,
but they're still huge.
Anything's better than a worm.
We don't wanna find a worm.
Did he roll a perception?
Mmm, mmm.
Sounds like a good cut of meat.
Tricky, what is it?
Did he roll a perception?
No!
You hear the massive beating of wings.
Scarab and Triniot.
Only too late, and as you look up,
there are a pair of large talons reaching down towards you.
Roll for initiative.
Can I use my arguing skill as my initiative roll?
I was gonna say, it's probably a good spot
to cut for one of them.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's a big app.
Oh, no!
Can we order tacos?
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Cursed Caravan theme music and the beat you're hearing now
is written by Matthew.
We would like to thank Michael Guelphi Studios
for their reference of tape for, oh, god damn it!
The world reference for tabletop RPG audio
for the music and the ambiance.
Use them for your games on YouTube at michaelguelphi.com.
Check out his Patreon and YouTube links in the description.
Also, we're doing a Baldur's Gate run
with the Call of the Expanse orcs.
Let us know if you like it or not,
if we should continue or not,
because it is a lot of work for me.
The Cursed Caravan on YouTube.
Yes, it's on YouTube.
It's fun playing it, but as far as time is concerned,
I wanna know if it's worth it or not.
So please jump in the comments on those videos.
Let us know if we should keep going or not.
Also, don't expect those.
Don't expect those like the weekly podcast episodes.
That's number one.
That's first, right?
For a- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
As far as like expecting content at a certain time,
podcast always comes first.
I'm gonna try to do those videos as much as possible.
Just been really busy at my job where I get money.
Also, Raiders Five Stars.
That'd be so cool.
Please do it. Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
all those ding-dongs, you know.
Oh, I forgot.
Comment.
Leave us a comment in Raiders Five Stars
on your podcast app of choice,
especially Apple Podcasts, all of you Apple users.
Don't be stingy.
Spotify also allows you to rate and leave comments
and we'll read them.
If you leave some, I think Emma's looking for one right now.
And if he finds one, he'll read it.
And that could be you.
And it legitimately, like, it's big for us.
It's a huge thing.
We don't get paid from this.
We don't get paid from this at all.
It's just for fun.
And if you enjoy it, say something.
Yeah, I mean, it'd be a little mushy here.
We spend most of this time doing this in our free time,
just because it's fun.
And it's something that we were having so much fun with,
we decided we wanted to share it with people,
see if other people would have fun too.
And so when we get your bits of comments
and your engagement,
letting us know the things that you like,
yeah, it just, it's validating for one thing,
but also, you know, it just,
it feels good to have other people interested
in what we're interested in,
especially with how much that we love what we're doing.
So keep them coming.
Hey, pressing like is free.
Pressing like is free.
I, as a 10 plus year YouTube watcher,
have started liking videos.
Woo!
Casual YouTube intro here.
It's the smallest thing, but it's really so big.
Yeah, there's nothing negative about it either.
You ain't losing nothing.
Oh yeah, episode 23 of Cobold King.
That's the one, the big battle where we got ambushed
with the Cobolds and the gas and the Palisades and all that.
Nurse Ratchet at it again.
I said, y'all kicked ass on this one.
The ass is the peach emoji.
And they also liked the new thumbnails on YouTube.
Thank you.
The thumbnails are awesome.
Tell him on how cool he is.
AI did most of the work.
AI did most of the work, but you spent your time.
That's the thing.
It's all just ways for us to get cool looking content out
on time while having lives and jobs
as far as I'm concerned.
Also, I'm on single.
Thank you.
Single and looking.
Well, once the mom contest is done for me,
there's gonna be another one for M.O.D. whatever.
You say single, but also extremely busy.
Holy crap.
He's actually only looking.
Hey, any ladies out there that like to edit podcasts
and or gaming videos apply to M.O.D.'s Tinder?
If you're looking to be a sugar mama,
M.O.D. is single and looking to jingle.
All right, stop.
On our tier three Patreon,
you can get a date with M.O.D.
Single and looking for jingle.
Whatever, Matthew is single too.
Whatever.
I'm single and I just want snuggling.
I wanna snuggle and watch reality TV shows.
All you have to do is ask.
Look, there are a couple of more things.
You're watching the short?
There's a couple more things.
Tier four, you can have M.O.D. break up with you over text.
You can pay to have M.O.D. break up with your SO for you.
That's our cameos.
Why do I always have to say all this tier stuff,
Patreon stuff?
It's all fake.
It's all fake until one of you makes it real.
You guys keep calling wolf.
What is that?
Like screaming for wolf, calling wolf.
It's crying, Imodra, crying wolf.
Yeah, by the time we actually have a Patreon,
nobody's gonna fucking believe us.
Stop.
Thank you for being a traveler on the cursed caravan.
And happy Cinco de Mayo.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And that's just a theory.
A game theory.
Thank you for listening.
I was not recording this whole time.
Just kidding.
All right, it's gonna go a little something like this.
Oh, let me, I think I might've forgotten
how to do scarab.
I'll sell it to you.
Did somebody send a raven?
It's gonna go a little something like this.
What the scarab?