Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes pressed on through the smoky hot cave.
Our party found a strange dwarf tirelessly attempting and failing to craft a weapon at
a forge.
He seemed to pay the group no mind until Rootmoor tried to get his attention in the dwarven
language.
The strange dwarf then became hostile, using supernatural powers to fill the room with
hot smoke and steam, nearly killing our party.
Our heroes decided to cut their losses and flee.
The crazy dwarf seemed like he was in a trance and went back to work on the forge.
After licking their wounds, the party decided to go down the well after a night's rest.
Scarab then had a nightmare where many people and his friends were held captive by the Kobold
King himself.
Our story continues now!
You're forgetting the ST.
ST.
Proiesty.
I made some proiesty the other night with some tomato sauce.
Prosthety.
Proskunti.
My doctor is not happy.
What is that?
Why'd you shove it in backwards, boy?
They lay you on your side and they put a glove on and they just...
Justin, you've been eating your food backwards the other way again?
They put your finger in...
Still.
I never stopped!
They put your finger in your butthole?
Yeah.
Thank God you...
Here so you don't have to come to us again.
Speaking of buttholes, welcome Justin to the podcast.
Okay, so here's the story.
Here's the story.
Everybody shut up.
All right, so...
Help me.
So we put out...
The other day, if you will, Cody and I were talking about M.O.D.'s...
Hey, I'm gonna need you to shut up, all right?
We brought you here, but I'm gonna need you to shut up.
Sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Close your mouth.
Thanks.
So the other day, a couple episodes ago, Cody and I were having a little fun, a little
goof, a little gaffe, and we were talking about M.O.D.'s address, his email, and all
of that.
We were, you know, providing the information for you.
It was fake for any of you that were like, I'll go there.
Well guess what?
We found someone at that address, which was...
What did you think, Justin?
Was it a fun place?
It was dark.
There were a lot of needles.
Was it a fun place?
Yes.
Yeah, it was a fun place, and we found him and we brought him here.
He's got a blindfold on.
And he's gonna join us for today's session.
Isn't that fun?
I brought the blindfold.
It was like a five and a half hour drive to get this guy.
Yeah, it was crazy.
What an idiot.
He did check his handbinds, make sure he's not loose, right?
Yeah, one second.
Time up, time up.
I got it, I got it.
I got it.
Sit down!
Don't try any shit!
Good job.
Long time listener, first time captive.
I'm gonna cut that, just pretend like you're happy, okay?
And go.
I love... I don't know how.
I love... I've never been... Me happy.
Why'd you go there?
We've been here.
That's what the podcast is about.
Taking over.
A series of cup rolls.
He offered him a lot of money, and we sold.
Money is a loose term.
Just kidding, I'd love to sell out.
I'd love to sell out.
You guys wouldn't?
Hey Paizo, I'll hold your hand if you give us money.
Hey Taco Bell, hi Taco Bell.
I will sell out to Taco Bell in one second.
You gotta send updates.
What does that mean?
Introducing the new cheesy gordito beat-o.
Well, but you gotta show how you have to show the Taco Bell bod.
Because what is Taco Bell, is it fashion or is it a lot?
What kind of lifestyle choice is it?
I think it's everything.
Well, yeah, I'm saying send updates because you've really gotten into the Taco Bell brand
lately.
Yeah.
It's the lifestyle.
How many emails have you sent?
Thousands.
To the right person?
I don't know.
Exactly.
I mean, just put it out there.
Taco Bell, listen up.
We're here for you.
We love you.
Will you be here for us?
Especially, I'm on.
They made the deal with Doritos on a handshake.
They didn't get lawyers involved or anything.
Put some Doritos dust on our taco shells and they just shook hands about it.
And then two years later, like, okay, we have a hit.
We need to-
How do we do that?
It's amazing.
Straight up, Doritos Locos is the last, as far as I can remember, it's the last item
that came up that was supposed to go away in a month.
It's been there for five or six years.
It's fucking-
Or I think-
They got rid of the other flavors though.
It's a staple now.
I think longer than that, right?
They got rid of the Cool Ranch one?
Uh-huh.
Damn.
It's just nacho now.
That one was superior, as Cool Ranch is in my opinion, but it's too much flavor.
In the UK?
It's too much to have all the time for people.
The only problem with it is you can't go back to anything else once you have it.
Yeah.
It's a palate changer.
In the UK, they call the Cool Ranch flavor Cool American.
Yeah.
I mean, that makes sense because what's ranch?
I've been on ranches.
It doesn't taste like that.
Now, look, I know that I have an obsession with Baldur's Gate.
It smells the same though.
Debra, who is the voice actor for Lae'zel, she has been on a ranch journey.
A ranch journey?
Oh, she's not from here.
Yeah, she was in the US for a con or something and she found ranch.
Ever since then, anytime she comes to the US, she's just like-
Hordes it.
Searching for ranch.
Searching for the hidden valley.
See, my dumb ass, like, give me a second.
Okay.
I had something to drink, but I was like, what, is she just going to people's homes?
