Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, Cody decided to let his brother, Justin, play a
session with us.
Felicia, Matthew, and I were like, yeah, fourth player, we could use the help.
An hour later, we find our three heroes falling to their death down a well with Kobolds waiting
because Justin decided to be an enemy.
Our story continues now.
Is there a way I could secure the rope?
You notice there is a dagger nearby and you see a notch in the wood as if it was used
to stop the wench before.
I would like to plant a dagger firmly in that notch.
Okay.
You are going to have to make a crafting check.
However, there will be a small bonus because you can see clearly where it was done before.
That is a natural two plus zero.
You plant the dagger and then sure that you placed it in the right spot, you release the
wench and it begins to spin and they too begin to plumb.
This is how we all die.
Free action to speak, I would like to lean over the edge of the well.
I will wave as you fall and I will say good luck to you.
Oh my god.
That is my turn.
I think this well is getting a little taller.
You guys are only falling 20 feet.
Yeah.
It will be fun.
How far is the whole well though?
About 40 feet.
Okay, so it is not terrible.
It will be fun.
Is your character still holding the mechanism?
Oh no.
He planted the dagger trying to stop it in place and then as he let go, he saw he did
a bad job and you begin to fall as well.
So far for the course, I remember a bridge or two.
I have met you before in another life, my friend.
Scarab it is your turn and you now feel in that moment you see Monet begin to fall towards
the two of you and then you feel yourselves begin to fall.
In the tomb, in the tomb is where I will die.
Well what happens?
Yeah, I guess it would only take not even a full round.
Well round is six seconds.
Yeah technically we are on the ground after he let go.
We fell and we took the damage.
So you will take fall damage.
You and Rootmore will both take 12 points of bludgeoning damage.
Actually Rootmore you will take 12 and Scarab you will take 10.
I am small.
You have a softer landing.
You are cushioned by the blow so you will take 10 instead of 12.
Because size is irrelevant in Pathfinder, you just take half the distance you fall.
I'm just reducing yours by five feet because you are standing on him so that drops you
down.
What is this?
A fall for ants?
No because then I wouldn't take damage.
And you are prone, both of you.
That's one way of getting down.
What about Monet?
Yours will come up.
Okay.
Yeah I'll do yours on your turn don't worry.
The two of you are now prone amongst a pile of refuse and rotting garbage.
Like I said.
Yes.
Scarab, you bounce off of Rootmore and roll off to the side five feet and you are both
on this pile of shit and gunk.
You are prone and it is your turn.
Is there...is this all the room that can be seen?
I can reveal more now.
Darkvision 60 feet.
Well Darkvision is everything.
Well regular vision is 60 feet.
Right.
So.
I think so.
Either way we all have Darkvision.
I'm just saying because we have Darkvision we can see the extent of 60 feet.
What I'm just saying is that you all have Darkvision so.
Well with Darkvision we can see everything it's just in black and white.
Yes.
I know that's what...Darkvision.
Well what I'm saying is that you all have Darkvision.
Because it's dark we have Darkvision so we can see 60 feet because that is the extent
of vision.
So we can see forever.
It's just it's in black and white.
At a certain point it becomes mostly just black.
Yep.
My name is right.
Does Darkvision not have a range in 2e?
No range.
Oh.
We can see everything it's just black and white.
Hmm.
Pathfinder is right here.
I will look that up to confirm.
Sounds cool to me.
Shit.
Okay first things first.
Scarab is going to...
Jesus Christ he's right.
There's no range limit on Darkvision in 2e.
Show us the whole map.
Give me everything.
Scarab is going to crawl backwards 10 feet for the 10 paces.
Also while pulling out his gun and we're going to fire at the slurk.
Take a shot.
Come on baby.
Oh.
Spooky man.
I don't know what's down here.
Yeah we're firing at the slurk.
You know falling was kind of a relief.
That rope around my belly was hurting.
It was rubbing against my nipples and I don't like that.
It hurts.
Why are your nipples on your belly?
Alright well let's ride it up okay.
Torag speaks in mysterious ways.
That rope around my ankle really hurt my crotch.
Rope everywhere.
I was flailing a little bit.
You need to roll into a bucket.
That's what I need.
I need a bucket to roll into.
A bucket.
Ah geez.
22 to hit.
That's a hit.
Yeah dude.
Okay let's see.
Eight piercing magical on the slurk.
Yeah I'm going to attempt to create a diversion while reloading on the slurk.
I'm going to point behind him.
A dead dwarf's behind you quick.
Look that way.
21 deception.
You fool each of the kobolds.
And something you would know from your knowledge check on...
Who did the knowledge check on slurks?
Was that...
Dattus Rootsmoor.
Yeah.
You know they speak draconic.
Or they don't speak but they understand draconic.
They speak that weird gravelly language.
If you'd allow me to scream what he said in draconic.
Yep.
And what did you get on that?
It was a 21?
21.
Or anyone.
Yep.
All four of them turn around in sudden confusion.
Beautiful.
Another black ball loaded into the gun he's going to fire again.
Ooh baby.
It's going to be a minus three because you're my hunted prey.
Minus three for my MAP.
Wow.
18.
That's a 27 to hit.
That's a critical hit.
Beautiful.
Yes finally.
Hell yeah brother.
Put that bullet inside him.
It's going to be 33 points of magical piercing damage.
Oh my god.
That's it?
Right in his eyeball.
Oh good one.
He probably killed this thing.
Yeah.
Your second shot rips through the air and as the creatures each turn to look away from
you, your bullet finds purchase in the back of this frog-like creature's head as it blows
out the front all over the backs of the three kobolds.
Oh my god.
That's awesome.
That's Scarab's turn.
Ooh boy.
Think.
Thank you.
Wow he was.
Thank you for letting me kill him.
He could do cool things too.
I'm glad I didn't see it.
Frogs are a bad, bad things to come across in these games.
Dang it.
He was the one I actually wanted to do.
Fuck the kobolds.
