Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes began stumbling through a hot, smoky
cave.
Leading the way, Scarab bumped into a hellhound.
The beast immediately let out a breath of fire, nearly killing Scarab.
Monet and Rootmore took action and eventually killed the hellhound.
The group then pushed forward through the cave and they started to hear strange clanging
and rocks crumbling.
Our story continues now.
Something you notice as you begin to pass where the hellhound was.
The smoke here grows thicker and thicker, obscuring more and more to where it's even
hard to see 5 feet in front of you.
You also feel an unnatural amount of heat beginning to build.
And you can hear the faint sound of hammering on an anvil, as well as the sound of stone
being crushed.
Is this the thing that the headless elf was writing about in their journal?
Do you remember what he said?
Something about a figure that still roams these halls.
I don't remember the description or anything.
Unless that was him talking about his own body.
No.
This is before he went crazy.
Okay.
Uh oh.
This is it.
Should we go down?
This is it.
I'm ready.
Let's go.
Is this a Duel of Hand?
Huh?
A Duel of Hand?
But dude, here's the thing.
I don't have half of my character.
Mmm.
That's right.
With Tricky out there.
That's the top.
I mean, you could bring him in.
He's large.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
It takes minutes.
Something about minutes, I don't know, to squeeze.
But you can eventually get in here if there's an opening just past this part.
Yeah, I mean, if you were to wait, you could try to squeeze him on through.
But you would have to squeeze him to the front.
Because you're not going to have a spot large enough for that until, well, you know, I can
reveal.
I mean, can we see any more from here?
I can reveal a tiny bit.
I mean, I can reveal a tiny bit.
You could squeak him in there.
R'hmor's going to raise his shield.
Yeah.
Can I sneakily try to get a good look at the room without triggering whatever you want
us to trigger?
You can certainly try.
As I said, the smoke is even thicker here than in the tunnel.
It is incredibly difficult to see.
But go ahead and roll me a perception check.
You never know.
Hey, we should go back to the well.
See what was going on over there.
I think we're done here.
Please.
Oh, man.
What are we going to do?
Are we going to push forward or go to the well?
I haven't decided yet, R'hmor.
I know.
That's why I'm asking.
Well, let me.
Also, your Beyblade's gone, yeah?
Yeah.
I'm going to try to get a good look at the room.
Yep.
Yeah, we did resolve in the shadows.
I didn't sustain it.
We did a resolve rest anyway.
It's worth a look.
Give me that there perception check.
19.
I will say the only thing that you can make out as you peek around the corner into if
the swirling cloud shapes are any indicator appears to be a large cavernous room.
The only thing you can make out is what seems to be that source of the sound of like pinging
and crushing rock.
About 10 feet away from your head, a rock explodes against the cavern wall, sending
shards of stone sprawling across the floor in front of you.
It doesn't seem like an attack directed at you as the pinging doesn't stop.
There's instead a grunt of frustration and more pinging.
And as the pings ring out, you can see the faint illumination of sparks somewhere from
the center of the room.
As each of the pings go and the sparks fly, it very, very faintly through the billowing
smoke traces the outline of a large muscled frame.
Not large as in large creature size, just comparatively so.
A muscled frame seems to be working tirelessly at a forge.
Rootmore pretend to be a follower of Droskar.
He can't lie.
He's bad at it.
The silhouette is faintly illuminated by a persistent orange glow, which
explains the heat that you feel on your face now.
The room is exceptionally hot.
And you imagine the flames behind this silhouette must be the source of the smoke pouring forth.
I don't know how I feel about this, you guys.
Seems dangerous.
We have to find the source of what the hell's going on.
We haven't found the butcher yet.
It's true.
There's also the well.
Any thoughts, Mone?
I mean, we could try this without Tricky, but...
Can Tricky even go down the well?
No.
Oh, good point.
I feel like Tricky's trapped whichever way.
I'll go get him.
I'll be back.
Let's try to talk first, maybe.
Whoever it is, they're working.
Maybe they have half a brain.
We can try talking, sure.
Scarab's gonna hop on Tricky.
They will move their way the best they can.
They should probably go out first, to be honest.
You guys ready?
If you're going in there, Rootmore's gonna cast the spell on himself.
Mone, do you want to move up?
Yes.
Rootmore now has like a red shimmer around his body.
He casts Resist Energy, and he is using Resist Fire.
Scarab, though the smoke is thickest here, moving into the room with Tricky, you're able
to see a bit more.
What appears to be an ancient cavernous forge, a room for smelting and designing works in
the name of Torag or Drosgar, you're not sure.
On the western side of this room is a large, quenching well.
To the north, a forge billowing smoke forth, above it a chimney that doesn't seem to take
any of the smoke in, explaining it pouring forth into the tunnels in the room.
And most importantly, directly in front of you, in front of a large anvil, toils a rather
strange-looking dwarf.
Between the hammer swings and the parting of smoke, you catch glimpses of greyed skin,
and more impressively so, hair and beard made of fire.
Oh man, he looks cool.
Terrifying, doesn't he?
Yeah, definitely.
Oh, this guy's Drosgar.
He's not gonna like talking.
Don't think he's friendly.