It's going to take forever.
What did she get out of this?
Visiting ranches.
They're nice.
Yeah, okay.
We were just talking about ranch, man.
The dressing.
How does she feel about buttermilk?
I was way off.
I did not like it.
I haven't seen the updates.
Didn't like it as a kid, but when I grew up, I was like, wow, flavor.
She was all right, buttermilk.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
There's a joke here.
I hardly know.
No, I know that the last time she was in the US, she bought a bunch of different types
of ranch.
She's probably like for her suitcase.
She's probably going to try it when she gets back.
Good luck.
Yeah.
I mean, they'll be okay.
I don't know.
I don't know what altitude does to ranch.
It's probably fine.
You take a bottle of shampoo in your check bag and you're fine.
It's going to be a little guy though.
A little squirt of ranch.
No, in your check bag, in your check bag, you can take a full-size bottle.
Just on your carry-on, you have to take the travel size.
That makes sense.
That's when it's like two ounces or less or whatever.
So yeah, she's got check bag full of ranch.
They should put that in hotels.
Very interesting.
Like in the bar when they have the little liquor bottles, they should just have tiny
bottles of ranch.
They should, honestly.
I got to say, because there's some really bad ranch.
There's some nasty ranch.
Or some Taco Bell fire sauce.
I love it.
I like fire sauce.
It's the best.
I like Diablo as well.
See, Taco Bell, this is how it always is.
We try to have just a normal conversation and then Ahmad just brings it back to Taco
Bell.
He just faha blasts his opinion in there.
Everyone's thinking about Taco Bell right now, but someone's going to go buy it.
Yeah.
Someone's going to go buy it because of the things that have been said.
Dude, I've been...
Okay, this is...
Talk about a topic change.
As far as my sleep goes, it's been all over the fucking place.
I know.
I literally spent, I think, 10 hours on Friday night just looking up PC parts.
But anyway, yeah, I spent like 10 hours just looking at parts and then I was like, oh,
it's noon.
I guess I'll take a nap because I have stuff to do.
So then I sleep from noon to four, wake up, and then I'm like, I hate my life, but I'm
awake.
Yeah.
Today, you called me at like 9.30.
I was like, is this an emergency?
What's happening?
So it's my fault.
Last night I went to bed at four and then Justin called me at like 9.30 or something
somewhere in there, 9.15, something like that.
And I got up and I was like, oh, hey, where are you at?
And he's like, I'm outside.
And I was like, all right.
I'm going to put my pants on and I'll come open the door.
I was going to call you and I was on my way, but I was like, I'm going to let him sleep
and then I'll just camp outside for a minute.
And then they found me in an alley blindfolded me and dragging me in.
That's true.
Because that's the deal.
We gave you our address.
You want to come visit?
You can join the $3 tier.
You can be kidding.
I mean, it's up to you.
He chose the kidnapping.
Yeah.
It's a kink thing.
There were options.
I mean, I'm not going to lie.
I'm not going to lie.
There were options.
It was either.
That's just what I'm into.
It's the king of kinks.
We just let it go.
We called the police or kidnapping.
And he chose the third option.
He did have to pay a fee for the kidnapping.
I paid fee like five bucks.
That's me.
And gas money.
Paid the fee.
Anyone that-
That's your mafia name.
The fee.
I paid the fee.
It's like payday.
Speaking of payday.
I can't tell you how it exists.
I was going to say.
It all came together.
Damn, we're good at this.
You listening, Fizo?
That's an expert transition.
So the last thing we left off on is Scarab, you had a very vivid nightmare.
That's it.
Visions of the townsfolk being enslaved, visions of your friends being enslaved, and above
you on a long twisted staircase, a massive crown, on a massive kobold, on a massive throne,
glaring down at you saying you cannot win.
You snap awake.
You feel the equivalent of reptilian sweat bead down the side of your head.
And you are once again in the lower levels of the crucible of Droskar's crack.
Droskar's butt crack more like-
Hey, wake up!
Psst!
Rul'mor!
Oh, what?
What?
It's time to wake up and prepare.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Rul'mor snaps his fingers and his armor just appears on him.
How did it go?
Clip it.
Clip it, play that every time you wake up.
Just add some angelic sounds to the back of that.
Replace that with your-
Can that be the new Nat 20?
Only if it's a triple damage Nat 20.
No song build up, no other effects, just that.
Roll a 20.
Yeah.
Scarab is going to make some bullets.
For an hour.
Monet is fast asleep with her earplugs in.
Her headphones on.
Cool low five beats to sleep to.
Listening to sleep token.
Whatever mode she needs it.
He's pressed up against the wall in the corner.
Does Rul'mor need to make a fortitude save?
You do.
Okay, I'm going to use my-
I have to-
Whip out my PP for that.
Oh.
Good.
Is he sick?
Oh yes.
Is he sick?
Very, very sick.
Yeah, I guess there are things that our guest needs to know, maybe?
No.
No, it works out since we've got episodes banked, even though Justin is caught up like
a good listener.