What's up with him?
I'm over there kobolds.
Every single one of them.
Go after Scarab now.
Uh oh.
Part of me was thinking like the kobolds were toiling with him.
So part of me, I didn't say anything because it wasn't my turn but I wanted to be like
leave him alone.
Who knows?
He could have been a new mount.
You'll never know.
Exactly.
We'll never know.
But either way, it's dead and it's fine.
It could have been really bad.
So the other thing I know is that Scarab is a small creature.
The frog has big mouth.
I'm not going in there.
I'm not going inside the mouth.
Bad again.
I'm not playing that.
Well Rootmore, it's your turn.
Oh wow.
And as you lay in the pile of muck and goo, you see the frog get reduced to that too.
Nice rhyme.
Thanks.
Well, this is a very fun predicament.
Rootmore is going to grab his shield, stand up and no, he's not going to grab his shield.
He's going to stand up and he's going to, I mean, he has a reaction already.
He wants to see if he can catch Monet, try to break her fall.
Okay.
Would I spend two actions as a reaction or just use my reaction in general?
I'll let you use your two actions to prepare an action to catch her.
Okay, we'll do that.
And then when that happens, I'll have you roll to see if you catch.
Sounds good.
Stands up and spends two actions as a reaction.
That's it for Rootmore.
Okay.
Is it just me or does the relationship between Monet and Rootmore feel a lot like Kimley
and Michael is?
It's getting there.
He's trying to catch her.
Monet counts this one.
When he was crying, Monet also started crying.
Dude, Monet has saved Rootmore so many times, you know?
I know.
See Kobold on the left, his head whips back to the frog as its head explodes and in horror,
yet determination, he cries out, they have come, follow the plan.
And he turns and begins to run down the hallway.
You haven't seen me come yet.
Please, buddy.
Get the fuck.
And Monet, it is your turn and you fall.
You are falling 40 feet, which means on impact, you would take 20 points of damage.
Monet does have cat fall.
You do.
Okay.
So that cuts it in half or what does that do for you?
Let me.
Treat it as if it's 10 feet lower.
Yes.
Treat fall as if 10 feet shorter.
Knock bread off the refrigerator.
So you would take 15 points of bludgeoning damage.
As you begin to fall, just before you make contact with the refuse pile, you look down
and you see Rootmore shuffling back and forth, holding out his arms to catch you.
With arms wide open.
Okay, okay, that's a 25.
Damn.
You catch her.
Yes.
And he falls to the ground.
You both roll to the ground prone, but you take no damage.
Hell yeah.
As Monet is falling, she's still grasping air and she's like, wait.
Monet, you're supposed to climb down the rope.
As she looks at the bald man up top waving.
Do you wave back?
No, she's still grasping at the air that was supposed to be his shirt.
You're supposed to climb the rope, not jump down.
What are you doing?
There's a man up there.
That was a very good song for that, but at the same time, thinking about it from Monet's
perspective of her falling down, all I could hear in my head was, can you take me higher?
I was thinking of Kingdom Hearts, just slowly with the hand outreach.
I have a question.
Does she still see that man's face?
Okay, so the impact of being caught and then tumbling for a moment, you catch yourself
and you look back up to see if you still see him.
Roll me a perception check.
That is a 24.
Does she still see you?
What's your stealth DC?
Skills, stealth plus 10.
21.
So you got a 24?
Yes.
You can still barely make him out.
You can see a glint coming off the man's bald head.
Monet would like to fire an elemental blast.
Okay, what's the range on that?
Rude.
Because we're talking 40 feet above you.
You just pushed her down.
Oh well.
I tried to stop everyone else from falling though.
I tried to stop kicking you down the hill, but I couldn't.
There's an opportunity.
All you have to say is I'm complicated.
I was really upset that I didn't say, well, well, well.
And I panicked.
What seems to have happened?
Filthy cleric.
Okay, so it's 30 feet, but she will do a free action instead to do a weapon infusion and
summon a metal bow into her hands.
Free action.
Okay.
Range increment.
So I can choose 100 feet, 50 feet, or 20 feet.
Summon the Beyblade.
Can you do it with one of your hands as a ball?
Yeah, it doesn't say anything about having...
I forget you got that gauntlet.
I also forget.
Wow.
Can you shoot a bow with one hand?
I mean, it doesn't say anything.
It's up to you, Bob.
I mean, a bow is a two-handed weapon.
But if it's like a magical, ethereal weapon, who knows?
But if it's like a physical thing, I don't know.
Unless you can do it from the ball on your hand.
Yeah, it's going to say you can...
You can forge the bow into the ball and then draw with the other hand.
Because it is like a...
Full metal.
It's a full fist.
Stone?
Or is it metal?
I can't remember.
I mean, stone has a stone.
Either way, she has stone or metal.
But where does metal come from?
You know what I'm saying?
You could fashion that.
I think it was metal because it was a...
I like the idea of every weapon you've summoned just forming out of this metal...
Out of the ball?
I will allow that.
Bear in mind, it is a difficult shot because you can see very little of him.
So he will have a cover bonus.
But you can still make the shot.
I completely understand.
I just feel like this is what she would do.
Getting pushed into a well by a strange man that appeared behind her and held a knife
to her throat.
So...
It's not...
It's likely not going to hit.
It's just I feel like that's what she would do.
And falling down, I don't know that she's even really had the time to process that there
are kobolds around her because she was falling back and saw him just waving.
Yeah.
So...
Take the shot.
Come on!
I didn't say good luck.
She will make a roll against your AC but give yourself a plus two for this attack.
Shoot one punch man in the face!
Cool character!
I thought you were coming in to help us, not kill us.
There's a long drive up here.
They got very angry on the way.
Gotta take it out of the stone.
You know, they're doing great in the fight.
So...
Maybe I helped.
I guess he didn't listen to how bad the last episode went.
No.
It hadn't come out yet.
Yes, not out yet.
We recorded that this morning.