No.
He pays you no mind as you walk into the room.
Instead, you can hear between the pings, grunts of dissatisfaction.
Yeah, Scarab and Tricky will slowly walk in, maybe get close to this water pot over here.
Walk in as well.
His hammering ceases.
He regards the warped and twisted blade in his hand for a moment, almost seeming to admire
it before a scowl forms on his face, and he hurls it behind him into the forge.
Not good enough.
He then walks behind him five feet to the forge, and from it he seems to coax liquid
metal into a new shape.
He then walks just past you to the quenching, gathers a ladle of water and moves back to
his anvil, and he begins hammering once again, forming a new shape.
Not good enough.
Not enough.
Do we have anything on our person that might interest him?
I feel like it's been too long.
I'm just trying to run all the things through my brain, because we know it was, it was Torag
and then Droskar came in, but there was somebody before Torag as well.
Right?
Am I remembering that right?
No, I think it was just, it was Torag, and it was converted to Droskar.
Okay, I just, mmm.
Okay.
We have obsidian discs.
No.
You have that unfinished owlbear figurine.
Does it look like he's working on a weapon?
He seems to be feverishly shaping this metal into something else.
Perhaps another weapon.
The whole time he seems to be muttering to himself, thick sweat pouring from his gray
brow, his face illuminated by the fire, you can see his hollow white eyes glaring down.
I would like to hunt prey on him and also knowledge check.
See how much I know about this dwarf and see if I can figure out if he is Droskar or Torag.
Go ahead and give me...
Or who he once was.
Let's see.
What kind of check?
It'd be a religion check.
Religion won't do it.
Can I go?
Can I figure out what he's become?
At least as a creature, not so much who he was, but what kind of creature he may be.
Sure, religion.
Also religion?
Yes, sir.
Damn.
Nope, not me.
It's okay.
Configure the salt.
I could try.
I got a plus one.
Where is it?
13 religion.
20.
Ah.
Adjusted.
Never heard of a creature like this.
As you study him and understand what it is you're exactly looking at, he just continues
hammering away at something before he slings that thing across the room, setting it clattering
to the back of the cavern, moving forward to retrieve yet more metal from the forge.
Ten years.
Twenty.
A hundred.
Two hundred.
A thousand.
Never good enough.
Good evening, sir.
My name is Rootmore Redbane.
He pays you no regard, continuing his work as he moves back to the forge and pinging
away.
It's almost like you're not there.
Interesting.
Try your native tongue.
Ah, Bridges, very good idea.
Dwarf, dwarf and dwarf.
Dwarf and dwarf, dwarf.
Dwarf, dwarf and dwarf.
Hot dog.
Dwarf, dwarf.
You're all freaking food.
I guess it's a pretty good idea.
I'm sure you know what I'm saying, Cody.
I mean, I got the gist of it.
We're up to war, Ag.
Yeah, and in Dwarven, he'll continue talking about hot dogs and he will also offer to help.
OK, so why don't you give me a rundown of what exactly you tell him, because he does
speak Dwarven.
Yeah.
Greetings.
My name is Ludmore Redbane.
I enjoy a good hot dog or two every now and then.
And my father taught me how to craft.
Maybe I can lend you a hand.
What is your name?
Ah, I see you swiped right.
Didn't know you were going to be here so early.
Let's start our date.
I enjoy walks on the beach.
I've been watching Friends.
I'm such a moniker.
He's saying that while he's holding his shield up.
I forgot he raised the shield.
And he's glowing.
I want to look like you.
Positively glowing.
Probably going to be mad because we killed a dog.
Don't tell him that.
Without looking your way in Dwarvish, he replies.
Thun, Thar Dhuratwyr Jymud Hryr Vorghevi withar Enth Bjorfstannar Avordroskar.
Which you know to mean.
Silence.
There is no time for fools before the works Avordroskar.
And he hurls his slag instrument at you.
Roll for initiative.
Hell yeah.
Yikes.
Here we go.
Yes.
I rolled a natural 20.
Yeah baby.
Oh my god.
That's good.
I hope it's good enough.
Probably not.
Alright, round the table.
Scarab what'd you get?
21.
And Ruemore with your natural 20.
31.
Beautiful.
What's your modifier?
Just kidding.
Possibly 11.
Kidding.
What 8 would you get?
A 9.
9, okay.
A sneaky 9.
Just a little bit of a 9.
Good choice, Matthew.
What are we listening to?
This is the track that I titled They've Scaled the Walls.
Oh, okay I'll be sure to play this one since it's one that you made.
Awesome.
Ruemore, you step aside as the still glowing metal flies past you.
Looking back at the dwarf you can see he hunches down, his muscles begin to bulge,
and you can see his face turn to a scowl across his flaming beard which begins to glow brighter
and brighter.
What would you like to do?
My beard is brighter and redder than yours.
You need to calm down, my friend.
Ruemore just wiggles his finger around and I need a fortitude save.
Let me see.
What kind of effect is this?
This is...
The tags are concentrate, manipulate.
It's infeable.
Okay, I can roll a save on that.
That is a fortitude save?
Is that what you said?
Yes, sir.
How does a 32 treat you?
