Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes fell down a well because a mysterious
man showed up and decided to sabotage their plan.
Scarab shot and killed a large frog and Rootmoor broke Monet's fall and everyone came out
relatively unscathed.
Surprising no one, the Kobolds began to flee in different directions.
While checking a store room, our party encountered a strange, otherworldly creature that Monet
affectionately named Rick.
Our group then thwarted an ambush by Kobolds with the help of Rick.
Our story continues now!
And we're recording.
It is from Albert Sims.
I hate that, Emon.
I'm sorry.
Record at all times.
I was doing, I was closing the other shit that you guys had me open.
Hi everyone, welcome to the Cursed Caravan.
Today I'm going to be reviewing the Albertsons brand Diet Cola.
What's it called so the people at Nome can know what they're, I did it again.
Nome!
Who did Nome?
This is Signature Select Zero Sugar Cola Soda, calorie free.
Zero calories.
So let's just crack into this.
If the listener at home doesn't, I almost did it again.
I almost said Nome again.
If the listener at home doesn't realize, if you haven't listened, we currently now also
have a YouTube channel.
And I think we may have a Let's Play up there by the time you hear this.
Oh yes.
But it's pretty good.
Probably two episodes by now.
The Coke is good, the Let's Play, ahhhh.
We'll see, we'll see how you feel about it.
Hey that was fun recording it, I think it was good.
Out of ten what would you say Felicia?
For the Coke?
Yeah.
I'd say like a seven.
If I'm saying that Diet Coke is a ten, I'd say it's like a seven.
I'd say that the Aldi brand is probably about a five for me.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm gonna go ahead and try this behind my mom and...
Oh.
Pretty good odds.
But yeah, the Let's Play is pretty fun.
For those of you who have listened to our Call of the Expanse campaign, we bring those
characters back into a playthrough of Baldur's Gate.
There are just some, just some vocals off the old neck.
With the addition of Emaud's character, Nyren, from Age of Ashes.
Oh no, that's right, you're playing, you're actually playing Nikini.
My bad, I forgot already.
That's a different playthrough.
Nikini!
Yeah, hell yeah.
Oh.
I guess we could interchange them whenever we want.
We're playing Baldur's Gate 3, it's really cool.
Good game if you haven't played it, if you're under a rock.
Baldur's Gate's my favorite game.
Anyway.
Bahamut Mama's pretty good.
I'd give it a solid A, just as a beverage.
Now I'm gonna try this pure aqua, pure fried.
Stop trying drinks and drink a drink.
Stop trying to drink me and drink me!
I got water on my laptop.
Yeah, why did you open your bottle of water directly over your laptop?
You moka bang.
It's not like it was underneath where you would normally open something either, you
like stretched your arms out.
I had to put in effort.
You made that happen.
Extend for effort.
Oh, and Justin's not here, it's feeding time right now, so he's locked in the garage with
the lights off.
It was really cool to have him around for that episode though.
Yeah.
He's gotta go back to the garage, he's gonna stay in there.
Fresh air for too long spoils the chaff.
Yeah, he was getting...
Bity.
Too confident.
Bity.
Yeah.
So.
He thinks he's people.
He's working on...
He's working on dodge cancels and smash rose melee right now.
You got a 15 inch CRTV back there.
But I mean, if you guys want to hear more of Justin, you can let us know.
That doesn't mean that he'll get to come out.
It's just a nice thought.
It's just a nice thought and then maybe every now and then if he actually listens and does
well, we'll let him know that people miss him.
Hey, leave a good enough comment.
If it puts the lotion on its skin, it can play the game again.
Yeah.
Cody needs a tough opponent.
Bring me a challenge.
Get to work, Justin.
Please, I want to play Smash Bros now.
Alright guys, see y'all next week.
And we're recording.
You fucking ASSHOLE.
You no ASSHOLE.
Hey, it's better than not telling you I'm recording.
For who?
I tried to live my life.
You know, I...
No, I'm gonna take that back.
Without saying it, I'm going to take that back.
What are we doing to the maze?
Oh my God.
Fucking locals.
Has everybody been doing this week?
Oof.
I've put way too many hours into Dragon's Dogma 2.
That game is scratching all of my itches right now and it's making me the worst.
I've put way too few hours into Baldur's Gate 3.
I agree with that.
And because of that, I am suffering from severe depression.
I've been working 50 plus hours a week, hour and a half commute.
That's both ways.
Editing the podcast, editing videos, taking care of kids, taking care of my mom.
You're bringing the mood down, dude.
They'll wave your job and family over someone else's head.
All I want to do is play a video game and I haven't had any time.
But I've been having a good time editing, but I really want to play some
Zomboids so bad.
You couldn't sound less like, or you couldn't sound more like Eeyore.
Don't worry.
It's really been the best.
Your comments make me happy and they keep me going.
Thank you.
Beautiful.
Keep them out alive.
Do us all a favor and keep this man alive.
That's a good show.
Only putting a comment every once in a while, just so that he doesn't get too
full of himself and just enough to sustain him.
So like continue on with your one a month just to string him along forever.
Right when you feel like he's getting the most desperate, just leave a comment
that just says, hi.
That'll do it.
Did anyone?
I'm not sure if we recorded it on the last.
We might not have gotten the question out.
Yeah.
On our Patreon, if you join the a $30 tier, we had a question, a survey really
of who, who is everyone's least favorite former castmate of the curse care.
I don't know if anyone has subscribed to that tier, so we'll just keep
it open until someone does.
But you're going to go another direction.
Thank you for all three of you who voted.
For those of you taking Matthew seriously, don't waste your time.
We do not have a Patreon yet, but I will waste your time taking him seriously.
I will pay you.
I will pay.
I will personally pay you $3 a month to run one for us.
Are you talking to the listener?
Yeah.
Whoever wants to make us a Patreon, I'll pay them $3 a month.
He doesn't have $3.
I'm listening.
Please.
See, no, no, no, no, no, no.
See, it's investing because I pay $3 a month that I do not have.
And then hopefully someone signs up and I might get a cut.
You turned into the Punisher there for a second.
It was great.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Listen to me, man.
No, but in all seriousness, if you would just go ahead and we have all of our
social media, our email in the description.
And if you could just let us know who your least favorite former Curse
Caravan player is, that would really be good to hear.
We need to hear it.
I guess at this point it would be...
Justin Rezai.
The entirety of a book playing with us or the guy who sat in for part of two
episodes.
And almost killed the entire party.
If we get enough votes, if we get enough votes or enough people subscribe to our
Patreons, we'll be able to do the boxing match that we've been planning for.
The Curse Caravan's former castmate boxing match, annual yearly.
Heavyweight tournament.
They have to get up weight.
I don't know who would win that fight.
Zach's got reach, but Justin does jujitsu.
So he's got flexibility.
And arm pulling.
So does that mean that Justin's shepherd and Zach's garris?
Because then Justin would win.
Zach's my garris, without a doubt.
I mean, he's also garris in my phone.
He's garris.
So probably Justin in that case, because then Justin's the main character.
Just talking about Mass Effect.
He'd be shepherd.
Or Joker, TBH.
A Joker?
Oh, because Justin can't walk.
Doesn't he break a lot?
He does, actually.
Just the one spot.
His collarbone?
Yes.
I mean, he broke his collarbone twice in the same spot and his wrist wants playing a pickup
game of football.
I'm sorry that we're giving our number one fan just the worst run around.
We haven't talked about your mom at all.
She hasn't been on the show yet.
Excuse me.
I think my mom's the number one fan.
How many comments has your mom left?
Oh, ouch.
Cody, that's a low blow.
I know we were waiting for the match, but I think that Matt's mom is winning.
We haven't planned the mom boxing match yet.
Hold off a little bit on that one.
Your mom's a Sagittarius?
Hope you guys are training.
Oh no, don't make me try to remember what my mom's sign is.
I think your mom's a Sagittarius.
She could be.
You did this to me, Mom.
You made me forget your birthday.
Oh, God.
I'll talk to my mom.
I'll let her know that she's dropping the ball.
Harsh words, but fair.
I don't think you have to.
Harsh words, but fair.
I mean, if she's listening.
Oh yeah, if she's a real fan, she'll know.
That's funny.
My mom, I had talked to her on the phone the other day.
She was like, oh yeah, so I just listened to the episode where you put me on blast.
And I was like, what are you talking about?
And she was like, the one where you called me out for only listening non-sequentially
when it comes up after another podcast.
And then I started laughing and then I was like, well, I mean, you do that?
She was like, well, yeah.
You didn't have to point it out.
I was like, I do.
Exactly what I do every week.
I think it's funny and wonderful and you've listened to more than I have.
We love all the moms.
I love that you let me meet yours.
Have your mom comments on this podcast.
Weird silence.
Well, give me the floor.
Give me the floor.
My mouth was open waiting to say something, but the words, they wouldn't come.
But I will if you leave a good enough comment.
But anyway, aside from that being gross, mom, I'm glad you listen, but you do listen out
of order.
So, you know, as far as the number one fan goes, you're pretty, pretty low tier on that.
Sorry.
You know, keep practicing, keep trying.
Maybe next year.
And this is where that leads to our next announcement.
We have in the works an award for the best mom.
Oh, no.
See, by the time we actually start releasing like real deal content for the community to
interact with, like Patreon or whatever else, nobody's going to believe us because we're
basically the boys that cried wolf for paying us.
But when we do, boy, it's going to be something you can watch.
Boy, it will be there and un-interacted with because people won't believe us when we say
it's there.
You have to have believers before they can believe.
We've got a $30 tier on Patreon.
We have a mom of the year award.
We have a least favorite ex-castmate award and we have a boxing match.
Don't forget the boxing.
I won't be a part.
I'm sorry, everyone.
I know I won't be participating.
I will be a judge and merch.
Yeah, we need merch.
We have merch.
Stop.
Well, somebody's done.
I'm going to say none of this is real.