It's really fucked up everyone's timeline and when we do this shit.
Okay so free action, weapon infusion.
Two shaped blasts of elemental power into the form of a weapon with her metal fist.
And she will do a two action elemental blast up at the bald smiling man waving down at
her.
That is a 26 to hit.
Oh yeah, fuck you!
Go!
That is a hit.
Yeah, even with cover.
Most likely.
Yeah.
Eight damage.
I'm dead.
No.
Oh yeah, thanks for playing.
Fuck out of here!
As she fires her shot, her bow disintegrates as she shoots just like shards of metal up
there.
Luna, what are you doing?
Why are you shooting up there?
I told you there's a man up there!
And uh...
It would be attention to the rest of the room.
There's nothing up, quit looking up.
You little shit.
That was really cool.
I would kill the frog.
Get it with a handgun.
Monet will turn around and look at her surroundings, see the kobolds and she will attempt one more
elemental blast.
Come on.
At this...
Don't forget your MAP.
This kobold.
You're doing the one action version?
One action.
Okay.
Thirteen.
That is a miss.
She's a little uh...
Discombobulated.
Poing!
Yeah, bald man, you just get like shards of metal just blasted into your face.
What the devil?
From a stone woman.
Who is that?
You can tell me those kobolds just...
I think they all just ran away, dude.
Oh wow, they're gone!
One after the other, each of them retreats.
Two of them heading into the northern tunnels and one into the east.
I scared them off!
Cowards!
Losers!
Very good Scarra, very good.
Did one of them take damage from her fall or no?
No.
Thanks to Rootmore.
It's like I'm actually here.
Now when I yell corrections they can hear me.
Little something about you.
Have you played Pathfinder?
No.
No, I've played some 5e but this is very new for me.
So I'm sorry.
Do you listen to this?
I'm gonna be listening to this later and just hate it.
No, you're fine, dude.
Good.
No, you've done well so far.
You threw Monet into it.
Well, well, well.
Just the kind of player you want in a party.
Someone that's gonna shake things up a little bit.
They don't do it too easy.
The last time I listened to the whole...
We really shoot from the hip.
Yeah, it's like they got a Beyblade.
They're pretty powerful.
They're knocking down doors.
They got a big old pig.
They're doing flips, shooting off point blank shots.
They need some kicks on them.
Not using their feet!
This character just needs a little humbling.
What's his name?
Legs?
It's funny, me and Cody did not discuss beforehand at all what my introduction would be and as
you all started moving down the well, I was like, I know exactly what's going on.
I'm gonna kill all of them.
I know what I'm supposed to do.
This all is perfect.
Somebody go look at VaatiVidya patches.
That's great too because in that moment I was just like, I don't know how he wants to
be into this.
Let me just put a couple things in front of him and we'll see what happens.
I saw the opportunities.
I'm kind of sad because I was thinking about how they're fighting below there and Monet
is up top with a knife at her throat and I was just gonna have her scream and slap him.
Not even actually attack.
Just so fucking...
Gut reaction.
Well, the last of the kobolds fades down the tunnel as you begin to gather yourselves.
What happens at the top of the well?
I think he's a bit taken aback.
I wasn't quite expecting an immediate response.
I think he'll hold for now.
Okay.
This guy's gonna stand up and dust himself off.
He picks up his shield, but he just continues to lay on the ground.
No, he's gonna stand up.
Monet will turn back to the top and start shaking her metal fist and be like, hey, who
are you?
No response.
Are you okay, Monet?
I know you said someone was up there, but...
I saw him.
You, the two of you, you said that someone was following us and I was wrong.
There was someone following us.
I saw him as I was lowering you.
He pushed me in here.
I didn't fall on my own.
I'm not that clumsy.
You know I'm not that clumsy, Rootmore.
Right, right.
I saw him wave at me.
Maybe fuck him.
He's stuck up there now.
I don't know if I hit him.
Is the rope still dangling?
Yeah, it's attached to Rootmore.
With the additional rope that you've added to it, it is now touching the garbage pile.
It's boiled neatly, but still hung up.
Scarab's just going to tug on it a little bit.
You want me to untie you?
Yes.
Oh, is there somewhere we can tie this rope to so this person cannot take the rope away
from us?
Because we need a way to get back up.
Is the pot still down here?
The cauldron?
Indeed, it is.
At the base of the pile of refuse, you see the large iron cauldron.
You also note around this rather nearly square room, there are several dismantled planks
as well as shattered barrels and crates in the corner.
Their contents long spilled and forged through.
Okay, check it out, homie!
We're gonna grab the cauldron, we're gonna move it away from the refuse a little bit,
get it taut, tie it to the cauldron, just have a heavy thing down there.
Okay.
It's not really jammed, huh?
Not well.
Yeah, tie it to the cauldron and then tie the cauldron to something else that's sturdy
down here.
Fill the cauldron with rocks.
You're pretty sturdy, Rudmore.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, fill it with rocks.
Monet, get in.
Monet gets in.
Sorry.
Why?
Oh, you know, covered in rocks and all that.
It's a joke, it's a joke.
No, I meant those rocks.
She's standing in the cauldron and she points at them, ruffle behind you.
In the northern part of the room, there is a partially collapsed stone wall.
Lots of heavy rocks there.
Ah, very good.
Monet will fill the cauldron with rocks after she steps out of it.
Scarab will reload his weapon.
Start moving rocks into the hole.
I imagine it's been 10 minutes, so Monet will redo her earth armor and re-channel her
once.
Red fires at the rocks.
Wake up, Gollum, I see you!
Monet starts jumping at the opening of the well, trying to climb, but she can't climb
because she only has one hand.
Let me at him.
I think I know of someone like this.
I feel like I remember it from the story of the past.
The W4 times.
The tales of before.
Fuck.
Okay, quick sweep of the room.
I'm going to do a big old...
Check these crates and stuff.
That was a 14 for percepting this room.
Wow.
19.
Go with his.