Thank you, buddy.
Absolutely.
What a little listener.
We do have episodes banked, so he doesn't know exactly what's going on, which is perfect.
I don't like it.
And if you're caught up, you can meet us in a warehouse as well.
Just a reminder for the Patreon.
If anybody asks about the Patreon, maybe we can make one.
We'll give you the next location in a couple weeks.
I think you're talking about our one patron.
If anybody's curious about the patron, he's well-
Do we know gay?
He's been drinking his water like a good boy.
Just okay.
Doesn't contribute much.
But he's a very good listener.
How could he not?
I was talking to him about my feelings.
He's crying the whole time.
What'd you get?
That really sucks.
I love it.
Rootmore's die was a natural one, and the other die is a 9 plus 9, 18.
Okay.
As you finish your daily preparations, you still feel uneasy.
Little sick.
Mechanically speaking, sickened one.
It doesn't seem to be any worse, but also not any better.
Okay.
Still feel kind of crappy.
It's okay.
Is there anything you can rub on it?
Oh, I tried that.
The looks at Rootmore's hands.
Oh, man.
They're full of sausage.
Just like, uh, coagulated fat lumps dripping from his fingers.
Damn, that sucks.
Maybe I passed because it didn't get worse.
I have no idea.
Maybe.
Who knows?
Either way, let's get this adventure done before tomorrow, because I might die tomorrow.
That's just how he lives his life.
Scarab throws dirt at Monet to wake her up.
That edition is already checked out.
Huh?
Come on!
Oh, okay.
Ryan.
What are we doing?
Down the well?
It would be like nighttime right now.
Yeah, completely unsure.
But you think so.
I feel like just as a player, like I don't need to know, but I think it's nighttime.
If you're in the clock.
Cause it kind of woke up, went into your gutter, asses beat, and then, uh, okay, take a nap.
Oh, do I need to take a nap?
Okay, yeah.
Shit!
Let's go to the well, I guess.
Sounds good.
Which way are you going to go?
You have the way that you came, which was the northern route, and then you also have
the eastern route back through the circular magnetic trap room.
Uh, well, two of the rooms are traps.
I want to go away.
It's not the circle magnet room.
You want to go that way?
Anything but that.
Oh, okay.
Not, not.
Not.
See, I'm thinking this way.
Go through the north way?
Okay, roll me a perception check, each of you.
Uh oh.
Erp.
Ten.
Fifteen.
Twenty-seven.
Okay.
Everything seems normal.
Okay, fantastic.
Uh, Monet will, uh, channel elements.
Earth armor.
And that lasts for ten minutes?
That lasts for ten minutes.
Delicious.
Eleven minutes, you make it to the well.
Okay, so you make your way past the, uh, what used to be a cafeteria of sorts, down the
hall, back through the room that once held those, uh, macabre ghouls, as well as the
blood-spattered tables.
Roll me another perception check.
Twenty-one.
Everyone?
Mm-hmm.
Ooh.
Thirty.
Twenty-four.
Scarab, you felt it a bit before, but the feeling kind of ebbed.
And now, Rootmore, you begin to feel it, the sense that you're not alone.
Almost like that uneasy feeling, the pricking on the back of your neck, the feeling that
you're being watched.
Keep your guard up.
Someone's here.
Is this what it feels like to detect magic?
In a way.
Except, doesn't feel like magic is sneaking up on you.
Uh, I would like to see, actually.
Go for it.
Another Cobalt Assault?
Twenty-one.
Maybe.
You sense a presence behind you.
Somebody is standing just around the corner, outside the room.
Is, uh, currently, the scarab is off standing by the well, and Tricky is up in the pen.
Is it in the room where the cages are, or?
I'm kind of visualizing this happening in real time, so you feel like as you're walking
through the door into the well room, that something seems to be lurking at the door
you had entered before that.
Just outside of the slaughter room.
You're not sure who or what.
Here?
Somewhere over here.
Yeah.
Behind us.
Oh.
Monet, go check it out!
I am, I'm looking down the well, I don't see anything.
It's just dark again.
No, we're being followed.
Further, over there!
Back!
Okay.
Monet will go, uh, walk through.
Looking around.
Peek around as well.
Looking around the bodies.
Walking back.
Give me a... another perception check.
A nine!
I don't see anything.
It's just the dead bodies.
Oh, move over, let me check.
Shubs.
I think you're all being overdramatic.
Uh, eighteen.
Something that you do realize is as you move over to investigate, none of the bodies in
this room are quite in the positions, or at least don't feel like they were in the positions
that they were left in.
Yuck.
Somebody's fondling carcasses.
Who goes there?
Show yourself!
Rue Mor, I think you're being a little paranoid.
There's no one here.
Correct.
Paranoia saves your life.
Could be no one.
I checked.
I believe you.
Blood on the ground.
Any footprints?
Uh, go ahead and give me a perception.
Footprints, drags, what am I seeing here?
Twenty-four.