When you're done, I'm going to say and now we're recording.
Please put that somewhere.
Some day in time, we're manifesting.
It's fine.
But I'm here and I'm ready to play.
What are we doing in this tunnel?
I love lying.
Come on, man.
That's a lie.
Hey, everybody.
We're back.
Ahmad took us aside and beat us all individually.
So we're going to get into the game now.
Yeah, I'm kind of tired.
My hands hurt.
After several hours in the garage being forced to practice Smash Bros with Justin, we are
back.
Justin kept on complaining about not being able to fight an amiibo because he was on
melee.
God damn it.
Amiibo, everyone.
That's A-M-E-E-V.
No, I-I.
O-H.
Amiibo.
Rough start.
Oh my God.
We only give him generic brands.
You know, we're not going to worry about a good old
segue here.
We're just going to talk about how the three of you are in a narrow tunnel, having just
evaded a potentially deadly ambush from two of the Dark Talon kobolds.
Their perforated and limp bodies lay on either side of this narrow passageway, and you notice
that this strange creature that has been following you has taken to grabbing one of the kobolds
and it sucks and gnaws on the face of it.
Oh.
Can we trust it?
Ah, wait.
Yes.
We're fine if it's all of us there with it, right?
Yes, this is a good boy.
It root more pets in on the head.
He looked at me very sad last time, so.
Uh, I am forgetting.
It understands common?
It seemed like it did.
Yeah, when we named it.
Nope.
No, OK, it's just repeated its name was a clow.
Uh huh.
And if somebody makes a noise at you, do you think you can make that noise back?
Possibly.
I don't remember what name I gave it.
Depends on what brand of demon it is.
What did I name this creature?
What's down this hallway?
Rick.
Yeah, I think you call them Rick.
No, wait, I was speaking.
What?
And he vanishes into the darkness, never to be seen again.
No, it seems like this creature has no quarter with killing its own.
Perhaps we make him walk first.
You know, take the lead.
I don't know how to tell him that.
Um.
Uh, Scareble looks at Monet and he's, um, he's seeing that you're a fey creature.
He's wondering if you can just kind of looking you up and down like you do something weirdo.
Monet looks at Scareble and just kind of like starts nodding.
He's like, I got this.
And Monet is going to pick up the kobold corpse.
The one that it's currently on top of sucking the face of?
No, the other one.
Uh huh.
And throw it down the hallway.
Uh, okay.
Hey, that's a wait.
Wow.
You throw the corpse down the hallway.
And then she's going to say, go kitty, go kitty.
Wonderful.
Smart.
And the creature does not look up.
It is still suckling on this corpse.
Currently busy eating.
Yummy.
Um.
All right.
Why chase a sandwich when you're already eating one?
Good point.
Nice try, Monet.
It's okay.
Maybe when it's finished, it will come like this.
Let's just wait for it.
No.
No, no.
Let's just wait.
Whatever.
Throw it down the hallway.
It's like whatever, it's really gross.
It's making weird sucking sounds.
Slowly sucking.
Oh.
It also seems to be like murmuring and chirping in that strange language while it's eating.
Oh, I don't like it.
Time to go.
Scare him, covers his ears.
Rick, we're going to be up ahead, okay?
Scare him, quickly slips between Monet and Rootmore.
Continue along, the hallway opens to the west.
It also has a narrow switchback to the east.
Oh, it's very narrow.
I'm going to step forward a little bit.
I'm going to hide under this cobalt.
Camouflage.
And Rootmore will have his shield raised while we're walking.
Go ahead and give me a perception check.
Oh, gladly.
Everybody or just Rootmore?
Everybody.
30.
28.
Oh wait, wrong, 19.
I was looking at my DC, I was like, wow, when did my perception become 90?
Nice.
27.
Beautiful.
All of you can hear, coming from the narrow hallway to the right, the faint but echoing
reverberations of what sound like many, many toads.
Toad?
Mm-hmm.
Like a toad-like croaking, kind of, coming from the right.
Rootmore's stomach grumbles.
It almost sounds like you would expect a swamp at night to sound, coming off to the right.
And Rootmore, to the left, you realize that as you move that way and you focus in to hear
what else you can hear around you, to the left it is completely silent.
Well, do we want frog legs or deadly silence?
Can we see Rootmore that way, since Rootmore's there?
Sorry, I forgot he was- Oh yeah, good point.
Thank you, Moray.
I couldn't see him under the kobold corpse.
I'm hiding.
That's good.
God can't see me.
Not even God can see you now.
I don't want to walk around in a swamp or whatever that is.
I'm gonna move forward.
Let's stick together so Rick doesn't eat us.
Good idea.
Little stealth movement right now.
Yeah, this is true.
Looking back at Rick, does he have any care that we're moving?
I mean, I figure not.
No.
As you begin to walk away, it doesn't seem like he seems completely engrossed in what
he's doing.
Rootmore rolled a 15 for stealth to move forward.
Oh, you want to do stealth or what?
22 stealth on the scurve.
23 stealth.
Moray, that is the second natural 20 I've gotten to mark.
Dr. Evil Pinky over there.
I'm hiding my nail.
I rolled one million, billion, kajillion, trillion stealth.
Cody, do you remember?
Oh, am I remembering right?
Oh, Billy.
Yes.
There was a...
Sorry, what about you?
There was a cobalt that ran north and a cobalt that ran east.
Yes.
I would like to reset my hunter's mark on the one that ran north.
Beautiful.
Okay.
Yeah, I just wanted to put that up because I think I was on that one and the two that
we fought were not hit.
So I'd like to reset.
Okay.
The tunnel, Rootmore, that you are moving through slowly begins to widen and open up
into a small cave.
Oh, cave.
The cave itself seems to have a series of what you assume to be openings for the walls
themselves disappear behind a dark shroud of shadow.
I'm taking your dark vision into account.
Don't worry.
There's just angles of walls that kind of cut off what you can see.
Perception for traps because I would like to stand in the middle of the room.
Me too.
And see...
Me too.
Oh, I got you buddy, we're safe.
We're safe.
25.
I'm sorry, what is this for?
Traps.
Perception for traps because I would like to walk into the middle of the area and see
different ways.
Okay.
Which way things go.
And what'd you get?
16.
25.
12.
Okay.
Scarab Rootmore begins to move forward and as he does, you quickly stop him.
Oh, no Rootmore please!
Quiet.
As you stop him, you point down at his feet.
There is a tripwire.
See?
He plucks it like a guitar string.
Now Scarab will see it, point at it and then do a crafting check.
Oh, hmm, I'm curious.
Does it look like something easily step overable or doesn't need to be disarmed?
You can step over it or you can disarm it, but if you disarm it, it's a disabled device
check.
So, it's thievery.
Rather than not take the chance, if it looks easy enough to pass through.
Leave it alone.
This is a good fail safe in case Creepy Boy comes after us.
Right back there, yeah.
Yes.
Although something to bear in mind, if you forget about it later and accidentally trip
it, something might happen.
Or B, if you are in the midst of doing something and something else trips it, you don't know
what exactly it activates or does and so you could leave it.
Here's what Scarab wants to do.
He wants everyone to come through and then he wants to tie a piece of his rope at like
four feet above the ground to where you have to like duck under it.
So if somebody's coming through, they're like, ah, what's this rope here for?
Maybe they'll trip the wire, but also it helps for us to be like, oh, rope's there.
Let's not be stupid about getting through this.
I just wrote trap really big with my chalk.
Yeah what kind of ground is this?
Stone.
Okay.
Not carved stone, more like smooth rock.
Smooth.
Cody, I deleted Rupar.
I deleted Monet.
You were trying to delete your writing, right?
I did the same.
One by one the party falls.
Here I am alone.
A scarecrow, a cavalier in a hole.
Don't even have half of myself.
Half a character in the dungeon.
Okay.
What a way to go.
Not how I thought it was going to end really, but you know, here we are almost at the end
of book two with just Scarab.
It's fine.
I got this.
And Scarab now that you're alone.
I'm going to look for new party members.
I was joking.
Okay.
You have like, I got 50 feet.
Yeah.
But do you have anything to fix it to the wall itself?
That's why I was curious.
What kind of what kind of structures we got in here?
Because if not, then I just put an item down to know where the trap is.
Yeah.
I mean, the walls are rough, hewn like they'd been like mind or picked, but there's not
a lot of like, uh, up to structures that you could like tie off a rope onto.
Uh, any like crates and barrels nearby?
Not in the room that you're in.
Um, there were the demolished crates and barrels in that store room where you found the strange
creature.
You know what?
I'll just, well, no, I'm going to say go back and grab the, uh, the throne, cobalt dragon
forward.
But although you did say that, uh, Rootmore has chalk.
You could just mark the ground for yourself if you'd like.
Yeah, but it doesn't have to say trap.
You could leave a symbol that you would know.
Yeah.
Rootmore, leave, do something with your chalk.
Just don't explicitly say, hey, trap.
Oh, okay.
Just in case.
Rootmore draws a hot dog.
There we go.
Of course he does.
Beautiful.
Crafting check.
How good of a hot dog do you draw?
Oh, here we go.
Crafting, crafting.
15.
Bet you can tell it's a hot dog.
Ho ho.
All right.
Yes.
How the fuck Rootmore, beautiful hot dog.
Oh, thank you, Scarab.
Not one person would look at that and think it might be a wiener.
All right, what else do you want to do?
Monet and I are not here right now.
I was like, also, where are you?
We're both deleted.
Right off into the darkness.
Thankfully, I have saved y'all yet again.
Just kidding.
Okay.
Yes.
I would like to just kind of walk around the edges of this cave and see what offshoots
it has.
This sucks.
I hate it.
Walking around, it's like everywhere we go, there's a different turn.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
This is just a great way to get into a fight you're not ready for.
And I don't have enough of my character.
I am still wondering, was this another path up here or is it just a weird cutoff on the
map?
Okay, thank you.
There you go.
Just a weird nub.