Monet will also passively look around the room, not actually searching for anything,
but every now and then she'll just shout up the well.
That was really shitty!
Broken NPC.
Tax bulb is appearing above your head.
I was trying to help my friends!
Looking around the room.
I didn't need your help!
Captain, you are our only hope.
She feels crazy.
She feels crazy like she's just seeing things.
Alright, a few things of note.
Looking around the room, there doesn't seem to be anything of use.
In the middle of the room is the large trash pile that you landed on.
Around the perimeter of the room are several smashed and shattered crates, jars, and barrels,
all left in a broken mess, devoid of anything useful.
Of note, to the north and the east are small tunnel openings that are barely five feet
tall.
The rock here is different from the surrounding stone in the room.
At each of the tunnel's entrances, it's almost a porous volcanic rock that has been
chipped away to form low tunnels.
To the west is a carved stone archway that leads into a dark room.
The kobolds ran to the north and the west, right?
North and east.
And if you were to look in the direction of that archway, you can see it leads into some
sort of store room.
Ah, fancy.
I want to look in the tunnel so bad.
No, I'm going to the store room.
No!
What's in the store room?
Going to the store room?
Yes, roll a perception check on all these boxes and crates.
Oh my god, there's a lot.
I'd like to move my hunt prey to the kobold that went north, Cody.
All right, duly noted.
I'm going to think about him real hard.
I saw him run away.
Twenty-five.
Crates and barrels.
Much like the crates and barrels in the previous room, what remains here seems to have been
thoroughly rifled through, looted and smashed.
Some crates and barrels line the edges of this room, showing nothing left of use, just
as before.
The room itself is carved of stone, and far above you are stone rafters.
And what was your perception check?
Twenty-five?
Yeah, twenty-five.
These barrels seem to be out of use.
Arisen.
There's out of use here.
Sir, perhaps we should go back to town.
Arisen, kobolds lurk in the dark.
Can I carry that for you, Arisen?
For the second time now, you feel a general sense of unease as if you are being watched.
Mulling over the broken refuse of these crates and barrels, you turn your head up to the
rafters instead, and in the grand, arched stone rafters of this room, you see a face
staring down at you.
Oh no.
This face...
What does it look like, Justin?
Is this...
Next character, let's go!
You see a bald head staring down at you, but this one is grayish.
Its green in hue and its eyes like black pitted pools.
Where its nose should be instead is an upturned snarl of a mouth that opens vertically, wide,
and with several rows of needle-like teeth.
Its fingers, or what you assume to be...
akin to its fingers...
Sorry, my thumb slipped.
Mull over the edge of the rafters as it pulls its face forward, revealing a horrid, tunneling
mouth.
It looks down at you for a moment, cocking its head, seeing you see it, and as you lock
eyes with the black pools, it utters a ghastly noise.
You're a horrid idiot.
Good evening.
I worship Torak.
What do you worship?
Where do you hail?
What languages do you guys speak?
Dwarven and common.
Common draconic, fey.
Fey?
Wow.
Common...
fey.
Fey?
You guys are fey?
What?
What the fey?
Common.
It's just a part of my backstory, brother.
As you speak to it, it cocks its head to the other side, again with a...
Ritmar pulls out a sausage.
Would you like some delicious salted meat?
I would like to roll knowledge on this creature.
Please do.
If I may.
What kind?
Please for the love of god.
Occultism.
Oh, wow.
Can I also do that?
Yep.
Is that the only way?
That is the only way.
That makes sense.
Unless you have lore under common.
I have lore underworld.
Nope, not the same.
14.
18.
I'm happy with my choices, because Ritmar has a minus one to occultism.
Oh, nice!
Cool, man!
I'm just gonna go back in the other room!
He seems nice, some kindred.
Lay this sausage on the ground?
Maybe?
No, not on the ground.
That's rude.
Ritmar produces a plate.
No, he doesn't.
He doesn't have a plate.
Sorry.
We'll stop cheating.
Who had the highest among you?
18.
At an 18.
You think you might have heard of these creatures?
Something known as a choker.
Choker?
Cool, cool.
Is it because he sounds like he's choking?
They are creatures that speak under common and aclo.
See, I almost took acro.
I actually almost took necro.
You know them to be strange aberrations that prefer to pick off the weak and the solitary,
especially those that wander off far from their packs or communities.
They have long spongy-like arms that are flexible but deceptively strong.
Their fingers tighten rapidly and are ridged with spiky tooth-like structures that provide
an incredible grip.
Brittle.
Yuck.
Typically, they strangle their prey to death, then drop the body off or dismember it using
crude tools if it's too big to carry.
If confronted or outnumbered, they'll try to escape, often compressing into a tight
passageway to get away.
You also know that chokers that encounter humanoids exhibit intense curiosity about their
culture, society, and the products of art and industry.
Their interest isn't very deep.
It just results in chokers that like killing people and collecting any of their items that
seem sophisticated, such as jewelry, ice, clothing, written texts.
You also know that they have a tendency to occasionally gather in settlements, usually
sticking to slums or abandoned structures.
As long as you remain in a group, you feel like it won't bother approaching.
We need to stick together.
Well, kill it.
That doesn't sound good.
We tend to be separated.
Yeah.
Perhaps it'll go after our new friend.
If he's real.
Well, okay.
Let's all leave the room and barricade the door.
There's plenty of crates on the outside.
Rumor is you're talking with your companions about what to do about the situation.
The creature begins to crawl to the underside of the rafters, making its way to the far
wall that then begins to scramble its way down before it eagerly makes its way to the
sausage you left on the floor.
Ah, I was just hungry.
Let's eat some food.
Its strange tentacle-like arms reach out and grip the sausage so strongly at first that
the ends of the sausage pop and bits of the meat begin to come out before it draws it
to its face, sniffing it with curiosity before jamming it into its razor-like mouth, chewing
on it voraciously.
And the creature before you looks like this.
Oh, it looks like the face of a gray alien.
I think I'll name it Pink.