That is a critical success.
Damn it.
Damn, damn.
Let's see.
Nothing happens.
You guys just see Ruemore wiggle his finger for no reason.
He's an idiot.
What's new?
Don't worry, he's now enfeebled.
Probably not.
He doesn't look enfeebled.
Why isn't this working?
A little rusty, I guess.
Also, because the smoke is so thick here, please remember it is difficult terrain and
you will require flat checks on hits.
Uh oh.
Yeah, Ruemore raises shield for his last action.
What an amazing turn.
Fuck.
You hear the dwarf begin to speak.
I'll use your bones to fuel my forge.
And he takes a deep breath before exhaling a black cloud that begins filling the room
in a 20 foot burst.
Quickly it envelops each of you and you can feel a stinging sensation as this burning
cloud of ash coats you.
I need a reflex save.
Oh my goodness.
Making me bob and weave a lot.
Kitty I need my dice tray back.
Baby baby.
I can't roll in there.
He's cracking my dice.
Baby.
Please.
Thank you.
No, don't get back.
What'd you get, Monique?
29.
Success.
Scarab?
Scarab got a 16, Tricky got a 25.
Scarab, you fail.
Tricky succeeds.
And Ruemore.
18.
Fail.
Oof.
Battle of the gods here.
Sucks.
Sucks is awful.
Haven't been able to see for three episodes.
Don't worry, Drill Scar sucks.
This guy's gonna lose.
He's a big baby.
He said he's been down here for like 10 years.
He can't make a straight sword.
You're right.
This guy's an idiot.
You're true about that.
He's just throwing a big fit.
Anyone who fails will take 18 points of fire damage.
That's so much.
That's only 13 for me since I have five resistance.
Half damage for those that succeeded for nine.
Let's leave.
Oh man.
Dan.
Why do you want to leave?
This is my destiny.
Well, I know who my next character is.
I'm a fiery fireman.
Who's got the highest perception among all of you?
I got a plus seven.
Ten.
Plus eleven.
Okay.
The billowing smoke is so thick now, even thicker than before, more than you thought
possible, and you lose sight of the glowing dwarf.
Oh no.
And Scarab, it is your turn.
Can I seek him since he's my hunter?
Yes.
Hunter prey.
I seek to try to identify his space.
Okay, so I'm rolling perception.
Right now he is unobserved to you.
That one's going to jail.
Twenty.
In the chaos you see a small amount of movement somewhere in front of you.
You think five feet in front of you.
So you can target the square there.
He is now considered hidden to you, but it is a DC 11 plot check.
Difficult terrain, so double movement speed.
Yes.
Also, sorry, I'm checking one other thing.
I apologize.
Because you were starting your turn in this cloud, I do need you to roll another reflex
save.
Dude, I'm dead in here.
Fail and save.
There's 21 points of fire damage.
God damn.
Jesus Christ.
Ten on the save.
Who's taking that 21 damage?
Scarab.
Rewmore is going to use his reaction.
He has a reaction spell, Protector's Sacrifice.
Scarab, no!
He raises his hand and minus six of that damage that you take, and Rewmore takes six.
And that is fire damage, which will get reduced by your resistance?
I don't think so.
Let's see.
It says redirect this damage to yourself, but immunity's weakness, resistances do not
apply, so I take all the damage.
That would have been awesome.
Yeah, it specifically says it.
I mean, it's still awesome, but it would have been awesome for you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Tricky!
Scarab and Tricky are going to run as fast as they can.
Double movement speed.
Can I squeeze past them, say I want to get in?
I believe squeezing for large creatures is something ridiculous.
It's like a rate of five feet per minutes.
So your best bet would be maybe to retreat to a far end of the cavern.
So glad I'm in here.
Yeah, that was something that I changed in Age Rashes.
I'm not saying you have to, but that's what I changed for Nineveh because Nineveh was
large and it was just kind of ridiculous.
I'd be down to do double difficult terrain.
As in, four times movement for the tight spaces.
I think that's a fair compromise.
It'll still take you a while, but it's not like you can't.
You couldn't fully escape, you know what I mean?
I'm dead next turn.
All over the board.
Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, it's a minute.
It's a minute on a critical success to move ten feet.
It's a minute on a success to move five feet.
We're talking about a tall, skinny boy here.
Yeah, that's crazy.
That was something that we changed in Age Rashes because a minute to move five feet
is kind of ridiculous.
Tricky is still as wide as Rootmort.
You know?
I mean, it's tight, it's tight, but we're not walking with our hands out ten feet.
Yeah.
If it's already cut down to 35.
You could move here in one action, and you could be back here.
I'm moving striding twice for 70 total.
You can make that.
Can I?
This is 10, this would be 30, 50, 70.
Yeah, you see panic.
He looks like he was ready to stay and fight, but Scarab panics, and they take off running.
But just as they do, Scarab fires in that spot behind him.
I'm going to roll for the...
DC-11 flat.
Nope.
Damn it.
Nothing.
And then they run.
That's it.
Monet?
I mean, I think you should run.
So she would probably just yell out to Rootmort, run.
Brutal, brutal fella.
Get him out of this room.
Good idea.