All right, well, a few things are going to happen.
As you begin to walk around the room and investigate, you once again can't help but notice how quiet
it is.
Almost unnaturally so.
As you begin to look around trying to look down these alcoves, you suddenly realize why.
You hear a scratch of Talon on stone.
Or you hear the sudden pull and shot of several crossbows as you have walked into an ambush.
Roll for initiative.
Here we go.
Oh my god.
Here we go.
Fucking shit.
What the hell?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Jesus.
Did you roll a one as well?
No.
Not perfect.
Not beautiful.
What kind of enemies are we facing, Cody?
Kobolds.
Yes, we are.
Three Kobolds.
Four Kobolds.
Oh, four.
Good.
Easy.
Three would have been boring.
Yes.
I need one of them pouches that lets me hold my animal companion.
I think that's a thing.
Yes, it is.
Yeah.
I'm going to need one of those if this character is to... if he makes it.
He'll make it.
Dude, here's the main character, man.
Main character.
He'll make it.
We'll see.
What'd you get, Monique?
A 27.
That's a hot dog.
Beautiful.
Did you draw the hot dog, Monique?
No, I didn't.
Oh, nice feet.
A bit more.
What'd you get?
12.
Terrible.
Yes.
Natural one.
And scarab.
28.
Wow.
Hot damn.
What an interestingly shaped room.
It kind of looks like a hand turkey.
Like an elementary school hand turkey, but there's a hot dog at the wrist.
So if you guys are wondering what the map looks like, just put your hand on a piece
of paper, trace it.
On your thumb you got one kobold, on your middle finger you got another kobold, on your
ring finger you have another kobold, and your ring finger goes on forever.
So does your pointer finger.
And Peaky has another kobold.
And your wrist has a hot dog on it.
Yeah, a drawn hot dog.
It's a good hot dog.
Thanks.
All right, first things first.
Four crossbow shots are going at Rootmoor.
Here we go!
Big.
Has it been 10 minutes by the way?
Since when?
Since our last fight.
Uh, I don't think so.
So I think you're still rock-mommied up.
Thanks.
Rootmoor, first one is a 19.
That is a miss.
Cool.
Second one.
Big shield.
17 is a miss.
That's a miss.
25.
What'd you say, 5?
25.
Oh, that's a hit.
Yeah.
7 points of piercing damage.
And the fourth and final.
21.
Miss!
Wow, all right.
I came into this combat with my shield raised.
Very good.
Convenient.
Yes.
All right, and with that initiative begins, Scarab, you are first.
Yes.
Okay.
So, we're going to do things first.
Scarab's going to take 10 paces.
Going to move 10 feet.
Yeah, Scarab's going to fire his weapon at the southern cobalt.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm going to fire.
That's going to be definitely a hit with a 23.
Definitely, huh?
Maybe.
Yeah, it's a hit.
Always definitely maybe.
That's true.
It is always definitely maybe.
Is any one of these my hunted prey?
Yes.
Ooh.
The one to the north.
Okay, how does it feel?
In the middle alcove to the north of you is one you distinctly remember from one that
fled from the fight in the large room with the slurk.
You want to give him, I think there's the target.
I do want to give him.
Give him the that.
Unless you want to give him the eyeball gun.
Yeah, I like that.
Target.
Okay, 23 to hit.
It's a hit.
Oh, okay.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
10 piercing.
Oh, beautiful.
Piercing magical.
Damn.
Huge hit.
I'm going to do raconteurs reload.
I'm going to attempt to deceive the one that I just shot at.
Hit hit hit.
The scarabs are going to be like, sorry, man.
I was aiming for the guy behind you.
With a natural 20 on that one.
Oh my God.
I'm not even going to ask for the total.
You fool him.
So that asshole turns around.
Shooting him in the shoulder, he immediately grips the bleeding wound before scouring at
you and then you make that claim and he turns around wide eyed.
His back is now to you.
Scarab is going to fire again at that one.
He is now off guard.
Might to hit, might to hit, might to hit.
19 to hit.
That hits.
Freaky.
Yeah.
Yes.
Seven damage.
Magical piercing.
Seven damage.
As you bravely shoot this kobold in the back, he slumps bleeding tremendously.
You did not want to lie to you.
He looks horrible, but he is still standing.
She says you bravely shot him in the back.
Yes.
Squarely in the back of the shoulders.
Monet you're up.
So stupid.
As you pull his pants down.
With reverence.
Monet will.
Just a friendly little knife.
Monet will.
Bring forth her whirling grindstone.
Yes.
Where is the beyblade?
Here.
You choose right here?
Yep.
Effectively trapping that one.
Let me give you control.
Come on call this episode brave back shots.
I gave him control for some reason.
There you go.
You have control.
Nice.
Thank you.
Alright so you summon your beyblade in front of the northwestern kobold.
I'm so sorry.
Are we doing that attack now or after my turn?
Your choice.
Just once per round so if you want to.
I'll just do it now.
Oh she's standing up for this one.
She's getting an actual beyblade out.
She's letting it rip.
Did you get a drop for that?
Damn.
Let it rip no.
The fucking beyblade.
We'll have to find one and send it to Ahmad.
Okay.
We just need to get one of somebody screaming let it rip.
Have you ever watched the beyblade show?
No.
Horrible.
They would scream that before they started.
The show is purely made to sell toys.
Oh yeah.
Well I mean dude what cartoon is it?
But it's a little bit worse.
Yeah this one they're like hey like this is like in your face like they're not even trying
to hide it.
Yeah like Yu-Gi-Oh.
That's a 16 to hit.
Oh Yu-Gi-Oh is a terrible show.
Yeah I know.
It's a great show that doesn't follow the rules.
But yeah with beyblade right when they would like get ready to start they would go let
it rip.
Oh I know.
I've got kids.
I know.
Good.
I bought them a bunch of blade blades.
I keep saying blade blades.
And I bought them a little coliseum.
Well it might just do some get a microphone put it in the is it here or do they got it?
They have it.
They bring it back and forth sometimes.
I was gonna say have them bring it and just get a really shitty sound bite of them hitting
the board.
I mean it is intriguing it's fun to watch them little things spin around.
You also built them yourself which is pretty cool.
That is.
Like I wish that was a thing when I was at that age.
I had a beyblade.
Where I could have asked for them.
Way late.
I had a beyblade when I was two wolf and beyblades.
I also had those.
I got some tech decks.
I mean not like I couldn't buy a beyblade now.
These things have four felices.
Let it rip Felicia.
Sorry feet.
16 to hit.
That is a miss.
And with her last action she will fire off an elemental blast at this top boy the one
in the north.
Rage Mone!
I missed.
That is a 17 to hit.
There we go.
That is also a miss.
Okay it's AC is not 16 or 17.
Has to be 18.
We're learning.
There's no way a kobold has 18 AC.
I mean no.
Well I mean it has to be.
19 AC.
19.
No way it has 19.
We'll figure it out.
I'll roll an 18 next time.
You've never fought a kobold so far that has 19 AC.
No.
Get your pinky out of your mouth Cody.
That's your turn.
Scarab the now heavily wounded kobold in front of you shakily draws a bolt from its side
pouch reloads the crossbow and will fire it at you.
Wait before you say anything.
Uh huh.
Shut the hell up.
Let the man speak.
Scarab is going to drop prone hitting the dirt and raising his AC plus two.
Okay with your plus two AC does a 22 hit you.
No.
Wow.
The shot goes over your back hitting Rootmore.
No I'm just kidding.
You dodge.
It then proceeds to reload and fire again now at your prone position.
Ooh.
90 19 with a penalty.
That's going to be a miss.
That is a 21 to hit.
That's my natural AC.
Plus two or minus two.
I always forget in between sessions if you were to hit my AC exactly I still block.
No AC exactly is a hit.
Okay.
But no my AC is currently 23.
Nice.
Yeah I get an AC boost from being on the ground right?
From ranged attacks.
Turn on prone.
If you are prone you do not but while prone you can take cover for a plus two I believe.
So wait maybe.
But your hit the dirt is basically letting you go prone and take cover for one action.
Well it's for the one attack so my AC I think that might hit.
Oh so it was only for the one attack.
Okay so the second one at a 21 would hit.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah with a 90 19 I hope so.
I mean I hope so.
Yeah.
Yeah so while you are prone you get a minus two.
While prone you are off guard and take a minus two penalty to attack rolls.
So you would have a minus two AC while prone but your take cover gives you a plus two making
it to where you basically take no penalty for being prone.
But I have to use an action for that to happen.
Take cover is an action.
Yeah there is the hunker down action or you can use take cover while prone to hunker down
and gain greater coverage against attacks gaining you a plus four bonus to AC against
ranged attacks.
But you probably have to do that on his turn.
And you remain off guard which means even though you're getting the plus four that's
with the minus two for an effective plus two.
Which is still pretty cool.
So the 21 does hit then in which case that second shot would have been seven points of
piercing damage.
And then now it will be the kobold to the northeastern.
And this one rushes forward ten feet between Monet and Rootmoor and it is going to attempt
to tumble through Monet's space.
So this will be an acrobatics check against your reflex DC I believe.
Yep acrobatics against reflex DC to move through your space.
So with your reflex DC in mind natural one.
Damn that's a fail actually.
Really?
Yeah okay.
So he does not move through your space.
And if there is a reaction he triggers reactions as if he had moved away from that space.
I was just going to ask that.
Yeah normally it only happens on a failure but he failed.
He's like shoving against you guys.
You got plenty of time to be like hey man get off.
Look at you how cute.
Monet would like to aid.
Just kidding I'm just kidding.
Put this hammer down on this little boy.
25 to hit.
25 is a hit yeah.
Lay it down.
Even brooding damage.
Brutal.
Uh oh.
You did this.
We were just minding our own business.
Alright with his third action let's see.
What is their speed?
5.
15.
20.
He's going to run.
Grab the hot dog on accident.
Oh does he trigger the trap?