It like, it's on all fours.
Split up her lip.
I should name it Ted.
It looks like an IRL version of some of the babies in Binding of Isaac.
Long gross arms.
Hmm, well, Rupemort will stow his hammer and reach his hand out to the creature, palm open,
and a friendly gesture.
Rupemort's not going to be standing anywhere near the creature.
He's going to have left the room.
Monet will do the same, but palm down to let him smell the back of her head.
Then how does the creature react?
What the fuck?
No!
What?
The creature approaches your outstretched hand, begins to sniff it, then raises one
of its tenderly arms and grazes your hands with the back of its hand.
Communication is fantastic.
Little lighter sounds.
It seems calm, relatively friendly.
Wow.
Do you want to kill some kobolds?
All right.
We have a friend.
Scarab, come say hi.
No!
I'm so sad I didn't take Aklo.
I really thought about it.
I take Aklo with all of my character.
He could be saying, I'm going to kill you all when you turn your backs.
The creature will look in Monet's direction.
You can almost make out the sense of an apologetic look in its alien-esque appearance.
It coos at you softly.
I don't know why, but I think this creature is apologizing to me.
Interesting.
I'd like to roll a sense motive to see if it's showing the truth or not.
Probably be a minus, right?
Language barrier, I guess.
26, but that's without minuses.
You'll find that it's very difficult to gain any insight onto this alien creature.
It's so strange, just so out there that it's hard to glean any intent from its otherworldly
and, in your opinion, ugly visage.
He's so ugly.
Don't put that on me!
You know what he looks like?
I know what he super looks like.
Just, Cody, open another tab and type in alien from X-Files movie.
Straight up.
They're out there.
I think it's worth it.
How much it looks the same, because I saw this fella and I was like, I have an action
figure of him.
I found the action figure.
I have one on the wall in the game room.
Oh yeah!
I remember him.
He smelled bad.
Like the action figure?
Yeah, weird Seth MacFarlane spawn plastic.
I mean, I have a soft spot for it because it reminds me of Pete.
Pete.
I wonder if my mom would remember the toy.
It's ugly.
One thing you do note is as you look at it, it seems to eye you with a mix of curiosity
and then when its gaze meets yours, a small amount of drool begins to dribble out of its
open, razor-like mouth.
Very good.
I'm gonna cross this thing.
It's hard to tell, but...
I mean, you don't even believe in demons, right?
As far as I'm concerned, we're standing next to one.
Look, Scarab, I've got this.
That's fine.
I'm gonna stay in the back.
That's all.
I'm not gonna turn away.
Help!
Just, you know...
Amonay's gonna crouch down and look at it and be like, I'm gonna call you Rick, okay?
Rick?
Rick.
Yeah.
Rick, we are not food.
We are friends.
Rick.
Good.
He knows his name.
Wow.
Scarab.
Well, let's stick Rick on something.
Yes.
I'm slowly falling in love with this creature.
Oh, okay.
Come Rick.
Come, come.
Sweet boy.
Rupemora looks in between its legs.
What does he see?
See a boy slapping along.
Oh, good.
Big sweet boy.
Look at him go.
So, let's...
So as far as we know, it's just those two tunnels.
That's what it looks like.
Just five by five tunnels?
Yep.
The two tunnels and the way he came.
They're a little wider than five feet.
Well, at least the one to the east is.
But as far as height, five feet tall.
This is one of my favorite games down here.
Let's go... which cobalt should we harass?
Either one.
But I've got the first...
I've got the northern cobalt scent.
Well, then let's go north if that's the one you have the scent of.
Okay, so you're heading to the north.
To the north.
Okay.
As the tunnels are five feet high, some of you will need to crouch, making this area
difficult to reign.
Oh.
That gross.
Yeah.
I don't like this.
This is where my people kind of feel at home.
Nice, tight.
No, no, not in tight spaces.
We build large, open underground spaces.
Getting mixed signals from you there.
Yes.
I don't feel at home.
We love the Titan Cram.
But mostly when they're wide and open.
I feel at home at the beginning when we're trying to make it big.
Yeah, no, interesting thing.
Do these tunnels look like they were dug into the wall?
What do the rest of the walls of this place look like?
They look like they were porous volcanic rock.
So to the left and right of these tunnels, or rather, in the room you came from, most
of the room looked like it was made of carved stone.
However, at some point, some form of volcanic magma must have sealed over part of the room
and then hardened.
Since then, it appears something has attempted to re-mine the tunnels, easily noted by the
large pile of rubble and stone between the north and eastern tunnels.
Yeah, I was just curious.
There's an arrow on the bottom of our map.
Is that just an indicator for you?
An arrow?
Like if you scroll to the bottom of this, Amon.
Oh, that's because of...
Is that another entrance?
This ceiling shaft.
Okay, what I was wondering is if this was supposed to just be a well, but no, there's
a storage room.
So like, what's going on here?
I was curious if we were digging into mountain or if there was more complex.
There's another way out of here.
Because the purple cobalt was able to come up without using the well.
Yeah, I'm just...
It's interesting.
If this was a well or something...
Just based on the layout, this is going further into the mountain.
You could also probably infer, between all of you if you were discussing this, that based
on everything you've seen so far, it seems that the dwarves of Drosgar were here long
enough to where they continued expanding in their toil.
So it's possible at one point this was a subterranean chamber feeding water through a well that
then dried up and then became another avenue of construction.
I was going to say volcanic rock works as a filter, so it's very possible that it was
a freshwater well at some point.
Which would be beautiful and wonderful.
Give him a peepee.
Hand that man a peepee.
Rick is very smart.
Smart?
Rrrrrrr.
He throws up a little bit.
You say all that in undercommon.
We don't understand you.
Actually...
Guys, I'm trying to tell you what's happening here.
Gentlemen, it's quite simple.
If you'll direct your attention to the rubble here.
As he sniffs at your ankles.
Yeah, no, this looks like cobalt work.