And then I think that Monet would like to hold her turn.
Okay.
Until after Rootmort.
So you're going to delay.
Delay.
How dare you.
I was going to do that.
It's too late.
No.
Monet, I need a reflex save for your turn, please.
That is a 22.
That is a success.
So you will take half damage.
Good, good, good.
Come on.
Stay up.
Reflex is my best save.
Just rolling trash.
Half damage is 12 points of damage.
In the black smog that floats in this room, you can see wisps of embers that touch down
on you and begin to singe away.
And this acrid smoke feels like it's almost like it's trying to dissolve you.
Yeah.
And she delays.
Okay.
And that means it goes to Rootmort and I need that reflex from you, sir.
There we go.
Natural 20.
Oh my god.
Beautiful.
I'm a dancing fool right now.
I'm back to kill you.
You big idiot.
As you seek to avoid this creeping death, your movements seem to like flutter away some
of that horrid smoke.
You take no damage.
And proceed with your turn, sir.
I want to stay in here, but shit.
I mean, you can do what you want.
I'm just like, if I start another turn in there, it's like donezo.
Who knows what's going to happen next?
Stupid Drill Scar follower.
You're cursed, aren't you?
You can't leave this room.
Big baby, I bet you won't chase us.
And Rootmort runs away.
That look of disapproval, Felicia.
Where are you going?
Like, where are you going to go?
Where are you going?
Like, where are you running out to?
Which square?
I'm just waiting to see where you moved to.
You could have called out to him during your turn.
You did say Rootmort leave, right?
Yeah, it's just the taunting was what made me roll my eyes and be like, Jesus Christ.
No, no.
Rootmort does want to kick his ass.
I know.
That's why I didn't say anything.
I just had my own reaction and it didn't need to be brought on to the mic.
The curse thing, that's a pretty good call.
Rootmort, your speed is 20?
Yes.
So, with all three movements in double terrain, sorry, you can get here, exactly.
Just pass Garib.
Come on, boy.
Let's fight him outside of this.
Out of the farts he's making.
Yeah, yeah, outside of the crypt.
Yeah, totally.
Come outside, idiots.
Yeah, I bite you in the sun.
And that's it for Rootmort.
Okay, come on, I will take your turn.
Okay.
You want to move an initiative now, so give me one moment.
Yes, sorry, Bode.
I only asked because last time you wanted me to do something and I didn't hear it.
Wanted to make sure.
Yeah, it was straight up just the taunting.
That made me make that move.
Okay, this is a tricky semantics thing.
It is a new round.
I'll roll my reflex again if you want me to.
That's what I'm not sure about because you...
Okay, full peak.
On the creature's turn, the effect is going to end because I rolled a one on the duration
for one round.
But now you have moved right before his turn, so it is a new round.
So I think you take it again.
You tell me what to do.
Which sucks.
But yeah, give me a reflex save.
Does it not count as being at the end of the first round?
That is 25.
Rootmort is the beginning of the new round.
Just give me more damage.
She moved below him.
What did you get?
I'm sorry.
25.
Okay, so this will be half damage.
Oh yeah.
That's 10 points is half damage.
Okay, so Monet is going to take one action because it's a default terrain.
So 510.
1520.
25.
Brian?
We remember the whole area of smoke, including in the tunnels, is also difficult.
I know.
So I did 510.
1520.
25.
That area is also difficult terrain.
The whole tunnel is full of smoke and has been difficult terrain since before the new
smoke.
Okay, so then she'll use two actions.
So 510, 1520, 25, 30, 35, 40.
And then she will use her last action to pull out a potion.
Okay.
Oh boy.
Actually, fuck.
You know what?
Yeah, actually, no.
Fuck that.
I forgot.
Okay, so.
510, 1520.
She'll use her last two actions to pull out a potion and drink it instead.
It's just like me at the end of the whole special B.
Goddamnit!
Okay.
Yeah, we laugh.
I'm sorry.
For the audio listeners, that's all of you.
Great.
She gains back one HP.
Scarab and Tricky ran down the hall and then the other two made their way past Scarab,
whereas Scarab and Tricky were, so they would be the first to get struck.
Monet is in the way.
But now Monet has freaking gracefully.
You didn't have to do that.
It was just a funny circumstance.
Just like, oh well, shit.
Stand of return.
The much darker caustic smoke begins to fade, and as it does, you see once again that dwarf
standing at the edge of the hallway, staring at you with his white eyes, his flaming beard,
in one hand a glowing orange boar hammer, and in the other a chain hangs from his left
hand, and he stares at you in regard.
That is where Monet was standing.
He spent an action to move.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Just, I'm gonna put it out there.
Yeah, thank you.
He was flat against the wall.
Oh, she doesn't see me.
Can't find me.
I bet you can't leave that room, you mouth breather.
For a moment he stands there regarding you, watching the billowing smoke continue to pour
forth before he takes a very large breath, and you see steam emanate from his body before
his form begins to very slightly shrink, his wide eyes narrow again, and he begins mumbling
to himself, not enough, not enough, and he slowly walks back to the forge before you
begin hearing the clanging of a hammer, hammer.
Hamburger.
Hamburger King.
He's making hamburgers.