He's going to run through the trap and kick the cord.
Triggering the hot dog trap.
Oh no is all this bullshit going to fall on us?
As he kicks the trap you hear above you a whiz and snap.
And if you look up you can see now above you is a large net filled to the brim with heavy
stones.
Got him.
We didn't see that with our real big perceptions?
Those real big perceptions weren't looking for traps.
At the entrance of the room you looked for the trap and you found the tripwire.
Not in the middle of the room.
Kobolds are smart.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Alright I need a reflex save from all three of you.
Thank god.
Don't forget your pee pee.
Do not forget your powerpoint.
Okay.
I'll keep it.
I just want to remind you that there's a creature over there that likes to prey on things that
are alone.
Uh huh.
Okay.
I'm sure we'll hear some screams soon enough.
Here's to praying and hoping.
Alright what did everybody get?
29.
Beautiful.
That is a critical success.
Rolling out of the way.
21.
Regular success.
18.
Regular success.
Hell yeah.
So half damage for Monet and Rootmore.
Zero damage for Scarab.
I rolled almost minimal damage for a total of four damage.
Wow.
So that'll be two damage to Monet and Rootmore and none to Scarab.
Holy crap.
As you narrowly dodge a heavy outpour.
I'm dying!
Monet dies.
Of debris.
Pat!
I think I hear!
As the net and ruinous rubble fall to the ground around you, the ground now is difficult
terrain.
Because of rocks?
Because of rocks.
Monet is immune.
So difficult.
What?
I'm a dwarf.
I'm just kidding.
I love rocks.
Rocks can slip on rocks.
Well now you got a lot of stuff to roll around if you want.
I'm just kidding.
I was just making a goof.
Rootmore starts eating the rocks.
Just goofing around.
Just this area is difficult terrain.
You're so weird!
You look like a ditto.
I am a ditto.
Hold my hotdog.
You're laughing and then you make a weird face.
He's a ditto holding my hotdog.
Oh no you missed it.
It wasn't important.
Oh.
No I just drew an area on the map that's difficult terrain now.
And it looks like a ditto.
And that's what man said and I said it is a ditto holding the hotdog.
Emad was making fun of my face.
I guess you can get rid of the hotdog trash.
You did that goofy laugh and you looked very angry afterwards.
He also made fun of your laugh.
I don't know what I did.
I'm just having fun.
I'm just trying to have a good time and Emad is just making fun of me for having a good
time.
Emad is just a little on edge because we played Magic before this and it was a very stressful
time for him according to his watch.
Oh my god.
Yeah I've had horrible days at work.
But I beat his ass.
After playing Magic the first time I watched said you had a stressful moment you should
take some time and relax.
It's like what the fuck.
It's because you entered the Valley of Dragons.
I'm kidding I'm not like that.
Yes you are.
You know what I mean.
He's like oh please.
I don't want to face these things.
Alright that's it for that guy's turn.
Oh isn't my turn yet?
I'm hungry.
No no there's still two people before you.
I'd like to do a three action condiment and eat.
You good?
I started laughing while I was taking a drink.
I had to like scream to stop the laugh.
I was like ha!
I got a little spewed all over my monitor.
God damn.
That was funny.
Alright it is now the Northwestern most Kobolds turn.
He's going to reload and fire a shot at Rootmore.
Baby I don't know.
Rootmore that is a 23 to hit.
Be good.
He's showing up.
It's exactly right.
Oh damn.
Even with the Defecated Floats of Rain?
Nine points of Piercing.
Oh my god.
And it will reload again and that will be that one's turn.
It is now the northernmost Kobolds turn.
It will reload and fire a shot at Rootmore.
That's a 21.
That's a miss.
Beautiful and then it will reload.
And that is it for him.
Which means it is your turn.
Finally.
Jeez Louise wake up Rootmore.
Are you last?
I'm last.
I rolled a natural one for my initiative.
Go Rootmore!
I rolled a natural 20 for my initiative.
Scurub stand up!
Stop taking so much damage!
Leave me alone!
Rootmore is going to roll.
Stop taking so much damage.
Rootmore is going to roll.
He's going to do encouraging words.
Which I always forget that I have.
I am not in.
By the way.
This is for stamina points.
Thank you.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah I'm still good on HP.
Scurub doesn't have common.
Piss off.
He's been speaking Spanish this whole time.
He doesn't speak the universal language.
English.
He only knows namak.
Scurub was in remedial classes.
Leave him alone.
7 plus 8.
Is that exactly 15?
That is.
Oh my god I got the DC exactly.
1d8.
More like 1d8.
5.
Five stamina points.
Solid.
Nobody's standing next to me.
That's bullshit.
You there!
You're almost dead.
No no Scurub.
You got that one.
No Rootmore if you're looking at the one that I shot previously please attack him.
Oh.
Says from the ground hands overhead as bolts are flying over him.
Please.
He's not my hunted prey.
Alright then I'll do that.
Barbecue monster.
Needle darts come flying.
Shit.
Cleric.
15.
That is a miss.
And that's it for Rootmore.
Alright.
Next something else happens.
You suddenly hear a scream from the fellow you entered the room.
Hooray!
Rick!
As your old pal Rick wraps a tentacled arm around the throat of this kobold and he begins
to strangle it.
Oh so gross.
Nice.
Oh nasty.
That's great keep that in.
Let's see.
Oh yeah with a 22 to hit he hits.
He does 7 points of bludgeoning damage and begins to strangle that kobold.
The kobold who already was injured is now his scales are turning blue in the face.
Goodbye loser!
Wow.
Look at Rick go.
Yep and as quickly as the screaming starts it stops as his writhing tentacled arms snap
the kobold's neck.
Nice.
Damn son.
And it is the beginning of a new round and it would be Scarab's turn but Scarab before
you act all of you hear over the clamor of battle the sound of croaking coming from the
northwest before you hear a kobold war cry.
Charge!
And down the hallway to the northwest hops another slurk.
This one with a kobold on its back wielding a large spear and spinning a flying talon
above its head.
It hops across the room right next to you Rootmore and the kobold leans over driving
his spear towards Scarab.
Save me Rootmore!
Oh my god.
You are off guard since you are on the ground.
This attack.
That is a 21 to hit against your off guard AC.
More of those wretched things.
19.
Get one for you.
I hear you.
Six points of piercing damage.
Help me!
It's not looking too good.
As he stabs down with his spear his other hand whirling that talon above his head the
talon will fly at you Rootmore.
Oh.
Pretty good but MAP.
That is a 20 to hit.
Get out of here!
Beautiful.
Pitiful.
Next.
That was close.
The slurk beneath this kobold will open its large frog like mouth and its saber tooth
esk talons will try to bite you Scarab.
26 to hit.
Hell yeah they do it.
I don't get any reactions do I?
Uhhh no you spent your reaction to dive.
That will be 9 points of piercing damage.
God damn.
Help!
Just laying on the ground with this giant fucking frog thing.
The kobold stabbing at you.
Everybody's just standing there.
Alright something else of note.
As this.
That hurt a lot.
Something else of note that was really bad.
You don't think that's a good thing to happen.
Oh no.
Now this is just another thing that's kind of a pain in the ass.
This frog like creature seems to be exuding some kind of slime.
And it is actually your turn Scarab.
Second to go top of round 2.
This is what's going to happen Scarab will.
Ah it sucks.
It sucks doing a turn and not taking a strike.
Not going bang bang.
Yeah but I want to play it safe since I am in my HP now.
Scarab is going to spend one action to stand up.
That will trigger an attack of opportunity.
Correct.
Standing as a move action doing a move action in its face.
Alright the Kobold Rider will strike at you again with his spear.
But he will miss.
Oh good.
Then Scarab is going to use a move that I haven't used yet.
A level 1 move.
He's going to use Scamper.
And he's going to stride up to his speed.
Up to his speed.
Sorry I was reading.
You can't read and speak.
That's me.
That's Matthew.
So what is my speed right now?
Where is my speed?
Details?
About page?
Like me on details for you I don't know.
It's the very top next to your Strength Dex Con intelligence.
Oh why is it so low right now?
Is it because I'm wearing armor?
Are you prone?
It's because I'm prone.
Ha ha ha.
No it's not because I'm prone.
It's because I was off guard.
Also bear in mind.
I just have 20 feet of speed.
I don't know if it's because of an armor I'm wearing.
Either way I get 5 more to it.
Just remember Difficult Terrain in that maroon section on the map there.
I am tiny and let me see.
You're not tiny.
I'm small.
I'm a little guy.
What I do know right now.
I have a plus 2 circumstance bonus to AC based on triggered attack.
I don't know if that's going to happen.
Don't worry he doesn't have more than one reaction.
Yeah.
I got 25 feet of movement.
I thought.
See I'd like to go towards the hot dog but I think I'd run out.
I'm going to move right here.
Just out of the Difficult Terrain.
Out of line of sight with the guy that I was attacking.
So one action stand up.
Second action run.
Third action reload.
That's it.
That's okay.
You have to get out of there.
Yup.
That makes it Monet's turn.
Monet!
Don't forget your pee pee.
He's busy tearing the hot dog apart.
I'm exploding the hot dog.
We should get this hot dog out of here.
The hot dog got scuffed.
Wait why are you deleting the hot dog?
What are you talking about?
You just got to put some feed marks in it.
I was just it just got exploded a little bit.
I just moved it back.
Okay.
You're good.
Control Z baby.
Whenever you want to take the turn.
I can control Z babe.
So.
Monet will.
Park 10.
15.
Get right up in this guy's face.
For one action.
Well first she'll sustain her Beyblade.
Then she'll get up in that guy's face.
Do you want to go ahead and take the Beyblade's turn while you're sustaining it?
Yeah.
Since you're doing it first go ahead and make that attack.
You can attack it at three potential targets.
She's going to tilt the Beyblade close to the frog.
Oh yeah dude.
Like in a like that game that we're we've got a let's play of on YouTube.