You definitely recognize the bodies have been repositioned in some way.
Not by a lot.
It's a very subtle difference.
The perplexing thing is that if something has come through here, it has taken remarkable
care to leave very little trace.
You don't see any footprints, no smears in the blood, almost as if something very nimbly
made its way around, maybe, or if something levitates or floats.
Whatever it is, it leaves no trace aside from the subtle, distinct shifting in the corpse's
positions.
Pickpocket, maybe.
A Tomb Raider.
We should be fine.
I have a gun.
I think that you did that.
I mean, I've dug through pockets before.
I remember seeing you dig through these pockets.
I don't think we have anything to worry about.
We need to get down that well.
I really haven't been picking much up.
Well, great.
Let's go back to the world.
Time is wasting.
I'm bored.
Let's go.
Uh, Monet, as they're walking back, she's like, I assure you, there's nothing.
And then she'll slam the door open and gesture out.
See?
Oh, was the door closed?
I would assume so.
Oh, shit.
I totally would have opened the door.
I thought it was open.
You're just standing against it.
I don't see a thing.
Yeah, I know.
I don't see a thing.
I mean, and you slam the door open and there's nobody there.
I know it.
So talk to me about how you guys want to get down this well.
It no longer has the I mean, most of not most of at least a decent section of this rope
is gone from when you cut the the cauldron free, which was the main elevators platform
before.
So you do have the option to try to maybe dangle down the rope, although without testing,
there's not really a good way to be sure exactly how far down it will take you.
And that will require a decent amount of physical effort to scramble down the rope.
So you'll probably have to gauge your ability to climb it.
Here's what we'll do.
If it's long enough, tie it around my waist and then just use the mechanism to lower me
down.
OK.
Do we need to add rope to it since it was cut?
You had said something last session about it being able to support the three of us.
The there was a trapped mechanism that Scarab was able to find that would cause the the
main joist to give if there was more than one medium creatures weight on it.
Yes, I don't think that there was any attempt to disable that mechanism made yet.
I did.
You did on that one.
Yeah, we passed.
We did a three pre check and all that to disable device.
Pretty sure we did the good thing and got it good.
Yeah, I think it was a crafting is what you had him do.
OK, that works.
Yeah, so do you want to try to go with Rootmore suggestion about tying him off and then lowering
it down?
I think what we should do is send Rootmore and and Scarab down and and Monet will lower
them.
That may be too heavy because I am a full sized medium creature.
Yeah, but that's that's the thing that we found out last time is because of the trap
mechanism that if it more than one medium creature would go down, it would break.
But because of the crafting that Scarab because of the the it can support three or four.
The thing that was that would hold them to go down is no longer on there.
So a bunch of the weight is off and that's why we can put people on it.
Yes, that's what it was.
The combined weight before the cauldron that was attached was an extra large cauldron that
could hold four medium creatures that has since been detached.
So because the main weight of that is gone, the trap will not activate if there are three
with two medium creatures and a small creature on the rope, it won't activate.
So what Monet is suggesting that you two can go down so she can actually like control the
mechanism like the crank to send you down.
I see.
And then she can climb down because she's got the strength for it.
Fantastic is what she's thinking.
Yeah.
OK.
And that way the two of you are down there.
You can scope it out, scope out the area and protect each other while she heads down.
Sounds good.
So the group more is going to do a check on the rope itself to make sure it's a good rope.
Would that be?
Stop that, kitty.
Playing with my base.
We're going to have a crafting check on that.
17.
It is a thick, high quality rope.
You imagine that, you know, given what Scarab has shared about the construction of it so
far, you imagine this rope had no problem holding the heavy cauldron plus a number of cobalts.
So you have no doubts that it'll give one problem you do recognize, though, is due to
the rope being cut to drop the cauldron earlier, it's lost roughly 40 percent of its length.
So we need to add some rope.
When I asked to set the rope.
Oh, hell yeah.
So she will hand that over to more.
Or makes a perfect unfailable knot flawless.
Give me a crafting check on that.
Nine.
It's perfect.
You're confident it's the strongest knot you've ever tied.
Perfect.
We're leaps off into the well.
Let me check that before we go.
I'd argue somebody who ties sausages for a living.
Every morning, but it up there and it's funny.
You can dodge a wrench.
You can dodge a ball.
It's been the rope grabbed on and he began to spun.
He began to spun it.
The night.
The knot is fine.
What are you doing?
I'm small.
Scarab jumps on the rope.
Slide down like a firefighter.
When I will begin lowering them.
OK.
You're not going to do a check.
On the rope.
Scarab.
I thought you were doing that.
17.
OK.
It's not a very good knot.
Didn't think so.
That's not how I want to die.
In fact, the quality of the knot tied would probably hold you and you alone.
But if you add more weight than that, there's a decent chance that the tie will slip.
Say like a 25% on a D100% chance it would slip.
OK.
No, if I can tie a better knot.
He's just going to let it go.
OK, Rimmoro.
Let's see what you got.
I'll try to fix it if I can.