Note that it's only five feet shallow for the first five feet or so and then it seems
to open up to a ten foot ceiling.
You can see about 25 feet in front of you before the tunnel begins to veer off to your
left.
Huh.
You also note that the left and right side of this tunnel appear to be multi-layered
rock that kind of caps off in shelving.
Not deliberate shelving, but natural shelving.
Pretty close to the ceiling at hand.
So realistically, we'll say that this tunnel opens up about 15 feet up at its highest point.
Ten feet up from where you are is where the shelving is leaving a five foot gap to the
ceiling.
Ah.
Let's mosey on down.
And we can do one of these as well.
Let me make that a little wider.
That didn't make it any better.
I can fix it.
Take me with you.
Um.
Remember that.
Just push all the way over.
What is the party order moving through this tunnel?
Sparrow will be last.
Monet will crouch down, falling as closely as she can behind Rootmore.
Okay.
And I will be on the ceiling.
Skidding around.
Just kind of walking in a spiral around the tunnel.
What are you saying?
Like an 80s music video.
Nothing.
All you hear is the low, slopping.
Pitter patter.
Yeah.
Squelching, if you will.
It's a weird fourth party member, but I'll take it.
This tunnel is also incredibly narrow.
Between the two shelves, it's about three feet wide.
Oh.
Meaning you'll each have to turn to your side and kind of shimmy down the tunnel.
Aside from you, Scarab, you'll be fine.
Can we get a move on?
I'm starting to get claustrophobic.
You're claustrophobic.
Move, Rootmore.
What?
I can't move.
You have to push me.
Monet will push against Rootmore's back with the bottom of her boot.
I'm over three feet wide.
With the three of you and the strange creature moving on the ceiling and walls, you suddenly
hear the clinking of chains, followed by the whistling of something rapidly moving through
air.
Rootmore, as you turn to investigate the sound above you, you see a clawed hand made of metal
rapidly approaching you roll for initiative.
Oh, god.
Just Rootmore?
Here we go.
It's like I'm here.
All right, Skiersh, what'd you get?
21.
Wow.
Scarab.
21?
Wow.
Rootmore.
29.
Damn.
I thought you were going to say 21.
Because guess what?
I got 12.
It's almost a 21.
All right.
Okay.
Between Scarab and Skiersh, who wants to go first?
Skiersh, you go first since you're further in.
Wait, where was the sound coming from?
Up ahead?
Up ahead.
Yep.
Yeah.
I think you should go first.
Okay.
Otherwise known as Rick, everybody.
Rick.
He's close.
Rick.
Carl.
Skiersh will...
It's not your turn.
Foolish.
Sadder eye.
All right, Rootmore.
You are first up.
You react fast enough to see this claw on a chain swinging in your direction from somewhere
above you.
Oh, geez.
Everyone, back up.
Back, back into the room.
And is this thing within melee range?
It is six feet above you.
I guess not.
You got reach.
Okay, then first action Rootmore is going to raise his shield.
I apologize.
I said six feet.
It is 10 feet above you.
The ridges are 10 feet high.
The room 15.
More of a corridor, isn't it?
Yeah, you're right.
I think room was a little misleading.
I think you should apologize to everyone listening.
I mean, to be fair, I originally called it a tunnel.
But you're not about fair, are you?
Rootmore's barbecue skewers start to levitate out of his pocket and fling towards the creature
above him, which looks like a kobold.
Fuck.
16 to hit.
That is a miss.
All right.
That's it for Rootmore.
You fire off your skewers.
Just as the claw whizzes through the air, swinging right through your face, you see the glint
of the talons in the dim light of this tunnel.
Does a 22 hit you?
That is a miss because of the shield.
The shield that you raised?
The shield that I raised.
I see 23.
The claw clangs off your shield before it is whipped back into its swinging loop and
comes flying at you again.
And it misses.
Yeah.
Get out of here.
You suck.
Rick, eat.
Eat, Rick, please.
Eat.
Eat them.
Eat up.
It's going to go ahead and swing another time.
Natural one.
Red box.
Uh oh.
You're going to blow it.
Uh oh.
In a fury, the creature swings a third time with its flying talon.
But as you deflect it with your shield a third and final time, it whips back over the corridor
and wraps itself around the kobold, rendering him clumsy too.
Wow.
Beautiful.
Domain.
Stupid domain.
No, stupid.
Next is the other kobold's turn who will begin to spin and release his flying talon.
First at you, Monet.
That's racist.
That is a...
Stupid.
A 20 to hit.
Get that shit out of here.
That is a fucking miss, bro.
Yeah.
Has it been more than 10 minutes since you last activated your stone armor?
She did it right before she came down the tunnel.
You did it before you entered the room with the well.
Before you lowered everyone down.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Okay, so she fell down and before we went into the room, she said, I said, she being me,
I said, I assume it's been 10 minutes.
So as we're walking into this room where we found Pete, not Pete, Rick, I said, I assume it's been more than 10 minutes.
So she's going to re channel her earth armor and channel her elements.
I do remember that.
I said that.
I believe you.
I do believe you.
Okay.
So 20 is a miss.
It will swing a second time this time.
23.
That 18 on the die plus five to hit.
MAP?
That is the MAP is plus five.
All right.
That is a hit.
Okay.
Damn.
Exactly.
Like I cheated right there, but I didn't.
Doesn't sound exactly like you cheated right there.
Minimum damage.
Four points of piercing damage.
Four.
And it for its final action is going to attempt to trip you.
Which it does not against what?
I mean, it would be against your 42 DC and it's an athletic check, but I rolled an eight.
Oh yeah.
That's a big old fail.
A very big old fail.
A huge fail.
Captain, you have saved us.
If there's a crit failure chance to tripping, then it's a crit failure.
Uh, actually it's against reflex DC.
That is a crit fail either way.
Let me see.
Cause there is a crit fail.
I rolled a natural eight.
It's total to trip would be a 15.
Okay.
That's not a crit fail.