Baldur's Gate 3.
When you have a familiar they attack first on your turn.
These are the kinds of things that you would see if you watched us play Baldur's Gate 3
on Cursed Caravan's YouTube.
Cursed Caravan at YouTube.
It's the Cursed.
It's the Cursed Caravan at.
So anyway your three targets you've got the Cobalt to the north.
You have the Cobalt Rider and you have the Slurk.
Whichever of the three.
She's going to tilt her Beyblade to hit the Slurk.
Hit the Slurk.
Okay.
Roll to hit.
That is a 19 to hit.
That is a hit.
Oh yeah.
The Slurk takes four slashing and four fire.
Nice.
She actually had four targets to choose from including Rootmore.
That's true.
Sorry.
Did you want to hit Rootmore instead?
Rootmore go ahead and take that eight points of damage.
You didn't give me that option.
Okay.
Fuck you.
And then Monet will move up to Northboy.
Okay.
And she will do an elemental blast.
Okay.
That is a 25 to hit.
Yes.
Sick.
That is a hit.
She bang she bang.
Do you ever wish you had a bebebebebebebebe?
Yeah man.
Me too.
Me too brother.
And that Cobalt will take.
Wait.
Hold on.
Let's hear a word from our sponsors.
Do you struggle with erectile dysfunction?
Yeah.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Let's hear it for our sponsors.
Cody.
That Cobalt will take 10 damage.
Wow.
Okay.
Cool.
10 piercing damage as metal goes into its little scaly skin.
Like that.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's exactly the sound I made.
Wow.
That's exactly the sound I made.
Do it again.
Wait.
Sounds exactly like what I did.
Well.
Nailed it.
What else you got Monet?
I could be a Foley artist.
That's it.
That's her round.
Brings it back around to the Cobalt.
Alrighty seemingly unfinished with you Scarab.
That Cobalt runs out into the middle.
Into the greater part of the chamber and as he rounds the corner he spins around, drops
down to a knee and fires a shot at you.
Sure he doesn't want to run away.
Sure he doesn't want to run away the way that it's open and able to run away.
That is a 21 to hit.
That's my AC.
Okay.
You could drop Brun again.
I could actually.
Yeah you have your reaction back.
I could.
I'm not trying to play your character.
Just want to make sure you have all your options on your table.
No it's true.
I just may want to save it.
Well if you're going to do it now's the time because.
Now's the time he drops.
He drops raising his AC to 23.
Beautiful.
Any other shots he's taking he's doing it at a negative.
The bolt narrowly misses striking the cavern wall behind you as it reloads and it cannot
fire again because that is its third action.
So it will move to the next Cobalt the one behind the Beyblade.
Yep that is true there.
The one behind the Beyblade will fire a shot at Rootmoor.
Dangerous combats make me allergic.
Can he see Rootmoor from where he is?
It's the same one that he shot at before and yes it's hard to see with the Beyblade there
but there's.
There's no P. You know what good point.
It's hard to see with a Beyblade but a Beyblade.
Ok let's change target on that.
Let's say that he can't.
And so he is going to attempt to tumble through the Beyblade's space.
But the Beyblade doesn't have a thing.
Could we use mine?
Because it's my spell?
Like would you use my reflex?
No because I don't think that this thing has reflexes.
I honestly question whether or not it needs to tumble through.
I think it might just be able to move through the space.
Currently it's not activated.
It's also currently not an enemy even though it is a summoned spell that is being maintained.
I would count it as difficult terrain or squeezing.
I think that would personally I think that's the way I would take it because he's like
ooh Cobalt doesn't know if that thing's going to rev up or not.
So you can consider him like being careful and taking that extra five feet of time.
What's the name of your spell again?
Whirling Grindstone.
Because it's a it's five by four.
How big is it?
That's what I'm about to look at.
You could be squeezing through like legitimately squeezing through and not taking not having
to roll.
Because it's not active.
And it's not an enemy that can strike you at will.
The thing that I'm thinking about is that if it's a creature not a creature because
it's not.
It is a construct fish.
It's not even a construct nor a minion nor a summon.
It is just an attack.
It is composite.
It is Earth impulse kineticist metal primal.
It is not considered an enemy ergo I should be able to move through it for the same reasons
that I can't shove it or interact with it in any other way.
I believe the Cobalt can just run past it.
Yeah that's that's the only reason I would pose.
Since it's a tight space that it would be an extra five feet of movement.
Which I think I'm fine with.
Yeah it seems like it's similar to spiritual weapon where a weapon just appears.
It's not really a character or anything.
It's just there.
But I think this one has a size right.
It doesn't state no.
OK.
Well then that's up to whatever.
I think it's just going to be able to move past it.
You will still be able to move it when you maintain it and make an attack follow.
But now I don't think it's going to block the Cobalt in there.
I'm sorry.
I'm not making any arguments.
It is going to move.
She just texted me to make arguments.
So let me follow that up with.
No Cody that's a shitty idea.
Do not move him.
Take it back.
OK.
That's a pretty good argument.
But it's not going to be able to shoot at Rootmore without shooting past its.
Past the rider.
So he's actually going to just shoot the guy on the ground.
Come on.
Free action.
Drop the crossbow.
He's going to draw a spear and he's going to take a stab at you Scarab.
The drawing of the spear.
Is this his final action then?
Move free action drop.
Draw Spears second action.
Third action attack.
Gotcha.
So this is a melee with a plus five to hit.
It's a miss.
Oh good.
Don't worry.
Natural.
Natural two.
There's no way that hits you even with the penalty.
By the gods.
Which means it will move to.
Oh wait a minute.
The Cobalt I've affectionately named Cobalt number three.
Right in front of Monet.
And he is going to.
How's that bastard still alive?
That's how I feel about the one that got shot in the face and then shot in the back.
I know.
That's the one.
This one right here.
No it's not this one.
It's not the.
The southern one is the one that.
It's this guy.
Yeah the bottom guy's taken as far as I know 17 damage.
Oh.
So he's probably literally.
I thought it was the one you hunted prey on.
No.
He was saying if you're talking about the one that I shot at kill him he's not the one
that I hunted prey on.
That's what it scares me.
Yeah I was saying if you want to attack the guy below me I'm not going after him.
I see.
I'm going to go to that store and I want to try to.
But frog showed up and the whole thing is kaput.
Everything is different now.
Attack who you want to attack.
Yeah.
Whole different story now.
Because as it was I was just going to shoot at that guy up north and hope for the best.
Now I wish hunting prey didn't cost an action.
Oh I know.
Because he's just going to be up there hunted and unshot.
Yeah when you first hear of three actions you're like that's a lot.
And then when it comes down to it it's not enough.
It's like playing magic.
It's always one man or two little.
Yeah you know what this guy is actually just going to shoot you point blank.
I just double checked on it.
There is no penalty for it but if you have an AOO you can take one.
Nope.
All right.
Natural 20.
Oh God.
He is not named.
Nope.
So we're just going to be doing double.
You already said that he's number three.
Oh you're right I did name him.
He's number three.
No he didn't.
All right here we go.
Rolling.
I almost said triple.
Rolling triple damage.
Double.
You already made me seem a fool by when I put my beyblade there saying effectively trapping
him.
Ten points of piercing damage.
Oh.
Despondently.
And then seeing no reaction from you he will reload and then fire again.
No come on man.
Natural one.
Oh yay he gets a card.
Draw the card.
Red card.
There it is.
Go ahead.
Take that dog.
That doesn't make much sense.
Make it make sense.
As he reaches back to pull another bolt you hear a light snap.
As he pulls his tendon and he is clumsy too until healed.
Tough ass.
Oh I'll heal him it's okay.
What an idiot.
Give him a did you just give yourself carpal tunnel.
There you go that's the pulled tendon.
What a dumb ass.
That's what Monet says.
You pulling that too hard man your receptors are down.
It is Rootmore's turn.
Oh goody.
Rooty.
Rootmore more like two more.
Hey you big stupid lizard.
That's right you're a frog and I called you a lizard.
Most people call frogs lizards and reptiles but they're wrong.
I'm trying to piss you off right now.
Demoralize.
Is there a penalty when the thing doesn't speak the same language as you?
Yes a minus four to whatever I tell you.
Beautiful go ahead and take four off of whatever you just rolled.
Okay.
Unless you speak draconic.
You're making me do the math.
Let's see.
Yeah because you're adding shit up.
Oh Jesus.
It's okay.
Just take the rocker bonus.
Lie to him.
16 14 13 carry the ones.
16 is not bad.
16 is not bad fellas.
It's not against its will DC that is a success.
Yes.
I'm an amphibian.
Alright so what does that have to do with demoralize.
The target becomes frightened one.
Beautiful.
Alright that is a minus one to everything.
Yes.
Alright.
It's having an existential crisis.
It sees a strange fiery haired bald short thing screaming at it.
And it's already slimy belly gets just a little slimier as it begins to panic.
Slimier not from its belly but from its eyes.
Here comes a vicious swing.
I'm handing you my peepee.
You're dead mad you're gog.
So I rolled two d20 and both of them came up as two.
That's neat.
That is cool.
Can I aid?
I love that.
Can I aid?
I love that too.
So 12 to hit.
That doesn't miss.
Can I peepee on him to help him out?
Nope.
He already peepee'd this one.
I can't believe that.
Yeah that's it.
That's a big oof.
Well wait demoralizes one right and then attack is in second.
The vicious swing is two actions.
I see.
Alright well thank you for being honest and thank you for missing.
I'm not going to be honest anymore.
That sucks dude.
Yeah I don't think it's a good idea to be honest anymore.
I'm just going to lie next time.
Not with Cody.
Look at that natural 30.
Wow.
I think I got my weird dice out.
It's not fair having Cody be the DM because he always rolls good.
Speaking of not fair.
I'm cheating.
I think we should have Cody wait and die.
46 on the die.
Come on stupid.
You're afraid of me aren't you big weird frog.