Sure.
27.
Oh, yeah.
He's nice.
When he's not looking, you undo his shoddy work and tie a much more appropriate knot
for the situation.
I see that he just kind of twisted it a little bit.
It's all together by three toothpicks.
I gave it a little kiss at the end.
Yes, yes, yes.
There are more ingredients than love, of course.
The strongest bonds are love, I've heard.
You're right, but I love you too.
OK, so Monet, you're going to lower the two of them down?
Yes.
OK.
I love this image, the idea that the rope is like tied around Rootmoor's waist and Scarab
is just standing on his back holding the rope like Jack Sparrow being lowered down.
That's perfect.
You see he's squinting, squinting because it's a little dark.
He's squinting and clapping his hands together.
As you begin to be lowered into this rather large well, the first thing you notice is
a horrible stench that quickly overwhelms your senses.
You can feel your eyes begin to water at the sheer power of the stench.
And the second thing you notice is, much like before, the subtle sounds of cobalt laughter
that begin to echo up the well, followed by an intermittent croak or squeal,
as well as like a clapping, squelching noise.
Gross.
We have to be sure to knock before we open any doors.
Yes, this place is nice.
I didn't tell you.
We'll wait till Monet gets down.
Monet, you're doing all right up there.
I'm fine.
Come on.
Mask up.
Everybody mask up.
Good idea.
As Monet is confident that they've made it to the bottom, she will pull her scarf.
So they have not made it to the bottom yet.
Oh, OK.
Continue lowering them.
OK.
Is this a situation where we feel like we need to wear our gas masks?
This is a situation where Monet needs to roll a perception check.
Oh.
23.
Hell yeah.
That's a good roll.
For Monet, yeah.
Monet, you look up from the crank and joist of this mechanism and realize that the door
that you entered in is ajar now.
And you feel the hairs on your neck prick up as there is a sensation of someone standing
right behind you.
Let me think about this for a second.
Let me think about how Monet would react to this, because I don't know if she would just
drop the handle and turn around.
Please, God.
Please, God, in all that is holy, don't let this woman do that.
Someone stop this woman.
I think you would be fine.
Possibly.
But I care about my friend.
Roommort!
Crushed by my weight.
The way I see it is Roommort's not even holding the rope.
He's just like spread eagle.
Can you take?
Yeah, of course.
This is what it's like to fly.
I mean, I believe I feel like she would spin around, not necessarily dropping the handle,
but like, you know, he steps up a little bit.
Maybe like like there would be like a jolt in the rope as you turn to look behind her.
As you whip around to look behind you, you see a man standing just behind you.
His bald head and pale skin give way to mischievous looking eyes.
And a smile you imagine is meant to comfort and disarm you, but sets your mind on a razor's edge.
Is he a Kyle?
What does he look like?
He looks like a bald man with a sharp pointy nose and a large grin.
He seems relatively innocuous, though he is oddly menacing in the quiet scenery that surrounds him.
Other than that, he's just standing there with a friendly dagger at his side.
Friendly dagger?
Is he a Kyle?
Episode title.
He's a human?
He's a human man, as far as you can tell.
Um, here's the deal.
I feel like I should roll a will save to see if she releases the handle.
I'll take that.
That sounds awesome.
It's a bit, I mean, I'd be scared.
Um.
Scarab would have let go a long time ago.
Roll a will save against this man's intimidation DC.
Or, let's, yeah, let's do it that way.
Okay.
So your DC will be 10 plus your intimidation score.
Sorry, y'all.
That is a 17.
Is that plus 10 to whatever my, or my.
That's your DC is 10 plus the value.
That is a 20.
So you fail.
Okay.
Monet lets go of the handle of the mechanism.
And turns towards him and begins.
Like, like her hands start like channeling metal around them.
Or, yeah, metal.
Who are you?
I would like to rush towards Monet.
Going towards your throat.
Oh my God.
One hand towards the mechanism.
And I would say.
Don't even think about.
Don't even think about trying to escape.
Can I make a move to stop the mechanism from unwinding or catch the rope?
I'm not sure exactly.
Yes, roll me a reflex save.
So saves will be under your fences.
I'm not sure if I'm going to watch the movie.
Princess Brad.
Reflex.
Yep.
Nice.
That's a.
Such Princess Brad moment.
29.
Oh damn.
Monet, you blink.
And in a moment, the dagger is beneath your neck.
And his hand stops the mechanism.
The two of you feel a moment.
A sensation that sends you spiraling downward before it stops abruptly jerking you in place.
I'm going to need a reflex save from Scarab.
I'm going to reaction arrest or fall.
Yeah.
Give me that to try to grab on.
Can I know the DC?
We'll say here's the thing.
I have assurance and acrobatics and it's 17.
OK, so it puts you at 17.
He's very he's reflex saves have been rolling bad, but he's an acrobatic boy.
We'll make it still.
If you should roll for it, I'll roll for it.
But I think it's so sudden that we'll say it's a DC 23.
Damn.
God, that's easy.