It's going down.
Oh, I have a hard time.
Before once again you hear the plinging of hammer on anvil.
Huh, just as I thought.
Idiot.
Lose.
Shut up, Rootmore.
I need to rest.
It's kind of funny, Monet.
Like looking at Monet, she's still covered in stone, but there are patches of her stone
that are broken off and it's just exposing raw bleeding skin.
Let me take a look at you.
I'm going to squeeze out of this cavern.
If we go back in there, Tricky stays out.
Let's walk this way out of this smoke.
What the hell was that?
Hammer's going to span 10 minutes.
Medicine check on Monet.
Treat the wounds.
Treat the wound.
Yeah, Monet's at 7 HP.
Holy shit.
Oh.
And no res- or no stamina.
I rolled a 14, so nothing happens.
Uh, I need to see if I can do it again.
I can't remember.
Target is immune for one hour.
Cool.
I'm going to go to the
house.
Scarab's going to spend a resolve to get stamina back.
If Monet spends another resolve, she'll be on a resolve.
Yeah.
Yeah, Rootmore's going to cast heal on Monet.
Come on.
Do you need another-
20 HP.
House.
Then he'll treat wounds on Tricky.
Come on, don't roll like shit.
Uh, yeah, barely 17.
So he gets, Tricky gets 2d8.
God, he rolled like fucking garbage.
6 HP.
But I think on a success, he can keep going.
Yes.
You can continue treating.
I'm just going to do it again.
Does Monet need a potion or should we try to sleep?
I mean, I have another potion, but she's full health.
It's just, she's out of stamina.
Yeah, that's not good.
Far as I've heard.
So Rootmore crit, and Tricky gets 14 more HP.
Oh, amazing.
That's amazing.
How's he looking?
Um, 37, 37 out of 44.
What was that math?
Seven, seven away from full.
And Scarab, if you could offer another is-
Have I done to treat wounds on Scarab?
No.
Okay, let's do that first.
Cool.
Nah.
Okay, let me see one second.
Let me just stab you.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
He pulls out his shish kebab and pokes you for five damage.
Of course.
I rolled a natural one.
Of course.
So sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Wait, hang on.
Let me just- oops.
Dwarag will help you.
Shit.
Oh.
28 healing.
That's amazing.
Are you doing Mune?
I'm feeling much better.
I'm just tired.
Me too.
Full health, no stamina, one result.
I need to spend- Let me just try to- let me do a check on myself as well.
Let's go round two.
Natural 20.
Right back in there.
Monet will-
Yeah, it's enough.
He's got it.
Earth Armory, channel element.
Ten more minutes.
We'll spend ten more minutes to get a- Rupemore's gonna use a resolve.
Okay.
She will Earth Armor.
Channel element.
Sorry.
We'll pretend like he did that before he did that.
That was fun.
Um.
The well?
Yes.
Anything but that hell room.
Rupemore's going to take the Droskar dagger out of the well that's jamming the ding dong.
Yeah.
And uh, he's gonna put one foot into the basket just to test it to see if it'll- if it sounds
like it's gonna support his weight or not.
So there is actually no basket.
You recall when he went part way down the rope was cut in order to try to drop him.
So as you remove the dagger and then begin winding the crank, very shortly you find yourself
with a frayed rope.
With our darkvision can we see to the bottom of it?
Give me a perception check.
Me tears.
Good idea.
Who's moving?
Twenty.
Stuff it.
Me.
Shut up.
Natural twenty again.
Twenty.
Thirty one.
My natural twenty.
Peering down into the well, you find it difficult to tell if the bottom is forty, sixty feet
down, but you can barely make out the semblance of something.
It doesn't look like the ground far below is stone.
It appears instead to be some form of piled material, maybe earth or something else.
What you are able to make out is at its base is the cauldron that used to make up the elevator
itself embedded into whatever this material is.
And if you listen closely in the quiet, you can make out the sounds of laughter, faint
sounds of kobold jeering and laughter, followed by intermittent croaking of some kind.
They're messing with the butcher.
Kobolds.
Much safer route.
Metagaming.
It's not earth because Cody said earth.
Cody never tells the truth.
If she doesn't tell the truth, I would know.
Well, the rope that's hanging there, Rootmore is going to.
We're going to tie Rootmore up.
Well, he's going to tug on it first to see if the beam going across will support the
weight.
Give me a crafting check.
Let me assist.
Actually, you do it.
No, I knew it was coming.
I'll watch.
Oh, what?
I don't assist.
Twenty one.
Scarab, you notice that the oversized cauldron from before thinking back on it, you imagine
you could probably fit four medium creatures inside of it.
Wow.
I surmise.
However, upon examination of the crank and shaft of the elevator, you do realize that
it's been tampered with.
It seems as if the Kobolds attempted a tricky maneuver, rigging the shaft to collapse should
more than one medium creature attempt to decide to descend at a time.
However, without the weight of the cauldron, you imagine the three of you might be able
to dangle from the rope safely.
Do I see anything around the room that might help support their stupid doings?
That might support.
Like, do we got any clay and water?
Can we like heat it up, get that support back just so there's no chance of us getting stuck
down that hole?