That's not a crit.
Okay.
I lied.
Good.
I didn't lie.
You just didn't give me the full information and I told you what I had.
Deflection is a powerful weapon.
It is.
Skiershit is your turn.
Rick.
Uh.
Not Rick will make an attack on the clumsy boy.
One of his long, long, tenderly arms.
Okay.
That will be the one on the northeastern part of this tunnel.
So you will have to make a move.
Might in the back.
Maybe I'll go for the other one then.
Good.
You have three actions.
So you could move attack, attack if you'd like.
Right.
I was trying to do something fancy.
Cause you couldn't move through us.
I guess I couldn't.
So you could move here in one action.
Huh.
I would like to move up the wall to the non-clumsy feller.
Okay.
And make a melee attack on that guy.
We can do that.
I'm going to put you right here.
Get him.
Take a swing at him.
Get him.
Look at how sweet new boy.
Is it an 18?
That is a miss.
Darn.
I guess I'll take another swipe then.
Okay.
So it's MAP so.
Minus five or minus four.
I don't know.
It depends on your attack.
It is minus five.
That is a 16.
Damn.
That is a miss.
That's okay.
Makes sense for our party.
You're on our team now.
You're going to fail.
Scarab your go.
Are either of them the one that I'm targeting?
They are not.
Okay.
In fact, gazing on them as you do now, these look different than any of the other kobolds you've seen.
These are shrouded in a dark garb that covers much of them.
And they have these chained talons that they swirl around them.
Like kobold ninjas of sorts.
Like they've never seen the sun.
Cultists.
Scarab's going to fire at the closest gobal to him.
What does clumsy do?
Minus right now it's minus two to a few checks.
Let me see.
Clumsy movements become clumsy and inexact.
You take a status penalty equal to the condition on dexterity based checks and DCs.
I am sorry.
One of your attacks does land.
Oh, I goofed on that.
Yeah.
Only one of them.
It was the same for both.
It was the first one the 18 would have hit.
No, I had a 16.
You had a 16 two times?
I thought you said 18 and then...
Oh, it was 18.
You're right.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, Matt.
One second.
Let's rewind real quick.
I'm going to go ahead and give you...
The first one is a hit.
So roll for damage.
Very nice.
That is seven bludgeoning damage.
And the creature is automatically grabbed.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
That would have meant that the creature would have been flat footed to you and everyone else,
which further reduces its AC, which means your 16 would also have been a hit.
Oh, damn.
So roll me damage for that as well.
Sorry, that's a big goof.
I should have got it the first time.
Big.
That is six.
Six points of damage.
Okay.
Very big.
What a good boy.
Can we keep him?
It's okay if we keep him.
Look at him go.
Now, Scarab, it is your go.
Okay.
I want to fire at the closer cobalt.
Okay.
First strike is going to be a 16.
I don't think that's a hit.
That is a miss.
For my second action, I would like to divert his attention to his friend while reloading,
back and towards reload.
Hey, buddy, your friend's not looking too good.
Cultist asshole.
26.
Okay, you succeed.
So he's flat footed to you.
He is off guard and I'm going to fire again.
That's what they call it.
18 to hit.
Against off guard AC, that is a hit.
Dang.
Dang right.
Let's see how massive this damage is.
Seven points of magical piercing.
Big.
Bigly.
That's it.
Up next is Monet.
Okay.
Monet will gather up some metal energy in front of her and she will fire off a two action
elemental blast at the clumsy boy.
And that is a ranged attack, correct?
Would it be?
Just double checking because they are 10 feet above you.
Yes.
Okay.
Whatever you say, chief.
Sure thing.
Well, elemental blast has a range of 30 feet.
Then yeah, that's super ranged.
It's just.
Or really long.
So it can be, well, they're two different elemental blasts.
So she has a melee one and a ranged one.
And then she can also do her weapon fusion to make it even further ranged.
So the basic elemental blast can be up to 30 feet.
So with that being said, that is a 25 to hit.
Yes.
Very good.
That's a hit.
Two actions.
She adds her con modifier.
It is actually because he is grabbed.
Let me double check that.
That is a critical hit.
Oh, hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Do I need to make any kind of save on that?
What's that?
Do I need to make any kind of save on that?
Nope.
All right.
You're okay.
Head shot.
It's okay.
That is 15 damage.
Yes.
Piercing.
What's it look like?
He dead, yes.
A swirling cloud of metal shards springs forth at the creature and like penetrates into him
and then bursts out, causing him to turn into a bloody mist.
Just like that.
All that's left is a big metal spring rolling on the ground.
Cool attack.
All right.
Just Monet compressing a giant spring and letting go of it at the enemy.
Oh, shit.
Phew, his head pops off.
What else do you have in that acne box of yours?
Right, with her last action, she'll attempt another elemental blast at the second kobold.
Natural 20.
Yeah.
Doesn't matter.
Wow.
That don't matter.
Yes, finally.
We're reaching from the green box.
Jesus Christ.
It's been so long since I've gotten an add 20.
Really?
Yes.
It's been a couple of weeks, I think.
Fuck.
It's been a very, very long time.
How many ups?
Like three, four ups?
Too many.
Triple damage.
There it is.
Yeah.
So now you play the new sound bite, like I said, when we get to roll damages.
I don't even remember the sound I made.
You think it's recorded.
That was like seven episodes ago.
You really should just layer that on top of this.
Make a chorus.
Organ scramble.
Don't forget to triple the add on as well.
Yeah.
That is 14 piercing damage.
Wow.
On a triple, huh?
This one fell out of my hand as I was rolling, and it landed onto a one.
That is how one rolls a die.
The die came out of my hand as it fell into the container.
I don't know how to tell you this, guys.
I've been doing that wrong the whole time.
And then both times I've done it since then, it's been an eight.
Teacher, my die forgot to glow with Eldritch energy and float up to the ceiling.
I got you.
So it's 14 total.
14 total.
That's still good damage.