Two.
From the right again.
Oh it's our old friend.
He's hungry.
It's our old friend Justin from out of the cave.
Rick begins to sneak up behind the already very wounded Kobold.
And you see his spindly tentacly arms begin to rise up behind the Kobold.
Call Justin.
Get him.
Put him to just make him make some noises.
Yeah Justin what do you do?
Oh look at him eat.
We have to be careful.
He's running out of Kobolds to eat.
And he's really close to us.
And then you hear it.
Before the Kobold can react its neck is snapped and it slumps into the arms of this strange
alien creature who begins to feast on the newly dead Kobold.
Yippee.
Alright that was number one my favorite.
It is now the rider and the slurks turn.
And then it will be your turn Skurr.
The rider's on the slurk.
Bop bop bop bop.
Rider's on the slurk.
Inside this cave they lurk look out for him he's a jerk.
Rider's on the slurk.
Watch out.
That one's for all the dads listening to the podcast.
Hell yeah.
We're slamming on a shield with this hammer.
Right here you big ugly.
You want this don't you?
You are the closest thing in reach.
And so this does want you indeed.
The slurk.
What do the slurk?
I'll tell you what the slurk.
What does the slurk say?
The slurk begins to swell.
His throated belly engorging in more of that slimy grease beginning to exude from it before
it coats the floor in a slick layer of its toad-like slime.
Growth.
I feel off guard.
Yes everyone inside of this including the kobold to the left is now off guard.
And if you attempt to move across the slime you have to balance or fall prone.
That is it for the slurk and the rider strikes next.
Seeing your feet begin to slide from under you the rider hopes to capitalize.
He draws back his spear and thrusts it down at you.
Rootmoor I hope this hits.
I hope it doesn't.
Ooh, 90-19.
That's you're cheating.
I'm not yet.
You bought them those dice?
90-19.
No no.
We bought these in growth.
These are gonna run.
Oh, stuff floating.
You know they're not loaded.
They went to cheaterson.com.
They are hollow dice ergo not loaded.
You can.
How?
Well.
Make more metal on one side.
Make more metal.
You can literally see the layers.
The lures.
You can literally see how heavy that one is.
Lead in one side.
It's a really heavy one.
Where is the one?
Now that'd be the two, M-odd.
Geez.
How come whenever I'm for certain that you've rolled a natural one it lets out a high-pitched
shriek and a puff of smoke?
Huh?
What's that about?
That is my own eldritch horror.
Oh no.
29 to hit.
Wait, the rider?
You're hitting Rootmoor or me?
Rootmoor.
Sorry, I don't know why I look at you.
I was like, oh no!
Matthew.
Rootmoor is fucked.
That's pretty bad, man.
29 to hit.
Let's take it over to the weather with Rootmoor.
Rootmoor snaps his shield up enough to make that not a crit.
Beautiful.
That is a hit.
Oh, you beautiful red-headed bastard.
Oh Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
We're both seven points of damage.
Oh, sorry.
Ten points of piercing damage.
Big difference.
Oh Jesus.
Oh baby.
And he will do so again.
This time for a 17 to hit.
Oh good, that's a miss.
Big whiff.
Let's go Rootmoor!
Oh man, that guy's an asshole.
You said it, Monet!
Is that a range of 10 feet?
That's enough.
This actually would be almost impossible to do.
But while in a stabbing frenzy whirling that chain above his head, he sends it flying at
you Scarab.
Okay.
This one will probably miss.
Unless the 14 hit?
No.
Oh good.
Had to throw it out there.
All right, moving right along.
It is your turn, Scarab.
Scarab!
Don't stand up next to it!
It has attack of opportunity!
I've seen it!
Of course!
Um, the Scarab's gonna fire at the guy that's right next to him.
Beautiful.
No!
That also triggers!
No, you're good.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm doing what I want to.
Thank you.
23 to hit.
That's a hit.
Lay it on me.
Four damage!
No!
Damn!
Nice!
Hell yeah.
Damn dude!
Oh my god!
Can I get a recap?
I don't know.
Of course, I'm not asking for his HP.
Can I get a recount of his HP?
He's been hit a few times, right?
This one?
Or is this the first time?
Fresh blood.
This is the first time?
Mm-hmm.
Damn.
And the Slurk, has he been hit at all?
Yes.
The Slurk has been hit.
By Monet.
By the Beyblade.
Yes.
Beyblade did eight points of damage to the Slurk.
Crap.
Yeah, Scare attempts to reload really fast without having to use an action to do it,
but he realizes he remembers that he's lying prone on the ground.
So he's going to attempt a Raccontours reload.
I'm going to roll deception against this fella that's right in front of me.
A Dullahan behind you!
And for all the moms out there, a Dullahan is kind of like the headless horseman.
Exactly.
Let's see here.
That's going to be a...
Make a board!
It's going to be a 27.
Uh, two, two, two.
Let's see.
Wait a minute.
Hmm.
How wise are they?
Just kidding.
That is a critical success.
Oh, beautiful.
Wow.
So he is flat-footed.
I am reloading.
Off guard.
I am tossing in a PP.
I'm going to roll two D20s and fire on that fella one more time.
All right.
Holding it, gripping it, squeezing it.
Freaking beautiful.
25 to hit.
Off guard.
That's a hit.
Crit or not?
Just a hit.
Close.
He's 18, man.
Close, but not there.
Not terrible.
Seven damage on this fella.
Big hit.
That is my turn.
I'm calling it.
It's AC is 18.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
After we kill them, we'll look at the little tag on their armor, see what AC it is.
Now's your chance, Monet.
Okay, so Monet is going to sustain her spell.
See what brand his armor is.
For her whirling grindstone.
And I too will turn in a PP.
You're grind stoning against who?
I'm grind stoning.
How's the frog looking?
Pretty healthy.
A little slimy.
I think it's worth it.
Yeah.
She's going to grind stone again against...
She's going to grind up on that frog.
Hell yeah.
Using her PP.
Bumping grind on the frog slimer.
There it is, bumping grind.
How does that song go?
Ain't nothing wrong with a bumping slime.
With a little bumping slime.
Natural 20.
I mean, do you want to count it magic?
I want to count that shit as magic.
It's magic.
It is magic.
But does your grindstone have a name?
I'm just kidding.
It's your spell.
It's a joke.
Relax.
All right.
Geez.
Double damage, first off.
Are you going to turn the frog purple?
No.
She's going to turn the freaking frog gay.
Turn the frog gay.
So I'm just going to go ahead and roll my damage now.
Well, it's either a gay frog or a...
I'm just kidding.
I would perfectly accept my frog boy even if he was gay.
Especially if he was gay.
You want a gay frog or a thot frog?
Both.
Exactly.
Can I borrow another 3d6 from my pals?
We love the gay frogs in chat.
Here's a Rootmore d6.
Matt, can you give me...
Cody, you want to give me a d6?
Here.
Take one of my cheating loaded d6.
Nice.
Thank you so much.
It's a Surlette d6 right there.
This is going to be the fire.
The d6 is my favorite of this set because the drake on them is...
Or the Wyvern is the best.
I hate all of you.
Every single one of those is a one.
Anything I found when I rolled that...
That's crazy.
When I rolled that trap and it was 3d6 and I got one, one, and two.
Okay, so this creature takes...
Right?
That's a one?
Yeah.
God damn.
Well, it's definitely not a seven on a d6.
Three ones.
No, I don't...
I was wondering if it was a weird two.
Yeah, those numbers are weird.
God, this six is all flat and skinny.
So that...
Okay, so the guy...
The deal?
The deal.
He takes...
The slurg?
Is that what it's called?
Slurg.
So you are hay.
He takes...
Slurg.
Nine, ten, eleven...
Slurg.
So weird and greasy and slimy he is.
So he bursts into flames and he will take that damage on his turn.
Yes, that is my crit.
One d6.
Beautiful.
That's pretty cool.
That's cool.
I will put on fire.
Flame Cannon.
Yes, that's beautiful.
The sparks fly off of your Beyblade and they ignite something in this slurgs bio fuel-esque
mucus, setting him aflame.
With her last two actions, Monet will do a two action elemental blast on this boy in
front of her.
Okay.
Sorry, I know it's your hunted prey, but he right here and she don't get at him.
Once the slur appeared, it kind of screwed it up, so please go for it.
Lay it on him.
I'm not going to be able to attack him.
That is a 19 to hit.
That is a hit.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
So that is a two action.
So that is a plus five.
He takes 12 piercing damage.
Oh nice.
As he is pin cushioned by these little shards of metal that she throws at his damn face,
man.
Slipping between his little ugly little scales.
Man.
He stares at you in horror as you impale him with your multiple shards of metal and he stands
there in shock for a moment.
As you draw them back to kind of recoalesce them into your swirling vortex of metal, his
eyes roll back in his head and he slumps to the ground dead.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Scarab.
What's up?
The kobold next to you stabs down at you with a spear.
23 to hit.
I think it came through.
That's going to sneak in.
The 23 that hits, that snuck in?
23 will hit.
Okay.
Scarab stabs at you with his spear.
Four points of piercing damage.
Okay.
Takes another swing.
This one for less.
That's a miss.
One final one.
Because he ain't a quitter.
And a miss.
I'm going to try again, idiot!
I'll skip my turn, loser!
I'm not afraid of you!
Lutie!
Well, I knew you were scared.
More like Lutie because his voice is like music.
Instead of trying to attack me, you shit all over the place!
Nasty!
That is because he didn't put pants on today.
Lutie.
Oh, Lutie.
He's constantly-
He's always slinging hot dogs.
One of his hot dogs is always covered by a napkin or something.
Another one's always sticking out of his pants somehow.
Wait a minute.
Zip it up!
Oh, I got a sausage caught in my zipper.
All right, we're going to slug this again.
I thought you had the taste to get a turnaround here.
Vicious swing!
I'm going to hit you this time, you asshole.
Nasty.