I'm sorry.
Give what support back from their trap?
It's fully rigged up.
So like imagine a horizontal pole with rope wrapped around it.
As you turn the crank, it reels the rope in just like in a normal well.
Yeah, it's fully functional.
And it is designed in a way to give way should more than one medium creature go down it.
But that's what I'm saying.
Your crafting check suggests that because the weight of the enormous cauldron is no
longer on there, it could hold all three of you.
OK, so that from the rope itself, that extra like seventy five, eighty pounds.
Although if you wanted to get tricky down, you would probably have to rig something up
to lower him and then follow behind.
We don't think it could support the three of you and tricky.
Also, you know, the whole prop, get a big pig down a hole, can under him.
Yeah, get a big pig back up the hole.
I might have to go this alone as much as I hate that either way.
Are we up for the the actual boss fight?
I can only imagine.
I will repeat that Monet has one resolve left and full health, no stamina.
Exactly.
I'm totally cool with going back to town so we don't just die.
Like or not even going back to town.
We can try resting here.
Yes, we should rest tricky.
Keep guard.
Either either that or it's like we for Monet, at least below it will be do or die.
Yeah.
Period.
No, for sure.
And I don't think that's worth.
Well, dang.
How many days do we have left?
Not long.
I mean, the way I see it is we can't come back without the butcher.
Yeah.
The good news is we know which way to go because the other way is a cursed dwarf that's rolling
natural ones on his crafting.
Yeah.
You're calm Monet.
It's fine.
Anything happens in that town.
That sucks.
I need rest.
Then we rest.
Let's see.
What do we have here?
What kind of what good room do we have?
We could go.
Let's go to the listening room.
I don't know if that's a good idea.
Why?
There are also the monastic quarters where you fought the gelatinous cube.
Not the sitting room because remember there was a crazy shadow creature.
It reappears after a certain amount of time.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You don't.
Yeah.
Don't want to go to the anvil room.
Does have a big bed.
Yeah.
We can go to the monastic quarters.
It's what like 20 minute walk near the entrance for taking it slow.
20 minutes.
That's stupid.
No, that's like that's like three to five minutes.
It's just a two mile journey.
Hey, man, that's a lot of feet.
How many feet is that?
Like 300 feet.
Oh, it's a 20 minute walk, man.
Pretty cool.
One foot in front of the other.
We're trying to jump this thing.
Heal the toe the whole way.
Damn.
Is there a full moon tonight?
Is that the kind of hell we're in?
Oh, no, there's like an eclipse soon.
Sorry to date this episode of the podcast.
I think there's going to be a world of world ending eclipse.
Read the news.
Wake up, sheeple.
Now, there's going to be an eclipse and that doesn't happen that often.
So that's going to be cool to look at.
Oh, yeah.
If you're listening to this while you're watching the eclipse, leave a comment.
It's supposed to be a total eclipse, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're getting lucky.
Damn.
We're in lucky.
Damn.
We're going to fall off on the eighth.
I don't know.
I mean, rain, sleet, snow, but what about if you can't see?
Yeah.
The motto says nothing about pure darkness descending upon the world.
Look, I don't want to be a bad influence on you, but call in because we're going to go
with my parents.
My parents are going to be in town and we're going to sit.
Yeah, this is getting cut.
Yeah.
We're going to go to a redacted bar with my parents on.
Well, the whole conversation of me calling in is getting cut.
Oh, okay.
Hey, Emaud, you're off on the eighth.
I'm just going to start whispering, Emaud, it's just chill.
No, I don't.
Hey, Emaud, on a unspecified date, we're going to go to redacted bar with my parents.
The eighth is on a Monday.
On a window.
On a specified date.
On an unspecified date that you're definitely off on, we're going to be going to redacted
bar with my parents.
On Monday, May 8th, 2024.
April 8th is actually the day of stuff.
Sorry, April 8th.
Which is a.
Which is a Monday.
Emaud's phone number is 210-362-2222.
Stop.
That's not correct.
789.
Emaud, where are you?
We're in town.
Emaud, where are you?
We're in bed right now.
Come on, get.
Seven.
Like I said, 20 minutes.
Apples.
I'm put in front of the other.
Yeah, I think we're going to bed.
I'm sorry, we're.
Marnie's probably sick.
We should probably put her down.
It's just Tricky has four feet, so that's why we got here so fast.
It's a lot more feet to put in front of the other.
Whoa.
Sorry, I was looking at Shadow Tricky.
Have you ever seen a pig skip?
I was looking at Tricky.
That isn't real.
Shadow zone.
I was looking at other Tricky that does not actually is Tricky.
The Shadow.
Hey, you guys see Rootmore walk next to one of these beds.
He's going to check it, make sure there's nothing gross.
Just a thick layer of dust.
Thick layer of dust.
Okay, so he grabs a sheet, just goes up, just flaps it.
It's a dust out.
Takes off the mask, the gas mask.
He takes a knee, kneels down, puts his hands up in prayer, closes his eyes and his armor
disappears.
Just him in a jockstrap and he stands up and crawls into bread.
Into bread.
Bread.
He crawls into bread.
Hot dog sandwich.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Happy Easter, everyone.