Yeah.
Really good damage.
He looks to be in terrible shape.
On your second hit?
14 on a 3D8.
Wowie.
Terrible.
Did you triple your modifier?
I did.
Okay.
Just making sure.
Yeah, so that's pretty bad.
Well, it's because she's not made correctly.
Monet.
She's fine.
That should be a nine instead of a six.
Good turn.
Rootmore, you're up.
Needle darts!
She's been around longer than our big chicken, so.
Darts fly and hit this creature for a 22.
Oh, you think that hits?
Oh, I know it hits.
Well.
Get out of here.
Just as you expect, it hits.
I totally saw that coming!
Four needle darts coming at your stupid face.
Come on, baby, four ones.
Let's go.
Hot dice.
Little coward.
Gross.
Come on, man.
One more.
Re-rolling.
For good luck.
Seven piercing damage.
That's horrible for 44.
Bro, I understand.
I mean, you gotta put it all into context.
That's half.
Yeah, yeah.
That's like 45% damage.
It's right there.
Plus, it's enough for your needles to pierce through the skin of this kobold and pin him
to the wall as he sags dead.
And in one motion, Rootmore pulls his fist towards him and the needles come back into
his pocket and the kobold slumps to the ground.
With his needles come miscellaneous metal shards falling onto him clattered on the ground.
And you all take 10d6 damage.
Bold choice, Rootmore.
And you are out of initiative.
Scarab would like to inspect these men in their robes, any signs of what cult they're
in or any signs of being... any markings.
Any strange markings that are not...
The only thing you note is the same symbol of the true scales, but this one with a dark
curved talon emblazoned on the front of it.
Edgy.
And that's all the time we have for today.
No, damn it.
Send me in there.
Let me get him.
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Thanks Matthew.
Thank you.
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comments.
We have one.
Let's see what our special guest has to say about this YouTube comment.
This is episode 23 of Crown of the Kobold King.
That's how our tiers are going to work.
You leave a comment.
We randomly choose your comment.
You come play an episode with us and then you get to talk about the next comment.
Oh yeah.
Pick somebody who's handsome sounding.
This person, their handle is tails in gap.
And they said, this is the episode where we were fighting the Kobolds who were being sieged.
The hard episode where we thought we were all going to die.
This person said, I thought the Beyblade was going to blow the smoke away or create tornadoes
of some kind.
That's a really good opinion.
I actually was thinking the same thing.
At least it's just for fun.
Because it's you.
It's you.
Yay.
I'm lucky.
Is that you?
Yeah.
Is it really?
Yeah.
Oh damn.
Good job.
Thank you Justin.
Thanks for showing up.
Yeah.
Glad I could make it.
That was a stupid opinion.
I don't know why you would ever think that.
Well Cody, I agree.
From a physics standpoint, you're folly.
It wouldn't blow the smoke away.
It would pull it into itself as a vortex.
Yeah, I was thinking like a tornado.
I was also, I was like, I don't know how to write this out in a convincing way.
Yeah.
Well, it's a good thing that you came onto the podcast to defend your opinion.
Now that you're here, we move on to the next segment, a three hour segue in which you explain
and defend your position.
Starting now, how could you be such a fool?
It's easy.
I was born this way.
Anyways, all of our contact information is in the description.
Thank you for being a traveler on the cursed caravan.
I think it was a good idea.
Yeah, I like that.
It was a really good idea.
He said that on the phone and I was just like, you son of a bitch.
It would be pretty cool.
I was waiting.
I was like, oh, here it comes.
This is going to, this is going to foil the whole smoke plan.
Now I've kept going.
I was like, yeah, it's fine.
Mechanically, that seems difficult to try and figure out.
I'm not that smart.
In fact, not smart at all because I used the, I used the spell wrong.
But now we know.
That's whatever.
It's a lot of things.
It was fun.
And we all goof.
She goofed.
Me goof.
We all goof.
I, you know what?
I goofed too.
Cause I could have said it on the previous episode and I didn't.
You all could have fixed it by then.
No, I guess not.
You got back orders.
You could have fixed it by then.
I could have been there.
You would have got it right if I was there the first time.
Um, actually, I don't know.
It interacts with space weird also.
It does.
It would just sharpen the smoke if anything.
Make us all die faster.
It's more effective.
That's actually a good idea because a lot of times we don't think about those kind
of things because we're in the moment.
Yeah, for sure.
That's something.
Especially that episode.
Yeah.
That episode is just like, okay, like at least for me, whenever it was my turn, it's like,
okay, how do I stay alive instead of how do I win?
It's how do I stay alive?
Yeah, pretty much.
It's also full disclosure.
It's also for me to say, like, you know, I'm just doing my work and listening and I go,
y'all are fucking dumb.
But being actually in the chair.
It's good.
It's good to hear this stuff, man.
I did not come into this episode planning.
I was going to help y'all.
I was like, you know, I got trapped in this mine also and I kicked V down a well.
Yeah, you did.
It was awesome though.
It was going to happen that way.
It was awesome.
But it is good.
Nobody died from it.
Yeah.
I didn't even take anything.
It was solid.
Yeah.
Fun.
It actually worked out really well because it wasn't until I got to the bottom of the
well and I was like, money's going to climb up there and yank that man down.
Kick your ass.
And I was like, oh, she actually couldn't have climbed down the rope anyways because
of her metal fist.
You need two hands to climb.
You could, you could like wrap it around and then use it for leverage.
Yeah, if Cody would have allowed it.
With a penalty.
I'm making a gaslight herself into thinking that he did it to help.
No, my hand, my hand.
No, not at all.
He saw, he knew.
So thoughtful.
I love that.
I'm in love with him now.
And now you have a new friend.
A new bald man.
One punch.
One slur.
Bye bye.
Bye Chinese food.
Just to see what's further in these tunnels.
What were they digging for?
Chinese food.
They're just for Chinese food.
Chinese food.
They were digging for Chinese food.
Let us pause really quick.