Going for the slurke again?
Yes.
Nasty.
Gross.
I'm going to raise my shield first and then do the vicious swing.
Scarab, how are you doing?
Can you kick that guy's ass?
You're talking about the guy that is right in front of me?
Right in front of you that's stabbing at you while you're still laying on the ground.
You can just hear it.
Sam, stab.
Maybe!
I don't like maybe.
I can survive.
Okay.
One more round.
Vicious swing on the stupid frog.
I think I got another six to nine seconds in me.
17 to hit.
That hits.
Oh, the big frog!
Okay.
Yeah, blood.
What's that blood?
I can't breathe.
Big damage, you could finish him.
18 bludgeoning damage!
18!
18?
You smash the slur out from underneath the rider, sending it sprawling to the floor dead
as the rider falls to the ground prone.
Yeah!
Move one of them dead kobolds over here.
Let's see.
Get us another kobold and make him flat.
Get another kobold down to make him flat.
Screw that.
Okay, so we got two kobolds up.
What sound does the kobold make when he falls prone?
The kobold goes...
No!
I'm tired.
My turn's over.
That kobold's about to take some brave back shots.
Come back and take it.
I forgot my bracers of missile defense.
Damn.
Next up.
Oh, once per day.
I think I've already used it, actually.
I should probably keep a tab on that.
Rick!
I can't drag him.
You see him move over, slinking along the wall until he comes up to that crevice that
one of the kobolds was in and he kind of slinks down the corridor.
Oh, he's getting away!
Please put a collar on him and a leash!
Goodbye, sweet boy.
I put a bell on him.
It's okay.
A bell on him so God doesn't forget he's here.
And now it's the rider's turn.
We will attempt to stand, so if you would like to take your AOO, please do.
Oh no, please stand.
It's okay.
You're gonna let him stand?
It's fine.
Well, he has to balance in order to stand, so he's gonna take an action to balance.
Watch this, guys.
It'll be funny.
You're gonna shove him.
Don't even do damage!
It's a good idea to spim him.
Oops.
He does succeed on the balance check, so then he will stand up.
Get out of here.
And for his final action, he's going to stab at you, Rootmore.
Uh oh.
Damn, Rootmore.
Big roll.
Come on!
Woo!
That's a big roll.
Come on!
How's that, 25?
Treat you, Rootmore.
Oh, that's a hit.
God damn it.
Come on, Rootmore.
Jesus Christ.
Cheese, Luis.
Seven points of piercing.
Seven.
Maybe you should stuff some sausages in that armor you got there.
You're overconfident now.
This will be your undoing.
The reason why I saved my reaction is because I have a reaction for getting stabbed.
Ouch!
Rootmore takes a stab and his stomach looks down and he looks up.
Fred the Cobalt says, blood for Dettar!
Oh yeah!
Now I...
I've done that once.
...need...
I haven't seen this before.
Ah, will save, please.
Will save.
All right, all right.
That's pretty willful.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, you sure about that?
20?
Come on.
Damn it.
No!
Rootmore!
Plus two on my will save.
I was going to say, they're real low.
They are, and that sucks.
It's a second highest save.
It was very surprising.
Third highest save.
Hell yeah, good roll.
No one's high fiving you.
No, I had a fist in the air.
No one's going to though.
I hope nobody high fives my fist.
But no one's going to high five you.
Okay, thank you.
I'll high five you later though.
When you're not my DM and you're not my husband.
What?
Did you just say to me?
Purple things.
Oh, okay.
Well, it hurt.
It's all white.
Take 2d6 persistent bleed damage.
Ooh, okay.
I rolled six, so you succeeded, so you take three.
Okay.
Persistent bleed though.
Hey.
Persistent.
Still killed him.
2d6 persistent bleed.
Okay.
I'm sorry, what were you saying about what you rolled?
You rolled a six?
Six total, but cut in half because you succeeded.
Three damage.
Oh, so I take the damage now and then also get the persistent bleed.
And that.
Well, I guess since it's persistent, it'll happen on his turn.
Which it is his turn.
It'll happen now.
Okay.
Basically.
Okay, so he is, it's the end of his turn.
He's going to take that 2d6.
I just rolled it.
Oh, okay.
Well, I mean, thankfully I also rolled the three.
I got a two and a one.
So he takes three points of damage and then I'm going to roll, not combine his HP per second,
but roll that d20 flat check to see if he stops.
Two on the flat check.
Oh, good.
So, no.
Scarab, it is your go.
Ergo scarab.
Well, then fire at the fellow right in, right in the head of him.
All right.
Take this asshole.
Fire and hit him at you head.
How does.
Well, it goes down a little bit.
A 26.
Because he's off balance because of the slime.
That is a critical.
Oh, yeah.
He's AC's 18.
AC 18, brother.
Here we go.
Here we go with the deadly critical.
It's probably unnecessary at this point.
Just roll ones on all of it.
Entirely possible.
I mean, if you do, he might live.
From the ground, Scarab raises his pistol up and fires a whopping 22 magical piercing damage
at this fella in head of him.
Well, where once there am is one head of him and no head no more.
Bye bye head.
As you kill him to go bold.
That's what scarab screams.
Bye bye head.
As he reloads and fires at the one that was on the slur.
He who once was.
Probably a miss.
Oh, yeah.
Three.
13 to hit.
That is a miss.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
He screams covered in blood.
And that's it.
That's it.
I'm down two more bullets.
I'd like the fans, the fans.
I'd like everyone at home to know that I'm down to 44 bullets.
I have been keeping track.
I'm like, God damn.
That's a little lower.
Just a quick, just a quick thing between you and me.
Scarabs down to 44 bullets.
All right.
Big fan of you fans.
Me too.
It's your turn, Monet.
Okay.
Monet will.
Kill.
Can I stand here?
Kill please.
If you do anything, kill.
Oh, there's only one cobalt left.
That's awesome.
So first off, Monet will sustain her spam.
Okay.
Go ahead and roll for that attack.
You still want to hit the slur?
No.
She's going to hit the cobalt that was slurkin'.
That is.
That's not my slur slider.
That is a 14 to hit.
That is a miss.
Damn.
Then Monet will just go ahead from where she is.
If you approve this angle.
Yeah.
Do a two action elemental blast.
From what angle?
You haven't moved yet.
Yeah.
Where's she standing?
Can she shoot him?
Yeah.
Partial cover.
But yeah.
Rue more is taller than this cobalt.
So just a little plus one to his AC.
A little heavily plus one.
A medium sized, yes.
And miss.
That is her turn.
And you're dang sure you missed.
I rolled a damn two.
Yeah.
Yeah man.
That's a miss.
All right.
Up next is going to be Skirsh.
Ooh, named.
And from the tunnel, you can see him peeking out, watching with what almost looks like
a look of excitement and curiosity.
But for now he just stands and watches.
You're up Rudy.
Oh good.
Well, well, well.
Is there room to move where the Blay-Bade is?
Make us reef like slave.
No, won't be able to occupy the same space.
Okay.
Bluemore would like to blow where the Blay-Blay blows.
Something else to note, as you've been standing on and kind of sliding around this slime,
you feel like it's beginning to dry.
You feel like time wise, sometime within the next six seconds or so, that the mucus will
have dried enough to be no longer an issue.
Just stay still, Rudemore, for at least six more seconds.
I like that.
Thank you, Cody.
How's this guy looking?
Has he been hit?
I can't remember.
Not a lot.
He is very lightly wounded.
He's been hit, but him also last.
Last of them to have been.
Yeah.
In fact, he looks as if your damage dealt back to him was the first scratch he's taken.
Oh, I see.
The three.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Yeah, if I had to quantify it, I'd say he took maybe three health points worth of damage.
Oh, yes.
Maybe he used such a...
Oh no, is that...
Okay, health points.
For those gamers in the listening sphere, health points, that's HP.
And for those mathematicians out there wondering how big this sphere is, not very.
Okay, what I would like to do...
This would probably, because a regular shove, you push...
I would push him to the west, but what I like to do is spend two actions.
Grab him, then throw him towards Jeff or whatever his name is.
Rick.
Okay, so you want to shove him five feet, ten feet?
What do you want?
You want to shove him that way?
Pardon, yes.
Right where the dead frog is.
Five feet south?
I think that's fine.
Yeah.
Go ahead and do a...
One action is fine.
When you shove, I believe it says five feet in any direction, not necessarily the opposite
direction of you.
I think it's the opposite direction.
Well, look up...
The shove feet.
Yeah, let me see.
Yeah, man.
Oh my god.
Have a little agency, M.O.D.
Read a little...
Oh my god.
Read a little bit.
I know you're busy, but are you too busy to read?
I'm just kidding.
I'm sorry.
Oh no, you're good.
It just says away from you.
Yeah.
Critical success, push your target up to ten feet away from you.
It says you push your target back five feet, but like back...
It doesn't clarify that as only immediately in the opposite direction of you.
Plus, I've shoved people to the side.
Shoving to the side is a phrase.
Monet has shoved Rootmore behind her.
Yeah.
From in front of her.
You can...
Any way...
We did do a grapple check first to do that.
The shove?
I remember that.
To throw behind.
But it could have been a DM choice.
So five feet.
But the DM's also telling you that you're good to do that.
Yeah, go with the DM choice at the end of the day.
Period, end of the day, DM's choice.
And if we don't like the DM's choice, we don't play with them anymore.
That's what happened to me.
That's like...
No, I like how you DM.
But that's how it works IRL, right?
I just never had IRL.
Well, I mean, if you don't like it, you talk to your DM like a human being.
You don't just stop showing up and be like, my DM sucks.
Because it's like, hey, you know what?
Some people can't tell that you've done something they don't like.
If you can't just put on your big boy shorts and say, hey, you know what?
I didn't really like this when you did this and here's why.
And that here's why is very important.
It'd be crazy if I stopped showing up considering you guys drive me.
Pull up to Emma's house and just be like, huh, where the fuck is Matt?