That's so funny, he got a spell so he doesn't have to deal with that anymore.
And on the third day he rose in the oven.
The spell is called instant armor.
It's a good one.
And the thing is, I had it prepared the whole time.
Like this entire time?
Ever since I had the bullshit.
It's just, you know, like big spells, I'm saving them for like boss fights and stuff.
And...
Yeah, but that one was like, that was the time.
That would have been a time to do it.
Yeah, that was pretty disappointing to find out.
That's quite a boss that makes you naked.
I know.
That's pretty disappointing to find out there anymore.
That you just put all that pressure on Monet to protect everyone yet again.
You did a good job.
I'm an open book.
I don't mind throwing out my...
Because you know, this kind of stuff happens and this is the reason why we're having to
go to sleep right now.
Because Monet feels the need to put herself in the position of protector because sometimes
the Rootmoor is naked.
Reason wise, you only have two resolve.
That's why.
Yes.
She only has two resolve but she also sometimes has the highest, majority of the time has
the highest AC.
So...
Yeah.
Anyway, are you two done dick swinging or?
No.
Um...
Scarab is...
Because he and Tricky are off in the corner across from where Monet is sleeping.
Next to the doors.
Tricky is gonna kind of hunker down.
He's gonna lay down with his snout out facing the door.
And Scarab's gonna be on top of him and look at Monet and say, thank you.
Scarab's then gonna slide down, curl up next to Tricky and Tricky's going to stay awake
for this.
If he may.
Tricky takes first watch.
He'll take whole watch.
The idea is like, he's not gonna go down the hole.
Yeah, I'd like to have Tricky on watch.
Pretty good idea.
Since he's gonna be useless anywhere else here.
Damn, we need to come back with like a really long fire hose.
Just gonna spray that guy.
Just flood that room.
Or, I mean, you know, my role's over.
You know, fuck that guy.
He's a fucking idiot.
He's cursed himself.
Cause he follows the wrong deity.
It is pretty crazy to just be there for so long and still not get it right.
No, what a buffoon.
It only took the fourth try for me to make this.
And Scarab holds up his gun.
You made that?
Oh yeah.
Wow.
Damn right.
Off of Dwarven Blueprints.
I thought that looked familiar.
Well, no, nevermind.
No, it doesn't look familiar.
Not all dwarves know how to make flintlocks.
These dwarves.
I've just seen them.
These dwarves, I don't know what kind.
I don't know what you people are, but, uh, old, old, old, old, in the hungry mountains.
Deep in the hungry mountains.
Oh.
Granted, their guns were much bigger.
Like, uh, cannons you would see on a ship.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
I know, I know.
I know.
This belongs to a ship.
Wow.
I just took the same idea and made it small.
I've seen a few more of these around.
I don't know if.
I think they were kind of... you know.
Taken Nodes off of my book, you know?
Very ingenuitive.
But this one's mine.
Cool stuff.
What else?
I'm curious.
The place that you went.
What can you tell me of it?
Old.
Very old.
The cannons were indoors.
Well, inside the cave.
Don't know what they could have been fighting.
In a cave.
Ship cannons, big balls!
Any remains of dwarves or other creatures?
Creatures, sure.
Dark stuff kinda like this.
No dwarves.
Nothing.
No bones.
Of dwarves.
Seems to be a...
A running trend that us dwarves have is we can't hold on to what we have.
In fighting.
Like this.
Then you just end up killing each other.
Gobolds are doing the same right now as we speak.
Ah, greed.
It's not just on the humans.
It's on everyone, whether they admit it or not.
It's true.
Greed is why I'm here with you two.
My own.
Well, you don't care about the butcher or the sheriff?
I do.
All potential customers.
I used to have a great spot here.
I care. I care.
Oh, the end game is good.
That's what matters.
Yeah, I know. I'm not trying to hurt anybody unless they get in my way.
Everyone...
Everyone has a reason for being here.
R'ymar looks at his cousin's bones and he's sleeping next to...
And there's just a body on the ground.
I forgot that was him.
And everyone's got their skeletons in the closet.
Monet also looks to R'ymar's cousin's bones on the ground
with a bit of a look of disappointment.
And then she's like...
Well, she gets some rest.
Yes. Calls himself an adventurer who gets stuck in a cube of globiness.
I mean, I did, but...
I'm not dead.
Yeah, Scarab falls asleep to the thought of R'ymar just inside of a giant hot dog.
Gasping for air.
With a smile on Scarab's face as he drifts away.
Monet has no dreams.
R'ymar farts.
Oh, excuse me.
And then just like a second later...
Oh!
Feeling confident that he covered it up.
Just a second later...
Blech!
Triggy's eyes start watering.
Are you guys still awake?
Now Scarab's out.
Monet.
R'ymar lays down with just his eyes wide open.
There is a psychopath in this building.
You can't leave the room, but still...
He gets up really quick.
I'm gonna go fight him!
He walks over, you know, ass in the wind.
Checks the doors.
There's a locking mechanism or one of those wooden boards that fall down to lock a door.
He just checks it.
There are, and you're able to lock the doors.
Oh, neat.
Steps over his cousin's body.