If he fails, can we more have a reflex to catch it?
That's a that's a high number, man.
It's usually 15.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
So assurance right now puts you at 17.
I was mismatth.
But I have a plus seven in acrobatics.
I'd have to roll at 16.
Or it is really high.
I want it to be not as difficult as that.
Let's just say in order to make it interesting, we'll have a DC.
Unless it's just that side of assurance on this one.
If you'd rather me do a reflex save, I'll do a reflex save.
It is higher.
Let's do the reflex save first.
And then if you have to arrest the fall, I think 17 is enough to catch yourself.
Actually, it says this is weird.
It says right here.
Don't fall if you ask me.
It says you attempt your choice of an acrobatics check or a reflex save.
OK, which OK.
Yeah, OK.
You can take whichever is higher.
That way, if you do a reflex save for 15.
Yeah, OK.
So this is the initial reflex save to the shock.
So as you begin to plummet and then suddenly Rootmore's body jerks, the ropes sway to the side,
bringing you close to the wall of the well and you feel yourself begin to tip as if you're going to fall.
Now roll to arrest the fall.
13.
OK.
You begin to fall.
Rootmore would like to use the reaction grab a scarab.
OK.
So what he's going to do, he's going to drop his shield and reach out to try to grab scarabs hand.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Use a peepee on it.
Oh, I'm giving you my peepee.
I'm going to keep it because it's giant.
I reach out instinctively for your peepee.
Do we know how far the fall is?
How far we've gone down?
You can see what looks like ground about maybe 25 feet below.
OK, it's not bad.
Well, either way.
I don't want him down there alone.
I'll use my I'll use mine.
I use mine.
Oh, yeah, she's using it.
I use mine.
I'm sorry, it confuses me when you take it back because I thought I changed my mind.
Let him fall.
OK.
No, it's just it's my I didn't like him anyway.
It's my session.
Too many sausages.
Let's check my reflex.
I'm wily as a cat.
Shrinks is pointless.
19.
You catch him.
Oh, scarab.
Thank you.
He grabs your wrist.
He's pretty good about this kind of stuff.
Shoulder dislocates.
And what?
Oh, go ahead.
And unfortunately, his shield falls and there's probably a whang, clang, clang, clang, clang.
To root more, your shield platters to the ground, causing a loud ruckus.
For lack of a better word.
Scarab, you are now dangling by one arm hanging onto root more's armored hand, and you are dangling just below the opening into this room.
From where you hang, it's a mere 20 feet down to the bottom.
Below you is a pile of what looks to be refuse, the source of this horrific smell.
And below you on the ground, you can see as your eyes adjust to the dark, three kobolds staring up at you and amidst them, a strange frog like creature with elongated fangs akin to a saber tooth.
All of them stand in stunned silence, looking at you.
Good evening.
Am I passing me that shield?
First things first, Scarab's gonna hunt prey on the strange creature.
Okay.
And just kind of look at them, he's gonna study that guy.
Could I do a roll on him as we're hanging in the air?
Yeah, give me a knowledge check.
That would be... nature.
Might as well.
Why not? Oh, good.
A nine.
25.
Jesus Christ, thank you.
Roll the one. I'm gonna put this one away for now. I gotta go somewhere way deeper.
Rue Mor from your vantage, since you were just inside the opening, it's harder to see, but you see enough of the creature to put together the sounds you heard before and you know that this is a slurk.
Oh, sounds wonderful.
It's delicious.
It is a giant frog of sorts. It is a medium sized creature with its defining features being a horned spike like webbing on its elbows and on its eyebrows.
And its most prominent feature are its massive saber tooth tiger esque fangs.
Weird, is this thing humanoid?
Well, you'll find out in a moment. Because each of the kobolds points at you and shouts, roll for initiative.
Roll for initiative!
Including you too.
This is very fun.
I'm having a good time.
Just hold me here, Rue Mor!
Scarab grabs his gun and it's just pop pop pop pop pop.
Just hanging from the ceiling.
That'd be pretty sick.
Yeah.
Let's go.
We can't reach those, fuck them.
Hey, take that, idiot!
Rue Mor spits, just slobbers on his beard.
Spits on scarab.
Just keep me healed as I shoot.
Build them up!
My saliva's sticking greasy from all the sausage.
Use me like a turret!
Use me like a turret, dwarf boy!
Spin you around.
Build me up and knock me down.
Baby.
Rue Mor places his feet on the side of the well and just starts running in circles.
They're like those motorcycle cages.
It's like the Homer J but in the air.
How wide is this well?
Well, 10 feet.
Well.
10 by 10.
I guess, yeah.
Yeah.
Or about 9 feet maybe.
Okay, never mind.
Short stubby legs can't reach the walls.
I was gonna say y'all should just go back to back, put your feet up against the walls
and walk your way up.
Yeah, just have a rest and groove it.
Just need momentum!
Slurk is a fun word.
Slurk.
You got a picture of him?
I wanna see this bad boy.
I do, give me a moment.