Where's Matt?
Doors open.
No, I'm OK. I'm good.
I'll get myself there.
Sorry, gotta play Dragon's Dogma 2.
Anyway, I don't know.
I was in the middle of some important life lesson that somebody somewhere needed to hear.
But you get the idea.
Damn right they do.
You can shove people behind you.
Look at you, all your friends are died.
Boo!
All your friends are died.
All your friends are belong to us.
That's a 13 demoralize.
Thanks for saying boo.
To moralize.
Oh, that was a will DC, right?
That's a will DC.
Rootmore waves his arms in front of him with his fingers wiggling and he says demoralize.
That is a fail.
Yeah.
Who failed?
You failed.
A 13?
He's completely fine.
I thought that they had a plus two.
Oh, but this one's different.
This is a different one.
He's a different kind of guy.
This one's will DC is 16.
Oh my gosh.
Write that down.
Oh, I may not be able to shove him.
He seems a little strong.
Ah, screw it.
I'm going to try it.
All right.
Athletics against 42 DC.
Come on die.
Fuck off man.
Eight.
Close.
But no.
You grab this rock of a cobalt.
You don't say close.
As your shoulders, as your hands grace his muscly rippling shoulders.
He's too powerful.
You can't help but see why he was chosen to lead.
Oh, God damn it.
Okay.
Can't roll terribly every single time.
I'm just going to do a regular old smack a roo with this hammer.
Remember that shove is technically an attack action and you are taking MAP on this attack.
Yes.
Shove him.
Take that.
Come on.
I can't shove him.
Oh yeah.
You know what?
No.
Come on.
No.
I would roll at a negative one to shove him.
Close your eyes and listen to the voices in your head.
I'm going to smack him with the hammer.
Come on.
Kill him.
Ah, 16.
That is a miss.
Hey, he's off guard.
Eh.
That is a miss.
Damn.
Am I real for real?
Damn, Daniel.
No cap.
That's all the most useless turn I've had in a while.
Bad.
Bad, Dad.
Skivity, Ohio.
All right.
Yes.
What he said.
A little more after trying to move this handsome, strong, independent leader of a kobold, you
realize that the slime beneath your feet has now dried and begins flaking in some kind
of frog-buggery flaky mess.
It is no longer difficult to move.
You do not feel like you will slip if you attempt to move.
What does it taste like?
And most importantly.
Most delicious.
You are no longer off guard.
Oh, that's pretty cool.
Best boogers we've ever eaten.
Probably the best slime.
Hard to move.
Very difficult to work with.
Hard to get, very expensive slime.
But it's so green.
We love the green, fellas, don't we?
Oh, I love the green.
I had a green friend once.
It's going to swing at you.
I love green, guys.
19 to hit.
Oh, good.
Get out of here.
Oh, it's going to swing again.
Oh, that's adorable.
I'll do better.
Oh, you can't.
Oh, it didn't stop.
Natural 20.
This guy is named.
Uh-oh.
I'm so sorry, Mom.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, Mom.
I am very...
Fairness, he did say his name earlier.
I don't think I did.
You did.
What did I say his name was?
No, you didn't.
Is he named?
He is in fact named, though.
I'm sorry.
I am remembering...
He named the creepy guy.
His name, just because you guys will never ask him.
That's why I thought he was named, because I heard you say that, but I had a feeling maybe
this guy's named, so here we go.
His name is Gruggerkurg.
That's a stupid name.
Dumbass!
Yeah, take it up with his mom.
That's a really fucking dumb name.
Where's your mom?
I think that he's stupid and dumb.
I'm taking applications.
Oh no.
Uh oh.
His spear stabs you in the throat root more.
Wait a minute.
It does normal damage, a 2 in this instance, but you take 1d8 persistent bleed damage,
and you cannot talk, cast spells with a verbal component, or breathe while you are subject
to this bleed damage.
Oh ho ho ho ho ho.
So the damage you will do...
You got a couple rounds.
Times 2 on this.
You said normal damage.
Right?
You said normal damage?
That is fair.
Normal damage.
7 points of piercing damage as the spear collides with your throat, and you take 1d8 persistent
bleed, which will proc on your turn.
You cannot speak.
You cannot use spells that require verbal components, and you cannot breathe.
So you are now effectively holding your breath, which is equal to your con.
We looked at this.
Oh my god.
Times level?
Subjective?
You know, we were having a good time.
5 plus your con modifier.
What is your con modifier?
2.
So you have 7 rounds.
At the end of each of your turns, you will lose 1 round of air.
If you attacked or cast a spell during that turn, you will lose 2 rounds of air instead.
Got any potions?
He might choke on his own blood.
Wow.
Fill the hole with sausage root more please!
Don't die on me.
And we'll see you next week.
No!
You stop it!
No!
Let me before we're gonna forget the bleed damage on the fucking cobalt.
Let me through.
Did you write it?
Did you write it down?
He's gonna take bleed damage.
No!
I have it on the dungeon.
Oh god!
That's a good spot.
No it's not.
I don't like it.
That is a good ass spot to end it dude.
Here's scarifinus.
Oh, that means I have to wait a week for real.
We're not recording another episode right after this.
And we never do.
And we never do that.
It's crazy.
That's great dude.
Can you read it?
I'm not in the mood.
Yeah.
I'm not in the mood.
Oh, I'm pulling it up.
Golly.
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I did that part so good.
Hell yeah dude.
The Cursed Caravan theme music and the beat you're hearing now is written by our very
own Matthew.
Thank you.
We would like to thank Michael Guelphie Studios, the world reference for tabletop RPG audio
for the music and ambiance that we use along with Matthew.
Along with Matthew, he has been making some music for us.
Thank you.
But thank you Michael Guelphie.
You have been a true one for all of it.
Thank you Michael Guelphie.
You can find out more about Michael Guelphie at michaelguelphie.com.
You can also find their Instagram on there.
I highly recommend you follow them.
Check out our Patreon.
Sorry.
Check out their Patreon, Michael Guelphie's Patreon, and YouTube links in the description.
Leave us a comment and rate us five stars on your podcast app of choice, especially
Apple podcasts.
Spotify also allows you to rate and leave comments.
Who knows?
Maybe one of us will read your comments on the podcast.
Also if you have any questions, feel free to email us at thecursecaravan at jmail.com.
So get on those comments, y'all.
Anyway, we also have a YouTube as we've mentioned before, we're playing Baldur's Gate on there.
Go check it out.
It's fun.
It's a good time.
Yeah, check it out.
Please.
Look at episode 25 of Crown of the Cobalt King.
That one.
Oh, it's getting better.
We're doing some funny things.
Yeah, I actually had some extra time so I was able to add some like video to it.
It's fun.
It's just something to look at while you're listening to.
I won't be able to do that every single time, but when I get the chance, I will.
Thank you, AI.
And thank you, listeners, for being a traveler on the Curse Caravan.
Goodbye.
Before goodbye.
The reason people listen.
Rable Supreme wrote back.
They said it's a little critique, which I do like.
I like a critique because all we have is just an echo chamber.
Without helpful thoughts and stuff, we're just an echo chamber.
Rable Supreme says, sounds like a fun table to play at.
Keep up the good work.
One point of critique.
It's on me.
The soundboard.
The longer sound effects.
Here we go, et cetera.
Have a tendency to muffle the natural player reactions.
Now I have brought down the sound a little bit.
You may have noticed the past two or three episodes, I brought it down a little bit,
but that is a good point.
I am working really hard on trying to even out the sound and stuff.
That's a very good critique and it's very fair.
Thank you, Paul.
There's no hurtfulness to it at all.
It's just, hey, you kind of lose out on some of the magic when this plays.
Tone it down a bit.
Hell yeah, I like that.
I've been doing that.
For Matthew, it's great to hear that the reason, what I want to come across, came across for
this person.
That it's a fun table.
Yeah.
Like I'm here because it's a really good time with you guys.
I've just been curious how much that comes through.
Because we can hear from family.
I don't know if this is family.
I don't want to break any illusions if this person is family.
But hey, if you stick around your family with us, hell yeah.
So it's nice to know that that comes through.
That's all that matters to me.
Thank you very much, Ravel.
Next time, make sure to give more critique to Emon.
In fact, the only comments we want nowadays are telling Emon how he's doing his job wrong.
I really appreciate it.
No, for real though, I do appreciate it.
It's good to hear that stuff because I only have so many ways to listen to it.
I have my noise canceling headphones, which it sounds okay, but it sounds different when
people listen to it in their cars or whatever kind of headset they use.
Headphones without bass.
Yeah, it can be tough.
Or even if you're playing it on a TV, if you're playing it on a TV or a monitor at home, it's
like they all sound completely different.
Once you find it, you can pretty much keep it there.
So like, hell yeah.
Always working towards just being a better thing for you to hear how much fun we have.
And hopefully you can get a little bit of that too.
With that, we will see you next week where maybe Rootmore dies.
Maybe fine.
For 100 years.
A tiny man filled a hole with a sausage.
You're going to get those flavors at all times.
As long as you're swallowing, well, no, you can't really taste things from your stomach,
Matthew.
That's not how bodies work.
Unless you pull up.
Bye.
There's like acid reflux, that sausage flavor that's been drooling down into your tongue.
Oh yeah, yeah.
When you get that taste that tastes like weak old Cheerios.
Something like that.
Hey, I'm odd.
I just wanted to tell you about my favorite taco salad recipe.
You don't have to do that.
You can use any powder and garlic powder.
My favorite taco salad recipe.
It actually doesn't use ground beef, it uses bokeh crumbles.
So like, what you want to do is you want to take your bokeh crumbles and you want to cook
them in a pan.
You want to season them with some pepper, garlic powder, onion powder.
You can also saute some onions in there if you really want to.
But that's about it for the bokeh crumbles.
And then you want to take a can of-
This will probably be good enough.
Stop.
Shut up.
Okay.
Let's go.