Don't worry.
He just tiptoe over and just like take his femur out of the way.
Don't worry, Druingar.
Once we have time, you will get a proper burial.
Kneels down, kisses his skull.
I appreciate the aura.
Fits nice.
Glad I didn't know him very well or I'd be very sad.
He's just pouring out of his eyes.
Good thing I feel nothing.
Tricky.
Don't gnaw on these bones.
You have an understanding.
I'm gonna check this.
No, no, no. Get away.
Good boy.
Rewar finally goes to bed.
He just makes a big deal.
He's like, oh, it's perfectly quiet.
The candle lights up.
I have to go potty.
Get a day and night cap.
And there's just chewing herd in the middle of the night as he's just chewing on a hot dog.
The lights sobbing.
What is that noise?
Nothing.
Everyone's asleep.
You hear him just snapping him in half with his hands.
He goes, oh.
I don't hear anything at all.
He chews with his mouth open.
He claps gently to himself.
Who needs sleep?
He takes a bite.
Hot dog.
Finally falls asleep, begins sleepwalking.
Rewar gets out of bed again.
He rummages through his grill and he pulls out a piece of chalk, walks over to his cousin's body, and just draws a chalk outline.
Like a murder scene.
He was murdered.
Not by us.
Sorry, being too loud.
Monet wakes up.
Takes her earplugs out.
Rupmora, what are you doing awake?
Oh!
Who are you talking to?
Talking to Tricky.
Tricky's busy.
Standing there in his junkster.
Holding a piece of chalk.
Greasy thigh.
Greasy thigh from the hot dogs exploding on his thigh.
I'm not hungry and I can't sleep with my cousin in here.
He actually does start crying.
Okay, well if you could just cry a little quieter and...
Ah, ah!
If I were your kids I have to pee. I'm gonna go pee in the corner.
Oh, okay.
But like, also, you know, keep an ear out, cause I don't want to die.
Tricky will go with you.
Rupmora crawls back into bed.
And sobs.
Monet finishes her piss.
She walks back to her bed.
Gives Tricky an appreciative nod.
Crawls back into bed and...
Tricky stands by the door and just pisses.
Pisses all over your dead cousin's bones.
Monet just looks at Rupmora crying in his bed.
She's just like, you gonna be okay?
I'm always okay. What are you talking about?
You're crying a lot.
No, I'm not!
Well, in that case can you just keep it down a bit?
You know, Scarab's sleeping, he doesn't have earplugs and you know, we've got stuff to do tomorrow.
Yes, you ever heard a joke so funny it made you cry?
No.
And Monet puts her earplugs back in and turns around and lays down.
Good, because that's not the case.
So you all bed down for the night.
And as you rest, Scarab, you once again find yourself in a dream.
You suddenly become aware that you stand in a black room dimly illuminated at its center.
The floor ripples like water and seems to stretch on forever into darkness.
You've had this dream before, you think. Something is different.
Before long you feel an overwhelming sensation that your surroundings, black as they are, begin to spin.
Faster and faster, more and more, before suddenly lurching to a halt as an overwhelming sensation befalls you
and your blood runs like an icy river through your veins.
Forming like smoke from the shadows, you stand now before a looming, twisting staircase
that soars high above you before being capped by an immense throne.
A new shadow solidifies into a titan of a kobold looming far above you and looking down in disgust,
easily three times your size.
He lurches forward and his scaly face twists into a wicked sneer, his one eye regarding you with what can only be described as malicious glee.
And upon his head, a horned, skull-like helmet crowns him and radiates a horrific sense of dread.
You will not leave.
To your left, a spotlight ignites, shining down on your clan, clad in chains.
Another to your right suddenly flashes over the town of Falcon's Hollow, its people paraded through the streets as kobolds whip and cajole them.
And in front of you, yet another, your friends Monet and Rootmoor, emaciated, frail, slaving away in mines as the kobolds flay them and mock their suffering.
The one numbers dwindle. We are closer now than ever before. Soon enough magic will fill my crown and the world will know true scales.
They will know our might. They will know our cruelty. And they will know no mercy.
Rejoice for your first, the power of the Kobold King.
His one eye glows an eerie yellow before fading into the dark, accompanied by rock's laughter.
And that's it for today.
That's the Kobold King! Remind me next time that you'll need a Roller Wheel save.
Not because I don't want to, but because I'm not going to remember.
My wheels okay. Yeah, dang. Okay, okay. See ya!
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They said, if y'all go to Goat Man's Bridge and in quotes, take me with you.
You know what they're talking about. Take me with you, take me with you. That's great. Yeah, we should go to Goat Man's Bridge.
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Thanks for being a traveler, everyone. Bye bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Y'all ever had like a runny nose and all of a sudden it stops running and you forget about it because the sensation of not having a runny nose is awesome.
And you go all day and you look in the mirror and you just see crusties all around your fucking nostrils. You're like, no! What a loser! I've been around like this all day!
Well, I've been blessed with a ton of nose hair, so mine just forms into a nice white ghost that hangs in my nose doorway. Look at me!
Fucking...sucks! Nobody's said anything! You're being nice, but I'm just left looking like a loser for the rest of my life.