Quit that slurk out.
I'm gonna have to reveal a lot of stuff here.
Let me slither my slurk.
Slurk me up so I can stand on dwarf men.
Slurk me up and fight them in the well.
Scarp, I can probably throw you at the frog guy.
No!
Please, God, no!
Lift me up so I can stand on dwarf men.
You're gonna have to remove your zoom there.
I feel like a slab of meat in a meat locker just hanging here.
Just hanging out.
Ooh, he looks kinda cool, man.
A new map.
Oh, gross.
Squares don't line up correctly.
You're gonna have to get over it.
It doesn't matter.
Thank you.
Bonet, what'd you get?
14.
And Scarab?
24.
24, yep.
Rootmore?
19.
And our mystery man?
25.
Pretty good.
Cody, I sent you an email.
Did you get my email?
I made a token.
Of Justin's character?
Hell yeah.
He has a token.
Oh, does he?
I have to move him on the map.
Sorry, one second.
I'll bring you guys with me while I do this real quick.
Just so you can see.
Move, cheating, move, cheating.
That this...
Boss lair.
I need to move the two of you to the other map.
Except Saitama.
That's what Justin said, too.
It's not.
Looks like One Punch Man.
That's who Saitama is.
Oh.
But that's not the character.
Kind of looks like that hero...
What's his name?
Yellow Baldi, something like that.
Two Kick Dude?
Yeah.
I saw this really cool cartoon of a guy.
It looked like he was going to wash dishes or something,
but he ended up just fighting a giant monster in the street.
With the big red gloves, ready for work,
but then kills a Godzilla monster.
I remember that show.
I've seen that.
It's not the same one.
That guy had hair.
This is the token I made.
That looks just like Saitama from One Punch Man.
Usha, send it to me so I can put it on the Instagram.
Or you put it on the Instagram.
Why don't you send it to somebody?
That has to go on the Instagram.
It's not bad.
Justin's character.
That is what you see peering out of the darkness.
I titled it Justin's character.
Made in Hero Forge.
Is that a Hero Forge?
Join the $15 tier,
and we'll use your tokens for our personal home games as well.
I did open up Hero Forge at first,
and then I was like, this is a pain.
This is a pain situation.
It's very detailed.
Where am I? What's happening?
Inception.
Cody has us in a black room.
Zoom out.
I also have you two are stacked on top of each other just so you know.
Alrighty.
First up is our mysterious stranger.
So let me take you back to the other map.
Oh golly.
And it is your turn.
The two of you are currently unaware of what is going on down below,
but you are now in this position in which your knife is pressed against the throat of a strange woman
and your hand grasped on a winch.
A strange woman who is very pale with bright yellow eyes.
And whose skin is currently clad in stone.
She's gonna ask, you're rocked up.
Yeah, she's rocked up.
She's rock hard.
She is made of stone.
Glowing yellow eyes.
And wide with terror.
Head on.
Be a dare, won't you?
Hold on to this for me,
and I'll grab your wrist and place it onto where I'm holding.
Oh no, I guess I only got two hands.
Never mind.
A third hand emerges from his chest.
Great episode, dude.
It's the three-armed man.
Oh, such a nice lady.
She looks cute.
Bye-bye.
Push.
I think I'd just tell you to take hold of it.
Go ahead and grab onto that handle you dropped.
Okay, talking is a free action.
So you have other things you could also, if you would like,
you could delay your turn.
I think I will.
Which will move you further in initiative.
Or maybe a little persuasion or diplomacy.
Or intimidation.
Or intimidation, yeah.
She's frightened.
There she is.
I don't know what to do.
How about a Spartan kick?
Her into the well?
Yeah.
Do it, yeah?
Yeah, I'll do that.
Okay.
I'm going to do an athletics check.
Got you.
Or shove against the target's...
Fortitude?
Fortitude DC.
Athletics.
Wait, are you really trying to push Monet into the well?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh my god.
I mean, oh my god.
I've caught on to it.
Also, if you really want this to stick,
you could use your PP and get advantage on the roll.
I think I will do that.
Okay.
Start off strong.
I'm going to leave it here.
Hey, not bad.
A little better.
That is a 22.
What was the first one?
It was...
In total it was a 16.
Yeah, that's a success.
But Monet, you get a reaction to grab an edge.
Yeah, I'm going to do that.
So, describe what this looks like, how this goes.
I will...
Something shiny down there.
The stranger will slowly move the dagger away from your throat,
take a slight step back while keeping his hand on the rope,
and then just lean full force back
and plant his foot dead center of your chest,
shoving you down the well.
Now, hear me out.
I'm face to face with this man.
I'm grabbing an edge.
Reaction, grab an edge.
But I'm not in the well yet,
so what if you allow me, I grab onto his shirt?
You want to use your reaction to try to grab him?
I'll let you do a grapple check as you're falling.
Pull him along.
I'm down.
Oh my god.
So grapple will once again be an athletic check.
This is insane.
Terrible way to start a fight.
Sorry, it is a...
Yeah, athletics or an unarmed strike against his 42 DC or AC.
I need to get rid of this die.
That is a 13 athletics.
Shit.
Where would I find that defense?
Yeah.
Against your 42.
42 DC, so 42 plus 10.
I've rolled three 2s on that die.
Damn.
Yep, you got it.
So Monet, as you feel this boot press into your chest
and you begin to fall backwards,
you snarl and reach out to grab him to take him with you.
But he leans back just in time for your hand to grasp air.
You begin to fall.
Actually, she snarls.
Actually, she slurks.
And since you used your reaction for that,
instead of the ledge, you begin to plummet.
You have two more actions if you would like to do anything else.
Anything else, Mr. Mysterious Ranger.
Or you could bide your time, you could walk away,
whatever you want to do.
Fuck!
We both used our reactions, Matthew.
I was going to say, oh, grab Monet, but fuck.
He hasn't been attorney yet.
Yep, everybody's out of reactions.
Well, I mean, technically that was before the fight started.
Have you gone yet in combat though, because that's a thing.
I don't think we both, neither of us have our reactions.
Is there a way I could secure the rope?
You notice there is a dagger nearby,
and you see a notch in the wood as if it was used to stop the wench before.
I would like to plant a dagger firmly in that notch.
Okay, you are going to have to make a crafting check.
However, there will be a small bonus because you can see clearly where it was done before.
That is a natural two plus zero.
Hell yeah.
You plant the dagger, and then sure that you've placed it in the right spot,
you release the wench, and it begins to spin, and they too begin to punt.
This is how we all die.
Free action to speak.
I would like to lean over the edge of the well.
I will wave as you fall, and I will say good luck to you.
Oh my god.
And that is my turn.
The Cursed Caravan uses trademarks and or copyrights owned by Paizo Inc. used under Paizo's Community Use Policy, paizo.com slash community use.
We are expressly prohibited from charging you to use or access this content.
The Cursed Caravan is not published, endorsed, or specifically approved by Paizo.
For more information about Paizo Inc. and Paizo products, visit paizo.com.
The Cursed Caravan theme music and the beat you're hearing now is written by our very own Matthew.
We would like to thank Michael Guelphi Studios, the world reference for tabletop RPG audio for the music and the ambiance.
You can find out more about them at michaelguelphi.com.
Check out their Patreon and YouTube links in the description.
Leave us a comment and rate us five stars on your podcast app of choice, especially Apple Podcasts.
Spotify also allows you to rate and leave comments.
So leave us some and we will read them on the podcast.
Also, if you have questions or a topic you would like to discuss, feel free to email us at thecursedcaravan.gmail.com.
And we may also answer you on the podcast.
So get on those comments and let us know what you think.
The Cursed Caravan is also on YouTube.
Just look up the Cursed Caravan and you will find it.
All of our contact information is in the description.
Thank you for being a traveler on the Cursed Caravan.
Gross country songs to listen to.
Just country songs that just make me feel like I am descending into hell.
So if you come across any.
Preferably older country songs.
Dwight Yocum's older.
There's another guy that I can't think of right now.
I wonder if he's still alive.
If not, even better.
Because I saw him at the casino in Oklahoma with mom.
Like, I don't know, five or six years ago.
And I got a guitar pick with his name on it.
So it was his birthday.
But like that Matt.
Matt educated me that I want like steel guitar.
Steel like slide.
Stuff. That's what I want.
You ever use a slide before?
I mean, I don't.
I don't. I don't do that.
I just that's what I want in the music.
Not for me.
I can't play guitar.
I have a violin.
So yeah, sure.
Do you have one of those?
I have a slide.
They're so cool.
I have a glass one, I believe.
But you can also get steel.
It also sounds different.
Those are those are the cowboy ones.
The steel slide.
Make me spooky cowboy songs.
I'm on.
Make me spooky cowboy songs.
Put them on Spotify.
And so I put them in my playlist and make sure that they're about like death and dying and
terrified and blood and.
But I want to murder.
Guitars are collecting dust.
All right.
Tighten up, Emon.
Let's go.
Sorry.
Specifically.
I need to just fucking learn how to make ambience.
Nobody does it.
Nobody does what I need.
People need to make stuff for battles.
Mm hmm.
That's not just like.
I want fighting ambience.
I see.
Yeah.
If you're fighting wolves, I want to hear gnashing and I want to hear howls every once
in a while.
And I want to hear swords clanging against stone, you know, and setting into the dirt.
But like the only ones I can really find are just huge armies.
And like, yes.
What what what D&D game do you play where it's an army every time we can do that in
the backyard?
Just dang all hit each other with swords.
Just dang all hit each other with the swords.
Here in cars.
Oh motherfucker.
There aren't that many cars driving by your house.
It'd be funny though.
And then, you know, every now and then I'll just be in the background and I'll do a howl.
There are easier ways to do it.
Oh, OK.
But are they as fun?
Is that?
Be a lot easier.
Sometimes fun is easier or easier is fun.